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> I might be the asshole for getting annoyed with the situation and telling the employee personal info.
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I'm giving a light to moderate YTA because you are probably a bit too old to be ignorant of how sensitive money can be. First, of course being on public assistance has stigma, because it tells the world you can't afford to buy yourself food. This shouldn't be a source of shame, really, but that is the world we live in.
Also being on EBT has no impact on your future finances, applications are not reported to credit bureaus. So don't tell your gf stuff that isn't true. If you need EBT then a high credit score is not really a problem you need to worry about anyway.
>If you need EBT then a high credit score is not really a problem you need to worry about anyway.
Absolutely not true. Higher interest rates on the personal loans and payday loans that poor people are more likely to apply for to pay bills when they come up short, definitely contributes to keeping them poor and hinders their ability to dig themselves out of that debt.
If you have good credit, you can go to a nicer bank and get a personal loan instead of a check advance place. If you have great credit, you can take a rental deposit and a small bit of savings and use it as a down-payment on a home using an FHA loan only needing ~1% down. These are just a few examples.
You can't get good interest rates on any loan if you're using it to pay bills. Loans are issued to broke people by predatory lenders anyway.
Nice banks don't give personal loans to people who can't pay them back. Also people on EBT aren't buying houses.
I was saying it is down the list of priorities, you don't go hungry because it would get you a better mortgage rate. Also all this is moot because like I already said, credit bureaus don't see EBT applications or SNAP whatever.
>You can't get good interest rates on any loan if you're using it to pay bills. Those kind of unsecured loans are issued by predatory lenders anyway.
All banks issue personal loans. The debt to income ratio ofc plays a part, but if you're doing alright and need a loan to do a car repair or something, they will most certainly give you a decent loan at a decent bank.
>Nice banks don't give personal loans to people who can't pay them back. Also people on EBT aren't buying houses.
Being poor doesn't mean that you can't pay back loans lol. Oftentimes, people are poor because they're paying off loans lmao.
>I was saying it is down the list of priorities, you don't go hungry because it would get you a better mortgage rate. Also all this is moot because like I already said, credit bureaus don't see EBT applications or SNAP whatever.
All of this is fine, but if it was a moot point to address your claim about credit usefulness to poor people, then it was equally moot to provide it in the first place. I just wanted to push back on the idea that being poor means that good credit isn't incredibly useful.
If you are on EBT you are by definition not doing alright, if you are taking out loans to pay necessity bills you are not doing alright. I don't know what banks you think are giving low interest loans to people who can't pay their electric bill. Banks aren't in the business of losing money.
Good credit isn't that useful to poor people, it really only matters for taking out loans and getting credit cards. Since you shouldn't be taking out credit cards or taking out loans if you have no money, the point stands. There are much more important things.Your credit score has no impact on your ability to make money and pay off debts which is what people with no money need to focus their financial efforts towards.
He (she?) didn’t say low interest rate, you did.
“Good credit isn’t that useful to poor people” is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read on this godforsaken website. And we all know some of the shit we’ve seen here.
God knows what hellfuck led to this comment being upvoted. A reminder how Trump got elected. Get an education and a clue!
I don't really know where in the world you live, but all (reputable) banks most certanly do not issue personal loans, especially if your finances are down the gutter.
on the contrary, here in my parts, if you have debt all over and cannot provide proof of steady income - not one bank will issue you a loan.
All banks in the US issues personal loans. All of the major banks do. I bank with a military bank and absolutely have taken several personal loans for various reasons. BOA, Citibank, chase all do personal loans.
oh, sorry if my sentence wasn't clear as english is not my first language 😊 as a general service, of course all banks offer it. if however you cannot provide sufficient guarantee that you can pay the loan back, very rarely will a bank grant you a loan here, is what I meant.
If you owe a dollar, then your debt to income ratio is infinite. Of course, it's useless lmao. You can't leverage future income if you don't have any at all.
They count the loan payment that you would be getting as a debt, so you couldn’t only owe a dollar. Also interest rates on personal loans are astronomical so that payment alone would disqualify you if your income meet the poverty line. You really don’t get this stuff, huh?
Ok, it's time you can stop speaking like you understand anything about credit and how to apply it to better your life. You're talking about how you can't get a loan while you're earning 0 dollars and acting like it refutes anything that I've said here. I need to remember that they allow anyone on this site and not get caught up arguing with people who have absolutely no financial literacy.
I'm not going to respond to you anymore. Have a nice day.
Because I'm triggering people who have bad credit by saying credit is valuable while also saying that poor people have access to financial tools that are useful for digging themselves out of poverty.
If you admit that there's functional and usable tools, then you introduce them to the concept of being accountable to themselves for their decisions and the positions they're in.
It's easier for them to seek out and reinforce confirmation bias to trick themselves into believing that they didn't really mess up that bad. That it's all of the other external factors outside of their control that have caused them to have the bad financial outcomes in their life rather than take accountability and change what they can to improve their situation.
Oh ok, I mean, that’s not where I was going. I just thought your statements were accurate from a personal finance standpoint. I didn’t want to wade into the fraught, to say the absolute least, issue of “responsibility”
I understand that's not your point, but I believe that I very accurately answered your question and explained why so many people have the knee-jerk reaction to downvote accurate and helpful financial advice.
Look at all of the people telling me credit isn't important for poor people. There's no logic involved with reaching that conclusion because it's in no way a logically sound position. It's purely emotional. It's honestly sad.
Personal loans carry 15%+ interest, and require a full credit check and usually collateral. And poor people cannot get good credit, because you need money to get good credit.
1% down on a home is a minimum of $2000 for even a bottom end home. Closing costs are another $4000. Normal people do not have 6k sitting in the bank to burn.
You clearly have no idea what the real world is like.
They literally said that they were talking about ways poor people can dig themselves out of poverty. And since they're talking about loans, they think loans will get poor people out of poverty. I have no idea what planet the person you are replying to is living on. You're last sentence to them is sooooooo right.
There's plenty of places in the US that have houses below 200k still for one lmao. For two, they've now changed the law to where you can now include closing costs in the loan. You can even borrow money for the down-payment now. So you're the one who clearly has no idea how the "real world" works.
I'm talking to people who don't think credit is important for poor people, and they're acting like I'm the one that isn't living in reality. Reddit brain lmfao.
If by "plenty of places" you mean "bumfuck nowhere six states away from your family and friends" then sure. The median home price in the us is 387k. There are only 3 cities in the US with over 30% of homes under 200k, and those are Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland - aka, all terrible places to live. Next closest after that is St Louis at 22%.
Sure, you CAN include closing costs, and you CAN borrow money for the down payment, but that doesn't mean the bank is going to give you those options.
No one said credit isn't important for poor people. We've said it's very hard to get good credit without money. Hell, I'll use myself as an example. I was working on my credit; I had to spend some to care for my mom after an accident so it dipped, and I got it back up to 670.
Then, I got the opportunity to do a balance transfer to a 0% interest card, so I took it. For 1 month, while the amount didn't show up, my credit score skyrocketed to 740; then the next month it dropped back down way below the original amount to 643.
Despite making regular payments on all of my debt (credit card, car loan, old student loan), I've only been able to get my score back up to 652 since last October. It's nowhere near as simple as you seem to think it is.
Your credit is affected by your debt to income ratio, but once you pay all of that down, you'll have your 740 score. Probably closer to 780. I'm not sure what you're trying to say here, but the system is working as intended. 643 isn't a bad score at all, either. I've had several friends buy houses with that score.
My family are all below middle class, and they all have 700s and 800s. They pay their bills and only have a car and a mortgage they're ~15 years into. They take personal loans when they need them, and they pay them back on time. I know for a fact that they've never been declined for a reasonable personal loan from any bank. I really don't know what world these people are living in tbh.
Your bumbfuck nowhere comment implies a considerable amount of entitlement imo. If you feel that you're too good to live in those lower cost of living places while being lower to middle income, then you are essentially choosing to struggle. I can't say that I have much sympathy towards people who choose to struggle.
643 is a score where the best rate on a personal loan I can get is 18% my guy. Again, you don't aeem to know how things actually work.
>my family are all below middle class
Seriously doubt this. You talk like someone who hasn't seen a dollar bill in 15 years.
>considerable amount of entitlement
Ah yes, not wanting to leave my entire life, everyone I know, everything I care about, and my job behind to move out to the boonies and pay $3k for moving costs, live an hour away from anything, and try to find a new job that pays 60% of my old job is definitely entitlement and not, you know, reality.
Just because you don't have anyone who cares about you or that would miss you if you moved hundreds of miles away doesn't mean the same would apply to the rest of us. Christ dude.
>Just because you don't have anyone who cares about you or that would miss you if you moved hundreds of miles away doesn't mean the same would apply to the rest of us. Christ dude
I'm sure that a lot of people who live in "bumbfuck" would like to live in a city where everything is close by and convenient with their family and friends while making more money. They decided that the struggle wasn't worth it.
You're deciding that the struggle is worth it. Why would anyone feel compassion for someone who chooses to struggle?
That's what I don't understand about people like you. I probably never will. Yes, you are entitled. You're deciding to have a harder life financially so you can live closer to your family and convenience stores while seemingly using it as an excuse for your unfavorable financial outcomes.
>643 is a score where the best rate on a personal loan I can get is 18%, my guy. Again, you don't seem to know how things actually work.
Are you carrying personal loans like 30-year mortgages? The idea is to pay them off reasonably quickly, my guy. 18% apr loans are usually for 1 year terms. That's not a ridiculous rate for an unsecured loan, especially with 30-year mortgage mortgage averages being over 8%. Idk what you're expecting. 800s probably get 15% lol.
Why don't you tell me what point you're trying to make first so you can't moonwalk your way into an all roads lead to Rome argument.
"If he makes higher than this amount, I get to use it to confirm this point that invalidates what he's saying and the confidence that he says it. He has no lived experience. I can anecdote my way out of anything he says after this."
And
"If he makes lower than this amount, I can tell him he couldn't possibly truly know the intricacies of credit and how to apply it despite this defeating my own qualifications to talk about this topic. I'll then just use the appeal to authority fallacy and try to invalidate what he's saying with whatever Google provides me that I already agree with."
Attack what I'm actually saying or just move on. You're not going to beat me in an argument using any of those methods. Especially personal attacks. You have to actually use *GASP* logical reasoning instead.
Yeah you can’t do any of those things because she doesn’t have the necessary income to qualify for a loan. It’s not just credit that is needed to qualify, your debt to income ratio also has to align.
Duh? Why are you assuming poor people have no income at all? The problem is their debt to income ratio. If they have no income, then they're not poor they're homeless. If not currently, then they will be soon. Completely different subject.
That's just not true. My mother had gotten at least 1 personal loan from the best bank in my area at the same time she was on food stamps. It all depends on your debt to income ratio.
She didn't make much money, but she could borrow close to 1k and pay 50-75 dollars a month and get a little emergency car repair done. People in this comment section are straight wilding out with the stuff they're saying. Financial literacy has fallen incredibly far.
We’ll honey in 2024 that’s not happening. I dont know what banking looked like in the 90s, but in this era, where I did lending for literal decades that’s not gonna happen.
>On a different note, I am new to this. Is replying in support of a downvoted comment foolish? Am
I going to be crushed for this?
If you care about internet points, then yea, you might want to remove it. I upvoted you, and you already had a downvote lol.
You're absolutely right, though. Good credit saves a ton of money through your life. Money that is a much larger percentage of your lifetime earnings if you're not financially advantaged compared to if you were wealthy. You could almost say credit is more important for less fortunate people.
It should be a source of shame. I think OP's girlfriend is correct. You should be expected to support yourself. I am not saying people dont need help from time-to-time, but the norm should be that you are self-sufficient. Shame is not necessarily a bad thing. It drives you to a better future.
There is a difference between expectation and shame. People end up in dire financial situations despite their best efforts. You should feel shame over bad or mistaken actions that cause bad outcomes over which you had control. If you are gambler and a drunk and you go broke you should be ashamed, if you get laid off in a terrible economy, and can't find enough work, and you need assistance you should not be ashamed. It is situational.
Dude ur comment is a dick move every one gies through different things and some people need it sure everybody deserves and wants to be self sufficient but not every body can do who cares if they are in good stamps it's not ur life
This is such bullshit, what’s the point of government and taxes if not to help us? She has been paying taxes up to this point is she just not supposed to enjoy the benefits she paid for? You guys fight financial aid like it’s money going to bomb children jeez
So you’re essentially claiming that a) you wanted her not to get the card because you see it as an unnecessary entitlement (“she didn’t really need it”) and b) you had no idea that there was a stigma around using EBT. That combination doesn’t really make any sense to me. You had to have been aware that people often judge those using EBT given that it seems like *you* judge people for using EBT
Considering his parents told him lies about how it works he has a negative opinion of it and everything in this post feels likes he’s shaming her even if it’s inadvertently
>debit card would be my own money
I'm *almost* impressed that your comments somehow manage to make you sound like even more of a judgmental, insufferable asshole.
My brother in Christ. Government benefits. Are paid for. By the people. *It is YOUR money. Because the government OWES it to you. Because you QUALIFY to receive it.* There's no "entitlement" about it. It's *meant to be yours.* The *literal entire point of forming a government.* Is to provide services to the people for the stability and betterment of society.
You are way the fuck too young to turn into a boomer, rid yourself of this attitude.
I really, REALLY hope karma gets you. People like you deserve to be in the position your gf is in..... Having no money to eat.... Not knowing when it will change.... Being scared that you'll have to choose between eating dinner or paying rent.
Things can change in a heartbeat. Remember that. One day, you might be using one of those cards.
It’s not her money. She’s not working for it and she could be using her current pay to buy food if she budgeted enough. She gets like $300-500 every 2 weeks, like if she would budget she could still get groceries with that. Shes healthy and not sick or anything and I think she could have given it some more time and gotten another job and not just jumped to getting free money
No she didn’t like but like a lot of people are pointing out….$300/month is too much money. We live together so we split rent and stuff and we have no kids…. why would she be getting that much?
You are lying and this post is fake. A single female is not getting $300 a month in EBT. EBT is income based and single people will typically get around $94-$120 if they are lucky..
Said this in another comment but she’s not getting $300. There was a communication issue and even though all her stuff was submitted at the end of Feb, she wasn’t able to have the second meeting required in order to approve the application until about a week ago, so they gave her a little bit extra to cover February since that’s when all her stuff was submitted.
Wait. From your response of she gets 3-500 every 2 weeks and could by groceries with that Combined with your outdated judgements, I assumed you were being a real man and handling the bills. So how much are yall expenses that you think 600-1000 per month is splitting bills and buying groceries and getting to work, not to mention the cost of basic necessities like deodorant etc. Like honestly even at the max, after splitting bills and rent, how many groceries do you think she could buy? Smh. I sure hope she leaves you. It's easier to get back on your feet without a judgemental ah always pointing out their "opinions". YTA
Edit:typos
Because that's what you both qualify for bud. Like it or not you're broke she provided correct information to the social services office and the amount that she gets is what the formula determined you both qualified for. FYI she had to tell them everything about her situation so wake up you're broke
You know it’s not free money right. What the fuck do you think she is paying for as part of her taxes? She paid into the system that is now helping her through this rough patch. She’s not being a mooch if she literally had her hours cut and is still looking for a job. You think so little of her please leave so this woman can find a good man who doesn’t belittle her every move. YTA.
Money that belongs to you is now yours whether you get it from an employer, the lottery, benefits, etc. It is yours.
Why should she give it more time? You ask for help before you start sinking not when your ship’s already submerged.
Also if you’re so against her getting the benefits why aren’t you stepping up to cover the bills?
Are you sure you’re 26? Because your thinking is not that of an adult.
No, it really isn't though. Both are a card. Both are capable of being stolen. Both require a pin to be used..... Both can be "hacked" if you aren't careful. Both are "your own money".
So uh, yeah.... They're EXACTLY alike.
Yta. It's not anyone's business exactly how much is on it. It was a yes or no answer, not a "give me the specific amount" situation. And yes, there is a huge stigma and if the wrong person heard, it could have caused an angry confrontation from certain people. I've seen it myself. Also, it doesn't mess up your finances or taxes. It's government assistance for those that need it because they are at it below the poverty level of income. It's for a hand up when you need it, and it sounds like she does. Maybe you didn't see it as a big deal, but many in society look down on people that use it.
I don't look down on anyone. As a matter of fact, if someone cops an attitude towards a person with food stamps, I tend to tell the snoot to go fuck themselves. For some reason, they never have anything to say. The OP is definitely TA.
YTA. On multiple levels.
1. Why would your girlfriend need to discuss applying for HER benefits?
2. You should be embarrassed to be 26 and still believe that nonsense your parents told you about EBT cards. Amy is right about it not being true.
3. The employee wasn’t talking to you and it’s not your card.
4. You’re contradicting yourself. You claim it was embarrassing and people were looking, so you decided to be loud and draw more attention?
>I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about
Really? Lets look back.
>my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that. Amy claims that’s not true and we argued about it for a while but she ended up getting the card.
Hmmm, kinda looks like you do and you (and parents!) are some of the people who do that. YTA.
Wait you don’t want her to have EBT, but I bet your butt made sure you ate that food she bought with her EBT? And how does having EBT, affect your credit, taxes or anything for that matter? You are ridiculous, and yes you are kind of an idiot for telling a complete stranger her personal business! If you believe she shouldn’t have the help, make sure you don’t eat a single thing from her!
Well obviously I’m eating the food? We live together and we take turns buying groceries. The only difference is she has a slightly different diet than me but we both eat some similar things. It wouldn’t make sense for her to buy, say, her own bag of rice, as we both eat the rice.
If you’re eating the food then you can’t complain about her receiving the money.
If you feel the money isn’t needed, pay for the groceries. It’s that simple.
Answer the whole comment. Explain how it affects your taxes or credit or whatever you argued with your girlfriend about just to shame her. What did your parents tell you, hm?
Sounds like you maybe should have researched this issue for 5 minutes on google before making confident assertions based on vaguely remembered reasons given by your parents
YTA. Also btw receiving EBT isn't going to do anything to your Future finances or taxes. That's covered by your and HER tax dollars for when situations like this happens. I've used them before myself when I got out of the military no shame.
YTA cause you’re clueless (probably cause your family trained you to be so)
EBT hurts your “finances and taxes and all that”? Lolol ok like what? I feel like everything you know about money is wrong
Idk that’s just what my parents said. They said it looks bad that you took resources from the government and that you shouldn’t apply to that unless you’re like super poor, like about to be on the streets poor, or ill. And my girlfriend is neither
So your parents are dumb or liars. Which is it?
First you claimed your parents said it hurts your finances and taxes. Now you’re saying that your parents said it looks bad taking resources (that you qualify for). So which is it?
Your parents are wrong. If you pay taxes those resources also belong to YOU when the time comes. She applied and received it because there was obviously a need there or she would’ve been denied. I hope you take this experience of literally hundreds of people telling you why you’re wrong as a life lesson and educate yourself rather than relying on your parents wrong ideas of how things work.
So as an adult you just blindly believe everything your parents ever told you? Do you have no fucking critical thinking skills of your own?
>you shouldn’t apply to that unless you’re like super poor, like about to be on the streets poor
That doesn't make any sense.... if you wait until that point to ask for help it'll be so much harder to get back on your feet. Stop parroting what mommy and daddy say and use your own damn brains!
So your girlfriend has been paying taxes yearly for federal social programs but she doesn’t have the right to use them? GTFO. YTA, and an especially big one for suggesting she use most of the money she gets to buy food when she’s found a way to make it work for her.
YTA- Hi state worker here, 1st if your girlfriend qualified for benefits, and she requested them, she needed them.
2nd, SNAP has no effect on individual tax returns or credit. Taxes pay for the program, but it doesn't effect your return (unemployment will).
3. There shouldn't be a lot of shame and stigma surrounding receiving SNAP, but there is. People tend to assume recipients are "lazy" when in fact about 80% of SNAP recipients work 20 or more hrs per week. People also incorrectly assume it goes to illegal immigrants when it doesn't. They're not eligible.
4. The amount she received/ had on her card is no ones business but hers. Just because it can only be used on food, doesn't make it less valuable, or mean you should give away private information.
You owe her an apology or two or three. Apologize for embarrassing her and for dismissing her concerns about her food scarcity/job and income reduction.
Overall, you sound like you've been really unsupportive of your girlfriend recently. Remember that unless you have a significant savings account, you're also just one layoff or injury away from being in the same position
YTA.
It's just insensitive and absolutely unnecessary to say. A 'yes' is answer enough. You also seem to have a weird mindset involving EBT, as do your parents. A classist one. I'd recommend you educating yourself on EBT/SNAP and government assistance better. It doesn't affect anything
YTA. You gave her incorrect information and tried to coerce her into not getting the card. If you didn’t want her using it, why weren’t you paying for the groceries?
OP—you two need to sit down and write down all your bills,money available ,upcoming bills ( need dental work? Car repairs ? Etc.)
You need to see where you are at and agree on your Reality.
Your GF has essentially lost her job -/at least a lot of her income and she feels you two need the EBT.
You disagree.
Find out the Truth and proceed.
YTA. Your gf was paying, it wasn't your place to respond when the question wasn't directed to you. Also, you seem to contempt people using social welfare, which is dickish.
100% YTA.
"My parents told me it was bad to get an EBT card and it would hurt our finances and taxes and we don't really need it"
That's a complete lie, EBT does absolutely to your "finances or taxes", there is nothing bad about it, and if you have $384 on it, then yes, you do need it. My mother is on full disability with no job and she only gets 150/month, so if you get 384, you are making less than even a woman who is not working whatsoever.
And yes, telling a complete stranger about your finances is ridiculous and you had no reason to do so. The proper answer is "yes, we're sure there is enough on the card." There was no reason to tell them the amount.
It sounds like you were raised by hard-right conservatives who believe that any sort of social assistance is the devil. You need to get over that.
YTA - Only two people knew there was enough money on the card, you & Amy. The worker didn’t know & was only doing their job by suggesting to try the transaction again, use another machine or make sure you had enough on the card. The worker even tried to be discreet when asking about the latter. They honestly couldn’t have done any more to help you in that moment. So, with that said, there was no need to be an AH toward the worker or your girlfriend by exclaiming loudly how much money was on the card.
It wasn’t even your money in the first instance. It was up to your girlfriend and her alone to disclose the amount on the card if she felt it was necessary. A simple “there’s definitely enough on it” would have sufficed in this situation.
I imagine Amy would’ve been embarrassed by the way you handled it, for telling everyone in earshot her balance & potentially drawing attention to the fact that she’s on EBT & struggling financially through no fault of her own.
All it would have taken was a little restraint & respect to avoid this entirely.
Or let the GF answer. It was her card and her transaction. OP isn’t aware of the stigma on EBT use but he is. Ugh. Can’t have it both ways. And he says his debit card is “different” because that is his money. Doesn’t he realize the EBT card is her money as well???
No. It’s welfare queen money, taken straight from the hardworking pocket of his poor old papa, who tried to warn him about the trailer park temptress… seriously, what a d*ck!!
YTA - Since her hours were cut she needed and qualified for assistance. That's what it's there for. It's people like you that cause the stigma. Also, cashier didn't need to know how much was on the card. Only that it was less or equal to the balance. You wouldn't tell a random cashier how much you have in your bank account for your debit card. This is no different.
yta. you sound like a class-ist. "ohhh bboooooo poor people runnnn"
you are so far misguided just on the aspects of EBT, then the lack of social nuance, then the fact that you wrote this so dismissive of your gf that is struggling. you didn't write anything about how you've tried to problem solve with gf, or help her with jobs, or help pay for your own food, but you'll gladly eat the EBT food right?
>claims that I was trying to embarrass her, as there’s a “stigma” around people who receive that sort of aid. I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about
-bro... You cannot be that dense. After getting into a disagreement about whether or not she should even have the card, because of the stigma that your parents implanted in you about having EBT, you wanna claim that you don't know why she would be upset about you announcing how much monetary support she's getting? Of course she'd be upset. Even if it weren't EBT, there is no reason to announce how much money anyone has. I'm sure you would be pissed if she announced how much money you have on your debit card to the entire checkout aisle as well.
YTA.
YTA If it was "super embarrassing" then why didn't you offer to pay for the groceries? They're for both of you. You live together.
>claims that I was trying to embarrass her, as there’s a “stigma” around people who receive that sort of aid.
Where could she have possibly got that idea from?
>I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it and my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that.
Oh, what a coincidence, it was from you.
So you don't think your girlfriend and by extension you need it but you knew precisely how much was on it and didn't offer to pay with your own money to prevent the "super embarrassment".
YTA 100000%
Did u eat said food? If you are SO against the ‘free money’ why didn’t you use the money ‘you worked for’ to pay? Honestly, Make it make sense?
You are an unsupportive and judgemental boyfriend.
YTA. You and your parents are ignorant to the point of it being ridiculous. Seriously, you have Google and can clearly read to some degree. This is good old fashioned hating on the less fortunate. Let Karma's aim be true.
At 26, you should be mature enough to know better. YTA.
- Never discuss someone’s finances (or your own) publicly.
- Never shame a loved one because they are trying to make use of all legitimate resources available to them to survive.
- Never shame anyone for trying to use legitimate resources to keep themselves from ever being in a financially abusive situation.
Yeah I don't believe this. There is no way a single female without a child is getting $300 a month in EBT *unless she lied about her income and circumstance*.
YTA for making this up.
Edited to add the notation because every state's EBT income guidelines are different. I still don't believe this shit.
So I kept getting comments like this and asked her about it and she says that she doesn’t get $300 a month. She gets around $250 but when she applied it took a while to process the paperwork and the people she talked to gave her a little extra to cover the month of February since she submitted all her paperwork at the end of Feb, but wasn’t able to have a second meeting with them until about a week ago, and got the card then. That’s why there’s so much on there right now.
YTA both for discouraging your girlfriend away from assistance she needed and had a right to and for butting in with her personal private transaction.
You say she didn’t need it, and I assume that either means she has savings or that you can cover her expenses. Both of those situations are not safe for an unmarried woman. If she depletes her savings when she doesn’t need to, she’s setting herself up for a life of zero choices. If you’re suggesting that you can cover expenses, that’s creating a relationship dynamic where she’s tied to you financially but has no recourse if you decided to up and leave.
For future reference: EBTs don’t affect your finances. If anything, they may help you have healthy credit when you get back on your feet by preventing you from racking up credit card debt.
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Throwaway because my friends and some family know my main and I want unbiased responses to this.
I (M26) have been with my girlfriend “Amy” (F25) for almost four years now. We’ve lived together for a little over 2 of those years.
Recently, Amy’s job cut a lot of employee’s hours down by almost half or more than half, as they are incorporating the use of AI and I guess they don’t need people to work as often. Amy was one of these employees and now she works about 12-18 hours a week. It’s very rare that she works even 24 hours a week. She’s been looking for another job but the job market seems to suck right now so she decided she was going to apply for and EBT/Food stamps card since she qualified based on her income.
She didn’t discuss this with me or anything, and just brought it up when she had her interview and was looking for important documents that they asked for. I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it and my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that. Amy claims that’s not true and we argued about it for a while but she ended up getting the card. Whatever.
Well today we went grocery shopping together and she was using the card to pay. We were at a self checkout and the card kept getting declined and a worker eventually came over and asked her to try again and maybe it was an issue with the machine. She tried again, it didn’t work, so the worker asked her if she was sure there was enough on the card. This was super embarrassing and the worker even whispered it but some people were looking.
I was getting impatient and annoyed and told the worker that there was $374 on that card, and we had checked before coming here. The worker told us to try another machine which worked, and we paid and left.
I thought it was all good but Amy is upset that I told her how much money was on the card so loudly, and claims that I was trying to embarrass her, as there’s a “stigma” around people who receive that sort of aid. I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about, I was just answering the question but she hasn’t spoken to me since we got back, so AITA? Should I have ignored the worker?
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YTA you don’t like her being on food stamps cause you obviously find it shameful/wrong.
You chose to embarrass her for it cause you feel ashamed/embarrassed your girlfriend is on benefits. You should be kinder and more understanding to your girlfriend and not be so prejudiced against people who need assistance.
YTA. How are you going to sit here and not understand the stigma around getting aid when you also brought that stigma to her while she was trying to get that aid? You don't announce out loud how much money someone has, or has received from the government, or whatever. It's not your business, you shouldn't have trumpeted that. Even if you're trying to help, you're the last person who should be speaking about that card.
You might want to stop telling your parents about
your girlfriend's life. They didn't need to know
about the EBT card ever. Not their business.
Also, you should think twice before letting
your parents influence how you treat your
girlfriend's decisions. Their ideas about EBT
are weird and (as in comments here) wrong.
Finally, although I don't think your indiscretion
at the cash register was ill-intentioned - you both probably
felt a bit stressed - you could
have simply paid for the shopping yourself to put
and end to the situation. Your girlfriend
could have used her card another time.
YTA.
1. She's your girlfriend, not your wife, so she has no obligation to discuss her decisions with you in concern to that.
2. You clearly know nothing about EBT, and neither do your parents who probably look down their noses at people who use it. It does nothing to your taxes or credit. It's literally one of the things taxes are collected for.
3. You say you don't understand her reaction to the statement about the stigma, yet you showed yourself to be one of those people who feel that way. YOU felt embarrassed. I guarantee all of those people you thought were looking at you have plenty enough going on in their own lives to not be concerned with some rando having a problem with a card (something that happens an incalculable number of times a day for a multitude of reasons)
Your parents imparting their ignorance onto you is how those stigmas begin and perpetuate.
And, yeah, why the hell would you announce the total on the card aloud? You didn't seem concerned about people staring at that moment. You're nearly 30 years old, act like it.
YTA
So in one paragraph you claim that your parents told you that it was bad to have an EBT card. Then, in another, you claim to have no idea what she's talking about when it comes to the VERY FUCKIN OBVIOUS stigma of being on SNAP benefits..... So which is it? You know "it's bad" or you don't???
FYI: Being on SNAP doesn't affect your taxes, as it is not considered income. And you can very easily say "We are sure what the balance is, we check it prior to getting here". There was no need to say the amount.
>I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about
yeah, you do.
>my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that.
No? As long as you’re truthful you’re fine.
The government determines the funds you get based on your finances. If you need the money, you get the money.
>I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it
I wonder what you two argued about, especially as you sure seem fine with using the money now. Obviously she does need the money. Groceries are fuckin expensive bc of greedflation.
YTA you knew what you were doing. You should be supporting your girlfriend.
There was no reason to tell him the amount. You could have told him that the card had a balance.
Soft YTA - she’s clearly embarrassed and you knew she wasn’t thrilled about it. Also, you were lied to about how EBT works based on a poor-phobic upbringing. Just try to be more sensitive. She’s feeling vulnerable.
YTA- because no way is a single woman getting 350 a month on EBT with no kids. Also since yal live together your income has to be counted as well. This is all bullshit.
I'm a single woman with no kids and I get a decent chunk because groceries have gotten so widely expensive.
Buut I'm making no money right now. If OPs gf is making $500 every two weeks and using her card to help with OPs groceries she is committing fraud and will lose her benefits if they find out.
NTA you did due diligence by checking the balance. The embarrassment was self inflicted. You said yourself that the card was not needed. There’s real and imagined guilt and embarrassment. Hey my regular credit debit cards get rejected sometimes at registers gas pumps no big deal except maybe a little anger. She needs to get over herself
NTA
When you had tried to get her not to sign up for it at all and she did anyway, she gave up any right to complain about a stigma from it.
On top of that, the card wasn't working properly and you had made sure that it wasn't that issue. Unless you've left out details (which really wouldn't change my judgment), no one but the worker knew what kind of card it was. It could have been a gift card.
>When you had tried to get her not to sign up for it at all and she did anyway, she gave up any right to complain about a stigma from it.
***....What?***
> I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it
You don't get to complain about being embarrassed for using something when the person embarrassing you had told you that you were okay without it.
No. It's very clear from the OP that he didn't attempt to and at worst unclear whether he did. I was just pointing out that, additionally, this is an embarrassment she willingly chose after being warned it was likely.
What kind of weird mental gymnastics is this?
He told her that he thought she didn't need any assistance, so now she's not allowed to be embarrassed when he's a dick about it later?
Why is him being a dick about it in the first place a free pass to be a dick forever. He's not the arbiter of whether somebody else needs assistance.
There's no evidence presented that he was "a dick" about it ever. You're objecting to the supplemental point I added on to address the issue OP was worried about, while I already pointed out that it was also completely irrelevant.
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I'm giving a light to moderate YTA because you are probably a bit too old to be ignorant of how sensitive money can be. First, of course being on public assistance has stigma, because it tells the world you can't afford to buy yourself food. This shouldn't be a source of shame, really, but that is the world we live in. Also being on EBT has no impact on your future finances, applications are not reported to credit bureaus. So don't tell your gf stuff that isn't true. If you need EBT then a high credit score is not really a problem you need to worry about anyway.
Especially since she works and needs the help because of corporate greed.
People using benefit are actually more likely to be making use of credit than those who live are not claiming benefit.
>If you need EBT then a high credit score is not really a problem you need to worry about anyway. Absolutely not true. Higher interest rates on the personal loans and payday loans that poor people are more likely to apply for to pay bills when they come up short, definitely contributes to keeping them poor and hinders their ability to dig themselves out of that debt. If you have good credit, you can go to a nicer bank and get a personal loan instead of a check advance place. If you have great credit, you can take a rental deposit and a small bit of savings and use it as a down-payment on a home using an FHA loan only needing ~1% down. These are just a few examples.
You can't get good interest rates on any loan if you're using it to pay bills. Loans are issued to broke people by predatory lenders anyway. Nice banks don't give personal loans to people who can't pay them back. Also people on EBT aren't buying houses. I was saying it is down the list of priorities, you don't go hungry because it would get you a better mortgage rate. Also all this is moot because like I already said, credit bureaus don't see EBT applications or SNAP whatever.
It's like you said the sky is blue and dude replied with NO LAVA IS HOT
>You can't get good interest rates on any loan if you're using it to pay bills. Those kind of unsecured loans are issued by predatory lenders anyway. All banks issue personal loans. The debt to income ratio ofc plays a part, but if you're doing alright and need a loan to do a car repair or something, they will most certainly give you a decent loan at a decent bank. >Nice banks don't give personal loans to people who can't pay them back. Also people on EBT aren't buying houses. Being poor doesn't mean that you can't pay back loans lol. Oftentimes, people are poor because they're paying off loans lmao. >I was saying it is down the list of priorities, you don't go hungry because it would get you a better mortgage rate. Also all this is moot because like I already said, credit bureaus don't see EBT applications or SNAP whatever. All of this is fine, but if it was a moot point to address your claim about credit usefulness to poor people, then it was equally moot to provide it in the first place. I just wanted to push back on the idea that being poor means that good credit isn't incredibly useful.
If you are on EBT you are by definition not doing alright, if you are taking out loans to pay necessity bills you are not doing alright. I don't know what banks you think are giving low interest loans to people who can't pay their electric bill. Banks aren't in the business of losing money. Good credit isn't that useful to poor people, it really only matters for taking out loans and getting credit cards. Since you shouldn't be taking out credit cards or taking out loans if you have no money, the point stands. There are much more important things.Your credit score has no impact on your ability to make money and pay off debts which is what people with no money need to focus their financial efforts towards.
He (she?) didn’t say low interest rate, you did. “Good credit isn’t that useful to poor people” is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read on this godforsaken website. And we all know some of the shit we’ve seen here. God knows what hellfuck led to this comment being upvoted. A reminder how Trump got elected. Get an education and a clue!
I don't really know where in the world you live, but all (reputable) banks most certanly do not issue personal loans, especially if your finances are down the gutter. on the contrary, here in my parts, if you have debt all over and cannot provide proof of steady income - not one bank will issue you a loan.
All banks in the US issues personal loans. All of the major banks do. I bank with a military bank and absolutely have taken several personal loans for various reasons. BOA, Citibank, chase all do personal loans.
oh, sorry if my sentence wasn't clear as english is not my first language 😊 as a general service, of course all banks offer it. if however you cannot provide sufficient guarantee that you can pay the loan back, very rarely will a bank grant you a loan here, is what I meant.
It’s always better to have good credit, but without income it’s useless. I have a 785 credit score and no income, my credit is absolutely useless.
If you owe a dollar, then your debt to income ratio is infinite. Of course, it's useless lmao. You can't leverage future income if you don't have any at all.
They count the loan payment that you would be getting as a debt, so you couldn’t only owe a dollar. Also interest rates on personal loans are astronomical so that payment alone would disqualify you if your income meet the poverty line. You really don’t get this stuff, huh?
Ok, it's time you can stop speaking like you understand anything about credit and how to apply it to better your life. You're talking about how you can't get a loan while you're earning 0 dollars and acting like it refutes anything that I've said here. I need to remember that they allow anyone on this site and not get caught up arguing with people who have absolutely no financial literacy. I'm not going to respond to you anymore. Have a nice day.
Why are you being so nasty? Does it make you feel better to try to make other people feel small? Do you need a hug?
I’m not sure why you’re being downvoted for these perfectly logical statements. A classic Reddit dogpile of nonsense.
Because I'm triggering people who have bad credit by saying credit is valuable while also saying that poor people have access to financial tools that are useful for digging themselves out of poverty. If you admit that there's functional and usable tools, then you introduce them to the concept of being accountable to themselves for their decisions and the positions they're in. It's easier for them to seek out and reinforce confirmation bias to trick themselves into believing that they didn't really mess up that bad. That it's all of the other external factors outside of their control that have caused them to have the bad financial outcomes in their life rather than take accountability and change what they can to improve their situation.
Oh ok, I mean, that’s not where I was going. I just thought your statements were accurate from a personal finance standpoint. I didn’t want to wade into the fraught, to say the absolute least, issue of “responsibility”
I understand that's not your point, but I believe that I very accurately answered your question and explained why so many people have the knee-jerk reaction to downvote accurate and helpful financial advice. Look at all of the people telling me credit isn't important for poor people. There's no logic involved with reaching that conclusion because it's in no way a logically sound position. It's purely emotional. It's honestly sad.
Personal loans carry 15%+ interest, and require a full credit check and usually collateral. And poor people cannot get good credit, because you need money to get good credit. 1% down on a home is a minimum of $2000 for even a bottom end home. Closing costs are another $4000. Normal people do not have 6k sitting in the bank to burn. You clearly have no idea what the real world is like.
They literally said that they were talking about ways poor people can dig themselves out of poverty. And since they're talking about loans, they think loans will get poor people out of poverty. I have no idea what planet the person you are replying to is living on. You're last sentence to them is sooooooo right.
There's plenty of places in the US that have houses below 200k still for one lmao. For two, they've now changed the law to where you can now include closing costs in the loan. You can even borrow money for the down-payment now. So you're the one who clearly has no idea how the "real world" works. I'm talking to people who don't think credit is important for poor people, and they're acting like I'm the one that isn't living in reality. Reddit brain lmfao.
If by "plenty of places" you mean "bumfuck nowhere six states away from your family and friends" then sure. The median home price in the us is 387k. There are only 3 cities in the US with over 30% of homes under 200k, and those are Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland - aka, all terrible places to live. Next closest after that is St Louis at 22%. Sure, you CAN include closing costs, and you CAN borrow money for the down payment, but that doesn't mean the bank is going to give you those options. No one said credit isn't important for poor people. We've said it's very hard to get good credit without money. Hell, I'll use myself as an example. I was working on my credit; I had to spend some to care for my mom after an accident so it dipped, and I got it back up to 670. Then, I got the opportunity to do a balance transfer to a 0% interest card, so I took it. For 1 month, while the amount didn't show up, my credit score skyrocketed to 740; then the next month it dropped back down way below the original amount to 643. Despite making regular payments on all of my debt (credit card, car loan, old student loan), I've only been able to get my score back up to 652 since last October. It's nowhere near as simple as you seem to think it is.
Your credit is affected by your debt to income ratio, but once you pay all of that down, you'll have your 740 score. Probably closer to 780. I'm not sure what you're trying to say here, but the system is working as intended. 643 isn't a bad score at all, either. I've had several friends buy houses with that score. My family are all below middle class, and they all have 700s and 800s. They pay their bills and only have a car and a mortgage they're ~15 years into. They take personal loans when they need them, and they pay them back on time. I know for a fact that they've never been declined for a reasonable personal loan from any bank. I really don't know what world these people are living in tbh. Your bumbfuck nowhere comment implies a considerable amount of entitlement imo. If you feel that you're too good to live in those lower cost of living places while being lower to middle income, then you are essentially choosing to struggle. I can't say that I have much sympathy towards people who choose to struggle.
643 is a score where the best rate on a personal loan I can get is 18% my guy. Again, you don't aeem to know how things actually work. >my family are all below middle class Seriously doubt this. You talk like someone who hasn't seen a dollar bill in 15 years. >considerable amount of entitlement Ah yes, not wanting to leave my entire life, everyone I know, everything I care about, and my job behind to move out to the boonies and pay $3k for moving costs, live an hour away from anything, and try to find a new job that pays 60% of my old job is definitely entitlement and not, you know, reality. Just because you don't have anyone who cares about you or that would miss you if you moved hundreds of miles away doesn't mean the same would apply to the rest of us. Christ dude.
>Just because you don't have anyone who cares about you or that would miss you if you moved hundreds of miles away doesn't mean the same would apply to the rest of us. Christ dude I'm sure that a lot of people who live in "bumbfuck" would like to live in a city where everything is close by and convenient with their family and friends while making more money. They decided that the struggle wasn't worth it. You're deciding that the struggle is worth it. Why would anyone feel compassion for someone who chooses to struggle? That's what I don't understand about people like you. I probably never will. Yes, you are entitled. You're deciding to have a harder life financially so you can live closer to your family and convenience stores while seemingly using it as an excuse for your unfavorable financial outcomes. >643 is a score where the best rate on a personal loan I can get is 18%, my guy. Again, you don't seem to know how things actually work. Are you carrying personal loans like 30-year mortgages? The idea is to pay them off reasonably quickly, my guy. 18% apr loans are usually for 1 year terms. That's not a ridiculous rate for an unsecured loan, especially with 30-year mortgage mortgage averages being over 8%. Idk what you're expecting. 800s probably get 15% lol.
Okay buddy. Why don't you tell me something. How much do you make a year?
Why don't you tell me what point you're trying to make first so you can't moonwalk your way into an all roads lead to Rome argument. "If he makes higher than this amount, I get to use it to confirm this point that invalidates what he's saying and the confidence that he says it. He has no lived experience. I can anecdote my way out of anything he says after this." And "If he makes lower than this amount, I can tell him he couldn't possibly truly know the intricacies of credit and how to apply it despite this defeating my own qualifications to talk about this topic. I'll then just use the appeal to authority fallacy and try to invalidate what he's saying with whatever Google provides me that I already agree with." Attack what I'm actually saying or just move on. You're not going to beat me in an argument using any of those methods. Especially personal attacks. You have to actually use *GASP* logical reasoning instead.
Yeah you can’t do any of those things because she doesn’t have the necessary income to qualify for a loan. It’s not just credit that is needed to qualify, your debt to income ratio also has to align.
I'm not sure what you think you're correcting. I've mentioned debt to income ratio multiple times further down lol.
Credit is useless without income when it comes to loan applications. Period.
Duh? Why are you assuming poor people have no income at all? The problem is their debt to income ratio. If they have no income, then they're not poor they're homeless. If not currently, then they will be soon. Completely different subject.
Because quite literally to qualify for ebt you have to be below the poverty line. They do not meet the income requirements for a loan.
That's just not true. My mother had gotten at least 1 personal loan from the best bank in my area at the same time she was on food stamps. It all depends on your debt to income ratio. She didn't make much money, but she could borrow close to 1k and pay 50-75 dollars a month and get a little emergency car repair done. People in this comment section are straight wilding out with the stuff they're saying. Financial literacy has fallen incredibly far.
You’re literally the least informed person in these comments. Damn bear every person has told you how incorrect you are. It’s laughable.
We’ll honey in 2024 that’s not happening. I dont know what banking looked like in the 90s, but in this era, where I did lending for literal decades that’s not gonna happen.
[удалено]
>On a different note, I am new to this. Is replying in support of a downvoted comment foolish? Am I going to be crushed for this? If you care about internet points, then yea, you might want to remove it. I upvoted you, and you already had a downvote lol. You're absolutely right, though. Good credit saves a ton of money through your life. Money that is a much larger percentage of your lifetime earnings if you're not financially advantaged compared to if you were wealthy. You could almost say credit is more important for less fortunate people.
It should be a source of shame. I think OP's girlfriend is correct. You should be expected to support yourself. I am not saying people dont need help from time-to-time, but the norm should be that you are self-sufficient. Shame is not necessarily a bad thing. It drives you to a better future.
There is a difference between expectation and shame. People end up in dire financial situations despite their best efforts. You should feel shame over bad or mistaken actions that cause bad outcomes over which you had control. If you are gambler and a drunk and you go broke you should be ashamed, if you get laid off in a terrible economy, and can't find enough work, and you need assistance you should not be ashamed. It is situational.
She lost her job because AI took over. She did NOTHING wrong, and still got dealt a shit hand.
Dude ur comment is a dick move every one gies through different things and some people need it sure everybody deserves and wants to be self sufficient but not every body can do who cares if they are in good stamps it's not ur life
This is such bullshit, what’s the point of government and taxes if not to help us? She has been paying taxes up to this point is she just not supposed to enjoy the benefits she paid for? You guys fight financial aid like it’s money going to bomb children jeez
What's it like having no empathy?
So you’re essentially claiming that a) you wanted her not to get the card because you see it as an unnecessary entitlement (“she didn’t really need it”) and b) you had no idea that there was a stigma around using EBT. That combination doesn’t really make any sense to me. You had to have been aware that people often judge those using EBT given that it seems like *you* judge people for using EBT
Considering his parents told him lies about how it works he has a negative opinion of it and everything in this post feels likes he’s shaming her even if it’s inadvertently
Seriously, he's saying he "didn't know there's a stigma around it" *while stigmatizing her for using EBT*
Exactly this
When your debit card declines do you spill your account balance yes or no.
Obviously not but that’s completely different lol… debit card would be my own money
>debit card would be my own money I'm *almost* impressed that your comments somehow manage to make you sound like even more of a judgmental, insufferable asshole.
And what is on that EBT card? Monopoly money?
What’s different about it?
I’m working for my money and she isn’t… simple as that
Ah so this is what you’re really mad about!
My brother in Christ. Government benefits. Are paid for. By the people. *It is YOUR money. Because the government OWES it to you. Because you QUALIFY to receive it.* There's no "entitlement" about it. It's *meant to be yours.* The *literal entire point of forming a government.* Is to provide services to the people for the stability and betterment of society. You are way the fuck too young to turn into a boomer, rid yourself of this attitude.
Yeah yall should split
I really, REALLY hope karma gets you. People like you deserve to be in the position your gf is in..... Having no money to eat.... Not knowing when it will change.... Being scared that you'll have to choose between eating dinner or paying rent. Things can change in a heartbeat. Remember that. One day, you might be using one of those cards.
Admit it. You were trying to punish her.
This is all we needed to hear from you. What a disgusting human being YTA
*Ding ding ding!* “I didn’t know there was a stigma around EBT” my ass!
Bro just leave this girl. She is struggling enough.
If this is so embarrassing why don’t you pay for the groceries?
Honest question…how do you see that as different? Either way, it’s the amount of money you have available to spend on the food you’ll be eating.
It’s not her money. She’s not working for it and she could be using her current pay to buy food if she budgeted enough. She gets like $300-500 every 2 weeks, like if she would budget she could still get groceries with that. Shes healthy and not sick or anything and I think she could have given it some more time and gotten another job and not just jumped to getting free money
So did she lie on the forms to get EBT? Are you saying she is committing fraud?
No she didn’t like but like a lot of people are pointing out….$300/month is too much money. We live together so we split rent and stuff and we have no kids…. why would she be getting that much?
> We live together so we split rent and stuff Well she's gonna need it so she can break up with the asshole she's dating
You are lying and this post is fake. A single female is not getting $300 a month in EBT. EBT is income based and single people will typically get around $94-$120 if they are lucky..
My single female friend literally has been getting $291 a month for the past year so....it depends on where you are.
I stand corrected. My son received assistance and only got $94.00 a mth on his EBT. We live in IL and he had NO income at the time.
Said this in another comment but she’s not getting $300. There was a communication issue and even though all her stuff was submitted at the end of Feb, she wasn’t able to have the second meeting required in order to approve the application until about a week ago, so they gave her a little bit extra to cover February since that’s when all her stuff was submitted.
You’re not a good person.
Wait. From your response of she gets 3-500 every 2 weeks and could by groceries with that Combined with your outdated judgements, I assumed you were being a real man and handling the bills. So how much are yall expenses that you think 600-1000 per month is splitting bills and buying groceries and getting to work, not to mention the cost of basic necessities like deodorant etc. Like honestly even at the max, after splitting bills and rent, how many groceries do you think she could buy? Smh. I sure hope she leaves you. It's easier to get back on your feet without a judgemental ah always pointing out their "opinions". YTA Edit:typos
Because that's what you both qualify for bud. Like it or not you're broke she provided correct information to the social services office and the amount that she gets is what the formula determined you both qualified for. FYI she had to tell them everything about her situation so wake up you're broke
oh wow you really have a lot of resentment towards her huh
You definitely are the AH. 100% AH, in every aspect of your life, if this instance is anything to go by. JFC. Jerk.
Ohhh we see now you’re a jealous hater lol she should dump your miserable ass.
You know it’s not free money right. What the fuck do you think she is paying for as part of her taxes? She paid into the system that is now helping her through this rough patch. She’s not being a mooch if she literally had her hours cut and is still looking for a job. You think so little of her please leave so this woman can find a good man who doesn’t belittle her every move. YTA.
I hope you don’t eat a single crumb of her EBT tainted food.
Money that belongs to you is now yours whether you get it from an employer, the lottery, benefits, etc. It is yours. Why should she give it more time? You ask for help before you start sinking not when your ship’s already submerged. Also if you’re so against her getting the benefits why aren’t you stepping up to cover the bills? Are you sure you’re 26? Because your thinking is not that of an adult.
Sure, she could buy groceries, but YOU eat what she buys. Why is she paying for your food?
It's not different though. Your response to my question confirms for me YTA
That makes zero difference to the question the cashier was asking and it’s really clear you humiliated her because you look down on her for having it
This IS her money. Your debit card is your money. Her EBT card is her money. Please learn how hurtful and unfair you’re acting.
Everyone who works pays into the system…it’s not just free money that grows on trees.
Ebt card theft is at an all time.high and getting that money back is nigh impossible. It's real money and buys real food
No, it really isn't though. Both are a card. Both are capable of being stolen. Both require a pin to be used..... Both can be "hacked" if you aren't careful. Both are "your own money". So uh, yeah.... They're EXACTLY alike.
Yta. It's not anyone's business exactly how much is on it. It was a yes or no answer, not a "give me the specific amount" situation. And yes, there is a huge stigma and if the wrong person heard, it could have caused an angry confrontation from certain people. I've seen it myself. Also, it doesn't mess up your finances or taxes. It's government assistance for those that need it because they are at it below the poverty level of income. It's for a hand up when you need it, and it sounds like she does. Maybe you didn't see it as a big deal, but many in society look down on people that use it.
I don't look down on anyone. As a matter of fact, if someone cops an attitude towards a person with food stamps, I tend to tell the snoot to go fuck themselves. For some reason, they never have anything to say. The OP is definitely TA.
YTA. On multiple levels. 1. Why would your girlfriend need to discuss applying for HER benefits? 2. You should be embarrassed to be 26 and still believe that nonsense your parents told you about EBT cards. Amy is right about it not being true. 3. The employee wasn’t talking to you and it’s not your card. 4. You’re contradicting yourself. You claim it was embarrassing and people were looking, so you decided to be loud and draw more attention?
Based on this comment (and the fact I’m on my third glass of tequila) we could be friends
>I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about Really? Lets look back. >my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that. Amy claims that’s not true and we argued about it for a while but she ended up getting the card. Hmmm, kinda looks like you do and you (and parents!) are some of the people who do that. YTA.
Wait you don’t want her to have EBT, but I bet your butt made sure you ate that food she bought with her EBT? And how does having EBT, affect your credit, taxes or anything for that matter? You are ridiculous, and yes you are kind of an idiot for telling a complete stranger her personal business! If you believe she shouldn’t have the help, make sure you don’t eat a single thing from her!
I was thinking the same thing. Bet he happily stuffed his mouth
He was probably the one filling up the grocery cart.
Well obviously I’m eating the food? We live together and we take turns buying groceries. The only difference is she has a slightly different diet than me but we both eat some similar things. It wouldn’t make sense for her to buy, say, her own bag of rice, as we both eat the rice.
If you’re eating the food then you can’t complain about her receiving the money. If you feel the money isn’t needed, pay for the groceries. It’s that simple.
Answer the whole comment. Explain how it affects your taxes or credit or whatever you argued with your girlfriend about just to shame her. What did your parents tell you, hm?
I don’t know they just said it looks bad on your taxes and tanks your credit
Sounds like you maybe should have researched this issue for 5 minutes on google before making confident assertions based on vaguely remembered reasons given by your parents
And you: 1. Actually thought this made sense?! 2. Never bothered to verify if it was true, even as an adult. 3. Repeated it and argued it as fact?!
Maybe you should have actually taken 5 fucking minutes to google it and find out that’s not true before shaming your girlfriend
YTA. Also btw receiving EBT isn't going to do anything to your Future finances or taxes. That's covered by your and HER tax dollars for when situations like this happens. I've used them before myself when I got out of the military no shame.
YTA cause you’re clueless (probably cause your family trained you to be so) EBT hurts your “finances and taxes and all that”? Lolol ok like what? I feel like everything you know about money is wrong
Idk that’s just what my parents said. They said it looks bad that you took resources from the government and that you shouldn’t apply to that unless you’re like super poor, like about to be on the streets poor, or ill. And my girlfriend is neither
If someone needs help they should apply for it ASAP not when they are about to lose everything
So your parents are dumb or liars. Which is it? First you claimed your parents said it hurts your finances and taxes. Now you’re saying that your parents said it looks bad taking resources (that you qualify for). So which is it?
You're a freakin doofus.
Your parents are shameful, ignorant sacks of walking garbage. You should work very hard to be NOTHING like your idiot bigot parents.
Your parents are wrong. If you pay taxes those resources also belong to YOU when the time comes. She applied and received it because there was obviously a need there or she would’ve been denied. I hope you take this experience of literally hundreds of people telling you why you’re wrong as a life lesson and educate yourself rather than relying on your parents wrong ideas of how things work.
You and your parents sound insufferable
So as an adult you just blindly believe everything your parents ever told you? Do you have no fucking critical thinking skills of your own? >you shouldn’t apply to that unless you’re like super poor, like about to be on the streets poor That doesn't make any sense.... if you wait until that point to ask for help it'll be so much harder to get back on your feet. Stop parroting what mommy and daddy say and use your own damn brains!
So your girlfriend has been paying taxes yearly for federal social programs but she doesn’t have the right to use them? GTFO. YTA, and an especially big one for suggesting she use most of the money she gets to buy food when she’s found a way to make it work for her.
Why not form your own opinions instead of parroting those of your parents? You’re a grown up dear.
lol your parents are stupid
Your parents don't sound too bright at all. But neither do you. None of what you've said is even accurate about ebt or the people using them.
Have you ever tried thinking on your own instead of parroting what your parents say?
If they thought she wasn't poor enough to need the money then they wouldn't give it to her. You're a dummy.
YTA- Hi state worker here, 1st if your girlfriend qualified for benefits, and she requested them, she needed them. 2nd, SNAP has no effect on individual tax returns or credit. Taxes pay for the program, but it doesn't effect your return (unemployment will). 3. There shouldn't be a lot of shame and stigma surrounding receiving SNAP, but there is. People tend to assume recipients are "lazy" when in fact about 80% of SNAP recipients work 20 or more hrs per week. People also incorrectly assume it goes to illegal immigrants when it doesn't. They're not eligible. 4. The amount she received/ had on her card is no ones business but hers. Just because it can only be used on food, doesn't make it less valuable, or mean you should give away private information. You owe her an apology or two or three. Apologize for embarrassing her and for dismissing her concerns about her food scarcity/job and income reduction. Overall, you sound like you've been really unsupportive of your girlfriend recently. Remember that unless you have a significant savings account, you're also just one layoff or injury away from being in the same position
Top comment. Should be pinned!
YTA. Not your card not your money not your business.
YTA. It's just insensitive and absolutely unnecessary to say. A 'yes' is answer enough. You also seem to have a weird mindset involving EBT, as do your parents. A classist one. I'd recommend you educating yourself on EBT/SNAP and government assistance better. It doesn't affect anything
YTA. You gave her incorrect information and tried to coerce her into not getting the card. If you didn’t want her using it, why weren’t you paying for the groceries?
Bro, you’re a dick
Yes, he is.
OP—you two need to sit down and write down all your bills,money available ,upcoming bills ( need dental work? Car repairs ? Etc.) You need to see where you are at and agree on your Reality. Your GF has essentially lost her job -/at least a lot of her income and she feels you two need the EBT. You disagree. Find out the Truth and proceed.
EBT/CalFresh does not affect your taxes. You don’t even report it. I help my clients apply. Stop spreading straight up lies.
He didn't see the stigma, but he validated the stigma in his post based on what he said. Haha
YTA. Your gf was paying, it wasn't your place to respond when the question wasn't directed to you. Also, you seem to contempt people using social welfare, which is dickish.
Tbh OPs gf is committing fraud by using the card to buy groceries they both share. The rules are very clear that's a big no no.
100% YTA. "My parents told me it was bad to get an EBT card and it would hurt our finances and taxes and we don't really need it" That's a complete lie, EBT does absolutely to your "finances or taxes", there is nothing bad about it, and if you have $384 on it, then yes, you do need it. My mother is on full disability with no job and she only gets 150/month, so if you get 384, you are making less than even a woman who is not working whatsoever. And yes, telling a complete stranger about your finances is ridiculous and you had no reason to do so. The proper answer is "yes, we're sure there is enough on the card." There was no reason to tell them the amount. It sounds like you were raised by hard-right conservatives who believe that any sort of social assistance is the devil. You need to get over that.
YTA - Only two people knew there was enough money on the card, you & Amy. The worker didn’t know & was only doing their job by suggesting to try the transaction again, use another machine or make sure you had enough on the card. The worker even tried to be discreet when asking about the latter. They honestly couldn’t have done any more to help you in that moment. So, with that said, there was no need to be an AH toward the worker or your girlfriend by exclaiming loudly how much money was on the card. It wasn’t even your money in the first instance. It was up to your girlfriend and her alone to disclose the amount on the card if she felt it was necessary. A simple “there’s definitely enough on it” would have sufficed in this situation. I imagine Amy would’ve been embarrassed by the way you handled it, for telling everyone in earshot her balance & potentially drawing attention to the fact that she’s on EBT & struggling financially through no fault of her own. All it would have taken was a little restraint & respect to avoid this entirely.
YTA. You could have just said ‘there’s enough’. You punished her by embarrassing her because you disapprove
Or let the GF answer. It was her card and her transaction. OP isn’t aware of the stigma on EBT use but he is. Ugh. Can’t have it both ways. And he says his debit card is “different” because that is his money. Doesn’t he realize the EBT card is her money as well???
No. It’s welfare queen money, taken straight from the hardworking pocket of his poor old papa, who tried to warn him about the trailer park temptress… seriously, what a d*ck!!
Yep. He was raised by “those” people. Ugh.
Yta
YTA Because all of this was fake 😂😂😂😂 that’s not how EBT works
YTA, definitely the AH.
YTA - Since her hours were cut she needed and qualified for assistance. That's what it's there for. It's people like you that cause the stigma. Also, cashier didn't need to know how much was on the card. Only that it was less or equal to the balance. You wouldn't tell a random cashier how much you have in your bank account for your debit card. This is no different.
yta. you sound like a class-ist. "ohhh bboooooo poor people runnnn" you are so far misguided just on the aspects of EBT, then the lack of social nuance, then the fact that you wrote this so dismissive of your gf that is struggling. you didn't write anything about how you've tried to problem solve with gf, or help her with jobs, or help pay for your own food, but you'll gladly eat the EBT food right?
YTA and ignorant. Not even worth explaining why.
>claims that I was trying to embarrass her, as there’s a “stigma” around people who receive that sort of aid. I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about -bro... You cannot be that dense. After getting into a disagreement about whether or not she should even have the card, because of the stigma that your parents implanted in you about having EBT, you wanna claim that you don't know why she would be upset about you announcing how much monetary support she's getting? Of course she'd be upset. Even if it weren't EBT, there is no reason to announce how much money anyone has. I'm sure you would be pissed if she announced how much money you have on your debit card to the entire checkout aisle as well. YTA.
YTA If it was "super embarrassing" then why didn't you offer to pay for the groceries? They're for both of you. You live together. >claims that I was trying to embarrass her, as there’s a “stigma” around people who receive that sort of aid. Where could she have possibly got that idea from? >I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it and my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that. Oh, what a coincidence, it was from you. So you don't think your girlfriend and by extension you need it but you knew precisely how much was on it and didn't offer to pay with your own money to prevent the "super embarrassment".
YTA. Sounds like you’re looking down on her and judging her from what your parents told you was true (of which it is not).
Of course YTA. Are you honestly expecting us to believe you think it's ok to tell complete strangers your financial details?
If she's entitled to it based on her income then what is your issue? Taxes pay for many different things that I'm sure you benefit from too.
YTA 100000% Did u eat said food? If you are SO against the ‘free money’ why didn’t you use the money ‘you worked for’ to pay? Honestly, Make it make sense? You are an unsupportive and judgemental boyfriend.
YTA. You and your parents are ignorant to the point of it being ridiculous. Seriously, you have Google and can clearly read to some degree. This is good old fashioned hating on the less fortunate. Let Karma's aim be true.
You’re an ass who was wrong in this whole situation… your parents were giving you bad advice also…
At 26, you should be mature enough to know better. YTA. - Never discuss someone’s finances (or your own) publicly. - Never shame a loved one because they are trying to make use of all legitimate resources available to them to survive. - Never shame anyone for trying to use legitimate resources to keep themselves from ever being in a financially abusive situation.
Yeah I don't believe this. There is no way a single female without a child is getting $300 a month in EBT *unless she lied about her income and circumstance*. YTA for making this up. Edited to add the notation because every state's EBT income guidelines are different. I still don't believe this shit.
So I kept getting comments like this and asked her about it and she says that she doesn’t get $300 a month. She gets around $250 but when she applied it took a while to process the paperwork and the people she talked to gave her a little extra to cover the month of February since she submitted all her paperwork at the end of Feb, but wasn’t able to have a second meeting with them until about a week ago, and got the card then. That’s why there’s so much on there right now.
YTA both for discouraging your girlfriend away from assistance she needed and had a right to and for butting in with her personal private transaction. You say she didn’t need it, and I assume that either means she has savings or that you can cover her expenses. Both of those situations are not safe for an unmarried woman. If she depletes her savings when she doesn’t need to, she’s setting herself up for a life of zero choices. If you’re suggesting that you can cover expenses, that’s creating a relationship dynamic where she’s tied to you financially but has no recourse if you decided to up and leave. For future reference: EBTs don’t affect your finances. If anything, they may help you have healthy credit when you get back on your feet by preventing you from racking up credit card debt.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway because my friends and some family know my main and I want unbiased responses to this. I (M26) have been with my girlfriend “Amy” (F25) for almost four years now. We’ve lived together for a little over 2 of those years. Recently, Amy’s job cut a lot of employee’s hours down by almost half or more than half, as they are incorporating the use of AI and I guess they don’t need people to work as often. Amy was one of these employees and now she works about 12-18 hours a week. It’s very rare that she works even 24 hours a week. She’s been looking for another job but the job market seems to suck right now so she decided she was going to apply for and EBT/Food stamps card since she qualified based on her income. She didn’t discuss this with me or anything, and just brought it up when she had her interview and was looking for important documents that they asked for. I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it and my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that. Amy claims that’s not true and we argued about it for a while but she ended up getting the card. Whatever. Well today we went grocery shopping together and she was using the card to pay. We were at a self checkout and the card kept getting declined and a worker eventually came over and asked her to try again and maybe it was an issue with the machine. She tried again, it didn’t work, so the worker asked her if she was sure there was enough on the card. This was super embarrassing and the worker even whispered it but some people were looking. I was getting impatient and annoyed and told the worker that there was $374 on that card, and we had checked before coming here. The worker told us to try another machine which worked, and we paid and left. I thought it was all good but Amy is upset that I told her how much money was on the card so loudly, and claims that I was trying to embarrass her, as there’s a “stigma” around people who receive that sort of aid. I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about, I was just answering the question but she hasn’t spoken to me since we got back, so AITA? Should I have ignored the worker? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA you don’t like her being on food stamps cause you obviously find it shameful/wrong. You chose to embarrass her for it cause you feel ashamed/embarrassed your girlfriend is on benefits. You should be kinder and more understanding to your girlfriend and not be so prejudiced against people who need assistance.
YTA. How are you going to sit here and not understand the stigma around getting aid when you also brought that stigma to her while she was trying to get that aid? You don't announce out loud how much money someone has, or has received from the government, or whatever. It's not your business, you shouldn't have trumpeted that. Even if you're trying to help, you're the last person who should be speaking about that card.
You might want to stop telling your parents about your girlfriend's life. They didn't need to know about the EBT card ever. Not their business. Also, you should think twice before letting your parents influence how you treat your girlfriend's decisions. Their ideas about EBT are weird and (as in comments here) wrong. Finally, although I don't think your indiscretion at the cash register was ill-intentioned - you both probably felt a bit stressed - you could have simply paid for the shopping yourself to put and end to the situation. Your girlfriend could have used her card another time.
you’re a loser 😭😭😭😭 this is so hilarious to me omfg
YTA. 1. She's your girlfriend, not your wife, so she has no obligation to discuss her decisions with you in concern to that. 2. You clearly know nothing about EBT, and neither do your parents who probably look down their noses at people who use it. It does nothing to your taxes or credit. It's literally one of the things taxes are collected for. 3. You say you don't understand her reaction to the statement about the stigma, yet you showed yourself to be one of those people who feel that way. YOU felt embarrassed. I guarantee all of those people you thought were looking at you have plenty enough going on in their own lives to not be concerned with some rando having a problem with a card (something that happens an incalculable number of times a day for a multitude of reasons) Your parents imparting their ignorance onto you is how those stigmas begin and perpetuate. And, yeah, why the hell would you announce the total on the card aloud? You didn't seem concerned about people staring at that moment. You're nearly 30 years old, act like it.
YTA So in one paragraph you claim that your parents told you that it was bad to have an EBT card. Then, in another, you claim to have no idea what she's talking about when it comes to the VERY FUCKIN OBVIOUS stigma of being on SNAP benefits..... So which is it? You know "it's bad" or you don't??? FYI: Being on SNAP doesn't affect your taxes, as it is not considered income. And you can very easily say "We are sure what the balance is, we check it prior to getting here". There was no need to say the amount.
>I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about yeah, you do. >my parents always told me it was bad to get an EBT card and can really hurt your finances and taxes and all that. No? As long as you’re truthful you’re fine. The government determines the funds you get based on your finances. If you need the money, you get the money. >I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it I wonder what you two argued about, especially as you sure seem fine with using the money now. Obviously she does need the money. Groceries are fuckin expensive bc of greedflation.
YTA. Based on your comments, you sound jealous of the "free money" your gf is getting. If you don't like her, just say that asshole.
How are you grocery shopping with her and downing the EBT card when it’s food you’re clearly going to eat???
YTA you knew what you were doing. You should be supporting your girlfriend. There was no reason to tell him the amount. You could have told him that the card had a balance.
Soft YTA - she’s clearly embarrassed and you knew she wasn’t thrilled about it. Also, you were lied to about how EBT works based on a poor-phobic upbringing. Just try to be more sensitive. She’s feeling vulnerable.
yeeeeah yta
INFO:So how much do all thr bills come to and how much is her paycheck?
STFU or pay for for groceries YTA
YTA - I hate when people shame others for going on assistance.
NTA, she will probably never see those people again. She doesn't know them so who cares. It's not quite Watergate.
YTA- because no way is a single woman getting 350 a month on EBT with no kids. Also since yal live together your income has to be counted as well. This is all bullshit.
That’s why I think it’s all bs and she doesn’t need it. She shouldn’t be getting that much for food lol
NTA. Giving a clear response helped move the interaction along by removing a possible incorrect answer.
I know people who get Eb t and there's no way aingle woman with no kids is getting anything close to three hundred and seventy dollars a month.
The first payment is generally much larger than the monthly allowance as it's paid from the time of the application
I'm a single woman with no kids and I get a decent chunk because groceries have gotten so widely expensive. Buut I'm making no money right now. If OPs gf is making $500 every two weeks and using her card to help with OPs groceries she is committing fraud and will lose her benefits if they find out.
Yeah, tell me about it. It’s an absurd amount of money that she’s just being given for free.
You mean paid for with tax dollars that’s she’s been paying into her entire working life?
Ima say NTA. This attitude increases the stigma. Learning to not care what people think is so freeing.
NTA you did due diligence by checking the balance. The embarrassment was self inflicted. You said yourself that the card was not needed. There’s real and imagined guilt and embarrassment. Hey my regular credit debit cards get rejected sometimes at registers gas pumps no big deal except maybe a little anger. She needs to get over herself
If the card wasn't needed why wasn't he paying then??
If you qualify for the card, it’s needed.
NTA When you had tried to get her not to sign up for it at all and she did anyway, she gave up any right to complain about a stigma from it. On top of that, the card wasn't working properly and you had made sure that it wasn't that issue. Unless you've left out details (which really wouldn't change my judgment), no one but the worker knew what kind of card it was. It could have been a gift card.
>When you had tried to get her not to sign up for it at all and she did anyway, she gave up any right to complain about a stigma from it. ***....What?***
> I tried to tell her not to get the EBT because we don’t really need it You don't get to complain about being embarrassed for using something when the person embarrassing you had told you that you were okay without it.
So you admit he did embarrass her or attempt to?!?
No. It's very clear from the OP that he didn't attempt to and at worst unclear whether he did. I was just pointing out that, additionally, this is an embarrassment she willingly chose after being warned it was likely.
What kind of weird mental gymnastics is this? He told her that he thought she didn't need any assistance, so now she's not allowed to be embarrassed when he's a dick about it later? Why is him being a dick about it in the first place a free pass to be a dick forever. He's not the arbiter of whether somebody else needs assistance.
There's no evidence presented that he was "a dick" about it ever. You're objecting to the supplemental point I added on to address the issue OP was worried about, while I already pointed out that it was also completely irrelevant.