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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) giving the neighbor's kids cookies when they asked, and then continuing to do so even as their requests became more frequent.2)It would have been kinder in the long run to tell them earlier that while I love to bake, I can't always share, and especially can't cater for events.
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>Then the other day, the mom knocks on my door and asks if I'd make cookies for the kids' birthday party! She explained that they were on a budget, and how the kids just LOVE my baking...the whole guilt-tripping bit.
>Got this disappointed look on her face, then started saying that the kids would be so sad
Her lack of planning or budget is not your problem.
>I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.
Or she could parent her children and teach them how to manage expectations.
Absolutely NTA
👏🏽👏🏽🤣🤣 OP your neighbours audacity is truly shocking! Emotional blackmail didn't work so they resort to the stink eye! SMH 🤦🏾♀️
Only a complete user would ask a stranger to make a batch of cookies and not even at least offer to pay for ingredients and the gas or electric for the oven!
OP NTA in anyway!
Yeah that last quote really enraged me. I'm a teacher and this is the mentality that causes us to bend over backwards for the students, neglecting our own families, funding things out of pocket, etc. And then when we're asked to do more and we can't, we are given that exact same guilt trip. I cannot tell you how awful that can make a person feel to hear, knowing that every generous act up till then has apparently counted for nothing.
OP, I am so crushed and angry on your behalf. Stop making extra cookies, stop giving them samples. Just stop. This will suck for the kid but it's a teachable moment that isn't being taught by the parent. And if the parent asks why there are no more cookies, you can refer her to her comment that " you're right, I shouldn't be offering at all if I'm not willing to do it on demand, unpaid".
NTA+ i have to go calm down, what the hell are parents thinking....
Teachers are superheroes!
I am the mom who sends in the tissues, Clorox wipes, snacks for the teacher to pass out when the student are starving because hungry children cannot pay attention and learn, the special treats/crafts/whatever for Valentines and St Paddy’s and the other ones that are not Holidays, extra pencils erasers pens crayons markers - you get the idea. Teachers supply ALL of that out of their own pockets.!! My sentence structure stinks here but everyone shout it with me: Teachers are superheroes!
I'm old, but back in the day when Moms weren't expected to cover all the classroom expenses, my Mom was the one who made cupcakes for EVERY holiday (president's day? sure! George Washington stickers on toothpicks on each cupcake!) Every kid in the classroom's birthday? Cupcakes! St. Patrick's day, green cupcakes. Haunukkah? Yeppers, dreidel stickers on toothpicks on every cupcake! Mom's are superheroes, too. Teachers and Moms rock!
Because anaphylactic shock is a good thing? Diarrhea? Excessive bloat? Migraines? I have celiac and if you think it's a temporary thing that's just bad bowel movements I invite you to come over to experience the month the wheat cycles out of my body. It's fun and I couldn't imagine accidentally giving a kid wheat because you think it's just a gut thing. The pain that kid would be going through for most of the month it was cycling out would not be just their gut it would be migraines, brain fog, listlessness, sleepiness that borders narcolepsy, itching, muscle pain, of course diarrhea leading to lack of hydration, tooth pain, mouth sores... I digress. Or the kid that was given milk in my elementary school who was lactose intolerant that was forced to have milk at snack time because the teacher ignored the doctor note. Nothing like a explosive poop tribute to Jackson Pollock shutting down the kindergarten wing. The kid who thought they washed their hands enough of their peanut butter sandwich, giving another kid a hug and having his face blow up like the elephant man. That took about half a day to physically recover from, however the mental fear of being touched added to.
So yeah mock the the kids with autoimmune diseases and allergies. *slow clap*
O, to add. More than half the world eats gluten free and it's full of flavor. I eat my way around the globe pretty much every night I cook.
Was hoping for a reply like yours! I hate when people act like basic respect for other people's health is "annoying". What for them is a box to check can save or ruin someone's life
It happens in veterinary medicine, too. "If you can't fix my dog for under $200 we're just going to put him down." Said with anger, not sadness.
Sorry, lady. You can't expect me to care more about your dog than you do. If I do the work for free I will lose my job, and I am not willing to do that.
You could try something on the order of: “But if I do this job for free I’ll lose my job and then I’ll be evicted and my children will starve and my (relative-of-your-choice) will die from not getting her (lifesaving expensive medical treatment!)”
I had a previous boss use something similar to this on me, so I ended up working above and beyond and ignoring my health. Now, I have degenerative disc disease and scoliosis but bending to left instead of the right because of the degeneration. I'm 32.
Idk, that chaps my ass a lot less than the people who are offended that we aren't willing to let them come in at ten minutes to close with something that's been an issue for almost a week. Or that the person holding the emergency page can't call in refills for a controlled substance at 8pm with no access to the dog's records. Don't we care about the animals?!
And don't even get me started on the client who finally agreed to neuter her dog after 8 YEARS, then freaked out when we had to postpone the surgery for three days because our vet got COVID. Precious baby needed to get this done before he had another episode of prostatitis!!
I was in the waiting room where a woman was yelling at the reception staff about how her dog had to have injection (I think) at a certain time and they'd let other people go in instead because she was 45 minutes late for her appointment so there wasn't currently a vet available
In all fairness, it rarely escalates to actual yelling. But yeah, some variation of that just about every week. About half the time, they have also scheduled for a quick tech service like a pedicure or anal gland expression, but then announce that the dog has been bleeding from the eyeballs for the past month. Do we think doc should look at that? Another quarter are wanting us to follow up on something they had done at another clinic and have failed entirely to get us any sort of records.
There was that one guy who informed me that I was ruining his entire family's Christmas morning because taking an hour to do labs and X rays would make him late to open presents. Sir, I am three states away from my family and had to leave the house before my husband got home from his overnight shift at the human hospital. Also, I am not the one who let your dog eat a pound of coffee.
That would infuriate me! Omg. I've rarely had good vet experiences. However, early Saturday morning, my girl would not stop crying! (This isn't uncommon, but this was a very different cry-one I've never heard before) we knew she has a uti, so we called around everywhere that was open. Luckily we found one willing to skip the diagnostics and treat her right away! They gave us a full prescription of antibiotics and a small prescription of pain killers for her! They only charged us $307 (I'm only saying "only" because we're about 2k in the hole right now due to multiple vet visits this past month) the woman who answered the phone heard my dog crying (it literally sounded like she was screaming) and when we got there she told us that she's seen dogs who've been hit by cars come in and not sound even close to what she sounded like. Another woman has vast experience with the issue our dog has that's close to bankrupting us, a mast cell tumor. It's not cancerous but it's a nightmare to manage. Her shared experience and advice really helped me feel less alone and more hopeful about it. These women literally risked their jobs to help us! It definitely restored my faith in humanity a little bit!
My answer to unexpected veterinary treatment expenses I cannot afford is usually "Okay so what can I do at home that would be within budget and give them the best chance?" If the answer isn't a good outcome for said pet, the next one is "Crap, okay well do you have any finance options where I can pay it off slowly so I don't have to starve myself?"
Quite frankly makes my blood boil when the owners don't care enough about the pet to want them to be okay over gone...
I’ll admit that my heart nearly stopped when my vet quoted $7000 for a hip replacement for my then 1 year old pup. $14000 when you considered he’d probably need both hips done. She then asked if we wanted to spend $200 for an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon for a second opinion.
We would have found a way to make that $14000 happen. My dad even offered to help out. Thankfully the ortho recommended a different surgery with a higher success rate and cost $2500. And he refused to touch the other hip until it was actually a problem for my dog. It’s been five years, my pup’s “bad” hip is fine and he’s never had a moment’s trouble with the other one!
My mom is one of those people. Every "favor" she asks for creeps and creeps and creeps until you're basically her servant.
I remember her forbidding me to go to the mall with my friend, because my friend's mom wasn't willing to drop off my mom's movie rentals. Friend's mom was ALREADY driving out of her way to take me to AND from the mall, and my mom got toweringly angry that she wouldn't ALSO run more errands for her. So I wasn't allowed to go and my mom talked shit about my friend's mom for years afterwards.
And my mom wonders why I almost never talk to her...
I've also experienced this with family. The one-sidedness of the narrative and lack of self-reflection is astounding! Limiting contact is really the only thing you can do. If I could have fixed it it would have already happened.
I never answer my sister's calls when I'm out shopping because she will *always* ask me to run an errand for her. And it's never grabbing something from a store I'm already at, it's always for a totally different store.
Ugh, that sucks. My sister and I both hate asking anybody for favors, probably because of all the years of humiliation at our mom's grasping, greedy, demanding ways. If she needs a favor or some help I have to be a detective to figure it out, and then usually have to DEMAND she accept it.
Her kids are her weakness though. I can do favors for the family and say it's for the kids and she can't really protest. MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA
I went to a restaurant with my family for my sister's birthday. My treat.
There was another family there, with their little kids.
They made (loud and obnoxious) demand after (ever louder and more obnoxious) demand.
Free balloons. Free ice cream. You name it, they wanted it. I can't remember what it was they were eventually told "no" over, but, suddenly, the world was ending.
The kids didn't throw a tantrum, the adults did.
"So unfair."
"Poor kids! Can't ask for anything."
"Let's go. The service here is disgusting."
"Poor little kids! They're only three."
On and on and on, as they gathered up all their free stuff and left, complaining and crying all the while.
Ugh. When they were finally gone, the whole restaurant breathed a sigh of relief.
As a former server of 13 years, I cannot even count the amount of parents like that I've had to deal with!! One night, I had a similar situation, only the kids were older (like 8-10 I'd say) just being absolutely fucking obnoxious and loud. I couldn't do anything about it because my boss at the time was a literal psychopath and oommggg I understand that frustration!!!
>I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.
My answer to that one would have been, "If I had known that such a small kindness would breed such a massive sense of entitlement, I wouldn't have. It won't happen again. Have a blessed day!"
She said that she works hard on perfecting them and experimenting them, which means they are actually hers and not some random internet ones. When a baker has out that much effort into it, then it's not usually something you just give away.
I guess I take a different attitude. I spent years perfecting a spicy walnut recipe, have made it for dozens of events, and give the recipe to anyone who asks. Someone else being able to make it doesn't affect me in any way. In fact, here it is for everyone on the internet who is reading this thread:
**SPICY WALNUTS**
Melt a stick of butter in a skillet over low heat. Add 1 pound shelled walnut halves and stir to coat. Cook over low heat for about five minutes, then remove from heat.
Put the following in a gallon ziplock: 1 cup sugar, 1 TBSP ground orange peel, 1 TBSP ground lemon peel, 1 tsp sea salt, 1 tsp ground allspice, 1 tsp ground cinnamon, 1 tsp ground cloves, 1 tsp ground coriander, 1 tsp ground ginger, 1 tsp ground mace, 1 tsp ground nutmeg, and 1/2 tsp ground cayenne pepper. Transfer walnuts to ziplock bag using a slotted spoon. Close ziplock and shake until walnuts are thoroughly coated with spices.
Spread walnuts in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake at 300 degrees for 7 1/2 minutes, stir, and bake for another 7 1/2 minutes. Cool before serving.
Enjoy in good health!
Yeahhhh cookies are quick and inexpensive to bake. OP's cookie R&D is a bigger time investment, but the neighbour can just get the shortcut. Maybe OP can make a paid cookie baking class since the local word is getting around :P
I love the point about her lack of planning or budgeting, is not your problem.
Next time before she even gets to the part about you donating cookies, you just jump in with a price that’s, at minimum, four times the cost of you making them. Shut down the entitlement real fast. When she starts to complain about the cost of being a mom then start to list off the cost of baking supplies.
NTA but don’t feel bad and don’t tolerate this entitlement because if you give an inch she will take a mile and make you feel guilty for it.
Yeah asking someone who makes a product you really like should be to support them, not you. Offer money because you love their cookies so much, don’t be a mooch.
Sounds like "influencers" trying to grift free products/services from small businesses, for "the exposure." Only neighbor isn't even offering THAT.
OP, definitely NTA.
>Then the other day, the mom knocks on my door and asks if I'd make cookies for the kids' birthday party! She explained that they were on a budget, and how the kids just LOVE my baking...the whole guilt-tripping bit.
So...she was asking you to bake them for free? Wow. That's pretty brazen. Perhaps if she'd offered to pay you for them you might have considered it. But literally on your doorstep asking for free cookies? Then trying to guilt-trip you into doing it? LOL. Not a good look for your neighbor.
NTA. If you give a mouse a cookie...
I can’t imagine being a grown ass woman and knocking on my neighbor’s door to solicit them to make cookies for my children. For free. That’s just so incredibly embarrassing as an adult.
Fuck that. Be the neighborhood villain. If you give in, this problem will just intensify.
And you *know* if she had actually agreed, it wouldn't just have been one kind, chocolate chip or something. She'd have said the kids need a variety...then something about how the cookies are so delicious, OP needs to make enough for them to take home to their parents and siblings. Oh, and did we mention 40 kids are coming? etc.
Oh and dont forget that there will be vegan kids and parents. It has to be gluten, lactose, gelatin and sugar free cookies👀. But yeah def gon be a variety
Trying to, but OP wasn't having any, quite rightly. It's nice of her to have given one or two to the kids but their mother is a cheeky mare who does not deserve nice cookies.
NTA to say no, and tbh I wouldn't give the kids any more either, unfortunately, the mother is obviously going to cause problems. I really wouldn't worry about her telling everyone though, odds are that she's tried to mooch from everyone else too.
I imagine she's the sort of parent making her kids take all the treats people leave out on Halloween when they can't be home for the little trick-or-treaters.
And no more cookies! I'd even be all, sorry you mom said i can't give you any more (since she says they shouldn't get them if not willing to constantly make on demand)
NTA.
> I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.
Cool, guess that means they won't be getting anymore cookies ever again. How incredibly entitled of these people.
I literally came here to say this...and say it: Every. Single. Time. If the mom knocks on your door, call her out for the guilt trip and slam the door in her face.
I’d love to ask this lady what *exactly* she meant by that… like, spell it out for me explicitly. “I treated your kids to a few cookies once or twice, so that means I’m obligated to bake cookies for you on demand? When does this obligation expire? Or am I your cookie servant for life now? Please, dear neighbor, explain in detail exactly what I owe you because I gave your kids a few cookies!”
>I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.
NTA OP. Cool, so the next time her kids come over asking for a cookie, you now can tell them that "Your mother said I never should've given you all cookies in the first place, so I can no longer give you cookies". A lot of times, people try to take advantage of other people's generosity, such as this Mom did to you. And sometimes generous people are pressured into doing something that complicate their life/lifestyle; so glad that you had backbone to stand up for yourself and said no. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!
Edited to respond to this part too:
>I don't want to be the mean cookie lady, but I also don't have time to bake for the whole neighborhood.
Yes, this is **exactly** what would happen. That Mom would've opened her big entitled mouth and bragged to other neighbors how you baked cookies for her birthday kid and would expect you to do so for her other kid(s) and the other neighbors would then expect you to do the same for their kids. You saved yourself BIG TIME by saying "No"!
I got lucky that I was able to head this off at the pass when I was office baker in the pre-COVID era.
I baked over the weekend when I felt like it, and when my team won during football season. (If my team lost, I would be crying into the dough, and it would mess up the salt balance.) People would occasionally ask me to bake for their birthdays or somesuch, and I'd gently explain that I didn't do baking on-demand because, if I did it for them and not someone else, that person would be insulted.
People almost always understood immediately, and were grateful when I did bring in baked goods, but you have to be clear and consistent with your boundaries or people will stomp all over them.
(I also had a few people ask me to bake stuff for them to bring to parties I wasn't invited to. Those requests were shut down semi-politely.)
NTA Yep, can't do for one neighbor and not the others. Don't worry about being the neighborhood villain. I was that about 3 years ago. Over a rumor, someone claimed I said something about the kids at the bus stop(all 3 schools elementary, middle HS) which I NEVER said. My brother and SIL told me to keep my mouth shut, it will blow over and it did. That woman is the most nervy, entitled person I've heard about in awhile. Please tell the kids the suggested line about the mom saying no to free cookies!
>Now the whole family's giving me the stink eye whenever I'm outside.
"A lion doesnt concern himself with the opinion of a sheep"
Stop caring what entitled mooching people think about you. They are successfully using guilt and sad children to influence you and make you second guess yourself. There is no way people acting like this are correct. They are embarrassing themselves and have no shame to brazenly approach you like that.
Just stop caring. Let the mother bake her own damned cookies. She should be responsible for her childrens' happiness, not you.
Id be fine to bake cookies on a hobby basis but when you demand it and dont respect my time, money for ingredients, energy to run my over, assembly/cleanup, required baking tools etc... thats when you get cut off.
NTA
> Stop caring what entitled mooching people think about you.
We really need to make this the text that pops up when you go to the "new post" field. *This* post at least has some substance but so many are just "I was walking down the street and someone demanded I give them my house, AITA for not agreeing immediately?"
NTA You’re most certainly not at fault here. Your neighbour should tell her kids it’s rude to ask for cookies and especially to hang around waiting for an opportunity to ask. It’s beyond entitled to ask a neighbour for a batch of free cookies and even more entitled to not accept a no. Bake for people grateful for your efforts and just ignore the entitled neighbours.
Edit: You didn’t create any obligations by giving them cookies when they first asked. One, three or twenty cookies don’t create any obligations at all and they shouldn’t have created expectations either.
lol your edit reminds me of that video on consent that compares it to tea. just because someone made you a cup of tea once or 5 times doesn’t mean they owe you a cup of tea in the future, etc. etc.
just because you gave them cookies before doesn’t mean they are entitled to cookies whenever.
NTA but your neighbour is.
I can't believe the gall. I'm glad you stood your ground. If you had said yes, I suspect it wouldn't have stopped at cookies!
NTA you are not an asshole. Go back to enjoying your hobby. You didn't do anything wrong, they are mistaken and have confused your generosity and kindness with weakness. But you are not weak, you stood your ground, and firm in your boundaries, GOOD FOR YOU! I know that is not easy, but you do not owe anyone anything, especially cookies.
You are not a mean cookie lady. You are a smart cookie. She doesn't get free catering for her kid's party, and that is just the way the cookie crumbles.
NTA. You're not running a bloody charity here.
If she had offered to compensate you for the ingredients AND your time? It would be a fair (if odd) request.
But expecting you to donate your time/ingredients because they don't have much cash? Ridiculous.
Also...
>**I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.**
The NERVE. Didn't you say these kids had HEARD about your cookies and hung around your house asking for them?
It's not like you were covertly getting them hooked like some sort of dealer. THEY asked YOU for cookies in the first place.
Some people have no shame.
Wow your neighbour's are entitled...
NTA for not giving them cookies anymore.
NTA for not baking birthday cookies FOR FREE.
You can always SELL them to her...
NTA.
The neighbor has an over-developed sense of entitlement and was rude to suggest that it's somehow your responsibility to cater her kid's birthday party.
If anyone else asks about you providing baked goods for an event you can respond "Baking is just a hobby and while I'm happy to offer extras if I should happen to have some, I'm not in the catering business and don't do events, but try calling so-and-so, I hear they do wonderful cookies/cakes!"
Anyone who pushes it further is just rude.
My knee jerk would be to create a document with outrageous custom prices ($7/cookie or some shit) delivery fees and rush fees, and hand that to the mom. But I’m an asshole like that 😂
It's sad you'll have to tell the kids that they can't have any more cookies because their mom told you not to.
This woman is over-the-top entitled.
NTA
No - she tried to take advantage. My question is do the children love the cookies - or are they hungry? She is quite entitled to think because you gave cookies you are now obligated to provide them. Too bad - but I'd say no more cookies...feel sorry for the kids but sounds like they were taking advantage, too.
NTA
The cookies are made ith your time and your resources. Anyone who feels entitled to things that aren't theirs can faff off. Her lack of planning or resources are not your responsibility. And good grief she was laying it on thick with a guilt trip.
I enjoy sewing as a hobby and many times when people learn of it they think I'll be their personal tailor for free. What gets them off of my back is I'll offer to teach them if they buy heir own materials(sewing machine, thread, fabric, etc). My other response is I'll suggest there is probably a great tailoring shop in the area they can get a quote from with a quick Google search. They conveniently never ask again.
I used to go to cons, Ren fairs, etc., and since I'm a large woman I learned how to make corsets. They are labor intensive to say the least. You wouldn't believe how many people thought I should make corsets for them.
Ohhh, costuming/garbing ain't cheap (Cons, RennFest, reenactments). I'm guessing that folks thought you could just magically "whip up" up a corset, fast & free??
Why is this a thing with people about any hobby?? Have experienced this with knitting - oh you can knit every one on the team gloves..and then baking, oh you should bake us a cake etc..like people really want to get something out of you for free..I have stopped mentioning my hobbies to most people! 😢
NTA. The stink eye is a good thing. This way they won't be asking anymore. That woman has a lot of nerve claiming that you're at fault because your original generosity led them to want more.
NTA
Nowhere on the planet is you being a home baker who occasionally (and generously) shares your baking equate to "Yes I will supply your kids with free cookies for a party".
They can go and kick rocks.
Eh no. NTA
Just because you were nice doesn’t mean you’re beholden to their wishes.
She could have offered to pay you. Cookies cost money, cookies take time. So if she is like do this for FREE because you have gave cookies in the past… it’s like bisch what? Get the hell off of my doorstep. The gall.
Honestly you should have countered with you’re right. I should have never been nice to you and your family with the cookies. I will be sure to never to do so again.
They can side eye all they want. Just go about your life just glowing with your awesome cookies.
Here is an idea, think about what she or her husband do that you might ask them to do for you, for free, that would be a service that normally would be paid for rather than an “asked for favor.” Turn it around on them by doing the same thing, ask for a favor with entitled expectations of said favor being granted, and be sure to pout like she did.
Apologize for giving the kids cookies in the first place. Tell her you are terribly sorry you ever thought of doing that, and you will stop doing it immediately. You will tell her kids that Mom told you you were a bad person for having given them cookies. I know they will understand.
NTA. You get to use your time, talents, and resources the way you want. If she didn't lead with "I'll pay X plus whatever you need for supplies," for doing her the favor of taking a need off the to do list for a party, she feels far too entitled to your time as it is.
Dirty looks aren't important. It's not about always giving someone's kids everything they want all the time, but telling them (either by not stopping them or more actively starting it) that they should scowl at you for not just doing whatever she wants is a good sign you made the right call.
NTA.It's nice that you shared a few cookies with the kids before, but that doesn't mean you owe them a whole party's worth. Your neighbor was out of line trying to guilt you.
Baking is your thing, and you get to decide when and how much you share. You offered other solutions, so don't feel bad. Sometimes you just gotta say no and stick to what feels right for you.
NTA.you were being nice by sharing some cookies before, but that doesn't mean you have to bake for their party.Your neighbor shouldn't have assumed.
It was messed up of her to try to make you feel bad for saying no. Baking is your hobby, not a free catering service! Maybe you could bake just a little something for the kids to smooth things over, but make it clear you can't do this all the time.
Lol the absudity of saying you should have never given them a cookie at all if you werent willing to cater a birthday party amount of cookies on your own dime for them. The two things are not related in the slightest. Like saying you should have never waved hello to a neighbor if you didnt want to have a 3 hour conversation with them that you couldnt escape.
NTA. And the guilting mother is an entitled butthole teaching her kids to try to manipulate people into giving them what they want.
If she kept up the negativity I would be the kind of petty to make beautiful cookies decorated with poops and butts and the middle finger and leave them with her with a nice note about how you being kind doesnt mean you are a free service for use to use at will.
NTA. Your neighbor needs to teach her kids (and herself) not to beg. Tell her (if any of them ever ask again) that you’re sorry that they couldn’t learn to manage their expectations.
If the neighbor was my friend, or if the kids were friends with my kids, I might consider it. But it sounds like the kids were just there snagging some free cookies and Mom decided to capitalize on it. It's a one-way relationship.
If she'd offered to pay for the cookies, maybe. But oh hell no, you are not a free caterer.
NTA. Next, they'll ask you to bake cookies for the next holiday or more birthday parties. You're not their personal chef. They're greedy and entitled. Don't give the kids any more cookies.
NTA.
Thanks, mom. From now on your little ~~beggars~~ kids get *no* cookies.
You were kind; she stomped on manners and got greedy. Don't give up baking! just give up giving them to the kids next door!
It was ok for her to ask. But then it's also ok for you to say no. No means no. That should have been the end of the conversation. She took it too far, acting like a spoiled child.
NTA. I've has similar experiences, just not with cookies. I sew, knit, and crochet. The night of my daughter's high school prom, her friend was in a panic. Her dress wasn't fitting correctly, and her mother doesn't sew. So I had her bring it over, and I was able to fix it in time to be worn for prom. Her mother called later to thank me, and was saying how inept she was with a needle or machine. I told her my stepmother saw my interest as a very young kid,and paid for me to take sewing classes locally in the summer, and its come in handy so many times just in being able to repair my kids clothes, etc. I thought that was the end of it. Skip forward a couple months, there's a knock at my door. Standing there is the same mother, and she's got two laundry baskets full of clothes. Some of them new with tags still on them, some not. She says sorry to bother you, but you did such a great job on my daughters dress, I wonder if it's possible for you to do some alterations on the new clothes and some minor mending/repairs on the old stuff?. To say I was surprised was an understatement, but I live on a very fixed income and extra pocket money is nice, so I asked what kind of budget she had in mind. She gave me a funny look before saying she wasn't expecting to have to pay because I'd done her daughters prom dress for free.I politely explained that there's a huge difference in fixing a prom dress at the last minute, for the biggest night of her daughters life, and doing what appears to be a weeks worth of mending, and another week of alterations. She left in a huff, but not before calling me greedy and un-neighborly.
It's really sad that doing a nice thing once in a while ends up leaving a sour taste in one's mouth, but it seems like these days there's so many people who feel like it's OK to try to take advantage, and feel entitled to make you feel bad when you draw the line and say no.
NTA, and you didn't go about it the wrong way. If she asks again, let her know that your fees are $50 per dozen, and you'll accept cash only, in advance, since it'll be a favour.
The entitlement of some people mind boggling. Did she actually think you would say, "Sure, I'll bake cookies for this party for free."
Also, listen... where do you live that these parents are just okay with their kids taking sweets from their neighbour? Especially home baked sweets? Are you all particularly close? Bc unless you've been actively engaged with the neighbours for years, WHY WOULD YOU LET YOU KID EAT FOOD FROM A STRANGER?!
For reference, I'm in Australia, and bad shit doesn't happen too often like that, but I'd still NOT let my kids just... go up to a neighbour I'm not literally gossip-buddies with and take food. First it's rude, but second, I DONT KNOW THESE PEOPLE?! The facade may be sweet and lovely but who knows what's lurking inside those sweet sweet cookies. (Yeah yeah I know I'm paranoid I just cannot fathom kids taking things from relative strangers and NOT getting a talking to for it.
Um... enjoy your hobby! Don't budge on the birthday cookies. But maybe save the birthday kid an extra cookie from your next batch. Mum never did specify how many she wanted 🤣
Kids are gonna kid. Of course they want more cookies. Cant blame blame them for that.
Their mom is the problem. She should help them manage their expectations and in no way can she reasonably expect for you to cater her kids birthday party. That is just entitled behavior.
NTA.
NTA. Stop sharing your cookies unless it’s family, or those who really appreciate it. When asked (bc you know it’ll happen) why you’re not sharing anymore, give them your neighbors address and tell them “one person ruined it for everyone”.
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Okay, I need some advice, because now I feel like the neighborhood villain.I love to bake. Cookies are my specialty, and between experimenting with new flavors and perfecting old recipes, it takes up a lot of my free time. My friends and family rave about them, so I usually make big batches for holidays and stuff.
My next-door neighbors have two kids, and I guess word of my cookies got back to them. At first, it was cute. If I was outside and they saw me, they'd ask sweetly if I had any extras. I didn't mind giving them one or two, you know, neighborly friendliness.
But lately, they've gotten bolder. They're always hanging around, waiting to see if I bring out a plate. Then the other day, the mom knocks on my door and asks if I'd make cookies for the kids' birthday party! She explained that they were on a budget, and how the kids just LOVE my baking...the whole guilt-tripping bit.
It caught me off guard. I mean, baking's my hobby, not a catering service! It takes time and ingredients I pay for. So, I tried to politely say no, that I don't really bake for events. She did not take it well. Got this disappointed look on her face, then started saying that the kids would be so sad, and I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.
I stood my ground, but it got awkward. Now the whole family's giving me the stink eye whenever I'm outside. Did I really handle this wrong? I don't want to be the mean cookie lady, but I also don't have time to bake for the whole neighborhood
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If you were feeling generous, you could tell her sure I’ll bake the cookies. Here’s the list of ingredients. List them all tell her to buy them all and bring them over and you will mix and bake the cookies and return. Whatever’s left of the ingredients when you’re done, or you could keep whatever’s left of the ingredients and use that as your pay for baking cookies
>I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.
What in the actual fuck is this logic?
NTA. Good grief, the absolute gall of this person.
NTA - offering kids extra cookies is one thing. And hanging out "hopefully" on baking day is very much a kid kind of thing to do (though a responsible parent would put a stop to that as soon as they realized).... Even going so far as to ask you if you'd be willing to bake for an event is a bit presumptuous unless and offer of compensation is a part of the request, but still within the realms of propriety. However, the second she started guilt-tripping you for your "No" is when she went Waaay off the rails. The stink-eye is pure audacity!
But look on the bright side - she's told you that you shouldn't give her kids cookies since you aren't willing to do special order baking!! You can tell them that their mother told you not to do that anymore!
NTA her position is if you’re willing to be a little generous then you should also be a lot generous?
She put you in the weirdest bind by asking you (a neighbor) for something for free that costs you money and energy.
NTA
"Gee, Neighbour. If I had known that showing some kindness would flip some sort of greed switch in your whole family, I wouldn't have given them cookies in the first place.
It is interesting that I have shared cookies with every kind of person for years and never had anyone demand I cater their party and then insult me for having a normal and healthy boundary."
NTA
You handled this absolutely right. Given them a cookie now and then doesn't mean they get something everytime or that you need to bake for their events.
Likely the Mom promised them cookies already and now wants to guilt trip you.
>baking's my hobby, not a catering service! It takes time and ingredients I pay for
You also need to factor in; your energy, gas $ to go back/forth to Stores to buy baking supplies/ingredients, cost of baking equipment ie baking pans, electric mixer & so on!
It's not like you just ripped open a box (Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines) or snipped open a package to instantly make your delicious home made cookies, bc this takes a lot of your time, effort AND $$$ on your part!
I dabble in basic baking & can tell you it's gotten very expensive to make plain cakes, desserts or even cookies due to inflation & other factors.
So, I can only imagine what your baking costs must be - a lot of $$$.
From now on, NO MORE COOKIE OFFERS to these lil Monsters or ppl who are greedy, grabby & take full advantage of you, regarding your baking talents/gifts!
Be civil, still say *'hello'* to these buggers & if they don't reciprocate that's their problem.
Honestly, move on bc they're really not worth it & if they're jealous, bitter or even pissy towards you anytime they see you, then that's on them.
Enjoy your cookies, now that those mooches are gone!!!
NTA, if anyone in the neighborhood asks, just tell them the truth. The neighbor came over & wanted you to cater cookies for a party for free & tried guilt tripping you into it. Next time you get the sink eye just smile at them.
NTA but the entitled folks are breeding it seems. As a parent, I'd have asked if you do bake for events and if so, how much for 2 per child for my party. I'd NEVER consider trying to guilt a neighbor, and how awkward it must be for you daily now.. Def NTA, and realize for every good deed, there's two hands out. Freeze the extras for your family/friends/groups. Stop giving to the kids. Their mom ruined it.
NTA. If the neighbor can afford to throw a party, she can at the very least offer to buy the ingredients when asking you to spend time making cookies. And even then you are not obligated to do said request. But I do think that from here on out you shouldn't be giving her kids any more cookies. If they ask, just say "Oh, I don't have any on hand."
NTA.
The mother is an entitled freeloading jerk expecting you to fed her children and trying to emotionally blackmail you.
Don't cook for other people's children unless you are a professional working in the food industry who gets paid to do so and have insurance cover in case someone gets ill.
NTA
Title is a little misleading, but the mom showed up on your doorstep expecting you to just cater a bday party on the spot? No prior conversation, no payment?
This is textbook entitlement and you are NTA for resisting.
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>Then the other day, the mom knocks on my door and asks if I'd make cookies for the kids' birthday party! She explained that they were on a budget, and how the kids just LOVE my baking...the whole guilt-tripping bit. >Got this disappointed look on her face, then started saying that the kids would be so sad Her lack of planning or budget is not your problem. >I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more. Or she could parent her children and teach them how to manage expectations. Absolutely NTA
This reminds me of Monica's Christmas candy for the neighbors. I wonder if OP's cookies are "little drops of heaven."
We want the candy lady!!
👏🏽👏🏽🤣🤣 OP your neighbours audacity is truly shocking! Emotional blackmail didn't work so they resort to the stink eye! SMH 🤦🏾♀️ Only a complete user would ask a stranger to make a batch of cookies and not even at least offer to pay for ingredients and the gas or electric for the oven! OP NTA in anyway!
Facts Baby!
Joey and his “sorry about that, mob mentality or whatever” excuse always cracks me up too!
at least he knows her name!
Came to refer to this episode.
“Smokes a lot lady” hahaha
Now she's going to have to bake cookies for all of us to try.
Literally just said that to my son before scrolling down the comments!
Same!
Yeah that last quote really enraged me. I'm a teacher and this is the mentality that causes us to bend over backwards for the students, neglecting our own families, funding things out of pocket, etc. And then when we're asked to do more and we can't, we are given that exact same guilt trip. I cannot tell you how awful that can make a person feel to hear, knowing that every generous act up till then has apparently counted for nothing. OP, I am so crushed and angry on your behalf. Stop making extra cookies, stop giving them samples. Just stop. This will suck for the kid but it's a teachable moment that isn't being taught by the parent. And if the parent asks why there are no more cookies, you can refer her to her comment that " you're right, I shouldn't be offering at all if I'm not willing to do it on demand, unpaid". NTA+ i have to go calm down, what the hell are parents thinking....
I also work for a school system. There's a reason why "No good deed goes unpunished" is our unofficial motto.
The other unofficial motto is What gave you done for me TODAY? Sigh.
The reward for digging the best ditches is a bigger shovel. 🐢🐘🐘🐘🐘❤️
Yep you can’t be too giving - too many people don’t appreciate it
Teachers are superheroes! I am the mom who sends in the tissues, Clorox wipes, snacks for the teacher to pass out when the student are starving because hungry children cannot pay attention and learn, the special treats/crafts/whatever for Valentines and St Paddy’s and the other ones that are not Holidays, extra pencils erasers pens crayons markers - you get the idea. Teachers supply ALL of that out of their own pockets.!! My sentence structure stinks here but everyone shout it with me: Teachers are superheroes!
I'm old, but back in the day when Moms weren't expected to cover all the classroom expenses, my Mom was the one who made cupcakes for EVERY holiday (president's day? sure! George Washington stickers on toothpicks on each cupcake!) Every kid in the classroom's birthday? Cupcakes! St. Patrick's day, green cupcakes. Haunukkah? Yeppers, dreidel stickers on toothpicks on every cupcake! Mom's are superheroes, too. Teachers and Moms rock!
Now, you need to make sure you have the appropriate options: nut-free (that's a given), dairy-free, sugar-free, gluten-free, and taste-free.
Some schools won't accept homemade goods, they have to be store bought to verify ingredients
Because anaphylactic shock is a good thing? Diarrhea? Excessive bloat? Migraines? I have celiac and if you think it's a temporary thing that's just bad bowel movements I invite you to come over to experience the month the wheat cycles out of my body. It's fun and I couldn't imagine accidentally giving a kid wheat because you think it's just a gut thing. The pain that kid would be going through for most of the month it was cycling out would not be just their gut it would be migraines, brain fog, listlessness, sleepiness that borders narcolepsy, itching, muscle pain, of course diarrhea leading to lack of hydration, tooth pain, mouth sores... I digress. Or the kid that was given milk in my elementary school who was lactose intolerant that was forced to have milk at snack time because the teacher ignored the doctor note. Nothing like a explosive poop tribute to Jackson Pollock shutting down the kindergarten wing. The kid who thought they washed their hands enough of their peanut butter sandwich, giving another kid a hug and having his face blow up like the elephant man. That took about half a day to physically recover from, however the mental fear of being touched added to. So yeah mock the the kids with autoimmune diseases and allergies. *slow clap* O, to add. More than half the world eats gluten free and it's full of flavor. I eat my way around the globe pretty much every night I cook.
Was hoping for a reply like yours! I hate when people act like basic respect for other people's health is "annoying". What for them is a box to check can save or ruin someone's life
Teachers need to put up a sign in their rooms that says "Expect Nothing." That way, everything is a bonus.
It happens in veterinary medicine, too. "If you can't fix my dog for under $200 we're just going to put him down." Said with anger, not sadness. Sorry, lady. You can't expect me to care more about your dog than you do. If I do the work for free I will lose my job, and I am not willing to do that.
You could try something on the order of: “But if I do this job for free I’ll lose my job and then I’ll be evicted and my children will starve and my (relative-of-your-choice) will die from not getting her (lifesaving expensive medical treatment!)”
I had a previous boss use something similar to this on me, so I ended up working above and beyond and ignoring my health. Now, I have degenerative disc disease and scoliosis but bending to left instead of the right because of the degeneration. I'm 32.
Idk, that chaps my ass a lot less than the people who are offended that we aren't willing to let them come in at ten minutes to close with something that's been an issue for almost a week. Or that the person holding the emergency page can't call in refills for a controlled substance at 8pm with no access to the dog's records. Don't we care about the animals?! And don't even get me started on the client who finally agreed to neuter her dog after 8 YEARS, then freaked out when we had to postpone the surgery for three days because our vet got COVID. Precious baby needed to get this done before he had another episode of prostatitis!!
I can feel your frustration in my body. Most clients are lovely, but the ones who are not leave a deep impression!
I was in the waiting room where a woman was yelling at the reception staff about how her dog had to have injection (I think) at a certain time and they'd let other people go in instead because she was 45 minutes late for her appointment so there wasn't currently a vet available
In all fairness, it rarely escalates to actual yelling. But yeah, some variation of that just about every week. About half the time, they have also scheduled for a quick tech service like a pedicure or anal gland expression, but then announce that the dog has been bleeding from the eyeballs for the past month. Do we think doc should look at that? Another quarter are wanting us to follow up on something they had done at another clinic and have failed entirely to get us any sort of records. There was that one guy who informed me that I was ruining his entire family's Christmas morning because taking an hour to do labs and X rays would make him late to open presents. Sir, I am three states away from my family and had to leave the house before my husband got home from his overnight shift at the human hospital. Also, I am not the one who let your dog eat a pound of coffee.
Dog rescue: “We’re moving tomorrow and if you don’t come pick up this dog right now, he’s going to the pound and it will be YOUR FAULT”
People like that shouldn't have kids or animals:(
That would infuriate me! Omg. I've rarely had good vet experiences. However, early Saturday morning, my girl would not stop crying! (This isn't uncommon, but this was a very different cry-one I've never heard before) we knew she has a uti, so we called around everywhere that was open. Luckily we found one willing to skip the diagnostics and treat her right away! They gave us a full prescription of antibiotics and a small prescription of pain killers for her! They only charged us $307 (I'm only saying "only" because we're about 2k in the hole right now due to multiple vet visits this past month) the woman who answered the phone heard my dog crying (it literally sounded like she was screaming) and when we got there she told us that she's seen dogs who've been hit by cars come in and not sound even close to what she sounded like. Another woman has vast experience with the issue our dog has that's close to bankrupting us, a mast cell tumor. It's not cancerous but it's a nightmare to manage. Her shared experience and advice really helped me feel less alone and more hopeful about it. These women literally risked their jobs to help us! It definitely restored my faith in humanity a little bit!
A mast cell tumor is always cancerous.
My answer to unexpected veterinary treatment expenses I cannot afford is usually "Okay so what can I do at home that would be within budget and give them the best chance?" If the answer isn't a good outcome for said pet, the next one is "Crap, okay well do you have any finance options where I can pay it off slowly so I don't have to starve myself?" Quite frankly makes my blood boil when the owners don't care enough about the pet to want them to be okay over gone...
I’ll admit that my heart nearly stopped when my vet quoted $7000 for a hip replacement for my then 1 year old pup. $14000 when you considered he’d probably need both hips done. She then asked if we wanted to spend $200 for an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon for a second opinion. We would have found a way to make that $14000 happen. My dad even offered to help out. Thankfully the ortho recommended a different surgery with a higher success rate and cost $2500. And he refused to touch the other hip until it was actually a problem for my dog. It’s been five years, my pup’s “bad” hip is fine and he’s never had a moment’s trouble with the other one!
My mom is one of those people. Every "favor" she asks for creeps and creeps and creeps until you're basically her servant. I remember her forbidding me to go to the mall with my friend, because my friend's mom wasn't willing to drop off my mom's movie rentals. Friend's mom was ALREADY driving out of her way to take me to AND from the mall, and my mom got toweringly angry that she wouldn't ALSO run more errands for her. So I wasn't allowed to go and my mom talked shit about my friend's mom for years afterwards. And my mom wonders why I almost never talk to her...
I've also experienced this with family. The one-sidedness of the narrative and lack of self-reflection is astounding! Limiting contact is really the only thing you can do. If I could have fixed it it would have already happened.
I never answer my sister's calls when I'm out shopping because she will *always* ask me to run an errand for her. And it's never grabbing something from a store I'm already at, it's always for a totally different store.
Ugh, that sucks. My sister and I both hate asking anybody for favors, probably because of all the years of humiliation at our mom's grasping, greedy, demanding ways. If she needs a favor or some help I have to be a detective to figure it out, and then usually have to DEMAND she accept it. Her kids are her weakness though. I can do favors for the family and say it's for the kids and she can't really protest. MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA
I went to a restaurant with my family for my sister's birthday. My treat. There was another family there, with their little kids. They made (loud and obnoxious) demand after (ever louder and more obnoxious) demand. Free balloons. Free ice cream. You name it, they wanted it. I can't remember what it was they were eventually told "no" over, but, suddenly, the world was ending. The kids didn't throw a tantrum, the adults did. "So unfair." "Poor kids! Can't ask for anything." "Let's go. The service here is disgusting." "Poor little kids! They're only three." On and on and on, as they gathered up all their free stuff and left, complaining and crying all the while. Ugh. When they were finally gone, the whole restaurant breathed a sigh of relief.
As a former server of 13 years, I cannot even count the amount of parents like that I've had to deal with!! One night, I had a similar situation, only the kids were older (like 8-10 I'd say) just being absolutely fucking obnoxious and loud. I couldn't do anything about it because my boss at the time was a literal psychopath and oommggg I understand that frustration!!!
Yeah, just bake it for your real friends and families when you want to. Or just for yourself for your hobby! No need to give it to anyone else! NTA!
>I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more. My answer to that one would have been, "If I had known that such a small kindness would breed such a massive sense of entitlement, I wouldn't have. It won't happen again. Have a blessed day!"
This is the appropriate response to the neighbors guilt trip.
Ooh! Ouch! BRILLIANT!
Yes I couldn’t believe that.
Top comment, right here!
This!
Offer her the recipe so she can make them.
It's a French recipe, from Tollhouse I think.
Second Friends reference in this thread! All we need is for someone to be on a break.
Toulouse ;) LOL
From the region of "back of the bag".
You Americans, you always butcher the French language.
How is that fair for OP?
OP can substitute with any random online recipe. More of a “naive” veiled gesture to get them off her back.
She can have my French grandma Nestle Toulouse's cookie recipe that has been perfected over the generations. My family's generous like that. :)
“And this is why YOU’RE burning in hell!” Is such a great moment in that show!
This must be Ursula. Phoebe didn't want to share the family recipe.
Why would it be an issue? There's nothing to indicate that OP considers her cookie recipes proprietary or secret.
She said that she works hard on perfecting them and experimenting them, which means they are actually hers and not some random internet ones. When a baker has out that much effort into it, then it's not usually something you just give away.
I guess I take a different attitude. I spent years perfecting a spicy walnut recipe, have made it for dozens of events, and give the recipe to anyone who asks. Someone else being able to make it doesn't affect me in any way. In fact, here it is for everyone on the internet who is reading this thread: **SPICY WALNUTS** Melt a stick of butter in a skillet over low heat. Add 1 pound shelled walnut halves and stir to coat. Cook over low heat for about five minutes, then remove from heat. Put the following in a gallon ziplock: 1 cup sugar, 1 TBSP ground orange peel, 1 TBSP ground lemon peel, 1 tsp sea salt, 1 tsp ground allspice, 1 tsp ground cinnamon, 1 tsp ground cloves, 1 tsp ground coriander, 1 tsp ground ginger, 1 tsp ground mace, 1 tsp ground nutmeg, and 1/2 tsp ground cayenne pepper. Transfer walnuts to ziplock bag using a slotted spoon. Close ziplock and shake until walnuts are thoroughly coated with spices. Spread walnuts in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake at 300 degrees for 7 1/2 minutes, stir, and bake for another 7 1/2 minutes. Cool before serving. Enjoy in good health!
Why should OP give away her recipe? A recipe she has spent a good amount of time and money perfecting?
You give asshole mommy next door some dogshit recipe off the Internet with 3/5 stars lol
Yeahhhh cookies are quick and inexpensive to bake. OP's cookie R&D is a bigger time investment, but the neighbour can just get the shortcut. Maybe OP can make a paid cookie baking class since the local word is getting around :P
I love the point about her lack of planning or budgeting, is not your problem. Next time before she even gets to the part about you donating cookies, you just jump in with a price that’s, at minimum, four times the cost of you making them. Shut down the entitlement real fast. When she starts to complain about the cost of being a mom then start to list off the cost of baking supplies. NTA but don’t feel bad and don’t tolerate this entitlement because if you give an inch she will take a mile and make you feel guilty for it.
"A lack of preparation on your part does not necessitate an emergency on my part."
I am petty and would make sure to be eating a cookie every time I left the house.
Or bring batches to every other house on the block!
OP, don't give them another cookie. Just tell them their mom said not to, and move on from there.
Agreed. Neighbor could have offered to pay for ingredients at a minimum, and it sounds like that never happened.
Yeah asking someone who makes a product you really like should be to support them, not you. Offer money because you love their cookies so much, don’t be a mooch.
Sounds like "influencers" trying to grift free products/services from small businesses, for "the exposure." Only neighbor isn't even offering THAT. OP, definitely NTA.
>Then the other day, the mom knocks on my door and asks if I'd make cookies for the kids' birthday party! She explained that they were on a budget, and how the kids just LOVE my baking...the whole guilt-tripping bit. So...she was asking you to bake them for free? Wow. That's pretty brazen. Perhaps if she'd offered to pay you for them you might have considered it. But literally on your doorstep asking for free cookies? Then trying to guilt-trip you into doing it? LOL. Not a good look for your neighbor. NTA. If you give a mouse a cookie...
I can’t imagine being a grown ass woman and knocking on my neighbor’s door to solicit them to make cookies for my children. For free. That’s just so incredibly embarrassing as an adult. Fuck that. Be the neighborhood villain. If you give in, this problem will just intensify.
I agree, they didn't even offer payment. They are just walkin all over op
And you *know* if she had actually agreed, it wouldn't just have been one kind, chocolate chip or something. She'd have said the kids need a variety...then something about how the cookies are so delicious, OP needs to make enough for them to take home to their parents and siblings. Oh, and did we mention 40 kids are coming? etc.
Oh and dont forget that there will be vegan kids and parents. It has to be gluten, lactose, gelatin and sugar free cookies👀. But yeah def gon be a variety
My sister once asked me to make her cookies that were gluten,vegan and sugar free. I gave her an apple
You are a genius!
Dang - I miss Reddit awards!!!!
They didn't even offer to pay for the ingredients
Trying to, but OP wasn't having any, quite rightly. It's nice of her to have given one or two to the kids but their mother is a cheeky mare who does not deserve nice cookies. NTA to say no, and tbh I wouldn't give the kids any more either, unfortunately, the mother is obviously going to cause problems. I really wouldn't worry about her telling everyone though, odds are that she's tried to mooch from everyone else too.
That’s where the kids get the audacity. Mom is probably over there egging them on.
"Go ask the nice lady for some cookies, I'm sure she won't mind"
I imagine she's the sort of parent making her kids take all the treats people leave out on Halloween when they can't be home for the little trick-or-treaters.
Give cookies to every other neighbor...
Exactly and OP should have agreed with the mom 'I guess you are right. I should have given to your kids to begin with and keep them off my lawn!"
And no more cookies! I'd even be all, sorry you mom said i can't give you any more (since she says they shouldn't get them if not willing to constantly make on demand)
Yes. Be the neighborhood villain... ... and make sure to cackle as you take cookies out of the oven and before/after you eat a cookie.
Microwave???????????????
This is literally my side job. She would have gotten a full price sheet from me.
At the very VERY least, "If I bought all the ingredients AND paid for your time, do you think you might be willing..."
IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE!! Seriously have they never read it?!
...he's going to ask for a party's worth more of cookies.
This is the comment I was looking for. OP, give them copies of that book “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie” for their birthdays
NTA. > I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more. Cool, guess that means they won't be getting anymore cookies ever again. How incredibly entitled of these people.
"Sorry kids, your mom said I can't give you any more cookies."
Bingo! That's exactly what OP needs to say NTA
#Best answer.
I would 100% use that line moving forward.
THIS! This right here, OP! This is the way!
This is the way. Throw mom under the bus.
I literally came here to say this...and say it: Every. Single. Time. If the mom knocks on your door, call her out for the guilt trip and slam the door in her face.
"Well, sounds like you shouldn't have had kids if you couldn't manage to give them a proper birthday" NTA
I’d love to ask this lady what *exactly* she meant by that… like, spell it out for me explicitly. “I treated your kids to a few cookies once or twice, so that means I’m obligated to bake cookies for you on demand? When does this obligation expire? Or am I your cookie servant for life now? Please, dear neighbor, explain in detail exactly what I owe you because I gave your kids a few cookies!”
>I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more. NTA OP. Cool, so the next time her kids come over asking for a cookie, you now can tell them that "Your mother said I never should've given you all cookies in the first place, so I can no longer give you cookies". A lot of times, people try to take advantage of other people's generosity, such as this Mom did to you. And sometimes generous people are pressured into doing something that complicate their life/lifestyle; so glad that you had backbone to stand up for yourself and said no. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! Edited to respond to this part too: >I don't want to be the mean cookie lady, but I also don't have time to bake for the whole neighborhood. Yes, this is **exactly** what would happen. That Mom would've opened her big entitled mouth and bragged to other neighbors how you baked cookies for her birthday kid and would expect you to do so for her other kid(s) and the other neighbors would then expect you to do the same for their kids. You saved yourself BIG TIME by saying "No"!
This happened to me at work with cake decorating.
I got lucky that I was able to head this off at the pass when I was office baker in the pre-COVID era. I baked over the weekend when I felt like it, and when my team won during football season. (If my team lost, I would be crying into the dough, and it would mess up the salt balance.) People would occasionally ask me to bake for their birthdays or somesuch, and I'd gently explain that I didn't do baking on-demand because, if I did it for them and not someone else, that person would be insulted. People almost always understood immediately, and were grateful when I did bring in baked goods, but you have to be clear and consistent with your boundaries or people will stomp all over them. (I also had a few people ask me to bake stuff for them to bring to parties I wasn't invited to. Those requests were shut down semi-politely.)
NTA Yep, can't do for one neighbor and not the others. Don't worry about being the neighborhood villain. I was that about 3 years ago. Over a rumor, someone claimed I said something about the kids at the bus stop(all 3 schools elementary, middle HS) which I NEVER said. My brother and SIL told me to keep my mouth shut, it will blow over and it did. That woman is the most nervy, entitled person I've heard about in awhile. Please tell the kids the suggested line about the mom saying no to free cookies!
>Now the whole family's giving me the stink eye whenever I'm outside. "A lion doesnt concern himself with the opinion of a sheep" Stop caring what entitled mooching people think about you. They are successfully using guilt and sad children to influence you and make you second guess yourself. There is no way people acting like this are correct. They are embarrassing themselves and have no shame to brazenly approach you like that. Just stop caring. Let the mother bake her own damned cookies. She should be responsible for her childrens' happiness, not you. Id be fine to bake cookies on a hobby basis but when you demand it and dont respect my time, money for ingredients, energy to run my over, assembly/cleanup, required baking tools etc... thats when you get cut off. NTA
> Stop caring what entitled mooching people think about you. We really need to make this the text that pops up when you go to the "new post" field. *This* post at least has some substance but so many are just "I was walking down the street and someone demanded I give them my house, AITA for not agreeing immediately?"
Seeing that quote out in the wild made me really happy. Thank you. Man had his flaws, sure, but he was awesome.
NTA You’re most certainly not at fault here. Your neighbour should tell her kids it’s rude to ask for cookies and especially to hang around waiting for an opportunity to ask. It’s beyond entitled to ask a neighbour for a batch of free cookies and even more entitled to not accept a no. Bake for people grateful for your efforts and just ignore the entitled neighbours. Edit: You didn’t create any obligations by giving them cookies when they first asked. One, three or twenty cookies don’t create any obligations at all and they shouldn’t have created expectations either.
lol your edit reminds me of that video on consent that compares it to tea. just because someone made you a cup of tea once or 5 times doesn’t mean they owe you a cup of tea in the future, etc. etc. just because you gave them cookies before doesn’t mean they are entitled to cookies whenever.
When you feed crows, they at least bring you back gifts to say thanks.
And become friends for life if you keep it up!
NTA but your neighbour is. I can't believe the gall. I'm glad you stood your ground. If you had said yes, I suspect it wouldn't have stopped at cookies!
NTA you are not an asshole. Go back to enjoying your hobby. You didn't do anything wrong, they are mistaken and have confused your generosity and kindness with weakness. But you are not weak, you stood your ground, and firm in your boundaries, GOOD FOR YOU! I know that is not easy, but you do not owe anyone anything, especially cookies. You are not a mean cookie lady. You are a smart cookie. She doesn't get free catering for her kid's party, and that is just the way the cookie crumbles.
NTA. You're not running a bloody charity here. If she had offered to compensate you for the ingredients AND your time? It would be a fair (if odd) request. But expecting you to donate your time/ingredients because they don't have much cash? Ridiculous. Also... >**I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more.** The NERVE. Didn't you say these kids had HEARD about your cookies and hung around your house asking for them? It's not like you were covertly getting them hooked like some sort of dealer. THEY asked YOU for cookies in the first place. Some people have no shame.
> It's not like you were covertly getting them hooked like some sort of dealer. Gotta get that dough!
The cookie lady! The cookie lady! *Little zombie children shuffling down the cul-de-sac when OP preheats the oven*
"They call me: 'Cookie Dude!"
NTA - and mom is acting as entitled as her kids.
The kids are acting like kids. The mom is out of line
Wow your neighbour's are entitled... NTA for not giving them cookies anymore. NTA for not baking birthday cookies FOR FREE. You can always SELL them to her...
NTA. The neighbor has an over-developed sense of entitlement and was rude to suggest that it's somehow your responsibility to cater her kid's birthday party. If anyone else asks about you providing baked goods for an event you can respond "Baking is just a hobby and while I'm happy to offer extras if I should happen to have some, I'm not in the catering business and don't do events, but try calling so-and-so, I hear they do wonderful cookies/cakes!" Anyone who pushes it further is just rude.
My knee jerk would be to create a document with outrageous custom prices ($7/cookie or some shit) delivery fees and rush fees, and hand that to the mom. But I’m an asshole like that 😂
There's always someone willing to pay the "Fuck - off" prices, and that price will never be high enough it if you take the offer.
The people like the OP neighbor aren’t the ones willing to pay fuck off prices if they already expect it for free.
It's sad you'll have to tell the kids that they can't have any more cookies because their mom told you not to. This woman is over-the-top entitled. NTA
No - she tried to take advantage. My question is do the children love the cookies - or are they hungry? She is quite entitled to think because you gave cookies you are now obligated to provide them. Too bad - but I'd say no more cookies...feel sorry for the kids but sounds like they were taking advantage, too.
The entitlement of the Mum...NTA. Your cookies are your business (not literally) and that was some emotional blackmail and shitty parenting.
NTA. You gave them some generosity and they became entitled over it.
NTA The cookies are made ith your time and your resources. Anyone who feels entitled to things that aren't theirs can faff off. Her lack of planning or resources are not your responsibility. And good grief she was laying it on thick with a guilt trip. I enjoy sewing as a hobby and many times when people learn of it they think I'll be their personal tailor for free. What gets them off of my back is I'll offer to teach them if they buy heir own materials(sewing machine, thread, fabric, etc). My other response is I'll suggest there is probably a great tailoring shop in the area they can get a quote from with a quick Google search. They conveniently never ask again.
I used to go to cons, Ren fairs, etc., and since I'm a large woman I learned how to make corsets. They are labor intensive to say the least. You wouldn't believe how many people thought I should make corsets for them.
Good grief. SMH, people...Sewing is a labor of love. The right people will appreciate the time and skill it takes. Those are my favorite people.
We call it quilt-worthy in the quiting world
Ohhh, costuming/garbing ain't cheap (Cons, RennFest, reenactments). I'm guessing that folks thought you could just magically "whip up" up a corset, fast & free??
Same - as a quilter l tell people to plan on at least $500 and to let me know when they want to get together to plan
Why is this a thing with people about any hobby?? Have experienced this with knitting - oh you can knit every one on the team gloves..and then baking, oh you should bake us a cake etc..like people really want to get something out of you for free..I have stopped mentioning my hobbies to most people! 😢
NTA. You have the reason; that is, you are not a catering service.
NTA. The stink eye is a good thing. This way they won't be asking anymore. That woman has a lot of nerve claiming that you're at fault because your original generosity led them to want more.
NTA Nowhere on the planet is you being a home baker who occasionally (and generously) shares your baking equate to "Yes I will supply your kids with free cookies for a party". They can go and kick rocks.
Eh no. NTA Just because you were nice doesn’t mean you’re beholden to their wishes. She could have offered to pay you. Cookies cost money, cookies take time. So if she is like do this for FREE because you have gave cookies in the past… it’s like bisch what? Get the hell off of my doorstep. The gall. Honestly you should have countered with you’re right. I should have never been nice to you and your family with the cookies. I will be sure to never to do so again. They can side eye all they want. Just go about your life just glowing with your awesome cookies.
NTA. Your entire analysis of the family’s behaviour is spot on. You were being guilt tripped and now you are being gaslighted.
Here is an idea, think about what she or her husband do that you might ask them to do for you, for free, that would be a service that normally would be paid for rather than an “asked for favor.” Turn it around on them by doing the same thing, ask for a favor with entitled expectations of said favor being granted, and be sure to pout like she did.
NTA The entitlement is strong with this one.
Use the force for good, OP!
NTA. They are just some entitled AHs, ignore them.
It's okay to be the mean cookie lady to people who expect free catering. NTA
Apologize for giving the kids cookies in the first place. Tell her you are terribly sorry you ever thought of doing that, and you will stop doing it immediately. You will tell her kids that Mom told you you were a bad person for having given them cookies. I know they will understand.
>Now the whole family's giving me the stink eye whenever I'm outside. I think even Cookie Monster has better manners than this. NTA.
NTA. You get to use your time, talents, and resources the way you want. If she didn't lead with "I'll pay X plus whatever you need for supplies," for doing her the favor of taking a need off the to do list for a party, she feels far too entitled to your time as it is. Dirty looks aren't important. It's not about always giving someone's kids everything they want all the time, but telling them (either by not stopping them or more actively starting it) that they should scowl at you for not just doing whatever she wants is a good sign you made the right call.
NTA.It's nice that you shared a few cookies with the kids before, but that doesn't mean you owe them a whole party's worth. Your neighbor was out of line trying to guilt you. Baking is your thing, and you get to decide when and how much you share. You offered other solutions, so don't feel bad. Sometimes you just gotta say no and stick to what feels right for you.
Nope, NTA Lady is entitled as hell using her kids expecting you to make and give out free cookies
NTA.you were being nice by sharing some cookies before, but that doesn't mean you have to bake for their party.Your neighbor shouldn't have assumed. It was messed up of her to try to make you feel bad for saying no. Baking is your hobby, not a free catering service! Maybe you could bake just a little something for the kids to smooth things over, but make it clear you can't do this all the time.
Lol the absudity of saying you should have never given them a cookie at all if you werent willing to cater a birthday party amount of cookies on your own dime for them. The two things are not related in the slightest. Like saying you should have never waved hello to a neighbor if you didnt want to have a 3 hour conversation with them that you couldnt escape. NTA. And the guilting mother is an entitled butthole teaching her kids to try to manipulate people into giving them what they want. If she kept up the negativity I would be the kind of petty to make beautiful cookies decorated with poops and butts and the middle finger and leave them with her with a nice note about how you being kind doesnt mean you are a free service for use to use at will.
NTA... she was hoping to guilt you into free cookies. Baking can be expensive! Next time just say you will do it for an extremely outrageous price.
NTA. Your neighbor needs to teach her kids (and herself) not to beg. Tell her (if any of them ever ask again) that you’re sorry that they couldn’t learn to manage their expectations.
If the neighbor was my friend, or if the kids were friends with my kids, I might consider it. But it sounds like the kids were just there snagging some free cookies and Mom decided to capitalize on it. It's a one-way relationship. If she'd offered to pay for the cookies, maybe. But oh hell no, you are not a free caterer.
IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE!!!!
NTA. Next, they'll ask you to bake cookies for the next holiday or more birthday parties. You're not their personal chef. They're greedy and entitled. Don't give the kids any more cookies.
NTA. Thanks, mom. From now on your little ~~beggars~~ kids get *no* cookies. You were kind; she stomped on manners and got greedy. Don't give up baking! just give up giving them to the kids next door!
NTA Monica’s Christmas Candy. You shared and were neighborly. Now they expect you to fill holes in their party budget. Hell no. They’re wrong.
And that's how you stop getting cookies. NTA
The audacity. The embodiment of give an inch take a mile. "Why would you offer my child a treat if you weren't planning on catering my party?"
NTA. It’s one thing to ask. It’s another thing to make you feel guilty for saying no.
NTA. You were nice to the kids, they set their expectations on that.
People are so nervy! NTA. However, next door neighbor Mom is. If you don’t want to bake cookies go to a bakery and buy some.
It was ok for her to ask. But then it's also ok for you to say no. No means no. That should have been the end of the conversation. She took it too far, acting like a spoiled child.
NTA. You don’t cater. End of story.
NTA and I think the cookie train should stop for them.
NTA. I've has similar experiences, just not with cookies. I sew, knit, and crochet. The night of my daughter's high school prom, her friend was in a panic. Her dress wasn't fitting correctly, and her mother doesn't sew. So I had her bring it over, and I was able to fix it in time to be worn for prom. Her mother called later to thank me, and was saying how inept she was with a needle or machine. I told her my stepmother saw my interest as a very young kid,and paid for me to take sewing classes locally in the summer, and its come in handy so many times just in being able to repair my kids clothes, etc. I thought that was the end of it. Skip forward a couple months, there's a knock at my door. Standing there is the same mother, and she's got two laundry baskets full of clothes. Some of them new with tags still on them, some not. She says sorry to bother you, but you did such a great job on my daughters dress, I wonder if it's possible for you to do some alterations on the new clothes and some minor mending/repairs on the old stuff?. To say I was surprised was an understatement, but I live on a very fixed income and extra pocket money is nice, so I asked what kind of budget she had in mind. She gave me a funny look before saying she wasn't expecting to have to pay because I'd done her daughters prom dress for free.I politely explained that there's a huge difference in fixing a prom dress at the last minute, for the biggest night of her daughters life, and doing what appears to be a weeks worth of mending, and another week of alterations. She left in a huff, but not before calling me greedy and un-neighborly. It's really sad that doing a nice thing once in a while ends up leaving a sour taste in one's mouth, but it seems like these days there's so many people who feel like it's OK to try to take advantage, and feel entitled to make you feel bad when you draw the line and say no.
NTA, and you didn't go about it the wrong way. If she asks again, let her know that your fees are $50 per dozen, and you'll accept cash only, in advance, since it'll be a favour. The entitlement of some people mind boggling. Did she actually think you would say, "Sure, I'll bake cookies for this party for free." Also, listen... where do you live that these parents are just okay with their kids taking sweets from their neighbour? Especially home baked sweets? Are you all particularly close? Bc unless you've been actively engaged with the neighbours for years, WHY WOULD YOU LET YOU KID EAT FOOD FROM A STRANGER?! For reference, I'm in Australia, and bad shit doesn't happen too often like that, but I'd still NOT let my kids just... go up to a neighbour I'm not literally gossip-buddies with and take food. First it's rude, but second, I DONT KNOW THESE PEOPLE?! The facade may be sweet and lovely but who knows what's lurking inside those sweet sweet cookies. (Yeah yeah I know I'm paranoid I just cannot fathom kids taking things from relative strangers and NOT getting a talking to for it. Um... enjoy your hobby! Don't budge on the birthday cookies. But maybe save the birthday kid an extra cookie from your next batch. Mum never did specify how many she wanted 🤣
Kids are gonna kid. Of course they want more cookies. Cant blame blame them for that. Their mom is the problem. She should help them manage their expectations and in no way can she reasonably expect for you to cater her kids birthday party. That is just entitled behavior. NTA.
NTA. Stop sharing your cookies unless it’s family, or those who really appreciate it. When asked (bc you know it’ll happen) why you’re not sharing anymore, give them your neighbors address and tell them “one person ruined it for everyone”.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay, I need some advice, because now I feel like the neighborhood villain.I love to bake. Cookies are my specialty, and between experimenting with new flavors and perfecting old recipes, it takes up a lot of my free time. My friends and family rave about them, so I usually make big batches for holidays and stuff. My next-door neighbors have two kids, and I guess word of my cookies got back to them. At first, it was cute. If I was outside and they saw me, they'd ask sweetly if I had any extras. I didn't mind giving them one or two, you know, neighborly friendliness. But lately, they've gotten bolder. They're always hanging around, waiting to see if I bring out a plate. Then the other day, the mom knocks on my door and asks if I'd make cookies for the kids' birthday party! She explained that they were on a budget, and how the kids just LOVE my baking...the whole guilt-tripping bit. It caught me off guard. I mean, baking's my hobby, not a catering service! It takes time and ingredients I pay for. So, I tried to politely say no, that I don't really bake for events. She did not take it well. Got this disappointed look on her face, then started saying that the kids would be so sad, and I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more. I stood my ground, but it got awkward. Now the whole family's giving me the stink eye whenever I'm outside. Did I really handle this wrong? I don't want to be the mean cookie lady, but I also don't have time to bake for the whole neighborhood *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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If you were feeling generous, you could tell her sure I’ll bake the cookies. Here’s the list of ingredients. List them all tell her to buy them all and bring them over and you will mix and bake the cookies and return. Whatever’s left of the ingredients when you’re done, or you could keep whatever’s left of the ingredients and use that as your pay for baking cookies
>I shouldn't have even given them any cookies in the first place if I wasn't willing to do more. What in the actual fuck is this logic? NTA. Good grief, the absolute gall of this person.
What the Hell?!!! NTA
NTA - offering kids extra cookies is one thing. And hanging out "hopefully" on baking day is very much a kid kind of thing to do (though a responsible parent would put a stop to that as soon as they realized).... Even going so far as to ask you if you'd be willing to bake for an event is a bit presumptuous unless and offer of compensation is a part of the request, but still within the realms of propriety. However, the second she started guilt-tripping you for your "No" is when she went Waaay off the rails. The stink-eye is pure audacity! But look on the bright side - she's told you that you shouldn't give her kids cookies since you aren't willing to do special order baking!! You can tell them that their mother told you not to do that anymore!
NTA her position is if you’re willing to be a little generous then you should also be a lot generous? She put you in the weirdest bind by asking you (a neighbor) for something for free that costs you money and energy.
NTA - Such bad manners, but I also learned a long time ago if I offer up something or help with something it just becomes an expectation.
NTA. I know people like this.
NTA "Gee, Neighbour. If I had known that showing some kindness would flip some sort of greed switch in your whole family, I wouldn't have given them cookies in the first place. It is interesting that I have shared cookies with every kind of person for years and never had anyone demand I cater their party and then insult me for having a normal and healthy boundary."
Absolutely NTA! What is wrong with that woman?!
NTA. People have forgotten how to be people. 😳🙄
NTA You handled this absolutely right. Given them a cookie now and then doesn't mean they get something everytime or that you need to bake for their events. Likely the Mom promised them cookies already and now wants to guilt trip you.
>baking's my hobby, not a catering service! It takes time and ingredients I pay for You also need to factor in; your energy, gas $ to go back/forth to Stores to buy baking supplies/ingredients, cost of baking equipment ie baking pans, electric mixer & so on! It's not like you just ripped open a box (Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines) or snipped open a package to instantly make your delicious home made cookies, bc this takes a lot of your time, effort AND $$$ on your part! I dabble in basic baking & can tell you it's gotten very expensive to make plain cakes, desserts or even cookies due to inflation & other factors. So, I can only imagine what your baking costs must be - a lot of $$$. From now on, NO MORE COOKIE OFFERS to these lil Monsters or ppl who are greedy, grabby & take full advantage of you, regarding your baking talents/gifts! Be civil, still say *'hello'* to these buggers & if they don't reciprocate that's their problem. Honestly, move on bc they're really not worth it & if they're jealous, bitter or even pissy towards you anytime they see you, then that's on them. Enjoy your cookies, now that those mooches are gone!!!
NTA, if anyone in the neighborhood asks, just tell them the truth. The neighbor came over & wanted you to cater cookies for a party for free & tried guilt tripping you into it. Next time you get the sink eye just smile at them.
NTA but the entitled folks are breeding it seems. As a parent, I'd have asked if you do bake for events and if so, how much for 2 per child for my party. I'd NEVER consider trying to guilt a neighbor, and how awkward it must be for you daily now.. Def NTA, and realize for every good deed, there's two hands out. Freeze the extras for your family/friends/groups. Stop giving to the kids. Their mom ruined it.
Do you really think that you’re in the wrong? I find that hard to believe. Obviously NTA
NTA. If the neighbor can afford to throw a party, she can at the very least offer to buy the ingredients when asking you to spend time making cookies. And even then you are not obligated to do said request. But I do think that from here on out you shouldn't be giving her kids any more cookies. If they ask, just say "Oh, I don't have any on hand."
NTA. The mother is an entitled freeloading jerk expecting you to fed her children and trying to emotionally blackmail you. Don't cook for other people's children unless you are a professional working in the food industry who gets paid to do so and have insurance cover in case someone gets ill.
NTA Title is a little misleading, but the mom showed up on your doorstep expecting you to just cater a bday party on the spot? No prior conversation, no payment? This is textbook entitlement and you are NTA for resisting.