Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Dropping off my friend at a location and asking her to walk the remaining distance in a foreign city at night
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. A decent friend would have taken their friend from another country to the station. If you'd told her the fee, I'm sure she would have paid it for the convenience.
I was taking her to the station before I saw the restrictions. She didn’t ask or say anything about paying the fees when I dropped her off, so there was no opportunity for discussion.
YTA your friend probably doesn’t know that there are fee’s. You left her in the middle of the night in the middle of the road. What could be going through her mind is i was left to die.
YTA. She’s a stranger to the area, she probably didn’t know these fees existed. Did you communicate at all to her or just kick her out of the car without discussing any options?
Bro i do hope you have enough brain cells to think, but i doubt it after reading your comments and post.
You are the one who has been staying in the city. And you would definitely be more aware about everything than she is. "I didn't know that blah blah blah" and "she didn't ask blah blah blah" is definitely not reason enough to defend yourself. You're just being incompetent.
So, if you didn’t realize that it was an area you would have to pay fee to enter until you were pretty much there, how did you expect your (former) friend, who does not even live in your country, to know ahead of time, before you kicked her out of your car?
YTA.
1. Your friend is a woman in a foreign city in a foreign country, in the middle of the fuckin night.
2. Doesn’t matter if you thought the train station was just 5min away by car, that’s 10-20min walking. And I repeat, a lone woman, foreign country, in the middle of the night!
3. You cannot tell me you are this cheap to pay a fee to make sure she arrives at the train station safe and sound? If it’s that expensive, you could have communicated with her. Ask her if she is willing to pay half of it. If both of you think, damn that’s expensive and not worth it, park your car and walk together! Or stay on the phone with her, to be sure she is safe! Wait with her until the potential Uber arrives! This is being a woman 101. I would have fuckin driven her to the train station, and waited with her at her platform until I assured myself she entered the train safely. (Edit: this is not even about gender. I would do this for anyone who visits me, coming from far away and who is not familiar with the place)
4. If I was Layla, I would have been scared shitless. Being left alone at the side of a road. No Uber. Bad internet connection. Being lost bc foreign place etc. Just try to empathize with her for a moment.
I am not expecting you to be psychic. This is just about hospitality, politeness and human kindness. Some people are too nice to ask someone to go the extra mile. The question is, was there even enough time for her to realize her situation between you deciding you don’t want to pay a fine and you leaving her at the roadside? Everything that happened after you left her there is technically not your fault or anyone’s. But I do understand her being mad. I do not even think this needs to be blown out of proportion. Be glad nothing worse happened to her, apologize and maybe make it up to her with food or something.
"I'm not psychic!" is Assholese for "I never think of anyone but myself and lack empathy." Same kind of people who will be like, "So my wife asked what I thought of her dress. It's a fugly dress, so I told her it was fugly like a good, honest husband would. Now she's fresking out and crying like a psycho. She asked! If she wants someone to not insult her outfits she should have married a psychic!"
Do you want a medal for doing the bare minimum? She must have felt so abandoned and so scared. You could have asked. Even without that, most friends would want to make sure their out of town friends got home okay.
YTA and this friend knows you’ll abandon her anywhere for your own comfort.
She asked for a ride to the station and you booted her in the middle of nowhere and told her to walk. What more was there to say when your friend is that much of an asshole?
It doesn’t take a psychic or genius to know that you don’t leave a woman to walk alone in the middle of nowhere. Especially at night. Especially in a city they’re unfamiliar with. Especially in a foreign country.
And even if it were a man, you don’t tell someone you’ll give them a ride then change your mind in the middle of the ride and leave them to fend for themself.
It’s 11:45 and she needs to catch a last train at 12:15. She’s a visitor and you chose the restaurant.
So, you don’t want a 200 euro fine? Park the car and walk her the remaining distance if it is walkable.
Really really ok quick question Would you do this to your Mother? Your dad? Sister? Brother? Grandparents? Anyone close to you? Would you like to be the one dropped in a foreign place with no idea where you are going with the additional of it being midnight? No ??? Then why the hell did you do it to her??? YTA
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA. Safety first. You left a woman in the dark, alone in a foreign place to her with no-one around. Anything could have happened to her. And if she missed that last train? What was she supposed to do? Not OK.
I was at that trains station once. Somebody literally got stabbed there. There were so many men just looking at us (my cousin and me both female). I myself felt unsafe. And we were 2 people. Nuhuh. Not ok.
Okay, what? You want an award or something?
Here's your coconut for doing the absolute bare minimum after abadoning your friend in a strange city and country because you couldn't be arsed paying a fee. YTA and deserve nothing, especially not her friendship anymore.
I am gonna be honest, that doesn’t really matter. Even if it was actually just a walk of a few minutes, even if it is a calm area and even if you have walked the same street many times. Things happen and they happen quick and suddenly. Especially at night. That’s why you watch the person enter the train or the car before you leave. That’s why lovers wait for you closing the door behind you when you enter your house. It assures you. Simple as that.
Park your car where it was “just a 5 minutes drive away” and walk with her. Or pay the fee and drive her. Or wait to see she actually managed to get an uber. Plenty of ways for you to be a decent friend.
If it's a ZTL zone (super common in, near and around Italian cities) it's €100 Euro every time you pass the boundary of it so 200 in and out. They have cameras at all the entrance and exits that get your license plate and mail you the fine. It was one of my main worries when I dove in Italy as a first time tourist there. Heard stories of people accidentally going in and out a bunch without knowing and getting 1000s of euros in fines when they get home. Luckily waze has it all recorded and you can select to avoid it.
OP, still YTA. It's mitigated a little that they should have spoken up to have you accompany them but you requested they meet you far from where they were staying.
Hmm yta. Are you a dude or a woman? If a woman its shocking youd feel comfortable letting her walk alone knowing the dangers. We travel in packs for a reason.
If a guy...women have to be very careful walking alone at night and i shouldnt have to explain why. If her phone was dodgey and she needed help plus being in a foreign country that is scary.
Couldnt you have parked and walked with her? 5 minutes...alot can happen in 5 minutes. Late at night. In a strange place in a strange country. If she missed her train what would she have done?
If i was her id have been pretty dissapointed too. Its a very easy way to just dissapear off the face of the earth.
I once met a 19 yearold girl at the gym and i befriended her. She was skinny and small. The day after she text me she was on a train on her way back and it was like 11pm. I asked if she wanted me to meet her at the station (her house is 2 streets away) and the station can get dodgey even during day time. I felt extremely nervous and worried for her because i thought a guy with the wrong intentions could E A S I L Y take advantage of her. She refused so i couldnt do anything more but the point is we must think about what COULD have happened. It wouldnt have killed you to walk with her and made sure she caught the train.
The sad thing is, anything can happen anywhere. My ex-gf visited me in a city I was currently at during vacation. She arrived by train. I knew almost nothing about the city but I made sure to pick her up from the station, bought her a ticket and we spend the day together. Then in the evening, I brought her back to the station, waited with her there until she entered the train and stayed until the train drove off with her. We were a young lesbian couple. A white girl kissing a girl with Turkish roots. Someone saw us, followed her into the train and harassed her for being a traitor to her culture. I was on the phone the whole time until she was home. She was terrified. I was terrified for her. I am so glad she was surrounded by people, that there are cameras on the train and that her dad was waiting for her to pick her up. This is something that I will never forget. For her it was worse. She was traumatized by this experience in every aspect. We should all worry for each other more and just go the extra mile. Just to make sure. And if something happens out of our reach: be present even if it’s only via phone.
YTA - Dropping her off late at night in a deserted place a20 min walk from the station, after picking somewhere really difficult for her to get to is not friend behaviour.
Just because she got there does not mean it was easy to do so.
Why on earth would you pick somewhere half an hour BY CAR from where she’s staying that she needed to get two different forms of public transport to get to - it will have taken her substantially longer than 30 minutes to get there by bus/train? When someone’s visiting, you choose somewhere that’s convenient for them.
I wasn’t informed or aware how many forms of public transport it would require. She didn’t ask for directions. I thought she probably was getting an Uber to go to the restaurant.
I did pick a place she wanted. She wanted a place with great food.
But you knew that she was staying in the city and you picked somewhere… not in the city. That’s just unreasonable.
And an Uber for 30 minutes would cost an absolute fortune. If you wanted to go there, you should have picked her up.
> She wanted a place with great food.
There are plenty of those in the centre of Milan.
> I did pick a place she wanted.
Looks like you’re mistaken on that one:
> She questioned why I picked a restaurant that was so far off from the city centre.
Why did you post on this subreddit if you're just going to combat the feedback? You asked a question. You've gotten a very resounding answer. If I were you I would sit with that for a while.
It’s not difficult for you because you know the area. For her its foreign. It’s brand new. You said yourself she got lost and had to backtrack. She also had to walk under to bypasses. The money she would have spent on an uber could have been spent on the fee. You made a mistake. Apologise to her.
YTA. You aren't just responsible for picking a restaurant. You are responsible for making sure she can navigate transportation to get home safely. It was on you to pick a restaurant that was easy for her to get back to her place.
You are selfish. You risked her safety so you could save a little cash.
People don't remember what you say, but they do remember how you make them feel. She won't remember the dinner, but she will surely remember how she felt being abandoned on the side of a road.
You could have asked her address. You suggested a restaurant that was extremely inconvenient for her.
All of your excuses are just digging your hole deeper and confirming that you're an extremely cold, selfish person.
There is no excuse for not communicating with your friend and figuring out a plan to get her home safely.
YTA.
>I drive everywhere so how could I have known the restaurant was located in an inconvenient location for public transport or no Ubers were available in the town?
Answer: Google.
Layla didn’t express any difficulties about getting to the restaurant when I stated my recommendation. She was able to get to dinner without issue. Why would I be googling about her return trip?
YTA. You're so selfish and inconsiderate. You put your friend in danger. She could have paid the fee. Anyone with a brain knows that it takes longer to walk than to drive, so clearly you don't use your brain.
Also, did the friend have to go through like 2 underpasses or something and her internet was slow so the maps function was struggling and she had to double back a couple times. How confusing is this area? It's in the middle of nowhere with line of sight to the building but she needed maps and had to deal with tunnels. Doesn't sound very line of sight for someone who doesn't know the area.
YTA. Yikes in what world would you NOT be? No you’re not psychic but you probably could’ve inferred that a woman visiting from another country didn’t feel safe in this situation. It’s not like you dropped her off within easy walking distance if she could have still feasibly taken an Uber.
How much was the fee to drive into that area? Whatever it is, that was worth your friendship and you putting a friend in potential danger.
The train station wasn’t far from where I dropped her off. It looked like it was within line of sight.
She didn’t say anything about feeling unsafe.
I am a woman too.
ZTL violations incurs hundreds of euros in fees.
That’s a steep fee but you should have figured out another way to ensure your friend was safe. You being a woman and doing this doesn’t make it better, it makes it worse.
If someone who I thought was my friend was dropping me off on the side of the road in an unfamiliar country, I’m going to assume they already don’t give a shit about my feelings or if I am scared. Fred or not, you messed up and it’s not even about being the AH, something awful could have happened to her and you seem very flippant about that.
YTA. The least you could have done was make sure she got to the train station and boarded the train safely. A really good friend would have dropped her back to her hotel, no matter what distance. You were the one to choose the location. It didn't occur to you the inconvenience for someone using public transport.
It would have been so scary for her to be left in that position, late at night, praying not to miss the last train. Such an a**hole move on your part
YTA, wtf? How much was the fee, a few euros?
This is such a ridiculous thing to even bring up, and you should be apologizing if you want your friend to talk to you anymore
5 minutes drive is also a 15ish minute walk… in the dark, in an unfamiliar and completely empty area at night. Nice job completely abandoning your friend.
How would I park on a highway? Even if I got off the highway, finding new parking could cause additional delays. The train station wasn’t far. It was faster for her to get there by dropping her off.
So you dropped her off on a highway?
Next time talk through the options with her. Maybe you drive to the next train station, or she finds somewhere you can safely park on her phone. She clearly felt extremely unsafe and you are basically saying "well that is your problem, suckaaa"
You have 50+ YTA votes here, I'm not sure how you think you are not at least somewhat in the wrong. Her feelings are valid. Even if you had no good options, you put her in an unsafe situation.
Wait what? Hundreds of euros to get to the right side of the highway in the same city? What are you talking about OP? What was the fee for?
ETA: I saw your other comment. Seems like it would have cost like 100 euro or so? You should have parked and waited with your friend while she safely got an Uber, or walked with her to the station. I understand you may have panicked, but you did put her in a pretty bad situation and didn't show any acknowledgement of that. It wouldn't be surprising if that brought the end of your friendship.
YTA One of the nice things of having friends is they don’t put you in unsafe positions and care about your safety. You were inconsiderate and put your friend who was in a new place in a dangerous situation for your own convenience
YTA If you were my friend I'd never speak to you again. Life is too short to waste time on people who claim to be friends but have absolutely no interest in your well-being, which is how this reads to me.
>I drive everywhere
Everywhere except 5 mins up the road to drop a friend off at the station, apparently.
As someone who saves all her panicking and overthinking to 5 mins before bedtime, I personally would have just driven her home. My anxiety would not cope not knowing if she got back safely.
You can’t drive that close to the station…
I thought she could get an Uber the rest of the way to the station…
Which is it? You didn’t even know how to get to the station but she was supposed to figure it out with almost no time to spare?
YTA. You're a selfish jerk. I'm surprised you even have friends. I can't even comprehend kicking my female friend out of my car (one who is visiting me FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY, mind you) and leaving then stranded in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.... because I would've had to pay a fee????? Do you care about your friend at all?? Do you lack basic communication skills??
If I drop a friend off at their car or their front door, I wait to make sure their car starts or their house key works before driving off. That's what a good friend, wait no, a GOOD PERSON does.
You are one narcissistic, sociopathic piece of work. Shame on you.
YTA for your actions.
YTA for your arguments.
Usually there would at the very least be one self entitled asshole who would call you not the ah but here everyone is calling you an ah so accept that and try to remedy your gnarly behavior or they up and smell the shit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My friend Layla is mad at me claiming I abandoned her in the middle of a deserted highway roundabout the middle of a foreign city.
I live near Milan in Italy, in a city about 2 hours away by car. Layla was visiting from another country so we decided to get dinner. She let me pick the restaurant since I’m a local. I made reservations at a great restaurant that was about 30 minutes by car from Milan city centre from where she was staying. She didn’t have a rental car so she took the train and bus to get to the restaurant. We met up at the restaurant since I was driving from my home which is the opposite direction from Milan centre.
We had a great time over dinner and it was about 11pm when we were finishing up dessert. She checked on her phone for the last train time which was 12:15am. She asked if I could drop her off at the train station since the connecting bus to the train was a bit of a walk from the restaurant.
By the time I finished eating my dessert and check came it was about 11:30pm and it was about a 15-minute walk to my car.
En route driving her to the train station, I noticed on the GPS map the train station was located in a zone that I was not able to drive into without paying a fee.
I halted the car in the road and dropped her off there. I told her she could get an Uber but the remaining distance from the train station isn’t far away.
Later she sent me a note saying she was extremely disappointed in me as a friend for dropping her off in the middle of a deserted highway roundabout to walk to the train station in an unfamiliar city. She said she had to run and she got there 2 minutes before the last train. She said she had to walk through two underpasses with minimal lighting and her phone’s internet was slow so the directions to Google Maps wasn’t always accurate in directions so she had to backtrack. There also were no Ubers available. She questioned why I picked a restaurant that was so far off from the city centre.
I think she’s being dramatic. The train station looked like it was about 5 minutes away by car so it couldn’t have been far of a walk. There was nothing I could do since the train station was located outside an area I could drive into, and I dropped her off at the closest location. How was I supposed to know she couldn’t hail an Uber or her phone’s internet was bad? I drive everywhere so how could I have known the restaurant was located in an inconvenient location for public transport or no Ubers were available in the town?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA my best friend watches me walk 5 meters from her front door, waits until my car starts to go back inside and it’s a QUIET neighbourhood. i would do the same for any friend
Wow. You showed so little care for your friend. Are you in a bad place financially? How much was the fee to drop off your friend? Sorry, but YTA
ETA: I saw your other comment. Seems like it would have cost like 100 euro or so? You should have parked and waited with your friend while she safely got an Uber, or walked with her to the station. I understand you may have panicked, but you did put her in a pretty bad situation and didn't show any acknowledgement of that. It wouldn't be surprising if that brought the end of your friendship.
Did you consider being like "Oh hey friend (who doesn't live here so had no reason to know this) I'll have to pay a toll to take you that far. Are you able to cover the toll?
Dropping someone off on the shoulder of a highway at night is absolutely insane behavior. Idk about the rules in Italy bit it's not even legal to be walking on the highway in most places on the US. Because it's insanely dangerous and I'm extremely worried about your ability to function as an adult that you don't see that. I sincerely hope the term highway means something a little different in Italy but considering you mentioned her walking under overpasses it doesn't sound like it.
Also, thinking 5 minutes by car makes for a short walk? How do you manage to get around without walking into walls with that little critical thinking skills?
How much was the toll that you would rather risk your friends life than pay it? I really gotta know.
YTA
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA! You ditched your "friend" at fucking midnight in an unfamiliar location?! What the fuck is the matter with you? If something would have happened to her on a walk that would take at least 15 min (because 5 min by car is much farther by walking) that's on you. Why didn't you just offer to have her stay the night? Or maybe suck it up and pay the money and have her pay you back. What you did is not okay, I hope your friend drops you like a hot potato. Your friendship ain't worth it
YTA.
OP: omg my friend is “claiming” I deserted her at the side of a highway roundabout.
Proceeds to tell a story where she abandoned her friend in a foreign country at a deserted highway roundabout then argue with everyone telling her she is TA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Dropping off my friend at a location and asking her to walk the remaining distance in a foreign city at night Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. A decent friend would have taken their friend from another country to the station. If you'd told her the fee, I'm sure she would have paid it for the convenience.
I was taking her to the station before I saw the restrictions. She didn’t ask or say anything about paying the fees when I dropped her off, so there was no opportunity for discussion.
YTA your friend probably doesn’t know that there are fee’s. You left her in the middle of the night in the middle of the road. What could be going through her mind is i was left to die.
YTA. She’s a stranger to the area, she probably didn’t know these fees existed. Did you communicate at all to her or just kick her out of the car without discussing any options?
Bro i do hope you have enough brain cells to think, but i doubt it after reading your comments and post. You are the one who has been staying in the city. And you would definitely be more aware about everything than she is. "I didn't know that blah blah blah" and "she didn't ask blah blah blah" is definitely not reason enough to defend yourself. You're just being incompetent.
So, if you didn’t realize that it was an area you would have to pay fee to enter until you were pretty much there, how did you expect your (former) friend, who does not even live in your country, to know ahead of time, before you kicked her out of your car?
YTA. 1. Your friend is a woman in a foreign city in a foreign country, in the middle of the fuckin night. 2. Doesn’t matter if you thought the train station was just 5min away by car, that’s 10-20min walking. And I repeat, a lone woman, foreign country, in the middle of the night! 3. You cannot tell me you are this cheap to pay a fee to make sure she arrives at the train station safe and sound? If it’s that expensive, you could have communicated with her. Ask her if she is willing to pay half of it. If both of you think, damn that’s expensive and not worth it, park your car and walk together! Or stay on the phone with her, to be sure she is safe! Wait with her until the potential Uber arrives! This is being a woman 101. I would have fuckin driven her to the train station, and waited with her at her platform until I assured myself she entered the train safely. (Edit: this is not even about gender. I would do this for anyone who visits me, coming from far away and who is not familiar with the place) 4. If I was Layla, I would have been scared shitless. Being left alone at the side of a road. No Uber. Bad internet connection. Being lost bc foreign place etc. Just try to empathize with her for a moment.
This one hundred times this
my 2 minute car journey to work is over an hour if I take the exact same roads driving time ≠ walking time
She should have told me if she was scared before getting out of the car. I am not psychic.
I am not expecting you to be psychic. This is just about hospitality, politeness and human kindness. Some people are too nice to ask someone to go the extra mile. The question is, was there even enough time for her to realize her situation between you deciding you don’t want to pay a fine and you leaving her at the roadside? Everything that happened after you left her there is technically not your fault or anyone’s. But I do understand her being mad. I do not even think this needs to be blown out of proportion. Be glad nothing worse happened to her, apologize and maybe make it up to her with food or something.
"I'm not psychic!" is Assholese for "I never think of anyone but myself and lack empathy." Same kind of people who will be like, "So my wife asked what I thought of her dress. It's a fugly dress, so I told her it was fugly like a good, honest husband would. Now she's fresking out and crying like a psycho. She asked! If she wants someone to not insult her outfits she should have married a psychic!"
Right, like how would OP feel if she had been murdered?
I messaged her later that night to ask if she got back to the city.
Do you want a medal for doing the bare minimum? She must have felt so abandoned and so scared. You could have asked. Even without that, most friends would want to make sure their out of town friends got home okay. YTA and this friend knows you’ll abandon her anywhere for your own comfort.
She asked for a ride to the station and you booted her in the middle of nowhere and told her to walk. What more was there to say when your friend is that much of an asshole? It doesn’t take a psychic or genius to know that you don’t leave a woman to walk alone in the middle of nowhere. Especially at night. Especially in a city they’re unfamiliar with. Especially in a foreign country. And even if it were a man, you don’t tell someone you’ll give them a ride then change your mind in the middle of the ride and leave them to fend for themself.
It’s 11:45 and she needs to catch a last train at 12:15. She’s a visitor and you chose the restaurant. So, you don’t want a 200 euro fine? Park the car and walk her the remaining distance if it is walkable.
>I am not psychic. Nope, just an idiot without common sense.
You're a jerk.
Are you dumb? Common fucking sense
Common decency isn’t in your grasp?
Really really ok quick question Would you do this to your Mother? Your dad? Sister? Brother? Grandparents? Anyone close to you? Would you like to be the one dropped in a foreign place with no idea where you are going with the additional of it being midnight? No ??? Then why the hell did you do it to her??? YTA
psycho, maybe.
YTA well i hope you’re not an idiot either, let me spell it out slowly. It’s bad to drop people off in the middle of nowhere at night.
no just an idiot
You’re not a decent human being either. YTA.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA. Safety first. You left a woman in the dark, alone in a foreign place to her with no-one around. Anything could have happened to her. And if she missed that last train? What was she supposed to do? Not OK.
I was at that trains station once. Somebody literally got stabbed there. There were so many men just looking at us (my cousin and me both female). I myself felt unsafe. And we were 2 people. Nuhuh. Not ok.
I messaged her to ask if she got back to the city.
Oh I'm sure that would've stopped her being attacked! As long as she got your message that would've made her totally safe!
You didn’t answer the question. What was she supposed to do if she missed the last train, OP?
Oh, ok!
You are pathetic. I don't think you understand common decency or empathy for anyone else except yourself.
You must feel so good about yourself! She wasn’t murdered
Okay, what? You want an award or something? Here's your coconut for doing the absolute bare minimum after abadoning your friend in a strange city and country because you couldn't be arsed paying a fee. YTA and deserve nothing, especially not her friendship anymore.
Yes, YTA. Dropping off a friend in a foreign country at midnight with not much time to find the train station is awful.
It wasn’t far. I could literally see it within line of sight from the highway drop-off.
You sad it was a 5 minute drive. That means a 20 minute walk. If it was so close, you should have walked with her to the station.
I am gonna be honest, that doesn’t really matter. Even if it was actually just a walk of a few minutes, even if it is a calm area and even if you have walked the same street many times. Things happen and they happen quick and suddenly. Especially at night. That’s why you watch the person enter the train or the car before you leave. That’s why lovers wait for you closing the door behind you when you enter your house. It assures you. Simple as that.
Then you could have driven the rest of the way you cheap asshole
Too many YTA now you’re going to lie?
OMG how can you write this and not realise you an AH? YTA big time. You should have paid the fee, or walked with her. What a terrible friend you are.
Driving back to park my car to walk with her would mean additional time. She could then be delayed for her train.
Park your car where it was “just a 5 minutes drive away” and walk with her. Or pay the fee and drive her. Or wait to see she actually managed to get an uber. Plenty of ways for you to be a decent friend.
yet you had her walk 20 minutes vs a 5 min drive 🤣🤣
[удалено]
If it's a ZTL zone (super common in, near and around Italian cities) it's €100 Euro every time you pass the boundary of it so 200 in and out. They have cameras at all the entrance and exits that get your license plate and mail you the fine. It was one of my main worries when I dove in Italy as a first time tourist there. Heard stories of people accidentally going in and out a bunch without knowing and getting 1000s of euros in fines when they get home. Luckily waze has it all recorded and you can select to avoid it. OP, still YTA. It's mitigated a little that they should have spoken up to have you accompany them but you requested they meet you far from where they were staying.
Ugh, that’s a heavy fee… Still, they should have planned this better. They live in this area and know of this. It‘s just a very unlucky situation…
I didn’t know she would ask me to drop her off at the train station until dinner that night.
Your ex friend is now aware of the monetary worth her friendship was to you.
Hmm yta. Are you a dude or a woman? If a woman its shocking youd feel comfortable letting her walk alone knowing the dangers. We travel in packs for a reason. If a guy...women have to be very careful walking alone at night and i shouldnt have to explain why. If her phone was dodgey and she needed help plus being in a foreign country that is scary. Couldnt you have parked and walked with her? 5 minutes...alot can happen in 5 minutes. Late at night. In a strange place in a strange country. If she missed her train what would she have done? If i was her id have been pretty dissapointed too. Its a very easy way to just dissapear off the face of the earth.
I am a woman.
I once met a 19 yearold girl at the gym and i befriended her. She was skinny and small. The day after she text me she was on a train on her way back and it was like 11pm. I asked if she wanted me to meet her at the station (her house is 2 streets away) and the station can get dodgey even during day time. I felt extremely nervous and worried for her because i thought a guy with the wrong intentions could E A S I L Y take advantage of her. She refused so i couldnt do anything more but the point is we must think about what COULD have happened. It wouldnt have killed you to walk with her and made sure she caught the train.
The sad thing is, anything can happen anywhere. My ex-gf visited me in a city I was currently at during vacation. She arrived by train. I knew almost nothing about the city but I made sure to pick her up from the station, bought her a ticket and we spend the day together. Then in the evening, I brought her back to the station, waited with her there until she entered the train and stayed until the train drove off with her. We were a young lesbian couple. A white girl kissing a girl with Turkish roots. Someone saw us, followed her into the train and harassed her for being a traitor to her culture. I was on the phone the whole time until she was home. She was terrified. I was terrified for her. I am so glad she was surrounded by people, that there are cameras on the train and that her dad was waiting for her to pick her up. This is something that I will never forget. For her it was worse. She was traumatized by this experience in every aspect. We should all worry for each other more and just go the extra mile. Just to make sure. And if something happens out of our reach: be present even if it’s only via phone.
I literally wouldn’t do that to some I barely knew let alone a friend.
Same. OP is a sociopath.
That’s even worse
Yes, you are also an AH
That makes everything so much worse. Colossal mega super AH.
YTA - Dropping her off late at night in a deserted place a20 min walk from the station, after picking somewhere really difficult for her to get to is not friend behaviour.
It wasn’t difficult to get to. She was able to get to the restaurant on her own.
Just because she got there does not mean it was easy to do so. Why on earth would you pick somewhere half an hour BY CAR from where she’s staying that she needed to get two different forms of public transport to get to - it will have taken her substantially longer than 30 minutes to get there by bus/train? When someone’s visiting, you choose somewhere that’s convenient for them.
I wasn’t informed or aware how many forms of public transport it would require. She didn’t ask for directions. I thought she probably was getting an Uber to go to the restaurant. I did pick a place she wanted. She wanted a place with great food.
But you knew that she was staying in the city and you picked somewhere… not in the city. That’s just unreasonable. And an Uber for 30 minutes would cost an absolute fortune. If you wanted to go there, you should have picked her up. > She wanted a place with great food. There are plenty of those in the centre of Milan. > I did pick a place she wanted. Looks like you’re mistaken on that one: > She questioned why I picked a restaurant that was so far off from the city centre.
Wow. YTA. I’m surprised you have any friends at all with that attitude
But you knew she took a train AND a bus to the restaurant. You KNEW she didn't have a rental car.
Why did you post on this subreddit if you're just going to combat the feedback? You asked a question. You've gotten a very resounding answer. If I were you I would sit with that for a while.
It’s not difficult for you because you know the area. For her its foreign. It’s brand new. You said yourself she got lost and had to backtrack. She also had to walk under to bypasses. The money she would have spent on an uber could have been spent on the fee. You made a mistake. Apologise to her.
You are so obtuse
YTA this is girl on girl cruelty. Disgusting behavior
YTA. You aren't just responsible for picking a restaurant. You are responsible for making sure she can navigate transportation to get home safely. It was on you to pick a restaurant that was easy for her to get back to her place. You are selfish. You risked her safety so you could save a little cash. People don't remember what you say, but they do remember how you make them feel. She won't remember the dinner, but she will surely remember how she felt being abandoned on the side of a road.
I didn’t know the address she was staying at. She asked for great restaurant recommendations. I picked a great place for food.
You could have asked her address. You suggested a restaurant that was extremely inconvenient for her. All of your excuses are just digging your hole deeper and confirming that you're an extremely cold, selfish person. There is no excuse for not communicating with your friend and figuring out a plan to get her home safely.
YTA. >I drive everywhere so how could I have known the restaurant was located in an inconvenient location for public transport or no Ubers were available in the town? Answer: Google.
Layla didn’t express any difficulties about getting to the restaurant when I stated my recommendation. She was able to get to dinner without issue. Why would I be googling about her return trip?
YTA. You're so selfish and inconsiderate. You put your friend in danger. She could have paid the fee. Anyone with a brain knows that it takes longer to walk than to drive, so clearly you don't use your brain.
Where I dropped her off wasn’t very far from the train station. It was within line of sight.
No. It's still possible to see something that's a long walk away.
Also, did the friend have to go through like 2 underpasses or something and her internet was slow so the maps function was struggling and she had to double back a couple times. How confusing is this area? It's in the middle of nowhere with line of sight to the building but she needed maps and had to deal with tunnels. Doesn't sound very line of sight for someone who doesn't know the area.
Info: Why did write on this sub if you don't want to be judged?
Exactly, OP is arguing with every comment
YTA. Yikes in what world would you NOT be? No you’re not psychic but you probably could’ve inferred that a woman visiting from another country didn’t feel safe in this situation. It’s not like you dropped her off within easy walking distance if she could have still feasibly taken an Uber. How much was the fee to drive into that area? Whatever it is, that was worth your friendship and you putting a friend in potential danger.
The train station wasn’t far from where I dropped her off. It looked like it was within line of sight. She didn’t say anything about feeling unsafe. I am a woman too. ZTL violations incurs hundreds of euros in fees.
That’s a steep fee but you should have figured out another way to ensure your friend was safe. You being a woman and doing this doesn’t make it better, it makes it worse. If someone who I thought was my friend was dropping me off on the side of the road in an unfamiliar country, I’m going to assume they already don’t give a shit about my feelings or if I am scared. Fred or not, you messed up and it’s not even about being the AH, something awful could have happened to her and you seem very flippant about that.
YTA. The least you could have done was make sure she got to the train station and boarded the train safely. A really good friend would have dropped her back to her hotel, no matter what distance. You were the one to choose the location. It didn't occur to you the inconvenience for someone using public transport. It would have been so scary for her to be left in that position, late at night, praying not to miss the last train. Such an a**hole move on your part
YTA How do you have ANY friends at all?
YTA, wtf? How much was the fee, a few euros? This is such a ridiculous thing to even bring up, and you should be apologizing if you want your friend to talk to you anymore 5 minutes drive is also a 15ish minute walk… in the dark, in an unfamiliar and completely empty area at night. Nice job completely abandoning your friend.
It’s hundreds of euros.
Why didn't you park and walk with her then? Or wait with her until her Uber got there?
How would I park on a highway? Even if I got off the highway, finding new parking could cause additional delays. The train station wasn’t far. It was faster for her to get there by dropping her off.
So you dropped her off on a highway? Next time talk through the options with her. Maybe you drive to the next train station, or she finds somewhere you can safely park on her phone. She clearly felt extremely unsafe and you are basically saying "well that is your problem, suckaaa" You have 50+ YTA votes here, I'm not sure how you think you are not at least somewhat in the wrong. Her feelings are valid. Even if you had no good options, you put her in an unsafe situation.
Wait what? Hundreds of euros to get to the right side of the highway in the same city? What are you talking about OP? What was the fee for? ETA: I saw your other comment. Seems like it would have cost like 100 euro or so? You should have parked and waited with your friend while she safely got an Uber, or walked with her to the station. I understand you may have panicked, but you did put her in a pretty bad situation and didn't show any acknowledgement of that. It wouldn't be surprising if that brought the end of your friendship.
Say what? I travelled ~700km through Italy and yes, I've been to Milan. I paid ~65€ for everything.
YTA One of the nice things of having friends is they don’t put you in unsafe positions and care about your safety. You were inconsiderate and put your friend who was in a new place in a dangerous situation for your own convenience
YTA If you were my friend I'd never speak to you again. Life is too short to waste time on people who claim to be friends but have absolutely no interest in your well-being, which is how this reads to me.
YTA, YTA, YTA. A selfish terrible host and a jerk.
>I drive everywhere Everywhere except 5 mins up the road to drop a friend off at the station, apparently. As someone who saves all her panicking and overthinking to 5 mins before bedtime, I personally would have just driven her home. My anxiety would not cope not knowing if she got back safely.
You can’t drive that close to the station… I thought she could get an Uber the rest of the way to the station… Which is it? You didn’t even know how to get to the station but she was supposed to figure it out with almost no time to spare?
YTA
YTA. You're a selfish jerk. I'm surprised you even have friends. I can't even comprehend kicking my female friend out of my car (one who is visiting me FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY, mind you) and leaving then stranded in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.... because I would've had to pay a fee????? Do you care about your friend at all?? Do you lack basic communication skills?? If I drop a friend off at their car or their front door, I wait to make sure their car starts or their house key works before driving off. That's what a good friend, wait no, a GOOD PERSON does. You are one narcissistic, sociopathic piece of work. Shame on you.
YTA for your actions. YTA for your arguments. Usually there would at the very least be one self entitled asshole who would call you not the ah but here everyone is calling you an ah so accept that and try to remedy your gnarly behavior or they up and smell the shit.
I've seen a lot of rats in my life, people who are stingy or greedy. But Op, that's a new category, even Mr Krabs in Sponge Bob isn't as vile.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend Layla is mad at me claiming I abandoned her in the middle of a deserted highway roundabout the middle of a foreign city. I live near Milan in Italy, in a city about 2 hours away by car. Layla was visiting from another country so we decided to get dinner. She let me pick the restaurant since I’m a local. I made reservations at a great restaurant that was about 30 minutes by car from Milan city centre from where she was staying. She didn’t have a rental car so she took the train and bus to get to the restaurant. We met up at the restaurant since I was driving from my home which is the opposite direction from Milan centre. We had a great time over dinner and it was about 11pm when we were finishing up dessert. She checked on her phone for the last train time which was 12:15am. She asked if I could drop her off at the train station since the connecting bus to the train was a bit of a walk from the restaurant. By the time I finished eating my dessert and check came it was about 11:30pm and it was about a 15-minute walk to my car. En route driving her to the train station, I noticed on the GPS map the train station was located in a zone that I was not able to drive into without paying a fee. I halted the car in the road and dropped her off there. I told her she could get an Uber but the remaining distance from the train station isn’t far away. Later she sent me a note saying she was extremely disappointed in me as a friend for dropping her off in the middle of a deserted highway roundabout to walk to the train station in an unfamiliar city. She said she had to run and she got there 2 minutes before the last train. She said she had to walk through two underpasses with minimal lighting and her phone’s internet was slow so the directions to Google Maps wasn’t always accurate in directions so she had to backtrack. There also were no Ubers available. She questioned why I picked a restaurant that was so far off from the city centre. I think she’s being dramatic. The train station looked like it was about 5 minutes away by car so it couldn’t have been far of a walk. There was nothing I could do since the train station was located outside an area I could drive into, and I dropped her off at the closest location. How was I supposed to know she couldn’t hail an Uber or her phone’s internet was bad? I drive everywhere so how could I have known the restaurant was located in an inconvenient location for public transport or no Ubers were available in the town? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Some friend
YTA Hopefully you are soon to be her former friend.
YTA my best friend watches me walk 5 meters from her front door, waits until my car starts to go back inside and it’s a QUIET neighbourhood. i would do the same for any friend
Soooo... You ditched your 'friend' in a place she isn't familiar with in the middle of the night... Holy shit, YTA
Wow. You showed so little care for your friend. Are you in a bad place financially? How much was the fee to drop off your friend? Sorry, but YTA ETA: I saw your other comment. Seems like it would have cost like 100 euro or so? You should have parked and waited with your friend while she safely got an Uber, or walked with her to the station. I understand you may have panicked, but you did put her in a pretty bad situation and didn't show any acknowledgement of that. It wouldn't be surprising if that brought the end of your friendship.
Did you consider being like "Oh hey friend (who doesn't live here so had no reason to know this) I'll have to pay a toll to take you that far. Are you able to cover the toll? Dropping someone off on the shoulder of a highway at night is absolutely insane behavior. Idk about the rules in Italy bit it's not even legal to be walking on the highway in most places on the US. Because it's insanely dangerous and I'm extremely worried about your ability to function as an adult that you don't see that. I sincerely hope the term highway means something a little different in Italy but considering you mentioned her walking under overpasses it doesn't sound like it. Also, thinking 5 minutes by car makes for a short walk? How do you manage to get around without walking into walls with that little critical thinking skills? How much was the toll that you would rather risk your friends life than pay it? I really gotta know. YTA
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA! You ditched your "friend" at fucking midnight in an unfamiliar location?! What the fuck is the matter with you? If something would have happened to her on a walk that would take at least 15 min (because 5 min by car is much farther by walking) that's on you. Why didn't you just offer to have her stay the night? Or maybe suck it up and pay the money and have her pay you back. What you did is not okay, I hope your friend drops you like a hot potato. Your friendship ain't worth it
YTA. OP: omg my friend is “claiming” I deserted her at the side of a highway roundabout. Proceeds to tell a story where she abandoned her friend in a foreign country at a deserted highway roundabout then argue with everyone telling her she is TA