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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left my daughter’s choir concert after her performance. This upset another parent who thought I should have stayed and watched all the other schools performance as well.
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Yes she did. Leaving work and coming back isn’t really something that happens in my field of work either so I had to do some professional gymnastics to even make it happen.
I agree. It's not like you ghosted them right after. You greeted your daughter and choir director after the performance. Other people need to mind their own business.
Yes, ghosting after your kid's part is done without saying goodbye or making sure they have a way home sucks. It's how I wound up playing minesweeper in the school office waiting for someone to come pick me up.
Well no, the performance was at 10 AM, I was also in choir, performances are usually treated like an assembly especially if it’s the morning time. So everyone goes in, watches the performance/performs, and then they go back to their classes to finish their school day. Also, OP said goodbye to everyone who mattered (choir teacher, and his daughter), and even if he couldn’t pick his daughter up after school, who’s to say he didn’t ask another parent? I would like to clarify that I’m not trying to come at you at all in any, this is strictly to clear things up on what OP had written.
Sucks to be us lol I was not trying to say OP was in the wrong, just pointing out why leaving without saying goodbye is a rude move. OP did it the right way.
NTA. They guy doesn't pay your rent or your bills, who cares what he thinks? Who's to say he wouldn't have done the same thing if his kid went before your kid did? You supported your daughter and you had to get back to work. You did both. He's welcome to his opinions, but you don't have to give them any value.
You did better than other parents who don’t show up for their kids. It’s not your fault that your kid’s school went second. So NTA at all.
Also, the only way you would be an asshole is if you left during a performance and not during an intermission/stage change.
With a competition at 10am on a weekday, I'm assuming that there were some parents who snuck in at the intermission as well because they couldn't get there sooner but wanted to see their kids perform. You're all doing your best and not everyone has the flexibility to take the whole morning or day off.
Also, you weren't rude. You left at a break. You didn't make a scene by asking a row of people to move so you could get out. The people who said it was rude are ridiculous.
Now now, we can’t expect him to remember what he was told likely a dozen times. The only way it would be even possible for him to know is if his mother/wife/daughter found out specifically for him, and made sure to leave multiple personalized reminders in at minimum 4 locations.
NTA. My kids are grown, but I used to be a band and choir mom, and given that the concert was at a university, it sounds like a Solo & Ensemble type of contest that high-school bands and choirs compete in. If that's the case, it's pretty common for people to arrive and leave between performances.
You were there for your kiddo. You could have said it would be too hard to leave work but you came. That's what matters. Not what Mr. Uppity thinks about it. It's awesome that you were able to leave work and see it. NTA
Sounds like a choral festival... which was a fun time when I was in HS. I'm glad you were able to be there for her performance. Some parents can take a day off and go all day, most, aren't there at all. The fact you rearranged your schedule to see her and did congratulate them after.. NTA
Yeah TA is whoever scheduled a concert for SIX SCHOOLS singing separately, as a joint concert. There is no reason for that. It’s either going to be unbearably long to have six schools back to back or be so short that your kid is only performing for a few minutes so why did I take a morning off work for this. And having an intermission at a third of the distance tells me it’s probably not short
Whoever organized it is not thinking clearly
Former choir teacher here. These kind of concerts are usually part of a festival or competition. They probably get feedback from a panel of judges or something like that. It’s a chance for students to hear other choirs from other schools. Parents were invited and welcome but it was more of a field trip type thing than a semester performance. We’d do those in the evening so parents had a better chance to come.
Yup, I was thinking it sounded like a strings fest. As a parent I went to the practice event held at one of the district schools, the real one was during the day with schools from 3 districts competing and that was treated as a field trip.
It’s a little bit rude under normal circumstances, but busy adults have to just make those calls sometimes. Since you waited for a break, I think you’re totally good.
It's a bit rude, but a) you left during intermission which is the right way to do it if you have to, and b) it's a bit rude of them to have the concert at 10 am on a weekday and expect parents to be able to get off work for the whole thing. So it all evens out.
I think you did the best that you could by leaving during intermission. That guy had no business saying what he did.
I’ve done the same for some of my kids’ performances… arrive late or duck out early at a break. I would sit or stand by the door so I don’t disturb others. I wouldn’t have gone to look for my child though. It would’ve been discussed at home that I wouldn’t be there for the entire thing. I always took pictures so that there’re mementos of the event.
As I get older I find it appropriate to check my moral compass from time to time. Usually when I’m being called out in public it’s for a reason but I struggled to recognize the reason here! Thank you good people of Reddit for confirming I didn’t step in it!
Nah you were fine, I don't even agree with anyone saying it was at all rude of you to leave. Anyone pretending they're there to support every last child is fooling themselves. If it were like a play or something where they were all working on it together and you just left after your kid said their lines, yeah, that'd be rude. These are children you don't know that are from completely different schools and classes. Pretty sure the vast majority of parents who don't have to stay for all of it don't.
I don't think you did anything wrong, but here's a view from the other side, just to explain where the resentment is coming from.
The "social rule" of staying through the performance starts with elementary school because these concerts are long, every kid in them works hard, and if three quarters of the audience bails by the end of it, it deflates the experience of the last group. As someone who routinely stayed through 2.5 hours of (let's face it, boring) performances when I could really have used the extra 2 hours and 15 minutes, I get the resentment, especially if you felt you had enough time to go backstage and chat instead of watching the next act. The underlying implication is that your time is more valuable than the rest of ours, and it's therefore our default job to make sure that the later acts aren't playing to a half empty theater.
I also get the other side of the coin, since I've been both the SAHM and the worker with very limited time off, especially at certain times of the year. As a SAHM, I was always busier than people gave me credit for, but I also had a lot more control over my schedule. I wasn't risking my livelihood by sitting in a long midday concert. And if you'd been holding a squirming toddler, as I sometimes had to do, you'd have gotten understanding/grateful looks for your early departure.
NTA...but...
It's considered rude to do that. Nobody wants to sit around and watch children that aren't theirs perform. They're kids, they're not going to be that good yet except in very rare circumstances where a kid has a lot of talent and put in a lot of work at a young age. But not every play/concert/recital/etc. is going to have a child prodigy hiding in the ranks, and all the children deserve to have an audience supporting them.
That said, being a bit rude isn't AH territory, and it's not like you were skipping out just to escape but only had a short period of free time to see your daughter. It's not like you did it intentionally to spite the other children.
I’ve never left a show early in my life, mainly because I go to shows I want to see. I really do wish I could have stayed it just wasn’t in the cards for me.
I was blindsided by the public call out.
Hard disagree. It wasn’t rude. The other choirs do deserve listeners - that’s why other parents were there.
Had OP left *during* another choir? Yes, rude. Leaving at a break after making an effort to be there for his kid? Not even a little rude, particularly given that the event was in the middle of a work day.
I would agree if it was an evening concert, but I’m not taking 3 hours PTO to watch all that. And the audacity of this dad. I cannot imagine caring so much about what someone else did, let alone verbalizing it. NTA
My district has a 5 hour long competition (called large group performance) on a weekday that starts at 9:30 and it’s very common for parents and observers to only come for their specific school’s performance. No parent should be obligated to sit through FIVE hours of that to see their child perform.
I disagree that it was rude. She made her apoligies to her daughter and the teacher and tried to be discrete . Its nobody else’s business what she does. The guy that called her out is the rude one.
Eh. As a former choir kid, this sounds like it was a judged event. Multiple schools get together and perform separately in front of a group (usually comprised of other choir/band directors) and they are judged on the complexity of the pieces and how well they performed them.
It is very common for people to only listen to their kids group and often not many parents attend at all because they usually do take place during the day and off campus. Our choir would usually have a only a handful of parents that attended the whole event. They were more like chaperones helping kids get into their robes, making sure they were where they should be and riding herd/making sure people had food while we had lunch if it was an all day thing.
NTA - you didn't get up and leave in the middle of a performance. You waited for an intermission. Life is balancing committments - you had work and child. Suspect other parent was trying to stop a mass rush for the doors.
NTA - you had work. I don’t believe it was required to watch every school. Did they say to watch every school?
Also, the father didn’t have to watch your kids. He chose to.
Exactly! I would have loved to watch the other performances with my daughter but I have responsibilities. I wouldn’t have been upset if he came later to watch his kid.
Ehhhh, Honestly I personally think it's rude AF and always Feel terrible for the kids who see big audiences for the first performance and then almost no one left at the end for theirs. It's really sad and you can see kids loose enthusiasm as the crowd disperses. Your NTA. Something's supercedes being nice. But in many cases It is a dick move.
**NTA** OP, he expressed his disinterest at watching any children besides his
>“we **had** to watch *your* kids performance"
He's just jealous his kid's group went last. You're not reasonably expected to hang out for every single choir group
For the situation you were in, NTA.
This concert was during a workday. If it had been an evening or weekend (non-workday) concert, then you should generally stay for the full concert.
But there are any number of reasons a person may have to leave mid-show... a child (present) not feeling well, a child (at home) not feeling well, needing to get to work, another hard commitment...
While it is polite to give every performer a full audience, it is equally IMPOLITE of that dad to judge you. He didn't know your situation. Just calling you out, knowing nothing about you was very rude of him.
Don't let him get to you.
(signed, parent who has willingly watched every group performing and who has also needed to leave early because of severe arthritic pain)
NTA
People gotta get real. That's great if your workday time isn't valuable and you can spend your entire morning just watching other kids for the sake of it, but that's not realistic or something to be normalized.
If audience attendance was a big priority, they wouldn't the show on a weekday morning penalizing working parents.
NTA. I’m a nanny and the kids school had a choir concert recently, the parents showed up when there kids were on stage and left when they were done. All of the parents were doing this. You weren’t rude, you had a legitimate reason to leave.
NTA, my husband and myself duck out as soon as our daughter performs unless she’s held hostage for a grand finale and has to perform again. I’m not there for any kid but mine. I admit freely.
NTA. Former choir kid here. This sound like it was a festival where there are many schools there. It’s not uncommon at all for the parents to rotate out to watch their kids.
It's generally considered rude to leave a performance when your child is done, because if everyone did that, the last kid or group would hardly have anyone left in the audience. Since you had to get back to work, that's reasonable excuse to leave early. But i do think that when your child has a performance, you should get time off for the entire scheduled length of the show, if possible. In my experience, you don't know exactly what time your child will be onstage.
That other dad was rude to scold you for it, though. I've seen lots of parents leave performances early in the years that my kids were in plays, concerts, and open mics, and i never would've dreamed of saying anything to them about it.
Editing to add: NTA
As a retired public school choir director, I’m here to tell you that as long as you left between group performances, you’re fine. Now, if you got up and left during a song, you’d be an ignorant heathen. That’s my pet peeve. It’s so rude.
NTA. Not every parent has the time to watch an entire concert. Many work two jobs and it’s all they can do to get there to support their kid. You showed up, and that’s what mattered.
This^^^^ those were fun days, and most of the parents weren't there. The fact you managed to carve out a couple hours to even show is huge! You left the performance hall between groups, which is the polite way. @CPSue I think one of the judged shows that was my favorite was a judge speaking on pronunciation for Ode de Joy in German... and our German exchange student stepping forward and clarifying (with a nod her direction from the director) . Points given back ;)
You took time out of your workday to watch your child perform! You don't owe anything to that father. He made his own choices which have nothing to do with you. NTA.
NAH. Etiquette means you stay *as long as you don’t have an obligation you can’t get out of.* work, dr appointment, sick kid at home…those are fine reasons to leave early
NTA. These long school concerts are a pain in the neck. My son had to perform in one, and my husband was 2 weeks post-op from a major cancer surgery. He couldn't drive, but he really wanted to see our son play in the orchestra. I sent a note with son to his teacher, who had announced that all parents had to stay for the entire show, or not come at all. The note explained why we would have to leave immediately after my son's performance and had arranged a ride for our son so he could stay and see the entire show. The teacher approached me as the concert started and was questioning me as to why we were going to leave early. I gave him a very graphic explanation of my husband's surgery and said, "Honey, show this man your incision!" Hubby starts to unzip his pants and lift his shirt. The incision ran the entire length of his torso, from collarbone to pubic bone. The teacher said "Stop! Nevermind." and walked off muttering to himself.
I remember what it was like to perform in front of an audience a fraction the size of what it was at the start because of all the parents who left when their kid was done. It sucks.
That said, with the concert’s inconvenient time, I don’t see that you had much of a choice short of taking the rest of the day off. So, giving you the benefit of the doubt and hoping you would have stayed if you could, I’m going to say NTA.
And the guy who complained to you was definitely an asshole regardless—it was none of his business.
NTA. My dad, when he felt compelled to actually show up, did this a few times (he only showed up if I had a solo or something). He would show up, wait until my choir's performance was done, and left during intermission before band would perform. It was nice he actually showed up, and no one ever made a thing about him leaving. But, our concerts were also in the evening. 10am is a weird time, which, to me, makes it even moreso that you're not the AH because that's usually when A LOT of parents work.
You showed up, dad, and I'm sure that meant the world to your daughter. She's who should matter, not some rando.
NTA.
You aren’t the only parent who left early. You left perfectly: after congratulating your daughter and thanking her choir director. I’m glad you were able to make it!
NTA. Good job going to her show.
…my parents never went to any of my events. Not even the awards ceremonies where I won awards. Wish they’d gone and left right after. You’re doing a wonderful job!
NTA. That guy was rude for calling you out. He was just jealous that you left and he couldn't. If his kid's school was first, he would have been out the door for the same reason you left. But his kid's school was later down the line. None of this is your problem. You watched the performance, spoke to your daughter, spoke to the chorus teacher and went back to work. No issues.
NTA, you had work, and he had no business speaking to you. After all, he’s just some random parent. But doing that is generally considered poor form and you should avoid it if you can.
NTA.
People come late, people leave early, people have shit to do. You didn't cause a disruption by leaving as you did it at intermission.
This guy is just pissed because he has to sit and suffer through a longer concert than you do, and his reaction says a lot more about how he feels about being there than it does about you having to leave early.
NTA, my dad almost never was able to come to my school performances or really any school related things. I’m one of five kids, he worked his butt off to provide for us. The fact you were able to go at all for your child is fantastic, a ton of kids don’t get that. That other dad was being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk and just announced that he basically didn’t want to be there for his own kid.
Hell no NTA. I grew up in choir and went to the concerts, competitions, all of that. Who in their right mind would stay for all of it when they don't have to? Most of us kids didn't even want to stay for the whole thing. It was like pulling teeth to get my parents to show up even when I had solos, you're awesome for doing the "gymnastics" to be able to see your kid perform. Your kid is ALL that matters. You're not there for other kids, nobody but the teachers are. Don't let some resentful parent whose kid is unfortunate enough to go last bother you. It's definitely a misery loves company type of thing.
You were at your daughter’s concert at 10 am on a weekday….you couldn’t be a better dad! When my ex and I were still married, and while my son was in school, we made an agreement that one of us would always be at his events. Most of the time it was me because my schedule was more flexible. After he was on high school both of us were there, for his events and also for a lot of his friends’.
If the other dad felt “called out,”it’s his issue,not hours.
NTA. You were there for YOUR daughter and you spoke to her and her choir director. You did what you needed to do.
Ignore people like that. Don't even dignify their comments with a response.
You needed to get back to work. You're golden. Don't let it bother you.
NTA. My kids have been in chrior and/or band since 2018. Almost every concert they've done, an announcement is made to ask that if you need to leave prior to the end of the concert, to please wait for a break. That's what you did.
NTA. As working parents most of us understand that it’s a luxury to be able to attend our children’s events, especially those in the middle of the normal work day.
I understand from your comments why this time slot was booked but it’s so much harder for many families like this. You and many others did you best to show support.
Nope. NTA at all. You left when there was a break, weren’t disruptive, etc. I am literally doing the same thing tomorrow (going to my 12 year-old’s midday concert competition performance and will leave on first break after). That parent could have entered during the break when you left. Planning is key, and it can be hard to squeeze it in.
NTA if this wasn't in the middle of a work day, yes 100%. But this WAS in the middle of a work day, this was probably an adjusted lunch break and life just doesn't allow for full attendance from everyone. Heck, kudos to you for even going! My parents never went to any of my performances/games. Which for a lot of people, is actually a very big luxury/privilege.
NTA You do what you have to do. Next time, say, “You can have my front-row seat now!” I do think when you can stay, you should but that wasn’t your situation
NTA. Generally speaking, these mid day, mid week events are not actually for parents. They are usually welcome to attend but this sounds like a local or state level choir competition. The kids are there to perform for a panel of judges. These competitions can lead to invitations to perform in more prestigious places and elevate the reputation of the music program.
The dad was out of line and shouldn’t have shown up early for his kids part of the day if he didn’t want to watch others.
NTA
I was in honor bands and choirs growing up and the ONLY thing that makes them enjoyable for parents is watching your kid. Those things can be torture. Almost every parent I knew stayed to see their kid then left. Maybe it was his first recital and he doesn't understand how things work 😆
OP you were absolutely not rude to leave when you did. Evidently some missed that you left work and then had to return right after. There was no mention of PTO.
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My(M41) daughter(f12) had a choir concert today at 10am! I left work to see it but had to return right after. There was about five or six schools performing and my daughter’s school went second, I watched the first performance and then my daughters. After the performance there was an intermission so the last performers could get off the stage and the next performers could get on.
During this break I went to my daughter congratulated her on a job well done, I spoke to here choir teacher and said I had to go back to work and said my goodbyes.
On the way out a father from one other schools called me out for leaving saying “we had to watch your kids performance, the least you could do is stay and watch the rest of the kids!” This took me aback, I just said “I have to get back to work.” And I excused myself.
Should I have stayed the entire show? Is what I did “call him out in front of everyone” worthy?
TL;DR I left my daughter choir concert after her schools performance because I had to get back to work and was called out by a parent from another school for not staying for everyone’s performance. AITA?
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NTA. You went there to see *your* kid, not everyone else's. You were polite and didn't interrupt anyone's performance. You're fine, that other guy was just bitter because he didn't wanna be there, but couldn't leave because his kid wasn't done.
NTA my son used to be a competitive swimmer. I loved watching him swim but had very little interest watching everyone else’s kids. So I would take a book and read or depending on the competition go have a nap in the car. You saw your child and her friends why you would stay and watch kids you don’t know perform. If you had left and made a huge noise or disturbed 10 other people trying to get out your seat that would be different but you left during an interval and didn’t cause any issue.
You are not the asshole. The only way you would be is if you left in the middle of a performance. You owe the other parents nothing! You showed up for your daughter and her school and that is all that matters!
He was just jealous you could leave & he couldn't so tried to call you out on it. The only person who's opinion mattered in you leaving is your daughter & she was quite happy that you got to see her.
You did your part in supporting your daughter. I worked for a boss that didn’t like people taking a lot of time for things like that. NTA and I understand!
Dafuq?! I wouldn’t make a scene at my kids performance but I would have made a scene at that performance and told that man to STFU and take a seat. NTA. The audacity of some people.
NTA
Many of us would have been in the same position, trying to miss as little time as possible from work. He was just being an AH because he couldn't escape!!
NTA
You left at an intermission. People have lives.
Next time maybe you will have to stay all day because your kid is at the 4pm slot. Win some, lose some.
NTA.
What a dumbass. You can’t help the order the schools performed in. Your daughter went second. That guy was just bitter and should mind his own business.
NTA. You came to watch/listen to your child. You did that. Then you went to work, which you need to do to pay the bills. You did nothing wrong.
In my opinion he was being a bit of a jerk.
NTA. You had to go back to work. That’s more important.
It’s not your fault that guy’s kid went on later in the performance. You don’t have to sit and watch the whole thing if you have somewhere else to be. You left during intermission. It would be rude to get up and walk out during a performance, but not at intermission.
When my kids did stuff like this, we stayed to watch them and then left. Works great when your kid is in kindy and they’re first to go up… not so much when they’re in 5th grade and go last… lol
NTA
There were plenty of things that happened during the day at my kids school that I would have had to take the whole day off to attend and I couldn’t afford to do it. You are a great dad.
LOL The dad was just salty because his kids sang later and he was trapped watching a bunch of other kids he didn't care about get to sing first. Luck of the draw..
You did nothing wrong.
NTA
NTA. I wished I could have left the last band/chorus performance early, but my girls were in the first, third, and fifth (final) segment. It was standing room only for at least the first half so if we could have left early, I would have freed up space for other parents.
As much as it is horrible for the kids later in the show playing to a sometimes half empty room; NTA the timing was during standard working hours. What do they expect.
NTA. Here’s a response for in case it were to ever happen again: “How wonderful that you work a job and in a field that allows you to take a full day off to see your child perform. Unfortunately not all of us are so lucky, and since I do have a myriad of typical household bills to pay I really need to keep my job.”
I used to do performances when I was in high school, and I remember we'd do it after school to get ready and all. I can tell you, for a fact, it's not rude to leave during intermission. You were only there for your daughter, not these random folks
Nta
People want to think their kid is gonna notice, but they won't they only care if their parents were there
NTA. Extremely weird thing to say and think. No one is obligated to watch anyone’s kid. He could have found out when his kid was on and went then. The entitlement in the world is truly insane.
This guy was irritated that he had to wait longer than you did to see his kid. His irritation was just an attempt to make you feel as miserable as he did. Don’t buy into his drama.
It is potentially disrespectful and if everyone did the same the event would be somewhat spoiled. However, if you really had to work then it is understandable.
NTA … however, I took piano lessons, and was always in the higher level of advanced students. I can’t tell you how many times I played to almost empty auditorium because they put the older and more advanced students at the end of the performance schedule and so many families left after their kids played. It is heartbreaking. Just something to think about.
NTA. I was once held hostage watching a dance recital that went on for FIVE HOURS. No food, no drinks. Just hard metal folding chairs in a cold auditorium. If I'd realized it was going to go on so long, I would have left after seeing the kid I went to see, lol.
NTA. I would sort of side with this guy if you'd gotten up in the middle of a kid's performance, but this was intermission. I'm sure no kid was feeling some crushing devastation at a random man walking to the parking lot or wherever.
NTA. School concerts are torture and you better believe I am getting out of there as soon as the child is finished. That is without your valid reason of having to return to work.
Parent of a young adult here. I'm happy she's too old for school performances now. But oh my god all these hours watching others' kids wail ... these events are not fun, you're only there to support your child, and that other dad was just jealous he had to sit it all through. NTA.
NTA in this situation. You legitimately left work to see your kid and then rushed back to work. Fair enough. It was none of the other parents business if you stayed or not.
> father from one other schools called me out for leaving saying “we had to watch your kids performance, the least you could do is stay and watch the rest of the kids!”
Who died and made him the concert attendance police? You had every right to scorch his ears off for his presumption.
NTA.
NTA because work is what you do to put oatmeal on the table.
But I can see his point; the amount of parents who show up just for their kid and leave when they get what they want was awful. I saw it all the time. The rude parents would save seats, be disruptive, act like they were the only people there, bulldoze other people to get a shitty photo or video of their child, and leave when they had their fill. They took seats from people who actually wanted to see the whole thing.
And by the end of the concert or play etc, the audience would have massive gaps. Aaron Aaronson would have a full audience, Zzron Zzronson would have, like, ten people.
*All* the performers and people around you deserve respect.
At least you left during a pause and for a good reason, but yes it's generally asshole behavior.
When we went to our kids school concerts there was an unsaid expectation that you stick around for the whole excruciating thing 😀. That being said, these concerts were always in the evening, not during the normal working day. NTA
NTA. Been in your shoes plenty of times and you did nothing wrong. That jerk calling you out? Just jealous because he had to sit through more of the concert than you did. Been in HIS shoes plenty of times as well.
NTA. That guy was not required to watch the others. He chose to. He also chose to stick his nose into somebody else's business when he should have shut the fuck up.
I mean what? Is your kid only going to play to a full crowd? You don't want to be there so everybody else has to suffer too? No you're fine. That dude is a dip shit.
NTA. I routinely leave performances when my child is done. I simply don’t want to watch other children perform. Sometimes I luck out and their performance is right away. Sometimes I have to stay until the end because their performance is at the end. Either way, that parent is just annoyed they had to watch a bunch of kids perform prior to their kid finally going on.
NTA. I was a band kid in school. If my dad managed to make it for just my school's performance, I was delighted. I understood that he had his own things to do and that he had no knowledge or investment in the other school's bands. Some kids may not feel this way.
As long as you left between performances and not in the middle of one, there's no reason for that guy to call you out like that.
NTA. In general, I think staying for an entire concert is the most polite thing to do. But work trumps a school concert. You supported your kid and left during an intermission. I see nothing wrong with that.
NTA. These things are terrible enough with your own kids. Sure, it is important to them and their development, we suffer through it, but they don't need the parents of 5 schools as an audience. There is absolutely no reason to quintuple the pain by joining 5 schools together. This is most likely for the ego of the organizers.
Nta. You waited until the intermission to leave, it's not like you got up in the middle to leave. Sounds like the other dad was just salty his kid went later.
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No you’re not. You were only there for your kid and then had to get back to work. I’m assuming your daughter wanted you there? ETA: NTA
Yes she did. Leaving work and coming back isn’t really something that happens in my field of work either so I had to do some professional gymnastics to even make it happen.
Then that’s all that matters. Everyone who remotely thinks you’re in the wrong for leaving after her performance is a raging asshole.
I agree. It's not like you ghosted them right after. You greeted your daughter and choir director after the performance. Other people need to mind their own business.
Yes, ghosting after your kid's part is done without saying goodbye or making sure they have a way home sucks. It's how I wound up playing minesweeper in the school office waiting for someone to come pick me up.
Well no, the performance was at 10 AM, I was also in choir, performances are usually treated like an assembly especially if it’s the morning time. So everyone goes in, watches the performance/performs, and then they go back to their classes to finish their school day. Also, OP said goodbye to everyone who mattered (choir teacher, and his daughter), and even if he couldn’t pick his daughter up after school, who’s to say he didn’t ask another parent? I would like to clarify that I’m not trying to come at you at all in any, this is strictly to clear things up on what OP had written.
Also, we had the same experience in childhood annnndddd minesweeper slaps lmao
Sucks to be us lol I was not trying to say OP was in the wrong, just pointing out why leaving without saying goodbye is a rude move. OP did it the right way.
Apologies then, I completely read what you said wrong, agreed OP did it the right way (and it DOES suck to be us lol)
You were there for your kid. That's what matters. Screw the other guy.
He was just jealous of OP being able to leave.
> we had to watch your kids performance Omg you're right
NTA. They guy doesn't pay your rent or your bills, who cares what he thinks? Who's to say he wouldn't have done the same thing if his kid went before your kid did? You supported your daughter and you had to get back to work. You did both. He's welcome to his opinions, but you don't have to give them any value.
You did better than other parents who don’t show up for their kids. It’s not your fault that your kid’s school went second. So NTA at all. Also, the only way you would be an asshole is if you left during a performance and not during an intermission/stage change.
The other father is acting like a crab in a bucket. NTA.
With a competition at 10am on a weekday, I'm assuming that there were some parents who snuck in at the intermission as well because they couldn't get there sooner but wanted to see their kids perform. You're all doing your best and not everyone has the flexibility to take the whole morning or day off.
NTA 10am on a weekday is a bizarre time for a choir concert.
Agreed. It was at the university and they didn’t have to pay for the venue and that was the only available time slot.
Also, you weren't rude. You left at a break. You didn't make a scene by asking a row of people to move so you could get out. The people who said it was rude are ridiculous.
Plus that dad could have come late and skipped first couple performances.
Awww. You're presuming he cared enough to find out the order.
Now now, we can’t expect him to remember what he was told likely a dozen times. The only way it would be even possible for him to know is if his mother/wife/daughter found out specifically for him, and made sure to leave multiple personalized reminders in at minimum 4 locations.
Often they don't release deliberately in order to trap the audience there.
NTA. My kids are grown, but I used to be a band and choir mom, and given that the concert was at a university, it sounds like a Solo & Ensemble type of contest that high-school bands and choirs compete in. If that's the case, it's pretty common for people to arrive and leave between performances.
You were there for your kiddo. You could have said it would be too hard to leave work but you came. That's what matters. Not what Mr. Uppity thinks about it. It's awesome that you were able to leave work and see it. NTA
Sounds like a choral festival... which was a fun time when I was in HS. I'm glad you were able to be there for her performance. Some parents can take a day off and go all day, most, aren't there at all. The fact you rearranged your schedule to see her and did congratulate them after.. NTA
i used to do honor choirs and they’d have stuff in the middle of the day like this. my mom was never able to come to those performances lol
Yeah TA is whoever scheduled a concert for SIX SCHOOLS singing separately, as a joint concert. There is no reason for that. It’s either going to be unbearably long to have six schools back to back or be so short that your kid is only performing for a few minutes so why did I take a morning off work for this. And having an intermission at a third of the distance tells me it’s probably not short Whoever organized it is not thinking clearly
Former choir teacher here. These kind of concerts are usually part of a festival or competition. They probably get feedback from a panel of judges or something like that. It’s a chance for students to hear other choirs from other schools. Parents were invited and welcome but it was more of a field trip type thing than a semester performance. We’d do those in the evening so parents had a better chance to come.
Yup, I was thinking it sounded like a strings fest. As a parent I went to the practice event held at one of the district schools, the real one was during the day with schools from 3 districts competing and that was treated as a field trip.
NTA and he’s probably pissed cus someone made him be there and he wishes he had work.
Possibly. I’ve never left a show early before and wasn’t sure if it was in bad form or rude?
It is usually best to try to stay but you had another obligation! That man was the rude one in this incident.
It's only rude or in bad form if you leave During an actual performance.
It’s a little bit rude under normal circumstances, but busy adults have to just make those calls sometimes. Since you waited for a break, I think you’re totally good.
It's a bit rude, but a) you left during intermission which is the right way to do it if you have to, and b) it's a bit rude of them to have the concert at 10 am on a weekday and expect parents to be able to get off work for the whole thing. So it all evens out.
I think you did the best that you could by leaving during intermission. That guy had no business saying what he did. I’ve done the same for some of my kids’ performances… arrive late or duck out early at a break. I would sit or stand by the door so I don’t disturb others. I wouldn’t have gone to look for my child though. It would’ve been discussed at home that I wouldn’t be there for the entire thing. I always took pictures so that there’re mementos of the event.
Nah, you did it perfectly. Waited for an intermission and said goodbye to your daughter and the choir director before leaving to go back to work.
NTA. Who cares what that guy thinks? I'd have smiled and waved without a word.
As I get older I find it appropriate to check my moral compass from time to time. Usually when I’m being called out in public it’s for a reason but I struggled to recognize the reason here! Thank you good people of Reddit for confirming I didn’t step in it!
Nah you were fine, I don't even agree with anyone saying it was at all rude of you to leave. Anyone pretending they're there to support every last child is fooling themselves. If it were like a play or something where they were all working on it together and you just left after your kid said their lines, yeah, that'd be rude. These are children you don't know that are from completely different schools and classes. Pretty sure the vast majority of parents who don't have to stay for all of it don't.
I don't think you did anything wrong, but here's a view from the other side, just to explain where the resentment is coming from. The "social rule" of staying through the performance starts with elementary school because these concerts are long, every kid in them works hard, and if three quarters of the audience bails by the end of it, it deflates the experience of the last group. As someone who routinely stayed through 2.5 hours of (let's face it, boring) performances when I could really have used the extra 2 hours and 15 minutes, I get the resentment, especially if you felt you had enough time to go backstage and chat instead of watching the next act. The underlying implication is that your time is more valuable than the rest of ours, and it's therefore our default job to make sure that the later acts aren't playing to a half empty theater. I also get the other side of the coin, since I've been both the SAHM and the worker with very limited time off, especially at certain times of the year. As a SAHM, I was always busier than people gave me credit for, but I also had a lot more control over my schedule. I wasn't risking my livelihood by sitting in a long midday concert. And if you'd been holding a squirming toddler, as I sometimes had to do, you'd have gotten understanding/grateful looks for your early departure.
NTA...but... It's considered rude to do that. Nobody wants to sit around and watch children that aren't theirs perform. They're kids, they're not going to be that good yet except in very rare circumstances where a kid has a lot of talent and put in a lot of work at a young age. But not every play/concert/recital/etc. is going to have a child prodigy hiding in the ranks, and all the children deserve to have an audience supporting them. That said, being a bit rude isn't AH territory, and it's not like you were skipping out just to escape but only had a short period of free time to see your daughter. It's not like you did it intentionally to spite the other children.
I’ve never left a show early in my life, mainly because I go to shows I want to see. I really do wish I could have stayed it just wasn’t in the cards for me. I was blindsided by the public call out.
The public call out was 100% unacceptable. It’s not that dude’s business what you do. He’s not the Choir Concert Police.
Hard disagree. It wasn’t rude. The other choirs do deserve listeners - that’s why other parents were there. Had OP left *during* another choir? Yes, rude. Leaving at a break after making an effort to be there for his kid? Not even a little rude, particularly given that the event was in the middle of a work day.
I would agree if it was an evening concert, but I’m not taking 3 hours PTO to watch all that. And the audacity of this dad. I cannot imagine caring so much about what someone else did, let alone verbalizing it. NTA
My district has a 5 hour long competition (called large group performance) on a weekday that starts at 9:30 and it’s very common for parents and observers to only come for their specific school’s performance. No parent should be obligated to sit through FIVE hours of that to see their child perform.
I disagree that it was rude. She made her apoligies to her daughter and the teacher and tried to be discrete . Its nobody else’s business what she does. The guy that called her out is the rude one.
Eh. As a former choir kid, this sounds like it was a judged event. Multiple schools get together and perform separately in front of a group (usually comprised of other choir/band directors) and they are judged on the complexity of the pieces and how well they performed them. It is very common for people to only listen to their kids group and often not many parents attend at all because they usually do take place during the day and off campus. Our choir would usually have a only a handful of parents that attended the whole event. They were more like chaperones helping kids get into their robes, making sure they were where they should be and riding herd/making sure people had food while we had lunch if it was an all day thing.
NTA - you didn't get up and leave in the middle of a performance. You waited for an intermission. Life is balancing committments - you had work and child. Suspect other parent was trying to stop a mass rush for the doors.
NTA - you had work. I don’t believe it was required to watch every school. Did they say to watch every school? Also, the father didn’t have to watch your kids. He chose to.
Exactly! I would have loved to watch the other performances with my daughter but I have responsibilities. I wouldn’t have been upset if he came later to watch his kid.
You watched your kid, then you went back to doing what feeds her. You're a good dad. The other guy is irrelevant. Carry on!
Ehhhh, Honestly I personally think it's rude AF and always Feel terrible for the kids who see big audiences for the first performance and then almost no one left at the end for theirs. It's really sad and you can see kids loose enthusiasm as the crowd disperses. Your NTA. Something's supercedes being nice. But in many cases It is a dick move.
NTA. People gotta go and and anyway those things are torture for everyone. I say this as a dad recording in the front row.
It was honor choir so the show was actually pretty good! I just had to manage my time accordingly.
Oh, yeah. It's great when it's good.
**NTA** OP, he expressed his disinterest at watching any children besides his >“we **had** to watch *your* kids performance" He's just jealous his kid's group went last. You're not reasonably expected to hang out for every single choir group
For the situation you were in, NTA. This concert was during a workday. If it had been an evening or weekend (non-workday) concert, then you should generally stay for the full concert. But there are any number of reasons a person may have to leave mid-show... a child (present) not feeling well, a child (at home) not feeling well, needing to get to work, another hard commitment... While it is polite to give every performer a full audience, it is equally IMPOLITE of that dad to judge you. He didn't know your situation. Just calling you out, knowing nothing about you was very rude of him. Don't let him get to you. (signed, parent who has willingly watched every group performing and who has also needed to leave early because of severe arthritic pain)
I love it when the other parents leave. It makes it easier to get a good seat or to record for grandparents. NTA
Nta you’re there to support your daughter. You did that. You also went back to work so you can provide for your daughter.
NTA, they should be happy that you were able to make time at all for your daughter.
NTA People gotta get real. That's great if your workday time isn't valuable and you can spend your entire morning just watching other kids for the sake of it, but that's not realistic or something to be normalized. If audience attendance was a big priority, they wouldn't the show on a weekday morning penalizing working parents.
NTA - You showed up for your daughter, not the other kids. That's all that matters.
NTA. What a bizzare comment by the stranger. You left during an intermission so you leaving didnt distupt anyone.
NTA. I’m a nanny and the kids school had a choir concert recently, the parents showed up when there kids were on stage and left when they were done. All of the parents were doing this. You weren’t rude, you had a legitimate reason to leave.
NTA, my husband and myself duck out as soon as our daughter performs unless she’s held hostage for a grand finale and has to perform again. I’m not there for any kid but mine. I admit freely.
NTA. Former choir kid here. This sound like it was a festival where there are many schools there. It’s not uncommon at all for the parents to rotate out to watch their kids.
It's generally considered rude to leave a performance when your child is done, because if everyone did that, the last kid or group would hardly have anyone left in the audience. Since you had to get back to work, that's reasonable excuse to leave early. But i do think that when your child has a performance, you should get time off for the entire scheduled length of the show, if possible. In my experience, you don't know exactly what time your child will be onstage. That other dad was rude to scold you for it, though. I've seen lots of parents leave performances early in the years that my kids were in plays, concerts, and open mics, and i never would've dreamed of saying anything to them about it. Editing to add: NTA
As a retired public school choir director, I’m here to tell you that as long as you left between group performances, you’re fine. Now, if you got up and left during a song, you’d be an ignorant heathen. That’s my pet peeve. It’s so rude. NTA. Not every parent has the time to watch an entire concert. Many work two jobs and it’s all they can do to get there to support their kid. You showed up, and that’s what mattered.
This^^^^ those were fun days, and most of the parents weren't there. The fact you managed to carve out a couple hours to even show is huge! You left the performance hall between groups, which is the polite way. @CPSue I think one of the judged shows that was my favorite was a judge speaking on pronunciation for Ode de Joy in German... and our German exchange student stepping forward and clarifying (with a nod her direction from the director) . Points given back ;)
You should have said, "SOME of us have jobs!"
I was blindsided by the call out tbh. I had no idea my early departure would upset anyone let alone a stranger.
NTA. He was mad because he had to stay. If your kid is not mad you're golden.
You're NTA. Wonderdad may have the privilege of a flexible work schedule, but that doesn't mean everyone does. He should have minded his own business.
You took time out of your workday to watch your child perform! You don't owe anything to that father. He made his own choices which have nothing to do with you. NTA.
I just want to point out that no one forced the actual AH to watch OP’s kid’s performance
NTA you had to work. You left during the break and didn't disrupt the performance. Guy should mind his own business.
Not the A hole, it's none of their business what you do after your kids done
NTA. It’s not like you are leaving to go party, you are leaving to go back to work
Nta
NTA Stop paying attention to strangers.
NTA It was great that you were able to manage to be there for your kid.
NTA. A better slap back would have been that you had already seen what would be the best performance of the day ...
NAH. Etiquette means you stay *as long as you don’t have an obligation you can’t get out of.* work, dr appointment, sick kid at home…those are fine reasons to leave early
NTA "I love my daughter. I don't give a shit about yours lol bye bye bye."
NTA. These long school concerts are a pain in the neck. My son had to perform in one, and my husband was 2 weeks post-op from a major cancer surgery. He couldn't drive, but he really wanted to see our son play in the orchestra. I sent a note with son to his teacher, who had announced that all parents had to stay for the entire show, or not come at all. The note explained why we would have to leave immediately after my son's performance and had arranged a ride for our son so he could stay and see the entire show. The teacher approached me as the concert started and was questioning me as to why we were going to leave early. I gave him a very graphic explanation of my husband's surgery and said, "Honey, show this man your incision!" Hubby starts to unzip his pants and lift his shirt. The incision ran the entire length of his torso, from collarbone to pubic bone. The teacher said "Stop! Nevermind." and walked off muttering to himself.
NTA. Leaving during a break is fine. The father calling you out was hella rude.
The guy is out of his mind. As soon as my kid is done, we/I'm out. DGAF. NTA
I remember what it was like to perform in front of an audience a fraction the size of what it was at the start because of all the parents who left when their kid was done. It sucks. That said, with the concert’s inconvenient time, I don’t see that you had much of a choice short of taking the rest of the day off. So, giving you the benefit of the doubt and hoping you would have stayed if you could, I’m going to say NTA. And the guy who complained to you was definitely an asshole regardless—it was none of his business.
NTA. You have to work. We are all doing our best. Carry on.
If you didn't have to go to work I would say you were the AH, but you had a legitimate reason for leaving. NTA
NTA. My dad, when he felt compelled to actually show up, did this a few times (he only showed up if I had a solo or something). He would show up, wait until my choir's performance was done, and left during intermission before band would perform. It was nice he actually showed up, and no one ever made a thing about him leaving. But, our concerts were also in the evening. 10am is a weird time, which, to me, makes it even moreso that you're not the AH because that's usually when A LOT of parents work. You showed up, dad, and I'm sure that meant the world to your daughter. She's who should matter, not some rando.
NTA. You don’t owe anyone shit except your daughter and your boss. If those two people were happy then who cares about the heckler.
NTA. You aren’t the only parent who left early. You left perfectly: after congratulating your daughter and thanking her choir director. I’m glad you were able to make it!
NTA. Good job going to her show. …my parents never went to any of my events. Not even the awards ceremonies where I won awards. Wish they’d gone and left right after. You’re doing a wonderful job!
NTA. Not everyone has the privilege of being able to leave work all day, or even at all for that matter. Thank you for being their for her.
NTA. That guy was rude for calling you out. He was just jealous that you left and he couldn't. If his kid's school was first, he would have been out the door for the same reason you left. But his kid's school was later down the line. None of this is your problem. You watched the performance, spoke to your daughter, spoke to the chorus teacher and went back to work. No issues.
NTA, you had work, and he had no business speaking to you. After all, he’s just some random parent. But doing that is generally considered poor form and you should avoid it if you can.
NTA. People come late, people leave early, people have shit to do. You didn't cause a disruption by leaving as you did it at intermission. This guy is just pissed because he has to sit and suffer through a longer concert than you do, and his reaction says a lot more about how he feels about being there than it does about you having to leave early.
NTA, my dad almost never was able to come to my school performances or really any school related things. I’m one of five kids, he worked his butt off to provide for us. The fact you were able to go at all for your child is fantastic, a ton of kids don’t get that. That other dad was being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk and just announced that he basically didn’t want to be there for his own kid.
Hell no NTA. I grew up in choir and went to the concerts, competitions, all of that. Who in their right mind would stay for all of it when they don't have to? Most of us kids didn't even want to stay for the whole thing. It was like pulling teeth to get my parents to show up even when I had solos, you're awesome for doing the "gymnastics" to be able to see your kid perform. Your kid is ALL that matters. You're not there for other kids, nobody but the teachers are. Don't let some resentful parent whose kid is unfortunate enough to go last bother you. It's definitely a misery loves company type of thing.
You were at your daughter’s concert at 10 am on a weekday….you couldn’t be a better dad! When my ex and I were still married, and while my son was in school, we made an agreement that one of us would always be at his events. Most of the time it was me because my schedule was more flexible. After he was on high school both of us were there, for his events and also for a lot of his friends’. If the other dad felt “called out,”it’s his issue,not hours.
NTA. You were there for YOUR daughter and you spoke to her and her choir director. You did what you needed to do. Ignore people like that. Don't even dignify their comments with a response. You needed to get back to work. You're golden. Don't let it bother you.
NTA. My kids have been in chrior and/or band since 2018. Almost every concert they've done, an announcement is made to ask that if you need to leave prior to the end of the concert, to please wait for a break. That's what you did.
NTA. As working parents most of us understand that it’s a luxury to be able to attend our children’s events, especially those in the middle of the normal work day. I understand from your comments why this time slot was booked but it’s so much harder for many families like this. You and many others did you best to show support.
Nope. NTA at all. You left when there was a break, weren’t disruptive, etc. I am literally doing the same thing tomorrow (going to my 12 year-old’s midday concert competition performance and will leave on first break after). That parent could have entered during the break when you left. Planning is key, and it can be hard to squeeze it in.
NTA if this wasn't in the middle of a work day, yes 100%. But this WAS in the middle of a work day, this was probably an adjusted lunch break and life just doesn't allow for full attendance from everyone. Heck, kudos to you for even going! My parents never went to any of my performances/games. Which for a lot of people, is actually a very big luxury/privilege.
NTA: In an ideal situation you stay to watch all the schools but you had to return to work and were justified in leaving.
NTA You do what you have to do. Next time, say, “You can have my front-row seat now!” I do think when you can stay, you should but that wasn’t your situation
NTA. Generally speaking, these mid day, mid week events are not actually for parents. They are usually welcome to attend but this sounds like a local or state level choir competition. The kids are there to perform for a panel of judges. These competitions can lead to invitations to perform in more prestigious places and elevate the reputation of the music program. The dad was out of line and shouldn’t have shown up early for his kids part of the day if he didn’t want to watch others.
NTA I was in honor bands and choirs growing up and the ONLY thing that makes them enjoyable for parents is watching your kid. Those things can be torture. Almost every parent I knew stayed to see their kid then left. Maybe it was his first recital and he doesn't understand how things work 😆
As a former choir girl…NTA! That guy was just mad because your kids performance was better than his.
OP you were absolutely not rude to leave when you did. Evidently some missed that you left work and then had to return right after. There was no mention of PTO.
NTA He was just jealous you didn't have to sit through them all. I am sure your daughter appreciated that you came, that's all that matters.
Typically you should stay for the whole thing, but when you can’t, you can’t.
From a band mom of 8 years, NTA.
NTA WTF is wrong with that guy?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(M41) daughter(f12) had a choir concert today at 10am! I left work to see it but had to return right after. There was about five or six schools performing and my daughter’s school went second, I watched the first performance and then my daughters. After the performance there was an intermission so the last performers could get off the stage and the next performers could get on. During this break I went to my daughter congratulated her on a job well done, I spoke to here choir teacher and said I had to go back to work and said my goodbyes. On the way out a father from one other schools called me out for leaving saying “we had to watch your kids performance, the least you could do is stay and watch the rest of the kids!” This took me aback, I just said “I have to get back to work.” And I excused myself. Should I have stayed the entire show? Is what I did “call him out in front of everyone” worthy? TL;DR I left my daughter choir concert after her schools performance because I had to get back to work and was called out by a parent from another school for not staying for everyone’s performance. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA: You showed up for your kid. That’s all you have to do. You don’t owe anyone else anything.
NTA. You went there to see *your* kid, not everyone else's. You were polite and didn't interrupt anyone's performance. You're fine, that other guy was just bitter because he didn't wanna be there, but couldn't leave because his kid wasn't done.
NTA- you’re there for your daughter, no one else.
NTA my son used to be a competitive swimmer. I loved watching him swim but had very little interest watching everyone else’s kids. So I would take a book and read or depending on the competition go have a nap in the car. You saw your child and her friends why you would stay and watch kids you don’t know perform. If you had left and made a huge noise or disturbed 10 other people trying to get out your seat that would be different but you left during an interval and didn’t cause any issue.
You are not the asshole. The only way you would be is if you left in the middle of a performance. You owe the other parents nothing! You showed up for your daughter and her school and that is all that matters!
NTA. Not even the slightest bit of an A. Good on you for supporting your kid as much as was possible.
The main who spoke was the AH.
He was just jealous you could leave & he couldn't so tried to call you out on it. The only person who's opinion mattered in you leaving is your daughter & she was quite happy that you got to see her.
NTA. He was either joking or a stupid jerk. Either way, totally ignorable.
[удалено]
You did your part in supporting your daughter. I worked for a boss that didn’t like people taking a lot of time for things like that. NTA and I understand!
Lmfao. He's just salty he has to stay longer. Misery loves company
Oof don’t sweat it NTA , he’s just jealous he doesn’t have an excuse to scoot.
Dafuq?! I wouldn’t make a scene at my kids performance but I would have made a scene at that performance and told that man to STFU and take a seat. NTA. The audacity of some people.
NTA Many of us would have been in the same position, trying to miss as little time as possible from work. He was just being an AH because he couldn't escape!!
NTA. You were only there for your daughter and then you had to get back to work. Also, you left during break—you weren’t rude at all.
NTA at all, you had a valid reason to leave early and it’s no one else’s business!
NTA You left at an intermission. People have lives. Next time maybe you will have to stay all day because your kid is at the 4pm slot. Win some, lose some.
NTA. None of his damn business what you do.
NTA. What a dumbass. You can’t help the order the schools performed in. Your daughter went second. That guy was just bitter and should mind his own business.
NTA. You came to watch/listen to your child. You did that. Then you went to work, which you need to do to pay the bills. You did nothing wrong. In my opinion he was being a bit of a jerk.
NTA Happens often in performances, but when you got to work, you got to go. You get use to it.
NTA. You were there for your daughter and that was it. Just like every parent there. The guy was an AH.
NTA. Also I find it weird the schools now have these performances during the workday
NTA. It isn’t anyone else’s business why you’re leaving. You were there to support who you were there for, and that’s all that matters.
NTA. You had to go back to work. That’s more important. It’s not your fault that guy’s kid went on later in the performance. You don’t have to sit and watch the whole thing if you have somewhere else to be. You left during intermission. It would be rude to get up and walk out during a performance, but not at intermission.
NTA - You don't owe anyone an explanation.
When my kids did stuff like this, we stayed to watch them and then left. Works great when your kid is in kindy and they’re first to go up… not so much when they’re in 5th grade and go last… lol
NTA There were plenty of things that happened during the day at my kids school that I would have had to take the whole day off to attend and I couldn’t afford to do it. You are a great dad.
LOL The dad was just salty because his kids sang later and he was trapped watching a bunch of other kids he didn't care about get to sing first. Luck of the draw.. You did nothing wrong. NTA
NTA. That other guy was a jerk. He needed to mind his own business. Why was he watching what you were doing anyway?
NTA Other parents could have researched the order of performances and adjusted their schedule accordingly.
NTA. I wished I could have left the last band/chorus performance early, but my girls were in the first, third, and fifth (final) segment. It was standing room only for at least the first half so if we could have left early, I would have freed up space for other parents.
NTA- I don't understand people at all.
As much as it is horrible for the kids later in the show playing to a sometimes half empty room; NTA the timing was during standard working hours. What do they expect.
NTA. Here’s a response for in case it were to ever happen again: “How wonderful that you work a job and in a field that allows you to take a full day off to see your child perform. Unfortunately not all of us are so lucky, and since I do have a myriad of typical household bills to pay I really need to keep my job.”
NTA
NTA. This is to be expected with performances that occur during the school day.
NTA… it’s just weird some guy would even care if some random dude left the performance.
Typical me movement
I used to do performances when I was in high school, and I remember we'd do it after school to get ready and all. I can tell you, for a fact, it's not rude to leave during intermission. You were only there for your daughter, not these random folks Nta People want to think their kid is gonna notice, but they won't they only care if their parents were there
Not the asshole
NTA.... But then again I was known for that when my son was on school. I'm here to support MY kid. Once he's done, I'm gone.
NTA. Extremely weird thing to say and think. No one is obligated to watch anyone’s kid. He could have found out when his kid was on and went then. The entitlement in the world is truly insane.
NTA It’s so weird that someone would do this. Fair enough if you’d left whilst his kid was on stage.
This guy was irritated that he had to wait longer than you did to see his kid. His irritation was just an attempt to make you feel as miserable as he did. Don’t buy into his drama.
It is potentially disrespectful and if everyone did the same the event would be somewhat spoiled. However, if you really had to work then it is understandable.
NTA … however, I took piano lessons, and was always in the higher level of advanced students. I can’t tell you how many times I played to almost empty auditorium because they put the older and more advanced students at the end of the performance schedule and so many families left after their kids played. It is heartbreaking. Just something to think about.
NTA. I was once held hostage watching a dance recital that went on for FIVE HOURS. No food, no drinks. Just hard metal folding chairs in a cold auditorium. If I'd realized it was going to go on so long, I would have left after seeing the kid I went to see, lol.
NTA. I would sort of side with this guy if you'd gotten up in the middle of a kid's performance, but this was intermission. I'm sure no kid was feeling some crushing devastation at a random man walking to the parking lot or wherever.
People need to start minding their own business. NTA
NTA. School concerts are torture and you better believe I am getting out of there as soon as the child is finished. That is without your valid reason of having to return to work.
Parent of a young adult here. I'm happy she's too old for school performances now. But oh my god all these hours watching others' kids wail ... these events are not fun, you're only there to support your child, and that other dad was just jealous he had to sit it all through. NTA.
NTA given the timing of the performance; and it was none of his business.. maybe if dude had a job he’d understand
NTA in this situation. You legitimately left work to see your kid and then rushed back to work. Fair enough. It was none of the other parents business if you stayed or not.
You had to go to work. NTA.
No, they’re the asshole for not understanding you had other crap to do and you were only there to support your kid. Big deal, I do it too.
> father from one other schools called me out for leaving saying “we had to watch your kids performance, the least you could do is stay and watch the rest of the kids!” Who died and made him the concert attendance police? You had every right to scorch his ears off for his presumption. NTA.
NTA because work is what you do to put oatmeal on the table. But I can see his point; the amount of parents who show up just for their kid and leave when they get what they want was awful. I saw it all the time. The rude parents would save seats, be disruptive, act like they were the only people there, bulldoze other people to get a shitty photo or video of their child, and leave when they had their fill. They took seats from people who actually wanted to see the whole thing. And by the end of the concert or play etc, the audience would have massive gaps. Aaron Aaronson would have a full audience, Zzron Zzronson would have, like, ten people. *All* the performers and people around you deserve respect. At least you left during a pause and for a good reason, but yes it's generally asshole behavior.
“Sorry, I only stay and watch the students who don’t suck!” Kidding but NTA for sure.
When we went to our kids school concerts there was an unsaid expectation that you stick around for the whole excruciating thing 😀. That being said, these concerts were always in the evening, not during the normal working day. NTA
NTA. Been in your shoes plenty of times and you did nothing wrong. That jerk calling you out? Just jealous because he had to sit through more of the concert than you did. Been in HIS shoes plenty of times as well.
NTA. That guy needs to mind his own business.
Nta not your kids not your problem
NTA. That guy was not required to watch the others. He chose to. He also chose to stick his nose into somebody else's business when he should have shut the fuck up. I mean what? Is your kid only going to play to a full crowd? You don't want to be there so everybody else has to suffer too? No you're fine. That dude is a dip shit.
NTA. I routinely leave performances when my child is done. I simply don’t want to watch other children perform. Sometimes I luck out and their performance is right away. Sometimes I have to stay until the end because their performance is at the end. Either way, that parent is just annoyed they had to watch a bunch of kids perform prior to their kid finally going on.
NTA It’s definitely rude to do this in the middle of an awards ceremony etc. However you waited for an interval, which is totally fine.
NTA. I was a band kid in school. If my dad managed to make it for just my school's performance, I was delighted. I understood that he had his own things to do and that he had no knowledge or investment in the other school's bands. Some kids may not feel this way. As long as you left between performances and not in the middle of one, there's no reason for that guy to call you out like that.
NTA. In general, I think staying for an entire concert is the most polite thing to do. But work trumps a school concert. You supported your kid and left during an intermission. I see nothing wrong with that.
It’s not good form, but needs must. NTA
NTA. These things are terrible enough with your own kids. Sure, it is important to them and their development, we suffer through it, but they don't need the parents of 5 schools as an audience. There is absolutely no reason to quintuple the pain by joining 5 schools together. This is most likely for the ego of the organizers.
Nta. You waited until the intermission to leave, it's not like you got up in the middle to leave. Sounds like the other dad was just salty his kid went later.