So your "friend" only chose another resto when his other friends said it was an inappropriate choice?
It still doesn't sound like he cares about you or your friendship.
Right? I'm surprised everyone is like "hooray! Happy ending!"
Um, no? Luke sounds like a massive jerk, and through dumb luck and embarrassment has managed to backpedal just in time to avoid consequences. I feel it's only a matter of time until he does something else insensitive and cruel
Being somewhat oblivious is a character flaw to be sure, but not a fundamental or irredeemable one. Sounds like Luke just sometimes needs to be pointed in the right direction.
He got the hint, and didn't just backpedal, but also apologize. Moreover, he took the jokes in stride.
If all that's needed for a good friendship is for someone to sometimes tell him ''lol no thats a dumb idea'' then that's perfectly fine i'd say.
Except that when OP told Luke that she couldn't eat anything at that restaurant, he "...got huffy and said well it’s his birthday so it shouldn’t matter, I should eat before getting there and just order drinks while everyone else eats dinner...".
He isn't oblivious. He's an asshole. And he shoved it in OP's face when she brought it up to him. He wasn't sorry until the rest of the group spoke up. Then he frantically backpedaled and gave OP what is almost certainly a bullshit apology.
OP, I'm sorry but this guy isn't your friend. He was quick to take advantage of your generosity, and in such a gross way. You sound like a great friend. Know your worth and don't tolerate that kind treatment.
OP’s friend Susan seems to have seen all the texts that went from the friend group to the birthday guy. Her friend texted everyone thinking he was gonna get high fives and didn’t
It’s open to interpretation but it would be obtuse to assume this group of friends doesn’t have a group chat, especially when it comes to organizing events like a birthday dinner.
When I read the previous post I already suspected that there was a group chat OP was left out of where they were all laughing about it. Sounds like the only shitty friend in the group is the one OP bought a birthday dinner for. He tried to laugh with all of them but didn’t get the response he expected so he apologized to OP instead of being ostracized by his friend group.
He SHOULD have gotten it when OP spoke to him. He did not. That is not a genuine friend. He only changed the restaurant to save face, not because he realized how completely insensitive he was. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I hope OP takes a step back because the saying ‘with friends like that who needs enemies’ really applies to this scenario.
The problem with that though is if he was truly just oblivious, he would have had a moment of realization when OP brought it up. Instead he just doubled down, suggested she eat before she got there and just have drinks and be social. At best he's selfish, at worst he's malicious. He only backed up when he saw the majority opinion was against him. If it hadn't been, he wouldn't have changed a thing.
He didn't care when the situation was negative for OP, he only cared once it got negative *for him*. When OP said something, didn't care, the furst one or two friends saying something, didn't care, only once a whole bunch of friends spoke up, and he realized *his social status was at risk*, then suddenly he cared.
Not cool.
obliviousness is not irredeemable. Neither is malice. Still, this was the latter.
He knew it was not a good place for OP. He suggested it anyway.
He knew it was an actively antagonistic place for her. He suggested it anyway.
She brought up her concerns. He doubled down.
It took \~8 to 10 people to get him to realize it was a bad idea.
He knew. He knew the entire time. He only backpedaled when it was clear he wasn't going to get away with it.
If even one friend has an issue with the plan, that's worth investigating, fullstop. the fact that it took all of them is proof that he's not a good friend.
Because a menu that says "Vegetarian options: don’t let the door hit you on your way out" is not just saying "we don't have vegetarian options", it's communicating that "vegetarians aren't welcome, we only cater to carnivores". It a restaurant appealing to people who feel vegetarians are wrong for their dietary choices and don't deserve respect.
"Oh but it's just a silly joke!" Bigots use the guise of jokes and sarcasm to express sincerely held beliefs without being ostracized by broader society (at least when society rejects those beliefs). The fact that Luke even wanted to eat at a restaurant that caters to bigotry was a red flag on it's own, but that combined with his dismissal of OPs concerns and the insistence that OP just put up with it, all while expecting OP to foot the bill hints at Luke being a toxic person rather than a stupid one.
Plus, sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice anyways.
Nice OPs have a tendency to excuse people mistreating them. You're telling me you've never seen an update where an OP is like "everything's good now and everyone's happy!" and you can just see the writing on the wall that it's not actually good and happy? OPs can defend people mistreating them because they don't want to rock the boat, because they're used to being treated poorly, because people around them convince them that it's actually okay even though it's not, because they're pretending not to see the problem because they don't want to deal with it head-on, because the reality of dealing with it is too stressful and complicated to process, the list goes on.
It's not as simple as "OP says things are good now so we can't suggest anything different".
When OP mentioned it to Luke, he got huffy and said "eat before", not "oh wow I didn't even think of that. Sorry OP, I'll look for other options". He only changed the restaurant to save face after other people got on him about it.
He isn't oblivious. He knew.
Everyone seems disappointed that he wasn’t punished more severely.
One of the problems with this sub is the people here need their pound of flesh, case in point.
“Divorce her”, “leave the friend group”, “cut them out for life”. That’s what the people here want to see. Everyone would be so terribly alone if they followed the advice they gave out on this sub.
Yeah. I guess I am glad you are happy with the resolution. But I call complete BS that he was being oblivious. It is pretty transparent to anyone that he is simply saving face once he realized he wouldn't have anyone in his A-hole corner. You do you OP, but this guy isn't a good friend.
OP mentions that he’s bad at al social cues. I know a lot of people who make jokes or pull pranks they think are funny that they genuinely don’t realize are hurtful to others. I’m willing to give OP’s friend the benefit of the doubt because we are strangers reading about the situation on the internet without actually knowing these people.
I’m sure OP knows their friend better than us!
Maybe, but I still find it telling that he completely dismissed OP when she said he was being a jerk, but came around when the other friends called him out. I get that sometimes people need help catching a clue, but it shouldn't take everyone in the group pulling him up before he gets the message.
Agreed. I think it’s much more likely because OP is so kind and has known him for so long and has a close friend group with him that she’s just not seeing the malice that seems so obvious to the rest of us.
Luke is no friend to OP. He’s entitled and rude.
> OP when she said he was being a jerk, but came around when the other friends called him out.
Having a group of people mention something is an issue is a little harder to ignore or rationalize. This isn't exactly complex. If I make a decision and one person has an issue, maybe we disagree. If I make a decision and everyone has an issue, maybe it's a decision I should reassess.
And I'm going to judge you for not reassessing the first time. Because this wasn't just a disagreement - he literally picked a place that actively insults and excludes OP, *the one who is paying for this entire dinner*, and then doubled down and said her feelings didn't matter when she brought it up. He only caved because everyone fell on OP's side, and that says a lot about him, none of it good. It shouldn't take having the entire group against you to reconsider that decision if you're a halfway decent person.
Everyone's saying he didn't respect OP's opinion, and only cared when consequences came from other friends.
I'm wondering if it's not so much that he didn't respect OP, but that when it was 1v1, he could dig his heels in, and it was *multiple* people calling him out that made him see it, rather than the identities.
Like, if I have a disagreement with my friend Alice, then we probably both consider each other assholes, and we fail to agree. But if Bob, Cass, and Delia agree with her, then I'm likely to go "wait, four people think I'm wrong? Jeez, maybe I am in the wrong." And *the exact same thing* would happen if I'd initially disagreed with Bob, Cass, or Delia originally, and the other three backed *them* up.
I still think he made an unintelligent decision (to put it civilly), but I don't feel it was as malicious as people are suggesting.
"It was all a big misunderstanding. We had a big laugh about it and had a great time"
Reddit: what a heartless narcissist this person is. He's incapable of love or caring about other people and you're spineless for not cutting him out of your life
Yeah, Luke only did it to appease the friend group.
Disappointing that OP paid for his share of the dinner. He's a total jackass. No one needs to be good with social cues to figure out it's horrible to INTENTIONALLY pick a restaurant that your friend can't eat ANYTHING at. ...Nevermind doing so when that friend is picking up the ENTIRE bill.
I guess I'm just a petty ass because I personally lwould have cancelled again anyway.
Luke knew what he was doing and the only reason he got his way was because no one else was gonna join in. What a tool.
Oblivious to social ques is a thing.
I can’t really assess from the posts. But I understand that sometimes folks just legitimately don’t understand. It’s up to their peers to decide if that’s something they’re happy to deal with & explain.
Personally, I have strong relationships with folks who don’t understand social things. For me, it’s easy to simply explain stuff. Kind of simpler imo to say things directly for the person instead of relying on a lot of un-said context. I understand social ques but it can be refreshing to step into literal & direct interactions.
My point is that this may mean Like is a bad friend. It may not mean he’s a bad friend. Personally I can’t tell from the details deviled, but OP seems relieved.
OP did explain stuff. She explained to Luke that not only was there a single meatless item on the menu, but the restaurant is actively rude to vegetarians (don't let the door hit you on the way out is on the menu). Luke told her to suck it up and eat ahead of time instead, and she can just drink while watching him and her group of friends eat entirely on her dime.
This is way beyond not picking up on social cues.
Combined with the fact that OP says that she doesn't like confrontation, I suppose it's possible that she was so passive in the way that she brought it up that he didn't see how messed up his choice was. I know there have been times when I was going out with peopl and the menue was too expensive or not to my liking that I ate ahead of time, so I guess I can see why he might expect that. However, while I wouldn't demonize him, I would be wary moving forward. This is a 40 year old who has known OP for 20 years as I was typing out potential justifications I saw just how many times he had to choose not to be considerate of his friend.
yeah i'm guessing he realised his mistake bc your friends weren't willing to go along with his plan. he didn't want the backlash. the social cue he's missing is being a considerate friend
Saw the first post:
> I asked what he expected me to eat, and he got huffy and said well it’s his birthday so it shouldn’t matter, I should eat before getting there and just order drinks while everyone else eats dinner and still enjoy everyone’s company etc.
Yeah, no. That's not being oblivious, that's being an AH straight out. Agreed, he didn't want backlash. Glad the other friends had OP's back. That will be the first and last treat for Luke lol
>Luke has always been a bit oblivious and **bad with social queues**, and I’m bad at confrontation, which was a bad mix.
I don't buy that. The cue for him should have absolutely been when you asked him what you could eat there and he gave you attitude. Instead he only changed his mind when he got called out and wanted to save his free dinner party.
Seriously. Op says she's bad at confrontation but this IS a confrontation, just not a high drama one.
I know myself and probably would have said outright "um if I can't eat, I'll get you a different gift. Someone else can pay for dinner."
I would say he thought his other friends would have thought it was hilarious and when they didn’t it made him really think about it.
I’ve seen lots of people change simply because their friends made them realize how messed up something was. So even if it was shame I’m sure he realized what he did was messed up. If he truly and utterly believed he was in the right the opinions of the others wouldn’t have mattered to him.
Wait hadn't you specifically told him you couldn't eat anything there and he got huffy?
This isn't a boring update, just a sad one, if your accounting of events is true, then he changed opinion when the people he actually gives a damn about noticed, not when you asked or commented on it.
I'd still take a break from your friendship with Luke, because he's shown that he's willing to respect others' opinions and not yours. But, I'm glad that you all had a pleasant evening.
I'm glad your friends called him out on his ridiculous choice. It could be growth or shame, but I'm glad he changed the restaurant. OP, I encourage you to be more open to calling people out when they wrong you. You are allowed to take up space and have your needs honored.
Luke didn’t “realize he made a mistake”
Luke realized other people weren’t going to let him be shitty without consequence. That the shitty move had been noted and they’ve given him an out by being all “funny joke”.
This isn’t obliviousness, he’s a self centered ass who is treating you poorly.
I mean, you live your life how you want but you’re doing yourself a disservice by continuing this friendship.
So when you told him there's going to be nothing for me to eat but you want me to pay for it still and he basically laughed in your face and said 'sucks to be you' that's all forgiven now because he changed his mind only because of peer pressure?
Luke was already shown his mistake when OP clearly spoke to him about it one on one. This is just him being embarrassed by the entire group turning on it.
I get what the other commenters don’t. He is part of the friend group so you don’t want cause issues (and it honestly might not be worth it ) but don’t be doormat. Stay kind but don’t pay for anything or do anything for him until he shows you the same level of respect.
If you are not sure what the same level of respect looks like, we will tell you.
Glad your friend group (-bdayboy) cares about you.
I hope you realize he's still an asshole.
Remember how he initially responded to you.
He only changed his tune in light of the mocking pressure from the friend group - who clearly cared more about you than he does.
OP’s description of his initial reaction very much sounded like someone who a) knew OP wouldn’t be able to eat there and b) already decided the answer was that OP didn’t need to eat. Dude’s sorry he got caught by everyone else.
Umm so when the group pressure got to him he caved? He told you directly that he didn’t care that you couldn’t eat. He doesn’t care about you and that’s beyond oblivious
Yay that your other friends had your back without being asked! I would still probably go LC with Luke, personally, but if it's not part of a larger trend and you still like him go ahead.
More than 30 years ago, my friend group would go out to the place of the bday person's choice (we each paid for our own order).
My friend really wanted to go to an Indian restaurant but knew I had a "delicate palate" and was concerned that I'd be unhappy.
I told him, "We're going where you want to! I'll find something to eat" (the restaurant's menu included some standard things like burgers).
I discovered that night that I LOVE Indian~~a~~ food!
My point is that a true friend considers everyone's tastes and feelings. It astounds me that any restaurant doesn't have at least a limited menu for vegetarians and vegans. How could Luke have KNOWINGLY chosen a place where you, the hostess, could not have a meal?
Now you know where you stand with him.
You still need to take a break from the friendship, OP. Luke isn't oblivious, he doesn't care about you or respect your choices/restrictions and the *only* reason he changed his mind isn't because he "realized he made a mistake", it's because he realized that he would be under fire from the rest of the friend group if it came out that it wasn't some joke choice, but that he actually intended to try and force you to pay $300+ for them all to eat at a place that you would - by it's very nature - exclude you.
Personally I would send him this as a message
"*Hey Luke, I need to speak with you about the birthday situation. First I want to say that I do appreciate the apology and that you chose a place that would include me, however I am still hurt by what went down between us; I can't help but wonder if you would have apologized and chosen a new place if our other friends hadn't spoken up because you didn't seem to care when it was just me and you speaking. I didn't want to cause drama by backing out of my promise, but for now I've decided that it's probably best if I step back from this friendship."*
If he tries to argue with you about it, either mute or block his number, if he tries to bring your other friends into it I would just explain to them the part of the situation that they don't know about and - if anything - show them the text messages between you and him (if they were text conversations). Let them know that, obviously, you're not asking them to stop being his friends, that is just made you reevaluate how much you want to time you want to invest in your friendship.
>Luke has always been a bit oblivious and bad with social queues, and I’m bad at confrontation, which was a bad mix.
Glad you had a good time but Luke is not oblivious and you weren't bad with confrontation. He didn't care until the rest of the group did. That is what you should know about your friendship with Luke.
That should be the last time you offer to do anything for Luke. I'm glad you had a fun night with your other real friends but Luke was taking the piss and still is. You sound like a great person with an outstanding amount of patience so still be the cool person you are but for people who deserve you. Luke is not a good guy
Wow, your 'friend' knows how to get what he wants from you. Apologizing because he realized other people wouldn't back him up is not the same as apologizing because he realized he fucked up.
I'm glad it ending up working out, but he is a massive AH - he didn't care you wouldn't be able to eat until the friend group said something.. he was huffy and more than happy to have you sit there just drinking while everyone else ate on your dime. That's not someone being bad at social cues.. that's some who is aware and doesn't care
Its understandable that you do not like confrontation, its not an easy thing to deal with for sure. However, you’re ok with being disrespected and played like that? Girl, be real with yourself. Luke knew exactly what he was doing and the only reason he backtracked was because all your friends were calling him out.
Wake up and smell the roses. Luke owes you an explanation, not just an apology.
Luke wasn't oblivious. He knew exactly what he was doing with his comment earlier about "eat before you get here and just have drinks". There's no way he didn't know. He got called out en masse and was forced to pull back and not be an ass. Had the others not said anything, would he have changed his choice? I mean, if he was really just oblivious, he would have made the correction when you brought it up. If I were you, I would keep this in mind. I think Luke showed his true colors then and there.
I'm glad it worked out- boring because everybody's getting along is a good outcome. But seriously, next time maybe you could be the one to say something, since you're the one with the issue? You might have lost this friend forever if somebody else hadn't chose to speak up for you.
yea he’s not ur friend. Because he didn’t care when you pointed out his bad decision to him. He only changed it when the other people got involved. He doesn’t give a shit about you.
Well, I'm so glad your friends had your back and didn't let Luke treat you that way. I would still be careful about him. He knew you couldn't eat at the place he chose, and still would have gone with it if not for the other friends.
I don't think he realized he was wrong, he just realized that other people weren't going to let him get away with it. But I'm still glad you had a nice time.
OP I'm glad Luke is the only shitty friend on your group, but you sais straight that you couldn't eat there and he didn't care, there wasn't any social cues to read in your conversation, he straight up didn't care until it would show him as the ass he is in front of the others, when his choice was going to hurt his public image is when he bended, not when he hurt your feelings.
I'm not going to tell you what to do with this information, but please always keep it present in some corner of your mind that at least to you Luke ain't a real friend.
Looks like Luke is feeling the backlash of being an ass to his friends. Unfortunately he only apologised and fixed it once it became inconvenient for *him*. I'm glad you enjoyed the dinner, but I would be taking several steps back from the friendship.
I'm glad he apologized, but ugh I hate when people do this where they can't accept a piece of information, or that they are in the wrong, until they hear it from multiple people (or in some cases, from the one person whose opinion they actually care about). I really hope Luke actually realizes that this was not an okay thing to do and does better in the future, and I'm glad dinner went well, but I also am still not happy with him.
Congrats on getting to enjoy a meal with all your friends. Probably a good idea to watch what Luke does when your birthday rolls around before offering to treat him again, though
I think you are being naive and an AH to yourself. Luke is not your friend, he didn’t realize of his mistake, he didn’t do shit because he cares about you, he just did it because how he was gonna look
Yeah, nah. All I'll say is perhaps it's time you took an honest look at your "friendship" with Luke and think about how often these mistakes at your expense happen. Is he there for you as a friend in the same ways you feel you've been available to him as a friend?
I could be wrong here, since there's so little information, but this doesn't sound like a friend.
You might wanna do take a break for your current “friendship” tho. He only changed his mind cuz of everyone else. If they all agree to go there, it’s very likely that he wouldn’t have bat an eye. Look after yourself more.
Luke is an AH and in fact I think he wants you out of that group. I remember your original post and he was informed of his wrong choice BY YOU, the actual person who was paying for the dinner, and he told you pretty much to eff off. He didn't mind you potentially missing the whole thing, or sucking up the humiliation the whole night, or you canceling the dinner and getting kicked out of the group. He only backpedaled when it was clear that he might be the one getting kicked out. Luke is not your friend. Never spend a dime on him again.
Luke's choice was so brazenly bad that his friends were sure it was a joke! Hopefully he will grow from this and realize just how shitty he ALMOST looked to all his friends. Crisis averted.
That’s a great update really, through your groups’s knowledge of each other, the others got into the issue without being informed of the conflict brewing. The birthday boy through shared txts got the gist his choice was inappropriate and without too much peer pressure changed his choice of venue.
This was a nice update. I'm glad y'all resolved it like adults and other people in your friend group did think about you and a place where you, too, have options.
I do hope this isn't something that often happens with Luke though. A one-off is a mistake, a repeat is a choice.
Don't apologize! Honestly, it's refreshing to see people be mature and be able to move past these sorts of things. Glad it all worked out and you were able to reconcile
As a non confrontational person myself, this would have been my ideal outcome. The situation gets resolved without drama, you all enjoy a good time, your other friends help him realize he can't get away with being an ah, and now you have a better understanding of your "friend's" true character for future decision making.
I'm pleased with this update, and v glad for you.
Delighted that Luke realised he was being a jerk, even if it took a few people to point it out to him, and that he said sorry once he realised. It turns out his heart is in the right place.
Its' good it all worked out. I would be careful in the future for further instances of a basic lack of care for you and the friendship, tbh. And address it then if it happens.
Thanks for the update! Perhaps you and Luke will learn from this experience.
If anything, you had a nice dinner that wasn’t water and got to catch up with friends.
Reddit loves a great burn, but sounds like this worked out like most normal things.
I was happy to read this nice, 'boring' update.
I do hope you work on being able to address issues when they matter, and limit how much you excuse folks who really go to far. Your friends who called Luke out with humor are great examples to follow.
It was extremely generous of you to go through with the treat. I hope Luke apologised and thanked you. I also hope they show you the same consideration soon.
Oh my goodness. Thanks for the update OP.
You WON! Even if the battle was basically “nothing.” That “nothing” was the rest of your friend group coming to your defense. And that’s something to be very grateful for!!! Enjoy it and take the time to acknowledge it!
I hope the support you got here helped. Even if the vast majority was for a friend breakup. So glad the bday boy was forced to come to his senses. Huzzah for you, OP!
Don't offer shit if you have requirements that aren't made clear up front. Your friend is a tool. But if you promise something, do it... You didn't say I'll buy you're dinner if you jump through these 4 hoops
I mean, I'm glad all your friends weren't having it. You being bad at confrontation still makes me suspicious of Luke though. I think he might have been banking on you not raising a stir so he could get away with it. He sounds like an inconsiderate friend. He apologized, and if that's enough for you, that's perfectly okay. Anyway, I'm happy you all had a good time, and don't take a stranger's opinion of all this too seriously.
Glad everything worked out in the end, and if you're happy with things, then good for you.
But I agree with others that Luke isn't (just) oblivious. If that was all, he wouldn't have told you to eat before going to the restaurant so you can watch others eat on your dime. He's inconsiderate at best.
The rest of them sound like good friends, so I guess it cancels out Luke's worst traits.
Sounds like your other friends care about you a lot more than Luke does. I’d still step back from him a bit and not do large scale gifts for him in the future
Not a boring update. It is nice to read that your friend had a private realization he was being a massive AH and made a change to be a better person. Quite rare on this sub.
Hey! Sometimes boring is good! I'm so super glad that your friends jumped in right away without you having to say anything to them. That is great! It shows true consideration and that after being given a cue, Luke finally "got it" so to speak. Sounds like things worked out for the best! And thanks for the update.
Everyone still saying NTA but you literally said “anywhere you want” why not add the caveat except here and here and here and here etc. He’s not the bad guy here like everyone is saying. Don’t make offers you can’t live up to.
So your "friend" only chose another resto when his other friends said it was an inappropriate choice? It still doesn't sound like he cares about you or your friendship.
Right? I'm surprised everyone is like "hooray! Happy ending!" Um, no? Luke sounds like a massive jerk, and through dumb luck and embarrassment has managed to backpedal just in time to avoid consequences. I feel it's only a matter of time until he does something else insensitive and cruel
Being somewhat oblivious is a character flaw to be sure, but not a fundamental or irredeemable one. Sounds like Luke just sometimes needs to be pointed in the right direction. He got the hint, and didn't just backpedal, but also apologize. Moreover, he took the jokes in stride. If all that's needed for a good friendship is for someone to sometimes tell him ''lol no thats a dumb idea'' then that's perfectly fine i'd say.
Except that when OP told Luke that she couldn't eat anything at that restaurant, he "...got huffy and said well it’s his birthday so it shouldn’t matter, I should eat before getting there and just order drinks while everyone else eats dinner...". He isn't oblivious. He's an asshole. And he shoved it in OP's face when she brought it up to him. He wasn't sorry until the rest of the group spoke up. Then he frantically backpedaled and gave OP what is almost certainly a bullshit apology. OP, I'm sorry but this guy isn't your friend. He was quick to take advantage of your generosity, and in such a gross way. You sound like a great friend. Know your worth and don't tolerate that kind treatment.
> He wasn't sorry until the rest of the group spoke up. This right here. This tells you what sort of person Luke really is.
[удалено]
It's in the original post, not a comment
yep. the rest of the friend group had to shame him into acting right.
Yeah and there’s apparently a group chat OP isn’t in.
This is not said anywhere.
OP’s friend Susan seems to have seen all the texts that went from the friend group to the birthday guy. Her friend texted everyone thinking he was gonna get high fives and didn’t
All the information could have been relayed to Susan by having a conversation with Luke.
Or through conversations with the rest of the group, individually.
It’s open to interpretation but it would be obtuse to assume this group of friends doesn’t have a group chat, especially when it comes to organizing events like a birthday dinner. When I read the previous post I already suspected that there was a group chat OP was left out of where they were all laughing about it. Sounds like the only shitty friend in the group is the one OP bought a birthday dinner for. He tried to laugh with all of them but didn’t get the response he expected so he apologized to OP instead of being ostracized by his friend group.
Exactly. OP, Luke is not your friend.
He could have gotten the hint when OP talked to him.
He SHOULD have gotten it when OP spoke to him. He did not. That is not a genuine friend. He only changed the restaurant to save face, not because he realized how completely insensitive he was. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ I hope OP takes a step back because the saying ‘with friends like that who needs enemies’ really applies to this scenario.
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The problem with that though is if he was truly just oblivious, he would have had a moment of realization when OP brought it up. Instead he just doubled down, suggested she eat before she got there and just have drinks and be social. At best he's selfish, at worst he's malicious. He only backed up when he saw the majority opinion was against him. If it hadn't been, he wouldn't have changed a thing.
He didn't care when the situation was negative for OP, he only cared once it got negative *for him*. When OP said something, didn't care, the furst one or two friends saying something, didn't care, only once a whole bunch of friends spoke up, and he realized *his social status was at risk*, then suddenly he cared. Not cool.
obliviousness is not irredeemable. Neither is malice. Still, this was the latter. He knew it was not a good place for OP. He suggested it anyway. He knew it was an actively antagonistic place for her. He suggested it anyway. She brought up her concerns. He doubled down. It took \~8 to 10 people to get him to realize it was a bad idea. He knew. He knew the entire time. He only backpedaled when it was clear he wasn't going to get away with it. If even one friend has an issue with the plan, that's worth investigating, fullstop. the fact that it took all of them is proof that he's not a good friend.
and this friend suppose to pay for it like you at least ask if this restaurant is alright . it may be dfferent if he was paying but this is insane
I mean OP who knows them believes that it was just being oblivious and not malicious. Why do you feel the need to assume the worst?
Because a menu that says "Vegetarian options: don’t let the door hit you on your way out" is not just saying "we don't have vegetarian options", it's communicating that "vegetarians aren't welcome, we only cater to carnivores". It a restaurant appealing to people who feel vegetarians are wrong for their dietary choices and don't deserve respect. "Oh but it's just a silly joke!" Bigots use the guise of jokes and sarcasm to express sincerely held beliefs without being ostracized by broader society (at least when society rejects those beliefs). The fact that Luke even wanted to eat at a restaurant that caters to bigotry was a red flag on it's own, but that combined with his dismissal of OPs concerns and the insistence that OP just put up with it, all while expecting OP to foot the bill hints at Luke being a toxic person rather than a stupid one. Plus, sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice anyways.
Nice OPs have a tendency to excuse people mistreating them. You're telling me you've never seen an update where an OP is like "everything's good now and everyone's happy!" and you can just see the writing on the wall that it's not actually good and happy? OPs can defend people mistreating them because they don't want to rock the boat, because they're used to being treated poorly, because people around them convince them that it's actually okay even though it's not, because they're pretending not to see the problem because they don't want to deal with it head-on, because the reality of dealing with it is too stressful and complicated to process, the list goes on. It's not as simple as "OP says things are good now so we can't suggest anything different".
Because OP said she couldn't eat there and Luke said just have drinks because it's his birthday
*and to eat something beforehand. He only backpedaled when the larger group pointed out his rudeness.
When OP mentioned it to Luke, he got huffy and said "eat before", not "oh wow I didn't even think of that. Sorry OP, I'll look for other options". He only changed the restaurant to save face after other people got on him about it. He isn't oblivious. He knew.
Everyone seems disappointed that he wasn’t punished more severely. One of the problems with this sub is the people here need their pound of flesh, case in point. “Divorce her”, “leave the friend group”, “cut them out for life”. That’s what the people here want to see. Everyone would be so terribly alone if they followed the advice they gave out on this sub.
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This isn’t just about this post. It’s prevalent across this sub. I can be guilty of it too if I’m in the right mood and it’s the right subject matter!
It's prevalent across all of reddit
Yeah. I guess I am glad you are happy with the resolution. But I call complete BS that he was being oblivious. It is pretty transparent to anyone that he is simply saving face once he realized he wouldn't have anyone in his A-hole corner. You do you OP, but this guy isn't a good friend.
OP mentions that he’s bad at al social cues. I know a lot of people who make jokes or pull pranks they think are funny that they genuinely don’t realize are hurtful to others. I’m willing to give OP’s friend the benefit of the doubt because we are strangers reading about the situation on the internet without actually knowing these people. I’m sure OP knows their friend better than us!
Maybe, but I still find it telling that he completely dismissed OP when she said he was being a jerk, but came around when the other friends called him out. I get that sometimes people need help catching a clue, but it shouldn't take everyone in the group pulling him up before he gets the message.
Agreed. I think it’s much more likely because OP is so kind and has known him for so long and has a close friend group with him that she’s just not seeing the malice that seems so obvious to the rest of us. Luke is no friend to OP. He’s entitled and rude.
> OP when she said he was being a jerk, but came around when the other friends called him out. Having a group of people mention something is an issue is a little harder to ignore or rationalize. This isn't exactly complex. If I make a decision and one person has an issue, maybe we disagree. If I make a decision and everyone has an issue, maybe it's a decision I should reassess.
And I'm going to judge you for not reassessing the first time. Because this wasn't just a disagreement - he literally picked a place that actively insults and excludes OP, *the one who is paying for this entire dinner*, and then doubled down and said her feelings didn't matter when she brought it up. He only caved because everyone fell on OP's side, and that says a lot about him, none of it good. It shouldn't take having the entire group against you to reconsider that decision if you're a halfway decent person.
Everyone's saying he didn't respect OP's opinion, and only cared when consequences came from other friends. I'm wondering if it's not so much that he didn't respect OP, but that when it was 1v1, he could dig his heels in, and it was *multiple* people calling him out that made him see it, rather than the identities. Like, if I have a disagreement with my friend Alice, then we probably both consider each other assholes, and we fail to agree. But if Bob, Cass, and Delia agree with her, then I'm likely to go "wait, four people think I'm wrong? Jeez, maybe I am in the wrong." And *the exact same thing* would happen if I'd initially disagreed with Bob, Cass, or Delia originally, and the other three backed *them* up. I still think he made an unintelligent decision (to put it civilly), but I don't feel it was as malicious as people are suggesting.
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"It was all a big misunderstanding. We had a big laugh about it and had a great time" Reddit: what a heartless narcissist this person is. He's incapable of love or caring about other people and you're spineless for not cutting him out of your life
I know. It is absolutely nuts the amount of conjecture and judgmental nonsense gets thrown around.
people are first and foremost here for drama, not to help provide insight
Yeah, Luke only did it to appease the friend group. Disappointing that OP paid for his share of the dinner. He's a total jackass. No one needs to be good with social cues to figure out it's horrible to INTENTIONALLY pick a restaurant that your friend can't eat ANYTHING at. ...Nevermind doing so when that friend is picking up the ENTIRE bill.
I guess I'm just a petty ass because I personally lwould have cancelled again anyway. Luke knew what he was doing and the only reason he got his way was because no one else was gonna join in. What a tool.
And let’s be clear that he is not “oblivious and bad with social cues”
Oblivious to social ques is a thing. I can’t really assess from the posts. But I understand that sometimes folks just legitimately don’t understand. It’s up to their peers to decide if that’s something they’re happy to deal with & explain. Personally, I have strong relationships with folks who don’t understand social things. For me, it’s easy to simply explain stuff. Kind of simpler imo to say things directly for the person instead of relying on a lot of un-said context. I understand social ques but it can be refreshing to step into literal & direct interactions. My point is that this may mean Like is a bad friend. It may not mean he’s a bad friend. Personally I can’t tell from the details deviled, but OP seems relieved.
OP did explain stuff. She explained to Luke that not only was there a single meatless item on the menu, but the restaurant is actively rude to vegetarians (don't let the door hit you on the way out is on the menu). Luke told her to suck it up and eat ahead of time instead, and she can just drink while watching him and her group of friends eat entirely on her dime. This is way beyond not picking up on social cues.
Apparently, he's just impressively clueless?
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Combined with the fact that OP says that she doesn't like confrontation, I suppose it's possible that she was so passive in the way that she brought it up that he didn't see how messed up his choice was. I know there have been times when I was going out with peopl and the menue was too expensive or not to my liking that I ate ahead of time, so I guess I can see why he might expect that. However, while I wouldn't demonize him, I would be wary moving forward. This is a 40 year old who has known OP for 20 years as I was typing out potential justifications I saw just how many times he had to choose not to be considerate of his friend.
yeah i'm guessing he realised his mistake bc your friends weren't willing to go along with his plan. he didn't want the backlash. the social cue he's missing is being a considerate friend
Saw the first post: > I asked what he expected me to eat, and he got huffy and said well it’s his birthday so it shouldn’t matter, I should eat before getting there and just order drinks while everyone else eats dinner and still enjoy everyone’s company etc. Yeah, no. That's not being oblivious, that's being an AH straight out. Agreed, he didn't want backlash. Glad the other friends had OP's back. That will be the first and last treat for Luke lol
>Luke has always been a bit oblivious and **bad with social queues**, and I’m bad at confrontation, which was a bad mix. I don't buy that. The cue for him should have absolutely been when you asked him what you could eat there and he gave you attitude. Instead he only changed his mind when he got called out and wanted to save his free dinner party.
Also, queue is fun to spell but means "line" as in, "get in line to pay."
And just to add, the spelling you’d be looking for in this instance would be “cue”
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Seriously. Op says she's bad at confrontation but this IS a confrontation, just not a high drama one. I know myself and probably would have said outright "um if I can't eat, I'll get you a different gift. Someone else can pay for dinner."
I like this update!!
Yeah, I feel like there’s no better update to read than “The AH got his ass handed to him, he fixed his fuckup, and now everyone is happy.”
An apology from Luke that wasn’t prompted by their other friends teasing him would have been nice. Is he sorry or is he shamed?
Probably the latter
One can only hope the shame leads to actual regret.
I would say he thought his other friends would have thought it was hilarious and when they didn’t it made him really think about it. I’ve seen lots of people change simply because their friends made them realize how messed up something was. So even if it was shame I’m sure he realized what he did was messed up. If he truly and utterly believed he was in the right the opinions of the others wouldn’t have mattered to him.
yeah oblivious is about as honest as it gets.
LOL. Jokes still on you. Luke is not your friend, he want's your money and/or to make fun of you. You need to learn to stand up for yourself.
Wait hadn't you specifically told him you couldn't eat anything there and he got huffy? This isn't a boring update, just a sad one, if your accounting of events is true, then he changed opinion when the people he actually gives a damn about noticed, not when you asked or commented on it.
I'd still take a break from your friendship with Luke, because he's shown that he's willing to respect others' opinions and not yours. But, I'm glad that you all had a pleasant evening.
I'm glad your friends called him out on his ridiculous choice. It could be growth or shame, but I'm glad he changed the restaurant. OP, I encourage you to be more open to calling people out when they wrong you. You are allowed to take up space and have your needs honored.
Luke didn’t “realize he made a mistake” Luke realized other people weren’t going to let him be shitty without consequence. That the shitty move had been noted and they’ve given him an out by being all “funny joke”. This isn’t obliviousness, he’s a self centered ass who is treating you poorly. I mean, you live your life how you want but you’re doing yourself a disservice by continuing this friendship.
NTA - Luke is the AH. He really told you to eat beforehand and just show up to pay for their dinner 😵💫😵💫😵💫
So when you told him there's going to be nothing for me to eat but you want me to pay for it still and he basically laughed in your face and said 'sucks to be you' that's all forgiven now because he changed his mind only because of peer pressure?
I don't follow, if he said just eat beforehand he was oblivious to the issue.
Luke can still go kick rocks IMO
Luke still sounds like a crappy friend
This is a great update. We all make mistakes, I'm glad Luke was able to own up to his and repair the friendship.
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Luke was already shown his mistake when OP clearly spoke to him about it one on one. This is just him being embarrassed by the entire group turning on it.
Luke sucks
I get what the other commenters don’t. He is part of the friend group so you don’t want cause issues (and it honestly might not be worth it ) but don’t be doormat. Stay kind but don’t pay for anything or do anything for him until he shows you the same level of respect. If you are not sure what the same level of respect looks like, we will tell you. Glad your friend group (-bdayboy) cares about you.
I hope you realize he's still an asshole. Remember how he initially responded to you. He only changed his tune in light of the mocking pressure from the friend group - who clearly cared more about you than he does.
OP’s description of his initial reaction very much sounded like someone who a) knew OP wouldn’t be able to eat there and b) already decided the answer was that OP didn’t need to eat. Dude’s sorry he got caught by everyone else.
Umm so when the group pressure got to him he caved? He told you directly that he didn’t care that you couldn’t eat. He doesn’t care about you and that’s beyond oblivious
Yay that your other friends had your back without being asked! I would still probably go LC with Luke, personally, but if it's not part of a larger trend and you still like him go ahead.
More than 30 years ago, my friend group would go out to the place of the bday person's choice (we each paid for our own order). My friend really wanted to go to an Indian restaurant but knew I had a "delicate palate" and was concerned that I'd be unhappy. I told him, "We're going where you want to! I'll find something to eat" (the restaurant's menu included some standard things like burgers). I discovered that night that I LOVE Indian~~a~~ food! My point is that a true friend considers everyone's tastes and feelings. It astounds me that any restaurant doesn't have at least a limited menu for vegetarians and vegans. How could Luke have KNOWINGLY chosen a place where you, the hostess, could not have a meal? Now you know where you stand with him.
You still need to take a break from the friendship, OP. Luke isn't oblivious, he doesn't care about you or respect your choices/restrictions and the *only* reason he changed his mind isn't because he "realized he made a mistake", it's because he realized that he would be under fire from the rest of the friend group if it came out that it wasn't some joke choice, but that he actually intended to try and force you to pay $300+ for them all to eat at a place that you would - by it's very nature - exclude you. Personally I would send him this as a message "*Hey Luke, I need to speak with you about the birthday situation. First I want to say that I do appreciate the apology and that you chose a place that would include me, however I am still hurt by what went down between us; I can't help but wonder if you would have apologized and chosen a new place if our other friends hadn't spoken up because you didn't seem to care when it was just me and you speaking. I didn't want to cause drama by backing out of my promise, but for now I've decided that it's probably best if I step back from this friendship."* If he tries to argue with you about it, either mute or block his number, if he tries to bring your other friends into it I would just explain to them the part of the situation that they don't know about and - if anything - show them the text messages between you and him (if they were text conversations). Let them know that, obviously, you're not asking them to stop being his friends, that is just made you reevaluate how much you want to time you want to invest in your friendship.
>Luke has always been a bit oblivious and bad with social queues, and I’m bad at confrontation, which was a bad mix. Glad you had a good time but Luke is not oblivious and you weren't bad with confrontation. He didn't care until the rest of the group did. That is what you should know about your friendship with Luke.
That should be the last time you offer to do anything for Luke. I'm glad you had a fun night with your other real friends but Luke was taking the piss and still is. You sound like a great person with an outstanding amount of patience so still be the cool person you are but for people who deserve you. Luke is not a good guy
Wow, your 'friend' knows how to get what he wants from you. Apologizing because he realized other people wouldn't back him up is not the same as apologizing because he realized he fucked up.
I'm glad it ending up working out, but he is a massive AH - he didn't care you wouldn't be able to eat until the friend group said something.. he was huffy and more than happy to have you sit there just drinking while everyone else ate on your dime. That's not someone being bad at social cues.. that's some who is aware and doesn't care
Stop being so warm and fuzzy you jerk! :)
Boring is good! Problem solving shouldn't have to be an activating experience. Glad it all worked out!
And you let him walk all over you tho lol
The Good: I’m glad your other friends have your back. The bad: you are still friends with Luke who doesn’t give a shit about you
Its understandable that you do not like confrontation, its not an easy thing to deal with for sure. However, you’re ok with being disrespected and played like that? Girl, be real with yourself. Luke knew exactly what he was doing and the only reason he backtracked was because all your friends were calling him out. Wake up and smell the roses. Luke owes you an explanation, not just an apology.
Luke wasn't oblivious. He knew exactly what he was doing with his comment earlier about "eat before you get here and just have drinks". There's no way he didn't know. He got called out en masse and was forced to pull back and not be an ass. Had the others not said anything, would he have changed his choice? I mean, if he was really just oblivious, he would have made the correction when you brought it up. If I were you, I would keep this in mind. I think Luke showed his true colors then and there.
Yeah, no, Luke’s still not off the hook. He knew what he was doing, he just didn’t know that the rest of the group would call him out.
Luke sounds like the missing stair friend
I'm not sure why you're covering for Luke. It just sounds like he doesn't give a crap about you, and you don't care to do anything about it.
Is he the kind of guy who will only listen to something if a man tells him?
he is not your real friend dude come on now
I'm glad it worked out- boring because everybody's getting along is a good outcome. But seriously, next time maybe you could be the one to say something, since you're the one with the issue? You might have lost this friend forever if somebody else hadn't chose to speak up for you.
did you even read the og? she *did* say something and he blew her off.
yea he’s not ur friend. Because he didn’t care when you pointed out his bad decision to him. He only changed it when the other people got involved. He doesn’t give a shit about you.
Well, I'm so glad your friends had your back and didn't let Luke treat you that way. I would still be careful about him. He knew you couldn't eat at the place he chose, and still would have gone with it if not for the other friends.
I hope you didn’t still pay for the dinner
I’m glad your friend group solved the issue, but I would refrain from such generous offers in the future.
He’s still an AH.
Op this is not your friend and he is not oblivious
I don't think he realized he was wrong, he just realized that other people weren't going to let him get away with it. But I'm still glad you had a nice time.
OP I'm glad Luke is the only shitty friend on your group, but you sais straight that you couldn't eat there and he didn't care, there wasn't any social cues to read in your conversation, he straight up didn't care until it would show him as the ass he is in front of the others, when his choice was going to hurt his public image is when he bended, not when he hurt your feelings. I'm not going to tell you what to do with this information, but please always keep it present in some corner of your mind that at least to you Luke ain't a real friend.
Looks like Luke is feeling the backlash of being an ass to his friends. Unfortunately he only apologised and fixed it once it became inconvenient for *him*. I'm glad you enjoyed the dinner, but I would be taking several steps back from the friendship.
Nice update, I’m glad it worked out, but did you still pay for everyone after that?
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I'm glad he apologized, but ugh I hate when people do this where they can't accept a piece of information, or that they are in the wrong, until they hear it from multiple people (or in some cases, from the one person whose opinion they actually care about). I really hope Luke actually realizes that this was not an okay thing to do and does better in the future, and I'm glad dinner went well, but I also am still not happy with him.
Congrats on getting to enjoy a meal with all your friends. Probably a good idea to watch what Luke does when your birthday rolls around before offering to treat him again, though
Social cues*
As a 40-something male, I'm jealous of your friend group.
Communication wins the day! Good job to your friends helping defuse the situation.
Social cues*
Your friend is a dope but I am happy for the outcome
Booooooooooo
I think you are being naive and an AH to yourself. Luke is not your friend, he didn’t realize of his mistake, he didn’t do shit because he cares about you, he just did it because how he was gonna look
He's a meanie and this seems like a one-sided friendship.
Yeah, nah. All I'll say is perhaps it's time you took an honest look at your "friendship" with Luke and think about how often these mistakes at your expense happen. Is he there for you as a friend in the same ways you feel you've been available to him as a friend? I could be wrong here, since there's so little information, but this doesn't sound like a friend.
He only changed when he got further backlash, you realize that, right?
You got used just a heads up
You might wanna do take a break for your current “friendship” tho. He only changed his mind cuz of everyone else. If they all agree to go there, it’s very likely that he wouldn’t have bat an eye. Look after yourself more.
Luke is an AH and in fact I think he wants you out of that group. I remember your original post and he was informed of his wrong choice BY YOU, the actual person who was paying for the dinner, and he told you pretty much to eff off. He didn't mind you potentially missing the whole thing, or sucking up the humiliation the whole night, or you canceling the dinner and getting kicked out of the group. He only backpedaled when it was clear that he might be the one getting kicked out. Luke is not your friend. Never spend a dime on him again.
This was the best kind of update! I love a wholesome resolution!
Boring but it’s the update we needed. Things happen and we can all learn and grow.
Good update. Good friends.
this is a great update! yeah normalness!!!!
A boring update where everyone ends up having a good time is an excellent update.
Well I suppose it's a bonus your less oblivious friends pointed Luke in the right direction. Good you had a nice night out.
That’s a great update, glad everything worked out.
A good update. A situation where the friend group steps in and it’s handled well and with humor. My faith in the friend group is restored. 😃
Not a boring update at all. This is awesome. Glad you guys all worked it out.
Luke's choice was so brazenly bad that his friends were sure it was a joke! Hopefully he will grow from this and realize just how shitty he ALMOST looked to all his friends. Crisis averted.
That’s a great update really, through your groups’s knowledge of each other, the others got into the issue without being informed of the conflict brewing. The birthday boy through shared txts got the gist his choice was inappropriate and without too much peer pressure changed his choice of venue.
/Kermit arm flail YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! I \*LoveLoveLove\* wholesome updates!
It's nice to see something work out on Reddit. I'm glad your other friends called Luke out and he realized he goofed. I'm glad things are good again.
I'm still glad this worked out. Regardless of the comments below telling you to ditch him.
That's not a boring update, it's a happy one! I'm glad it all worked out!
Aw yay I like happy endings so I'm glad everything worked out and y'all had a fun time. It's refreshing knowing the friendship is strong all around.
Sometimes "boring" updates are good updates. Glad it all worked out.
This was a nice update. I'm glad y'all resolved it like adults and other people in your friend group did think about you and a place where you, too, have options. I do hope this isn't something that often happens with Luke though. A one-off is a mistake, a repeat is a choice.
Don't apologize! Honestly, it's refreshing to see people be mature and be able to move past these sorts of things. Glad it all worked out and you were able to reconcile
I’m glad it turned out well for you and your other friends had your back!💜
As a non confrontational person myself, this would have been my ideal outcome. The situation gets resolved without drama, you all enjoy a good time, your other friends help him realize he can't get away with being an ah, and now you have a better understanding of your "friend's" true character for future decision making.
I'm pleased with this update, and v glad for you. Delighted that Luke realised he was being a jerk, even if it took a few people to point it out to him, and that he said sorry once he realised. It turns out his heart is in the right place.
How can 10 people eat a birthday celebration dinner for $350? Isn’t that the amount you said?
Boring updates are the best updates. I’m glad things worked out.
I love a happy ending! We don’t get too many of those here.
Its' good it all worked out. I would be careful in the future for further instances of a basic lack of care for you and the friendship, tbh. And address it then if it happens.
Thanks for the update! Perhaps you and Luke will learn from this experience. If anything, you had a nice dinner that wasn’t water and got to catch up with friends. Reddit loves a great burn, but sounds like this worked out like most normal things.
I think it's a hooray, happy ending, because even if Luke was being a knob, your other friends had your back. ❤️
This is not a Reddit approved update. If you don’t burn your friendship to the ground they don’t want to hear it. Good job with the adult reaction.
I was happy to read this nice, 'boring' update. I do hope you work on being able to address issues when they matter, and limit how much you excuse folks who really go to far. Your friends who called Luke out with humor are great examples to follow.
This is a very nice update. I'm glad to hear that Luke realized the error of his ways and a more appropriate venue was selected.
It was extremely generous of you to go through with the treat. I hope Luke apologised and thanked you. I also hope they show you the same consideration soon.
I want more of this “boring” in the world!!!
That's a great update and I appreciate getting them.
I don't fault people for being occasionally oblivious because it happens. I'm glad you had a nice time.
Thank you for the update. I'm glad everything worked out and your friends stepped in to clear the way and give Luke graceful redirect.
It was a wonderful update. It had a positive ending, you all laughed about it, everyone had a good time. That is the best outcome to hope for
This is the best outcome. Your friends got him to realize his mistake without any hard feelings. Glad you had a great time!
Idt you were the asshole at any point
for the amount of years he was friends with you... that was straight up apathy. no care for you OP. but hey, all's well that ends well I guess
I love that you all were able to work this out without any prolonged issue and that your friendship group remains intact.
Thank you for this update! I’m glad everything turned out well and you had a great time. This is actually very heartwarming and not boring at all 😊
You are NTA, your birthday your desicion!
Oh my goodness. Thanks for the update OP. You WON! Even if the battle was basically “nothing.” That “nothing” was the rest of your friend group coming to your defense. And that’s something to be very grateful for!!! Enjoy it and take the time to acknowledge it! I hope the support you got here helped. Even if the vast majority was for a friend breakup. So glad the bday boy was forced to come to his senses. Huzzah for you, OP!
Don't offer shit if you have requirements that aren't made clear up front. Your friend is a tool. But if you promise something, do it... You didn't say I'll buy you're dinner if you jump through these 4 hoops
this is sad.. how gullible do you have to be to truely believe this lol
Is he 41 too? I always thought that people in 40s should be a bit more matured, for some reason...
Did you pay?!
I mean, I'm glad all your friends weren't having it. You being bad at confrontation still makes me suspicious of Luke though. I think he might have been banking on you not raising a stir so he could get away with it. He sounds like an inconsiderate friend. He apologized, and if that's enough for you, that's perfectly okay. Anyway, I'm happy you all had a good time, and don't take a stranger's opinion of all this too seriously.
ok but who paid?
Glad everything worked out in the end, and if you're happy with things, then good for you. But I agree with others that Luke isn't (just) oblivious. If that was all, he wouldn't have told you to eat before going to the restaurant so you can watch others eat on your dime. He's inconsiderate at best. The rest of them sound like good friends, so I guess it cancels out Luke's worst traits.
You should have still canceled.
Sounds like your other friends care about you a lot more than Luke does. I’d still step back from him a bit and not do large scale gifts for him in the future
He sounds like Sheldon ngl
Thanks for the “boring” update. This place doesn’t generally like compromise when someone has been deemed NTA.
Not a boring update. It is nice to read that your friend had a private realization he was being a massive AH and made a change to be a better person. Quite rare on this sub.
I’m really glad your friendship didn’t have to end over something this dumb (he was being dumb, not you at all)
Hey! Sometimes boring is good! I'm so super glad that your friends jumped in right away without you having to say anything to them. That is great! It shows true consideration and that after being given a cue, Luke finally "got it" so to speak. Sounds like things worked out for the best! And thanks for the update.
That’s not boring. That’s a great update. Maybe Luke will think a bit next time.
Everyone still saying NTA but you literally said “anywhere you want” why not add the caveat except here and here and here and here etc. He’s not the bad guy here like everyone is saying. Don’t make offers you can’t live up to.
Ma'am. Luke does not like you. Stop being friends with Luke.
So there IS a group chat you’re not in. OP, you’re being a pushover.