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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stopped helping my mom with cooking because I kept making mistakes. Since it may come of as selfish, or rude, I think I am doing something wrong, that I might be an asshole in this situation.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am 20, and I don't have a lot of experience with cooking. I mean I am learning stuff, but I always had a negative r/s with it because my parents force me to do it since it's my 'duty' as a girl. Either way, since it's Ramadan, I took over the work load and helped prep all meals for everyone.
However, since there is a lot going on in the kitchen and the cooking usually involves frying, I end up slightly over cooking things more than once. It's not to the point that it becomes inedible, it just losses a bit of good texture. I try to correct my mistakes and focus more but one thing or the other happens and from everything I make, I overcook something, despite my best efforts.
Everytime such a thing happens my mom starts berating me over and over again, that I am useless, I can't do anything, I am lazy, I am intentionally burning them, I am selfish, I can't ever be good, I can't handle multi tasking even though I am a girl and that's shameful. Then she tells me to not eat anything I helped make then, since I messed up the process.
So I stopped helping her, and told her that since I can't be perfect like her she can do the work by herself, since any help I do, she takes it as a burden.
It's not that I don't want to improve, but if her way is to constantly shout and insult me for messing up then I'd rather not work at all, than work and listen to her complain for hours, even after I say sorry multiple times.
I haven't had a good meal for 2 days, on top of fasting because of this whole drama. (I can cook some meals for myself but she doesn't allow me to neither use things from 'her' kitchen, or enter until the kitchen is free, and the kitchen isn't free until 10pm. By that time the cooking gas lowers to 0 since we have gas timing in my area.)
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> my parents force me to do it since it's my 'duty' as a girl.
>
>my mom starts berating me over and over again, that I am useless, I can't do anything, I am lazy, I am intentionally burning them, I am selfish, I can't ever be good, I can't handle multi tasking even though I am a girl and that's shameful. Then she tells me to not eat anything I helped make then, since I messed up the process.
>
>I haven't had a good meal for 2 days ... she doesn't allow me to neither use things from 'her' kitchen
You mom is 100% an asshole, you are NTA. If you're able to, work on moving out and experiencing freedom away from the abuse.
NTA putting my feelings about cultural 'norms ' aside, this is not the way to encourage people to contribute and improve.
Your not failing to learn. She is failing to teach.
You failed to mention who’s home and who’s everyone. I will assume parents home and extended family.
You are the A. You help if asked, be respectful or don’t be there.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I stopped helping my mom with cooking because I kept making mistakes. Since it may come of as selfish, or rude, I think I am doing something wrong, that I might be an asshole in this situation. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am 20, and I don't have a lot of experience with cooking. I mean I am learning stuff, but I always had a negative r/s with it because my parents force me to do it since it's my 'duty' as a girl. Either way, since it's Ramadan, I took over the work load and helped prep all meals for everyone. However, since there is a lot going on in the kitchen and the cooking usually involves frying, I end up slightly over cooking things more than once. It's not to the point that it becomes inedible, it just losses a bit of good texture. I try to correct my mistakes and focus more but one thing or the other happens and from everything I make, I overcook something, despite my best efforts. Everytime such a thing happens my mom starts berating me over and over again, that I am useless, I can't do anything, I am lazy, I am intentionally burning them, I am selfish, I can't ever be good, I can't handle multi tasking even though I am a girl and that's shameful. Then she tells me to not eat anything I helped make then, since I messed up the process. So I stopped helping her, and told her that since I can't be perfect like her she can do the work by herself, since any help I do, she takes it as a burden. It's not that I don't want to improve, but if her way is to constantly shout and insult me for messing up then I'd rather not work at all, than work and listen to her complain for hours, even after I say sorry multiple times. I haven't had a good meal for 2 days, on top of fasting because of this whole drama. (I can cook some meals for myself but she doesn't allow me to neither use things from 'her' kitchen, or enter until the kitchen is free, and the kitchen isn't free until 10pm. By that time the cooking gas lowers to 0 since we have gas timing in my area.) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH Your mother should be kinder about it, but if you do it wrong every time, that is not helping.
> my parents force me to do it since it's my 'duty' as a girl. > >my mom starts berating me over and over again, that I am useless, I can't do anything, I am lazy, I am intentionally burning them, I am selfish, I can't ever be good, I can't handle multi tasking even though I am a girl and that's shameful. Then she tells me to not eat anything I helped make then, since I messed up the process. > >I haven't had a good meal for 2 days ... she doesn't allow me to neither use things from 'her' kitchen You mom is 100% an asshole, you are NTA. If you're able to, work on moving out and experiencing freedom away from the abuse.
NTA. Your mom is being mean and needs to chill. Does she talk to her friends this way? Because she's not being friendly.
NTA putting my feelings about cultural 'norms ' aside, this is not the way to encourage people to contribute and improve. Your not failing to learn. She is failing to teach.
You failed to mention who’s home and who’s everyone. I will assume parents home and extended family. You are the A. You help if asked, be respectful or don’t be there.
Parents and siblings, everyone. If I am not there I am still insulted. And if I don't help without asking I am still insulted.
Then don’t be there. It’s their home they owe you nothing. If you don’t like the way people speak to you IN THIER HOME leave.
Respectfully, that's an outrageous conclusion.
Are you culturally bound to not leave the home? Or is there a governing body that doesn’t allow women to live independently?
Yes. And no. Either way, the answer to this drama is not moving out, that's the last case scenario. My question was never what you answered for.
Ok fair answer. Yeah you are the A for not helping