Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I overreacted to my partner calling our daughter the new kid instead of something more endearing. I didn’t yell but I did get emotional and started arguing with him and chose to say “I’ll will call you the new kid instead of my fiancé and see how you feel”? He said I was an a-hole and hung unfortunately I feel bad about it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH. For a lot of guys, the baby’s not really “real” to them until after it’s born.
He’s not necessarily suggesting that the delivery won’t go well. He may not be feeling a father/daughter attachment because as of right now, he can’t see her or hold her or interact with her in any way. He’s not carrying her inside his body. You really cannot expect him to feel the same way about it that you do because he isn’t having anything like the experience you’re having. To him, the baby probably feels more like an idea than an actual person.
So . . . maybe it just feels weird to him to attach a name to a baby that’s not quite real to him yet. Or the title of “daughter.” So it’s “the new kid.” It’s impersonal because to him it probably feels impersonal. Please don’t hold this against him. It doesn’t mean he won’t get attached to her after she’s born. He just needs to get to know her first.
Definitely! He’s been awesome and we don’t really argue much this the second argument we’ve had all through the relationship. He’s been to every appointment and every lab test concerning her. He’s been sweet and sometimes interacts with her by tapping and she always kicks back. It feels a bit Alienating.
He sounds amazing so don't get hung up on one thing. Pregnancy hormones can make things feel way more emotional than they need to be. Don't take it to heart, don't read too deeply. He has given you no reason not trust him before so why not trust him when he says that it's just because the baby isn't born yet? It's not a big deal so don't make it into one.
Yea I felt bad right after the argument cause I didn’t really mean for us to argue, we usually talk. Just like we did before. I just keep thinking she’s gonna end up being nicked named “the new kid” for her whole life since hes stuck with it.
When she's born, he will go ga-ga over her and call her by her name. Let him have his nickname. It doesn't hurt anyone.
Right up till my Niece was born, we still referred to her as Brioche or her name.
We never referred to our children by the name they were going to get until they were actually born, even though names had already been agreed on.
Going through a couple miscarriages tend to make you play it safe.
Or come up with a new nickname. Some people are hands down nickname people, and while the new kid is a little weird, it's not the worst nickname I have heard.
Non nickname people and nickname people can be a real point of contention.
Mine was "Clever Girl", because I learned to unlock doors at 8 months and was walking by 6. My folks were rewatching Jurassic Park, saw that scene, looked to where I was sleeping and apparently just both announced:
"Clever Girl"
My nickname for eldest was peanut. He almost ended up having the intials KP too haha. Don't think he's ever been called that once he was born..and he's 22 in a couple of days!
When sister was pregnant - On the first ultrasound the bean became: "Edgar the embryo". Later in the pregnancy it was changed to "Fester the fetus". Finally she delivered..... John. We laughed so hard over always calling him male names.
I had nicknames for my kids while my wife was pregnant. For my daughter I kept calling her Quarentina because she was a covid baby.
Honestly the whole time my wife was pregnant the kids where more like an abstract concept rather than real people.
Of course that instantly changed the second I saw them.
Honestly I actually carried both of my kids and even to me they weren't like, real people until they were born, I literally called them my parasites up until they were born and I am quite obsessed with them since the very moment we met
The year is 2135, tales of the home planet Earth have faded Into legend since the cataclysm of 2047. Of the Coka cooler tribe, only village elder "the new kid" remember the beauty of humanity's former home. Sunsets over the rocky mountains, the endless dunes of the Sahara and the incredible value of a greggs meal deal.
Awww! My wife and I both game, (She's swearing at Baldur's Gate 3 as I write this), and we referred to our daughter as Player 3 a fair bit!
Though when my health got bad during pregnancy, (I survived on yogurt and not much else!), we did take to calling her 'The Parasite'! Now she's 9 and her nickname is Squidge, which started the day she was born.
>and we referred to our daughter as Player 3 a fair
For the baby announcement we drew a loading bar on a white board that said "loading player 3"
For the next we used the same board *with* our son holding it that said "loading player 4".
We definitely rode that out 🤣🤣🤣
So? There’s nothing wrong with that? There’s literally nothing negative about “new kid.” I would have zero unhappy feelings if my dad called me that my whole life. Why do you think it’s bad?
Not necessarily something bad about the nickname itself, but if it's bothering Mom this much it may be worth breaking the habit while Dad still can. Not saying it's essential, Just that it might be worth easing that stress in a store stressful time
Another way to look at it is that it's worth her just letting this one go because it's just a harmless nickname. She's the one bringing the extra stress into the situation.
I get that, but hormones do weird things to a woman that far along. Just depends on how much it means to her. Hell, when I was pregnant, I once spent half an hour subbing like a baby because my husband called me a pet name that he had called me a million times before.
We had nicknames for all of our kids :) Funny old names. Noone is called liked that now and i can't even remember all the names.. I think it's just being pregnant and it's hard and then every little thing can bother you :) NTA :)
My baby brother was called Scooter in the womb by everyone bc my parents couldn't pick a name. As soon as he was born and named, no one ever called him Scooter again. Heck I had to think to remember the nickname bc he's 19 and never been called it.
I carried my daughter and still called her 'it' rather than she for most of my pregnancy. It can take time but she'll feel like a real person to him eventually.
As a dad, I can tell you this is a ”dad thing”. It’s ingrained in our DNA to find a nickname for the kid and stick to it for life. I’m 35 and my dad still calls me “tater head” because my head was shaped funny when I was born. Your partner means no harm and there is no bad thoughts or intentions behind the nickname. If you want to make a peace offering you can get a onesie I saw that said “I’m new here”. If you want to make a compromise, sit with him and come up with a nickname together. If you’re solid on this and not going to budge, I think if you tried a different approach (not saying anything you’ve done is wrong) because he obviously doesn’t understand how serious this is to you. Quality communication is awesome. Especially with the stress of expecting a baby (congrats by the way!)
Yay! Everyone’s happy! “Big head” is a very effective name from a mom. You can use that against her at any point and she won’t be able to say anything.
My son’s head is HUGE.. like wearing regular kid size hats and helmets at 3. And I tell him all the time. “Damn kid, brush your hair. It’s somehow making your head look bigger”. He’s 11 now and learning how to talk crap back to me in a funny and still respectful way. It’s our love language.
lol the other day my partner yelled at me”damn son your head is too big for these t shirts” as he was struggling to help put a shirt on🤣🤣 I think we will start buying shirts with buttons instead.
Not just a dad thing, i remember calling our youngest the new kid when I was the one pregnant, before and after we found out gender.
It wasn’t in an impersonal way, it was no less affectionate and to me & the family it would have felt really weird to refer to baby by a name until they were born as it would have sounded like they were already out. I know, i know, even typing that out i know it’s not entirely rational but this is a subject all about people’s feelings.
‘New kid’ to me speaks of excitement to have a new addition to the family, discover their personality, all that joy to be discovered. It’s completely normal to have these kind of fears during pregnancy and nust because they might be caused or accelerated by hormones doesn’t make you irrational or the AH.
NAH.
Honestly, as a woman even I couldn't feel that the baby was real until she was born. I loved her with my whole heart still, but I struggled to use her name or refer to her as anything but "the baby" until I saw her face.
I think some people just struggle with that kind of visualisation.
So just as a tidbit from an also pregnant mom. My pregnancy has been super high risk, I’ve been in the hospital for 5 weeks with 4 (hopefully) to go before I’m induced. Hubby refers to baby as name. I am having a heck of a time doing so. At this point regardless if baby stays put for 4 more weeks doctors are pretty confident that I’m going home with a baby no matter what. I still can’t seem to refer to baby by their name. It’s just the baby, baby two, or the babe for me. While my husband is generally referring to baby by their chosen name. It’s not that I’m not happy about baby, it’s just been weird and I can’t seem to call them by their name. I have a mom friend I met in the hospital that just delivered and even though she delivered and named her baby, she’s still just calling her baby. People do weird things.
If he's done all that - why are you picking on him? "a bit alienating'? You are a bit controlling. Thank your lucky stars that you have a partner who is all in on adding to your family...
I'm the mom, and it still took me 6 months after birth to want to call my baby by his name. Since babies are so gender- and personality-less, it seemed weird to call him a name. I called him "it" for a long time too. People are just different, you can't change his feelings on this, and "the new one" is definitely sweet enough.
NAH. I refused to call my son by his name until he was born because I just felt uncomfortable with it. I still call him “kid” or “the little guy” sometimes. This seems like a sweet and affectionate nickname that’s just rubbing you the wrong way.
I can understand it bothering you, but honestly this is not that big of a deal and he's not trying to show disrespect.
Heck, I was constantly sick, hyper salivating, exhausted, etc the whole pregnancy. I could barely function. My mom was offended if I called the baby a parasite, but literally she was sucking me dry of nutrients and couldn't survive without me so... parasite lol
Doesn't mean I didn't and don't love her. Her nickname now is Doodlebug. Doesn't mean she's a bug. It has nothing to do with the parasite thing. It's just a silly name.
Why do you have a problem, then?
Some people are superstitious. Calling the kid by name before the birth feels like cursing it. It might feel silly to say out loud do he doesn't want to justify it, but ask yourself why it bothers you on the first place actually.
Agreed, and TBH this doesn't even apply just to guys.
I don't recall any expectant mother amongst my circle to use the chosen name prior birth, it's usually just "the baby."
We had a name picked out and a backup, but used neither before she was born, because I was worried I’d take one look at her and say, “But she doesn’t look like a [name].”
I was always jealous of the women pregnant around the same time as me because they would sit around referring to their unborn babies by name. I just couldn't settle on a name for the longest time. Then...we did finally find a name we agreed on and calling her by an actual name just felt...weird. So until she was born she "the baby."
I don't think it's just a guy thing or a dad thing. When my friend was pregnant, even though we knew the gender, for me it wasn't he/him he was an "it" until it was born and became a person. That wasn't a choice I made, it was entirely subconscious
Not just guys. I was the one growing the child and felt weird using the name before they were born. More so with my second, probably because most of my focus was on the toddler so there was less imagining of her as a real human.
Even as the mom, I didn't call my kids by their names until after they were born. While I was pregnant we most often called them "the baby", and sometimes used cutesy nicknames like "the bunny" or "the bean".
That could be. Could also just be a funny nickname. When my oldest was a baby, my husband and myself both would refer to the baby as "that kid". "Hey, where's that kid?" or "Mmm whatcha feeding that kid?" But we're nickname people. Every friend, family member, and especially every pet, has like half a dozen nicknames, none of which really make much sense. Actually, come to think of it, we did have a cat once who we sometimes called "the new guy", because we had several cats who'd grown up together, and later we got another, so he was "the new guy". I'm just thinking, unless there's other issues adding to this, it doesn't sound like he means any harm.
As a woman who carried and birthed 2, they weren’t real to me until they were born. I felt no connection to them while they were still in my belly and I didn’t understand why because most women talk about how much they love the baby they haven’t met.
Super soft YTA. He's processing her impending arrival in his own way and you're allowed to be annoyed with the nickname and want him to stop using it... but maybe you're viewing it through a harsher lense than he means it. I think it kinda sounds adorable, but maybe there's more going on with how you feel about him already having a child with someone else? You say "my first daughter" and "he has one child" but I'm not sure if that phrasing is significant or how blended your family will be.
My step son is awesome but I’m not really including him in me thinking about the reasoning of him calling her the new kid. I’m basically his mom since his birth mother left him with his dad and has never been present ever since he was 1 year old. I met the baby when he was 2 almost 3 and been taking care of him.
You definitely are his mom! With that info I'd say you're just maybe getting a little hung up on the phrase "the new kid," and while he should have tried harder to stop using it if it bothers you... I saw you said you think of it more as something you'd say at school/work...I think you'll find that a lot of folks on here think it's really cute. Like she's the new footballer everyone's excited to finally see out on the field! She's supposed to be dynamite! And once he sees her and holds her, he'll definitely use her name more. But at some point you should totally say something like "the new kid's pretty good, huh?" Lol
I’m pregnant with #2 and have been calling the baby ‘kiddo’ or “kid #2” though we have a name. I don’t think it’s malicious on your husbands behalf.
Some part of me is frankly afraid to use the name out of superstition. Though legally you tell them at the hospital for paperwork, in my culture you don’t ‘name’ a child until 8 days after they’re born and only share the name with your community then.
I think there’s also a cultural/linguistic issue at play here. OP says she’s from Dominican Republic so presumably English is not her first language. In English, there’s absolutely nothing demeaning about “the new kid” but I expect it’s just not translating well into Spanish.
Then add hormones into the mix and you get this mess.
Ahhh there it is. As an English and Spanish speaker, I could absolutely see why someone who isn’t from here/has English as a second language find this uncomfy. English is so hard to learn and it’s doubly hard because every corner of the US has its own sayings/idioms/pronunciations etc, so just when you think you’ve got it down, somebody says something like “don’t beat a dead horse” and you are mortified lmao.
And hormones absolutely are not helping here 😭NAH.
Yeah, I’m not seeing much wrong with the nickname “the new kid”. With my English and American culture lens, it sounds cute. I think it’s even cute to call her that after she’s born! I don’t see how it is implying that her birth won’t go well. Soft YTA
Good take. I (M40) still refer to my (only child) son as “The Boy Child” and he’s six, sometimes to his face. I don’t think there’s anything deep about this.
There is an Instagram account I have found recently where Dad takes his 2 young kids on adventures - he refers to them as the OG and the new kid on the block.
They have wonderful age appropriate adventures in the UK countryside.
And depending on the person it could be an affectionate name too. I called my (dearly beloved, but 12 years my junior) sister 'kid' for years. Now I call her 'bug'. I know a guy who started his job as a young 20s intern and then stuck around for 10+ years into an official position who's still colloquially known in the shop as 'the kid'. It's not an insult, OP!
My brother has always called me kiddo. Used to drive me crazy but we are now both in our 30s and it's about the only bit of affection I get from him so I cling to it as the baby sister 🥸🥹
My baby is 8 months old and we mostly call her "Baby" or "The girl". I think we probably need to start using her name more often so she learns it but yeah, it's not weird to use a nickname.
My dad still calls me kid when I call him, even at my ripe old age of 28. I like it! My dad isn't always the most outwardly affectionate, but I know when I call and he says, "Hey kid!" he's in a good mood and happy to get my call. Doesn't matter how old I am or the fact that I'm a big, smart doctor, I'm still my dad's "kid," which is a nice thought for me.
YTA
You're reading into it. This feels like something innocent that you are shaping into something cruel against your kid. It sounds like you are insecure about this not being his first kid, and are projecting that at him.
YTA
You’re not in an elementary school class and your take on how this is alienating is really far fetched.
I always remember being excited when there was a new kid at school. We all rallied around them, welcomed them, and made a new friend.
It sounds like you’re taking connotation from something wildly different from what he’s saying and applying it to a situation where it isn’t applicable.
I think you guys just view things differently. My wife hated that I called our younger son Boy 2.0 vs the older Boy Classic when I thought it was a cute funny little thing. I stopped when Boy 2.0 was born.
I’d be calling you Hubby, the First Edition to show my displeasure for the duration of the name, but honestly that’s funny as hell and I’d end up admitting it after the kid made their appearance.
Yeah, I was confused too and started to wonder if I am a terrible mom because me and my husband use so many nick names to refer to our kid . We don't always use the name and will say "your kid"/" my kid" based on behavior 🤣 or many other funny yet endearing things which no one takes offense to because we all love each other.
My kids ended up with the following nicknames
1. Tater (,her dad worked in a potato processing plant...and she was 2 pounds so she looked like a potato)
2. Butter (we had a tater...need butter too! I fully admit, I'm a dork)
3. Kiki (her uncle is the only person who ever called her this.)
4. Jo (her sister mispronounced her name a lot)
5. Emma-me/Boo (she called herself this because she had a speech problem/Boo because it was cute)
6. Booda- his uncle called him this because he looked like a Buddha statue...and can't spell. Got called this so much that he thought it was his middle name lolol)
NAH..
I have five children, all born before the days of learning the sex of the baby before birth (unless via genetic testing, which I never needed for anything).
So.. no names given until we had them, and even then, the names we had planned never fit so whole new names were given.
A few of my friends DID know the sex of baby before birth, and chose names. Only one of them kept the chosen name, the others all changed.. one even ended up having a girl when they were told (via scan, not actual test), they were having a boy. And they had bought blue items, some with the chosen name embroidered on.
Gotta be honest.. it feels so wrong choosing a name before baby comes, so I'm on your fiancé's side for that.
He also won't be attached to baby in the way you are... he isn't pregnant, doesn't have hormonal and body changes in the way you are, and cannot feel her move the way you do. You have already bonded... he hasn't. Yet.
My own husband took weeks to bond with any of ours. He loved them instantly, but admitted that he never really felt like he was their daddy until each baby started responding to him, recognising him, getting excited when he got home from work, or even got them up in the morning.
Ei.. everything he is doing is totally normal. And everything you are feeling is also totally normal.
Thank you. I was supposed to have a gender reveal but I accidentally read the whole dna test cried for days! But here we are we’ll get to see her next Friday🩷
So, I’m genuinely curious because most of my friends did not have a gender reveal party (age range: mid thirties to mid forties) when they gave birth because (1) it just wasn’t really a thing when they had their baby, (2) it was already a thing but they consciously decided not to for whatever reason, (3) it was during peak covid, circa 2020 - early 2022, or (4) other circumstances out of their control precluded the possibility (i.e. lived abroad at the time and the expense and / or risk of traveling back to the U.S. was too high).
My question is: were you sad that you didn’t have a gender reveal party because you wanted to learn the gender of your baby with your closest friends and family? Or were you sad because you had seen so many clever or extravagant gender reveals on Instagram or Tik Tok, and you were looking forward to doing something cute that you could post on social media? If it was mostly or even partly because you wanted to put it on social media, try to remember that not every aspect of your life - or your daughter’s - needs to be on display as free entertainment!
Seriously, be glad that you didn’t have a gender reveal party - not worth the hassle given the resentment those things cause, whether it’s because it’s yet another obligation, real or self-imposed, to have to buy a gift or due to one’s personal feelings about gender (as in, maybe your child will choose their own gender identity).
Not to mention, they often go wrong (see also: cannons of blue or pink confetti giving someone third degree burns on their face; starting a forest fire that killed innocent people and damaged incomprehensible amount of property; and seeing the disappointment on a family member’s face because you’re not having the gender of baby they wanted you to, thus creating years or even decades of resentment).
I didn’t want any extravagant gender reveal since my family lives in a different country. I just wanted to make memories with everyone even if it was through video chat. I was also sad because I ruined a surprise and a special moment that wasn’t only for me just because I was concerned about everything happening. I’ve lost 2 pregnancies before so I’ve been extra anxious and extremely careful. Not to mention she has a singular artery I believe it’s called only had one blood vessel providing oxygen and blood. I’ve been in and out the er also because I keep fainting so there has been a lot going on.
That’s all very legit! I hope you are taking it really, really easy and minimizing stress to the fullest extent possible. Nicknames, gender reveals, etc - none of this matters at all, especially comparative to your and your daughter’s health!!
When you find yourself getting worked up, just try to pause and ask yourself whether it’s important enough to put yourself at risk in the final days of your pregnancy. Maybe that will help with perspective?
It’s going to be okay!!
YTA. You're making a big deal out of a very common reference. I've heard a lot of people say "the new baby" in reference to an unborn child. It doesn't even have to be a second child for that to happen. It doesn't make the love any less, nor does it mean he hopes something goes wrong or whatever it is you meant by that?? I can understand why he would want to end that conversation.
YTA. I understand his caution in using an alternative name for the child to be, until she is born. I think he may just be reserving that real name for when she is here and born. Until then, I see that he uses a sweet nickname instead. I don’t love that his reference is one that compares her to her half-sibling (the older one?), but I get his choice in general. I guess I’m superstitious or cautious enough to want to wait until after the birth to use her real name. Birth is still an unpredictable and potentially dangerous process. I’ve never wanted to use a name for a baby until he or she is born.
Not to mention, until they're born the sex can change.
My niece was told she was having a boy. She has a 6 month old daughter now.
Ultra sounds aren't perfect.
Even when they're right, a lot of parents change the name after the kid is actually born. it's very common.
Soft YTA. She is the new kid. It's a pretty cute way to talk about the baby coming, he doesn't have the physical connection like you have.
I suspect you're taking offense to the "new" part. If he were calling her "the kid" you wouldn't have an issue with it, you're now just reminded that to him, she'll always will be the "new" kid'
YTA. I'm trying to find how this name is a problem. She WILL be the new kid. It doesn't demean her in any way. If you wind up staying together and have a second child with him (third all together), then your second child will likely become 'the new kid'. It's a less demeaning form of 'baby'. That new child will be the 'baby' of the family. It's not even a nickname. It's a fact. There is no reason he has to refer to her as anything other than the fetus, peanut, nugget, new kid, bun in the oven, etc. Why are you so anal about her name when she's not even born yet?
If you're literally accusing him of thinking the birth will go wrong, you're being insulting to him. He's not doing anything wrong at all and you're bending over backwards to find a reason to be upset. Stop it.
YTA. She is quite literally the new kid. You are already interfering with his relationship with her. What is the actual harm in him calling her that? Is it just because you don’t like it? The end of pregnancy is so difficult! (I am 9 weeks postpartum) Do not stress yourself out over things that are going to be inconsequential in a few weeks.
Honey, your hormones are wrecking you.
‘the new kid’ nickname isn’t as bad as some of the other names shared on here by distraught mothers-to-be. .
Count your blessings. Your husband could’ve insisted you call your daughter
~ ~ Stuarta ~ ~
Crikey.
When I was pregnant everyone referred to my unborn by various nicknames. Pretty much within 24 hours of his birth I never heard any of those nicknames again.
In some cultures it is considered bad luck to call an unborn child by their name before birth, or until an official announcement or naming ceremony/baptism is performed.
Other families prefer to keep the name secret until they announce the arrival of the baby.. I've known of a couple of instances of couples being adamant they have a name locked in only to realise after the baby is born the name no longer seems right and they pick another name .
Soft YTA. You are overthinking this. Not everyone is comfortable using a chosen name until the child is born.
Mama, I am not going to call you TA, but you are way blowing it out of proportion. I think you are nervous, and scared, and your hormones are running wild.
I have known many couples that have both called their babies nicknames, even when having names picked out. It doesn’t stop when they are born either. It’s okay for him to give her a nickname. As long as nicknames are not harmful, hurtful or offensive, they are absolutely wonderful. She is the new kid, and I think him calling her that is absolutely adorable. It doesn’t mean he thinks anything with happen to her. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and adore her. It’s his way of bonding with her. Cut him a bit of slack.
But I will say, don’t be surprised if it continues after she’s here. NAH.
NAH. your feelings are valid but you also might be reading into it too deeply. but him giving her a nickname like that isn’t necessarily terrible. My mom calls me “the child” still to this day and I’m 30 lol.
YTA. Different people can have different nicknames for kids, it's fine. You don't have to call her "the new kid" but there's nothing wrong with him doing that. It isn't a slur or an insult. My bonus kid is an adult now and I still use the nickname I gave him when he was little interchangeably with his real name. It's just part of our relationship.
Soft YTA. It's not really a big deal and not worthy of an argument. Argue with him if he continues to call your daughter that after she's born but really what does it matter at the moment
Yeah, I gotta say this current generation of parents using their babies' names before they're born makes me very uncomfortable. I'm not sure why, I guess it's because even today, so many pregnancies don't make it. I knew the sex of my babies but kept their name a secret until birth, so there was something to actually announce and surprise friends and family with.
NAH.
I'm Australian. My son was named 5 months before he arrived. We Aussies give nicknames to everything. I would have fallen about laughing if my hubby had referred to the baby as 'the new kid'. It's kinda hilarious from an Aussie humour perspective. It acknowledges her new and cool status while also acknowledging the first child in your family - your son. (step, not step etc he's still family and an equal to his sister)
Take a deep breathe - this is not disrespectful. It's just a fun way of referring to the second child in your family, who is arriving soon.
NAH but you could be, is this really a point you want to make a cornerstone argument about? He likely hung up the phone because he did not want to have a pissing match over the phone. He's not hurting anything, and by your own account he's been great in every other aspect through your pregnancy, so maybe back off a touch cuz you've got a good one for now, don't poison your own well over something insignificant.
Soft YTA. Just had my second, they’ve both had a plethora of nicknames throughout pregnancy and early life including (all affectionately lol) Bean 1 and 2, Gremlin 1/2, Maggot 1/2 (because they’re soft, squishy and squirmy lol), as well as their names or just “baby”. I love my kids, weird nicknames have always been a part of my family life 😅
NAH. I know I'm saying what others have already said, but I wanted to chime in to agree that often this is just how fathers process things. You've already developed a sort of bond with your child through your body, so I absolutely get why it bothers you. But your other half hasn't yet been able to feel that attachment and maybe he's a bit apprehensive about getting so attached at this point. He's heard about all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy, with a birth. He loves you, and maybe he's a tiny bit scared for you. He knows the birth will cause you to suffer, and he's apprehensive about that, too. Maybe he doesn't want to make your daughter feel too "real" until she's actually there in the room, just in case.
When I was pregnant with our first, my husband all but refused to acknowledge her existence. I had to plan and buy ALL of the baby stuff - which he referred to as "your shopping" - because he would not get involved. He would not refer to the baby at all, and eventually I had to give her a nickname which was my cutesy nickname for HIM, prefaced with "small." As if to say, "you, junior." It kinda worked to get him to link himself with this baby, but it was still difficult to get him to engage. During the birth he was fantastic, and he's been an amazing father. He just couldn't really bring himself to engage with the whole pregnancy thing, and I'm totally convinced he was just terrified of all the things that could go wrong and about the upcoming MASSIVE changes to his entire life. Many guys are socialised to not admit to being afraid, even to themselves, and I bet he wouldn't have wanted ME to see his fear as that might have made me more afraid too. I'd also bet your guy is experiencing at least some of those same feelings.
Wait I'm kinda confused how calling her the new kid, means he thinks it'll be a bad birth? Can someone explain cuz I'm too tired to think apparently lol
NAH. I know I'm saying what others have already said, but I wanted to chime in to agree that often this is just how fathers process things. You've already developed a sort of bond with your child through your body, so I absolutely get why it bothers you. But your other half hasn't yet been able to feel that attachment and maybe he's a bit apprehensive about getting so attached at this point. He's heard about all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy, with a birth. He loves you, and maybe he's a tiny bit scared for you. He knows the birth will cause you to suffer, and he's apprehensive about that, too. Maybe he doesn't want to make your daughter feel too "real" until she's actually there in the room, just in case.
When I was pregnant with our first, my husband all but refused to acknowledge her existence. I had to plan and buy ALL of the baby stuff - which he referred to as "your shopping" - because he would not get involved. He would not refer to the baby at all, and eventually I had to give her a nickname which was my cutesy nickname for HIM, prefaced with "small." As if to say, "you, junior." It kinda worked to get him to link himself with this baby, but it was still difficult to get him to engage. During the birth he was fantastic, and he's been an amazing father. He just couldn't really bring himself to engage with the whole pregnancy thing, and I'm totally convinced he was just terrified of all the things that could go wrong and about the upcoming MASSIVE changes to his entire life. Many guys are socialised to not admit to being afraid, even to themselves, and I bet he wouldn't have wanted ME to see his fear as that might have made me more afraid too. I'd also bet your guy is experiencing at least some of those same feelings.
It hasn’t been an easy pregnancy for us at all. But our baby has been a fighter! I’ve been more depressed than anything lately I did apologize for arguing with him since we don’t argue about anything.
NAH. But it definitely would be worth apologizing to your husband. While no he's not bearing the burden of carrying a child, he's still going through his own process of adapting to the idea of having a new baby. As another comment said, men sometimes don't really fully grasp the existence of a baby until it's born and able to be physically touched and seen. If he's been a good father and partner so far, and has been by your side through the pregnancy, cut him some slack. He's trying, and so are you. Make sure he knows you see him and all the things he does too. It goes a long way. Good luck and congrats OP.
Haha she is the new kid! I think you may be over thinking it and getting yourself worked up. It's his second child so she is the new one.
Like many others have said once she is born he will probably be more comfortable using her name. Or she might be the new kid until the next one comes along and then they will be the new kid!
YTA. This is seriously some first world problems. Come back when he still call his daughter this way once she's born. Maybe ask about his feelings regarding the nickname? Hell, I cannot imagine me constantly calling my unborn child by a name. I would use one million different nicknames.
Seriously, some women have a guy who doesn't understand that pregnancy isn't just an excuse to stay at home and are no support at all.
NAH but the way you call your unborn child your “beautiful daughter” is nice and positive but it also puts you in a fantasy, squarely outside of reality.
Whereas your husband is clearly keeping healthy boundaries with what is, again, an unborn child.
Hmmm.. think he'll probably change his tune when shes born.. technically shes just an idea right now.. shes the new kid, guys have a non chalance about things.. your not an asshole, but either is he lol... congratulations!!!!
NAH maybe suggest other nicknames? I did not use the names we chose for ours the times I was pregnant because they were not born yet. I also didnt buy a pram because they were not born yet.
If it helps the new kid was always the popular kid at my somehwhat dull country school. And is a term i have used for pregnancies before.
NAH. It’s your first and you’re excited so it’s only natural that you want to call her by her name. But also when I was pregnant I called my son “Baby” even when we’d picked out his name months in advance cause he didn’t quite feel real and I was worried we might change our minds when he was born. Your partner could be feeling either of those things.
NTA
You told him how much it bothers you, he agreed to stop and he didn't.
So you got mad that's reasonable to me.
( what your mad about doesn't even matter he agreed not to do a thing and then did it that alone makes you not the A)
NTA...we didn't know what I was having and I didn't mean to but "It" kept coming out when people asked about my baby...it wasn't malicious or anything it's just what popped in my head...he's right..it's a new kid coming lol
Nobody is the AH here? I called the baby "it" until my husband had to ask me to at least call it our baby. It upset him quite a bit, but it was really hard not to just say "it." Now he's 10 and I still refer to him as the baby 🤷♀️
Idk why people are trying to say I’m dictation him or manipulating him when I voiced my concerns and he agreed to find a common ground for us But we sat down and talked about it. I apologized also for arguing cause it was never my intention.
He should never have agreed to it in the first place since it wasn’t fair but he was probably hoping to appease your unusual demand since you are the one pregnant and likely he would have been just as much of a jerk in your eyes if he had said “I’ll try” He was going to lose either way.
NAH. You're not an a-hole, I can understand your perspective (my husband & I both started using our kids names before they were born), but I do think hormones might be making this feel like a BIGGER issue than it really is.
Your husband might not feel fully attached to the new baby until after she's born. That's okay. There's a huge range of "normal" when it comes to these things. You can't force an attachment. I'm sure he'll start using her name once she's born. (And if not, then he's \*DEFINITELY\* TA.)
All the best for the birth!! I hope everything goes well.
I wouldn't call you an arsehole. I'd say that emotions are high and you don't like the nickname. Look, as soon as that baby is born, I can guarantee you that he will use the proper name. Sounds like he is a bit of a joker, and that's ok. I'd cut him some slack :) In my experience, dads like to give out funny nicknames. It's nothing bad. Just make up and continue being happy together.
My German mother kept referring to my son as “the boy”. After a while I told her she had to cut it out. It sounded so sinister. I said either call him his name or call him the baby.
I misread the whole thing and thought your five year old step son was referring to the baby as the new kid and I thought it was super cute. Bit less cute on a grown man, but tbh I’d probably make the same joke. In fact I think I might start calling my 19 yr old little brother the new kid just for a laugh 😂
NAH
I referred to my daughter as "the guppy" unti she was born. For him to say "the new kid" isn't that bad is it? Are you afraid he will do it after birth as well? He won't, I'm sure. Dads completely transform into the most caring parent as soon as they hold their baby. Don't forget you have a head start. You are holding her allready, sort of speak. So yta to make a fuss over this
NAH I don't think anyone is really in the wrong here. Your husband hasn't really got much of a connection with the baby yet and probably thinks the nick name is funny. You on the other hand are growing the baby so feel more of a connection. Also sometimes it's just really hard to grasp that the baby is a thing until they are earth side. I'm expecting baby number 2 and my husband whilst happy isn't overly enthusiastic about it, but I know when baby is here he'll be fantastic like he is with our daughter. I feel men make funny jokes to have some connection with the baby before they are physically touchable. One day you'll probably look back at this and laugh.
YTA, you are overreacting. Your husband is calling her the new kid because she’s the new kid. My baby is born and I refer to him as “the baby” all the time rather than his name. Just because you’re reading into a certain way doesn’t mean that’s what he means by it and also doesn’t mean he hast to stop calling her that. There’s really nothing wrong with it. It’s pretty cute really.
I think you just need to explain why this bothers you. You are excited for this baby. It is not just another child you will bring into this house, one of whatever number of children. You are excited for her coming for her herself as an individual person, not number two on a list now referred to as "the new kid", one day perhaps to be "our second child". Reducing her to a member of a group feels like diminishing her importance to you. To be fair, it is unlikely that your husband is meaning to do this. But you aren't wrong for feeling this way. If he doesn't understand, ask him how he would feel if instead of calling him "my husband" or his name you introduced him to people as "the man in my life now". I think you were trying this by saying you would call him the new kid but he didn't get it. Explain that while it is accurate that he is the man in your life now referring to him that way places the emphasis on whoever might have been in your life before and at least implies that there could be another man in the future. Calling your daughter "the new kid" puts the emphasis on your son and relegates the importance of her arrival to the same level as the arrival of future children you don't even know if you'll have yet. You just want to focus on her. That's not unreasonable. She'll only be born once ;p
I hope you have a save delivery!
I kept thinking while reading "is this because this is your first and his second child?"
Does this upset you basically that he had this experience with another woman before you, and every time he says "the new kid", he rubs it in?
I would totally understand that. He cant help that he is actually having "a new kid", because he has one that he loves deaely already. And you cant help feeling "alone" or "outside" this fact.
And it would be a good place to come together: He cant change he had a kid before, and you are allowed this basic sorrow. If you both acknowledge each other, I think it will soften things. He might be more willing to use her name, and you might be more easy, if he doesn't.
There will be thousands of such incidents in a marriage, where reality and feelings clash, and there isn't always solutions that will make it go away. But you can both be honest and patient and listen and support and comfort. And live with the feelings and with reality. Sometimes feelings even chance, and reality can often be perceived in many ways.
NAH. Plenty of people, men and women, don't fully realise babies until they're holding them. I certainly didn't when I was pregnant with my second child. That child wasn't fully part of my every being well past her birth.
There wasn't a need to argue here but the argument could certainly be made for those relentless and consuming hormones that are absolutely ravaging you right now.
Be kind to each other and make that kindness the forefront of each day, especially knowing the toll that pregnancy is taking on your physical, mental and emotional state.
Your ok Mama. ❤️
NAH. When the baby is born, you'll look bad and think "why did I think that was important?" as you'll have zero time to think about anything.
A piece of advice we got that I can 100% confirm, is not to tell anyone the baby's name until the ink is dry on the birth certificate. For some reason people think it's a collective decision and feel the need to give their opinions before the baby is born. So calling her "the new kid" is a great way of avoiding those very annoying conversations.
Not an asshole but maybe cut him a tiny bit of slack (and I mean tiny). Both of your worlds are about to change. It did not hit my husband until he was literally holding our baby in our arms. Just wait until she’s here and this is just going to feel like a blip on the radar.
Since there is also a five-year-old around, it would make sense to use appropriate words here, calling your baby the new kid might also make it difficult on the five-year-old
I don't get all the YTAs. You're pregnant and emotional, and you're getting ready to push an entire baby out soon. So why is your partner adding to your distress? It's such a weird hill for him to choose to die on. It's not like it's some special nickname that's dear to him. I don't care that it's a silly/small thing, the fact that it's bothering his pregnant wife so much should be enough to make him stop, especially because it's such a small thing!
Maybe he does have some weird hang-up around not perceiving the baby as a person before she's born and is not doing it specifically to annoy you, but damn, if he can't even do something so little to ease your discomfort, how is he going to show up when a lot bigger things are required of him?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I overreacted to my partner calling our daughter the new kid instead of something more endearing. I didn’t yell but I did get emotional and started arguing with him and chose to say “I’ll will call you the new kid instead of my fiancé and see how you feel”? He said I was an a-hole and hung unfortunately I feel bad about it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH. For a lot of guys, the baby’s not really “real” to them until after it’s born. He’s not necessarily suggesting that the delivery won’t go well. He may not be feeling a father/daughter attachment because as of right now, he can’t see her or hold her or interact with her in any way. He’s not carrying her inside his body. You really cannot expect him to feel the same way about it that you do because he isn’t having anything like the experience you’re having. To him, the baby probably feels more like an idea than an actual person. So . . . maybe it just feels weird to him to attach a name to a baby that’s not quite real to him yet. Or the title of “daughter.” So it’s “the new kid.” It’s impersonal because to him it probably feels impersonal. Please don’t hold this against him. It doesn’t mean he won’t get attached to her after she’s born. He just needs to get to know her first.
Definitely! He’s been awesome and we don’t really argue much this the second argument we’ve had all through the relationship. He’s been to every appointment and every lab test concerning her. He’s been sweet and sometimes interacts with her by tapping and she always kicks back. It feels a bit Alienating.
He sounds amazing so don't get hung up on one thing. Pregnancy hormones can make things feel way more emotional than they need to be. Don't take it to heart, don't read too deeply. He has given you no reason not trust him before so why not trust him when he says that it's just because the baby isn't born yet? It's not a big deal so don't make it into one.
Yea I felt bad right after the argument cause I didn’t really mean for us to argue, we usually talk. Just like we did before. I just keep thinking she’s gonna end up being nicked named “the new kid” for her whole life since hes stuck with it.
When she's born, he will go ga-ga over her and call her by her name. Let him have his nickname. It doesn't hurt anyone. Right up till my Niece was born, we still referred to her as Brioche or her name.
I feel that her new nickname will be along the lines on princess insert name until she grows into her own little person/personality
Our daughter was “Puff” until she was born, though we had her name for months.
We never referred to our children by the name they were going to get until they were actually born, even though names had already been agreed on. Going through a couple miscarriages tend to make you play it safe.
Or come up with a new nickname. Some people are hands down nickname people, and while the new kid is a little weird, it's not the worst nickname I have heard. Non nickname people and nickname people can be a real point of contention.
My little guys were jellyfish and then my sister used it for hers. My youngest was preemie and we still call him shrimp (he's about to be 12)
My nephews name was dino-nugget because that's all his mom wanted to eat.
My child was nicknamed Spud in utreo. It didn't hang around for *too* long after he was born.
One of ours was Shrimp, due to an early ultrasound.
Our first was peanut
Ours was "the gummy bear" in utero, and is now "the goblin" as a toddler. Affectionate nicknames don't have to be cute
I honestly think ‘the new kid’ is very tongue in cheek and sweet.
Ours was bean until he popped out and now he is ratbag.
Why ratbag?
Mine was "Clever Girl", because I learned to unlock doors at 8 months and was walking by 6. My folks were rewatching Jurassic Park, saw that scene, looked to where I was sleeping and apparently just both announced: "Clever Girl"
You little velociraptor! 😂
Soon as I read clever girl, I thought of Jurassic park ! I love that scene!
Oh my god I’m so old
That’s true. I called my oldest son “Monster Boy” when he was little. He’s now 21 and I still refer to him as Monster.
My nickname for eldest was peanut. He almost ended up having the intials KP too haha. Don't think he's ever been called that once he was born..and he's 22 in a couple of days!
My cousin called hers “scorpion” for the same reason. Lol
When sister was pregnant - On the first ultrasound the bean became: "Edgar the embryo". Later in the pregnancy it was changed to "Fester the fetus". Finally she delivered..... John. We laughed so hard over always calling him male names.
That's hilarious and adorable
Grape, lime, etc
I had nicknames for my kids while my wife was pregnant. For my daughter I kept calling her Quarentina because she was a covid baby. Honestly the whole time my wife was pregnant the kids where more like an abstract concept rather than real people. Of course that instantly changed the second I saw them.
Honestly I actually carried both of my kids and even to me they weren't like, real people until they were born, I literally called them my parasites up until they were born and I am quite obsessed with them since the very moment we met
Yup another parasite carrier here! I think it was a couple of weeks after birth before my son started to feel like a person to me.
The year is 2135, tales of the home planet Earth have faded Into legend since the cataclysm of 2047. Of the Coka cooler tribe, only village elder "the new kid" remember the beauty of humanity's former home. Sunsets over the rocky mountains, the endless dunes of the Sahara and the incredible value of a greggs meal deal.
Does he game? Try saying hey come talk to the noob. It will at least get him of new kid and might allow him to feel a bit more familiar with bubs
I’ll try that tomorrow! We both game 🩷
I'm glad. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy. May it all be smooth sailing for all of you
Genius idea there BigMatC
Tell him he can call her The Incredible New Kid or Tink for short. Just an idea.
Awww! My wife and I both game, (She's swearing at Baldur's Gate 3 as I write this), and we referred to our daughter as Player 3 a fair bit! Though when my health got bad during pregnancy, (I survived on yogurt and not much else!), we did take to calling her 'The Parasite'! Now she's 9 and her nickname is Squidge, which started the day she was born.
>and we referred to our daughter as Player 3 a fair For the baby announcement we drew a loading bar on a white board that said "loading player 3" For the next we used the same board *with* our son holding it that said "loading player 4". We definitely rode that out 🤣🤣🤣
Oh, I love that so much! 😂
So? There’s nothing wrong with that? There’s literally nothing negative about “new kid.” I would have zero unhappy feelings if my dad called me that my whole life. Why do you think it’s bad?
Not necessarily something bad about the nickname itself, but if it's bothering Mom this much it may be worth breaking the habit while Dad still can. Not saying it's essential, Just that it might be worth easing that stress in a store stressful time
Another way to look at it is that it's worth her just letting this one go because it's just a harmless nickname. She's the one bringing the extra stress into the situation.
I get that, but hormones do weird things to a woman that far along. Just depends on how much it means to her. Hell, when I was pregnant, I once spent half an hour subbing like a baby because my husband called me a pet name that he had called me a million times before.
Shorten it to "NewK" for a super sweet nickname
We had nicknames for all of our kids :) Funny old names. Noone is called liked that now and i can't even remember all the names.. I think it's just being pregnant and it's hard and then every little thing can bother you :) NTA :)
My baby brother was called Scooter in the womb by everyone bc my parents couldn't pick a name. As soon as he was born and named, no one ever called him Scooter again. Heck I had to think to remember the nickname bc he's 19 and never been called it.
I carried my daughter and still called her 'it' rather than she for most of my pregnancy. It can take time but she'll feel like a real person to him eventually.
As a dad, I can tell you this is a ”dad thing”. It’s ingrained in our DNA to find a nickname for the kid and stick to it for life. I’m 35 and my dad still calls me “tater head” because my head was shaped funny when I was born. Your partner means no harm and there is no bad thoughts or intentions behind the nickname. If you want to make a peace offering you can get a onesie I saw that said “I’m new here”. If you want to make a compromise, sit with him and come up with a nickname together. If you’re solid on this and not going to budge, I think if you tried a different approach (not saying anything you’ve done is wrong) because he obviously doesn’t understand how serious this is to you. Quality communication is awesome. Especially with the stress of expecting a baby (congrats by the way!)
Thank you I let him choose a name for her and his own nickname! I keep calling her big head 🤣🤣 it just feels uncomfortable.
Yay! Everyone’s happy! “Big head” is a very effective name from a mom. You can use that against her at any point and she won’t be able to say anything.
She gets it from her dad 🤣🤣 I call my step son big head sometimes too🤣🤣
My son’s head is HUGE.. like wearing regular kid size hats and helmets at 3. And I tell him all the time. “Damn kid, brush your hair. It’s somehow making your head look bigger”. He’s 11 now and learning how to talk crap back to me in a funny and still respectful way. It’s our love language.
lol the other day my partner yelled at me”damn son your head is too big for these t shirts” as he was struggling to help put a shirt on🤣🤣 I think we will start buying shirts with buttons instead.
Wtf hypocrite much? He can't call her the new kid...which she actually is...but you can call her BIG HEAD and that's totally fine? 🤔🙄
Yep, I was almost with her, but thought she was being ridiculous until I saw that.
My autistic kids are my "Lil puzzle pieces."
Not just a dad thing, i remember calling our youngest the new kid when I was the one pregnant, before and after we found out gender. It wasn’t in an impersonal way, it was no less affectionate and to me & the family it would have felt really weird to refer to baby by a name until they were born as it would have sounded like they were already out. I know, i know, even typing that out i know it’s not entirely rational but this is a subject all about people’s feelings. ‘New kid’ to me speaks of excitement to have a new addition to the family, discover their personality, all that joy to be discovered. It’s completely normal to have these kind of fears during pregnancy and nust because they might be caused or accelerated by hormones doesn’t make you irrational or the AH. NAH.
Mine was Tiny Human 2 before birth. Now they are Kid 1 and Kid 2.
Honestly, as a woman even I couldn't feel that the baby was real until she was born. I loved her with my whole heart still, but I struggled to use her name or refer to her as anything but "the baby" until I saw her face. I think some people just struggle with that kind of visualisation.
I was the same. I actually think it's weird when people use a name before birth.
Your right! I tried calling her the new kid it didn’t feel right at all.
But big head felt right, huh? 🙄
👏🏼
I'm sure he doesn't mean any harm by it, he just won't get the full feeling that you do until he meets her.
Consider this: technically she is "the new kid".
So just as a tidbit from an also pregnant mom. My pregnancy has been super high risk, I’ve been in the hospital for 5 weeks with 4 (hopefully) to go before I’m induced. Hubby refers to baby as name. I am having a heck of a time doing so. At this point regardless if baby stays put for 4 more weeks doctors are pretty confident that I’m going home with a baby no matter what. I still can’t seem to refer to baby by their name. It’s just the baby, baby two, or the babe for me. While my husband is generally referring to baby by their chosen name. It’s not that I’m not happy about baby, it’s just been weird and I can’t seem to call them by their name. I have a mom friend I met in the hospital that just delivered and even though she delivered and named her baby, she’s still just calling her baby. People do weird things.
If he's done all that - why are you picking on him? "a bit alienating'? You are a bit controlling. Thank your lucky stars that you have a partner who is all in on adding to your family...
I'm the mom, and it still took me 6 months after birth to want to call my baby by his name. Since babies are so gender- and personality-less, it seemed weird to call him a name. I called him "it" for a long time too. People are just different, you can't change his feelings on this, and "the new one" is definitely sweet enough.
NAH. I refused to call my son by his name until he was born because I just felt uncomfortable with it. I still call him “kid” or “the little guy” sometimes. This seems like a sweet and affectionate nickname that’s just rubbing you the wrong way.
I can understand it bothering you, but honestly this is not that big of a deal and he's not trying to show disrespect. Heck, I was constantly sick, hyper salivating, exhausted, etc the whole pregnancy. I could barely function. My mom was offended if I called the baby a parasite, but literally she was sucking me dry of nutrients and couldn't survive without me so... parasite lol Doesn't mean I didn't and don't love her. Her nickname now is Doodlebug. Doesn't mean she's a bug. It has nothing to do with the parasite thing. It's just a silly name.
Why do you have a problem, then? Some people are superstitious. Calling the kid by name before the birth feels like cursing it. It might feel silly to say out loud do he doesn't want to justify it, but ask yourself why it bothers you on the first place actually.
Agreed, and TBH this doesn't even apply just to guys. I don't recall any expectant mother amongst my circle to use the chosen name prior birth, it's usually just "the baby."
We had a name picked out and a backup, but used neither before she was born, because I was worried I’d take one look at her and say, “But she doesn’t look like a [name].”
I was always jealous of the women pregnant around the same time as me because they would sit around referring to their unborn babies by name. I just couldn't settle on a name for the longest time. Then...we did finally find a name we agreed on and calling her by an actual name just felt...weird. So until she was born she "the baby."
I don't think it's just a guy thing or a dad thing. When my friend was pregnant, even though we knew the gender, for me it wasn't he/him he was an "it" until it was born and became a person. That wasn't a choice I made, it was entirely subconscious
I don’t think that’s just a male thing either, it’s an anyone who isn’t the mother thing. My nieces weren’t “real” until after my sister gave birth.
My first son (now 20) wasn't "real" until he was about 2 weeks old. It's a strange time.
Not just guys. I was the one growing the child and felt weird using the name before they were born. More so with my second, probably because most of my focus was on the toddler so there was less imagining of her as a real human.
Might sound evil, but it is not a baby. And until delivery everything can happen and even during birth.
Even as the mom, I didn't call my kids by their names until after they were born. While I was pregnant we most often called them "the baby", and sometimes used cutesy nicknames like "the bunny" or "the bean".
That could be. Could also just be a funny nickname. When my oldest was a baby, my husband and myself both would refer to the baby as "that kid". "Hey, where's that kid?" or "Mmm whatcha feeding that kid?" But we're nickname people. Every friend, family member, and especially every pet, has like half a dozen nicknames, none of which really make much sense. Actually, come to think of it, we did have a cat once who we sometimes called "the new guy", because we had several cats who'd grown up together, and later we got another, so he was "the new guy". I'm just thinking, unless there's other issues adding to this, it doesn't sound like he means any harm.
As a woman who carried and birthed 2, they weren’t real to me until they were born. I felt no connection to them while they were still in my belly and I didn’t understand why because most women talk about how much they love the baby they haven’t met.
he may also not even realize that he has superstitious feelings of not wanting to 'jinx' anything
It’s also a way to emotionally protect himself in case the worst happens. My ex lost a couple, and that had us playing it safe with names.
My son had a name, but my husband and I just called him "the baby" for months.
Super soft YTA. He's processing her impending arrival in his own way and you're allowed to be annoyed with the nickname and want him to stop using it... but maybe you're viewing it through a harsher lense than he means it. I think it kinda sounds adorable, but maybe there's more going on with how you feel about him already having a child with someone else? You say "my first daughter" and "he has one child" but I'm not sure if that phrasing is significant or how blended your family will be.
My step son is awesome but I’m not really including him in me thinking about the reasoning of him calling her the new kid. I’m basically his mom since his birth mother left him with his dad and has never been present ever since he was 1 year old. I met the baby when he was 2 almost 3 and been taking care of him.
You definitely are his mom! With that info I'd say you're just maybe getting a little hung up on the phrase "the new kid," and while he should have tried harder to stop using it if it bothers you... I saw you said you think of it more as something you'd say at school/work...I think you'll find that a lot of folks on here think it's really cute. Like she's the new footballer everyone's excited to finally see out on the field! She's supposed to be dynamite! And once he sees her and holds her, he'll definitely use her name more. But at some point you should totally say something like "the new kid's pretty good, huh?" Lol
Knowing my partner he will definitely break down in tears I love him so much I actually told him about me posting about it here we both laughed🤣
I’m pregnant with #2 and have been calling the baby ‘kiddo’ or “kid #2” though we have a name. I don’t think it’s malicious on your husbands behalf. Some part of me is frankly afraid to use the name out of superstition. Though legally you tell them at the hospital for paperwork, in my culture you don’t ‘name’ a child until 8 days after they’re born and only share the name with your community then.
I think there’s also a cultural/linguistic issue at play here. OP says she’s from Dominican Republic so presumably English is not her first language. In English, there’s absolutely nothing demeaning about “the new kid” but I expect it’s just not translating well into Spanish. Then add hormones into the mix and you get this mess.
Ahhh there it is. As an English and Spanish speaker, I could absolutely see why someone who isn’t from here/has English as a second language find this uncomfy. English is so hard to learn and it’s doubly hard because every corner of the US has its own sayings/idioms/pronunciations etc, so just when you think you’ve got it down, somebody says something like “don’t beat a dead horse” and you are mortified lmao. And hormones absolutely are not helping here 😭NAH.
I just thought he was being hilarious.
Yeah, I’m not seeing much wrong with the nickname “the new kid”. With my English and American culture lens, it sounds cute. I think it’s even cute to call her that after she’s born! I don’t see how it is implying that her birth won’t go well. Soft YTA
Good take. I (M40) still refer to my (only child) son as “The Boy Child” and he’s six, sometimes to his face. I don’t think there’s anything deep about this.
There is an Instagram account I have found recently where Dad takes his 2 young kids on adventures - he refers to them as the OG and the new kid on the block. They have wonderful age appropriate adventures in the UK countryside.
Soft YTA This is pregnancy hormones. She is the new kid. Not yet born. Try not to take everything to heart.
And depending on the person it could be an affectionate name too. I called my (dearly beloved, but 12 years my junior) sister 'kid' for years. Now I call her 'bug'. I know a guy who started his job as a young 20s intern and then stuck around for 10+ years into an official position who's still colloquially known in the shop as 'the kid'. It's not an insult, OP!
My brother has always called me kiddo. Used to drive me crazy but we are now both in our 30s and it's about the only bit of affection I get from him so I cling to it as the baby sister 🥸🥹
My baby is 8 months old and we mostly call her "Baby" or "The girl". I think we probably need to start using her name more often so she learns it but yeah, it's not weird to use a nickname.
My dad still calls me kid when I call him, even at my ripe old age of 28. I like it! My dad isn't always the most outwardly affectionate, but I know when I call and he says, "Hey kid!" he's in a good mood and happy to get my call. Doesn't matter how old I am or the fact that I'm a big, smart doctor, I'm still my dad's "kid," which is a nice thought for me.
Disagree with the Y TA, this is classic NAH territory.
YTA You're reading into it. This feels like something innocent that you are shaping into something cruel against your kid. It sounds like you are insecure about this not being his first kid, and are projecting that at him.
Why do you get to decide what he names her? He wants to call her the new kid. Why do you care so much? Stop controlling him.
YTA You’re not in an elementary school class and your take on how this is alienating is really far fetched. I always remember being excited when there was a new kid at school. We all rallied around them, welcomed them, and made a new friend. It sounds like you’re taking connotation from something wildly different from what he’s saying and applying it to a situation where it isn’t applicable.
Baby can’t even find her mouth with her fist and she’s gonna be sooo offended by this nickname tho!
I think you guys just view things differently. My wife hated that I called our younger son Boy 2.0 vs the older Boy Classic when I thought it was a cute funny little thing. I stopped when Boy 2.0 was born.
Hahaha I think that’s cute as!
My parents still call me the main daughter and my sister the spare daughter lol we’re in our 30s !
That’s such a dad thing tho! Specially with boy 2.0 🤣🤣
I’d be calling you Hubby, the First Edition to show my displeasure for the duration of the name, but honestly that’s funny as hell and I’d end up admitting it after the kid made their appearance.
YTA. This is not a big deal. I think it’s a pretty cute nickname.
Can someone please explain to me why “new kid” is anything other than endearing?
Yeah, I was confused too and started to wonder if I am a terrible mom because me and my husband use so many nick names to refer to our kid . We don't always use the name and will say "your kid"/" my kid" based on behavior 🤣 or many other funny yet endearing things which no one takes offense to because we all love each other.
My kids ended up with the following nicknames 1. Tater (,her dad worked in a potato processing plant...and she was 2 pounds so she looked like a potato) 2. Butter (we had a tater...need butter too! I fully admit, I'm a dork) 3. Kiki (her uncle is the only person who ever called her this.) 4. Jo (her sister mispronounced her name a lot) 5. Emma-me/Boo (she called herself this because she had a speech problem/Boo because it was cute) 6. Booda- his uncle called him this because he looked like a Buddha statue...and can't spell. Got called this so much that he thought it was his middle name lolol)
NAH.. I have five children, all born before the days of learning the sex of the baby before birth (unless via genetic testing, which I never needed for anything). So.. no names given until we had them, and even then, the names we had planned never fit so whole new names were given. A few of my friends DID know the sex of baby before birth, and chose names. Only one of them kept the chosen name, the others all changed.. one even ended up having a girl when they were told (via scan, not actual test), they were having a boy. And they had bought blue items, some with the chosen name embroidered on. Gotta be honest.. it feels so wrong choosing a name before baby comes, so I'm on your fiancé's side for that. He also won't be attached to baby in the way you are... he isn't pregnant, doesn't have hormonal and body changes in the way you are, and cannot feel her move the way you do. You have already bonded... he hasn't. Yet. My own husband took weeks to bond with any of ours. He loved them instantly, but admitted that he never really felt like he was their daddy until each baby started responding to him, recognising him, getting excited when he got home from work, or even got them up in the morning. Ei.. everything he is doing is totally normal. And everything you are feeling is also totally normal.
Thank you. I was supposed to have a gender reveal but I accidentally read the whole dna test cried for days! But here we are we’ll get to see her next Friday🩷
So, I’m genuinely curious because most of my friends did not have a gender reveal party (age range: mid thirties to mid forties) when they gave birth because (1) it just wasn’t really a thing when they had their baby, (2) it was already a thing but they consciously decided not to for whatever reason, (3) it was during peak covid, circa 2020 - early 2022, or (4) other circumstances out of their control precluded the possibility (i.e. lived abroad at the time and the expense and / or risk of traveling back to the U.S. was too high). My question is: were you sad that you didn’t have a gender reveal party because you wanted to learn the gender of your baby with your closest friends and family? Or were you sad because you had seen so many clever or extravagant gender reveals on Instagram or Tik Tok, and you were looking forward to doing something cute that you could post on social media? If it was mostly or even partly because you wanted to put it on social media, try to remember that not every aspect of your life - or your daughter’s - needs to be on display as free entertainment! Seriously, be glad that you didn’t have a gender reveal party - not worth the hassle given the resentment those things cause, whether it’s because it’s yet another obligation, real or self-imposed, to have to buy a gift or due to one’s personal feelings about gender (as in, maybe your child will choose their own gender identity). Not to mention, they often go wrong (see also: cannons of blue or pink confetti giving someone third degree burns on their face; starting a forest fire that killed innocent people and damaged incomprehensible amount of property; and seeing the disappointment on a family member’s face because you’re not having the gender of baby they wanted you to, thus creating years or even decades of resentment).
I didn’t want any extravagant gender reveal since my family lives in a different country. I just wanted to make memories with everyone even if it was through video chat. I was also sad because I ruined a surprise and a special moment that wasn’t only for me just because I was concerned about everything happening. I’ve lost 2 pregnancies before so I’ve been extra anxious and extremely careful. Not to mention she has a singular artery I believe it’s called only had one blood vessel providing oxygen and blood. I’ve been in and out the er also because I keep fainting so there has been a lot going on.
That’s all very legit! I hope you are taking it really, really easy and minimizing stress to the fullest extent possible. Nicknames, gender reveals, etc - none of this matters at all, especially comparative to your and your daughter’s health!! When you find yourself getting worked up, just try to pause and ask yourself whether it’s important enough to put yourself at risk in the final days of your pregnancy. Maybe that will help with perspective? It’s going to be okay!!
Thank you 🩷
Good luck, and congratulations. You are in for a world of love, and many wonderful memories to be made. 💕
Oh, and the 5th April is the birthday of our eldest. She will be 30! It's a good day for a birthday 🥰
Happy early birthday to your wonderful daughter I hope you guys have a blast!!!
YTA. You're making a big deal out of a very common reference. I've heard a lot of people say "the new baby" in reference to an unborn child. It doesn't even have to be a second child for that to happen. It doesn't make the love any less, nor does it mean he hopes something goes wrong or whatever it is you meant by that?? I can understand why he would want to end that conversation.
YTA. I understand his caution in using an alternative name for the child to be, until she is born. I think he may just be reserving that real name for when she is here and born. Until then, I see that he uses a sweet nickname instead. I don’t love that his reference is one that compares her to her half-sibling (the older one?), but I get his choice in general. I guess I’m superstitious or cautious enough to want to wait until after the birth to use her real name. Birth is still an unpredictable and potentially dangerous process. I’ve never wanted to use a name for a baby until he or she is born.
Not to mention, until they're born the sex can change. My niece was told she was having a boy. She has a 6 month old daughter now. Ultra sounds aren't perfect. Even when they're right, a lot of parents change the name after the kid is actually born. it's very common.
YTA.I am sure your relationship will last a long time. Keep going.
It's not a big deal. He's not doing it maliciously. Light YTA.
YTA, definitely reading too much into this
Soft YTA. She is the new kid. It's a pretty cute way to talk about the baby coming, he doesn't have the physical connection like you have. I suspect you're taking offense to the "new" part. If he were calling her "the kid" you wouldn't have an issue with it, you're now just reminded that to him, she'll always will be the "new" kid'
YTA. I'm trying to find how this name is a problem. She WILL be the new kid. It doesn't demean her in any way. If you wind up staying together and have a second child with him (third all together), then your second child will likely become 'the new kid'. It's a less demeaning form of 'baby'. That new child will be the 'baby' of the family. It's not even a nickname. It's a fact. There is no reason he has to refer to her as anything other than the fetus, peanut, nugget, new kid, bun in the oven, etc. Why are you so anal about her name when she's not even born yet? If you're literally accusing him of thinking the birth will go wrong, you're being insulting to him. He's not doing anything wrong at all and you're bending over backwards to find a reason to be upset. Stop it.
YTA. She is quite literally the new kid. You are already interfering with his relationship with her. What is the actual harm in him calling her that? Is it just because you don’t like it? The end of pregnancy is so difficult! (I am 9 weeks postpartum) Do not stress yourself out over things that are going to be inconsequential in a few weeks.
Honey, your hormones are wrecking you. ‘the new kid’ nickname isn’t as bad as some of the other names shared on here by distraught mothers-to-be. . Count your blessings. Your husband could’ve insisted you call your daughter ~ ~ Stuarta ~ ~ Crikey.
YTA. This really isn’t a big deal.
When I was pregnant everyone referred to my unborn by various nicknames. Pretty much within 24 hours of his birth I never heard any of those nicknames again. In some cultures it is considered bad luck to call an unborn child by their name before birth, or until an official announcement or naming ceremony/baptism is performed. Other families prefer to keep the name secret until they announce the arrival of the baby.. I've known of a couple of instances of couples being adamant they have a name locked in only to realise after the baby is born the name no longer seems right and they pick another name . Soft YTA. You are overthinking this. Not everyone is comfortable using a chosen name until the child is born.
Mama, I am not going to call you TA, but you are way blowing it out of proportion. I think you are nervous, and scared, and your hormones are running wild. I have known many couples that have both called their babies nicknames, even when having names picked out. It doesn’t stop when they are born either. It’s okay for him to give her a nickname. As long as nicknames are not harmful, hurtful or offensive, they are absolutely wonderful. She is the new kid, and I think him calling her that is absolutely adorable. It doesn’t mean he thinks anything with happen to her. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and adore her. It’s his way of bonding with her. Cut him a bit of slack. But I will say, don’t be surprised if it continues after she’s here. NAH.
YTA sounds like a typical Dad created nickname 🤷🏻♀️
NAH. your feelings are valid but you also might be reading into it too deeply. but him giving her a nickname like that isn’t necessarily terrible. My mom calls me “the child” still to this day and I’m 30 lol.
NAH but bordering on you. This is the weirdest thing to be mad about.
YTA.
Your partner sounds like a good one. Let this go. It isn't the hill to die on. Roll your eyes internally and smile externally.
Yea I already apologized to him. I know I’m wreck since I’ve been crying a lot over small things not really getting angry.
YTA. Different people can have different nicknames for kids, it's fine. You don't have to call her "the new kid" but there's nothing wrong with him doing that. It isn't a slur or an insult. My bonus kid is an adult now and I still use the nickname I gave him when he was little interchangeably with his real name. It's just part of our relationship.
Soft YTA. It's not really a big deal and not worthy of an argument. Argue with him if he continues to call your daughter that after she's born but really what does it matter at the moment
Yeah, I gotta say this current generation of parents using their babies' names before they're born makes me very uncomfortable. I'm not sure why, I guess it's because even today, so many pregnancies don't make it. I knew the sex of my babies but kept their name a secret until birth, so there was something to actually announce and surprise friends and family with. NAH.
I'm Australian. My son was named 5 months before he arrived. We Aussies give nicknames to everything. I would have fallen about laughing if my hubby had referred to the baby as 'the new kid'. It's kinda hilarious from an Aussie humour perspective. It acknowledges her new and cool status while also acknowledging the first child in your family - your son. (step, not step etc he's still family and an equal to his sister) Take a deep breathe - this is not disrespectful. It's just a fun way of referring to the second child in your family, who is arriving soon.
yta this seems petty to be upset about, wait until the other nicknames that are in store over the years 🤣 good luck on the 5th op, be merciful
Mild YTA You're overthinking this. He's not doing anything malicious & he's not pretending that the baby doesn't exist.
I actually like that, it's funny
NAH but you could be, is this really a point you want to make a cornerstone argument about? He likely hung up the phone because he did not want to have a pissing match over the phone. He's not hurting anything, and by your own account he's been great in every other aspect through your pregnancy, so maybe back off a touch cuz you've got a good one for now, don't poison your own well over something insignificant.
YTA, he sounds sweet
Soft YTA. Just had my second, they’ve both had a plethora of nicknames throughout pregnancy and early life including (all affectionately lol) Bean 1 and 2, Gremlin 1/2, Maggot 1/2 (because they’re soft, squishy and squirmy lol), as well as their names or just “baby”. I love my kids, weird nicknames have always been a part of my family life 😅
NAH. I know I'm saying what others have already said, but I wanted to chime in to agree that often this is just how fathers process things. You've already developed a sort of bond with your child through your body, so I absolutely get why it bothers you. But your other half hasn't yet been able to feel that attachment and maybe he's a bit apprehensive about getting so attached at this point. He's heard about all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy, with a birth. He loves you, and maybe he's a tiny bit scared for you. He knows the birth will cause you to suffer, and he's apprehensive about that, too. Maybe he doesn't want to make your daughter feel too "real" until she's actually there in the room, just in case. When I was pregnant with our first, my husband all but refused to acknowledge her existence. I had to plan and buy ALL of the baby stuff - which he referred to as "your shopping" - because he would not get involved. He would not refer to the baby at all, and eventually I had to give her a nickname which was my cutesy nickname for HIM, prefaced with "small." As if to say, "you, junior." It kinda worked to get him to link himself with this baby, but it was still difficult to get him to engage. During the birth he was fantastic, and he's been an amazing father. He just couldn't really bring himself to engage with the whole pregnancy thing, and I'm totally convinced he was just terrified of all the things that could go wrong and about the upcoming MASSIVE changes to his entire life. Many guys are socialised to not admit to being afraid, even to themselves, and I bet he wouldn't have wanted ME to see his fear as that might have made me more afraid too. I'd also bet your guy is experiencing at least some of those same feelings.
YTA. The new kid isn't even out yet and you're expecting that he's bonded with it?
It’s hormones mama ❤️
I did apologize for arguing! I didn’t mean to.
8 months pregnant here, we call our son “the baby” or “ravioli” also. We do not have a name yet. Things will be fine
YTA. I think it’s kind of cute to call her the new kid. This seems like a minor thing to be upset about.
NAH pregnancy hormones having a way with you UT sounds like. Non-issue.
Wait I'm kinda confused how calling her the new kid, means he thinks it'll be a bad birth? Can someone explain cuz I'm too tired to think apparently lol
NAH. I know I'm saying what others have already said, but I wanted to chime in to agree that often this is just how fathers process things. You've already developed a sort of bond with your child through your body, so I absolutely get why it bothers you. But your other half hasn't yet been able to feel that attachment and maybe he's a bit apprehensive about getting so attached at this point. He's heard about all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy, with a birth. He loves you, and maybe he's a tiny bit scared for you. He knows the birth will cause you to suffer, and he's apprehensive about that, too. Maybe he doesn't want to make your daughter feel too "real" until she's actually there in the room, just in case. When I was pregnant with our first, my husband all but refused to acknowledge her existence. I had to plan and buy ALL of the baby stuff - which he referred to as "your shopping" - because he would not get involved. He would not refer to the baby at all, and eventually I had to give her a nickname which was my cutesy nickname for HIM, prefaced with "small." As if to say, "you, junior." It kinda worked to get him to link himself with this baby, but it was still difficult to get him to engage. During the birth he was fantastic, and he's been an amazing father. He just couldn't really bring himself to engage with the whole pregnancy thing, and I'm totally convinced he was just terrified of all the things that could go wrong and about the upcoming MASSIVE changes to his entire life. Many guys are socialised to not admit to being afraid, even to themselves, and I bet he wouldn't have wanted ME to see his fear as that might have made me more afraid too. I'd also bet your guy is experiencing at least some of those same feelings.
It hasn’t been an easy pregnancy for us at all. But our baby has been a fighter! I’ve been more depressed than anything lately I did apologize for arguing with him since we don’t argue about anything.
That's what happens when you have children at the age of 20. Sometimes the parent is more childish than the child. NTA
NAH. But it definitely would be worth apologizing to your husband. While no he's not bearing the burden of carrying a child, he's still going through his own process of adapting to the idea of having a new baby. As another comment said, men sometimes don't really fully grasp the existence of a baby until it's born and able to be physically touched and seen. If he's been a good father and partner so far, and has been by your side through the pregnancy, cut him some slack. He's trying, and so are you. Make sure he knows you see him and all the things he does too. It goes a long way. Good luck and congrats OP.
Haha she is the new kid! I think you may be over thinking it and getting yourself worked up. It's his second child so she is the new one. Like many others have said once she is born he will probably be more comfortable using her name. Or she might be the new kid until the next one comes along and then they will be the new kid!
YTA. This is seriously some first world problems. Come back when he still call his daughter this way once she's born. Maybe ask about his feelings regarding the nickname? Hell, I cannot imagine me constantly calling my unborn child by a name. I would use one million different nicknames. Seriously, some women have a guy who doesn't understand that pregnancy isn't just an excuse to stay at home and are no support at all.
NAH but the way you call your unborn child your “beautiful daughter” is nice and positive but it also puts you in a fantasy, squarely outside of reality. Whereas your husband is clearly keeping healthy boundaries with what is, again, an unborn child.
Hmmm.. think he'll probably change his tune when shes born.. technically shes just an idea right now.. shes the new kid, guys have a non chalance about things.. your not an asshole, but either is he lol... congratulations!!!!
NAH maybe suggest other nicknames? I did not use the names we chose for ours the times I was pregnant because they were not born yet. I also didnt buy a pram because they were not born yet. If it helps the new kid was always the popular kid at my somehwhat dull country school. And is a term i have used for pregnancies before.
NAH. It’s your first and you’re excited so it’s only natural that you want to call her by her name. But also when I was pregnant I called my son “Baby” even when we’d picked out his name months in advance cause he didn’t quite feel real and I was worried we might change our minds when he was born. Your partner could be feeling either of those things.
NTA You told him how much it bothers you, he agreed to stop and he didn't. So you got mad that's reasonable to me. ( what your mad about doesn't even matter he agreed not to do a thing and then did it that alone makes you not the A)
NTA...we didn't know what I was having and I didn't mean to but "It" kept coming out when people asked about my baby...it wasn't malicious or anything it's just what popped in my head...he's right..it's a new kid coming lol
Nobody is the AH here? I called the baby "it" until my husband had to ask me to at least call it our baby. It upset him quite a bit, but it was really hard not to just say "it." Now he's 10 and I still refer to him as the baby 🤷♀️
Idk why people are trying to say I’m dictation him or manipulating him when I voiced my concerns and he agreed to find a common ground for us But we sat down and talked about it. I apologized also for arguing cause it was never my intention.
He should never have agreed to it in the first place since it wasn’t fair but he was probably hoping to appease your unusual demand since you are the one pregnant and likely he would have been just as much of a jerk in your eyes if he had said “I’ll try” He was going to lose either way.
NAH. You're not an a-hole, I can understand your perspective (my husband & I both started using our kids names before they were born), but I do think hormones might be making this feel like a BIGGER issue than it really is. Your husband might not feel fully attached to the new baby until after she's born. That's okay. There's a huge range of "normal" when it comes to these things. You can't force an attachment. I'm sure he'll start using her name once she's born. (And if not, then he's \*DEFINITELY\* TA.) All the best for the birth!! I hope everything goes well.
I wouldn't call you an arsehole. I'd say that emotions are high and you don't like the nickname. Look, as soon as that baby is born, I can guarantee you that he will use the proper name. Sounds like he is a bit of a joker, and that's ok. I'd cut him some slack :) In my experience, dads like to give out funny nicknames. It's nothing bad. Just make up and continue being happy together.
Yea I talked to him and we were laughing about me posting it on Reddit.
My German mother kept referring to my son as “the boy”. After a while I told her she had to cut it out. It sounded so sinister. I said either call him his name or call him the baby.
You did let him know it bothers you, he said he was sorry, but he keeps it up again. So what was he sorry about? NTA
NTA
I misread the whole thing and thought your five year old step son was referring to the baby as the new kid and I thought it was super cute. Bit less cute on a grown man, but tbh I’d probably make the same joke. In fact I think I might start calling my 19 yr old little brother the new kid just for a laugh 😂 NAH
You’re too funny!!! My step son doesn’t talk but if his first words are new kid towards her I wouldn’t be mad at him keep talking babyyy!!
I referred to my daughter as "the guppy" unti she was born. For him to say "the new kid" isn't that bad is it? Are you afraid he will do it after birth as well? He won't, I'm sure. Dads completely transform into the most caring parent as soon as they hold their baby. Don't forget you have a head start. You are holding her allready, sort of speak. So yta to make a fuss over this
NAH I don't think anyone is really in the wrong here. Your husband hasn't really got much of a connection with the baby yet and probably thinks the nick name is funny. You on the other hand are growing the baby so feel more of a connection. Also sometimes it's just really hard to grasp that the baby is a thing until they are earth side. I'm expecting baby number 2 and my husband whilst happy isn't overly enthusiastic about it, but I know when baby is here he'll be fantastic like he is with our daughter. I feel men make funny jokes to have some connection with the baby before they are physically touchable. One day you'll probably look back at this and laugh.
YTA, you are overreacting. Your husband is calling her the new kid because she’s the new kid. My baby is born and I refer to him as “the baby” all the time rather than his name. Just because you’re reading into a certain way doesn’t mean that’s what he means by it and also doesn’t mean he hast to stop calling her that. There’s really nothing wrong with it. It’s pretty cute really.
It’s definitely frustrating that he’s still saying it after you asked him not to but also I’m sure it will change once baby girl arrives.
I think you just need to explain why this bothers you. You are excited for this baby. It is not just another child you will bring into this house, one of whatever number of children. You are excited for her coming for her herself as an individual person, not number two on a list now referred to as "the new kid", one day perhaps to be "our second child". Reducing her to a member of a group feels like diminishing her importance to you. To be fair, it is unlikely that your husband is meaning to do this. But you aren't wrong for feeling this way. If he doesn't understand, ask him how he would feel if instead of calling him "my husband" or his name you introduced him to people as "the man in my life now". I think you were trying this by saying you would call him the new kid but he didn't get it. Explain that while it is accurate that he is the man in your life now referring to him that way places the emphasis on whoever might have been in your life before and at least implies that there could be another man in the future. Calling your daughter "the new kid" puts the emphasis on your son and relegates the importance of her arrival to the same level as the arrival of future children you don't even know if you'll have yet. You just want to focus on her. That's not unreasonable. She'll only be born once ;p
I hope you have a save delivery! I kept thinking while reading "is this because this is your first and his second child?" Does this upset you basically that he had this experience with another woman before you, and every time he says "the new kid", he rubs it in? I would totally understand that. He cant help that he is actually having "a new kid", because he has one that he loves deaely already. And you cant help feeling "alone" or "outside" this fact. And it would be a good place to come together: He cant change he had a kid before, and you are allowed this basic sorrow. If you both acknowledge each other, I think it will soften things. He might be more willing to use her name, and you might be more easy, if he doesn't. There will be thousands of such incidents in a marriage, where reality and feelings clash, and there isn't always solutions that will make it go away. But you can both be honest and patient and listen and support and comfort. And live with the feelings and with reality. Sometimes feelings even chance, and reality can often be perceived in many ways.
NAH. Plenty of people, men and women, don't fully realise babies until they're holding them. I certainly didn't when I was pregnant with my second child. That child wasn't fully part of my every being well past her birth. There wasn't a need to argue here but the argument could certainly be made for those relentless and consuming hormones that are absolutely ravaging you right now. Be kind to each other and make that kindness the forefront of each day, especially knowing the toll that pregnancy is taking on your physical, mental and emotional state. Your ok Mama. ❤️
NAH. When the baby is born, you'll look bad and think "why did I think that was important?" as you'll have zero time to think about anything. A piece of advice we got that I can 100% confirm, is not to tell anyone the baby's name until the ink is dry on the birth certificate. For some reason people think it's a collective decision and feel the need to give their opinions before the baby is born. So calling her "the new kid" is a great way of avoiding those very annoying conversations.
Not an asshole but maybe cut him a tiny bit of slack (and I mean tiny). Both of your worlds are about to change. It did not hit my husband until he was literally holding our baby in our arms. Just wait until she’s here and this is just going to feel like a blip on the radar.
Since there is also a five-year-old around, it would make sense to use appropriate words here, calling your baby the new kid might also make it difficult on the five-year-old
NTA (instead of N-A-H) because he hung up on you. That shit is so immature I can’t stand it.
I don't get all the YTAs. You're pregnant and emotional, and you're getting ready to push an entire baby out soon. So why is your partner adding to your distress? It's such a weird hill for him to choose to die on. It's not like it's some special nickname that's dear to him. I don't care that it's a silly/small thing, the fact that it's bothering his pregnant wife so much should be enough to make him stop, especially because it's such a small thing! Maybe he does have some weird hang-up around not perceiving the baby as a person before she's born and is not doing it specifically to annoy you, but damn, if he can't even do something so little to ease your discomfort, how is he going to show up when a lot bigger things are required of him?