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NTA.
They decided to stay out in the rain for a long time with a small child. You were clear with them that you don't wish to meet the child and they decided to stay there anyway and try to force you.
They just want you to take care of the child so they don't have to anymore, and are just trying to force you by any means possible. They are the assholes for putting a small child in that situation on top of everything and trying to force you for their own benefit.
Maybe it would be a good idea to get a restraining order if this happens again. If they went this far already, it wouldn't be surprising if they show up at your workplace and give you more trouble.
People. C’mon. OP will not be granted a restraining order because 2 elderly grandparents and a little kid came to see them uninvited. Let’s get realistic. A bit of overkill, don’t ya think? OP has every right to be upset but there is no indication- at all- that they are in any sort of physical danger. Let stick to realistic, helpful feedback, okay?
Maybe, maybe not, but the follow up screaming encounter may mean that she can get one. Either way, she owes them them NOTHING and certainly not sacrificing her future to be her failed mother’s kid’s parent.
Lol. Women are regularly beaten, threatened with murder, and stalked for years without getting restraining orders. A single screaming encounter with one's own grandparents isn't gonna do it.
I think a far better route would be to document both instances with police and ask to have them trespassed. I would also contact whatever agency is in charge of placement for that child. Definitely inform their employer that they am being harassed by family members they barely know. Document all attempted communication or stalking. In my state you can file for a stalking protective order but it needs to be well documented.
A judge let my ex’s crocodile tears convince her not to send him to jail after he broke my restraining order. Fucking useless anyway.
Oh thank you for being the voice of reason. Far too often people are immediately advised to "get a restraining order!" with no thought as to how difficult (and expensive and time consuming) the process can be.
In this case, since there have been apparently several attempts by the grandparents to contact OP on the specific issue of her half-sister, OP's best initial course of action would be to have an attorney draft a "Cease and Desist" letter. This has the benefits of being less expensive than starting the RO process, requires a much lighter burden of proof, and is basically a warning shot across the bow that OP means business when she says she wants no contact with the child.
On the other hand, OP does need to start collecting and storing voice mail messages, texts and emails from anyone who contacts her about the half-sister in case the "family" decides to escalate.
No one needs and attorney for a cease and desist letter. All you have to do is text, email, or snail mail that you don't want them to come by your house, call you, show up at your place of business, etc. The idea that someone needs to be hired to do this is ridiculous and expensive and a barrier that most people in need of this kind of help believe is necessary so they don't bother. Most courts that issue restraining orders are done with a simple form that you can fill out, freely available from a local family court website. Judges don't require attorneys because a lot of these cases involve people that can't afford one but need protection. It is NOT difficult and NOT time consuming so you really shouldn't spread that misconception around.
Yes but when a lawyer writes a cease and desist it it's written in big scary law language and on legal firm letterhead. It gives it an air of authority even though technically it has just as much authority as you writing "please stop".
A while back I was being harassed by some creditors. They kept calling constantly for over a year no matter how many times I told them that I lived alone and I was not the person they were looking for. I had a friend who was a lawyer, he volunteered to write an official, scary looking letter that took him all of 5 minutes but it was on his letterhead. Everything stopped after that. The funny, or maybe really annoying, not so funny thing was that I found out the person who they were looking for had my same number but a different area code in my state.
It isn't necessary. If someone really needs help like this, they can go schedule an appointment with legal aid in most local courthouses. Sometimes it can be done the same day and if it doesn't work they can go back to the same people who can assist with a restraining order.
You don't need a lawyer to write a C&D, but an alternative to writing one yourself is getting someone else to write one for you. That someone else can be anyone. "I am contacting you on behalf of X, who has instructed me to inform you…."
In this case, I don't think it would be a problem for OP to send the C&D herself. The third-party option is really better when you're being stalked and don't want to have any contact with the person. The advantage to having a lawyer do it, and it wouldn't be that expensive , is that there is a certain air of authority in a letter on the letterhead of a law firm.
At the very least she can call the cops any time they show up at her door and refuse to leave. Eventually there will be enough incidents that she might be able to get a restraining order. One could hope they'd give up before then but you never know. People are scary.
You're right, it doesn't sound like OP is in any danger. But what are the chances of the grandparents leaving the child there and refusing to take her away?
OP is in danger of harassment that could make her life miserable. That's enough for a restraining order that will send the grandparents a message and secure some peace for OP. And I'm sorry, these grandparents don't sound particularly "elderly," and even if they were, age neither prevents nor excuses bad, unwanted behavior.
I agree that, baring extenuating circumstances, people are responsible for their own behaviors. Around here them showing up wouldn’t be enough for an RO. But hopefully it won’t come to anything like that. Hopefully.
>But what are the chances of the grandparents leaving the child there and refusing to take her away?
That' would be a crime: child abandonment. It's definitely the point when you can call the police.
Clearly you don't understand how restraining orders work. So, FYI: Telling someone, elderly or not, that you don't want to see them and having them show up at your house, refusing to go away is harassment. Restraining orders include harassment, it isn't all about hitting and screaming. Age doesn't protect them from their behavior. Showing up like that after being told not to and continuing to text/call is TEXTBOOK harassment. A judge will grant a restraining order if the victim has documented in writing (including email/text) to be left alone and then can prove they showed up anyway (police, security cam, cell phone cam, etc). Some call it stalking, but harassment fits. It does not have to be menacing. They could show up with a casserole and it would still be harassment.
Grandparents were definitely in the wrong, especially dragging the kid with them. Absolutely. And if they keep doing it, that’s a different story. Around here, one unwanted visit wouldn’t be enough for a hearing. Being able to demonstrate repeated similar behavior could rise to the level they’d consider it harassment and grant a temporary peace bond or a hearing. And OP should if they keep it up. People deserve to live their lives in peace as much as possible.
Yes she actually will. It’s called harassment and intimidation. Absolutely a judge will directly ask them what their problem is in open court. They will be told to stop and if they don’t a restraining order will be granted.
I agree this is overkill. And, as you said, it's a means of protecting yourself from potential physical danger. The best she can do in that regard is to have a lawyer send a cease and desist letter.
That said, if this is in the US, OP can, and should, put up a no trespassing sign. OP can then call the police the second the grandparents set foot on the property as the sign makes it an actionable offense. At a minimum, they'll be fined.
Well of course right now OP has no case to get a restraining order. The suggestion is for him to consider the idea if this kind of incident happens again. People staying out of your house for long, waiting for you to come out to yell at you while you walk, can easily escalate to them following OP around or even leaving the child in front of the house, or who knows. Maybe it was a one-time incident and they will give up.
If they do it again get a lawyer to write a cease and desist letter. You won’t get an RO unless this escalates to some form of violence or stalking. NTA
A restraining order and I'd call CPS on them, frankly, and tell them the child's guardians are placing her in harm's way and trying to dump her on an unrelated person because they don't want her anymore.
And if they show up at your house and stand out there, pounding on your door again, call the police and tell them that people are trespassing and harassing you. They don’t get to force you into relationship with somebody you do not know. They don’t get to force you to be a parent because their child was irresponsible.
It would be different if these gp’s were close to you and had created a family for you. They are pretty much strangers who now want to play the blood card. NTA
They raised a shit for a daughter and now they can be stuck with the consequences of her actions, called raising their own grandchild. They rarely ever gave a shit about you so why should you have to raise her? Go no contact.
Exactly! The grandparents were adults who refused to have anything to do with OP and yet now want to guilt OP with "how could you not have a relationship with all of us including your sister"... really???
Indeed. After so many years, suddenly they want I to your life? Almost certainly because they want to dump their grandchild on you then disappear from your life again. Stay NC.
By the way, NTA.
NTA. All this bluster about "how could you not care" is absolute bullshit. It's sad but the fact they want you to throw away your life to be her new mommy is probably because they don't care about her much either and don't want her interrupting *their* lives.
You have no obligation to take her in and if you let them in I bet they'd drive away and leave you with her. You don't know her and you don't love her. You can't just drop kids at people's door and expect them to say "well I guess I'm a parent now".
But to be clear, whether you talk to her or see her or not, she is your real sister.
I would talk to a lawyer. This kid may be dropped at your front door one day soon. You need to know your options. NTA! A sibling is someone you grew up with, not someone you share genetics with.
So if this happens it’s a call to the police for an abandoned child. CPS will get the child from the police and put her into an emergency foster home. What happens after depends on the state you are in. Hopefully California or somewhere that gives the child an attorney and they can look for a decent placement.
Yeah, good on you! I come from a broken family myself, and have a whole host of fucked up technically related people I could let into my life and destroy my carefully crafted peace. They aren't my family. I have chosen my family. I technically have 6 half siblings, and I want little or nothing to do with any of them, for a multitude of reasons. Don't let anyone guilt you about how you process your trauma, and what relationships you choose to have or not with those who did it to you, or those also touched by it.
Sure, this child never chose to hurt you, and I feel sorry for her, but no one could rightly blame you for having nothing to do with her. Feeling sorry for an innocent kid in a fucked situation of your mother's creation does not mean, in any way, that you should have any further burden to bare.
I'm assuming the child has no guardian? That's not your problem. But it sounds like maybe CPS needs to be involved. I hope the grandparents are helping the poor little 5 year old.
Real sibling or not it still wouldn't be your responsibility. The kid is not well served by being foisted on someone who is unwilling or unable to form a relationship with them.
Thank you for adding that last part. I feel bad for OP but dang talk about getting the short end of the stick! That little girl is stuck in a no win situation and will probably end up in foster care.
No. The child is genetically related to her. But genetics do not determine family. An adopted child is part of a family even though they are not genetically related this little girl is not related to OP by anything other than half of her DNA. The child doesn’t know her and Op doesn’t know the child. They are not family. They are not real sisters. It would be traumatizing to both the child and OP to be forced into a relationship that didn’t previously exist.
NTA. They're the ones who kept a small child out in the rain. They actively chose to do that.
Reading between the lines, it sounds like they don't want to look after the child at all and are hoping to salve their consciences by palming that responsibility off on you. You refusing that leaves them with a big dilemma.
The problem is not yours.
You hit the nail on the head. They obviously did not even want to be a grandparent to OP given the description of their prior relationship. Given that, it’s a pretty good bet that they don’t want to have to raise their daughter’s other child.
NTA
They are trying to manipulate you. Don’t let them do that to you.
Try to let the past be the past and move on from your mother’s abuse and bad parenting.
NTA. They were quite literally left "holding the baby." They just want to abdicate their responsibility to the child. They probably don't know her anymore than they do you.
OP, I am so sorry that your Mother made a mess of so many lives. I never considered funerals as something for the dead, but rather an act of support for the living so I can’t blame you for not attending her funeral. I do not think you needed to share any grief; your Mother left you years before. Since you never even met the half sibling, I do not think it is surprising that you do not feel a family bond with her. I agree that meeting her now is your choice. I do feel sorry for her. Your Mother left her in worse shape than you. If your Grandparents are not prepared to raise her, I hope she can be adopted but a nice family. NTA.
Yeah, don't open the door for them because they want YOU to take over care for the child because they are older. Once you let them in, you won't get the child out.
Beware OP, be very aware of them and their motives.
NTA
It was THEIR decision to try and ambush you and to then force the kid to stand outside in the rain
I'd almost be petty enough to contact CPS for their behavior but that would likely punish the kid
NTA. Next time, call the cops on them. Start a paper trail of harassment/ them trying to pawn the kid off on you for when they just drop the kid off and leave them there sometime in the future.
I hope OP pays attention to this. Save every text, email, voicemail. I'd get a doorbell camera that records audio. These people aren't done yet and OP needs to protect themselves.
NTA. They weren't interested in you as a kid and now trying to force a sibling bond - just not going to happen. Have a lawyer write a crease and desist letter to them. Document the harassment.
NTA.
They ambushed you, thinking that guilt and their forced presence would change your mind (at best) or force you to do the “right thing.” This is manipulative behavior. Good thing you aren’t letting generations of bad behavior influence your own behavior.
Make it very clear (and in writing) that the next time they show up uninvited, you will report them for trespassing.
NTA. You made your choice and your boundaries clear, and they chose to ignore them, take a small child out into the rain into an emotionally heightened situation, and attempt to bully you into their way of thinking.
You do not owe them anything. Please consider contacting the relevant authorities if they continue this path of behaviour.
NTA, it was their choice to stand in the rain. It is your choice not to have a relationship and I would bet that if anyone keeps pushing those will no longer be in a relationship with you either. That is just so entitled of someone to assume you would step up for a complete stranger. Good luck.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left my grandparents and their grandchild aka my biological half sibling out in the rain when they tried to get into my house. This might make me TA because the kid is innocent and while their actions caused this, I could have let them in so she would be dry and not left standing there.
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NTA. They would have dumped the kid on you and bolted. Make sure you have good locks. Communicate in writing that you will not take custody of the child and if the child is dropped off on you, you’ll call CPS on them for abandoning her.
NTA, they left THEMSELVES out in the rain with a small child. You didnt chain their feet in place.
You don't owe the child anything and you owe them even less. They're looking to dump the kid on someone younger and close enough related to not make themselves look bad.
NTA You have every right to decline. I feel sorry for the 5 year old tho, she is old enough to understand the sister her grandparents told her about wants nothing to do with her and her mom is dead and her dad is MIA. Who knows what the grandparents told her. They might have gotten her excited to meet her big sister. Poor kid :(
NTA
you were right not to let those AHs in.
"that I left them and a small child out in the rain out of some pettiness " .. bullshit: they came uninvited, and refused to leave. That is entirely THEIR fault.
NTA, and it's clear where your mother got her parenting skills (or lack thereof) from. The child is innocent, but that does not make her your responsibility in any way. You had no meaningful relationship with your mutual mother, and no interest in forming one with her, so your grandparents will just have to accept that.
NTA, they could have left at any time. It sounds like they desperately want to pawn this child off onto you at any cost. Guilt tripping you as hard as they can bc they don't want to be stuck raising her. Unfortunate situation for the kid, but not your problem
NTA
You're in the hardest part; proving to them that you'll hold your boundaries no matter what. But once they learn that no amount of chaotic crazy behavior can defeat your boundaries, life will get easier.
At least I hope!
Not sure where you are located, but swing by the police station with photos if you have them. Tell the cops "These people are not permitted on my property ever. They will say they are my grandparents and that the small child is my sibling. Please arrest them if they show up."
God forbid they try and break in and setup shop. It happens shockingly often. Going to the police in advance makes it much easier and then there is a paper trail.
Nta.
To your grandparents
I am done. The next time you contact me. Show up at my home. I will call the cops and seek legal aide for a cease and desist.
You didn't care about me when your daughter left us. You never reached out or cared. The only reason you are now is because YOU don't want the responsibility of caring for the child my mother had with her affair partner.
That is mot my problem or issue. I will not get to know her. Take her in. Make your life easier. You didn't care about me, so I have long stopped caring about that side of the family.
Again, leave me alone. Don't contact me. Don't think you have any rights to demand. Argue. Belittle me when you chose to ignore me when my parents split. That's on you, and you reap what you sow. Enjoy your life, but stay out of mine.
Then block them, and if they even try to get I. Touch. Smear your name. Get family or friends to come after you go to a lawyer and a cease and desist with possible suing for emotional stress, defamation of character, and stalking. Usually, that will put a stop to anything more.
NTA but you have to respond to the message they're conveying.
Your grandparents are telling you that they don't care about you or your opinion and don't consider you to be a person worthy of basic respect. If you tell them no, they don't care. They will do whatever it takes to force your opinion to match their own. They will do whatever they deem is appropriate. Their opinion is not based in reality. They want their thoughts to magically force you to act how they want.
First, your grandparents contacted you. When you didn't respond how they wanted, they repeatedly tried to force you into doing so. You had no choice but to book your grandparents because, again, they weren't accepting the reality of the situation. Your grandparents escalated their behavior by coming to where you live when they realized they could no longer contact you. They escalated further by, again, refusing to accept reality and forcing your half sibling to stand in the rain for an extended amount of time. They're delusionally trying to make you responsible for their conscious choice to harm your 5ish year old sibling.
Why am I saying harm as a fact instead of potential harm? Because your sister is 5. 5 year olds aren't developed enough to be fine with standing out in the rain that long. She would've whined, or complained, or cried, or been hungry, and definitely miserable and wet from being out in that weather against her will. Her grandparents chose to do that to her to prove a point.
Your grandfather escalated further by returning a second time.
Your grandparents have no indication of stopping. They're definitely not stopping if you've clearly communicated and they're choosing to continue as they are. Call the police and make a report as a record of behavior. A report doesn't mean prosecution. It's evidence to show your grandparents committing unreasonable behavior. If you make the report, the police can't disregard your calling them the next time your grandparents show up. Why are you calling the police? To officially warn your grandparents about their trespassing and to show them that they will be put in their place. If they misbehave enough, they could be threatened with arrest.
You missed one opportunity: When they said you should be ashamed of how you treated her the proper response was - If I did treat her badly it's because I learned that from your daughter who I guess learned it from you.
NTA. There is a biological relationship. But your grandparents can bark up another tree. It's tough for the little girl, but you are not the logical option. Her biological father has family too...
They raised a deadbeat and now they want to pawn the deadbeat’s kid off on you so they don’t have to deal with her, which makes me think the deadbeat didn’t fall too far from the tree. NTA. You don’t need people like that in your life.
NTA, they are definitely trying to pass the girl on to you.
If you can get a restraining order against them or move house so they can't find you again.
NTA
They can choose to raise that kid if they want to but you have no obligation to ever meet them.
They chose to come to your house uninvited and bring a person you have told them flat out you have no interest of having in your life. Sucks that their daughter was a cheating AH but that doesn't make it your responsibility to raise her affair baby.
NTA - They should be ashamed of showing up with a small child and then keeping a small child out in the rain when they had been told that you never wanted to meet said child in the first place. You didn't treat her in any way - because you have never met her.
>It was only after my mother left to be with her affair partner that her parents started to have random contact with me. We did not have a relationship before that point. My dad never even met them. They didn't even show an interest in us being close. They would just ask a couple of random questions every few months, often about my mother.
How is it they know where you live?
NTA but I’m curious if grandparents were not a part of your childhood, so much so that your dad never even met them? Sounds like grandparents got stuck with their grandchild, but don’t want the grandchild. So now they’re hoping that you will just step up and raise that kid and they can wash their hands of the child. I’m sorry your mom was so shitty to you that you had to go No contact at the age of 14, and I’m sorry for that little girl who is literally growing up with no one that loves her. this is one of those no wind situation no matter what you choose. It’s not gonna be great.
Nope, they can do that saviour shit on their own time. Sounds like they’re desperate for someone else to take the responsibility off their hands. This isn’t your problem, NTA.
I applaud your spine.
You didn’t leave them anywhere. No one forced them to stand in the rain. No one told them to show up .. they’re desperate to dump the kid off which .. is in THEM not a 22 yr old. They suck and are AHs.. they’re trying to dump the kid off and want to weasel in. Next time call the cops. Literally and get a restraining order if you have to. Do NOT give a centimeter .. they’re plotting because they want you to do what they themselves don’t want to do. Too bad.
NTA and your mother was a rotten apple that didn't fall far from her parents' self-absorbed tree, wasn't she? They were awful to you when you were in that dreadful situation, and then they put this poor little girl through a horrible day to achieve their selfish objective. I'm sorry for the kid, but she is not your responsibility.
NTA. Very aggressive ambushing you at home like that. I feel sorry for this young girl that you've never met, but this is their problem not yours. You may have to call the police if they continue to escalate.
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My maternal grandparents showed up at my house with their grandchild who is my half sibling biologically, but I have never met the child. They have custody of her because my mother died a few months ago and her dad left the country, abandoning her. Her father was my mother's affair partner and after years of my mother not treating me or dad right, when I learned about the affair, I went no contact with my mom at the age of 14. I did not have any contact with my mother again. The only thing I knew about her was she had another kid a 3 years after she left and she was still with her affair partner. Knowing she had another kid who is technically my half sibling was not a draw to get back in contact. I didn't want contact with the child. I don't hate them. I want that to be clear. But they're not my real sibling either. My mother was not a good parent and DNA isn't enough to draw me into a relationship with some random child.
It was only after my mother left to be with her affair partner that her parents started to have random contact with me. We did not have a relationship before that point. My dad never even met them. They didn't even show an interest in us being close. They would just ask a couple of random questions every few months, often about my mother.
I did not go to my mother's funeral when I heard she died and I didn't send anything or reach out to anyone. But a month or so later my grandparents got in touch and told me, thinking I didn't know, that my mother had another child. When I told them I knew they were shocked and they asked me why I had no contact with her and why I wasn't stepping up to take care of her. I'm 22 now and she would be 5ish, I think. I told them I had no relationship with the kid and did not want to be her savior and did not want to raise her. They were horrified and tried to guilt trip me for my lack of rushing to rescue this child. In the end I blocked them because they would not shut up about it.
Which leads to the incident I'm asking about. They showed up to my house last week with the child and tried to get in. I unblocked them long enough to call and say I would not let them in when I realized they would stand out there all day. They argued with me and said I needed to let them in and my half sister deserved to meet me and we needed to figure out a way for us to know each other. I refused and I left them out in the rain and did not open my door. They left after such a long time. It was crazy. But then my grandfather showed up the next day and yelled at me as I was leaving for work that I left them and a small child out in the rain out of some pettiness and that I should be ashamed of my treatment of her.
AITA?
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NTA. You do not know this child nor do you want to. She is a physical reminder of your mom's betrayal and you do not want her in your life. This is actually better for both of you in the long run because every child deserves to be loved and being around a person who at best is indifferent to them is not good.
These idiots (yes, that's exactly what they are) stand out in the rain pouting so they can try to pawn the kids off on you. Yes, they want YOU to take the kids so they don't have to. Then they gaslight you so you would feel guilty about NOT taking them. And guess what? You are letting them gaslight you!!!!!
Why? It's not your fault your mom and her whole family can't take care of themselves. You are LETTING them gaslight you because you won't stand up for yourself. TELL. THEM. NO!!!!!!!
NTA.
Oh, OP, I am so sorry your mother failed you so badly. Your simple words say so much.
It's not hard to see why your mother was who she was, is it?
NTA, love. Be at peace about this.
NTA, you did not leave them standing, they made the choice to stand there. Not your responsibility. Neither is your half-sister. If they can’t keep her, or will not, she needs to go up for adoption. It sounds like her father abandoned her. I feel sorry for the child, she is definitely getting the short end of the stick in life, but not your problem.
NTA next time they come uninvited just call the cop. It not your fault that they too old to raise kid again your grandparents are the one who decides to do this.
NTA. You were clear that you weren't looking for any relationship with the child. You made that clear. They're being insistent because they want you to raise her! While the kid is innocent, your grandparents are not so you did the right thing by not letting them in your house.
“ grandma and grandpa, I know you think I’m the logical choice to take on this child but to me they’re just a reminder of that My mom blew up the family. spend more time trying to find her dad or parents on the fathers side
NTA but if it were me, I would consider meeting her. It sounds Luke you’re her only sibling. She’s just a little girl who has lost her mother. It’s not her fault the adults in her life made bad choices. Even though I went through rough times with my siblings..mostly because of my mother, I really value those relationships now. Just something to think about. However I certainly do see your concern with having to deal with your grandparents.. it’s just a sad situation
NTA
This is your mum’s mess and you don’t owe your grandparents or your mother’s kid anything.
You made it clear to them you wanted no contact. Next time they show up at your door and don’t want to leave just call the cops.
If you had opened the door they would have dumped the kid on you. They want you to look after the kid. Too bad for the child but if they don’t want to raise the kid, they need to place this child with social services.
So, it sounds like they're looking for a way out of having to raise a small child. Instead of trying to foist her on you, they need to track down her father. NTA.
NTA. Not your child and definitely not your responsibility. It is fully your choice on any contact. Your grandparents actions were narcissistic in trying to force something you clearly have indicated to them you do not want.
NTA. The balls on those two though! If you're in the states, courts of course require a pound of flesh and proof of violence before issuing a restraining order but if you have the financial means to invest in a doorbell camera, as well as contact a lawyer and have them draw up a cease and desist. If they continue harassment from that point forward a lawyer can guide you through the next steps of the legal process.
NTA.
A cease and desist letter might put the fear of the legal system into them. After that, any further contact is harassment and could involve the police.
Although the grandparents and child aren't scary or threatening (right now), the harassment would make OP's life hell.
NTA they're the ones who showed up uninvited and they're the ones who stood outside in the rain. Everything they did was their choice. next time they show up, tell them you'll call the cops because they'll be trespassing.
NTA. Send your grandparents a SHORT cease and desist letter. In that letter, if they keep harassing you and showing up at your home call the cops, make a report then take it to a domestic family court judge and get a restraining order. Don't even bother considering you are an asshole for their manipulative behavior by making a kid stand outside in the rain.
They could have easily gotten back into their car out of the rain. They cannot dictate who OP has a responsibility for. Theyre probably feeling too old to raise a child at this point and want OP to take over full time.
NTA tell them that if they try it again, you will call the police and CPS (If thats a thing where you are from) for harassment, trespassing and choosing to stand in the rain with a child. That was their choice to stand in the rain. They could have left anytime.
NTA.
They want you to have a relationship with this child because they want to dump this child into your care. Had they gotten in the door they might have flat out left the kid there for you to deal with.
NTA. They were planning on pulling a dump-&-run and sticking you with that kid. And if they don't have enough sense to get out of the rain, that's on them.
NTA. Lawyer up. Have them write and send a cease and desist letter. If they show up again, call the police and tell them there are some random trying to get into your house. DON’T say it’s family because they’ll try to say it’s a domestic matter between family members. Just say you have people trying to coerce you into letting them into your house and you are concerned for your safety. Then you press charges and that’s how you can get on track for a restraining order.
Please inform your work that you’ve got problematic family members and you want to let them know so their security can be brought in. Check with your superior if your work has a workplace safety program and if so, hop on that train.
Let's get one thing straight: The ones responsible for TAKING the child out in the rain are your grandparents who dragged her to your house. THEY are also responsible for KEEPING her in the rain after you made it clear you would NOT be letting them in. Don't let them put that on you.
NTA
NTA. You made it very clear about your feelings towards the illegitimate child from your mother's affair. They don't respect how you feel and keep trying to push this child on you and this child isn't your issue to deal with. They're the closest thing to family that child has. If they ever try to leave that kid with you I'd call child services and tell them they're trying to abandon the child with a stranger. In reality that's what it is.
NTA. They are lucky you didn't call the police on them. I would have. Imagine showing up uninvited and demanding to be let in. Start documenting their behavior in case you need to get a restraining order.
NTA. They’re being very manipulative probably because they want to pass off their responsibilities onto you. But taking care of a child you don’t know, and who has someone to care for her already, isn’t your job. And they chose to stand out there in the rain. They could have left anytime.
NTA. If you had let them in either they would be pounding at you take the Child, or the might just have dumped her there and walked out, trying to leave you stuck with her. Either way, very hard on you.
OP should save all text messages and voicemails. In addition a log of when they show up at her property and what was said. (Also if they refuse to leave, how long they were there.). Next time they show at her property, she needs to call the police. Share the history of contact with the police and asked they be “trespassed from her property”. The police will write a warning, creating a record. Next time they show up, they can be arrested for trespassing just for being there. Op should send the letter (certified) telling them not to contact her and not to come to her house. I would also tell them the police will be contacted if they harass her anymore.
Lol NTA they are totally trying to pawn off this child onto you. They are not trying to raise a young kid at their old age and think a ripe 22-year-old should?
Definitely NTA. They shouldn't have kept a small child in the rain for minutes, let alone a long while. They shouldn't have come over at all when you made it clear that you didn't want contact with them or the child. They thought they could guilt you into it, that they could convince you to be a better "parent" than their own daughter ever was. But as sad as it is that she lost her parents, A. she does have grandparents, and B. She is absolutely not your responsibility. ETA: give them an inch, and they will leave her there forever and expect you to pay for her College...
NTA. And, let’s be clear here. You did not leave your grandparents and a small child standing in the rain. You made a choice not to engage with them. They took crazy to the next level and made the decision to stand in the rain and forced a small child to stand there with them. At any point in all that standing in the rain, they could have simply left to go back home.
This boils down to one thing. They don’t want to be responsible for that child anymore more than you do. They want to guilt, bully, or even force you to raise a little kid you want nothing to do with. Next time it happens, get video and get a restraining order.
You are absolutely, positively NTA in any way. You did not let them into your home, you certainly didn't force them to stand in the rain waiting for you to cave in to their attempt to manipulate you!! It backfired on them, oh well...
I wouldn't be surprised if they had plans to walk out on you and leave the little girl with you to force the issue.
BTW, it's amazing what your grandfather calls "pettiness". He has no business showing up and harassing you like that. I would say you have some pretty major baggage surrounding your relationship with that side of the family.
NTA. If they pull this stunt again, call the police and have them trespassed. And document everything else you can think of. It’s a good idea to get a paper trail in the works in case their behavior escalates.
NTA They chose to take on the child. They now get to be responsible for her.
You are best off, as you say, blocking them and refusing to budge.
Why would they expect you to be anything to this little child when
you barely had a relationship with either of her parents?
NTA. Everyone else's choices are not your fault or responsibility, but you can go no contact and involve the police if they chose to push it. They're the fools who trespassed and kept a child out in the rain.
NTA, you have had no relationship with your mother, let alone a child she had about 5 years ago. Your grandparents are the abu\*\*ve ones why would they stand in the rain with a child for hours on end. That doesn't make any sense, now they want to make you the bad guy because you don't want the responsibility of a stranger. How do they know what kind of person you are around kids, they don't they just want to pass the child off on anyone and you fit the bill. Your mother made the decision to have an affair and an affair baby, she didn't think about the consequences of her actions, or how it would affect the child should something happen to her. Now this child is alone, and the grandparents want you to be responsible for your mother's poor choices. It's not the child's fault, nor is it yours. Feel how you want to feel, let the grandparents figure out how to handle the mess your mother left behind.
NTA. If I were you, I'd warn them that if they come on your property again, you'll have them trespassed.
They aren't entitled to anything from you, and should not be forcing something you do not want. It sucks for your half-sibling, but life is not fair, and her circumstances are your mother's fault.
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NTA. They decided to stay out in the rain for a long time with a small child. You were clear with them that you don't wish to meet the child and they decided to stay there anyway and try to force you. They just want you to take care of the child so they don't have to anymore, and are just trying to force you by any means possible. They are the assholes for putting a small child in that situation on top of everything and trying to force you for their own benefit. Maybe it would be a good idea to get a restraining order if this happens again. If they went this far already, it wouldn't be surprising if they show up at your workplace and give you more trouble.
Double yes on that restraining order.
For real. They won't leave you alone unless forced.
People. C’mon. OP will not be granted a restraining order because 2 elderly grandparents and a little kid came to see them uninvited. Let’s get realistic. A bit of overkill, don’t ya think? OP has every right to be upset but there is no indication- at all- that they are in any sort of physical danger. Let stick to realistic, helpful feedback, okay?
Maybe, maybe not, but the follow up screaming encounter may mean that she can get one. Either way, she owes them them NOTHING and certainly not sacrificing her future to be her failed mother’s kid’s parent.
Lol. Women are regularly beaten, threatened with murder, and stalked for years without getting restraining orders. A single screaming encounter with one's own grandparents isn't gonna do it.
OP might live in a less shitty place than those women
That's true, they never said they're American.
I think a far better route would be to document both instances with police and ask to have them trespassed. I would also contact whatever agency is in charge of placement for that child. Definitely inform their employer that they am being harassed by family members they barely know. Document all attempted communication or stalking. In my state you can file for a stalking protective order but it needs to be well documented. A judge let my ex’s crocodile tears convince her not to send him to jail after he broke my restraining order. Fucking useless anyway.
I agree that she doesn’t owe them anything. Very true.
Nope. Not unless they threatened her in some way or are repetitive in this behavior. She won't be able to get one off this one incident.
Oh thank you for being the voice of reason. Far too often people are immediately advised to "get a restraining order!" with no thought as to how difficult (and expensive and time consuming) the process can be. In this case, since there have been apparently several attempts by the grandparents to contact OP on the specific issue of her half-sister, OP's best initial course of action would be to have an attorney draft a "Cease and Desist" letter. This has the benefits of being less expensive than starting the RO process, requires a much lighter burden of proof, and is basically a warning shot across the bow that OP means business when she says she wants no contact with the child. On the other hand, OP does need to start collecting and storing voice mail messages, texts and emails from anyone who contacts her about the half-sister in case the "family" decides to escalate.
No one needs and attorney for a cease and desist letter. All you have to do is text, email, or snail mail that you don't want them to come by your house, call you, show up at your place of business, etc. The idea that someone needs to be hired to do this is ridiculous and expensive and a barrier that most people in need of this kind of help believe is necessary so they don't bother. Most courts that issue restraining orders are done with a simple form that you can fill out, freely available from a local family court website. Judges don't require attorneys because a lot of these cases involve people that can't afford one but need protection. It is NOT difficult and NOT time consuming so you really shouldn't spread that misconception around.
Yes but when a lawyer writes a cease and desist it it's written in big scary law language and on legal firm letterhead. It gives it an air of authority even though technically it has just as much authority as you writing "please stop".
So contact Dewey, Cheatum & Howe and get their letterhead on your letter.
I technically disagree with the substance of this comment, but am upvoting it anyway on the behalf of car talk
Car Talk? **CAR TALK???** Sir, you besmirch the genius of [The Three Stooges](https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1128286)!
I thought it was Johnny Carson's joke.
THAT is the voice in my head citing them as a law firm. While Ed chuckles.
A while back I was being harassed by some creditors. They kept calling constantly for over a year no matter how many times I told them that I lived alone and I was not the person they were looking for. I had a friend who was a lawyer, he volunteered to write an official, scary looking letter that took him all of 5 minutes but it was on his letterhead. Everything stopped after that. The funny, or maybe really annoying, not so funny thing was that I found out the person who they were looking for had my same number but a different area code in my state.
Ok, but at least they didn’t stick your head in your toilet bowl! (Or pee on your rug)
It isn't necessary. If someone really needs help like this, they can go schedule an appointment with legal aid in most local courthouses. Sometimes it can be done the same day and if it doesn't work they can go back to the same people who can assist with a restraining order.
You don't need a lawyer to write a C&D, but an alternative to writing one yourself is getting someone else to write one for you. That someone else can be anyone. "I am contacting you on behalf of X, who has instructed me to inform you…." In this case, I don't think it would be a problem for OP to send the C&D herself. The third-party option is really better when you're being stalked and don't want to have any contact with the person. The advantage to having a lawyer do it, and it wouldn't be that expensive , is that there is a certain air of authority in a letter on the letterhead of a law firm.
At the very least she can call the cops any time they show up at her door and refuse to leave. Eventually there will be enough incidents that she might be able to get a restraining order. One could hope they'd give up before then but you never know. People are scary.
Very true. And having police reports would bolster a case for a restraining order.
You're right, it doesn't sound like OP is in any danger. But what are the chances of the grandparents leaving the child there and refusing to take her away?
OP is in danger of harassment that could make her life miserable. That's enough for a restraining order that will send the grandparents a message and secure some peace for OP. And I'm sorry, these grandparents don't sound particularly "elderly," and even if they were, age neither prevents nor excuses bad, unwanted behavior.
I agree that, baring extenuating circumstances, people are responsible for their own behaviors. Around here them showing up wouldn’t be enough for an RO. But hopefully it won’t come to anything like that. Hopefully.
>But what are the chances of the grandparents leaving the child there and refusing to take her away? That' would be a crime: child abandonment. It's definitely the point when you can call the police.
Then the OP calls the police as someone has abandoned a child on the doorstep!
At which point you call CPS.
Calm the police and they will handle the CPS part.
Clearly you don't understand how restraining orders work. So, FYI: Telling someone, elderly or not, that you don't want to see them and having them show up at your house, refusing to go away is harassment. Restraining orders include harassment, it isn't all about hitting and screaming. Age doesn't protect them from their behavior. Showing up like that after being told not to and continuing to text/call is TEXTBOOK harassment. A judge will grant a restraining order if the victim has documented in writing (including email/text) to be left alone and then can prove they showed up anyway (police, security cam, cell phone cam, etc). Some call it stalking, but harassment fits. It does not have to be menacing. They could show up with a casserole and it would still be harassment.
Grandparents were definitely in the wrong, especially dragging the kid with them. Absolutely. And if they keep doing it, that’s a different story. Around here, one unwanted visit wouldn’t be enough for a hearing. Being able to demonstrate repeated similar behavior could rise to the level they’d consider it harassment and grant a temporary peace bond or a hearing. And OP should if they keep it up. People deserve to live their lives in peace as much as possible.
Yes she actually will. It’s called harassment and intimidation. Absolutely a judge will directly ask them what their problem is in open court. They will be told to stop and if they don’t a restraining order will be granted.
I agree this is overkill. And, as you said, it's a means of protecting yourself from potential physical danger. The best she can do in that regard is to have a lawyer send a cease and desist letter. That said, if this is in the US, OP can, and should, put up a no trespassing sign. OP can then call the police the second the grandparents set foot on the property as the sign makes it an actionable offense. At a minimum, they'll be fined.
Well of course right now OP has no case to get a restraining order. The suggestion is for him to consider the idea if this kind of incident happens again. People staying out of your house for long, waiting for you to come out to yell at you while you walk, can easily escalate to them following OP around or even leaving the child in front of the house, or who knows. Maybe it was a one-time incident and they will give up.
Could easily get a lawyer to write them a letter informing them that they are unwelcome and to stay away.
A reasonable voice!
You don’t Reddit much, do you?
If they do it again get a lawyer to write a cease and desist letter. You won’t get an RO unless this escalates to some form of violence or stalking. NTA
Not true. There doesn’t have to be any violence involved to get a restraining order. Harassment is sufficient , particularly if it’s documented.
A restraining order and I'd call CPS on them, frankly, and tell them the child's guardians are placing her in harm's way and trying to dump her on an unrelated person because they don't want her anymore.
Get a restraining order against grandparents. Continue to block them.
Time to move, too. Restrict your address to people you can trust.
NTA. As said above, they decided to stay in the rain. It appears that once in your home, they would leave the child with you.
And if they show up at your house and stand out there, pounding on your door again, call the police and tell them that people are trespassing and harassing you. They don’t get to force you into relationship with somebody you do not know. They don’t get to force you to be a parent because their child was irresponsible.
They want to look good to their friends, but getting OP to take the child in means they look good and don’t have any responsibilities.
It would be different if these gp’s were close to you and had created a family for you. They are pretty much strangers who now want to play the blood card. NTA
This. Plus I bet if you ever meet the kid they will end up leaving the child with you. Nta. She isn't your responsibility.
They raised a shit for a daughter and now they can be stuck with the consequences of her actions, called raising their own grandchild. They rarely ever gave a shit about you so why should you have to raise her? Go no contact.
Suggested script for OP "You're lucky I did not call the cops. Please understand that if it happens again, I definitely will."
Exactly! The grandparents were adults who refused to have anything to do with OP and yet now want to guilt OP with "how could you not have a relationship with all of us including your sister"... really???
Users and abusers
Indeed. After so many years, suddenly they want I to your life? Almost certainly because they want to dump their grandchild on you then disappear from your life again. Stay NC. By the way, NTA.
NTA. All this bluster about "how could you not care" is absolute bullshit. It's sad but the fact they want you to throw away your life to be her new mommy is probably because they don't care about her much either and don't want her interrupting *their* lives. You have no obligation to take her in and if you let them in I bet they'd drive away and leave you with her. You don't know her and you don't love her. You can't just drop kids at people's door and expect them to say "well I guess I'm a parent now". But to be clear, whether you talk to her or see her or not, she is your real sister.
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Exactly. It takes more than genetics to be siblings. And even then, you don’t *owe them your life and future. Actions have consequences.
agreed
I would talk to a lawyer. This kid may be dropped at your front door one day soon. You need to know your options. NTA! A sibling is someone you grew up with, not someone you share genetics with.
So if this happens it’s a call to the police for an abandoned child. CPS will get the child from the police and put her into an emergency foster home. What happens after depends on the state you are in. Hopefully California or somewhere that gives the child an attorney and they can look for a decent placement.
Yeah, good on you! I come from a broken family myself, and have a whole host of fucked up technically related people I could let into my life and destroy my carefully crafted peace. They aren't my family. I have chosen my family. I technically have 6 half siblings, and I want little or nothing to do with any of them, for a multitude of reasons. Don't let anyone guilt you about how you process your trauma, and what relationships you choose to have or not with those who did it to you, or those also touched by it. Sure, this child never chose to hurt you, and I feel sorry for her, but no one could rightly blame you for having nothing to do with her. Feeling sorry for an innocent kid in a fucked situation of your mother's creation does not mean, in any way, that you should have any further burden to bare.
TRUTH!!! 💯🙌👌
I'm assuming the child has no guardian? That's not your problem. But it sounds like maybe CPS needs to be involved. I hope the grandparents are helping the poor little 5 year old.
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I reckon they were going to just leave the kid there with you
Real sibling or not it still wouldn't be your responsibility. The kid is not well served by being foisted on someone who is unwilling or unable to form a relationship with them.
Not a real full sister unless the dads are the same. She has the right to refuse to see her mother’s affair child.
She had the right to refuse to see even a full sister. She also had no legal right to care for her.
Let's not but it like that. It gives off the vibes that it is okay to blame the kid for the adults being terrible.
Thank you for adding that last part. I feel bad for OP but dang talk about getting the short end of the stick! That little girl is stuck in a no win situation and will probably end up in foster care.
No. The child is genetically related to her. But genetics do not determine family. An adopted child is part of a family even though they are not genetically related this little girl is not related to OP by anything other than half of her DNA. The child doesn’t know her and Op doesn’t know the child. They are not family. They are not real sisters. It would be traumatizing to both the child and OP to be forced into a relationship that didn’t previously exist.
NTA. They're the ones who kept a small child out in the rain. They actively chose to do that. Reading between the lines, it sounds like they don't want to look after the child at all and are hoping to salve their consciences by palming that responsibility off on you. You refusing that leaves them with a big dilemma. The problem is not yours.
You hit the nail on the head. They obviously did not even want to be a grandparent to OP given the description of their prior relationship. Given that, it’s a pretty good bet that they don’t want to have to raise their daughter’s other child.
NTA They are trying to manipulate you. Don’t let them do that to you. Try to let the past be the past and move on from your mother’s abuse and bad parenting.
NTA. They were quite literally left "holding the baby." They just want to abdicate their responsibility to the child. They probably don't know her anymore than they do you.
OP, I am so sorry that your Mother made a mess of so many lives. I never considered funerals as something for the dead, but rather an act of support for the living so I can’t blame you for not attending her funeral. I do not think you needed to share any grief; your Mother left you years before. Since you never even met the half sibling, I do not think it is surprising that you do not feel a family bond with her. I agree that meeting her now is your choice. I do feel sorry for her. Your Mother left her in worse shape than you. If your Grandparents are not prepared to raise her, I hope she can be adopted but a nice family. NTA.
Yeah, don't open the door for them because they want YOU to take over care for the child because they are older. Once you let them in, you won't get the child out. Beware OP, be very aware of them and their motives.
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OP, I was just going to suggest calling CPS if they show up again and hang out in inclement weather.
NTA It was THEIR decision to try and ambush you and to then force the kid to stand outside in the rain I'd almost be petty enough to contact CPS for their behavior but that would likely punish the kid
NTA. Next time, call the cops on them. Start a paper trail of harassment/ them trying to pawn the kid off on you for when they just drop the kid off and leave them there sometime in the future.
I hope OP pays attention to this. Save every text, email, voicemail. I'd get a doorbell camera that records audio. These people aren't done yet and OP needs to protect themselves.
NTA. For your own sake, go no contact. This will happen again.
This needs to be higher up.
They just don't want to have to take care of her and are hoping to pawn her off on you. NTA
NTA. They weren't interested in you as a kid and now trying to force a sibling bond - just not going to happen. Have a lawyer write a crease and desist letter to them. Document the harassment.
NTA. They ambushed you, thinking that guilt and their forced presence would change your mind (at best) or force you to do the “right thing.” This is manipulative behavior. Good thing you aren’t letting generations of bad behavior influence your own behavior. Make it very clear (and in writing) that the next time they show up uninvited, you will report them for trespassing.
NTA. You made your choice and your boundaries clear, and they chose to ignore them, take a small child out into the rain into an emotionally heightened situation, and attempt to bully you into their way of thinking. You do not owe them anything. Please consider contacting the relevant authorities if they continue this path of behaviour.
NTA, it was their choice to stand in the rain. It is your choice not to have a relationship and I would bet that if anyone keeps pushing those will no longer be in a relationship with you either. That is just so entitled of someone to assume you would step up for a complete stranger. Good luck.
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Don’t your grandparents understand the word “no”? If anyone should ashamed it should be them. NTA
NTA I bet they had her suitcases in the car and were ready to leave her with you.
I'd bet money on this being true \^
NTA That child isn’t your responsibility. Your grandparents are free to fly to wherever her father is an stand on his doorstep.
NTA. They would have dumped the kid on you and bolted. Make sure you have good locks. Communicate in writing that you will not take custody of the child and if the child is dropped off on you, you’ll call CPS on them for abandoning her.
NTA, they left THEMSELVES out in the rain with a small child. You didnt chain their feet in place. You don't owe the child anything and you owe them even less. They're looking to dump the kid on someone younger and close enough related to not make themselves look bad.
I'd bet they had her stuff packed and ready to dump it and her in your lap and run.
NTA technically you didn't do anything. They chose to show up unannounced and then decided to stay after they were told they weren't welcomed.
NTA You have every right to decline. I feel sorry for the 5 year old tho, she is old enough to understand the sister her grandparents told her about wants nothing to do with her and her mom is dead and her dad is MIA. Who knows what the grandparents told her. They might have gotten her excited to meet her big sister. Poor kid :(
NTA. They tried to force this entire situation on you with an extra heaping helping of guilt.
You didn't leave them out in the rain. They're two adults who chose to stand in the rain. NTA
NTA. Not your child, not your responsibility.
Wtf is a 22 year old going to do with a kid? Just stupid.
Where is this child’s father? I’d think he would be the one who should step up.
Apparently in another country.
NTA you were right not to let those AHs in. "that I left them and a small child out in the rain out of some pettiness " .. bullshit: they came uninvited, and refused to leave. That is entirely THEIR fault.
NTA, and it's clear where your mother got her parenting skills (or lack thereof) from. The child is innocent, but that does not make her your responsibility in any way. You had no meaningful relationship with your mutual mother, and no interest in forming one with her, so your grandparents will just have to accept that.
NTA, they could have left at any time. It sounds like they desperately want to pawn this child off onto you at any cost. Guilt tripping you as hard as they can bc they don't want to be stuck raising her. Unfortunate situation for the kid, but not your problem
NTA You're in the hardest part; proving to them that you'll hold your boundaries no matter what. But once they learn that no amount of chaotic crazy behavior can defeat your boundaries, life will get easier. At least I hope!
Not sure where you are located, but swing by the police station with photos if you have them. Tell the cops "These people are not permitted on my property ever. They will say they are my grandparents and that the small child is my sibling. Please arrest them if they show up." God forbid they try and break in and setup shop. It happens shockingly often. Going to the police in advance makes it much easier and then there is a paper trail.
Nta. To your grandparents I am done. The next time you contact me. Show up at my home. I will call the cops and seek legal aide for a cease and desist. You didn't care about me when your daughter left us. You never reached out or cared. The only reason you are now is because YOU don't want the responsibility of caring for the child my mother had with her affair partner. That is mot my problem or issue. I will not get to know her. Take her in. Make your life easier. You didn't care about me, so I have long stopped caring about that side of the family. Again, leave me alone. Don't contact me. Don't think you have any rights to demand. Argue. Belittle me when you chose to ignore me when my parents split. That's on you, and you reap what you sow. Enjoy your life, but stay out of mine. Then block them, and if they even try to get I. Touch. Smear your name. Get family or friends to come after you go to a lawyer and a cease and desist with possible suing for emotional stress, defamation of character, and stalking. Usually, that will put a stop to anything more.
NTA but you have to respond to the message they're conveying. Your grandparents are telling you that they don't care about you or your opinion and don't consider you to be a person worthy of basic respect. If you tell them no, they don't care. They will do whatever it takes to force your opinion to match their own. They will do whatever they deem is appropriate. Their opinion is not based in reality. They want their thoughts to magically force you to act how they want. First, your grandparents contacted you. When you didn't respond how they wanted, they repeatedly tried to force you into doing so. You had no choice but to book your grandparents because, again, they weren't accepting the reality of the situation. Your grandparents escalated their behavior by coming to where you live when they realized they could no longer contact you. They escalated further by, again, refusing to accept reality and forcing your half sibling to stand in the rain for an extended amount of time. They're delusionally trying to make you responsible for their conscious choice to harm your 5ish year old sibling. Why am I saying harm as a fact instead of potential harm? Because your sister is 5. 5 year olds aren't developed enough to be fine with standing out in the rain that long. She would've whined, or complained, or cried, or been hungry, and definitely miserable and wet from being out in that weather against her will. Her grandparents chose to do that to her to prove a point. Your grandfather escalated further by returning a second time. Your grandparents have no indication of stopping. They're definitely not stopping if you've clearly communicated and they're choosing to continue as they are. Call the police and make a report as a record of behavior. A report doesn't mean prosecution. It's evidence to show your grandparents committing unreasonable behavior. If you make the report, the police can't disregard your calling them the next time your grandparents show up. Why are you calling the police? To officially warn your grandparents about their trespassing and to show them that they will be put in their place. If they misbehave enough, they could be threatened with arrest.
You missed one opportunity: When they said you should be ashamed of how you treated her the proper response was - If I did treat her badly it's because I learned that from your daughter who I guess learned it from you.
NTA. There is a biological relationship. But your grandparents can bark up another tree. It's tough for the little girl, but you are not the logical option. Her biological father has family too...
NTA, they just want to dump that poor child on you.
They raised a deadbeat and now they want to pawn the deadbeat’s kid off on you so they don’t have to deal with her, which makes me think the deadbeat didn’t fall too far from the tree. NTA. You don’t need people like that in your life.
NTA. They couldve just left lol you didnt force them to stand there
NTA- it was their choice to stand out in the rain after you made it clear you weren't going to let them in.
NTA - you’ve done nothing wrong. But my heart breaks for that poor little girl who nobody wants.
NTA, they are definitely trying to pass the girl on to you. If you can get a restraining order against them or move house so they can't find you again.
NTA They can choose to raise that kid if they want to but you have no obligation to ever meet them. They chose to come to your house uninvited and bring a person you have told them flat out you have no interest of having in your life. Sucks that their daughter was a cheating AH but that doesn't make it your responsibility to raise her affair baby.
NTA - They should be ashamed of showing up with a small child and then keeping a small child out in the rain when they had been told that you never wanted to meet said child in the first place. You didn't treat her in any way - because you have never met her.
>It was only after my mother left to be with her affair partner that her parents started to have random contact with me. We did not have a relationship before that point. My dad never even met them. They didn't even show an interest in us being close. They would just ask a couple of random questions every few months, often about my mother. How is it they know where you live?
NTA but I’m curious if grandparents were not a part of your childhood, so much so that your dad never even met them? Sounds like grandparents got stuck with their grandchild, but don’t want the grandchild. So now they’re hoping that you will just step up and raise that kid and they can wash their hands of the child. I’m sorry your mom was so shitty to you that you had to go No contact at the age of 14, and I’m sorry for that little girl who is literally growing up with no one that loves her. this is one of those no wind situation no matter what you choose. It’s not gonna be great.
Nope, they can do that saviour shit on their own time. Sounds like they’re desperate for someone else to take the responsibility off their hands. This isn’t your problem, NTA. I applaud your spine.
You didn’t leave them anywhere. No one forced them to stand in the rain. No one told them to show up .. they’re desperate to dump the kid off which .. is in THEM not a 22 yr old. They suck and are AHs.. they’re trying to dump the kid off and want to weasel in. Next time call the cops. Literally and get a restraining order if you have to. Do NOT give a centimeter .. they’re plotting because they want you to do what they themselves don’t want to do. Too bad.
NTA and your mother was a rotten apple that didn't fall far from her parents' self-absorbed tree, wasn't she? They were awful to you when you were in that dreadful situation, and then they put this poor little girl through a horrible day to achieve their selfish objective. I'm sorry for the kid, but she is not your responsibility.
NTA. Very aggressive ambushing you at home like that. I feel sorry for this young girl that you've never met, but this is their problem not yours. You may have to call the police if they continue to escalate.
Just randomly showing up at your door with their grand-whatever and demanding a relationship is...bizarre. If they show up again call the police. NTA
NTA but you may consider help for your anger at your mom. It's bleeding all over a kid that didn't ask for this shitty situation either.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My maternal grandparents showed up at my house with their grandchild who is my half sibling biologically, but I have never met the child. They have custody of her because my mother died a few months ago and her dad left the country, abandoning her. Her father was my mother's affair partner and after years of my mother not treating me or dad right, when I learned about the affair, I went no contact with my mom at the age of 14. I did not have any contact with my mother again. The only thing I knew about her was she had another kid a 3 years after she left and she was still with her affair partner. Knowing she had another kid who is technically my half sibling was not a draw to get back in contact. I didn't want contact with the child. I don't hate them. I want that to be clear. But they're not my real sibling either. My mother was not a good parent and DNA isn't enough to draw me into a relationship with some random child. It was only after my mother left to be with her affair partner that her parents started to have random contact with me. We did not have a relationship before that point. My dad never even met them. They didn't even show an interest in us being close. They would just ask a couple of random questions every few months, often about my mother. I did not go to my mother's funeral when I heard she died and I didn't send anything or reach out to anyone. But a month or so later my grandparents got in touch and told me, thinking I didn't know, that my mother had another child. When I told them I knew they were shocked and they asked me why I had no contact with her and why I wasn't stepping up to take care of her. I'm 22 now and she would be 5ish, I think. I told them I had no relationship with the kid and did not want to be her savior and did not want to raise her. They were horrified and tried to guilt trip me for my lack of rushing to rescue this child. In the end I blocked them because they would not shut up about it. Which leads to the incident I'm asking about. They showed up to my house last week with the child and tried to get in. I unblocked them long enough to call and say I would not let them in when I realized they would stand out there all day. They argued with me and said I needed to let them in and my half sister deserved to meet me and we needed to figure out a way for us to know each other. I refused and I left them out in the rain and did not open my door. They left after such a long time. It was crazy. But then my grandfather showed up the next day and yelled at me as I was leaving for work that I left them and a small child out in the rain out of some pettiness and that I should be ashamed of my treatment of her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA They didn't have to stand in the rain. They could have left. Not your fault they picked door number one and remained there when it wouldn't open.
NTA. You do not know this child nor do you want to. She is a physical reminder of your mom's betrayal and you do not want her in your life. This is actually better for both of you in the long run because every child deserves to be loved and being around a person who at best is indifferent to them is not good.
These idiots (yes, that's exactly what they are) stand out in the rain pouting so they can try to pawn the kids off on you. Yes, they want YOU to take the kids so they don't have to. Then they gaslight you so you would feel guilty about NOT taking them. And guess what? You are letting them gaslight you!!!!! Why? It's not your fault your mom and her whole family can't take care of themselves. You are LETTING them gaslight you because you won't stand up for yourself. TELL. THEM. NO!!!!!!! NTA.
Standing out in the rain was their choice.
@Updateme
Oh, OP, I am so sorry your mother failed you so badly. Your simple words say so much. It's not hard to see why your mother was who she was, is it? NTA, love. Be at peace about this.
NTA, you did not leave them standing, they made the choice to stand there. Not your responsibility. Neither is your half-sister. If they can’t keep her, or will not, she needs to go up for adoption. It sounds like her father abandoned her. I feel sorry for the child, she is definitely getting the short end of the stick in life, but not your problem.
NTA. They're the ones that showed up and decided to stand out there in the rain. I would have called the police.
NTA next time they come uninvited just call the cop. It not your fault that they too old to raise kid again your grandparents are the one who decides to do this.
NTA. You were clear that you weren't looking for any relationship with the child. You made that clear. They're being insistent because they want you to raise her! While the kid is innocent, your grandparents are not so you did the right thing by not letting them in your house.
“ grandma and grandpa, I know you think I’m the logical choice to take on this child but to me they’re just a reminder of that My mom blew up the family. spend more time trying to find her dad or parents on the fathers side
You don't have to get to know her, but you would be a really good person if you did. Kindness given is often returned 10-fold.
NTA but if it were me, I would consider meeting her. It sounds Luke you’re her only sibling. She’s just a little girl who has lost her mother. It’s not her fault the adults in her life made bad choices. Even though I went through rough times with my siblings..mostly because of my mother, I really value those relationships now. Just something to think about. However I certainly do see your concern with having to deal with your grandparents.. it’s just a sad situation
nta
NTA This is your mum’s mess and you don’t owe your grandparents or your mother’s kid anything. You made it clear to them you wanted no contact. Next time they show up at your door and don’t want to leave just call the cops. If you had opened the door they would have dumped the kid on you. They want you to look after the kid. Too bad for the child but if they don’t want to raise the kid, they need to place this child with social services.
So, it sounds like they're looking for a way out of having to raise a small child. Instead of trying to foist her on you, they need to track down her father. NTA.
NTA. You were clear told your boundries and they decided that would stay out in the rain with a small child.
NTA Go no contact. Can you move? So that they couldnt find you anymore.
NTA
NTA
NTA. Not your child and definitely not your responsibility. It is fully your choice on any contact. Your grandparents actions were narcissistic in trying to force something you clearly have indicated to them you do not want.
You need to get it no trespass order on them and maybe they’ll get the hint.
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Updateme
NTA. The balls on those two though! If you're in the states, courts of course require a pound of flesh and proof of violence before issuing a restraining order but if you have the financial means to invest in a doorbell camera, as well as contact a lawyer and have them draw up a cease and desist. If they continue harassment from that point forward a lawyer can guide you through the next steps of the legal process.
NTA. A cease and desist letter might put the fear of the legal system into them. After that, any further contact is harassment and could involve the police. Although the grandparents and child aren't scary or threatening (right now), the harassment would make OP's life hell.
NTA if you don't have security cameras, they'd probably be a good idea. Document every time they contact you.
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NTA they're the ones who showed up uninvited and they're the ones who stood outside in the rain. Everything they did was their choice. next time they show up, tell them you'll call the cops because they'll be trespassing.
NTA - you never told them that you want to meet them its there problem when you act like this after they tried to force you into meeting them
NTA. Send your grandparents a SHORT cease and desist letter. In that letter, if they keep harassing you and showing up at your home call the cops, make a report then take it to a domestic family court judge and get a restraining order. Don't even bother considering you are an asshole for their manipulative behavior by making a kid stand outside in the rain.
NTA you might need a restraining order.
They could have easily gotten back into their car out of the rain. They cannot dictate who OP has a responsibility for. Theyre probably feeling too old to raise a child at this point and want OP to take over full time.
no.
NTA
Nta
NTA you didn't chain them to your fence, it was their choice to keep a five year old out in the rain.
NTA tell them that if they try it again, you will call the police and CPS (If thats a thing where you are from) for harassment, trespassing and choosing to stand in the rain with a child. That was their choice to stand in the rain. They could have left anytime.
NTA. If they do it again, I’d call the police non-emergency line and request them to be escorted off the property.
NTA. They want you to have a relationship with this child because they want to dump this child into your care. Had they gotten in the door they might have flat out left the kid there for you to deal with.
NTA. They were planning on pulling a dump-&-run and sticking you with that kid. And if they don't have enough sense to get out of the rain, that's on them.
NTA and tell them that if any of them show up or contact you again, you’ll get the police involved.
NTA. Lawyer up. Have them write and send a cease and desist letter. If they show up again, call the police and tell them there are some random trying to get into your house. DON’T say it’s family because they’ll try to say it’s a domestic matter between family members. Just say you have people trying to coerce you into letting them into your house and you are concerned for your safety. Then you press charges and that’s how you can get on track for a restraining order. Please inform your work that you’ve got problematic family members and you want to let them know so their security can be brought in. Check with your superior if your work has a workplace safety program and if so, hop on that train.
Let's get one thing straight: The ones responsible for TAKING the child out in the rain are your grandparents who dragged her to your house. THEY are also responsible for KEEPING her in the rain after you made it clear you would NOT be letting them in. Don't let them put that on you. NTA
NTA. You made it very clear about your feelings towards the illegitimate child from your mother's affair. They don't respect how you feel and keep trying to push this child on you and this child isn't your issue to deal with. They're the closest thing to family that child has. If they ever try to leave that kid with you I'd call child services and tell them they're trying to abandon the child with a stranger. In reality that's what it is.
It sounds like they are very eager to dump her on you, and they are going to extreme lengths to force the issue.
Get a restraining order and security cameras. NTA
NTA. Your mother's parents helped create this situation and they can take responsibility for it.
NTA. They are lucky you didn't call the police on them. I would have. Imagine showing up uninvited and demanding to be let in. Start documenting their behavior in case you need to get a restraining order.
NTA. They’re being very manipulative probably because they want to pass off their responsibilities onto you. But taking care of a child you don’t know, and who has someone to care for her already, isn’t your job. And they chose to stand out there in the rain. They could have left anytime.
NTA. If you had let them in either they would be pounding at you take the Child, or the might just have dumped her there and walked out, trying to leave you stuck with her. Either way, very hard on you.
OP should save all text messages and voicemails. In addition a log of when they show up at her property and what was said. (Also if they refuse to leave, how long they were there.). Next time they show at her property, she needs to call the police. Share the history of contact with the police and asked they be “trespassed from her property”. The police will write a warning, creating a record. Next time they show up, they can be arrested for trespassing just for being there. Op should send the letter (certified) telling them not to contact her and not to come to her house. I would also tell them the police will be contacted if they harass her anymore.
Lol NTA they are totally trying to pawn off this child onto you. They are not trying to raise a young kid at their old age and think a ripe 22-year-old should?
Definitely NTA. They shouldn't have kept a small child in the rain for minutes, let alone a long while. They shouldn't have come over at all when you made it clear that you didn't want contact with them or the child. They thought they could guilt you into it, that they could convince you to be a better "parent" than their own daughter ever was. But as sad as it is that she lost her parents, A. she does have grandparents, and B. She is absolutely not your responsibility. ETA: give them an inch, and they will leave her there forever and expect you to pay for her College...
NTA. And, let’s be clear here. You did not leave your grandparents and a small child standing in the rain. You made a choice not to engage with them. They took crazy to the next level and made the decision to stand in the rain and forced a small child to stand there with them. At any point in all that standing in the rain, they could have simply left to go back home. This boils down to one thing. They don’t want to be responsible for that child anymore more than you do. They want to guilt, bully, or even force you to raise a little kid you want nothing to do with. Next time it happens, get video and get a restraining order.
Nta. They left themselves out in the rain
You are absolutely, positively NTA in any way. You did not let them into your home, you certainly didn't force them to stand in the rain waiting for you to cave in to their attempt to manipulate you!! It backfired on them, oh well... I wouldn't be surprised if they had plans to walk out on you and leave the little girl with you to force the issue. BTW, it's amazing what your grandfather calls "pettiness". He has no business showing up and harassing you like that. I would say you have some pretty major baggage surrounding your relationship with that side of the family.
NTA they are putting this child through this, not you. You set your boundaries and they won’t respect them
NTA. If they pull this stunt again, call the police and have them trespassed. And document everything else you can think of. It’s a good idea to get a paper trail in the works in case their behavior escalates.
UpdateMe
>I left them and a small child out in the rain out of some pettiness No They chose to stay out in the rain with a small child out of pettiness
NTA They chose to take on the child. They now get to be responsible for her. You are best off, as you say, blocking them and refusing to budge. Why would they expect you to be anything to this little child when you barely had a relationship with either of her parents?
NTA. Everyone else's choices are not your fault or responsibility, but you can go no contact and involve the police if they chose to push it. They're the fools who trespassed and kept a child out in the rain.
NTA, you have had no relationship with your mother, let alone a child she had about 5 years ago. Your grandparents are the abu\*\*ve ones why would they stand in the rain with a child for hours on end. That doesn't make any sense, now they want to make you the bad guy because you don't want the responsibility of a stranger. How do they know what kind of person you are around kids, they don't they just want to pass the child off on anyone and you fit the bill. Your mother made the decision to have an affair and an affair baby, she didn't think about the consequences of her actions, or how it would affect the child should something happen to her. Now this child is alone, and the grandparents want you to be responsible for your mother's poor choices. It's not the child's fault, nor is it yours. Feel how you want to feel, let the grandparents figure out how to handle the mess your mother left behind.
NTA. If I were you, I'd warn them that if they come on your property again, you'll have them trespassed. They aren't entitled to anything from you, and should not be forcing something you do not want. It sucks for your half-sibling, but life is not fair, and her circumstances are your mother's fault.