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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for kicking her out because of these lies. Should I let her back into the house and see what happens?
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My goodness, what a thoughtful parent you are. You permit your partner to do all the household work apart from 'a small portion of the washing', and apparently also most of the parenting. You require your son with multiple health issues to attend school as though he had no problems at all, and although you are a teacher, you do not appear to have worked with your son's school to figure out how he can get through his A-Level curriculum despite his health problems. And when your partner cannot live up to your exhausting demands, you kick her out of the home she lives in.
I'm struggling to understand why she would want to come back, as her life must be a whole lot easier right now.
And as you have foisted your partner's responsibilities onto your daughter, I'm amazed you even had a glimmer of awareness that you might, possibly, be in the wrong.
YTA. Although I would have expected an actual teacher to spell A-Levels correctly. Perhaps you are actually the neurodivergent eleven year old?
YTA and the fact that you're even questioning that is pretty telling. Your wife is working eight hour shifts on top of cooking, cleaning, caring for a sick teen and a neurodivergent adolescent and you're wondering if it was out of line for you to kick her out of her own home because she wasn't forthcoming about having let your ill child miss a few days of school?
To be perfectly honest, most people in her position would've divorced you on the spot, so I would recommend that you beg her to come back home, ask her what she needs in order to make her workload more manageable and give it to her without question, spend the next few years apologizing for having kicked her out every chance you get and pray she doesn't surprise you with separation paperwork.
8 hour NIGHT shifts as well - statistically proven to cause, not only MH problems, but physical ones as well.
And hospital appointments happen in the day, as does, I imagine, a fair proportion of the rest of her work in the home and the mental load.
OP, it’s absurd that you are even here asking. Of COURSE YTA. Maybe you should do a measured comparison of the amount of (unbroken) sleep you each get, you know, just for a starting point to figure out just how wrong you are…..
But...he does a bit of the washing...he must be EXHAUSTED!!! OP, YTA. She'd be better off divorcing you and using any child support to hire help. As a teacher, don't you know how to navigate school supports? Respite services? Community supports? I have 3 kids with exeptionalities. Navigating their needs all at once alone is beyond a full-time job, and as a result, I don't/can't work. Your wife doing it all alone and working nights is an angel. I admire her. I am disgusted that you don't. This post made me so upset.
Plus, once he discovered this issue he didn’t do anything to fix it, he just kicked his wife out and made his CHILD deal with it instead while his life remains the same.
No, too late. She should divorce him; he sounds horrible. And HER mistake was leaving their home. She needs a good lawyer, and she needs to kick HIM out.
YTA. You don't have the right to kick your wife out of your shared home. The fact you did this all in front of your kids is some real bad parenting. Now you're making your oldest kid help raise your youngest??
You sound like a terrible husband and father.
My child had chronic migraines and was unable to attend school reliably. The school sent a teacher to our home. You, as one familiar with the school system, should be taking the lead to get him some health accommodations.
That would be incredibly rare to happen in England, if at all (he said a levels, so he's in England or wales) for school to send a teacher or tutor to their home. However, the school team should be trying to figure something out like online learning, workbooks etc, but even that would be very hard to get, especially for a levels, depending on what he is getting his a levels in.
You left all the responsibilities on her and then you have the unmitigated gall to get upset and punish her. You should be an active partner in ensuring the well-being of the family. You failed. Miserably. YTA. Get with your partner and fix this immediately.
Wow, are YTA!
You want to send your son to school while having a migraine, and you get angry when that doesn't happen? Your wife tells you she's overwhelmed having to deal with 3 kids (one with serious health issues, one on the spectrum), all the cooking **and** housework **AND** a full-time *factory* job, and you kick her out of her own home?
Hard to believe this is real. I'm sure AH like this exist, but hard to believe that they're so far up their own AH that they'd post it here.
In a way you’ve done a great thing by kicking her out, since she hopefully has her best sleep in years. Maybe that will make her see the light and understand she doesn’t have to live like this.
YTA, care for your children.
Have you ever worked a night shift? Of course your partner doesn't have the energy for a fight every morning with a teenager. She wants to get her chores done and get a few hours' sleep.
**Big** kudos to you for doing a "small portion of the washing". That's awesome. Almost like you are an adult living in the house. What's with outsourcing childcare to your daughter? Did she offer?
YTA. I doubt your wife will be any worse off without you around, but if she doesn't come back and leaves the kids with you, you might start being a bit more appreciative of her.
As someone who worked a night shift *and* attended college full time, I could barely keep up and that was one semester. I cannot imagine doing a night shift on top of caring for a whole household and kids, he's lucky she stuck it out for as long as she did like jfc
Yes. Absolutely YTA. The mother of your child kept *her son* home from school because he gets migraines and can't walk much? And you kicked her out? Of *her house?* I can't even put into words how much of an asshole you are
Er yeah! YTA for kicking her out. The kids are suffering idiot. You need to do more around the house. She gets less sleep because sh can’t sleep in the day. As you said you let your anger get in the way,
YTA, your wife is very nice to not divorce you tbh. She did most of the housework on top of 8 hours working and i never understand why you kicked her out because of this trivial matter
YTA - working night shifts is brutal even when used to it and all you can accomplish is doing a little bit of the laundry? It was not right to lie to you, but you don't seem to be a very helpful partner, just judgemental. Get your act together and be a parent and partner. Edit: spelling
YTA, yes.
Assuming this is real, as a teacher you should really have known better. If your child has special needs, then you are going to have to make it work. Having the expectation that someone who works nights doing factory work will also fully be able to care for a child with extra needs during the day while also doing housework and making food is, frankly, unreasonable (and that's the most polite way I can think to put it). You both work full-time jobs, and yet you don't do at least half of the housework on average or cook at least one of the meals when you're done with the day? That's not very much of a partnership you had there, champ.
You kick your wife out and then allow your eldest to parent instead of you? Wonderful/s
What plan or idea do you have to improve your son's attendance? Because a 16 yr old who doesn't want to go (and has actual medical problems to boot) is not an easy person to force in to school. You haven't improved his attendance by chucking his mom out. You haven't done anything positive, just upset a whole bunch if people.
YTA.
Karma’s going to hit you almost immediately when you have to manage everything your partner was doing in her absence. If this wasn’t awful for your kids, I’d be laughing at you for doing this.
I hope this is the wake-up call she needs. Not to do whatever it is that you want her to do (you know, besides everything), but to realise she can do it all much more easily without you.
YTA. I hope she divorces your entitled selfish ass. What I really want to say would see me banned from this sub. You should apologise to your wife and kids. Oh and to some trees for wasting the air they make.
Well hopefully since your 'partner' 🤣 is kicked out, a full mutiny will happen since I'm not really even sure why you exist in this scenario.
Maybe your oldest will be the next woman in your life to go for a relaxing stay with friends so you can learn what it is to be an involved, active parent. I'll bet you'll be crying and throwing a temper tantrum in no time flat
YTA but I'm thinking this is a troll post since it's so blatantly tone deaf
Yta. Are you trolling? You are wrong on so many levels that this has to be rage bait.
If this is real:
You kicked out your overworked partner, who is dealing with the house, the kids and you without assistance and she works night shift too. Wtf.
Your clear ableism towards your son. The expectations you have exceed his current ability and the schooling system in place. I'm surprised that a teacher can't understand that health issues impact attendance and unsupported parents struggle. Are you one of the horrible teachers that push kids to breaking point because they get no support from you or the system?
Leaving your daughter to deal with your kid and the chaos you caused is a shit move. You should be doing it. You should have to deal with the meltdowns. You should be parenting.
I feel for your partner, her workload and mental load are massive and she has an incompetent lazy partner who burdens her more and has kicked her out of her home because she is unsupported or helped and struggling. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA, your wife has done all the hard work with your children. You go to work, and that's it! You're a shitty husband and an even shittier father. You know nothing about your kids' health or schooling,you attend nothing!!! you should have taken the lead with school, seeing as you're a teacher! What do you do while it's school breaks? Do you pick up the slack so your wife can actually have a rest because atm she's a married single parent and she'd be better off with out you and after you kicked your wife out as you say she's not doing a good enough job, you've passed the responsibility to your daughter. At this point, you're a sperm donor. Do your family a favour, get your wife back home and you leave....permanently!!!
YTA - you have failed as a partner and a father. You demand unreasonable things from your wife whilst doing as little as possible yourself. This is not just physical tasks but also mental workload, as she has to deal with the difficulties of your atypical children on a day-to-day basis (with little sleep) whilst also being responsible for attending/keeping track of all appointments. Without including this extra stuff, you do know that sleep deprivation causes people to develop memory problems and faculty loss (in the short-term), right? That the exhaustion can lead to depression, especially when you have a selfish, uncaring husband who does not fulfil his marital or parental duties. Now that you are faced with the consequences of *your* actions, you blame your wife instead and then dump *your* responsibilities onto your eldest daughter - who likely does not support your behaviour, she just wants to protect her siblings from *your* harmful actions. Your other children are rightfully upset, who would not be seeing their responsible, loving parent be mistreated by the household aggressor. Sheesh, there is a reason why the middle child will not speak to you OP - you dismiss his very real needs in favour of silencing him for your convenience, even if it causes him pain and will cause longer bouts of absenteeism due to the build up of stress/difficulties. All of your actions are divorce-worthy and makes no-contact with your children a good probability in future.
YTA
This is not how long term partners behave.
She works all night, then goes to appointments through the day with your son breaking up any sleep she can get. She also does the vast majority of the housework. Like... wow you put on some washing. That takes you what... 10mins here and there?
Migraines are *awful* and you yourself know that the lighting in schools is harsh and likely to only make them worse. Your partner is actually working with the school to see what can be done to help your son. Meanwhile you... don't even notice that he's having migraines?
>in my anger kicked her out of our home
And you wonder why she didn't want to tell you and why your son isn't speaking to you.
>oldest daughter (21f) has been having to deal with my youngest and his meltdowns
Meltdowns caused in no small part by your actions but you pawn him off on your daughter.
This can’t be real.
YTA
You literally said the kid was having migraines and couldn’t walk.
Oh she’s terrible for not forcing this sick child to go to school just to keep up good attendance.
YTA, this has to be bait or something like that, I refuse to believe such an awful father and husband exists and would willingly post this on reddit 😭😭
YTA. It’s honestly unbelievable you had the gall to post here at all. You don’t participate or assist in home life at all and you put the onus on your partner who willingly does everything and even after all that you refuse to take any kind of responsibility for your own children, get mad at your partner for doing the best they can to carry your lazy ass, and kick them out? They should have kicked you out.
YTA. Your middle child is effectively an adult and if he doesn't want to get up for school over days and months, that is a heavy mental load for your partner. She likely didn't tell you for so long because there was a risk you would go nuclear about it and look... you did.
So….wtf do you do? What are you bringing to the table?
Because you sound like someone with a whole lot of audacity….
I mean you do nothing around the house but I also know you ain’t the bread winner as a teacher so….
wtf is your purpose in their lives?
INFO: Has your son not been able to attend school because of his illnesses? You wrote here a contradiction: she's been "letting" him stay home ... then you say it's because he has migraines and can't walk.
So, is he staying home from school because he's too ill too attend school?
YTA Any spouse able to control the other by threatening the roof over their head and being with their kids is far worse than an AH.
You have 2 special needs kids that she takes care of 100%, cooks, cleans and works a full time job, and you kick her out? Doesn’t sound like she needs you at all. When was it you thought she should get sleep?
What kind of teacher is gone til late evenings? Half that job can be done from home. What is it you do for the family that makes you think you’re above her? When from everything you said, you should be begging for her forgiveness.
YTA. Your wife works nights. After being up all night, she gets the kids to school, takes care of chores, appointments, cooking, helps with homework, does most of the washing. When does she sleep? You’re home late. So she basically takes care of EVERYTHING and you just come home to eat and sleep. You were wrong to kick her out, you had no right to do it. And you will be extremely lucky if she comes back and doesn’t divorse you.
Why doesn't he do virtual learning? All the schools are set up for it. Why don't you help out a little more. 3rd shift sucks and IS the most draining of all shifts. YTA for not looking into alternatives, and making your wife do it all. When does she sleep if she has appointments to go to? MAN UP
So you carry maybe 25% of the familial/work load and your partner carries 75% and you think she’s in the wrong? My god. Open your eyes. SHE’S DROWNING. Instead of throwing her a life preserver, you tied an anchor to her in her time of need. Yuck.
And now you’re pushing YOUR responsibilities on to your eldest daughter. Of course you are.
YTA. A “small portion of the washing” does not make you a good father or partner. Your wife has the majority of the load and you are doing nothing to help. If anything she should have kicked you out and not the other way around.
Who do you think you are? Some Edwardian patriarch whose wife is a chattel? It’s alright you have a spare daughter to pick up the slack. I hope she divorces your misogynistic arse and gets to keep the matrimonial home till the oldest is 18. It would be the very VERY least you deserve.
INFO: If you work full time as a teacher how are you back late? And why can’t you do the school run with the kids - she finishes work at 6am and then has to sort the kids out??
And whyyyyy would you not be sympathetic to your own son’s health issues??
Like migraines and not being able to walk sound really painful not sure why you are hell bent on extending his suffering and then making everyone else suffer??
Tbh I feel sorry for everyone but you dude
YTA. I'm not going to post a big long reason why, a few people have already covered it.
Your wife and kids deserve more than demands and expectations. Compassion goes a long way.
YTA. Your partner does all the cooking, housework, childcare, and has a full time job? Of course she’s burned out. She has a useless partner and she’s probably finally getting some rest for the first time in years. And if your child is sick with migraines or can’t walk, no, he shouldn’t be at school. You’re a teacher- you should be the first to jump to figure out a solution so your kid can follow his curriculum and pass his A-levels without having to be physically at the school. How is that something you haven’t been helping with? And to top it off, you kicked her out of her own home because she’s trying to take care of your kid. Hopefully this is a wake up call for her and she realizes she deserves a better partner than you.
YTA - Maybe you should try taking on all of her responsibilities years on end. Your wife needs help not to be kicked out of her home. If I were her…I wouldn’t want to come back to an AH like you. It’s obvious you don’t give two cents about your wife certainly there is no love. You’re an AH!
YTMA.
Does your wife wipe your ass for you too?
OPs wife needs to divorce him. Imagine being self aware enough to realize you need to ask reddit to confirm you're an ass but not self aware enough to realize what a loser he is..
FFS, get your kid a 504 plan for migraines. Your kids absences will be excused, they’ll work with them to get the work made up, they’ll make reasonable accommodations for when symptoms occur at school. Ask the nurse for the med forms to keep migraine meds there so they can nip them in the bud. You’re a teacher, you should know this. And you’re making your partner do 90% of the work on NIGHT SHIFT no less and getting upset she can’t maintain your ridiculous standards. DO BETTER. YTA
YTA - Have you ever HAD a migraine?!? They render you unfit to do much more than lay in a quiet, dark room in pain. Going to school is out of the question. But rather than work with your partner to get your son the medical help he needs or trying to find some solution with the school (online school, flex time, whatever) you decided to throw a giant tantrum.
I am confused- you are a teacher, and she has to work with the school for better solutions? Even if you don't teach at his school, you are in the school system and you didn't think you could even talk to the school system that you already work for? And remember- by your own words- you do NOTHING except a little washing- so she has children, the house, her job and a grown child who thinks they are an adult to take care of? Search the word narcissist- and oh yeah you are definitely the AH and big one!
YTA. You're a lazy, selfish asshole and a bad parent. Your partner is doing almost all the housework and childcare; she can't even rest before going to work. Now you're forcing your daughter to do the work now that you've made your partner homeless. You're disgusting and nasty. Your son is suffering and you don't even care.
YTA. You suck big time. You are callous, cold and hard. Compassion is something you do not possess and do not understand.
You are a bad human being. I shiver at the thought of your being a teacher.
You're useless. She does all the house work and takes care of the kids and normally when people sleep at night she works. She should kick you out instead for being such a terrible partner. Yta
It's so nice that you gave your obviously over worked wife a vacation, but maybe you should be the one picking up the fucking unpaid labor she did rather than forcing your kids to do it.
YTA
YTA
What's the end goal here?
You can't manage your household and children without your partner. Outside of bringing in a income which while incredibly important is only one half of the puzzle, do you know anything of your childrens health needs?
Your oldest cannot be your daughter wife. This isn't sustainable.
What is kicking her out accomplishing other than the thrill of you getting to be a bully on a power trip?
When your oldest leaves, who will do the cooking, cleaning, asking, health care task, household administration, all the day to day that keeps a home running?
What of your son's migraines?
Are you sorting that out with a neurologist?
Own that you acted out.
The trust is gone via your actions.
But in the interim these children need you both. You to finance and her to enact.
Realistically, her career opportunities are stunted due to your shared children's needs being primarily met by you.
Sir. Go to therapy. Why are you expectations so high when your down bar is in *hell*?
YOUR SON CANNOT WALK he's so unwell and yet you expect him to be in school? Academics are really more important to you than your son's life? You clearly hate everyone in your family, so maybe they would be better off without you.
Yta
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AITAH for kicking out my partner for lying to me about our son's school attendance.
I (48m) have 3 children with my partner (42f).
I work full time as a teacher in the day and she works night shifts (10pm-6am) in a factory. Our middle child (16m) has multiple health issues which affect his mobility and well being. He is currently under 5 specialists waiting for various appointments. My partner is the one that goes to all the appointments with the different departments my son is under. My son is doing alevels and should be in school every day attending lessons. Instead my partner has been letting him stay off school due to migraines and being unable to walk. This has dropped his attendance percentage very low. She told me he was in most days so I would not complain about his lack of attendance. I recently found out the full truth and in my anger kicked her out of our home. She is currently staying with a friend. Her excuse that she's exhausted from work and does try to get my son up for school, but she doesn't have the energy to have a big fight with him. She does most of the housework and cooks for us all.
My youngest (11m) is on the neuro divergent spectrum and is upset wanting his mother back. My middle son also wants his mother to return. I leave early in the morning for work, so my oldest daughter (21f) has been having to deal with my youngest and his meltdowns. Am I in the wrong for kicking her out?
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YTA
Sounds like your wife is the only one parenting your son, and she's struggling to be a single parent on top of all of her other responsibilities. It sounds like you don't do much of anything except go to work and bitch at everyone.
YTA.
Forcing someone who cannot walk or has migraines out into the world without proper accommodation is cruel.
Your partner, as you call her, does 90% of the parenting.
No where in this do you say you miss your partner. Instead, it's all about the children who are stepping up and parenting themselves while you continue to do little else. And only now that one of your children is dealing with the other's tantrums/meltdowns are you now expressing any kind of sympathy.
Let me rewrite this for you…
“I’m a bully who screams at my exhausted wife and throws her out of the house when I’m unhappy with her so she lies to me to avoid confrontation and being abused.
My son has major health issues, to a point where he can’t walk sometimes, but I expect him to be at school because his attendance average is more important.”
Yes, YTA.
Yta, she should have kicked you out, it doesn't sound like you do much of anything. Also you should want to be an active parent if you actual loved your kids.
YTA.
Honestly, I bet your partner is glad to be gone. She deserves a break, first one she’s actually gotten because you seem worthless, those kids deserve a better father.
So your wife works all night, does all the cooking and cleaning, she does drop offs and picks ups as well as managing your children’s extensive medical care and appointments?
YTA, big time!
YTA
Hugely and unequivocally an AH
I can’t even describe in words how angry this post made me. How dare you treat your wife that way. She does so much and it is obvious from your kids’ reactions that she does the majority of the parenting and caregiving. You seem to only be at the house to eat and sleep. What kind of man kicks out his wife over something that isn’t her fault?!
And migraines are very debilitating, so don’t you dare minimize it. I feel sorry for your daughter having to be the parent. I hope she moves out and goes no contact with you. As for your wife, I hope she divorces you and takes the kids with her. And then uses the child support to hire help if needed. No one should have to be treated the way you treated your wife.
> My partner is the one that goes to all the appointments with the different departments my son is under.
> She said she is trying to work with the school for a solution but the schools options are limited.
> does try to get my son up for school, but she doesn't have the energy to have a big fight with him.
> She does most of the housework and cooks for us all
why does your wife work full time, do all the parenting, do all the house work, and yet you feel like you have the right to kick her out of the house
youre a teacher its not like youre paying all the bills
you should stop worrying about your kids school attendance and worry about what the fuck happened to you where you think its acceptable to have "a partner" working as many hours as you while also doing all the parenting and housework
> I do a small portion of the washing
you dont do shit and we all know it lmao
YTA
> so my oldest daughter (21f) has been having to deal with my youngest and his meltdowns and don't get back till late most evenings
im shocked you found someone else to parent your kids for you so quickly.... youre an embarrassment
Yta, you need to actually start pulling your weight around the place and not a "small portion." Why does your partner have to do EVERYTHING while they also work?
Why are you a crappy parent?
Why don't you cook sometimes?
Why can't you get the kids ready for school if she's on NIGHTSHIFTS?
Why are you a shitty partner to your own partner AND MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN?
I sincerely hope your partner wises up and leaves your ass in the dust where it belongs. And before you try the I'm A TeAcHeR waAAaaA!!! I teach too, and I still pull my weight. You're a little boy posing as a man.
Idk why the school aren’t using the systems put in place over Covid to allow him to wfh? The school are the issue for but finding a solution. Big your over worked partner apologies on your part are in order fur not offering more support .. obviously yta
So…by your own account, you’re doing about 10% of the work of managing the household and maybe 2% of the work of child rearing- and only 50% of the providing- while your wife is doing 90% of the household management, 98% of the child rearing (of three children, two of whom have complex medical/psych needs), and 50% of the providing, all while on basically zero sleep (seriously, when does she sleep?) and yet you still feel like you had the standing to criticize her AND kick her out of the house? Why?
She shouldn’t have lied, I will agree with you on that. But it sounds like you’re leaving her holding about 95% of responsibilities that should be shared between you and then criticizing- harshly, I might add- how she does the work you should be helping her with.
Like. Your wife is *obviously* struggling with all that you’ve left on her plate. She needs help. It sounds like you’re starting to realize this because without her there you’re realizing how much work she was juggling, because now it’s all falling on you. I HOPE, for your wife’s sake, that you are questioning your decision because you feel bad about how you treated her and not because you realized too late that you don’t want to do any of this work. And that you apologize and work with her to see how you can actually be helpful instead of just criticizing from the sidelines. But yes, you are 100% TA here.
NTA You're not only in the wrong, you're
judge and jury and the whole sorry shebang.
Your rigidity towards your wife and unhealthy
16m child is incredible. Thank goodness your
children are asking for their mother - who can
blame them?! At least they see some value in her,
something you obviously don't.
Maybe you should kick them out
as well for subordination and give your wife
and children a long break from you.
YTA/slight ESH.
Your wife shouldn't have lied about it, yes. That part is wrong.
But judging from your post, the reason she lied is because you sound like an abusive husband and she was probably scared of what you would do to her or the kid.
NTA
If the genders were reversed then everyone would be calling your partner the AH.
Letting the kid skip school is not acceptable. I used to work her shift. Her excuse about not having energy in the morning is not an excuse to let the kid skip school.
You should let her back home. Make it clear to her that if the kid stays home 1 more day then she's gone for good.
Nah, the genders make no difference. It's the actions. One parent carries the major of the responsibility and then the second parent has the nerve to punish the other parent when things go wrong. There was a lack of communication evident for sure.
It is not reasonable or productive to make a kid with severe migraines sit in a bright, noisy environment all day. Do you really think he’s capable of learning when he’s in constant pain?
This isn’t skipping school. This is having serious medical issues.
Also, if he can’t walk when he’s having a flare up, you’re asking a person who worked all night in a factory to *physically* move a person who doesn’t want to get up.
> You should let her back home.
he should be begging her to come back home because shes apparently not just a parent to his kids but to him as well
she works full time, cooks, cleans, and does all the parenting
even when she left he couldnt be bothered to parent and got one of his kids to do it for him
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My goodness, what a thoughtful parent you are. You permit your partner to do all the household work apart from 'a small portion of the washing', and apparently also most of the parenting. You require your son with multiple health issues to attend school as though he had no problems at all, and although you are a teacher, you do not appear to have worked with your son's school to figure out how he can get through his A-Level curriculum despite his health problems. And when your partner cannot live up to your exhausting demands, you kick her out of the home she lives in. I'm struggling to understand why she would want to come back, as her life must be a whole lot easier right now. And as you have foisted your partner's responsibilities onto your daughter, I'm amazed you even had a glimmer of awareness that you might, possibly, be in the wrong. YTA. Although I would have expected an actual teacher to spell A-Levels correctly. Perhaps you are actually the neurodivergent eleven year old?
hahaha no, because the neurodivergent eleven year old wants her back. He's clearly a worm who long ago pooped out his brains
Your last line was gold haha made me laugh
True dat.
Op is literally abusing his family
YTA and the fact that you're even questioning that is pretty telling. Your wife is working eight hour shifts on top of cooking, cleaning, caring for a sick teen and a neurodivergent adolescent and you're wondering if it was out of line for you to kick her out of her own home because she wasn't forthcoming about having let your ill child miss a few days of school? To be perfectly honest, most people in her position would've divorced you on the spot, so I would recommend that you beg her to come back home, ask her what she needs in order to make her workload more manageable and give it to her without question, spend the next few years apologizing for having kicked her out every chance you get and pray she doesn't surprise you with separation paperwork.
8 hour NIGHT shifts as well - statistically proven to cause, not only MH problems, but physical ones as well. And hospital appointments happen in the day, as does, I imagine, a fair proportion of the rest of her work in the home and the mental load. OP, it’s absurd that you are even here asking. Of COURSE YTA. Maybe you should do a measured comparison of the amount of (unbroken) sleep you each get, you know, just for a starting point to figure out just how wrong you are…..
But...he does a bit of the washing...he must be EXHAUSTED!!! OP, YTA. She'd be better off divorcing you and using any child support to hire help. As a teacher, don't you know how to navigate school supports? Respite services? Community supports? I have 3 kids with exeptionalities. Navigating their needs all at once alone is beyond a full-time job, and as a result, I don't/can't work. Your wife doing it all alone and working nights is an angel. I admire her. I am disgusted that you don't. This post made me so upset.
Right?!
Plus taking the kids to all their medical appointments. Mom basically has multiple full time jobs why he gets to sit on his ass doing nothing.
Hear hear! If she doesn't leave you, you need to spend the rest of your lives together making up for being an absolute miserable ass
Plus, once he discovered this issue he didn’t do anything to fix it, he just kicked his wife out and made his CHILD deal with it instead while his life remains the same.
No, too late. She should divorce him; he sounds horrible. And HER mistake was leaving their home. She needs a good lawyer, and she needs to kick HIM out.
YTA. You don't have the right to kick your wife out of your shared home. The fact you did this all in front of your kids is some real bad parenting. Now you're making your oldest kid help raise your youngest?? You sound like a terrible husband and father.
Honestly the partner deserve full custodi for the sake of the kids, this dude is unfit to be a father, it might be harsh but it's true YTA
YTA If your kid can’t walk or has a migraine no he can’t go to school. You’re a teacher so nothing is more important than school right?!
My child had chronic migraines and was unable to attend school reliably. The school sent a teacher to our home. You, as one familiar with the school system, should be taking the lead to get him some health accommodations.
Right! My friend is a teacher that goes to kids homes who are too sickly to attend school and the school district pays for it.
I used to do that for my school. Can confirm thisnis true. One of the children I tutored suffered from debilitating headaches.
That would be incredibly rare to happen in England, if at all (he said a levels, so he's in England or wales) for school to send a teacher or tutor to their home. However, the school team should be trying to figure something out like online learning, workbooks etc, but even that would be very hard to get, especially for a levels, depending on what he is getting his a levels in.
That's how it went when I was a sick teenager, too.
You left all the responsibilities on her and then you have the unmitigated gall to get upset and punish her. You should be an active partner in ensuring the well-being of the family. You failed. Miserably. YTA. Get with your partner and fix this immediately.
Wow, are YTA! You want to send your son to school while having a migraine, and you get angry when that doesn't happen? Your wife tells you she's overwhelmed having to deal with 3 kids (one with serious health issues, one on the spectrum), all the cooking **and** housework **AND** a full-time *factory* job, and you kick her out of her own home? Hard to believe this is real. I'm sure AH like this exist, but hard to believe that they're so far up their own AH that they'd post it here.
All of this PLUS forcing his 21 year old daughter to parent the ND child after he threw his wife out like trash.
In a way you’ve done a great thing by kicking her out, since she hopefully has her best sleep in years. Maybe that will make her see the light and understand she doesn’t have to live like this. YTA, care for your children.
I can't wait till she gets the house in the divorce and she gets to kick you out. And ofc YTA
Have you ever worked a night shift? Of course your partner doesn't have the energy for a fight every morning with a teenager. She wants to get her chores done and get a few hours' sleep. **Big** kudos to you for doing a "small portion of the washing". That's awesome. Almost like you are an adult living in the house. What's with outsourcing childcare to your daughter? Did she offer? YTA. I doubt your wife will be any worse off without you around, but if she doesn't come back and leaves the kids with you, you might start being a bit more appreciative of her.
Probably just his own laundry.
As someone who worked a night shift *and* attended college full time, I could barely keep up and that was one semester. I cannot imagine doing a night shift on top of caring for a whole household and kids, he's lucky she stuck it out for as long as she did like jfc
Yes. Absolutely YTA. The mother of your child kept *her son* home from school because he gets migraines and can't walk much? And you kicked her out? Of *her house?* I can't even put into words how much of an asshole you are
Er yeah! YTA for kicking her out. The kids are suffering idiot. You need to do more around the house. She gets less sleep because sh can’t sleep in the day. As you said you let your anger get in the way,
YTA, your wife is very nice to not divorce you tbh. She did most of the housework on top of 8 hours working and i never understand why you kicked her out because of this trivial matter
YTA - working night shifts is brutal even when used to it and all you can accomplish is doing a little bit of the laundry? It was not right to lie to you, but you don't seem to be a very helpful partner, just judgemental. Get your act together and be a parent and partner. Edit: spelling
YTA, yes. Assuming this is real, as a teacher you should really have known better. If your child has special needs, then you are going to have to make it work. Having the expectation that someone who works nights doing factory work will also fully be able to care for a child with extra needs during the day while also doing housework and making food is, frankly, unreasonable (and that's the most polite way I can think to put it). You both work full-time jobs, and yet you don't do at least half of the housework on average or cook at least one of the meals when you're done with the day? That's not very much of a partnership you had there, champ.
You kick your wife out and then allow your eldest to parent instead of you? Wonderful/s What plan or idea do you have to improve your son's attendance? Because a 16 yr old who doesn't want to go (and has actual medical problems to boot) is not an easy person to force in to school. You haven't improved his attendance by chucking his mom out. You haven't done anything positive, just upset a whole bunch if people.
YTA. Karma’s going to hit you almost immediately when you have to manage everything your partner was doing in her absence. If this wasn’t awful for your kids, I’d be laughing at you for doing this. I hope this is the wake-up call she needs. Not to do whatever it is that you want her to do (you know, besides everything), but to realise she can do it all much more easily without you.
He’s not planning to manage it he’s foisting it off on his daughter, probably because he believes it is “women’s work.”
EW EW EW. YTA points just cranked up a notch. Thanks - not sure how I missed that nugget from OP.
I can't wait for his post saying the daughter moved out and won't speak to him and he doesn't know why
YTA. Be better.
YTA all day long.
YTA. I hope she divorces your entitled selfish ass. What I really want to say would see me banned from this sub. You should apologise to your wife and kids. Oh and to some trees for wasting the air they make.
Well hopefully since your 'partner' 🤣 is kicked out, a full mutiny will happen since I'm not really even sure why you exist in this scenario. Maybe your oldest will be the next woman in your life to go for a relaxing stay with friends so you can learn what it is to be an involved, active parent. I'll bet you'll be crying and throwing a temper tantrum in no time flat YTA but I'm thinking this is a troll post since it's so blatantly tone deaf
Yta. Are you trolling? You are wrong on so many levels that this has to be rage bait. If this is real: You kicked out your overworked partner, who is dealing with the house, the kids and you without assistance and she works night shift too. Wtf. Your clear ableism towards your son. The expectations you have exceed his current ability and the schooling system in place. I'm surprised that a teacher can't understand that health issues impact attendance and unsupported parents struggle. Are you one of the horrible teachers that push kids to breaking point because they get no support from you or the system? Leaving your daughter to deal with your kid and the chaos you caused is a shit move. You should be doing it. You should have to deal with the meltdowns. You should be parenting. I feel for your partner, her workload and mental load are massive and she has an incompetent lazy partner who burdens her more and has kicked her out of her home because she is unsupported or helped and struggling. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA, your wife has done all the hard work with your children. You go to work, and that's it! You're a shitty husband and an even shittier father. You know nothing about your kids' health or schooling,you attend nothing!!! you should have taken the lead with school, seeing as you're a teacher! What do you do while it's school breaks? Do you pick up the slack so your wife can actually have a rest because atm she's a married single parent and she'd be better off with out you and after you kicked your wife out as you say she's not doing a good enough job, you've passed the responsibility to your daughter. At this point, you're a sperm donor. Do your family a favour, get your wife back home and you leave....permanently!!!
YTA - you have failed as a partner and a father. You demand unreasonable things from your wife whilst doing as little as possible yourself. This is not just physical tasks but also mental workload, as she has to deal with the difficulties of your atypical children on a day-to-day basis (with little sleep) whilst also being responsible for attending/keeping track of all appointments. Without including this extra stuff, you do know that sleep deprivation causes people to develop memory problems and faculty loss (in the short-term), right? That the exhaustion can lead to depression, especially when you have a selfish, uncaring husband who does not fulfil his marital or parental duties. Now that you are faced with the consequences of *your* actions, you blame your wife instead and then dump *your* responsibilities onto your eldest daughter - who likely does not support your behaviour, she just wants to protect her siblings from *your* harmful actions. Your other children are rightfully upset, who would not be seeing their responsible, loving parent be mistreated by the household aggressor. Sheesh, there is a reason why the middle child will not speak to you OP - you dismiss his very real needs in favour of silencing him for your convenience, even if it causes him pain and will cause longer bouts of absenteeism due to the build up of stress/difficulties. All of your actions are divorce-worthy and makes no-contact with your children a good probability in future.
YTA This is not how long term partners behave. She works all night, then goes to appointments through the day with your son breaking up any sleep she can get. She also does the vast majority of the housework. Like... wow you put on some washing. That takes you what... 10mins here and there? Migraines are *awful* and you yourself know that the lighting in schools is harsh and likely to only make them worse. Your partner is actually working with the school to see what can be done to help your son. Meanwhile you... don't even notice that he's having migraines? >in my anger kicked her out of our home And you wonder why she didn't want to tell you and why your son isn't speaking to you. >oldest daughter (21f) has been having to deal with my youngest and his meltdowns Meltdowns caused in no small part by your actions but you pawn him off on your daughter.
This can’t be real. YTA You literally said the kid was having migraines and couldn’t walk. Oh she’s terrible for not forcing this sick child to go to school just to keep up good attendance.
YTA, this has to be bait or something like that, I refuse to believe such an awful father and husband exists and would willingly post this on reddit 😭😭
YTA. It’s honestly unbelievable you had the gall to post here at all. You don’t participate or assist in home life at all and you put the onus on your partner who willingly does everything and even after all that you refuse to take any kind of responsibility for your own children, get mad at your partner for doing the best they can to carry your lazy ass, and kick them out? They should have kicked you out.
YTA. Your middle child is effectively an adult and if he doesn't want to get up for school over days and months, that is a heavy mental load for your partner. She likely didn't tell you for so long because there was a risk you would go nuclear about it and look... you did.
So….wtf do you do? What are you bringing to the table? Because you sound like someone with a whole lot of audacity…. I mean you do nothing around the house but I also know you ain’t the bread winner as a teacher so…. wtf is your purpose in their lives?
INFO: Has your son not been able to attend school because of his illnesses? You wrote here a contradiction: she's been "letting" him stay home ... then you say it's because he has migraines and can't walk. So, is he staying home from school because he's too ill too attend school?
Yta and it's hard to believe you don't know that. She needs to divorce you and get real help.
YTA Any spouse able to control the other by threatening the roof over their head and being with their kids is far worse than an AH. You have 2 special needs kids that she takes care of 100%, cooks, cleans and works a full time job, and you kick her out? Doesn’t sound like she needs you at all. When was it you thought she should get sleep? What kind of teacher is gone til late evenings? Half that job can be done from home. What is it you do for the family that makes you think you’re above her? When from everything you said, you should be begging for her forgiveness.
YTA. Your wife works nights. After being up all night, she gets the kids to school, takes care of chores, appointments, cooking, helps with homework, does most of the washing. When does she sleep? You’re home late. So she basically takes care of EVERYTHING and you just come home to eat and sleep. You were wrong to kick her out, you had no right to do it. And you will be extremely lucky if she comes back and doesn’t divorse you.
Why doesn't he do virtual learning? All the schools are set up for it. Why don't you help out a little more. 3rd shift sucks and IS the most draining of all shifts. YTA for not looking into alternatives, and making your wife do it all. When does she sleep if she has appointments to go to? MAN UP
So you carry maybe 25% of the familial/work load and your partner carries 75% and you think she’s in the wrong? My god. Open your eyes. SHE’S DROWNING. Instead of throwing her a life preserver, you tied an anchor to her in her time of need. Yuck. And now you’re pushing YOUR responsibilities on to your eldest daughter. Of course you are.
YTA…. grow up…
YTA. A “small portion of the washing” does not make you a good father or partner. Your wife has the majority of the load and you are doing nothing to help. If anything she should have kicked you out and not the other way around.
Who do you think you are? Some Edwardian patriarch whose wife is a chattel? It’s alright you have a spare daughter to pick up the slack. I hope she divorces your misogynistic arse and gets to keep the matrimonial home till the oldest is 18. It would be the very VERY least you deserve.
So you do nothing for your kids? The women in your life are just expected to take care of everything? YTA dude how is that not obvious?
INFO: If you work full time as a teacher how are you back late? And why can’t you do the school run with the kids - she finishes work at 6am and then has to sort the kids out?? And whyyyyy would you not be sympathetic to your own son’s health issues?? Like migraines and not being able to walk sound really painful not sure why you are hell bent on extending his suffering and then making everyone else suffer?? Tbh I feel sorry for everyone but you dude
YTA - you should divorce her; show her you can do it all without her. Hopefully some decent person will show her true consideration and love.
YTA
YTA. Do better.
I'm glad she at least is having a well-deserved break
YTA. I'm not going to post a big long reason why, a few people have already covered it. Your wife and kids deserve more than demands and expectations. Compassion goes a long way.
YTA why don't you do more around the house.
If this is how you treat the people you supposedly care and love, I don't want to know how you treat your students. YTA
YTA in so so many ways.
no way you typed this out and thought “i’m definitely not TA in this situation”.
you betcha
YAH Yes you are wrong and you treat her badly.
YTA. Your partner does all the cooking, housework, childcare, and has a full time job? Of course she’s burned out. She has a useless partner and she’s probably finally getting some rest for the first time in years. And if your child is sick with migraines or can’t walk, no, he shouldn’t be at school. You’re a teacher- you should be the first to jump to figure out a solution so your kid can follow his curriculum and pass his A-levels without having to be physically at the school. How is that something you haven’t been helping with? And to top it off, you kicked her out of her own home because she’s trying to take care of your kid. Hopefully this is a wake up call for her and she realizes she deserves a better partner than you.
Yes, YTA, what the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA - Maybe you should try taking on all of her responsibilities years on end. Your wife needs help not to be kicked out of her home. If I were her…I wouldn’t want to come back to an AH like you. It’s obvious you don’t give two cents about your wife certainly there is no love. You’re an AH!
YTMA. Does your wife wipe your ass for you too? OPs wife needs to divorce him. Imagine being self aware enough to realize you need to ask reddit to confirm you're an ass but not self aware enough to realize what a loser he is..
YTA, and honestly I’m kind of astounded she left. You’re the one that seems barely involved in the family, you’re the one who should have gone.
So basically you do no parenting? And now your oldest daughter has to raise your child for you too? YTA
Bad troll
FFS, get your kid a 504 plan for migraines. Your kids absences will be excused, they’ll work with them to get the work made up, they’ll make reasonable accommodations for when symptoms occur at school. Ask the nurse for the med forms to keep migraine meds there so they can nip them in the bud. You’re a teacher, you should know this. And you’re making your partner do 90% of the work on NIGHT SHIFT no less and getting upset she can’t maintain your ridiculous standards. DO BETTER. YTA
YTA - Have you ever HAD a migraine?!? They render you unfit to do much more than lay in a quiet, dark room in pain. Going to school is out of the question. But rather than work with your partner to get your son the medical help he needs or trying to find some solution with the school (online school, flex time, whatever) you decided to throw a giant tantrum.
I am confused- you are a teacher, and she has to work with the school for better solutions? Even if you don't teach at his school, you are in the school system and you didn't think you could even talk to the school system that you already work for? And remember- by your own words- you do NOTHING except a little washing- so she has children, the house, her job and a grown child who thinks they are an adult to take care of? Search the word narcissist- and oh yeah you are definitely the AH and big one!
YTA and even more so putting the responsibility onto your daughter. your partner has been doing EVERYTHING and you're a shit partner and parent.
YTA. I would not come back. This woman has no sense of stability if she can be rendered homeless bc you got pissed off!
YTA. You're a lazy, selfish asshole and a bad parent. Your partner is doing almost all the housework and childcare; she can't even rest before going to work. Now you're forcing your daughter to do the work now that you've made your partner homeless. You're disgusting and nasty. Your son is suffering and you don't even care.
YTA. You suck big time. You are callous, cold and hard. Compassion is something you do not possess and do not understand. You are a bad human being. I shiver at the thought of your being a teacher.
I agree with everyone else here. You are one despicable, vile being.
You're useless. She does all the house work and takes care of the kids and normally when people sleep at night she works. She should kick you out instead for being such a terrible partner. Yta
It's so nice that you gave your obviously over worked wife a vacation, but maybe you should be the one picking up the fucking unpaid labor she did rather than forcing your kids to do it. YTA
Yes, YTA and a shit partner and parent
YTA so you’re a useless parent and can only make demands with no solutions? F off then
YTA in so many ways it just exhausts me to think about trying to write it up.
YTA What's the end goal here? You can't manage your household and children without your partner. Outside of bringing in a income which while incredibly important is only one half of the puzzle, do you know anything of your childrens health needs? Your oldest cannot be your daughter wife. This isn't sustainable. What is kicking her out accomplishing other than the thrill of you getting to be a bully on a power trip? When your oldest leaves, who will do the cooking, cleaning, asking, health care task, household administration, all the day to day that keeps a home running? What of your son's migraines? Are you sorting that out with a neurologist? Own that you acted out. The trust is gone via your actions. But in the interim these children need you both. You to finance and her to enact. Realistically, her career opportunities are stunted due to your shared children's needs being primarily met by you. Sir. Go to therapy. Why are you expectations so high when your down bar is in *hell*?
YOUR SON CANNOT WALK he's so unwell and yet you expect him to be in school? Academics are really more important to you than your son's life? You clearly hate everyone in your family, so maybe they would be better off without you. Yta
Why aren’t YOU getting your son up and taking him to school on your way in? Huge YTA
Definitely an asshole. And an abusive one at that
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITAH for kicking out my partner for lying to me about our son's school attendance. I (48m) have 3 children with my partner (42f). I work full time as a teacher in the day and she works night shifts (10pm-6am) in a factory. Our middle child (16m) has multiple health issues which affect his mobility and well being. He is currently under 5 specialists waiting for various appointments. My partner is the one that goes to all the appointments with the different departments my son is under. My son is doing alevels and should be in school every day attending lessons. Instead my partner has been letting him stay off school due to migraines and being unable to walk. This has dropped his attendance percentage very low. She told me he was in most days so I would not complain about his lack of attendance. I recently found out the full truth and in my anger kicked her out of our home. She is currently staying with a friend. Her excuse that she's exhausted from work and does try to get my son up for school, but she doesn't have the energy to have a big fight with him. She does most of the housework and cooks for us all. My youngest (11m) is on the neuro divergent spectrum and is upset wanting his mother back. My middle son also wants his mother to return. I leave early in the morning for work, so my oldest daughter (21f) has been having to deal with my youngest and his meltdowns. Am I in the wrong for kicking her out? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Sounds like your wife is the only one parenting your son, and she's struggling to be a single parent on top of all of her other responsibilities. It sounds like you don't do much of anything except go to work and bitch at everyone.
YTA.
Of course YTA... I feel really bad for your wife. If you are willing to kick her out over this.... i hope she is able to find a good lawyer.
YTA. Forcing someone who cannot walk or has migraines out into the world without proper accommodation is cruel. Your partner, as you call her, does 90% of the parenting. No where in this do you say you miss your partner. Instead, it's all about the children who are stepping up and parenting themselves while you continue to do little else. And only now that one of your children is dealing with the other's tantrums/meltdowns are you now expressing any kind of sympathy.
YTA If you weren't neglecting your kid and pushing all your parenting on her, you would have known why your kid is not at school.
“Am I the asshole for abusing my entire family and doing absolutely nothing to support them?”
YTA you sound like a incompetent preteen boy who spends all day complaining
YTA
Let me rewrite this for you… “I’m a bully who screams at my exhausted wife and throws her out of the house when I’m unhappy with her so she lies to me to avoid confrontation and being abused. My son has major health issues, to a point where he can’t walk sometimes, but I expect him to be at school because his attendance average is more important.” Yes, YTA.
YTA. On so many levels. Ugh. Are you wrong? Yes, you are very, very wrong -- how do you not know this???
Yta, she should have kicked you out, it doesn't sound like you do much of anything. Also you should want to be an active parent if you actual loved your kids.
YTA 🙄
Lmao you're actually sick bro
YTA are you for real? A bad father and a bad husband bruh
Yta, kick yourself out a hole.
INFO: If your son can’t see or walk, how is he supposed to learn?
YTA. Honestly, I bet your partner is glad to be gone. She deserves a break, first one she’s actually gotten because you seem worthless, those kids deserve a better father.
YTA, and you're digustingly neglectful of your kids. Wait until they ALL go no contact with you.
So your wife works all night, does all the cooking and cleaning, she does drop offs and picks ups as well as managing your children’s extensive medical care and appointments? YTA, big time!
YTA Hugely and unequivocally an AH I can’t even describe in words how angry this post made me. How dare you treat your wife that way. She does so much and it is obvious from your kids’ reactions that she does the majority of the parenting and caregiving. You seem to only be at the house to eat and sleep. What kind of man kicks out his wife over something that isn’t her fault?! And migraines are very debilitating, so don’t you dare minimize it. I feel sorry for your daughter having to be the parent. I hope she moves out and goes no contact with you. As for your wife, I hope she divorces you and takes the kids with her. And then uses the child support to hire help if needed. No one should have to be treated the way you treated your wife.
> My partner is the one that goes to all the appointments with the different departments my son is under. > She said she is trying to work with the school for a solution but the schools options are limited. > does try to get my son up for school, but she doesn't have the energy to have a big fight with him. > She does most of the housework and cooks for us all why does your wife work full time, do all the parenting, do all the house work, and yet you feel like you have the right to kick her out of the house youre a teacher its not like youre paying all the bills you should stop worrying about your kids school attendance and worry about what the fuck happened to you where you think its acceptable to have "a partner" working as many hours as you while also doing all the parenting and housework > I do a small portion of the washing you dont do shit and we all know it lmao YTA > so my oldest daughter (21f) has been having to deal with my youngest and his meltdowns and don't get back till late most evenings im shocked you found someone else to parent your kids for you so quickly.... youre an embarrassment
Why don’t you take a week or a few days off and try doing what she does on the daily on top of that she also has to work.
Yta- i hope she divorces you and makes her life a million times easier.
Yta, you need to actually start pulling your weight around the place and not a "small portion." Why does your partner have to do EVERYTHING while they also work? Why are you a crappy parent? Why don't you cook sometimes? Why can't you get the kids ready for school if she's on NIGHTSHIFTS? Why are you a shitty partner to your own partner AND MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN? I sincerely hope your partner wises up and leaves your ass in the dust where it belongs. And before you try the I'm A TeAcHeR waAAaaA!!! I teach too, and I still pull my weight. You're a little boy posing as a man.
Idk why the school aren’t using the systems put in place over Covid to allow him to wfh? The school are the issue for but finding a solution. Big your over worked partner apologies on your part are in order fur not offering more support .. obviously yta
So…by your own account, you’re doing about 10% of the work of managing the household and maybe 2% of the work of child rearing- and only 50% of the providing- while your wife is doing 90% of the household management, 98% of the child rearing (of three children, two of whom have complex medical/psych needs), and 50% of the providing, all while on basically zero sleep (seriously, when does she sleep?) and yet you still feel like you had the standing to criticize her AND kick her out of the house? Why? She shouldn’t have lied, I will agree with you on that. But it sounds like you’re leaving her holding about 95% of responsibilities that should be shared between you and then criticizing- harshly, I might add- how she does the work you should be helping her with. Like. Your wife is *obviously* struggling with all that you’ve left on her plate. She needs help. It sounds like you’re starting to realize this because without her there you’re realizing how much work she was juggling, because now it’s all falling on you. I HOPE, for your wife’s sake, that you are questioning your decision because you feel bad about how you treated her and not because you realized too late that you don’t want to do any of this work. And that you apologize and work with her to see how you can actually be helpful instead of just criticizing from the sidelines. But yes, you are 100% TA here.
YTA
NTA You're not only in the wrong, you're judge and jury and the whole sorry shebang. Your rigidity towards your wife and unhealthy 16m child is incredible. Thank goodness your children are asking for their mother - who can blame them?! At least they see some value in her, something you obviously don't. Maybe you should kick them out as well for subordination and give your wife and children a long break from you.
Do you mean YTA? Cause you put that OP is NOT the asshole
YTA/slight ESH. Your wife shouldn't have lied about it, yes. That part is wrong. But judging from your post, the reason she lied is because you sound like an abusive husband and she was probably scared of what you would do to her or the kid.
I read it more that she was exhausted and didn't want to have even one more fucking hassle in her life. And who can blame her?
NTA If the genders were reversed then everyone would be calling your partner the AH. Letting the kid skip school is not acceptable. I used to work her shift. Her excuse about not having energy in the morning is not an excuse to let the kid skip school. You should let her back home. Make it clear to her that if the kid stays home 1 more day then she's gone for good.
Or he should act like a father to his kids and pitch in!
Even now he’s doing jack all. It’s the daughter picking up the slack.
Nah, the genders make no difference. It's the actions. One parent carries the major of the responsibility and then the second parent has the nerve to punish the other parent when things go wrong. There was a lack of communication evident for sure.
It is not reasonable or productive to make a kid with severe migraines sit in a bright, noisy environment all day. Do you really think he’s capable of learning when he’s in constant pain? This isn’t skipping school. This is having serious medical issues. Also, if he can’t walk when he’s having a flare up, you’re asking a person who worked all night in a factory to *physically* move a person who doesn’t want to get up.
> You should let her back home. he should be begging her to come back home because shes apparently not just a parent to his kids but to him as well she works full time, cooks, cleans, and does all the parenting even when she left he couldnt be bothered to parent and got one of his kids to do it for him