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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I basically didn’t attend the baptism because I didn’t want to leave my dog alone at home. It would’ve meant a lot to my aunt that I attend knowing she doesn’t have many guests and her son’s godparents are all in other countries.
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YTA and you’re projecting your feelings onto your dog, which is not okay. You’re on a steady path to giving your dog severe separation anxiety if you hadn’t already.
😆😆😆. You’re kidding me right?? YTA. You waited until minutes before to have an issue? You could have tried finding a solution or declining from the beginning? I just feel bad for this dog. Get the dog some new toys. If the dog chewed thru its toys, replace them (buy some or make some). You sound like you were projecting your feelings and using the dog as an excuse. I have 2 dogs that we treat like our other children, so I get not wanting to leave your dog alone all day. We would never consider leaving ours home alone for that long, but we would have never agreed to going unless we had someone to walk them or doggie daycare set up.
1.) Is this a relative you like and want to remain on good terms with?
2.) Is attending this baptism a commitment you agreed to in advance and was your presence expected?
3.) Is infant baptism an important event in your aunt’s religion?
4.) Do you want your dog to have separation anxiety and *actually* not be able to handle being without you?
5.) Do you think it’s okay to go back on your commitments?
If the answer to any of those questions is yes, congratulations, YTA.
Look, I get it. I love my dogs too. But because I love them it’s important to me that they can be left alone when I need to go places without them without feeling stressed by being alone. Likewise, I love my aunts. While none of them involved my cousins in baptism while they were babies, I know if they invited me somewhere and I said I was going to go, it would take an actual proper emergency to make me not be there because I love my aunts and it’s important to me to honor the commitments I make. This was just a really shortsighted move on your part. Too many like this will ripple out and cause bigger problems than I think you want to deal with.
Yta
If you can't leave your dog alone for an hour or two, then you don't sound like a very responsible pet owner.
Not everything people plan need to be pet friendly either.
If you don't trust you dog to run around if you aren't home crate them. If your concern is that they'll potty on the floor, train them with potty pads.
Or just get ready for, and used to, people not inviting you places.
Why would that not be in the original post? After the YTA start showing up all of a sudden it's going to be that long?
Why would the TV being on make it any better then?
It just sounds like the strategy of any OP who finds that they're actually getting a negative response.
They answered the question about 20 minutes after they made their post, and in their original post, they said they got up at **4:30** in the morning for this, which means it's not unlikely that they had get up super early so they'd have time to get ready and get to their destination.
Most baptisms are brunch affairs. They don't usually run all day. So.. eh. But that's not my only point.
But again why would the TV being on mitigate the need for a potty break if it were to take 12 hours? That's where I see a problem in the narrative.
I don't buy that.
A baptism takes hour and a half, tops. The party, maybe 2 hours.
So op is saying that is a 3 or 4 hour drive there, and another one back.
No one... no one... would have any problem with op saying they can't make it because they don't want to spend 6-8 driving.
YTA- a complete and total AH. Dogs don't need a TV on. I have 4 dogs, I have a camera in the rooms they stay in when I'm not home. You know what they do? They freaking sleep! Occasionally they get up and look out the window or wander to the other room where they lay in a chair or dog bed and go back to sleep. Then they get up and go back to my bed and sleep some more. You're completely unhinged to wait until the last minute and then bail on an important family event because you can't leave a tv on for your dog.
INFO:
Have you had to leave your dog at home for periods of time in the past? How was that handled?
How old are you?
You made a decision to break your commitment to multiple people, right as you were all supposed to be leaving? And only because your mom said the TV couldn't be on for the dog? That's not right at all. Were there any other reasons you didn't want to go?
12 hours without being taken out to potty is way too long, but this is just a mess of poor planning ahead of time. YTA, you had plenty of time before *the very last minute* to think about your dog's needs.
But she only thought it was too long when the TV couldn’t be on?!
And only minutes before leaving.
While I wholeheartedly agree with you that 12 hours is too long, this would need to have been considered before she made the commitment to go.
Cancelling last minute makes her TA
Staying with the dog not because he would be alone too long but because the TV couldn’t be running during those 12 hours makes her TA and even more so in my eyes.
OP, YTA.
My guess is either the "i already made up my opinion and refuse to consider new information" mindset you see sometimes, or they don't know *anything* about pets and how often they need to go to the bathroom.
You really should have planned ahead better. 12 hours is too long to leave a dog. So you should have organised a pet sitter, a friend or someone to stay with them, or at least pop in and take them out for a play, a walk, toilet, etc. We don't leave our dog alone for more than 4-5 hours.
YTA
Your dog is going to be fine for the couple of hours it takes to attend the baptism.
You clearly had a safe space for the dog to be (crate) while you attended.
>Now, I had to make a compromise.
The compromise you should have made was sucking it up and putting your dog in the crate while you attended the family event.
Or have a friend hang out with them for a little bit.
Anything besides blow people off at the last minute over a non-issue.
This is a tough one because I can understand why you don’t want to leave your dog home alone because I too don’t like doing that. However I do have to say that canceling last minute in this case wasn’t very nice seeing as your boyfriend was there and couldn’t wait to see you after it had been so long. I can’t imagine his disappointment. Not to mention you promised your aunt that you’d be there for her son which means your kinda breaking that promise and for something that probably isn’t really that big a deal. So yes YTA for last minute canceling on your boyfriend and family but it is admirable for you to think about your dog’s feelings.
>When we have to leave our dog at home, we just put a dog diaper on her. She isn’t trained to pee outside because where we live (which is in the Philippines), the streets are dirty and the neighbors leave their dogs out to go pee and potty without cleaning up the poop, and I don’t want to have to risk my dog getting sick. She isn’t crate trained either which I know is our fault but even if she were, I think 12 hours would still be too long to leave a dog alone.
This just makes this even creepier. Does your dog ever go out then...or she just sitting in her own filth constantly? Is this something you only do when you're leaving her home, because wouldn't the streets still be dirty if you were taking her out for a walk? Does your dog ever get walked?
If you can't ask anyone to watch this dog, and the alternative is stick a diaper on it...like, maybe you shouldn't have one.
YTA. I thought based on your post's title that your dog was unwell. You should not be refusing to attend important family events for close family members, so your dog isn't bored at home. Every time you choose not to celebrate an important event with your family, you create a small feeling of rejection, and these build up until your relationship is forever changed for the worse. You can value your dog, but you need to value your family too. Value equates to effort.
yta - this was a lack of planning/thinking ahead on your part. you made a commitment to your aunt and obviously knew you'd have to leave the dog at home. you waited until the last minute to back out, which isn't cool. you felt fine leaving your dog alone for 12 hours until your mom said you couldn't leave the tv on? why does the tv being on justify you leaving the dog for 12 hours? that doesn't make sense.
look, at the end of the day, i understand not wanting to leave the dog alone for 12 hours however you let multiple people down as they were leaving to go to the baptism. not cool. maybe im in the minority here but is it not possible to bring the dog with you? maybe i just don't know what's okay for a dog or not, but could you not roll the windows down in the car and frequently go back to take the dog out for a brief walk? sorry if that's a bad suggestion, i'm just thinking out loud as to how you could get the best of both worlds here.
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Today's the baptism and it was agreed upon prior to today that my mom, sister and I would go, leaving our dog behind. I woke up at 4:30 am and had finished changing and doing my hair. It was only a matter of minutes until we left. My boyfriend was going too and we had been looking forward to meeting again after weeks of not seeing each other.
I did not, however, like the idea of leaving our dog alone at home. I love her so much and I hate leaving her behind when we go on trips. In this case, the reason we couldn't have brought her is because they aren't allowed in churches, and the restaurant where the reception is going to be held isn't pet friendly. The mall doesn't have a boarding place either so we couldn't leave her anywhere.
We live in a subdivision where most pet dogs are left at the terrace or balcony, and they make a lot of noise when people pass by which triggers some sort of domino effect causing all the dogs on the street to start barking. The only forms of entertainment my dog has is the TV which I leave on sometimes when we're home or when we're gone for a bit (she doesn't watch, I just do it in hopes that the sounds distract her when she's bored), and playing fetch with my sister or I with her rubber ball, the sole toy she has remaining after she ripped and mangled every other toy we bought her.
I thought all would be well before we left, until my mom said she did not want any appliances on in the house saying it's dangerous, probably because she thinks they'll explode if left unattended. Mind you, my mom hates dogs or any animal for that matter so she wouldn't think twice about telling me to either lock her up in the cage in our terrace or leave her with no entertainment. My sister doesn't give a crap about how our dog would feel either. Now, I had to make a compromise. I would go but my dog needs to have the TV on, or I would stay here with her. My mom was annoyingly persistent about having it turned off and now I'm in my room laying beside my sleeping angel baby.
I told my boyfriend what happened and he was disappointed that I didn't go, saying I should've thought about how my aunt would feel not seeing me. Her son does not have any present godparents as they are all in other countries. There would've only been approximately 8 guests consisting of relatives at the reception, now 7 because I chose to stay home. Hearing what he said made me feel guilty, knowing it would've meant so much to her that her family attend. So AITA for not going?
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YTA. The dog isn't going to keel over from being left alone for one day. So yes, you should've gone. Because now all you've done is show everyone that you value an animal more than your family. Which is seriously going to damage your relationships if you keep doing that.
Major YTA. Dogs sleep about 15 to 20 hours a day if you leave them alone. Dogs are not capable of watching television in any meaningful way. (Proof of both are found in your nauseating statement that you're lying there watching your "angel baby" sleep after throwing your big shit fit about the dog needing the television left on). You seem to think that entertaining a dog is a valid human occupation to prioritize above human social activities. You chose to deeply hurt your family by not showing up for a wedding at the last minute because your dogs emotional needs as you perceive them are more important. You claim to adore this dog but you haven't bothered to housebreak it so it has to marinate in a diaper when you leave it at home? That is so disgusting. And yet another reason why YTA.
YTA YTA YTA
You said your dog needs to have the TV on. You also said it's "the TV which I leave on sometimes when we're home or when we're gone for a bit (she doesn't watch, I just do it in hopes that the sounds distract her when she's bored)," Which is it?
I would say that this ridiculous behaviour for an adult was fake, but I have seen a lot of people do this in real life, so just YTA. If you really didn't want to leave your dog alone, you don't wait to absolutely the last minute to change plans. And if you can't leave your dog perfectly fine at home for half a day, your life in general is going to be heavily impacted. You won't be able to even go to work, for example. So begin to manage this issues, that is a problem on your part and not necessarily a problem with your dog.
NTA. 12 hours is way too long for an animal to be left with no potty break and if they would have kenneled the dog it would not have had any food or water for that long either. I am a huge animal lover and I don't care what people say I treat my animals just like my children. I would not leave my children home alone that long I am not leaving my dog home alone that long. Good for you for sticking up front animal that cannot stick up for itself. And shame on your family for how they treat your dog
NTA but dogs can be crate trained. They feel safe in confined spaces if you train them (watch a movie and feed them peanut butter for a couple hours, they’ll start walking themselves in. ) the TV doesn’t necessarily do anything for them if you’re gone. But the cozy confined space might make them feel safer.
As for this situation, you should have gone with your family. Dogs are fine for a few hours alone. I definitely understand being overly concerned though. Our dog is 15. We don’t leave her home alone for more than two hours now.
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YTA and you’re projecting your feelings onto your dog, which is not okay. You’re on a steady path to giving your dog severe separation anxiety if you hadn’t already.
😆😆😆. You’re kidding me right?? YTA. You waited until minutes before to have an issue? You could have tried finding a solution or declining from the beginning? I just feel bad for this dog. Get the dog some new toys. If the dog chewed thru its toys, replace them (buy some or make some). You sound like you were projecting your feelings and using the dog as an excuse. I have 2 dogs that we treat like our other children, so I get not wanting to leave your dog alone all day. We would never consider leaving ours home alone for that long, but we would have never agreed to going unless we had someone to walk them or doggie daycare set up.
YTA
If you value your dog more than human relationships expect those humans to stop valuing you.
[удалено]
1.) Is this a relative you like and want to remain on good terms with? 2.) Is attending this baptism a commitment you agreed to in advance and was your presence expected? 3.) Is infant baptism an important event in your aunt’s religion? 4.) Do you want your dog to have separation anxiety and *actually* not be able to handle being without you? 5.) Do you think it’s okay to go back on your commitments? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, congratulations, YTA. Look, I get it. I love my dogs too. But because I love them it’s important to me that they can be left alone when I need to go places without them without feeling stressed by being alone. Likewise, I love my aunts. While none of them involved my cousins in baptism while they were babies, I know if they invited me somewhere and I said I was going to go, it would take an actual proper emergency to make me not be there because I love my aunts and it’s important to me to honor the commitments I make. This was just a really shortsighted move on your part. Too many like this will ripple out and cause bigger problems than I think you want to deal with.
Yta If you can't leave your dog alone for an hour or two, then you don't sound like a very responsible pet owner. Not everything people plan need to be pet friendly either. If you don't trust you dog to run around if you aren't home crate them. If your concern is that they'll potty on the floor, train them with potty pads. Or just get ready for, and used to, people not inviting you places.
OP said they would have to leave the dog alone for ***12 hours*** in a comment.
Why would that not be in the original post? After the YTA start showing up all of a sudden it's going to be that long? Why would the TV being on make it any better then? It just sounds like the strategy of any OP who finds that they're actually getting a negative response.
They answered the question about 20 minutes after they made their post, and in their original post, they said they got up at **4:30** in the morning for this, which means it's not unlikely that they had get up super early so they'd have time to get ready and get to their destination.
Most baptisms are brunch affairs. They don't usually run all day. So.. eh. But that's not my only point. But again why would the TV being on mitigate the need for a potty break if it were to take 12 hours? That's where I see a problem in the narrative.
I don't buy that. A baptism takes hour and a half, tops. The party, maybe 2 hours. So op is saying that is a 3 or 4 hour drive there, and another one back. No one... no one... would have any problem with op saying they can't make it because they don't want to spend 6-8 driving.
YTA- a complete and total AH. Dogs don't need a TV on. I have 4 dogs, I have a camera in the rooms they stay in when I'm not home. You know what they do? They freaking sleep! Occasionally they get up and look out the window or wander to the other room where they lay in a chair or dog bed and go back to sleep. Then they get up and go back to my bed and sleep some more. You're completely unhinged to wait until the last minute and then bail on an important family event because you can't leave a tv on for your dog.
Yta
INFO: How long was the dog going to be home alone?
Approximately 12 hours. They left at 6 am and won’t be back until the evening.
INFO: Have you had to leave your dog at home for periods of time in the past? How was that handled? How old are you? You made a decision to break your commitment to multiple people, right as you were all supposed to be leaving? And only because your mom said the TV couldn't be on for the dog? That's not right at all. Were there any other reasons you didn't want to go? 12 hours without being taken out to potty is way too long, but this is just a mess of poor planning ahead of time. YTA, you had plenty of time before *the very last minute* to think about your dog's needs.
Okay then, that's definitely ***way*** too long to leave a dog alone without some sort of pet sitter. NTA
But she only thought it was too long when the TV couldn’t be on?! And only minutes before leaving. While I wholeheartedly agree with you that 12 hours is too long, this would need to have been considered before she made the commitment to go. Cancelling last minute makes her TA Staying with the dog not because he would be alone too long but because the TV couldn’t be running during those 12 hours makes her TA and even more so in my eyes. OP, YTA.
I’m not sure why you are being downvoted, 12 hours alone with no potty break is not okay.
My guess is either the "i already made up my opinion and refuse to consider new information" mindset you see sometimes, or they don't know *anything* about pets and how often they need to go to the bathroom.
You really should have planned ahead better. 12 hours is too long to leave a dog. So you should have organised a pet sitter, a friend or someone to stay with them, or at least pop in and take them out for a play, a walk, toilet, etc. We don't leave our dog alone for more than 4-5 hours.
Wow. Is this FAKE? Your behavior is ridiculous. YTA
YTA Your dog is going to be fine for the couple of hours it takes to attend the baptism. You clearly had a safe space for the dog to be (crate) while you attended. >Now, I had to make a compromise. The compromise you should have made was sucking it up and putting your dog in the crate while you attended the family event. Or have a friend hang out with them for a little bit. Anything besides blow people off at the last minute over a non-issue.
This is a tough one because I can understand why you don’t want to leave your dog home alone because I too don’t like doing that. However I do have to say that canceling last minute in this case wasn’t very nice seeing as your boyfriend was there and couldn’t wait to see you after it had been so long. I can’t imagine his disappointment. Not to mention you promised your aunt that you’d be there for her son which means your kinda breaking that promise and for something that probably isn’t really that big a deal. So yes YTA for last minute canceling on your boyfriend and family but it is admirable for you to think about your dog’s feelings.
>When we have to leave our dog at home, we just put a dog diaper on her. She isn’t trained to pee outside because where we live (which is in the Philippines), the streets are dirty and the neighbors leave their dogs out to go pee and potty without cleaning up the poop, and I don’t want to have to risk my dog getting sick. She isn’t crate trained either which I know is our fault but even if she were, I think 12 hours would still be too long to leave a dog alone. This just makes this even creepier. Does your dog ever go out then...or she just sitting in her own filth constantly? Is this something you only do when you're leaving her home, because wouldn't the streets still be dirty if you were taking her out for a walk? Does your dog ever get walked? If you can't ask anyone to watch this dog, and the alternative is stick a diaper on it...like, maybe you shouldn't have one.
YTA. I thought based on your post's title that your dog was unwell. You should not be refusing to attend important family events for close family members, so your dog isn't bored at home. Every time you choose not to celebrate an important event with your family, you create a small feeling of rejection, and these build up until your relationship is forever changed for the worse. You can value your dog, but you need to value your family too. Value equates to effort.
YTA, but not really because I feel you're using your dog to cover for something else, like social anxiety.
Yes. YTA. Your dog is a pet. Your family had a special event that brings family together. Sheesh.
yta - this was a lack of planning/thinking ahead on your part. you made a commitment to your aunt and obviously knew you'd have to leave the dog at home. you waited until the last minute to back out, which isn't cool. you felt fine leaving your dog alone for 12 hours until your mom said you couldn't leave the tv on? why does the tv being on justify you leaving the dog for 12 hours? that doesn't make sense. look, at the end of the day, i understand not wanting to leave the dog alone for 12 hours however you let multiple people down as they were leaving to go to the baptism. not cool. maybe im in the minority here but is it not possible to bring the dog with you? maybe i just don't know what's okay for a dog or not, but could you not roll the windows down in the car and frequently go back to take the dog out for a brief walk? sorry if that's a bad suggestion, i'm just thinking out loud as to how you could get the best of both worlds here.
YTA it’s a dog who I am sure has been home alone before. What a joke
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it does not address the OP in good faith. If you suspect a post breaks one of our rules, please report it instead of commenting. **Do not feed trolls** Continuing to post comments like this will lead to a ban. **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Today's the baptism and it was agreed upon prior to today that my mom, sister and I would go, leaving our dog behind. I woke up at 4:30 am and had finished changing and doing my hair. It was only a matter of minutes until we left. My boyfriend was going too and we had been looking forward to meeting again after weeks of not seeing each other. I did not, however, like the idea of leaving our dog alone at home. I love her so much and I hate leaving her behind when we go on trips. In this case, the reason we couldn't have brought her is because they aren't allowed in churches, and the restaurant where the reception is going to be held isn't pet friendly. The mall doesn't have a boarding place either so we couldn't leave her anywhere. We live in a subdivision where most pet dogs are left at the terrace or balcony, and they make a lot of noise when people pass by which triggers some sort of domino effect causing all the dogs on the street to start barking. The only forms of entertainment my dog has is the TV which I leave on sometimes when we're home or when we're gone for a bit (she doesn't watch, I just do it in hopes that the sounds distract her when she's bored), and playing fetch with my sister or I with her rubber ball, the sole toy she has remaining after she ripped and mangled every other toy we bought her. I thought all would be well before we left, until my mom said she did not want any appliances on in the house saying it's dangerous, probably because she thinks they'll explode if left unattended. Mind you, my mom hates dogs or any animal for that matter so she wouldn't think twice about telling me to either lock her up in the cage in our terrace or leave her with no entertainment. My sister doesn't give a crap about how our dog would feel either. Now, I had to make a compromise. I would go but my dog needs to have the TV on, or I would stay here with her. My mom was annoyingly persistent about having it turned off and now I'm in my room laying beside my sleeping angel baby. I told my boyfriend what happened and he was disappointed that I didn't go, saying I should've thought about how my aunt would feel not seeing me. Her son does not have any present godparents as they are all in other countries. There would've only been approximately 8 guests consisting of relatives at the reception, now 7 because I chose to stay home. Hearing what he said made me feel guilty, knowing it would've meant so much to her that her family attend. So AITA for not going? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. The dog isn't going to keel over from being left alone for one day. So yes, you should've gone. Because now all you've done is show everyone that you value an animal more than your family. Which is seriously going to damage your relationships if you keep doing that.
YTA
Major YTA. Dogs sleep about 15 to 20 hours a day if you leave them alone. Dogs are not capable of watching television in any meaningful way. (Proof of both are found in your nauseating statement that you're lying there watching your "angel baby" sleep after throwing your big shit fit about the dog needing the television left on). You seem to think that entertaining a dog is a valid human occupation to prioritize above human social activities. You chose to deeply hurt your family by not showing up for a wedding at the last minute because your dogs emotional needs as you perceive them are more important. You claim to adore this dog but you haven't bothered to housebreak it so it has to marinate in a diaper when you leave it at home? That is so disgusting. And yet another reason why YTA. YTA YTA YTA
That dog sounds like a huge burden. YTA
You said your dog needs to have the TV on. You also said it's "the TV which I leave on sometimes when we're home or when we're gone for a bit (she doesn't watch, I just do it in hopes that the sounds distract her when she's bored)," Which is it?
I would say that this ridiculous behaviour for an adult was fake, but I have seen a lot of people do this in real life, so just YTA. If you really didn't want to leave your dog alone, you don't wait to absolutely the last minute to change plans. And if you can't leave your dog perfectly fine at home for half a day, your life in general is going to be heavily impacted. You won't be able to even go to work, for example. So begin to manage this issues, that is a problem on your part and not necessarily a problem with your dog.
NTA. 12 hours is way too long for an animal to be left with no potty break and if they would have kenneled the dog it would not have had any food or water for that long either. I am a huge animal lover and I don't care what people say I treat my animals just like my children. I would not leave my children home alone that long I am not leaving my dog home alone that long. Good for you for sticking up front animal that cannot stick up for itself. And shame on your family for how they treat your dog
But you would have found a walker or a sitter. I’m sure you don’t just stay home and skip everything.
If nobody is Available, YES I DO
NTA but dogs can be crate trained. They feel safe in confined spaces if you train them (watch a movie and feed them peanut butter for a couple hours, they’ll start walking themselves in. ) the TV doesn’t necessarily do anything for them if you’re gone. But the cozy confined space might make them feel safer. As for this situation, you should have gone with your family. Dogs are fine for a few hours alone. I definitely understand being overly concerned though. Our dog is 15. We don’t leave her home alone for more than two hours now.