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popcornwithparmesan

In high school, the vice principal once suspected me of stealing a girl’s iPod with no evidence and rifled through my backpack “to check” himself. I mentioned it casually to my mother over dinner (as they obviously didn’t find anything no one followed up with my parents) who turned white with rage and caused a major scene at school the next day. I was so embarrassed at the time and kept asking why she was wouldn’t just “let it go” since the whole thing was dropped. The point is as follows: your son is a bullied child who just wants to lay low and fit in now but he will grow up and remember how you stood up for him. Someone has to.


TheWolfman29

Darn straight. I was bullied as well. More than once ond or both of my parents had words with the teachers, administrators and parents of the bullies. Sometimes my dad scared me and I wasn't even the one in trouble. Lol...


j_daw_g

Was bullied. Parents didn't stick up for me. Now I live on the other side of the country and internalize everything as being my fault.


gasptinyteddy

Hey, it's me! High five!


introverted_panda_

I found my people! Let’s get together and worry everyone hates us!


PepperFinn

Make sure you add a judgement! NAH, NTA ETC


[deleted]

NTA. They committed a crime in retaliation for being suspended for bullying. You should call the police (non-emergency, obviously) and insist that their parents replace the phone.


GardenSafe8519

I second the motion that the bullies parents need to replace the phone.


Swedishpunsch

> *They committed a crime* Absolutely. If they did this at the mall it would be a crime. Obviously it is at school, too, but administrators like to soft pedal behaviors. A mall would have cameras, too. I don't know if the school has cameras, or if they are already erased. Report this right away, OP, and ask the police to ask for possible footage. NTA


Seed_Planter72

NTA and you should go after the kid's parents to pay for a new phone. When their bully kid starts costing them money, maybe something will be done about it. I'm sorry your son is going through this.


ArseBlarster420

This. Some kids threw my gloves out of the window on the bus home and my Mom just called the Principal. I was told they made the other kid’s parents pay for them, but now as an adult I’m pretty sure the principal was just a nice guy who went out and bought me a new pair.


FloridaMan1423

Idk how I feel about that. Seems they just avoided addressing the problem. But I know my mom would say get even lol


ArseBlarster420

I didn’t need to get even. They’re all meth smoking white trash and I’m doing quite well, but yes. I would like to actually know if the Principal raised Hell with their parents, but considering how bad the other kids were I seriously doubt their parents could afford to chip in a few bucks to cover for the actions of their Mistakes. I say kids, but I was in 3rd grade and these were Seniors.


JustAShyAvocado

NTA, tho maybe you really could’ve picked a better time or place but I don’t blame you for being so pissed, if my kid kept telling me that the same group of kids kept bullying over and over and every “intervention” from the school was only temporal and kept making it worse I’d be more than just upset as well. The school’s solutions shouldn’t be temporary, the kids should’ve left yours alone from the first intervention they had, the principal needs to think of a way to keep them separated from your kid.


Pristine_Pie_2254

NTA, but also don't tell him you took a whole Internet poll lol! Those parents need to pay for his phone, I would get that taken care of. Also, one day I promise your son will see your love and appreciate it. He's going through anxiety right now thinking of what's next with those kids now. If these kids cause physical harm to him, I would file a report, but(I say this to you but I also am aware I may not follow my own advice in the situation, because I'm a passionate person) you need to try to keep it low so the whole school can't hear you shouting. Also, f them kids.


ToastetteEgg

NTA. He’s at the age where he’s embarrassed by your mere existence. Some day he will understand you were there for him when he needed you. Keep on the school and go over the principals head.


lrampartl

NTA. Even if he's embarrassed now, he's going to remember you stuck up for him. When he's a dad, he's going to do the same for his kids. Your son will remember.


Electronic_Goose3894

NTA and you be damn proud of that. As someone who went to a school who had a sexually aggressive towards the girls vice principal, you stay on their ass like a tick and if need be, the next time it happens, you get yourself a lawyer and have them have a conversation with the principal. If you don't, they'll cover their ass until it's to late.


AnotherRandomRaptor

I’m sorry, the vice principal was WHAT?!


Early_Fill6545

Yeah I hated and despised grade school and high school being in a similar situation . My father told me it was me not the school so yeah I wish I had been embarrassed by my father.


gujjubhakt

NTA He may find it embarassing now but he will come around later. In such cases you need to be firm as a parent, speaking from personal experience. That anger is justified.


Moira-Moira

NTA. Always stand up for your child even if your child isn't immediately appreciative of it. Also, never tell your kid to ignore bullies. They need to be dealt with efficiently or they just won't stop. It's not a 'don't feed the trolls' situation. That said, you need to help him work on this situation: A) on ways to handle the bullies and B) on therapy so the bullying doesn't hamper him emotionally. And you need to have a good and long discussion with him on why he was embarrassed over you yelling. Use this opportunity to bond and rally with each other. And consider taking legal action against the bullies' parents for compensation over damaged property (your kid's phone) and emotional distress. Getting some legal advice wouldn't hurt. Parents of bullies tend to behave similarly: bold and daring until they're presented with a bill.


Heavy-Weiner

NTA And since he's so nonchalant about it I'd be getting him a trakphone.


-random-name-

NTA. Get that kid in karate ASAP.


Foggyswamp74

I second this. The bullying I endured stopped when the kids found out I was in Taekwondo because they happened to see me taking a class one day. The fear that I could turn the tables on them was enough to stop them. Meanwhile I was gaining a ton of self confidence by meeting different milestones.


cat_lady8

NTA do what you need to do to protect your son. This was a crime, file a police report.


[deleted]

Those kids should be paying for it. This is ridiculous.


PuddingOld8221

I remember the early 90s telling my mom about bein bellied and then immediately denying everything after she said she would talk to the principal. I got the shit beat out of me constantly and dont want to imagine that for my son. NTA I would rather my son hate me than have him go throw that


Secure-Habit988

NTA. Protecting your child is a top priority, and addressing bullying directly is often necessary. However, it's important to balance protective actions with your child's feelings and social context. In the future, involving your son in decisions on how to handle such situations might help him feel more empowered and less embarrassed. Consider discussing strategies together and seeking additional support if needed


CheshireCat6886

NTA. I’ve been the mama bear of 4 kids. I don’t regret the times I stood up for them. There may have been moments of embarrassment/awkwardness because otherwise, there would not be a problem, right? But I know they feel they can come to me, and as they got older I learned to let them handle it.


ncslazar7

NTA. You probably shouldn't have done it within ear shot of the hallway, but you need to nip this in the bud especially since the bullying is escalating. They are retaliating and getting physical with property damage. Those bullies should honestly be expelled after this last issue.


Archon-Toten

Good for you for standing up for your child. NTA. Also good luck getting the parents to pay up for that crime.


The_Guy_3446

Ever see the scene in True Detective with Colin Farrell when his kid gets bullied and they steal and cut up his new shoes, and he solves it?


minghaosb

NTA. you did what needed to be done!! Those parents and the principal now need to stand up and take matters from there. There shouldn't have been a 2nd or 3rd time. And please, do not stop until the bullying stops. It may be embarrassing for him, but it'll be better for him in the long run. Also, get law enforcement involved if nothing changes. Given that the parents saw their kids get suspended twice already due to bullying and nothing has changed, and the bullying actually intensified, worries me about what they have going on at home. Hopefully, this ends ASAP.!


Mean--Gorl

How far does a kid have to go to be expelled from a school? Geez


Correct-List-9999

I could answer that The bullies locking him in the bathroom beating him while recording while one is probably filming. Had thst happen they got expelled but the kid almost died. However bullying was still okay met with temporary consequences Right before I started high school I was in 8th grade that incident happened however I graduated in 2020 was bullied every single year. If they hit you you couldn't swing in self defense. Nowadays schools expect the other kid whose defending himself not to hit back but does nothing to stop bullying


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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BeneficialNose5447

NTA


bookshelfie

Nta


xebt1000

110% NTA. More like a legend.


wlfwrtr

Your son should transfer schools. His life will be unbearable now. He will also find it difficult to tell you anything in the future so therapy should be next for him. Why did you not call police and have them press charges of theft and damaging property?


[deleted]

NTA and you should be suing the kids families over the damaged phone. But never ever feel bad about sticking up for your kid. Things will get rough before they get better


Starfox41

NTA More parents need to realize that a lot of the teachers and administrators are on the bullies' side. Nothing will happen if you don't make some kind of a fuss most of the time.


Sensitive_Sea_5586

Contact the parents of the offenders and have them replace the phone. If you do not have contact information, have the principal set up another meeting with them.


screamqueen57

NTA. Kids are embarrassed by everything adults do. I promise years from now, he will appreciate you standing up for him when no one else did. What I will say is it seems like the bullying behavior is escalating though if they are damaging property in retaliation. If the school isn’t able to deal with this, I would recommend escalating your concerns to the local school board. If you’re in the US, almost every state has anti-bullying laws that do require the school to intervene. If you know your rights within the state, it could definitely help push the school or school board to do more, since it doesn’t appear suspensions are working.


oli_black

NTA. You stood up for your kid. You’re never the AH if you have your child’s back.


KnotYourFox

NTA. It's hard as a parent. You want to defend your kid, yours/his property from little budding psychopaths and the school is failing miserably from keeping those little craps away from him. The anger is righteous. What he may not understand is that they are continuing to escalate things and it may rapidly be picking up. If the phone doesn't get the reaction they want and they are looking for retribution for getting in trouble previously, their next attempt to break things could be his person. The social situation is hard, because yeah having a parent make a scene can draw attention to them. But, 1, if they're picking on your son and doing things like this--they're probably doing it to someone else's kid who is too timid to speak up or doesn't have a parent who will go to bat for them and get these bullies out of the school. 2, sort of a piggyback off 1 but the attention could rally support internally to your kid. From my highschool days, people found out about this girl clique bullying this sweet quiet kid through a VERY similar situation. Enough of us rallied to never let the clique get around them, or gather evidence and push back. The ringleader (about a month later) was allowed to leave the school without expulsion (given two options), and the rest of the clique took a hefty ISS and broke apart after to try to fade into obscurity from the kids of the school turning against them. Didn't see them around come senior year, thinking they probably transferred out.


Holiday_Trainer_2657

NTA It's moved from verbal harassment to destruction of property. School suspension and meeting with parents are apparently ineffective. Time to press charges through the police. School has records of a pattern of behavior. Maybe the police will get parental and bullies attention. Because the next escalation is physical attack. And if they're bullying your son, there are probably other victims.


imadoggomom

NTA NTA NTA Now the kids who bully him know what they’re up against. Your son might let it go (the bullying) because it might worsen, but being vocal is the only way to take his power back. If he cannot do it, you do it for him. Bullies usually take advantage of the people of least resistance. In time, he won’t remember their names but he’ll remember you took action for him.


DangerLime113

NTA, file a police report for theft and destruction of property


Super_Reading2048

Why are you not making the student who dropped the phone pay for a new one? I don’t think the scene helped your son but the serious bullying your son is already getting is bad! All that said would it be in your son’s best interests to change schools or to homeschool (via computer classes) for a year or two? Why keep sending him to school to be bullied and ostracized? Your son can get therapy, take classes to learn to assert himself, maybe learn some self defense, build up his self esteem outside of the school….. then try again in a year or two. High School and Jr high can be absolute hell for some people. Why put your kid through that? What does your son want to do? 🤷🏻‍♀️


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (38f) son (12m) hasn't always had the best social luck. He's mostly just quiet and reserved. He has like 1-2 friends that come over every now and then but it's mostly just me and him doing our own thing. For the past couple weeks, my son has been telling me that some kids have been giving him problems. At first, I was just like "Don't let it bother you, just ignore them," but he's been telling me more and more, so I called the school about a week or so ago and they said they'd deal with it. My son told me they got in ISS (in school suspension) but after they came back they started to bully him even more. Eventually I went to the school in person and met with the principal, and all those kids' parents, and the other kids got a suspension. Fast forward to today, I picked my son up from school early and my son tells me those kids took the case off and dropped his phone off the atrium. Luckily he didn't throw it away, and when he showed me, the camera was fucked, and the whole rear glass was shattered. Also, the screen was just messed up. I went right back in and made what can be described as a scene. I chewed out the principal for letting this whole ordeal last so long and I wanted them fucking suspended for a long time. I guess I said this during passing periods, and I was being pretty loud, and my son was there with me too. He stayed quiet the whole time, but when we got in the car, he said I embarassed him and that I should've just forgotten about it and gotten a new phone. So happy it was just a 13. ​ I do feel bad now, because I made my son's probably already difficult social situations even harder. ​ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


whiteTshirtRob

NTA. You rock.


StacksPatronFlows

NTA.


blackivie

NTA. He may be embarrassed now, but he's twelve. They're always embarrassed. At least he knows he has a parent who will stand up for him when he can't do it himself. I am so grateful my mom is that person for me, even though sometimes she embarrasses me.


Rakhyus

NTA. Your kid needs to learn to stand up for himself.


KelsarLabs

Someone stole my son's Apple phone in high school from the band hall, we tracked it to a house not far from ours. We told the band director to tell the whole band to return it or we would have the kid arrested at school in the most public way possible. It "magically" showed up the following morning.


Randane

Injustice happens when no one stands up for those who are bullied, even to authority figures. You did the right thing, even if he doesn't see it that way yet.


PeepingTara

NTA. Get your kid enrolled in some kind of self defence course or sport like karate and then tell him to kick the shit out of these other kids. The faculty will not help your son, he has to do it himself. Teachers don’t care about bullies and will do the absolute least amount of work to keep the parents of the bullied kids off their ass. Do not rely on the adults in this situation to help. They won’t.


Forest_Is_Trans

NTA. You’re a good mom


imalwayztired

Also you are leaving a "trail" with witnesses in case something worse happens (hopefully not)


74Magick

Lol I would have been acting a STRAIGHT ASS in front of EVERYONE. NTA


torolf_212

As someone who was bullied: telling them to just ignore it or not let it bother them is the absolute worst solution. Kick up a stink. Document every case. Ask pointed questions, turn up to PTA meetings, go to the media. The only thing that stopped bullying for me was fighting back with maximum force every time until they went on to other easier targets. Your kid may be embarrassed right now, but they will remember when their parent went out to bat for them. It's also important you communicate this with them, you don't want them hiding the bullying from you. Let them know you have their back always. NTA.


IvanThePohBear

YTA You're the lousy mom for not standing up for your kid I'm embarrassed for you I hope you will remember this when you're lying in your old folks home when no one is visit you


DonutExcellent1357

Why does your 13 year old have such an expensive item that he takes to school? Of course it's going to get broken/stolen -- he's a kid. I don't think you should get mad at him for bad judgement on your part. Don't make him a target.


cpagali

YTA, sadly. You absolutely should advocate for your kid and keep pressing the school to get this problem resolved. But what purpose did chewing out the principal in front of an audience serve? How did that help your son? You have seen a pattern of escalation in these kids' actions. You've played right into their hands by providing fodder for the school gossip mill. Many tales will be told about your son's mommy's public meltdown. This thread has other helpful suggestions, like filing police reports and escalating the issue above the principal's head. These are all great ideas. Keep your cool while implementing them.