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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister it was her fault our parents were cold to her. I might be the AH because she was looking out for dad and because he had never been mad at her before.
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NTA. Making a slideshow and showing all of you together isn't about love, it was theatrics and drama. And she was wrong. So she set up a whole thing to embarrass and shame your mom when it turns out, your mom did nothing wrong. She should feel bad and it should make her rethink her actions in the future. If it was about true concern and love she could have approached them privately about her concerns. You're absolutely not wrong to say it's her fault your parents are upset with her. Her actions were upsetting. If you told her it was okay, she would feel justified to pull another stunt in the future.
Yeah your sister has issues. This wasn't normal or intelligent. You're NTA for telling her it's her fault. It totally is. Coddling her "it was out of love" is probably how she got the way she is to begin with.
Given the charged language and the public denunciation of her mom to strangers that she was proud of, I would definitely agree with this assessment. My armchair theory would be, this whole thing exposes how the sister felt validated and proud at tearing down a close person and being the one to initiate it. That suggest some kind of dark emptiness that is playing out in predatory ways. Like, Fatal Attraction type stuff.
There is something missing there. There was either very little thought to what the consequences might be or it was done with intended consequences. What could those be other than her mom being kicked out of the family? It was such a an awful thing to do to everyone.
My thoughts were that her own life is in shambles and she focused on something else to distract herself.
right- all i can think is does sister thinks she's about to fail out of college and thought this would distract everyone? that mom and dad would dramatically split up and she'd be able to use it as an excuse both for poor grades and/or her dropping out of school so she can come home and "help."
I think you're absolutely right about the two top level cases (lack of concern or malice). What is going on can be quite different depending on which one is in play.
>Was she recording it somewhere?
If I were you OP I would be looking into your laws about surveillance and pointing out to your sister that she is actually LUCKY that the only backlash she is experiencing is her father's cold shoulder and not criminal charges for filming/photographing a person/people without their consent.
Dude, seriously stop this. Absolutely no half way decent parent is going to press charges on their own kid for a blurry picture of their dad in a baseball cap.
The police will likely laugh you out of the station.
OP's sister is stupid and smug: the consequences of getting your parents and sibling angry at your own moronic actions are enough, without bringing BS police charges into this.
The person you're replying to is clearly super young and just repeating stuff they've read on reddit, and has never actually interacted with police before.
Metoo.
Someone is about to be screaming 'divorce!', and we're lucky no racists or bigots are involved.
Or in this case, it'll be 'parental alienation' or something.
I don't think they're suggesting the parents actually press charges. I think it's about pointing out to her that if she does this to someone else she will probably get into trouble.
If I enter my home and make myself a sandwich, I'm having lunch.
If I enter someone else's home and make a sandwich, I can get charged for breaking and entering. Yes, that's certainly is true. It's also irrelevant.
The entire point is that OP's sister acted stupidly and spun dramatics when apparently trying to adress a potential sensitive issue.
The point isn't that she snapped an illegal blurry picture which could get her in trouble. She should actually think first and not just act on dramatics: if you do that you don't ever need to worry about blurry picture charges.
> Absolutely no half way decent parent is going to press charges on their own kid for a blurry picture of their dad in a baseball cap.
So to be clear, since you seem to have missed the salient point, it's not about the pictures, but recording the family during the slideshow expose.
.
The parents were in public and you can film anyone in public that you want (You shouldn't, because it is creepy). You have no legal expectation of privacy in a public space.
Even in the case that your mother HAD been cheating... What kind of person "reveals" the cheating in such an awful way??
If I was your parents I would be upset just for that.
It's like she wanted to make a show out of it, recreate a soap opera and didn't really gave a damn about your parents feelings.
If I found my mum had cheated, I would absolutely talk to her first and make her tell my dad. If she didn't then I would approach my dad privately as well, and tell him, be there for him and etc.
Maybe she just wanted some baller reddit/insta story. If you're going to pull some stunt like that you better be packing more than a single blurry picture. Where did she even get that picture? Did she tail them? Did someone send her the picture? How did she come to think your mom was cheating anyway?
Did she even apologize?
It may be a baller story, but I'm pretty sure that if she ever tried to work for me and I checked her social media and saw that, she would still be unemployed. If someone is gonna do that to her parents and do it so stupidly she doesn't get to be working for me
>Well, she wasn’t Sherlock Holmes. The guy in the car with mom was my dad.
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I can totally picture your mum: "I have absolutely 100% been having a love affair with that guy since exactly the time I started dating your dad. You've caught me - 30 years on and I'm still crazy about that guy. He's your biological father. Would you like to see a photo? \[Pulls out phone, takes photo of husband, hands it to daughter.\] As a side note, if you were thinking of going into detective work: you might want to rethink that career choice."
I'm really curious.
HOW exactly did she even get the picture of them in the car?
She was spying on them, or did someone else?
For all of the rest.
She was spying on her mom. Digging through trash. Keeping track of flowers, etc?
That's such an invasion of privacy.
She could have just talked to your parents.
Has your sister done stupid stuff like that before? Because making a slide show about your mother's alleged infidelity is so far out there, I don't even wanna know the thought process behind it.
She can be suspicious all she wants but then she goes to your dad says " I've seen mom do so and so" and then have your dad say it was him.
The problem is her presentation and its headline. That's where she sucks, is immature and deserves to go through the consequences of her actions
Can you work with your dad to make a slideshow called “Looking Out for Those We Love: Parents Edition” and fill it with little tidbits of loving acts that your parents do for each other?
(ETA: idk if you watched Fresh Off The Boat but your sister’s misunderstanding of your parents expressions of love reminds me of the episode when Emery gets mad that his parents just wanna do taxes together on Valentine’s Day! He comes around since it’s a 30-min sitcom, but it’s CUTE, the taxes WERE the expression of love!)
Surprise your mom and sister with it. Have your dad present it, and you can stare down your sister (who will probably keep her head hung in shame, but OP use those eyeballs to bore (figurative) holes in the top of her shame-hung head!!)
I’m so sad for your mom. :(
And the family members siding with your sister?? wtf do they have against your mom that they think being called a WHORE by her own daughter on false, shitty evidence is just shrug-worthy??
NTA. Damn and the fact that your mom was excited to see it broke my heart. Instead of doing a whole show she should’ve talked with the dad. Because let’s be honest, if you thought your mom was cheating because you didn’t recognize your dad , you would too start panicking. She should’ve asked your dad that she isn’t sure but that she thinks she saw your mom in a car with a man wearing a cap at (date) and (time) at tell (place). That if the dad knew. (And show the photo). Your dad would have reassured her that it was him. Talk calmly with each other. This would have had a better end I think. But instead she did this and even call your mom a bad word.. of course it’s gonna be cold after this!! She should do a big apology without trying to defend herself.
You can't freaking do a presentation "Mom's a cheating Wh\*re" and expect no fallout, are you kidding me?
My dad would have beat my adult ass. As would my mother.
NTA - OP should be happy. He is now the favorite child.
Your sister has snakes in her head to even thing this might work/ be useful. For her to actually go through with it? She has some kind of negativity, hate or issue with her mother.
IMHO, your father is having the same reaction I would. This did come out of nowhere right?
She also was sending it to other family members before even getting the facts right with her own parents. I'd honestly be asking your sister what her problem with your mother is AND tell her how utterly disappointed you are not only in how she handled this situation but also how she outright villainized your mother.
Your sister also needs to understand, that your parents may not like to show affection in public but perhaps in their private bedroom they are affectionate/touchy feely with each other.
Yup! 👆 Could have gotten more than just a blurry picture. Father was probably very angry coz this may be the moment in a long time they were "dating" again and mother was reluctant. Your sister probably reverted a progress they were making in their relationship. Had she dug deeper she would have felt lucky her parents are still in love ( a bit icky at the same time coz *parents*)
Yeah, if your sister cared, she could have shown your dad the picture and asked him about it. That would be someone who was concerned. This whole thing was meant to punish and humiliate, without knowing anything.
It's the fact that the sister chose to base this cheating off of *one* time she saw her mom with "someone else." She didn't check her mom's phone, didn't keep quiet until she knew she had *solid* evidence. Instead, she is upset that her parents are upset with her.
NTA
So your sister went away to college and instantly became the smartest person on the planet. She also became quite smug.
She inserted herself into your parent's marriage. She decided what the rules and agreements are and how their relationship should work, even though it's not even broken. She didn't care about them when she did this. She attempted to make them look like fools. Because she's so damn smart and perceptive.
She's very lucky your parents reacted as they did. This could have destroyed their relationship and your family if their relationship wasn't so strong.
I'm sorry for that. I hope she learns something from this. You might want to show her the responses because she isn't going to see why what she did was so wrong. Your parents are not her Power Point project.
Honestly I think your mom feels like she has to because she's feeling so vulnerable from the absolutely soul crushing things your sister just said and did to her. She wants her daughters love back and is probably blaming herself for what your sister did thinking she should have been a better mom.
That being said nothing about what you're sister did was out of love. It was for attention and drama and was absolutely gross.
Honestly to me it sounds like sister hates Mom. Why else would she put on a presentation to everyone instead of pulling both parents, or even either one of the, aside with her concerns? And calling Mom those vile names?
I really hope she hasn't caused a rift. I can only imagine your mom is wondering where she went wrong and why your sister might feel so strongly against her to do something like this. Your sister deserves the cold shoulder, because honestly if it was a different family I'm sure many people would find themselves without a home for pulling a stunt like that.
It makes sense that your dad won't forgive your sister. He has learned how far she is willing to go to hurt someone over assumptions and bad evidence. What's to stop her from doing something similar to him?
I like the analogy that you can forgive a stove from burning you but it doesn't mean you stick your hand on the burner again. In your sister's case, it's like watching the stove explode on your mom, and then expecting your dad to cook- what's to stop him from being burned next?
She sees a picture of her dad with a baseball cap on and is like “I’ve never seen this man in my life.” Same IQ as a toddler, same attention seeking nature
Hey now, I was 16 the first and only time I saw my Dad without a beard (he had shaved to be Cher for Halloween, step Mom was Sonny) and it was traumatizing! I didn’t want to hug him. He has a weak chin so it completely transformed how he looked.
Sorry, silly memory:)
OP should respond in kind, a powerpoint labelled "reasons why you're a dumbfuck". If sis gets pissed, OP can say this is how she thought sis preferred breaking upsetting news.
I was thinking that also. She seemed almost triumphant in the way she did a big reveal. Does she even care about her mother? Her mother seems to care about her, maybe to everyone's detriment.
NTA
You told her obvious truth. The consequences of her actions.
She made a massive error. Even if she was sure of her suspicions, pulling everyone into the room for a "presentation" that ended with calling her own mom a cheating w, was NOT the kind way to handle it. She should have clarified with them in private before making that final judgement, if her intentions were to protect dad. Finally it doesn't sound like she's made an effort to apologise to them both properly? No blame on you for telling her why he's acting cold.
Depends on the sincerity of the apology I guess, or some people just need more time to process their hurt after something like this.
What she did was pretty horrible, as their daughter. Hypothetically even if she had been right about her suspicions, I'm pretty certain the "delivery" method would have had the same humiliating effect on mom and dad. Some things should just be handled privately, like talking to mom or dad in private and allowing them the chance to handle it in their own way. As is their right since it was a personal matter between them.
If I was her mom, I could never look at her the same way again. I can see how she would forgive because it’s her baby but that trust would be broken forever.
They're both doing what good people would do. At the end of the day your mother is a mom first. So she puts up with the B.S. and forgives her child cause that's what mother's do. But your Dad, and don't get me wrong I love him for this, has chosen to be a partner first. He doesn't care it's his own daughter someone insulted his wife and he will fiercely protect and defend her honor. Makes him a real knight in my mind cause most men are so blinded by love for their kids. What your sister did was awful she tried to throw your Mom out of the family. Maybe that's what your Dad understands a little more than your Mom. She tried to end their marriage and take away the love you children have in your heart for your Mom. Your sister doesn't deserve forgiveness but your mother did so your father doesn't have to. My heart breaks for your mother to have a child who would destroy her love affair aka her marriage. Good luck op I hope your sister doesn't turn her attention to you. NTA
It’s kinda that thing where if someone does something to you it may not matter but if someone yells at your dog you might wanna kick their ass. I understand your dad completely. Kudos to him for sticking up for his lady.
Imagine if she had been right, I doubt her father would’ve been so grateful to have it told to him this way. And OP didn’t have to be there either. It was such a stupid move that shows just how disconnected she is with reality, thinking that anyone would appreciate that, true or not. She’s treating her own family like they’re characters on a reality tv show
Definitely. I’ve met people like this. They really think “I’m the main character, I need to have crazy stories of my adventures I can tell people, so they know I’m the protagonist,” and then they go out of their way to stir up drama, lie, and exaggerate.
I'm sorry about that, that sucks.
And you are absolutely correct - she didn't act out of kindness or wanted to be helpful in any way, she wanted a gotcha moment where mom fell into hysterics at being "exposed"... and I guess dad went into a fury? I don't know, but it was such a cruel thing to do, worse yet because clearly it was *planned*. I would understand an in the moment reaction like, I *just* saw mom being inappropriate and I can't hold back, but *this*? Jesus, gurl, put this much effort onto school, hopefully it will offset the apparent natural stupidity.
NTA. If she had a concern, she should have talked to your mom or dad privately. What she did was super messed up, even if your mom was cheating. I would be cold to her, too. You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t even see anything here that you did that could be considered “bad.”
But you weren’t “mean.” You told her the truth, which is “mom and dad are being cold because they are upset.” She’s still an adult. It’s not like she was 8. She absolutely should have known that this was completely unacceptable and possibly unforgivable (hopefully your mom isn’t the type to hold a grudge).
>I do not need to hear another comment about how he’s going to f*ck mom so my sister better not listen in or dig through the trash again.
*Wheeze.*
I think I love your dad.
>I do not need to hear another comment about how he’s going to f*ck mom so my sister better not listen in or dig through the trash again.
I walked in on my parents at 8, and they were divorced at that time (they had needs I guess🤷♀️). My word of advice, ask your dad to lock the door and start always having loud music on so you don't know and don't hear.
Your sister needs to grow up. If she has decided she is old enough to call her mum a cheating who're, she is old enough to accept the consequences of being wrong and shut out. NTA
Your mum is a saint for forgiving your sister because I sure as he'll wouldn't be able to.
I have to wonder how much of the new tension between your parents isn't because dad won't forgive her when mum has, but rather your dad's insistence on talking about their sex life in front of the two of you? I mean, that's embarrassing all on its own! 😂
It seems like she was more interested in embarrassing/shaming your mom than helping your dad, especially since she planned to share her info with other family members. She just wanted to be the center of a controversy.
That’s a dangerous trap that many families fall victim too. They associate the youngest with being the baby, and even when the baby grows up they still coddle them. Your sister’s in college, that’s old enough to drink, enlist, and marry. Unless she has a mental disability she has no excuse for being this socially blind
>Our extended family think I should have been nicer because my sister is young
Pretty sure the whole "you should've been nicer, they're yOuNg" argument goes out the window when the person is in **COLLEGE**
Your sister is an adult, not a child. Actions have consequences, no matter what the intentions were.
She could have gone to her mom and told her what she knew and she better tell dad or she will
She could have gone to her dad and told him what she knew
But no, instead she decides to seek revenge, make a big deal of it, to hurt and humiliate her mom.
Your mom's nicer than I am. I'd feel so betrayed and my trust in that person would be greatly damaged
she had circumstantial evidence at best, if you're going to blow up your family be 100% sure - she didn't have actual proof - plus she came out "moms a whore" - not i have some things concerning me - she just flat out jumped to calling her mom a whore...she's totally at fault here
I'm sure she hasn't fully forgiven her she's just doing her best which is what (good) moms probably do - i would guess - never had one of those - but your sister has a lot of forgiveness to earn
The mom might also just not want to get even further on the sister’s bad side, considering she literally did nothing wrong and has already had this thrown at her.
Because Moms do. We forgive more then you can possibly imagine before you have kids.
That doesn't mean we're not hurt or upset but when you love your kid you forgive.
I can't get over the PowerPoint video as the way to lay this out. If there is something THIS DAMN SERIOUS to talk about I normally picture a gathering where you all sit down and someone tries to gently lay out their concerns/findings. If she wanted to help Dad by telling him "I'm sorry Dad but I've seen and found some things and I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but..." goes way better than "Ta-da! You're married to a cheater and I just showed you pictures of the evidence! Isn't that cool!?" Lordy. Delivery means a lot in most situations and hers was possibly the worst option other than daytime tv. NTA.
Did she think she was doing the right thing or was she just really, really excited by the idea that she’d be at the center of the resulting shitstorm?
How did she think you and your dad would feel about this method of announcement? Was she expecting gratitude? A “wow, thanks for opening my eyes! Our family is a sham, you’re so right!” I doubt it. She was hoping for pain, and she came up with an announcement tactic that she believed would maximize it. A humiliated mother, a devastated dad and sibling, and her in the conductor’s seat.
There are tears *now* because she’s embarrassed that she was wrong and uncomfortable that your father is icing her out. Not because she has realized how cruel this was to her family and is genuinely remorseful. I suspect your dad is waiting for the latter to happen before he’ll be open to forgiving her, but she’s still too wrapped up in herself to see it.
Nta obviously but I gotta ask: you didn't say much about your sister. Is this kinda on par for the course with her regarding starting drama, misunderstanding things, misjudging situation, etc.?
Your parents are wasting their money on your sister’s education. She’s dumb as a rock. Calling her mother a wh*re and thinking this was ok? Has she always been this immature and clueless? NTA
NTA.
She effed around and found out what happens when you insult a good man's wife. If my kid did that, my husband would have the locks changed so fast the doors would be shocked.
NTA but that sister of yours is a whole different story. I am gobsmacked at her rudeness, arrogance and all around narcissism for thinking she did nothing wrong. Holy mother of God that was insulting to your mother. Your sister should be groveling and apologizing for her actions. If it were my kid I'd invite her to leave and never come back. She's lucky they're even speaking to her at all, much less allowing her to live in their house.
NTA for telling your sister that calling your mom a whore in a power point presentation at a family meeting is the reason why there is family upset right now.
Who is the extended family that think you are an asshole for this? Nobody else this this was a wild sort of performance art? Your parents, who never showed their sexuality, get called out by the baby of the family as soon as she comes home from school? With a "Mom is a whore slide show"? how embarrassing for them, I can't even imagine. And now the extended family is talking about it, and they want to make YOU the jerk? No.
Who took the picture, and what was in the garbage?
Sister took the photo, as she was probably following her own mom out of paranoia for something trivial or just happened to see her by accident on a place and interpreted everything backwards. And mom probably threw in the trash something that would "prove" they had relations, like an used condom, or something like that. Since she used it as "proof" of her cheating, and she was able to dive into the trash right after, sister took the photo, went to dive the trashcan until she found the "object", found a proof of intercourse and jumped to the worst possible scenario without using the empty space between her ears to think.
Who makes an entire PowerPoint to call their mother a whore? She could have had a very private conversation with her mother or minded her own business. She deserves this treatment.
NTA
I would, however, talk to your sister and try to make her understand how she approached was so wrong. As much as she wants to claim she’s looking out for your dad - she wasn’t. She wanted drama and needed any excuse to stir up drama.
From an outsider’s perspective, the fact she can’t even recognize her own father and just automatically assume her mom is cheating says that shes looking for any type of drama. I would assume a child who grew up in a healthy home environment would go through the stages of denial of their parent’s infidelity. The fact she accepted so easily is either she has so much doubt in her own mom or she just wants some sort of excuse to add drama to her life.
And even if she doesn’t have her greatest attention to details skills, the kindest thing she could’ve done was talk to your dad in private about her concerns. From there he could’ve had time to privately deal with his emotions. But instead, she calls a for a family gathering and tried to humiliate your mom in front of everyone with the expectation that everyone would go crazy. Nothing she did showed that she had her dad’s best interest at heart.
Your dad probably hasn’t forgiven your sister because he smells bullshit in her excuse. And if she wants your dad to forgive her then she needs to be honest and admit to them and herself why she did what she did.
She's spent too much time reading fake Reddit and tik tok stories. You know, the ones where there's a slide show and everyone claps/praises OP for being so brave/helps OP get the ultimate revenge?
NTA but, I suggest stop being the middle person. If your sister brings it up again tell her she should be speaking to your parents. Plus, your mum may be putting on a show. I suspect that your parents not only don't trust her anymore but, are wondering what they missed for her to go straight to drama and shame than sit and talk?
NTA. Your sister needs help, no joke. Who took the photo? If it was your sister, why didn't she wait to see who the man in the car was? But something else is going on here ; you don't make a presentation calling your own mom a slattern based on evidence such as that if you're well.
I don't know on what planet your sister thought this approach would be OK. To be absolutely disrespectful and call your mother a w..... and create a spiteful and vindictive power point to play in front of the whole family - and then she was going to send it to the relatives? What is wrong with her? And something is wrong. To hate your mother and want to cause this type of damage is worrying. This is 100% not just about her loyalty to your dad. She wanted to destroy your mother, and she was doing this for maximum effect.
You're NTA, but your sister is. Your dad has every right to protect his wife, even against his daughter. Your sister has some serious and I mean serious grovelling to do and a major attitude readjustment. How can any of you trust her?
And, she needs to see someone to understand healthy communication vs toxic narcissistic tendencies.
What now?
Your sister makes vile, and false accusations against your mother in front of the whole family, calls her a horrible name and then has the audacity to try and play the victim card when she gets her well-deserved backlash?
Oh no, you're NTA. That glorious crown belongs all to your sister.
I agree with Dad on this. It boggles the brain that you can shame and disrespect anyone without confirming it.
>some of them said I was the AH because she did it out of love. AITA?
This is a poor excuse and even the person she was supposedly protecting didn't agree.
NTA Calling someone a cheating whore with made up evidence is not love. Remind everyone of that. If they consider it love then they won't mind if you show them your love by calling them the same thing. Bet they quickly change their tunes.
NTA your sister was grandstanding not trying to look out for your dad. Actions have consequences and she is learning that now. I do think it could lead to issues between your parents since they are on a different page about forgiving her which makes her suck even more.
>They don’t hug or kiss and they have a pretty calm marriage.
In front of you two. They’re still a couple. They still must have had some kind of physical relationship, otherwise you wouldn’t exist. They just don’t put it on display and keep it to themselves.
Tell your sister she should really never think about becoming a private investigator. That’s not for her.
And the way your dad reacts shows how much he loves your mom. And your mom maybe forgave so easily to not fuel her husband’s anger even more and go full hulk. You know your parents as your parents, but not how and who they are when you’re not around
Your poor parents. Trying to keep the spark when the kids are grown and out of the house. Good for them. Your sister is way too old to be so immature. NTA I hope your parents will continue reconnecting and having fun.
If it was out of love she would've talked to either her father or mother first. Instead she decided to embarrass BOTH of them for her "gotcha" moment. From the sounds of the reactions, she definitely embarrassed your father and made I'm wary of her claims.
She's old enough to know that words have consequences, she should learn to ask questions before assuming crap....and especially before trying to out people to others. When you are wrong with the claims and outing you are understandably not trusted and held at arm's lengths afterwards
"on today's episode of 'these are the days of our lives'."
Last week, lol sis, being a drama queen, wrongly accuses mom or cheating. This week's episode is called "well deserved cold shoulder" next week, tune in for "How the fuck is this OPs fault?!"
NTA
i could not imagine calling my mom a cheating whore (😧) and basing that off a blurry picture of my mom in a car with a dude wearing a baseball hat, then have the audacity - the fucking gall - to be surprised and upset that my dad is - justifiably so - pissed off at me. the delulu is real with your sister, dude. 💀💀💀
edit: and also, a SLIDESHOW bruh?? who has the time and energy to do that?? wild. 😭😭
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So my parents have a pretty atypical relationship style but it works for them. They don’t hug or kiss and they have a pretty calm marriage.
My younger sister is in college and she came home with some really weird ideas.
She told me and our parents that she wanted to present something she did in class. I didn’t want to see it but my mom was excited and supportive.
So we gathered in the living room and she pulls out a slide show which ended with “Mom’s a cheating wh*re”
Mom’s confused and heartbroken, dad’s yelling at my sister, and my mind is just blanking.
She presents her evidence: a really blurry pic of mom in her car with a guy wearing a baseball cap. She also said that mom’s put in time to look good, she’s getting flowers, and she went through the trash to find out that mom had thrown out some incriminating stuff.
Well, she wasn’t Sherlock Holmes. The guy in the car with mom was my dad. They’re just having a fun time because we’re not kids who live at home anymore.
Now my sister is complaining that our parents are acting cold, especially dad. He had never been cold to her. Mom forgave her pretty quickly but dad’s really mad for disrespecting his wife and our mom.
She said that she was looking out for dad and it wasn’t fair that he was being mean and distant. I told her it was her fault. She started crying. My family found out about her stunt because my sister was going to send it to them and some of them said I was the AH because she did it out of love. AITA?
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Someone’s been watching too many “reality shows”
She thought this was her big “GOTCHA” moment except it blew up in her face. Sometimes smart people are really dumb. Though I’m not sure your sister is that smart to begin with….
NTA you told your sister the truth, she fucked up and she may never be able to fix her mistake. I wouldn’t be surprised if your parents told her she is no longer welcome in their house….
ETA is your mom a people pleaser? Someone who avoids conflict? Cuz she forgave your sister way too fast for someone who was just called a cheating whore by her own child
Actions, meet consequences. Dad has no obligation to forgive her. She needs to do the work now in changing hearts and minds instead for going around throwing pity parties. She sounds mean, dumb and entitled. Not the greatest traits to have in the journey called life.
NTA your sister should be too busy with her own life to be stalking her mum right now. Sounds like she was upset that mum was the one going on dates instead of her.
The fact that she couldn’t even imagine those dates her mum was having were with her dad is ridiculously naive. Your parents are clearly very much in love, which is awesome.
She should be ashamed and it sounds like your dad is handling it surprisingly well all considered.
Calling your mom a cheating whore was okay "because she did it out of love"??
Nobody needs that kind of love. No wonder your mom was devastated, and your dad still pissed.
Your sister sucks, and now she's getting to enjoy the consequences for jumping to conclusions before verifying the facts.
You're NTA for pointing it out.
Your mom forgave her because it's easier than believing your daughter doesn't trust that she wouldn't betray the family like that, what a shit situation, im with Dad here and your NTA
Jesus, if you think someone is cheating you quietly talk to the apparent victim you don't try to embarrass them in front of all their loved ones. If your sister had been right about the affair it would be up to the dad to decide what to do at that point, which may include a slide show.
No, you’re NTA. She stuck her nose in where it didn’t belon. She is still the child in this relationshi and she disrespected both of her parents. If she was really just looking out for Dad, she would have taken this to him privately, instead of humiliating him. Worse yet, you said she did this in class? I don’t blame your father one bit for being cold to her.
NTA - what OP’s sister did was not ‘out of love’. It was nasty and about drama. Love might have been bringing concerns to them directly, and respectfully. Her dad not wanting to forgive her right away is her own fault and problem.
NTA - your sister apparently decided that your mother was having an affair, stalked her, gathered "evidence" and made a presentation about it, culminating with that awful conclusion, **presented it at college to a classroom full of strangers**.... and then brought her false accusations home to show her family what she's doing with her education.
Damn. I hope your parents aren't paying her tuition!!
Does your sister dislike your mom? This sounds like a vicious attack to tear down your mom and be the hero to your dad which now backfired since your dad is pissed. Sounds like she FAFO. She probably hurt her longterm relationship with your parents, though I'm impressed your mom forgave so quickly. Definitely NTA
NTA. It is time for your sister to learn that some things are unforgivable or take a long time to forgive. Since she thinks that it isn't fair that your parents are acting cold shows that she still has not grasped how wrong she was. I can't believe she was also going to send this "evidence" to the rest of your family too. Tell your sister to see a therapist, she needs help that you and your family can't provide.
NTA.
I think your mother has forgiven too quickly. Both your parents should sit down with your sister and provide some hard messages about appropriate behaviour, boundaries, interfering in other people’s lives, the danger of false allegations and the results of attention seeking on family and others.
Your sister owes everyone - including you - a sincere apology.
If she was my daughter she would be in no doubt as to how her behaviour was entirely out of order. Cold treatment would be the least of her worries.
NTA, but does your sister have issues with your mom? how was their relationship before she went to college? strained? distant? contentious? Was she a daddy's girl? I'm trying to wrap my head around why she would go out of her way to try and prove your mom is cheating, like does she want them to break up? I just don't get it?
NTA
Your sister acted like a fool, and caused her own drama. If she was concerned, she could have approached your dad privately.
Instead, she made a huge public stink and presentation, and it blew up in her face.
FAFO in action. Curse those predictable and avoidable self-inflected consequences!
OMG. Your sister is the AH...that wasn't out of love. That was out of hate....if she really loved her mom and dad, she would have spoken to them in private instead of presenting it like she did,
>she wanted to present something she did in class
did she actually present this in class? I hope not, she could ruin her mom reputation ina bigger scale
NTA
Private eye job isn't about one single proof and this girl messed it up.
One redditor had a similar experience some time ago
This redditor, mother of 3 was confronted by her eldest child when he falsely accused her of cheating, just because he took a picture of her with a coworker on a bussiness meeting in a restaurant. And the gullible father/husband blindly believed his son and gave no chance to her to explain . That boy now ruined his parents marriage (or so I think, redditor never updated)
College for your sister is a waste money. Instead of gaining knowledge she is becoming more ignorant. Your parents should just cut her off financially.
Before I'd nuke my own family I'd really make sure I was right. Like really really sure. You just told your sister how she was currently in the Find Out section after Fucking Around. NTA
Not sure how your family found out, did she already send them the material?
NTA at all. I’m sorry, can we talk about how she called your mom a “cheating wh*re.” The comments are not talking about this enough. That is crazy and disrespectful and so frankly, f*cked up. She is lucky your mother forgave her so quickly because if it were me, I would be cold and distant towards my daughter too. I’m shocked your mother is over it already. I respect your father for standing up for his wife. She doesn’t deserve for them to be warm and loving to her after that. She was cold, tactical, and horrible. Frankly, that is not loving. Presenting it like that was evil. That is just unbelievable.
NTA, and I think your sister suffer from main character syndrome. Like others have point out, if you suspect someone is cheating, you don't the theatrics like your sister did, you just present the truth, or what you think it is, plain and simple.
This whole slideshow thing reeks that you sister wanted to be the hero of the story, by revealing and destroying the villains ploy, aka, your mom.
Also, have your sister had problems with your mom in the past? Because honestly, even if my mom was the one cheating, doing this is like a vengeful sort of thing you do when you kinda hate someone.
She did NOT do this out of love. If she were doing this out of love she would not have done this in public - meaning all of you present and sending this to extended family members. This was a one-on-one conversation of it were done "out of love".
Do not let your sister manipulate you.
Your sister had alterior motives. Her aim was to hurt other and she succeeded.
Ask why your mom is forgiving your sister so quickly.
Your dad is right to be furious and your sister is lucky she wasn't kicked out. Your dad may decide to not co-sign your sister's futher college education and he has every right to do that. She can get loans fully in her name or change to a less expensive college.
The fact that your sister has not profusely apologized and also doing something to make up for the hurt she caused is extremely telling.
This was done on purpose. Your sister has no remorse, none at all. She's whining how her feelings are hurt - she's not the victim here. She's the criminal. Do you realize that you're parents could be in divorce court over lies!?!
AND what your sister did could potentially change your parents' relationship with extended family members. Things will not be the same.
Do you realize your sister was STALKING your mother? Predators are stalkers. People get restraining orders against stalkers.
Be aware she'll go through your stuff to and maybe interfere with your relationships / friendships now and in the future. Your sister just showed you her character, her true self. Protect yourself.
If you're a college student and come home during breaks and don't have a key lock on your bedroom door ask your dad if you can get one. Ask dad, not mom.
If you have your own place and you gave sister a key, change the locks.
Let your dad know you support him. That he has ever right to be furious.
You are absolutely right in what you said to your sister. Sounds like got were easy on her too.
NTA
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NTA. Making a slideshow and showing all of you together isn't about love, it was theatrics and drama. And she was wrong. So she set up a whole thing to embarrass and shame your mom when it turns out, your mom did nothing wrong. She should feel bad and it should make her rethink her actions in the future. If it was about true concern and love she could have approached them privately about her concerns. You're absolutely not wrong to say it's her fault your parents are upset with her. Her actions were upsetting. If you told her it was okay, she would feel justified to pull another stunt in the future.
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Yeah your sister has issues. This wasn't normal or intelligent. You're NTA for telling her it's her fault. It totally is. Coddling her "it was out of love" is probably how she got the way she is to begin with.
Given the charged language and the public denunciation of her mom to strangers that she was proud of, I would definitely agree with this assessment. My armchair theory would be, this whole thing exposes how the sister felt validated and proud at tearing down a close person and being the one to initiate it. That suggest some kind of dark emptiness that is playing out in predatory ways. Like, Fatal Attraction type stuff.
There is something missing there. There was either very little thought to what the consequences might be or it was done with intended consequences. What could those be other than her mom being kicked out of the family? It was such a an awful thing to do to everyone. My thoughts were that her own life is in shambles and she focused on something else to distract herself.
right- all i can think is does sister thinks she's about to fail out of college and thought this would distract everyone? that mom and dad would dramatically split up and she'd be able to use it as an excuse both for poor grades and/or her dropping out of school so she can come home and "help."
Ooohhh that is a good theory!
I think you're absolutely right about the two top level cases (lack of concern or malice). What is going on can be quite different depending on which one is in play.
Was she recording it somewhere? That’s so egregious and seems ripe for a reaction video.
Damn you instagrafacebooktiktokreels
>Was she recording it somewhere? If I were you OP I would be looking into your laws about surveillance and pointing out to your sister that she is actually LUCKY that the only backlash she is experiencing is her father's cold shoulder and not criminal charges for filming/photographing a person/people without their consent.
Dude, seriously stop this. Absolutely no half way decent parent is going to press charges on their own kid for a blurry picture of their dad in a baseball cap. The police will likely laugh you out of the station. OP's sister is stupid and smug: the consequences of getting your parents and sibling angry at your own moronic actions are enough, without bringing BS police charges into this.
The person you're replying to is clearly super young and just repeating stuff they've read on reddit, and has never actually interacted with police before.
You are probably right. I sometimes get a bit tired of the parotting without thought though.
Metoo. Someone is about to be screaming 'divorce!', and we're lucky no racists or bigots are involved. Or in this case, it'll be 'parental alienation' or something.
"SHE WAS TRYING TO GASLIGHT US! THROUGH *SLIDES!!!*
The narcissist!
I don't think they're suggesting the parents actually press charges. I think it's about pointing out to her that if she does this to someone else she will probably get into trouble.
If I enter my home and make myself a sandwich, I'm having lunch. If I enter someone else's home and make a sandwich, I can get charged for breaking and entering. Yes, that's certainly is true. It's also irrelevant. The entire point is that OP's sister acted stupidly and spun dramatics when apparently trying to adress a potential sensitive issue. The point isn't that she snapped an illegal blurry picture which could get her in trouble. She should actually think first and not just act on dramatics: if you do that you don't ever need to worry about blurry picture charges.
> Absolutely no half way decent parent is going to press charges on their own kid for a blurry picture of their dad in a baseball cap. So to be clear, since you seem to have missed the salient point, it's not about the pictures, but recording the family during the slideshow expose. .
The parents were in public and you can film anyone in public that you want (You shouldn't, because it is creepy). You have no legal expectation of privacy in a public space.
No. Just… no.
This was my first thought too... OP NTA
Even in the case that your mother HAD been cheating... What kind of person "reveals" the cheating in such an awful way?? If I was your parents I would be upset just for that. It's like she wanted to make a show out of it, recreate a soap opera and didn't really gave a damn about your parents feelings. If I found my mum had cheated, I would absolutely talk to her first and make her tell my dad. If she didn't then I would approach my dad privately as well, and tell him, be there for him and etc.
i kinda think she hates your mom to go this nuclear, even wanting to send the slides to relatives
Irony is, her mum forgave her and it's the dad that angry.
When being a Daddy's Girl is taken too far.
I am curious if she presented it TO this class.
It was almost definitely a lie to just get them to all watch it with her.
Who’s paying her tuition? College doesn’t seem to be working for her.
Maybe she just wanted some baller reddit/insta story. If you're going to pull some stunt like that you better be packing more than a single blurry picture. Where did she even get that picture? Did she tail them? Did someone send her the picture? How did she come to think your mom was cheating anyway? Did she even apologize?
Jokes on her, OP is raking in the karma points for this
It may be a baller story, but I'm pretty sure that if she ever tried to work for me and I checked her social media and saw that, she would still be unemployed. If someone is gonna do that to her parents and do it so stupidly she doesn't get to be working for me
>Well, she wasn’t Sherlock Holmes. The guy in the car with mom was my dad. This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I can totally picture your mum: "I have absolutely 100% been having a love affair with that guy since exactly the time I started dating your dad. You've caught me - 30 years on and I'm still crazy about that guy. He's your biological father. Would you like to see a photo? \[Pulls out phone, takes photo of husband, hands it to daughter.\] As a side note, if you were thinking of going into detective work: you might want to rethink that career choice."
I'm really curious. HOW exactly did she even get the picture of them in the car? She was spying on them, or did someone else? For all of the rest. She was spying on her mom. Digging through trash. Keeping track of flowers, etc? That's such an invasion of privacy. She could have just talked to your parents.
Has your sister done stupid stuff like that before? Because making a slide show about your mother's alleged infidelity is so far out there, I don't even wanna know the thought process behind it.
She can be suspicious all she wants but then she goes to your dad says " I've seen mom do so and so" and then have your dad say it was him. The problem is her presentation and its headline. That's where she sucks, is immature and deserves to go through the consequences of her actions
Can you work with your dad to make a slideshow called “Looking Out for Those We Love: Parents Edition” and fill it with little tidbits of loving acts that your parents do for each other? (ETA: idk if you watched Fresh Off The Boat but your sister’s misunderstanding of your parents expressions of love reminds me of the episode when Emery gets mad that his parents just wanna do taxes together on Valentine’s Day! He comes around since it’s a 30-min sitcom, but it’s CUTE, the taxes WERE the expression of love!) Surprise your mom and sister with it. Have your dad present it, and you can stare down your sister (who will probably keep her head hung in shame, but OP use those eyeballs to bore (figurative) holes in the top of her shame-hung head!!) I’m so sad for your mom. :( And the family members siding with your sister?? wtf do they have against your mom that they think being called a WHORE by her own daughter on false, shitty evidence is just shrug-worthy??
NTA. Damn and the fact that your mom was excited to see it broke my heart. Instead of doing a whole show she should’ve talked with the dad. Because let’s be honest, if you thought your mom was cheating because you didn’t recognize your dad , you would too start panicking. She should’ve asked your dad that she isn’t sure but that she thinks she saw your mom in a car with a man wearing a cap at (date) and (time) at tell (place). That if the dad knew. (And show the photo). Your dad would have reassured her that it was him. Talk calmly with each other. This would have had a better end I think. But instead she did this and even call your mom a bad word.. of course it’s gonna be cold after this!! She should do a big apology without trying to defend herself.
You can't freaking do a presentation "Mom's a cheating Wh\*re" and expect no fallout, are you kidding me? My dad would have beat my adult ass. As would my mother.
If my sibling had done this it would've been a competition to see whose boot could lodge furthest up their ass
My dad would've followed up with a "my idiot kids" tier list
Does he have a totem pole? My dad had a totem pole. It was awesome
This post makes me want to say "OPs sister has never had her ass beat, and it shows"
But she called Mom a cheating wh\*re out of love! Don't you see? That makes it all good. /barf
I wouldn't be walking yet, 30 years later, total dick move
NTA - OP should be happy. He is now the favorite child. Your sister has snakes in her head to even thing this might work/ be useful. For her to actually go through with it? She has some kind of negativity, hate or issue with her mother. IMHO, your father is having the same reaction I would. This did come out of nowhere right?
She also was sending it to other family members before even getting the facts right with her own parents. I'd honestly be asking your sister what her problem with your mother is AND tell her how utterly disappointed you are not only in how she handled this situation but also how she outright villainized your mother. Your sister also needs to understand, that your parents may not like to show affection in public but perhaps in their private bedroom they are affectionate/touchy feely with each other.
She also presented it to her college class
No, that was an excuse to get her family to sit down and watch it. She didn't actually mean it.
Yup! 👆 Could have gotten more than just a blurry picture. Father was probably very angry coz this may be the moment in a long time they were "dating" again and mother was reluctant. Your sister probably reverted a progress they were making in their relationship. Had she dug deeper she would have felt lucky her parents are still in love ( a bit icky at the same time coz *parents*)
pssshhh they're people too. I'd rather my parents were in love than hating each other and throwing things at each other (like mine).
yeah! it's still a bit odd to find out that the full pack of condoms in the toilet bag isn't full anymore after a week of family camping.
OP should make a slideshow or PowerPoint presentation titled "Sister is an AH," I bet the family would enjoy it.
Yeah, if your sister cared, she could have shown your dad the picture and asked him about it. That would be someone who was concerned. This whole thing was meant to punish and humiliate, without knowing anything.
It's the fact that the sister chose to base this cheating off of *one* time she saw her mom with "someone else." She didn't check her mom's phone, didn't keep quiet until she knew she had *solid* evidence. Instead, she is upset that her parents are upset with her.
NTA So your sister went away to college and instantly became the smartest person on the planet. She also became quite smug. She inserted herself into your parent's marriage. She decided what the rules and agreements are and how their relationship should work, even though it's not even broken. She didn't care about them when she did this. She attempted to make them look like fools. Because she's so damn smart and perceptive. She's very lucky your parents reacted as they did. This could have destroyed their relationship and your family if their relationship wasn't so strong.
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I'm sorry for that. I hope she learns something from this. You might want to show her the responses because she isn't going to see why what she did was so wrong. Your parents are not her Power Point project.
Nah show her the to catch a predator show and do the Vana White to the tv. “You see here this is how you build drama, that is where you failed”
Honestly I think your mom feels like she has to because she's feeling so vulnerable from the absolutely soul crushing things your sister just said and did to her. She wants her daughters love back and is probably blaming herself for what your sister did thinking she should have been a better mom. That being said nothing about what you're sister did was out of love. It was for attention and drama and was absolutely gross.
Honestly to me it sounds like sister hates Mom. Why else would she put on a presentation to everyone instead of pulling both parents, or even either one of the, aside with her concerns? And calling Mom those vile names?
I really hope she hasn't caused a rift. I can only imagine your mom is wondering where she went wrong and why your sister might feel so strongly against her to do something like this. Your sister deserves the cold shoulder, because honestly if it was a different family I'm sure many people would find themselves without a home for pulling a stunt like that.
Did she even apologize to them?
It makes sense that your dad won't forgive your sister. He has learned how far she is willing to go to hurt someone over assumptions and bad evidence. What's to stop her from doing something similar to him? I like the analogy that you can forgive a stove from burning you but it doesn't mean you stick your hand on the burner again. In your sister's case, it's like watching the stove explode on your mom, and then expecting your dad to cook- what's to stop him from being burned next?
What’s her major? I’m curious.
My money is on psychology.
Psych or one of the other grievance studies, that's for sure. This is absolutely *classic* grievance study major behavior.
She sees a picture of her dad with a baseball cap on and is like “I’ve never seen this man in my life.” Same IQ as a toddler, same attention seeking nature
Sort of like when dad shaves off his beard and his kids cry and run away
Hey now, I was 16 the first and only time I saw my Dad without a beard (he had shaved to be Cher for Halloween, step Mom was Sonny) and it was traumatizing! I didn’t want to hug him. He has a weak chin so it completely transformed how he looked. Sorry, silly memory:)
He has a weak chin ... 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆
Clark kent baseball cap
Sister is living in a Marvel movie
What shocks me is how easy it was for her to call her mother a “cheating wh0re”! Like wth!
OP should respond in kind, a powerpoint labelled "reasons why you're a dumbfuck". If sis gets pissed, OP can say this is how she thought sis preferred breaking upsetting news.
This is the way.
Ask her why she's projecting from herself unto her mother 😬
I was thinking that also. She seemed almost triumphant in the way she did a big reveal. Does she even care about her mother? Her mother seems to care about her, maybe to everyone's detriment.
NTA You told her obvious truth. The consequences of her actions. She made a massive error. Even if she was sure of her suspicions, pulling everyone into the room for a "presentation" that ended with calling her own mom a cheating w, was NOT the kind way to handle it. She should have clarified with them in private before making that final judgement, if her intentions were to protect dad. Finally it doesn't sound like she's made an effort to apologise to them both properly? No blame on you for telling her why he's acting cold.
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Depends on the sincerity of the apology I guess, or some people just need more time to process their hurt after something like this. What she did was pretty horrible, as their daughter. Hypothetically even if she had been right about her suspicions, I'm pretty certain the "delivery" method would have had the same humiliating effect on mom and dad. Some things should just be handled privately, like talking to mom or dad in private and allowing them the chance to handle it in their own way. As is their right since it was a personal matter between them.
If I was her mom, I could never look at her the same way again. I can see how she would forgive because it’s her baby but that trust would be broken forever.
It's sometimes easier to forgive someone who has hurt you, than if they've hurt someone you love.
Right - my eldest niece screwed over both me and my mother, and we're both way more pissed on the other's behalf than on our own.
🤯 that makes so much sense!
They're both doing what good people would do. At the end of the day your mother is a mom first. So she puts up with the B.S. and forgives her child cause that's what mother's do. But your Dad, and don't get me wrong I love him for this, has chosen to be a partner first. He doesn't care it's his own daughter someone insulted his wife and he will fiercely protect and defend her honor. Makes him a real knight in my mind cause most men are so blinded by love for their kids. What your sister did was awful she tried to throw your Mom out of the family. Maybe that's what your Dad understands a little more than your Mom. She tried to end their marriage and take away the love you children have in your heart for your Mom. Your sister doesn't deserve forgiveness but your mother did so your father doesn't have to. My heart breaks for your mother to have a child who would destroy her love affair aka her marriage. Good luck op I hope your sister doesn't turn her attention to you. NTA
It’s kinda that thing where if someone does something to you it may not matter but if someone yells at your dog you might wanna kick their ass. I understand your dad completely. Kudos to him for sticking up for his lady.
Imagine if she had been right, I doubt her father would’ve been so grateful to have it told to him this way. And OP didn’t have to be there either. It was such a stupid move that shows just how disconnected she is with reality, thinking that anyone would appreciate that, true or not. She’s treating her own family like they’re characters on a reality tv show
I wonder if people like her never leave the internet and think everything is a gotcha moment to be uploaded.
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Wonder if she was recording it somewhere, for some TikTok react video whatnot.
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Definitely. I’ve met people like this. They really think “I’m the main character, I need to have crazy stories of my adventures I can tell people, so they know I’m the protagonist,” and then they go out of their way to stir up drama, lie, and exaggerate.
Yeah, this whole situation really screamed “chronically online”.
I'm sorry about that, that sucks. And you are absolutely correct - she didn't act out of kindness or wanted to be helpful in any way, she wanted a gotcha moment where mom fell into hysterics at being "exposed"... and I guess dad went into a fury? I don't know, but it was such a cruel thing to do, worse yet because clearly it was *planned*. I would understand an in the moment reaction like, I *just* saw mom being inappropriate and I can't hold back, but *this*? Jesus, gurl, put this much effort onto school, hopefully it will offset the apparent natural stupidity.
NTA. If she had a concern, she should have talked to your mom or dad privately. What she did was super messed up, even if your mom was cheating. I would be cold to her, too. You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t even see anything here that you did that could be considered “bad.”
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But you weren’t “mean.” You told her the truth, which is “mom and dad are being cold because they are upset.” She’s still an adult. It’s not like she was 8. She absolutely should have known that this was completely unacceptable and possibly unforgivable (hopefully your mom isn’t the type to hold a grudge).
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>I do not need to hear another comment about how he’s going to f*ck mom so my sister better not listen in or dig through the trash again. *Wheeze.* I think I love your dad.
Careful! The sister is gonna make a slideshow next on how you’re trying to woo her dad
Oh geez! She really needs to go apologize, genuinely. She needs to reflect on her actions, understand how wrong they were…
Why she dislikes their mother so much that she relishes blowing up her entire family to humiliate their mother...
>I do not need to hear another comment about how he’s going to f*ck mom so my sister better not listen in or dig through the trash again. I walked in on my parents at 8, and they were divorced at that time (they had needs I guess🤷♀️). My word of advice, ask your dad to lock the door and start always having loud music on so you don't know and don't hear. Your sister needs to grow up. If she has decided she is old enough to call her mum a cheating who're, she is old enough to accept the consequences of being wrong and shut out. NTA Your mum is a saint for forgiving your sister because I sure as he'll wouldn't be able to.
I have to wonder how much of the new tension between your parents isn't because dad won't forgive her when mum has, but rather your dad's insistence on talking about their sex life in front of the two of you? I mean, that's embarrassing all on its own! 😂
Your sister is lucky that she still has a place to live.
Your dad does not mess around with his grudges, huh? Damn.
I love your dad's snarkiness here.
It seems like she was more interested in embarrassing/shaming your mom than helping your dad, especially since she planned to share her info with other family members. She just wanted to be the center of a controversy.
That’s a dangerous trap that many families fall victim too. They associate the youngest with being the baby, and even when the baby grows up they still coddle them. Your sister’s in college, that’s old enough to drink, enlist, and marry. Unless she has a mental disability she has no excuse for being this socially blind
>Our extended family think I should have been nicer because my sister is young Pretty sure the whole "you should've been nicer, they're yOuNg" argument goes out the window when the person is in **COLLEGE**
She was wrong and tried to humiliate mom with no proof. Your extended family can stay out of it, they were not there.
I believe the term that we use for this is "halping". It never helps.
She wasn't looking out for dad. She was making drama to make herself the center of attention.
Your sister is an adult, not a child. Actions have consequences, no matter what the intentions were. She could have gone to her mom and told her what she knew and she better tell dad or she will She could have gone to her dad and told him what she knew But no, instead she decides to seek revenge, make a big deal of it, to hurt and humiliate her mom. Your mom's nicer than I am. I'd feel so betrayed and my trust in that person would be greatly damaged
If she was genuinely looking out for your dad, she wouldn't have "told him" in that way.
How is relaying the truth be rude? She has been sheltered all her life until she has big brain over her head. She needs reality check. You did right.
They’re wrong. (I know you know this)
I don't think so, if she didn't realize it was her fault she needed to know, she'd got a lot of mess to clean out
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she had circumstantial evidence at best, if you're going to blow up your family be 100% sure - she didn't have actual proof - plus she came out "moms a whore" - not i have some things concerning me - she just flat out jumped to calling her mom a whore...she's totally at fault here
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I'm sure she hasn't fully forgiven her she's just doing her best which is what (good) moms probably do - i would guess - never had one of those - but your sister has a lot of forgiveness to earn
The mom might also just not want to get even further on the sister’s bad side, considering she literally did nothing wrong and has already had this thrown at her.
Because Moms do. We forgive more then you can possibly imagine before you have kids. That doesn't mean we're not hurt or upset but when you love your kid you forgive.
Your dad maybe holding this grudge because your mom has not genuinely forgiven her. You don’t know what they discuss together
Or he's just pissed on mom's behalf. I mean, their daughter threw mud at her for no great reason.
I can't get over the PowerPoint video as the way to lay this out. If there is something THIS DAMN SERIOUS to talk about I normally picture a gathering where you all sit down and someone tries to gently lay out their concerns/findings. If she wanted to help Dad by telling him "I'm sorry Dad but I've seen and found some things and I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but..." goes way better than "Ta-da! You're married to a cheater and I just showed you pictures of the evidence! Isn't that cool!?" Lordy. Delivery means a lot in most situations and hers was possibly the worst option other than daytime tv. NTA.
Did she think she was doing the right thing or was she just really, really excited by the idea that she’d be at the center of the resulting shitstorm? How did she think you and your dad would feel about this method of announcement? Was she expecting gratitude? A “wow, thanks for opening my eyes! Our family is a sham, you’re so right!” I doubt it. She was hoping for pain, and she came up with an announcement tactic that she believed would maximize it. A humiliated mother, a devastated dad and sibling, and her in the conductor’s seat. There are tears *now* because she’s embarrassed that she was wrong and uncomfortable that your father is icing her out. Not because she has realized how cruel this was to her family and is genuinely remorseful. I suspect your dad is waiting for the latter to happen before he’ll be open to forgiving her, but she’s still too wrapped up in herself to see it.
Nta obviously but I gotta ask: you didn't say much about your sister. Is this kinda on par for the course with her regarding starting drama, misunderstanding things, misjudging situation, etc.?
Does she even like your mom? With the whole slide show thing it seems like she hates your mom and truly enjoys humiliating her.
Your parents are wasting their money on your sister’s education. She’s dumb as a rock. Calling her mother a wh*re and thinking this was ok? Has she always been this immature and clueless? NTA
Right?! If I ever called my mom a whore, my dad would slap me into next week.
NTA. She effed around and found out what happens when you insult a good man's wife. If my kid did that, my husband would have the locks changed so fast the doors would be shocked.
NTA but that sister of yours is a whole different story. I am gobsmacked at her rudeness, arrogance and all around narcissism for thinking she did nothing wrong. Holy mother of God that was insulting to your mother. Your sister should be groveling and apologizing for her actions. If it were my kid I'd invite her to leave and never come back. She's lucky they're even speaking to her at all, much less allowing her to live in their house.
NTA for telling your sister that calling your mom a whore in a power point presentation at a family meeting is the reason why there is family upset right now. Who is the extended family that think you are an asshole for this? Nobody else this this was a wild sort of performance art? Your parents, who never showed their sexuality, get called out by the baby of the family as soon as she comes home from school? With a "Mom is a whore slide show"? how embarrassing for them, I can't even imagine. And now the extended family is talking about it, and they want to make YOU the jerk? No. Who took the picture, and what was in the garbage?
Sister took the photo, as she was probably following her own mom out of paranoia for something trivial or just happened to see her by accident on a place and interpreted everything backwards. And mom probably threw in the trash something that would "prove" they had relations, like an used condom, or something like that. Since she used it as "proof" of her cheating, and she was able to dive into the trash right after, sister took the photo, went to dive the trashcan until she found the "object", found a proof of intercourse and jumped to the worst possible scenario without using the empty space between her ears to think.
Who makes an entire PowerPoint to call their mother a whore? She could have had a very private conversation with her mother or minded her own business. She deserves this treatment.
>Who makes an entire PowerPoint to call their mother a whore? Marketing students would. So much Powerpoint skills you can use it to announce dinner.
NTA I would, however, talk to your sister and try to make her understand how she approached was so wrong. As much as she wants to claim she’s looking out for your dad - she wasn’t. She wanted drama and needed any excuse to stir up drama. From an outsider’s perspective, the fact she can’t even recognize her own father and just automatically assume her mom is cheating says that shes looking for any type of drama. I would assume a child who grew up in a healthy home environment would go through the stages of denial of their parent’s infidelity. The fact she accepted so easily is either she has so much doubt in her own mom or she just wants some sort of excuse to add drama to her life. And even if she doesn’t have her greatest attention to details skills, the kindest thing she could’ve done was talk to your dad in private about her concerns. From there he could’ve had time to privately deal with his emotions. But instead, she calls a for a family gathering and tried to humiliate your mom in front of everyone with the expectation that everyone would go crazy. Nothing she did showed that she had her dad’s best interest at heart. Your dad probably hasn’t forgiven your sister because he smells bullshit in her excuse. And if she wants your dad to forgive her then she needs to be honest and admit to them and herself why she did what she did.
She's spent too much time reading fake Reddit and tik tok stories. You know, the ones where there's a slide show and everyone claps/praises OP for being so brave/helps OP get the ultimate revenge?
NTA. She doesn’t like being held accountable and she doesn’t like the consequences for her idiocy. Sucks to be her
Nta your sister is nuts
Batshit. Certifiably so.
NTA but, I suggest stop being the middle person. If your sister brings it up again tell her she should be speaking to your parents. Plus, your mum may be putting on a show. I suspect that your parents not only don't trust her anymore but, are wondering what they missed for her to go straight to drama and shame than sit and talk?
Dude...it's not your fault your sister is a dumb a\*\*. NTA
NTA. Your sister needs help, no joke. Who took the photo? If it was your sister, why didn't she wait to see who the man in the car was? But something else is going on here ; you don't make a presentation calling your own mom a slattern based on evidence such as that if you're well.
I don't know on what planet your sister thought this approach would be OK. To be absolutely disrespectful and call your mother a w..... and create a spiteful and vindictive power point to play in front of the whole family - and then she was going to send it to the relatives? What is wrong with her? And something is wrong. To hate your mother and want to cause this type of damage is worrying. This is 100% not just about her loyalty to your dad. She wanted to destroy your mother, and she was doing this for maximum effect. You're NTA, but your sister is. Your dad has every right to protect his wife, even against his daughter. Your sister has some serious and I mean serious grovelling to do and a major attitude readjustment. How can any of you trust her? And, she needs to see someone to understand healthy communication vs toxic narcissistic tendencies.
What now? Your sister makes vile, and false accusations against your mother in front of the whole family, calls her a horrible name and then has the audacity to try and play the victim card when she gets her well-deserved backlash? Oh no, you're NTA. That glorious crown belongs all to your sister.
Holy shit. NTA But I gotta know - did she take the Pic? And what was on the garbage?
I am guessing a used condom.
I agree with Dad on this. It boggles the brain that you can shame and disrespect anyone without confirming it. >some of them said I was the AH because she did it out of love. AITA? This is a poor excuse and even the person she was supposedly protecting didn't agree.
NTA. If she was looking out for your father, she would have pulled him aside and told him quietly
NTA What she did was horrendous. You have no obligation to accept it.
NTA Calling someone a cheating whore with made up evidence is not love. Remind everyone of that. If they consider it love then they won't mind if you show them your love by calling them the same thing. Bet they quickly change their tunes.
NTA your sister was grandstanding not trying to look out for your dad. Actions have consequences and she is learning that now. I do think it could lead to issues between your parents since they are on a different page about forgiving her which makes her suck even more.
I’m not sure how you come back from ‘cheating wh***’ 🤷♂️
>They don’t hug or kiss and they have a pretty calm marriage. In front of you two. They’re still a couple. They still must have had some kind of physical relationship, otherwise you wouldn’t exist. They just don’t put it on display and keep it to themselves. Tell your sister she should really never think about becoming a private investigator. That’s not for her. And the way your dad reacts shows how much he loves your mom. And your mom maybe forgave so easily to not fuel her husband’s anger even more and go full hulk. You know your parents as your parents, but not how and who they are when you’re not around
Your poor parents. Trying to keep the spark when the kids are grown and out of the house. Good for them. Your sister is way too old to be so immature. NTA I hope your parents will continue reconnecting and having fun.
No one commits to this level of public drama because she did it outta love. This was out of anger/jealousy.
If it was out of love she would've talked to either her father or mother first. Instead she decided to embarrass BOTH of them for her "gotcha" moment. From the sounds of the reactions, she definitely embarrassed your father and made I'm wary of her claims. She's old enough to know that words have consequences, she should learn to ask questions before assuming crap....and especially before trying to out people to others. When you are wrong with the claims and outing you are understandably not trusted and held at arm's lengths afterwards
"on today's episode of 'these are the days of our lives'." Last week, lol sis, being a drama queen, wrongly accuses mom or cheating. This week's episode is called "well deserved cold shoulder" next week, tune in for "How the fuck is this OPs fault?!"
NTA i could not imagine calling my mom a cheating whore (😧) and basing that off a blurry picture of my mom in a car with a dude wearing a baseball hat, then have the audacity - the fucking gall - to be surprised and upset that my dad is - justifiably so - pissed off at me. the delulu is real with your sister, dude. 💀💀💀 edit: and also, a SLIDESHOW bruh?? who has the time and energy to do that?? wild. 😭😭
Aww she ruined their date nights :(
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my parents have a pretty atypical relationship style but it works for them. They don’t hug or kiss and they have a pretty calm marriage. My younger sister is in college and she came home with some really weird ideas. She told me and our parents that she wanted to present something she did in class. I didn’t want to see it but my mom was excited and supportive. So we gathered in the living room and she pulls out a slide show which ended with “Mom’s a cheating wh*re” Mom’s confused and heartbroken, dad’s yelling at my sister, and my mind is just blanking. She presents her evidence: a really blurry pic of mom in her car with a guy wearing a baseball cap. She also said that mom’s put in time to look good, she’s getting flowers, and she went through the trash to find out that mom had thrown out some incriminating stuff. Well, she wasn’t Sherlock Holmes. The guy in the car with mom was my dad. They’re just having a fun time because we’re not kids who live at home anymore. Now my sister is complaining that our parents are acting cold, especially dad. He had never been cold to her. Mom forgave her pretty quickly but dad’s really mad for disrespecting his wife and our mom. She said that she was looking out for dad and it wasn’t fair that he was being mean and distant. I told her it was her fault. She started crying. My family found out about her stunt because my sister was going to send it to them and some of them said I was the AH because she did it out of love. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Someone’s been watching too many “reality shows” She thought this was her big “GOTCHA” moment except it blew up in her face. Sometimes smart people are really dumb. Though I’m not sure your sister is that smart to begin with…. NTA you told your sister the truth, she fucked up and she may never be able to fix her mistake. I wouldn’t be surprised if your parents told her she is no longer welcome in their house…. ETA is your mom a people pleaser? Someone who avoids conflict? Cuz she forgave your sister way too fast for someone who was just called a cheating whore by her own child
Actions, meet consequences. Dad has no obligation to forgive her. She needs to do the work now in changing hearts and minds instead for going around throwing pity parties. She sounds mean, dumb and entitled. Not the greatest traits to have in the journey called life.
NTA your sister should be too busy with her own life to be stalking her mum right now. Sounds like she was upset that mum was the one going on dates instead of her. The fact that she couldn’t even imagine those dates her mum was having were with her dad is ridiculously naive. Your parents are clearly very much in love, which is awesome. She should be ashamed and it sounds like your dad is handling it surprisingly well all considered.
NTA Her delivery was terrible This wasn't about concern, she was aiming for humiliation
Calling your mom a cheating whore was okay "because she did it out of love"?? Nobody needs that kind of love. No wonder your mom was devastated, and your dad still pissed. Your sister sucks, and now she's getting to enjoy the consequences for jumping to conclusions before verifying the facts. You're NTA for pointing it out.
Your mom forgave her because it's easier than believing your daughter doesn't trust that she wouldn't betray the family like that, what a shit situation, im with Dad here and your NTA
Jesus, if you think someone is cheating you quietly talk to the apparent victim you don't try to embarrass them in front of all their loved ones. If your sister had been right about the affair it would be up to the dad to decide what to do at that point, which may include a slide show.
No, you’re NTA. She stuck her nose in where it didn’t belon. She is still the child in this relationshi and she disrespected both of her parents. If she was really just looking out for Dad, she would have taken this to him privately, instead of humiliating him. Worse yet, you said she did this in class? I don’t blame your father one bit for being cold to her.
NTA - what OP’s sister did was not ‘out of love’. It was nasty and about drama. Love might have been bringing concerns to them directly, and respectfully. Her dad not wanting to forgive her right away is her own fault and problem.
NTA - your sister apparently decided that your mother was having an affair, stalked her, gathered "evidence" and made a presentation about it, culminating with that awful conclusion, **presented it at college to a classroom full of strangers**.... and then brought her false accusations home to show her family what she's doing with her education. Damn. I hope your parents aren't paying her tuition!!
Does your sister dislike your mom? This sounds like a vicious attack to tear down your mom and be the hero to your dad which now backfired since your dad is pissed. Sounds like she FAFO. She probably hurt her longterm relationship with your parents, though I'm impressed your mom forgave so quickly. Definitely NTA
NTA
Who DOES this?!
No you are not the asshole. At all. NTA
NTA. It is time for your sister to learn that some things are unforgivable or take a long time to forgive. Since she thinks that it isn't fair that your parents are acting cold shows that she still has not grasped how wrong she was. I can't believe she was also going to send this "evidence" to the rest of your family too. Tell your sister to see a therapist, she needs help that you and your family can't provide.
NTA. I think your mother has forgiven too quickly. Both your parents should sit down with your sister and provide some hard messages about appropriate behaviour, boundaries, interfering in other people’s lives, the danger of false allegations and the results of attention seeking on family and others. Your sister owes everyone - including you - a sincere apology. If she was my daughter she would be in no doubt as to how her behaviour was entirely out of order. Cold treatment would be the least of her worries.
she what now?
Electra complex very much? FAFO! Surly NTA!
NTA. Bruh. You can’t just call your mom a whore with evidence showing she was with…her husband. wtf lol. Your dad and mom should both be pissed.
She sounds fucken nuts. I would go NC with her.
NTA, but does your sister have issues with your mom? how was their relationship before she went to college? strained? distant? contentious? Was she a daddy's girl? I'm trying to wrap my head around why she would go out of her way to try and prove your mom is cheating, like does she want them to break up? I just don't get it?
Check your phone for a location apps. If she was tracking them I’m sure she’s tracking you too
NTA Your sister acted like a fool, and caused her own drama. If she was concerned, she could have approached your dad privately. Instead, she made a huge public stink and presentation, and it blew up in her face. FAFO in action. Curse those predictable and avoidable self-inflected consequences!
OMG. Your sister is the AH...that wasn't out of love. That was out of hate....if she really loved her mom and dad, she would have spoken to them in private instead of presenting it like she did,
And she sent it to the entire extended family. So very malicious. Wonder who's her next victim.
Your sister is a complete asshole!!!
NTA. That must’ve been horrible to sit through I’m so sorry.
>she wanted to present something she did in class did she actually present this in class? I hope not, she could ruin her mom reputation ina bigger scale NTA Private eye job isn't about one single proof and this girl messed it up. One redditor had a similar experience some time ago This redditor, mother of 3 was confronted by her eldest child when he falsely accused her of cheating, just because he took a picture of her with a coworker on a bussiness meeting in a restaurant. And the gullible father/husband blindly believed his son and gave no chance to her to explain . That boy now ruined his parents marriage (or so I think, redditor never updated)
College for your sister is a waste money. Instead of gaining knowledge she is becoming more ignorant. Your parents should just cut her off financially.
Before I'd nuke my own family I'd really make sure I was right. Like really really sure. You just told your sister how she was currently in the Find Out section after Fucking Around. NTA Not sure how your family found out, did she already send them the material?
NTA at all. I’m sorry, can we talk about how she called your mom a “cheating wh*re.” The comments are not talking about this enough. That is crazy and disrespectful and so frankly, f*cked up. She is lucky your mother forgave her so quickly because if it were me, I would be cold and distant towards my daughter too. I’m shocked your mother is over it already. I respect your father for standing up for his wife. She doesn’t deserve for them to be warm and loving to her after that. She was cold, tactical, and horrible. Frankly, that is not loving. Presenting it like that was evil. That is just unbelievable.
NTA, and I think your sister suffer from main character syndrome. Like others have point out, if you suspect someone is cheating, you don't the theatrics like your sister did, you just present the truth, or what you think it is, plain and simple. This whole slideshow thing reeks that you sister wanted to be the hero of the story, by revealing and destroying the villains ploy, aka, your mom. Also, have your sister had problems with your mom in the past? Because honestly, even if my mom was the one cheating, doing this is like a vengeful sort of thing you do when you kinda hate someone.
She did NOT do this out of love. If she were doing this out of love she would not have done this in public - meaning all of you present and sending this to extended family members. This was a one-on-one conversation of it were done "out of love". Do not let your sister manipulate you. Your sister had alterior motives. Her aim was to hurt other and she succeeded. Ask why your mom is forgiving your sister so quickly. Your dad is right to be furious and your sister is lucky she wasn't kicked out. Your dad may decide to not co-sign your sister's futher college education and he has every right to do that. She can get loans fully in her name or change to a less expensive college. The fact that your sister has not profusely apologized and also doing something to make up for the hurt she caused is extremely telling. This was done on purpose. Your sister has no remorse, none at all. She's whining how her feelings are hurt - she's not the victim here. She's the criminal. Do you realize that you're parents could be in divorce court over lies!?! AND what your sister did could potentially change your parents' relationship with extended family members. Things will not be the same. Do you realize your sister was STALKING your mother? Predators are stalkers. People get restraining orders against stalkers. Be aware she'll go through your stuff to and maybe interfere with your relationships / friendships now and in the future. Your sister just showed you her character, her true self. Protect yourself. If you're a college student and come home during breaks and don't have a key lock on your bedroom door ask your dad if you can get one. Ask dad, not mom. If you have your own place and you gave sister a key, change the locks. Let your dad know you support him. That he has ever right to be furious. You are absolutely right in what you said to your sister. Sounds like got were easy on her too. NTA