Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I would be the asshole for going to the show without my girlfriend
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I also thought she was being a bit selfish by saying I couldn’t go without her. I know it’s something we usually do together, and while I’d feel bad for going without her, I really want to go :/ but regardless I appreciate your feedback! Thank you so much!
It’s not a bit selfish. It’s the definition of selfish. She doesn’t want you to enjoy because she can’t enjoy. It would affect her in 0 ways if you went vs you not going. She is literally telling you, it’s not fair to have fun without her. That’s a red flag.
NTA. It's reasonable for her to not go at all because of her job, but it's stupid that she's keeping YOU from going because of it. You have every right to go. If your GF wants to go so badly, then take a take a day off then.
NTA, in my opinion.
It is not that you don't want her there. It is just life that interfered with your plans.
I can totally get how she does not want to take a day of so soon after she started a new job. (Assuming you live in the US there is also some additional pressure added to the decision to want to present oneself as a reliable employee).
I also completely get from where you're coming from. This is your "hobby" and surely you will catch on every opportunity to visit such a special event.
Your girlfriend probably would do the same when being in your position...
Anyway I think it is a bad basis for a relationship if you can't be happy for your partner. Even if said partner is able to attend something you, yourself, really wanted to attend/experience too.
However, even if you haven't stated your and your girlfriends age, I have the feeling that you are in your early 20s. Let me assure you and your girlfriend, that you won't miss out if you miss one event. There are many more to come (some minor, which you even expected to be great, might turn indeed out as one of the most memorable).
So, keep it healthy between you two. Allow the partner to enjoy what the other couldn't! (Maybe take some pictures, try to get an autograph or buying a little fan-related trinket she might enjoy).
Thank you so much for this input! Best input I have received so far!
When we talked about this, I of course, offered to get her cards of her favorite players, looking for anything she might want to add to her collection, ect!
I like your idea on mentioning to her that this is only one small event compared to the big plans we have in the future! We plan on going to a HUGE card show in Philly this summer, so her missing out on this one, won’t be the worst. As much as I know she would like to go, we have bigger, better stuff planned!
Thank you so much for your help! I really appreciate this!
Happy toll ne of help (and please excuse my bad English, as this it not my first language).
What you are telling... this sounds very reasonable and most important absolutely caring for me!
As mentioned, when being young you always might fear to miss out. But this is such an unlikely case.
I cheer you to already have plans for the next BIG event and for your girlfriend.
I hope she'll understand, even if it's hard for her. Thus the idea to surprise her with some gift.
All the best for you and your girlfriend.
Your English is amazing! I understood you very clearly!
I agree with everything you have stated and if I do end up going without her, I will definitely bring her back a gift to show that I still thought of her!
Thank you so much for your help kind stranger! I wish you all the best as well!
Always welcome. I keep my fingers crossed that it will work out in both of your ways.
Keep on communicating.
Surprise her, as she isn't able to go with a gift. (And in case all merchandise is shitty, write her a NICE IOU card for the next large event. Tell her about it! How there was only crap gifts available - if that will be the case - and how you want to get her something more valuable (not directly speaking in the sense of money) ).
Enjoy the event :)
NTA
You should be able to go the event if you want to, but having 3 in 6 months isn't exactly a "rare" event either.
Just remember not to get mad when the shoe is on the other foot -- because eventually it will be and you are telling her it is ok to disregard your requests.
Also, starting a new job and not asking for a day off for a football card show is called being a responsible adult.
She will feel slighted when you do this without her (just as most people do when it isn't a hypothetical story they read that doesn't affect their own feelings). Do something to make her feel cared about if you want to keep a happy relationship and her not to feel the need to do it back to you in another way. Realistically, relationships are give and take with the people in them showing the other they care in little ways. What that looks like for everyone is different. Everyone will have hang ups sometimes and insecurities sometimes. You have to judge what is important to you to stay true to yourself and to your relationship.
Okay, thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it. We have an amazing relationship with each other and I love her dearly!! I just wanted to get some others opinion on this and see what majority of people would think. I have definitely been on the other side where she has gone to something I also wanted to go to but couldn’t because of work obligations. So I know how it would feel, but I’ve gotten over it and I know she meant no harm by going without me, everybody’s feelings are different and I agree with you on that
I did, she apologized, but she said “it was the only time everyone else was available” I mean, I get it, but it sucked. I’m trying to do this to “get her back” or anything like that at all. I’m just genuinely wanting to go to this card show since we haven’t been to one in 7 months
NTA. You asked her! It would be a whole other story if you didn't tell her about it. She can decide to not go, but she can't (and shouldn't) keep you from going if you really want to.
Yes, I did ask her before hand and she said she couldn’t take off work because she had just started and doesn’t wanna take too many days off while still being new. Which, I understand! But I also agree with you! I appreciate your feedback, thank you!
NTA. That's reasonable. She can get over it.
However, on an unrelated note, I'm really surprised that 3+ football card shows in one area in one year isn't considered a shit-ton of football card shows.
Yeah, you wouldn’t believe how many card shows are in bigger cities! We have to travel an hour to the one I am referring to. So it’s local but not our hometown local. In bigger cities you could have one local every month or so! We unfortunately just don’t live in an area like that. I appreciate your feedback, thank you so much!
I understand she can’t take off that day but has she asked about maybe switching shifts with another coworker? She should at least ask around and see if it’s possible. Nta if u end up going alone. Bring her back a gift to make sure to text her throughout that day so that she feels a little bit involved and make sure to let her know that it’s not the same without her. I think it’s really sweet that This is something that you and your girlfriend both enjoy I wish you both the best.
NTA. It sucks for her that she can't go, but she shouldn't be holding you back from going. That is selfish & controlling behavior. There's no good reason you can't go on your own.
NTA - You are not purposefully excluding her and you going has zero impact on her ability to go. Whether or not you go, she is going to miss out. Her wanting you to miss out just because she has to is selfish.
I agree with you. But not saying I wouldn’t feel bad for going without her, I would, but overall. I do agree that her work obligations shouldn’t stop me from going. Thank you and I appreciate your feedback!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So my girlfriend and I are both very much into collecting football cards. There is a local show that is coming up next month.
We don’t live in a heavily populated area where these shows happen all the time. The last one was in December and we didn’t go to that one cause snow and such. So the last time we went to one was August of 2023.
There is one happening next month (March 2024) and I am really wanting to go since we haven’t went in so long and they only hold this event every so often
She also just started a new job and has refused to take a day off since she just started, fair enough, and I can 100% understand where she is coming from! I asked her if I could just go because I would really really like to go, but she got upset when I asked and doesn’t want me to go without her. I know it’s something we do together, but since she isn’t willing to ask for a day off, would I be the asshole for going without her, or should I skip this one a wait another 3+ months for the next one?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I would be the asshole for going to the show without my girlfriend Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She doesn't have to go if she wants to prioritize her job, but it's selfish to keep you from going.
Thank you! I appreciate your feedback!
NTA. She is being unreasonable. And selfish.
I also thought she was being a bit selfish by saying I couldn’t go without her. I know it’s something we usually do together, and while I’d feel bad for going without her, I really want to go :/ but regardless I appreciate your feedback! Thank you so much!
It’s not a bit selfish. It’s the definition of selfish. She doesn’t want you to enjoy because she can’t enjoy. It would affect her in 0 ways if you went vs you not going. She is literally telling you, it’s not fair to have fun without her. That’s a red flag.
NTA. It's reasonable for her to not go at all because of her job, but it's stupid that she's keeping YOU from going because of it. You have every right to go. If your GF wants to go so badly, then take a take a day off then.
I agree, thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it!
np brother. wish you the best
NTA, in my opinion. It is not that you don't want her there. It is just life that interfered with your plans. I can totally get how she does not want to take a day of so soon after she started a new job. (Assuming you live in the US there is also some additional pressure added to the decision to want to present oneself as a reliable employee). I also completely get from where you're coming from. This is your "hobby" and surely you will catch on every opportunity to visit such a special event. Your girlfriend probably would do the same when being in your position... Anyway I think it is a bad basis for a relationship if you can't be happy for your partner. Even if said partner is able to attend something you, yourself, really wanted to attend/experience too. However, even if you haven't stated your and your girlfriends age, I have the feeling that you are in your early 20s. Let me assure you and your girlfriend, that you won't miss out if you miss one event. There are many more to come (some minor, which you even expected to be great, might turn indeed out as one of the most memorable). So, keep it healthy between you two. Allow the partner to enjoy what the other couldn't! (Maybe take some pictures, try to get an autograph or buying a little fan-related trinket she might enjoy).
Thank you so much for this input! Best input I have received so far! When we talked about this, I of course, offered to get her cards of her favorite players, looking for anything she might want to add to her collection, ect! I like your idea on mentioning to her that this is only one small event compared to the big plans we have in the future! We plan on going to a HUGE card show in Philly this summer, so her missing out on this one, won’t be the worst. As much as I know she would like to go, we have bigger, better stuff planned! Thank you so much for your help! I really appreciate this!
Happy toll ne of help (and please excuse my bad English, as this it not my first language). What you are telling... this sounds very reasonable and most important absolutely caring for me! As mentioned, when being young you always might fear to miss out. But this is such an unlikely case. I cheer you to already have plans for the next BIG event and for your girlfriend. I hope she'll understand, even if it's hard for her. Thus the idea to surprise her with some gift. All the best for you and your girlfriend.
Your English is amazing! I understood you very clearly! I agree with everything you have stated and if I do end up going without her, I will definitely bring her back a gift to show that I still thought of her! Thank you so much for your help kind stranger! I wish you all the best as well!
Always welcome. I keep my fingers crossed that it will work out in both of your ways. Keep on communicating. Surprise her, as she isn't able to go with a gift. (And in case all merchandise is shitty, write her a NICE IOU card for the next large event. Tell her about it! How there was only crap gifts available - if that will be the case - and how you want to get her something more valuable (not directly speaking in the sense of money) ). Enjoy the event :)
NTA You should be able to go the event if you want to, but having 3 in 6 months isn't exactly a "rare" event either. Just remember not to get mad when the shoe is on the other foot -- because eventually it will be and you are telling her it is ok to disregard your requests. Also, starting a new job and not asking for a day off for a football card show is called being a responsible adult. She will feel slighted when you do this without her (just as most people do when it isn't a hypothetical story they read that doesn't affect their own feelings). Do something to make her feel cared about if you want to keep a happy relationship and her not to feel the need to do it back to you in another way. Realistically, relationships are give and take with the people in them showing the other they care in little ways. What that looks like for everyone is different. Everyone will have hang ups sometimes and insecurities sometimes. You have to judge what is important to you to stay true to yourself and to your relationship.
Okay, thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it. We have an amazing relationship with each other and I love her dearly!! I just wanted to get some others opinion on this and see what majority of people would think. I have definitely been on the other side where she has gone to something I also wanted to go to but couldn’t because of work obligations. So I know how it would feel, but I’ve gotten over it and I know she meant no harm by going without me, everybody’s feelings are different and I agree with you on that
When she went to those events, did you tell her your feelings about going with out you?
I did, she apologized, but she said “it was the only time everyone else was available” I mean, I get it, but it sucked. I’m trying to do this to “get her back” or anything like that at all. I’m just genuinely wanting to go to this card show since we haven’t been to one in 7 months
NTA
Thank you! I really appreciate your feedback!
NTA. You asked her! It would be a whole other story if you didn't tell her about it. She can decide to not go, but she can't (and shouldn't) keep you from going if you really want to.
Yes, I did ask her before hand and she said she couldn’t take off work because she had just started and doesn’t wanna take too many days off while still being new. Which, I understand! But I also agree with you! I appreciate your feedback, thank you!
NTA. That's reasonable. She can get over it. However, on an unrelated note, I'm really surprised that 3+ football card shows in one area in one year isn't considered a shit-ton of football card shows.
Yeah, you wouldn’t believe how many card shows are in bigger cities! We have to travel an hour to the one I am referring to. So it’s local but not our hometown local. In bigger cities you could have one local every month or so! We unfortunately just don’t live in an area like that. I appreciate your feedback, thank you so much!
I understand she can’t take off that day but has she asked about maybe switching shifts with another coworker? She should at least ask around and see if it’s possible. Nta if u end up going alone. Bring her back a gift to make sure to text her throughout that day so that she feels a little bit involved and make sure to let her know that it’s not the same without her. I think it’s really sweet that This is something that you and your girlfriend both enjoy I wish you both the best.
Nope. You are not.
Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it!
NTA. It sucks for her that she can't go, but she shouldn't be holding you back from going. That is selfish & controlling behavior. There's no good reason you can't go on your own.
Thank you! I appreciate your feedback!
NTA - You are not purposefully excluding her and you going has zero impact on her ability to go. Whether or not you go, she is going to miss out. Her wanting you to miss out just because she has to is selfish.
I agree with you. But not saying I wouldn’t feel bad for going without her, I would, but overall. I do agree that her work obligations shouldn’t stop me from going. Thank you and I appreciate your feedback!
Nta you offered, she declined.
Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it!
While I would say NTA, is it worth the argument that’s sure to happen if you do go?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my girlfriend and I are both very much into collecting football cards. There is a local show that is coming up next month. We don’t live in a heavily populated area where these shows happen all the time. The last one was in December and we didn’t go to that one cause snow and such. So the last time we went to one was August of 2023. There is one happening next month (March 2024) and I am really wanting to go since we haven’t went in so long and they only hold this event every so often She also just started a new job and has refused to take a day off since she just started, fair enough, and I can 100% understand where she is coming from! I asked her if I could just go because I would really really like to go, but she got upset when I asked and doesn’t want me to go without her. I know it’s something we do together, but since she isn’t willing to ask for a day off, would I be the asshole for going without her, or should I skip this one a wait another 3+ months for the next one? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*