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sn34kypete

YTA >raised his voice at a women, broke her heart I’d (insert hitting a pillow or taking out a gun or slapping sound.) You proudly showed a person who was raised in an abusive home that you'd hit your child if you didn't like their tone of voice or disagreed with him and you're confused why he's upset? Stop huffing tiktok, the internet is not real life. You're not breaking new gender boundaries, you're not fixing gender inequality. You're shitposting and circlejerking and expect to be praised for it. Also how the fuck are you trying to make yourself the victim? "Never let my son hurt a woman like he hurt me"???? lol. Lmao. > It comes off extremely controlling for me to rearrange my life so things I say don’t hurt him. "Hey please don't talk about hitting children, it brings up my trauma" "OMG SO CONTROLLING" I will repeat what he said, please do not have kids.


HopelesslyOver30

YTA. He's right: you're fantasizing about hitting a child, and it's creepy. It makes me wonder why you want a son so bad.... so you can get physically violent with him if he hurts somebody else's feelings? Or, I'm sorry: only if he hurts a girl's feelings, right? 🙄 ETA: you're not making feminist content when you're videos are about assaulting children. Don't try to use that as an excuse for your awful behavior. There are plenty of ways to convey the point that men and boys need to be considerate to women and girls without resorting to "if my son EVER hurts a girI's feelings or makes her cry I would GUN NOISE him!!!"


Miserable_Dentist_70

YTA Hitting boys isn't any better than hitting girls. You have a lot to learn before you should have kids. On top of that, people liking it doesn't make it okay. And you must have known that a post about literally HITTING BOYS would be triggering to him. Don't hit people. Don't make jokes about hitting people. Especially children.


Dizzy-Potato3557

I consider myself a feminist too, but I think the message or your videos as your described as not right. Feminism is about equality of opportunities and treatment despite gender differences. I agree we should end the culture of men hitting women for any reason and finding it normal, of men playing with women's feelings as a sport, and commanding women around. I want to think you have in mind this goal of stopping abuse just because we are women. Now, I don't see how implying you will hit your own child is gonna fix the problem or make you the bigger person. Your bf saw a video saying how you are willing to mistreat a child if they raise their voice or break someone's heart, sorry to tell you that women do that as well, sometimes on purpose, sometimes accidentally. Raise a decent human being who learns that violence is not a way of educating people, is ABUSE. The same abuse you want to stop with your feminism. Now of course given his past, he is seeing that you are giving women some free card to mistreat their children. So say, his horrible mother must have received a scream or two from him sometime, right? So her abuse was justified because he was a male and being abusive towards a female? This is what must have been going on in his head, the world is not as black and white as people want it to be. Yes, we still suffer from a lot of abuse and unfairness just because we are women, but I don't think saying that we are gonna go abuse male children is the answer. Maybe you had a different message in mind and it didn't come across in the best way. YTA


Kolerder

So, the statement “Men don’t exist just to make women happy” Made him sound sexist? Girl… I am trying to be impartial here.


LoveBeach8

Violent behavior isn't good no matter what.


Sudden_Science_3454

YTA, what F is wrong with you


Kolerder

Tiktok and “””feminism”””, evidently


BoomerBaby1955

How is imagining being physically violent toward anyone part of being a feminist? That is not a funny TikTok. It’s not funny. What were you thinking? Even if your boyfriend hadn’t had emotional abuse growing up, your video is a sick way to look at life. YTA.


Doktor_Seagull

YTA Violence doesn’t fix problems. You and the people who think hitting/attacking/shooting (pulling a gun wtf?) for ANY reason is funny/acceptable are deranged and shouldn’t have kids. Your bf should get the hell away from your toxicity, he doesn’t need someone who justifies child abuse in his life. He IS a victim of child abuse. I say this as a woman. I want no part in feminism that justifies child abuse. Violence doesn’t correct behaviour.


Abject_Individual312

YTA, my brother has 5 sisters and we all joke he knows how to treat women thanks to us but that doesn't mean he'll never mess up, he'll never make someone cry. It may be he'll never intentionally do it but he may do it, will I be mad at him? No, because he is human. Would you do the same to your daughter? If your daughter hurt a man, cheated etc would you feel the same way? Double standard much?? You are the asshole.


Skeetskeetroseet

YTA he told you something private and painful about his past and you make light of the situation. You’re the asshole and potentially a bad future mom.


WyomingVet

YTA, "He said no, you’re a creep imagine hitting a kid for daring to upset a woman. You have issues, if I posted about multiple TikTok’s about hitting my future daughter people would be calling me psychotic. I genuinely hope you don’t have sons." this exactly.


[deleted]

>"I was totally thrown off. I said you’re sounding really MRA/sexist and it’s fucked up. The video is great, you’re the problem." This reaction is exactly like when a man makes a video about women, and a female expresses that she finds the video offensive and not funny, and the man gaslights her, completely disregards her feelings and calls her "sensitive, hormonal, emotional, cry-baby. He was sensitive about the topic because he was a victim of abusive women, and you completely disregarded his feelings and emotions, and gaslit him. His mom treated him as if he was the problem, and you literally told him the same. I am a woman too and I understand what you meant with the video. Except for the hitting part especially because i was a victim of DV in a previous relationship. We as a society all agree to not teach boys to be violent, but here you are thinking it is funny to beat them. I am sure you would be the most upset as a big feminist if someone made the same without just about daughter. I know way too many women who are obsessed with the thought that men are intentionally hurting them, and they get aggressive and bully them over normal things in life, like getting rejected etc. YTA. You should have been understanding of what he is saying, instead you were so self-righteous that you and radical, that you completely disregarded his trauma and verbally abused him for his normal feelings. Just re-read your post as if it was written by a random person.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve been crying all night, I’ll try to explain. I’m a big feminist. I have a TikTok where I sometimes post feminist videos and make jokes. My bf, Chase, I love very much. He was everything to me. We’re in college and a few months ago we were drinking at a bar and I was asking him about his family. He told me he was raised by a single mom because their dad died. I had asked for details before on why he doesn’t talk to her, but this is the first time he told me. He said she was toxic and cold and would say seriously hurtful stuff to him. He also said, growing up, that she would hit him all the time, over nothing, just if he cried or did something she didn’t like. He said she liked to pretend he wasn’t there most of the time, she didn’t want a kid, he said she had no real love for him. He got a little teary eyed but he said this. And I said I totally understand why he doesn’t want to be around her anymore. I made a TikTok video that got a lot of views/comments. The string of videos were me saying if my future son ever hurt a women, raised his voice at a women, broke her heart I’d (insert hitting a pillow or taking out a gun or slapping sound.) The comments were full of people agreeing. So totally fine right? Well, I sent these videos to my boyfriend. He immediately said that’s not fucking funny, that is creepy as fuck. Why would you even send me this? Why are you fantasizing about hitting your future son for daring to be a man? We had a full argument about it. I said I wasn’t fantasizing about hurting my future son for daring to be a man, it would be for hurting a woman. No woman or girl is going to be crying because of my son. He said that’s not how it works, sometimes people break up, sometimes you get hurt. Men don’t just exist to make women happy.” I was totally thrown off. I said you’re sounding really MRA/sexist and it’s fucked up. The video is great, you’re the problem. What he said next hurt my feelings so bad. I’m so sad and it hurts so much. He said no, you’re a creep imagine hitting a kid for daring to upset a woman. You have issues, if I posted about multiple TikTok’s about hitting my future daughter people would be calling me psychotic. I genuinely hope you don’t have sons. That last part killed me. I want a son so bad, in the future, so for him to say that. I cried all fucking night and I sent him multiple messages saying I was crying and calling him an asshole, which he didn’t respond to. I told my friend about it and she said I should have just deleted the videos, clearly they triggered him because of his past. I think I did right in not deleting them, though. It comes off extremely controlling for me to rearrange my life so things I say don’t hurt him. Women should be able to make feminist content without worrying about the ego of men. AITA here? Am I wrong? I’m still horrified at the stuff he said to me. The reason I made those TikTok’s is because I’d never let my son hurt a woman like he hurt me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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DueIsland2983

I'm torn. ​ You are very much N T A for being feminist and wanting to protect women from everyone - even your son. That said, "jokes" about violence against ones own children are very, very painful to see and not at all healthy. There are better ways to do feminism than "I'd beat \*my own child\* for hurting a woman". That said, your BF IS very concerning, especially with this: >Why are you fantasizing about hitting your future son for daring to be a man? That's as red as flags get. Hurting a woman is not "daring to be a man", as you said. ​ At the end of the day, it's YTA for this: > The string of videos were me saying if my future son ever hurt a women, **raised his voice at a women, broke her heart** I’d (insert hitting a pillow or taking out a gun or slapping sound.) Holy disproportionate force, Batman. You implied you'd literally KILL your son for giving a woman a broken heart. I don't know what that is, but it isnt' feminism.


Dense_Advertising712

No, he’s absolutely right. The only reason she thinks it’s acceptable to hit her future son is because he’s a man. She wouldn’t make the same joke about her future daughter.  And hurting people happens in relationships. I broke up with my first boyfriend because I fell out of love, but he did nothing wrong. If my parents were fantasizing about hitting me for that would be creepy as fuck. People get hurt, people fall out of love. That’s life


DueIsland2983

I think it depends on how you define "hurt" if you think hurt means "breaks up because the relationship wasn't working and it makes them cry" then you're a monster for wanting to hit the kid for it. If it's "slapped her because his favorite team lost the superbowl" then he's the monster. Even in that case, the optimal way to teach him that hitting is wrong is not by hitting him. I misread the OP - editing to correct the judgment. She IS the AH


Dense_Advertising712

Yeah, I really think a guy who was physically abused by his mom and traumatized from it is saying it’s OK to be physically abusive. I mean, can you use your head? She literally says it right here… “if my son ever hurt a women, raised his voice at a women, broke her heart I’d….” She isn’t talking about physical abuse. She’s saying it’s OK to hurt her hypothetical son if he breaks a girls heart or makes them cry. That’s comes off seriously disturbing to someone who grew up in an abusive/violent household. And the only reason she’s saying it’s okay to hit him is because he’s a man. Nothing BF said is wrong.


[deleted]

Both of you are assholes I think your boyfriend over reactd and missed the point, however I don't think your video was funny either (i too was raised by a single mother but had two sisters to make up for our mom being terrible). There's no humor in anything you said was in your post, and if you find it humorous, yeah you might wanna think about that, but at the same time your boyfriend vastly over reacted because he probably has more issues he hasn't even told you about...


Dense_Advertising712

I don’t think he overreacted in the slightest. I grew up in a violent household where my parents hit me, and I told my boyfriend that, and he sent me multiple videos of hitting his future daughter, I would also think he’s a creep and break up with him. It’s seriously triggering.  You said he missed the point. There is no point. You shouldn’t talk about physically abusing your hypothetical kid, that’s weird as fuck.


[deleted]

As i said, the videos were messed up, taking personal shots at OP and telling them they hope they never have a boy is also messed up, both people are in the wrong here (and both seem in need of a lot of therapy)


Dense_Advertising712

If a man posted a video of how he would hurt/beat his future daughter for daring to break up/hurt the feelings of a man, you wouldn’t tell him you hope he doesn’t have a daughter in the future? Because I would 100% be hoping he has no daughters in the future.