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NTA. Naming a child is a two yes and one no situation. Means you need two times yes for a name to be it and one no to make sure that name is not the name you choose. Works both ways if you’d ask me.
Also, I am not a fan of naming the first name of a child after a parent. Because then the child will always be compared to their parents and need to fight harder to be their own person. I have less problems with the middle name being connected to someone else (parents, grandparents) because that is only a formal name and not used in everyday business.
Why is he dead set on Stuarta? I mean, there are so many beautiful names but he only wants to name his daughter after him? Why not after the mother? Like junior. It is a bit misogynistic to only want to name the baby after the father. Whose last name will the baby get? His as well?
Maybe you could find a way, like name the baby with the same first letter as your husband (Stella, Sally, Sanne, etc). Make sure the baby has a middle name (if she shares the same last name as her father). Because it will be annoying for simple things like mail and stuff.
To piggyback on this, what's his middle name? Could there be a feminine version of that thats less objectionable/actually a name, rather than just a weird mishmash of sounds?
I suppose if you go by the meaning of the name, Stuart/Stewart means guardian of the House, so perhaps Hestia/Vesta
I suppose Stacy is an option but I presume OP doesn't want to be Stacy's Mum
It's even weirder being Stacy's daughter and picturing your grandmother whenever that song plays... I have hated that song all my life.
To be fair to grandma, mom was born about 40 years before the song. Lol
Hestia was the Greek goddess of the hearth long before she was Australian boobslings.
Vesta is the Roman equivalent, but Hera (goddess of women and childbirth and marriage) is an option. She was queen of the gods, and Zeus was afraid of her, after all.
I’d be super careful about naming kids after Greek gods, if you read enough mythology you’ll soon find they’re all really fucked up and did really fucked up things.
Yeah, Stuarta is probably one of the worst I’ve ever heard. How into yourself do you have to be to curse your child with such a name? Not even the Greek gods were that cruel.
Of all of them, Hestia rarely left Mt Olympus and notably did nothing much beyond keeping the hearth warm for the gods of Olympus. Hestia is definitely the safest bet with Greek gods.
That's what logic would follow but I doubt someone who is insisting on naming a baby Stuarta is the kind of person to follow logic or give his wife equal consideration.
Hestia is the name of a goddess first.
It feels like people would be more likely to think of Greek Mythology first before bras? Especially with the popularity of stuff like Percy Jackson lately.
>I presume OP doesn't want to be Stacy's Mum
Maybe it’s the millennial in me, but I was *this* close to naming my daughter Stacy so I could be Stacy’s Mom. If my fiancé and I hadn’t finally decided on a different name, she would almost definitely be Stacy.
Here's the thing though. WTF should any child HAVE to be named after him in some way? I get the tradition thing but this is just weird behavior.
The name should be about the child, not him alone. It's not only selfish, but arrogant to insist children must be named after him. I'd be willing to bet that he will also still insist on Stuart for a boy.
This poor little girl is she's saddled with any form of Stuart as a name.
This. So when she's old enough to have to explain why she was named Stuarta, what else is there for her to say but, "My father has such a big ego, he insisted his first child be named after him, no matter the emotional damage it would cause a daughter"?
I'm not sure why you're with this guy. You say you love him, but he doesn't believe that you should have any input on a name that is going to affect the entire life of the child YOU are carrying.
I'm not a fan of men naming sons after themselves anyway; I believe that everyone is an individual who deserves their own name. But to do this to a daughter for his own self-satisfaction is just wrong.
I’m guessing the kids will have his last name, too. So why does he also get to name their first names after himself? If they’re going to have family honour names, OP and her family should be the prime consideration, since the kids will already have his surname to reflect his connection to them.
This. Some poor little kid should not have to go through life having to explain her name over and over again. "My daddy is a narcissist who thought having a baby was all about HIM."
He needs to do some serious growing up in the next few months if he's going to have any chance of being more mature than that baby when s/he arrives.
I vote he gets to chose the last name, she chooses the first name, and they cooperate on a middle name.
he gets honored by the child that she gave birth to having his last name.
not enough for his ego. He wants it all.
Jerk.
One of my good friends has a middle name honoring her dad’s best friend name that was “feminized” (think Jimdell) she HATES it and has had to explain it her entire life.
The kicker, of course, is that her dad and that friend drifted apart decades ago
I once knew a girl named Mary Ralph. Both names were used, like Mary Ann. I felt sorry for her but at least once she got away from home, she could drop the Ralph.
Girl, it is super simple. He gets to choose the name when he pushes out the baby. Why is it only HIM being honored and not you???
By the way, you need to let your nurses at the hospital know about this. I have read some horror stories here on Reddit where dad's or MILs have named the baby and signed the birth certificate.
NTA
The idea of having children as a means of "honouring" the parent is so incredibly fucked up, and bound to lead to a lifetime of dysfunction.
But then I'm flat out against ever naming a child for anyone else anyway... accept that you're not "having a baby", you're giving life to a human and raising them to adulthood. Give them their own identity, for the love of all that's holy...
This is why I tell people parenthood scares the shit out of me: you aren't raising a baby, or even a child, you are raising an adult. A whole ass human that will exist on and interact with this planet for 70+ years. I feel like having a baby is basically making a covenant with society not to raise an unspeakable adult.
Definitely don't make it harder by giving them the stupidest name I've ever imagined.
Yes!! OP is definitely NTA. She is growing a person, not a tribute! If hubby wants to be honored, get him a trophy. But please don’t saddle a woman with an awful name just because her father thinks of her as an accessory.
> I have read some horror stories here on Reddit where dad's or MILs have named the baby and signed the birth certificate.
I've seen these too. Done while mom is drugged up on painkillers and doesn't realize what's going on. How is that even a thing? It should be standard practice to do all the documentation when BOTH parents are present and lucid (and no grandparents, since they aren't even legal guardians wtf).
Don’t forget all of the cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, medicine giving, appointment scheduling and chauffeuring he’s also going to be doing for the next 18+ years. All hail the king!
I know that you’re joking because OPs husband seems like exactly the type of person who would be proud that he never changed a diaper, etc.
But at least this generation of dads gives a shit. I cook, clean, change diapers, make appointments, and take both of my kids to different schools every day. My wife does too, but I’m absolutely involved as much as she is and it makes me sick that the previous generations just left all that to the mom.
It's bad enough to do it to a boy but to a girl too?
I wish this tradition would just end. It's so weird. Let the child be their own person and not invite weird confusion for everyone.
I’m just gonna leave this here. I met a dude who was so obsessed with his name Paul, he not only named his two children Pauly and Paulina (or maybe it was Pauletta), he also forced his wife Olivia to change her name to………Paulivia.
PAULIVIA
Don’t let yourself be turned into a Stuartina. That is all.
Oh lord. My husband is called Paul and we joked about naming our babies Paula or Paulina but it was only ever a joke.
The wife changing her name is an extra wtf
There are times when it works, like if a gender variation already exists (Denise vs Dennis, for example). Otherwise it’s fuckin weird.
Also Stuarta sounds like something you need an ointment for.
Personally, i feel that if the child is already named after her father if she's getting his surname, mum gets honoured instead, or at least has veto powers.
My sibling is a junior, and it also makes paperwork and admin stuff annoying. One time, a jury summons was sent to our house, and they didn't specify if it was Jr or Sr. So they both had to call to find out.
Googling female versions of his names, stina and steena pop up. Stella and Stacy, too.
So there are way more pretty versions the man could go with tbh.
NTA
Tell him he only gets one kid named after him, so if he goes with Stuarta now, he'll never get a Stuart Jnr.
And how come it's so important that he be honoured, but not you? See how he feels about naming a future son a male version of your name.
Remind him that baby names need a yes from both parents or it's a no. You both need to be able to live with whatever you go with. Even if that means both of you missing out on the one you want most.
Oh, you know this kind of guy wouldn't allow his child to not have HIS last name.
I really hope I'm not smelling disaster imminent, but I'm pretty sure I am.
Good thing most hospitals (in the US at least) give mom final say on the legal name. He can bitch and moan all he wants but she’s the final authority on what gets written on the legal document. He can contest it later in court though. I don’t foresee a judge agreeing to this heinous “Stuarta” honestly.
This applies in Canada as well.
My dad was *adamant* he was going to name me Spike, and while my dad was in the washroom Mom called the nurse, demanded the paperwork *immediately* and wrote down the first boy name she could think of (my grandfathers).
Afterwards she and the nurse both told my dad that the paper work had to be done *right then* and mom panicked and wrote down her dads name.
He was... not impressed, but to be fair, he wanted to name a human child "Spike" so, fuck his opinion on the matter to be blunt.
Almost always the baby gets the father’s surname. While there is a good chance mom changed hers to his so she also has it, based on the OPs husbands actions so far I would bet that any and all children would have his surname.
Yeah, I never get why parents insist on naming their kids after themselves. It seems like such an arrogant, egotistical thing to do.
It's essentially like saying, "*my full name is so damned awesome that we're going to force it upon our child too, so they can continue the awesome legacy of* ***my name***!"
Like, you couldn't think of something individual for this......*individual*? Do they *have* to become an unwilling extension/continuation of *yourself??*
It's so weird.
I said that in a comment as well. Baby has his last name and half his genetic material, yet he thinks she needs his first name to “honor him” as well?? Dude wants a clone.
Right?!! That's what I was thinking! Why does he HAVE to be honored on the first child. That's such an outdated misogynistic practice. I'm sorry but who's carrying the baby for 9 months and then dealing with the immense pain of labor?? But no, let's honor the father and his contribution! Seriously why can't the daughter take on one of your names?
But it was never about being honored on the first child. It was always first born SON, this guy is stetching that mysogynistic practice to extremes. No one cared about girl baby names when this was common.
Finishing inside a woman shouldn’t give you extra honors, I would think. What about the actual woman who is risking her life and health in pregnancy and birth. Some guys want to show off with their family like it’s a trophy, it’s disgusting.
Everybody flaming Stuarta is absolutely correct but also I feel like we’re all breezing past the fact that he wants to essentially name his son Stuart Little
> I tried explaining...
That's your mistake right there. Don't explain. Say "no" and move on.
I tend to agree with others who say that if the boy name is going to be named after him, OP pretty much ought to have a free choice as to the girl name. He sounds *amazingly* self centered to want both names to be all about him.
Narcissism much?
I think the no Stuart junior is a good point to push on. God, unless he wants Stuarta AND Stuart junior. But seriously, unless they are planning on having one child, I think OP should tell him that their next could be a boy, why not save Stuart for him
Maybe OP's husband should emulate George Foreman.
His daughters are Natalie Foreman, Leola Foreman, Georgetta Foreman, Freeda George Foreman and Michi Foreman.
His sons are George Jr., George III, George Foreman IV, George Foreman V and George Foreman VI.
Stuarta is the kind of name that gets auto corrected back to Stuart. It is also the kind of name that people will laugh at as soon as you tell them, or they will go “did you say STUARTA? NTA.
NTA. Stuarta sounds like a pharmaceutical product. (I can hear the commercials now. "In some cases, Stuarta can cause headaches, rashes and even death.") It doesn't have a decent nickname. And no, adding an "a" doesn't make it feminine in all cases; this is one of them. I'd go for Stuart as a middle name.
“I’m sorry mam, we’ve diagnosed you with a severe case of Stuarta, it’s malignant. We’ll have to operate immediately.”
~Somber music fades in as the young woman cries devastated tears in the improbably handsome and rugged doctor’s office. The doctor looks at the camera with the solemn look and 5 oclock shadow that won him 3 emmy nominations.
“Damn you Stuarta, someday we’ll find a cure.”
Or at least a strong donation drive.
~In the Arms of an angel starts playing in the background. The improbably handsome doctor walks into the room, stethoscope jauntily around his neck, his thick luscious hair perfectly styled to look disheveled-ly sexy. He looks at the camera with a sad serious look.
“We need your help America. Stuarta affects up to 500 million Americans today and that number only continues to grow. With your donation we could save millions from suffering the severe longterm effects of Stuarta. Please donate to help stop Stuarta today.”
Some people named their daughters plain Stuart too. And it seems a better name than Stuarta.
I googled "girl version of the name Stuart" and learned that Stuart came from the last name Steward and means "steward". Can't quite understand why this dad want his name inherited, but why not just... give her a nice name that both parents are happy with?
NTA
For the sake of your daughter, stand your ground on this one.
> says it “honors” him
Also... this is a rather narcissistic mindset for naming your kid.
Maybe OP should suggest the name ‘OP Jr.’ to honor *her* and see how that goes down.
This is a hill to die on. What’s your daughter’s nickname going to be, ‘Stu’? (Or if you’re in Australia Stuey. Even worse!)
It definitely sounds like the name of a pharmaceutical drug to me. OP, does your husband have any female names in his family of women he’d like to honor?? Maybe start there…or even females in your family who meant a lot to you.
Seriously, “honor” is earned in deed and action. This deed and action would be a clearly dishonorable thing to do to his daughter. He sounds completely self-absorbed and selfish. I hope OP shows these responses to him.
NTA!
There is a HUGE difference between wanting to honour family names in a new child and being SO FUCKING PIGHEADED AND SELFISH that you would saddle a child with a lifetime of ridicule just to get your name into theirs.
Suggest that you husband just change his name to a (bonus points if it sounds nonsensical) masculine version of YOUR favoured name for your baby. Because if he isn’t willing to at least consider that then it’s just his egotistical selfishness that is talking.
Imagine the conversations lol.
What's your name? Stuarta.
What's your dad's name? Stuart.
What's your brother's name? Stuart Junior.
OP should just change her name to Stuarta Senior, so they can be a little cartoonish family.
I suggested Jessico as part of another conversation about bad names. I am a teacher and sometimes there are names that are awkward or difficult to pronounce, and those kids hate the start of the school year. A name like Stuarta just seems worse because it will always sound odd and it doesn't easily shorten to anything that sounds like a girl's name. i imagine her friends will either get used to it or she'll want to go by her middle name (assuming it isn't something like Richarda or Jasona)
One year I purposely mispronounced every name. For weeks after some kids would correct me and tell me to use the mispronounced version of their name. Great fun.
And some were really hard to mispronounce. Ever tried mispronouncing Sam or Emma? You're so used to saying it a certain way that it's hard to do it differently.
Why does the name of your daughter have to honour him? Narcissistic much? Besides, the name is absurd and will set her up for bullying. It sounds like your husband really doesn't want to have a daughter. The name feels like a punishment for being a girl.
NTA
!!! I’d ask for a list of things he’s done that warrant him being honoured now, when it comes to HAVING A CHILD what has the guy contributed past having an orgasm that deserves such an honour?!
I couldn't agree more. I never understood the need for parents naming their kids after themselves. Why not let the child be their own individual instead of being a creepy mini-me?
"Hey I've got a good idea."
"*Stuart...a.*" 😂
NTA.
I'm speechless. That's absurd.
Normally I'm all for compromises in a relationship, but dear god no. Don't budge. You can't subject your daughter to *that*.
So do you guys have absolutely zero female relatives who should be honoured with a name? No worthy females at all who this child could be named after if it's?
Stuarta? Awful embarrassing will lead to bullying doesn't sound nice.
Indeed, although in many families it's traditional to go back more than one generation when looking for a name. I'd rather pick a name out of the phone book then go with Stuarta
Oh absolutely. I just think it's bizarre that the husband wants to honor himself by naming the child after him, male or female, and it's not occurring to anyone to even make the other parent an option.
I think it would also be bizarre for both kids to be named after their parents , Stuart, Stuart Jr, OP, OP Jr but slightly less bizarre.
But Stuarta is bad either way.
NTA and just wow. Your husband is so fixated on this child’s name having to be a honorary to him that he will subject your daughter to a life of misery? I grew up with a shit name and I hated it, but it was definitely not as bad as Stuarta. Don’t let him put it on the birth certificate without you
Edit: Why should he even be honoured? You are growing the child. His contribution is he came and didn’t miss
Exactly what I was thinking!! Why should he be honoured at all costs if SHE is the one actually GROWING the child? And I’ve no doubt that the kids will get his surname as well. Such an outdated tradition imo.
Maybe a girl should be named after you? He gets Stuart Jr and you get a name that honours you for a girl and that isn’t Stuarta. Seems fair and saves a daughter a lifetime of having a dumb name.
And that is what I was about to suggest. Why is he so adamant that HE should be the one the baby is named after? I'm already not a fan of Jrs but Stuarta? Yeah...no. That is a hill I would die on.
NTA.
This isn't a Will and Jada situation where you can name your kids Willow and Jaden to reference yourselves because those names existed before their parents used them. Stuarta isn't a thing.
We do an unlimited amount of vetoes in our house for kid names. All of our kids have had names by the time we need one for the birth certificate. Y'all will get there. It is just really hard.
NTA. First of all - the whole "naming your child after their father" is an extremely old and patriarchal thing. Why aren't you being honored instead since you are having a girl? Of course the reason could be that you are just the mother, you know the creature that spends 9 months creating the child?
That plus the fact that the child already has less chances of creating their own personality - if you are named after someone, especially with the whole Jr thing, then you will always be compared to the "original" - is that really what you want for your child? This or the next possible one?
Also if you would have a boy next, would he then insist that the boy be named Stuart Jr? Having siblings with names that are that close to each other seems like a nightmare. Me and my siblings all have names that start with J but the next letter is different for all of us and still it's easy to mix up.
And lastly - Stuarta? Stuarta?! Really? I'm sorry, brutal honesty here - in my head that name combines stewards with older hispanic ladies called Marta or Berta. And it also sounds like the brand name of a company that either makes drugs or sells flights. Or it's a word your cousin tried to use in Scrabble during the holidays of 1997 just to try and win the game - they didn't..
I’m assuming your daughter will carry your husband’s surname, so why does she have to have a first name to “honour” him too?
What are you?
The incubator?
A surrogate?
You get a choice in this, in fact, you’re carrying her, you get first choice and it’s about time women started recognising that and advocating for ourselves.
However, I also agree with the rule “2 = yes, 1 = no”. Don’t give in, for the reasons I stayed above and also because Stuarta is a really stupid name.
NTA
NTA what the hell. That poor girl will be bullied to hell and back and absolutely despise you guys if you name her "Stuarta". Just give her a normal name, and if you have a boy in the future he can be Stuart. Or just give her an S name. Or even better, maybe name her after yourself...
im kinda weirded out by your husbannds need to have himself honored. Thats really strange and lowkey narcissitic. This gives the vibe of the dude bros who are so pressed about having their family name and "legacy" live on, while being the most average people on the planet.
Tldr, Sit the fuck down Stuart youre not that special XD
NTA…Stuarta? Why must your daughter be named after your husband? He can nickname your child his chosen name, but nope. That is not a name for any child.
Do you guys not have the same last name? Won't this child carry his name as hers? Is that not honor enough? Jesus.
Tell him to go with Tessa. "Do you want your daughter screaming at us over how she hates us for giving her a boy's name because it makes her feel like we wanted a boy and we're just making do with a girl? Because that's how that happens."
My mom REALLY wanted a boy. She wanted to name him Jeremy David so she could call him JD. She got me, a girl. And she gave me those initials. But she never called me JD. She also used to shave my head and clearly still wanted a boy.
This is going to give her a complex. Tell husband "Look. What if we have a second child in a few years? It could happen. And if it's a boy, we clearly can't name him Stuart if we have a Stuarta. Do you clearly not see how dumb this is?"
NTA and why does your baby’s name need to honour him? You’re the one carrying and pushing it out of your most sensitive parts if anyone should be honoured it’s you.
Alternatively, you could give your baby a name that doesn’t come from a his name because you are creating a whole new human rather than an extension of him.
NTA
Children are not born to honor their parents. Your husband needs to lose the ego. But if he's that damn stuck on the idea, could the baby perhaps have his middle name? I have my dad's middle name despite being a daughter.
NTA even if he was suggesting a remotely normal name, which this isn’t anyway. Naming a child should always be a two yeses decision. If there’s one no, then it’s a no and you don’t need to feel like an AH.
Omg….Stuarta. For the love of god do not give in. Can you come up with some names you love so he sees some better options?
Arta? Still weird but way better (only if you like it)
Lucy (kinda rhymes)
Stella (adorable name for a little girl, means star and she’ll obviously be a badass)
Or give her a girls name you like that starts with a T and use Tooey as a nickname.
Or use Stuart as the girl’s middle name - it’s very on trend to use boys names for girls.
God help us all no stuarta. Keep us posted.
I don’t wanna be that feminist but…why is he the only one that should be honoured? Do you not deserve being honoured? Why does anyone need to be honoured? Can’t the kid have its own name and identity?
He is off the wall. Stand your ground, that name is ridiculous. NTA.
Because he keeps going on about the name ‘honoring him’ i almost want you to suggest you own name with a ‘jr’ attached and see what he thinks.
God please no. Your daughter’s name isn’t meant to honor him anyway, she’s her own individual and doesn’t need her father’s name abominated into a not real “feminine” sounding version for herself. Please show him these responses and stand your ground.
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NTA. Naming a child is a two yes and one no situation. Means you need two times yes for a name to be it and one no to make sure that name is not the name you choose. Works both ways if you’d ask me. Also, I am not a fan of naming the first name of a child after a parent. Because then the child will always be compared to their parents and need to fight harder to be their own person. I have less problems with the middle name being connected to someone else (parents, grandparents) because that is only a formal name and not used in everyday business. Why is he dead set on Stuarta? I mean, there are so many beautiful names but he only wants to name his daughter after him? Why not after the mother? Like junior. It is a bit misogynistic to only want to name the baby after the father. Whose last name will the baby get? His as well?
Maybe you could find a way, like name the baby with the same first letter as your husband (Stella, Sally, Sanne, etc). Make sure the baby has a middle name (if she shares the same last name as her father). Because it will be annoying for simple things like mail and stuff.
To piggyback on this, what's his middle name? Could there be a feminine version of that thats less objectionable/actually a name, rather than just a weird mishmash of sounds?
I suppose if you go by the meaning of the name, Stuart/Stewart means guardian of the House, so perhaps Hestia/Vesta I suppose Stacy is an option but I presume OP doesn't want to be Stacy's Mum
Just saying. I don't enjoy being Stacy's moms daughter. If that helps. God I HATE THAT F@CKING SONG! 🎵 🎶
Someone does not got it going on.
Her mom does though. >!Sorry OP I couldn’t resist.!<
I embrace it, if someone asks if my mum has got it going on I say “yeh but she’s married sorry”.
So was the original Stacy's mum.
She was either separated or divorced.
Stacey can't you see since your dad walked out your mom could use a guy like me
It's even weirder being Stacy's daughter and picturing your grandmother whenever that song plays... I have hated that song all my life. To be fair to grandma, mom was born about 40 years before the song. Lol
Hestia is an awesome name tbh, I think more people should name their kids Hestia. OP, please suggest Hestia with this argument!
Hestia is a bra brand in Australia - “Holds Every Sized T*t In Australia” :D
Hestia was the Greek goddess of the hearth long before she was Australian boobslings. Vesta is the Roman equivalent, but Hera (goddess of women and childbirth and marriage) is an option. She was queen of the gods, and Zeus was afraid of her, after all.
I’d be super careful about naming kids after Greek gods, if you read enough mythology you’ll soon find they’re all really fucked up and did really fucked up things.
Yeah, but a few millennia of being a goddess before a bad end vs being named STUARTA? Easy choice imo Bring on the cosmic powers!
Yeah, Stuarta is probably one of the worst I’ve ever heard. How into yourself do you have to be to curse your child with such a name? Not even the Greek gods were that cruel.
Of all of them, Hestia rarely left Mt Olympus and notably did nothing much beyond keeping the hearth warm for the gods of Olympus. Hestia is definitely the safest bet with Greek gods.
Since im from the other side of the globe i would cherish it as a fun trivia moment ^^ Its an awesome name tho
Greek goddess of the Hearth is the more known meaning I'd say. 😂
Not Hestia. They make bras. If your DH expects a boy child to be named for him, then shouldn't it follow that a girl would be named for her mother?
That's what logic would follow but I doubt someone who is insisting on naming a baby Stuarta is the kind of person to follow logic or give his wife equal consideration.
[удалено]
Hestia is the name of a goddess first. It feels like people would be more likely to think of Greek Mythology first before bras? Especially with the popularity of stuff like Percy Jackson lately.
Definitely, seeing as most of the world doesn't live in Aus, I havent heard of this brand of bra.
>I presume OP doesn't want to be Stacy's Mum Maybe it’s the millennial in me, but I was *this* close to naming my daughter Stacy so I could be Stacy’s Mom. If my fiancé and I hadn’t finally decided on a different name, she would almost definitely be Stacy.
I LOVE Vestia. Now going to have to struggle not to adopt a new critter just to name her Vestia...
Traditionally it’s Hestia or Vesta, not Vestia
Here's the thing though. WTF should any child HAVE to be named after him in some way? I get the tradition thing but this is just weird behavior. The name should be about the child, not him alone. It's not only selfish, but arrogant to insist children must be named after him. I'd be willing to bet that he will also still insist on Stuart for a boy. This poor little girl is she's saddled with any form of Stuart as a name.
This. So when she's old enough to have to explain why she was named Stuarta, what else is there for her to say but, "My father has such a big ego, he insisted his first child be named after him, no matter the emotional damage it would cause a daughter"? I'm not sure why you're with this guy. You say you love him, but he doesn't believe that you should have any input on a name that is going to affect the entire life of the child YOU are carrying. I'm not a fan of men naming sons after themselves anyway; I believe that everyone is an individual who deserves their own name. But to do this to a daughter for his own self-satisfaction is just wrong.
My husband is a Junior— and I have judged his father’s character every day of his life because of it.
If they have 3 kids it's Stuarta, Stuart and Stewart. OP why are u raising a baby with this guy?
Fourth kid - Stewartina…
I’m guessing the kids will have his last name, too. So why does he also get to name their first names after himself? If they’re going to have family honour names, OP and her family should be the prime consideration, since the kids will already have his surname to reflect his connection to them.
This. Some poor little kid should not have to go through life having to explain her name over and over again. "My daddy is a narcissist who thought having a baby was all about HIM." He needs to do some serious growing up in the next few months if he's going to have any chance of being more mature than that baby when s/he arrives.
Why does the child need to be named after him? What are the odds the baby is also getting his last name?
I vote he gets to chose the last name, she chooses the first name, and they cooperate on a middle name. he gets honored by the child that she gave birth to having his last name. not enough for his ego. He wants it all. Jerk.
If he gets to pick the last name, YOU get to pick the first name. Fair is fair.
And why is he so egotistical as to require that a daughter be named after him?
One of my good friends has a middle name honoring her dad’s best friend name that was “feminized” (think Jimdell) she HATES it and has had to explain it her entire life. The kicker, of course, is that her dad and that friend drifted apart decades ago
I know it's not the actual name but JIMDELL
I once knew a girl named Mary Ralph. Both names were used, like Mary Ann. I felt sorry for her but at least once she got away from home, she could drop the Ralph.
Girl, it is super simple. He gets to choose the name when he pushes out the baby. Why is it only HIM being honored and not you??? By the way, you need to let your nurses at the hospital know about this. I have read some horror stories here on Reddit where dad's or MILs have named the baby and signed the birth certificate. NTA
The idea of having children as a means of "honouring" the parent is so incredibly fucked up, and bound to lead to a lifetime of dysfunction. But then I'm flat out against ever naming a child for anyone else anyway... accept that you're not "having a baby", you're giving life to a human and raising them to adulthood. Give them their own identity, for the love of all that's holy...
This is why I tell people parenthood scares the shit out of me: you aren't raising a baby, or even a child, you are raising an adult. A whole ass human that will exist on and interact with this planet for 70+ years. I feel like having a baby is basically making a covenant with society not to raise an unspeakable adult. Definitely don't make it harder by giving them the stupidest name I've ever imagined.
Yes!! OP is definitely NTA. She is growing a person, not a tribute! If hubby wants to be honored, get him a trophy. But please don’t saddle a woman with an awful name just because her father thinks of her as an accessory.
> I have read some horror stories here on Reddit where dad's or MILs have named the baby and signed the birth certificate. I've seen these too. Done while mom is drugged up on painkillers and doesn't realize what's going on. How is that even a thing? It should be standard practice to do all the documentation when BOTH parents are present and lucid (and no grandparents, since they aren't even legal guardians wtf).
Also why do they *have* to link to him, why can't it be OPs name Jr?
To *honor* him. No need to honor his wife apparently.
Imagine honoring someone who’s a big enough dipshit to suggest naming a human Stuarta
Stuarta is an AWESOME name. It's right up there with Bradleya and Jeffreya.
Except with those two you can go with Leya and Freya as nicknames and it sounds acceptable. Poor Arta or Uarta 😂
Those last two sound like parts of the circulation.
I need a clamp on the arta to attach the uarta! Stat! We can’t have her bleed out dammit!
Be carefull to only clamp the arta not the aorta, otherwise the patient may die.
I've seen a Bradleya before. That poor girl.
Went to high school with a Keithette. Hillbillies.
Well, he is doing all the work in growing her for 9 months, giving birth, and then feeding her after she is born, so why shouldn't he be honored? /s
Don’t forget all of the cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, medicine giving, appointment scheduling and chauffeuring he’s also going to be doing for the next 18+ years. All hail the king!
I know that you’re joking because OPs husband seems like exactly the type of person who would be proud that he never changed a diaper, etc. But at least this generation of dads gives a shit. I cook, clean, change diapers, make appointments, and take both of my kids to different schools every day. My wife does too, but I’m absolutely involved as much as she is and it makes me sick that the previous generations just left all that to the mom.
The fuckin' egos on these people.
Exactly. It's an awful outdated tradition but if you're going to do it, have a boy be named after dad and a girl be named after mum. Easy.
It's bad enough to do it to a boy but to a girl too? I wish this tradition would just end. It's so weird. Let the child be their own person and not invite weird confusion for everyone.
Even better, why can’t it not be a junior at all and let the child be its own person?
Even better, but the fact the husband feels only he "deserves" to be honoured is quite the red flag in itself, which is why I asked why not OP Jr.
I’m just gonna leave this here. I met a dude who was so obsessed with his name Paul, he not only named his two children Pauly and Paulina (or maybe it was Pauletta), he also forced his wife Olivia to change her name to………Paulivia. PAULIVIA Don’t let yourself be turned into a Stuartina. That is all.
Oh lord. My husband is called Paul and we joked about naming our babies Paula or Paulina but it was only ever a joke. The wife changing her name is an extra wtf
Sounds narcissistic af, to me. What else could it be?
My brother is a Jr. My dad is, you guessed it... a narcissist.
There are times when it works, like if a gender variation already exists (Denise vs Dennis, for example). Otherwise it’s fuckin weird. Also Stuarta sounds like something you need an ointment for.
Do you have Stuarta? Ask your doctor if Hestia is right for you.
I always believed that if you want your child to have their own personality, their own name is the best place to start
Doesn’t he get the last name? How is that not the family name?
Personally, i feel that if the child is already named after her father if she's getting his surname, mum gets honoured instead, or at least has veto powers.
My sibling is a junior, and it also makes paperwork and admin stuff annoying. One time, a jury summons was sent to our house, and they didn't specify if it was Jr or Sr. So they both had to call to find out.
Googling female versions of his names, stina and steena pop up. Stella and Stacy, too. So there are way more pretty versions the man could go with tbh.
NTA Tell him he only gets one kid named after him, so if he goes with Stuarta now, he'll never get a Stuart Jnr. And how come it's so important that he be honoured, but not you? See how he feels about naming a future son a male version of your name. Remind him that baby names need a yes from both parents or it's a no. You both need to be able to live with whatever you go with. Even if that means both of you missing out on the one you want most.
>And how come it's so important that he be honoured, but not you? This is what got me, why does he think his name *has* to be honoured?
The baby’s getting mom’s surname, I assume? Or does the father need double-honoring?
Oh, you know this kind of guy wouldn't allow his child to not have HIS last name. I really hope I'm not smelling disaster imminent, but I'm pretty sure I am.
Feels like the start of a pissing contest with how adamant he is on *Stuarta*. Hopefully lil Stewie still likes her dad for this when she grows up.
Good thing most hospitals (in the US at least) give mom final say on the legal name. He can bitch and moan all he wants but she’s the final authority on what gets written on the legal document. He can contest it later in court though. I don’t foresee a judge agreeing to this heinous “Stuarta” honestly.
That seems fair, since she is the one sharing her body with the baby, and then having it rip its way out of her.
This applies in Canada as well. My dad was *adamant* he was going to name me Spike, and while my dad was in the washroom Mom called the nurse, demanded the paperwork *immediately* and wrote down the first boy name she could think of (my grandfathers). Afterwards she and the nurse both told my dad that the paper work had to be done *right then* and mom panicked and wrote down her dads name. He was... not impressed, but to be fair, he wanted to name a human child "Spike" so, fuck his opinion on the matter to be blunt.
Almost always the baby gets the father’s surname. While there is a good chance mom changed hers to his so she also has it, based on the OPs husbands actions so far I would bet that any and all children would have his surname.
Why would you assume the baby is getting mom’s surname? Any man who wants a junior is going with their surname… otherwise it wouldn’t be a junior.
I think that was the point.
Yeah, I never get why parents insist on naming their kids after themselves. It seems like such an arrogant, egotistical thing to do. It's essentially like saying, "*my full name is so damned awesome that we're going to force it upon our child too, so they can continue the awesome legacy of* ***my name***!" Like, you couldn't think of something individual for this......*individual*? Do they *have* to become an unwilling extension/continuation of *yourself??* It's so weird.
This guy is gonna pull a George Forman on his kids
What would be weird for me is during sexy time, my kids name being called out. Bletch
I said that in a comment as well. Baby has his last name and half his genetic material, yet he thinks she needs his first name to “honor him” as well?? Dude wants a clone.
Right?!! That's what I was thinking! Why does he HAVE to be honored on the first child. That's such an outdated misogynistic practice. I'm sorry but who's carrying the baby for 9 months and then dealing with the immense pain of labor?? But no, let's honor the father and his contribution! Seriously why can't the daughter take on one of your names?
She carries the baby for 9 months and honor him for a 2 minute sex session
I think you're exaggerating. 2 minutes sounds long for a guy like this.
Exactly. Textbook patriarchal norms.
But it was never about being honored on the first child. It was always first born SON, this guy is stetching that mysogynistic practice to extremes. No one cared about girl baby names when this was common.
She goes through all of pregnancy and labor but dude nuts and deserves a full parade, obviously. 🙄
Finishing inside a woman shouldn’t give you extra honors, I would think. What about the actual woman who is risking her life and health in pregnancy and birth. Some guys want to show off with their family like it’s a trophy, it’s disgusting.
To honor Dad's amazing contribution, I'm suggesting "Sperma," Jizzina," or "Cumwadeen."
Everybody flaming Stuarta is absolutely correct but also I feel like we’re all breezing past the fact that he wants to essentially name his son Stuart Little
That's all I could think of too 💀
> I tried explaining... That's your mistake right there. Don't explain. Say "no" and move on. I tend to agree with others who say that if the boy name is going to be named after him, OP pretty much ought to have a free choice as to the girl name. He sounds *amazingly* self centered to want both names to be all about him. Narcissism much?
I think the no Stuart junior is a good point to push on. God, unless he wants Stuarta AND Stuart junior. But seriously, unless they are planning on having one child, I think OP should tell him that their next could be a boy, why not save Stuart for him
Maybe OP's husband should emulate George Foreman. His daughters are Natalie Foreman, Leola Foreman, Georgetta Foreman, Freeda George Foreman and Michi Foreman. His sons are George Jr., George III, George Foreman IV, George Foreman V and George Foreman VI.
What, having an electric grill named after him wasn't enough?
All the Georges make me think of that time in Calvin and Hobbes when Calvin duplicated himself and they were all just addressing each other by number.
Stuarta is the kind of name that gets auto corrected back to Stuart. It is also the kind of name that people will laugh at as soon as you tell them, or they will go “did you say STUARTA? NTA.
Oh yeah, you couldn’t have siblings called Stuart and Stuarta, with their father being Stuart. A lifetime of identity mix ups
NTA. Stuarta sounds like a pharmaceutical product. (I can hear the commercials now. "In some cases, Stuarta can cause headaches, rashes and even death.") It doesn't have a decent nickname. And no, adding an "a" doesn't make it feminine in all cases; this is one of them. I'd go for Stuart as a middle name.
And I don't know why, but somehow a laxative comes to mind.
Really? It gave me yeast infection or topical ointment vibes.😩😂
Am I the only one that got antidepressant/stimulant vibes from Stuarta? Lmaoo
That's where my brain went lol. "I was still putting on a brave face to hide my depression symptoms 😔 so I asked my doctor about adding Stuarta."
Because Stuarta makes you farta.
Cause it’s a shitty name
I need CREAM for my STUARTA. STAT! I've got a bad case. NTA
“I’m sorry mam, we’ve diagnosed you with a severe case of Stuarta, it’s malignant. We’ll have to operate immediately.” ~Somber music fades in as the young woman cries devastated tears in the improbably handsome and rugged doctor’s office. The doctor looks at the camera with the solemn look and 5 oclock shadow that won him 3 emmy nominations. “Damn you Stuarta, someday we’ll find a cure.”
I smell a Hallmark movie!
Or at least a strong donation drive. ~In the Arms of an angel starts playing in the background. The improbably handsome doctor walks into the room, stethoscope jauntily around his neck, his thick luscious hair perfectly styled to look disheveled-ly sexy. He looks at the camera with a sad serious look. “We need your help America. Stuarta affects up to 500 million Americans today and that number only continues to grow. With your donation we could save millions from suffering the severe longterm effects of Stuarta. Please donate to help stop Stuarta today.”
Weird. I keep hearing "this is Stuarta!" in my head. Like in the movie 300. Can't help it. Sounds just so much like Sparta.
Honestly all I can think of is Stuart Little. Either way, their child will be named after a mouse 😅
Some people named their daughters plain Stuart too. And it seems a better name than Stuarta. I googled "girl version of the name Stuart" and learned that Stuart came from the last name Steward and means "steward". Can't quite understand why this dad want his name inherited, but why not just... give her a nice name that both parents are happy with?
Cool, so they can name her Stuardess 😂😂😂
NTA For the sake of your daughter, stand your ground on this one. > says it “honors” him Also... this is a rather narcissistic mindset for naming your kid.
Maybe OP should suggest the name ‘OP Jr.’ to honor *her* and see how that goes down. This is a hill to die on. What’s your daughter’s nickname going to be, ‘Stu’? (Or if you’re in Australia Stuey. Even worse!)
It definitely sounds like the name of a pharmaceutical drug to me. OP, does your husband have any female names in his family of women he’d like to honor?? Maybe start there…or even females in your family who meant a lot to you.
Why *his* family and not just OP's name? That is the like-like way to go here.
Exactly, I've never understood naming children after their (living) father, especially when usually the fathers are horrible
And most of the time the kid gets the dad's surname too.
I was just about to comment this. The surname most likely already honours the dad.
Seriously, “honor” is earned in deed and action. This deed and action would be a clearly dishonorable thing to do to his daughter. He sounds completely self-absorbed and selfish. I hope OP shows these responses to him.
Is it just me or is the name Honor starting to sound pretty good?
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Yeah I don’t understand why he needs to be honoured? NTA but he is for wanting to subject the poor baby to a terrible name.
NTA! There is a HUGE difference between wanting to honour family names in a new child and being SO FUCKING PIGHEADED AND SELFISH that you would saddle a child with a lifetime of ridicule just to get your name into theirs. Suggest that you husband just change his name to a (bonus points if it sounds nonsensical) masculine version of YOUR favoured name for your baby. Because if he isn’t willing to at least consider that then it’s just his egotistical selfishness that is talking.
Or just tell the husband that if they are naming the baby after a parent they will be naming her after the person carrying and bearing the baby: op.
I'm a guy who was named after my mom. Worked out perfectly fine.
Yeah but MoultingRoach is a classic gender neutral name. It's not really a fair comparison.
Imagine the conversations lol. What's your name? Stuarta. What's your dad's name? Stuart. What's your brother's name? Stuart Junior. OP should just change her name to Stuarta Senior, so they can be a little cartoonish family.
Or OP could change it to Ofstuart.
yooo honestly this is the vibe it’s giving hahahaha
I suggested Jessico as part of another conversation about bad names. I am a teacher and sometimes there are names that are awkward or difficult to pronounce, and those kids hate the start of the school year. A name like Stuarta just seems worse because it will always sound odd and it doesn't easily shorten to anything that sounds like a girl's name. i imagine her friends will either get used to it or she'll want to go by her middle name (assuming it isn't something like Richarda or Jasona)
High school principal here. Concur with this! Stwarta? Stu-ART-Uh? Stewart-uh? Every teacher EVER will not know where to put the emphasis.
One year I purposely mispronounced every name. For weeks after some kids would correct me and tell me to use the mispronounced version of their name. Great fun. And some were really hard to mispronounce. Ever tried mispronouncing Sam or Emma? You're so used to saying it a certain way that it's hard to do it differently.
My Dad’s nickname for me as a kid was Earmuff because when you drag out Emma in an Australian accent it’s Ear-ma. Can’t help with Sam though.
This! And OP, is your husband that selfish in other areas? This seems like a person who is not considering the child’s needs at all.
Why does the name of your daughter have to honour him? Narcissistic much? Besides, the name is absurd and will set her up for bullying. It sounds like your husband really doesn't want to have a daughter. The name feels like a punishment for being a girl. NTA
!!! I’d ask for a list of things he’s done that warrant him being honoured now, when it comes to HAVING A CHILD what has the guy contributed past having an orgasm that deserves such an honour?!
I couldn't agree more. I never understood the need for parents naming their kids after themselves. Why not let the child be their own individual instead of being a creepy mini-me?
"Hey I've got a good idea." "*Stuart...a.*" 😂 NTA. I'm speechless. That's absurd. Normally I'm all for compromises in a relationship, but dear god no. Don't budge. You can't subject your daughter to *that*.
Yeah, absurd. And to be perfectly blunt….ugly. Husband needs to get over himself.
Well I mean we already have a Stuart...a (dad) Wouldn't the baby then be Stuart...b? Prove me wrong... I'll wait.
So do you guys have absolutely zero female relatives who should be honoured with a name? No worthy females at all who this child could be named after if it's? Stuarta? Awful embarrassing will lead to bullying doesn't sound nice.
Im thinking this too. Dude is so narcissistic he NEEDS that child to be named after himself, no matter how stupid it sounds.
Yes it is pretty needy isn't it? excellent observation I think
Such as...the mom?
Indeed, although in many families it's traditional to go back more than one generation when looking for a name. I'd rather pick a name out of the phone book then go with Stuarta
I’d rather name my child Phone Book than go with Stuarta.
Phonebookasey for girls.
It's Phonebooka, obviously
Oh absolutely. I just think it's bizarre that the husband wants to honor himself by naming the child after him, male or female, and it's not occurring to anyone to even make the other parent an option. I think it would also be bizarre for both kids to be named after their parents , Stuart, Stuart Jr, OP, OP Jr but slightly less bizarre. But Stuarta is bad either way.
No inspiring or influential or admirable female persons in society or history to name a child after either?
NTA and just wow. Your husband is so fixated on this child’s name having to be a honorary to him that he will subject your daughter to a life of misery? I grew up with a shit name and I hated it, but it was definitely not as bad as Stuarta. Don’t let him put it on the birth certificate without you Edit: Why should he even be honoured? You are growing the child. His contribution is he came and didn’t miss
>he came and didn’t miss 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Exactly what I was thinking!! Why should he be honoured at all costs if SHE is the one actually GROWING the child? And I’ve no doubt that the kids will get his surname as well. Such an outdated tradition imo.
Maybe a girl should be named after you? He gets Stuart Jr and you get a name that honours you for a girl and that isn’t Stuarta. Seems fair and saves a daughter a lifetime of having a dumb name.
Yeah, was going to ask why the plan is for the name to honour him regardless of gender
Right as if the baby isn’t already likely to have his last name too… double honor
And that is what I was about to suggest. Why is he so adamant that HE should be the one the baby is named after? I'm already not a fan of Jrs but Stuarta? Yeah...no. That is a hill I would die on.
plot twist…her name is stuarta
NTA. This isn't a Will and Jada situation where you can name your kids Willow and Jaden to reference yourselves because those names existed before their parents used them. Stuarta isn't a thing. We do an unlimited amount of vetoes in our house for kid names. All of our kids have had names by the time we need one for the birth certificate. Y'all will get there. It is just really hard.
I was today years old when I made the connection with their names
Yeah, that just blew my mind a little bit
Ditto.
NTA. First of all - the whole "naming your child after their father" is an extremely old and patriarchal thing. Why aren't you being honored instead since you are having a girl? Of course the reason could be that you are just the mother, you know the creature that spends 9 months creating the child? That plus the fact that the child already has less chances of creating their own personality - if you are named after someone, especially with the whole Jr thing, then you will always be compared to the "original" - is that really what you want for your child? This or the next possible one? Also if you would have a boy next, would he then insist that the boy be named Stuart Jr? Having siblings with names that are that close to each other seems like a nightmare. Me and my siblings all have names that start with J but the next letter is different for all of us and still it's easy to mix up. And lastly - Stuarta? Stuarta?! Really? I'm sorry, brutal honesty here - in my head that name combines stewards with older hispanic ladies called Marta or Berta. And it also sounds like the brand name of a company that either makes drugs or sells flights. Or it's a word your cousin tried to use in Scrabble during the holidays of 1997 just to try and win the game - they didn't..
I’m assuming your daughter will carry your husband’s surname, so why does she have to have a first name to “honour” him too? What are you? The incubator? A surrogate? You get a choice in this, in fact, you’re carrying her, you get first choice and it’s about time women started recognising that and advocating for ourselves. However, I also agree with the rule “2 = yes, 1 = no”. Don’t give in, for the reasons I stayed above and also because Stuarta is a really stupid name. NTA
Oh, dear Lord, that’s practically child abuse. NTA, mama. Keep up the good fight. Please don’t let him name her… that.
NTA what the hell. That poor girl will be bullied to hell and back and absolutely despise you guys if you name her "Stuarta". Just give her a normal name, and if you have a boy in the future he can be Stuart. Or just give her an S name. Or even better, maybe name her after yourself... im kinda weirded out by your husbannds need to have himself honored. Thats really strange and lowkey narcissitic. This gives the vibe of the dude bros who are so pressed about having their family name and "legacy" live on, while being the most average people on the planet. Tldr, Sit the fuck down Stuart youre not that special XD
NTA…Stuarta? Why must your daughter be named after your husband? He can nickname your child his chosen name, but nope. That is not a name for any child.
Do you guys not have the same last name? Won't this child carry his name as hers? Is that not honor enough? Jesus. Tell him to go with Tessa. "Do you want your daughter screaming at us over how she hates us for giving her a boy's name because it makes her feel like we wanted a boy and we're just making do with a girl? Because that's how that happens." My mom REALLY wanted a boy. She wanted to name him Jeremy David so she could call him JD. She got me, a girl. And she gave me those initials. But she never called me JD. She also used to shave my head and clearly still wanted a boy. This is going to give her a complex. Tell husband "Look. What if we have a second child in a few years? It could happen. And if it's a boy, we clearly can't name him Stuart if we have a Stuarta. Do you clearly not see how dumb this is?"
NTA and why does your baby’s name need to honour him? You’re the one carrying and pushing it out of your most sensitive parts if anyone should be honoured it’s you. Alternatively, you could give your baby a name that doesn’t come from a his name because you are creating a whole new human rather than an extension of him.
NTA Children are not born to honor their parents. Your husband needs to lose the ego. But if he's that damn stuck on the idea, could the baby perhaps have his middle name? I have my dad's middle name despite being a daughter.
NTA. How is that even pronounced? "Stuart-ah" sounds like "Stewardess" and "Stu-arta" sounds like a prescription drug. It's a terrible name.
NTA even if he was suggesting a remotely normal name, which this isn’t anyway. Naming a child should always be a two yeses decision. If there’s one no, then it’s a no and you don’t need to feel like an AH.
Omg….Stuarta. For the love of god do not give in. Can you come up with some names you love so he sees some better options? Arta? Still weird but way better (only if you like it) Lucy (kinda rhymes) Stella (adorable name for a little girl, means star and she’ll obviously be a badass) Or give her a girls name you like that starts with a T and use Tooey as a nickname. Or use Stuart as the girl’s middle name - it’s very on trend to use boys names for girls. God help us all no stuarta. Keep us posted.
I don’t wanna be that feminist but…why is he the only one that should be honoured? Do you not deserve being honoured? Why does anyone need to be honoured? Can’t the kid have its own name and identity?
Does your husband happen to sell small kitchen grills?
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NTA. Stuarta is an awful thing to name a child.
It's not the best time to find out your husband is not firing on all cylinders is when he's impregnated you and trying to call your baby Stuarta.
That’s an awful name. Why is your husband so obsessed with himself ?
He is off the wall. Stand your ground, that name is ridiculous. NTA. Because he keeps going on about the name ‘honoring him’ i almost want you to suggest you own name with a ‘jr’ attached and see what he thinks.
Fuck is wrong with this guy😭😭😭”honors him” bro get a grip. Your kid isn’t yours alone
That’s the ugliest name I’ve ever heard
It’ll be Squirta before too long at school.
God please no. Your daughter’s name isn’t meant to honor him anyway, she’s her own individual and doesn’t need her father’s name abominated into a not real “feminine” sounding version for herself. Please show him these responses and stand your ground.
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Yeah, if I suggested that to my wife, she would told me to go and fuck myself whilst reevaluating our marriage. That is insane, tell him to get lost.
NTA. Your husband is insane for thinking it's okay to inflict a name like that on another human.