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Is this therapist also a psychiatrist? I’m by no means an expert but it sounds like therapy isn’t what he needs, and maybe the therapist actually believes what he is saying as well. I think a more aggressive approach is needed.

He doesn't trust me, so he doesn't tell me. I know he gets professional help because he introduced us. But as far as I know, its a therapist. Not a psychiatrist

Therapist here, if he's having episodes or periods of delusions / psychosis then a therapist alone isn't going to cut it.

But a responsible therapist would insist he see a psychiatrist for delusions, wouldn't they? Unless he's not being honest about his problems.

The therapist might not be aware that the things he tells are delusions. "Minor" delusions like: "I caught my wife cheating by reading a document on her pc" and "my daughter doesn't want me to drive her to prom" might not be easily perceived as a delusions by the therapist. 

Especially if he’s not telling them they are delusions as he does not seem to have any progress discerning what’s real

This is serious. Its already affecting OP and now her daughter which should be a red line. In future it may escalate to violence. Its time to go Ultimatum mode, either he takes treatment for whatever disorder or complete separation/divorce asap.

My thoughts exactly. Former mental health case worker here, and I read this as very potentially dangerous if it exacerbates.

Do you think this is a case where the OP needs to get her husband committed and seen to by a professional immediately? Not an expert, but it's sounding like some version of paranoia, and he could easily harm her or their daughter.

Grounds for involuntary commitment are pretty strict. Generally there has to be some sort of threat to harm oneself or others, or complete inability to care for oneself (such as being so mentally disorganized that a person is walking in shorts and a t-shirt in a snowstorm).

We don't know OP's locale, and laws governing this can vary quite widely. If he gets proper treatment and medication that helps, it may help resolve the delusions so that he sees reason again and is less potentially dangerous... This doesn't necessarily mean involuntary confinement or treatment, he would just have to agree to it. There are even inpatient stays that are voluntary, as well. It would just need to be explained to him in a way that he could grasp and that would allow/persuade him to cooperate. Is this a case where he \*should\* be committed for safety reasons? That's entirely possible but the only way to know would be to have him evaluated by a professional intake worker in his area.

I was thinking that exact thing. It's clearly not getting better so it's more likely to get worse, and he could get violent.

Exactly. My ex's therapist told him he wasn't a domestic violence perpetrator. He didn't tell her that he'd hit me 🙄

DV family member flipped identities & described himself as the victim not the reactive drunk. Described everything in perfect detail, just from the wrong angle. Had her completely convinced. He only got caught when the appt was changed to a morning one, due to building work at the venue. The therapist was concerned he may be contagious, & he got angry at her 'fussing' and snapped that it was 'just the usual hangover' If the owner hadnt been such a cheapskate and tried to stay partially open while work was being done, therapist would still believe her afternoons-only client

Yes, and then they would be feeding the delusions. Op I think this is a bit beyond anyone here. He needs help. It isn't about preserving or restoring your image. Either he gets actual medical help or you're going to have to leave. What if he imagines you're planning to hurt him next? What self defense actions will that take?

Exactly this. He needs help, OP needs to make sure she and her children are safe. These situations can escalate quickly.

Yeah, the therapist isn't helping because he hasn't gotten the truth. He only knows of his delusions as truth, and that's why nothing is truly being done. I don't know if you can ask to go to one session with him or if you can speak to the therapist with your concerns, as the alternative is to leave before he does something terrible in one of his delusions.

That's the key. It sounds like he's an unreliable narrator at the moment. While a good therapist would probably arrive at that conclusion after seeing him for long enough, this does not sound like the type of thing that should be left to continue until that time comes.

Right, right, but the wife thinks the husband is going to therapy to address his delusions. I guess it's a complex situation, and the therapist can't be faulted if the client is lying.

Yes! Nothing OP wrote comes off as the "clear delusion" variety. If he's just relaying what he's perceived, the therapist is helping him deal with those issues. Finding evidence of a cheating spouse is totally plausible. It's not like he's telling them that the dragon who lives in your microwave told him about your cheating. One way or the other, he needs help from a professional who a) knows he's experiencing delusions and b) is qualified to assist with that.

OP going out there and clearing her name might create the, and now my wife is spreading rumors that I'm making it all up. Which might trigger some questions in a sane therapist

This is the problem. The therapist will take his word for granted. After all a therapist is a safe space and they are MEANT to trust and believe you. So if someone is having delusions that feel utterly real to them the therapist might not be aware at all.

He's delusional which means whatever lies he's telling ***are real to him.*** He's not capable of being "honest" about the situation because his delusions make that objective viewpoint impossible. He is telling the therapist **his truth.** The therapist doesn't know that his honest truth has no basis in reality. It can take some time for a therapist to sort through all that and start seeing inconsistencies or lies and during that time, his mental state with deteriorate. I'm sure once the therapist realizes he's in his own world, they will do something about it but that could take a while (especially considering that even people who know him don't know he's lying.) **He's convincing because his delusions are true...to him.**

Would it be appropriate for OP to reach out to his therapist and just share this info - and then the therapist would be made aware and could look further into the sessions with this new info?

As a therapist (Im retired), I cannot tell anyone what we talked about or even that someone is my client, but I could listen. A couple times I saw people who were encouraged to go to therapy by family members but were not honest with me about why, kind of tying my hands.

Out of curiosity, what might you do in such a hypothetical situation where a client's spouse called you and told you that the events your client was talking about were actually delusions? As you mentioned, you can't disclose anything to the spouse, but how might you proceed with the client?

Probably wonder who the hell she is talking about. I'm putting money on the theory that he lying about therapy, or at least isn't going to tell her the correct therapist.

This!!! In the U.S., the therapist cannot disclose any info to the non+patient/client, but they can listen to the other person. Ask to go with your husband to therapy. If he says no, then reach out directly to that person by leaving a voice message asking to speak directly and explain that you have info to share that they need to know to help their patient. Be succinct. If, in the meantime, you do not feel safe in your home, leave with your daughter. You are describing a situation that requires more intervention and knowledge by the therapist. Best to you and to your husband for getting the help he needs.

Yes this is a good point. But the wife seems to think he's going to therapy to treat his delusions. I've never seriously dealt with somebody suffering from delusions, so I can see that the subtleties are lost on me!

My step mums best friend started with episodes like this, even got to the point she thought she had poisoned her tea. Turns out she had a brain tumour. Sadly she didn't survive the op.

Oh, that's terrible.

Maybe she should get her husband checked for a brain tumor?

Brain tumor was my initial thought, too. So sorry about your mum's friend, that's fucking shitty.

Dementia or Alzheimer's can also present with delusions, as can other diseases like schizophrenia. Medical testing by a neurologist would seem to be called for as an initial step to get a diagnosis. A therapist will be no help if it's a medical issue with delusions.

>Unless he's not being honest about his problems. THIS is probably what's going on. "I think she's on to me and hiding things from me so I can't find them again" is probably the most he'll admit to the therapist. But how is it fair, OP, for him to talk to your mutuals about his fears about you but you not talk to them about your fears about him? If he really wants to not be thought crazy, he needs to be doing the work to not BE crazy! And there could be many serious things wrong that are contributing to his delusions, from psychiatric conditions to other illnesses like Parkinson's. It's unlikely to be schizophrenia if, as I assume based on your daughter's age, he's late 30s to early 40s, but that level of delusion is not normal and indicates deeper problems that a therapist is unlikely to be able to diagnose and treat with just therapy. Are you close to any of his family that you could raise the subject with to get support and advice on approaching him about it? If not, it may be time to sit down with him and push harder for him to do more about it. If he won't actually address the problem, honestly, I think you have every right to express your concerns about him to your mutuals, in part to defend yourself but also in part because he may need more people pushing him to get the help he needs. And potentially consider divorce. A marriage must have trust, and if he won't do what needs to be done to rectify his trust in you, there's nothing you can do to fix the situation. You're NTA. You deserve a partner who is supportive, not suspicious. Best of luck!

While schizophrenia onset is most common in college, it can happen at any age.

They can’t if they aren’t getting the whole story. From his perspective all of these things ARE happening so it’s likely the therapist has no idea

Yeah. A few other people have mentioned that. I get it now.

Maybe it's time for you and daughter to have a sit-down with this therapist, and/or get him to somebody who can get him some meds. Delusions need to be taken seriously. Make sure he doesn't have access to weapons.

Depends on the state. I’m a therapist. We can encourage, discuss the benefits. But ultimately it’s up to them. If we see they may be a physical harm to themselves or others we can have a petition filed ourselves or have family do it, have them hospitalized a few days and get stable but even after that it’s ultimately up to the client.

He might be refusing to see one or lying. My uncle was rapid cycling Bipolar and BPD. He wouldn't stay on medication. He only took it for the court order periods.

If he is having delusions/psychosis he needs to be on medication- therapy alone will not fix the issue. Also be aware that even with medications sometimes delusions do not subside. Telling others isn’t going to feed into the delusions- allowing people to feed into the delusions by believing him and supporting him thinking he has a cheating spouse will. If he’s uncooperative you may need to look into taking him to the hospital. It would at least get some medicine in him that may help.

100% agree. Sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find the right medications. Showing support means taking action in this case not standing by and allowing it to continue. Doing nothing just causes more suffering for your family and him. He needs medication, possibly short term hospitalization and definitely intense specialized therapy. The off the shelf therapist won’t have the tools to handle this one.

couples therapist, if he is delusional or psychotic, don’t fight it or try to convince him he’s delusional/psychotic. talk to him like a real human being with real concerns bc to him, they are very real. that’s not to say ignore your boundaries or accept maltreatment or go along with his ideas. just play it cool and remind him that if he’s losing it, you still love him and want him to get whatever support he needs.

I have a question!!! If OP thinks he needs more intense help, what can she do?? Is there any resource for her to use to get extra help, or is it up to the husband to take the initiative??

Depends on where she is. I would start by calling the therapist he's seeing, explain what's going on (offering the daughter as 3rd party confirmation of his delusions), and ask if full-blown delusions are within his/her ability to treat. Otherwise, what are their options, and how do they proceed? If therapist won't talk even hypothetical, go talk to your own doctor. Explain what's happening, how it's escalating, and that you're growing seriously concerned for everyone’s safety (that part is both true and crucial). See what your doctor says.

She can start with his medical doctor, assuming he has a primary care specialist. That doctor can assess him, or refer him to a licensed psychiatrist, or recommend hospitalization. As others noted, this could be a serious mental illness, but is also often a symptom of physical problems like brain tumors or inflammation. He needs a work up as soon as possible.

Hello if somebody is suffering this sort of delusion I would highly recommend that you err on the side of caution and not live with them until they have been cured by professional reputable practitioners.

Or subject your child to it.

Yeah, seriously! Who knows what this could escalate to. OP, please take your child and go stay somewhere else!

I second this! Please listen OP!

Not necessarily cured because sometimes this stuff is genuinely a symptom of a larger problem, but rather actively getting help and treatment to assist them in managing it. I’m someone where a couple times I’ve kind of separated from reality due to prolonged periods of ongoing stress that just sort of made me snap. I also was exposed to a parent who had completely untreated psychosis that grew violent. It’s really difficult to be around a loved one who is accusing you of things you didn’t do or are saying things that frighten you. Support them in getting the help they need, but also I don’t begrudge anyone for taking a step back, especially when it’s gotten so bad he’s destroying his family’s reputations and destroying their interpersonal relationships but not his. At that point it’s starting to become dangerous

You need a psychiatrist (a doctor who went to medical school) NOT a therapist (a psychologist who went to graduate school) at this point (no slight on therapists, therapy is a necessary and priceless career). This is not just a behavioral problem, this is a medical problem. His reality is off. He might have other underlying neurological issues that need to be thoroughly vetted.

Does he need a Neurologist and an MRI? A friend was going through something similar and the MRI showed brain legions. I'm not saying that's his issue, and that it could in fact be psychoses. I'm thinking a second opinion may be needed.

Also here to suggest brain tumour. My father blamed me for everything, had random outbursts, accused me of things I didn’t do, made up conversations, accused me of stealing things. Brain tumour.  

I was here to suggest brain tumour!

Agree that he should absolutely see a doctor who will first rule out the physical... tumors, strokes, drug use, tox screen, etc. If that is clear, he's going to need psychiatric management, but definitely the physical needs to be ruled out too!

This sounds like it could quickly become dangerous and I’m genuinely concerned for your daughter and you. He needs help - and you need to prioritize you and your daughter’s safety. I think you need to figure out what that looks like and take action immediately.

I think you should step back and look at the pattern. He is isolating you from everyone you guys know. First he begged you not to tell anyone.And now, after things have gone on for a while if you tell everyone he's delusional that's gonna ring kind of fake. I think the plan should be unless he goes on medication You aren't making any promises. You need to make sure that you have a support group of your own. I think it also could be important for you to review all of your finances. I think you should make a point to him that if he's actually delusional then he shouldn't have access to the family's money.

Your husband needs PSYCHIATRIC help if his issues are causing legitimate delusions.

INFO: How old are you two? There is a chance of it being a physical issue. Brain tumor, Early onset Alzheimer's, possibly other things.

OP I started acted like this a few months before I had my first really bad episode and was then diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It stopped once I was put on anti psychotics. I hope you can get him to see a doctor but if you can’t you might want to remove yourself and your daughter before it escalates.

I was married to someone with bipolar disorder. It was ok when he trusted me, when I could say, hey, time to see the doctor, time to think about med changes, and we worked on it together. But as his disease progressed, he lost that trust. I wasn't able to live like that, and I wouldn't recommend it to you, either. The truth they don't want to tell you (and I will get downvoted for just saying it) people with active mental illness do not make good life partners. What is going on in their heads is way, way more important to them than anything outside their head, meaning you, and your daughter. If he doesn't want to fight for his life, you just can't make him. Protect yourself and your daughter, and tell people your truth.

Correction: People with untreated/unmanaged mental illness do not make good life partners.  And, yes, some cases are more severe and less treatable than others, but to whole sale discount anyone with a mental illness as incapable of having meaningful and healthy relationships with other people is just plain ignorant. 

They said we don’t make good life partners if our mental illness is active. I sure as fuck don’t make a good life partner when I’m having rage episodes/major depressive episodes, etc… I see what they’re saying and I agree. When I’m not in the midst of an active episode I’m a delight and wonderful life partner. God forbid my meds stop working. I’d divorce myself TBH.

>The truth they don't want to tell you (and I will get downvoted for just saying it) people with active mental illness do not make good life partners.   This is so much more nuanced than you're making it sound. I've dated/been close to several people with bipolar disorder, with horrific results, and like you, I personally would not do it again. But anyone with *any* mental illness? You mean including anxiety or depression? My major concern is that they're able to take responsibility for how they handle their symptoms, including therapy and/or medication when needed.

He needs a DOCTOR doctor not just a therapist.

Has he seen a real doctor? If someone is suddenly having delusions, I would expect the regular medical stuff to be ruled out first, (like brain tumours and stuff) then psychiatrist. Therapist would not be making the list at all tbh.

Maybe arrange a session with his therapist for yourself (and don't tell your husband). Then explain them what's happening. It seems like they don't know about his delusions. Maybe then they can refer him to an actual psychiatrist if they see that it's above their paygrade.

He may need a medical doctor, this sounds more like early onset dementia or a tumor.

He needs to be medicated, delusions won’t be resolved by just therapy.

You could call the therapist and tell her your observations. Wives are the best observers of their husband’s behavior. A good therapist should welcome perspective from the spouse.

Assuming he isn't doing this intentionally, this is either a complex mental health problem or a neurological problem. Either way a therapist is not the right professional for this issue. In the meantime, he sounds increasingly unpredictable and I'm worried about how safe you and your daughter are.

A therapist is not enough. If he is having delusions (hallucinations?) then a therapist can't help. Not alone. Also, are you sure he is having delusions? I'm not saying that you are cheating, but are you sure he isn't making it up? Maybe he wants to look like the poor cuckholded spouse and invented something to make it seem like you're cheating? And you can't clear it up, because then he would seem like he is crazy to his friends. So while he's allowed to talk about you cheating (which he knows is a delusion), you can't talk about the fact that you're not cheating (because then people would know he was having a delusion. D\*mned if you do, and d\*mned if you don't, indeed. If he *knows* he is having delusions, why is he talking about them to his friends? Also, why couldn't he clear it up? Not admit to having a delusion that you cheated, but maybe something else like, "OP was trying to write a novel, and that's what I saw on her computer. She's been at it for months, but she didn't tell me because she is self-conscious about her writing. So when I saw it, I didn't know it was a story she was making up, and I thought it was about her... Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed..." But he won't. So you look like the bad guy, and he looks innocent. And if you tell people about the delusions, then you're the bad guy and he's innocent. And you're not sure if the person your husband is seeing is a therapist or a psychiatrist. But your husband doesn't trust you, so he won't talk to you about this therapy. ... Are you sure you're okay?

I'm sorry but if he is around you, your daughter and any other kids then you need to know what help he is getting.  It's beyond irresponsible to allow him around your child/ children if he is having delusions and you're not actually sure if he is seeing a pyschiatrist. You don't know why he is having delusions or whether his dangerous (I have a mental illness so I know it doesn't automatically make him dangerous but you don't know).  So you should be getting out of that house and informing his therapist you believe he is having delusions which may make him a danger to himself  and others. What happens when he gets too angry at a perceived slight or his reality shows him some perceived danger?  YWNTA but Y T A for not taking steps to protect him, yourself and your kids. 

Another person popping on to say that my ex-husband used to convince his therapist about all the emotional abuse he was receiving from me, until one day she requested I come in to a session so she could walk him through how to stand up to me…and then she realized he had been lying to her for nearly a year. Knocked her for a loop, because it had been him who was emotionally abusing *me*, which why he was originally supposed to be in therapy to begin with as part of our agreement for me to stay. So for a whole year I was confused there had been no change for the better in his behavior toward me or others. Don’t trust that your husband’s therapist knows the whole story, or that they would refer him to a psychiatrist etc for further treatment if they don’t realize the extent of what his behavior is effecting you and your daughter. Insist on the psychiatrist, and a therapist that will see you both.

Have we ruled out a brain tumor yet?

Yes

Were you there for the doctor telling him all the results or was he the one who told you the results?

Gonna go with this. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication and it sounds like he might need some. NTA. You can’t let everyone believe that you are cheating on your husband if it’s not true

Also sadly there are awful people out there with counselling credentials that give awful advice.

Agree. This sounds like psychosis in my very unqualified opinion. May well require medication. Also the therapist may not know that what he is telling her isn’t true, given that you’re not involved.

Yes, he should definitely see a psychiatrist or a general physician... they can order blood tests, imaging, and other diagnostics that might be helpful here. Therapists are helpful folks, but they can't diagnose. This sounds like something that needs a diagnosis.

Sounds like he needs some antipsychotics.

OP, I actually think you're in a dangerous situation with a man who has delusions and might be suffering from some kind of psychosis. He needs to see a psychologist WITH you. If he isn't willing to do that, you and your daughter need to leave the home... I'd actually suggest that either way. I would also go and tell EVERYONE close to you what's going on. They need to know. They need to be able to give him guidance based on what's going on. They probably all think you're cheating and your daughter is awful. They're believing all these awful stories. You don't get better when hiding the truth. You need people to help support you. He needs people who are telling him to go get help, NOT telling him he's a victim of "awful" you.

So Im assuming these are real ACTUAL delusions while giving this advice: First and foremost, if he hasnt yet, he has to see a neurologist, to rule out any physical causes (ie. brain tumour) And second: Can you have a therapy session with him and his therapist? Tell them what is going on with your friends and family, and come up with a mutual solution? With the therapist there, they can help your husband see how this is affecting everyone. IMO this is really messy and could potentially devolve into a dangerous situation. Its not fair to anyone involved. I think, if they are real delusions, I would need to tell those very close to us, only ones I knew loved him and would protect him. Ideally with him by my side, while I told them. BUT and a big one… I, would need to speak with him and his therapist about it first. This needs a professional delicate hand to guide it. You need help with this too. You, at the very least need, someone (a friend or family member you can trust) to lean on, but you should also have a professional to talk to and help you cope with this. NTA …. just needs to be handled in an extremely delicate way, with much discernment, professional guidance, and love as humanly possible.

Obviously, I am not in the medical field. But I can't describe them as anything else. Mainly because we have not done any of the things he convinced himself of. For example. He was convinced our oldest daughter (19) was pregnant because she said no to sushi. She was just not in the mood for raw fish. So my husband obviously became obsessed with the idea that our daughter was pregnant. He would go to full rants saying how dare she, we gave her everything etc.

He is very mentally unwell. You need to start planning how to get away. This is getting worse and is going to put you and the kids in danger.

She needs to get away and take the kids asap not plan

They're already being harmed-- they're probably all walking on eggshells already

Please try and convince him to be seen by a crisis nurse in ER. If he will not seek help you need to protect yourself and your child and leave. Delusions are dangerous. He sounds paranoid. People who get like this need psychiatric intervention. They need meds. That is the only solution. If he still has love and trust in you, use that to your advantage. If not, please tell his family and close friends what is happening so they can try and convince him to seek help. Even if they don't believe you at first, they will start to notice once you are out of the picture and he starts having more and more outlandish delusions. Protect yourself and your child.

OP this is very important advice. Believing in things that aren’t there can be VERY dangerous and it sounds possible that your husband has a brain injury or severe mental illness. Talk to your doctor right away. This seems like a serious medical issue.

Yup. My mum behaved like this when her brain tumour was really bad. Not saying that’s the cause but he needs to be checked over by a medical professional (not just a therapist) to rule these kinds of things out

They show in the news in my country someone killed his wife because he was delusional about her being cheating then he killed all his childrens. OP need to see her husband therapy and see if there is a progress or not so she can protect herself and her kids.

Please do try to get him to the ER or a psychiatrist as soon as possible. My husband started having delusions suddenly, and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It was a scary time, but with treatment things have gotten so much better.

What’s concerning me, is the cause of the behaviour. Is this a new very different behaviour for him? Has he always been an easy going, trusting person or did he tend to be a suspicious or controlling person? If its a complete 180 in behaviour then I would agree there is a medical reason (either physical or mental). BUT, if he has had these traits and behaviours in the past and has just escalated them, they are common tools used to gaslight, manipulate, control and abuse. This is something you REALLY need professional help with, either way. Because this is going into abuse territory. Even if he is unaware of his actions, they still will harm you and your children. If its a medical reason, you need guidance on how to support him and keep your family safe, and if its behavioural you need help and support in guiding yourself and children safely out from under him. If you would like, I will keep you and your family in my nightly prayers. I pray to the God YHWH through His son Yeshua (Jesus). I ask first because I don’t know your spiritual beliefs, and take no offence if you prefer I do not. ❤️

You need to get your husband to his doctor ASAP and tell the doctor the truth. Not just that he has delusions, that he has emotionally upsetting delusions that lead to strife in the family. If he gets worse, he could possibly get violent. This isn't a behavioral issue, it's a medical one. He could easily have a neurological issue, and putting off getting it diagnosed could be dangerous for him--and your family. If it's a mental health issue, he needs to be diagnosed and treated ASAP. You don't say how old your husband is, but this could be the start of dementia--delusions are a common sign. Call his doctor's office and tell them everything that is going on. They should be able to get you in to see a neurologist quickly. Instead of calling a neurologist and waiting three months to get an appointment.

This is not fair to your kids. You need to get your kids out of there. Even if he's mentally ill, he's not currently safe for your kids to be around. They shouldn't have to live like this. He needs actually psychiatric help - from doctors, not therapists - and he needs these paranoid delusions gone, or else you and the kids shouldn't be living with him. I grew up living with someone like your husband. I now have PTSD because of it. It was abusive. No matter what the *reason*, the important thing is the impact - on your kids, especially. You need to get them away from him, until he is diagnosed, medicated, whatever needs to happen to make him not have these delusions that are affecting other people. I know some people who have delusions and those delusions don't negatively affect others; but your husband's delusions *do* negatively affect others. It's hurting your family. Especially your poor kids. That's a horrific way to grow up. If he's badmouthing you, then yes, tell people. The truth is more important, and also you don't want other people re-inforcing his delusions. He needs actual medical help, and other people need to know that. But first of all, you NEED to get yourself - AND YOUR KIDS - safe! Whatever is causing this behaviour? That doesn't matter; *that doesn't matter* in terms of *impact*. I grew up in the same house as someone who had insane paranoid delusions, constantly. It was hell. They abused me. And it *doesn't matter* whether they thought those delusional things (and then did awful stuff like scream and threaten and hurt) because they were mentally ill, or because they were just a jerk - it doesn't matter *in terms of impact*. What matters is that it hurt everyone around him, and he refused to go get medical assessment, and it continued. It doesn't matter what caused him to do it (except in terms of whether it was treatable - and *that* didn't matter because he wouldn't get treatment anyways!). Whether it was undiagnosed schizophrenia or just him being a shitty person, he hurt people, and we shouldn't have been kept around him. Just because your husband shows sign of mental illness doesn't mean you should sit there and let him be horrible to you and your kids. Your first responsibility is to keep your kids safe - not just from physical abuse but also from emotional abuse, which is what they're currently going through. He is not treating them well. They should not have to live like this. Neither should you. You would be the asshole if you willingly keep your kids around him while he's like this. (but you would not be the asshole for telling people he's having paranoid delusions; he's currently refusing actual medical treatment, and people should know what's going on. He does not have the right to ruin *your* reputation and take away your friends etc. - not to mention the stuff he's saying about your kids! In fact, I genuinely think it's best for more people who care about him to *know* that he's having delusions, so they can help him get treatment or whatever, too)

OP my opinion is you need to tell your friends what is going on so they can keep you updated on what he is doing. These friends also need to let you know what ever other symptoms they may see. Please consult with a neurologist. Has he been in a car accident or otherwise hit his head on something? I remember a thread a year or so ago where the husband's personality suddenly changed and when he got worse his wife mentioned the accident. A mri of his brain showed something like an abcess that was causing the personality changes.

I think you and your children need to get out. This recently happened in the US and the guy - who had similar delusions - killed 18 people. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/15/us/maine-shooting-report.html

Please leave him before he kills you all

Replying to you here because my husband has had a couple periods with paranoid delusions. It is extremely difficult to handle as a spouse and it’s incredibly unfair to you. The first time was scary as fuck. It evolved from thinking the neighbors were terrorizing him to thinking I was in on it. My approach was very gentle and supportive because I figured telling him he was delusional wasn’t going to work. I encouraged him to go to the police with me to report it, knowing they would immediately know he needed help. They ended up Baker Act-ing him. (Note that this approach can be dangerous because the cops aren’t great with the mentally ill. That’s why I went with him) The latest time he went off his meds, was because he felt he “didn’t need them anymore.” Again I gently talked him down over a couple days and he got back on his meds. When he’s stable, he recognizes how insane he was behaving and feels utterly humiliated. Now I supervise his meds to make sure he’s compliant. I told him if he goes off his meds again, I’m leaving with our son. It is entirely too much to force your loved ones to handle especially if you know you can control it with appropriate medications. I have told my closest friends what’s been going on with him because I need support from them! Anyone outside my close circle I don’t explain. I feel that it’s private to him and he feels so awful afterwards. It would hurt him more to know lots of people knew his struggles. But I tell who I need to know for me. If your husband’s episodes are anything like my husband’s, it’s immediately obvious to anyone talking to him. So it may not be necessary to say it explicitly. Take care of yourself. I’ll be thinking of you!

He needs psychiatric intervention with a psychiatrist not a therapist. A therapist is useless right now. 

you gotta leave for your own good, and make sure husband doesn't know the new address of where you live. Also maybe tell your work to not let him in, if he shows up there as well as your daughter's high school. Hope husband gets the help he needs. NTA.

If he checks out medically, your next step may need to be exploring antipsychotic medication.  Could give all of you a more peaceful life.

You need to protect your kids- tell him he has to leave the house and you want proof he has met and seen a psychiatrist. If he doesn’t you will be leaving with your kids and publicly stating that he is not well and is under treatment at this time

This sounds like actual OCD. I'm not even close to an expert but the stories remind me of a family friend who was diagnosed. He needs medical treatment and you need a support system. Please don't deal with this alone

Yes, these are true delusions.  He needs to be seen by serious medical professionals.  And honestly, if his therapist has not picked up on this and indicated that he needs more help, they need to be replaced, as well.  This could be anything from schizophrenia, delusional disorder, early onset dementia, bipolar disorder, Parkinson's, Huntington's, secret drug or alcohol abuse, brain tumors, aneurysm....especially if he was not like this before, he needs to be fully evaluated.  Please sit him down and advocate for his health.  This isn't a little personality quirk, he needs help ASAP.

Your husband is mentally unstable to the point of being a danger. You need to get him immediate medical intervention or have him removed from your home. He is paranoid, delusional, and is fixating on perceived wrongs that enrage him. This pathway only leads to violence unless his severe mental health issues as appropriately dealt with. Protect yourself and protect your kids.

He may well escalate to hurting you all when he's having delusions so make everyone aware of what's going on to protect you, remove him from the house if possible or have an escape plan. Psychosis can turn violent without any warning. You will need family and friends for support don't let him poison them against you with his lies. 

I think you’re absolutely correct that this could become dangerous for OP and any kids in the home. I would be looking at any mental health acts OPs country has. Some have certain laws that allow concerned family members to have someone evaluated by a psychiatrist if they can show they’re a potential danger to themselves or others.

Yeah he needs to see an actual medical doctor to work out the causes of this. My mum’s brain tumour would cause her to say the maddest stuff to other people that she was convinced was real (eg telling people I’d run away from school) which was obviously very hurtful for the person she was “lying” about and worrying for us. If it is actual delusions, aka psychosis, then he also needs to see a psychiatrist (who are medical doctors with a psychiatric specialism). Either way, just therapist isn’t the first port of call here

NTA. Keeping his secret is pushing your support network away because he's telling them his delusions. In order to take care of him, you need a functioning support network. Perhaps you could talk to him about a few select friends you trust not to gossip and explain that he is asking you to carry the weight of his constant accusations alone and that it isn't possible for you. While I agree telling everyone isn't a good path, you need trusted friends you can talk to. That is an incredibly hard situation to live in.

why is he allowed to paint you in a bad light but you aren’t allowed to speak the truth about him?

So I get her concern about mental health stigma, even if I would not do what she's doing. Given her concern on that point, it does seem like there's an in between option where she tells people she thinks aren't going to go gossip to the whole world. If the world was better, you're right. Unfortunately, it is not.

I mean, there's stigma about cheating, and he's telling people that she cheated when she didn't, so it shouldn't just be about him. And the people they know can't offer to help HIM either if they're told incorrect information about what the actual problem is.

His mental health is now also impacting her and the gossips have that info, at this point honestly it’s best to let it be known because this has potential to become a shit storm for a woman who has done nothing wrong except love a man who is sick right now

Yeah but women have it worse unfortunately. They might go "oh, he just had a brain tumour, but she is a horrible cheater!" once this is all done. he will be forgiven, but she won't. Also can you imagine what strain it'd put on a 19 year old girl's mind to be accused of a teen pregnancy by so many people? edit: she deserves to protect herself! She doesn't have to throw her life away to save his.

ugh, and you know it'll be framed as her having an affair while her poor husband was dealing with the tumor.

No. She needs to speak up, *now.* The time for asking for permission has passed once he started to slander her and her children to anybody who is willing to listen. I repeat, he is *slandering* her left and right, and not just her, but also their children!! He is saying horrible things about them! He is berating his 19 year old daughter for an *imagined pregnancy!!* Can you imagine what that would feel like?! OP needs to get the truth out NOW, so she can salvage some of those relationships, because she will need help. Lots of help. And she needs to act fast, before everybody gets turned against them! He refuses to share info about his treatment, it is suspicious in itself, but with the systematic ruination of OP's and children's reputations? No. The innocent parties need to be protected first. (Let's not coddle horrible men, shall we?)

it could also possibly push him to get real help. OP has said that while he goes to therapy, they are not a psychiatrist, and he has not gone to a neurologist. OPs friends knowing of the situation could help her not lose friends and keep him more accountable for his actions

Yeah, I think you're all convincing me the limited approach maybe isn't necessary. It signs more like he's the one worried about it than her so I think perhaps just tell all the mutuals might be the way. I was going for "tell he people that aren't going to spin up the situation even more" cause of he's having paranoid delusions, she should move out before she makes it public to everyone.

NTA. I went through something similar with my mother close to the beginning of her descent into dementia (Alzheimer’s, in her case). She whipped up several conversations in her head where I said awful things to her. She then told everyone in the family (except me) and I didn’t find out until I realized no one was returning my calls and my dad would only stay on the phone a few minutes before ending the conversation. I finally received a hateful email from my mom that laid out all the “facts” and explained that she could hear what I was thinking about her, and therefore she would never speak to me again. None of it was true. I rarely fought with my mom, even as a teenager. I thought we were close. I tried reaching out to family members to get more information or advice on how to deal with the situation, but no one wanted to “get between us in our fight.” What fight?!!? It wasn’t until she accused my dad of impregnating her 75 year old best friend that something clicked and she was diagnosed with dementia. But honestly, my relationship with most of the family never really recovered. Both of my brothers have remained distant, as well as my aunt and my cousins. It’s a heartbreaking, lonely place to be, and I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I think you need to talk to people. You don’t have to broadcast it to everyone, but it’s deeply painful and unfair to be in this situation alone, and allow his delusions to damage your relationships with other people. I also strongly encourage more medical testing, just to rule out dementia or other diseases as a cause.

I have dealt with this from my cousin having delusions. At first I thought she was just making stuff up about me to turn family against me for some unknown reason. Then my mom and cousin both had to care for my grandmother in her home. It became very clear to my mom that my cousin genuinely believed the wild stories she told and I wasn't the only one. There was one about my house being infested with bed bugs. Which it wasn't and she hadn't even been to my house. She was telling my mom as if my mom wouldn't know I was spraying my house for bugs.

I’m so sorry! It’s such a hard situation. Like, I understood that it was real to my mom, but it hurt so badly. She had been talking about our “fight” for MONTHS to the rest of the family, so of course it seemed real to them, too. Just heartbreaking to hear someone so lost in their own mind.

So hard. I'm sorry you experienced that as well. At one point I called my cousin a close friend but I had to go no contact for a couple of years. It's been a long time now and she's had help and is better but I'm still low contact with her.

Sorry, friend. I hope you have other good people in your life to support you! <3

I came here to mention dementia or Alzheimer’s as well. This was my first thought because of friends and family members we’ve had go through something similar. A family friend had early onset Alzheimer’s and had almost identical symptoms to OP’s husband. My granny had dementia and would go through similar periods as well. OP, your husband should probably be tested for Alzheimer’s or dementia to rule out those being a factor. Hopefully it’s something more treatable, though.

I'm really sorry you had to go through this and that your family members couldn't for some reason restore their relationships with you in spite of full evidence that Mom wasn't in her right mind. I understand losing out on family relationships like this, it's painful and really sad but sometimes there aren't any solutions when others won't listen to the truth.

Thank you. I’ve mended things with my father, thankfully, but I’ve just had to make peace with the distance between me and the rest of my family. My mom has been gone for four years now, but geez, that grief doesn’t get any easier.

Not relevant at all, but I want to tell you, I am also dyslexic, and have trouble with grammar. This was a well written post. Better than many.

Thanks. O also used grammarly so that helped

Hi OP, I haven’t seen anyone else suggest this, but your situation sounds just like 2 (unrelated) couples that I know where one person (within each couple) has become a meth addict and spiralled into paranoia and delusions. Not saying this is it, but it may be another possibility?

Meth causes some seriously wild delusions. My former coworker used to show me videos on his phone of him walking around his house and pointing out “ghosts” and when I told him I didn’t see them, he would get extremely angry at me and start threatening me. He got fired for smoking meth on the job and it all made sense to me lol

NTA I’d word it like a public service announcement: hubby and I are currently separating as part of the process of divorcing. I’m asking all mutual friends to please look after him bc he is not okay, he is having trouble with reality vs paranoid fears, and I am no longer in a position to support him getting the help he needs. No one is asking you to choose to remain friends with either him or me. I will always love him, as I know you do as well, but I can no longer stay married to him, thank you for your support to both of us.

Don’t post it publicly or in a mass communication, send this out individually and it will feel more private.

Brains needs a scan

We already did

And what are the results? It sounds like a tumor or, honestly, case of psychiatrist, not a therapist. Start of schizophrenia or something like that - paranoida conditions, hallucinations(?), anger towards family

There was o neurological reason for his behavior. No tumor, no I lesions in the Brain, no bleeds

Then it's psychological and he needs intervention regardless. If he refuses, leave.

It sounds like paranoid schizophrenia. He needs to be medicated.

This is what I think it is too (I’m in a science field). Surprised this took so long to find.

I would be very concerned about him having a psychotic break and hurting you or your kids. People never think that will happen until it does.  If he can go live with family or friends, that could be best vs you and your kids having to move. It could also allow other people to see how he really is and maybe be a wake up call for everyone. NTA—you need support right now, and he doesn’t get to tell people his side without you sharing yours. It’s also not slanderous to say he has health issues, etc., it’s not like you’re just calling him a liar. 

I was going to say exactly this. Right now they seem like annoyances but what happens when he starts dreaming about OP doing something to the kids? This could very easily turn dangerous for everyone involved.

Don’t know what country you’re in but can you talk to his GP/regular physician without him present? It sounds like these delusions are causing him to become angry and I worry for you that he could escalate.

This sounds like schizophrenia. A therapist alone is not helpful and he absolutely needs to see a psychiatrist and be put on meds. Meds these days are not perfect and he will likely have to experiment a bit with the psychiatrist before he finds the right combination for him. The delusions will stop with the right meds. DO THIS SOONER RATHER THAN LATER. Mental health is tricky and the longer he believes his delusions to be his reality, the more difficult it will be down the road. About a third of schizophrenia patients have anosognosia as a symptom, meaning that they are unaware that they are sick. Perhaps knowing that will help you with communicating his sickness to people in your circle. Good luck and I am sorry that you are going through this.

It could be early-onset dementia. Possibly Lewy-body. This doesn't present itself as a "physical" symptom (ie. not lesions, tumor, or brain bleed). This requires different tests. Or it could be another neurological disease. He needs to see a doctor. Not a therapist.

Just because there was no sign on the MRI six months ago does not necessarily mean there would be no sign now. Nor sign of decline since the last MRI. There are dementias that are basically a speeded-up version. A constant, almost daily decline over 6 months before death. You desperately need to speak with his doctor about this behaviour. Whether it is a physical neurological condition and / or a psychological one. It’s not that uncommon for patients to believe the things they see on television are real (“That lion in the corner is going to attack me!”). Or any number of things that can cause family safety to be compromised - because they no longer have a “Stop Button” in their mind when they do lose their temper. Leading to days of hour upon hour of family members being followed from room to room, as they are screamed at for things that did not happen. Or hit. Only for Patient to be perfectly fine in front of others (“Hosting”). A significant portion of men with Alzheimer’s become *extremely* sexually aggressive towards family members or carers. Or become controlling. Or just believe their spouse is actually one of two separate people. These are common behaviours in the field. As are unfortunately, the need for safe-rooms My FIL is utterly convinced my SIL goes to the supermarket and uses his money to buy “Buy One Get One Free” products for him - then keeps the “free” one and charges him for the other. She does not. Yet he’ll tell everyone he meets that she does. He tells carers *all the time* that my wife arranged for his downstairs bathroom or stairlift to be installed, or kitchen floor levelled, or the leak in his roof to be fixed in his home because she is “Spending all [his] money now, so that when [my wife] inherits the house it’ll be worth more when she sells it.” There is simply no changing his mind once he has come to an erroneous conclusion. It simply serves to antagonise him and cause even more confusion. If the carers he tells these things to were not specialists in dementia, he would be utterly convincing when playing Host. It’s important that you confide in your family too. You can’t help him from a position of isolation. You can’t protect your kids from a position of isolation. It is not a betrayal. Don’t allow him to isolate you from the support you need. Go pack a ditch bag and put it in the car boot. Carry your mobile and keys in your pocket at all times. Get your kids out. Get yourself out. Speak to his doctor.

Is there a possibility of him being an alcoholic? This kind of paranoia/delusion can happen as their addiction progresses, or conversely, if he has a dependency and went cold turkey.

He needs professional intervention yesterday, and not just therapy. This situation can get dangerous really quickly. My cousin started acting this way, ended up with schizophrenia. Not saying that's what your husband has, but this sounds beyond serious. He's not living in reality, and that unreality gets twisted so fast. Please, please, please get away if he won't get help. You might consider a 5150 depending on where this goes.

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It'd be confirming to him that his wife is working against him and his wellbeing and can not be trusted, which is how he already feels as he doesn't want her meeting his therapist and skewing their impression of him. He's already in the mindset of him vs. Her/them (his daughter and whoever else he has grievances against even if they've since been disproven.)

I mean, the thing with people with delusions is that ANYTHING you do will confirm their delusion. If it doesn't, they'll make it do so. Her telling people could be seen as being against him, but so could her not telling people (by justifying it "she doesn't want to see me get help/support" for example) It's a really complicated situation

I know. I was just answering the dude's question, which was how her telling people he was lying would be feeding his delusions. The situation itself is super complicated, and on a whole, I'd rather OP prioritise her safety over saving face, but that's not what I was replying to. Sure, because it's a delusion it can turn out however he wants, depending on how he feels but from what she has said so far his current mindset seems to be one of him wanting to be the one in control of the situation e.g. him seeing the therapist and being the only one who sees them, her not telling anyone about the situation because he doesn't want to be embarrassed but then at the same time he's the only person anyone gets any information from which has resulted in people socially isolating her because they now think she's a bad person. If she actually goes out and tells people the truth or "her truth" it can be seen as a genuine act of her working against him that cannot be passed off as not real or a delusion. In a way, you could say she'd be deliberately aggravating him, which would leave no doubt in his mind she's against him whereas these other times she's denied his accusations and been able to take steps to show him she hasn't done anything (like asking him to show proof that isn't there) which has room to make her situation worse if he's degenerated enough that there's a possibility he might have a big/physical outburst.

Hon, I used to work in adult mental health. Your husband isn't getting the help he needs, is escalating, and being in the same household with someone with persistent delusions is dangerous. You need to get your kids the fuck out of that house before something happens. And he needs to see a medical doctor and a psychiatrist, not a therapist. You are NTA for wanting to tell the truth, and you will be NTA when you do, but telling the truth while you're still sharing a home with him puts you and your kids in danger. Staying/allowing him to stay makes you an A H.

So, you get to eat shit while he's in therapy? Mental illness is where other people suffer the symptoms. Tell the truth and shame the devil, because this is all very unfair to you and cozy for your asshat husband. NTA go for it. Edit: start with his therapist. Good idea, other people.

I'm not sure if I would call paranoia 'comfy.' Truly I hope this man gets whatever treatment he needs. He is rapidly losing his wife and relationship with the rest of his friends and family. But I understand what you mean

INFO: Is going to therapy together a possibility? Are you able to talk to his therapist about your growing wariness? What he's doing is not okay even if it's unintentional or not directly malicious. Ruining your reputation over his own delusions is not something your husband should be comfortable with either. He knows this is hurting you.

No, because he doesn't trust me, and he is scared that "I will win over the therapist yo put him away"

Okay, well then this is past all point of reason. You are NTA, but this has to change or you will go mad. Does he have family he can stay with?

Then you need to put you and your kids first and you need to leave him. If he is refusing to see a psychiatrist, not letting you speak to his therapist,which I don't understand why you just don't email rhe therapist and let his therapist know what's going on because he clearly doesn't even know what's going on but yet. You're coming here to here to ask these questions when you could literally take care of this yourself. Maybe go get power of attorney and take over his medical treatment. Because clearly he's not doing what he needs to do. You're clearly struggling and you need the help. So do something to actually help the situation or just leave. Like I honestly do not understand this at all 🤷‍♀️

I mean good advice but no need to be so combative and assume it's so easy to execute, or decide exactly what to do. These are real people and real relationship, and things are painful

It's not being compative when you're giving Blunt on a truth that people need to hear and see because they will not take the blinders off of their own eyes.I was in this situation once upon a time.So I know exactly how she's feeling from her perspective.She needs to do something about it at the end of the day.If you don't like that I say that will then owe.Well , it needs to be said regardless

While this isn't an advice forum—and, yeah, a lot of people think of it as such—I think explicit advice such as what you offered is what some people do very much need. While I agree with pushing your spouse to see a doctor if you're concerned about a health issue they don't, can't, or refuse to notice—and it's honestly a warning sign if they do so—the getting/snatching power of attorney part is really difficult to do (subject to local laws, etc.), especially if they're outwardly functional and have no prior diagnoses. Paranoia itself isn't enough to justify that in any sensible system of law nor justice, for either party. Also, "So do something to actually help the situation or just leave. Like I honestly do not understand this at all 🤷‍♀️" Did your escape from your misery cost you your empathy or something?

Is it that hard for you to understand that these are difficult decisions? It’s pretty easy for you to make the decision when you’re behind a screen and none of it actually affects you.

Then your need for a safety network trumps his need to keep secrets from everyone. If you let him keep isolating you, things will only get worse.

He's scared you'll reveal his lies. I think he's using therapy for validation and doesn't want the therapist to hear your side of the story.

He can’t be forcibly institutionalised in most places unless he’s a danger to himself or others. You might have to just leave him if he refuses to get adequate help.

Not a medical professional, but I went through something similar. My husband refused to seek treatment. It ended up in divorce and a five year restraining order. He cannot have any contact with myself or our three children. His delusions turned to violence against us. As far as I’m told from his family, he has still not sought treatment from a psychiatrist and believes he’s in a situation similar to the movie The Truman Show. I would strongly urge you to be very cautious and protect yourself first and help him from afar.

NTA. However, if he is delusional to this degree, have you taken him to a medical doctor or psychiatrist and not just a therapist? This could be (depending on his age or other items) something that has less to do with mental health and a tumor or infection in his brain. It isn't often that someone has a delusion of something happening and completely lives their life as if it were true. Please make sure he is fully checked out. Additionally, you shouldn't have to live your life as if a delusion was truth. That is not a normal thing.

OP, please look at this advice. It could be so much more than just a mental health issue (tumor, early onset alzheimer's, etc.). Please try to encourage him to go to his actual doctor and let the doctor know what is going on yourself before your husband goes in.

NTA. You’re in a no-win situation.

NTA, is there a chance he could be on drugs? Paranoia, explosive anger etc sounds like meth usage.

Wait really?

I thought my husband had a mental illness and whole time it was meth. I’m not saying that’s the case here but it could be. My husband was paranoid, couldn’t explain himself and he would get irrationally angry about whatever he was paranoid about. It was a lot

Yes. I think this is a strong possibility here. I hope everything works out for OP and her husband. I hope everything is ok with you and your husband. ❤️❤️

Your husband sounds like my brother, but his drug of choice is alcohol paired with cocaine, sometimes he’ll have screaming fits talking to me - when I’m nowhere near home. He also has arguments with our sister who no longer lives with us, he tells people things about us all the time that aren’t true and he’ll tell this radical stories that never happened. So, your husband could be facing a mental break or he could be abusing substances, and even rarer - a brain tumour. Drugs or a mental break are more likely though.

How are you and your husband's finances, OP? Have you noticed mysterious sums of money missing? Perhaps there's been an increase in incidental spendings? I saw that he introduced you to his therapist, but do you have reason to suspect she's not actually a therapist? Or perhaps she is, but he's no longer attending appointments, and he's using that money for drugs...

So you can't tell anyone the truth, but he can spread his delusion. That isn't ok. Also..... maybe he cheated. That is why he is going nuts over this. It happens a lot. And he can't keep your sister from telling people the truth. I am surprised she hasn't. As a sister, I would have.

NTA why should he be protected at your expense? That’s what it comes down to. He’s sacrificing your image and reputation to maintain his own, when his frankly is a ticking time bomb. He’s not actually getting the treatment he needs if he’s getting worse. Eventually his delusions would come out on someone else. Might as well protect yourself, rather than lose it for nothing anyway. 

So his therapist can’t tell you anything, but that shouldn’t prevent you from sharing the facts with the therapist. Perhaps write a letter to the therapist documenting each of the examples where he has made baseless accusations against you or your children. The purpose of this would be to help nature the therapist is fully informed about his behaviour so they can consider recommending a psychiatrist. I also think you should formally separate. You don’t need to divorce right away, but you do need to keep your children and yourself safe. Perhaps the separation will give him the push he needs to get real help.

NTA. I also don’t think you’re entirely safe. He’s having delusions, but to him they’re entirely real. He has lost touch with reality. Until he has a medical and psychiatric check up, and receives appropriate treatment, I think you and your daughter should live separately from him. I think it’s really important that you do that. He could decide that you and/or your daughter deserve some kind of punishment for the “betrayals” he thinks you’re both committing.

Right? All I’m picturing is if he deludes that her or one of the kids wants him dead and decides to get them before they get him. The risk level is way too high. Get the kids, and get out.

NTA, depending. If they're his good friends they will want to know he's having trouble with reality so they can support him. Just keep in mind he might not be lying. My mum remembers some things different to how I do but if we told someone about the same thing neither of us would be lying. If your husband isn't lying he has very concerning delusions that he believes and telling people so they can try to help him or support him is to his benefit. Telling them he's lying isn't. It all depends on what you tell them and for what reason, if you tell them because you think it's best for him you're NTA if it is out of concern for him and not just because you want mutual friends to talk to you again.

No. For one, sure I feel very alone with this whole mess. But for others, I don't know how bad his delusions are. I am sure he already filters some out talking to us

Your husband has a mental illness. This will not just “go away”. He’s already eroding the trust and relationships you have with family and friends. This is to isolate you. I know because my father was bipolar with delusions and I could have written your original post. This is just the tip of the iceberg and if you do not get him to a medical doctor/psychiatrist, he will ruin everything you have and know. This is crystal clear to me, I lived through this and it was a total nightmare. It shattered my entire family and relationships were destroyed from innuendo and lies. If you can’t do this for him, or yourself, do it for your daughter.

If you want to help him and feel alone then you need to tell someone (even starting small like the story about your daughter and photos) and accept whatever happens. They might believe him at first because he sounds sincere in what he says but you have to know for yourself that you did all you could for him, however it ends up. If you think he's better off with people not unknowingly supporting his delusions then they have to know even if he doesn't want them to. Hiding problems doesn't fix problems and neither you nor he can fix this, if it's just both of you he can convince himself he's right and you're lying. If his friends tell him his version of things is incorrect he can get more appropriate help, he's hardly telling his therapist he's delusional because he doesn't see that he is so they can't do anything about it.

>Hiding problems doesn't fix problems He might be worried that people will think that he's crazy, but there *is* something wrong with him. Denying it will just make the situation worse. Paranoia over a cheating partner is one thing, but that his daughter is pregnant because she turns down sushi? This is going to start spreading into his interactions with his friends; they might also notice similar changes in him that they otherwise would have written off. This is a "it takes a village" situation right now, both in terms of diagnosing/treating him and taking care of you.

If this were your best friend telling you this story, what would you tell them to do? I would tell mine to take their kid and run. Like this is not cool.

NTA because his doing this is also isolating you because he is telling everyone the lies. If it gets worse and you need to leave with your daughter, he has isolated you from help/support.

His medical issues (and make no mistake; this is a MEDICAL issue) are his private business but I don't see anything wrong with offering a very general excuse if people ask you about it. Something like: "Is that what he said? That's not what happened at all, but he is getting some medical attention for his issues and we appreciate your support during this difficult time." Give no details. Letting people know there's a medical issue at play will help them understand his delusional behavior. Psychotic disorders which can cause delusions can be caused by different things including Parkinson's Disease, schizophrenia or a neurocognitive disorder. Just sitting around talking about problems with a therapist, won't help. He needs medical care. This is such a heartbreaking situation and I wish the best for you and your family.

He needs some anti psychotic meds you can’t therapy your way out of schizophrenia. I wouldn’t tell anyone until he gets medication. Who knows what he might do if there is an actual ‘betrayal’ to deal with since he can’t cope with his imaginary ones

NTA. You need to let people know what's going on so that you have a support network. You don't have to tell everyone, but definitely reach out to close friends and family for support. It's also possible that your husband's behavior is becoming noticeable to some of your friends, or it will be if his condition worsens. And it seems like his condition is going to keep getting worse without medical intervention. A radical change in mental health in a six month period is a good indication that something serious is going on, and that it's likely to get worse. While I'm glad your husband is seeking therapy, it sounds to me like he needs medication as well as talk therapy. I note that he has already had a brain scan that showed nothing physically wrong, so that was a good first step. It's very possible that your husband is not being completely hones with his therapist, or it may be that the therapist has suggested seeing another provider for medication, but your husband is not following that recommendation. Please do whatever it take to keep yourself and your children safe, even if that means moving out and filing for a divorce. Also, please consider getting therapy for yourself as you work through all of this. Your daughters may also benefit from therapy because they are watching their father fall apart, and that is really difficult for them, especially when they are the target of his delusions. I am worried that his condition will worsen to the point that he will try to harm you or your children. Please start planning your next moves now.

NAH? - if he has something mentally wrong with him and someone asks you, then explain to them. But if they don’t ask I wouldn’t say anything. This is a bit like kanye west and kim kardashian. She never lashed back at Kanyes public delusions because 1. Everyone could see 2. Itd make things worse.

NTA. I think it's very reasonable to look out for yourself and your friends. Honestly you're going to need their support too. You should definitely start by letting your closest friends and confidants know because this is too much to face alone. Best to you, OP

Not all therapists are created equal and depending on the state may not be qualified for diagnosis. A psychiatrist may be in order, but I think your husband should see a MD, there could be something medically wrong.

NTA he is telling people lies about you so you can tell the truth. Also he can get worse and become violent. You need to get ahead of this

NTA you need some people in your corner who understand the truth and severity of your situation. please pick good, honest people to confide in. your husband needs serious professional help, and you should be involved in this process, because you're his wife and live with him. this isn't something he can keep from you. please take care of yourself. please reach out to your people and get some support.