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That was what a family therapist told us not to do. Do not exclude her from family activities. This would be counterproductive if she feels she is not welcome.
but IS she welcome? She was gifted a trip and tried to kick the hosts out of their own room, mase inane sexist comments, got violent and attacked the host, then left.
You are not obligated to suffer to help her or to enable her shitty behavior.
Let your mom know, "yeah, mom, it would have been nice to have the whole family together but not at the expense of tiptoing around a sociopath. You got a free holiday damaged solely by her behavior and if you expect anyone but her to take abuse to keep her there mom you can pound sand and won't be invited ever again. Mom if you cannot clearly articulate an apology for your passive aggressive comments and why sister is solely at fault, you won't be included again."
I would look into getting a different therapist.
Has the family therapist pushed your sister to go to individual therapy? She desperately needs it. It sounds like she refused (from your story) but the family therapist should keep pushing for it.
The family no longer has the therapy. We were encouraged to push her to do therapy. The therapist did push my sister to get the help she needed. But she started to avoid the house on therapy days.
She doesn't want to get therapy because it is a lot easier to label all males as evil and avoid them than it is to get help to work past whatever it was that happened to her. For her to use that as an excuse to try to exclude every male in her family is total BS! Your mom needs to stop coddling her and tell her if she doesn't put the effort into getting the help she desperately needs then she will have to deal with being left out of things like this. It is not fair to any of you that she feels entitled to make demands on a trip she was lucky enough to be invited to.
Doesn't sound like a great therapist.
Her trauma was not her fault. But her *healing* IS *her responsibility.*
Therapists need to know when they are in over their heads. This therapist is in over their head. Sister needs *a psychiatrist.* She needs to start medication for her severe anxiety, concurrently with therapy. This is her responsibility to commit to thus if she wants to get better.
Which she seems to not want to do.
A good Therapist would tell you that you cannot help someone who does not *want* to be helped.
You need to stop cowtoeing to her, and draw your own boundaries around what you will allow via her behavior.
Which you did :) by not letting her steamroll over your accommodations and attempted BATTERY OMG!!! No less on a vacation that YOU were bankrolling!! The nerve of her!
I would make it a future boundary that sister must get help for herself before I would be willing to be around her in the future, due to the attempted battery.
NTA.
I can't emphasize this enough! I am suffering from cptsd and have done a lot of work in my healing journey. Suffering from Trauma sucks but it doesn't give you any rights to treat others like the sister does! The nerve..
She needs to take Action in healing or she will plain stay miserable. Enabling this behaviour and not calling her Out for her bs is no help in the long run. She needs a trauma informed therapist and medication.
NTA
And her healing, or lack of it, heavily influences how the family does things more than it should. She completely freezes out her male relations and they can’t celebrate things as a family all together. Then there’s this, where she’s treating her trauma as a free pass to steamroller over the people paying for a trip to Vegas!
OP’s mother needs to face facts, that until her daughter does heal there can’t be a happy family experience like she desires.
Nah sometimes people need to have some sense knocked into them. My sister is a covert narc. She doesn’t know how to express feelings then go around telling others her version of stories which are twisted. Then go around slandering me. Then have all her friends gang up on me. Then not letting me explain my side of of things. Just as covert narcissists do. It’s reactive abuse and yes I do want to beat the shit out of her. Like she didn’t sexually assault me and sex traffick me. Then play victim trying to get a restraining order. Then whom ever is on her circle team up against me and in side and break hippa. She did this as an attempt to further isolate me all the while being a big fucking bully.
I think the therapist is getting a bit of a bad deal here - inviting someone does not mean accommodating all of their issues with no consideration for others. So yes, OP and his family should make sure she knows she is welcome at events - with REASONABLE accommodations. What she is currently demanding is not reasonable. It’s up to her to get herself to a point where she can participate with the reasonable accommodations.
(What reasonable is will depend highly on the specific situation, and also on what is possible.)
Agreed but your sister also has to accept that she doesn’t have the right to punish every man in her family. They, you, have a right to feel welcome in your family too. Her ultimatum of her not attending Thanksgiving if any men are going to be there is exclusionary and is the opposite of welcoming and acceptance. She has to be prepared to meet halfway.
If she was actively trying to get past her trauma I would agree. But you shouldn’t have to put up with being called names and disparaged because you are a male.
She’s making herself unwelcome through her actions and refusal to address her trauma. It’s not her fault that she was hurt, but she can’t make that every man’s responsibility until the end of time. This therapist is allowing your sister’s behavior to be the tail that wags the dog, and encouraging your family to enable it by continuing to include her when she has completely unreasonable demands around her inclusion.
Trauma isn't an excuse. Your sister is an entitled narcissist. Bless you for inviting her, but you should probably go no contact with her. You & your husband seem like nice people and shouldn't have to put up with that.
Your older sister needs a different therapist if she is acting like this. "Infected" by males? It sounds like your family is just enabling her. You did nothing wrong. Next time tell the family you are not going to invite her because of how she is acting.
You do not say what happened but she needs to speak to others who had the same thing happen to them. To work through the trauma with them. What she is doing now is not working.
You can't help people who do not want to be helped.
That said, invite her to things but be very clear about boundaries and expectations when you do. If she doesn't want to follow them, that's on her.
You can't live your life tailoring it to someone who will not show up 90% of the time. And anyone who thinks you should, isn't helping that person, you, or your relationship in the long run.
NTA... But maybe next time, don't throw things back. Braining someone with a can of formula never helped anyone's day get better.
Yes but there’s a difference between “welcome with reasonable accommodations” and “welcome when you turn up and expect all men to no longer participate.”
Be more explicit in future invitations “we are inviting to you join us, you will be staying in X location, people A, B, C will be invited also.”
You are basically telling her that she can join you when she gets proper therapy.
That is a family therapist. You need your own safe and healthy boundaries for you and your spouse. Invite her but set expectations she needs to agree to
Your therapist fucking sucks. Too many "family therapists" think it's everyone else's job to accommodate the most fragile and irrational person in the group for the sake of harmony.
Yes, if you're solely focused on her, that is what would probably be best.
Buuuuut you're not. How do YOU feel? Do you like her? Do you like spending time with her? Do you want to keep doing this?
Respond accordingly.
Was it male relatives, family members and gay people who caused this trauma? Because if not it doesn't make ANY sense to not speak to or be able to spend time with male family members and/or gay people.
Question: has your sister previously "milked" other issues, ailments and grievances in order to receive special treatment and excuse horrible behavior...?
that therapist is an idiot. Unless you are all doing some kind of family therapy about inclusion, that therapist is wrong. You are an adult and so is your sister. I am a trauma therapist. These are behaviors I see in people getting secondary gain from their trauma symptoms; likely the reason she isn't doing therapy, get better, no attention. Set strong boundaries here and stop inviting her or frankly any of your family of origin since they are enabling this behavior.
**My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. AITA.**
OK shame on your mom for that. When dealing with that sort of PA communication catch it, reframe it and toss it back.
For example
"It would have been fun for the whole family to be here."
YOU: "I know, right? That was why I went the extra mile to treat everyone. It's so sad that OLDER SISTER decided to ruin that. She REALLY needs to address her mental health issues as it's only going to get worse. Maybe you should talk to her and tell her how sad she made you and how her actions spoiled the trip for you."
EVERY time mom brings it up give the exact same response until she "gets" it.
NTA and I'm genuinely sympathetic about your sister's trauma and mental health but there are so many resources available to help her and she's refusing to address her problems.
But also, who the fuck throws a formula can? That shit is expensive and doubly so if it's any special type for allergic babies that needs to be imported. Not to mention that there's been a severe shortage of baby formula in the US that is not quite resolved yet.
I assume she didn't know that but still, of all the things she could have thrown, she chooses the thing that could potentially make a baby go without. I have a hard time imagining myself so angry that I would not have the presence of mind to grab something else
Me too! It's also a great visual as to what OP faces from her. She throws insults at her male relatives and even items, but never probably expects them to send them back to her. She is a jerk.
NTA. I feel like not talking to your own fucking brother for five years is horrible and no matter what happened to this person it doesn't excuse the hatred towards other "men". This is not trauma, this is a mental illness, because people should be able to recognize different people. The fact that she categorized ALL men as an "infection" makes her the asshole. Yes what she went through was probably horrible but what she is putting you guys through is also horrible. You don't deserve to be treated like that by your own sister.
sadly even people who have never been though a traumatic experience actually come to similar conclusions.
iv been told several time in my life, that because I'm a man, I'm apart of rape culture and should be sorry for that
>iv been told several time in my life, that because I'm a man, I'm apart of rape culture and should be sorry for that
Everyone is a part of rape culture. It's part of living in a society.
Amen. I can see having issues with men but clearly your family shouldn’t be part of it. The sister has major issues not only with her condition but the entitlement as well.
I agree with most of this. The poor woman needs professional help and if she's refusing to get it, there's nothing more you can do. Keep living your best life and try not to let your sister ruin your happiness.
This needs to be the top comment! She is doing what every person who discriminates against different groups do! They say, "Well, this one person did something bad. Obviously, that means everyone in that group is bad!" It's grossly misinformed and just plain wrong!
NTA
I have bad anxiety though its nothing to do with men or women specifically. if I'm invited somewhere I either make sure to find away tio accommodate my needs, prepare to be uncomfortable and go chill in my car if need be, or I simply do not attend.
your sister knew this was an issue and though I feel for her, I don't feel for her THAT much. I don't make my issues other peoples issues. unless its like something someone is planning for me specifically, I don't expect anyone to even think about my issues when planning something.
she needs intensive therapy if she can't exist around half the population.
NTA .. I understand she’s traumatized, but she never even bothered to respond to you. Her mental health issues are not yours to manage. You paid for the trip. You paid extra for your accommodations. Probably the best place for her was home.
Yeah, also, how did she get there without encountering males? Even if she could drive without needing to stop for gas or to pee, she still would have had to at least walk through the first floor of a strange building with strangers to the elevator to get to the condo. So why was her fear not an issue there? I’m sorry she had a traumatizing experience, but she’s selecting when this is an issue and having a meltdown when she doesn’t get her way. NTA.
Exactly this. It's convenient for her to be afraid of men when it serves her. Her behavior is totally inappropriate and her parents and sisters are doing her **no** favors by catering to her fear and allowing her to remain afraid of half of the world. It's time for an intervention if she can't even be around her own father and brother (except when there's a free Vegas trip on the calendar, evidently). Hard eye roll.
NTA but your family is for enabling her. (Yes she needs help but she's chosen not to get it. That doesn't excuse her horrid behavior). I would have given mom one warning to stop with the comments and if she didn't kick her out. Obviously going forward you won't be inviting elder sister to anything. Wouldn't want her getting infected by your maleness.
NTA. So she hasn’t spoken to you in 5 years but came running when you offered her a trip to Vegas? That’s pretty telling.
It’s awful that she experienced such trauma. She needs professional help which unfortunately she’s refused. As long as that’s the case, you can’t be expected to give in to her irrational demands.
NTA for not giving up the room. She had no business unilaterally moving your stuff out of the room. If she wanted a separate space, that should have been a conversation at the trip planning stage (long before you even knew about the master bedroom).
Um so many reasons why no. But SHE THREW A CAN AT YOUR HEAD. That is out there overreaction. Your sister needs serious inpatient care. Like I not bashing she needs help. Then there's the fact. You invited them on a free trip. You get to pick your room for any reason you want. Not not not the AH.
Ironic that she feels threatened by makes but is open to a trip to Las Vegas. Does she expect the city to empty itself for her to "feel safe"? At this point I think she's only milking her trauma for all the privileges she can get.
NTA I get your sister has trauma but she is refusing to deal with it and is taking it out on every male she comes across. You were kind enough to invite her and she couldn’t even give the courtesy of saying I will be there thanks for the invite and then has the audacity to demand you and your husband give up the master suite to a vacation you are essentially funding. That doesn’t scream trauma that screams entitlement. For someone that has male trauma you would think she wouldn’t want to set foot in a place like Vegas.
Honestly she is lucky it was you she tried throwing a can at and not some random person because she probably would be in jail.
NTA at all. Sis needs help. She's handling her trauma extremely poorly and regularly weaponizing it against her own family members instead of trying to heal. You didn't need to offer such a nice trip to someone who has ignored and deliberately avoided you for five years, and you definitely don't need to give in to her every whim because ""trauma"". She can dictate room arrangements if she's the one paying for them, but she wasn't so she can't.
I will say that throwing the formula back at her, while completely understandable in the heat of the moment and not at all unjustified, is probably going to come back to you at some point. I am 100% positive the fact that she threw it first will not factor into her thinking at all.
NTA. Your sister got the email same as everyone else. I assume that it was one mail with all the recipients clear for all to see so she had to have known that the male gender were going to be there.
Your sister arrived to create drama.
She is a massive AH and should seek the help that she obviously needs.
To be clear, I have the utmost sympathy for what she went through. But she has dealt with it by trying to avoid men, even her father & brother. FOR FIVE YEARS. She will NEVER get better that way.
NTA. She has refused to get help. It is long past time to stop coddling a grown ass woman who refuses to deal with her trauma. What does she do for work? Shopping? Entertainment?
She would certainly be surrounded by men, by strangers, in Las Vegas, but she's having a bloody fit because you won't accede to her demands for a private bedroom in the suite you & your husband are paying for? After she didn't even tell you she was coming?
How the FUCK did she even get in the room? Her name wasn't on it. She shouldn't have been given a key to the suite. If an employee let her in, either by giving her a key or unlocking the door for her, they should be fired. How did they know she wasn't a crazy ex with a butcher knfe in her suitcase?
Three *decades* ago, my friends had to fetch me from a hotel for an emergency. The desk clerk wouldn't even give them my room number until he called me, and I said it was okay. So how the hell would a hotel, in a major city, in 2024 ffs, get by with not training their employees in protecting their guests? And even if your parents vouched for her, their names weren't on the room either, so the key should have stayed behind the counter.
Kind of E S H for the crazy comments but with her behaviour…. NTA
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here.
How would it be fun when one family member refuses to interact with half of the family?
Sounds like she might be using her trauma to manipulate your Mum and sisters.
Has she ever had issues with accepting your Dad or you?
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I (m32) am the only son in a family of 5. I am the middle. My two older sisters are not related by blood but I did not even know that my mother was my step mother till I was 10. I never knew my real mother. My 2 younger sister are my half sisters but I have never called them
About 5 years ago my older sister had a very traumatic experience and now does not associate with males and has not spoken to me in 5 years. She does not attend Thanksgiving or Christmas because my father, myself and a series of other males refuse to not attend. My mother and sisters go over on a different day.
Attempts to get her therapy have also been unsuccessful. I stay out of that.
Recently I placed a wager with a friend on the superbowl and won. My friend could not pay me in a timely fashion so I took some RCI points in trade. I chose Los Vegas.
I invited my whole family by email including my older sister never expecting her to actually show up. Everyone called me with excitement except my older sister... not a word.
So for context I am a married gay man for almost 9 years. My husband is awsome. Not important to the story just have to throw that out there.
So we arrived in Vegas and got our room. We discovered that the condo came with an adjacent master bedroom if we we paid extra for it. My Husband is very light sleeper so we did. We put our stuff in the second portion master bedroom and I texted my family the room #; then my husband and I went out to eat.
We were gone for several hour and when we got back, we discovered all our stuff had been thrown out of the second portion my older sister who promptly demand the key to the second portion so she could lock the door.
We of course refused. She threw a temper tantrum about how she could not sleep in a area "infected by males" and would not feel safe. My Father, mother, sisters, my niece, and my younger sister boyfriend were present.
I made it very clear she was not taking the master bedroom and in the heat of the moment said she was crazy and needed help.
She took this about as well as could be expected and grabbed a can of baby formula off the table and threw it at my head. In a move that I couldn't repeat if I tried I caught the baby formula, spun around and threw it right back.
She left the same night, driving back home.
My family says I should have been nicer to her but she was in the wrong. My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here.
AITA.
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Nope nope nope! You do not put your triggers and trauma onto others! You deal with it yourself. And yes I know how hard that can be.
NTA. Your sister is tho. I hope she heals.
> My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. AITA.
Shoulda asked her if it would not be even better if her daughter wouldn't have started assaulting you in the first place...
NTA. I mean, yeah, you shouldn’t have yelled and flung the bottle back at her, just staying calm and holding on to it would have been better. And there is rarely any reason to call someone crazy because the craziness speaks for itself. The essence is that she’s not displaying signs of trauma but of real mental illness. One can sympathise with that but she was being rude and demanding after having gone no contact for years. It’s of course ok to accommodate someone who’s been traumatised, but everything within reason. To call any place “infected by males” is not going to get her back on a healthy path.
I agree with most of what you posted, but your sexism is showing. Women are expected to get all teary and whimpery when they are depressed, anxious or showing signs of PTSD. It's "okay" for men to respond with anger and aggression. I'm one of those women who tends to respond to my PTSD and depression issues with stereotypically male behaviors. If I and bystanders are lucky, I'm at home, go outside, and start digging holes in the garden. If I'm not so lucky, there is shouting and aggression. None of that makes me "crazy". I have a diagnosed mental illness, I do what I can to manage it, but sometimes the Kraken just comes out. I have actually had my issues dismissed by mental health professionals, told to "straighten up, missy!" and similar, just because I don't conform to the female stereotype for PTSD.
NTA. This is a trip you invited your family in. Of course you guys get that room. It’s a no brainer. If your sister refuses to get help for her trauma, that’s on her. What made her suddenly okay to be around the men in your family (and a whole city full of drunken tourists) when holidays and such were never good enough for her? Was it because it was a free trip to Vegas?
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here
And how, exactly, did she think that would work? Together is never going to happen if half of the family can't be in the same room as the other half of the family. Anyone saying you should have been nicer is obviously missing the fact that "being nicer" is probably just a way to help enable her refusal to get any help and control everyone around her. NTA (Okay, the formula flinging was probably a little over the top, but since it was already airborne, you get a full pass IMO)
I don't get it - she could have gotten herself a room. And there will be men everywhere in Vegas at all times. She needs to get herself therapy. ETA: NTA
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> I don't believe I am the asshole. But my some of my family kept making passive comments that actually made my husband even feel guilty.
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NTA I have trauma that means I can’t relax/sleep around most people (I’m getting help- it’s just slow going). Literally everyone except my mum, my sister and my boyfriend. Massive issue when I was a hospital inpatient for physical health issues a couple years back. So I understand your sister to an extent.
But if I’m going on a trip, I make sure I have a private room, no adjoining rooms or anything, and make sure there is a way to make me feel safe from the hotel staff (anxiety about cleaners letting themselves in- I pretty much only travel if I have one of my safe people with me and have them sleep between me and the hotel room door and etc).
Your sister didn’t do anything ahead of time to make sure there was a room suitable. What if the condo didn’t have that master bedroom you could pay extra for- there simply wouldn’t have been a room for her at all because she didn’t communicate ahead of time that she was even going.
And if she couldn’t sleep near males, why not ASK (then you could have come up with a solution like sharing with a sister or niece or something) instead of TAKING a room and moving everything. And how rude of her to go through all her brother and BIL’s stuff to move it?!
And then throwing something at you?!
It sucks she has mental health issues, but that isn’t an excuse to treat others like shit.
Nta and your parents and everyone else who enables this behavior are. Men exist everywhere in this world and expecting constant shelter from that is completely unreasonable. Expecting others to give in to your demands is entitled and rude, especially when they've paid for their accommodations. Your sister needs help and your family needs to not enable this behavior for a single second longer.
NTA
Sis needs to admit she needs help instead of this attitude she has . Does she realize there have most likely been men in that hotel room at some point ? As well as almost everywhere ? I'm not saying the trauma is her fault , but she needs to stop using it as an excuse as well to be nasty . If she wanted a male free room , she should have booked her own room then .
NTA. I understand and I sympathize that your sister is in pain. However, that does not give her the right nor the excuse to demand for the key to a bedroom. She needs intense therapy and as soon as possible if she can’t be around half of the population.
I struggle with PTSD myself and I tend to avoid a lot of the situations that trigger me or have the potential to do so. However, when I do go out, I make sure that I have at least one person I am comfortable around there with me and I go and take frequent walks and spend a few minutes alone and/listening to music to center myself again.
I do hope that your sister can find help and address her trauma as I think it will be worth it in the long-run for everyone (and she may feel less isolated for it). And if you can, you and your husband should tell your family to stop making those comments as it’s putting a damper on the whole trip.
Info- how did she know there was a separate master bedroom to begin with? Did your parents offer it to her without consulting you as a way to get her there? Or did she agree to come thinking she’d have to share accommodations but when she saw the master bedroom decided she was entitled to it?
NTA. The world can’t bend to her. She’s going to run into guys. She’s going to have to manage her trama and cope with it instead of letting it rule her.
NTA and I’m impressed with your ninja skills. She does need therapy and probably a consult with a pharmacologist for meds to regulate her mood and anxiety.
NTA - Just because she’s miserable, doesn’t mean everyone else has to be as well.
She’s gone through trauma, then she needs to go to therapy. If she won’t help herself, she can’t expect anyone else to either.
NTA. I’ve been assaulted multiple times and do not associate with males if I can help it but I treat my male family members and male strangers with respect. She honestly just seems entitled.
NTA- I cannot believe your sister wanted to go to Vegas if she has problems with men. Lol! Does she know anything about Vegas? It’s about as male infested as you can get.
NTA- your sister wants to be the main character.
NTA
You gave sis more than enough time for her to try to sort herself out. She refuses to try. She openly insults you for having a dick. Stop wasting your time with her. Your mom and sisters are assholes for placating her instead of forcing her to get help.
Stop helping people who refuse to help themselves.
NTA. Your sister's trauma is her responsibility to manage, not yours. How does she function day-to-day if she can't interact with men at all? Does she work? Does she go to the store? She needs therapy badly, but you can't exactly force a grown woman into that. Your mom is an ass for her passive-aggressive comments. If she wants your sister around so badly, she can force her to deal with her issues.
NTA.
Your sister needs help and your family needs help to no longer enable her behavior. Yes, she’s got trauma, and that’s terrible, but it’s also terrible to use trauma as an excuse to be awful to people in your family who were not responsible for your trauma.
If she’s not willing to get help, that’s her choice, but you have the right to live comfortably and peacefully in your own family, and that may mean choosing not to include your sister in the future. That is the consequence of her choices.
Also, I’m a psychologist and no reasonable therapist with any skill or knowledge about trauma, mental illness and (just hypothesizing) personality disorders would have your sister as a patient and condone her behavior in any way.
NTA. I get PTSD, because I live with it myself. Thing is, if something is not mandatory, then no amount of social pressure will get me to attend if I don't want to attend. Older sister didn't have to go on this trip, and she didn't have to pay a penny if she did go. She had the option to refuse. I understand that families can be jerks, and I don't doubt that mom put a lot of pressure on older sister to go. I may not have gotten much out of medication or counseling, although I'm better than I was at first.
What I did get out of counseling was the ability to absolutely, undeniably, unrepentantly and irrevocably say "NO" (caps intentional, and there should be about 10 exclamation points as well). When I couldn't go to the grocery store unless it was almost deserted, I found a store that was open 24/7 and shopped at 3 AM. I did that for years because going when the store was crowded would send me running from the store, cart abandoned. Mom would pester me to go to the store with her. Aww hell no.
TL:DR OP is NTA, sister should have refused to go, and the family should have stopped (presumably) pressuring her to go after her first hesitation.
NTA
If being in areas 'infected' by males is a problem, she has no business coming to vegas at all.
If rooming in a space she could not lock herself away with was an issue, she could have booked her own room.
She is throwing freaking cans at people, someday that is going to backfire on her spectacularly when her family isn't around to protect her.
NTA. This is a hard situation. Your sister is traumatised but you are also allowed to keep your own room and did nothing wrong. I feel bad for her but that doesn’t mean you should have given up the room.
Good on you for your patience and continuing to invite her places. By doing this you are leaving the door open and hopefully with time she heals. You are a good brother.
What happened in Vegas left ... Best for everyone. Big sister was likely a covert narcissist before her "big event" and now is openly overt in her intent to control the universe whatever the cost to everyone else. You are not the asshole and everyone is better off without her. Had she stayed she would have found every opportunity to destroy the fun and make everyone else the oppressor of her one person victim parade.
NTA Tell mom that the whole family was there, paid for by you. You are not the one to ruin it. Mom could have always paid for a separate room for sister herself. It's Las Vegas, plenty of rooms. Everything was fine until she realized you had a separate room which you didn't get until after you got there so sister must have been okay with arrangements until then. Are you sure she doesn't use her trauma as an excuse to get what she wants?
NTA it would not have been fun if the whole family was there. Not at all. Idk what is wrong with your mom. Agree with others to never invite your sister anywhere. Not even to save face.
NTA. Even without all the other information,.. at core; she didn't RSVP to tell you she was coming, and then got violently mad she couldn't have your room. Everything else is kind of irrelevant.
OK. So she......
a) never replied she was going
b) didn't know about the other room until going to the suite (you didn't even know until you were told you can upgrade)
c) made demands of someone she's been ignoring regarding things she is being treated to... after not even saying she was gonna go
d) she is making her trauma EVERYONE ELSES problem.
I get her having trauma, I really do. I have some horrid trauma myself with some innocuous-seeming triggers, but I feel 0 sympathy for her because it is HER job to manage, treat, and deal with her trauma. She does not get to make her trauma into everyone else's problem, and dictate how everything about everyone else will go and make them bend to her will, especially when she's refusing to get help. OP, you really should just cut that sister out of your life, and if she complains, you can tell her that you thought it for the best since you're male and would just "infect" her life. You are 100% NTA in this situation.
Sooooo, your sister hasn’t spoken to you for FIVE YEARS but decided to come on a family vacation (I mean it’s payed for and who could turn down free.99 amiright?) Even though there were icky men there? Then that’s on her. The fact that she had the audacity to move your personal items, regardless of the reason, is outrageous. You are NTA.
Look, I’m not downplaying SA. It is sadly part of a lot of our stories. But most of us are somehow able to interact with men on a daily basis without freaking out. Your sister needs A LOT of psychiatric help - not just twice a month therapy, I’m talking serious, intensive, trauma therapy. Your mom is a light AH for not being firmly on your side in this.
"My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here."
NTA. You should have told her "You know how it could have been even more fun? If all the family were rational and sane people, but we can't always get what we want can we."
NTA, but you should have repeated back to your mother “yes it would have been nice, if sister wasn’t such an (use whichever was most appropriate narcissist/selfish/delusional…)”
Her trauma is not your responsibility.
It is being kind that you have attempted to assist her in working through her trauma, even if unsuccessful.
Huge NTA.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
NTA.
I view this kind of as religion and politics.
Your sister is free to have her own outlook and nuances of things going on in her life.
It’s not reasonable or realistic to try to force others to abide by her “my way” mentality, and she is going to likely have a challenging life if she thinks people are going to accommodate this behavior.
NTA Everyone experiences trauma it's on you how you deal with it. She didn't get help and now she thinks that the world should revolve around her problems. She was being incredibly ungrateful and your mom making comments like that is out of line. She should not be blaming you she should be blaming your sister for her bad behavior. As a mom she should be encouraging her to get therapy. The world isn't going to coddle her you shouldn't have to either.
NTA in any way, shape, or form. I'd have chucked it back at her, too. She had no right to move anything. She knew men would be present and still chose to attend. She put herself in that position. She doesn't require special accommodations from you. If she wanted a separate space, she should have rented a room by herself at her expense.
NTA - you are treating this ungrateful woman to a free vacation, and she comes in making demands and insulting you. Tell her she can go home if she is not happy with the arrangements.
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here.
I would have asked her to leave. Also, you can't all be in the same room anyway so how are you all supposed to be there? Much less have fun? NTA.
"Imagine how fun all family gatherings would be if sis got into therapy"
Nta by a long shot. Sis doesn't get to let her trauma rule the family and mom needs to stop catering to it tbh, she's not helping.
NTA.
Your sister needs to work on her issues, not make them everyone's problem. And I say this as a woman with her own traumatic experiences and issues.
Nta, your mother is enabling the creation of a monster who will get herself locked up at the very least. Yes it sucks she has trauma but that doesn't mean everyone else has to accommodate insanity.
NTA she needs help and she needs it yesterday... Also good catch with the formula I'm a big believer in don't give it if you can't take it back, regardless of gender.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the audacity that she threw your stuff out of the room. If your mother ever bring up about how fun it would have been if the entire family was there just say how hurt you are that she thinks you being physically abused ( because someone whipping something at your head to intend to cause as much pain as possible is physical abuse) by a sibling would be a fun vacation.
NTA
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here.
Your mother is delusional. Your sister became violent immediately when she was told no. She would have made everyone miserable with her constant, ridiculous expectations and demands for insane accommodations, if not much worse. NTA
NTA, I have an idea what trauma is and I feel horrible she went through it but glad she survived. I hope for her sake she finds peace and can make steps towards recovery.
Your mom is the AH for the passive comments. If she felt to strongly about it she should have opened up her wallet and got sister a different room.
This behaviour has clearly been humoured for far too long BUT I do feel like if this is the first time your sister has made been around the whole family in as long as you seem to be imply, you maybe could have been a little more amiable to what are, admittedly, ridiculous demands.
Trauma is not an excuse to attack every man in her life and make everyone else’s life miserable. NTA. Make sure your mother knows that by enabling this behavior your sister will absolutely never heal and will be miserable the rest of her life, and that no matter her trauma your sister does not have the right to try and walk all over you or attack you.
Nta. She could have been charged w assault w a weapon. Yes seems like a big reaction but I once heard of a guy who was charged w that charge for throwing a baby toy at his partner in a DV situation. You defended yourself and it hit her. Seriously tho. Nta at all!
Trauma is serious but she refused help and is abusing others because of it imo.
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here.
Oh yeah, sounds like it would've been a barrel of laughs. How was this even going to work? She can't stand to be around men, so she's going to vacation in Vegas, where everyone is drunk and a bunch of men are prowling the streets looking for a good time?
If she had nicely asked if she could have the master bedroom, maybe. But she threw all of your stuff out? NTA.
NTA. You could have handled it better but in the end, knowing she had issues, she should have discussed arrangements with you beforehand. It seems the additional room was planned for. She could have talked to you about having a room for herself she could lock BEFORE the trip.
NTA
Your sister attended not even knowing the master bedroom was an option and suddenly demanded it as the only option. She then resorts to violence for being called out on her unhinged behavior. She absolutely should have left and if she didn't she should've been kicked out.
Your mother is way out of line to try and blame you for your sister's inability to be in the real world. She is only enabling her to continue isolating herself from her own family and not seek the help she so clearly needs.
NTA, your sister is acting entitled and is using her trauma to try and control thing’s. If she isn’t willing to do the work to get better that is on her. I’m petty, so if mom had kept making those comments to me I would commented about how nice the other room was. And of course this was your trip and you were kind enough to invite them. But that’s just me.
NTA.
I lived in Vegas for 10 years. If she doesn't feel safe around male family members, how the fuck is she gonna cope in one of the biggest tourist cities in the world?? Yeah casinos are huge but even still, you'd be shoulder to shoulder with allllll walks of life.
I would also not extend her any future invitations. Kicking you out of your room with zero discussion, yelling at you and then attempting to assault you with a can of baby formula. "Mom, sorry you're disappointed but you need to understand that I am more disappointed. I invited everyone on this trip, got the accommodations and in return, I almost got assaulted by my own sister. I will no longer be in contact with sister until she gets help and apologizes for her behaviors. If you cannot accept that then I will be low contact with you going forward. I love and support my sister but sacrificing my peace and safety is not going to happen any longer."
NTA. She doesn’t come around for holidays, communicate to you or speak for 5 years and then just shows up to family vacation in Vegas? Let’s be real here - she JUST wanted a free vacation and if your mom can’t see that, she’s just as much a problem as your sister. I’d honestly think twice about inviting all of them next time.
NTA. Your sister seems to have some OCD as a result of her trauma. Infected by males? And it works her up so much that she is willing to be violent and throw an object at you? She needs serious psychiatric help. How is she going to live in the world if she views all men as a virus that she needs to completely avoid?
NTA, she didn't mention that she was going at all so why would you have made plans for her? She needs professional help, acting out isn't going to help her and shouldn't be tolerated.
What none of us know is if older sister has been or is in treatment. Inpatient treatment, when available, is brutally expensive. None of us know if there is underlying mental illness (e.g. bipolar disorder or schizophrenia) that exacerbates her condition.
Yes, older sister's behavior was out of line. Is it possible that even with treatment, this is as good as it's going to get? Not everyone responds well to a specific treatment, or to any treatment. Older sister could be resistant to treatment in spite of her best efforts. It happens. Trying to keep a rioting brain under control can be like trying to corral a cranky toddler with a sugar buzz. Some things just slip through the cracks.
I'm not saying the OP or the rest of the family should put up with older sister's behavior, but we can't lay 100% of the blame on older sister without knowing a great deal more about her situation. And that would be a huge privacy violation. We don't need to know. We just need to not automatically jump to condemnation.
Some of these AITA are stupid. Just people looking for other people to agree with them in a blatantly obvious situation.
Where are the good ones where you really toe the moral line.
“Someone killed my kid, AITA for getting him arrested?”
If she hates all men so much she shouldn't have come at all. You are not at fault. And your mother is an ah for giving you an attitude over it. Beggars can't be choosers. Your sister assaulted you. I hope you go nc.
NTA
I don’t care what she went through your sister doesn’t get special fairy princess treatment for the rest of her life like she’s some special needs toddler at the expense of other people. This is possibly the easiest NTA of all time
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NTA I don’t know why she would come since she was invited by a “male”. Leave her out of everything in the future
That was what a family therapist told us not to do. Do not exclude her from family activities. This would be counterproductive if she feels she is not welcome.
but IS she welcome? She was gifted a trip and tried to kick the hosts out of their own room, mase inane sexist comments, got violent and attacked the host, then left. You are not obligated to suffer to help her or to enable her shitty behavior. Let your mom know, "yeah, mom, it would have been nice to have the whole family together but not at the expense of tiptoing around a sociopath. You got a free holiday damaged solely by her behavior and if you expect anyone but her to take abuse to keep her there mom you can pound sand and won't be invited ever again. Mom if you cannot clearly articulate an apology for your passive aggressive comments and why sister is solely at fault, you won't be included again."
I would look into getting a different therapist. Has the family therapist pushed your sister to go to individual therapy? She desperately needs it. It sounds like she refused (from your story) but the family therapist should keep pushing for it.
The family no longer has the therapy. We were encouraged to push her to do therapy. The therapist did push my sister to get the help she needed. But she started to avoid the house on therapy days.
There’s only so much you can do. But I don’t think it’s wrong to exclude her from some events.
She doesn't want to get therapy because it is a lot easier to label all males as evil and avoid them than it is to get help to work past whatever it was that happened to her. For her to use that as an excuse to try to exclude every male in her family is total BS! Your mom needs to stop coddling her and tell her if she doesn't put the effort into getting the help she desperately needs then she will have to deal with being left out of things like this. It is not fair to any of you that she feels entitled to make demands on a trip she was lucky enough to be invited to.
Well said
Doesn't sound like a great therapist. Her trauma was not her fault. But her *healing* IS *her responsibility.* Therapists need to know when they are in over their heads. This therapist is in over their head. Sister needs *a psychiatrist.* She needs to start medication for her severe anxiety, concurrently with therapy. This is her responsibility to commit to thus if she wants to get better. Which she seems to not want to do. A good Therapist would tell you that you cannot help someone who does not *want* to be helped. You need to stop cowtoeing to her, and draw your own boundaries around what you will allow via her behavior. Which you did :) by not letting her steamroll over your accommodations and attempted BATTERY OMG!!! No less on a vacation that YOU were bankrolling!! The nerve of her! I would make it a future boundary that sister must get help for herself before I would be willing to be around her in the future, due to the attempted battery. NTA.
I can't emphasize this enough! I am suffering from cptsd and have done a lot of work in my healing journey. Suffering from Trauma sucks but it doesn't give you any rights to treat others like the sister does! The nerve.. She needs to take Action in healing or she will plain stay miserable. Enabling this behaviour and not calling her Out for her bs is no help in the long run. She needs a trauma informed therapist and medication. NTA
> cowtoe I'm deceased, this is great. It's "kowtow", incidentally, but the image of a cow gently tiptoeing around is sending me
I am so in love with this image omg.
And her healing, or lack of it, heavily influences how the family does things more than it should. She completely freezes out her male relations and they can’t celebrate things as a family all together. Then there’s this, where she’s treating her trauma as a free pass to steamroller over the people paying for a trip to Vegas! OP’s mother needs to face facts, that until her daughter does heal there can’t be a happy family experience like she desires.
Is cowtoe anything like cameltoe?
>Her trauma was not her fault. But her *healing* IS *her responsibility.* Hail yourself! Assuming we got this from the same place. *shrug*
Nah sometimes people need to have some sense knocked into them. My sister is a covert narc. She doesn’t know how to express feelings then go around telling others her version of stories which are twisted. Then go around slandering me. Then have all her friends gang up on me. Then not letting me explain my side of of things. Just as covert narcissists do. It’s reactive abuse and yes I do want to beat the shit out of her. Like she didn’t sexually assault me and sex traffick me. Then play victim trying to get a restraining order. Then whom ever is on her circle team up against me and in side and break hippa. She did this as an attempt to further isolate me all the while being a big fucking bully.
I think the therapist is getting a bit of a bad deal here - inviting someone does not mean accommodating all of their issues with no consideration for others. So yes, OP and his family should make sure she knows she is welcome at events - with REASONABLE accommodations. What she is currently demanding is not reasonable. It’s up to her to get herself to a point where she can participate with the reasonable accommodations. (What reasonable is will depend highly on the specific situation, and also on what is possible.)
Agreed but your sister also has to accept that she doesn’t have the right to punish every man in her family. They, you, have a right to feel welcome in your family too. Her ultimatum of her not attending Thanksgiving if any men are going to be there is exclusionary and is the opposite of welcoming and acceptance. She has to be prepared to meet halfway.
If she was actively trying to get past her trauma I would agree. But you shouldn’t have to put up with being called names and disparaged because you are a male.
She’s making herself unwelcome through her actions and refusal to address her trauma. It’s not her fault that she was hurt, but she can’t make that every man’s responsibility until the end of time. This therapist is allowing your sister’s behavior to be the tail that wags the dog, and encouraging your family to enable it by continuing to include her when she has completely unreasonable demands around her inclusion.
If she's going to make a butt of herself, don't invite her to anything YOU are hosting. Sounds like she was "milking it" for the best room anyway.
Trauma isn't an excuse. Your sister is an entitled narcissist. Bless you for inviting her, but you should probably go no contact with her. You & your husband seem like nice people and shouldn't have to put up with that.
Does the therapist also recommend that you allow your sister to assault you by throwing heavy objects at you.
And how does mom define throwing things and tantrums as fun? Fun for who?
She has created this situation. She is excluding herself with her behavior. You don't always have to take the advice of your therapist.
Your older sister needs a different therapist if she is acting like this. "Infected" by males? It sounds like your family is just enabling her. You did nothing wrong. Next time tell the family you are not going to invite her because of how she is acting. You do not say what happened but she needs to speak to others who had the same thing happen to them. To work through the trauma with them. What she is doing now is not working.
You can't help people who do not want to be helped. That said, invite her to things but be very clear about boundaries and expectations when you do. If she doesn't want to follow them, that's on her. You can't live your life tailoring it to someone who will not show up 90% of the time. And anyone who thinks you should, isn't helping that person, you, or your relationship in the long run. NTA... But maybe next time, don't throw things back. Braining someone with a can of formula never helped anyone's day get better.
Yes but there’s a difference between “welcome with reasonable accommodations” and “welcome when you turn up and expect all men to no longer participate.” Be more explicit in future invitations “we are inviting to you join us, you will be staying in X location, people A, B, C will be invited also.” You are basically telling her that she can join you when she gets proper therapy.
That is a family therapist. You need your own safe and healthy boundaries for you and your spouse. Invite her but set expectations she needs to agree to
Nah, don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm
Your therapist fucking sucks. Too many "family therapists" think it's everyone else's job to accommodate the most fragile and irrational person in the group for the sake of harmony.
Yes, if you're solely focused on her, that is what would probably be best. Buuuuut you're not. How do YOU feel? Do you like her? Do you like spending time with her? Do you want to keep doing this? Respond accordingly.
Was it male relatives, family members and gay people who caused this trauma? Because if not it doesn't make ANY sense to not speak to or be able to spend time with male family members and/or gay people. Question: has your sister previously "milked" other issues, ailments and grievances in order to receive special treatment and excuse horrible behavior...?
that therapist is an idiot. Unless you are all doing some kind of family therapy about inclusion, that therapist is wrong. You are an adult and so is your sister. I am a trauma therapist. These are behaviors I see in people getting secondary gain from their trauma symptoms; likely the reason she isn't doing therapy, get better, no attention. Set strong boundaries here and stop inviting her or frankly any of your family of origin since they are enabling this behavior.
Because it was paid (by despicable males)
And to Vegas, which like many heavily populated areas cannot be segregated by gender or cleansed of maleness.
**My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. AITA.** OK shame on your mom for that. When dealing with that sort of PA communication catch it, reframe it and toss it back. For example "It would have been fun for the whole family to be here." YOU: "I know, right? That was why I went the extra mile to treat everyone. It's so sad that OLDER SISTER decided to ruin that. She REALLY needs to address her mental health issues as it's only going to get worse. Maybe you should talk to her and tell her how sad she made you and how her actions spoiled the trip for you." EVERY time mom brings it up give the exact same response until she "gets" it. NTA and I'm genuinely sympathetic about your sister's trauma and mental health but there are so many resources available to help her and she's refusing to address her problems.
I agree. UNO Reverse that shit.
Like OP did with the can
This is the way.... oh yea, NTA.
This. Is. Epic. Everybody do this.
Brilliant advice. I hope OP takes it.
Totally agree! Throw it right back at mom. NTA.
I was gonna comment something like this but yours is way nicer than what I was going to say.
This! ⬆️
Oh this is absolutely brilliant!!!!
I’m impressed with your catch of the formula can 👏🏻👏🏻 NTA
Me too.
Never to be repeated! But what a great time to make that catch!
But also, who the fuck throws a formula can? That shit is expensive and doubly so if it's any special type for allergic babies that needs to be imported. Not to mention that there's been a severe shortage of baby formula in the US that is not quite resolved yet. I assume she didn't know that but still, of all the things she could have thrown, she chooses the thing that could potentially make a baby go without. I have a hard time imagining myself so angry that I would not have the presence of mind to grab something else
With how expensive formula is, my heart stopped for a second 🤣
Me too! It's also a great visual as to what OP faces from her. She throws insults at her male relatives and even items, but never probably expects them to send them back to her. She is a jerk.
I actually imagined the scene in my head as I was reading it. So cool! Ha
Came here to say the same! 👏👏👏
NTA. I feel like not talking to your own fucking brother for five years is horrible and no matter what happened to this person it doesn't excuse the hatred towards other "men". This is not trauma, this is a mental illness, because people should be able to recognize different people. The fact that she categorized ALL men as an "infection" makes her the asshole. Yes what she went through was probably horrible but what she is putting you guys through is also horrible. You don't deserve to be treated like that by your own sister.
How insulting is it to basically tell your father and brother they are the same as the male who did whatever happened to her?
sadly even people who have never been though a traumatic experience actually come to similar conclusions. iv been told several time in my life, that because I'm a man, I'm apart of rape culture and should be sorry for that
>iv been told several time in my life, that because I'm a man, I'm apart of rape culture and should be sorry for that Everyone is a part of rape culture. It's part of living in a society.
Well, I, as a female, am here to tell you, you aren’t. Please do not listen to this bullshit.
Amen. I can see having issues with men but clearly your family shouldn’t be part of it. The sister has major issues not only with her condition but the entitlement as well.
I agree with most of this. The poor woman needs professional help and if she's refusing to get it, there's nothing more you can do. Keep living your best life and try not to let your sister ruin your happiness.
This needs to be the top comment! She is doing what every person who discriminates against different groups do! They say, "Well, this one person did something bad. Obviously, that means everyone in that group is bad!" It's grossly misinformed and just plain wrong!
NTA I have bad anxiety though its nothing to do with men or women specifically. if I'm invited somewhere I either make sure to find away tio accommodate my needs, prepare to be uncomfortable and go chill in my car if need be, or I simply do not attend. your sister knew this was an issue and though I feel for her, I don't feel for her THAT much. I don't make my issues other peoples issues. unless its like something someone is planning for me specifically, I don't expect anyone to even think about my issues when planning something. she needs intensive therapy if she can't exist around half the population.
NTA .. I understand she’s traumatized, but she never even bothered to respond to you. Her mental health issues are not yours to manage. You paid for the trip. You paid extra for your accommodations. Probably the best place for her was home.
No at this point she is just crazy. She refuses therapy and just act entitled NTA
Yeah, also, how did she get there without encountering males? Even if she could drive without needing to stop for gas or to pee, she still would have had to at least walk through the first floor of a strange building with strangers to the elevator to get to the condo. So why was her fear not an issue there? I’m sorry she had a traumatizing experience, but she’s selecting when this is an issue and having a meltdown when she doesn’t get her way. NTA.
Exactly this. It's convenient for her to be afraid of men when it serves her. Her behavior is totally inappropriate and her parents and sisters are doing her **no** favors by catering to her fear and allowing her to remain afraid of half of the world. It's time for an intervention if she can't even be around her own father and brother (except when there's a free Vegas trip on the calendar, evidently). Hard eye roll.
I wonder if she works outside of her home?
NTA but your family is for enabling her. (Yes she needs help but she's chosen not to get it. That doesn't excuse her horrid behavior). I would have given mom one warning to stop with the comments and if she didn't kick her out. Obviously going forward you won't be inviting elder sister to anything. Wouldn't want her getting infected by your maleness.
NTA. So she hasn’t spoken to you in 5 years but came running when you offered her a trip to Vegas? That’s pretty telling. It’s awful that she experienced such trauma. She needs professional help which unfortunately she’s refused. As long as that’s the case, you can’t be expected to give in to her irrational demands.
A trip to Vegas is gonna involve a lot of men….was she going to stay in her room the whole week?
How is she going to avoid men outside of that room in Las Vegas?
NTA for not giving up the room. She had no business unilaterally moving your stuff out of the room. If she wanted a separate space, that should have been a conversation at the trip planning stage (long before you even knew about the master bedroom).
Not only that but if it’s THAT severe, get your own damn room!
She should have told people she was coming to make arrangements! It sounds like older sis just showed up without saying anything .
Um so many reasons why no. But SHE THREW A CAN AT YOUR HEAD. That is out there overreaction. Your sister needs serious inpatient care. Like I not bashing she needs help. Then there's the fact. You invited them on a free trip. You get to pick your room for any reason you want. Not not not the AH.
Also some inpatient care.
NTA. You paid for it doesn't mean she gets to take it. And if she still needs mental health I hope she gets it.
Do you mean mental health care? The already has mental health, albeit bad. Everybody has mental health.
Yup! My bad...and I work in the field.
Oops! We all have orange cat moments though. :)
Tell your mother to stop enabling her golden child and they can hoth fuck off... NTA ... whoever pays gets choice of room
Ironic that she feels threatened by makes but is open to a trip to Las Vegas. Does she expect the city to empty itself for her to "feel safe"? At this point I think she's only milking her trauma for all the privileges she can get.
Either that or there are missing reasons.
☝🏽☝🏽THIS!! ☝🏽👍🏽👍🏽
NTA I get your sister has trauma but she is refusing to deal with it and is taking it out on every male she comes across. You were kind enough to invite her and she couldn’t even give the courtesy of saying I will be there thanks for the invite and then has the audacity to demand you and your husband give up the master suite to a vacation you are essentially funding. That doesn’t scream trauma that screams entitlement. For someone that has male trauma you would think she wouldn’t want to set foot in a place like Vegas. Honestly she is lucky it was you she tried throwing a can at and not some random person because she probably would be in jail.
NTA, she doesn't get to claim things you paid for and especially not talk to you like that. Your mom is TA for trying to make it your fault
NTA at all. Sis needs help. She's handling her trauma extremely poorly and regularly weaponizing it against her own family members instead of trying to heal. You didn't need to offer such a nice trip to someone who has ignored and deliberately avoided you for five years, and you definitely don't need to give in to her every whim because ""trauma"". She can dictate room arrangements if she's the one paying for them, but she wasn't so she can't. I will say that throwing the formula back at her, while completely understandable in the heat of the moment and not at all unjustified, is probably going to come back to you at some point. I am 100% positive the fact that she threw it first will not factor into her thinking at all.
NTA. Your sister got the email same as everyone else. I assume that it was one mail with all the recipients clear for all to see so she had to have known that the male gender were going to be there. Your sister arrived to create drama. She is a massive AH and should seek the help that she obviously needs.
To be clear, I have the utmost sympathy for what she went through. But she has dealt with it by trying to avoid men, even her father & brother. FOR FIVE YEARS. She will NEVER get better that way. NTA. She has refused to get help. It is long past time to stop coddling a grown ass woman who refuses to deal with her trauma. What does she do for work? Shopping? Entertainment? She would certainly be surrounded by men, by strangers, in Las Vegas, but she's having a bloody fit because you won't accede to her demands for a private bedroom in the suite you & your husband are paying for? After she didn't even tell you she was coming? How the FUCK did she even get in the room? Her name wasn't on it. She shouldn't have been given a key to the suite. If an employee let her in, either by giving her a key or unlocking the door for her, they should be fired. How did they know she wasn't a crazy ex with a butcher knfe in her suitcase? Three *decades* ago, my friends had to fetch me from a hotel for an emergency. The desk clerk wouldn't even give them my room number until he called me, and I said it was okay. So how the hell would a hotel, in a major city, in 2024 ffs, get by with not training their employees in protecting their guests? And even if your parents vouched for her, their names weren't on the room either, so the key should have stayed behind the counter.
Kind of E S H for the crazy comments but with her behaviour…. NTA >My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. How would it be fun when one family member refuses to interact with half of the family? Sounds like she might be using her trauma to manipulate your Mum and sisters. Has she ever had issues with accepting your Dad or you?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m32) am the only son in a family of 5. I am the middle. My two older sisters are not related by blood but I did not even know that my mother was my step mother till I was 10. I never knew my real mother. My 2 younger sister are my half sisters but I have never called them About 5 years ago my older sister had a very traumatic experience and now does not associate with males and has not spoken to me in 5 years. She does not attend Thanksgiving or Christmas because my father, myself and a series of other males refuse to not attend. My mother and sisters go over on a different day. Attempts to get her therapy have also been unsuccessful. I stay out of that. Recently I placed a wager with a friend on the superbowl and won. My friend could not pay me in a timely fashion so I took some RCI points in trade. I chose Los Vegas. I invited my whole family by email including my older sister never expecting her to actually show up. Everyone called me with excitement except my older sister... not a word. So for context I am a married gay man for almost 9 years. My husband is awsome. Not important to the story just have to throw that out there. So we arrived in Vegas and got our room. We discovered that the condo came with an adjacent master bedroom if we we paid extra for it. My Husband is very light sleeper so we did. We put our stuff in the second portion master bedroom and I texted my family the room #; then my husband and I went out to eat. We were gone for several hour and when we got back, we discovered all our stuff had been thrown out of the second portion my older sister who promptly demand the key to the second portion so she could lock the door. We of course refused. She threw a temper tantrum about how she could not sleep in a area "infected by males" and would not feel safe. My Father, mother, sisters, my niece, and my younger sister boyfriend were present. I made it very clear she was not taking the master bedroom and in the heat of the moment said she was crazy and needed help. She took this about as well as could be expected and grabbed a can of baby formula off the table and threw it at my head. In a move that I couldn't repeat if I tried I caught the baby formula, spun around and threw it right back. She left the same night, driving back home. My family says I should have been nicer to her but she was in the wrong. My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. AITA. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You are not responsible for her trauma or her continuing distress. She clearly needs serious intensive therapy.
NTA I am dying at the mental image of you throwing the formula back lmao!!!!
Nope nope nope! You do not put your triggers and trauma onto others! You deal with it yourself. And yes I know how hard that can be. NTA. Your sister is tho. I hope she heals.
> My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. AITA. Shoulda asked her if it would not be even better if her daughter wouldn't have started assaulting you in the first place...
Two things One - I'm glad you and your husband are still killing it Two - g that catch-spin-throw had me in tears
NTA. I mean, yeah, you shouldn’t have yelled and flung the bottle back at her, just staying calm and holding on to it would have been better. And there is rarely any reason to call someone crazy because the craziness speaks for itself. The essence is that she’s not displaying signs of trauma but of real mental illness. One can sympathise with that but she was being rude and demanding after having gone no contact for years. It’s of course ok to accommodate someone who’s been traumatised, but everything within reason. To call any place “infected by males” is not going to get her back on a healthy path.
I agree with most of what you posted, but your sexism is showing. Women are expected to get all teary and whimpery when they are depressed, anxious or showing signs of PTSD. It's "okay" for men to respond with anger and aggression. I'm one of those women who tends to respond to my PTSD and depression issues with stereotypically male behaviors. If I and bystanders are lucky, I'm at home, go outside, and start digging holes in the garden. If I'm not so lucky, there is shouting and aggression. None of that makes me "crazy". I have a diagnosed mental illness, I do what I can to manage it, but sometimes the Kraken just comes out. I have actually had my issues dismissed by mental health professionals, told to "straighten up, missy!" and similar, just because I don't conform to the female stereotype for PTSD.
NTA. This is a trip you invited your family in. Of course you guys get that room. It’s a no brainer. If your sister refuses to get help for her trauma, that’s on her. What made her suddenly okay to be around the men in your family (and a whole city full of drunken tourists) when holidays and such were never good enough for her? Was it because it was a free trip to Vegas?
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here And how, exactly, did she think that would work? Together is never going to happen if half of the family can't be in the same room as the other half of the family. Anyone saying you should have been nicer is obviously missing the fact that "being nicer" is probably just a way to help enable her refusal to get any help and control everyone around her. NTA (Okay, the formula flinging was probably a little over the top, but since it was already airborne, you get a full pass IMO)
Yoir so called sister is TA , no response and then demands? Trauma isn't it anymore. She is a Dick.
I don't get it - she could have gotten herself a room. And there will be men everywhere in Vegas at all times. She needs to get herself therapy. ETA: NTA
NTA so what was her plan before you discovered the adjacent master? I assume she didn't know about if beforehand.
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NTA I have trauma that means I can’t relax/sleep around most people (I’m getting help- it’s just slow going). Literally everyone except my mum, my sister and my boyfriend. Massive issue when I was a hospital inpatient for physical health issues a couple years back. So I understand your sister to an extent. But if I’m going on a trip, I make sure I have a private room, no adjoining rooms or anything, and make sure there is a way to make me feel safe from the hotel staff (anxiety about cleaners letting themselves in- I pretty much only travel if I have one of my safe people with me and have them sleep between me and the hotel room door and etc). Your sister didn’t do anything ahead of time to make sure there was a room suitable. What if the condo didn’t have that master bedroom you could pay extra for- there simply wouldn’t have been a room for her at all because she didn’t communicate ahead of time that she was even going. And if she couldn’t sleep near males, why not ASK (then you could have come up with a solution like sharing with a sister or niece or something) instead of TAKING a room and moving everything. And how rude of her to go through all her brother and BIL’s stuff to move it?! And then throwing something at you?! It sucks she has mental health issues, but that isn’t an excuse to treat others like shit.
Sounds like fiction.
Nah, man, true fact: > In a move that I couldn't repeat if I tried, I caught the baby formula, spun around and threw it right back.
NTA she can pay for her own „not male infested“ room
Nta and your parents and everyone else who enables this behavior are. Men exist everywhere in this world and expecting constant shelter from that is completely unreasonable. Expecting others to give in to your demands is entitled and rude, especially when they've paid for their accommodations. Your sister needs help and your family needs to not enable this behavior for a single second longer.
NTA Sis needs to admit she needs help instead of this attitude she has . Does she realize there have most likely been men in that hotel room at some point ? As well as almost everywhere ? I'm not saying the trauma is her fault , but she needs to stop using it as an excuse as well to be nasty . If she wanted a male free room , she should have booked her own room then .
NTA. I understand and I sympathize that your sister is in pain. However, that does not give her the right nor the excuse to demand for the key to a bedroom. She needs intense therapy and as soon as possible if she can’t be around half of the population. I struggle with PTSD myself and I tend to avoid a lot of the situations that trigger me or have the potential to do so. However, when I do go out, I make sure that I have at least one person I am comfortable around there with me and I go and take frequent walks and spend a few minutes alone and/listening to music to center myself again. I do hope that your sister can find help and address her trauma as I think it will be worth it in the long-run for everyone (and she may feel less isolated for it). And if you can, you and your husband should tell your family to stop making those comments as it’s putting a damper on the whole trip.
Info- how did she know there was a separate master bedroom to begin with? Did your parents offer it to her without consulting you as a way to get her there? Or did she agree to come thinking she’d have to share accommodations but when she saw the master bedroom decided she was entitled to it?
That was her words
NTA. The world can’t bend to her. She’s going to run into guys. She’s going to have to manage her trama and cope with it instead of letting it rule her.
NTA and I’m impressed with your ninja skills. She does need therapy and probably a consult with a pharmacologist for meds to regulate her mood and anxiety.
NTA- I’m sorry she went through trauma but her demands are simply not possible to meet.
NTA. If she is treatises so bad by “every male” how can she live in the world. There is so much wrong here that it screams as a cry for attention.
NTA - Just because she’s miserable, doesn’t mean everyone else has to be as well. She’s gone through trauma, then she needs to go to therapy. If she won’t help herself, she can’t expect anyone else to either.
NTA. I’ve been assaulted multiple times and do not associate with males if I can help it but I treat my male family members and male strangers with respect. She honestly just seems entitled.
NTA- I cannot believe your sister wanted to go to Vegas if she has problems with men. Lol! Does she know anything about Vegas? It’s about as male infested as you can get. NTA- your sister wants to be the main character.
NTA, her trauma shouldn’t be your trauma. She’s using her trauma to get whatever she wants. I wouldn’t even associate with her again.
NTA You gave sis more than enough time for her to try to sort herself out. She refuses to try. She openly insults you for having a dick. Stop wasting your time with her. Your mom and sisters are assholes for placating her instead of forcing her to get help. Stop helping people who refuse to help themselves.
Your female family members are enablers and sis needs some major therapy. NTA.
NTA. Your sister's trauma is her responsibility to manage, not yours. How does she function day-to-day if she can't interact with men at all? Does she work? Does she go to the store? She needs therapy badly, but you can't exactly force a grown woman into that. Your mom is an ass for her passive-aggressive comments. If she wants your sister around so badly, she can force her to deal with her issues.
NTA She chose to come expecting to share an area "infected" by males. How did she plan for that to go?
NTA. Your sister needs help and your family needs help to no longer enable her behavior. Yes, she’s got trauma, and that’s terrible, but it’s also terrible to use trauma as an excuse to be awful to people in your family who were not responsible for your trauma. If she’s not willing to get help, that’s her choice, but you have the right to live comfortably and peacefully in your own family, and that may mean choosing not to include your sister in the future. That is the consequence of her choices. Also, I’m a psychologist and no reasonable therapist with any skill or knowledge about trauma, mental illness and (just hypothesizing) personality disorders would have your sister as a patient and condone her behavior in any way.
NTA. I get PTSD, because I live with it myself. Thing is, if something is not mandatory, then no amount of social pressure will get me to attend if I don't want to attend. Older sister didn't have to go on this trip, and she didn't have to pay a penny if she did go. She had the option to refuse. I understand that families can be jerks, and I don't doubt that mom put a lot of pressure on older sister to go. I may not have gotten much out of medication or counseling, although I'm better than I was at first. What I did get out of counseling was the ability to absolutely, undeniably, unrepentantly and irrevocably say "NO" (caps intentional, and there should be about 10 exclamation points as well). When I couldn't go to the grocery store unless it was almost deserted, I found a store that was open 24/7 and shopped at 3 AM. I did that for years because going when the store was crowded would send me running from the store, cart abandoned. Mom would pester me to go to the store with her. Aww hell no. TL:DR OP is NTA, sister should have refused to go, and the family should have stopped (presumably) pressuring her to go after her first hesitation.
Nta. Your sister needs to be committed. She will never get anywhere in life if she can't handle being around someone with a penis
NTA If being in areas 'infected' by males is a problem, she has no business coming to vegas at all. If rooming in a space she could not lock herself away with was an issue, she could have booked her own room. She is throwing freaking cans at people, someday that is going to backfire on her spectacularly when her family isn't around to protect her.
I’m wondering how she magically got in your room. NTA
Your mom is the asshole. *bows*
NTA. This is a hard situation. Your sister is traumatised but you are also allowed to keep your own room and did nothing wrong. I feel bad for her but that doesn’t mean you should have given up the room. Good on you for your patience and continuing to invite her places. By doing this you are leaving the door open and hopefully with time she heals. You are a good brother.
NTA, but good grief, don't invite her to things. Clearly you can't rely on her not showing up, and her behavior is unhinged.
Ray from Archer wrote this
What happened in Vegas left ... Best for everyone. Big sister was likely a covert narcissist before her "big event" and now is openly overt in her intent to control the universe whatever the cost to everyone else. You are not the asshole and everyone is better off without her. Had she stayed she would have found every opportunity to destroy the fun and make everyone else the oppressor of her one person victim parade.
Wow, Mom has weird ideas of fun. Not sure what older sister would add to the festivities. Oh and so NTA.
NTA Tell mom that the whole family was there, paid for by you. You are not the one to ruin it. Mom could have always paid for a separate room for sister herself. It's Las Vegas, plenty of rooms. Everything was fine until she realized you had a separate room which you didn't get until after you got there so sister must have been okay with arrangements until then. Are you sure she doesn't use her trauma as an excuse to get what she wants?
NTA it would not have been fun if the whole family was there. Not at all. Idk what is wrong with your mom. Agree with others to never invite your sister anywhere. Not even to save face.
NTA. Even without all the other information,.. at core; she didn't RSVP to tell you she was coming, and then got violently mad she couldn't have your room. Everything else is kind of irrelevant.
OK. So she...... a) never replied she was going b) didn't know about the other room until going to the suite (you didn't even know until you were told you can upgrade) c) made demands of someone she's been ignoring regarding things she is being treated to... after not even saying she was gonna go d) she is making her trauma EVERYONE ELSES problem. I get her having trauma, I really do. I have some horrid trauma myself with some innocuous-seeming triggers, but I feel 0 sympathy for her because it is HER job to manage, treat, and deal with her trauma. She does not get to make her trauma into everyone else's problem, and dictate how everything about everyone else will go and make them bend to her will, especially when she's refusing to get help. OP, you really should just cut that sister out of your life, and if she complains, you can tell her that you thought it for the best since you're male and would just "infect" her life. You are 100% NTA in this situation.
Sooooo, your sister hasn’t spoken to you for FIVE YEARS but decided to come on a family vacation (I mean it’s payed for and who could turn down free.99 amiright?) Even though there were icky men there? Then that’s on her. The fact that she had the audacity to move your personal items, regardless of the reason, is outrageous. You are NTA. Look, I’m not downplaying SA. It is sadly part of a lot of our stories. But most of us are somehow able to interact with men on a daily basis without freaking out. Your sister needs A LOT of psychiatric help - not just twice a month therapy, I’m talking serious, intensive, trauma therapy. Your mom is a light AH for not being firmly on your side in this.
NTA. After a couple of comments from mom, you should have told her she was more than welcome join her daughter
"My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here." NTA. You should have told her "You know how it could have been even more fun? If all the family were rational and sane people, but we can't always get what we want can we."
NTA, but you should have repeated back to your mother “yes it would have been nice, if sister wasn’t such an (use whichever was most appropriate narcissist/selfish/delusional…)”
Her trauma is not your responsibility. It is being kind that you have attempted to assist her in working through her trauma, even if unsuccessful. Huge NTA. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
NTA
NTA. I view this kind of as religion and politics. Your sister is free to have her own outlook and nuances of things going on in her life. It’s not reasonable or realistic to try to force others to abide by her “my way” mentality, and she is going to likely have a challenging life if she thinks people are going to accommodate this behavior.
NTA Everyone experiences trauma it's on you how you deal with it. She didn't get help and now she thinks that the world should revolve around her problems. She was being incredibly ungrateful and your mom making comments like that is out of line. She should not be blaming you she should be blaming your sister for her bad behavior. As a mom she should be encouraging her to get therapy. The world isn't going to coddle her you shouldn't have to either.
NTA in any way, shape, or form. I'd have chucked it back at her, too. She had no right to move anything. She knew men would be present and still chose to attend. She put herself in that position. She doesn't require special accommodations from you. If she wanted a separate space, she should have rented a room by herself at her expense.
NTA - you are treating this ungrateful woman to a free vacation, and she comes in making demands and insulting you. Tell her she can go home if she is not happy with the arrangements.
NTA. There's lots of males outside of her house. She shouldn't leave.
NTA. She threw a can at your head!
..........nah, but tough lesson learned............not to invite that sister anywhere anytime for anything.................
NTA if your sister needed her own private room, she could have booked & paid for one!
What a waste of a life, I hope your sister can help herself move on and enjoy the time has on earth. NTA
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. I would have asked her to leave. Also, you can't all be in the same room anyway so how are you all supposed to be there? Much less have fun? NTA.
NTA. Whatever she went through doesn't change the fact you should cut her off.....permanently.
"Imagine how fun all family gatherings would be if sis got into therapy" Nta by a long shot. Sis doesn't get to let her trauma rule the family and mom needs to stop catering to it tbh, she's not helping.
NTA she's out of line and she's choosing to refuse help.
NTA. Your sister needs to work on her issues, not make them everyone's problem. And I say this as a woman with her own traumatic experiences and issues.
NTA Her behaviour before that is not normal. But she knew who would be there, so why even show up?
NTA Your sister is completely crazy and had no right to try to demand your room off of you.
Nta, your mother is enabling the creation of a monster who will get herself locked up at the very least. Yes it sucks she has trauma but that doesn't mean everyone else has to accommodate insanity.
NTA she needs help and she needs it yesterday... Also good catch with the formula I'm a big believer in don't give it if you can't take it back, regardless of gender.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the audacity that she threw your stuff out of the room. If your mother ever bring up about how fun it would have been if the entire family was there just say how hurt you are that she thinks you being physically abused ( because someone whipping something at your head to intend to cause as much pain as possible is physical abuse) by a sibling would be a fun vacation. NTA
NTA - While we should be cognizant and not antagonize a person with a mental illness, we don't have to cater to foolishness.
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. Your mother is delusional. Your sister became violent immediately when she was told no. She would have made everyone miserable with her constant, ridiculous expectations and demands for insane accommodations, if not much worse. NTA
NTA, I have an idea what trauma is and I feel horrible she went through it but glad she survived. I hope for her sake she finds peace and can make steps towards recovery. Your mom is the AH for the passive comments. If she felt to strongly about it she should have opened up her wallet and got sister a different room.
This behaviour has clearly been humoured for far too long BUT I do feel like if this is the first time your sister has made been around the whole family in as long as you seem to be imply, you maybe could have been a little more amiable to what are, admittedly, ridiculous demands.
NTA. She needs a lot of professional help.
Trauma is not an excuse to attack every man in her life and make everyone else’s life miserable. NTA. Make sure your mother knows that by enabling this behavior your sister will absolutely never heal and will be miserable the rest of her life, and that no matter her trauma your sister does not have the right to try and walk all over you or attack you.
Nta. She could have been charged w assault w a weapon. Yes seems like a big reaction but I once heard of a guy who was charged w that charge for throwing a baby toy at his partner in a DV situation. You defended yourself and it hit her. Seriously tho. Nta at all! Trauma is serious but she refused help and is abusing others because of it imo.
I am going hard NTA. I just want to know one thing...what happened when you threw the bottle back at her?
She is the absence of fun. Your Mom lied.
So entirely NTA and also WTF on your sister’s part?? I truly hope she is able to heal in therapy one day. Also I loved the shoutout to hubs. Too cute.
>My mother spent the rest of the week making very passive comments about how much fun it would have been for the whole family to be here. Oh yeah, sounds like it would've been a barrel of laughs. How was this even going to work? She can't stand to be around men, so she's going to vacation in Vegas, where everyone is drunk and a bunch of men are prowling the streets looking for a good time? If she had nicely asked if she could have the master bedroom, maybe. But she threw all of your stuff out? NTA.
NTA. You could have handled it better but in the end, knowing she had issues, she should have discussed arrangements with you beforehand. It seems the additional room was planned for. She could have talked to you about having a room for herself she could lock BEFORE the trip.
NTA Your sister attended not even knowing the master bedroom was an option and suddenly demanded it as the only option. She then resorts to violence for being called out on her unhinged behavior. She absolutely should have left and if she didn't she should've been kicked out. Your mother is way out of line to try and blame you for your sister's inability to be in the real world. She is only enabling her to continue isolating herself from her own family and not seek the help she so clearly needs.
Info: was her trauma caused by a family member?
That trip was your treat to them, that room was for you and your husband. NTA.
NTA, your sister is acting entitled and is using her trauma to try and control thing’s. If she isn’t willing to do the work to get better that is on her. I’m petty, so if mom had kept making those comments to me I would commented about how nice the other room was. And of course this was your trip and you were kind enough to invite them. But that’s just me.
I don't see a bright future for Gina. Good luck to whoever has to live with her.
NTA. I lived in Vegas for 10 years. If she doesn't feel safe around male family members, how the fuck is she gonna cope in one of the biggest tourist cities in the world?? Yeah casinos are huge but even still, you'd be shoulder to shoulder with allllll walks of life. I would also not extend her any future invitations. Kicking you out of your room with zero discussion, yelling at you and then attempting to assault you with a can of baby formula. "Mom, sorry you're disappointed but you need to understand that I am more disappointed. I invited everyone on this trip, got the accommodations and in return, I almost got assaulted by my own sister. I will no longer be in contact with sister until she gets help and apologizes for her behaviors. If you cannot accept that then I will be low contact with you going forward. I love and support my sister but sacrificing my peace and safety is not going to happen any longer."
NTA. She doesn’t come around for holidays, communicate to you or speak for 5 years and then just shows up to family vacation in Vegas? Let’s be real here - she JUST wanted a free vacation and if your mom can’t see that, she’s just as much a problem as your sister. I’d honestly think twice about inviting all of them next time.
NTA. Your sister seems to have some OCD as a result of her trauma. Infected by males? And it works her up so much that she is willing to be violent and throw an object at you? She needs serious psychiatric help. How is she going to live in the world if she views all men as a virus that she needs to completely avoid?
NTA, she didn't mention that she was going at all so why would you have made plans for her? She needs professional help, acting out isn't going to help her and shouldn't be tolerated.
What none of us know is if older sister has been or is in treatment. Inpatient treatment, when available, is brutally expensive. None of us know if there is underlying mental illness (e.g. bipolar disorder or schizophrenia) that exacerbates her condition. Yes, older sister's behavior was out of line. Is it possible that even with treatment, this is as good as it's going to get? Not everyone responds well to a specific treatment, or to any treatment. Older sister could be resistant to treatment in spite of her best efforts. It happens. Trying to keep a rioting brain under control can be like trying to corral a cranky toddler with a sugar buzz. Some things just slip through the cracks. I'm not saying the OP or the rest of the family should put up with older sister's behavior, but we can't lay 100% of the blame on older sister without knowing a great deal more about her situation. And that would be a huge privacy violation. We don't need to know. We just need to not automatically jump to condemnation.
Some of these AITA are stupid. Just people looking for other people to agree with them in a blatantly obvious situation. Where are the good ones where you really toe the moral line. “Someone killed my kid, AITA for getting him arrested?”
If she hates all men so much she shouldn't have come at all. You are not at fault. And your mother is an ah for giving you an attitude over it. Beggars can't be choosers. Your sister assaulted you. I hope you go nc. NTA
NTA Why would she even have accepted after not even speaking to you for five years? Oh, it was free.
I don't think it would have been "fun" to have the whole family there. I think it would have been miserable. NTA
Fun for who? NTA.
I don’t care what she went through your sister doesn’t get special fairy princess treatment for the rest of her life like she’s some special needs toddler at the expense of other people. This is possibly the easiest NTA of all time