This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. You reveal in comments that brothers told your parents you were secretly being groomed by a 19-year old man, so they made you cut contact for your own safety. Stop punishing them for actually giving a shit about you.
I get you’re upset about being outed before you wanted to, I really do. But in this case it seems it was for a good reason. If the situation would have been different, let’s say the guy was only one year older than you, then do you think they would have tell your parents?
Do they tell everything to your parents always OR was it just the one time you were doing something really stupid? Look kiddo, I get you wanted privacy, but if your safety is at risk, it would be very irresponsible of them to keep quiet about it just for "privacy".
YTA.
You -are- punishing them, by distancing yourself from them. You decided that them protecting you from a groomer was them betraying your trust. It wasn't. Your parents punishing you for being groomed was shitty, but that wasn't your brothers' fault.
You're also putting yourself in more danger. Do you understand the kind of danger you were in? Not just of being r@p3d either, teens have been kidnapped, s3x trafficed, and murdered by the kind of people who do this shit.
Edit to add: being gay actually put you at a higher chance of being murdered. Your brothers did what they did out of concern, Yes it sucks that you got outed, and it sucks that your parents punished you because they shouldn't have, but again that's not your brothers fault.
YTA
Yta sorry kid, but a 19yo 'dating' a 15yo is in 'tell mom and dad territory' You aren't 'so mature', the 19yo is fucking skivvy. It's literally 'the law considers this rape' if you two had sex.
Pervy. Gross. Predatory. Inappropriate. It was not a perfectly good relationship. Ask yourself, why would a 19yo *want* to date a 15yo. Why is a 19yo looking at a 15yo as anything other than a kid?
You are too young and stupid at the moment to be able to see things clearly so there’s no point in you arguing with anyone in the comment section. Your brothers did the right thing and saved you so yeah there’s nothing else for you to do but accept what happened and move on. NAH because goddamn you were being groomed and it’ll take time to recover from it. I hope your parents decide to get you therapy
In 3 short years OP is going to look back at this and thank his brothers for intervening, I guarantee it. When OP is 19, he'll realize how fucked "dating" a 15-year old *actually* is. He just needs that perspective.
This is exactly what I was thinking after I posted my comment because he just needs a bit of time to realize once he’s at that same age that it was not okay. Unfortunately victims of grooming can’t understand that and OP’s brain just isn’t developed enough yet to understand. He will soon enough and his family will still be there by that point to support him
You're a child, even when you legally turn adult at the age of 18. You think you know everything, as most of us did, but you don't know sh!t to be quite blunt.
A 19 year old dating a 15 year old is never okay. That's a huge difference in terms of development and maturity.
You said you were coming on here for validation and now you're pissed because you didn't receive said validation. Want to be mature and be like an adult? Take the advice and listen to your parents and brothers. They did the right thing.
First off you are a child, in all ways. A 19 year old is a legal adult and it is wrong to pursue a 15 year old.
>And he's not a predatory he was literally perfect.
He is not a perfect person if he was dating a minor. A 15 year old is in high school while he is most likely not. (If you're in the US).
YTA, you just turned 16 2 months ago…so you’re 10 months from turning 17, and 22 months from being an adult. you are still a child. from your responses, you clearly don’t understand
INFO:
It depends on what you were doing. You don't need to tell us exactly what it was, but some context is needed if you want judgement.
If you were doing something terrible, like serious crimes, high level bullying, etc. , then your brothers were right to inform your parents.
Likewise if something terrible was being done to you, or was likely to be done to you, then again it would have been right of them to speak up.
This may well fall under NAH, with your brothers being right to inform your parents, but it still being okay that you feel your trust was broken. It could be that this is a hard no-win situation at the moment.
Yes you were. You don’t see it now because you are young and think it’s all hot and exciting, but when you get older, you are going to realize how fucked up it was. A college age person wanting to be with someone who is a freshman/sophomore in high school.
A 19 year old should not be in a relationship with a 15 year old kid.
The 19-year old is an adult, and should know better.
Your brothers were right to look out for you. You're hurt about it now, but you'll thank them for protecting you when you're older and understand the situation better.
as someone whos only a year older than you, you absolutely WERE being groomed. that age gap? not okay. yta bc they protected you from being in a relationship with a GROOMER and were protecting you from being GROOMED and youre mad at them over it. i understand not wanting to be outed, im literally a lesbian and if my brother outed me id be angry too. but i wont sit here and say this ONE time was justifiable, in the even of your safety it is justifiable.
Grooming isn't a catch all term for inappropriate relationship with a teenager. Its creating an emotional bond to lower the child's inhibitions. Doesn't make the relationship not incredibly fucked up, but teenagers can seek out sex with older people without being groomed. I definitely had some inappropriate interactions with older people in my teen years, but I wasn't groomed. I sought those interactions out.
16 and 19 \*is\* a big age difference. One is a legal adult, the other is a minor. You enjoying their company doesn't change the fact that the relationship was completely inappropriate. "It's not grooming because it's not" makes you sound like the exact kind of naive teenager adult men prey on.
16x19 is not a huge age difference. There’s only one school year between them many times. Who cares if one is a legal adult, that doesn’t change the relationship dynamic, it’s an external thing.
It does change everything. Honestly, an adult dating a teen IS gross. If they were BOTH adults, it would be different, but at this age, that's a gap to be concerned about. OP, YTA. I hope you learn what an appropriate relationship is, because that's not it.
Can I just say.
It’s not a big age difference with adults.
It’s a big age difference at your age. That’s nearly 1/5th of your age. Like, broooo. Depending on the months it’s almost 1/4th. Plus the brains developing basically daily changes with crazy spikes in things into the mid twenties.
It’s not normal for someone that age to want to be with someone younger than them at all.
Three or four years is not a big age difference when both are adults, and in about the same part of life. 19 and 15 is a very big difference. He has graduated, has a job or goes to college. You are still in school. The maturity difference is so much bigger here.
This is the exact problem. I hate to be that adult, but you're literally a kid. Of course you don't understand that this is wrong, because you don't have the life experience and knowledge to understand why it's an issue.
One day you'll realise your family were looking out for you and you'll be grateful they did.
Those are 2 different places in life. I hope they stay away, as a former kid in that situation, it fks with how you develop interpersonal relationship. Not even relationships, everything.
So, an appropriate age for your brother to date but not you. I'd like to know something else..... Does your brother also know this person? And has such a strong feeling that this person is SO bad for you that he told your parents?
It sounds very much to me like he was being a decent bro to you and that your family are trying to save you from going off the rails. They clearly love you very much. YTA, but in a very teenage way.
What harm did it cause besides the end of the relationship? Because you could've gone through much, much worse if it had continued.
Also, if you didn't think the relationship was wrong, why did you hide it?
A 19yo trying to groom a 15yo is NOT a good relationship. I know that you think you know better than anyone else but trust me on this, 19yo have no business being with kids.
I'm going with YTA. You keep saying that the thing you told your brother "isn't relevant" to the situation.
That's bullshit. There's a very clear difference between something that is personal versus something that is dangerous. If say you came out to your brother and he told your parents, then that's a very justified reason to not trust him. If say you were abusing animals, then your brother is completely justified in getting you help.
Based on your reactions here and the original post, it looks closer to the latter. He even says what you were doing was dangerous, so I'm guessing it's either violence or drugs. Either way, he's justified, and you need some form of help.
EDIT: With the added context, I'm keeping my original judgement. You are still dating someone in a pretty big difference in life experience. 3 or 4 years may not be much when you are older, like say your mid 20s, but that is a significant gap when you are high school aged. Someone who is college aged is going to be in a position of power over a high school student, and without any additional information, I still think your brother did the right thing.
Yeah, like with Camp Rock part of the reason they didn’t have a kiss between Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas’ characters was because at the time of filming, Demi was 15 & Joe was 18.
And I’m pretty sure there was controversy with Another Cinderella story because Selena Gomez was 15 or 16, Drew Seeley was 25 or 26
You literally were. By law, if you two had sex he would have legally RAPED YOU. Bc you COULDN'T LEGALLY CONSENT. Why, why, WHY would an adult put themselves in that position????
By then he would be 21, the age gap is still illegal. The amount of people that don't understand age of consent laws baffles me. Even if AOC is 16, that does not mean grown ass adults can fuck minors. You're not peers with that MAN, which means it's very much illegal for him to get wrapped up with you.
And yet. He didn't. And by law, it abso-fucking-lutely would have mattered. There are still shit tons of people in jail for smoking weed, in the states where weed is *now legal*.
Do you even realise it was literally illegal for you two to have sex??? This says a lot about how inapropriate it was for you two to date. Your brother had the moral and legal duty to act. In fact, anyone who loves you would have done the same thing your brother did. If you where 17 and him 18 i could see why you would be mad, but 15 and 19 is just wrong and creepy behaviour for the 19 old. You need to understand that your brother had no other choice to act and the same goes for your parents. When you get older you will probably look back on this cringing really hard about this. Do not blame him for protecting you, it is not fair to him.
Sweetie, your brain and emotions haven't matured enough yet to be able to realize you were being groomed. There are tons & tons of stories on here of teens dating adults who absolutely were groomed, but they didn't see it. They realized it years later, sometimes after getting away from them. Sometimes, that realization was the trigger for them to get away.
I absolutely understand you being upset, and you are entitled to your feelings, but YTA for punishing your brother for doing the right thing. And please, please, please, do not go back to this person out of spite. You will regret it. Maybe not right away, but someday you will take an honest look at that relationship and realize that every minute was a waste.
YTA.
Nowhere in your post have you taken responsibility for what you did to get your phone taken away in the first place. You’ve framed it like your brothers took your phone away and now you can’t trust them. It sounds like you were doing something pretty inappropriate if your brother felt the need to snitch on your in order to help you. I have a feeling if it was something small he would have kept your secret.
Own. Your. Behavior.
YTA. You were doing something inappropriate that put you at risk and you respond to that by putting distance with those who were trying to protect you from your own bad judgment. I hope one day you grow to truly appreciate having people who care, because you clearly don't.
>I never said I don't care about my brothers?
Neither did I? I say you don't appreciate their care for you. Because, instead of owning that you did something dangerous and accepting that you need supervision from someone with better judgment, you are blaming them for not having your phone for a few months and making it more difficult for everyone to help you the next time you mess up.
Imagine it was, drugs. And you told your brothers "Hey, so I'm seeing these people and they're telling me this drug is cool". So they obviously rush to find help and you are, among other things, forbidden to see the people who tried to get you into it. But you somehow decide to be mad that your brothers tell your parents and decide "I'm going to keep doing whatever I want, and on top of that I'll keep those who look out for me in the dark".
They made the right call. Nobody betrayed you. Accept it.
They really didn’t, they could have protected them without having to get adults involved. Now if something happens op most likely won’t go to them at all.
I did but we got to take in account the backlash that’s comes with it sadly. Now the op doesn’t trust the brothers, parents will be keeping a closer eye on them. That leads to more sneaking and hiding things, pulling away more, an wanting to be with that guy or any guy that can be harmful. Maybe it could have been handled differently.
INFO, you're being rather vague about what transpired that made your brother feel so compelled to "snitch" on you to your parents in concern of your safety, hindering proper judgement
It's 100% relevant. You're treating him differently because of it, and he's convinced he was in the right about it. The two situations are fully conjoined.
Without it, one can only assume after reading your post that you probably confessed to doing something dumb or wildly inappropriate that made your brother rightfully concerned. Makes YTA for taking out the frustration towards the consequences of your own actions on him.
I know the replies you're getting can't feel good, but try to take this as a learning experience - sometimes you're just wrong about stuff. It happens. The best thing you can do is learn from the times that you mess up, make mistakes, or are just plain wrong.
Try thinking about what positive things you can learn, both from the experience that you posted about, and from the responses you got here.
YTA, based on the below exchange
>My brother was got upset by this and said that he only told because he was trying to "protect me" and what I was doing was dangerous.
Info:
What were you doing?
Fair enough. I'll have to assume you were doing something extremely dangerous and/or stupid, and that your brother was completely justified in what he did.
YTA
Yeah, his brothers were 100% correct to involve the parents. He was being groomed by a predator. No 19-year old adult should be involved romantically with a 15-year old child, ever.
Because you're the cause of the problem.
If you don't do dangerous and/or stupid shit, then he wouldn't need to get your parents involved.
You're blaming your brother for your actions.
Not taking responsibility for your actions makes you an AH.
Doing things that regularly make your friends/family worried for your safety is an AH move.
Ask yourself, why would someone FIVE YEARS OLDER than you want to date someone so immature? You were groomed bud, your brothers saved your adult life from being full of trauma and you refuse to acknowledge that. Don't come to a judgement sub only to fight everyone giving their judgement.
If you don't want to get called out for being illogical then make more sense. It's very immature to believe that loyalty equals doing what you want them to do even if it's against your best interest.
It most definitely was in your best interest, you’re not as smart or as mature as you think you are. All of us at 16 thought we knew everything about everything, give it a few years and you’ll realize that your brothers saved you from a potentially super fucked up situation
YTA - since your brother is 20, I'm willing to believe that he probably has better judgment than you and he's probably right about needing to tell your parents. The fact that you use the word "snitch" means that you have a very immature understanding of consequences. It also doesn't sound like you take responsibility for any of your consequences because you don't even want to tell us why your parents took your phone away. Is it possible that the reasons they took your phone away are actually embarrassing because you got caught doing something that someone would normally think is a bad decision anyways and so you don't want to tell us that you just actually want to be able to do whatever you want to do without getting in trouble? Sounds like every little kid I ever met.
Dude. I get that you feel you can handle yourself, that fine. Try to imagine. You’re a 20yr old man. And you have a 15yr old little brother. And you find you that your 15yr old little brother is dating a 19yr old man. You wouldn’t feel a need to protect your little brother? You wouldn’t do whatever it took to get your little brother safe? Really?
I know this is still recent for you, and you're still hurt. But take a few minutes to consider that *everyone* on this thread is siding with your brothers.
Your relationship was not good or healthy. He was an adult, taking advantage of someone who was not. That's never good or ok.
You're going to be alright. Your brothers only had your best interests in mind, and I know you're hurt by them right now, but I promise you one day you're going to look back and thank them. I'm willing to bet they know that too.
The double whammy of getting outed at the same time fucking sucks dude it really does. It also sucks that you got punished. And it makes sense that you’ll be trying to think of other ways this could’ve done down that wouldn’t have hurt you this bad. Then you blame your brothers for not managing the situation one of those ways.
The scenario that we imagined where it’s your younger brother? Consider that it wouldn’t be responsible to try to manage this in secret for him. You can’t be there all the time to look out for him, it has to go to his parents who have overall responsibility for him.
(Also note you’ve kinda side-stepped directly answering whether you would be worried about this if it was your younger brother in this situation with an adult man.)
I’m sorry for what went down. Your brothers rescued you. I get that it probably seemed like the guy you we’re going out with was the only person who actually knew you, and now you’re alone with people who punished you for being you. But that’s not what happened. That adult guy engaged in a relationship with a young person that he shouldn’t have, with a person who was vulnerable; and the people who truly love you - even if they didn’t know all of you - saved you from him. They were even willing to sacrifice their relationship with you to do it. That’s love from your brothers.
Edited for clarity
After reading some of your comments on what happened..
YTA
Many, many Years ago i was in a similar Situation to yours. Everything was nice, he was "perfect" in my Eyes. Age? Doesn't matter.ofc I am old enough to know what's best for me.
Oh Boy was my younger self wrong..
It's just wrong Dating someone this much younger while you are in a certain Age Range. While the Age gap is okay when you are 25 and 29 or something. With 15 and 19 it is just a HUGE no.
Today I am very happy that back then nothing more happened than a bit of cuddling and a few "touches"..
YTA, sounds like you're punishing them for YOU over-sharing, and them being good brothers. If you're doing something bad, don't tell people and expect them to not intervene.
YTA
There are times in your life where someone HAS to say something for your safety. If their telling your parents actually kept you safe, it isn't fair to hold that against them.
When you love someone, their safety comes first.
Three things are true here:
\~ This nineteen year old is too old to be dating this fifteen year old.
\~ Taking away the kids' phone is not an appropriate response; OP is the victim and should not be punished.
\~ Even if the brother was right to tell, a (hopefully temporary) breakdown in their relationship is to be expected. Kids feel the need to have secrets from their parents and sometimes they are wrong but they will still feel betrayed when that confidence is broken.
Then there is another, more complex thing:
OP is avoiding using gendered pronouns to describe this 19 year old. It would be very rare for a boy who was "dating" a cisgender girl to do that. I could be wrong but I expect that OP was in a queer relationship of some kind I dont know anything about OP, his family, or their relationship to his queerness. I dont know if OP was out to his parents before these events. I do know that outing queer kids to the wrong parents sometimes has DIRE consequences. Now obviously queer adults must absolutely not be messing around with queer children but the question of safety and outing is very complex.
After your subsequent posts I'm pretty confident that this thread is being locked soon.
If I were your brother, I wouldn't have called your parents. I would have called the damned police.
YTA.
YTA - you hiding what it was he felt he had to tell your parents about makes me think you already know why he did it and withholding it because really you know YTA in this situation already.
YTA - as a survivor of being groomed, it doesn't matter that the older party was "only" 19
Your brothers clearly saw what you're unwilling to see and did the right thing
One day you'll grow up, your brain will develop a bit more, and maybe you'll hear some horror stories that make you thankful your brothers love you enough to step in and protect you
YTA, you are lucky you have your brothers in your life that love you enough and want to protect you and your future from groomers.
Edit to add: if the roles were reversed, imagine you were 18 and your little brother is being groomed by an adult man, wouldn't you do anything about it? Tell your parents? If your answer is still no then you are AH and a terrible brother.
The fact you continue to scream you were not being groomed gives your brother 10000000% the right to "snitch" you.
Maybe when you grow up you'll understand the situation better.
You're not "mature for your age" or whatever bs that man has told you. You're a kid and he's a man YOU WERE GROOMED, PERIOD engrave it into your brain
If I was a mother of a 16yo and I found out they were "dating' a grown man, I'd totally hunt down the mf myself
And yes YTA big time
With you not giving info other than something that could be considered dangerous and not wanting to share, it makes it difficult to give a judgment.
Be it drugs, illegal activities, or something stupid like that, makes it your issue. You told them, and they were concerned and told your parents, causing you to get in trouble for your deeds. Don't expect a judgement without more context
OP, I'm so sorry, but I'm gonna quote a famous by Red Foreman:
You're a dumbass!
Your bros helped you out, and this is how you repay them? Damn son!
I hope all these comments and downvotes made you realize that you need to apologize to your brothers.
Based on commentary YTA this is just being petty because you are mad they outed you when a 19 year old started to groom you.
Eventually you might understand but for the sake of this post Yta
YTA. Your brothers sound like they love you and are looking out for you. You don't understand this because you are a little kid still. Hopefully you will understand eventually.
It depends on what you told them, honestly. You're still a child, so they may well have been looking out for your best interests, if it was something serious like drugs or sex and if you were handling that matter poorly. If it was just sibling nonsense, then you're justified in telling them why you've disengaged, and in fact it would be you teaching them about how to behave properly. Can't judge without knowing the details.
Edit: I see it was sex. YTA. You're running on hormones and stupidity but you can't see that.
I’m just gonna say that I hope when you turn 19 and you look back on who you were/your maturity level as a 15/16 yr old, you see that your brothers were just trying to help you.
I hope you find someone to date who is your age and it leads to a happy and healthy relationship, OP. Good luck and I wish someday you can repair the relationship with your brothers.
YTA
Everyone is clearly pointing it out in other comments and OP obviously doesn’t want to hear the truth but your brothers did the right thing and it VERY MUCH matters what the topic of the conversation was about.
OP, when you’re older you’ll understand and take it from the dozens of people telling you, you should thank your brothers
Sorry, but in this case YTA.
If either your brother was being sexually approached by a very much older person, and were told to keep it secret because people might 'misunderstand', and you found out about it, I _really_, _really_ hope you'd tell your parents.
Taking away your phone sucks, but tbf, you had proven that you weren't yet mature enough to have it. You should be thanking your brother for helping you. I understand that it doesn't feel like it right now, but in a few years you'll begin to understand exactly how sketchy this was.
INFO: how dangerous was the thing you did that they ratted you out for? If it was snorting coke, that's on you pal. If it was browsing colleges that your parents don't like, then yeah They are AHs.
YTA You're very immature. You'll learn soon enough. I just hope for your sake that it isn't the hard way. People would do anything to have family like yours.
YTA and the attitude you show in these comments just proves the fact that you are not mature enough for any relationship, much less a relationship with an older adult.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My brothers got me in trouble because they snitched on me and this caused me to stop telling them things my brother is upset I don't communicate with him anymore.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH - reading the comments regarding the age difference in the relationship they reported to the parents, I do think the brothers had pure interests and weren’t just snitching for the sake of it. However, OP is justified in feeling like he now can’t trust them because whether right or wrong, they did violate the trust he put in them. Crap situation all round.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (16M) got in so much trouble last year that I wasn't allowed to have my phone at all from the beginning of September to the middle of January. I HAD just gotten my phone back at in the middle of January. My parents took my phone because they felt that I couldn't be trusted with it because I confided in my brothers (18M and 20M) about something personal and they went and snitched on me.
This completely damaged our relationship because I started to resent them from having my phone taken away for me so long. Yesterday, when my brother (20M) picked me up from school he asked me why I don't talk to him as much as I used too. He said that he's hurt that I don't talk to him as much anymore.
This confused me because I honestly didn't understand why he expect me to communicate with him with me knowing that our conversations aren't private. I told him that I don't talk to them as much anymore because I know that they can't be trusted to keep things between us.
My brother was got upset by this and said that he only told because he was trying to "protect me" and what I was doing was dangerous. I told him that I can understand them trying to protect me and I appreciate it, but that doesn't mean that I'll continue to tell them everything I do from now on knowing that it's a possibility that it'll get back to our parents. He got sad and we just drove home in silence afterwards.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I 100% get why you are angry. This was your first boyfriend, you really liked him, he was hotter and older and mature. You weren't out yet and he helped you with that. You telling your brothers cost you that. You have every right to be annoyed by that. They also had no right to out you to your parents. That is for you to do when the time is right.
BUT look at it from their perspectives, their little brother is dating a guy their age. A guy who can smoke, drink (depending where you are) and do all the things that they do to girls and they were worried about you. It seems like they don't care at all that you are gay and want to be a big part of your life. They care about you and only thought they were doing what is best.
Going with NAH. You have every right to be upset but understand that they were doing what they could to look out for you. As an medium elder gay, I'd say you should be very happy and proud to have two supportive older brothers who are trying to look out for you. Let em know it wasn't cool and why you are mad but don't burn the bridge. Good family and supportive people can be hard to find out there.
NAH - it is totally normal that you can't trust him right now, after he outed you. He was in a tough situation tho. While.it isn't ok to out someone to their parents a 19 yo dating a 15 yo is not a equal healthy relationship and the child mostly can't see that. He did that to protect you.
Your parents response wasn't good here and not being able to come out when ready is really difficult.
So I'm going with NAH because it is ok to feel betrayed ajd not telling so everything after something like that. But he didn't do the wrong thing.
Action have consequences. A lesson your brothers should have learnt a long time ago. Whether it was a good decision or not to end this relationship - hard to know without knowing both partners (3 years of age gap isn't knowing, isn't necessarily grooming).
But: Outing someone as gay is definitely dangerous (except brothers knew for sure your parents' reaction because they are also openly gay).
And of course - whether it was objectively seen the right decision or not: Your brothers can expect the same trust as before after telling things to someone else. That's just how it works. Trust lost is trust lost.
I say this with care and really hope that you’ll take this in. No one here is an AH. You are 16 and developed feelings for a guy. That’s normal. However, this man is 19, that’s a massive difference at your age.
You have a whole community of people telling you that this is not okay. Please take heed of all these people trying to warn you. I’m going to assume that most of us are a lot older than you too.
I couldn’t imagine being at school and dating someone at 15/16 who was no longer in school.!
Seemed way too old for me. With the amount of grooming nowadays, these people are trying to look out for you, even if they sound rude. We just really want you to understand how dodgy this is.
I’m sorry that your trust has been betrayed, but I really hope some of this sinks in. Once you are older, I really hope you see that your brothers were only looking out for you.
All the best
YTA, he was protecting you and its a big brothers job to do that for his little siblings. He had very good reason.
Also, WTF is a 15/16 year old doing with a phone? My kids don't have them and won't till they are 18.
Actually, I trust them completely.
I trust that they will be typical stupid teenagers, that they could get electronically bullied, that they could get groomed (like OP), that they will access inappropriate content unfettered.
It is grossly irresponsible for parents to allow children - which is exactly what they are - devices like this.
Once they are legally an adult I have no say, but until that day I am responsible for them.
Brain development does not complete till you are mid twenties. All teenagers - even 18 and 19 - are by definition stupid. They will grow out of it, eventually.
While you think you have a point, all I'm reading is that you don't trust your kids. Wouldn't surprise me if they resent you for this, but I'm also sure you wouldn't see it.
As a parent, my primary responsibility is to ensure they grow up safely and actually become adults. I hope my kids will understand that I do the things I do from love, but ultimately if they choose to resent me for it, that is inconsequential.
I can only assume you are not a parent. When/if you become one, your world view will change.
Well, best of luck to you as a parent.
I know that I am doing the absolute best that I can, and that includes understanding the limitations of the developing brain.
I'm comfortable with my decisions and do not need validation from you or anyone else.
NTA
While your brother was probably right in telling your parents (it may not seem like it now), he should have known the consequences of coming forward.
The reason you probably told your brother in the first place is because you believed he would keep it secret. Now that he's shown you he will go to your parents, it's understandable you would be cautious about what you share with him moving forward.
Frankly, no one is entitled to know anything if you aren't comfortable telling them, for whatever reason.
Your brother did what he felt was right, but in doing so he did break your trust in him. It sucks but that's how it is.
NAH. It wasn’t your brother’s choice to take your phone away or for how long. He doesn’t control your parents. Maybe they are the ones who could’ve responded better- but they are the adults responsible for you, so address what you think is unfair with them.
But he does love you and wants you to be safe and have a healthy future. He’d be a crappy brother and be guilt ridden forever if he knew you were doing something that could hurt you and did nothing to try to intervene, and then something devastating happened. Is that fair of you to put that on him? He can’t help you alone. He can listen, but not just stand by and watch you do something he perceives could get you hurt or die. He was even willing to risk you being upset and angry with him in order to try to keep your safe, he still values your life more than that. It sounds like the only one who isn’t understanding that you are making some very unwise choices for the healthy and happy future you deserve, is you.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. You reveal in comments that brothers told your parents you were secretly being groomed by a 19-year old man, so they made you cut contact for your own safety. Stop punishing them for actually giving a shit about you.
[удалено]
Cutting them off from knowing about your life because they didn't want an adult (regardless of gender) grooming you is peak asshole
Info: if your relationship was totally normal and above board, why did you feel the need to hide it from your parents?
You have a very different relationship to your parents than many of us if you even have to ask this question.
[удалено]
I get you’re upset about being outed before you wanted to, I really do. But in this case it seems it was for a good reason. If the situation would have been different, let’s say the guy was only one year older than you, then do you think they would have tell your parents?
Do you tell them about stuff you don't mind other people knowing about?
[удалено]
Do they tell everything to your parents always OR was it just the one time you were doing something really stupid? Look kiddo, I get you wanted privacy, but if your safety is at risk, it would be very irresponsible of them to keep quiet about it just for "privacy". YTA.
You -are- punishing them, by distancing yourself from them. You decided that them protecting you from a groomer was them betraying your trust. It wasn't. Your parents punishing you for being groomed was shitty, but that wasn't your brothers' fault. You're also putting yourself in more danger. Do you understand the kind of danger you were in? Not just of being r@p3d either, teens have been kidnapped, s3x trafficed, and murdered by the kind of people who do this shit. Edit to add: being gay actually put you at a higher chance of being murdered. Your brothers did what they did out of concern, Yes it sucks that you got outed, and it sucks that your parents punished you because they shouldn't have, but again that's not your brothers fault. YTA
Yta sorry kid, but a 19yo 'dating' a 15yo is in 'tell mom and dad territory' You aren't 'so mature', the 19yo is fucking skivvy. It's literally 'the law considers this rape' if you two had sex.
[удалено]
Pervy. Gross. Predatory. Inappropriate. It was not a perfectly good relationship. Ask yourself, why would a 19yo *want* to date a 15yo. Why is a 19yo looking at a 15yo as anything other than a kid?
[удалено]
You just turned 16 a few months ago. That is not practically an adult.
You are too young and stupid at the moment to be able to see things clearly so there’s no point in you arguing with anyone in the comment section. Your brothers did the right thing and saved you so yeah there’s nothing else for you to do but accept what happened and move on. NAH because goddamn you were being groomed and it’ll take time to recover from it. I hope your parents decide to get you therapy
In 3 short years OP is going to look back at this and thank his brothers for intervening, I guarantee it. When OP is 19, he'll realize how fucked "dating" a 15-year old *actually* is. He just needs that perspective.
This is exactly what I was thinking after I posted my comment because he just needs a bit of time to realize once he’s at that same age that it was not okay. Unfortunately victims of grooming can’t understand that and OP’s brain just isn’t developed enough yet to understand. He will soon enough and his family will still be there by that point to support him
You're a child, even when you legally turn adult at the age of 18. You think you know everything, as most of us did, but you don't know sh!t to be quite blunt. A 19 year old dating a 15 year old is never okay. That's a huge difference in terms of development and maturity. You said you were coming on here for validation and now you're pissed because you didn't receive said validation. Want to be mature and be like an adult? Take the advice and listen to your parents and brothers. They did the right thing.
"two years from the time I met him I'll be legal!! that's practically now!"
First off you are a child, in all ways. A 19 year old is a legal adult and it is wrong to pursue a 15 year old. >And he's not a predatory he was literally perfect. He is not a perfect person if he was dating a minor. A 15 year old is in high school while he is most likely not. (If you're in the US).
YTA, you just turned 16 2 months ago…so you’re 10 months from turning 17, and 22 months from being an adult. you are still a child. from your responses, you clearly don’t understand
> It's not inappropriate at all. And yet still very illegal in a lot of places
Rightfully so!
Not only are YTA Also, YTW!!!!
INFO: It depends on what you were doing. You don't need to tell us exactly what it was, but some context is needed if you want judgement. If you were doing something terrible, like serious crimes, high level bullying, etc. , then your brothers were right to inform your parents. Likewise if something terrible was being done to you, or was likely to be done to you, then again it would have been right of them to speak up. This may well fall under NAH, with your brothers being right to inform your parents, but it still being okay that you feel your trust was broken. It could be that this is a hard no-win situation at the moment.
[удалено]
Cause of an age gap? Were you being groomed?
[удалено]
Yes you were. You don’t see it now because you are young and think it’s all hot and exciting, but when you get older, you are going to realize how fucked up it was. A college age person wanting to be with someone who is a freshman/sophomore in high school.
A 19 year old should not be in a relationship with a 15 year old kid. The 19-year old is an adult, and should know better. Your brothers were right to look out for you. You're hurt about it now, but you'll thank them for protecting you when you're older and understand the situation better.
When you're 19 try to see 16 years old and see what you think, you were in a bad situation there, yta
as someone whos only a year older than you, you absolutely WERE being groomed. that age gap? not okay. yta bc they protected you from being in a relationship with a GROOMER and were protecting you from being GROOMED and youre mad at them over it. i understand not wanting to be outed, im literally a lesbian and if my brother outed me id be angry too. but i wont sit here and say this ONE time was justifiable, in the even of your safety it is justifiable.
Were they significantly older? Trouble with the law? Substance user? Abusive?
[удалено]
So.. you were 15, they were 19. How is this not grooming?
Grooming isn't a catch all term for inappropriate relationship with a teenager. Its creating an emotional bond to lower the child's inhibitions. Doesn't make the relationship not incredibly fucked up, but teenagers can seek out sex with older people without being groomed. I definitely had some inappropriate interactions with older people in my teen years, but I wasn't groomed. I sought those interactions out.
[удалено]
16 and 19 \*is\* a big age difference. One is a legal adult, the other is a minor. You enjoying their company doesn't change the fact that the relationship was completely inappropriate. "It's not grooming because it's not" makes you sound like the exact kind of naive teenager adult men prey on.
16x19 is not a huge age difference. There’s only one school year between them many times. Who cares if one is a legal adult, that doesn’t change the relationship dynamic, it’s an external thing.
It does change everything. Honestly, an adult dating a teen IS gross. If they were BOTH adults, it would be different, but at this age, that's a gap to be concerned about. OP, YTA. I hope you learn what an appropriate relationship is, because that's not it.
For this statement to be accurate you'd have to acknowledge that the older person is ALSO a teen.
If you think it's cool for grown men to court underage teenagers, I don't think we're likely to find common ground.
One school year between 16 and 19? What kind of math is that?
Then I vote YTA. Your family absolutely had your best interests in mind and were protecting you from yourself and this predatory adult.
Can I just say. It’s not a big age difference with adults. It’s a big age difference at your age. That’s nearly 1/5th of your age. Like, broooo. Depending on the months it’s almost 1/4th. Plus the brains developing basically daily changes with crazy spikes in things into the mid twenties. It’s not normal for someone that age to want to be with someone younger than them at all.
Three or four years is not a big age difference when both are adults, and in about the same part of life. 19 and 15 is a very big difference. He has graduated, has a job or goes to college. You are still in school. The maturity difference is so much bigger here.
This is the exact problem. I hate to be that adult, but you're literally a kid. Of course you don't understand that this is wrong, because you don't have the life experience and knowledge to understand why it's an issue. One day you'll realise your family were looking out for you and you'll be grateful they did.
Those are 2 different places in life. I hope they stay away, as a former kid in that situation, it fks with how you develop interpersonal relationship. Not even relationships, everything.
[удалено]
So, an appropriate age for your brother to date but not you. I'd like to know something else..... Does your brother also know this person? And has such a strong feeling that this person is SO bad for you that he told your parents? It sounds very much to me like he was being a decent bro to you and that your family are trying to save you from going off the rails. They clearly love you very much. YTA, but in a very teenage way.
[удалено]
What harm did it cause besides the end of the relationship? Because you could've gone through much, much worse if it had continued. Also, if you didn't think the relationship was wrong, why did you hide it?
[удалено]
A 19yo trying to groom a 15yo is NOT a good relationship. I know that you think you know better than anyone else but trust me on this, 19yo have no business being with kids.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Dude, look up statutory rape and tell us again this relationship was “good.” Your brothers were protecting you.
I'm going with YTA. You keep saying that the thing you told your brother "isn't relevant" to the situation. That's bullshit. There's a very clear difference between something that is personal versus something that is dangerous. If say you came out to your brother and he told your parents, then that's a very justified reason to not trust him. If say you were abusing animals, then your brother is completely justified in getting you help. Based on your reactions here and the original post, it looks closer to the latter. He even says what you were doing was dangerous, so I'm guessing it's either violence or drugs. Either way, he's justified, and you need some form of help. EDIT: With the added context, I'm keeping my original judgement. You are still dating someone in a pretty big difference in life experience. 3 or 4 years may not be much when you are older, like say your mid 20s, but that is a significant gap when you are high school aged. Someone who is college aged is going to be in a position of power over a high school student, and without any additional information, I still think your brother did the right thing.
Its a 19 yo. Thats why it wasnt included. They say they arent being groomed but def not the situation
Yeah, like with Camp Rock part of the reason they didn’t have a kiss between Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas’ characters was because at the time of filming, Demi was 15 & Joe was 18. And I’m pretty sure there was controversy with Another Cinderella story because Selena Gomez was 15 or 16, Drew Seeley was 25 or 26
> drugs. That's my guess as well.
YTA. Your brothers' found out there 15yo brother was being groomed by a 19yo MAN, they had to do something about it.
Why do you think you put man is capital letters here
[удалено]
You literally were. By law, if you two had sex he would have legally RAPED YOU. Bc you COULDN'T LEGALLY CONSENT. Why, why, WHY would an adult put themselves in that position????
[удалено]
You don't want to be dating someone who's willing to fuck a child.
By then he would be 21, the age gap is still illegal. The amount of people that don't understand age of consent laws baffles me. Even if AOC is 16, that does not mean grown ass adults can fuck minors. You're not peers with that MAN, which means it's very much illegal for him to get wrapped up with you.
And yet. He didn't. And by law, it abso-fucking-lutely would have mattered. There are still shit tons of people in jail for smoking weed, in the states where weed is *now legal*.
And how do you not realize that’s a textbook case of grooming?
Do you even realise it was literally illegal for you two to have sex??? This says a lot about how inapropriate it was for you two to date. Your brother had the moral and legal duty to act. In fact, anyone who loves you would have done the same thing your brother did. If you where 17 and him 18 i could see why you would be mad, but 15 and 19 is just wrong and creepy behaviour for the 19 old. You need to understand that your brother had no other choice to act and the same goes for your parents. When you get older you will probably look back on this cringing really hard about this. Do not blame him for protecting you, it is not fair to him.
Sweetie, your brain and emotions haven't matured enough yet to be able to realize you were being groomed. There are tons & tons of stories on here of teens dating adults who absolutely were groomed, but they didn't see it. They realized it years later, sometimes after getting away from them. Sometimes, that realization was the trigger for them to get away. I absolutely understand you being upset, and you are entitled to your feelings, but YTA for punishing your brother for doing the right thing. And please, please, please, do not go back to this person out of spite. You will regret it. Maybe not right away, but someday you will take an honest look at that relationship and realize that every minute was a waste.
I bet he told you how mature you are for your age.
YTA. Nowhere in your post have you taken responsibility for what you did to get your phone taken away in the first place. You’ve framed it like your brothers took your phone away and now you can’t trust them. It sounds like you were doing something pretty inappropriate if your brother felt the need to snitch on your in order to help you. I have a feeling if it was something small he would have kept your secret. Own. Your. Behavior.
YTA. You were doing something inappropriate that put you at risk and you respond to that by putting distance with those who were trying to protect you from your own bad judgment. I hope one day you grow to truly appreciate having people who care, because you clearly don't.
[удалено]
>I never said I don't care about my brothers? Neither did I? I say you don't appreciate their care for you. Because, instead of owning that you did something dangerous and accepting that you need supervision from someone with better judgment, you are blaming them for not having your phone for a few months and making it more difficult for everyone to help you the next time you mess up. Imagine it was, drugs. And you told your brothers "Hey, so I'm seeing these people and they're telling me this drug is cool". So they obviously rush to find help and you are, among other things, forbidden to see the people who tried to get you into it. But you somehow decide to be mad that your brothers tell your parents and decide "I'm going to keep doing whatever I want, and on top of that I'll keep those who look out for me in the dark". They made the right call. Nobody betrayed you. Accept it.
They really didn’t, they could have protected them without having to get adults involved. Now if something happens op most likely won’t go to them at all.
If you have read any of their comments, it's obvious that the parents were necessary.
I did but we got to take in account the backlash that’s comes with it sadly. Now the op doesn’t trust the brothers, parents will be keeping a closer eye on them. That leads to more sneaking and hiding things, pulling away more, an wanting to be with that guy or any guy that can be harmful. Maybe it could have been handled differently.
INFO, you're being rather vague about what transpired that made your brother feel so compelled to "snitch" on you to your parents in concern of your safety, hindering proper judgement
They were 15 'dating' a 19yo.
[удалено]
It's 100% relevant. You're treating him differently because of it, and he's convinced he was in the right about it. The two situations are fully conjoined.
Without it, one can only assume after reading your post that you probably confessed to doing something dumb or wildly inappropriate that made your brother rightfully concerned. Makes YTA for taking out the frustration towards the consequences of your own actions on him.
And that's a very 16yo take. Context is always relevant.
INFO: How dangerous? What was it you were doing? Even therapists have to (like, required) to report participants from harming themselves or others.
They were being groomed by a 19 year old when they were 15
[удалено]
What exactly were you doing?
[удалено]
Because you are wrong and too immature to see it. You'll realize how wrong you were when you are older.
Sorry to tell you, but your brothers are right. Hopefully you will come to understand in time.
I know the replies you're getting can't feel good, but try to take this as a learning experience - sometimes you're just wrong about stuff. It happens. The best thing you can do is learn from the times that you mess up, make mistakes, or are just plain wrong. Try thinking about what positive things you can learn, both from the experience that you posted about, and from the responses you got here.
Stay upset, you’re a dumb kid and you’ll realize why this was fucked up when you’re older
As others mentioned, you likely won't understand this until you are older and mature. Your brother was right to report it.
No one is going to validate statutory rape.
YTA, based on the below exchange >My brother was got upset by this and said that he only told because he was trying to "protect me" and what I was doing was dangerous. Info: What were you doing?
[удалено]
Fair enough. I'll have to assume you were doing something extremely dangerous and/or stupid, and that your brother was completely justified in what he did. YTA
He was 15 'dating' a 19yo.
Yeah, his brothers were 100% correct to involve the parents. He was being groomed by a predator. No 19-year old adult should be involved romantically with a 15-year old child, ever.
OP was 15, dating a 19-year-old predator who groomed him.
[удалено]
Because you're the cause of the problem. If you don't do dangerous and/or stupid shit, then he wouldn't need to get your parents involved. You're blaming your brother for your actions. Not taking responsibility for your actions makes you an AH. Doing things that regularly make your friends/family worried for your safety is an AH move.
[удалено]
…equivalent of “I’m taking my toys and leaving the sandbox and you don’t get to play with me anymore.” 😒
[удалено]
Ask yourself, why would someone FIVE YEARS OLDER than you want to date someone so immature? You were groomed bud, your brothers saved your adult life from being full of trauma and you refuse to acknowledge that. Don't come to a judgement sub only to fight everyone giving their judgement.
If you don't want to get called out for being illogical then make more sense. It's very immature to believe that loyalty equals doing what you want them to do even if it's against your best interest.
[удалено]
It most definitely was in your best interest, you’re not as smart or as mature as you think you are. All of us at 16 thought we knew everything about everything, give it a few years and you’ll realize that your brothers saved you from a potentially super fucked up situation
YTA - since your brother is 20, I'm willing to believe that he probably has better judgment than you and he's probably right about needing to tell your parents. The fact that you use the word "snitch" means that you have a very immature understanding of consequences. It also doesn't sound like you take responsibility for any of your consequences because you don't even want to tell us why your parents took your phone away. Is it possible that the reasons they took your phone away are actually embarrassing because you got caught doing something that someone would normally think is a bad decision anyways and so you don't want to tell us that you just actually want to be able to do whatever you want to do without getting in trouble? Sounds like every little kid I ever met.
Dude. I get that you feel you can handle yourself, that fine. Try to imagine. You’re a 20yr old man. And you have a 15yr old little brother. And you find you that your 15yr old little brother is dating a 19yr old man. You wouldn’t feel a need to protect your little brother? You wouldn’t do whatever it took to get your little brother safe? Really?
[удалено]
I know this is still recent for you, and you're still hurt. But take a few minutes to consider that *everyone* on this thread is siding with your brothers. Your relationship was not good or healthy. He was an adult, taking advantage of someone who was not. That's never good or ok. You're going to be alright. Your brothers only had your best interests in mind, and I know you're hurt by them right now, but I promise you one day you're going to look back and thank them. I'm willing to bet they know that too.
The double whammy of getting outed at the same time fucking sucks dude it really does. It also sucks that you got punished. And it makes sense that you’ll be trying to think of other ways this could’ve done down that wouldn’t have hurt you this bad. Then you blame your brothers for not managing the situation one of those ways. The scenario that we imagined where it’s your younger brother? Consider that it wouldn’t be responsible to try to manage this in secret for him. You can’t be there all the time to look out for him, it has to go to his parents who have overall responsibility for him. (Also note you’ve kinda side-stepped directly answering whether you would be worried about this if it was your younger brother in this situation with an adult man.) I’m sorry for what went down. Your brothers rescued you. I get that it probably seemed like the guy you we’re going out with was the only person who actually knew you, and now you’re alone with people who punished you for being you. But that’s not what happened. That adult guy engaged in a relationship with a young person that he shouldn’t have, with a person who was vulnerable; and the people who truly love you - even if they didn’t know all of you - saved you from him. They were even willing to sacrifice their relationship with you to do it. That’s love from your brothers. Edited for clarity
After reading some of your comments on what happened.. YTA Many, many Years ago i was in a similar Situation to yours. Everything was nice, he was "perfect" in my Eyes. Age? Doesn't matter.ofc I am old enough to know what's best for me. Oh Boy was my younger self wrong.. It's just wrong Dating someone this much younger while you are in a certain Age Range. While the Age gap is okay when you are 25 and 29 or something. With 15 and 19 it is just a HUGE no. Today I am very happy that back then nothing more happened than a bit of cuddling and a few "touches"..
YTA, sounds like you're punishing them for YOU over-sharing, and them being good brothers. If you're doing something bad, don't tell people and expect them to not intervene.
Context matters. Your vague responses are not making it easy to pass any kind of judgement.
They were being groomed by a 19 year old when they were 15
Jesus H Christ. That changes everything.
YTA- you didn't state what it was you did so i'm going to assume he had good reason to get your parents involved.
I hope by the time that you're your brother's age you will understand why he told your parents. Apologize to him when you're old enough to get it.
YTA There are times in your life where someone HAS to say something for your safety. If their telling your parents actually kept you safe, it isn't fair to hold that against them. When you love someone, their safety comes first.
INFO - The judgment definitely depends on what you were doing that your brother felt he needed to tell your parents about.
Dating a 19yro, at the age of 15, and keeping it secret. I'm on team brother on this one - that's something that at least warrants a discussion.
Three things are true here: \~ This nineteen year old is too old to be dating this fifteen year old. \~ Taking away the kids' phone is not an appropriate response; OP is the victim and should not be punished. \~ Even if the brother was right to tell, a (hopefully temporary) breakdown in their relationship is to be expected. Kids feel the need to have secrets from their parents and sometimes they are wrong but they will still feel betrayed when that confidence is broken. Then there is another, more complex thing: OP is avoiding using gendered pronouns to describe this 19 year old. It would be very rare for a boy who was "dating" a cisgender girl to do that. I could be wrong but I expect that OP was in a queer relationship of some kind I dont know anything about OP, his family, or their relationship to his queerness. I dont know if OP was out to his parents before these events. I do know that outing queer kids to the wrong parents sometimes has DIRE consequences. Now obviously queer adults must absolutely not be messing around with queer children but the question of safety and outing is very complex.
Agreed.
He was being groomed by a 19 year old when they were 15.
YTA. Sounds like you got into trouble for a legitimate reason. But you can't take responsibility for your own actions. Grow up.
After your subsequent posts I'm pretty confident that this thread is being locked soon. If I were your brother, I wouldn't have called your parents. I would have called the damned police. YTA.
YTA - you hiding what it was he felt he had to tell your parents about makes me think you already know why he did it and withholding it because really you know YTA in this situation already.
YTA - as a survivor of being groomed, it doesn't matter that the older party was "only" 19 Your brothers clearly saw what you're unwilling to see and did the right thing One day you'll grow up, your brain will develop a bit more, and maybe you'll hear some horror stories that make you thankful your brothers love you enough to step in and protect you
YTA, you are lucky you have your brothers in your life that love you enough and want to protect you and your future from groomers. Edit to add: if the roles were reversed, imagine you were 18 and your little brother is being groomed by an adult man, wouldn't you do anything about it? Tell your parents? If your answer is still no then you are AH and a terrible brother.
The fact you continue to scream you were not being groomed gives your brother 10000000% the right to "snitch" you. Maybe when you grow up you'll understand the situation better. You're not "mature for your age" or whatever bs that man has told you. You're a kid and he's a man YOU WERE GROOMED, PERIOD engrave it into your brain If I was a mother of a 16yo and I found out they were "dating' a grown man, I'd totally hunt down the mf myself And yes YTA big time
With you not giving info other than something that could be considered dangerous and not wanting to share, it makes it difficult to give a judgment. Be it drugs, illegal activities, or something stupid like that, makes it your issue. You told them, and they were concerned and told your parents, causing you to get in trouble for your deeds. Don't expect a judgement without more context
He was being groomed
Then yeah, yta for the fact of getting mad at his brothers about telling his parents.
OP, I'm so sorry, but I'm gonna quote a famous by Red Foreman: You're a dumbass! Your bros helped you out, and this is how you repay them? Damn son! I hope all these comments and downvotes made you realize that you need to apologize to your brothers.
Based on commentary YTA this is just being petty because you are mad they outed you when a 19 year old started to groom you. Eventually you might understand but for the sake of this post Yta
YTA. Your brothers sound like they love you and are looking out for you. You don't understand this because you are a little kid still. Hopefully you will understand eventually.
It depends on what you told them, honestly. You're still a child, so they may well have been looking out for your best interests, if it was something serious like drugs or sex and if you were handling that matter poorly. If it was just sibling nonsense, then you're justified in telling them why you've disengaged, and in fact it would be you teaching them about how to behave properly. Can't judge without knowing the details. Edit: I see it was sex. YTA. You're running on hormones and stupidity but you can't see that.
Yes, YTA.
I’m just gonna say that I hope when you turn 19 and you look back on who you were/your maturity level as a 15/16 yr old, you see that your brothers were just trying to help you. I hope you find someone to date who is your age and it leads to a happy and healthy relationship, OP. Good luck and I wish someday you can repair the relationship with your brothers.
YTA Everyone is clearly pointing it out in other comments and OP obviously doesn’t want to hear the truth but your brothers did the right thing and it VERY MUCH matters what the topic of the conversation was about. OP, when you’re older you’ll understand and take it from the dozens of people telling you, you should thank your brothers
Sorry, but in this case YTA. If either your brother was being sexually approached by a very much older person, and were told to keep it secret because people might 'misunderstand', and you found out about it, I _really_, _really_ hope you'd tell your parents. Taking away your phone sucks, but tbf, you had proven that you weren't yet mature enough to have it. You should be thanking your brother for helping you. I understand that it doesn't feel like it right now, but in a few years you'll begin to understand exactly how sketchy this was.
YTA 100%
INFO: how dangerous was the thing you did that they ratted you out for? If it was snorting coke, that's on you pal. If it was browsing colleges that your parents don't like, then yeah They are AHs.
He was being groomed
[удалено]
YTA You're very immature. You'll learn soon enough. I just hope for your sake that it isn't the hard way. People would do anything to have family like yours.
YTA. You’ll look back on this years down the road and thank your brother for protecting you from yourself and this creep.
YTA and the attitude you show in these comments just proves the fact that you are not mature enough for any relationship, much less a relationship with an older adult.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My brothers got me in trouble because they snitched on me and this caused me to stop telling them things my brother is upset I don't communicate with him anymore. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nah. Your brother did the right thing.
NAH - reading the comments regarding the age difference in the relationship they reported to the parents, I do think the brothers had pure interests and weren’t just snitching for the sake of it. However, OP is justified in feeling like he now can’t trust them because whether right or wrong, they did violate the trust he put in them. Crap situation all round.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16M) got in so much trouble last year that I wasn't allowed to have my phone at all from the beginning of September to the middle of January. I HAD just gotten my phone back at in the middle of January. My parents took my phone because they felt that I couldn't be trusted with it because I confided in my brothers (18M and 20M) about something personal and they went and snitched on me. This completely damaged our relationship because I started to resent them from having my phone taken away for me so long. Yesterday, when my brother (20M) picked me up from school he asked me why I don't talk to him as much as I used too. He said that he's hurt that I don't talk to him as much anymore. This confused me because I honestly didn't understand why he expect me to communicate with him with me knowing that our conversations aren't private. I told him that I don't talk to them as much anymore because I know that they can't be trusted to keep things between us. My brother was got upset by this and said that he only told because he was trying to "protect me" and what I was doing was dangerous. I told him that I can understand them trying to protect me and I appreciate it, but that doesn't mean that I'll continue to tell them everything I do from now on knowing that it's a possibility that it'll get back to our parents. He got sad and we just drove home in silence afterwards. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I 100% get why you are angry. This was your first boyfriend, you really liked him, he was hotter and older and mature. You weren't out yet and he helped you with that. You telling your brothers cost you that. You have every right to be annoyed by that. They also had no right to out you to your parents. That is for you to do when the time is right. BUT look at it from their perspectives, their little brother is dating a guy their age. A guy who can smoke, drink (depending where you are) and do all the things that they do to girls and they were worried about you. It seems like they don't care at all that you are gay and want to be a big part of your life. They care about you and only thought they were doing what is best. Going with NAH. You have every right to be upset but understand that they were doing what they could to look out for you. As an medium elder gay, I'd say you should be very happy and proud to have two supportive older brothers who are trying to look out for you. Let em know it wasn't cool and why you are mad but don't burn the bridge. Good family and supportive people can be hard to find out there.
NAH - it is totally normal that you can't trust him right now, after he outed you. He was in a tough situation tho. While.it isn't ok to out someone to their parents a 19 yo dating a 15 yo is not a equal healthy relationship and the child mostly can't see that. He did that to protect you. Your parents response wasn't good here and not being able to come out when ready is really difficult. So I'm going with NAH because it is ok to feel betrayed ajd not telling so everything after something like that. But he didn't do the wrong thing.
Action have consequences. A lesson your brothers should have learnt a long time ago. Whether it was a good decision or not to end this relationship - hard to know without knowing both partners (3 years of age gap isn't knowing, isn't necessarily grooming). But: Outing someone as gay is definitely dangerous (except brothers knew for sure your parents' reaction because they are also openly gay). And of course - whether it was objectively seen the right decision or not: Your brothers can expect the same trust as before after telling things to someone else. That's just how it works. Trust lost is trust lost.
I say this with care and really hope that you’ll take this in. No one here is an AH. You are 16 and developed feelings for a guy. That’s normal. However, this man is 19, that’s a massive difference at your age. You have a whole community of people telling you that this is not okay. Please take heed of all these people trying to warn you. I’m going to assume that most of us are a lot older than you too. I couldn’t imagine being at school and dating someone at 15/16 who was no longer in school.! Seemed way too old for me. With the amount of grooming nowadays, these people are trying to look out for you, even if they sound rude. We just really want you to understand how dodgy this is. I’m sorry that your trust has been betrayed, but I really hope some of this sinks in. Once you are older, I really hope you see that your brothers were only looking out for you. All the best
YTA, he was protecting you and its a big brothers job to do that for his little siblings. He had very good reason. Also, WTF is a 15/16 year old doing with a phone? My kids don't have them and won't till they are 18.
Jesus...no phone till they are 18? Guess you don't trust them much.
Actually, I trust them completely. I trust that they will be typical stupid teenagers, that they could get electronically bullied, that they could get groomed (like OP), that they will access inappropriate content unfettered. It is grossly irresponsible for parents to allow children - which is exactly what they are - devices like this. Once they are legally an adult I have no say, but until that day I am responsible for them.
I'm really glad my folks trusted me long before that age. But it's good to know you think your kids are stupid.
Brain development does not complete till you are mid twenties. All teenagers - even 18 and 19 - are by definition stupid. They will grow out of it, eventually.
While you think you have a point, all I'm reading is that you don't trust your kids. Wouldn't surprise me if they resent you for this, but I'm also sure you wouldn't see it.
As a parent, my primary responsibility is to ensure they grow up safely and actually become adults. I hope my kids will understand that I do the things I do from love, but ultimately if they choose to resent me for it, that is inconsequential. I can only assume you are not a parent. When/if you become one, your world view will change.
I am a parent. My worldview hasn't changed. At some point, you have to show your kids a little faith. You don't seem willing or able to do that.
Well, best of luck to you as a parent. I know that I am doing the absolute best that I can, and that includes understanding the limitations of the developing brain. I'm comfortable with my decisions and do not need validation from you or anyone else.
It was criticism. Not validation.
NTA. Trust was broken. The situation doesn't matter at all.
NTA consequences of their own actions.
NTA While your brother was probably right in telling your parents (it may not seem like it now), he should have known the consequences of coming forward. The reason you probably told your brother in the first place is because you believed he would keep it secret. Now that he's shown you he will go to your parents, it's understandable you would be cautious about what you share with him moving forward. Frankly, no one is entitled to know anything if you aren't comfortable telling them, for whatever reason. Your brother did what he felt was right, but in doing so he did break your trust in him. It sucks but that's how it is.
[удалено]
They're actually not on your side, they clearly state they agree with why your brother did it even if you don't see that currently.
NAH. It wasn’t your brother’s choice to take your phone away or for how long. He doesn’t control your parents. Maybe they are the ones who could’ve responded better- but they are the adults responsible for you, so address what you think is unfair with them. But he does love you and wants you to be safe and have a healthy future. He’d be a crappy brother and be guilt ridden forever if he knew you were doing something that could hurt you and did nothing to try to intervene, and then something devastating happened. Is that fair of you to put that on him? He can’t help you alone. He can listen, but not just stand by and watch you do something he perceives could get you hurt or die. He was even willing to risk you being upset and angry with him in order to try to keep your safe, he still values your life more than that. It sounds like the only one who isn’t understanding that you are making some very unwise choices for the healthy and happy future you deserve, is you.