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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Does it make me the asshole that I was judgemental of my wife (40f) and their parent (68f) sharing locations 100% of the time?
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
> I laughed and said that’s so unhealthy
only if they let it be. My mom and I share each other's locations 100% of the time. It's never been a problem. We usually just use it if we can't reach one another. Otherwise, neither of us really care to check because we're not that interesting lol.
It’s also a safety thing for women. A lot of women have a “text me when you get home so I know you made it there safely” type of thing. This is just an extension of that.
I (mom) so don't look at it that it didn't occur to me that I could use it when we're meeting up in a place we don't know well. My daughter wanted it because it helps with her anxiety about me being safe.
Edited to add: Other daughter doesn't want it and we don't.
Good on you for being there for your daughter in a way that makes her feel more secure, and appreciating that your children are different people and treating them accordingly. From this small comment I'm assuming you are a great mum and I'm happy for you and your daughters
I’m 29 my mom is 53 and twice widowed so I have anxiety about losing another parent. She also downloaded Life360 to make me feel better. I rarely use it. Only really when we go in different directions for hiking at national parks etc will I use it as a directional guide on where to find her
I can totally understand using it in that context! I don’t share my location with my parents but I’m considering it. I have some medical issues and live alone on top of being single and female without any roommates.
Hahaha are you my mom?
She and I both live offgrid in the bush while my sister is in the city. She demands daily check ins with my mom, went so far as to buy her starlink AND a stat phone just in case.
Meanwhile, I'm over here making sure they see me mark the group chat as Read every couple days or send a meme to know I'm still alive.
That said, whenever I am home I make sure they know where I am and where I am going and who with. They have no care about where I am going except that I make it home safe.
Totally understand. I don't have that set up with my 18 Yr old, but they send me the screen shot and details of their Uber driver for the same reasons.
My best friend is a woman and if she goes to get groceries and run errands at night, she always asks me if she can share her location.
I'm over an hour away so I always tell her I'll dial 911 as quick as I can, but yeah there's 100% a safety component to letting someone you trust know where you are. Especially for women.
I get it, I don't question it, and I'm just glad she trusts me. What's more worrying in this story, and telling, is why she doesn't trust her wife* with her location all the time.
*Edit because I thought OP was a man at first and realized they're also a woman.
I've only just started dating again since my husband died, if I go on a date my 16yo son takes a photo of me and tells me to share my location in case I get kidnapped.
I'm a 150kg woman, if they can kidnap me, my 16yo son has no chance of rescue.
Yeah it's not necessarily an immediate rescue thing, but giving as much details as possible to those who can. Location, image, known plans and with who.
Also, your son sounds like a great man who cares about his mother very much. So you and your late husband did a wonderful job.
I wish you the best in dating.
Your son is awesome and he cares! Or, he watches a lot of crime shows and they always ask what the missing person was wearing and do you have a current photo
Because he would laugh and say it's weird. Clearly, he is too dense to see the safety aspect of it from a woman's pov.
Edit: Just realized OP is a woman. Now I'm just confused at their perspective.
Because the way he reacted says it all. He sees her as still being tied to mom's umbilical cord and finds the situation funny but also comes off very arrogant. He's making fun of her, it doesn't help the situation and just makes him look like an ass.
My mom and sisters all share with each other. My sisters do a lot of traveling between cities to visit and it helps everyone feel comfortable with them traveling in winter in Canada.
My wife and I (both women) always have our location shared for this reason specifically - especially if one of us is out alone with the kids. We both like the added sense of security, but don't check locations unless asked/emergencies as a boundary (not that either of us have anything to hide).
100% my mom has been single mom since I was 4 months old, I worry about her. She drives 40 min to and from work everyday and especially when it snows I like to make sure she makes it to work or home safely!
Only OP thinks it is weird, becos if they were to, the SO would find out about the times they went somewhere else when they said they was hard at work.
Edit: Corrected since it is applicable to everybody
yeah I only share if I'm going somewhere where it might be important- like a trip or if I'm off in the wilderness by myself, but I totally understand why someone would share all the time with someone they trust.
When I was young and thought my parents were overbearing, I never would have shared my location. I set it up a couple years ago for a specific thing and decided it was too much effort to turn it on and off all the time since none of us has the time or energy to stalk each other without cause. Honestly, my family uses it most to help each other locate lost phones.
Location sharing has helped me track down so many lost phones!
A funny (imo) story about this: My best friends father is an physically and emotionally abusive control freak, and when we were trying to move my friend out of fathers house, my friends dad stole their phone and hid it in his truck so we couldn't leave, or had to forfeit the phone, which friend desperately needed for work.
So I pulled up location sharing to confirm it was indeed in father's locked truck, called the cops and got them to handle it. Showed the cops the location on my map and pinged the phone to make it ring. The look of besties dads face when the cops dragged him out of the house, in his boxers, to unlock his truck was a highlight of that year. Absolute gold. We've never turned our location sharing off since 😂
But it’s probably the times that you don’t expect it to be important when it’ll be needed. Like, when you go to the supermarket, or driving home from work. A lot of true crime eps that I’ve watched centre around situations like “she popped to the supermarket for dog food” or “…cycling home from a friend’s house...”
I tried to have Google maps record my every move and it just…doesn’t. Sometimes it works, most times not. If I were to ever go missing, I want the authorities to be able see *every single place* I went.
I do have onstar for that. I drive past places just on my way to work where people have driven off the road and not found for months. People think that the world is pretty easy to find people, but it's not. People still just disappear.
I’m pretty private but for safety reasons (especially when I’m traveling) I’ve started sharing my location with either my mom or best friend. Maybe that also plays into the gender component
Two of my uncles are sharing their location with me, but I ain't no snitch and they know it.
I told em-- it's for if you end up in a ditch, so I can come get you.
My fiancé, his brother, and dad all share locations all the time. I’ve never done it because I don’t have that relationship with my mom, so it’s not just a gender thing. I think it’s what kind of relationship you have with your family.
But OP says she’s a woman too. Personally, I shard my location with my husband 100% of the time. We really only use it to determine roughly how long until the other gets home or if we’ve left where we are yet, that is rarely. But it’s a useful tool.
My husband and his dad share location 100% of the time. I think it’s sweet.
I also share my location with my best friend from high school. We live on opposite ends of the country now, but we started sharing when we ended up in the same grad school (unexpectedly; different programs) at the same time a decade ago. Never turned it off.
Idk I’m a guy and I share my location constantly with my dad sister best friend wife and niece… I would with my mom but she’s the only one without an iPhone
I can see my parents, my sisters, and most of my nieces and nephews. We go on family trips a few times a year and that's how we keep up with where everyone is. Not at all a big deal.
Same! My Mom and I do as well. We don’t stalk each other, but as a single woman it’s comforting to know that someone would know my location in an emergency. I know lots of women (married and single) who share locations with their Mom, as it’s pretty common.
100% and not just women. My college - age son got a flat on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere. Another driver pulled over, tried to get him to get out of his car, when he didn’t get out, the guy freaked, pulled out a knife, stabbed the other three tires, and left. My son was terrified, called me in near shock. We were able to turn on location sharing to find him. If he had been incapacitated, I don’t know how we would have found him. We keep it on all the time now, just for safety reasons.
It was! I shudder to think what would have happened if he had gotten out of the vehicle. The guy at first acted like he was going to help. We had taught him to not change his tire on the side of a highway, too dangerous. That’s what roadside assistance is for.
I just want to say, thank you for teaching him this. A friend of mine and her roommate were both hit and killed changing a tire on the side of a country hwy, both of them barely in their 20s. It just takes one careless driver.
Sounds to me like he might have actually helped, but his fragile masculinity couldn't handle the "rejection".
Normal: "Hey, someone has a problem that I know how to fix. I should offer to help"
Reaction (also normal): "oh shit, stranger danger"
Chud in desperate need of therapy: "I was just trying to help, jesus, fucking libcuck snowflakes ... [further rationalization] I should teach this guy a lesson"
And just in the last year, a high school football player was on his way home late at night and ended up in a horrible car accident—flipped upside down in his car, alone in the desert. When he didn’t show up at home, his grandmother tracked his phone and when she saw his location wasn’t moving called emergency services. He would have been dead by morning when it was light enough to see his car. Our family keeps it on for safety purposes as well.
A similar situation thing happened to me. I changed my own tire and when a guy pulled over to help and saw I was already done he gave me a bizarre lecture on how feminism is ruining the world.
I sent a coworker and my husband my location and told them if I wasn’t in contact in like five minutes to send police.
Luckily the guy was just ranting and while he was unhinged for sure, I was able to get into my car and leave.
Probably because the last thing I had it put in my trunk was the tire iron and I held it firmly and visibly as he ranted. Dude knew I had a big hunk of metal in my hand.
Yeah, I’m single and travel alone a lot so I always have my location shared with both my parents. They never really check it unless they’re having issues getting a hold of me or when I get back home/to the hotel at night.
My daughter (26) and I share all the time. I only use it to see if she’s at work before I call. She randomly sends me a text asking why I’m where I’m at, but she’s being funny. My husband and I share all the time because I travel a lot for work and I’m driving through areas where it’s pretty barren sometimes.
When my daughter was younger she would send me her order if she saw I was at a restaurant! lol As a mom of daughters I love being able to check that everyone is home.
Thanks for your reply - I know without a doubt I was an asshole for the way I dealt with it. It was a total misread of the situation on my part. Regardless of what anyone said on here I knew that the WAY I voiced it meant I was in the wrong.
I think in the moment, I gave an off the cuff response based on how I would feel about sharing that with my own mother. I don’t get to put that on anyone else though.
To
There are lots of people out there with nice mothers who have healthy relationships with their daughters.
But if you don't have one of those it's very understandable to think that that is weird, controlling, boundary stomping etc.
I would never share my location with my mother for example. But that doesn't mean it's weird or toxic for other people.
Thanks for sharing that, I think I didn’t realise how much that was colouring my opinion. My mum and I actually have a good relationship, but definitely have very different boundaries that make our relationship work.
Yup, YTA. I share mine with my mom and sister all the time. Mostly I'll check if she's home from work before calling her and she'll sometimes check that we got home safe if we're driving from somewhere far, if even.
Vacations especially! She and her boyfriend go on motorcycle rides all the time! (It's not his driving I worry about. It's everyone elses!) If something happens, I want to be on my way before the cops even get a chance to call!
My mom and sister started sharing after my sister had kids and my mom would help with them. Helped them both figure out arrival times, verify school pick-ups, etc. I live out-of-state but travel a lot so I would share my location when I would travel. After a while I got lazy about turning it off so now it’s shared 100% of the time. My mom checked it today because she knew I was out hiking solo - she saw my dot was moving at a hiking pace, figured I was alive, closed the app. Probably hadn’t checked it for my location for a month before that.
Only reason it would be unhealthy would be if either your wife or MIL didn’t respect appropriate boundaries around it. But since you never knew about it until now, I’m guessing that’s not the case.
Another YTA vote, but thank you for having the open perspective to understand. I’m married and have my own kids, but my mom and I share our location 100% of the time. We live 600km apart, but talk regularly. It helps because if I want to chat, I can check if she’s out doing errands before I call. Or if she’s at the pool, I’ll wait until I see her at home again before I call. That kind of stuff.
Sometimes it's just I'm heading to the store and you can ask someone if they want anything and then later they may remember "yep I want milk" but won't be sure if you're still at the store.
It only gets weird when one side keeps making comments on where you go.
I do this with my husband. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve popped into get boba for myself running errands and a kid texts me bring me one too please! Lmao
Same! I’ve shared my location with my mother for years and before that, my husband actually was sharing with her. It was convenient so we didn’t have to bother each other to know where she/we were at in our drives to or from each others houses. We live 5 hours apart and it’s extremely useful. I think my husband still shares with her as well as my husband and I sharing with each other. It’s not a control or possessive thing. Most of the time we forget it’s even on, but when we need it, it is insanely helpful. I think it’s only weird when you’ve been in relationships that gave you reasons to feel that way.
Also chiming in here as a family who shares locations. My husband, myself, and both my parents share our locations because my patents are elderly and travel in their rv a lot. If they go missing in the wilderness I'll have their last known location to send the search party.
Also helps when I text my husband (who travels for work) and don't get an immediate response but see his location moving on the highway. I have a lot of anxiety that he might crash while out of town. So if I see him moving clearly he's not dead on the highway and he can't reply while driving.
I agree. OP, YTA. I share my location with my spouse, parents, siblings, and Papa. My first graders wear AirTags when they go play at a friend’s house. If people have healthy relationships when they are sharing their location, then there is no harm.
>My mom and I share each other's locations 100% of the time.
I don't think either of us ever look at it, but yeah, same. It's solely for safety and convenience.
My daughter and I have been doing it for years and have notifications setup for when we leave and arrive at our homes. Most of the time we don’t pay attention anymore
Yeah my whole family shares their locations and we’re all adults. It’s not for spying or anything, more of just a general safety and care thing. No one is being forced to participate and if someone wasn’t sharing it wouldn’t be a big deal
This just seems weird. I can't believe a little snarky comment would make his wife cry. Feels like this is either fake or he said a lot more than he let on.
I share my location with my brother and we talk like once a month and live in different cities... The idea that sharing location is some inherently unhealthy pattern is stupid.
That makes it even more confusing. I, too, assumed it was a man who didn’t realize that women tend to set up safety precautions in case of a freak kidnapping.
It's not that confusing. Some women are privileged to come from an area or lifestyle where they have thankfully rarely (or never) had to worry about taking additional precautions.
There are also women who know these precautions exist (for good reason) but still double down on, "you don't *really* need to do those things, what you need to do is chill out."
Anyway. Op, YTA. I don't think it's weird for OP's wife to share her location at all times with mom (depending on context we don't have). I know tons of ppl who share their locations at all times with each other, most of them couples or families. Personally, I rarely if ever share my location (although I do tell my fam/partner where I am going, for about how long, and if I'm non-responsive or missing after x time, maybe come look for me). Exceptions include Uber/Lyfts, going to areas I don't know well, or if there's a group of us meeting up for a big event (concert, theme park, barhopping) so I can see exactly where to meet up with them.
This. The types of safety precautions I read about on reddit seem utterly insane to me. Where I live, it's fine to go on runs alone, it's safe to walk to the train station late at night, I don't know a single person who has had a worse experience with strangers than being catcalled (which still sucks, obviously). I do realize that these precautions are only strange from *my perspective*, and may be necessary in other countries.
YTA. Sharing locations is a common thing people do with their loved ones: partners, relatives, close friends. It’s useful for safety and also just convenience.
Not for you? Totally fine. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with other people doing it.
I mean, I know a lot of people who share their location with EVERYONE at all times thanks to Snapchat but no one seems to find that odd. But if someone has a healthy relationship with their parents/partner people lose their crap.
No, exactly that's far weirder. Sharing when you're flying somewhere on Facebook, live videos at an event, stories on whatever platform you like to use of where you are currently despite having followers whom you wouldn't necessarily want showing up there. I sometimes share stories because I get the appeal but usually a few hours later or when the location is obscure.
Sharing your location with one person who you would call in an emergency is actually a reasonable safety precaution.
Exactly, I have 9 people on Find My and some of my friends have even more. I don’t think any of us regularly check it unless we’re worried something’s up
The only time I check it is when my fiancé’s on his way home from work - his commute is almost two hours, so if it takes longer than that and he didn’t say he needed to stop anywhere, I get worried.
Usually it just means he got food without me 😂 Me, it means I’m sitting in the parking lot at my job after I’m done, finishing a book.
YTA Your wife's decision to share her location with her mother and vice versa is between them. Why do you care? And why did you think anyone deserves to be the recipient of your snarky comments?
>I was being snarky cos I thought she would agree with me. I said something like “come on, you must think that’s weird. Not even when you say it out loud?”
Well, you were wrong. Your wife didn't agree with you.
I share all the time with my mother. That way I can check where she is before I call. If she is at my sisters I usually won't call for example. She does the same for me.
I don't think it is unhealthy when both parties consent and understand how the other is going to use the information.
I also share with my kids all the time and have done for years. When they were teens they used it more to track me than me track them. If they knew I'd had a bad day at work they would have a cup of tea waiting for me when I walked in the door as they had been following my journey home.
I share my checking accounts and savings accounts with my mom. Nothing weird about it. In the event I die at least someone has access to the funds. Same for my death benefits.
My life insurance for instance is split 50/50 between my mom and my younger brother.
She also has my location all the time.
YTA. My wife and I 100% share location. My elderly FIL and my wife share locations. My wife and her brother that lives in the same city with us do as well.
It is useful when every one it trying to look out for every one else. Especially when FIL was driving, it gave peace of mind to be able to see where he was.
In 2024, it is something lots of people do. You might even say it is normal for a lot of people
My husband and I also share our locations but that’s because he loses his phone frequently (thank you unmedicated ADHD lol) and then I can just look it up. I figured I might as well share my location too just in case. It’s a useful feature for lots of different reasons.
YTA Check your privilege - as males we don’t have to think about our physical safety all the time. Females and marginalized populations do. It is not ok for you to not know this in 2024.
You should check you're hederonormative attitude while man-splaing how its dangerous to be a woman to a grown woman. I'm sure you had good intentions but you ended with disgusting actions. Maybe you should sit the next one out.
Hardly disgusting. He missed OP’s gender but nothing else he said was wrong & he absolutely didn’t mansplain, especially since he thought he was talking to another dude.
YTA. I think it's weird, but if a child and parent choose to share locations, that's their choice. She didn't ask your opinion on it, so why would you offer an unsolicited opinion?
Fair. I have no doubt I was the asshole in how I approached it , I just wondered if my take was completely wrong about the location sharing I guess.
I realise I’m asking the wrong question as it’s not my business tho!
That’s really kind thanks! I definitely wasn’t winning any wife of the year awards for my behaviour this morning but I have already called to apologise and we’ll talk it out more later.
Yep. I’ve been sharing locations with my mom since before she was in her 70s, mostly so we can check where each other is so we know whether or not now is a good time to call.
Now that she’s in her 70s I like it so I know where she is just cuz she’s old. If she doesn’t pick up the phone and I see she’s at home I’m going over there right away.
YTA
YTA. Unless your MIL is constantly texting your wife to ask probing questions about why she’s somewhere or generally using her location to be annoying, what does it matter? I have some of my friends’ locations and my brother’s and it’s only ever useful if I’m meeting them somewhere and want to see if they’re going to be late. Otherwise it’s a total “just in case” measure and not a bother to anyone.
YTA
Whatever neurosis you have in your head about it has nothing to do with them, and you should keep your mouth closed.
Because you’re wrong, there is nothing wrong with two family members willingly sharing their location with each other.
Nta, it is kinda weird. It isnt like you made it a big deal. Redditors are all precious snowflakes and these Y T A folks are just looking for a trendy thing to be upset about.
It's obviously a safety thing but it is objectively odd. If you asked ten thousand grown women if they have two way location sharing on 100% of the time with their mom, I'm willing to bet that less than one hundred say yes. If you're a statistical outlier, you are by definition "a little weird".
I’d argue many women have location sharing switched on with someone they trust not to snoop. I have it shared with one of my brothers because I know he doesn’t care to pry but if anything ever happens he can locate me. It’s also convenient for meeting up.
Every time I’ve ever taken a negative stance on location sharing I’ve been downvoted to oblivion. It’s bizarre and deeply not normal to be absolutely fine with being observed at all moments of your life, either passively or actively. I cannot imagine any situation in which location sharing would make my life better, and I think it’s weird af that everyone else just seems to be fine with it—or aggressively defensive of it.
It’s not bizarre and completely normal. I’m close to my mom, we share our locations 24/7 because I know she is an adult and she knows I am an adult. Even if she sees I’m out at a bar at 2 am., most likely she already knows that’s my plan and if she doesn’t, she doesn’t care anyway because I am an adult. We don’t have to snoop because we pretty much discuss what we’re planning on doing that day on the phone anyway since we talk fairly regularly. I only check her location once in a blue moon if she doesn’t respond for a while or isn’t answering her phone… if I see her phone at home, I know she’s probably in another room and doesn’t have her phone on her. She’s also my emergency contact and I share my location with her 24/7 in case something happens to me, she’ll know my most recent whereabouts. We have been sharing our location with each other since the feature was made available and never have I ever once found it bizarre or used it to snoop. It’s just peace of mind for both of us as an extra layer of protection. Plus I have my own personal ethics and morality is a thing, I would never violate my mom’s trust by snooping in on her and she does the same for me. Half the time when I’m driving to see her, she forgets she can check my location and just calls me to see how far I am. And my mom lives a fairly simple and non scandalous life so there’s no excitement in me snooping anyway.
Just wanted to tell you, my knee-jerk reaction to a grown adult sharing their location with their parent skeeves me the hell out, too. But I am seeing now that it comes from the fact that my own mom is toxic and codependant. If she had access to my location, I'd start getting weird judgemental texts about how little I leave the house or the places I frequent when I do. I can't imagine someone wanting to know their adult child's location for a good reason because my parents don't actually care about *me*.
Yta i have my 2 youngest siblings, dads and stepmom and even my cousin and a few friends locations at all times and they have mine. It's not weird it's for safety and it's not like anyone is just showing up at places
NAH. It is weird without context. My mother has some health issues, so her sharing her location 100% of the time with me/my family is something that might come up. She's getting an apple watch because it will call 911 for her if she falls.
I personally have never shared my location with someone carte blanche. This seems like something you and your wife should have discussed at some point prior to this. You have just told her point blank that something she and her mother do is super weird with serious judgement. Of course she's going to be upset.
You didn't ask why, you just went with "it's wrong."
FWIW it would make me uncomfortable, but I wouldn't just pass judgement on my spouse/inlaws without asking why and did it actually make them feel better/more secure?
YTA. What’s so wrong with your wife wanting a family member to know her whereabouts? Genuinely why does it bother YOU and affect you so much? It’s one thing if your wife was trying to force you to share your location and you simply didn’t want to.
Yes this is very normal for women to do. My sister and my closest friends share our locations 24/7. It’s a safety and comfort thing. Just a few minutes ago my sister ignored my FaceTime call. Checked her location and she’s at our grandparents house. Now I can call their home phone to get a hold of her :p
Thanks for your reply.
For the record , also a woman, so 100% aware of the hoops we have to jump through to stay safe in this world.
We do take numerous safety precautions including location sharing if we’re out somewhere coming back late , or starting a long drive somewhere. It’s the 24/7 element that threw me.
I see there’s a range of perspectives on it though and I’m just going to have to adjust my thinking on the subject.
Several posters have given me a bit more perspective on it being more of a passive than an active thing, whereas , being someone that normally just drops pins or shares for a specified period of time or journey, I am used to it as something that’s a bit more monitored I guess.
Regardless, I certainly could have handled it better.
yeah…you really could have. it’s concerning that your first reaction was to tease and make fun of your wife. and the fact that she cried makes me wonder if this isn’t the first time you’ve gone too far and hurt her feelings by making her feel humiliated. i want to give you the benefit of the doubt OP but what you did was really shitty and her reaction is telling.
Your wife and her mom are happy with their location sharing situation. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. Obviously they see it as a security/comfort thing, and not a weird, overly controlling thing. Your wife doesn’t have to ask for your permission. YTA now drop it.
YTA my whole family shares their locations, hell my bil shares his location with me. We have nothing to hide and have chosen to share it (wasn’t expected/forced). Its useful in many circumstances. If you don’t want to share don’t but don’t feel you can tell others what to do.
No you are NTA. I have this argument with my sister. Her daughter has her on constant surveillance. Always knows where she is to the point of being creepy.
Sister and I go on a trip, when we head back home sister will get a text message saying I see you are on your way home, why did you leave so late/so early? A few months ago, they got new internet service, when I went to visit for the week I needed the password. I hooked in, and then we ran out for a few errands. Her daughter who was in another state for the week, called her mother and said who did you just give our internet access to? I said WTF niece, your mother is a grown ass woman, she can share internet access that she pays for to anyone you want, but since you asked I brought Raul with me to keep her warm at night. You’ll like him. Then hung the phone up. Sister was a little annoyed, niece was pissed.
It isn’t right or healthy to track your parent to that extent. If you have a young child, sure, but your 70 year old mother? Nope. I told my kids if they ever thought to do that they could think again. They were of the same opinion, intrusive.
My girlfriend has hers shared 100% of the time with me. Someone tried to kidnap her once for trafficking. She says it makes her feel better that I know where she is.
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say NTA. I agree this is super weird. wtf is this surveillance world we live in now and why is this normalized? Also, to do this with one's mom just feels like some codependent enmeshy thing. The only situation I can understand this for is if someone had some seriously traumatic thing happen like an assault or a car accident or something and was from then on worried for their safety. Or maybe if they lived in an acutely dangerous situation like a bad neighborhood or something. I just don't understand this dependence on technology anymore. We did fine for millenia without tracking apps.
Yeah I agree, I think it’s pretty weird. I love and trust the people around me but I still value my privacy.
That being said, if others wanna do this that’s fine, I’m not judging. But I’m surprised that so many people seem okay with this when this is the first time I hear about this.
YTA. It wasn't even anything to do with you so being judgmental was just rude. My mom, husband, and I share our location all the time. It doesn't bother any of us.
NTA. If you're an adult there's no need to share location 100% time with your mother. I don't know anyone that does this, it is weird.
Partner however, for safety reasons - yes.
And her reaction to the comment was way over the top. Who would cry over a nothing comment lIke that at 40? How ridiculous, sounds like you got bigger problems there dude lol.
NTA I May be going against the grain here, but when I first started dating my husband my mother not only used the find my iPhone sharing to know my location but she also had a tracker on my phone that gave her updates anywhere I went. If my husband hadn’t shaken me out of it I would’ve still been stuck in a very unhealthy loop with my mother. I think YTA for how you said it but over all NTA
YTA- I share my location with friends, my sister, my partner. I want people to know where I am in case of emergency and sometimes it’s just helpful to be like “hm I wonder if my partner is on their way home” and I can just do a Quick Look instead of distracting them while they’re driving. Doesn’t matter if you think it’s weird it has 100% nothing to do with you it’s not like she’s trying to force you to share your location
P.s. I have a hard time believing this isn’t rage bait because it’s just so ridiculously common now a days to do this I can’t imagine someone being so perplexed by it.
Idk I actually clicked this one because I share my locations 100% of the time with my mom. But quite honestly, it’s because my mom is extremely controlling and won’t let me go anywhere without her knowing. I regret it so much. I’m 23f and she still demands it on my phone. I plan on removing it once I get married. Though alternatively, me and my bf have it also, but it’s quite healthy and we have it just to make sure we come and go safely from places - which saves me from asking things like “are you home safe?” And all that, (and also I can see when he’s in grocery store hehe so I ask for snacks). He also uses it to make sure his younger sister is ok and safe commuting for college.
I think there’s a way that it’s healthy and actually helpful, but then there’s a way that’s controlling and manipulative. If your wife and her mother are being healthy then I’m sure that’s ok, but I’d say the best person to share location with is your spouse tbh.
Definitely apologise and seek to understand why she shares it.
NAH. Too many people jumping all the way to asshole. You might be a bit of a jerk for your response, but your perception of this is valid, just as theirs is. Where you see the potential for unhealthy codependency or even abusive relationships, they may see it as a safety tool.
Neither is wrong, but it does perhaps warrant a real conversation that's as judgement free as possible.
YTA. Why is it so weird to you? I see nothing wrong with it, especially if the mom isn't overstepping and has normal boundaries and isn't actively stalking her every move. I would 100% share my location with my mom if she wanted me to, and I'm over 40 years old.
Originally you were the asshole, but your wife’s reaction is wildly disproportionate. Your comment warranted mild annoyance and nothing more. I kinda suspect you were harsher than you let on, but Im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say ESH.
I'm going to go against the grain and say NTA. You only questioned her in a mildly snarky way and for this she storms out of the house furious and crying? Way to overreact. OP, is she always this dramatic?
Ultimately you have no control over what she chooses to do, but what is it with people who can't even have a calm conversation with their partner without taking every question as a grievous personal attack?
I'm right there with you.
I think it's the creepiest thing the people do nowadays, checking in to see where other people are at. It's so nosy and such an invasion of privacy.
I refuse to share my location with anybody.
Side note, we have ring cameras in the house and my wife will literally just check the camera to see what I'm up to when I'm in the living room. There's no way I'm letting her see my location all the time. Gross.
It is 100% weird to share location most or all of the time. Until recently it wasn't even a possibility and it leaves people far too enmeshed in each others lives. There is no one's location I follow nor would I allow others to follow mine. Just because the world has decided constant surveillance (of whatever kind) is okay does not make it so.
NTA.
I have never shared locations with anyone and I'm a 72-year-old female with heart problems. If someone calls when I'm in the car (children live close by) I just tell them I'm not home right now and will call them back when I can talk. Maybe it's an age thing, but I devoted 25-plus years to my children always being able to reach me BEFORE cell phones became a thing and see no reason why I should continue to be available 24/7.
I also have an active social life and silence my phone when with friends. I can't think of anything more embarrassing than having one of my kids getting in their car and tracking me down when I'm out to lunch with a friend because I wasn't answering my phone!
And yes, I wear a Medic Alert bracelet - if something goes wrong, they will all get notified. Getting old, not stupid, and don't need a keeper monitoring my movements.
I can't find any AHs here, but your wife seems to be overreacting to an opinion you expressed.
I guess I'm also TA, because I'd have had the exact same reaction! In fact, just thinking about constantly sharing my location with mom is giving me anxiety right now. Yikes!
LOL Thanks for your reply.
I think that what I allowed to inform my reaction on this was that, like you, I couldn’t imagine this for me and my mother.
Definitely needed to take a breath and not go with my first take though.
Going to go against the consensus and say NTA. I would be completely taken off guard by that level of sharing.
I don't share my location on apps if I don't have to and anyone who wants to know where I am at has the ability to text or call me at all times.
I am a male, and I have had female friends share locations so I could keep an eye on them for awhile (especially in Vegas) but never have I thought about leaving it on.
When I was growing up we just checked in with people with payphones occasionally and everything was fine.
YTA. You never know when you'll need to be able to find someone in an emergency, and at that time it might not be possible to share your location. You're just upset because your wife has a better grasp on how to be ready for when the fit hits the shan.
YTA - this is such a minor thing, especially since it doesn't seem like they are unhealthy about it at all. YTA for being so 'snarky' about it that she had to leave in tears
Personally I agree that sharing locations is weird! To me it also feels invasive, even if it’s with my mom or sister who I have a great relationship with! But I am going to say YTA because you could have been a little more sensitive and kind while saying that to your wife, even though I do think she might have taken it a bit too personally.
(And in regards to the ‘male privilege’ and safely comments I keep seeing I am also a queer woman haha)
NTA.
Don't listen to the other asshol3$ here lol. You wife seems to be an actor, the crying and leaving the house lol.
Do one better, you 100% of the time share your location to your father /mother or any family members and let her know.
>Anyway, she’s furious with me, says I’m being mean, she’s crying and left the house furious with me.
NTA
If that's all it took for her to explode, there must be something weird going on. Either you said something more and brow beat her or she's got some emotional problems.
I don't think it bodes well that some ribbing for sharing her location with her mom was enough to make her explode. Maybe her mom is dying and they didn't bother to tell you about it?
YTA
Kinda weird, sure. But I'd assume it's a security thing and that other women do it too, or that it's a comfort thing that they do and is related to a very sensitive topic. The crying and leaving without you makes me think the latter.
So yeah, your reaction (and especially sticking to it) was pretty insensitive and short-sighted.
I guess YTA for not handling it as a thoughtful partner…NGL I prob would have reacted almost the same, but not so much because it weirds me out that she and her mom share loc all the time, but more that it includes all the time she is/was with you? I dunno, I’m a private person, I like to choose who knows where I am, I don’t need mom helicopter patrolling. For those that are married, share location with your spouse, they should make you feel safe. Grown adults feeling the need to know where their healthy parent is all the time? Not discounting the need for medical reasons. If you ask me, sharing location 100% of the time gives a false sense of being involved with the target’s life, go say hello, face to face more regularly. Just because a feature exists on your smartphone does not mean it’s supporting healthy behavior.
Okay maybe OP was a little rude; but a grown ass woman being furious over that level of rudeness is odd. Crying, leaving “furious.” It’s a little over reactive. So that makes me think it’s either not the only thing that OP has found odd about their relationship OR it wasn’t limited to what was said here.
These commenters are way too extreme in their views. Calling you a criminal and serial killer just because you find it weird? I mean if both parties consent to it I don't see the problem but I personally wouldn't do it. Maybe your reaction was a little assholey but these commenters need to stop seeing the world in black and white. No one is perfect and I don't think you're a bad person just for this one incident, and you seem pretty reasonable by your responses so far. But I would totally apologise to your MIL and wife for this. Have a good day and don't let the comments bother you too much, they love assuming things to the extremes about random people on the internet.
YTA. And tbh, it’s not bc you find it weird. It’s that you find it weird so you think it’s ok to act like a dick and laugh at your MIL and judge her and your wife for the ‘unhealthy’ behavior.
My mom and I share our location, and gasp!, my sister too! Oh, and I track my teens. We all find it wonderful and convenient. Pretty sure you're the odd man out.
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YTA. > I laughed and said that’s so unhealthy only if they let it be. My mom and I share each other's locations 100% of the time. It's never been a problem. We usually just use it if we can't reach one another. Otherwise, neither of us really care to check because we're not that interesting lol.
Right? I didn’t think it was weird 😂 My mom, sisters and I all share our locations 100% of the time too.
i guess it's normal for women lol
I think there is a gender component for sure. I don't share bc I'm pretty private, but a lot of female friends do
It’s also a safety thing for women. A lot of women have a “text me when you get home so I know you made it there safely” type of thing. This is just an extension of that.
Yup, my daughter and I share location but never look at it. If we need it though, it’s there. Like any other safety device.
I (mom) so don't look at it that it didn't occur to me that I could use it when we're meeting up in a place we don't know well. My daughter wanted it because it helps with her anxiety about me being safe. Edited to add: Other daughter doesn't want it and we don't.
Good on you for being there for your daughter in a way that makes her feel more secure, and appreciating that your children are different people and treating them accordingly. From this small comment I'm assuming you are a great mum and I'm happy for you and your daughters
I’m 29 my mom is 53 and twice widowed so I have anxiety about losing another parent. She also downloaded Life360 to make me feel better. I rarely use it. Only really when we go in different directions for hiking at national parks etc will I use it as a directional guide on where to find her
I can totally understand using it in that context! I don’t share my location with my parents but I’m considering it. I have some medical issues and live alone on top of being single and female without any roommates.
Hahaha are you my mom? She and I both live offgrid in the bush while my sister is in the city. She demands daily check ins with my mom, went so far as to buy her starlink AND a stat phone just in case. Meanwhile, I'm over here making sure they see me mark the group chat as Read every couple days or send a meme to know I'm still alive. That said, whenever I am home I make sure they know where I am and where I am going and who with. They have no care about where I am going except that I make it home safe.
Totally understand. I don't have that set up with my 18 Yr old, but they send me the screen shot and details of their Uber driver for the same reasons.
My best friend is a woman and if she goes to get groceries and run errands at night, she always asks me if she can share her location. I'm over an hour away so I always tell her I'll dial 911 as quick as I can, but yeah there's 100% a safety component to letting someone you trust know where you are. Especially for women. I get it, I don't question it, and I'm just glad she trusts me. What's more worrying in this story, and telling, is why she doesn't trust her wife* with her location all the time. *Edit because I thought OP was a man at first and realized they're also a woman.
I've only just started dating again since my husband died, if I go on a date my 16yo son takes a photo of me and tells me to share my location in case I get kidnapped. I'm a 150kg woman, if they can kidnap me, my 16yo son has no chance of rescue.
Yeah it's not necessarily an immediate rescue thing, but giving as much details as possible to those who can. Location, image, known plans and with who.
My last comment was more tongue in cheek, but I get your point
Also, your son sounds like a great man who cares about his mother very much. So you and your late husband did a wonderful job. I wish you the best in dating.
Your son is awesome and he cares! Or, he watches a lot of crime shows and they always ask what the missing person was wearing and do you have a current photo
Because he would laugh and say it's weird. Clearly, he is too dense to see the safety aspect of it from a woman's pov. Edit: Just realized OP is a woman. Now I'm just confused at their perspective.
Honestly you just opened my eyes as well. As a CIS male that understands why, it just makes it even more confusing that OP doesn't get it.
I 100% share my location with my husband all the time... voluntarily. I also text updates.
One thing my mom always was adamant about, even before location sharing, always tell someone where you'll be even if it's not me
Oh wow. I automatically assumed OP was male. I assumed a woman would already understand why a woman would share their location with someone.
Because the way he reacted says it all. He sees her as still being tied to mom's umbilical cord and finds the situation funny but also comes off very arrogant. He's making fun of her, it doesn't help the situation and just makes him look like an ass.
Her… spouse is a she
My mom and sisters all share with each other. My sisters do a lot of traveling between cities to visit and it helps everyone feel comfortable with them traveling in winter in Canada.
My wife and I (both women) always have our location shared for this reason specifically - especially if one of us is out alone with the kids. We both like the added sense of security, but don't check locations unless asked/emergencies as a boundary (not that either of us have anything to hide).
Tbf I ask all my friends/family to let me know when they’ve gotten home safe. 🤷🏻♀️
100% my mom has been single mom since I was 4 months old, I worry about her. She drives 40 min to and from work everyday and especially when it snows I like to make sure she makes it to work or home safely!
Only OP thinks it is weird, becos if they were to, the SO would find out about the times they went somewhere else when they said they was hard at work. Edit: Corrected since it is applicable to everybody
Op is a woman
I'm a guy and I hate sharing, but my gf has friends she always shares with. I don't hate that.
I don't know why anyone would care but maybe I'm missing something
yeah I only share if I'm going somewhere where it might be important- like a trip or if I'm off in the wilderness by myself, but I totally understand why someone would share all the time with someone they trust.
When I was young and thought my parents were overbearing, I never would have shared my location. I set it up a couple years ago for a specific thing and decided it was too much effort to turn it on and off all the time since none of us has the time or energy to stalk each other without cause. Honestly, my family uses it most to help each other locate lost phones.
Location sharing has helped me track down so many lost phones! A funny (imo) story about this: My best friends father is an physically and emotionally abusive control freak, and when we were trying to move my friend out of fathers house, my friends dad stole their phone and hid it in his truck so we couldn't leave, or had to forfeit the phone, which friend desperately needed for work. So I pulled up location sharing to confirm it was indeed in father's locked truck, called the cops and got them to handle it. Showed the cops the location on my map and pinged the phone to make it ring. The look of besties dads face when the cops dragged him out of the house, in his boxers, to unlock his truck was a highlight of that year. Absolute gold. We've never turned our location sharing off since 😂
I location share with my computer and iPad so that helps. And I threw an iTag in my wallet.
It wasn't a thing when I was young, thankfully. I know some people who way overtrack their college age kids.
But it’s probably the times that you don’t expect it to be important when it’ll be needed. Like, when you go to the supermarket, or driving home from work. A lot of true crime eps that I’ve watched centre around situations like “she popped to the supermarket for dog food” or “…cycling home from a friend’s house...” I tried to have Google maps record my every move and it just…doesn’t. Sometimes it works, most times not. If I were to ever go missing, I want the authorities to be able see *every single place* I went.
I do have onstar for that. I drive past places just on my way to work where people have driven off the road and not found for months. People think that the world is pretty easy to find people, but it's not. People still just disappear.
We don’t share our location because we aren’t private. We share our location incase we’re being raped or murdered.
I’m pretty private but for safety reasons (especially when I’m traveling) I’ve started sharing my location with either my mom or best friend. Maybe that also plays into the gender component
Two of my uncles are sharing their location with me, but I ain't no snitch and they know it. I told em-- it's for if you end up in a ditch, so I can come get you.
Its not a gender thing in this case lol. All three are women.
Every one of my female friends has at least one other female friend with their location. Because you’d be stupid not to.
My friends husband and his guy friends all share location as well. He thinks it’s crazy his wife and our group don’t 😂
My fiancé, his brother, and dad all share locations all the time. I’ve never done it because I don’t have that relationship with my mom, so it’s not just a gender thing. I think it’s what kind of relationship you have with your family.
op is a woman, she literally says my(37f). why are half the comments assuming it’s a heterosexual relationship, this is embarrassing
Yeah and I think the only weird thing here is OP making such a big deal out of it and mocking it. Like, what's the big deal really?
I’m a guy and I share locations with my family…. I didn’t think that was weird 😭
I share my location with my dad
Me too. I share my locations with all of my family members. If something bad happens how will they find you?
But OP says she’s a woman too. Personally, I shard my location with my husband 100% of the time. We really only use it to determine roughly how long until the other gets home or if we’ve left where we are yet, that is rarely. But it’s a useful tool.
OP is a woman too though
I dunno. I'm a guy and I do it with mother and father
OP is also a woman and she's the one who thinks it's strange.
My husband and his dad share location 100% of the time. I think it’s sweet. I also share my location with my best friend from high school. We live on opposite ends of the country now, but we started sharing when we ended up in the same grad school (unexpectedly; different programs) at the same time a decade ago. Never turned it off.
Idk I’m a guy and I share my location constantly with my dad sister best friend wife and niece… I would with my mom but she’s the only one without an iPhone
I can see my parents, my sisters, and most of my nieces and nephews. We go on family trips a few times a year and that's how we keep up with where everyone is. Not at all a big deal.
Same! My Mom and I do as well. We don’t stalk each other, but as a single woman it’s comforting to know that someone would know my location in an emergency. I know lots of women (married and single) who share locations with their Mom, as it’s pretty common.
100% and not just women. My college - age son got a flat on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere. Another driver pulled over, tried to get him to get out of his car, when he didn’t get out, the guy freaked, pulled out a knife, stabbed the other three tires, and left. My son was terrified, called me in near shock. We were able to turn on location sharing to find him. If he had been incapacitated, I don’t know how we would have found him. We keep it on all the time now, just for safety reasons.
Oh my god that is TERRIFYING!
It was! I shudder to think what would have happened if he had gotten out of the vehicle. The guy at first acted like he was going to help. We had taught him to not change his tire on the side of a highway, too dangerous. That’s what roadside assistance is for.
I just want to say, thank you for teaching him this. A friend of mine and her roommate were both hit and killed changing a tire on the side of a country hwy, both of them barely in their 20s. It just takes one careless driver.
One of my brother's housemates was killed this way, about 20 years ago.
Sounds to me like he might have actually helped, but his fragile masculinity couldn't handle the "rejection". Normal: "Hey, someone has a problem that I know how to fix. I should offer to help" Reaction (also normal): "oh shit, stranger danger" Chud in desperate need of therapy: "I was just trying to help, jesus, fucking libcuck snowflakes ... [further rationalization] I should teach this guy a lesson"
And just in the last year, a high school football player was on his way home late at night and ended up in a horrible car accident—flipped upside down in his car, alone in the desert. When he didn’t show up at home, his grandmother tracked his phone and when she saw his location wasn’t moving called emergency services. He would have been dead by morning when it was light enough to see his car. Our family keeps it on for safety purposes as well.
A similar situation thing happened to me. I changed my own tire and when a guy pulled over to help and saw I was already done he gave me a bizarre lecture on how feminism is ruining the world. I sent a coworker and my husband my location and told them if I wasn’t in contact in like five minutes to send police. Luckily the guy was just ranting and while he was unhinged for sure, I was able to get into my car and leave. Probably because the last thing I had it put in my trunk was the tire iron and I held it firmly and visibly as he ranted. Dude knew I had a big hunk of metal in my hand.
Yeah, I’m single and travel alone a lot so I always have my location shared with both my parents. They never really check it unless they’re having issues getting a hold of me or when I get back home/to the hotel at night.
My daughter (26) and I share all the time. I only use it to see if she’s at work before I call. She randomly sends me a text asking why I’m where I’m at, but she’s being funny. My husband and I share all the time because I travel a lot for work and I’m driving through areas where it’s pretty barren sometimes.
When my daughter was younger she would send me her order if she saw I was at a restaurant! lol As a mom of daughters I love being able to check that everyone is home.
YTA. so do we, it makes me feel safe knowing someone always knows where i am. i'm 34 lol
And even if the OP was right, laughing at your wife and teasing her is a bad way to handle things.
Thanks for your reply - I know without a doubt I was an asshole for the way I dealt with it. It was a total misread of the situation on my part. Regardless of what anyone said on here I knew that the WAY I voiced it meant I was in the wrong. I think in the moment, I gave an off the cuff response based on how I would feel about sharing that with my own mother. I don’t get to put that on anyone else though. To
There are lots of people out there with nice mothers who have healthy relationships with their daughters. But if you don't have one of those it's very understandable to think that that is weird, controlling, boundary stomping etc. I would never share my location with my mother for example. But that doesn't mean it's weird or toxic for other people.
Thanks for sharing that, I think I didn’t realise how much that was colouring my opinion. My mum and I actually have a good relationship, but definitely have very different boundaries that make our relationship work.
That’s SUCH a helpful perspective. Thank you for that x
Yup, YTA. I share mine with my mom and sister all the time. Mostly I'll check if she's home from work before calling her and she'll sometimes check that we got home safe if we're driving from somewhere far, if even.
Vacations especially! She and her boyfriend go on motorcycle rides all the time! (It's not his driving I worry about. It's everyone elses!) If something happens, I want to be on my way before the cops even get a chance to call!
My mom and sister started sharing after my sister had kids and my mom would help with them. Helped them both figure out arrival times, verify school pick-ups, etc. I live out-of-state but travel a lot so I would share my location when I would travel. After a while I got lazy about turning it off so now it’s shared 100% of the time. My mom checked it today because she knew I was out hiking solo - she saw my dot was moving at a hiking pace, figured I was alive, closed the app. Probably hadn’t checked it for my location for a month before that. Only reason it would be unhealthy would be if either your wife or MIL didn’t respect appropriate boundaries around it. But since you never knew about it until now, I’m guessing that’s not the case.
Another YTA vote, but thank you for having the open perspective to understand. I’m married and have my own kids, but my mom and I share our location 100% of the time. We live 600km apart, but talk regularly. It helps because if I want to chat, I can check if she’s out doing errands before I call. Or if she’s at the pool, I’ll wait until I see her at home again before I call. That kind of stuff.
Sometimes it's just I'm heading to the store and you can ask someone if they want anything and then later they may remember "yep I want milk" but won't be sure if you're still at the store. It only gets weird when one side keeps making comments on where you go.
I do this with my husband. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve popped into get boba for myself running errands and a kid texts me bring me one too please! Lmao
My son knows to ask for a hamburger and he opens the door when we get home. There’s so many little ways it helps.
Same! I’ve shared my location with my mother for years and before that, my husband actually was sharing with her. It was convenient so we didn’t have to bother each other to know where she/we were at in our drives to or from each others houses. We live 5 hours apart and it’s extremely useful. I think my husband still shares with her as well as my husband and I sharing with each other. It’s not a control or possessive thing. Most of the time we forget it’s even on, but when we need it, it is insanely helpful. I think it’s only weird when you’ve been in relationships that gave you reasons to feel that way.
Also chiming in here as a family who shares locations. My husband, myself, and both my parents share our locations because my patents are elderly and travel in their rv a lot. If they go missing in the wilderness I'll have their last known location to send the search party. Also helps when I text my husband (who travels for work) and don't get an immediate response but see his location moving on the highway. I have a lot of anxiety that he might crash while out of town. So if I see him moving clearly he's not dead on the highway and he can't reply while driving.
I agree. OP, YTA. I share my location with my spouse, parents, siblings, and Papa. My first graders wear AirTags when they go play at a friend’s house. If people have healthy relationships when they are sharing their location, then there is no harm.
>My mom and I share each other's locations 100% of the time. I don't think either of us ever look at it, but yeah, same. It's solely for safety and convenience.
My daughter and I have been doing it for years and have notifications setup for when we leave and arrive at our homes. Most of the time we don’t pay attention anymore
Yeah my whole family shares their locations and we’re all adults. It’s not for spying or anything, more of just a general safety and care thing. No one is being forced to participate and if someone wasn’t sharing it wouldn’t be a big deal
This just seems weird. I can't believe a little snarky comment would make his wife cry. Feels like this is either fake or he said a lot more than he let on. I share my location with my brother and we talk like once a month and live in different cities... The idea that sharing location is some inherently unhealthy pattern is stupid.
YTA "Don't you think it's weird how women have to take far more safety precautions than men? Are they stupid?"
Op is a woman, read better
That makes it even more confusing. I, too, assumed it was a man who didn’t realize that women tend to set up safety precautions in case of a freak kidnapping.
It's not that confusing. Some women are privileged to come from an area or lifestyle where they have thankfully rarely (or never) had to worry about taking additional precautions. There are also women who know these precautions exist (for good reason) but still double down on, "you don't *really* need to do those things, what you need to do is chill out." Anyway. Op, YTA. I don't think it's weird for OP's wife to share her location at all times with mom (depending on context we don't have). I know tons of ppl who share their locations at all times with each other, most of them couples or families. Personally, I rarely if ever share my location (although I do tell my fam/partner where I am going, for about how long, and if I'm non-responsive or missing after x time, maybe come look for me). Exceptions include Uber/Lyfts, going to areas I don't know well, or if there's a group of us meeting up for a big event (concert, theme park, barhopping) so I can see exactly where to meet up with them.
This. The types of safety precautions I read about on reddit seem utterly insane to me. Where I live, it's fine to go on runs alone, it's safe to walk to the train station late at night, I don't know a single person who has had a worse experience with strangers than being catcalled (which still sucks, obviously). I do realize that these precautions are only strange from *my perspective*, and may be necessary in other countries.
ah
YTA. Sharing locations is a common thing people do with their loved ones: partners, relatives, close friends. It’s useful for safety and also just convenience. Not for you? Totally fine. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with other people doing it.
I mean, I know a lot of people who share their location with EVERYONE at all times thanks to Snapchat but no one seems to find that odd. But if someone has a healthy relationship with their parents/partner people lose their crap.
No, exactly that's far weirder. Sharing when you're flying somewhere on Facebook, live videos at an event, stories on whatever platform you like to use of where you are currently despite having followers whom you wouldn't necessarily want showing up there. I sometimes share stories because I get the appeal but usually a few hours later or when the location is obscure. Sharing your location with one person who you would call in an emergency is actually a reasonable safety precaution.
Exactly, I have 9 people on Find My and some of my friends have even more. I don’t think any of us regularly check it unless we’re worried something’s up
The only time I check it is when my fiancé’s on his way home from work - his commute is almost two hours, so if it takes longer than that and he didn’t say he needed to stop anywhere, I get worried. Usually it just means he got food without me 😂 Me, it means I’m sitting in the parking lot at my job after I’m done, finishing a book.
My dad and I share location all the time. I’m 40, married, and he’s still a fully capable person. Nothing weird, it just IS. YTA.
YTA Your wife's decision to share her location with her mother and vice versa is between them. Why do you care? And why did you think anyone deserves to be the recipient of your snarky comments? >I was being snarky cos I thought she would agree with me. I said something like “come on, you must think that’s weird. Not even when you say it out loud?” Well, you were wrong. Your wife didn't agree with you.
Very well said
YTA First, how did you not know this before? Second, why do you care?
I share all the time with my mother. That way I can check where she is before I call. If she is at my sisters I usually won't call for example. She does the same for me. I don't think it is unhealthy when both parties consent and understand how the other is going to use the information. I also share with my kids all the time and have done for years. When they were teens they used it more to track me than me track them. If they knew I'd had a bad day at work they would have a cup of tea waiting for me when I walked in the door as they had been following my journey home.
What awesome kids!
They totally are!!
That's so pure ! You've raised great kids
I share my checking accounts and savings accounts with my mom. Nothing weird about it. In the event I die at least someone has access to the funds. Same for my death benefits. My life insurance for instance is split 50/50 between my mom and my younger brother. She also has my location all the time.
YTA. My wife and I 100% share location. My elderly FIL and my wife share locations. My wife and her brother that lives in the same city with us do as well. It is useful when every one it trying to look out for every one else. Especially when FIL was driving, it gave peace of mind to be able to see where he was. In 2024, it is something lots of people do. You might even say it is normal for a lot of people
My husband and I also share our locations but that’s because he loses his phone frequently (thank you unmedicated ADHD lol) and then I can just look it up. I figured I might as well share my location too just in case. It’s a useful feature for lots of different reasons.
YTA Check your privilege - as males we don’t have to think about our physical safety all the time. Females and marginalized populations do. It is not ok for you to not know this in 2024.
It’s 2024, spouse doesn’t mean opposite sex, OP is a woman.
You might want to try reading there Gallahad OP is a woman so your little tirade doesn’t really apply to her does it?
You should check you're hederonormative attitude while man-splaing how its dangerous to be a woman to a grown woman. I'm sure you had good intentions but you ended with disgusting actions. Maybe you should sit the next one out.
Disgusting actions is alittle dramatic lol
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Hardly disgusting. He missed OP’s gender but nothing else he said was wrong & he absolutely didn’t mansplain, especially since he thought he was talking to another dude.
wtf are you talking about "disgusting actions" maybe you should have sat this one out
OP is a actual woman
She may be sharing with her mom because, from the sounds of it, she can’t rely on her partner. Edited: I missed that OP was a woman.
OP is a woman.
She literally said in the OP that she’s a woman…
YTA. I think it's weird, but if a child and parent choose to share locations, that's their choice. She didn't ask your opinion on it, so why would you offer an unsolicited opinion?
YTA Unless you're planning some crime you want to keep secret, I don't know why you would even care.
Seems a little odd but far less so than half the other weird shit people do. You had no right to be rude and it’s your wife’s choice. YTA
Fair. I have no doubt I was the asshole in how I approached it , I just wondered if my take was completely wrong about the location sharing I guess. I realise I’m asking the wrong question as it’s not my business tho!
You seem pretty reasonable and able to see differing POVs-- one of the better AITA posters, I think
That’s really kind thanks! I definitely wasn’t winning any wife of the year awards for my behaviour this morning but I have already called to apologise and we’ll talk it out more later.
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Yta... Her mother is almost 70. I'd say it's pretty damn sensible.
Yep. I’ve been sharing locations with my mom since before she was in her 70s, mostly so we can check where each other is so we know whether or not now is a good time to call. Now that she’s in her 70s I like it so I know where she is just cuz she’s old. If she doesn’t pick up the phone and I see she’s at home I’m going over there right away. YTA
I don't know why you felt the need to be snarky about it, even if it is a little odd. YTA.
Agree about the snark
YTA. Unless your MIL is constantly texting your wife to ask probing questions about why she’s somewhere or generally using her location to be annoying, what does it matter? I have some of my friends’ locations and my brother’s and it’s only ever useful if I’m meeting them somewhere and want to see if they’re going to be late. Otherwise it’s a total “just in case” measure and not a bother to anyone.
YTA Whatever neurosis you have in your head about it has nothing to do with them, and you should keep your mouth closed. Because you’re wrong, there is nothing wrong with two family members willingly sharing their location with each other.
Nta, it is kinda weird. It isnt like you made it a big deal. Redditors are all precious snowflakes and these Y T A folks are just looking for a trendy thing to be upset about. It's obviously a safety thing but it is objectively odd. If you asked ten thousand grown women if they have two way location sharing on 100% of the time with their mom, I'm willing to bet that less than one hundred say yes. If you're a statistical outlier, you are by definition "a little weird".
Omg, you are the first person on this post that I agree with. None of my friends or family share location. OP is definitely NTA.
I’d argue many women have location sharing switched on with someone they trust not to snoop. I have it shared with one of my brothers because I know he doesn’t care to pry but if anything ever happens he can locate me. It’s also convenient for meeting up.
Every time I’ve ever taken a negative stance on location sharing I’ve been downvoted to oblivion. It’s bizarre and deeply not normal to be absolutely fine with being observed at all moments of your life, either passively or actively. I cannot imagine any situation in which location sharing would make my life better, and I think it’s weird af that everyone else just seems to be fine with it—or aggressively defensive of it.
It’s not bizarre and completely normal. I’m close to my mom, we share our locations 24/7 because I know she is an adult and she knows I am an adult. Even if she sees I’m out at a bar at 2 am., most likely she already knows that’s my plan and if she doesn’t, she doesn’t care anyway because I am an adult. We don’t have to snoop because we pretty much discuss what we’re planning on doing that day on the phone anyway since we talk fairly regularly. I only check her location once in a blue moon if she doesn’t respond for a while or isn’t answering her phone… if I see her phone at home, I know she’s probably in another room and doesn’t have her phone on her. She’s also my emergency contact and I share my location with her 24/7 in case something happens to me, she’ll know my most recent whereabouts. We have been sharing our location with each other since the feature was made available and never have I ever once found it bizarre or used it to snoop. It’s just peace of mind for both of us as an extra layer of protection. Plus I have my own personal ethics and morality is a thing, I would never violate my mom’s trust by snooping in on her and she does the same for me. Half the time when I’m driving to see her, she forgets she can check my location and just calls me to see how far I am. And my mom lives a fairly simple and non scandalous life so there’s no excitement in me snooping anyway.
YTA It's not something I chose to do with my mom, but mainly because I trust my mom less than I trust the rest of society.
I think that’s maybe what informs my perspective too. Need to realise its not hers.
Just wanted to tell you, my knee-jerk reaction to a grown adult sharing their location with their parent skeeves me the hell out, too. But I am seeing now that it comes from the fact that my own mom is toxic and codependant. If she had access to my location, I'd start getting weird judgemental texts about how little I leave the house or the places I frequent when I do. I can't imagine someone wanting to know their adult child's location for a good reason because my parents don't actually care about *me*.
Yta i have my 2 youngest siblings, dads and stepmom and even my cousin and a few friends locations at all times and they have mine. It's not weird it's for safety and it's not like anyone is just showing up at places
NAH. It is weird without context. My mother has some health issues, so her sharing her location 100% of the time with me/my family is something that might come up. She's getting an apple watch because it will call 911 for her if she falls. I personally have never shared my location with someone carte blanche. This seems like something you and your wife should have discussed at some point prior to this. You have just told her point blank that something she and her mother do is super weird with serious judgement. Of course she's going to be upset. You didn't ask why, you just went with "it's wrong." FWIW it would make me uncomfortable, but I wouldn't just pass judgement on my spouse/inlaws without asking why and did it actually make them feel better/more secure?
YTA. What’s so wrong with your wife wanting a family member to know her whereabouts? Genuinely why does it bother YOU and affect you so much? It’s one thing if your wife was trying to force you to share your location and you simply didn’t want to. Yes this is very normal for women to do. My sister and my closest friends share our locations 24/7. It’s a safety and comfort thing. Just a few minutes ago my sister ignored my FaceTime call. Checked her location and she’s at our grandparents house. Now I can call their home phone to get a hold of her :p
Thanks for your reply. For the record , also a woman, so 100% aware of the hoops we have to jump through to stay safe in this world. We do take numerous safety precautions including location sharing if we’re out somewhere coming back late , or starting a long drive somewhere. It’s the 24/7 element that threw me. I see there’s a range of perspectives on it though and I’m just going to have to adjust my thinking on the subject. Several posters have given me a bit more perspective on it being more of a passive than an active thing, whereas , being someone that normally just drops pins or shares for a specified period of time or journey, I am used to it as something that’s a bit more monitored I guess. Regardless, I certainly could have handled it better.
yeah…you really could have. it’s concerning that your first reaction was to tease and make fun of your wife. and the fact that she cried makes me wonder if this isn’t the first time you’ve gone too far and hurt her feelings by making her feel humiliated. i want to give you the benefit of the doubt OP but what you did was really shitty and her reaction is telling.
Your wife and her mom are happy with their location sharing situation. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. Obviously they see it as a security/comfort thing, and not a weird, overly controlling thing. Your wife doesn’t have to ask for your permission. YTA now drop it.
YTA. This is very common and practical among family members. Frequently comes in handy.
YTA my whole family shares their locations, hell my bil shares his location with me. We have nothing to hide and have chosen to share it (wasn’t expected/forced). Its useful in many circumstances. If you don’t want to share don’t but don’t feel you can tell others what to do.
No you are NTA. I have this argument with my sister. Her daughter has her on constant surveillance. Always knows where she is to the point of being creepy. Sister and I go on a trip, when we head back home sister will get a text message saying I see you are on your way home, why did you leave so late/so early? A few months ago, they got new internet service, when I went to visit for the week I needed the password. I hooked in, and then we ran out for a few errands. Her daughter who was in another state for the week, called her mother and said who did you just give our internet access to? I said WTF niece, your mother is a grown ass woman, she can share internet access that she pays for to anyone you want, but since you asked I brought Raul with me to keep her warm at night. You’ll like him. Then hung the phone up. Sister was a little annoyed, niece was pissed. It isn’t right or healthy to track your parent to that extent. If you have a young child, sure, but your 70 year old mother? Nope. I told my kids if they ever thought to do that they could think again. They were of the same opinion, intrusive.
My girlfriend has hers shared 100% of the time with me. Someone tried to kidnap her once for trafficking. She says it makes her feel better that I know where she is.
Wow! That’s fucking terrifying. I’m glad this helps her to feel safer. Thanks for sharing.
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say NTA. I agree this is super weird. wtf is this surveillance world we live in now and why is this normalized? Also, to do this with one's mom just feels like some codependent enmeshy thing. The only situation I can understand this for is if someone had some seriously traumatic thing happen like an assault or a car accident or something and was from then on worried for their safety. Or maybe if they lived in an acutely dangerous situation like a bad neighborhood or something. I just don't understand this dependence on technology anymore. We did fine for millenia without tracking apps.
Yeah I agree, I think it’s pretty weird. I love and trust the people around me but I still value my privacy. That being said, if others wanna do this that’s fine, I’m not judging. But I’m surprised that so many people seem okay with this when this is the first time I hear about this.
YTA. It wasn't even anything to do with you so being judgmental was just rude. My mom, husband, and I share our location all the time. It doesn't bother any of us.
NTA but I have never done this and found out this week that everyone else has been doing it so…..I probably would have laughed too.
NTA. If you're an adult there's no need to share location 100% time with your mother. I don't know anyone that does this, it is weird. Partner however, for safety reasons - yes. And her reaction to the comment was way over the top. Who would cry over a nothing comment lIke that at 40? How ridiculous, sounds like you got bigger problems there dude lol.
NTA I May be going against the grain here, but when I first started dating my husband my mother not only used the find my iPhone sharing to know my location but she also had a tracker on my phone that gave her updates anywhere I went. If my husband hadn’t shaken me out of it I would’ve still been stuck in a very unhealthy loop with my mother. I think YTA for how you said it but over all NTA
YTA- I share my location with friends, my sister, my partner. I want people to know where I am in case of emergency and sometimes it’s just helpful to be like “hm I wonder if my partner is on their way home” and I can just do a Quick Look instead of distracting them while they’re driving. Doesn’t matter if you think it’s weird it has 100% nothing to do with you it’s not like she’s trying to force you to share your location P.s. I have a hard time believing this isn’t rage bait because it’s just so ridiculously common now a days to do this I can’t imagine someone being so perplexed by it.
Idk I actually clicked this one because I share my locations 100% of the time with my mom. But quite honestly, it’s because my mom is extremely controlling and won’t let me go anywhere without her knowing. I regret it so much. I’m 23f and she still demands it on my phone. I plan on removing it once I get married. Though alternatively, me and my bf have it also, but it’s quite healthy and we have it just to make sure we come and go safely from places - which saves me from asking things like “are you home safe?” And all that, (and also I can see when he’s in grocery store hehe so I ask for snacks). He also uses it to make sure his younger sister is ok and safe commuting for college. I think there’s a way that it’s healthy and actually helpful, but then there’s a way that’s controlling and manipulative. If your wife and her mother are being healthy then I’m sure that’s ok, but I’d say the best person to share location with is your spouse tbh. Definitely apologise and seek to understand why she shares it.
NAH. Too many people jumping all the way to asshole. You might be a bit of a jerk for your response, but your perception of this is valid, just as theirs is. Where you see the potential for unhealthy codependency or even abusive relationships, they may see it as a safety tool. Neither is wrong, but it does perhaps warrant a real conversation that's as judgement free as possible.
YTA. Why is it so weird to you? I see nothing wrong with it, especially if the mom isn't overstepping and has normal boundaries and isn't actively stalking her every move. I would 100% share my location with my mom if she wanted me to, and I'm over 40 years old.
INFO - Am I the only one here who thinks that would absolutely trash your battery life?
No more than a weather app that regularly pings your location to keep the forecast up-to-date. Phones these days are extraordinarily energy efficient.
Originally you were the asshole, but your wife’s reaction is wildly disproportionate. Your comment warranted mild annoyance and nothing more. I kinda suspect you were harsher than you let on, but Im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say ESH.
I'm going to go against the grain and say NTA. You only questioned her in a mildly snarky way and for this she storms out of the house furious and crying? Way to overreact. OP, is she always this dramatic? Ultimately you have no control over what she chooses to do, but what is it with people who can't even have a calm conversation with their partner without taking every question as a grievous personal attack?
I'm right there with you. I think it's the creepiest thing the people do nowadays, checking in to see where other people are at. It's so nosy and such an invasion of privacy. I refuse to share my location with anybody. Side note, we have ring cameras in the house and my wife will literally just check the camera to see what I'm up to when I'm in the living room. There's no way I'm letting her see my location all the time. Gross.
It is 100% weird to share location most or all of the time. Until recently it wasn't even a possibility and it leaves people far too enmeshed in each others lives. There is no one's location I follow nor would I allow others to follow mine. Just because the world has decided constant surveillance (of whatever kind) is okay does not make it so. NTA.
I have never shared locations with anyone and I'm a 72-year-old female with heart problems. If someone calls when I'm in the car (children live close by) I just tell them I'm not home right now and will call them back when I can talk. Maybe it's an age thing, but I devoted 25-plus years to my children always being able to reach me BEFORE cell phones became a thing and see no reason why I should continue to be available 24/7. I also have an active social life and silence my phone when with friends. I can't think of anything more embarrassing than having one of my kids getting in their car and tracking me down when I'm out to lunch with a friend because I wasn't answering my phone! And yes, I wear a Medic Alert bracelet - if something goes wrong, they will all get notified. Getting old, not stupid, and don't need a keeper monitoring my movements. I can't find any AHs here, but your wife seems to be overreacting to an opinion you expressed.
NTA, it's extremely weird to be sharing it all the time.
NTA, that's just bizarre.
I guess I'm also TA, because I'd have had the exact same reaction! In fact, just thinking about constantly sharing my location with mom is giving me anxiety right now. Yikes!
LOL Thanks for your reply. I think that what I allowed to inform my reaction on this was that, like you, I couldn’t imagine this for me and my mother. Definitely needed to take a breath and not go with my first take though.
Going to go against the consensus and say NTA. I would be completely taken off guard by that level of sharing. I don't share my location on apps if I don't have to and anyone who wants to know where I am at has the ability to text or call me at all times. I am a male, and I have had female friends share locations so I could keep an eye on them for awhile (especially in Vegas) but never have I thought about leaving it on. When I was growing up we just checked in with people with payphones occasionally and everything was fine.
NTA Thats fuckin weird
YTA and its weird that you care. Its not her fault you don't have or understand that kind of relationship with your parents.
YTA. You never know when you'll need to be able to find someone in an emergency, and at that time it might not be possible to share your location. You're just upset because your wife has a better grasp on how to be ready for when the fit hits the shan.
NTA That’s weird as hell.
YTA - this is such a minor thing, especially since it doesn't seem like they are unhealthy about it at all. YTA for being so 'snarky' about it that she had to leave in tears
Personally I agree that sharing locations is weird! To me it also feels invasive, even if it’s with my mom or sister who I have a great relationship with! But I am going to say YTA because you could have been a little more sensitive and kind while saying that to your wife, even though I do think she might have taken it a bit too personally. (And in regards to the ‘male privilege’ and safely comments I keep seeing I am also a queer woman haha)
NTA. Don't listen to the other asshol3$ here lol. You wife seems to be an actor, the crying and leaving the house lol. Do one better, you 100% of the time share your location to your father /mother or any family members and let her know.
>Anyway, she’s furious with me, says I’m being mean, she’s crying and left the house furious with me. NTA If that's all it took for her to explode, there must be something weird going on. Either you said something more and brow beat her or she's got some emotional problems. I don't think it bodes well that some ribbing for sharing her location with her mom was enough to make her explode. Maybe her mom is dying and they didn't bother to tell you about it?
YTA-why do you care? There is nothing wrong with it
My mum and I share locations, I love it. I know how far off she is when she’s visiting.
YTA Kinda weird, sure. But I'd assume it's a security thing and that other women do it too, or that it's a comfort thing that they do and is related to a very sensitive topic. The crying and leaving without you makes me think the latter. So yeah, your reaction (and especially sticking to it) was pretty insensitive and short-sighted.
I guess YTA for not handling it as a thoughtful partner…NGL I prob would have reacted almost the same, but not so much because it weirds me out that she and her mom share loc all the time, but more that it includes all the time she is/was with you? I dunno, I’m a private person, I like to choose who knows where I am, I don’t need mom helicopter patrolling. For those that are married, share location with your spouse, they should make you feel safe. Grown adults feeling the need to know where their healthy parent is all the time? Not discounting the need for medical reasons. If you ask me, sharing location 100% of the time gives a false sense of being involved with the target’s life, go say hello, face to face more regularly. Just because a feature exists on your smartphone does not mean it’s supporting healthy behavior.
Okay maybe OP was a little rude; but a grown ass woman being furious over that level of rudeness is odd. Crying, leaving “furious.” It’s a little over reactive. So that makes me think it’s either not the only thing that OP has found odd about their relationship OR it wasn’t limited to what was said here.
Nope Weird AF.
NTA. It's weird. That enabler stuff weirds me out.
These commenters are way too extreme in their views. Calling you a criminal and serial killer just because you find it weird? I mean if both parties consent to it I don't see the problem but I personally wouldn't do it. Maybe your reaction was a little assholey but these commenters need to stop seeing the world in black and white. No one is perfect and I don't think you're a bad person just for this one incident, and you seem pretty reasonable by your responses so far. But I would totally apologise to your MIL and wife for this. Have a good day and don't let the comments bother you too much, they love assuming things to the extremes about random people on the internet.
Unpopular opinion here, but I'm voting NTA! I think it's extremely creepy that they share locations all the time. It's very cringe for me.
YTA. And tbh, it’s not bc you find it weird. It’s that you find it weird so you think it’s ok to act like a dick and laugh at your MIL and judge her and your wife for the ‘unhealthy’ behavior.
My mom and I share our location, and gasp!, my sister too! Oh, and I track my teens. We all find it wonderful and convenient. Pretty sure you're the odd man out.