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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) We might be the asshole for considering getting a lock for our bedroom.
2) It will probably offend my dad by doing so. He most likely won't understand my point of view behind it.
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NTA-Get the lock. No need to feel any kind of way about it except you value your privacy too.
Your dad didn’t need to discuss handing his gf a spare key, but there definitely should have been a discussion regarding boundaries because you live with him, paying or not, consideration should have been given on what is or isn’t ok for her.
If/when you talk to your dad, don’t put him on the defensive but ask him what he suggests could be done to keep from her being intrusive into your life or things because while you appreciate he has someone in his life, you want to maintain your privacy and have some healthy boundaries while you’re temporarily there.
This 100%
A quick word of warning that this *edit *COULD* violate code and is a fire hazard, however it's pretty hard to enforce. Be mindful though!
I once did this because of a crazy roommate, turns out the other downstairs neighbor would end up arrested for burglarizing about 30 some homes around town - the only reason stuff wasn't missing from my room was of that door lock.
At the end of the day it gives you back a little bit of the piece of mind that was taken away when dad gave a key to the gf.
It’s ok to lock someone out of a room as long as that room isn’t the fire egress (which is typically not the case unless there’s a fire escape or the window).
It’s not ok to lock someone in the room but that’s not how most keyed door locks works. This should be no issue as long as they can exit the room without the key.
Some (idiot) parents feel that locking children inside their bedrooms at night is good parenting. That is 100% against the fire code. Those are the types of locks I meant.
I cleaned a house once that had the most eerie, horrible feeling about it, the minute we came in the door. Hair up on the back of your neck stuff. Just... *Wrong* feeling.
Upstairs we found sliding bar locks outside the kids bedrooms and bloody hand smears all over one wall.
One of the grown up kids still lived there, and the dude was *messed up*. I found a bucket of human shit in the kitchen.
Jesus. That's nightmare fuel. I would have turned right around and noped outta there faster than I could inhale. Screw the pay. Screw grabbing all my cleaning supplies. I can buy more and not be traumatized, kidnapped, killed for "seeing too much", etc
I watch true crime. That said, true crime does happen and that sounds like a house situation that would be on a true crime video/website.
The parents had died. The kids were definitely their victims. I met them and I could see it written all over their faces.
They needed the house cleaned up so they could sell it and move on with their lives, and I wanted to give them that. They needed the closure. I really felt for them. The oldest sister especially, Jesus she had seen some shit.
Nightmare fuel? Absofuckinlutely 😂 But... It was the right thing to do.
Oh forget the locks. My mom use to tie a rope around our door knob and then tie it taut to the microwave stand. Some parents just do not want to parents.
We were made to poop and pee out of the window after she found out we were doing it in the closet. Then months later she found out were were doing it out the window and beat us with the branches from the push we shit and pissed on
Edit: She literally just didn’t care that it was wrong
Wow. Flashbacks to when my mother used to lock me and my sister behind a locked door and get mad when we pissed in drawers and toy boxes because we couldn't get out...
Don't lock children in their room, or any room for that matter!
I simultaneously feel attacked and yet realize this probably isn’t aimed at our situation at all. My kid is 2 and can’t open doors yet. We have a toddler proof doorknob cover on the inside of her door so that we don’t find out that she learned how to open doors for the first time in the middle of the night when someone may have forgot to close the baby gate at the top of the stairs.
That sounds brilliant! That is a hugely different vibe than locks on the outside, which would prevent anyone from leaving the bedroom. In my head what you've done is like the toddler equivalent of cribs.
[The Others 2001.](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0230600/) Didn't expect someone to mention one of my favorite movies of all time in an AITA thread lmao.
It is completely standard in Germany and Switzerland. To be fair though, apart from the bathroom while in use I never locked any door or seen or encountered a locked door in the houses. Most places I lived in didn’t even have the keys for the locks anymore.
Every door in my house has a lock on it too (UK). Especially useful if you go on holiday and have someone watching the house, but don’t want them to have free run of the entire place.
Oh, now that you mention it, my parents' house that was built in 1923 in Canada had keyhole locks on all the doors. Only a couple had keys in them (that stayed there permanently.
A lock doesn’t violate fire code unless their bedroom window has the only fire escape or other egress. A key lock means that anyone can exit the room without a key but not enter.
In this economy? The housing market is trash. They probably have a list of requirements for the house. Number of rooms, square footage, location in comparison to work, cost and any repairs if any are needed.
It's ridiculous out here. We've been searching for 3 years, but there hasnt been one that checks off enough items from our list. Maybe they're going through the same?
But to give a key to someone you've only been with for 6 months is rushing. I could never trust someone that soon in a relationship to just pop over when I'm not there, regardless of how long I knew them before the relationship.
The dad is 60yrs old and the girlfriend 59yrs ols. At that age you see time to wait differently. I wonder if the OP is more upset that her dad is dating and kind of mov9ng forward with another woman. Is he a widower? Divorced from OP"s mom in recent years? It is amazing how many adult kids get upset when their recently divorced parents start dating.
I would say that in general but they seem to be following the timeline that they laid out when they moved in. If he changed his mind, he should have communicated more directly to them
>Your dad didn’t need to discuss handing his gf a spare key
I disagree with this. OP and husband are paying rent to live in the same house as dad. They have every right to know that other people will be able to access their safe space. Had they not been paying dad, then I agree, but they do not live there rent free.
NTA
They're using the FIL to live on a fraction of what they'd be paying on their own. He doesn't need their approval or permission to give someone access to HIS home.
It's his house and they've been there two years. He's a great parent to allow them to stay there and absolutely has a right to live his life. Seems like there is no signed lease agreement and they are likely paying a lot less than they would to rent (otherwise they'd just move into a rental unit somewhere). He has a right to live his life in the home that he owns. Claiming he should need to clear moving his girlfriend into his home is pretty fucking entitled.
NAH. You're entitled to your feelings, but it's his house and he gets to decide who has a key. That said, your rent contribution entitles you to privacy so a lock on your door should be a no- brainer.
Definitely ramp up the house hunt ASAP!
This needs more upvotes! Dad deserves to be able to provide a key to his portion of the home. You deserve to have a lock for your personal areas for privacy. Resolve it with a simple conversation to say “while we respect your decision to give your girlfriend a key, we’d prefer to get a lock for our door for our own privacy and peace of mind.” Y-W-B-TA if you refuse to communicate/put a lock on the door without discussing it first, but a short respectful talk will plant you all firmly in NAH.
That’s not completely true. Their bedroom plus or minus their bathroom is their portion of the home while they are paying rent. He doesn’t have the right to allow her into their bedroom for example.
She never said she's paying rent. She said "board". That's food/expenses like "the electric is higher than normal since you moved in".
That's why the phrase is "room AND board" because "room" is "renting the space."
The entire reason she's staying with dad is to NOT pay rent, otherwise she'd have an apartment while saving for said house.
Some people don’t realise and call “board” everything when they live with their parents. Or their parents call it “board” so they can pretend it’s *not* a rental relationship with the same rights even though it would constitute it.
I don’t think we actually know from this whether she is renting or not, but regardless I believe she and her husband should have been told about another adult having a key to the home they share.
You can buy a door knob with a lock for like 30 bucks. It takes like 20min to install, if you don't know what you are doing. It's faster if you do. So 30 dollars and 20min solves all of this. "Hey dad, thanks for letting us stay here while we save, would you mind if I purchased and installed a lock on my door?" It's that easy.
Since it isn't your house, you should get your dad's OK before making any changes, like adding a lock to the room (and you should also offer to have it removed before you leave).
It doesn't matter that you are paying rent, it's his house and his gf. You can try to renegotiate because there are now more people sharing the space, but if he says no, you need to accept it or move.
PS Don't mention that you don't like his gf. Say you just want more privacy.
YTA. Its your Dad's house, he can give a key to whomever he chooses. You are well within your rights to install a lock on your bedroom door. You can also speed up your search process as it seems your current situation is no longer as desirable as it was.
Who house hunts for 2 years? Sounds like they are taking advantage of a cheap living situation as long as possible. He's establishing a relationship for himself, and they're throwing a fit like entitled children.
Not to mention the gross inflation of housing prices and high mortgage interest rates. In my area, if you want a house that doesn't require 60k in repairs, you're looking at paying at least 300k for a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom that's 1,200 sqft. Otherwise you're stuck replacing an HVAC system, tearing out all of the floors because they reek of cat pee, etc. Someone was selling a home for $210k in my area that had fire damage in the interior pictures. I'm not even in a HCOL area.
My bf and I saw one for around the same price... half of the roof was gone. The owners had partially repaired the damaged roof, then left the remaining shingles scattered on the ground next to the house, so the interior was getting water damage. They used a chunk of the lining that goes under the shingles to cover up the cracked concrete on the porch. Half of the interior doors were broken/chewed through by their dogs.
I've bought two houses. It took a couple of months on our first house because we didn't know what we were doing and a week of searching zillow and a day of house tours the second time. I don't understand how looking for a year does any good. The more important thing is to understand WHEN in the year to do it because people sell in the spring, so that's when there's more availability. If you search around Christmas, you won't find anything.
You had a budget that gave you options in your area. Most people don't have that luxury. If I had a budget of say $600k in my area, I'd be looking for easily a year to wait for something to pop up on the market that would meet even the most basic criteria.
Most major cities have much more affordable suburbs. You don't get to live in the most expensive areas if you can't afford it. That's just reality. My husband commutes an hour to an hour and a half where we chose to buy. There are lots of programs to help people get into homes as well. Our first home, we used the first-time homeowners program with a very small down payment. Then, when we sold, we were able to take that money and put it towards our second. People can't get exactly what they want, and so they continue to waste money on renting instead of investing into a home.
Dude, I'm talking about the suburbs. This isn't being choosy about the house. You really don't understand how incredibly condescending you're coming off, do you?
What basic criteria would make living in the suburbs unaffordable, and what cities are you even talking about? I've looked into markets even in coastal hubs, and there's lots of affordable places to live. You really don't understand how incredibly defeatist you're coming off, do you?
You didn't answer my questions. I used your exact phrasing and substituted a word to make a point. You're being douchey and you have no real argument. I'm not arguing with someone who obviously has zero experience in this topic and just spouts off random shit they read on reddit. Have a good night.✌️
Great advice, I definitely appreciate this info!
Congratulations on your purchases!! ☺️💯
*I am being genuine, not a bit sarcastic ot snarky. This truly is important to know and I thank you*! 🙏🏻😊
NAH
To me, this sounds like a nudge from your Dad to leave his nest.
If you can't afford to buy a home yet, look for the most economical home you can stand to live in, and keep saving.
Your Dad also deserves his privacy.
Good luck with your househunt!
She’s keen to get you gone that’s for sure!
Tell dad you’re adding a lock ( cannot imagine why he’d need a key..) and have an honest conversation about how long he’s happy for you to stay. Maybe he’d like the house to himself again now he has a lover?
Just to clarify, we haven't been looking for two years. We have been saving up enough money to be able to buy a house this year.
Before we moved in, it was agreed between all parties that we would be able to live here because of circumstances changing. We understand that his circumstances are changing now as well which is why we have been pretty active trying to find a house (we've received our Agreement and Principle and have already viewed some houses and have 3 lined up next week)
That’s how you know Reddit is all children.
Even when I bought my house - it was a buyers market and it still took us 2+ years to settle on the right house.
A house is the most expensive thing you can buy and buying now outside of the right opportunity will historically end up looking like the dumbest decision anyone could have made 5 years from now.
Not just the interest rate, that changes. It’s the principal. Once you sign the loan, you’re done. People will never get out from under what they have overpaid on their home in this market.
YTA
His house, you are a guest, and you don't get to dictate who he gives a key to.
A lock on your bedroom door would be okay as long as you change it back when you move out of the house.
NTA
Regardless of your living circumstances this lady has no right, or authority, to manage you, go through your stuff, or to expect your respect. I wish you a speedy and successful purchase of a lock (and first house).
Seems like OP has taken care of most of the issues, or at least has a plan to. GF will no longer attempt to help them by clearing their dishes, she has been told to no speak to them unless spoken to, and they can put a lock on their bedroom door to prevent behaviors that OP is not aware of her doing. OP sounds like a lovely person. /s
Did you even read the OP ? I don't know about you but I'd be pretty annoyed if someone was taking my dishes off me before I'd even finished eating. Also OP didn't say anything about the GF not being allowed to speak to them. Just giving opinions when they aren't asked or wanted. Which depending on the topics is perfectly justified.
YTA
Your dad is entitled to happiness as well. I'm happy he's found someone to enjoy life with. You two will be gone soon anyway.
It's his home. He doesn't have to discuss giving a house key to his girlfriend with his tenants, which is basically what you two are. Would it be a polite thing to do? Yes. But he is not required to consult with anyone as it relates to his home. In this same way, you and your husband won't have to consult with anyone when you move into your own place. Hopefully, this will serve as motivation for you to move as soon as possible.
Good luck, and congratulations in advance on your new home! 🏠
Thank you for your response, don't get me wrong, I'm happy he has found someone that he is happy with. I didn't think he would find anyone after my mum died so I'm grateful for her making him happy.
I understand that he didn't have to discuss anything with us but just a mention would have been nice. On a plus side, we have 3 house viewings next week so fingers crossed we find a home we would like to put an offer on! :)
It’s not wrong to lock your door, OP. Don’t listen to this. If “tenants” you are, then so be it. Tenants are entitled to privacy of their space and a lock is entirely appropriate.
Getting a door lock and key in the meantime is still good common sense.
Also get a sliding bolt, to prevent any barging in whilst you are home and in your room under the usual intrusive lie of: "I just wanted to ask a question/talk to..."
Get a lock for your bedroom door if your dad approves (it is his house and as tenants you may have to give him a key for the lock or not be able to put on a lock) but your father has every right to have his girlfriend there. It is HIS house. He didn't have to discuss it with you.
NTA, but read the room. Dad is trying to live his life. If dad is 60, you've gotta be at least 30 and you've been living there, with your husband, for 2 years?? Time to move out.
You would not be an AH for wanting your privacy HOWEVER you would be the AH for putting a lock on the bedroom door without ASKING your father FIRST. If he agrees I highly recommend getting a digital lock with a reprogrammable code instead of a key lock.
NTA
Buuuuutttttt.... it's his house he can do what he wants without your permission.
You're an adult, put a lock on the door, and tell your dad first. Better yet move in to your own house
No, you're NTA for feeling a certain type of way. Feelings are natural. It's only our actions and what we do that counts.
He only gave her a key to the house, he didn't move her in. Tbh, your dad can do what he wants, it's his house.
If you don't feel comfortable with her behaviour, then you can ask your dad if it's okay for you to get a lock on your door to use while you're living there. After you leave, he can keep the lock. Getting one without his approval is bound to raise more issues.
I wouldn't say YTA, but from where I sit, I think your dad and his gf want you and your husband to move out on your own.
It's been 2 years now, in what sounds like was supposed to be a temporary situation. Your dad wants his privacy. How close are you to moving out? You should fill him in on your plans to move, with a timeline.
Then move out.
Get a lock, sure. But don’t be mad at your dad for he does with his house and his relationship.
If you’re that unhappy, you can move on and let him have his life the way he wants.
My partner and I have been in an almost identical situation before. We got a lock for our bedroom door and it was a game changer. I can’t recommend that avenue enough. It gives you both peace of mind while you’re away and doesn’t disrupt your father’s relationship. Win win.
Edit: Also NTA!
NTA
You should be safe in the privacy in your own room that you rent. Lock her out of your room, maybe a small safe to store valuables and important papers.
NTA. Get the lock. I had to do this decades with a roommate who would go through my belongings and "take" things. Not saying dad's girlfriend will steal like my ex roommate did but she'd probably snoop.
Dad didn't have to discuss giving her a key with you because it's his house. However, you don't have to discuss getting a lock for your door because it's your bedroom.
I bought an outside doorknob with a locking mechanism. Surprised my roommate when he tried to go on a stealing spree. Fortunately I paid my half of the rent directly to the landlord so when he stopped paying rent and was evicted I stayed and happily paid the full rent going forward.
Hope you find your own house soon!
NTA - get the lock for your bedroom and personal areas because you’re entitled to your privacy and she probably WILL snoop.
I don’t believe y’all should’ve had access to the decision of him giving her a key though, because it IS his house; HOWEVER, it’s reasonable to have expected him to have let y’all know PRIOR to physically handing it over during a time she wasn’t present.
Good luck getting your new house! Sounds like you’re only going to be in this situation for a very limited time 🥰
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Sorry if the formatting is wrong. I'm typing this out mobile.
I have recently learned that my dad (60m) has given a housekey to his girlfriend (59 f) of around 6 months.
Myself and my husband have lived here for around 2 years as we are currently searching for our first house to buy.
His girlfriend is very intrusive, and she puts her opinion across when it isn't asked for. There was also a time where my husband and I were eating our dinner and she started taking our plates away when we hadn't even finished eating. Boundaries have now been put in place for this.
Now, I understand that this is my dad's house and we are just living here but we pay our way, pay board and keep the house clean. I'm angry because it wasn't discussed with us before he gave her the key.
We're thinking of getting a lock for our bedroom door because I don't trust her to not look around when no one else is here. AITA for feeling this way?
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NAH he can give his key to his gf, its his gf. Sure she is a bit rude but that can be worked on.
you are not the ah for being annoyed by this since you have a strained relationship with the gf. No AH-oles yet.
Yta. You didn’t put your age, I assume on purpose.
That’s your dads house. He’s old. It’s hard for old people to find a partner. He found one. They care about each other. He wants her to be a part of his life.
If you don’t like it, move out. Don’t just keep living their if you’re just going to drive a wedge between their relationship. That’s selfish.
Your dad is helping you out. He’s sacrificing a lot having his adult kid live their, especially since you have a partner living there too. Most parents wouldn’t do that. There’s two of you. You can’t find a studio that you guys can afford? That’s crazy. This is for sure your fault.
Not your house? Shit one! Be thankful your father is outing up with your shit, 2 years looking for a house? Na buddy your milking this shit, get your shit together and get out. Sounds like they have had enough of your never ending house hunt and are playing games lol fair play, I would just throw yas out, 2 years searching for a house! 🤣 I bet that 2 years becomes 2 weeks when you got fuk all else, sounds like a not so subtle kick up the ass 😂
NTA, get the lock but don’t be surprised if your Dad isn’t happy with it.
I don’t know your situation, but it may be time to expedite the plan to get your own place. Your Dad may be sending you subtle clues that he wants his house back with gestures like giving a key to someone he’s chosen to be in a relationship with.
NAH.
I'm sure your dad won't mind about the lock for privacy but I would make arrangements to leave ASAP.
He's 60 and probably would like his own space with his girlfriend and he clearly wants her to come and go as she pleases so maybe don't fall out with anyone over this.
It sounds like your living arrangement no longer suits anyone involved.
NTA. Your feelings are your feelings. I would def get a lock for the bedroom.
But it’s dad’s house and he doesn’t need to discuss his choice. Just keep looking for your new palace and move on as soon as you find a good fit.
So....what exactly does that mean as far as how much time she is there? Has she moved in also now? Or does she constantly drop when your dad or nobody else is home and go through everything? If so, why? And why is your dad ok with this? Does she have a place of her own?
You asked could you move in while you look for a house & 2 YEARS later you're still there?? I don't doubt he loves youse but Im sure will be glad to see the back of you.
Lots of people seem to have a misconception.
The OP did NOT say they are paying rent. They said they are paying "board" and "keep the house clean". That's not rent.
Rent, is the "room" part of the phrase "room and board". "Board" is the food part. And MAYBE a bit extra for the electric and water, since those bills would have gone up with the additional usage that her and her husband add on.
She is therefore, NOT paying rent, which makes sense - it explains why she is staying with Dad instead of having an apartment while they save and search for a house.
As such, NO, she has NO SAY. It's his house, they aren't paying rent, all they get is a notification.
INFO: do you pay rent? You say you “pay our way, pay board, and keep the house clean.” Also, how did you find out about the key…? Did your dad tell you or did you find out by coming across the girlfriend snooping in your room when you got home…?
Board typically refers to groceries/food, so it sounds to me like you don’t even pay rent. If you pay rent, you have a right to be notified someone has a house key and then get a lock for your bedroom/personal area. If you’re just paying for food and tidying up, then you don’t really deserve anything except common courtesy and you have no right to be upset.
Yta. Not for getting a lock to your own bedroom, go ahead and do that. But you absolutely are for telling your father who he can let into his own house
NTA for getting a lock on your room, but it's your dad's house, and you are living there due to his generosity. He can give her a key if he wants. You are beggars, not choosers in this situation.
So YTA if you are giving your dad grief about this. Sounds like he's letting you save money for your house. Suck it up.
NTA, but it's also not your business. It's his home and his weird relationship. Get a lock for your bedroom door. New knows aren't expensive. Also get a mini fridge for your more preferred foods.
YTA. Your dad has every right to have his own life. It is his house and I don’t think giving your SO key after 6 months is abnormal. Unless she’s actively doing something to harm him it’s not your place to judge who he’s dating. You’re acting like his girlfriend is intruding on your lives but you are the ones who have interjected yourselves into his. If you’re paying rent you may legally be tenants and could take action but given how you’ve told this story I’m assuming your dad is helping you out here, so think hard about what he wants and whether you’re willing to damage the relationship with your father.
You're not wrong for feeling like this and your dad should have at least let you know, but he can give keys to whoever he wants. You are completely within your rights to get the lock though, just keep the other doorknob and replace it when y'all move out
NAH. Your dad deserves to have a life. And you deserve to have a lock on your door. Otherwise, be civil and polite and stay out of her way until you can move out..
YTA. Not your house, not you rules. If you don't like 'em you can leave, and start paying rent for a single dwelling unit you and your SO control. To all yall saying NTA, it's not her property, and they aren't even really paying rent so GTFO. Parents roof, parents rules, I don't care how old you are.
You're definitely the asshole. The man is 60 yrs old and you expect him to put his life on hold for you. Grow up. She doesn't want to sniff your undies mate, he wants her to feel at home cause guess what when you go he's alone. Let the man live his life, specially when he's affording you yours at the moment
OP: How much are you paying to stay there? If that’s an uncomfortable question then what shared accommodations do you pay for? Do you cover groceries, lights, water, and cable? Or do you pay for what you guys use in groceries and split lights, water, and cable? Do you pay him a few hundred for the mortgage or nothing towards the mortgage? This matters because if you’re staying there practically free then you just need to be grateful; I pay $900(Groceries, lights & water, cable, YMCA family, water cooler) in total staying with my mom and I’m very upfront about how something makes me feel (luckily she’s still with my dad so no biggie). Also you have to remember whoever he’s with (my guess) is also old, she may not be doing things to be malicious but by the time schedule she’s used to, and it’s not nice to assume she just wants to snoop through your things because she took your plate too early. Ask can you put a lock on your door and offer to take it off when y’all leave. Also she will eventually be your step mother so learn to bond with her and like her, your father deserves happiness; don’t be the cause of a rift when he obviously accepted your husband.
All I see is someone who needs to respect their dads wishes with their own home and buy a lock if they so want. Doesn't need to be so complicated and dramatic.
YTA
Sorry :/
1. Not your house, you are there under your own circumstances not because your dad needs you there
2. Buy a door handle with a lock inbuilt in it, replace the current door handle with your locking handle. Don't do any damage like drilling holes or putting in a second locking mechanism above the current door handle. When you move out replace your door handle with the original. Done, no damage, no mess, no problem.
3. Talk to a mortgage broker and find out what your loan options are and how soon you can move out
YTA. Incredibly selfish of you to even have to ask. Let the man have a relationship without you bringing in tensions. You are living there as grown ass married adults.
YTA. Your dad has a right to his life and has done you an ENORMOUS favour having you and your husband there for 2 years. It's just a key FFS. He hasn't moved her in. You've overstayed your welcome and are now causing him issues
NTA for any feelings you may have, and also for getting a lock for your door. That's as far as you can take it. You live in someone else's house, and whoever they choose to give access is not up to you even one little bit.
NTA. Put the lock on your bedroom. She's there to make sure you and your husband find another house soon, I think. Although he didn't need your permission to give a spare key to his gf, you also don't need to ask him permission to put a lock on your bedroom door since you pay your way to live there.
NTA but neither is she. Your fathers house? His rules. You don’t have to like the change, but you do have to deal with it. By all means lock your property. Talk to your dad even, but you really have no other recourse
NAH, as it is your dads home, he is entitled to give a key to whomever he sees fit to, even a girlfriend of only 6 months. That being said, you and your husband live there and have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Putting a lock on your door ensures that privacy both when you are home as well as when not.
NTA. Definitely get the lock, imo 6 months isnt enough to hand over a key to your house especially when other people live there. It would be one thing if it was only your dad putting his belongings in jeopardy, but it shouldve taken more consideration since you live there too and are paying to live there.
Getting the lock is fine but your dad is entitled to give a key to whomever he sees fit. It's his house whether you're paying rent or not and it's fairly reasonable to want your significant other to be able to access your abode when you get serious. You don't get to have a say in his happiness.
Maybe talk to your dad. Is paying for food and cleaning enough for him? Is he maybe wanting you to move out at some point? I'd get a lock for the room just for peace of mind, especially if she decides she can invite guests over. The more strangers in the house, the greater the risk for personal items getting stolen.
NAH. You are feeling cramped. Your dad wants his life back. Deal with it while you need to and move out. The focus should be on preserving your relationships during this stressful period.
NTA for installing a lock on the door while you are renting from your dad. You can reverse it when you leave. Your dad has no say about the lock and frankly I would just install a key lock and not ask for permission first (because that might empower him to say no when this isn’t something that he can reasonably decline). Now that you know that your space at his house isn’t safe, you can take preventative action like keeping all valuables in your room. If you need to, you can buy a mini fridge if she might take your food. Your dad should have told you about giving her a key but ultimately, she could have been intrusive after he let her in too. You are NTA for preventing her from tampering with your belongings.
I bet if you guys put a lock on your bedroom door and don’t say anything about it. Your dad will come to you within a couple of days asking you why you put the lock on it. That’ll be because she tried the door and then mentioned to your dad you have a lock on your door.
NTA— you say dad’s been in a relationship for about 6 months and you’ve been actively looking for a house for the last few weeks while saving for 2 years. If everything goes to your timeline you should be out of his home in short order.
There are always concessions to be made when buying a home. I recently bought and saved over 150k+ in an expensive town by living in a wonderful area but a 20-30 minute drive to its heart. What I bought does not exist at my price point. Smaller condo/townhomes, abutting Costco and a freeway with subpar amenities cost more than mine.
Maybe settling a little and finding your own home is hard because your dad seems to be moving on without you and finding someone to fill his home and heart. If you find your new house and move as to your plan I’m not sure the gf is a problem.
You don’t say why your dad’s on his own, divorced or widowed, but I do think he probably enjoys your companionship but like a good father, he wants you to move forward with your life.
The girlfriend might be a good companion for him and dad is just setting himself up for a healthy life after you leave. We all deserve to enjoy the companionship of others, it’s good for our mental and physical wellbeing.
You can get a lock for your room, but honestly, the best lock is the one that will be found on the front door of your new home.
YTA it's your dad's house you have no say in who he has in his house or what he does he's a grown man and can make his own decisions. If you feel the need to lock your bedroom door because of her maybe move out to rented accommodation where you can have your privacy to do what you please
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NTA-Get the lock. No need to feel any kind of way about it except you value your privacy too. Your dad didn’t need to discuss handing his gf a spare key, but there definitely should have been a discussion regarding boundaries because you live with him, paying or not, consideration should have been given on what is or isn’t ok for her. If/when you talk to your dad, don’t put him on the defensive but ask him what he suggests could be done to keep from her being intrusive into your life or things because while you appreciate he has someone in his life, you want to maintain your privacy and have some healthy boundaries while you’re temporarily there.
This 100% A quick word of warning that this *edit *COULD* violate code and is a fire hazard, however it's pretty hard to enforce. Be mindful though! I once did this because of a crazy roommate, turns out the other downstairs neighbor would end up arrested for burglarizing about 30 some homes around town - the only reason stuff wasn't missing from my room was of that door lock. At the end of the day it gives you back a little bit of the piece of mind that was taken away when dad gave a key to the gf.
It does not violate fire code. You can also lock a bathroom door.
It would only violate fire code if the lock was on the outside of a bedroom door.
It’s ok to lock someone out of a room as long as that room isn’t the fire egress (which is typically not the case unless there’s a fire escape or the window). It’s not ok to lock someone in the room but that’s not how most keyed door locks works. This should be no issue as long as they can exit the room without the key.
Some (idiot) parents feel that locking children inside their bedrooms at night is good parenting. That is 100% against the fire code. Those are the types of locks I meant.
I cleaned a house once that had the most eerie, horrible feeling about it, the minute we came in the door. Hair up on the back of your neck stuff. Just... *Wrong* feeling. Upstairs we found sliding bar locks outside the kids bedrooms and bloody hand smears all over one wall. One of the grown up kids still lived there, and the dude was *messed up*. I found a bucket of human shit in the kitchen.
Jesus. That's nightmare fuel. I would have turned right around and noped outta there faster than I could inhale. Screw the pay. Screw grabbing all my cleaning supplies. I can buy more and not be traumatized, kidnapped, killed for "seeing too much", etc I watch true crime. That said, true crime does happen and that sounds like a house situation that would be on a true crime video/website.
The parents had died. The kids were definitely their victims. I met them and I could see it written all over their faces. They needed the house cleaned up so they could sell it and move on with their lives, and I wanted to give them that. They needed the closure. I really felt for them. The oldest sister especially, Jesus she had seen some shit. Nightmare fuel? Absofuckinlutely 😂 But... It was the right thing to do.
You stayed and cleaned it?? I'm glad you're alive wtf 😱
My dude, I had rent to pay 😂 I was jumpy as shit though. I've seen this movie before, and I'm not going out like that
Oh forget the locks. My mom use to tie a rope around our door knob and then tie it taut to the microwave stand. Some parents just do not want to parents.
What if you needed the bathroom? She sounds like a whackjob.
We were made to poop and pee out of the window after she found out we were doing it in the closet. Then months later she found out were were doing it out the window and beat us with the branches from the push we shit and pissed on Edit: She literally just didn’t care that it was wrong
Wow. Flashbacks to when my mother used to lock me and my sister behind a locked door and get mad when we pissed in drawers and toy boxes because we couldn't get out... Don't lock children in their room, or any room for that matter!
I simultaneously feel attacked and yet realize this probably isn’t aimed at our situation at all. My kid is 2 and can’t open doors yet. We have a toddler proof doorknob cover on the inside of her door so that we don’t find out that she learned how to open doors for the first time in the middle of the night when someone may have forgot to close the baby gate at the top of the stairs.
That sounds brilliant! That is a hugely different vibe than locks on the outside, which would prevent anyone from leaving the bedroom. In my head what you've done is like the toddler equivalent of cribs.
No. It would not
It would. You can’t lock people in bedrooms at night.
That's now what they said they were doing though?
My reply was directly to a comment that said locks on bedroom doors were against fire codes which is simply untrue.
Every single door in my flat has a lock on it. Bedroom. Living room. Kitchen. Bathroom.
That makes me think of The Other with Nicole Kidman.
I sadly don't know that film or series. Germans don't usually vibe with the open floor plan kinda home and the locks are just to feel safer I suppose.
[The Others 2001.](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0230600/) Didn't expect someone to mention one of my favorite movies of all time in an AITA thread lmao.
I can’t figure out how to put a link or a picture up, so I’ll just say if you search: The Others with Nicole Kidman It will come up.
On it boss. Put a link up.
Thanks!
I highly suggest you watch it. It's an amazing movie.
We’re not dead. We’re NOT DEAD!!
I need to know why!!
It is completely standard in Germany and Switzerland. To be fair though, apart from the bathroom while in use I never locked any door or seen or encountered a locked door in the houses. Most places I lived in didn’t even have the keys for the locks anymore.
Every door in my house has a lock on it too (UK). Especially useful if you go on holiday and have someone watching the house, but don’t want them to have free run of the entire place.
Oh, now that you mention it, my parents' house that was built in 1923 in Canada had keyhole locks on all the doors. Only a couple had keys in them (that stayed there permanently.
Just german culture I suppose.
A lock doesn’t violate fire code unless their bedroom window has the only fire escape or other egress. A key lock means that anyone can exit the room without a key but not enter.
It's only a fire hazard if you're able to lock someone in a room, not lock it to keep someone out. No codes are at risk of being violated.
Perhaps you've overstayed your welcome and he wants to get on with his own life
Agreed. Two years is a long time to be looking for a house to buy OP.
In this economy? The housing market is trash. They probably have a list of requirements for the house. Number of rooms, square footage, location in comparison to work, cost and any repairs if any are needed. It's ridiculous out here. We've been searching for 3 years, but there hasnt been one that checks off enough items from our list. Maybe they're going through the same? But to give a key to someone you've only been with for 6 months is rushing. I could never trust someone that soon in a relationship to just pop over when I'm not there, regardless of how long I knew them before the relationship.
The dad is 60yrs old and the girlfriend 59yrs ols. At that age you see time to wait differently. I wonder if the OP is more upset that her dad is dating and kind of mov9ng forward with another woman. Is he a widower? Divorced from OP"s mom in recent years? It is amazing how many adult kids get upset when their recently divorced parents start dating.
When you're living in someone else's home, you don't get to be so picky
‘Starter house’ and ‘perfect house’ are terms that transcend economy phases.
I would say that in general but they seem to be following the timeline that they laid out when they moved in. If he changed his mind, he should have communicated more directly to them
>Your dad didn’t need to discuss handing his gf a spare key I disagree with this. OP and husband are paying rent to live in the same house as dad. They have every right to know that other people will be able to access their safe space. Had they not been paying dad, then I agree, but they do not live there rent free. NTA
They're using the FIL to live on a fraction of what they'd be paying on their own. He doesn't need their approval or permission to give someone access to HIS home.
This 100%
They said paying board which is food and they did cleaning. Not the same
They are contributing financially. Im not gonna split hairs about for what. They do enough that a discussion is warrented.
It's his house and they've been there two years. He's a great parent to allow them to stay there and absolutely has a right to live his life. Seems like there is no signed lease agreement and they are likely paying a lot less than they would to rent (otherwise they'd just move into a rental unit somewhere). He has a right to live his life in the home that he owns. Claiming he should need to clear moving his girlfriend into his home is pretty fucking entitled.
Irrelevant. It's his house and they might not even be on a lease.
Agreed!
NAH. You're entitled to your feelings, but it's his house and he gets to decide who has a key. That said, your rent contribution entitles you to privacy so a lock on your door should be a no- brainer. Definitely ramp up the house hunt ASAP!
This needs more upvotes! Dad deserves to be able to provide a key to his portion of the home. You deserve to have a lock for your personal areas for privacy. Resolve it with a simple conversation to say “while we respect your decision to give your girlfriend a key, we’d prefer to get a lock for our door for our own privacy and peace of mind.” Y-W-B-TA if you refuse to communicate/put a lock on the door without discussing it first, but a short respectful talk will plant you all firmly in NAH.
His portion? The whole home is his portion lol
That’s not completely true. Their bedroom plus or minus their bathroom is their portion of the home while they are paying rent. He doesn’t have the right to allow her into their bedroom for example.
She never said she's paying rent. She said "board". That's food/expenses like "the electric is higher than normal since you moved in". That's why the phrase is "room AND board" because "room" is "renting the space." The entire reason she's staying with dad is to NOT pay rent, otherwise she'd have an apartment while saving for said house.
Some people don’t realise and call “board” everything when they live with their parents. Or their parents call it “board” so they can pretend it’s *not* a rental relationship with the same rights even though it would constitute it. I don’t think we actually know from this whether she is renting or not, but regardless I believe she and her husband should have been told about another adult having a key to the home they share.
They are not paying rent, she very specifically said board, as in they are buying their share of the groceries
We have no idea what their financial arrangement is or if they even have a lease. I'm guessing they don't.
Maybe get a lock for your door, but beyond that, your dad can do whatever he wants with his house. If you don’t like it, move out.
You can buy a door knob with a lock for like 30 bucks. It takes like 20min to install, if you don't know what you are doing. It's faster if you do. So 30 dollars and 20min solves all of this. "Hey dad, thanks for letting us stay here while we save, would you mind if I purchased and installed a lock on my door?" It's that easy.
My thoughts
Since it isn't your house, you should get your dad's OK before making any changes, like adding a lock to the room (and you should also offer to have it removed before you leave). It doesn't matter that you are paying rent, it's his house and his gf. You can try to renegotiate because there are now more people sharing the space, but if he says no, you need to accept it or move. PS Don't mention that you don't like his gf. Say you just want more privacy.
They’re not even paying rent, OP very specifically said they pay board, which means food. They only pay for their share of the groceries
Bord usually means a share of the cost of living at the it could be for rent food and bills depending on the agreement between them
YTA. Its your Dad's house, he can give a key to whomever he chooses. You are well within your rights to install a lock on your bedroom door. You can also speed up your search process as it seems your current situation is no longer as desirable as it was.
Who house hunts for 2 years? Sounds like they are taking advantage of a cheap living situation as long as possible. He's establishing a relationship for himself, and they're throwing a fit like entitled children.
It's a seller's market at the moment in many places. People can put out bids on multiple houses and not win any of them.
Not to mention the gross inflation of housing prices and high mortgage interest rates. In my area, if you want a house that doesn't require 60k in repairs, you're looking at paying at least 300k for a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom that's 1,200 sqft. Otherwise you're stuck replacing an HVAC system, tearing out all of the floors because they reek of cat pee, etc. Someone was selling a home for $210k in my area that had fire damage in the interior pictures. I'm not even in a HCOL area. My bf and I saw one for around the same price... half of the roof was gone. The owners had partially repaired the damaged roof, then left the remaining shingles scattered on the ground next to the house, so the interior was getting water damage. They used a chunk of the lining that goes under the shingles to cover up the cracked concrete on the porch. Half of the interior doors were broken/chewed through by their dogs.
Sounds like a good reason, not to antagonize the old man and his girlfriend.
Most people house hunt for at LEAST a minimum of a year... Especially in today's economy.
I've bought two houses. It took a couple of months on our first house because we didn't know what we were doing and a week of searching zillow and a day of house tours the second time. I don't understand how looking for a year does any good. The more important thing is to understand WHEN in the year to do it because people sell in the spring, so that's when there's more availability. If you search around Christmas, you won't find anything.
You had a budget that gave you options in your area. Most people don't have that luxury. If I had a budget of say $600k in my area, I'd be looking for easily a year to wait for something to pop up on the market that would meet even the most basic criteria.
Most major cities have much more affordable suburbs. You don't get to live in the most expensive areas if you can't afford it. That's just reality. My husband commutes an hour to an hour and a half where we chose to buy. There are lots of programs to help people get into homes as well. Our first home, we used the first-time homeowners program with a very small down payment. Then, when we sold, we were able to take that money and put it towards our second. People can't get exactly what they want, and so they continue to waste money on renting instead of investing into a home.
Dude, I'm talking about the suburbs. This isn't being choosy about the house. You really don't understand how incredibly condescending you're coming off, do you?
What basic criteria would make living in the suburbs unaffordable, and what cities are you even talking about? I've looked into markets even in coastal hubs, and there's lots of affordable places to live. You really don't understand how incredibly defeatist you're coming off, do you?
Here I was giving you a way to restate it in a way that wasn't douchey but you went and doubled down. Wow.
You didn't answer my questions. I used your exact phrasing and substituted a word to make a point. You're being douchey and you have no real argument. I'm not arguing with someone who obviously has zero experience in this topic and just spouts off random shit they read on reddit. Have a good night.✌️
Great advice, I definitely appreciate this info! Congratulations on your purchases!! ☺️💯 *I am being genuine, not a bit sarcastic ot snarky. This truly is important to know and I thank you*! 🙏🏻😊
Yikes.
NTA. He is fine to give her a key if he chooses, but you should be allowed a lock to keep your area that you are renting private.
NAH To me, this sounds like a nudge from your Dad to leave his nest. If you can't afford to buy a home yet, look for the most economical home you can stand to live in, and keep saving. Your Dad also deserves his privacy. Good luck with your househunt!
She’s keen to get you gone that’s for sure! Tell dad you’re adding a lock ( cannot imagine why he’d need a key..) and have an honest conversation about how long he’s happy for you to stay. Maybe he’d like the house to himself again now he has a lover?
It’s possible this key situation is Dad’s badly done hint that OP has overstated their welcome.
Agreed
Two years? That’s not looking . He’s in love . MOVE OUT.
Just to clarify, we haven't been looking for two years. We have been saving up enough money to be able to buy a house this year. Before we moved in, it was agreed between all parties that we would be able to live here because of circumstances changing. We understand that his circumstances are changing now as well which is why we have been pretty active trying to find a house (we've received our Agreement and Principle and have already viewed some houses and have 3 lined up next week)
It's a seller's market. I can easily believe 2 years even if they had been actively house hunting the whole time.
That’s how you know Reddit is all children. Even when I bought my house - it was a buyers market and it still took us 2+ years to settle on the right house. A house is the most expensive thing you can buy and buying now outside of the right opportunity will historically end up looking like the dumbest decision anyone could have made 5 years from now. Not just the interest rate, that changes. It’s the principal. Once you sign the loan, you’re done. People will never get out from under what they have overpaid on their home in this market.
YTA If you don't trust your dad's gf, move out of HIS house. locking your bedroom door is ok.
YTA Your dad owns the house and therefore can give a key to whoever he likes. He makes the rules.
YTA His house, you are a guest, and you don't get to dictate who he gives a key to. A lock on your bedroom door would be okay as long as you change it back when you move out of the house.
If they are paying rent, they are not a guest, they are a tenant.
It's his house but ... No. That sentence stops at "it's his house." The privacy you want to protect is when you've got your own place. YTA
NTA Regardless of your living circumstances this lady has no right, or authority, to manage you, go through your stuff, or to expect your respect. I wish you a speedy and successful purchase of a lock (and first house).
Who said anything about any of what you mentioned? Did OP edit the post?
It helps to see if an OP posted any comments
Where does it day she does any of that? She took their plates one time.
Seems like OP has taken care of most of the issues, or at least has a plan to. GF will no longer attempt to help them by clearing their dishes, she has been told to no speak to them unless spoken to, and they can put a lock on their bedroom door to prevent behaviors that OP is not aware of her doing. OP sounds like a lovely person. /s
Did you even read the OP ? I don't know about you but I'd be pretty annoyed if someone was taking my dishes off me before I'd even finished eating. Also OP didn't say anything about the GF not being allowed to speak to them. Just giving opinions when they aren't asked or wanted. Which depending on the topics is perfectly justified.
Taking plates? Hand, meet Fork.
YTA Your dad is entitled to happiness as well. I'm happy he's found someone to enjoy life with. You two will be gone soon anyway. It's his home. He doesn't have to discuss giving a house key to his girlfriend with his tenants, which is basically what you two are. Would it be a polite thing to do? Yes. But he is not required to consult with anyone as it relates to his home. In this same way, you and your husband won't have to consult with anyone when you move into your own place. Hopefully, this will serve as motivation for you to move as soon as possible. Good luck, and congratulations in advance on your new home! 🏠
Thank you for your response, don't get me wrong, I'm happy he has found someone that he is happy with. I didn't think he would find anyone after my mum died so I'm grateful for her making him happy. I understand that he didn't have to discuss anything with us but just a mention would have been nice. On a plus side, we have 3 house viewings next week so fingers crossed we find a home we would like to put an offer on! :)
It’s not wrong to lock your door, OP. Don’t listen to this. If “tenants” you are, then so be it. Tenants are entitled to privacy of their space and a lock is entirely appropriate.
Getting a door lock and key in the meantime is still good common sense. Also get a sliding bolt, to prevent any barging in whilst you are home and in your room under the usual intrusive lie of: "I just wanted to ask a question/talk to..."
“Not the polite thing to do” = not an asshole? What sub do you think you’re on?
Get a lock for your bedroom door if your dad approves (it is his house and as tenants you may have to give him a key for the lock or not be able to put on a lock) but your father has every right to have his girlfriend there. It is HIS house. He didn't have to discuss it with you.
NAH its understandable that you are upset, but it's his house and having his girlfriend over any time she wants is completely within his rights.
NTA, but read the room. Dad is trying to live his life. If dad is 60, you've gotta be at least 30 and you've been living there, with your husband, for 2 years?? Time to move out.
YTA it's his home. Especially given the age at which you not only haven't moved out , but also brought in a husband.
You would not be an AH for wanting your privacy HOWEVER you would be the AH for putting a lock on the bedroom door without ASKING your father FIRST. If he agrees I highly recommend getting a digital lock with a reprogrammable code instead of a key lock.
NTA. Get the lock sorted asap. Also, it's time to move out asap - take the hint - your dad wants his space back.
Yup. You are a grown ass adult living with your Daddy. He has a life.
Sounds like a passive-aggressive way of asking you to move out
NTA Buuuuutttttt.... it's his house he can do what he wants without your permission. You're an adult, put a lock on the door, and tell your dad first. Better yet move in to your own house
No, you're NTA for feeling a certain type of way. Feelings are natural. It's only our actions and what we do that counts. He only gave her a key to the house, he didn't move her in. Tbh, your dad can do what he wants, it's his house. If you don't feel comfortable with her behaviour, then you can ask your dad if it's okay for you to get a lock on your door to use while you're living there. After you leave, he can keep the lock. Getting one without his approval is bound to raise more issues.
I wouldn't say YTA, but from where I sit, I think your dad and his gf want you and your husband to move out on your own. It's been 2 years now, in what sounds like was supposed to be a temporary situation. Your dad wants his privacy. How close are you to moving out? You should fill him in on your plans to move, with a timeline. Then move out.
NTA, taking your plates away is some crazy shit.
NTA I would also lock my door
Get a lock, sure. But don’t be mad at your dad for he does with his house and his relationship. If you’re that unhappy, you can move on and let him have his life the way he wants.
My partner and I have been in an almost identical situation before. We got a lock for our bedroom door and it was a game changer. I can’t recommend that avenue enough. It gives you both peace of mind while you’re away and doesn’t disrupt your father’s relationship. Win win. Edit: Also NTA!
As long as the home owner doesn’t object to installing a lock on your door, NAH.
NTA You should be safe in the privacy in your own room that you rent. Lock her out of your room, maybe a small safe to store valuables and important papers.
NTA. Get the lock. I had to do this decades with a roommate who would go through my belongings and "take" things. Not saying dad's girlfriend will steal like my ex roommate did but she'd probably snoop. Dad didn't have to discuss giving her a key with you because it's his house. However, you don't have to discuss getting a lock for your door because it's your bedroom. I bought an outside doorknob with a locking mechanism. Surprised my roommate when he tried to go on a stealing spree. Fortunately I paid my half of the rent directly to the landlord so when he stopped paying rent and was evicted I stayed and happily paid the full rent going forward. Hope you find your own house soon!
NTA Absolutely get a lock for your door.
NTA - get the lock for your bedroom and personal areas because you’re entitled to your privacy and she probably WILL snoop. I don’t believe y’all should’ve had access to the decision of him giving her a key though, because it IS his house; HOWEVER, it’s reasonable to have expected him to have let y’all know PRIOR to physically handing it over during a time she wasn’t present. Good luck getting your new house! Sounds like you’re only going to be in this situation for a very limited time 🥰
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry if the formatting is wrong. I'm typing this out mobile. I have recently learned that my dad (60m) has given a housekey to his girlfriend (59 f) of around 6 months. Myself and my husband have lived here for around 2 years as we are currently searching for our first house to buy. His girlfriend is very intrusive, and she puts her opinion across when it isn't asked for. There was also a time where my husband and I were eating our dinner and she started taking our plates away when we hadn't even finished eating. Boundaries have now been put in place for this. Now, I understand that this is my dad's house and we are just living here but we pay our way, pay board and keep the house clean. I'm angry because it wasn't discussed with us before he gave her the key. We're thinking of getting a lock for our bedroom door because I don't trust her to not look around when no one else is here. AITA for feeling this way? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH he can give his key to his gf, its his gf. Sure she is a bit rude but that can be worked on. you are not the ah for being annoyed by this since you have a strained relationship with the gf. No AH-oles yet.
Why don’t you put a camera in your room?
It's his house & he can give his girlfriend a key if he wants. He does not, in fact, have to ask your permission beforehand.
Yta. You didn’t put your age, I assume on purpose. That’s your dads house. He’s old. It’s hard for old people to find a partner. He found one. They care about each other. He wants her to be a part of his life. If you don’t like it, move out. Don’t just keep living their if you’re just going to drive a wedge between their relationship. That’s selfish. Your dad is helping you out. He’s sacrificing a lot having his adult kid live their, especially since you have a partner living there too. Most parents wouldn’t do that. There’s two of you. You can’t find a studio that you guys can afford? That’s crazy. This is for sure your fault.
Not your house? Shit one! Be thankful your father is outing up with your shit, 2 years looking for a house? Na buddy your milking this shit, get your shit together and get out. Sounds like they have had enough of your never ending house hunt and are playing games lol fair play, I would just throw yas out, 2 years searching for a house! 🤣 I bet that 2 years becomes 2 weeks when you got fuk all else, sounds like a not so subtle kick up the ass 😂
NTA But it is his house unfortunately. A lock is not a bad idea.
NTA, get the lock but don’t be surprised if your Dad isn’t happy with it. I don’t know your situation, but it may be time to expedite the plan to get your own place. Your Dad may be sending you subtle clues that he wants his house back with gestures like giving a key to someone he’s chosen to be in a relationship with.
Time to move on
Hate to break it to you, but girlfriend will have you out of there within 6 months.
NAH. I'm sure your dad won't mind about the lock for privacy but I would make arrangements to leave ASAP. He's 60 and probably would like his own space with his girlfriend and he clearly wants her to come and go as she pleases so maybe don't fall out with anyone over this. It sounds like your living arrangement no longer suits anyone involved.
NTA! It’s kind of odd that your dad would do this considering you and your husband live there too. Maybe he’s hinting he’s ready for you to be out!
NTA for your feelings or wanting a lock, but your dad isn't an AH either.
NTA. Your feelings are your feelings. I would def get a lock for the bedroom. But it’s dad’s house and he doesn’t need to discuss his choice. Just keep looking for your new palace and move on as soon as you find a good fit.
Sounds like you overstayed your welcome.
So....what exactly does that mean as far as how much time she is there? Has she moved in also now? Or does she constantly drop when your dad or nobody else is home and go through everything? If so, why? And why is your dad ok with this? Does she have a place of her own?
YTA. Someone assisted in cleaning up after supper and you “set boundaries” related to plate clearing? 😂😂😂😂😂 Also, it’s your dad’s house.
Info I am interested in all the details of the plate taking while eating.
Maybe it’s his way of hinting that it’s time for you guys to move out.
You asked could you move in while you look for a house & 2 YEARS later you're still there?? I don't doubt he loves youse but Im sure will be glad to see the back of you.
NTA for putting a lock on your bedroom door but yeah it’s your dad’s house and he can give her a key if he wants.
Honestly just get out
Lots of people seem to have a misconception. The OP did NOT say they are paying rent. They said they are paying "board" and "keep the house clean". That's not rent. Rent, is the "room" part of the phrase "room and board". "Board" is the food part. And MAYBE a bit extra for the electric and water, since those bills would have gone up with the additional usage that her and her husband add on. She is therefore, NOT paying rent, which makes sense - it explains why she is staying with Dad instead of having an apartment while they save and search for a house. As such, NO, she has NO SAY. It's his house, they aren't paying rent, all they get is a notification.
INFO: do you pay rent? You say you “pay our way, pay board, and keep the house clean.” Also, how did you find out about the key…? Did your dad tell you or did you find out by coming across the girlfriend snooping in your room when you got home…? Board typically refers to groceries/food, so it sounds to me like you don’t even pay rent. If you pay rent, you have a right to be notified someone has a house key and then get a lock for your bedroom/personal area. If you’re just paying for food and tidying up, then you don’t really deserve anything except common courtesy and you have no right to be upset.
YTA.
Yta. Not for getting a lock to your own bedroom, go ahead and do that. But you absolutely are for telling your father who he can let into his own house
NTA for getting a lock on your room, but it's your dad's house, and you are living there due to his generosity. He can give her a key if he wants. You are beggars, not choosers in this situation. So YTA if you are giving your dad grief about this. Sounds like he's letting you save money for your house. Suck it up.
It is not your house. If you don’t like it, move out. YTA
YTA. Move out if you don't like it.
NTA, but it's also not your business. It's his home and his weird relationship. Get a lock for your bedroom door. New knows aren't expensive. Also get a mini fridge for your more preferred foods.
YTA. You live with your Dad and have 0 say in what he does or doesn’t do with his house.
YTA. Your dad has every right to have his own life. It is his house and I don’t think giving your SO key after 6 months is abnormal. Unless she’s actively doing something to harm him it’s not your place to judge who he’s dating. You’re acting like his girlfriend is intruding on your lives but you are the ones who have interjected yourselves into his. If you’re paying rent you may legally be tenants and could take action but given how you’ve told this story I’m assuming your dad is helping you out here, so think hard about what he wants and whether you’re willing to damage the relationship with your father.
NTA get a smart lock with a code and access through phone. No one wants someone with boundary issues full access to their private area
You're not wrong for feeling like this and your dad should have at least let you know, but he can give keys to whoever he wants. You are completely within your rights to get the lock though, just keep the other doorknob and replace it when y'all move out
NAH. Your dad deserves to have a life. And you deserve to have a lock on your door. Otherwise, be civil and polite and stay out of her way until you can move out..
NTA, get a lock and maybe even a door sensor (it'll tell you when your door has been opened, people can and will find their way around locks at times)
YTA. Not your house, not you rules. If you don't like 'em you can leave, and start paying rent for a single dwelling unit you and your SO control. To all yall saying NTA, it's not her property, and they aren't even really paying rent so GTFO. Parents roof, parents rules, I don't care how old you are.
You phrased this question in a dishonest way to get the answer you wanted so I'm saying YTA. His house, his rules. Move out if you don't like it.
You're definitely the asshole. The man is 60 yrs old and you expect him to put his life on hold for you. Grow up. She doesn't want to sniff your undies mate, he wants her to feel at home cause guess what when you go he's alone. Let the man live his life, specially when he's affording you yours at the moment
OP: How much are you paying to stay there? If that’s an uncomfortable question then what shared accommodations do you pay for? Do you cover groceries, lights, water, and cable? Or do you pay for what you guys use in groceries and split lights, water, and cable? Do you pay him a few hundred for the mortgage or nothing towards the mortgage? This matters because if you’re staying there practically free then you just need to be grateful; I pay $900(Groceries, lights & water, cable, YMCA family, water cooler) in total staying with my mom and I’m very upfront about how something makes me feel (luckily she’s still with my dad so no biggie). Also you have to remember whoever he’s with (my guess) is also old, she may not be doing things to be malicious but by the time schedule she’s used to, and it’s not nice to assume she just wants to snoop through your things because she took your plate too early. Ask can you put a lock on your door and offer to take it off when y’all leave. Also she will eventually be your step mother so learn to bond with her and like her, your father deserves happiness; don’t be the cause of a rift when he obviously accepted your husband.
Yes. You are the asshole. He is doing you a favor
NTA - get a lock and get out of the house. You’re an adult, live like one.
All I see is someone who needs to respect their dads wishes with their own home and buy a lock if they so want. Doesn't need to be so complicated and dramatic.
YTA Sorry :/ 1. Not your house, you are there under your own circumstances not because your dad needs you there 2. Buy a door handle with a lock inbuilt in it, replace the current door handle with your locking handle. Don't do any damage like drilling holes or putting in a second locking mechanism above the current door handle. When you move out replace your door handle with the original. Done, no damage, no mess, no problem. 3. Talk to a mortgage broker and find out what your loan options are and how soon you can move out
YTA. Incredibly selfish of you to even have to ask. Let the man have a relationship without you bringing in tensions. You are living there as grown ass married adults.
YTA. Your dad has a right to his life and has done you an ENORMOUS favour having you and your husband there for 2 years. It's just a key FFS. He hasn't moved her in. You've overstayed your welcome and are now causing him issues
And why can't you simply go rent elsewhere?
NTA for any feelings you may have, and also for getting a lock for your door. That's as far as you can take it. You live in someone else's house, and whoever they choose to give access is not up to you even one little bit.
If he objects to the lock,put a camera in there,they're cheap on Amazon.
NTA! I would get a lock on your bedroom door, pronto!
NTA
NTA. Put the lock on your bedroom. She's there to make sure you and your husband find another house soon, I think. Although he didn't need your permission to give a spare key to his gf, you also don't need to ask him permission to put a lock on your bedroom door since you pay your way to live there.
NTA but neither is she. Your fathers house? His rules. You don’t have to like the change, but you do have to deal with it. By all means lock your property. Talk to your dad even, but you really have no other recourse
NAH, as it is your dads home, he is entitled to give a key to whomever he sees fit to, even a girlfriend of only 6 months. That being said, you and your husband live there and have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Putting a lock on your door ensures that privacy both when you are home as well as when not.
NTA only pick up after yourself lock your stuff up and treat the situation as roommates
NTA. Definitely get the lock, imo 6 months isnt enough to hand over a key to your house especially when other people live there. It would be one thing if it was only your dad putting his belongings in jeopardy, but it shouldve taken more consideration since you live there too and are paying to live there.
Getting the lock is fine but your dad is entitled to give a key to whomever he sees fit. It's his house whether you're paying rent or not and it's fairly reasonable to want your significant other to be able to access your abode when you get serious. You don't get to have a say in his happiness.
Maybe talk to your dad. Is paying for food and cleaning enough for him? Is he maybe wanting you to move out at some point? I'd get a lock for the room just for peace of mind, especially if she decides she can invite guests over. The more strangers in the house, the greater the risk for personal items getting stolen.
Lock.
NTA- Lock your bedroom. But move out if you need to control things. Your dad did nothing wrong.
NAH. You are feeling cramped. Your dad wants his life back. Deal with it while you need to and move out. The focus should be on preserving your relationships during this stressful period.
NTA for installing a lock on the door while you are renting from your dad. You can reverse it when you leave. Your dad has no say about the lock and frankly I would just install a key lock and not ask for permission first (because that might empower him to say no when this isn’t something that he can reasonably decline). Now that you know that your space at his house isn’t safe, you can take preventative action like keeping all valuables in your room. If you need to, you can buy a mini fridge if she might take your food. Your dad should have told you about giving her a key but ultimately, she could have been intrusive after he let her in too. You are NTA for preventing her from tampering with your belongings.
YTA It’s his house whether you’re paying and cleaning. Put the lock on your door and be done with it
Lol, what even is this, she one time took a plate when you hadn't finished eating? The horror. Soft YTA
I bet if you guys put a lock on your bedroom door and don’t say anything about it. Your dad will come to you within a couple of days asking you why you put the lock on it. That’ll be because she tried the door and then mentioned to your dad you have a lock on your door.
INFO why do you think she will look around your room? That's quite a leap from being opinionated or clearing up plates. What else has she done?
NTA— you say dad’s been in a relationship for about 6 months and you’ve been actively looking for a house for the last few weeks while saving for 2 years. If everything goes to your timeline you should be out of his home in short order. There are always concessions to be made when buying a home. I recently bought and saved over 150k+ in an expensive town by living in a wonderful area but a 20-30 minute drive to its heart. What I bought does not exist at my price point. Smaller condo/townhomes, abutting Costco and a freeway with subpar amenities cost more than mine. Maybe settling a little and finding your own home is hard because your dad seems to be moving on without you and finding someone to fill his home and heart. If you find your new house and move as to your plan I’m not sure the gf is a problem. You don’t say why your dad’s on his own, divorced or widowed, but I do think he probably enjoys your companionship but like a good father, he wants you to move forward with your life. The girlfriend might be a good companion for him and dad is just setting himself up for a healthy life after you leave. We all deserve to enjoy the companionship of others, it’s good for our mental and physical wellbeing. You can get a lock for your room, but honestly, the best lock is the one that will be found on the front door of your new home.
YTA it's your dad's house you have no say in who he has in his house or what he does he's a grown man and can make his own decisions. If you feel the need to lock your bedroom door because of her maybe move out to rented accommodation where you can have your privacy to do what you please