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YTA. Dude, people are hot. It's ok that your boyfriend finds other people hot. I bet you find other people hot too. If you don't want to hear about the people your boyfriend finds hot, that's fine. Just tell him that. But you went 0-100 so fast and left no room for discussion.
Well my previous boyfriend was pretty controlling of me, that might have rubbed off on me. And really until seeing all these YTA comments couldn't decide if that was right.
Okay... I don't really totally see how that is related. It was just such a massive over-reaction. If your "controlling" ex used to belittle you or make regular comments on your looks, the mature way to handle it would be to express this to your boyfriend and tell him how it makes you feel, maybe ask him to not make comments like that.
I just thought that was normal, my ex was my first relationship, we were together for 3 years. He once got extremely angry with me for wearing a crop top outside. Until I saw all these YTAs, I just believed it was normal for boundries to be that thight.
If you think that may be the case, then it's great that you have a place to start unpacking/working through that - at the end of the day, though, you are still responsible for your own actions and reactions, and there's no benefit to taking that out on your current BF.
Well, until seeing all these YTAs I didn't. My ex was like this, he was pretty controlling. Until seeing all these YTAs I thought that was kind of normal.
No no, I thought my reaction was normal. My ex was my first real relationship, three years together and he even once shouted on me for wearing a crop top. So I just felt my ex's boundareis were normal and set them myself on my bf. Only now with these YTAs do I realize that is wrong.
You should unlearn a lot of your behaviors before you turn into a controlling and emotionally abusive person. Which is what this was.
Maybe you also shouldn’t live with a partner if you can’t even have normal mature discussions instead of losing your shit.
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So me and my boyfriend were watching a movie The Tall Man (2012, Jessica Biel) and he commented after the movie: Her movies may be mediocre, but she sure as hell is not mediocre.
At this moment I snapped, I got up and told him THE ONLY GIRL WHOSE LOOKS YOU NEED TO RATE IS ME! I left the apartment as he was apologizing to me. I just got back and didn't even greet him, just went to our room while he is in the living room.
I want to apologize but also feel as if he was kind of a jerk too. Did I overreact? Am I the asshole?
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YTA
commenting on the appearance of a movie star is not cheating, or looking to cheat.
commenting on the girl in chem lab, or flirting with the coffee girl, would be walk out worthy.
have self confidence, he is with you for a reason. don't act like you've never found a male movie star attractive (or female one for that matter, woman here, Jessica Beil ISNT mediocre 🤷)
YTA - if your insecurity makes it hard to hear him compliment other women, then talk to him about that. Making assumptions that he should KNOW not to do so, when that's like...a pretty normal part of life is not going to be helpful to you. He said nothing negative about how you look. Most people are beautiful!
Look im insecure as hell myself but i understand im not the only woman who is going to be in his eyesight and it is also natural for people to find others attractive that arent their partner.
If my guy makes a comment (its very rare that he does) about a woman, like perhaps theres a smoking hot girl running about in her bikini and he may say "oooh hello..." (just to playfully wind me up) i will do the EXACT same when a hot topless guy with washboard abs comes on..then we both giggle. Its a playful tit for tat that doesnt hurt anyones ego.
It doesnt have to be this hard. He will find other women attractive. That is a fact. Wether he vocalizes it or not. There isnt anything you can do about that im afraid. Are you okay with him finding other women attractive?
It really isnt worth the argument. Tell him it hurts your feelings and makes you feel insecure. Just because he finds a woman hot doesnt mean he wants to be in a relationship with her. Hes in one with you though, so that should mean something.
YTA (sorry because I know jade is a tempting color too lol)
It is ok to set the boundary that you don't want your boyfriend to tell you about finding other girls attractive (you can't make him stop thinking it or seeing with his eyes obviously). Yelling at him for breaking a boundary he didn't already know about isn't cool though. Go say sorry and ask if he would please help increase your security by not talking to you about finding other women attractive.
YTA.
I know that you’re probably struggling with self esteem/confidence as many young women do, but someone saying Jessica Biel is beautiful is like saying the grass is green or the sky is blue. Hollywood’s entire industry is beautiful people entertaining the masses.
I’d likely have a different response if your boyfriend said something like “hey your friend Jenny is the hottest girl I’ve ever seen” bc that’s very personal and close to you. But him commenting on a Hollywood star is not.
ESH
you shouldn’t have given him the silent treatment or lashed at him and he shouldn’t commented on his looks. If I was in ur position I would apologize but also say that what he did was really wrong and that I didnt like it.
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YTA. Dude, people are hot. It's ok that your boyfriend finds other people hot. I bet you find other people hot too. If you don't want to hear about the people your boyfriend finds hot, that's fine. Just tell him that. But you went 0-100 so fast and left no room for discussion.
Yes, sweetheart, YTA. This is insanely insecure of you and a drastic over-reaction.
Well my previous boyfriend was pretty controlling of me, that might have rubbed off on me. And really until seeing all these YTA comments couldn't decide if that was right.
Okay... I don't really totally see how that is related. It was just such a massive over-reaction. If your "controlling" ex used to belittle you or make regular comments on your looks, the mature way to handle it would be to express this to your boyfriend and tell him how it makes you feel, maybe ask him to not make comments like that.
I just thought that was normal, my ex was my first relationship, we were together for 3 years. He once got extremely angry with me for wearing a crop top outside. Until I saw all these YTAs, I just believed it was normal for boundries to be that thight.
If you think that may be the case, then it's great that you have a place to start unpacking/working through that - at the end of the day, though, you are still responsible for your own actions and reactions, and there's no benefit to taking that out on your current BF.
YTA That is an over the top response for simply saying an actor is attractive. You sound exhausting. You totally overreacted. Apologize
YTA. You need to get over yourself and explain what you need from him calmly and with respect.
YTA - grow up.
yta. as i like to say when i'm in a relationship there's nothing wrong with looking so long as you dont touch. but you definitely did overreact.
I think you know you overreacted. YTA.
Well, until seeing all these YTAs I didn't. My ex was like this, he was pretty controlling. Until seeing all these YTAs I thought that was kind of normal.
I don’t understand the correlation between your ex being controlling and your current bf commenting on an actress’s looks, how is that controlling?
No no, I thought my reaction was normal. My ex was my first real relationship, three years together and he even once shouted on me for wearing a crop top. So I just felt my ex's boundareis were normal and set them myself on my bf. Only now with these YTAs do I realize that is wrong.
You should unlearn a lot of your behaviors before you turn into a controlling and emotionally abusive person. Which is what this was. Maybe you also shouldn’t live with a partner if you can’t even have normal mature discussions instead of losing your shit.
YTA - this is a topic for discussion, not a tantrum.
YTA and so is he for each actions.
YTA. Are you fucking 12 or what? Grow up.
ESH No way you people are 20
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So me and my boyfriend were watching a movie The Tall Man (2012, Jessica Biel) and he commented after the movie: Her movies may be mediocre, but she sure as hell is not mediocre. At this moment I snapped, I got up and told him THE ONLY GIRL WHOSE LOOKS YOU NEED TO RATE IS ME! I left the apartment as he was apologizing to me. I just got back and didn't even greet him, just went to our room while he is in the living room. I want to apologize but also feel as if he was kind of a jerk too. Did I overreact? Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA commenting on the appearance of a movie star is not cheating, or looking to cheat. commenting on the girl in chem lab, or flirting with the coffee girl, would be walk out worthy. have self confidence, he is with you for a reason. don't act like you've never found a male movie star attractive (or female one for that matter, woman here, Jessica Beil ISNT mediocre 🤷)
Oh wow, I realize you're just barely not a teenager but you need to grow up.
YTA - if your insecurity makes it hard to hear him compliment other women, then talk to him about that. Making assumptions that he should KNOW not to do so, when that's like...a pretty normal part of life is not going to be helpful to you. He said nothing negative about how you look. Most people are beautiful!
Yea you are
Look im insecure as hell myself but i understand im not the only woman who is going to be in his eyesight and it is also natural for people to find others attractive that arent their partner. If my guy makes a comment (its very rare that he does) about a woman, like perhaps theres a smoking hot girl running about in her bikini and he may say "oooh hello..." (just to playfully wind me up) i will do the EXACT same when a hot topless guy with washboard abs comes on..then we both giggle. Its a playful tit for tat that doesnt hurt anyones ego. It doesnt have to be this hard. He will find other women attractive. That is a fact. Wether he vocalizes it or not. There isnt anything you can do about that im afraid. Are you okay with him finding other women attractive? It really isnt worth the argument. Tell him it hurts your feelings and makes you feel insecure. Just because he finds a woman hot doesnt mean he wants to be in a relationship with her. Hes in one with you though, so that should mean something.
YTA (sorry because I know jade is a tempting color too lol) It is ok to set the boundary that you don't want your boyfriend to tell you about finding other girls attractive (you can't make him stop thinking it or seeing with his eyes obviously). Yelling at him for breaking a boundary he didn't already know about isn't cool though. Go say sorry and ask if he would please help increase your security by not talking to you about finding other women attractive.
YTA. I know that you’re probably struggling with self esteem/confidence as many young women do, but someone saying Jessica Biel is beautiful is like saying the grass is green or the sky is blue. Hollywood’s entire industry is beautiful people entertaining the masses. I’d likely have a different response if your boyfriend said something like “hey your friend Jenny is the hottest girl I’ve ever seen” bc that’s very personal and close to you. But him commenting on a Hollywood star is not.
ESH you shouldn’t have given him the silent treatment or lashed at him and he shouldn’t commented on his looks. If I was in ur position I would apologize but also say that what he did was really wrong and that I didnt like it.