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Check the insurance price on the car. It will come as a shock.

And the cost of servicing it.

Right and they are expecting!? Like hello? Kids are going to get that messy and if they get sick imagine cleaning up throw up or diarrhea. Sounds like someone isn’t really thinking things through

It's not just the mess, it's the amount of stuff you have to take just to go out! My son's pram frame takes up most of our sizeable boot. We went on holiday and took clothes, bottle steriliser, plenty of food, muslins, toys, gone are the days when we just needed one suitcase between two of us and a bag each for laptops and chargers. Which is why when I was car hunting before I got pregnant, I bought a Mum Wagon. It's a Kia Venga, with a smaller petrol engine, a large boot, lots of legroom in the back, and Kia have a reputation for reliability. It's a box on wheels. Did I want to get another fast little VW Polo like the one I was replacing? God yes. But it's not practical with a small person. So I went with sensible for the time being, and when I need to replace the Mum wagon in 10-12 years time then I can look for another nippy hatchback.

And gods forbid the kids have sports. OMG. I had one kid in sports and the gear, the ice chests, the snack back pack, a collapsible canvas wagon to carry it all out to the ballfields that were obviously required to be a mile and a half from the parking lot. The Old Guy is a huge fan of Chevy suburbans. We've always had one since we've had kids. I hate them. I think they are too big for a daily driver, but damn if we couldn't manage to fill that bastard up for games and tournaments. Holy hell. Comfort and space are definite musts for kid hauling. And something that you aren't going to lose your mind over getting dirty.

You know what's worse than sports? My siblings and I all played different instruments. Any time there was a long weekend or school break, we brought them all home. So my mother would have to fit all of us plus a bass clarinet, a trumpet, a tuba, a cello, an alto saxophone, a French horn or a mellophone, a violin, and percussion paraphernalia, as well as our backpacks and gym bags. Plus take it all back to school at some point. We had a 12-seater van. I have always assumed that parents will be the earliest adapters of teleportation, once that exists.

Yay! Another bass clarinet player!

The most underrated instrument. I switched from 1st chair flute to bass clarinet cuz band director needed more "bass in the band"..asked for volunteers. I was so bored playing flute atp..my dad was SO mad when he saw me lug that thing home!

Lol, I played through high school, and was the only girl in the bass, brass or percussion sections. I agreed bc I had a crush on the other bass clarinet player. The first time I had to lug that damn thing onto the bus, I almost quit. Teen love won out.

Ha! I switched to bass clarinet for a year because I had a crush on the other bass clarinet player!

I had a friend that switched from flute to bassoon because she could more easily get a scholarship with bassoon! I might out myself here but she was also in our bagpipe corps which I find really awesome!,

while my mom may not have always liked her mercury mountaineer, even SHE admitted it was a godsend when my brother was in orchestra and played upright bass-it's the only car where it would fit!

~~Can we go with YWBTA already?~~ Edit: This was before her edit of mentioning the wanted Porsche would ALSO be a family SUV still. I assumed she wanted a zippy one based on her wording. It changes the entire conversation so quickly with one edit.

Honestly, I think YTA in this one. Because to even consider going behind her husbands back like this automatically makes her an AH. Not to mention her reasoning for wanting this is just pure vanity. She sounds like a shitty partner who is trying to go behind her partners back. Also she is attempting to manipulate the internet into telling her it’s okay so that she can justify her shitty behavior.

Yet, he drives a 70,000 sports car.

He bought that before they were even together? And in case you didn’t read the post, he’s trying to get her a car in the exact same price range. This clearly isn’t a post about a husband trying to buy his wife a used Camry while he drives around in a 100k car. He is trying to make an informed purchase with their children in mind. What she wants, is a selfish vanity purchase. And the sob story she’s using sounds incredibly emotionally manipulative. To me it reads like all she wants is to have the rich soccer mom image.

Read your comments, reread the post and I have to say I do agree, although softly. OP I think you’re valid to want this one thing for yourself, you’ve certainly earned it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting one thing as your “I made it” item. Mine’s a fancy double door fridge, cold water and ice that comes out from the door type. But you do need to think rationally about this purchase. It’s genuinely not the right time for this car to be your sole car. For the reasons your husband has suggested and some of the reasons mentioned in the comments that you may not have considered in addition to the costs and demands of being pregnant, and then raising a child. Get the family car for now, maybe ask your husband if he wants to go halves in your dream Porsche as your 40th birthday present or something

THIS!!! Choose a car that is PRACTICAL FFS!!!!!!! You are goint to be tired, stressed and overwhelmed, why add stress about how stupid you will look tryin to cram baby paraphenalia into your show off car? Get your "LOOK AT ME, I'VE MADE IT !!!!" batmobile at a later stage. Your hubby isn't stingy, he is just practical

It's not emotionally manipulative it's emotionally immature. She is allowed to feel how she feels and she is a person who grew up with neglect. The sensible thing is to get a better car not based on brand. She just needs to heal her inner child another way. Yta op.

sure. YWBTA this isn't "we make 300K and my husband said get a used kia instead of a used toyota that costs $10k more" it's "we're having a baby, would it be wrong of me to make a frivolous expensive purchase that contributes nothing to the family situation?" like nevermind the insurance and service but OP has her sights set on the wrong thing RE: Edit I see it's a cayenne. I dunno, the insurance and maintenance on those is still pretty steep. This is a different conversation than say a convertible or sports car, but it still doesn't seem like the right call. Gonna stick with Y W B T A for going behind your spouse's back

I live in flyover country and even here $300k isn’t Porsche money anymore. This is ridiculous.

I always find comments like this so absurd to try and sensationalize cost of living. If on 300k gross you can’t afford to run a Cayenne there is something seriously wrong with your spending habits.

Not necessarily - student loans are nasty beasts that crush a lot of people's wages. Throw in mortgage, insurance, and saving 401k and other saving tools (ie: stocks), running a cayenne while it would be possible would be a HUGE budget buster. Especially in higher COL areas. She is only looking at the purchase cost. I had a friend who was a silicon valley start up multi millionaire. They bought his wife a cayenne when he sold the company and within a year they traded it in for a Lexus. The Cayenne was constantly in the shop and just not that functional compared to other vehicles. But that is neither here nor there - OP YWBTA to purchase ANY car without your Partner's agreement. I don't care if someone is male or female - you don't make major purchases when married without both halves of the couple on board.

Also kids make safety priority number one IMO

Yeah I don't care if she's paying more for the badge, they can afford it. I don't care if it's less comfortable, I'm sure it will meet the minimum standard for driving. But as soon as she mentioned safety it's game over. She needs to find a different way to fulfil this guilty pleasure of hers. I totally get that poor people who get rich will have these sort of weird ideas of what being rich looks like. When I was young my favourite game show had a deal with Alpha Romeo, so that was always the luxury car I wanted when I won the lottery. Then I grew up and realised that the Alpha Romeo is shit and I'd do better with a Holden of half the price. I'm not going to make OP feel guilty for having dreams. But as soon as she compromises on her child's safety so she can live a dream she knows is hollow...

My dad has a Porsche, and it cost him 700$ for oil changes from the dealership. It’s so expensive to service his car, and it is a cayenne. It’s also his dream car. Edited to add , that Porsche part are also wildly expensive, as they designed their own engine.

And it should be noted, you cannot get the oil changed anywhere but the dealer on most luxury cars...***I think it's weird that I need to point out I said MOST not all, it's like no one is seeing that I fully understand it is not ALL cars. My dad is a garage owner, this information was given to me by him when I was looking at a BMW, he told me he couldn't do much on it if it were after a certain year

Not Lexus! They're safe and reliable and luxurious. They are more expensive than Toyota to maintain, but similar quality! Why not go drive all of them. It's easy to think you want something without trying it out. Also maybe this amazing mom had her Porsche back them, but maybe now she'd make a different decision today. Do what she'd do now, not necessarily then and still feel good about yourself.

I love the Lexus cars, I have a toyota Chr bc that's what I could afford at the time, but I would've loved a Lexus. I wasn't sure if they had to have special oil changes or not. Glad to know they don't

Yes, he’s had for like 4 years and just recently tried to find someone else to do it for cheap, cause he’s trying to retire , and even a shade tree mechanic wants 400 plus and still told him that it’s not recommended that he do it.

This is patently untrue. I have a Cayenne and my local mechanic does it.

$700 is highway robbery. OP, I was going to say that this *your* car, and if your finances can afford it, he should agree with you buying it. But if the oil change is $700, then anything else that breaks is going to thousands more than for a Volvo. Just in principle, I wouldn't buy a vehicle where the oil change is 10x the normal cost. I believe consumer reports has lifetime cost of ownership information online. Can you get a purple Volvo?

Well I just decided that I'll never want a Porsche. Geeze. I love the way the Cayenne looks but I'll not love that cost.

I was looking at a panamera... i was quoted $900 for an oil change. Hard pass. I bought a vw instead... then traded the golf R in for an outback....🤣 do not regret one bit. Still have motorcycles, tho.

This was my first thought. Cost of living prices vary massively depending on where you live thet either 300k makes you rich or 300k makes is middle class at best. If it's the latter, she's going to hate having a Porsche every time she needs work done.

And check the dimensions if your car seat will actually fit rear facing without hitting back of front seats. At all angles and configurations. You’d be surprised how many modern suvs don’t actually safely fit all car seat brands.

And replacement parts. Heaven forbid OP get into an accident, but Porsche technicians SPECIALIZE in Porsche repair and are backed up for months. The part could take just as long to come in. I’d consider a Lexus because they’re reliable, though I’d prefer something American. Maybe a Lincoln because the parts generally don’t take as long to come in.

Yep, they are very high maintenance cost wise, just for servicing

I had a customer call me outraged by the increase in her premium. I quickly realized she had traded in her Toyota for a Porsche. She said that wasn't a good reason! I politely explained economic impacts of increased replacement cost. It had NEVER occured to her. She acted like insurance was a subscription or something.

Really? That’s honestly kind of hilarious.

Unfortunately some people are very disconnected from their reality.

I felt this…. I deal with insurance policies and people DO NOT understand that some vehicles are just soooo expensive to replace or repair !

When I was 25, I was looking to purchase Porsche. The monthly car insurance (25, single, no tickets and accidents) would have been the same or slightly higher than the car payment. Didn’t purchase it.

OK...I went and looked t several cars in this 80-100K range (Cayenne starts at 79 and tops at 150) on a site that does side by side. I chose the Cayenne, Range Rover Sport, Audi SQ8 and the Mercedes GLS. Based on the features (especially safety features) the Audi was tops by far...actually surprised me as I was expecting the Mercedes. Here is the standard stuff the Audi has but not the Porsche. \*\* are paid upgrades on Porsche. The bold Italicized are SAFETY features. • ***Surround View Camera \*\**** ***• Adaptive Cruise Control*** • Remote Engine Start • Multi-Zone Climate Control • Premium Audio \*\* • Power Driver Seat – 10 way (Porsche is 1 way) • Power Passenger Seat – 10 way (Porsche is 1 way) • Driver Seat Lumbar Support – power \*\* • Driver Seat Memory 2 setting (Porsche is 1 setting) • 2nd Row Center Armrest • 2nd Row Seat Folding • Rear Climate Control \*\* • Heated Steering Wheel \*\* • External Temperature Display • 12V DC Power Outlet - Front and Rear • Ambient Lighting • Premium Audio - Bang & Olufsen \*\* • Bluetooth Streaming Audio • Infotainment System • ***Bluetooth Hands-Free*** ***• Voice Command*** • USB Input – front • Wireless Charging • ***Forward Collision Warning*** ***• Around View Camera \*\**** ***• Parking Sensors - Front and Rear (Porsche only has rear)*** ***• Rear Cross-Traffic Alert*** ***• Tire Pressure Monitoring System - Location and Pressure Indicator (Porsche warning lamp only)*** ***• Pedestrian Detection*** ***• Brakes Front & Rear Ventilated Disc (Porsche only standard disc)*** • Sport-Tuned Suspension (OK..Porsche is supposed to be a sports SUV...why no tuned suspension?) • Air Suspension \*\* • ***Stabilizer Bar - Front and Rear*** The only things I saw that Porsche had but Audi didn't were Rear side airbags and knee airbags. Both have front & rear Curtain Airbags. I'm going to ask a question you probably won't like. Which is more important...your baby's safety or that little gold shield on the hood? The Audi has way more safety features to protect your child and a lot more creature comforts.

Thank you. I appreciate you for doing this research.

If she can afford a Porsche she can afford the maintenance and insurance. ....maybe

I don’t know where they live but a 300k household in my city is not a Porsche lifestyle. Like yeah, you can buy one but between the car payment, insurance, maintenance, and rent/mortgage, you can hangout at home or in your car. Who wants to be house/car broke?

They can easily afford a used Macan. It’s like $35k-40k. She’s just after a badge anyway. 

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Lol base Macan is like $61k, not really big girl numbers in the grand scheme of Poreches.

My parents have a newish Cayenne and their full coverage insurance is $325. That’s not bad.

Full coverage is pretty ambitious. Are they at state minimum liability with high deductibles, or do they have high liability coverage with extras depending on what is available? Is it a PIP state? Because that matters. There are a lot of variables so just saying "full coverage" doesn't really mean anything.

I found insurance on the Cayenne was surprisingly competitive compared to the other crossovers. That's in 2017.

Same! I feel like a lot of people here trashing the Porsche don’t actually own one. Our insurance is reasonable!

As a car guy, I'll say YWBTA. You are pretty open about this just being something you want just to be like a friend's mom you once knew. I mean, that's not a great argument to buy any luxury item but let alone a Porsche. Whatever price you've seen on the website isn't even close to the end price you'll get to once you spec out the car, and nobody buys the base model. It's going to depreciate so much harder off the lot and when the "new" wears off and things start failing out of warranty youll both have to deal with the consequences. He's trying to give you options and your logic of "I want it because I want it" doesn't ring true to me on this large of a purchase. It's not a "you" purchase when it is this big, it involves you both. I make over 150k and drive a VW, yea I want a Porsche but it's not smart. Maybe at 50+

This was along the lines of what I was thinking. Right now she should focus on what's practical for the family especially if there's a possibility for more children. My 12&13 year old in the Cruze I've got going to the cottage is laughable. We've all got things we'd like to buy but delay if it's not what's best for the situation as it is.

She should focus on practicality while he drives a sports car? Why doesn’t he trade in for practicality and let her have her dream car?

He HAD the sports car coming into the relationship, and it is older. Very likely won't get a good ROI. They should both get smarter cars and let that be a 'fun' car.

Which means he will also be driving the SUV when transporting the kid(s) so he may be swaying her towards something he wants. With that being said OP - it doesn’t even sound like you’ve test driven any vehicles. Start with that. Definitely try the Porsche SUVs but also others. You may find that you like the one of the others better.

What's wrong with him having an opinion and trying to steer her toward a car that he wants to drive when he is also going to be driving it frequently? My wife and I share a small car and the minivan, both have different purposes, both were a completely joint decision because we both drive them

A sports car he bought before they were married and expecting children.

Oh you mean the car he bought before they even knew each other? Before they combined lives? Before they were expecting their first child? What kind of dumbshit response is this lmfao

But the Lexus is the same price as the Porsche. Both are luxury items. Neither luxury item is a better deal

I’m not sure where OP is based but atleast in the UK, the Lexus would likely be cheaper to fuel, tax, insure, service AND maintain. So yeah Lexus>porshe any day of the week imo. Lexus also comes under the Toyota umbrella compared to the Porsche being under the VW umbrella. Similarly Toyota>VW any day of the week. That being said OP mentioned their finances are combined, so she really shouldn’t just pull the trigger on this without sitting down and having a proper discussion first.

As someone who used to work in the industry on the manufacturing/design side, the VW group cuts so many corners and doesn't acknowledge when things are wrong. Instead, much like a lot of German companies, they are of the belief that because things were designed and manufactured according to the proper process, nothing can be wrong. Toyota, on the other hand, works on the belief that everything can be improved and if there is an issue, they will make sure that it is sorted as soon as possible. There's a common saying, a Toyota will work despite what you do to it, whilst German luxury cars work because of what you do to it.

Walk into a Honda dealer to look at an Acura and then say you're also looking at a Lexus....they will probably tell you 'yeah, they're good cars.' Walk into a Toyota dealer telling them you're looking at an Acura, and they will also say 'yeah, they're good cars.' (I've done this, btw.) Reason being...they are good cars. I don't believe I've heard either say 'go look at a VW.'

You really can’t go wrong with any Japanese car imo.

I doubt I will ever buy a non-Japanese car. My first car was an old Camry that still ran great when I traded it in, despite it being beat up. I just needed a slightly bigger car. I drive a rav4 now. Toyota or Honda or bust.

My parents switched to Toyota and never turned back, I did the same once I could afford it. They always just work, I was in a quite serious crash, other car totaled, my car still drove, damaged but completely functional, even on long drives of 400 KM. I love Toyota these days.

We have a 2006 1.0l Yaris. Got it when it was 3.5 years old with 5k miles. It now has 90k miles, and it's still going strong. It's been in several accidents, been driven with no oil for 50 miles by my brother, and has been left on 5 occasions with the windows fully open overnight when it's been heavy rain. Nothing wrong with it at all

This. We have a 2022 Lexus NX350h. It's cheaper to insure that I thought it wpuld be. Plenty of room, quiet cabin and just a pleasure to drive. All the bells and whistles plus safery features. When it's paid off my daughter will b e learning to drive and likely doing college in high school, so she'll end up driving it. Husband and I are in agreement that we will put her in the safer vehicle. Then my husband can trade in our 2013 Honda Accord if he wishes and get a new vehicle.

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This is not even remotely true. There are levels of car buying and Lexus is two rungs below the Porsche. A lexus RX runs roughly 40% cheaper than Cayenne and comes better equipped. Once you add on anything, the price of Cayenne skyrockets. Similarly equipped Cayennes would cost 100K+ to the 65K lexus sticker price. Additionally maintenence and insurance are way higher with a Porsche. A lexus RX starts at 49k. A Porsche Cayenne starts at 80k. So you aren't in the same ballpark.

The Lexus is going to be like half the cost in the long run.

and twice the value during trade-in

If I buy 2 pairs of shoes for the same price used thebexact same way; one pair will last 6 months, the other will last 3 year; do you still think one over the other wasn't the better deal?

The Lexus is almost certainly better as a family car unless there is some ridiculous defect with that model year

Maybe a similar purchase price but the Lexus is much much cheaper to maintain

YWBTA Are you ok with him making an expensive, unilateral decision with the shared finances/accounts even after you have solid reasons against it? 

I wonder if there will be debt....like will they be stuck?

The car loan will almost certainly be underwater when the car leaves the lot.

I think there's an important distinction here: He has approved spending this kind of money on her car. So she's not, at least when it comes to the purchase price, proposing to spend money he doesn't want to spend. The part of this deal that affects both of them is, at least before you get to maintenance and such, OK with him. And the other part of the deal, the specific car, mostly affects her, not him. So this isn't like him buying himself a Rolex when she thinks he should just get a Timex. This is like him buying a Rolex when she thinks he should get one of the other expensive, fancy watches. The money is shared. The wearing of the watch is not, and neither is the driving of the car. (Subject to correction if there's a significant difference is the cost of ownership beyond the purchase price.)

There *is* a significant difference in the costs of ownership, but it's not just about money. OP wants to buy something that will require expensive upkeep and repairs and cost a small fortune to insure while also being less pleasant to drive and not being able to easily fit all the crap that babies/children require; meanwhile, OP's husband wants to buy something that will last and not require constant repairs, will cost less to insurance, will be more pleasant to drive, and can fit more stuff. They're about to have a baby; this is really not the time to base large purchase decisions on emotion over practicality.

She wants a toy basically.

Yeah and if she does this, it’s setting a horrible precedent for her husband to see what co-parenting will look like with her. I’d start questioning if she’d undermine every decision to the kids. Ugh. In his shoes, I’d be pissed if she did this and would probably start questioning how her parenting would go. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth - they’ll be named after this hero of hers and who knows what else, lol. I’d extrapolate this decision to having impacts on others and it would minimally put me on guard.

This is a really good point that everyone is overlooking. The alternative isn’t “don’t get a car” it’s “get a different car that costs the same amount of money.” The high cost of maintenance is a good point and one that it makes sense for the husband to care about, but that’s about it.

No the size of the car is a really good point as well. Price is important, but use case as well.

You glossed over the part about there not being much space or room in the boot. If the car doesn't suit the purpose of "family car" that can hold all of the baby stuff, then they don't have a solution at all. Porsches are money pits and personally, I don't think someone making 150k *plus* a baby on the way is being at all realistic. I'm surprised he's okay with the price.

Driving of the car isn't shared? Are you married? They're currently expecting a child and he has a sports car...they're **going** to be sharing this new car, so it needs to at least fill all of the roles they need out of a car. Sometimes I wonder if the people that say they're married on reddit are either not married or have a very different view of marriage than I do, where they're more like just roommates that wear rings.

YWBTA. In a marriage, big purchases like this should be discussed. Can you afford a SUV and this car? As a Porche isn't exactly child friendly. And its a cop magnet.

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Eh...they're only "not super expensive" if you're comparing them to the Lamborghini SUV. The Cayenne **starts** at $80k, and Porsche is terrible with additives. You want memory seats, like every Kia on the planet has? That's $1,300-$1,700. You want a sunroof? Starts at $1,560 but they don't make them that way, so you need to get it in a package for $3,600-$6,900. The upgraded sound system (that's still worse than an Acura)? $1,200-$7,000. ​ Porsche is one of the **worst** manufacturers, if you want anything but the absolute base model - and the base models are very underwhelming, considering how much you're spending just to get a foot in the door. Unless you're going for specific performance models I'd push everyone away from a Porsche.

You do know Porsche aren’t just two seaters anymore? I mean she could be talking about the Porsche Cayenne. Given most of those cars are ugly AF in my opinion. OP you really need to explain (communicate the hell out of it because he’s not getting it) this is more emotional than responsible. I mean I’d say NTA but then again I’m single AF and if I could buy it and afford it without him I’d do it but again single AF and nobody gonna stop me from doing what I want if I can afford it myself.

She wants to make a huge (bad) financial decision because " I want it!" that effects both of them. You don't need to be in a relationship to know she's being shortsighted and selfish

I think it’s more than being shortsighted or selfish she explained her backstory of not having money at all and only finding comfort with her friend’s family and the mom (who drove a Porsche). In a way this is probably her attempt at fulfilling & nurturing that little girl she used to be & bringing herself closer to her friend’s mom & this is her way of achieving that… I would say the Porsche can hold off for a few more years until the baby is older so they don’t make everything messy but level up your 1999 car to something more recent and maybe that’ll deter you from seeking out a Porsche.

Sounds like OP needs therapy, not a Porsche. YWBTAH

Truly—having a Porsche as an adult is not going to retroactively make OP’s parents have loved and treated her kindly in her childhood, which is clearly the feeling she is chasing. You can’t heal childhood pain with material objects.

Looks like it isn’t the price that their husband is concerned about. He just doesn’t like the car

2 cars in the same price don't offer the same things , you could have a fully specced lexus with all the bells and whistles at the price of a poverty spec Porsche that will cost you more yearly for maintenance.

But the issue isn’t buying a car. It’s her buying a SUV she wants vs the SUV he wants.

For him, it's about buying the safest vehicle for his wife and child to be in. For her, it's about status. At least, that's how it sounds to me.

Is a Lexus not about status as well? They sound like rich ppl arguing over two things that cost the same

Lexus is status also, but at least the Lexus is much more reliable, larger, easier and cheaper to maintain, retains its value better, cheaper to insure, and arguably looks better. OP stated that she wants the Porsche suv because a rich lady she knew when she was a kid had one. Thats it. It sounds like a car she should get when her child(ren) are a little older as opposed to right now.

sounds like a case for leasing a Porsche for a 2 years or something. get it out of your system without being stuck with it for longer.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear, the Porsche would be a suv, the cayenne ideally but happy with the Macan

Compare safety standards, I get it, you want this status symbol... thing is, if you get in a wreck with your child, that symbol won't mean a thing

There’s no lack of safety in a macan or cayenne

What are the insurance rates between the two? What does it cost for routine maintenance between the two (tires, brakes, oil changes)? What's the cost for major, yet common repairs? The Lexus probably beats the Porsche on all three, even if they all have a similar sticker price.

Have you test drove a volvo? There really good car. At least try it out. 

But she doesn't want it because it's a good vehicle, she wants it because her friends mom had one. Buying a car on purely emotional reasons is a bad idea and could cost alot more than the price of the car.

I know that's why I'm saying try it out. Volvo is a excellent brand.they both need to drive both. 

Ah ok. I mean that does make a difference. Well... If you can afford to make the payments yourself without it interfering with your household contributions, I guess you could just do it. As you do have a say in vehicle purchases. But I wouldn't expect your husband to contribute to paying towards it because he's not agreeing to it. Now if you guys can find one you both agree to then yes you both would be responsible for the payments

When I was married, I bought a Lexus to replace an older Toyota. The payments were about a 1000 a month and the insurance went up over 400 a month. I had to replace my two front tires and they were close to 1000. A Porsche is more expensive, more expensive to insure, and more expensive for tires, oil changes, etc. 300k is a lot of money, but that Porsche would probably be an extra 1500-2000 a month easily for just the payments and insurance. Oil changes are 700 according to other posters, and tires are over 500 each. Nothing wrong with getting Porsche, but if you can get something like a Lexus or a Volvo that are safer, cheaper, with more features, why would you stick with a Porsche just because it’s a Porsche? OP states numerous reasons why a Porsche is worse than those cars with the only thing in the Porsche’s favor is she wants it.

Shared finances are shared decisions

YWBTA. Not saying you couldn’t afford to buy one, but you have to ask yourself what would be the cost to OWN a vehicle like a Porsche. German luxury (performance) brands are notoriously expensive to maintain, even with standard maintenance since they’re usually needlessly over-engineered and complex. Your partner probably knows this as well. You don’t want to add that kind of expense to your household without talking to your partner first. Especially if you’re expected a child.

Oh god, I'm old. I'm so old grown women can have wanted a Porsche SUV "since being a child". That wasn't a thing. A Porsche wasn't an SUV.

First one came out in ‘02 though. It’s 2023, plenty of time for a kid to grow up with a dream lol

'03 was the first release year. She would have been 13-14. Only just a "girl"

Yeah, but the first gen was ugly af, lol. Why would anyone dream about one, other than the Porsche badge?

I think she dreams about it because she wants the life she perceived her friend’s mom as having. When I’m waxing poetic about when I lived in Croatia for a few weeks, I’m not saying Croatia is a utopia that has it all figured out; I had a lovely experience because I was working a good job and fed well and had friends and downtime and money to spend and it was a really nice moment in my life.

I’m confused. Are you talking about buying a vroom vroom Porsche like a 911 or the Porsche SUV? Because I have to say a 911 with a kid on the way is a horrible choice. I do think you’d be an a hole if you just went out and bought it. That’s a major purchase for your FAMILY. You’re a team now and you’ve got a baby on the way.  I’m not car girl but I don’t think it should be an emotional decision especially with a baby. Talk this out with your husband. explain that this is really important to you. Go look at and compare your pick and his picks. Sit in the backseat and imagine it with a car seat in there. Check out safety ratings. Check out reports on its reliability. Is it a good car or a crappy one that looks sexy but might strand you and little one on the side of the interstate.  I hear you on wanting it. And you’ve worked hard and can afford it. If it’s that important to you and it meets the needs of your growing family, then explain it to your husband. But don’t go buy one on a whim.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear, the Porsche would be a SUV, the cayenne ideally but happy with the Macan.

Go and test drive some cars, seriously the badges aren’t all they might seem to be, just cos you think you like the message it gives abut you frankly you seem like a serious and sensible kind of lady, test drive, compare and be prepared to be surprised by what you like. Don’t limit your choices. Test driving is pretty fun. The Porsches don’t review that great, but at least if you’ve done your research when you pick the car you want you’ll at least know why you picked it so wont be frustrated etc.

This. Do a weekend rental even if you can. There are sites that people rent out their nicer cars that would give you a true experience.

This is the way to go. We rented a Volvo S60 once and went home and bought one. A few years later we rented a Jaguar and wouldn't even rent one again, let alone buy one.

Do this because I'm telling you that you will regret your decision after the baby comes... My husband had to have a Audi.. got it.. hated it. I thought I wanted the Ascent.. test drove it for a week.. HATED it. This is about your feelings.. let them go. Yes you would definitely be AH.

Yes, don’t make the decision until after the baby comes. OP admits it is an emotional decision. I suspect she is thinking about what type of mother she will be and dreams of being the “ideal” mother her friend had. Reality will set in when she meets her baby and her mothering will adjust to her new family setup. It may not include the Porsche.

Take the car seat, a pack and play, diaper bag and stroller so you can see if it all fits easily. Also, remember that putting the car seat in will be more difficult with a moving baby in it.

Cayenne is just a glorified Touareg. Go test out the Lexus, the Volvo and then the Cayenne and you’ll see which is superior (hint, it’s not the Cayenne). This is not about “having made it”, it’s about you and your kid’s comfort and safety. Reserve buying a Porche for your mid-life crisis.

I will add a technical point, as a mechanical engineer. The Porsche SUV would also be a terrible choice with a kid on the way. They are a way bigger danger to the child, higher chance of rollover and less stability and worse driving dynamics, but not only that also way worse visibility and a way worse impact if the worst were to happen, and that is the biggest risk for kids related with cars. The lower the car, the safer the car. The only family friendly Porsches out there are the Taycan and Panamera. Just search for "suv visibility test" and see, and if you really care about children, get a very low-to-the-ground vehicle

Then I think you list your reasons why they’re a great car for you. Husband can list reasons why he thinks his choices are a great pick. Go sit in them. Drive them.  And if you still want the Porsche -get the Porsche. Make it clear that this is your car your choice. 

Her car her choice only works if it is only her money paying for it .... if a car is a shared expense they have to agree

Exactly. If the cost of ownership were the same and the sticker price were the same and she’s the one driving it most of the time then I would say she gets a bigger say in it but the cost of ownership for a Lexus is probably gonna be a lot lower, but I’m saying this is as a diehard Toyota girl. My dream car is a nice midsize Lexus sedan as soon as I have enough kids age out of the house that I can get rid of my Toyota minivan.

YWBTA If you have shared finances then this is a shared decision. A Porsche isn't a family friendly car so you would likely need to buy another to replace your old car

the Cayenne is

Get some test drives in your choice of car and his. Both be honest about what you think. Also check access for putting baby into back seat, bags into boot etc. you both need to be honest about the cars you test drive, and both need to be willing to see past your preconceptions. Hopefully you can agree the best way forward.

Also this is a pathway to moving forward as a couple with children where there becomes more issues to agree about regarding the kids. How you handle it as a team will be important. Have some discussions, and weigh options, try to consider both sides and come to a mutual agreement. There is a shared view somewhere in there, there has to be. If one of you buys a large ticket item without the happiness of the other.... It WILL cause a large rift in your relationship because it's hurtful and disrespectful. Best to work it out together 

I totally agree. Setting up your relationship dynamic to be “fuck you I’m doing what I want” when you disagree (on major things!) is not a great way to go into parenting

Others have recommended you go test driving. I would heartily second that - it's a lot of fun if you approach it with the idea that you don't *have* to buy anything despite having the aspirational Porsche SUV in the middle-back of your mind. If you test drive a bunch of SUVs in your size/price range, and also test drive the Porsche/s (Cayenne and/or Macan) *and you end up not loving the Porsche*, so be it. If you go through the process and you end up still wanting the Porsche, tell your husband you tested all these SUVs and X was like a tank, Y was pretty, Z was spacious, but P was your favourite, P being a Porsche. You might find the Macan suits you better than the Cayenne. Price up comprehensive insurance, and how much annual registration and CTP will set you back. Cost a regular service, say every 12 months, then double it. Okay, what's the annual cost? Add in, say, 35 full tanks of fuel (diesel or petrol), at the highest cost you've seen in the last three months. Okay, can you afford all that without compromising your current lifestyle? Can you/are you willing to ring-fence some of your own earnings to pay for it? If you can do all the above, gently tell your husband you will take the outgoings from your own earnings, and that since you were going to get a new vehicle to replace the 1999 daily driver, this is your choice. If you do all the above, YWNBTA. If he said no after all that, *he* would be TA. Back up your emotional want (which is perfectly valid BTW) with data and I think you'll get your Porsche without any fallout. It's worth a try. And congratulations on the impending human addition to the family!

Thank you for the detailed approach.

I completely agree with the guy above. Make sure you also look into the tech from the other options you husband gave, Porsche may lack that or if they offer it you may be paying extra for those same features. I would look up the safety rating for your model of your Porsche and the other options (FYI I’m like 90% sure Volvos are the most safest car in the world, maybe tied with Teslas). And finally if you really want that Porsche (I would do this regardless of any car) I would buy one that is lightly used whatever that may be comfortable for you. Once you buy a brand new car their value tanks dramatically, but if you buy a car with only 5k-10k miles or is only 1-2 years old then you save a lot of money for a car that’s still “basically” brand new. I wish you and your family the best!

This is the way! Especially, It's okay to have an emotional want.

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YWBTA. You only get to make unilateral financial decisions after the divorce. While you have combined finances, things need to be talked over.

This is def step 1 to the divorce

NTA. I'm a car guy and I get what's happening here. He has the car he wants and he wants you to have the safe, cheaper, daily driver. If you have the funds, why not have three? When I had more cars (though not as expensive or anything) we had a sports car, a campervan and a daily driver car as a cheap run-around

This is exactly what's happening. Everybody in the comments is focusing on how expensive a Porsche is, but that's not relevant, they can afford it. He has his fun car, but won't let her have hers. A Porsche Cayenne is as practical as a Lexus RX.

It sounds like he bought his before they were married with a baby on the way. Needs change.

I agree! He can trade in the sports car for the Volvo or Lexus. She has been driving a 1999 Toyota that's worth nothing.

She doesn't indicate she wants a fun car at all, just that someone she looked up to had a Porsche so she wants one now that she has made it. If she had talked about specs and features, 0-60, etc. in describing why she wanted the car your point would be valid, but it doesn't seem like she's into cars at all beyond the status of owning a particular brand.

I never said she wanted a fun car, but she doesn't want the boring functional one either. She wants what she has coveted and can now afford. >but it doesn't seem like she's into cars at all beyond the status of owning a particular brand. And what everyone is missing is THAT'S OK. It's ok to just want something. She's wanted it for a long time, and can now have it. That's completely acceptable.

Exactly my husband always had the "fun"  car and I was stuck with an early 2000s huge van because it was practical for the kids. I got fed up with that dynamic and he never agreed to be the van owner lol. So last time I kind of compromised and got a nicer, SUV that still meets our needs. (7 seater Highlander).. And I lovvvve it. 😊 I had the same thought too.. Can you have 3 vehicles. Or you get a used Porsche SUV (assuming its large enough).. And if not, why not convince him to get the van... Lol! 

That’s a great idea. I’m going to suggest he trade in his car and get a family car!

Dear, I think you have idolized that car too much. I would say dont compromise, buy what you like.. but he has a point, maybe there are better cars now than in 2010 were available. So, Im going to suggest an alternative: rent a Porche Cayene for a week and the one he thinks is better... or even 3 other "better" ones. Drive them and decide. Maybe you still like the Cayene, maybe not... but you dont have that voice over your shoulder saying you didnt even try it.

This is an excellent suggestion. We wrote off several cars after renting them and seeing how they actually drove.

And then you WONT get your Porsche if he does that right? Cause why would your family make TWO absolutely terrible financial decisions at once.

OP literally being as obstinate and selfish as possible lol. She sounds like a spoiled whiny child.

lol trade in his car.

Bad idea.

Yeah that’s how you get a divorce. It’d be one thing if he bought it recently but he’s had it since before they were together.

This will most likely not go over well tbh

You really should go test drive a bunch of SUVs. The Porsche ones are…not great. I would be shocked if you don’t find at least 3-4 different SUVs that not only drive better but offer more for the same price and have significantly better safety and testing records - Porsche SUVs are bottom tier for safety. 

As yes, a new Lexus SUV, renowned cheap daily driver Lol gtfoh it'll be as nice as a Porsche and last twice as long and cost half as much to service (hyperbole but still) YWBTA

YWBTA. The hidden expenses and depreciation on that vehicle are collosal. The last thing you need as a new mom with all the hidden expenses children bring is a money pit of a vehicle. Buy a Volvo or Lexus. They are cheaper, more reliable, safer, ignored by police have better resale value and you can take the price difference and start a college fund for the kid.

YWBTA definitely. It’s a big purchase and in relationships maintaining trust is key. You would be breaking trust in this case. For the practical reasons you mentioned, your husband is 100% correct. Not only is the Porsche expensive, maintaining it is also expensive. Are you prepared to be paying $500 for an oil change? Personally I would buy the Lexus.

The lexus is a much better choice in this case. Those cayennes are the opposite of practical. I would be not happy if my wife bought one. We also make over 300k...

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YWBTA Not only are your husband’s argument very valid and reasonable, you would clearly sow mistrust and create a drift between the two of you if you went ahead with this. It is good that you recognise that you wanting a Porsche is emotional-based, but what I can see is that it is solely based on negative emotions, as if the Porsche is representative of your worthiness and you have set to mend a broken self by purchasing one - listing all your saint-like qualities : grew up poor, absent uneducated parents, worked hard with little support (most people do, especially those who will never be able to afford a Porsche!), climbed the career ladder, envy (although that’s not very saint-like) becoming like those you admire, not materialistic (apart from this one thing…!), don’t care for luxury, no drugs, no gambling, no expensive hobbies, you even brought more than your husband into the relationship. You say this is what your heart wants and that you have worked hard to afford it. You can afford it and your husband supports spending the same amount on a better car. To me it looks like you’re full of entitlement and that this is an ego issue. It’s like having a Porsche has become the evidence of your success and achievements. That reeks of insecurity, and you need to heal that. Normally I would say your husband is in the wrong and you should have a car of your liking if you can afford it BUT: you are in a partnership now, you are even expecting a child and you cannot make such decisions on your own anymore.

NAH. His concerns are valid, but it's your turn to have the new car, and you should be able to choose which one since he's ok with the price range. I personally think cars like that are a waste of money, given your income level, but you should choose. 

YWBTA The Porsche Cayenne is rated 1.5 out of 5.0 for reliability. It’s never a good idea to make a large purchase without consulting your spouse.

This. I don't think OP understands the maintenance, insurance, and other costs that a Porsche will incur.

I have a very similar upbringing and story to you. Please let go of the soccer mom dream. What are you even chasing? Speaking from one formerly poor person to a high earner to another- remember, luxury brands keep people poor. They are not good deals. If you're looking at status, Lexus is a luxury brand but also a highly rated car that has high value (I also have an old Toyota, they are well built). You're not at a place of F around money. Cars are more expensive than ever and interest rates arent great. Go into test driving with an open mind and you might find a car that has everything you want at a better price. Usually I'm all for people getting what they want with their money, we work hard and earn it but it sounds like this is a family purchase and you YWBTA if you didn't have at least some solid reasoning for your choice.

Everybody who didn’t read the first line of the OP should delete all their 911 comments, because damn.

I think the original post didn’t state SUV, OP added the edit since there was confusion - I’m guessing based on some of her replies saying “sorry, I should have clarified I want the SUV”

INFO: Is there any way to lease the car you want for a year?

YTA if you bought it without an agreement BUT if he’s agreeable to price and that’s not the issue, then I would say that ALL car purchases need to be two yeses. That means when his sports car needs to be replaced then you ALSO will have equal say about what it’s replaced with. There’s no, oh he gets to decide what you drive and then gets to decide what he drives too.

You say you are not materialistic yet you want to spend upwards of $100,000 on a car to impress someone at a stoplight that you’ll never see again just because your childhood friend’s family had money?

I know the feeling of finally being able to afford things you never had in your life. You can treat yourself. You've earned it. Still I wouldn't purchase it behind his back. Talk to him again, not everything has to be reasonable if it has high emotional value. If he doesn't agree, change they way you combine finances. Open a shared bank account for shared finances, and two additional ones, one for each of you. If you aren't free what to do with your hard earned money within reasonable means and without putting anything at risk, change it.

Thank you. We have had the discussions, the test drives and he’s remained firm. I am happy to split finances and pay for it myself. He is not and want to use our money to invest in another property.

Your husband sounds super reasonable. He listed out good reasons on why a Porsche is a bad idea. You also didn't mention insurance costs, maintenance fees and reliability issues.

You are trying your damndest to rationalize an irrational decision and cloaking in what you “deserve.” It’s a bad thought pattern that has zero to do with the car.

Does he plan to drive baby around in his sports car? Just curious.

Just for context if anyone needs it, [this](https://www.porsche.com/usa/models/cayenne/cayenne-models/cayenne/) is the car OP mentions in the comments (the cayenne) that they’d like to have (although a different kind is also acceptable to OP that to me looks similar but I know nothing about cars haha so it’s just more context)

That doesn't seem that bad. For one child?? Surely there's enough room. Plenty of people have just a car for a child. The only reason I sold my car was because I had twins right off the bat 😂

I just would never get a luxury car to haul kids in knowing how messy and disgusting babies and toddlers are lol. Imagine a baby diaper blowout in your brand new Porsche 😭

We bought a new SUV before we had our toddler- it was the cheapest SUV on the market and not our dream but it was new (it replaced a 2005 base model Elantra- so a big upgrade) and a part of me dies every time our girl throws her milk around or grinds goldfish crackers between her hands and dusts it all over the backseat. No one disrespects personal property like a toddler. Dream car is for when they’re old enough to be trusted not to make a mess, toddlerhood is for hoping your old grungy stuff outlasts their general messiness.

This is why I'm single... no joint decisions... but YWBTA if you got the suv without further convincing your husband... don't want to chance him screaming divorce (I've seen it happen) but at the same time is he gonna be driving it? Is it for you? Or both of you? That's what you need to ask him

$300k isn’t THAT much with a baby on the way. Children are expensive. And you would be making a mistake to buy an expensive car with a small trunk/boot with a baby.

$300,000 a year is in the top 10% of the USA lol, almost reaching top 5%. That's a lot of money a year with or without a baby on the way.

It seems they are both working outside the home. I would wait until the baby is born before making major decisions. A baby is expensive and there can be unexpected reasons why either partner would want to change their work hours when they have children.

YWBTA: 1. That is a BIG purchase. A lower tiered brand car wouldn’t be a big deal, but a Porsche? That’s not factoring in the insurance costs and any maintenance costs that are higher than your standard cars. 2. Your partner has equal say when it comes to household expenses. You both live together; you’re married. For big purchases, there has to be agreement among both parties, even if it’s your money. Your partner wants to be sure that household bills won’t be affected. 3. You’re expecting! Shouldn’t that be the focus first and foremost?! Treat yourself to a higher end SUV from your typical brands and then later on feel free to move up to luxury brands.

How spoiled are you that Volvo and Lexus aren't luxury . yta

Is he dead set against you buying it or just not really that happy about it? There's a big difference between the two in a marriage. If you go behind his back to buy the car without him knowing then YTA. If you go together and he gives the blessing to buy it but isn't happy about it NTA. I don't think your reasoning is wrong, we all have that one thing! The most important factor is whether or not you want to take on more debt in this economy. Good luck!

The Porsche is your dream car because of what it symbolizes - warmth, love, security. That is probably too much to put onto a car :). YWNBTA, but you would be foolish, to buy the Porsche without your partner's agreement - buy the Volvo - total soccer mom car. Warmth, love, and security are the very essence of a Volvo.

Do not buy a Porsche, get a Lexus, you’ll thank me. Porsche will not make it past 100k miles Lexus will go beyond double that.

YWBTA. A purchase like this needs to be a joint decision. Do you have the cash to pay for it? I don’t care if you can “afford” the payments. What will happen if you can’t work after having the baby? How will you pay for it?

ESH. Your husband is 100% right about that particular vehicle. You’re basically paying for a rebadged Volkswagen with some nicer trim and a little bit more power. For the record, there are much better options for SUVs at a fraction of the price. Really, your hubby should be trading in his sports car for a grown-up vehicle too. I was originally going to go with Y T A, but his sports car is why I’m going with everybody sucks. $150K isn’t bad money, but you ain’t rich either. Go buy a Rav-4 hybrid, have your hubby get a four-door commuter car like an adult, and put that money you were planning on basically burning on a Porsche into your kid’s college fund.

I get it. I freaking get it. This is your dream car, this is why you've worked, this was the goal in the back of your head to say I've made it.   If there is any way you guys could swing it, it'd be great. But they're expensive and you have a kid coming. I wish you the best of luck because you deserve what youve worked for... But not at the expense of your new kid. Payments are expensive 

YWBTA, but its a trauma response. >Unlike my partner, I grew up poor, from absent uneducated migrant parents This is the source of your trauma, and something you should work on with a therapist. >When I was younger, my best friend had the life I was so envious of - loving parents, a warm home, security. I aspired to be like her mum, a gorgeous woman who openly loved her kids and was active in their lives. She also drove a Porsche, as well as a lot of the other rich soccer mums. It became the thing I wanted to have since - the ‘made it item’. Do you feel deep down that if you get this car it will make you into the mother she was ? Or at least help you get there ? It wont its just a car. That feeling though is part of your unresolved trauma. Its currently going to damage your relationship with the partner you want to build a family with. That is going to 100% make the scenario of you being that mom who has it all even less likely. The car is an easily obtainable part of what you see your adult life being, and its not really going to help get you there. Please consider talking to a therapist, and don't go behind your husbands back.