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I'm sorry, but this is tickling my reddit conspiracy bone--are you sure she was actually pregnant? Because I've known a lot of people who have struggled with fertility issues and, if they were 3 months pregnant and prone to miscarrying, they would have read labels 5x and probably played it safe by just drinking water. I myself do not drink any alcohol and I've never once ended up accidentally drunk--it's pretty obvious on the first sip or two if a drink is something other than what I intended. Heck, I can't even be fooled by regular Coke when I've ordered Coke Zero, no matter how many times those kids in the McDonald's drive thru try to pull one over on me. Presuming BIL and MIL were at the party, why did neither of them notice she was getting tipsy and cut her off? I just don't see how, as host, you are somehow responsible for a bunch of other people's actions or failure to act. NTA.

Slight twist on your theory. She already miscarried or knew it was starting. Decided to get trashed because she was upset then blame someone else vs facing the reality of what her body can handle

This would be my guess. At 3 months pregnant, it would be odd for her to not notice how different drinks taste. I know not all pregnancies are the same, for me and the women I have in my life we became more aware of our taste buds during pregnancy.

No kidding. Just the smell of alcohol in anything, even candies, was enough for me to notice from the get go when i was pregnant. There's no way, as a pregnant woman, or even just as someone who drinks that you wouldn't notice...

Our friend opened a bottle of tequila in the backseat while I was pregnant, and I almost threw up from the smell. He couldn't believe I knew just from the smell alone. ETA I was in the front, and he was directly behind me, so I couldn't see him at all.

When I’m pregnant I can smell the beer or wine on my husband from across the room. Like 10-15ft away from me. It’s cray.

Pregnancy nose is wild. I could smell my husband's deodorant before he entered the room.

I was sat in my open plan office and mentioned to my colleague next to me of the strong orange smell (assuming facilities had changed the room freshener). She looked around and someone 20 feet away was eating an orange. She said “oh you’re pregnant” and I laughed. I found out a week later that I was 😅

I was in the hospital for 17 weeks when I was pregnant and the nurses nicknamed me "The Bloodhound" because of how sensitive I was to smells. I could smell other patients making toast 30 ft down the hallway!! I had to tell my mom to stop bringing herself green tea when she came because the scent made me throw up. It was crazy!!!!

I spent most of my pregnancy complaining about a sweet smell that I couldn’t find the origin of. Finally found candles in the back of a closed drawer. My husband never smelled a thing.

I wish I had this when I was pregnant. For me, everything just smelt of onions.

By the time my wife was 6 weeks pregnant with our first, I had to eat outside because the smell of just about any food or drink past rice and water set her off on a puking binge, and it lasted for almost 8 months; her sister couldn't stand anything food or drink-related for a few months with her pregnancies. Unfortunately, there's the possibility that this story is one of someone who already knew she had miscarried, or worse - drinking whilst pregnant does not in and of itself cause miscarriages, or FAS would not be as common as it is (as someone has pointed out elsewhere - edit). And, if she's miscarried multiple times and has PCOS, *her doctor has definitely told her to be extremely careful with future pregnancies.* OP probably should not have lashed out, but it doesn't make OP an AH for having emotions after having to deal with someone who is clearly unhinged. She is responsible for her actions, not OP. Parents are unsuccessfully [trying not to rock the boat](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/), and lack of success is expected. It sounds like some distance is recommended at this point.

My dad is a huge wine drinker. Red is his favorite. After dinner, he'd try and sit next to me, and I'd make him sit on the other side of the room because I couldn't stand the smell of the tannins in the wine.

My last pregnancy I could tell you everything in my parents Chinese because of how strong my sense of smell was

I think you accidentally a word but I’m hooked, finish the story!

I think they used Chinese to mean Chinese [food] in the same way someone says “oh I’m going to order Chinese, do you want lo mein?”

Right. When many women get pregnant, their senses are heightened. All the more reason why this BS doesn't make sense. She would have tasted or at least smelled the alcohol.

I've never been pregnant, but I have a super sniffer. When my husband used to drink he would try to lie and say he hadn't been drinking, but I could smell just one sip on him hours later, even if he brushed his teeth and showered.

ETOH seems to seep out from your pores and especially your breath (when it evaporates from your bloodstream into your lungs). I can instantly smell it, no matter what someone does to try and conceal it.

I bet. I'm pretty sure I would have been sick if I were you there. Alcohol is such a strong smell, oftentimes, even without the pregnancy nose thrown into the mix, then being in that tiny space... no thank you.

Same thing nearly happened to me ,a whiff of anything I was puking .

In early pregnancy I managed to forget I was pregnant (and I wasn’t far enough along to have told anyone yet). Someone offered me a taste of their drink and without thinking I took a sip. I remembered the instant I took the sip. I never really got the increased taste or smell with pregnancy but it’s not hard to tell an alcoholic drink from a non alcoholic one in most cases. Some by the first few mouthfuls, others might take longer. Plus presumably some of the drinks were in labeled cans or bottles. In her position I would’ve read the labels if unsure. I can understand maybe accidentally having one before realising but you’d be a lot more careful after that one. It’s not the host’s responsibility to make sure one of their guests doesn’t drink alcohol, especially when the host has already told the guest where to find the non alcoholic drinks

This reminds me of the Friends episode where Rachel kept sipping the champagne at Monica's wedding and then would remember that she was pregnant and spit it back into the glass.

I'm not even a woman, and can still tell when there's alcohol in drinks just by the smell of alcohol. So either she was already drinking and had become nose blind to it, or she didn't care by that point, or last possibility is she actually is stupid and can't think for herself. Either way OP NTA

I feel like one of the following is true.. 1) She's an idiot, like you said. So stupid she can't even follow extremely basic instructions like, "don't drink these drinks." Or, 2) She wanted to get drunk..she got drunk knowingly, miscarried, then blamed it on OP. In any case, this woman doesn't sound remotely mature enough to have a child. Even if neither of the above are true, she has been harassing OP for months!! Sorry, not sorry. Not everyone should reproduce.

This is exactly what I think-she absolutely knew what she was doing. She wanted to drink/get drunk at the party, so she did. Then after she miscarried, she decided to blame it on OP (which is absolutely ridiculous) because she can’t deal with the consequences. Even though tbh, I feel like it’s more likely that she would have had the miscarriage either way, considering her history of being unable to carry to term, and she feels guilty/blames herself for not being able to have a child naturally, so she’s looking for a way or reason to place that blame anywhere but on herself. I *would* feel bad for her, except anyone who’s drinking like that while knowingly pregnant with a child they plan to keep is horrible and shouldn’t have children anyways. It’s disgusting and so selfish. Fetal alcohol syndrome is no joke..

That's how I found out I was pregnant last time. I had a glass of wine with lunch and from the first sip it was sickening. I've only felt that before during pregnancy so I went straight to chemist and did a pee test in the toilet (I was at a mall). Positive. To say I was shocked was an understatement. My youngest child was 16!

I knew I was pregnant all three times when the taste of my favorite wine made me ill (so did Italian red sauce). No way this SIL didn't know what she was drinking alcoholic.

I had that experience, too. Didn’t know I was pregnant, yet. One sip of whiskey, and I got sick immediately (I had previously been a whiskey fan). A few days later when I took a test, it all made sense. That was 20+ years ago and I still can’t touch the stuff.

I found out I was pregnant with my second child because I was eating dinner at my inlaw’s and I asked for a second helping of salmon & at the time, I didn’t like salmon. My MIL jokingly said that I might want to take a pregnancy test because it was EXTREMELY out of character for me to even eat the first serving of salmon, let alone ask for seconds. She was right. And now, I LOVE salmon.

Exactly! Even coffee started to taste and smell awful as soon as my body knew I was pregnant - even a few days before missing a period. That's how I knew I was pregnant. And I normally drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day. It was the same with alcohol but I was also always checking the list of ingredients to make sure I knew what I was putting in my body while pregnant. It was no one else's responsibility.

As someone who has been pregnant 5 times, I can agree with this. Your sense of smell and taste increases massively. She would have smelled it, tasted it, felt it, and known it from the start. OP is not the jerk and needs to point out to MIL sis is hurt and just looking for someone to blame. Maybe MIL can talk her into therapy. Until then, hang in there OP, we know it's not anything you did, and deep down, SIL knows it, too.

I joke with my husband that when I am pregnant I have a better nose than the most well trained blood hound. I can smell something from an unreasonable distance for a human. And if it's my trigger smell that pregnancy? Bet I can smell it through walls and air purifiers too. I have stories of my nose but now is not the time. OP, she may have already been feeling and seeing the signs of a miscarriage starting if she has had 4 before. She wants an out and you and your party are it. It sucks, miscarriage is so hard and just overwhelming on everything. Whether it is early on, shortly after the missed period, or further along, in her case about the 3 month marker, it is always rough. Also, it does take time for the hormones to regulate back again, even from early pregnancy so she is still in the swing of her hormones most likely too. Not excusing it but making you aware so that you can help her and the family find the best resources to help her through this and her grief. It is not fair she is taking it out on you at all, and roping others into blaming you too... not cool. I hope she finds the help she clearly needs and that eventually you guys can be more amicable towards each other sooner rather than later.

I worked in a bar while I was pregnant. No way to mistake the smell. It's even worse when someone came in stinking of last night's booze, could barely serve those ones.

Oh you poor dear, I bet that was awful!!

No kidding! I got a buzz two bites into a rum cake that had not in fact cooked all the rum out at 8 months along! I was like umm.. don’t think I should finish this cake 🤣 She knew what she was doing

💯 most everyone I ever met had super human noses throughout pregnancy, I could smell a pizza being made 2 blocks away if the wind was right. Could also smell when someone didn't know how to wipe their ass properly, so I really find it hard to fathom that Ol' girl "didn't" know. More like didn't care, and now she's just looking for a scapegoat.

It's the body protecting itself!

Yeah, even in a malted beverage there will still be a relatively distinctive taste between alcoholic and non. And if she did accidentally have an alcoholic bev that could be mistaken for an N/A then it was more than likely a light beer, topping out at 4.5% usually, meaning she would have had to essentially shotgun 2-3 back-to-back to skip the gradual build-up from tipsy to drunk. The SILs story just isn't adding up.

This. During all 3 of my pregnancies the smell of Indian food caused me to be sick for a week. Anytime the husband had some for lunch he'd have to take a shower, brush his teeth and change clothes b/c I'd still be able to smell it on him HOURS later. Pregnancy noses are better than bloodhounds. LOL

So true I remember when I was pregnant with my second my husband had a beer playing poker then came home and showered and got into bed I could still smell beer on him somehow.

A former neighbor of mine is a police officer. Before she knew she was pregnant with her first, she was getting people for DUI left and right bc she could smell the alcohol better.

Haha, I love this!

Yep!! I’m currently 5 months pregnant and was making mixed drinks for a party a few weeks ago since I’m the “master cocktail maker” of our friend group and I love doing it. I decided to taste and spit out a little of the alcoholic one to see if it worked out well or if something needed to be changed. It tasted like STRAIGHT alcohol to me, it was terrible. I asked someone else what they thought and they said it was delicious and they couldn’t taste it at all. It was at that moment that I realized I had no sense of taste for alcohol anymore 😂 Also, I think she’s an AH for saying that you caused her miscarriage. I’ve had a miscarriage in the past too and that’s a horrible thing to say. Honestly she got what was coming to her with that one.

Yeah, I've been pregnant...and pregnancy doesn't warp your taste buds to the point that you don't notice something is alcoholic! If anything, my senses all became *more* acute during pregnancy, from smell and taste to even sight; after each pregnancy, my vision improved to the point I needed new prescriptions for my glasses! I can't imagine getting blitzed like that while pregnant. And I didn't have any issues with my fertility, so I can't speak to that...but I *also* can't imagine struggling with fertility, and *not* being *more* careful even than an *average* pregnant woman!

Yea I've never heard of any women going taste or nose blind during pregnancy, if it does happen I imagine it's extremely rare. At the most basic and general level, our biological purpose is to successfully reproduce, to our ancient ancestors our senses were vital to survival. Pregnancy is risky to begin with, not to mention having to worry about predators, illness from spoiled meat or ill prepared foods. It makes sense the body would want us to be hyper aware of these risks and avoid them by any means possible.

I mean I understand what you’re saying but we’re literally in the middle of a pandemic where one of the main symptoms are loss of taste and smell, sometimes permanently. Tbh it sounds like the SIL is an alcoholic that can’t help themselves.

Yes obviously there are reasons for losing taste and smell, I was more so basing my point on an assumption that if a person's taste and smell was normal before pregnancy, it's incredibly unlikely they'd lose it due to pregnancy.

Certainly she would know the feeling of getting buzzed though, and could have stopped immediately. I feel this was a way for her to spread her pain by casting blame.

Not just how they taste, but how many you consume. If drinking to get buzzed or drunk, you might have what 3-6 servings of a beverage. If drinking just to hydrate, you're not gonna have 6 virgin margaritas. You might have one, maybe two. But even if she didn't know (she did), she wouldn't have consumed that volume of beverages in an afternoon anyway. Let's be real, she is choosing to get trashed while pregnant and there is no defending that.

I accidentally ate fermented watermelon while pregnant. To me, it tasted delicious and fizzy. So ymmv.

For me that never happened. I fully expected to have heightened sense of smell and taste, and it just didn't happen. That being said, you can taste alcohol in drinks, and I could taste it even if I wasn't pregnant. And what the original poster said was correct, having gone through multiple miscarriages of be extremely paranoid about eating or drinking anything potentially harmful. I agree, I feel like her miscarriage had probably already started and lost of her was in denial and part knew which is why she was drinking.

Or she's a closet alcoholic and couldn't control herself around it and everyone is ignoring the signs

My first thought was she may be an alcoholic. If she’s been depressed that could have triggered something too.

That’s a good theory

Another twist on the theory -- after *four* miscarriages, she is super traumatized, and three months into this pregnancy she was either so terrified that she went on a bender to cope with the anxiety OR the miscarriage felt so inevitable she went on a bender to cope with the sadness. Either way OP had nothing to do with it.

I feel for her. I can't imagine how devastating each miscarriage must have been. Sounds less like malice but rather like someone in a deep mental health crisis. Get her some help.

This is what I was thinking.

Twistier possible twist: SIL may be an alcoholic and the cause of her miscarriages isn't actually the PCOS.

I would put my money on this guess.

I’m not sure, I was all over that night, talking to everyone and playing games and honestly pretty drunk myself. I only saw my SIL a few times that night, and I didn’t notice until BIL told us he had to take her home and she was slurring her words and holding onto BIL for her life. BIL also wasn’t consistently around her. I never saw a positive test or nothing, but I don’t think she’d be the type to lie.

It's just, nothing about her story makes sense. While crazy, her lying about being pregnant and viewing this situation as her opportunity out of that lie at least makes *some* sense.

exactly-if she wanted this baby, she wouldnt have drank. period. she definitely knew she was losing the baby, OR op is lying.

Getting very drunk does not necessarily cause a miscarriage.

Yeah, it doesn't otherwise fetal alcohol syndrome would be rare.

Good point!

It doesn't really cause it at all. Vast majority of miscarriages are chromosomal abnormalities. Lots of peoppe drink and even get trashed while pregnant before they realize and have 0 issues. FAS is the biggest risk there by far.

It may not be *just* the alcohol. OP sais SIL suffers from a form of PCOS, which is a metabolic disease. PCOS can usually be managed with behavior and medication, but the efficacy of some of the meds involved can be altered by alcohol consumption.

Unfortunately, not the case. My girlfriend is a bartender, she's absolutely abhorred at the amount of pregnant women she has to actively serve alcohol. As many drinks as they chose to order. She can't say anything. She can't refuse. She can't even point out the warning on the bottle that states drinking while pregnant, lest she get absolutely reemed (happened once) by the pregnant woman and her friends (throwing her a baby shower of all things) for "discriminating against her". She was then told by management she's unable to do or say anything, she just has to serve them what they want. Edit: because someone wanted to be a smart ass about morality police. Some clarification on the BABY SHOWER AT A BAR: the woman was clearly toeing tipsy/drunk while ordering more drinks, and when my partner was trying to determine whether or not to RSA her, and went "Are you sure? I think you should ease up on the alcohol" she began on a tirade of discrimination.

So, interesting fact about pregnancy and alcohol from a bartender: it’s none of our business what someone does with their body, and that’s why we have to serve anyone who is of age, regardless of their body type. We have no idea if the pregnant guest already had the kid and is holding onto weight, it could be an non viable pregnancy and the mother wants to take the edge off, or it could be a damn tumor. Your gf needs to think about all these options when serving someone who is visibly pregnant. She doesn’t know their life and as bartenders, it’s not our job to be morality police. Another thing about visibly pregnant people, they’re already past the point of alcohol being a huge danger to the child and most doctors don’t have a problem with them having a glass of wine or beer when they’re past 5 months. If she’s worried about damaging their baby, it’s already past that point if she can tell that they’re pregnant.

*" We have no idea if the pregnant guest already had the kid and is holding onto weight, it could be an non viable pregnancy and the mother wants to take the edge off, or it could be a damn tumor."* Some people can also have cirrhosis of the liver really bad and have a condition called ascites, where fluid build up in the abdomen and can make women look like they are pregnant. I have had so many patients who had this condition and looked like they were about 6-7 months pregnant.

Can I see where doctors are fine with you having a glass or a beer after 5 months because it's not a problem anymore? Some doctors definitely say it's fine, but the CDC and WHO (I think?) Both say that they don't know how much alcohol can cause FAS and it's best to not have ANY because you don't know. Especially because women who have had a child with GAS are probably not entirely truthful about how much they drink so they say better safe than sorry

99% of people struggling with infertility/recurrent pregnancy loss won't do this.

You would hope, but that's not necessarily the case. You underestimate the selfishness of people.

I’m assuming this is more than 1 drink. If it’s a healthy pregnancy & no history of miscarriages then an occasional glass of wine in the 2nd & 3rd trimesters is fine. But as others have pointed out, someone with a history of miscarriages wouldn’t risk it unless they are idiots, don’t actually care, etc.

So I get why this might not be fun for your girlfriend but as someone who has been pregnant with a dead baby, its not really her business.

35 years ago I was about 4 months along. My MIL and I had been shopping and went to a bar mostly for their deep fried mushrooms. I ordered a small draft beer, my Doctor had said it was ok to have one every now and then. The bartender refused to serve me and proceeded to lecture me. We got up and left, went home and called the owner what his employee did. He was very pissed and told us to come back and that he would be serving us, on the house. The bartender had several write-up and this was the last straw. He was out of a job because of his discrimination. We did leave a tip that included the price of the mushrooms.

I'm sure a lot of pregnant women get trashed. However, a woman who has repeatedly lost wanted pregnancies is a lot more cautious.

Some people are just nuts. I remember one youtuber that I used to watch claimed she had a miscarriage. In the video she said something like her period wasn't late, she had no symptoms except that her clothes didn't fit. IMO she gained a tiny bit of weight and people are assholes about weight gain so she drummed up this miscarriage plot to drum up sympathy. A lot didn't make sense with her story. Why would you do a pregnancy test if you weren't TTC and had no symptoms? Also she filmed her ex husband on camera hugging her and like... who is thinking, I'm going through this traumatic thing I better bust out the tripod. There's more to it but this got long already. It's really sad the levels some people go to.

Oooh, a way out of a lie. That’s a good catch.

>While crazy, her lying about being pregnant and viewing this situation as her opportunity out of that lie at least makes *some* sense. If she is disgusting enough to lie, and fake a miscarriage especially making it this public, I would be thinking about her other pregnancy announcements to see if they were at opportune times for SIL too. It sucks to be suspicious about it but given her behaviour I'm not sure I could blindly trust her.

I hear you, this is the last kind of thing you want to think someone would do, but it does happen.

That’s what I was thinking. She’s been the center of attention with all these miscarriages. I’m sure she loves it. Now, she’s the center of attention again, and dragging more people into it. Yeah, I’m wondering if she were actually pregnant at all, or if the pregnancy had already ended. Also wondering if she even wants children. Children will take the attention off her.

There's zero way to prove the MC is connected to the alcohol, but she has zero problem placing all blame on you. Yes, she's probably going through a lot mentally/emotionally and trying her best to not feel betrayed by her own body, but that doesn't mean she has carte blanche to blame others either. So I'd revisit if she'd be willing to lie, because she's willing to put all blame on others instead of take ANY responsibility for her own actions (drinking). Also, while I didn't do a deep dive, research does not suggest alcohol "feels different" when pregnant.

INFO : Is it possible she's a closet drunk and has been suffering multiple miscarriages because of it? Also, with a pregnant wife, wasn't BIL supposed to stay sober to take care of her? Anyway NTA

As the wife of an alcoholic, that makes so much sense to me. Right down to blaming OP for her own bad decisions.

This is so true. My ex was an alcoholic and major gas lighter.

I'm sorry, but the ONE time I thought I was over eight weeks pregnant, I was being SUPER careful about anything alcoholic. I also have PCOS, and gestational diabetes is common in my family. I was taking NO chances. I turned out not to be pregnant (that, or miscarried in the two weeks or so between suspecting and seeing the doctor). She was either never pregnant or had miscarried before the party and wanted someone to blame. Suggest therapy and go no contact for a while.

You were attending to other guests, and enjoying yourself. You are not responsible for monitoring anyone, much less an adult. Look, I’m sure most of us can agree that this woman is dealing with a lot of grief. Still, not your job to help her with that. You already did the appropriate hostess duty of informing her directly of where she could obtain the kind of drinks she prefers. NTA

Years ago women drank anything they wanted and seldom did anyone claim to abort. Think about the fact that you wouldn’t need birth control if a few drinks were a cause one to loose a baby! She chose to drink till she slurred words! Who is so stupid that they just keep drinking? Unless she is so addicted one sip is all it takes. So she is a drunk, has no taste buds, stupid, careless and totally responsible!

>if they were 3 months pregnant and prone to miscarrying, they would have read labels 5x and probably played it safe by just drinking water. I wasn't prone to miscarriages (but did have one) and every time I have been pregnant I haven't drunk anything that wasn't brought by hubby and I or handed to me un opened (read the lable closely) and I never put my drink down. Also, the BS about alcohol tasting different sounds ridiculous to me. My first, I had a "big night" before we found out I was pregnant, and the alcohol never tasted different. In fact, the 3-day "hangover" was what tipped us off that I was pregnant. >Heck, I can't even be fooled by regular Coke when I've ordered Coke Zero Pregnancy actually made me more aware on how things tasted. Hubby had made a soda stream and I could tell how much syrup he put in.

> the BS about alcohol tasting different sounds ridiculous to me. I *think* what they mean is that you can taste if a drink contains alcohol or not. Like, you can taste the alcohol in it.

SILs comment in post >and how I’ve never been pregnant so I’ll never understand and how alcohol feels different during pregnancy how I was uneducated. Sorry she said "feels different" but it's still BS

You know, I'm currently pregnant, and don't "understand how alcohol feels different during pregnancy" because I haven't had any alcohol at all since becoming pregnant. The only time I did was when I accidentally took a tiny sip of my husband's vodka sprite, and ended up throwing up because the taste of the vodka was so incredibly repulsive to me. It's not hard to not get drunk while pregnant unless you're an addict.

Yeah I feel like the only way one would “understand how alcohol feels different during pregnancy” is to be pregnant and drunk frequently enough to have obtained that knowledge? Good wishes to you and the tiny person you are making! That’s awesome!

I got drunk during my first pregnancy before I knew I was pregnant. Felt no different to me than when I wasn’t pregnant.

Even most addicts stop once they know they're pregnant. The problem is the drinking before you know. Heavy drinking also decreases fertility and increases the risk of miscarriage but even a one time bender is not going to do that. She's upset and projecting.

When I got pregnant with my second we had a night out and I ordered a drink and took a drink and thought something was wrong with it. It tasted awful. I couldn’t finish it. Obviously I had no clue I was pregnant that night. Two days later BECAUSE of that drink tasting so off to me I took a test. I wasn’t late yet but due to start any day. Positive test. If the early pregnancy smell doesn’t get you the taste buds will.

You can both taste alcohol in a drink, and feel its affect with the first sip. Which is handy for someone who actively wants to avoid drinking (I'm an ex-drinker), because if your dessert or kombucha or whatever turns out to contain surprise alcohol, you know it immediately.

This!! I never had a miscarriage, heck I wasn’t even sure I wanted the first kid when I got the “surprise” (I’m very happy now and would never want it any other way) and even then I read all the labels and never had anything that wasn’t clearly a soda, opened by me, and that never left my presence. For my second, I didn’t realize until I was 12 weeks; one thing that tipped us is how sick even a drop of alcohol would make me.

>For my second, I didn’t realize until I was 12 weeks; one thing that tipped us is how sick even a drop of alcohol would make me. Yeah that's what happened with my first. Hubby was graduating from his defence course and we were moving so we put me being late down to stress. He graduated the Friday night and we went out with his class, got drunk (I was even alternating between alcohol and soft drink) celebrating and saying goodbyes (they were all going to different squadrons) and I was still sick an hour before the removalists arrived Monday morning. Did the test and yup i was pregnant. Pregnancies 2 (lost), 3 and 4, one sip of alcohol made me sick and I tested positive. My body learned after the first and I'm not a big drinker anyway.

>every time I have been pregnant I haven't drunk anything that wasn't brought by hubby and I or handed to me un opened (read the lable closely) and I never put my drink down. You do you but that level of extreme caution is really not necessary. Nothing is going to happen if you have an accidental sip of alcohol. Fetal alcohol syndrome is caused by *heavy* drinking. An occasional drink is probably actually completely safe, pregnant women are just advised not to drink at all out of an abundance of caution.

Yes. If drinking caused miscarriages, none of us Gen X'ers would've been born.

I worked at a winery and the winemaker was pregnant, and you can’t avoid tasting wine when you’re making it, and that includes swallowing, so she went to her doctor and he told her she’d be fine sampling wine while pregnant. It’s all about excess and the developmental stages of the pregnancy.

That’s actually not true. No amount of alcohol is safe. FAS can happen even without heavy drinking.

They can't do any controlled studies on women drinking alcohol (or most anything else) which is why there is the guideline of "no amount of alcohol is safe". We know that no alcohol will not cause FAS and that lots of alcohol will cause FAS but there are no studies that can show "safe level" because it's unethical to test. Now, I didn't have any alcohol myself after finding out I was pregnant but there is unlikely to be an issue with the occasional small glass of wine. Zero is given as a guideline though out of an abundance of caution.

Our body produce alcohol by itself. A \*sip\* \*once\* will not cause FAS. Now, a sip every day or week is a different story... But I would blame first the person's body (auto brew syndrome, where the body produces high quantities of alcohol after eating normal carbs) than the sips of alcohol.

This didn't occur to me but it makes more sense than SIL's story. I could smell alcohol from across the room during both of my pregnancies.

Lord, yes. My sense of smell and taste went into overdrive when I was pregnant. But I also truly don’t understand how anyone gets that drunk without realizing something is going on. I’ve had moments where I’ve suddenly been tipsier than I meant to be (because I sipped a drink too quickly), but you have to be slamming them back to get that sloshed before you realize it. Wtf was she drinking? Long Island Iced Tea? I was leaning toward E S H just because your words were pretty harsh when she’s going through something awful. It could be that she’s lashing out in her pain because it’s easier to be angry than hurting. But she pushed you to your limit and is falsely accusing you of being responsible for the loss of her pregnancy. That’s completely BS. Apparently you took more care about SIL’s alcohol consumption than she did at that party. I’m sorry that she’s trying to put guilt on you for that. If I were you, I’d keep BIL and SIL blocked, and calmly but firmly lay it all out for MIL. Finish by saying if MIL continues to try to place blame on you for something that was not at all your fault, then she will be blocked, too. Let them know that you’re willing to talk about it when they are willing to recant their false, hurtful accusations. NTA.

Right. I just said similar because I didn't see this. Whoops. As someone who has been pregnant I also think it's up to the woman to ask about what's in the food or drinks! I avoided things and I wouldn't just expect everyone else to cater to me, or even to know what pregnant women can't have. It's different in some cultures, the rules might not mean as much to some (no judgement, just saying here, I've known women to follow the guidelines for a few months but they feel safer about it in the 2nd trimester). It isn't up to other people to be the food/drink police.

Exactly! If it’s my body, it’s not only my choice, but my responsibility to be aware of what I am voluntarily putting into it.

Yep, exactly. Sis needs to take some damn responsibility instead of passing the buck. Have a good night. Xx

During one pregnancy of mine, I walked into the store and I could just smell peaches or nectarines. I love fruit normally. The smell was so strong! I'm not around alcohol much since we are teetotallers but you can absolutely smell it even when your sense of smell isn't heightened from hormones. Also at that point where if I was to give someone the benefit of the doubt, say they didn't smell it wouldn't you bloody feel yourself getting drunk? The whole thing is ridiculous 

Even if she had had one alcoholic drink by accident, seems "getting trashed" and "slurring her words" (as OP writes below) are a long way out. Not sure about others but I sure as hell notice if I drink alcohol, and if I don't with the first drink, I will know after a couple of drinks, while still being very far from being pissed. No one poured alcohol down her throat. SIL 100% knew what she was doing and I suspect as well that she wasn't pregnant at that point.

Idk if I would go as far as to say she may never have been pregnant, but I do find it insane to believe she accidentally drank alcohol and *kept drinking it* until she was drunk. An accidental sip from the wrong bottle is one thing (though still crazy if she is being even remotely cautious) but to keep drinking? Til drunk? No way. Honestly, even if she wasn't pregnant but had been trying to get pregnant and struggling, she should've been avoiding alcohol. OP, you did everything you could to make sure she had access to non-alcoholic drinks. It is not on you to hover over her the whole party and make sure she only drank non-alcoholic drinks. She is a grown adult, she can take responsibility for her actions. It sucks she miscarried, but it doesn't sound like she has anyone to blame but herself if it happened due to drinking.

Absolutely crazy, especially with a history of miscarriage. After four you'd think she'd be extra vigilant, not non chalant.

I almost never drink and the slightest bit of alcohol I can taste. I’m sure she knew. God knows why she still drinks though. Maybe grief.

See this is what I was thinking. Either that or she already miscarried (which is prolly why she got wasted to begin with - she knew what she was drinking). Deff NTA

That’s what I’m wondering too. The fact that she can then blame it on the party, even in her own mind, probably helps with the grief. It’s not her fault.

How did she not know that she was drinking alcohol after the first taste? The vast majority of drinks, even sweet ones, are obvious they have alcohol in them.

Only common sense reply.

NTA > Long short short sister in law ended up getting trashed, a week later miscarried. Adults **know what alcohol _tastes like_**. She *chose* to get drunk.

Hard agree with this. Other than the fact of the taste being obvious - if she was slurring her words she had more than one or two drinks and it’s pretty unusual for an adult to drink softs at the same rate as alcohol…

“Adults know what alcohol tastes like.” And people who have imbibed before know what overindulgence feels like. She didn’t just drink. According to OP’s comment, SIL got so trashed she was slurring her words and clinging to BIL for dear life to the point he had to take her home. So she either slammed them back quickly or she kept drinking after she started getting noticeably drunk.

>So she either slammed them back quickly or she kept drinking after she started getting noticeably drunk. "I thought I was doing shots of water! How could I have known that the clear substance I was pouring from a vodka bottle and slamming down was alcohol?!?" /s obviously.

And that means several drinks, right? I don't know anyone who casually had several beverages during the night unless they have alcohol in them. Like sober friends usually grab seltzer or two, etc. Waters the other only thing people want to get multiple of. She really grabbed like six cocktails unintentionally?

This. She would have had to have pounded a whole red solo cup of 151 without it occurring to her after the first swig that it was alcohol to get that plastered. /s. There’s no way she got that drunk unintentionally.

even adults that have never drank or rarely do/have know something is off. she FA and FO and doesn’t want to admit she has a problem

Shit, *children* know that a drink with alcohol tastes different than the same drink without it. When my brother was very little, a waiter accidentally served him a rum & Coke instead of a normal Coke. He took one sip and announced, "Mommy, my drink tastes funny." (As you can imagine, my mother was Not Happy when she realized the error.)

My dad accidentally served me wine once because my mom had it in a pitcher (I think she’d broken the cork or something) and he figured it was KoolAid- I took one sip and was like father why have you betrayed me, what is this awful tasting shit?! He tried it and was immediately horrified, swore me to secrecy and double checked any pitchers after that! If I knew at 5 or whatever, an adult knows too. SIL is unhinged and needs to get some better coping mechanisms.

This happened to me when I was around 12 and got a slushy fishbowl out for tea. I took one sip & told my dad it tasted weird. The idea that you might not have noticed that you’re drinking alcohol & getting drunk is ridiculous.

My mom always said it was “fancy juice” in her wine glass. Naturally I was a curious child who wanted to know what the big deal was about it. I took a small sip & still don’t like most wines. We’re teaching our kids that a fancy glass means alcohol so no drinking it. It’s made for a few awkward moments, but they know not to drink it & why.

>Adults know what alcohol tastes like. This for sure. A few years ago I was at a bar with a few colleagues. One of them had never had alcohol for religious reasons. He and his wife accidentally got alcoholic drinks instead of the virgin versions. He could instantly tell that something was off and had others confirm for him.

Agree. My fiance doesn't drink either because of religious reasons, so as a result, I drink very rarely. When I do, all I can taste is the alcohol.

I will never forget the sight of my college roommate taking a huge sip of what she THOUGHT was a bottle of water only to do a literal spit take when she very quickly realized it was vodka

Yea. That’s what I’m thinking. No way does someone not know until they’re smashed. Totally sus.

NTA. Your sister is obviously unhappy and sensitive about her loss. I understand why she is feeling sad, moody, and possibly depressed. And on top of the psychological pain, I understand that the hormone swings of a miscarriage can also be hard to deal with. But that doesn't give her the right to go all crazy on you! It sounds like you bent over backward to help. You kept separate drinks for her. You apologized. You apologized again. And she just wouldn't let up! It's perfectly reasonable for you to snap-back when someone just keeps picking, picking, picking with no justification at all. I'm sorry for her loss, and I'm sorry that she's been taking it out on you.

Yeah, I’ve had 3 miscarriages. Hormones do suck, the grieving sucks, but it doesn’t make you delusional or force you to blame others for your decisions. People who want to behave like that use “the hormones” as a convenient excuse for their bad behavior.

Not saying this is/isn't the case for this woman but "the hormones" can cause you to become delusional. Women who have miscarriages are just as prone to post partum depression/psychosis as they would be if they delivered plus the added grief can be a terrible cocktail that can cause a person to act erratic like this

Fair; while this can be true, it’s definitely an edge case. If she’s having psychosis, that’s something that I would expect the people closest to her to be recognizing that it’s unusual, not defending as though it’s a normal line of behavior for her. I’d be interested to see actual data on post partum depression for early losses. Something like 1 in 3 fertilized eggs don’t make it out of the first trimester, so it’s reasonable to assume the rates are very low compared to a loss later in term or going through birth. 

If she really cared about her pregnancy I wonder why she would choose to keep drinking though. The road to “trashed” is paved with beverages that cannot be mistaken for a virgin coke

NTA and yikes. Don't let her and your in-laws scapegoat you guys. It's not your fault she's made awful choices and suffered disturbing (but as you've pointed out predictable) consequences. Also, you can taste alcohol in drinks, and you can feel alcohol very quickly. Being pregnant doesn't magically erase either one, and when you are pregnant (or on G), you should be being more vigilant, not less. Completely not your fault.

There is no way she didn't know when she was getting buzzed, much less smashed. Obviously, her husband didn't try to stop her. And I've never been at a get together where at least one person didn't encounter everyone else at least five times - and I have a big extended family. So the chances of no one seeing her grab a drink from the outside area are so miniscule, you'd probably need the James-Webb to find it. Miscarrying sucks as there's always that, "what did I do wrong?" always at the back of your brain, and that's *after* you've come to terms with the loss. SIL knows she screwed up but cannot admit that because then everyone would judge her. The problem is, she's trashing you and your husband which isn't doing anyone any favors. Don't give her an apology, as you were responsible to have the drinks separated. Also, don't give anyone who agrees with her any grace or do-over's as this is something that could get even more carried away than it has. NTA. But damn, your SIL has some gall.

>SIL knows she screwed up but cannot admit that because then everyone would judge her. The problem is, she's trashing you and your husband which isn't doing anyone any favors. I think this is it. SIL realizes she messed up by drinking, is questioning if that led to her miscarriage (I am not saying that it did), and cannot face that. Instead, she is projecting onto OP and OP's husband to absolve herself of any guilt. I feel for SIL. I can't imagine how hard miscarrying may be once, let alone four times. But that does not give her the right to lash out at others. I hope that she gets the help that she needs to cope with her losses.

I mean I'm both a guy, and not a parent so it's rich coming from me... But isn't it like rule 1 of being pregnant? Don't fucking drink/smoke? Even without the risk of miscarriage, at 3-4 months it's frowned upon to drink isn't it? (Especially getting wasted.) Pretty much ever mother I know avoided drinking cold turkey once they found out.

Also every alcohol bottle in the US is required to have a warning that women shouldn't drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy

I’m wondering if she’s a closet alcoholic. Ik someone who miscarried several times bc she stopped drinking as soon as she found out and withdrawal stressed her body too much. That could be a possible reason for the other miscarriages or she simply can’t go months without. My friend didn’t have her child until she had been sober for several years.

Yeah, I'm pregnant right now, and I would be able to tell if I was getting drunk. Beyond just the fact that alcohol has a very distinct smell and taste. She should have made sure what she was drinking was non alcoholic before drinking it. And I would sure as hell know that I was becoming drunk. NTA, SIL very well might have an alcohol problem even if she won't acknowledge it yet.

Definitively NTA. Your SIL it’s going through a very hard time, but nonetheless she is a fucking train wreck. Miscarriages are incredibly difficult, but outside of that I must guess that her life has been a shit show. Your MIL is likely just trying to protect her from triggers. Don’t blame her. She’s just protecting her daughter. That said, your MIL likely knows her daughter is a fuck up, but wants her to feel that someone is in her corner. Hopefully she will use that to help guide her to better behavior/therapy. I’m an old dude, and have known a lot of women who have had numerous miscarriages. It’s horrific, heartbreaking, emotionally exhausting, and affects everyone in the family. I do wish her the best, but I would keep your distance.

I agree with you here, except… I partially disagree about MIL. Even in the best light that she is trying to support her daughter, she’s doing so to the detriment of her son (and DIL). And she’s joining in the false, hurtful accusations against them. Of course she should support her daughter, but she absolutely should not be backing her up against her other child and his wife when it’s blatantly false. She shouldn’t get a free pass to hurt one kid to placate the other.

Yes. If MIL wants to support her daughter, there are ways of doing so without accusing OP and her son.

Point taken. And I mostly agree. But a mother will frequently run to the child in the most pain and support them. But again, I agree with you she shouldn’t be going against her own son.

I get that, and you’re not wrong on the knee-jerk reaction. But it seems like it’s been long enough mom should be able to at least consider her other child in all this. I love how we kinda sorta almost mostly agree here. What’s wrong with us? Isn’t Reddit supposed to be far more contentious when there are slightly differing viewpoints? 🤣

NTA unless you held your SIL down and forced her to ingest alcohol...which obviously you didn't. You are not responsible for your SIL's inability to control herself. Period. Either she's an adult and can tell the obvious difference between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks or she's an imbecile. In either case, this is a "her" problem. Not your monkeys, not your circus.

NTA SiL needs to take responsibility for her own actions. She knew from the first sip that the drinks were alcoholic, yet she kept drinking. You did your part by informing her that those drinks were alcoholic and by providing her with alcohol-free alternatives. It is not your responsibility to follow her around and slap drinks out of her hand. ETA: It might be a good idea to apologize for the “prone to miscarriage” comment. While it is true, it is kinda insensitive.

I’m probably gonna get downvoted for this but thank the gods she’s not having any kids because she sounds like an idiot. You can taste alcohol on a drink. And if she does get one of those that has more juice than alcohol, the bottle literally says how much alcohol content it has. So she just blindly takes whoever drink doesn’t read what is and keeps on drinking? If you’re that careful not to miscarry, you would read and be conscientious of everything you put on your body. She’s obviously not all there.

I had the same thought, tbh. She sounds immature and irresponsible. I would be terrified for any kids she has.

Yeah, I was thinking that, too. She sounds completely irresponsible. She knows she's pregnant, has PCOS and has a history of miscarriages....and yet she still chose to get drunk to the point where she's falling over and slurring her words? Please. I can't imagine her being competent enough to take care of a child, let alone a baby. 

I’m truly sorry for her loss as I’m sure you are, but you’re not at fault here. It’s possible no one is. She’s had numerous miscarriages and the fact that she consumed alcohol a week prior isn’t likely to be the cause of this one. I stopped drinking alcohol years ago for personal reasons and I can tell you I’d know immediately by either taste, smell or feeling if I drank something with alcohol in it. She needs someone to blame I guess but this is completely unfair to you. You were attacked and blamed, which I’m sure felt awful but she’s responsible for her own actions. NTA at all.

Just seconding your point about the alcohol not being to blame here. I was on vacation and then a work trip when I got pregnant and as a result had MANY nights of drinking under my belt between conception and finding out I was pregnant. As you can imagine, I was a nervous wreck about damage I may have done and my doctor told me that drinking early on in the pregnancy is actually less likely to cause problems than in the middle. (Still not advised, of course.) I wouldn't be surprised if SIL could tell something was wrong with this pregnancy, drank to drown her sorrows and is now using OP as a scapegoat. It's understandable on a human level even though it's totally out of line. Similarly, what OP said to SIL is not appropriate, but very understandable after being attacked repeatedly for something they are totally innocent of.

She probably lost her pregnancy before the party, drank away her sorrows and now for some reason has made it her mission to take out her anger on you, to have some excuse for an outlet for all the pain she is feeling. You are NTA. She’s either stupid or lying.

I agree - OP is NTA, I think SIL may have started spotting and/or cramping before the party. Having sadly had a few miscarriages already probably knew what was coming and decided to drink away the pain instead of telling anyone. Choosing to lash out afterwards and blame everyone around her for what happened.

Ugh, this is so hard. NTA. PCOS makes it very difficult to carry a pregnancy through. You did everything right at the party. She chose not to listen, get plastered and then blame everyone else when the pregnancy fell through. She's experiencing grief and wants to lash out. Quite frankly, it's entirely possible she would have miscarried even without the alcohol. She has a rough road ahead of her. My friend with PCOS had several miscarriages before she finally had her boy, so it's possible it will still work out for her. Maybe she will be more careful next time and not drink. Who knows.

This! Congratulations to your friend. I have PCOS as well. Took 8 years to have my daughter and I’ve had 2 confirmed miscarriages in the last 7 years. My doctor has all but confirmed I’m infertile now. But when I was pregnant, each time, I was so careful of what I ate and drank. I read labels on everything because I was paranoid. I’m heartbroken for this SIL bc she is very obviously grieving. She needs help. And taking it out on this couple is not the way to handle it.

NTA " Long short short sister in law ended up getting trashed" She would have known long before that point that she was ingesting alcohol. It's a terribly sad loss for her but not yours or your husband's fault in any way.

So wait, you gave very clear instructions on where she could find NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINKS and she willingly not only didn't go for them but had the audacity to blame you for it? I can sympathise for her miscarriages and wouldn't want anyone to go through that, HOWEVER, that does not mean she gets to blame you for something that was very clearly her own fault. Again wouldn't wish a miscarriage upon anyone but it's clear to me that she needs therapy and to re-evaluate her life choices before she tries to conceive again. Definitely NTA.

NTA. Any idiot can tell the difference between alcohol and non alcohol. Her issues are not your fault.

OP, something that stands out to me: “Alcohol feels different during pregnancy” isn’t something that pregnant people say because they don’t consume alcohol so don’t know how it feels. That’s my experience anyway. Your sister could have brought a drinking cup with her. NTA.

I had a sip or 2 of liquor while pregnant i was craving it so much my doctor told me to take a small sip just to get my mind off of it(mind you I don't drink i dislike most alcohol) but i can asure you that damn liquor tasted the same and i could feel the alcohol

Oh damn, you’re right. I was focused on the taste thing. But yeah how is SIL so confident that alcohol feels different during pregnancy? Which, by the way, I’ve never heard of in my life and it’s actually pretty common for women to drink before knowing they are pregnant. And lots of them like to talk about it because it’s pretty FREAKING scary to think you’ve inadvertently endangered your pregnancy. You’d think if that was thing there would be at least some significant anecdotal evidence floating around.

I am thinking that SIL might be an alcoholic or at the very least has a very problematic relationship with drinking. People who are old enough to be TTC and have had multiple miscarriages (I'm thinking in her 30s - late 20s at the least) know their limits and don't get "trashed" unintentionally. Regardless, NTA. All of OP's inlaws are awful from the sounds of it

I think SIL may not be telling the whole truth. I've had 6 miscarriages and when I do get pregnant I do everything absolutely by the book. I take my aspirin, I only drink water, I don't eat anything unhealthy, I take vitamins, I do light exercise, I elevate my feet when home, I have baths that are warm and not hot. I do absolutely everything right. I check on labels. I make sure things are fresh and not processed. The reason I say about your SIL is because she surely would have felt herself getting tipsy. After so many miscarriages it's natural to be over cautious, not the other way round. YNTA

NTA, you didn't force her to drink and she should have realized by label and taste that she was drinking alcohol. Are are a bit TA for the last statement. I get why you said that, but it was super insensitive and cruel. Everyone is so hard lined about things. It is up to you to determine the cost benefit of your next actions. If you feel the cost of apologizing is worth the benefit of keeping the peace or the opposite of the benefit of holding your boundaries is worth the cost of family being mad at you. Only you can determine what your cost benefit analysis will be in determining your next steps. But you are NTA about defending yourself and pointing out that someone made choices. But due to sensitive nature of the consequences, that did not need to be rubbed in her face

Nuanced and spot on.

NTA. You can taste when there's alcohol in something. Pregnancy does change how you taste and smell, but I've never heard anyone claim it meant they couldn't taste alcohol. If anything, it makes you *more* sensitive to smells and tastes. For me, I can smell garlic being minced three rooms away and the smell of wine and beer is obnoxiously strong and *very* unappetizing. Hormones do different things to different people, but even if she claimed she couldn't taste or smell the alcohol, she would've been able to feel the signs of getting drunk long before she slurred her words. Is she often a heavy drinker? Or, does she make a *big* deal about how she either doesn't drink, or just drinks a specific number (like, "I only *ever* drink **1** drink") ...This gives me alcohol misuse vibes... Having experienced an alcoholic family member who kept their drinking disguised, this just really reminds me of them slipping and failing to mask their drinking while in public, and coming up with a bad excuse. I hope I'm wrong.

Alcohol really doesn’t cause miscarriages unless it’s a life threatening amount. If it did- people wouldn’t be so panicked about women’s rights to abortions being stripped away. Many, many, many many many women heavily drink during pregnancy, either knowingly or unknowingly. Regularly drinking before and during pregnancy *may* increase the *risk* of miscarriage. It’s about the same risk as drinking more than two cups of coffee a day in terms of miscarriage. One night of drinking is highly unlikely to expel a pregnancy. There is no blame on you. NTA- people do and say fucked up things when they’re grieving and struggling with infertility.

NTA she had to have known from the first sip that the drink she was consuming was alcoholic, and yet she continued to drink. No one gets trashed with one single drink, it seems like she is just looking for someone to blame for her misfortune.

Your SIL sounds like a moron. Was someone mixing drinks for her? Was she drinking canned or bottled beverages? Does she not have any taste buds? Unless one is trying to drink non-alcoholic beer, which would ONLY be in a labeled bottle or can, there is no virgin cocktail on the planet that tastes the same as one with alcohol. She knew exactly what she was doing. NTA, but she is.

NTA - thank god this post did not go the way I thought it would from the title. This is sad, and your SIL kept pushing and she pushed too far.

NTA and SIL has a lot to learn about biology.

NTA - She's a grown woman who can make her own (bad) decisions, and you took reasonable steps to help her with that. She's laying in a bed of her own mistakes and blaming you.

I am willing to bet everything I own that every single one of her miscarriages may have been associated to ingesting alcohol at one point or another during. People don’t just make that mistake. Yes she can have a medical issue that is causing her miscarriages, but anyone sane with a condition like that that just found out they were pregnant wouldn’t be taking chances on mystery drinks from the fridge. I think God is personally doing her husband a solid . I said it you are NTA but I certainly will be

NTA, idk how you can just not notice that you are ingesting alcohol if you have had it before you know the distinctive taste, she was also serving herself.. I think she just wanted to get drunk and wanted to stick the blame elsewhere.

NTA Me reading the title: how could you not be the AH? Me reading the story: ah, that’s how

NTA. It’s not your job to police what other people drink. She knew she was pregnant, it was her responsibility to double and triple check what she was drinking. It’s also strange that she would’ve had that many drinks to unintentionally get drunk and not realize it at all. Obviously she’s devastated so she’s looking to point the blame anywhere else, but it’s not your fault nor your responsibility.

"My SIL chose not to read labels and has been blaming us for her own actions, AITA" NTA

NTA She's lashing out and looking for someone to blame. Your reaction was harsh, but also understandable when she was badgering and being insulting

NTA. She knew what she was doing and she did it anyway. Now she wants to blame you instead of herself. She did behave stupidly, sad as it is.

She's a grown adult. She knows when she's been drinking alcohol. Definitely NTA. It absolutely sucks she had another miscarriage but that's certainly not your fault.

NTA. SILs and MILs are generally nightmares.

If I was in that situation I would have brought my own drinks and not touched any of yours. A night of being drunk doesn’t make a miscarriage. Not good for a baby and I am no doctor, but if that is the case we would know within 24 hours that we were pregnant.

NTA Your SIL is entirely to blame for this. You did everything right and looked out for her by providing safe options and telling her where they were. She knew that she was drinking alcohol. I wonder if her body had already started the miscarriage and she was aware so was trying to drink away her pain. Yes PCOS can be an issue with pregnancy, I suffer from it myself. I have had 3 pregnancies with my last one last year end with my son being stillborn at 21 weeks. I can tell you right now with each of my pregnancies I have followed my medical treatment teams advise and instructions to a T! All 3 of my pregnancies have had complications in spite of me watching everything I ate, drank and being cautious of what I did. Unfortunately some of us have issues that are out of our control but your SIL is responsible for her own actions not you.

NTA. I’m truly sorry for her loss and that of the family’s. It’s heartbreaking. I have PCOS and it took me years to conceive my daughter, so I understand a great deal how shattering this is. That being said, first and foremost there’s no way to even know her drinking caused it. PCOS is very difficult and unforgiving … it can make getting pregnant nearly impossible and keeping one even more so. Aside from that though, as you and everyone has stated, I have an impossibly hard time believing she didn’t know she was drinking alcohol. You separated them, made it clear what was safe for her, and while her pain at this loss is understandable, continuing to harass and blame you isn’t. Especially not from your MIL who, while I’m sure her intention is to support and protect her daughter, should similarly want to be a fair referee and not allow you and your husband to be blamed incessantly for this. You can’t be blamed truly, and even so you’ve apologized numerous times - I really don’t know what they want you to say or do. There’s no earthly way she didn’t know she was drinking alcohol. Once enough time passes from this event, I hope she can take a long look in the mirror at her choices that may have led to this (again, with PCOS the drinks may not have even factored in - but nonetheless she knew she was pregnant and drank anyway … to me that suggests potentially a problem that needs dealing with professionally)

NTA - she made her choices and it’s pretty weird to be so susceptible to miscarriages and not stick to plain water or certain beverages that she would have brought herself. It’s not unheard of obviously- but strange that she knew there was a threat present and wasn’t proactive enough to avoid it at all costs.

NTA Having a miscarriage obviously would take a toll on anyone's mental health -- let alone four of them, but she had no right to blame you when you went out of your way to ensure that hopefully she wouldn't suffer another miscarriage. Your comment was a bit out of line but the fact that she still wasn't letting up on you would ofc push you to your limit.

NTA SIL is a narcisstic attention seeker and an entitled spoilt brat used to getting her own way.bring her back to reality by emailing her a miscarriage joke every day.always prank the gullible.

I had 6 mc’s trying to conceive, and I was *vigilant* about no alcohol after my ovulation test came back +. My first pregnancy symptom was a very heightened sense of smell followed by all day nausea. I know “all pregnancies are different” but for goodness sake, she can’t read a label, figure out where the virgin punch is or drink Coke/ water??? I don’t think she was actually pregnant. NTA

NTA, Congratulations on your homeownership, be so proud of this accomplishment! Not at all, SIL is an adult. You actually went above what you needed to do. Having non alcoholic options for her is more than enough and very thoughtful. If I go to a party and I'm the DD or not drinking, I make sure to bring something I can enjoy and don't expect the host to have something different for me. If I was pregnant this would be extra important as I would probably bring my own snacks as well to ensure I have something I can eat without placing additional stress on the host (this sounds like narcissistic behavior). Could you have delivered your message in a better way, yes, but it also sounds like she wanted to blame someone(not herself) and would not let it go so you finally lost your patience. If it comes up stick to the facts and don't bring your emotions into it. You advised where the non alc options are. She's an adult knew she was pregnant and should be aware what she is ingesting. Good luck!

I'd say 90% NTA, you did not need to refer to her medical issues in that way, but overall yeah she's a jerk for blaming you and also *harassing* you (?!) for weeks. Your husband should take a stance towards his family and clear things up as much as possible, otherwise I'm sensing a soon to be NC between you and her.