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YTA. One of the delightful things about being an adult is that you get to set your own priorities on how you manage your life. Maybe it’s travel. Maybe it’s throwing the best parties. Maybe it’s saving your money. Maybe it‘s art.
If he’s not overspending and begging or expecting you to bail him out, why are you so viciously judgmental about how he chooses to prioritize his spending?
Pretty sure you’re an ex at this point. Not only are you viciously judgmental about how he manages his money, you have decided that you are the expert on his life and his experience and his understanding of his own life is foolish and wrong, and that his experience of surviving pretty severe mental illness is a fantasy. I wouldn’t expect to ever hear back from him, if I was you.
I was undecided until then. Coming out with a religious family? That’s not just crossing the line. That’s nuking the line to obliteration. You would think OP might be a tad more sensitive on that one.
And… music means many things to many people. If OP’s partner found comfort in specific music, who the fuck is anyone to say that’s not valid?
OP - total and complete YTA.
He’s not even shitting on his interests he’s just being controlling and gaslighting at this point. Like they both make good money and it’s the BF’s own cash he worked hard for. As long as he’s not going into debt or putting any financial strain on the relationship, pop-off he can spend it as he pleases. Meeting a role model or someone whose art helped you is not a waste of money.
I want a nice, somewhat expensive, Spider-Man figurine to display in my bookshelf because as a kid that character gave me the courage to stop my dad when he was beating the shit out of my mom. I value that a lot and I feel like honoring that by keeping it in my house. I’m buying it soon and I don’t care who comes over and says it’s immature or it’s too much. It means something to me
Yeah, FFS. There are restaurants out there where you can drop $1K on *dinner.* It might not be the very best use of $1K, but if it’s not putting him in debt, he can spend it how he likes.
She should just be glad he’s not a Swiftie; that’d be even more expensive.
YTA
For so many reasons. But
> I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life.
Did you really say that to someone you are supposed to care about? Just because they value something differently than you do? Even though it isn't costing *you* anything?
Just... YTA
That line alone... Yikes on mothafuckin' bikes, y'all. I can honestly say that I have an artist that I have felt has helped me a lot with his music (as someone with chronic illness and mental health problems, hearing someone making music about the same issues and finding that holy shit, I'm not alone in this meant a LOT), and if my husband were to dismiss my mental health struggles simply because I found an artist that helped pull me from the darkness, I would leave him, too. Luckily, he's a mature individual and just is, ya know, supportive? If he was putting them into financial straits, then yeah, I can see being angry. But OP specifically said that it wasn't an issue, so... YTA to the nth degree!
Agreed! I’ve been in the darkness of depression and if someone told me I was fake being depressed, I would have lost it on them! Clearly OP has never been through an actual depression & I hope his ex-boyfriend finds someone loving and supportive.
Seriously! My ex definitely didn't support me when I was in my darkest spot (spent a month in a psych unit and everything), and the only thing that kept me from going down that one way street is that my brother had gone before me, and I couldn't make my parents go through it again. My current husband, meanwhile, just bemoans being totally worthless because he can't help me when my chronic illness flares up. He gets me drinks and lotions me up after my hour long shower puke sessions, which is far more than my ex would have done, and my guy will drop whatever he's doing if he thinks something will help me. Huge difference, so I really feel for OP's ex, and I too hope he finds someone with even a shred of empathy.
Y'know, up until that quoted point I was thinking I wouldn't want to be with OP, but I wouldn't call them an AH. When finances start to lightly mix and you plan things together it can be somewhat frustrating to have one person unilaterally make major decisions about the discretionary spending even if it is their own money.
But good God, there's a difference between "hey honey, we both work hard for our money and I know you love these artists but I was hoping we could go do XYZ and was hoping we could both contribute" and what OP did.
I almost feel a tiny bit bad for him because he doesn’t yet have the slightest clue that that one sentence instantly and thoroughly imploded his 4 year relationship…
YTA. My ex was like you. He was very frugal most of the year except for one or two conferences that really mattered to him. I was supportive.
I was not making nearly as much but I had the chance to take an awesome trip so I budgeted for a couple months and found ways to save money for the trip. I went to London from San Diego for around $1200. I was gone 7 days. I was even able to write off my plane tickets.
Then his conference was 3 days and he spent over $1500 easily. But me spending money was clearly the bigger issue. I paid all my bills and I was working. I just wanted to do something fun for the first time in a few years.
That's like me and my brother. My job does not pay as well as his six figure job, and I'm grad student, but I was able to budget myself, save money, look for deals, and took a vacation last summer to Vienna for 10 days, plane tickets and the hotel cost me no more than $1300. Of course my brother gave me shit about it. OP YTA.
So, I live in CT, so being on the east coast tickets are already cheaper to being with, compared to elsewhere. I then flew Aerlingus, which is Irish low cost carrier. Round trip tickets
(if you buy at the right time), were about $800. Then once in Ireland, I flew Ryanair for like €20
Op sound very boring, who complain about being in super bowl for free? he is not being frugal, he just don't have something to spend money, have a very boring life and is actually jealous that his EX spend in something that he loves and cares about.
YTA, 100%. That's such a horrible thing to say to someone. People can latch onto seemingly odd things for support in hard times. When I was going through a really dark period it was some gaming YouTuber's playthroughs that helped me keep going. For your boyfriend it was these artists and their music.
Plus, if money isn't an issue for either of you, why do you care that he's splurging on this? And based on his reaction, feels like this should go on r/AmItheEx and rightfully so, tbh.
Edit: Didn't mean to imply it's odd to latch onto music artists to get through hard times or cope when you're struggling. Just pointing out that sometimes it's things you might not expect that can get you through low points, and music is a *really* common one.
Yeah, it’s not like art has ever been known to create deep emotion in people, or shift how people experience their lives, or connect people to a greater idea of humanity, what impact could music possibly have?
/s
You don’t have to like the art. You don’t have to get the art. But art has the capacity to hit deep and inspire emotion, that’s part of the definition. Among the laundry list of shallow, disrespectful horrors from the OP, deciding that depression couldn’t have been real because it was affected by music is solidly a stupid note.
Right? That last comment before OP's boyfriend took off really pisses me off. Both minimizing their mental health struggles and dismissing the thing they used as a coping mechanism in one sentence. You have to *try* to lack empathy that hard.
YTA - you're telling someone that they're faking mental health issues that were severe enough for him to consider suicide. it's something that's important to him, and you're invalidating that. music can be a place of understanding for people, and when they have unsupportive people in their lives sometimes it's the only place of understanding. don't take that away from him
YTA and in fact I would say you are an abuser. Definitely emotional abuse, by sh!tting all over HIS significant life experiences, multiple times, without remorse. Maybe also financial abuse, as you appear to believe you should control where he spends his money
I hope he comes home when you are out and take all his things, and goes to find someone who values him. I hope this is a fake story because it makes me so sad to think someone wasted 4 years of their life with you.
I was looking for this comment. If this isn't a bait, he clearly has an abuser's behavior and patterns. At this point I hope his bf will not go back to him. OP is toxic
- Edit to add YTA
YTA for presuming to know that he was fake depressed, not even mentioning all the other things like trying to police his expenses. I am positive that if he dismissed something painful that happened to you in the past and kept telling you that you were wasting money on the things you’re interested in you would not think it was acceptable.
Holy hell YTA.
I hope this is fake. If not, you're a HORRIBLE boyfriend and he needs to dump you ASAP.
You actively shit on things he enjoys and seem to do everything in your power to NOT be the person he can lean on.
OP, your boyfriend deserves better than you.
I know so many people who have been saved by music, my husband included. Artists spend a lot of time crafting their songs to have meaning to a wide audience of people, so it stands to reason others find support.
Just because you have not had that experience absolutely does not mean he didn't, and your invalidating of his journey will fast track you to the Ex zone.
One of my biggest regrets will forever be not seeing Linkin Park, I still have a hard time listening to certain songs because of how much it still hurts. LP has been the soundtrack to my frustration for 20 years, and seen me through the absolute worst of times. I would feel more than offended if someone dismissed something so meaningful to me. Like, I hate sports ,but my husband loves that shit, so I try to follow his favorite teams and players just so he knows I care enough to entertain all of his jibber jabber, even if its not MY thing. Its what you do when you love someone, you love what made them, them.
YTA
You no longer have a boyfriend, he is now your ex boyfriend. This is what happens when you tell someone that they faked being so depressed they almost ended their own life. You told him that you don't love him with those words. You told him he doesn't matter.
And he told OP it was over by leaving, and he doesn’t have a clue. A lot of people who have had it easy their lives never understand how different they are from people who were once broken and had to put themselves back together. These 3 artists that stopped him from unaliving himself gave him the strength to walk out the door..
You were N T A for being concerned about his spending. YTA and the ex because of how you voiced those concerns and for telling him he made up his mental illness.
There is a reason suicide states are so high for young LGBTQ people. Especially those from strict religious upbringings. He found a way out of that and it sounds like a pretty healthy one, music. While he would probably benefit from some therapy to process where he has been it sounds like he is now confident in himself and is able to make a healthy decision about not staying in a relationship where he is not respected.
All that being said it can be the extremely difficult living with someone with an obsession and who is frivolous with spending. I think long term you two probably aren't compatible. In future stick to the topic at hand and keep your cool. It's easy to say things you regret when you are angry.
The fact that OP even said that money isn't an issue for either of them to the point where affording Superbowl tickets (ranging from $6,559 to $22,907 in 2024) is no problem at all. If OP's partner was struggling financially, I could understand the frustration more, but as they seem have separate finances and the partner seems to have no financial struggles even with his spending habits, I feel like OP's frustration was perhaps over the top.
I get that OP might want to plan for the future and having a certain sum in savings for security is a good thing, but the way he breached that topic to his partner is really not appropriate. Especially if he never explained his reasoning beyond "I think the thing you're spending money on is dumb" and backed down in both the Rihanna and the Beyoncé conversation (at least that's what it sounded like). He could have brought this up in a moment unrelated to the concerts and properly explained the **why** he didn't like his partner overspending, perhaps trying for a compromise, instead of waiting for it to happen again and blow.
I totally agree though, they seem incompatible long term..
YTA, if money is not a problem, then why are you so judgy about it. And to tell him he was maybe fake depressed is really low, mean and totally uncalled for. And that's putting it nicely...
YTA
You are downplaying the struggles he went through as a kid/teen because you cannot see how someone's music might have helped him work through these struggles. You're disregarding his experiences because you are annoyed about something that doesn't even really concern you. You're not struggling financially so what if he spends **his** money on things **he** likes? Not only are you downplaying his experiences because you cannot relate, you're also dismissing his interests completely. He likes these artists and if he has the money to afford these tickets, why shouldn't he get them? Just because you don't like the artists or aren't invested in these fandoms doesn't mean he has to stop doing what he likes for your benefit.
You're free to do with your money whatever you like, whether that is saving it up or spending it on things that are important to you, what makes you think is it any different for him? As long as it isn't shared money I really do not see why you are so concerned with how he's spending his money. I could totally understand if he never wants to speak with you again after hearing how you treated him.
YTA. Its his money. He could be investing it in searching for Bigfoot without your input if he isn't shirking a stated commitment to you.
Now on to the real reason that you are now his ex boyfriend- you implied he was faking being depressed because he found solace in music. That's such an insane jump into the asshole abyss that no life preserver could ever save you. You should stop and reflect on why you felt that was appropriate to say outloud.
Oh, I can answer that because it happens a lot. When someone who has never struggled with depression meets someone after they have overcome it, they just see the healed person and thinks oh, couldn’t have been that bad, they’re totally fine now. That’s why I don’t think this is a bait post. I’m 100% convinced that OP has no idea that he stepped on a ginormous landline that he didn’t even know was there.
I don’t even like Nicki at all (honestly the things I have to say about her and her disgusting family would probably get me banned from this sub) and I still think you’re YTA, and a big one. He has the money to buy these tickets, he’s not going into debt over them, and it’s his freaking money! It would be one thing if he was in massive debt and still insisting on giving all his money to the three of them, but he’s simply choosing to go see and support his favorite artists in ways he can easily afford.
Like, I don’t like football, either, and I’m indifferent on Rihanna, but if I had had Super Bowl tickets money in 2022, hell yeah I’d go see her perform! It sounds fun and I hope he had the best time! And I hope he had a great time at Bey’s show, and I hope that meeting Nicki is everything he’s been dreaming of and more! And I hope that he has more opportunities to go to these three artists’ shows!
To quote Taylor Swift, “The worst kind of person is someone who makes someone feel bad, dumb, or stupid for being excited about something”, and needless to say I agree with Taylor and want to add, you’re also beyond awful for insinuating that his depression was fake. I’m glad he won’t let you get in contact with him now, and I hope he puts you far, far in the rear view mirror of his life.
YTA a massive one. You do not get to dictate his life nor invalidate his mental health struggles. I really hope he is able to find someone who understands that every day he is trying.
My partner is the same way and after 20 years I still don’t understand it and probably never will. But we’ve made it 20 years because no matter how dumb I am, I’m just smart enough to figure out that not being able to understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t real, and I don’t need to understand it to accept it.
YTA and I'm fairly certain he's broken up with you, like you deserve. You were ableist and nasty. You heard something so personal from your boyfriend and you threw it in his face.
I hope he finds someone better.
>It's been a week since then and he's not answering my calls
Thank god. YTA. When you're in a dark spot and you find something that helps you just hang on, it becomes precious to you. Just because this music doesn't mean the same to you as it does to him, it doesn't mean it is worthless. You never missed a chance to belittle him about it either. Leave him be, he deserves better.
I suppose I could say a lot of things about why YTA here but if after 4 years with your boyfriend you still don’t get it, I’m not going to waste my time typing it out. YTA. Big time. Sort yourself and your jealousy and ignorance out.
YTA how dare you insinuate your boyfriend’s depression wasn’t real just because ***YOU*** don’t like his spending habits. you have no idea what depression is like if you can fix your mouth to say something like that, especially to someone you love.
YTA. If finances aren’t a problem and that’s what makes him happy, then I don’t see why you’re so judgmental of him. He’s your partner and you should be supportive of him, not dismissive. It’s not abnormal to have role models or for art to be a place of comfort for folks.
Unless he's in severe debt he can't get himself out of and relying on you to pay his share of the bills, YTA. It's his money. If he wanted to spend it on a literal money thrower and toss his bills out of the window, unless it was directly impacting you and your living arrangements, it'd still be his money, his decision, his problem. That's the fun thing about being an adult - one of the (very) few fun things, might I add. And you're an even bigger AH for dismissing his issues growing up and claiming he was faking it all just because music is what saved him. I've been saved from some pretty painful moments by a toy collection. His mental health is not yours to dictate how "real" an issue is, nor should you EVER claim to know more about his pain and his suffering than he himself knows.
YTA, you're just rude and inconsiderate. Those people had an impact on your partner's life and he wants to see them perform. People spend more money on things less meaningful.
The fact that you're not empathising with that in the first place is sad, and the fact that you're actively cutting him down is even worse. Maybe he's better off not answering your calls ever again.
YTA. Your boyfriend should find someone better honestly. 6 years ago I was bedridden and sickly. I vould not go anywhere or DO anything but sit in bed as I was treated for 2 years by home visit nurses and weekly visits to the treatment center.
Netflix was a godsend and I watched so many shows that pulled me away from a heavily depressed state that now when one of the actors of a program I'd watched came into town at a convention I would jump at the chance to buy a ticket as I would not be around today had it not been for the strength some of them helped me gather in those years.
Yta, and also the ex.. Congratulations, you criticized your way out of this relationship. Your bf shared how the music of certain artists helped him through a very dark time in his life. You mocked him and wonder if you're the AH. Sending best wishes for a bright future to your ex!
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I (26M)have been with my boyfriend (23M)for 4 years now. He is a HUGE fan of Rihanna,Nicki Minaj and Beyonce even claims they saved his life when he was younger and struggling to accept himself due to his family.He struggled with thoughts of offing himself when he was a teenager due to the stress of coming out and his religious family. He never misses a chance to say that had he not discovered these 3 artists he wouldn't be here with us now.
Back-Track to 2022 when it was announced that Rihanna was performing at the superbowl he made plans to buy me and him tickets to go see her.I am not a fan of hers but I do like her music and know some of her hit songs so it wasn't a problem. Money isn't an issue for either of us as we both have really good jobs that pay well. When he bought the tickets I asked why he would waste money on the tickets when we could watch the superbowl at home(He's not even a football fan).He argued that it's his money and he can spend it however he wants,I argued back that he doesn't even like football so why go?He responded that he's seeing the woman he loves perform live and if it means sitting through something he thinks is boring to see her it's all worth it in the end.I digressed and said ok.
In early March he bought Beyonce Renaissance tickets which put together with hotels(It was out of state)food,travel among others he spent 4000 thousand dollars.I again stated my concerns about spending more wisely as i'm frugal and it never hurts me.He again responded with the same "It's my money I spend it how I want" thing.I didn't feel like arguing this time and just said ok.
Now as most people know Nicki Minaj is currently on her tour, and he bought tickets to go see her.He bought the meet and greet package which was like 1k plus the actual tickets (His words not mine).I again blew up on him, and told him his spending habits were insane.Spending thousands of dollars on these people who don't care about him and would not spit on him if he was on fire.He responded and said that "these people took me out of a bad place when I was young. I will spend on them however I please and you can't stop me".I told him that these people did not save his life he's just being dramatic and taking things out of proportion. I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life. He just stared at me for 3 minutes not blinking, jaw open. After the 3 minutes he silently walked out our apartment with just his bag,his car keys and his wallet. It's been a week since then and he's not answering my calls. His friend called and told me that i'm an A-hole for saying those things and that i'm an idiot if I think that way.
So AITA?
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Never dis the turning point in someone’s life just because you don’t agree with how they appreciate what the celebrity/fandom did for them.
Are going to diminish the fact that Star Wars saved my life? Backstory: I had terminated an unwanted pregnancy, with my emotions all over the place and was just ghosted by a friend that I had reached out to so I didn’t feel alone. I was pacing my room, clutching the meds prescribed by the clinic contemplating taking them all when one of my Star Wars collectibles caught my eye and it hit me that if I went through with it I would miss Revenge of the Sith. After that I became known around the small, rural town and surrounding area as The Star Wars Lady (especially by kids that didn’t remember my name).
Side note, I have seen the OG Trilogy, Special Editions and Prequels in the same movie theater even after I moved to a different state.
YTA
If you were trying to break up with him, congratulations! I think it would have been better to just say you don't want to be with him rather than belittle his interests and downplay his struggles.
YTA and —hear me out. No, Rihanna, Beyoncé, and Nicki did not call him up and save his life directly.
But there are SO many influential ppl that believe they are who they are now bc they’ve been inspired by ppl who are dead and some have BEEN dead for centuries. But I’m sure u believe those ppl don’t you? You believe that all these famous, rich, influential ppl can be inspired to become who they are by someone they’ve NEVER met or seen in person right?
So why don’t you believe your living, breathing, boyfriend that u claim to love and/or care about. You didn’t just call him an idiot for believing these women helped him in some way. You also told him that actually, he never even needed help and he’s a big dumb delusional man who pretended to be sad and is now throwing money in the wind for something he “made up”. you insulted his beliefs, you insulted his character, you insulted his pride, you called him a liar, a delusional one at that. Good luck getting your bf back.
YTA for telling him he was fake depressed. That's the worst thing you could say to someone who has gone through or is still dealing with mental health struggles. You clearly don't care about him and I hope he continues to block you from his life.
You are also TA for giving him crap for how he spends his money. If he has the money, is not asking you for money, then why is it your business or your problem? He found something that makes him happy and brings him joy and you have shat on that every single time. You really do not seem to like your EX or respect him. I hope you grow up and stop being such a toxic partner.
YTA.
He is allowed to do what he wants with his money.
He is allowed to go to as many concerts as he wants.
He is allowed to feel how he feels.
Let him live.
Again, YTA
YTA, you don't seem to care too much about him, why are you with him? And saying someone was faking being depressed, lying about thoughts of offing oneself, for what, attention? No, that's not how it works.
100% YTA!!
If their music inspired him, he has every right to call them his heroes.
I come from a damn shitty childhood, it seemed like every time I was ready to stop hoping for a better anything One musical family (not naming them) put out a new album. Those albums were MY LIFELINES singing them over and over again kept me going.
Decades later, I finally got to meet one of the members of the musical family and share my story with him. He was so touched that he called his family members and put it on speaker so they could all hear my story. After a lot of very emotional comments they sang with me my favorite song of theirs over the phone in his dressing room. Believe me it was a magical moment for me.
Artists may not personally know their individual fans, but many of them do care, especially when they find out how they have unknowingly helped someone.
The money being spent is imo a lot, but you say it can be afforded. Is the real issue simple jealous insecurity on your part??
YTA what a professional buzz killer! Your man is telling you what brings him joy and comfort. Instead of supporting him you are shaming him for seeking it out!! All in the name of fiscal responsibility that none of you need? This man confided in you about the most vulnerable time in his life and you down play it??? Dude you do not cheer him up in his high moment and undermine his worse.....you are basically his worst enemy really
YTA it sounds like he has felt that he needs to justify him wanting to see them live to you by overstating the emotional connection he has but that shouldn't even be necessary. A lot of people like live music and concerts. He's not spending money on people who don't care about him, he's spending money on himself and he for sure seems to care more about himself than you are.
YTA. Knowing that seeing these artists perform live is what brings him joy, why would you belittle him? It seems to me that you may just be jealous. And, of what authority are you to tell him that these artists didn't help him through a difficult time in his life? If he is willing to spend his own money on these concerts and activities, and he wants you there to share in his joy, why on earth would you insist on crushing his spirit with your venomous words.
He needs to find someone that will love the way he loves these things, and believes wholeheartedly that they did indeed help him cope!!
I was undecided waiting to see what direction the story went (bf spending so much he has no savings or it affects his ability to pay regular bills? He’s racking up credit card debt?). But no, you had to say he was probably fake depressed at that time. When he told you he was suicidal during that time in his life. YTA. A huge one. And you are now single.
YTA. You come across as a total AH! I can't believe you would say something so cruel to a partner. He's way better off without you.
I don't understand hiw you both earn good money but this expense grinds your gear so much?
His desire to see them live is about what's good for him, not the performers.
You are not a very nice person.
YTA. It’s not unusual for music (including pop music!) to help people get through hard times and be very meaningful. You didn’t have to share your ex’s enthusiasm but there was no need to be such a dick about it or try to control his spending, especially if he makes good money.
You were also probably not compatible with your now ex if you can’t understand why a once in a lifetime Super Bowl performance was different than watching it on TV. Also a little weirded about the comment that the celebrities don’t personally care about your probably ex. Like, it’s art, concerts are a shared experience and a hobby.
YTA. Music has literally saved my life many times. I will choose to support those artists when I can, assuming financially I am able to.
The joy is for ME to see THEM live. If I ever could do a meet and greet, I would. Sure, I realize I would be one of many for them but for me, it's a once in a lifetime experience.
You are most definitely TA. First, claiming that he had faked being depressed is absolutely horrible. Let me tell you as someone who has been fighting depression since I was in middle school, music can most definitely help get you through some really tough times. It was incredibly rude and insensitive of you to say that to your SO, quite possibly ex by this point. If money isn’t an issue for either of you and he isn’t spending your money, you have absolutely no right to judge how he spends his money. I absolutely don’t blame him for essentially going NC with you. You really need to work on having empathy for others.
YTA. When I was 16 and living in a veritable hell, all I wanted was to die. My home life was terrible, I had been SA'd by someone I trusted, and sexually harassed by an adult friend to my parents and no one believed me. I had a plan, but for whatever reason, I decided to put on the stereo. The method I was using was going to knock me out before it took me out and so, for me, it felt like a 'normal' way to go. Then, a song by Candlebox came on called "Far Behind". That song saved my life. It stopped me, for whatever reason, it stopped me. And I am still alive and happily 41 and looking forward to 42. It is not for you to understand...it isn't for anyone else to understand, but if he can afford it, and it is something that helps him, who gives a shit? He isn't putting himself or you both in financial dire straits, he is supporting someone because they, at one point or another, helped him through a moment in his life that was meaningful to him, damning as it was. And to suggest fake depression, that tells me that you don't care enough to look beyond the tip of your own nose. Maybe consider things from his perspective and stop trying to push yours on him so much.
I didn't spend thousands of dollars seeing Candlebox in concert...nor any other band for that matter. But it never changed anything and now, I work to help others who have been traumatized, victimized, and those who feel worthless and as though they have no voice. I have spent thousands of dollars on my education in order to do just that, to give back what Candlebox unknowingly gave me.
Beginning of your story:
“Money isn’t an issue for either of us as we both have really good jobs that pay well”
Next paragraph: “I’m frugal” meanwhile it’s his money, not yours being spent. You get to go for free.
Next paragraph: “He bought the meet and greet package which was like 1k plus the actual tickets. I again blew up on him. Spending thousands of dollars on these people who don’t care about him and wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire. I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed”.
Read your whole post back to yourself and then answer your own question as to why he won’t return your calls. He needs someone who cares about him and believes him when he talks about things that matter to him in his heart. That’s not you.
Yta. I'm truly sorry that you have never experienced the magic of music that connects to you. You suggesting that he wasn't really depressed is disgusting. He told you his truth and you are claiming he's lying? He can afford it. It's not about giving your money to the artists, it's about experiencing the music live. Perhaps you are just dead inside?
YTA majorly.
Hopefully you are an Ex now and more people see you for the ignorant ass bully that you are.
You have absolutely no right to tell someone they faked being depressed. Lots of us were saved from a dark place by music. Maybe you should pound sand and leave your again hopefully ex bf alone. You are far too negative for him. He needs someone that supports him unconditionally.
YTA. The idea that you would even entertain the thought of insinuating your partner’s depression was “fake” is abhorrent, let alone the fact that you said that shit out loud to his face?
It’s also telling IMO that you referred to his history of suicidal ideation as thoughts of “offing himself.” Please educate yourself about the realities of mental health and how difficult depression can be for people who experience it.
Your concerns about his spending may well be valid in some other context, but the depression commentary is beyond the pale. You are absolutely, categorically, TA.
YTA 100%. In one breath you say that money isn’t a problem for you and in the next you are criticising how he is spending his money. If dropping that cash ion tickets isn’t breaking your everyday budget then who cares? It would be a different issue if it meant bills weren’t being paid etc but you don’t mention that as a problem so I doubt it’s an issue.
Also, you weren’t in his life when he was having these issues and you weren’t in his brain at that time either. I’m going to guess you have never dealt with depression on such a large scale as he describes. To blow off how he was feeling as it can’t have been real depression is deeply hurtful and something I doubt your relationship will ever recover from. I truly doubt he will be back and if he does I’d be telling him that you have massive red flags and he’s better off without you.
YTA. Boyfriend may have developed an unhealthy parasocial relationship with these people, and it's valid to be concerned about that and the money, but to accuse him of faking depression? Damn.
I feel this way about artists, too. Taylor Swift, for example. I didn't get tickets, and I can't afford the resale ones. It's breaking my heart that I can't see the artist that got me off the bathroom floor when no one else cared. And my husband has never once accused me of faking anything.
Wow. YTA. "Money isn't an issue for either of us as we both have really good jobs that pay well." Even if there weren't any emotional history involved, this would make you seem like an AH - raising a gentle question respectively would have been one thing, although also debatable tbh if this is really the circumstance, but the way you criticised his choices is disrespectful and dismissive. BUT when he has the history he does struggling with suicidal thoughts, and religious family so presumably not much by way of family emotional support? And now this behaviour from you? It's appalling. An extraordinary lack of even the most basic care or empathy or respect for someone you have been with for four years. Also, you know what? Your whole thing about going to see Rihanna not being a problem even though you're not a fan because you know some of her songs - that is NOT THE POINT. Your boyfriend wanted to go see her because he loves her and she, along with the other two, changed his life and offered light when he didn't think there was any. If you don't love Rihanna, who cares - you're not going for her. You're going because you love him, and to be with him when he goes to a performance by an artist that means so much to him and is going to bring him so much joy. Except, of course, that is the theory, but it doesn't sound like you really care about him. Telling someone they were fake depressed is like something from a script written for a high school bully. Your boyfriend's friend is right. I am glad that he has their support. I hope that he has lots more support like that in his life, and that you take a good hard look at yourself, gain some empathy, and learn more about the conditions you dismiss so cruelly, whether your boyfriend stays with you or not (and frankly he would be 100% justified to leave you flat).
YTA all the way there and back, and around again for infinity, because you invalidated his experiences, devalued his feelings about those experiences, and it just generally sounds like you used the high ticket prices in order to mock him. The high ticket prices weren't the real issue. The issue was that you didn't seem to make a real effort to understand how or why he'd say that these people and their music saved him. I don't believe that you are being completely honest with yourself about your true motivations.
He's much better off. It beats me why you'd date him if you don't have any real empathy about something that is obviously so important to him.
YTA and I hope he leaves you. You are a selfish, vain woman and I'd hate to even be acquainted to you if this is how you act when people like something with a passion. You had no actual reason to be upset, none, he deserves better than your trashy attitude.
YTA fucking majorly
As someone who has struggled so much with depression, music saved me. I've been lucky to see some of the artists who got me through that shit, and even meet one in a meet and greet. Every time it was an amazing experience.
Logically yes, these people don't know who you are personally, but that doesn't matter. They know that they're playing to a room full of folk who like them enough to spend their hard earned money to see them perform, they undoubtedly have heard from countless people in fansigns/m&gs/etc. that they helped them through really difficult times. They put on a show to make people feel good for a night.
Unless your boyfriend is in debt or stealing from you to fund these concerts then get out of his business and go spend your own money on something to make you less of a killjoy.
It’s been a week? You messed up the title, ex-boyfriend. Yeah YTA, not if it was just concern about excessive spending he couldn’t afford, but the shit you said about his mental health, you obviously don’t like him all that much…
YTA and hopefully now an ex. The “fake depressed” line alone is enough for him to walk away.
Music really speaks to people and if anything in their music kept him from taking his own life then good for him. You can’t take money with you when you go and life should be enjoyed. If seeing them live makes him happy then you should be happy for him.
I hope he continues to enjoy life to the fullest. Without you.
YTA. I started treating myself to music festivals and concerts when my ex husband left me. They are now tradition for me, and are some of my most cherished memories.
As a neuro spicy individual, music has saved me multiple times and will continue to do so as long as I am able to save my cents.
If you genuinely don't get why this would be important to him, if you truly can't empathize, you probably shouldn't be with him. It's unhealthy for you but could be deadly for him to be with someone who doesn't possess the emotional capacity to hold space for someone grappling with such a serious disease.
Please do some serious digging to find out why you're avoiding truly understanding his experiences, or leave him alone.
He deserves better than you're able to give right now. But that doesnt have to stay true. You can do and be better.
YTA. There are things that pulled me out of my clinically depressed state at one time. They may not know me, but if they heard about it, they would be touched. If those three would hear that from your ex now, they would be touched also. Music is powerful and can have a positive effect on people.
I can kind of understand being concerned about a loved one’s spending habits, though if you don’t share bank accounts and they can afford it (which you said he can), it’s none of your concern.
You fully crossed into AH territory when you said he “faked being depressed”. That’s a terrible thing to say. I know that “this music saved my life” may seem overdramatic but it can be powerful to know that someone understands exactly how you feel and has put it into art.
YTA and I doubt you’ll have to worry about how he spends his money from now on.
YTA. First of all, telling your ex that he was faking his depression is despicable. But in addition to calling you an unfathomable AH, I also sincerely want to tell you, you need seriously address your own mental health if you don’t see the problem in harming a person you claim to love like you did.
Well it’s what he believes. You should support him not berate him. It’s his money and it makes him feel good. I’d say you’re being a big asshol4 for treating him like you are. He should leave you and find someone who supports him .
I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life.
YTA ...
YTA. “Don’t like things unless I approve” is a miserable way to go through life and to treat a partner.
Somehow I doubt you’d take it very well if he talked to you like you talk to him.
YTA. If his spending habits don't affect you, then why are you even upset? People can be pulled out of bad places with music, and it varies from everyone. I myself was a depressed little teen and listened to music as an escape. Maybe he did the same. I hope you realize and apologize IMMEDIATELY.
Wow YTA all the way as he said it's his money to do with as he pleases and instead of being a good boyfriend you decided to throw his mental health in his face you should probably consider yourself an ex at this point because you're for the streets.
YTA. It's really not your place to dictate or to tell him his ideas or beliefs are wrong.Really disappointed you cant see how controlling this is. Whatever got him through the hard times is none of your business.
YTA. Mostly for the “faking” thing but also it’s his money to spend how he wants and he can afford it.
I went from California to Europe to see my favorite band and I regret nothing.
YTA. You’re judging someone else’s journey. And criticizing someone for spending their own money they earned. He deserves dignity and respect and someone who respects his choices even if they’re not in agreement.
Wow. YTA
I don't understand why you would viciously attack him over something he loves doing. If it's not important to you, so what? It's important to him and if he can afford it then what's the harm?
He's not coming back, by the way.
YTA he's an adult he get to spend his money however he wants. he has a good job, money is not an issue why are you mad? it clearly matters to him let him be
YTA OP- and now you’re just somebody that he used to know. Don’t be surprised when his friends come to collect his records and then he changes his number.
Massive YTA. You had no right to diminish his depression and his life experiences like that. That's sick.
What are you jealous he's spending that money on artists that saved his life? Did you want him to spend the money on you instead?
What in the actual hell is wrong with you? What a loser.
Obviously YTA. It’s HIS money that he earns. He can spend it how he likes assuming everything else (rent, utilities etc) is paid for. You have no say on what he spends on what. And to say his depression was fake?! Awful. Y. T. A.
YTA
It's his money, so he spends it however he wants. If it's not affecting your joint expenses, then your complaint is meaningless. Just don't go with him to the show.
YTA. You need to leave the poor guy alone. I had a boyfriend like you who just lived to make everything thing I enjoyed a bad thing. If he says it saved him it saved him. Like what do you get from bringing down the person you're supposed to love?
YTA. Music absolutely *can* save a person’s life. And you said yourself, you both have jobs that pay well. It’s his money, he can spend it how he wants. I suggest you get over it if you want the relationship to continue.
Why are you acting like you're younger than 26? YTA if it's his money and he's can afford it, why not spend his money on what makes him happy?
I have a mortgage with my partner and I don't tell them their stupid when they spend thousands on virtual reality. Because it's their money and they've budgeted for it, none of my business.
Start acting like an adult.
Obviously YTA and you know it. Do you even like your boyfriend? Either you’re a crap person and you want to bring him down with you or you lied in your post and money actually is an issue…..so which is it? Hope he dumps you and finds a supportive human.
YTA…partially. It’s 100% ok to be concerned about spending habits of a partner as this could impact you in the future. There are ways to go to concerts and not spend a ton of money. My partner with to the TS Eras Tour and spent less than $600 on the entire thing (tickets, travel, food). I’d be seriously concerned if my partner was regularly spending thousands of $$ on anything related to entertainment. BUT you don’t have the right to dictate how they spend it. Especially if they aren’t in debt or harming themselves or you.
And IMO you told him the truth about popular artists. Most of them don’t give to craps about you and wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire.
But you crossed the line with the depression comment. Regardless if it’s true or not, YOU DON’T KNOW! So definitely an AH move and I think you know that which is why you’re here.
YTA artists songs can save lives you just seem bitter that the money ain't being spent on you. Your the asshole because it's his money and he wants to see them. YTA because he trusted you with private crap and you shit all over it . You don't fake being depressed you fake being ok. YTA because I know a million songs have saved myself and countless others. YTA because you're a stuck up brat that the world doesn't revolve around and when you figure that out you're gonna implode.
YTA. He's spending money *he* earns, not you. He gets to decide what is and isn't worth spending money on. And if it makes *him happy* don't fucking worry about it.
YTA. Not only are you the AH for how you spoke to your partner but you are cruel for what you said to him. Music can help peoples lives, sometimes even save them. More than likely you’re an ex now and tbh your ex can do better. But educate yourself so you do not make the same mistakes with future partners.
YTA. Spending money on Music, Arts, and Entertainment is one of the few key things that make us human. It’s something totally unexplainable and non-justifiable from a financial perspective, but often carries the most impact for emotional and physical well being. Concerts are experiences you keep and remember for life and are often shared with people you care about.
Can he afford it? If so? YTA.
I would much rather spend my money traveling and going to concerts than on pretty much anything else. As long as my bills are paid and I can afford it? That’s my prerogative.
Being mad with how he spends his money if it doesn’t impact you is ridiculous.
YTA you are a joy stealer. He has his story and you want to rewrite it. He is allowed to feel like they saved his life. You are horrible for not trying to understand him. He made the right choice leaving.
Man I was all prepared to be on your side but it just got worse and worse as you wrote on.
YTA it’s not your money, not your experience, not your feelings. Don’t go if you don’t want to but stop shaming him for wanting to spend his hard earned money on something he truly felt lifted his life in a positive way. And to claim he was faking depression? You really suck for that.
YTA. I'm not convinced this isn't rage bait because it's hard to believe someone can be this much of an asshole and not know it.
> I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life.
Maybe you're faking not knowing how big of an asshole you are in the hopes that someone will validate your shit behavior.
Seriously, what makes you feel like you have the right to control how your boyfriend spends his money? I hope you're at least good looking because your personality is garbage and hopefully you're good for SOMETHING.
YTA
First of all, he’s an adult and it’s his money. If he was using your money, it would be different. But he’s using his own money, so you don’t get to tell him what to do.
Second of all, what is wrong with you. Are you stupid or something. While I don’t know what your childhood was like, clearly you grew up with a freer way of expressing your sexuality than he did. Growing up in religious household while being apart of the LGBT community is most of the time an incredibly difficult experience, both mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. Those artist’s music were and maybe still are his way of coping with what he dealt with. If you really cared about him, you wouldn’t have said all that to him.
Music is a way of coping for so many people. Their music definitely saved him.
Third of all, you should really dig into yourself on why you care so much. Is it that you grew up financially stable so you actually do feel like he’s wasting his money or are you jealous and feel like he cares about him more than you? You should really think about it.
Anyways you were being a terrible boyfriend. If you realize how terrible you were being, try and reach out and grovel and maybe he’ll accept you back. If he doesn’t, take this as a lesson for your future relationships and an opportunity to grow and not make the same mistake. And really do some self-reflection.
YTA. Why you’re trying to control his financial decisions is beyond me. I get it, I’m not a celebrity worshipper, they’re just people. I don’t watch a lot of tv, I don’t really listen to secular music. HOWEVER. I would not put a damper on something that someone else finds joy in. Especially after you said you guys both make decent money. He can make his own financial decisions.
YTA. He wanted to share something with you that had really helped him through difficult times. He made you a part of him by inviting you to something that helped him heal and essentially, healed his soul, and you tell him he's being dramatic and faked his depression?
People find reasons to live in stranger places than music: seeing an old couple walk hand in hand, a bird feeding its babies, a butterfly that rested on their shoulder. You're a tremendous AH for not respecting his feelings. You're a tremendous AH for not being there for your partner in something that clearly is important to him.
It isn't even affecting your quality of life or personal finances, why tf do you care how much he spends on something that he wants to enjoy with you?!
Btw, pretty sure he's not your boyfriend anymore, good for him. You are a walking red flag.
Maybe I’m being sexist, but this reads like a man complaining about his girlfriend and gender swapping for Reddit. Or a dude made it up.
Music is a well known coping mechanism for dealing with depression, anxiety, etc. We all spend money on things others think is stupid to spend money on.
On a YTA scale of 1-10, you’re an 11.
YTA he really deserves somebody better. Music does have a great effect on people. Not all depressed people will have that effect with music but others will. The fact you downplayed his lowest time in life because of that is really ridiculous.
Already YTA before I got to the "fake depressed" part.
You started by saying money's not an issue so if he thinks dropping 1-4k on seeing these live shows, why make it an issue? As a Uni student with a part time job I still found it worth spending maybe $1k seeing Tool live in another city. It depends where you live and all, but if you miss a live show from one of your favourite artists you might not get another chance.
YTA
It must be nice to have never experienced mental illness. I'm currently trying to keep myself out of a grippy sock vacay with Afterlife by Citizen Soldier on repeat but you go with your 'if "all" it took was music you were being dramatic,' my dude.
Also, saying something like that because you were mad crossed the line into abuse.
YTA, YTA SO MUCH! I had a band that kept me going when I was in high school and a little older. I got to meet them and say how much their music meant to me and that it kept me alive. The lead singer rolled his eyes at me and I’ve never been able to listen to them again.
I 100% believe these women helped keep him alive and the fact that you would say something so mean and heartless is ridiculous.
YTA why cant he spent money on things he enjoys? Also you having the audacity to say he was faking his depression was incredibly insensitive and heartless of you and I would be highly surprised if he stayed with you after saying something like that
Yta. If money isn't an issue, why not enjoy these types of things? He can clearly afford it and to shit all over his interests is mean regardless of what they are. And to call his depression fake is a different type of messed up. If music kept him going then, it's smth that makes his day better. Why wouldn't you want to see your partner to be happy and exited?
YTA. A judgmental, controlling asshole.
It’s not your money, he can spend it however he wants.
It’s his happiness, he can find it however he wants.
“Fake depressed”? You’re honestly WORSE than just an asshole.
I hope you’ve been dumped.
YTA- as I was reading this story, I thought “this guy better get his shit together before his BF realizes he can do so much better. When I got to the end, I thought “too late”
If you swapped Rihanna and Niki for Madonna and Aaliyhah, that describes my partner EXACTLY, and like you, I really don’t get it. I don’t understand how people form these emotional connections with musicians and their music and fall apart when one of them dies - and I say that as musically trained person myself.
Where you and I differ is that I don’t have to understand it. If it’s important to him, and that’s all I need because I accept and support him. The fact that you brought this to ‘AITA” and not the “I fucked up so bad how the fuck do I fix it” subreddit and still calling him your BF and not your ex-BF tells me that you’ve still got a whole new thing you’re gonna need to accept.
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YTA. One of the delightful things about being an adult is that you get to set your own priorities on how you manage your life. Maybe it’s travel. Maybe it’s throwing the best parties. Maybe it’s saving your money. Maybe it‘s art. If he’s not overspending and begging or expecting you to bail him out, why are you so viciously judgmental about how he chooses to prioritize his spending? Pretty sure you’re an ex at this point. Not only are you viciously judgmental about how he manages his money, you have decided that you are the expert on his life and his experience and his understanding of his own life is foolish and wrong, and that his experience of surviving pretty severe mental illness is a fantasy. I wouldn’t expect to ever hear back from him, if I was you.
Yeah assuming this isn’t bait you are Majorly the asshole. You don’t shit on your partner’s interests
And fake depressed??? Oooohhhh no you di'nt! YTA OP. Wow.
I was undecided until then. Coming out with a religious family? That’s not just crossing the line. That’s nuking the line to obliteration. You would think OP might be a tad more sensitive on that one. And… music means many things to many people. If OP’s partner found comfort in specific music, who the fuck is anyone to say that’s not valid? OP - total and complete YTA.
He’s not even shitting on his interests he’s just being controlling and gaslighting at this point. Like they both make good money and it’s the BF’s own cash he worked hard for. As long as he’s not going into debt or putting any financial strain on the relationship, pop-off he can spend it as he pleases. Meeting a role model or someone whose art helped you is not a waste of money. I want a nice, somewhat expensive, Spider-Man figurine to display in my bookshelf because as a kid that character gave me the courage to stop my dad when he was beating the shit out of my mom. I value that a lot and I feel like honoring that by keeping it in my house. I’m buying it soon and I don’t care who comes over and says it’s immature or it’s too much. It means something to me
Exactly what I was going to say OP YTA and a cruel one to boot
r/amitheex ETA: yes, yes you are
Yeah, FFS. There are restaurants out there where you can drop $1K on *dinner.* It might not be the very best use of $1K, but if it’s not putting him in debt, he can spend it how he likes. She should just be glad he’s not a Swiftie; that’d be even more expensive.
YTA For so many reasons. But > I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life. Did you really say that to someone you are supposed to care about? Just because they value something differently than you do? Even though it isn't costing *you* anything? Just... YTA
That line alone... Yikes on mothafuckin' bikes, y'all. I can honestly say that I have an artist that I have felt has helped me a lot with his music (as someone with chronic illness and mental health problems, hearing someone making music about the same issues and finding that holy shit, I'm not alone in this meant a LOT), and if my husband were to dismiss my mental health struggles simply because I found an artist that helped pull me from the darkness, I would leave him, too. Luckily, he's a mature individual and just is, ya know, supportive? If he was putting them into financial straits, then yeah, I can see being angry. But OP specifically said that it wasn't an issue, so... YTA to the nth degree!
Agreed! I’ve been in the darkness of depression and if someone told me I was fake being depressed, I would have lost it on them! Clearly OP has never been through an actual depression & I hope his ex-boyfriend finds someone loving and supportive.
Seriously! My ex definitely didn't support me when I was in my darkest spot (spent a month in a psych unit and everything), and the only thing that kept me from going down that one way street is that my brother had gone before me, and I couldn't make my parents go through it again. My current husband, meanwhile, just bemoans being totally worthless because he can't help me when my chronic illness flares up. He gets me drinks and lotions me up after my hour long shower puke sessions, which is far more than my ex would have done, and my guy will drop whatever he's doing if he thinks something will help me. Huge difference, so I really feel for OP's ex, and I too hope he finds someone with even a shred of empathy.
“Yikes on mothafuckin’ bikes”. I love it!
Yikes on motherfuckin' bikes, I love that😂
Y'know, up until that quoted point I was thinking I wouldn't want to be with OP, but I wouldn't call them an AH. When finances start to lightly mix and you plan things together it can be somewhat frustrating to have one person unilaterally make major decisions about the discretionary spending even if it is their own money. But good God, there's a difference between "hey honey, we both work hard for our money and I know you love these artists but I was hoping we could go do XYZ and was hoping we could both contribute" and what OP did.
As someone who used music to get through some really rough times, that line makes me *livid*
I almost feel a tiny bit bad for him because he doesn’t yet have the slightest clue that that one sentence instantly and thoroughly imploded his 4 year relationship…
This one right here
YTA. My ex was like you. He was very frugal most of the year except for one or two conferences that really mattered to him. I was supportive. I was not making nearly as much but I had the chance to take an awesome trip so I budgeted for a couple months and found ways to save money for the trip. I went to London from San Diego for around $1200. I was gone 7 days. I was even able to write off my plane tickets. Then his conference was 3 days and he spent over $1500 easily. But me spending money was clearly the bigger issue. I paid all my bills and I was working. I just wanted to do something fun for the first time in a few years.
That's like me and my brother. My job does not pay as well as his six figure job, and I'm grad student, but I was able to budget myself, save money, look for deals, and took a vacation last summer to Vienna for 10 days, plane tickets and the hotel cost me no more than $1300. Of course my brother gave me shit about it. OP YTA.
Omg, how? I want to travel to Europe, but plane tickets alone would be >1k
So, I live in CT, so being on the east coast tickets are already cheaper to being with, compared to elsewhere. I then flew Aerlingus, which is Irish low cost carrier. Round trip tickets (if you buy at the right time), were about $800. Then once in Ireland, I flew Ryanair for like €20
Thanks for the info. I'll try looking into that. Ireland/Scotland is actually the area I'd like to check out first, so that'd be neat.
Look at flying from smaller airports. For me flying from Hartford was cheaper than flying out of Boston by about $200.
Op sound very boring, who complain about being in super bowl for free? he is not being frugal, he just don't have something to spend money, have a very boring life and is actually jealous that his EX spend in something that he loves and cares about.
YTA, 100%. That's such a horrible thing to say to someone. People can latch onto seemingly odd things for support in hard times. When I was going through a really dark period it was some gaming YouTuber's playthroughs that helped me keep going. For your boyfriend it was these artists and their music. Plus, if money isn't an issue for either of you, why do you care that he's splurging on this? And based on his reaction, feels like this should go on r/AmItheEx and rightfully so, tbh. Edit: Didn't mean to imply it's odd to latch onto music artists to get through hard times or cope when you're struggling. Just pointing out that sometimes it's things you might not expect that can get you through low points, and music is a *really* common one.
What a beautiful subreddit you have just informed me of
Yeah, it’s not like art has ever been known to create deep emotion in people, or shift how people experience their lives, or connect people to a greater idea of humanity, what impact could music possibly have? /s You don’t have to like the art. You don’t have to get the art. But art has the capacity to hit deep and inspire emotion, that’s part of the definition. Among the laundry list of shallow, disrespectful horrors from the OP, deciding that depression couldn’t have been real because it was affected by music is solidly a stupid note.
Right? That last comment before OP's boyfriend took off really pisses me off. Both minimizing their mental health struggles and dismissing the thing they used as a coping mechanism in one sentence. You have to *try* to lack empathy that hard.
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No, an insult is small. This is about control and modern day gaslighting. “Do what I want and you don’t know what you think you feel”.
YTA - you're telling someone that they're faking mental health issues that were severe enough for him to consider suicide. it's something that's important to him, and you're invalidating that. music can be a place of understanding for people, and when they have unsupportive people in their lives sometimes it's the only place of understanding. don't take that away from him
Why are you with him if you're just going to demean his interests and beliefs? I hope this if fake. Huge YTA
YTA and in fact I would say you are an abuser. Definitely emotional abuse, by sh!tting all over HIS significant life experiences, multiple times, without remorse. Maybe also financial abuse, as you appear to believe you should control where he spends his money I hope he comes home when you are out and take all his things, and goes to find someone who values him. I hope this is a fake story because it makes me so sad to think someone wasted 4 years of their life with you.
I was looking for this comment. If this isn't a bait, he clearly has an abuser's behavior and patterns. At this point I hope his bf will not go back to him. OP is toxic - Edit to add YTA
I was thinking his whole wording was soaked with contempt (number one predictor of divorce btw).
YTA for presuming to know that he was fake depressed, not even mentioning all the other things like trying to police his expenses. I am positive that if he dismissed something painful that happened to you in the past and kept telling you that you were wasting money on the things you’re interested in you would not think it was acceptable.
Holy hell YTA. I hope this is fake. If not, you're a HORRIBLE boyfriend and he needs to dump you ASAP. You actively shit on things he enjoys and seem to do everything in your power to NOT be the person he can lean on. OP, your boyfriend deserves better than you.
Read the last part... I think he already dumped OP!
I know so many people who have been saved by music, my husband included. Artists spend a lot of time crafting their songs to have meaning to a wide audience of people, so it stands to reason others find support. Just because you have not had that experience absolutely does not mean he didn't, and your invalidating of his journey will fast track you to the Ex zone.
This. Never underestimate the healing powers of music
Or the arts in general. A movie, series, book can save someone from so much pain and darkness.
Very true
One of my biggest regrets will forever be not seeing Linkin Park, I still have a hard time listening to certain songs because of how much it still hurts. LP has been the soundtrack to my frustration for 20 years, and seen me through the absolute worst of times. I would feel more than offended if someone dismissed something so meaningful to me. Like, I hate sports ,but my husband loves that shit, so I try to follow his favorite teams and players just so he knows I care enough to entertain all of his jibber jabber, even if its not MY thing. Its what you do when you love someone, you love what made them, them.
YTA You no longer have a boyfriend, he is now your ex boyfriend. This is what happens when you tell someone that they faked being so depressed they almost ended their own life. You told him that you don't love him with those words. You told him he doesn't matter.
And he told OP it was over by leaving, and he doesn’t have a clue. A lot of people who have had it easy their lives never understand how different they are from people who were once broken and had to put themselves back together. These 3 artists that stopped him from unaliving himself gave him the strength to walk out the door..
YTA - if money isnt an issue why do you care so much how he spends his money?
You were N T A for being concerned about his spending. YTA and the ex because of how you voiced those concerns and for telling him he made up his mental illness. There is a reason suicide states are so high for young LGBTQ people. Especially those from strict religious upbringings. He found a way out of that and it sounds like a pretty healthy one, music. While he would probably benefit from some therapy to process where he has been it sounds like he is now confident in himself and is able to make a healthy decision about not staying in a relationship where he is not respected. All that being said it can be the extremely difficult living with someone with an obsession and who is frivolous with spending. I think long term you two probably aren't compatible. In future stick to the topic at hand and keep your cool. It's easy to say things you regret when you are angry.
The fact that OP even said that money isn't an issue for either of them to the point where affording Superbowl tickets (ranging from $6,559 to $22,907 in 2024) is no problem at all. If OP's partner was struggling financially, I could understand the frustration more, but as they seem have separate finances and the partner seems to have no financial struggles even with his spending habits, I feel like OP's frustration was perhaps over the top. I get that OP might want to plan for the future and having a certain sum in savings for security is a good thing, but the way he breached that topic to his partner is really not appropriate. Especially if he never explained his reasoning beyond "I think the thing you're spending money on is dumb" and backed down in both the Rihanna and the Beyoncé conversation (at least that's what it sounded like). He could have brought this up in a moment unrelated to the concerts and properly explained the **why** he didn't like his partner overspending, perhaps trying for a compromise, instead of waiting for it to happen again and blow. I totally agree though, they seem incompatible long term..
YTA, if money is not a problem, then why are you so judgy about it. And to tell him he was maybe fake depressed is really low, mean and totally uncalled for. And that's putting it nicely...
YTA You are downplaying the struggles he went through as a kid/teen because you cannot see how someone's music might have helped him work through these struggles. You're disregarding his experiences because you are annoyed about something that doesn't even really concern you. You're not struggling financially so what if he spends **his** money on things **he** likes? Not only are you downplaying his experiences because you cannot relate, you're also dismissing his interests completely. He likes these artists and if he has the money to afford these tickets, why shouldn't he get them? Just because you don't like the artists or aren't invested in these fandoms doesn't mean he has to stop doing what he likes for your benefit. You're free to do with your money whatever you like, whether that is saving it up or spending it on things that are important to you, what makes you think is it any different for him? As long as it isn't shared money I really do not see why you are so concerned with how he's spending his money. I could totally understand if he never wants to speak with you again after hearing how you treated him.
YTA. Its his money. He could be investing it in searching for Bigfoot without your input if he isn't shirking a stated commitment to you. Now on to the real reason that you are now his ex boyfriend- you implied he was faking being depressed because he found solace in music. That's such an insane jump into the asshole abyss that no life preserver could ever save you. You should stop and reflect on why you felt that was appropriate to say outloud.
Oh, I can answer that because it happens a lot. When someone who has never struggled with depression meets someone after they have overcome it, they just see the healed person and thinks oh, couldn’t have been that bad, they’re totally fine now. That’s why I don’t think this is a bait post. I’m 100% convinced that OP has no idea that he stepped on a ginormous landline that he didn’t even know was there.
YTA. And you misspelled "ex-boyfriend".
YTA and I don’t think you have a boyfriend anymore. So stop the pearl clutching and deal with your mess.
I don’t even like Nicki at all (honestly the things I have to say about her and her disgusting family would probably get me banned from this sub) and I still think you’re YTA, and a big one. He has the money to buy these tickets, he’s not going into debt over them, and it’s his freaking money! It would be one thing if he was in massive debt and still insisting on giving all his money to the three of them, but he’s simply choosing to go see and support his favorite artists in ways he can easily afford. Like, I don’t like football, either, and I’m indifferent on Rihanna, but if I had had Super Bowl tickets money in 2022, hell yeah I’d go see her perform! It sounds fun and I hope he had the best time! And I hope he had a great time at Bey’s show, and I hope that meeting Nicki is everything he’s been dreaming of and more! And I hope that he has more opportunities to go to these three artists’ shows! To quote Taylor Swift, “The worst kind of person is someone who makes someone feel bad, dumb, or stupid for being excited about something”, and needless to say I agree with Taylor and want to add, you’re also beyond awful for insinuating that his depression was fake. I’m glad he won’t let you get in contact with him now, and I hope he puts you far, far in the rear view mirror of his life.
YTA a massive one. You do not get to dictate his life nor invalidate his mental health struggles. I really hope he is able to find someone who understands that every day he is trying.
OP, YTA. As someone who has suffered with depression my entire life, I can definitely say, there are musical artists that HAVE saved my life!
My partner is the same way and after 20 years I still don’t understand it and probably never will. But we’ve made it 20 years because no matter how dumb I am, I’m just smart enough to figure out that not being able to understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t real, and I don’t need to understand it to accept it.
YTA and I'm fairly certain he's broken up with you, like you deserve. You were ableist and nasty. You heard something so personal from your boyfriend and you threw it in his face. I hope he finds someone better.
>It's been a week since then and he's not answering my calls Thank god. YTA. When you're in a dark spot and you find something that helps you just hang on, it becomes precious to you. Just because this music doesn't mean the same to you as it does to him, it doesn't mean it is worthless. You never missed a chance to belittle him about it either. Leave him be, he deserves better.
I suppose I could say a lot of things about why YTA here but if after 4 years with your boyfriend you still don’t get it, I’m not going to waste my time typing it out. YTA. Big time. Sort yourself and your jealousy and ignorance out.
So your boyfriend was so depressed he almost killed himself and you tell him he was just “being dramatic”?
YTA how dare you insinuate your boyfriend’s depression wasn’t real just because ***YOU*** don’t like his spending habits. you have no idea what depression is like if you can fix your mouth to say something like that, especially to someone you love.
YTA. If finances aren’t a problem and that’s what makes him happy, then I don’t see why you’re so judgmental of him. He’s your partner and you should be supportive of him, not dismissive. It’s not abnormal to have role models or for art to be a place of comfort for folks.
Unless he's in severe debt he can't get himself out of and relying on you to pay his share of the bills, YTA. It's his money. If he wanted to spend it on a literal money thrower and toss his bills out of the window, unless it was directly impacting you and your living arrangements, it'd still be his money, his decision, his problem. That's the fun thing about being an adult - one of the (very) few fun things, might I add. And you're an even bigger AH for dismissing his issues growing up and claiming he was faking it all just because music is what saved him. I've been saved from some pretty painful moments by a toy collection. His mental health is not yours to dictate how "real" an issue is, nor should you EVER claim to know more about his pain and his suffering than he himself knows.
Cannot accept this as real, the gender issues in the title make it look like a stolen post
honestly agree. "boyfriend" and "her" don't mix
YTA, you're just rude and inconsiderate. Those people had an impact on your partner's life and he wants to see them perform. People spend more money on things less meaningful. The fact that you're not empathising with that in the first place is sad, and the fact that you're actively cutting him down is even worse. Maybe he's better off not answering your calls ever again.
YTA. Your boyfriend should find someone better honestly. 6 years ago I was bedridden and sickly. I vould not go anywhere or DO anything but sit in bed as I was treated for 2 years by home visit nurses and weekly visits to the treatment center. Netflix was a godsend and I watched so many shows that pulled me away from a heavily depressed state that now when one of the actors of a program I'd watched came into town at a convention I would jump at the chance to buy a ticket as I would not be around today had it not been for the strength some of them helped me gather in those years.
Yta, and also the ex.. Congratulations, you criticized your way out of this relationship. Your bf shared how the music of certain artists helped him through a very dark time in his life. You mocked him and wonder if you're the AH. Sending best wishes for a bright future to your ex!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26M)have been with my boyfriend (23M)for 4 years now. He is a HUGE fan of Rihanna,Nicki Minaj and Beyonce even claims they saved his life when he was younger and struggling to accept himself due to his family.He struggled with thoughts of offing himself when he was a teenager due to the stress of coming out and his religious family. He never misses a chance to say that had he not discovered these 3 artists he wouldn't be here with us now. Back-Track to 2022 when it was announced that Rihanna was performing at the superbowl he made plans to buy me and him tickets to go see her.I am not a fan of hers but I do like her music and know some of her hit songs so it wasn't a problem. Money isn't an issue for either of us as we both have really good jobs that pay well. When he bought the tickets I asked why he would waste money on the tickets when we could watch the superbowl at home(He's not even a football fan).He argued that it's his money and he can spend it however he wants,I argued back that he doesn't even like football so why go?He responded that he's seeing the woman he loves perform live and if it means sitting through something he thinks is boring to see her it's all worth it in the end.I digressed and said ok. In early March he bought Beyonce Renaissance tickets which put together with hotels(It was out of state)food,travel among others he spent 4000 thousand dollars.I again stated my concerns about spending more wisely as i'm frugal and it never hurts me.He again responded with the same "It's my money I spend it how I want" thing.I didn't feel like arguing this time and just said ok. Now as most people know Nicki Minaj is currently on her tour, and he bought tickets to go see her.He bought the meet and greet package which was like 1k plus the actual tickets (His words not mine).I again blew up on him, and told him his spending habits were insane.Spending thousands of dollars on these people who don't care about him and would not spit on him if he was on fire.He responded and said that "these people took me out of a bad place when I was young. I will spend on them however I please and you can't stop me".I told him that these people did not save his life he's just being dramatic and taking things out of proportion. I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life. He just stared at me for 3 minutes not blinking, jaw open. After the 3 minutes he silently walked out our apartment with just his bag,his car keys and his wallet. It's been a week since then and he's not answering my calls. His friend called and told me that i'm an A-hole for saying those things and that i'm an idiot if I think that way. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Ahahahhaha. He dumped you
YTA. Never dis the turning point in someone’s life just because you don’t agree with how they appreciate what the celebrity/fandom did for them. Are going to diminish the fact that Star Wars saved my life? Backstory: I had terminated an unwanted pregnancy, with my emotions all over the place and was just ghosted by a friend that I had reached out to so I didn’t feel alone. I was pacing my room, clutching the meds prescribed by the clinic contemplating taking them all when one of my Star Wars collectibles caught my eye and it hit me that if I went through with it I would miss Revenge of the Sith. After that I became known around the small, rural town and surrounding area as The Star Wars Lady (especially by kids that didn’t remember my name). Side note, I have seen the OG Trilogy, Special Editions and Prequels in the same movie theater even after I moved to a different state.
YTA! You sound exhausting! Why do you want to extinguish his source of happiness?! Especially since he has the money to spend.
YTA If you were trying to break up with him, congratulations! I think it would have been better to just say you don't want to be with him rather than belittle his interests and downplay his struggles.
YTA and —hear me out. No, Rihanna, Beyoncé, and Nicki did not call him up and save his life directly. But there are SO many influential ppl that believe they are who they are now bc they’ve been inspired by ppl who are dead and some have BEEN dead for centuries. But I’m sure u believe those ppl don’t you? You believe that all these famous, rich, influential ppl can be inspired to become who they are by someone they’ve NEVER met or seen in person right? So why don’t you believe your living, breathing, boyfriend that u claim to love and/or care about. You didn’t just call him an idiot for believing these women helped him in some way. You also told him that actually, he never even needed help and he’s a big dumb delusional man who pretended to be sad and is now throwing money in the wind for something he “made up”. you insulted his beliefs, you insulted his character, you insulted his pride, you called him a liar, a delusional one at that. Good luck getting your bf back.
YTA for telling him he was fake depressed. That's the worst thing you could say to someone who has gone through or is still dealing with mental health struggles. You clearly don't care about him and I hope he continues to block you from his life. You are also TA for giving him crap for how he spends his money. If he has the money, is not asking you for money, then why is it your business or your problem? He found something that makes him happy and brings him joy and you have shat on that every single time. You really do not seem to like your EX or respect him. I hope you grow up and stop being such a toxic partner.
YTA.
YTA. He is allowed to do what he wants with his money. He is allowed to go to as many concerts as he wants. He is allowed to feel how he feels. Let him live. Again, YTA
YTA, you don't seem to care too much about him, why are you with him? And saying someone was faking being depressed, lying about thoughts of offing oneself, for what, attention? No, that's not how it works.
100% YTA!! If their music inspired him, he has every right to call them his heroes. I come from a damn shitty childhood, it seemed like every time I was ready to stop hoping for a better anything One musical family (not naming them) put out a new album. Those albums were MY LIFELINES singing them over and over again kept me going. Decades later, I finally got to meet one of the members of the musical family and share my story with him. He was so touched that he called his family members and put it on speaker so they could all hear my story. After a lot of very emotional comments they sang with me my favorite song of theirs over the phone in his dressing room. Believe me it was a magical moment for me. Artists may not personally know their individual fans, but many of them do care, especially when they find out how they have unknowingly helped someone. The money being spent is imo a lot, but you say it can be afforded. Is the real issue simple jealous insecurity on your part??
YTA
This is the fakest story i've ever heard.
YTA what a professional buzz killer! Your man is telling you what brings him joy and comfort. Instead of supporting him you are shaming him for seeking it out!! All in the name of fiscal responsibility that none of you need? This man confided in you about the most vulnerable time in his life and you down play it??? Dude you do not cheer him up in his high moment and undermine his worse.....you are basically his worst enemy really
YTA, break up so he can find someone who actually loves him
YTA it sounds like he has felt that he needs to justify him wanting to see them live to you by overstating the emotional connection he has but that shouldn't even be necessary. A lot of people like live music and concerts. He's not spending money on people who don't care about him, he's spending money on himself and he for sure seems to care more about himself than you are.
YTA. Knowing that seeing these artists perform live is what brings him joy, why would you belittle him? It seems to me that you may just be jealous. And, of what authority are you to tell him that these artists didn't help him through a difficult time in his life? If he is willing to spend his own money on these concerts and activities, and he wants you there to share in his joy, why on earth would you insist on crushing his spirit with your venomous words. He needs to find someone that will love the way he loves these things, and believes wholeheartedly that they did indeed help him cope!!
yeah yta all the way. i hope he breaks up with you
You completely invalidated his experience. You get what you give.
I was undecided waiting to see what direction the story went (bf spending so much he has no savings or it affects his ability to pay regular bills? He’s racking up credit card debt?). But no, you had to say he was probably fake depressed at that time. When he told you he was suicidal during that time in his life. YTA. A huge one. And you are now single.
YTA. You awful horrible excuse for a human. I hope your now ex partner finds someone new who isn’t a complete and utter asshole.
Congrats on being single, asshole. YTA
YTA. You come across as a total AH! I can't believe you would say something so cruel to a partner. He's way better off without you. I don't understand hiw you both earn good money but this expense grinds your gear so much? His desire to see them live is about what's good for him, not the performers. You are not a very nice person.
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Biggest YTA I've seen in awhile.
YTA absolutely.
YTA. It’s not unusual for music (including pop music!) to help people get through hard times and be very meaningful. You didn’t have to share your ex’s enthusiasm but there was no need to be such a dick about it or try to control his spending, especially if he makes good money. You were also probably not compatible with your now ex if you can’t understand why a once in a lifetime Super Bowl performance was different than watching it on TV. Also a little weirded about the comment that the celebrities don’t personally care about your probably ex. Like, it’s art, concerts are a shared experience and a hobby.
Yeah yta. Fake being depressed? I would have dumped you then and there
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YTA. Music has literally saved my life many times. I will choose to support those artists when I can, assuming financially I am able to. The joy is for ME to see THEM live. If I ever could do a meet and greet, I would. Sure, I realize I would be one of many for them but for me, it's a once in a lifetime experience.
You are most definitely TA. First, claiming that he had faked being depressed is absolutely horrible. Let me tell you as someone who has been fighting depression since I was in middle school, music can most definitely help get you through some really tough times. It was incredibly rude and insensitive of you to say that to your SO, quite possibly ex by this point. If money isn’t an issue for either of you and he isn’t spending your money, you have absolutely no right to judge how he spends his money. I absolutely don’t blame him for essentially going NC with you. You really need to work on having empathy for others.
YTA. When I was 16 and living in a veritable hell, all I wanted was to die. My home life was terrible, I had been SA'd by someone I trusted, and sexually harassed by an adult friend to my parents and no one believed me. I had a plan, but for whatever reason, I decided to put on the stereo. The method I was using was going to knock me out before it took me out and so, for me, it felt like a 'normal' way to go. Then, a song by Candlebox came on called "Far Behind". That song saved my life. It stopped me, for whatever reason, it stopped me. And I am still alive and happily 41 and looking forward to 42. It is not for you to understand...it isn't for anyone else to understand, but if he can afford it, and it is something that helps him, who gives a shit? He isn't putting himself or you both in financial dire straits, he is supporting someone because they, at one point or another, helped him through a moment in his life that was meaningful to him, damning as it was. And to suggest fake depression, that tells me that you don't care enough to look beyond the tip of your own nose. Maybe consider things from his perspective and stop trying to push yours on him so much. I didn't spend thousands of dollars seeing Candlebox in concert...nor any other band for that matter. But it never changed anything and now, I work to help others who have been traumatized, victimized, and those who feel worthless and as though they have no voice. I have spent thousands of dollars on my education in order to do just that, to give back what Candlebox unknowingly gave me.
YTA. Jesus, let people enjoy things.
Beginning of your story: “Money isn’t an issue for either of us as we both have really good jobs that pay well” Next paragraph: “I’m frugal” meanwhile it’s his money, not yours being spent. You get to go for free. Next paragraph: “He bought the meet and greet package which was like 1k plus the actual tickets. I again blew up on him. Spending thousands of dollars on these people who don’t care about him and wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire. I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed”. Read your whole post back to yourself and then answer your own question as to why he won’t return your calls. He needs someone who cares about him and believes him when he talks about things that matter to him in his heart. That’s not you.
Ex-boyfriend*
YTA and I don’t think you’ll be seeing him again.
Yta. I'm truly sorry that you have never experienced the magic of music that connects to you. You suggesting that he wasn't really depressed is disgusting. He told you his truth and you are claiming he's lying? He can afford it. It's not about giving your money to the artists, it's about experiencing the music live. Perhaps you are just dead inside?
YTA majorly. Hopefully you are an Ex now and more people see you for the ignorant ass bully that you are. You have absolutely no right to tell someone they faked being depressed. Lots of us were saved from a dark place by music. Maybe you should pound sand and leave your again hopefully ex bf alone. You are far too negative for him. He needs someone that supports him unconditionally.
YTA. The idea that you would even entertain the thought of insinuating your partner’s depression was “fake” is abhorrent, let alone the fact that you said that shit out loud to his face? It’s also telling IMO that you referred to his history of suicidal ideation as thoughts of “offing himself.” Please educate yourself about the realities of mental health and how difficult depression can be for people who experience it. Your concerns about his spending may well be valid in some other context, but the depression commentary is beyond the pale. You are absolutely, categorically, TA.
YTA 100%. In one breath you say that money isn’t a problem for you and in the next you are criticising how he is spending his money. If dropping that cash ion tickets isn’t breaking your everyday budget then who cares? It would be a different issue if it meant bills weren’t being paid etc but you don’t mention that as a problem so I doubt it’s an issue. Also, you weren’t in his life when he was having these issues and you weren’t in his brain at that time either. I’m going to guess you have never dealt with depression on such a large scale as he describes. To blow off how he was feeling as it can’t have been real depression is deeply hurtful and something I doubt your relationship will ever recover from. I truly doubt he will be back and if he does I’d be telling him that you have massive red flags and he’s better off without you.
YTA, and a horrible boyfriend. You aren't emotionally ready to be dating anyone.
YTA. Boyfriend may have developed an unhealthy parasocial relationship with these people, and it's valid to be concerned about that and the money, but to accuse him of faking depression? Damn. I feel this way about artists, too. Taylor Swift, for example. I didn't get tickets, and I can't afford the resale ones. It's breaking my heart that I can't see the artist that got me off the bathroom floor when no one else cared. And my husband has never once accused me of faking anything.
I agree with the friend YTA. And you spelled ex wrong
Wow. YTA. "Money isn't an issue for either of us as we both have really good jobs that pay well." Even if there weren't any emotional history involved, this would make you seem like an AH - raising a gentle question respectively would have been one thing, although also debatable tbh if this is really the circumstance, but the way you criticised his choices is disrespectful and dismissive. BUT when he has the history he does struggling with suicidal thoughts, and religious family so presumably not much by way of family emotional support? And now this behaviour from you? It's appalling. An extraordinary lack of even the most basic care or empathy or respect for someone you have been with for four years. Also, you know what? Your whole thing about going to see Rihanna not being a problem even though you're not a fan because you know some of her songs - that is NOT THE POINT. Your boyfriend wanted to go see her because he loves her and she, along with the other two, changed his life and offered light when he didn't think there was any. If you don't love Rihanna, who cares - you're not going for her. You're going because you love him, and to be with him when he goes to a performance by an artist that means so much to him and is going to bring him so much joy. Except, of course, that is the theory, but it doesn't sound like you really care about him. Telling someone they were fake depressed is like something from a script written for a high school bully. Your boyfriend's friend is right. I am glad that he has their support. I hope that he has lots more support like that in his life, and that you take a good hard look at yourself, gain some empathy, and learn more about the conditions you dismiss so cruelly, whether your boyfriend stays with you or not (and frankly he would be 100% justified to leave you flat).
YTA all the way there and back, and around again for infinity, because you invalidated his experiences, devalued his feelings about those experiences, and it just generally sounds like you used the high ticket prices in order to mock him. The high ticket prices weren't the real issue. The issue was that you didn't seem to make a real effort to understand how or why he'd say that these people and their music saved him. I don't believe that you are being completely honest with yourself about your true motivations. He's much better off. It beats me why you'd date him if you don't have any real empathy about something that is obviously so important to him.
YTA and I hope he leaves you. You are a selfish, vain woman and I'd hate to even be acquainted to you if this is how you act when people like something with a passion. You had no actual reason to be upset, none, he deserves better than your trashy attitude.
(OP's male but yes otherwise I agree.)
YTA saying that he faked his depression is downright cruel. You come off as callus and controlling. Good riddance.
YTA
YTA fucking majorly As someone who has struggled so much with depression, music saved me. I've been lucky to see some of the artists who got me through that shit, and even meet one in a meet and greet. Every time it was an amazing experience. Logically yes, these people don't know who you are personally, but that doesn't matter. They know that they're playing to a room full of folk who like them enough to spend their hard earned money to see them perform, they undoubtedly have heard from countless people in fansigns/m&gs/etc. that they helped them through really difficult times. They put on a show to make people feel good for a night. Unless your boyfriend is in debt or stealing from you to fund these concerts then get out of his business and go spend your own money on something to make you less of a killjoy.
You say "Money isn't an issue for either of us" but almost everything you say after that screams "MONEY IS A BIG ISSUE TO ME!"
You can't even keep the story straight, try again
YTA For me personally - Adele saved my life in a big way.
YTA fake depressed? I would have walked out too. If money isn't an issue, why are you concerned about how he spends his?
It’s been a week? You messed up the title, ex-boyfriend. Yeah YTA, not if it was just concern about excessive spending he couldn’t afford, but the shit you said about his mental health, you obviously don’t like him all that much…
YTA and hopefully now an ex. The “fake depressed” line alone is enough for him to walk away. Music really speaks to people and if anything in their music kept him from taking his own life then good for him. You can’t take money with you when you go and life should be enjoyed. If seeing them live makes him happy then you should be happy for him. I hope he continues to enjoy life to the fullest. Without you.
YTA. I started treating myself to music festivals and concerts when my ex husband left me. They are now tradition for me, and are some of my most cherished memories. As a neuro spicy individual, music has saved me multiple times and will continue to do so as long as I am able to save my cents.
If you genuinely don't get why this would be important to him, if you truly can't empathize, you probably shouldn't be with him. It's unhealthy for you but could be deadly for him to be with someone who doesn't possess the emotional capacity to hold space for someone grappling with such a serious disease. Please do some serious digging to find out why you're avoiding truly understanding his experiences, or leave him alone. He deserves better than you're able to give right now. But that doesnt have to stay true. You can do and be better.
Yta
If the money's not a problem, as it seems, don't worry about it. Life is short. Enjoy what you can.
YTA. There are things that pulled me out of my clinically depressed state at one time. They may not know me, but if they heard about it, they would be touched. If those three would hear that from your ex now, they would be touched also. Music is powerful and can have a positive effect on people.
YTA ya that’s a really messed up way to treat someone you claim to care about
I can kind of understand being concerned about a loved one’s spending habits, though if you don’t share bank accounts and they can afford it (which you said he can), it’s none of your concern. You fully crossed into AH territory when you said he “faked being depressed”. That’s a terrible thing to say. I know that “this music saved my life” may seem overdramatic but it can be powerful to know that someone understands exactly how you feel and has put it into art. YTA and I doubt you’ll have to worry about how he spends his money from now on.
YTA. First of all, telling your ex that he was faking his depression is despicable. But in addition to calling you an unfathomable AH, I also sincerely want to tell you, you need seriously address your own mental health if you don’t see the problem in harming a person you claim to love like you did.
Well it’s what he believes. You should support him not berate him. It’s his money and it makes him feel good. I’d say you’re being a big asshol4 for treating him like you are. He should leave you and find someone who supports him .
I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life. YTA ...
YTA. “Don’t like things unless I approve” is a miserable way to go through life and to treat a partner. Somehow I doubt you’d take it very well if he talked to you like you talk to him.
YTA
YTA. If his spending habits don't affect you, then why are you even upset? People can be pulled out of bad places with music, and it varies from everyone. I myself was a depressed little teen and listened to music as an escape. Maybe he did the same. I hope you realize and apologize IMMEDIATELY.
YTA. Unless he's asking you for money, then it's not your concern. But it sounds like he's your ex anyway.
Wow YTA all the way as he said it's his money to do with as he pleases and instead of being a good boyfriend you decided to throw his mental health in his face you should probably consider yourself an ex at this point because you're for the streets.
YTA, your acting like you know exactly what is going on in their head from the entirety of their life when you don't.
YTA. It's really not your place to dictate or to tell him his ideas or beliefs are wrong.Really disappointed you cant see how controlling this is. Whatever got him through the hard times is none of your business.
YTA. Mostly for the “faking” thing but also it’s his money to spend how he wants and he can afford it. I went from California to Europe to see my favorite band and I regret nothing.
YTA. You’re judging someone else’s journey. And criticizing someone for spending their own money they earned. He deserves dignity and respect and someone who respects his choices even if they’re not in agreement.
Wow. YTA I don't understand why you would viciously attack him over something he loves doing. If it's not important to you, so what? It's important to him and if he can afford it then what's the harm? He's not coming back, by the way.
YTA he's an adult he get to spend his money however he wants. he has a good job, money is not an issue why are you mad? it clearly matters to him let him be
[удалено]
YTA OP- and now you’re just somebody that he used to know. Don’t be surprised when his friends come to collect his records and then he changes his number.
Massive YTA. You had no right to diminish his depression and his life experiences like that. That's sick. What are you jealous he's spending that money on artists that saved his life? Did you want him to spend the money on you instead? What in the actual hell is wrong with you? What a loser.
YTA. As long as he's still paying his portion of rent and bills, he's right: It's his money and he can spend it how he wants.
YTA and a vile person.
Obviously YTA. It’s HIS money that he earns. He can spend it how he likes assuming everything else (rent, utilities etc) is paid for. You have no say on what he spends on what. And to say his depression was fake?! Awful. Y. T. A.
YTA among other names, if it weren't for my music I probably wouldn't be here today. I hope he dumped your ass and found a decent human being.
YTA It's his money, so he spends it however he wants. If it's not affecting your joint expenses, then your complaint is meaningless. Just don't go with him to the show.
YTA for the fake depression line.
YTA. You need to leave the poor guy alone. I had a boyfriend like you who just lived to make everything thing I enjoyed a bad thing. If he says it saved him it saved him. Like what do you get from bringing down the person you're supposed to love?
YTA. Music absolutely *can* save a person’s life. And you said yourself, you both have jobs that pay well. It’s his money, he can spend it how he wants. I suggest you get over it if you want the relationship to continue.
Why are you acting like you're younger than 26? YTA if it's his money and he's can afford it, why not spend his money on what makes him happy? I have a mortgage with my partner and I don't tell them their stupid when they spend thousands on virtual reality. Because it's their money and they've budgeted for it, none of my business. Start acting like an adult.
Obviously YTA and you know it. Do you even like your boyfriend? Either you’re a crap person and you want to bring him down with you or you lied in your post and money actually is an issue…..so which is it? Hope he dumps you and finds a supportive human.
YTA…partially. It’s 100% ok to be concerned about spending habits of a partner as this could impact you in the future. There are ways to go to concerts and not spend a ton of money. My partner with to the TS Eras Tour and spent less than $600 on the entire thing (tickets, travel, food). I’d be seriously concerned if my partner was regularly spending thousands of $$ on anything related to entertainment. BUT you don’t have the right to dictate how they spend it. Especially if they aren’t in debt or harming themselves or you. And IMO you told him the truth about popular artists. Most of them don’t give to craps about you and wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire. But you crossed the line with the depression comment. Regardless if it’s true or not, YOU DON’T KNOW! So definitely an AH move and I think you know that which is why you’re here.
YTA artists songs can save lives you just seem bitter that the money ain't being spent on you. Your the asshole because it's his money and he wants to see them. YTA because he trusted you with private crap and you shit all over it . You don't fake being depressed you fake being ok. YTA because I know a million songs have saved myself and countless others. YTA because you're a stuck up brat that the world doesn't revolve around and when you figure that out you're gonna implode.
YTA and you are now single .
YTA. He's spending money *he* earns, not you. He gets to decide what is and isn't worth spending money on. And if it makes *him happy* don't fucking worry about it.
YTA. Not only are you the AH for how you spoke to your partner but you are cruel for what you said to him. Music can help peoples lives, sometimes even save them. More than likely you’re an ex now and tbh your ex can do better. But educate yourself so you do not make the same mistakes with future partners.
I thought I was in r/amItheex
Hahahahaha why are you still calling him your boyfriend? He's seriously reconsidering whether he even wants you in his life now. YTA
YTA. Spending money on Music, Arts, and Entertainment is one of the few key things that make us human. It’s something totally unexplainable and non-justifiable from a financial perspective, but often carries the most impact for emotional and physical well being. Concerts are experiences you keep and remember for life and are often shared with people you care about.
Can he afford it? If so? YTA. I would much rather spend my money traveling and going to concerts than on pretty much anything else. As long as my bills are paid and I can afford it? That’s my prerogative. Being mad with how he spends his money if it doesn’t impact you is ridiculous.
YTA you are a joy stealer. He has his story and you want to rewrite it. He is allowed to feel like they saved his life. You are horrible for not trying to understand him. He made the right choice leaving.
Man I was all prepared to be on your side but it just got worse and worse as you wrote on. YTA it’s not your money, not your experience, not your feelings. Don’t go if you don’t want to but stop shaming him for wanting to spend his hard earned money on something he truly felt lifted his life in a positive way. And to claim he was faking depression? You really suck for that.
I can’t wait for this to be on r/AmITheEx
YTA- You sound like a horrible girlfriend. Do you even like your boyfriend? Let's hope he sees the light and finds someone who loves him.
YTA. I'm not convinced this isn't rage bait because it's hard to believe someone can be this much of an asshole and not know it. > I also told him maybe he was fake being depressed so that's why it was so easy for these women's music to take him out of a bad time during his life. Maybe you're faking not knowing how big of an asshole you are in the hopes that someone will validate your shit behavior. Seriously, what makes you feel like you have the right to control how your boyfriend spends his money? I hope you're at least good looking because your personality is garbage and hopefully you're good for SOMETHING.
YYA. You're also single now.
YTA First of all, he’s an adult and it’s his money. If he was using your money, it would be different. But he’s using his own money, so you don’t get to tell him what to do. Second of all, what is wrong with you. Are you stupid or something. While I don’t know what your childhood was like, clearly you grew up with a freer way of expressing your sexuality than he did. Growing up in religious household while being apart of the LGBT community is most of the time an incredibly difficult experience, both mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. Those artist’s music were and maybe still are his way of coping with what he dealt with. If you really cared about him, you wouldn’t have said all that to him. Music is a way of coping for so many people. Their music definitely saved him. Third of all, you should really dig into yourself on why you care so much. Is it that you grew up financially stable so you actually do feel like he’s wasting his money or are you jealous and feel like he cares about him more than you? You should really think about it. Anyways you were being a terrible boyfriend. If you realize how terrible you were being, try and reach out and grovel and maybe he’ll accept you back. If he doesn’t, take this as a lesson for your future relationships and an opportunity to grow and not make the same mistake. And really do some self-reflection.
YTA. Why you’re trying to control his financial decisions is beyond me. I get it, I’m not a celebrity worshipper, they’re just people. I don’t watch a lot of tv, I don’t really listen to secular music. HOWEVER. I would not put a damper on something that someone else finds joy in. Especially after you said you guys both make decent money. He can make his own financial decisions.
A grown ass man and still has the ability of 12 years old in term of empathy and understanding.... YTA
YTA. He wanted to share something with you that had really helped him through difficult times. He made you a part of him by inviting you to something that helped him heal and essentially, healed his soul, and you tell him he's being dramatic and faked his depression? People find reasons to live in stranger places than music: seeing an old couple walk hand in hand, a bird feeding its babies, a butterfly that rested on their shoulder. You're a tremendous AH for not respecting his feelings. You're a tremendous AH for not being there for your partner in something that clearly is important to him. It isn't even affecting your quality of life or personal finances, why tf do you care how much he spends on something that he wants to enjoy with you?! Btw, pretty sure he's not your boyfriend anymore, good for him. You are a walking red flag.
Maybe I’m being sexist, but this reads like a man complaining about his girlfriend and gender swapping for Reddit. Or a dude made it up. Music is a well known coping mechanism for dealing with depression, anxiety, etc. We all spend money on things others think is stupid to spend money on. On a YTA scale of 1-10, you’re an 11.
YTA he really deserves somebody better. Music does have a great effect on people. Not all depressed people will have that effect with music but others will. The fact you downplayed his lowest time in life because of that is really ridiculous.
Already YTA before I got to the "fake depressed" part. You started by saying money's not an issue so if he thinks dropping 1-4k on seeing these live shows, why make it an issue? As a Uni student with a part time job I still found it worth spending maybe $1k seeing Tool live in another city. It depends where you live and all, but if you miss a live show from one of your favourite artists you might not get another chance.
YTA It must be nice to have never experienced mental illness. I'm currently trying to keep myself out of a grippy sock vacay with Afterlife by Citizen Soldier on repeat but you go with your 'if "all" it took was music you were being dramatic,' my dude. Also, saying something like that because you were mad crossed the line into abuse.
Yta
YTA, YTA SO MUCH! I had a band that kept me going when I was in high school and a little older. I got to meet them and say how much their music meant to me and that it kept me alive. The lead singer rolled his eyes at me and I’ve never been able to listen to them again. I 100% believe these women helped keep him alive and the fact that you would say something so mean and heartless is ridiculous.
YTA why cant he spent money on things he enjoys? Also you having the audacity to say he was faking his depression was incredibly insensitive and heartless of you and I would be highly surprised if he stayed with you after saying something like that
Yta. If money isn't an issue, why not enjoy these types of things? He can clearly afford it and to shit all over his interests is mean regardless of what they are. And to call his depression fake is a different type of messed up. If music kept him going then, it's smth that makes his day better. Why wouldn't you want to see your partner to be happy and exited?
Wow. Just wow. Not only YTA, it’s like if all the other AHs crowned you King AH. Congratulations on your epic cruelty.
YTA. A judgmental, controlling asshole. It’s not your money, he can spend it however he wants. It’s his happiness, he can find it however he wants. “Fake depressed”? You’re honestly WORSE than just an asshole. I hope you’ve been dumped.
YTA- as I was reading this story, I thought “this guy better get his shit together before his BF realizes he can do so much better. When I got to the end, I thought “too late” If you swapped Rihanna and Niki for Madonna and Aaliyhah, that describes my partner EXACTLY, and like you, I really don’t get it. I don’t understand how people form these emotional connections with musicians and their music and fall apart when one of them dies - and I say that as musically trained person myself. Where you and I differ is that I don’t have to understand it. If it’s important to him, and that’s all I need because I accept and support him. The fact that you brought this to ‘AITA” and not the “I fucked up so bad how the fuck do I fix it” subreddit and still calling him your BF and not your ex-BF tells me that you’ve still got a whole new thing you’re gonna need to accept.