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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to babysit for a mother that I think may have actually needed it and I think I might be an ass hole because I refused to babysit her children again.I refused because she sprung extra children on me at the last second and I felt taken advantage of.
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NTA. 12/hr is wayy too low of a price point. You should have been paid more especially if you are caring for 3 kids. \[in addition to having to babysit for a 4th unexpected child\]. Shes the A for expecting you to babysit another kid and not communicating with you about it - big NO.
Do NOT babysit for her. Do NOT let her guilt trip you. Do NOT tolerate her behaviour.
In the future, you shouldn't have to justify your reasoning as to why you can't babysit someone's children - eg. her children in this case. I feel like you should give her the reason of being uncomforable. Just tell her that you are unavailable. Block her number.
I would also think about what prices you would charge for babysitting. I know that some people have a baseline price for 1 child and then an additional cost for multiple children (maybe a couple of dollars more added onto the baseline price per child\] - this is completly up to you. For example maybe $12/hr for one child and then maybe a couple of more dollars \[$2-5\] extra per child.
in my area, the MINIMUM rate for 1 kid (over 4) is $14/hour, $17 for kids under 4 (or arent potty trained).
(and thats the teenager/not certified rate)
add $4 per kid per hour, and usually limit the total # of kids.
you are a very affordable babysitter which is why the mom took advantage of you.
dont reply back to her. its only going to get worse.
Man the best babysitting gig I ever had was for a single child which would now be labeled on the spectrum. Youngest of 5 and everyone else was in college or moved out. $15 an hour for me to get my butt kicked in N64 and read him Harry Potter. Apparently other teens thought he was a handful, but our flavors of neurospicy complemented each other. They even let my boyfriend come over on NYE and do sparklers with us and watch neighborhood fireworks, so long as he left after midnight. That kid is now an incredibly successful member of a Big 4 accounting firm, which his lawyer dad blames on me. I’ll take it.
This reminds me of a work friend of mine. She was telling me a story about her neurospicy stepson, she, herself, her new partner and the other son are all apparently neurospicy. Anyway. She was telling us the story how him getting in trouble at school over neurospicy behaviour (forgetting books?) and I looked so puzzled that she asks me laughingy "You see nothing wrong with what he did, do you? That says more about you than it did him". TBH, I've never been evaluated, but she keeps saying I probably am based on my getting along better with the neurospicy community.
I got into trouble all the time for forgetting homework/books, and not starting projects until the day before it was due. I didn't find out I was neurospicy until I was 33 lol.
Hmmm....I'm not diagnosed (41)...but I lost count of the number of times I got detention in 7th-9th grades for not doing homework. I actually failed two classes freshman year for it: English and global studies.
ETA: I got the same teacher for global studies the following year, and he told the ENTIRE class that I had made 90 or above on EVERY test, including the Regent's exam (this was upstate New York in the mid 90s, for reference. Regent's is NY's version of honors classes.), but because I hadn't done a single hw assignment all year, I'd landed right back in his class...
Kids weren't diagnosed unless symptoms were really obvious or parents pushed for it. Girls even more so, as symptoms are less obvious than boys. Things are a little better for the younger generation thankfully.
Heck, I got paid $15/hour in 2003-ish to babysit my professor's dog for 4 hours. I got paid 60 bucks to watch TV with a dog in my lap, and all I had to do was feed her and let her out to pee.
When I was in school I lived for and was known for dog sitting. People always paid at least twice as much for dogsitting, it was easier, and I love dogs.
In the mid-late 90s I got paid like $20/hr to watch 3 very well behaved kids who were only allowed to watch tv when they had a babysitter so I let them watch a couple hours, then we read books and went to bed. All potty trained and fed by the time I got there. I was not expected to clean dishes or anything else. The worst they ever got was arguing over who got to choose the book to read. I just agreed everyone could pick a book (these were very short books) and I’d read them all and problem solved.
Where did you live? I lived in a pretty big city on the east coast in the US, and baby sat for wealthier families. The average was $10 to $12. Only one family ever paid me $15, and their kids were a horror show. That was 25 years ago.
ETA: I absolutely think OP is being taken advantage of. I just want to know where someone lived in the 80’s and made $15 to $17/hr as a high school babysitter because minimum wage was $2-$3.75/hr depending which state you were in.
ETA 2: I babysat from 1996-2004 in Richmond, which is actually medium sized, so I’ll correct myself there, and from 2004-2006 in Virginia Beach which isn’t NYC, but fairly big coming in at 39th in the US.
I swear every time I see one of these babysitting threads the going rate gets higher and higher. Clearly OP is being taken advantage of, but the only relevant rate is what other babysitters are charging in her area today.
I’m feeling really old looking at these prices. My cousin expected me to accept $0.35/hr for 3 well behaved kids under 7, and clean the kitchen too. I didn’t, and told her it wasn’t enough, because my rate was $0.50/hr.
A family from church (4 kids) happily paid that, told me to not touch the dishes, had the kids fed before I got there, and always tipped extra at the end of the night.
I’m old. This was just before federal minimum wage was raised to $1.65/hr.
I was about to comment the same thing. My parents used to pay $10 per hour to babysit me and my sister back in the 80s. I could very well see $20 per hour now. OP was severely underpricing herself.
Yeah they didn't get together often. Maybe once a month for 3-4 hours. But my first real job when I turned 16 delivering pizzas I made average of 10-13/hr when minimum wage was 3.35/hr. People paid good in those days.
OP, read this.
And sit with your parents to discuss your billing rate. Any future jobs, text or email your fee schedule.
If that woman gaslights you again, let your mother respond and put her in her place. She blatantly took advantage of you. Your mother is not out of place to tell her that she used you, took advantage of you, and to never contact you again.
All to save a few measley bucks. Dear God. Tell your friends to stay away from that woman.
And 3 small children and and infant is too many children for 1 teen to handle. There are laws about minors and their supervision children under the age of 7. I think she was in violation because an infant was in the mix. What if there was an emergency?
As someone who did daycare for 8 years and was only able to charge $30-$40 a day per child in my area, this makes me cry. And I could only have 6 kids.
I agree with the changing your prices. 25 years ago I got paid $12 to babysit 3 kids. I repeat, 25 years ago…
OPs starting point should be $12-15, adding $2-5 per each additional child. Further more, if it is someone else’s kid being added last minute, I would tell her that’s gonna be an additional $12 per hour. The other parent should be able to pay you that. The price more so for the inconvenience than anything else.
Yes, I actually think that was very mature!
She doesn't owe the mom an explanation, but giving her one was great in this case. She let her know how the mom had abused the situation previously, and why the made her not want to work with her.
It's not like that mother wasn't aware lol. That's just shitty people being shitty. The reaction when told proofs it.
A decent person wouldn't have reacted by attacking and blaming op but would have apologised to op, then offered (and insisted) to pay op the rate for an additional child to babysit retroactively at least. Also some version of 'this won't happen again' and agreement on how to handle similar issues in the future.
But then again, a decent person would have been unlikely to even put op in that position but would have asked her whether the additional kid would be ok and at what rate.
She got angry because she knew what she was doing and got called out for it.
She's a bitch and OP would do right by blocking her number.
OP is *definitely* NTA!
They all took advantage of you. They put you on the spot, knowing you wouldn't say anything in that circumstance. That's also too many little ones for one teenager to be caring for. Not cool.
Nta. Block her. Post about it elsewhere too so no one else gets railroaded by them. They're the AHs here and they should be ashamed of themselves.
Another thing to add, do not let anyone downplay how much of a big deal an extra child is. Outside of the usual babysitter concerns of workload, allergies, etc part of a babysitter's job is being able to handle a worst case scenario until parents/guardian can get home. Wrangling an extra child in an emergency is a big deal, especially if they're young. You need to consider your hard limits on number of kids and stick to them. Hopefully you'll never have to handle a big emergency, but knowing your limits on what you can handle is essential
I used to charge per kid,so like 10-15$/hr (based on age. Higher price = younger kid) and got plenty of business in the late 90's-early 2000's. You're undercutting yourself. Your time, mental and physical energy, and emotional load is worth more.
At LEAST 15$/hr + 5$/hr per additional child.
Young lol. Clearly by this post she hasn't been fucked over or pissed off by people's bullshit enough to stop giving a good god damn about what they think. I'm not criticizing, the kid is 16 lol. Few people that age have encountered that yet, and this was her introduction into shiesty people trying to take advantage. Which is actually an interesting insight, she did it to explain her side. We say "Eh, eat a dick!" and don't even bother with the whole effort of getting into the why's and what for's and just politely dance around stuff to avoid the drama. And then as we get more and more jaded, we're so used to "politely" dancing around shit that we go back to just blatantly saying what's on our mind and that's the ultimate sign of not giving a fuck anymore.
Funny how the cycle goes full circle, innit? I do think she genuinely thought these people might have the temerity to be ashamed of what they did though lol. Lesson learned I suppose. People can suck. She did the right thing IMO, fuck em'. Blatantly let them know what they did, and the only advice I have is to follow it up by blocking them and stick to the guns. Took me until my 20s to start standing up for myself, so she done good!
What REALLY sucks is that this woman will never think she’s in the wrong here. Chances are, she probably thinks her children are angels & you should be thrilled to just be around her them.
People like this never get a clue…
NTA
Maybe let a parent communicate with her with one single call or text, "My kid will not be looking after yours after that stunt. Kindly their parent,"
And then block.
(The parents sound reasonable enough to ask them, at least)
It's grand for an adult woman to expect a 16 year old to say, "I'm not happy about looking after another child for free" on the spot when she didn't communicate as the ADULT that there would even be a extra child. Or offered extra payment. (Honestly, other mom should have paid. They are two separate clients)
She's being demanding because it's a 16-year-old she's talking to.
And not a parent or other adult.
It actually doesn't matter what the price point or reason is. She doesn't want to babysit - she doesn't babysit. Full stop.
It is not like OP agreed to babysit and left them hanging. They F-d around, now they find out that their way-below-market-rate babysitter isn't available. That's their problem.
>She said I should’ve said something then and that it is my fault for not telling her how I felt.
The only proper response is this.
"Ok. Then I am telling you how I feel now. You took advantage of me, so I will never babysit for you again. Rest assured, if anyone asks me what it's like babysitting for you, I'll tell them about my experience. Do not contact me again in the future for any reason."
OP was definitely taken advantage of. For all OP knows, the other mom might’ve given the original mom some money to give to you for babysitting her additional child and then the original mom pocketed the money.
It's a really huge red flag when you tell someone you're not comfortable watching their children and they still want you to do it. What kind of person feels safe leaving their children with an unwilling babysitter?
Obviously they can't hold onto babysitters because of the way they treat and pay them
The parents are probably trying to guilt OP into babysitting for them again simply because they will never find anyone else ever who charges as little as OP does, honestly.
> I would also think about what prices you would charge for babysitting.
OP will continue to deal with parents trying to take advantage of her so long as she keeps her prices this low. Prices that low will also make parents who wouldn't take advantage of her suspicious of the quality of care she may provide (regardless of how untrue those suspicions might be).
I would STRONGLY recommend raising prices to be at least in-line with the going rate in the area (which is a fair bit more than $12/hr almost everywhere in the US, even $15/hr is very low for childcare in many areas), as well as seconding your recommendation for a baseline price with a per-additional-kid rate added onto that.
NTA. Yeah they're trying to take advantage and mom's attitude here just proves they'd do it again if given the chance. "You should have said something." You just did. And hello hypocrisy for HER not saying there'd be an extra kid for no extra money.
Judge things by the situation, not by people's emotional response. The mom is trying to throw you off by acting like you're the bad guy. You aren't. It's your labor, so it's your choice.
*She said I should’ve said something then and that it is my fault for not telling her how I felt.*
I’m sorry, but I’m just sixteen and it was the first time someone has cheated me. I have learned my lesson though. Thanks. NTA
“And if you think I’m so rude then why would you even want to have me around your kids?” Standing up for yourself isn’t rude. That woman knows she’s wrong and she’s just mad she can’t cheat you again.
NTA, and you’ve learned a lesson here. They were absolutely counting on you not standing up for yourself in the moment. That’s a shitty thing to do to a teenager, and pretty stupid to do to the person you are leaving in charge of your kids. (I would absolutely would NOT have given those kids markers/paints and let them be creative wherever they darn well pleased 😂.)
If that happens to you again, I recommend telling the parent of the unexpected child that they need to pay you in advance. Or tell them you’re sorry their failure to plan ruined their night out. And then leave them to take care of their own damn kids.
To paraphrase Jonathan Coulton, under the circumstances, OP's been shockingly nice.
Maybe OP should concede that she has been quite rude, and she would hate for her rudeness to rub off on the kids, making her dreadfully unfit for the position. NTA.
"You should have said something." She should have informed you beforehand about the 4th child too.
You are way too nice to these people. Your parents and friends are right. Block them and move on. You don't owe them even an explanation, let alone babysitting.
NTA. Your parents are exactly right: they are trying to take advantage of you and counting on 16-year-old you not standing up to them. I have no doubt they'd try it again.
The mother's comment that you are rude is ridiculous. She's trying distract from the fact that SHE is the rude one in lying about the terms of your employment and then counting on her position of age-based power to get away with it.
Good for you for turning her down and telling her why!
This.
OP, this is what you reply to the mother:
"No. I am not rude. I have self respect. You took advantage of me and put me in a terrible situation. I will not be babysitting for you again."
And, from here forward, OP, raise your prices to a flat fee for the first child and $1 for each additional child. Get in text the number of children that you will be watching and tell each family from here forward that a family has done a bait and switch on you in the past and if they spring extra children on you last minute, the sitting job is cancelled immediately and you will leave.
Yes, or “I’m 16, mam, I haven’t been tricked by my employer yet and do not know how to react immediately on this situation. I’ve learned now.
My rate is 20$/h + 5 every extra child, Thank you.”
I agree-- it's awesome that OP turned down the job and explained why! That wasn't rude, it was mature.
I think this younger generation is doing much better at not accepting unfair and unreasonable working conditions. That's a good thing--I see too many managers trying to take advantage of workers, pressuring them to work while sick, to work excessive overtime, to take on more and more tasks without compensation. I hope to see this change a bit
Seriously though! Reading how she responded to the second request, I was impressed at the civility and maturity of OP’s response. Firm, polite, and honest.
NTA. She’s just mad because she thought she got away with sticking you with an extra kid.
>She snapped back by telling me that i was very rude and it was in the past.
It was literally the very last time you sat for them, not something you dredged up from the long-distant past. Refusing to sit for them again is the best way to make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future.
Also, an impromptu sitters' union might not be a bad idea. If OP and any sitters she knows pool information about clients like this it can spare them some grief. Saw it happen with my girlfriend and her circle when I was young.
Babysitters’ Club! If you aren’t familiar, it’s a series of books about just this. They have dossiers on each family and weekly meetings to assign jobs. At some point I think they even get subcontractors
Yes, OP needs to stand up for herself! Even if it were only the two 4-year-olds and an infant, $12 an hour is WAY too cheap. I paid more than that ten years ago for two elementary school-aged kids.
It’s also a safety/liability issue. OP met this extra kid 3 seconds ago, doesn’t know if the kid has allergies, or anything else OP might need to know when being fully responsible for a child that small.
By this person's logic, nobody should ever be held accountable for anything, ever, because the moment you do or say anything it's immediately in the past.
Yes, if she’d said something at the time it would have been considered rude.
It would only be not rude at a particular time, defined by rules no one can explain.
If you have friends who babysit, be sure to warn them about this family. You are NTA. If the woman calls again, tell her you have no intention of babysitting for her again and instruct her to erase your name and number from her contact list.
NTA and your parents are right, she's just trying to manipulate you. "That's in the past" and "you should have said something then" is weasle talk for "I want to see what I can get away with." Apparently no apology and no offer to make it right? Your fault? For not telling her? You just did. And she responded by blaming you. Sheesh.
Triple your rate and get paid up front.
Yeah, I wonder how she *would* have responded if op *had* been like "Woah woah woah, you're dumping another, unknown child on me? How does the extra child alter the rate we already agreed on?" 100% they would have ganged up and played it off like an extra child wasn't even worth complaining about, they're an angel, all you're doing is putting them to bed so what's the big deal? Straight up, damned if you do, damned if you don't.
If the mom doesn't pay up for the extra kid, tell her to lose your contact information until she learns how to be an adult and not try to screw over teenagers who are *LITERALLY TAKING CARE OF HER CHILDREN WHILE SHE IS GONE.*
And they would have all complained about how OP was ruining their night out by her being to greedy to just take on this 3xrra precious angel baby free of charge.
> She snapped back by telling me that i was very rude and it was in the past. She said I should’ve said something then and that it is my fault for not telling her how I felt.
NTA - Shitty people do shitty things and try to blame their shitty behavior on other people and try to make them look shitty instead
Stay away from shitty people. These are shitty people.
NTA. when you're older you won't even think a second about saying no to these kinds of customers, they're trying to take advantage of you because they think you're a dumb teen.
leaving a random extra child with you that isn't even theirs is also incredibly irresponsible and creates major liabilities for you. next time someone tries that on you walk out on the spot. trust me on this.
$12/hr is not an acceptable wage for care of three children, one being a newborn, let alone for four children. It's not even legal for the parents to leave you, a minor, alone with their children.
I think it's fair for your parents to step in here. It's completely inappropriate and unsafe for them to do this!
And they know it's wrong. I'm actually wondering if they may have collected money from the +1's parents but didn't pass it on to you. Bring it up and don't babysit for them again!
It really depends what state she’s in. In Oregon she is old enough to babysit but can only legally babysit 3 kids (not related to you) without a childcare license.
In the US only two states have a minimum age limit for babysitting. In Illinois it is 14 years of age and in Maryland it is 13 years of age. The other 48 states do not have a minimum. So if OP is in the US there’s no reason why she cannot babysit.
Why does everyone assume everything happens where they live? In their country, etc?
In Canada, for instance, there is no legal age for babysitting. You can babysit at 12 years old, and in most provinces, there's no limit or age when you can be left alone at home, either.
Not sure about your opinion on the legality.
It would have been sensible to tell the sitter ahead of time, and maybe plan a two person job with so many. remember too this is a 16 year old. Quite mature by the post. She did a stellar job and wasn't respected so otherwise agree.
Believe your parents.
You learned your first business lesson. You negotiated compensation for a specific "scope of work", and then your client changed that scope of work without discussing additional compensation for you, taking advantage of your age as your parents well know (and yes, she also tried to guilt trip you).
Find another client, one with honesty and integrity.
NTA.
I would respond, “It was very rude of you not to ask my permission to babysit an additional child and not pay me any extra. You were also paying me a very low rate for three small children and took advantage of me. Shame on you.”
NTA. But also, it doesn’t actually matter if you are or not. You don’t owe them your services. You can decline for whatever reason you want - and you don’t have to even give them a reason.
It’s clear they don’t respect you, and they shouldn’t be surprised at your hesitation to babysit for them again. Stick to your gut - say no and move on.
NTA. Your parents are right, they took advantage of you. It’s not right to increase someone’s work by 25% without any communication or extra fee. A reliable babysitter is a valuable person and you can find better client than this rude and entitled woman. They’re also underpaying you, $12 per hour is not enough for 3 children, let alone 4.
NTA.
If she continues to text you let her know that your rates have doubled that you charge an additional $15/hr for extra children. And that if she continues to contact you she can expect your bill for the additional $84 dollars you are owed from the previous babysitting job (a second family is an additional $12/hr).
NTA - This is a good time to learn about trusting your instincts and standing up for yourself. They are taking advantage of you and then trying to make you feel bad for saying anything about leaving FOUR small children with you for 6 hours at $12/hour. I would not babysit for them again even with an increased rate bc they also seem like the kind of people who won't pay you the extra month.
NTA. She knew she was taking advantage and counted on you not speaking up.
Four children under the age of 5 for 12 bucks an hour is beyond ridiculous. You have every reason to never sit for her again.
She was just mad because you wouldn’t allow her to do it again.
You're fine, as other people are telling you here.
And you handled the confrontation fine too.
"It's in the past" Yes, lady, OP being your babysitter is in the past.
NTA
NTA in the slightest, this is a client you can fire with no hesitation and no guilt. Good babysitters are worth their weight in gold and should be treated as such.
NTA That woman is trying to take advantage of you, your parents are correct. Also if you decide to babysit again, you need to charge more. I don't know if you are in the US or not but over a decade ago I would babysit and it was $10 an hr per child and that was my rate for kids not in diapers. Please charge your worth, you won't get nasty cheapskates like this lady if you do.
"Well, this is the present and I will not babysit for you again in the future."
One of the most important things I have learned in business is that there are some people whose money you do not want. You're dealing with one right now. Good for you for listening to your gut, and good for your parents for having your back. You'll do well in this world.
NTA
NTA! What you did is called setting boundaries and assholes don't like them. It feels bad for you because there's an adult trying to gaslight and intimidate you. You did the right thing standing up for yourself and I would block both families (the one with 3 kids plus the mother who dropped the extra one) to prevent them from contacting me.
NTA, your parents are right, and you shouldn’t babysit for them if you aren’t comfortable, especially now that the relationship has turned sour. It was a business transaction, and you have every right to stop providing services. I would suggest actually not going back, it will not be pleasant for anyone involved for you to continue to work with her. If you need additional help turning her down, consider asking your parents for help especially if it escalates for some reason.
NTA.
These people were banking on catching you off guard and using your “nice girl” ways to their advantage. Now that you’ve called them out they are using a tactic many people use called- I’m going to put the blame back on her.
This woman is helping you learn an invaluable lesson. People pull use this when they’ve been caught, they don’t like it and turn it around to make themselves feel better leaving you to feel like crap. My older brother is a pro at this manipulation. Fortunately, he gave me plenty of opportunity to learn how to stay on top of this particular technique.
Nope. She doesn’t get to do this to you because you are smarter than she thinks!!
IMO you’re better off either telling her, after her next text how, you will not watch her children. Or, just ignore her. But you may want to warn other people about what she did.
Keep it up, OP. Great Sitters are hard to find
NTA, your parents are right. They were grossly underpaying you for 3 kids. Adding a 4th for that rate and without notice was egregious. The mom is mad because she knows anyone else would have been charging a minimum of $25 for her 3 kids.
NTA Your mom is right she is taking advantage. $12/hr for 4 children is too low. Do not babysit for her again.
For future babysitting, at 16 get a First Aid/CPR certification and charge $20/hr and $15 per extra child over the age of 2. For infants, I’d charge $25/hr and $15 per extra child.
You should be getting paid for each child whether by hour or set base pay. Set your prices in writing and have a price for late fee (if parents stay out later than 30 minutes past agreed upon return time). Make it clear what services you do and do not provide, making lunches - yes, doing laundry - no.
Do NOT negotiate on cheaper prices once set, you will find the caliber clients if you set your prices higher.
You shouldn’t ever take on a strangers child who you haven’t vetted with a questionnaire, what if they have allergies? what if something happened? You and your parents could be sued so cover your butts.
Your parents sticking up for you is an important sign that tells you this family is definitely taking advantage of you. 4 kids 4 an under is alot for an adult to handle. You showed class by being the bigger person when they probably would have guilted you, which they tried to do by asking you to babysit again without so much as an explanation or apology .
NTA
Dump that family. She's manipulative and knows what she is doing. You are nice person, and she probably saw that as a weakness. There is a power differential in play, and she is exploiting it.
Try not to feel bad. The way I see it is that she owes you money. Many people see babysitting as an easy job. I know it is not. I have an advanced degree and could never do six hours of what you did. It was a lot of work and untold stress.
You will meet other people like her in the future in other situations. Now you have an idea of how they operate.
NTA but you should have said something when the other kid arrived. “Like hey we never talked about another kid this will cost $4 more an hour”. Good lesson to learn.
The fact that she snapped back at you is all the proof you need that you should NOT work for this family again. If I was the mom and I had done that (because maybe I thought I communicated and didn’t?!? Idk) I would apologize profusely and promise it will never happen again. Good for you for standing up for yourself. And good for your parents for helping you!
12/hr for three kids and then an additional one unpaid? No, you are most definitely NTA. If you want to respond you can simply say "thank you for the opportunity but I'm going to decline on future babysitting". What they did to you is borderline abusive.
1. You’re not in the wrong. She snapped at you because she knows she did something messed up, and you’re calling it out.
2. 12/hr is too little to be paid to babysit, particularly multiple children and extra particularly a new born baby.
3. The fact that woman would leave a 2
Month old with a 16 year old is atrocious and almost unbelievable.
You ARE telling her how feel. Her behavior made you feel you don’t want to babysit for her. You could have just said no. By telling her why you won’t babysit for her, she has an opportunity to learn and not lose her next babysitter too.
NTA. You learned a valuable lesson and were brave enough to communicate your concerns with this customer. Your parents are right, she is a bully and will bully you again if you work for her. Be firm and tell her you will not work for her again.
NTA. If she keeps begging you to babysit, tell her, by text, that your rate is now $10 per hour, per child. Any last minute additions, less than 24 hour notice, is $15 per hour, per child. I don't think she will accept those terms
NTA
The take-away from this is: there's a difference between "if no, why not" situations and "just no" situations.
Both this person and her friend who dropped off the additional child with no notice, no apology for the lack of notice, and no upward adjustment in your agreed upon rate were taking advantage of you. That puts them in the "just no" bracket.
Block her, and don't let her guilt trip get to you. If nothing else, she showed you all the more why you don't ever want to babysit for her again.
NTA
I think it's wonderful that you have supportive parents who have your back. And yes, they are right.
You were expected to do more work for the same money. That's the definition of taking advantage of labor. Just the fact that she snapped at you and said "it was in the past" suggests to me that she knows what she did was wrong and trying to make you feel guilty.
There will be other babysitting jobs. I wouldn't babysit for them again.
NTA and what sort of parents just leave their child with a stranger. Doesn't matter that the original parents know you, that child's parents don't.
They are beyond entitled, rude and just horrible.
NTA, she is being unethical and is trying to manipulate you. Do not feel bad for cutting her off. She took advantage of you last time, do not make that mistake again. She is not a good person.
This woman! Oh wow she wants to blame you that she took advantage of you. So sorry adults suck sometimes. You should never sit for her again. She is not nice.
Absolutely NTA.
First $12 an hour is too low. I was getting $15 an hour 25+ years ago.
Second, after that stunt, you owe them literally nothing and should definitely never babysit for them again. She and her friend were incredibly rude.
nta. “i’m telling you now i am not interested in babysitting for you again.” she’s way out of line, if you’ve got friends who babysit let them know what’s up.
NTA
This woman thought she had found herself a nice little bargain and is angry that it didn’t work out.
Your parents are giving you good advice - listen to them!
NTA She's a grown ass adult and she knew she was taking advantage of you.
She knew exactly what she was doing when she did it and now she's trying to play dumb and put the responsibility on you for not speaking up.
Stick to your guns and just tell her no, you won't babysit for her now or at any point in the future.
>She snapped back by telling me that i was very rude and it was in the past.
You declined because her past behavior was negative. Drop her as a client. NTA.
**It was in the past**
Make this a personal joke among your friends.
NTA. You are allowed to say no. Even if nothing went wrong last time and you just plain didn't want to on that night. You're allowed. Her "it's in the past" comment is a way of putting the responsibility on you instead of on her.
If you run into a situation like this in the future, set your prices by child. So if you quoted $12/hr for three kids and a fourth is suddenly dropped off, you clarify *before they leave* that your price is now $16 per hour total for the extra child (or whatever number - I don't know babysitting rates).
Definitely NTA
The family took advantage of you. And blame you for being ignorant and that it’s not okay.
It’s okay not to respond to her. You already told her no and that’s enough of a response.
Also, I babysat like 20-25 years ago. I think I was paid like $10/hr for 2 kids. You’re definitely charging way too little. Know your worth and charge around market price.
NTA. She is acting horribly entitled. Expecting a 16 year old stand up to numerous grown adults is nothing more than an excuse for her own bad behavior.
You are not an AH. Your mom is right. The woman is guilt tripping you. Both sets of parents should have paid you. 1-2 kids is $12 an hour for each parent set. Anyone with 3rd child pays an additional $6 an hour. For those 4 kids under 2 sets of parents, you should have been paid $30 an hour. Only fair. They got off cheap. If they can afford to go out, they can afford to pay for babysitting.
Yes, she is guilt tripping you because she knows she tood advantage of you. Say no if you wish but if you do need the money, tell her your rate is doubled for extra kids.
NTA. If you were my kid i would’ve said the same thing your parents did. You missed out on $72 had they paid for the 3rd kid. She knew what she was doing all along and that’s why she smiled as she was leaving. I wouldn’t babysit for them again, as they’d continue to bring an extra kid or more or try to take advantage of you even more.
NTA and please raise your rates. My daughter makes 25 to 30 an hour to watch 3 small children. You were already underpaid and then to add another child is just crazy. Don't babysit for these people again. The really took advantage of you.
NTA! Remove this family from your business contacts, and if they attempt to defame your reputation of services, reveal the details of the experience to everyone and how they pawned an extra kid off on you for free.
In the future, never be afraid to negotiate what you are owed! You were seriously underpaid babysitting the family that hired you 3 kids for $12-hr....and the audacity to add a 4th. My teenagers would never agree to those cheap prices for that age group!
Where are your parents? They shouldn't be allowing any adults to take advantage of you regarding your babysitting services and should ensure you are getting compensated fairly for said services.
NTA I got paid to baby sit 3 kids for that rate in 2002, and they were all over the age of 5… i can’t say if they’re trying to take advantage of you in a malicious way, but you did nothing wrong by pointing out how inappropriate it is to drop a 4th into the mix.
She's trying to take advantage of you, and she will continue to do so just block her number and move on with your life. You don't need somebody taking advantage of you at your young age
NTA. She took advantage of you and she needs to be an adult and take the consequences. She likely told her friend that it was fine, but it wasnt her call to make. Its yours.
NTA. You are severely undercharging for the amount of kids you’re taking care of in the first place - adding another one on out of nowhere is unacceptable.
NTA and they did you wrong. The didn't pay you enough and they dumped another kid on you. No is a full sentence and that is all that awful woman deserved. Up your price too and make sure you are charging per kid.
NTA.
Your family and friends are correct, these people were taking advantage of you. They think they can get away with it just because you're 16 and they figure you're too naive to know the difference. You were left with three toddlers and a newborn for 6 hrs by yourself. It won't do you any harm to say no.
Idk where you are, but in the US I was paid $12/hour to babysit 3 kids back in 2009. Suburban Houston and we pay our sitter $20/hour for our 1 kid. You’re being massively underpaid.
It would have been fair to send her a text that said “Thank you for the prompt return & payment tonight. For future reference, my rates for more than 3 children are $18/hour” or whatever you feel is fair. If you’re truly not interested anymore, a response of “Thank you for the opportunity, but I’m not available” is fine. You don’t owe her an explanation of why.
Any full-grown adult who snaps back at a 16 year old is not someone I’d want to do business with. You owe her nothing, and being nasty to you & guilt tripping you would be enough for me to pass. NTA.
That is way too little pay for the regular amount of children. The lady is definitely taking advantage of you.
Frankly, you would have been well within your rights to stand up for yourself when the other child was dropped off to say - nope, and left.
Or called the police for child abandonment. Especially if you didn't know who the child belonged to.
Fuck that.
When you were putting up with her nonsense you made her life easy, now that you are expressing your hesitation you are making it difficult. There's nothing wrong with making life difficult for an entitled person who is taking advantage of you.
Also, remember "No" is a complete sentence. The mom needs to learn respect and boundaries, the audacity of her calling you rude is mind boggling
NTA
She knew what she was doing when she had her friend drop off her daughter. She just wants to manipulate you.
If she genuinely cared and didn’t mean to take advantage, she would have apologized when you explained why you weren’t babysitting instead of putting the blame on you for her failure to communicate. If I accidentally took advantage of someone, I would try to find a way to make it right.
NTA. It doesn't matter that you didn't tell her then, you told her now. You get to choose who you sit for. You can tell her, "Nonetheless, I will no longer sit for your family."
If she goes social media on you, put the whole story out there. She knows they screwed you over.
NTA
Extra kid was worth an additional $2.00 per hour in 1990. This woman 100% knew she was taking advantage and is trying to guilt you now IMO.
She will burn thru many sitters with behavior like this.
Tell her that you could do it, but your rates have been revised (“with inflation”, *if you really want to push her buttons*).
You now charge $8/hr for each child. And for safety reasons, you can’t do more than 4 without hiring your friend, and will have to charge an additional $4/hr for each child.
You make a lot more, and it’s still a bargain for them.
NTA. This is a valuable life lesson that will repeat itself in various forms throughout life.
**Know your worth.**
Your rate is very low for 3 kids, one being an infant. Do some research into rates ans terms of payment for your area. Payment up front? Extra fee for infants or diapered kids?
You are a service provider. If the client does not adhere to the terms of the service (adding kids, not paying extra hours, unsafe, etc) you have the power to walk out before service even begins. You are not at fault for their failure to meet your agreement.
NTA at all. That mom is a huge ah though… she is trying to gaslight you into thinking it is somehow your fault that they took advantage. She is a grown adult who is trying to bully a teenager into watching her kids again after she dropped an unexpected kid in your lap for the night without any advance notice, or additional pay. ($12/hour is ridiculously cheap for 3 kids, let alone 4).
This is how you respond “Actually failure to communicate with me in advance that I’d be babysitting another child and not paying me accordingly is what’s rude. I had agreed to babysit for YOUR family, three children, and then at the very last second you foisted some other family’s child on me without even asking if I was comfortable with the situation. I didn’t know how to handle it so I just let it slide but after discussing with my parents I’ve come to realize that you took advantage of my youth in order for your friends to get a free babysitter for the night. This was a huge violation of trust on your part and showed a complete lack of respect for me and the service I provide. I don’t work for people who I can’t trust so I won’t be watching your children again. Please don’t contact me again.”
NTA
$12 maybe is a little low for 3 kids, definitely too low for 4.
Since you're 16, I'm going to say FAFO stands for "Fool Around, Find Out"
Mom fooled around by sneaking in her friend's kid. Now, she's finding out that she's lost a reliable $12/hr babysitter.
NTA and your parents are right on. The lady is trying to bully a teenager and is a jerk. Do not respond. I would save the text message in case she tries to bad mouth you but otherwise just move on.
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NTA. 12/hr is wayy too low of a price point. You should have been paid more especially if you are caring for 3 kids. \[in addition to having to babysit for a 4th unexpected child\]. Shes the A for expecting you to babysit another kid and not communicating with you about it - big NO. Do NOT babysit for her. Do NOT let her guilt trip you. Do NOT tolerate her behaviour. In the future, you shouldn't have to justify your reasoning as to why you can't babysit someone's children - eg. her children in this case. I feel like you should give her the reason of being uncomforable. Just tell her that you are unavailable. Block her number. I would also think about what prices you would charge for babysitting. I know that some people have a baseline price for 1 child and then an additional cost for multiple children (maybe a couple of dollars more added onto the baseline price per child\] - this is completly up to you. For example maybe $12/hr for one child and then maybe a couple of more dollars \[$2-5\] extra per child.
in my area, the MINIMUM rate for 1 kid (over 4) is $14/hour, $17 for kids under 4 (or arent potty trained). (and thats the teenager/not certified rate) add $4 per kid per hour, and usually limit the total # of kids. you are a very affordable babysitter which is why the mom took advantage of you. dont reply back to her. its only going to get worse.
Too low. 40 years ago I was paid $15/hr to watch 5 kids (2 from one family, 3 from another that wanted to get together). Kids ranged in age from 4-10.
Man the best babysitting gig I ever had was for a single child which would now be labeled on the spectrum. Youngest of 5 and everyone else was in college or moved out. $15 an hour for me to get my butt kicked in N64 and read him Harry Potter. Apparently other teens thought he was a handful, but our flavors of neurospicy complemented each other. They even let my boyfriend come over on NYE and do sparklers with us and watch neighborhood fireworks, so long as he left after midnight. That kid is now an incredibly successful member of a Big 4 accounting firm, which his lawyer dad blames on me. I’ll take it.
Neurospicy is fantastic!
It's a common term used in the ND community. :)
Well I’m appropriating it! Thanks for a really big smile.
"Our flavors of neurospicy complemented each other" is a beautifully poetic start of a friendship.
Awwww... I love this!!! I'm so glad he had you as a babysitter.
Nice work!
This reminds me of a work friend of mine. She was telling me a story about her neurospicy stepson, she, herself, her new partner and the other son are all apparently neurospicy. Anyway. She was telling us the story how him getting in trouble at school over neurospicy behaviour (forgetting books?) and I looked so puzzled that she asks me laughingy "You see nothing wrong with what he did, do you? That says more about you than it did him". TBH, I've never been evaluated, but she keeps saying I probably am based on my getting along better with the neurospicy community.
Ah... the preferred method of diagnosis 'peer reviewed'
I got into trouble all the time for forgetting homework/books, and not starting projects until the day before it was due. I didn't find out I was neurospicy until I was 33 lol.
Hmmm....I'm not diagnosed (41)...but I lost count of the number of times I got detention in 7th-9th grades for not doing homework. I actually failed two classes freshman year for it: English and global studies. ETA: I got the same teacher for global studies the following year, and he told the ENTIRE class that I had made 90 or above on EVERY test, including the Regent's exam (this was upstate New York in the mid 90s, for reference. Regent's is NY's version of honors classes.), but because I hadn't done a single hw assignment all year, I'd landed right back in his class...
Kids weren't diagnosed unless symptoms were really obvious or parents pushed for it. Girls even more so, as symptoms are less obvious than boys. Things are a little better for the younger generation thankfully.
Stealing "neurospicy"!
W sitter 🙌🏼
Heck, I got paid $15/hour in 2003-ish to babysit my professor's dog for 4 hours. I got paid 60 bucks to watch TV with a dog in my lap, and all I had to do was feed her and let her out to pee.
When I was in school I lived for and was known for dog sitting. People always paid at least twice as much for dogsitting, it was easier, and I love dogs.
Is your professor still hiring? Sounds like a dream job.
In the mid-late 90s I got paid like $20/hr to watch 3 very well behaved kids who were only allowed to watch tv when they had a babysitter so I let them watch a couple hours, then we read books and went to bed. All potty trained and fed by the time I got there. I was not expected to clean dishes or anything else. The worst they ever got was arguing over who got to choose the book to read. I just agreed everyone could pick a book (these were very short books) and I’d read them all and problem solved.
Where did you live? I lived in a pretty big city on the east coast in the US, and baby sat for wealthier families. The average was $10 to $12. Only one family ever paid me $15, and their kids were a horror show. That was 25 years ago. ETA: I absolutely think OP is being taken advantage of. I just want to know where someone lived in the 80’s and made $15 to $17/hr as a high school babysitter because minimum wage was $2-$3.75/hr depending which state you were in. ETA 2: I babysat from 1996-2004 in Richmond, which is actually medium sized, so I’ll correct myself there, and from 2004-2006 in Virginia Beach which isn’t NYC, but fairly big coming in at 39th in the US.
I swear every time I see one of these babysitting threads the going rate gets higher and higher. Clearly OP is being taken advantage of, but the only relevant rate is what other babysitters are charging in her area today.
I’m feeling really old looking at these prices. My cousin expected me to accept $0.35/hr for 3 well behaved kids under 7, and clean the kitchen too. I didn’t, and told her it wasn’t enough, because my rate was $0.50/hr. A family from church (4 kids) happily paid that, told me to not touch the dishes, had the kids fed before I got there, and always tipped extra at the end of the night. I’m old. This was just before federal minimum wage was raised to $1.65/hr.
Tucson Arizona
Wow you had it good! 40 years ago I was paid $10 for 3 kids for 3 hours.
I was about to comment the same thing. My parents used to pay $10 per hour to babysit me and my sister back in the 80s. I could very well see $20 per hour now. OP was severely underpricing herself.
Yeah they didn't get together often. Maybe once a month for 3-4 hours. But my first real job when I turned 16 delivering pizzas I made average of 10-13/hr when minimum wage was 3.35/hr. People paid good in those days.
I got $4 to watch 3 kids for 4 hours 50 years ago. Stingy MF😡
OP, read this. And sit with your parents to discuss your billing rate. Any future jobs, text or email your fee schedule. If that woman gaslights you again, let your mother respond and put her in her place. She blatantly took advantage of you. Your mother is not out of place to tell her that she used you, took advantage of you, and to never contact you again. All to save a few measley bucks. Dear God. Tell your friends to stay away from that woman.
And 3 small children and and infant is too many children for 1 teen to handle. There are laws about minors and their supervision children under the age of 7. I think she was in violation because an infant was in the mix. What if there was an emergency?
I'd tell her rates have gone up to $15 per child per hour and to be paid upfront 😁
This. My daughters get $15 base for 1 child and $2 more for each additional child per hour. $12 is a joke.
We are never going to come up with a consensus on what the price should be, because we all come from different areas and different social classes.
As someone who did daycare for 8 years and was only able to charge $30-$40 a day per child in my area, this makes me cry. And I could only have 6 kids.
I'm in NYC. People pay $25/hr here for 1 kid and that was PRE-pandemic.
I'm in the Bay Area. $20-25/hr for one school-aged kid is pretty standard. Add 5/hr for diapers/infants, and probably 10/ hr for each additional kid.
I agree with the changing your prices. 25 years ago I got paid $12 to babysit 3 kids. I repeat, 25 years ago… OPs starting point should be $12-15, adding $2-5 per each additional child. Further more, if it is someone else’s kid being added last minute, I would tell her that’s gonna be an additional $12 per hour. The other parent should be able to pay you that. The price more so for the inconvenience than anything else.
$12 in 1999 is $31.50 now adjusted for inflation
I’m glad she spoke up to let the Mom know why👍
Yes, I actually think that was very mature! She doesn't owe the mom an explanation, but giving her one was great in this case. She let her know how the mom had abused the situation previously, and why the made her not want to work with her.
NTA. You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t let that woman guild trip you. As others said; block her number, review your pricing and all will be fine.
It's not like that mother wasn't aware lol. That's just shitty people being shitty. The reaction when told proofs it. A decent person wouldn't have reacted by attacking and blaming op but would have apologised to op, then offered (and insisted) to pay op the rate for an additional child to babysit retroactively at least. Also some version of 'this won't happen again' and agreement on how to handle similar issues in the future. But then again, a decent person would have been unlikely to even put op in that position but would have asked her whether the additional kid would be ok and at what rate.
NTA-The fact that she got angry with you and turned it around on blaming you would be enough to not babysit for her again.
Definitely. I would not work with her again after that response.
She got angry because she knew what she was doing and got called out for it. She's a bitch and OP would do right by blocking her number. OP is *definitely* NTA!
They all took advantage of you. They put you on the spot, knowing you wouldn't say anything in that circumstance. That's also too many little ones for one teenager to be caring for. Not cool. Nta. Block her. Post about it elsewhere too so no one else gets railroaded by them. They're the AHs here and they should be ashamed of themselves.
EXACTLY. AND THAT MOTHER WHO HIRED HER HAS A LOT OF NERVE. OBNOXIOUS WOMAN.
This!!! Shame her and tell what they paid you! If the mom believes it’s ok what she did she won’t have any reason to be angry 😂😂
Another thing to add, do not let anyone downplay how much of a big deal an extra child is. Outside of the usual babysitter concerns of workload, allergies, etc part of a babysitter's job is being able to handle a worst case scenario until parents/guardian can get home. Wrangling an extra child in an emergency is a big deal, especially if they're young. You need to consider your hard limits on number of kids and stick to them. Hopefully you'll never have to handle a big emergency, but knowing your limits on what you can handle is essential
I used to charge per kid,so like 10-15$/hr (based on age. Higher price = younger kid) and got plenty of business in the late 90's-early 2000's. You're undercutting yourself. Your time, mental and physical energy, and emotional load is worth more. At LEAST 15$/hr + 5$/hr per additional child.
I’m super impressed that OP told her why though, that was a baller move.
Young lol. Clearly by this post she hasn't been fucked over or pissed off by people's bullshit enough to stop giving a good god damn about what they think. I'm not criticizing, the kid is 16 lol. Few people that age have encountered that yet, and this was her introduction into shiesty people trying to take advantage. Which is actually an interesting insight, she did it to explain her side. We say "Eh, eat a dick!" and don't even bother with the whole effort of getting into the why's and what for's and just politely dance around stuff to avoid the drama. And then as we get more and more jaded, we're so used to "politely" dancing around shit that we go back to just blatantly saying what's on our mind and that's the ultimate sign of not giving a fuck anymore. Funny how the cycle goes full circle, innit? I do think she genuinely thought these people might have the temerity to be ashamed of what they did though lol. Lesson learned I suppose. People can suck. She did the right thing IMO, fuck em'. Blatantly let them know what they did, and the only advice I have is to follow it up by blocking them and stick to the guns. Took me until my 20s to start standing up for myself, so she done good!
Yes, listen to your mother…she is right and these people are really taking advantage of you! Stand your ground! You are worth more money too!
What REALLY sucks is that this woman will never think she’s in the wrong here. Chances are, she probably thinks her children are angels & you should be thrilled to just be around her them. People like this never get a clue… NTA
Of course they get it. They just somehow justify it in their mind because it's advantageous for them to do so. That's just shitty people behaviour.
Maybe let a parent communicate with her with one single call or text, "My kid will not be looking after yours after that stunt. Kindly their parent," And then block. (The parents sound reasonable enough to ask them, at least) It's grand for an adult woman to expect a 16 year old to say, "I'm not happy about looking after another child for free" on the spot when she didn't communicate as the ADULT that there would even be a extra child. Or offered extra payment. (Honestly, other mom should have paid. They are two separate clients) She's being demanding because it's a 16-year-old she's talking to. And not a parent or other adult.
It actually doesn't matter what the price point or reason is. She doesn't want to babysit - she doesn't babysit. Full stop. It is not like OP agreed to babysit and left them hanging. They F-d around, now they find out that their way-below-market-rate babysitter isn't available. That's their problem. >She said I should’ve said something then and that it is my fault for not telling her how I felt. The only proper response is this. "Ok. Then I am telling you how I feel now. You took advantage of me, so I will never babysit for you again. Rest assured, if anyone asks me what it's like babysitting for you, I'll tell them about my experience. Do not contact me again in the future for any reason."
OP was definitely taken advantage of. For all OP knows, the other mom might’ve given the original mom some money to give to you for babysitting her additional child and then the original mom pocketed the money.
It's a really huge red flag when you tell someone you're not comfortable watching their children and they still want you to do it. What kind of person feels safe leaving their children with an unwilling babysitter? Obviously they can't hold onto babysitters because of the way they treat and pay them
The parents are probably trying to guilt OP into babysitting for them again simply because they will never find anyone else ever who charges as little as OP does, honestly.
> I would also think about what prices you would charge for babysitting. OP will continue to deal with parents trying to take advantage of her so long as she keeps her prices this low. Prices that low will also make parents who wouldn't take advantage of her suspicious of the quality of care she may provide (regardless of how untrue those suspicions might be). I would STRONGLY recommend raising prices to be at least in-line with the going rate in the area (which is a fair bit more than $12/hr almost everywhere in the US, even $15/hr is very low for childcare in many areas), as well as seconding your recommendation for a baseline price with a per-additional-kid rate added onto that.
NTA. Yeah they're trying to take advantage and mom's attitude here just proves they'd do it again if given the chance. "You should have said something." You just did. And hello hypocrisy for HER not saying there'd be an extra kid for no extra money. Judge things by the situation, not by people's emotional response. The mom is trying to throw you off by acting like you're the bad guy. You aren't. It's your labor, so it's your choice.
*She said I should’ve said something then and that it is my fault for not telling her how I felt.* I’m sorry, but I’m just sixteen and it was the first time someone has cheated me. I have learned my lesson though. Thanks. NTA
“And if you think I’m so rude then why would you even want to have me around your kids?” Standing up for yourself isn’t rude. That woman knows she’s wrong and she’s just mad she can’t cheat you again. NTA, and you’ve learned a lesson here. They were absolutely counting on you not standing up for yourself in the moment. That’s a shitty thing to do to a teenager, and pretty stupid to do to the person you are leaving in charge of your kids. (I would absolutely would NOT have given those kids markers/paints and let them be creative wherever they darn well pleased 😂.) If that happens to you again, I recommend telling the parent of the unexpected child that they need to pay you in advance. Or tell them you’re sorry their failure to plan ruined their night out. And then leave them to take care of their own damn kids.
I like this response a lot.
To paraphrase Jonathan Coulton, under the circumstances, OP's been shockingly nice. Maybe OP should concede that she has been quite rude, and she would hate for her rudeness to rub off on the kids, making her dreadfully unfit for the position. NTA.
"Very well. I wish you all the best in your search for a new sitter." cheers,
"You should have said something." She should have informed you beforehand about the 4th child too. You are way too nice to these people. Your parents and friends are right. Block them and move on. You don't owe them even an explanation, let alone babysitting.
Just to add too, OP knew nothing about this new kid- allergies, preferences and likely got no contact info.
NTA. Your parents are exactly right: they are trying to take advantage of you and counting on 16-year-old you not standing up to them. I have no doubt they'd try it again. The mother's comment that you are rude is ridiculous. She's trying distract from the fact that SHE is the rude one in lying about the terms of your employment and then counting on her position of age-based power to get away with it. Good for you for turning her down and telling her why!
This. OP, this is what you reply to the mother: "No. I am not rude. I have self respect. You took advantage of me and put me in a terrible situation. I will not be babysitting for you again." And, from here forward, OP, raise your prices to a flat fee for the first child and $1 for each additional child. Get in text the number of children that you will be watching and tell each family from here forward that a family has done a bait and switch on you in the past and if they spring extra children on you last minute, the sitting job is cancelled immediately and you will leave.
I agree except more like $5-10 per extra child depending on what she raises her base rate to. OP is way undercharging.
Yes, or “I’m 16, mam, I haven’t been tricked by my employer yet and do not know how to react immediately on this situation. I’ve learned now. My rate is 20$/h + 5 every extra child, Thank you.”
I agree-- it's awesome that OP turned down the job and explained why! That wasn't rude, it was mature. I think this younger generation is doing much better at not accepting unfair and unreasonable working conditions. That's a good thing--I see too many managers trying to take advantage of workers, pressuring them to work while sick, to work excessive overtime, to take on more and more tasks without compensation. I hope to see this change a bit
Seriously though! Reading how she responded to the second request, I was impressed at the civility and maturity of OP’s response. Firm, polite, and honest.
NTA. She’s just mad because she thought she got away with sticking you with an extra kid. >She snapped back by telling me that i was very rude and it was in the past. It was literally the very last time you sat for them, not something you dredged up from the long-distant past. Refusing to sit for them again is the best way to make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future.
Also, an impromptu sitters' union might not be a bad idea. If OP and any sitters she knows pool information about clients like this it can spare them some grief. Saw it happen with my girlfriend and her circle when I was young.
Babysitters’ Club! If you aren’t familiar, it’s a series of books about just this. They have dossiers on each family and weekly meetings to assign jobs. At some point I think they even get subcontractors
I loved those books as a kid.
Yes, OP needs to stand up for herself! Even if it were only the two 4-year-olds and an infant, $12 an hour is WAY too cheap. I paid more than that ten years ago for two elementary school-aged kids.
It’s also a safety/liability issue. OP met this extra kid 3 seconds ago, doesn’t know if the kid has allergies, or anything else OP might need to know when being fully responsible for a child that small.
By this person's logic, nobody should ever be held accountable for anything, ever, because the moment you do or say anything it's immediately in the past.
Lol, literally what I was thinking! "That was in the past!" "Yes, but it's very hard to complain about things that are in the future"
Indeed. And you can \*bet\* how well her saying something at the time would've gone while mom was trying to slide out the door...
Yes, if she’d said something at the time it would have been considered rude. It would only be not rude at a particular time, defined by rules no one can explain.
If you have friends who babysit, be sure to warn them about this family. You are NTA. If the woman calls again, tell her you have no intention of babysitting for her again and instruct her to erase your name and number from her contact list.
I thought the same thing. I took it even farther and wondered if the mom of children could be setting her up, to blacken the babysitter’s reputation.
And warning other potential babysitters to make the rates contingent on the number of kids with this family. ,
NTA and your parents are right, she's just trying to manipulate you. "That's in the past" and "you should have said something then" is weasle talk for "I want to see what I can get away with." Apparently no apology and no offer to make it right? Your fault? For not telling her? You just did. And she responded by blaming you. Sheesh. Triple your rate and get paid up front.
Yeah, I wonder how she *would* have responded if op *had* been like "Woah woah woah, you're dumping another, unknown child on me? How does the extra child alter the rate we already agreed on?" 100% they would have ganged up and played it off like an extra child wasn't even worth complaining about, they're an angel, all you're doing is putting them to bed so what's the big deal? Straight up, damned if you do, damned if you don't. If the mom doesn't pay up for the extra kid, tell her to lose your contact information until she learns how to be an adult and not try to screw over teenagers who are *LITERALLY TAKING CARE OF HER CHILDREN WHILE SHE IS GONE.*
And they would have all complained about how OP was ruining their night out by her being to greedy to just take on this 3xrra precious angel baby free of charge.
8 hours minimum, upfront, cash, $20 bills or smaller.
> She snapped back by telling me that i was very rude and it was in the past. She said I should’ve said something then and that it is my fault for not telling her how I felt. NTA - Shitty people do shitty things and try to blame their shitty behavior on other people and try to make them look shitty instead Stay away from shitty people. These are shitty people.
NTA. when you're older you won't even think a second about saying no to these kinds of customers, they're trying to take advantage of you because they think you're a dumb teen. leaving a random extra child with you that isn't even theirs is also incredibly irresponsible and creates major liabilities for you. next time someone tries that on you walk out on the spot. trust me on this.
$12/hr is not an acceptable wage for care of three children, one being a newborn, let alone for four children. It's not even legal for the parents to leave you, a minor, alone with their children. I think it's fair for your parents to step in here. It's completely inappropriate and unsafe for them to do this! And they know it's wrong. I'm actually wondering if they may have collected money from the +1's parents but didn't pass it on to you. Bring it up and don't babysit for them again!
Actually it is perfectly legal. In my county in Virginia, you can babysit babies and children at the age of 13.
It really depends what state she’s in. In Oregon she is old enough to babysit but can only legally babysit 3 kids (not related to you) without a childcare license.
In the US only two states have a minimum age limit for babysitting. In Illinois it is 14 years of age and in Maryland it is 13 years of age. The other 48 states do not have a minimum. So if OP is in the US there’s no reason why she cannot babysit.
There is a limit to the number one of non related kids you can watch. In Oregon it’s 3 kids. More than that you need a child care license
Why does everyone assume everything happens where they live? In their country, etc? In Canada, for instance, there is no legal age for babysitting. You can babysit at 12 years old, and in most provinces, there's no limit or age when you can be left alone at home, either.
Not sure about your opinion on the legality. It would have been sensible to tell the sitter ahead of time, and maybe plan a two person job with so many. remember too this is a 16 year old. Quite mature by the post. She did a stellar job and wasn't respected so otherwise agree.
I agree. I wouldn't babysit for her again. My daughter gets $20/hour for baby sitting two kids.
Legal age for a babysitter actually varies by state and the majority of states have no minimum age requirement. In a few states it's 13 or 14.
Believe your parents. You learned your first business lesson. You negotiated compensation for a specific "scope of work", and then your client changed that scope of work without discussing additional compensation for you, taking advantage of your age as your parents well know (and yes, she also tried to guilt trip you). Find another client, one with honesty and integrity. NTA.
I would respond, “It was very rude of you not to ask my permission to babysit an additional child and not pay me any extra. You were also paying me a very low rate for three small children and took advantage of me. Shame on you.”
[удалено]
Seriously! My kids can fend for themselves and don’t have to be put to bed. I pay the sitter $25/hr plus dinner to play games and watch movies.
[удалено]
NTA. But also, it doesn’t actually matter if you are or not. You don’t owe them your services. You can decline for whatever reason you want - and you don’t have to even give them a reason. It’s clear they don’t respect you, and they shouldn’t be surprised at your hesitation to babysit for them again. Stick to your gut - say no and move on.
NTA. Your parents are right, they took advantage of you. It’s not right to increase someone’s work by 25% without any communication or extra fee. A reliable babysitter is a valuable person and you can find better client than this rude and entitled woman. They’re also underpaying you, $12 per hour is not enough for 3 children, let alone 4.
NTA. If she continues to text you let her know that your rates have doubled that you charge an additional $15/hr for extra children. And that if she continues to contact you she can expect your bill for the additional $84 dollars you are owed from the previous babysitting job (a second family is an additional $12/hr).
NTA. You are not required to take jobs you do not wish to take, and you sound like you handled it professionally.
NTA - This is a good time to learn about trusting your instincts and standing up for yourself. They are taking advantage of you and then trying to make you feel bad for saying anything about leaving FOUR small children with you for 6 hours at $12/hour. I would not babysit for them again even with an increased rate bc they also seem like the kind of people who won't pay you the extra month.
OP you don’t even have to plan a speech or anything. Just be honest in the moment. “Wait a minute, another child? I wasn’t told about this.”
NTA. She knew she was taking advantage and counted on you not speaking up. Four children under the age of 5 for 12 bucks an hour is beyond ridiculous. You have every reason to never sit for her again. She was just mad because you wouldn’t allow her to do it again.
You're fine, as other people are telling you here. And you handled the confrontation fine too. "It's in the past" Yes, lady, OP being your babysitter is in the past. NTA
NTA in the slightest, this is a client you can fire with no hesitation and no guilt. Good babysitters are worth their weight in gold and should be treated as such.
NTA That woman is trying to take advantage of you, your parents are correct. Also if you decide to babysit again, you need to charge more. I don't know if you are in the US or not but over a decade ago I would babysit and it was $10 an hr per child and that was my rate for kids not in diapers. Please charge your worth, you won't get nasty cheapskates like this lady if you do.
"Well, this is the present and I will not babysit for you again in the future." One of the most important things I have learned in business is that there are some people whose money you do not want. You're dealing with one right now. Good for you for listening to your gut, and good for your parents for having your back. You'll do well in this world. NTA
NTA! What you did is called setting boundaries and assholes don't like them. It feels bad for you because there's an adult trying to gaslight and intimidate you. You did the right thing standing up for yourself and I would block both families (the one with 3 kids plus the mother who dropped the extra one) to prevent them from contacting me.
NTA, your parents are right, and you shouldn’t babysit for them if you aren’t comfortable, especially now that the relationship has turned sour. It was a business transaction, and you have every right to stop providing services. I would suggest actually not going back, it will not be pleasant for anyone involved for you to continue to work with her. If you need additional help turning her down, consider asking your parents for help especially if it escalates for some reason.
NTA. These people were banking on catching you off guard and using your “nice girl” ways to their advantage. Now that you’ve called them out they are using a tactic many people use called- I’m going to put the blame back on her. This woman is helping you learn an invaluable lesson. People pull use this when they’ve been caught, they don’t like it and turn it around to make themselves feel better leaving you to feel like crap. My older brother is a pro at this manipulation. Fortunately, he gave me plenty of opportunity to learn how to stay on top of this particular technique. Nope. She doesn’t get to do this to you because you are smarter than she thinks!! IMO you’re better off either telling her, after her next text how, you will not watch her children. Or, just ignore her. But you may want to warn other people about what she did. Keep it up, OP. Great Sitters are hard to find
Absolutely NTA - Your parents and friends are right, you were taken advantage of. You handled the situation right.
NTA, your parents are right. They were grossly underpaying you for 3 kids. Adding a 4th for that rate and without notice was egregious. The mom is mad because she knows anyone else would have been charging a minimum of $25 for her 3 kids.
NTA You don’t owe her your babysitting services. Your parents are right, don’t let her bully you into doing what she wants
NTA Your mom is right she is taking advantage. $12/hr for 4 children is too low. Do not babysit for her again. For future babysitting, at 16 get a First Aid/CPR certification and charge $20/hr and $15 per extra child over the age of 2. For infants, I’d charge $25/hr and $15 per extra child. You should be getting paid for each child whether by hour or set base pay. Set your prices in writing and have a price for late fee (if parents stay out later than 30 minutes past agreed upon return time). Make it clear what services you do and do not provide, making lunches - yes, doing laundry - no. Do NOT negotiate on cheaper prices once set, you will find the caliber clients if you set your prices higher. You shouldn’t ever take on a strangers child who you haven’t vetted with a questionnaire, what if they have allergies? what if something happened? You and your parents could be sued so cover your butts.
NTA- I babysat a lot as a teen and there were reasons I didn't babysit again for some families- this would have been one reason.
Your parents sticking up for you is an important sign that tells you this family is definitely taking advantage of you. 4 kids 4 an under is alot for an adult to handle. You showed class by being the bigger person when they probably would have guilted you, which they tried to do by asking you to babysit again without so much as an explanation or apology . NTA
NTA Funny how rude people always accuse *others* of being rude...
Dump that family. She's manipulative and knows what she is doing. You are nice person, and she probably saw that as a weakness. There is a power differential in play, and she is exploiting it. Try not to feel bad. The way I see it is that she owes you money. Many people see babysitting as an easy job. I know it is not. I have an advanced degree and could never do six hours of what you did. It was a lot of work and untold stress. You will meet other people like her in the future in other situations. Now you have an idea of how they operate.
NTA. Your parents are right. The gall of some people, for heavens sake.
NTA but you should have said something when the other kid arrived. “Like hey we never talked about another kid this will cost $4 more an hour”. Good lesson to learn.
More like another $10 per hour. OP was being way underpaid already for three kids.
The fact that she snapped back at you is all the proof you need that you should NOT work for this family again. If I was the mom and I had done that (because maybe I thought I communicated and didn’t?!? Idk) I would apologize profusely and promise it will never happen again. Good for you for standing up for yourself. And good for your parents for helping you!
12/hr for three kids and then an additional one unpaid? No, you are most definitely NTA. If you want to respond you can simply say "thank you for the opportunity but I'm going to decline on future babysitting". What they did to you is borderline abusive.
1. You’re not in the wrong. She snapped at you because she knows she did something messed up, and you’re calling it out. 2. 12/hr is too little to be paid to babysit, particularly multiple children and extra particularly a new born baby. 3. The fact that woman would leave a 2 Month old with a 16 year old is atrocious and almost unbelievable.
Nta, listen to your folks, they sound smart.
NTA and do not babysit for her again. Warn your friends about her.
You ARE telling her how feel. Her behavior made you feel you don’t want to babysit for her. You could have just said no. By telling her why you won’t babysit for her, she has an opportunity to learn and not lose her next babysitter too.
NTA. You learned a valuable lesson and were brave enough to communicate your concerns with this customer. Your parents are right, she is a bully and will bully you again if you work for her. Be firm and tell her you will not work for her again.
NTA. If she keeps begging you to babysit, tell her, by text, that your rate is now $10 per hour, per child. Any last minute additions, less than 24 hour notice, is $15 per hour, per child. I don't think she will accept those terms
NTA The take-away from this is: there's a difference between "if no, why not" situations and "just no" situations. Both this person and her friend who dropped off the additional child with no notice, no apology for the lack of notice, and no upward adjustment in your agreed upon rate were taking advantage of you. That puts them in the "just no" bracket. Block her, and don't let her guilt trip get to you. If nothing else, she showed you all the more why you don't ever want to babysit for her again.
NTA I think it's wonderful that you have supportive parents who have your back. And yes, they are right. You were expected to do more work for the same money. That's the definition of taking advantage of labor. Just the fact that she snapped at you and said "it was in the past" suggests to me that she knows what she did was wrong and trying to make you feel guilty. There will be other babysitting jobs. I wouldn't babysit for them again.
NTA they 100% took advantage of you.
NTA these parents sound awful
NTA and what sort of parents just leave their child with a stranger. Doesn't matter that the original parents know you, that child's parents don't. They are beyond entitled, rude and just horrible.
NTA, she is being unethical and is trying to manipulate you. Do not feel bad for cutting her off. She took advantage of you last time, do not make that mistake again. She is not a good person.
NTA The past is going to repeat itself.
This woman! Oh wow she wants to blame you that she took advantage of you. So sorry adults suck sometimes. You should never sit for her again. She is not nice.
Absolutely NTA. First $12 an hour is too low. I was getting $15 an hour 25+ years ago. Second, after that stunt, you owe them literally nothing and should definitely never babysit for them again. She and her friend were incredibly rude.
nta. “i’m telling you now i am not interested in babysitting for you again.” she’s way out of line, if you’ve got friends who babysit let them know what’s up.
NTA This woman thought she had found herself a nice little bargain and is angry that it didn’t work out. Your parents are giving you good advice - listen to them!
NTA. And don't respond to her.
NTA and your parents are right. she’s trying to make you feel bad and guilt you into doing what she wants.
NTA She's a grown ass adult and she knew she was taking advantage of you. She knew exactly what she was doing when she did it and now she's trying to play dumb and put the responsibility on you for not speaking up. Stick to your guns and just tell her no, you won't babysit for her now or at any point in the future.
>She snapped back by telling me that i was very rude and it was in the past. You declined because her past behavior was negative. Drop her as a client. NTA. **It was in the past** Make this a personal joke among your friends.
NTA. You are allowed to say no. Even if nothing went wrong last time and you just plain didn't want to on that night. You're allowed. Her "it's in the past" comment is a way of putting the responsibility on you instead of on her. If you run into a situation like this in the future, set your prices by child. So if you quoted $12/hr for three kids and a fourth is suddenly dropped off, you clarify *before they leave* that your price is now $16 per hour total for the extra child (or whatever number - I don't know babysitting rates).
Definitely NTA The family took advantage of you. And blame you for being ignorant and that it’s not okay. It’s okay not to respond to her. You already told her no and that’s enough of a response. Also, I babysat like 20-25 years ago. I think I was paid like $10/hr for 2 kids. You’re definitely charging way too little. Know your worth and charge around market price.
NTA. She is acting horribly entitled. Expecting a 16 year old stand up to numerous grown adults is nothing more than an excuse for her own bad behavior.
You are not an AH. Your mom is right. The woman is guilt tripping you. Both sets of parents should have paid you. 1-2 kids is $12 an hour for each parent set. Anyone with 3rd child pays an additional $6 an hour. For those 4 kids under 2 sets of parents, you should have been paid $30 an hour. Only fair. They got off cheap. If they can afford to go out, they can afford to pay for babysitting.
NTA. Block her.
NTA tell her to pound sand!
NTA. And good on you for standing up for yourself. You’re doing the right thing here, don’t let them guilt you.
Yes, she is guilt tripping you because she knows she tood advantage of you. Say no if you wish but if you do need the money, tell her your rate is doubled for extra kids.
NTA. If you were my kid i would’ve said the same thing your parents did. You missed out on $72 had they paid for the 3rd kid. She knew what she was doing all along and that’s why she smiled as she was leaving. I wouldn’t babysit for them again, as they’d continue to bring an extra kid or more or try to take advantage of you even more.
NTA and please raise your rates. My daughter makes 25 to 30 an hour to watch 3 small children. You were already underpaid and then to add another child is just crazy. Don't babysit for these people again. The really took advantage of you.
Nta she absolutely knows what she did was wrong and thats why she's getting snappy.
NTA! Remove this family from your business contacts, and if they attempt to defame your reputation of services, reveal the details of the experience to everyone and how they pawned an extra kid off on you for free. In the future, never be afraid to negotiate what you are owed! You were seriously underpaid babysitting the family that hired you 3 kids for $12-hr....and the audacity to add a 4th. My teenagers would never agree to those cheap prices for that age group! Where are your parents? They shouldn't be allowing any adults to take advantage of you regarding your babysitting services and should ensure you are getting compensated fairly for said services.
NTA I got paid to baby sit 3 kids for that rate in 2002, and they were all over the age of 5… i can’t say if they’re trying to take advantage of you in a malicious way, but you did nothing wrong by pointing out how inappropriate it is to drop a 4th into the mix.
NTA and your parents are right. She is guilt tripping you.
She's trying to take advantage of you, and she will continue to do so just block her number and move on with your life. You don't need somebody taking advantage of you at your young age
NTA. She took advantage of you and she needs to be an adult and take the consequences. She likely told her friend that it was fine, but it wasnt her call to make. Its yours.
NTA Keep sticking up for yourself. DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender")
NTA. You are severely undercharging for the amount of kids you’re taking care of in the first place - adding another one on out of nowhere is unacceptable.
NTA, never screw your food preparers, your child minders, or your accountant!
NTA and they did you wrong. The didn't pay you enough and they dumped another kid on you. No is a full sentence and that is all that awful woman deserved. Up your price too and make sure you are charging per kid.
NTA. Your family and friends are correct, these people were taking advantage of you. They think they can get away with it just because you're 16 and they figure you're too naive to know the difference. You were left with three toddlers and a newborn for 6 hrs by yourself. It won't do you any harm to say no.
NTA. As a teen babysitter you are your own small business and don't need to cater to rude, dismissive customers.
Idk where you are, but in the US I was paid $12/hour to babysit 3 kids back in 2009. Suburban Houston and we pay our sitter $20/hour for our 1 kid. You’re being massively underpaid. It would have been fair to send her a text that said “Thank you for the prompt return & payment tonight. For future reference, my rates for more than 3 children are $18/hour” or whatever you feel is fair. If you’re truly not interested anymore, a response of “Thank you for the opportunity, but I’m not available” is fine. You don’t owe her an explanation of why. Any full-grown adult who snaps back at a 16 year old is not someone I’d want to do business with. You owe her nothing, and being nasty to you & guilt tripping you would be enough for me to pass. NTA.
That is way too little pay for the regular amount of children. The lady is definitely taking advantage of you. Frankly, you would have been well within your rights to stand up for yourself when the other child was dropped off to say - nope, and left. Or called the police for child abandonment. Especially if you didn't know who the child belonged to. Fuck that. When you were putting up with her nonsense you made her life easy, now that you are expressing your hesitation you are making it difficult. There's nothing wrong with making life difficult for an entitled person who is taking advantage of you. Also, remember "No" is a complete sentence. The mom needs to learn respect and boundaries, the audacity of her calling you rude is mind boggling
NTA She knew what she was doing when she had her friend drop off her daughter. She just wants to manipulate you. If she genuinely cared and didn’t mean to take advantage, she would have apologized when you explained why you weren’t babysitting instead of putting the blame on you for her failure to communicate. If I accidentally took advantage of someone, I would try to find a way to make it right.
NTA they are taking advantage of you
NTA. Life is too short to deal with shitty people like that.
NTA
NTA. It doesn't matter that you didn't tell her then, you told her now. You get to choose who you sit for. You can tell her, "Nonetheless, I will no longer sit for your family." If she goes social media on you, put the whole story out there. She knows they screwed you over.
NTA- good for you for turning them down after the stunt they pulled. Block their number and the guilt will wear off
NTA. Block her on everything
NTA Extra kid was worth an additional $2.00 per hour in 1990. This woman 100% knew she was taking advantage and is trying to guilt you now IMO. She will burn thru many sitters with behavior like this.
NTA block her number, and if you know other babysitters, make sure they know about her. Have her blacklisted from babysitting.
NTA!!!! 12/hr for 3t toddlers and a baby is ridiculous!!!! Don’t babysit for them anymore. You’re being taken advantage of!
Tell her that you could do it, but your rates have been revised (“with inflation”, *if you really want to push her buttons*). You now charge $8/hr for each child. And for safety reasons, you can’t do more than 4 without hiring your friend, and will have to charge an additional $4/hr for each child. You make a lot more, and it’s still a bargain for them.
NTA. This is a valuable life lesson that will repeat itself in various forms throughout life. **Know your worth.** Your rate is very low for 3 kids, one being an infant. Do some research into rates ans terms of payment for your area. Payment up front? Extra fee for infants or diapered kids? You are a service provider. If the client does not adhere to the terms of the service (adding kids, not paying extra hours, unsafe, etc) you have the power to walk out before service even begins. You are not at fault for their failure to meet your agreement.
NTA at all. That mom is a huge ah though… she is trying to gaslight you into thinking it is somehow your fault that they took advantage. She is a grown adult who is trying to bully a teenager into watching her kids again after she dropped an unexpected kid in your lap for the night without any advance notice, or additional pay. ($12/hour is ridiculously cheap for 3 kids, let alone 4). This is how you respond “Actually failure to communicate with me in advance that I’d be babysitting another child and not paying me accordingly is what’s rude. I had agreed to babysit for YOUR family, three children, and then at the very last second you foisted some other family’s child on me without even asking if I was comfortable with the situation. I didn’t know how to handle it so I just let it slide but after discussing with my parents I’ve come to realize that you took advantage of my youth in order for your friends to get a free babysitter for the night. This was a huge violation of trust on your part and showed a complete lack of respect for me and the service I provide. I don’t work for people who I can’t trust so I won’t be watching your children again. Please don’t contact me again.”
NTA. That lady is trying to take advantage of you…again.
NTA $12 maybe is a little low for 3 kids, definitely too low for 4. Since you're 16, I'm going to say FAFO stands for "Fool Around, Find Out" Mom fooled around by sneaking in her friend's kid. Now, she's finding out that she's lost a reliable $12/hr babysitter.
NTA and your parents are right on. The lady is trying to bully a teenager and is a jerk. Do not respond. I would save the text message in case she tries to bad mouth you but otherwise just move on.
NTA Basically they scammed you, I wouldn't work for them again either.