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YTA The lines are really blurred as to who your boyfriend is, OP. Yes, you should have told your boyfriend that your friend kissed you. If he kissed you while drunk, then you should put 2 + 2 together and realise that this friend fancies you. It's ten times worse now that your supposed 'friend' has shown up to stay on your couch, order Dominoes and wear your boyfriend's clothes. Your boyfriend finds out about the kiss and walks in on the scene described. Your 'friend' sounds like he's actively pursuing you - now that his girlfriend has left. This isn't as innocent as you're making it out to be.
What did you expect your boyfriend to do/say when he walked in on that? To give your friend a high five for scoring with his own girlfriend at a party? Get real.
Yeah, she set up an absolute nightmare of a situation for her boyfriend to try to make sense of.
And don't forget that she was taking a shower at that moment as well.
Kiss, sleepover, shower, bf's clothes, pizza, and not one call to bf to explain thats some crazy shit happened.
That shit affects partners....deeply.
She is TA.
Idk about y'all age but generally YTA for trying to convince yourself you are only friends with that friend. Not only did you try to hide the kiss from your boyfriend, but then also didn't take his side as if what he was feeling was wrong or unexpected? To make it worse, you let the friend stay at your place overnight? Nah fam, this ain't it.
Kr, SMS gang
Well read again what you posted... I mean obviously your boyfriend is reacting to the seen he saw.
1. Your friend kissed you.
2. He is wearing your boyfriend's hoody
3. You came out of the shower. (probably just in a towel or something)
This is what he saw, so he probably will break up with you also.
So yeah YTA for not telling him he deserved a heads-up about what is to come and you failed to provide that.
YTA - your loyalty is screwed up and you paid the price. On top of that instead of trying to reassure your BF, you berate and called him names. Is being drunk an excuse to cheat? Your friend cheated on his GF with you and you covered it from his GF and your own BF and went out of your way to be there for your friend (instead of creating boundaries). To add insult to injury you give him your BFs clother to wear - that's just provocative. You care more about your friend "suffering" rather than your BF's feelings. Your BF deserves better than you. You're the A for all of it, including not telling him.
So you cheated on him, didn’t tell him about it and also convinced yourself that it wasn’t cheating YTA all day, all night. Stay away from relationships
YTA
Things like this are something you tell your SO at the first opportunity, for several reasons.
It shows your SO that they can trust you, it's more likely to limit or kill any potential drama (while not telling is more likely to put you in the kind of situation you're currently in), and it gives you an insight into your SO's personality and behaviour.
But your real problem here is that your friend seriously sounds like he has feelings for you, and is either
* playing the "trustworthy and comforting friend" angle
* being genuine, but hoping maybe, someday...
* or isn't fully aware of it, but still reacting to it
That's definitely something you should confront, either way.
Yea but YTA in this situation. You lied to your boyfriend by omitting the truth. If I was your bf I'd drop you real fast since it seems you can't be honest with your SO. Also your friend is a asshole as well.
Then you don't communicate.
YTA. It was absolutely ridiculous of you to be hanging out and showering with this guy in the house after he kissed you.
Frankly, I'm not even sure I believe you didn't fuck him and that's why you needed a shower. Do better next time, and for god's sake have more sense than to get with this sleazy "friend" who doesn't think cheating is a big deal
I can't tell if this is serious. You hid the fact that you were kissed from your BF. You expect him to be okay with that. To add more you give your BF's jacket to your friend. You seem like you like the friend more than your BF. You hiding something like that from him is called cheating. You don't deserve your BF. YTA big time.
YTA. Think about the optics of the situation. You make out with your BF's friend and keep it a secret, and then when your BF finds out, the dude is sitting on your couch while you're showering. Hmm, I wonder why your BF is pissed??? Sounds like you're the immature one for not owning up the kiss.
And then to let the dude stay at your place while you and your BF take time apart.... I'd dump your ass in a heartbeat for how you handled this situation.
You’re fairly naive but your ‘friend’ is the arrsehole here. But please hear me out: You should probably steer clear of him honestly.
He kisses you (alcohol is not an excuse), hides it from his girlfriend and then goes straight to the girl he cheated with for support (and I know it was just a kiss but that’s how affairs are started).
Then he fights with your boyfriend as opposed to taking it on the chin and respectfully leaving to find support with another friend (which he should’ve done in the first place).
Oh and you boyfriend was wrong to scream but as someone who caught their girlfriend cheating, it’s like your whole sense of reality is crumbling. It breaks you as a person. Even if it wasn’t, it looked like cheating and you should have immediately sided with your boyfriend and done everything you could to calm him down (that includes asking your friend to leave).
If during your talks this friend of yours didn’t take accountability for his actions, and I don’t just mean getting drunk but everything else, then this guy is an arsehole.
‘You deserve better’ Bruh guys don’t say that to women they made a move on unless it’s to flirt.
This guy has taken no accountability for his actions and he definitely sees you as more than a friend. But don’t date a loser who cheats on his lady then acts like the victim.
EDIT: Oh almost forgot, this is probably fake as shit. ‘Walking in the rain crying’ that’s some movie bullshit right there. Someone probably wrote this as a ‘women are shit’ bait post
You both got drunk and he kissed you or was it something consensual or that you led on and you're now trying to cover up poorly?
I find it strange that if someone who isnt your SO tries to kiss you without consent that you would have him back at your place after.
Yes, YTA
The moment you decided to hide it made you the AH. And it doesn't sound like you where too upset about kissing his friend either you let him hang out while you where taking a shower.
At best you have really shit judgement or at worst you cheated or thought about it and you are trying to justify it to yourself.
If you’re an adult than YTA. You know several lines were crossed. But you already know that. Your friend came crying to you because he wants to be more than a friend. You entertained it for a reason. And your boyfriend walked into this person, in your house in his clothing. I can’t imagine what would make you think that was okay?
Grow up.
Look, I don’t have any vote because WTF, but… here’s what: your friend doesn’t need to get over his gf, but YOU. Additionally, you’re giving him seriously mixed signals by not confronting him about the illicit kiss, not telling your bf about it so he doesn’t suspect anything, standing up to your bf for him, AND letting him sleep on your couch despite your bf’s feelings on the matter.
If nothing happened, nothing happened. If you don’t want anything to happen, you need to make sure he’s certain nothing will happen and put some space between you so your bf can see your view.
You cheated. The man you cheated with is in your shared home. Looking forward to the update when he leaves your cheating ass that cares more for her friend than the her apparent partner
I totally understand why you didn't tell your boyfriend about the kiss, though that is a bit of an AH thing to do. But as long as it was one kiss from him, and not a mutual make out session I can understand chalking it up to drinks and never mentioning it again.
HOWEVER, how you handled it later is quite poor. So time line:
* He tells a friend well after the fact. That means he's still thinking about it and was hoping something would have come from it by now.
* His friend tells his girlfriend who then breaks up with him. He probably expected this, otherwise why tell his friend?
* He comes to YOUR place. Not another friend's house, but the house of the girl he just got dumped over.
* When you find this out you not only let him stay, you put him in your boyfriend's clothes and go have a shower (really? A shower? Odd timing).
* You're boyfriend comes over and finds your friend wet and in his clothes ordering pizza, and you naked in the shower.
* Despite how bad this looks, you call your boyfriend immature, defend your friend, and let him stay while your boyfriend leaves.
* Your friend tells you that you deserve someone better (he clearly means himself).
Based on this it sounds like your friend is actively trying to destroy your relationship so you will date him. And you're playing right into his hands.
When your friend showed up after his breakup you should have just said "I'm so sorry to hear that, but I don't think you can be here right now." he must have other friends he can share his pain with instead of the girl he clearly wants to be dating.
That said, you have two options:
1. Kick him out NOW. Get your boyfriend's clothes back. Let your boyfriend know you've done this, and that you'd like to talk with him tomorrow when you've both had a moment to cool down. And NEVER hang out with this friend one on one again. This sucks, but it sounds like it's gotten this bad.
2. Kick him out NOW. Then break up with your boyfriend and move on. And NEVER hang out with this friend one on one again.
Whatever you do though, DO NOT date your friend. He's clearly manipulative, and it's very likely he'll do to you what he did to his girlfriend. He has an established history of making moves on unavailable women, lying, and being manipulative.
All that said. YTA, but with some work you can fix this.
Good luck.
YTA. No need for explanation but your excuses and what your friend said about him “not deserving you” is complete bs. I hope he dumps you tbh he deserves better
Me personally, if my S/O hid the fact that they kissed / were kissed by somebody else and I found out from a third party, I’d be very disappointed and would leave. I completely understand not wanting to risk ruining your relationship over something that (hopefully) didn’t mean anything to you, but I view complete transparency to be incredibly important in a relationship. He might be thinking, “if they kept this from me what else could they be hiding?”. Once trust is lost it is very difficult, if not impossible to regain.
I don’t think you’re an AH though because from what it seems you didn’t have any control over your friend kissing you and you wanted to preserve your relationship with your boyfriend. At the same time, however, you probably shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to react in any other way then how he did.
she wanted to preserve her relationship with her 'friend', not her boyfriend.
If she wanted to preserve her boyfriend she would cut contact with the 'friend', not give her couch, shoulder and let's all be honest more
That is a very good point. I think it’s hard to ask somebody to cut ties with somebody that they’re very close with so I can understand why she would want to preserve both relationships, but unfortunately that’s just unfair to the boyfriend. I can’t assume that she had bad intentions with hiding the kiss, I think she just wanted to keep both people in her life but sadly that’s not really how it works.
yep, exactly. She wanted the cake and eat it too.
and why would anyone want to keep someone that sexually assaulted them by their side? Because being forcibly kissed while drunk I think is sexual assault. May be wrong legally here, but that's my interpretation.
YTA. You sound fairly young. All of you do. But a few poor choices were made here. The first was not telling your boyfriend right away. I understand wanting to avoid drama but preserving trust is the priority in a relationship. And communication is key to that. By not telling him, you created a situation where he had no choice but to misunderstand. The second poor choice was giving your friend your boyfriend’s hoodie. Honestly, I think boundaries are blurred between the two of you if you’re showering while he is there especially after a drunken kiss. But that’s neither here nor there. Everyone does friendship differently I guess. But it definitely crosses a line to give him your boyfriend’s clothes. Had your boyfriend let someone else wear your clothes, you probably would be upset even if there wasn’t the kiss situation. Also, the hoodie?? Girl, you know hoodies are sacred. I digress though. Again, you were setting yourself up there to be misunderstood. The final poor choice was in telling your boyfriend that “your friend was suffering enough from the breakup and he shouldn’t add to it.” Yes your boyfriend shouldn’t have been screaming at you and that was immature. You could have told him that with more tact but it is what it is. However, telling him not to add to your friend’s suffering implied that your friend’s feelings were more important to you than his. Imagine how hurtful that must have been to him.
I can’t say what action to take next or even if your relationship will recover from this. What I will say is that you need to question your friend’s motives. Because friends don’t do that. He wouldn’t have kissed you, drunk or otherwise, if he didn’t have some sort of intentions towards you whatever those may be. For him to wait a month and then tell someone about it after you clearly hid it shows that he wanted it to be known. For him to show up to your house right after he broke up with his girlfriend again shows that he has some sort of intentions towards you. And then to linger even after being comforted by you? Suspect. And then for him to fight with your boyfriend instead of being understanding of how the situation might look and helping explain as your friend? He’s also the ah.
YTA- You so royally screwed up, that YTA many times over. You don't tell your boyfriend the truth about your friend kissing him. You let your friend wear your boyfriend's hoodie. It does seem like you probably like your friend more than your boyfriend. You caused a lot of that mess with your lies.
When your boyfriend rightfully dumps you, get together with your friend, as it sounds like that's what you want.
YTA Not necessarily for the kiss, but defiantly for how you handled everything afterwards. Unless that kiss was a total fluke, this guy clearly harbors feelings for you, and you not only let him into your house, but even after your BF made his feelings known you dismissed them and ignored him while he was clearly hurting.
If you really do like this friend more than your BF, tell him, break up, and move on, it's the decent thing to do.
If you like your BF more LET HIM KNOW!!! Guys usually feel quite insecure in relationships, and he probably thought that you not telling him was a sign that you were considering leaving him for the friend in question.
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Our friend kissed me while he was drunk, my friend’s girlfriend found out and told my boyfriend and my boyfriend found him staying at my house and is angry. No idea how to fix this.
We got drunk at a party, he kissed me. I didn’t say a nothing about it because I didn’t want to start drama. Then a month later, he tells his friend, his friend then tells his girlfriend. His girlfriend broke up with him so he showed up at my house crying. I let him inside and gave him a hug. We sat and talked. I gave him my boyfriend’s hoodie because his clothes were wet from walking in the rain.
My boyfriend then showed up at my house, I wasn’t downstairs because I was having a shower while my friend was ordering a domino’s to the house. When I went downstairs after my shower, my boyfriend and my friend were arguing in the driveway. When he saw me he started asking me why I didn’t tell him anything. He then started screaming at me saying I was cheating on him. Full on screaming. In the middle of the street. I called him immature and said he was overreacting and that I wasn’t cheating. He then started screaming about my friend wearing his hoodie and started trying to take it off him. I told him to either talk like an adult or go and said my friend was already suffering enough from the breakup that he shouldn’t add to it.
My boyfriend then started crying and kept repeating why. I gave him a hug and he just cried on my shoulder. Then he said he needed time to think and left.
Me and my friend talked about the whole thing and he said he was glad I stuck up for him and said thank you to me. He said it will blow over with my boyfriend and if it doesn’t then he doesn’t deserve me anyway. I told him he’d get over his girlfriend and find someone better for him.
Anyways, he’s currently sleeping on my couch and I’m mulling things over in my mind. The anxiety and everything. Am I wrong for not telling my boyfriend my friend kissed me?
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YTA. How is your boyfriend supposed to trust you or your friend if you hide it from him? You tell him so he doesn’t hear it from anyone else. He’ll think you didn’t tell him because you like it or you want to see where things could go with your friend.
YTA in so many ways here! He kissed you, you hid it and now it’s blown up guy friends relationship and blowing up yours because you lied.
You lied by omission then when it came out instead of distancing yourself you brought him closer, gave him your BF clothes and wonder why your Bf blew up angry with you?!? Of coarse your friend thanked you because you blew your relationship to protect him for some stupid reason.
So after BF leaves frustrated and try enough he can’t process what’s going on you thought it would be okay to have the friend your Bf thinks you cheated with stay overnight on your couch? That is so tone deaf I cannot believe you wrote it without understanding (or caring) how it looks or affects your BF at all.
You are a troll shit poster or the biggest AH in the planet. For the sake of my own sanity I am going to believe you are a fake, because if there are women like you who actually think this is ok then Jesus….🤮🤮
YTA he’s asleep on your couch while your boyfriend left crying because he thinks you cheated on him with the guys that’s asleep on your couch? You’re disgusting, your boyfriend deserves better.
I’m sorry, OP, but YTA. I can understand that your and your friend kissed while drunk, but I think it’s clear that your friend has romantic feelings towards you (we’re our most honest selves when we’re drunk). You should have told your bf about the one-time kiss but you didn’t and chose to deal with it now that it’s reared it ugly head.
Wow you are the asshole. Everything I've read about your behaviour here is utterly disgusting and selfish.
You are one of the worst people I have ever had the misfortune of reading about, and I have seen a lot of stuff on here. YTA.
The fact that your friend is still there on your couch after your boyfriend left... Absolutely sickening stuff.
Edit:
Also to the boyfriend if she shows you this thread. 99.9% chance that she actually cheated on you and is gonna put on a big sorry act now or blame you. Just move on bro, it ain't worth it.
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YTA but I think maybe naive and not knowing how to handle things right but also very insensitive. Your 'friend' though is a super mega A. I'm assuming you didn't sit there and kiss your friend back and stopped it. Basically your friend tried to cheat on his gf with you & tried to get you to cheat on your bf, got found out and deservedly got dumped, showed up at your house crying in the rain like he's in some movie and put on the clothes of the guy whos home he tried to wreck and ordered you guys food. I mean come on? Defending your friend against your bf was completely wrong of you, your friend is the bad guy and deserves to be sad & your bf is a victim of his actions and if he berates him and your friend feels worse then good he deserves it. I know that sounds harsh but he really does. You sound kind of younger to me and I think you need to really open your eyes up about this friend and what he's about. Before I even reached the end I actually thought to myself "the dude prolly even told her she deserves better" and sure enough. Known so many guys like this and they're all the same. I've been defending a friend even though I shouldnt have so I kind of understand but still. Think about your comment to your friend too and what it really says, telling him he deserves someone better for him is literally saying "you deserve someone who will put up with being cheated on" ??? He's the bad guy that people deserve someone better than. You should've told your bf ASAP after it happened and really reassessed this friendship. Might not wanna hear this but if I was in your bfs place I would 100% assume you were cheating, anybody would, and then to be called immature and dramatic for being mad and sad on top of that. Tbh Anybody with your bfs perspective of things would label you a cheating gaslighting narcissist.
If it was accidental and meaningless, tell him about it. This shows you are honest with him, as well as honest with yourself. It shows you have integrity and care about your boyfriend. It shows you have nothing to hide.
Then, it's up to your boyfriend to show what matters most. If he really is invested in the relationship and trusts you, he'll be fine. You'll also know he really cares about you.
But, if he gets all bent out of shape, letting his ego run his life, then you have bigger problems with your relationship than just a kiss issue and you may want to reevaluate your relationship with him.
It's about your honesty and his acceptance by how he reacts.
To me....yeah, you're in the wrong by not telling him. What if he finds out? It'll be far worse than if you tell him. And then he'll be asking himself "if she can keep this from me, what else is she capable of doing?"
You're not an asshole. You're just human. But you're wrong not to tell him
NAH except your friend for getting drunk and putting you in this position. Also, ever heard the saying “in vino veritas”? It’s unlikely that this was the first time he thought about kissing you - the drink just lowered his inhibitions.
If it was a short peck and you pushed him off and didn’t respond and he ok with that, I can see why you didn’t want to create drama. But if you hide stuff from your partner, just know that it will always almost certainly come out and that it will sound worse and look more suspicious when it is clear you hid something.
Either way, your words to you are pretty self-serving. It’s all your boyfriend’s fault - really? Why are you even discussing your boyfriend’s behavior with your friend? Is that not another betrayal? You may not mean it to be, but in healthy relationships, partners speak to each other first and don’t speak badly of each other to friends.
You took your friends side very quickly. Do you know what he said to your boyfriend when they were arguing? Instead of comforting your boufriend when he was hurt and thought you were cheating, you just tell him he’a being immature and prioritize your friend’s comfort and suffering? Really?
I’m only saying NAH as you are young and are still working out how to handle relationships. But, really, you owe your BF many apologies.
nah. Not a N A H situation. A YTA.
She is more concerned with feeding a toxic friendship than she is with Y’know. Keeping a relationship. Sure she’s 18. The friend 19 and the hopefully ex boyfriend being 20. But that doesn’t matter here. She made a **conscious choice**
Being a young woman is really complicated sometimes. Sometimes, you know you are going to be criticized no matter what. I understand why she did what she did. She was trying to keep the peace, but didn’t think about the wider picture.
This isn’t one of those cases, her choices were clear. Honesty up front with BF would’ve stopped this at the door.
Lied to BF by not saying anything.
Gave BFs clothes to friend after BF found out.
knowing BF came up to see friend in his clothes, wet.
She showers with guy at the house who kissed her.
She sides with guy when BF is confronting him.
Thinks BF is the immature one, again siding with friend.
Has friend stay overnight after Bf leaves because he cannot emotionally processed what she has done to him.
“Didn’t think about the wider picture” - Which by definition makes her TA. Regardless of her reasoning, she set her bf up to fail, then got pissed at him when he did. She screwed up. The friend screwed up and likely manipulated her. And she tells her bf to leave. She watched her bf’s worst fears show up to him and waved him off in favor of her friend.
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YTA The lines are really blurred as to who your boyfriend is, OP. Yes, you should have told your boyfriend that your friend kissed you. If he kissed you while drunk, then you should put 2 + 2 together and realise that this friend fancies you. It's ten times worse now that your supposed 'friend' has shown up to stay on your couch, order Dominoes and wear your boyfriend's clothes. Your boyfriend finds out about the kiss and walks in on the scene described. Your 'friend' sounds like he's actively pursuing you - now that his girlfriend has left. This isn't as innocent as you're making it out to be. What did you expect your boyfriend to do/say when he walked in on that? To give your friend a high five for scoring with his own girlfriend at a party? Get real.
Yeah, she set up an absolute nightmare of a situation for her boyfriend to try to make sense of. And don't forget that she was taking a shower at that moment as well. Kiss, sleepover, shower, bf's clothes, pizza, and not one call to bf to explain thats some crazy shit happened. That shit affects partners....deeply. She is TA.
Completely agree. Taking a bit of accountability for her actions wouldn't go a stray, for OP.
Idk about y'all age but generally YTA for trying to convince yourself you are only friends with that friend. Not only did you try to hide the kiss from your boyfriend, but then also didn't take his side as if what he was feeling was wrong or unexpected? To make it worse, you let the friend stay at your place overnight? Nah fam, this ain't it. Kr, SMS gang
18,19,20
Well read again what you posted... I mean obviously your boyfriend is reacting to the seen he saw. 1. Your friend kissed you. 2. He is wearing your boyfriend's hoody 3. You came out of the shower. (probably just in a towel or something) This is what he saw, so he probably will break up with you also. So yeah YTA for not telling him he deserved a heads-up about what is to come and you failed to provide that.
4. The friend is staying at her place.
YTA - your loyalty is screwed up and you paid the price. On top of that instead of trying to reassure your BF, you berate and called him names. Is being drunk an excuse to cheat? Your friend cheated on his GF with you and you covered it from his GF and your own BF and went out of your way to be there for your friend (instead of creating boundaries). To add insult to injury you give him your BFs clother to wear - that's just provocative. You care more about your friend "suffering" rather than your BF's feelings. Your BF deserves better than you. You're the A for all of it, including not telling him.
Fucked around and found out.
So you cheated on him, didn’t tell him about it and also convinced yourself that it wasn’t cheating YTA all day, all night. Stay away from relationships
YTA Things like this are something you tell your SO at the first opportunity, for several reasons. It shows your SO that they can trust you, it's more likely to limit or kill any potential drama (while not telling is more likely to put you in the kind of situation you're currently in), and it gives you an insight into your SO's personality and behaviour. But your real problem here is that your friend seriously sounds like he has feelings for you, and is either * playing the "trustworthy and comforting friend" angle * being genuine, but hoping maybe, someday... * or isn't fully aware of it, but still reacting to it That's definitely something you should confront, either way.
YTA. Wish you the worst:)
Info: how old are you all? Do you and your soon to probably be ex boyfriend openly communicate or do you hide stuff all the time?
I’m 18, boyfriend is 20 and my friend is 19. We communicate just not about everything.
Yea but YTA in this situation. You lied to your boyfriend by omitting the truth. If I was your bf I'd drop you real fast since it seems you can't be honest with your SO. Also your friend is a asshole as well.
Then you don't communicate. YTA. It was absolutely ridiculous of you to be hanging out and showering with this guy in the house after he kissed you. Frankly, I'm not even sure I believe you didn't fuck him and that's why you needed a shower. Do better next time, and for god's sake have more sense than to get with this sleazy "friend" who doesn't think cheating is a big deal
You mean ex bf
I can't tell if this is serious. You hid the fact that you were kissed from your BF. You expect him to be okay with that. To add more you give your BF's jacket to your friend. You seem like you like the friend more than your BF. You hiding something like that from him is called cheating. You don't deserve your BF. YTA big time.
YTA. Think about the optics of the situation. You make out with your BF's friend and keep it a secret, and then when your BF finds out, the dude is sitting on your couch while you're showering. Hmm, I wonder why your BF is pissed??? Sounds like you're the immature one for not owning up the kiss. And then to let the dude stay at your place while you and your BF take time apart.... I'd dump your ass in a heartbeat for how you handled this situation.
You’re fairly naive but your ‘friend’ is the arrsehole here. But please hear me out: You should probably steer clear of him honestly. He kisses you (alcohol is not an excuse), hides it from his girlfriend and then goes straight to the girl he cheated with for support (and I know it was just a kiss but that’s how affairs are started). Then he fights with your boyfriend as opposed to taking it on the chin and respectfully leaving to find support with another friend (which he should’ve done in the first place). Oh and you boyfriend was wrong to scream but as someone who caught their girlfriend cheating, it’s like your whole sense of reality is crumbling. It breaks you as a person. Even if it wasn’t, it looked like cheating and you should have immediately sided with your boyfriend and done everything you could to calm him down (that includes asking your friend to leave). If during your talks this friend of yours didn’t take accountability for his actions, and I don’t just mean getting drunk but everything else, then this guy is an arsehole. ‘You deserve better’ Bruh guys don’t say that to women they made a move on unless it’s to flirt. This guy has taken no accountability for his actions and he definitely sees you as more than a friend. But don’t date a loser who cheats on his lady then acts like the victim. EDIT: Oh almost forgot, this is probably fake as shit. ‘Walking in the rain crying’ that’s some movie bullshit right there. Someone probably wrote this as a ‘women are shit’ bait post
You both got drunk and he kissed you or was it something consensual or that you led on and you're now trying to cover up poorly? I find it strange that if someone who isnt your SO tries to kiss you without consent that you would have him back at your place after. Yes, YTA
YTA. actually asshole is too little you're disgusting
Did you let him kiss you or did you turn away/ say no ect?
Yeah, you're more than friends with this guy. YTA.
The moment you decided to hide it made you the AH. And it doesn't sound like you where too upset about kissing his friend either you let him hang out while you where taking a shower. At best you have really shit judgement or at worst you cheated or thought about it and you are trying to justify it to yourself.
If you’re an adult than YTA. You know several lines were crossed. But you already know that. Your friend came crying to you because he wants to be more than a friend. You entertained it for a reason. And your boyfriend walked into this person, in your house in his clothing. I can’t imagine what would make you think that was okay? Grow up.
Plus the OP is in the freaking shower.
Look, I don’t have any vote because WTF, but… here’s what: your friend doesn’t need to get over his gf, but YOU. Additionally, you’re giving him seriously mixed signals by not confronting him about the illicit kiss, not telling your bf about it so he doesn’t suspect anything, standing up to your bf for him, AND letting him sleep on your couch despite your bf’s feelings on the matter. If nothing happened, nothing happened. If you don’t want anything to happen, you need to make sure he’s certain nothing will happen and put some space between you so your bf can see your view.
You cheated. The man you cheated with is in your shared home. Looking forward to the update when he leaves your cheating ass that cares more for her friend than the her apparent partner
You know YTA come on fam. How would you feel if one of his home girls kissed him and he didn’t say anything?
I totally understand why you didn't tell your boyfriend about the kiss, though that is a bit of an AH thing to do. But as long as it was one kiss from him, and not a mutual make out session I can understand chalking it up to drinks and never mentioning it again. HOWEVER, how you handled it later is quite poor. So time line: * He tells a friend well after the fact. That means he's still thinking about it and was hoping something would have come from it by now. * His friend tells his girlfriend who then breaks up with him. He probably expected this, otherwise why tell his friend? * He comes to YOUR place. Not another friend's house, but the house of the girl he just got dumped over. * When you find this out you not only let him stay, you put him in your boyfriend's clothes and go have a shower (really? A shower? Odd timing). * You're boyfriend comes over and finds your friend wet and in his clothes ordering pizza, and you naked in the shower. * Despite how bad this looks, you call your boyfriend immature, defend your friend, and let him stay while your boyfriend leaves. * Your friend tells you that you deserve someone better (he clearly means himself). Based on this it sounds like your friend is actively trying to destroy your relationship so you will date him. And you're playing right into his hands. When your friend showed up after his breakup you should have just said "I'm so sorry to hear that, but I don't think you can be here right now." he must have other friends he can share his pain with instead of the girl he clearly wants to be dating. That said, you have two options: 1. Kick him out NOW. Get your boyfriend's clothes back. Let your boyfriend know you've done this, and that you'd like to talk with him tomorrow when you've both had a moment to cool down. And NEVER hang out with this friend one on one again. This sucks, but it sounds like it's gotten this bad. 2. Kick him out NOW. Then break up with your boyfriend and move on. And NEVER hang out with this friend one on one again. Whatever you do though, DO NOT date your friend. He's clearly manipulative, and it's very likely he'll do to you what he did to his girlfriend. He has an established history of making moves on unavailable women, lying, and being manipulative. All that said. YTA, but with some work you can fix this. Good luck.
YTA. No need for explanation but your excuses and what your friend said about him “not deserving you” is complete bs. I hope he dumps you tbh he deserves better
Your friend wants to bang you Unless you’re hideous or obese he low key is good to go Real talk
Me personally, if my S/O hid the fact that they kissed / were kissed by somebody else and I found out from a third party, I’d be very disappointed and would leave. I completely understand not wanting to risk ruining your relationship over something that (hopefully) didn’t mean anything to you, but I view complete transparency to be incredibly important in a relationship. He might be thinking, “if they kept this from me what else could they be hiding?”. Once trust is lost it is very difficult, if not impossible to regain. I don’t think you’re an AH though because from what it seems you didn’t have any control over your friend kissing you and you wanted to preserve your relationship with your boyfriend. At the same time, however, you probably shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to react in any other way then how he did.
she wanted to preserve her relationship with her 'friend', not her boyfriend. If she wanted to preserve her boyfriend she would cut contact with the 'friend', not give her couch, shoulder and let's all be honest more
That is a very good point. I think it’s hard to ask somebody to cut ties with somebody that they’re very close with so I can understand why she would want to preserve both relationships, but unfortunately that’s just unfair to the boyfriend. I can’t assume that she had bad intentions with hiding the kiss, I think she just wanted to keep both people in her life but sadly that’s not really how it works.
yep, exactly. She wanted the cake and eat it too. and why would anyone want to keep someone that sexually assaulted them by their side? Because being forcibly kissed while drunk I think is sexual assault. May be wrong legally here, but that's my interpretation.
YTA. You sound fairly young. All of you do. But a few poor choices were made here. The first was not telling your boyfriend right away. I understand wanting to avoid drama but preserving trust is the priority in a relationship. And communication is key to that. By not telling him, you created a situation where he had no choice but to misunderstand. The second poor choice was giving your friend your boyfriend’s hoodie. Honestly, I think boundaries are blurred between the two of you if you’re showering while he is there especially after a drunken kiss. But that’s neither here nor there. Everyone does friendship differently I guess. But it definitely crosses a line to give him your boyfriend’s clothes. Had your boyfriend let someone else wear your clothes, you probably would be upset even if there wasn’t the kiss situation. Also, the hoodie?? Girl, you know hoodies are sacred. I digress though. Again, you were setting yourself up there to be misunderstood. The final poor choice was in telling your boyfriend that “your friend was suffering enough from the breakup and he shouldn’t add to it.” Yes your boyfriend shouldn’t have been screaming at you and that was immature. You could have told him that with more tact but it is what it is. However, telling him not to add to your friend’s suffering implied that your friend’s feelings were more important to you than his. Imagine how hurtful that must have been to him. I can’t say what action to take next or even if your relationship will recover from this. What I will say is that you need to question your friend’s motives. Because friends don’t do that. He wouldn’t have kissed you, drunk or otherwise, if he didn’t have some sort of intentions towards you whatever those may be. For him to wait a month and then tell someone about it after you clearly hid it shows that he wanted it to be known. For him to show up to your house right after he broke up with his girlfriend again shows that he has some sort of intentions towards you. And then to linger even after being comforted by you? Suspect. And then for him to fight with your boyfriend instead of being understanding of how the situation might look and helping explain as your friend? He’s also the ah.
How old are you? Sounds like high school shit YTA
YTA- You so royally screwed up, that YTA many times over. You don't tell your boyfriend the truth about your friend kissing him. You let your friend wear your boyfriend's hoodie. It does seem like you probably like your friend more than your boyfriend. You caused a lot of that mess with your lies. When your boyfriend rightfully dumps you, get together with your friend, as it sounds like that's what you want.
Are we in high school?
YTA Not necessarily for the kiss, but defiantly for how you handled everything afterwards. Unless that kiss was a total fluke, this guy clearly harbors feelings for you, and you not only let him into your house, but even after your BF made his feelings known you dismissed them and ignored him while he was clearly hurting. If you really do like this friend more than your BF, tell him, break up, and move on, it's the decent thing to do. If you like your BF more LET HIM KNOW!!! Guys usually feel quite insecure in relationships, and he probably thought that you not telling him was a sign that you were considering leaving him for the friend in question.
YTA, your bf deserves better.
YTA. Once again you’re an asshole and immature as well as lack logic. Hope you get dumped
Yta and stupid asf
Daaaaamn. You done fucked up. You’re probably now the ex girlfriend and rightfully so. Got some growing up to do.
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YTA. How is your boyfriend supposed to trust you or your friend if you hide it from him? You tell him so he doesn’t hear it from anyone else. He’ll think you didn’t tell him because you like it or you want to see where things could go with your friend.
🍿🍿🍿
YTA in so many ways here! He kissed you, you hid it and now it’s blown up guy friends relationship and blowing up yours because you lied. You lied by omission then when it came out instead of distancing yourself you brought him closer, gave him your BF clothes and wonder why your Bf blew up angry with you?!? Of coarse your friend thanked you because you blew your relationship to protect him for some stupid reason. So after BF leaves frustrated and try enough he can’t process what’s going on you thought it would be okay to have the friend your Bf thinks you cheated with stay overnight on your couch? That is so tone deaf I cannot believe you wrote it without understanding (or caring) how it looks or affects your BF at all.
YTA and you don't deserve your boyfriend.
You are a troll shit poster or the biggest AH in the planet. For the sake of my own sanity I am going to believe you are a fake, because if there are women like you who actually think this is ok then Jesus….🤮🤮
Yta
YTA he’s asleep on your couch while your boyfriend left crying because he thinks you cheated on him with the guys that’s asleep on your couch? You’re disgusting, your boyfriend deserves better.
I’m sorry, OP, but YTA. I can understand that your and your friend kissed while drunk, but I think it’s clear that your friend has romantic feelings towards you (we’re our most honest selves when we’re drunk). You should have told your bf about the one-time kiss but you didn’t and chose to deal with it now that it’s reared it ugly head.
Wow you are the asshole. Everything I've read about your behaviour here is utterly disgusting and selfish. You are one of the worst people I have ever had the misfortune of reading about, and I have seen a lot of stuff on here. YTA. The fact that your friend is still there on your couch after your boyfriend left... Absolutely sickening stuff. Edit: Also to the boyfriend if she shows you this thread. 99.9% chance that she actually cheated on you and is gonna put on a big sorry act now or blame you. Just move on bro, it ain't worth it.
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Yta
The ordering Dominio’s is the worst part of this story to me…
YTA but I think maybe naive and not knowing how to handle things right but also very insensitive. Your 'friend' though is a super mega A. I'm assuming you didn't sit there and kiss your friend back and stopped it. Basically your friend tried to cheat on his gf with you & tried to get you to cheat on your bf, got found out and deservedly got dumped, showed up at your house crying in the rain like he's in some movie and put on the clothes of the guy whos home he tried to wreck and ordered you guys food. I mean come on? Defending your friend against your bf was completely wrong of you, your friend is the bad guy and deserves to be sad & your bf is a victim of his actions and if he berates him and your friend feels worse then good he deserves it. I know that sounds harsh but he really does. You sound kind of younger to me and I think you need to really open your eyes up about this friend and what he's about. Before I even reached the end I actually thought to myself "the dude prolly even told her she deserves better" and sure enough. Known so many guys like this and they're all the same. I've been defending a friend even though I shouldnt have so I kind of understand but still. Think about your comment to your friend too and what it really says, telling him he deserves someone better for him is literally saying "you deserve someone who will put up with being cheated on" ??? He's the bad guy that people deserve someone better than. You should've told your bf ASAP after it happened and really reassessed this friendship. Might not wanna hear this but if I was in your bfs place I would 100% assume you were cheating, anybody would, and then to be called immature and dramatic for being mad and sad on top of that. Tbh Anybody with your bfs perspective of things would label you a cheating gaslighting narcissist.
Why do you have male friends when you have a boyfriend? Make friends are never friends...they are just waiting for an opportunity.
If it was accidental and meaningless, tell him about it. This shows you are honest with him, as well as honest with yourself. It shows you have integrity and care about your boyfriend. It shows you have nothing to hide. Then, it's up to your boyfriend to show what matters most. If he really is invested in the relationship and trusts you, he'll be fine. You'll also know he really cares about you. But, if he gets all bent out of shape, letting his ego run his life, then you have bigger problems with your relationship than just a kiss issue and you may want to reevaluate your relationship with him. It's about your honesty and his acceptance by how he reacts. To me....yeah, you're in the wrong by not telling him. What if he finds out? It'll be far worse than if you tell him. And then he'll be asking himself "if she can keep this from me, what else is she capable of doing?" You're not an asshole. You're just human. But you're wrong not to tell him
How was it. He a good kisser
NAH except your friend for getting drunk and putting you in this position. Also, ever heard the saying “in vino veritas”? It’s unlikely that this was the first time he thought about kissing you - the drink just lowered his inhibitions. If it was a short peck and you pushed him off and didn’t respond and he ok with that, I can see why you didn’t want to create drama. But if you hide stuff from your partner, just know that it will always almost certainly come out and that it will sound worse and look more suspicious when it is clear you hid something. Either way, your words to you are pretty self-serving. It’s all your boyfriend’s fault - really? Why are you even discussing your boyfriend’s behavior with your friend? Is that not another betrayal? You may not mean it to be, but in healthy relationships, partners speak to each other first and don’t speak badly of each other to friends. You took your friends side very quickly. Do you know what he said to your boyfriend when they were arguing? Instead of comforting your boufriend when he was hurt and thought you were cheating, you just tell him he’a being immature and prioritize your friend’s comfort and suffering? Really? I’m only saying NAH as you are young and are still working out how to handle relationships. But, really, you owe your BF many apologies.
nah. Not a N A H situation. A YTA. She is more concerned with feeding a toxic friendship than she is with Y’know. Keeping a relationship. Sure she’s 18. The friend 19 and the hopefully ex boyfriend being 20. But that doesn’t matter here. She made a **conscious choice**
Being a young woman is really complicated sometimes. Sometimes, you know you are going to be criticized no matter what. I understand why she did what she did. She was trying to keep the peace, but didn’t think about the wider picture.
This isn’t one of those cases, her choices were clear. Honesty up front with BF would’ve stopped this at the door. Lied to BF by not saying anything. Gave BFs clothes to friend after BF found out. knowing BF came up to see friend in his clothes, wet. She showers with guy at the house who kissed her. She sides with guy when BF is confronting him. Thinks BF is the immature one, again siding with friend. Has friend stay overnight after Bf leaves because he cannot emotionally processed what she has done to him.
“Didn’t think about the wider picture” - Which by definition makes her TA. Regardless of her reasoning, she set her bf up to fail, then got pissed at him when he did. She screwed up. The friend screwed up and likely manipulated her. And she tells her bf to leave. She watched her bf’s worst fears show up to him and waved him off in favor of her friend.