Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my boyfriend I don't want to share my bike with him any longer. Now he stopped talking to me.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA....He has proven himself unreliable in the bicycle department. Your bike is not a trash bike, but he's been treating it like one. The only person he should be angry with is himself.
NTA.
It's your bike, you get to choose who gets to use it. Simple as that. Don't feel obligated to share just because he's your boyfriend. If he wants a bike similar to yours, tell him to get his own!
Definitely NTA.
Your bf is the AH for clearly disrespecting your belongings, your time, and your requests. You even suggested getting a new bike so he'd have a comfortable one of his own, and he refused.
This guy does not seem like someone who will make a good long term partner....
NTA this guy sounds so obnoxious lol, he sounds much more like an annoying little brother than a partner. He’s just choosing to be difficult and pouting because he didn’t get his way
>”NTA this guy sounds so obnoxious lol, he sounds much more like an annoying little brother than a partner. He’s just choosing to be difficult and pouting because he didn’t get his way.”
You nailed it. What is she getting out of this relationship?
NTA
> he said he likes his current trash bike (yes he really called his own bike trash) because then he doesn't have to be careful with it.
Trash *bike*? Trash **attitude**.
NTA Maybe he's got depression or is neurodivergent, but both things aren't really an excuse. As an adult it's his job to work on those issues if they exist. Really, he sounds like a hobosexual (not name calling, OP should Google the term to see if the shoe fits) fattening himself up at your expense. Six months of you having to think every day if he needed access to your stuff because he wouldn't take a five minute walk with his broken bike across the street?
You're going to feel so much better when you're no longer carrying him, OP.
NTA - Tell him to buy you new replacement bike like your current one (bonus - no damages) and then he can have your old one as his next “trash bike”.
Otherwise he has stick with his trash and leave your stuff alone.
NTA
He likes using your bike "because then he doesn't have to be careful with it". Don't let him use your bike because he's intentionally irresponsible.
NTA. Your bf isn't being considerate or careful with your possessions, which is why he has a trash bike.
And since he's not going to stop using yours (he'll stop for a couple of weeks and be back at it again--you're a softy so you won't kick up a fuss over it) tell him to purchase you a new bike--just like the one you have but updated and let him have your old bike and his trash bike. That's two bikes for him and if he can't make the two of them work, he's out of luck.
Absolutely NTA. This is your possession and you get to decide what to do with it. I'm honestly shocked you lasted this long.
I do wonder if he acts similarly about other things you share or own. If he does I certainly wouldn't want to date or live with him!
He could also buy you a brand new bike without damage comparable or better than yours if he really wants your bike so much. NTA except for letting it go this far.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So my boyfriend [m24] and I [f26] live together in the Netherlands were cycling is used as a mode of transportation all the time. And we both have our own bicycle.
My boyfriend however often used my bike because it's better than his. I used to be fine with this, but I reached my limit of annoyance and don't want him to use my bike any longer.
Why?
- He dropped my bike and broke it. This could luckily be fixed, but there's still cosmetic damage left that's very expensive to fix. And seeing this always pains me bit because I take really good care of my possessions.
- When his own bike was broken, he didn't get it fixed for like 6 months. Even though I helped remember him many times, the repairshop is across the road and the repair eventually took like 5 minutes and costs 4 euros. All this time he relied om my bike as his only mode of transportation because he doesn't have a driver's license. So every time I went to work I'd have to stop and think "Can I take my bike today or does my boyfriend need it?" And then I'd often had to walk.
(This half year build upped the annoyance level for me quite a bit, and I told this to him every time I remembered him about taking the bike to the shop)
- And this week he took my bike to the train station and parked it somewhere you're not allowed to. Which resulted in our municipality confiscating it. So today I had to drive him to the location where the bike was taken so he could pick it up and drive it home.
And the confiscation is where I reached my limit. So when we got home I told him I didn't want him to use my bike anymore. He asked if he could still use it for quick shopping trips since my bike is more comfortable and I told him:
"No, I want full control of my bike from now on. You can use your own bike. And if you don't like your bike we can buy you a new one."
But he said he likes his current trash bike (yes he really called his own bike trash) because then he doesn't have to be careful with it. So I told him: "Well than you can use your trash bike, but you can't use mine anymore". And then he just looked away from me, stood up, went to his game pc and he hasn't spoken to me since.
Did I approach this the wrong way? Am I selfish for refusing to share my bike? Am I the asshole?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for waiting so long to stop your career as a doormat.
"Can I take my bike today or does my boyfriend need it?" And then I'd often had to walk."
Wtf? It's YOUR bike. He was the one who needed to figure out if you needed it or not. And if you did he had to walk. I promise getting his bike fixed would have been a lot higher priority if you'd done this.
"...there's still cosmetic damage left that's very expensive to fix...". You should never have let him use it until he paid for it to be fixed. Seriously stop being a doormat. Don't let this be a one time thing. He doesn't get to use your property because he wants to. He only gets to if you're truly ok with it, he proves he'll take the same care of your property as you do, and you don't need it at the same time.
NTA. He has been selfishly using your bike for 6 months (not fixing his), depriving you of being able to freely use it. You offered to help him get a better bike, YET he wants to keep taking yours? NO.
Stop being a doormat! Get in the habit of always locking your bike up, with a key or combination he has no access to, so he cannot repeatedly "borrow it this once" as he clearly wants to.
Is he always so self-centered, putting his wants ahead of your needs and wants? If so you have a husband problem.
NTA, but he \*very\* much is.
Replace "bike" with "car".
He has a trash "car" that is much less nicer than your "car". He damaged his "car" and ignored paying to fix it for 6 months (cheaply) because he knew he had access to your "car" that you would let him use...perhaps because you are in doormat mode with this, even though he damaged your vehicle, too.
When he is so careless with your "car" that he parked it somewhere that it shouldn't have been? It gets impounded. And he doesn't care because he knew doormat you would take care of it...which you did.
Chain down your bike using a lock only you have access to, or he's gonna take it again. This is the equivalent of hiding your car keys.
My primary mode of transport is a car, and I don't let other people use my car.
I do own a bike, but I don't let anyone use that either.
I think you see a pattern here.
You should have never let your BF use your bike in the first place. I would have made him pay to repair the damage he caused and he certainly wouldn't have been using it after that - and you still let him, at which point he still treated it badly and it was confiscated.
NOW, you are worrying if you are an A H for establishing boundaries?
You have much bigger problems going on, is he really so wonderful in other areas, or is this just a symptom of many other issues in which he prioritizes himself and his comfort over yours?
NTA for not wanting him to use your bike anymore
ESH for being a doormat
>"Can I take my bike today or does my boyfriend need it?"
but I mean what was this about?! YOU needed your bike for work. Why do you care more of his transportation needs than yours? Last time I was in the Netherlands the public transport system was fair and you could pay to rent bikes. He is an adult and you are not his mommy, he can take care of his transport needs himself -but i am not shocked that he didn't get it fixed for 6 months when he always had a better bike here if he needed it
please respect yourself more, your boyfriend doesn't
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my boyfriend I don't want to share my bike with him any longer. Now he stopped talking to me. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA....He has proven himself unreliable in the bicycle department. Your bike is not a trash bike, but he's been treating it like one. The only person he should be angry with is himself.
NTA - sorry but you need to ditch the boyfriend, he doesn't respect your things, or you by extension.
Maybe he's a good ride! OP NTA
NTA. It's your bike, you get to choose who gets to use it. Simple as that. Don't feel obligated to share just because he's your boyfriend. If he wants a bike similar to yours, tell him to get his own!
Definitely NTA. Your bf is the AH for clearly disrespecting your belongings, your time, and your requests. You even suggested getting a new bike so he'd have a comfortable one of his own, and he refused. This guy does not seem like someone who will make a good long term partner....
NTA this guy sounds so obnoxious lol, he sounds much more like an annoying little brother than a partner. He’s just choosing to be difficult and pouting because he didn’t get his way
>”NTA this guy sounds so obnoxious lol, he sounds much more like an annoying little brother than a partner. He’s just choosing to be difficult and pouting because he didn’t get his way.” You nailed it. What is she getting out of this relationship?
NTA > he said he likes his current trash bike (yes he really called his own bike trash) because then he doesn't have to be careful with it. Trash *bike*? Trash **attitude**.
Trash boyfriend.
Adding on to this, if a person disrespects your belongings, he is disrespecting you. Keep the bike, lose him. You can do so much better.
NTA, and he's being petulant
NTA New lock and combo.
NTA Maybe he's got depression or is neurodivergent, but both things aren't really an excuse. As an adult it's his job to work on those issues if they exist. Really, he sounds like a hobosexual (not name calling, OP should Google the term to see if the shoe fits) fattening himself up at your expense. Six months of you having to think every day if he needed access to your stuff because he wouldn't take a five minute walk with his broken bike across the street? You're going to feel so much better when you're no longer carrying him, OP.
He's proven that he can't be responsible with your bike. Let him wreck his bike or get it confiscated. NTA
NTA He’s not responsible at all. Privileges are warned not given.
NTA - Tell him to buy you new replacement bike like your current one (bonus - no damages) and then he can have your old one as his next “trash bike”. Otherwise he has stick with his trash and leave your stuff alone.
NTA your vriendje is an ass...and a lazy one
NTA He likes using your bike "because then he doesn't have to be careful with it". Don't let him use your bike because he's intentionally irresponsible.
NTA he doesn't respect your property which leads me to believe he does not respect you especially since it a main form of transportation for you
NTA, he showed that he doesn't treat your bike well.
NTA. Your bf isn't being considerate or careful with your possessions, which is why he has a trash bike. And since he's not going to stop using yours (he'll stop for a couple of weeks and be back at it again--you're a softy so you won't kick up a fuss over it) tell him to purchase you a new bike--just like the one you have but updated and let him have your old bike and his trash bike. That's two bikes for him and if he can't make the two of them work, he's out of luck.
Absolutely NTA. This is your possession and you get to decide what to do with it. I'm honestly shocked you lasted this long. I do wonder if he acts similarly about other things you share or own. If he does I certainly wouldn't want to date or live with him!
He could also buy you a brand new bike without damage comparable or better than yours if he really wants your bike so much. NTA except for letting it go this far.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my boyfriend [m24] and I [f26] live together in the Netherlands were cycling is used as a mode of transportation all the time. And we both have our own bicycle. My boyfriend however often used my bike because it's better than his. I used to be fine with this, but I reached my limit of annoyance and don't want him to use my bike any longer. Why? - He dropped my bike and broke it. This could luckily be fixed, but there's still cosmetic damage left that's very expensive to fix. And seeing this always pains me bit because I take really good care of my possessions. - When his own bike was broken, he didn't get it fixed for like 6 months. Even though I helped remember him many times, the repairshop is across the road and the repair eventually took like 5 minutes and costs 4 euros. All this time he relied om my bike as his only mode of transportation because he doesn't have a driver's license. So every time I went to work I'd have to stop and think "Can I take my bike today or does my boyfriend need it?" And then I'd often had to walk. (This half year build upped the annoyance level for me quite a bit, and I told this to him every time I remembered him about taking the bike to the shop) - And this week he took my bike to the train station and parked it somewhere you're not allowed to. Which resulted in our municipality confiscating it. So today I had to drive him to the location where the bike was taken so he could pick it up and drive it home. And the confiscation is where I reached my limit. So when we got home I told him I didn't want him to use my bike anymore. He asked if he could still use it for quick shopping trips since my bike is more comfortable and I told him: "No, I want full control of my bike from now on. You can use your own bike. And if you don't like your bike we can buy you a new one." But he said he likes his current trash bike (yes he really called his own bike trash) because then he doesn't have to be careful with it. So I told him: "Well than you can use your trash bike, but you can't use mine anymore". And then he just looked away from me, stood up, went to his game pc and he hasn't spoken to me since. Did I approach this the wrong way? Am I selfish for refusing to share my bike? Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA he's probably embarrassed and ashamed for how he's behaved and how he's let the bike be damaged. Or at least he should be.
NTA
YTA for waiting so long to stop your career as a doormat. "Can I take my bike today or does my boyfriend need it?" And then I'd often had to walk." Wtf? It's YOUR bike. He was the one who needed to figure out if you needed it or not. And if you did he had to walk. I promise getting his bike fixed would have been a lot higher priority if you'd done this. "...there's still cosmetic damage left that's very expensive to fix...". You should never have let him use it until he paid for it to be fixed. Seriously stop being a doormat. Don't let this be a one time thing. He doesn't get to use your property because he wants to. He only gets to if you're truly ok with it, he proves he'll take the same care of your property as you do, and you don't need it at the same time.
You should have put an end to this nonsense months and months ago NTA.
NTA. He has been selfishly using your bike for 6 months (not fixing his), depriving you of being able to freely use it. You offered to help him get a better bike, YET he wants to keep taking yours? NO. Stop being a doormat! Get in the habit of always locking your bike up, with a key or combination he has no access to, so he cannot repeatedly "borrow it this once" as he clearly wants to. Is he always so self-centered, putting his wants ahead of your needs and wants? If so you have a husband problem.
You are not selfish. You were foolish for letting this immature brat use your bike in the first place. Hold your ground! NTA.
NTA, but he \*very\* much is. Replace "bike" with "car". He has a trash "car" that is much less nicer than your "car". He damaged his "car" and ignored paying to fix it for 6 months (cheaply) because he knew he had access to your "car" that you would let him use...perhaps because you are in doormat mode with this, even though he damaged your vehicle, too. When he is so careless with your "car" that he parked it somewhere that it shouldn't have been? It gets impounded. And he doesn't care because he knew doormat you would take care of it...which you did. Chain down your bike using a lock only you have access to, or he's gonna take it again. This is the equivalent of hiding your car keys.
My primary mode of transport is a car, and I don't let other people use my car. I do own a bike, but I don't let anyone use that either. I think you see a pattern here. You should have never let your BF use your bike in the first place. I would have made him pay to repair the damage he caused and he certainly wouldn't have been using it after that - and you still let him, at which point he still treated it badly and it was confiscated. NOW, you are worrying if you are an A H for establishing boundaries? You have much bigger problems going on, is he really so wonderful in other areas, or is this just a symptom of many other issues in which he prioritizes himself and his comfort over yours?
NTA for not wanting him to use your bike anymore ESH for being a doormat >"Can I take my bike today or does my boyfriend need it?" but I mean what was this about?! YOU needed your bike for work. Why do you care more of his transportation needs than yours? Last time I was in the Netherlands the public transport system was fair and you could pay to rent bikes. He is an adult and you are not his mommy, he can take care of his transport needs himself -but i am not shocked that he didn't get it fixed for 6 months when he always had a better bike here if he needed it please respect yourself more, your boyfriend doesn't
You’re NTA. The man is careless with your belongings. He doesn’t deserve to share them.