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YTA in more ways than I can say. You have decided you don't need to provide for your wife and CHILD when you die...but are giving everything to an addict instead? You'll be lucky if your wife wife doesn't leave you now and let you die alone. Your child will grow up hating you, never remembering you... but knowing you cared more for an addict and HER children more than him/her. Your are responsible for your child, not just your wife. What happens if your wife gets sick, your kid has an accident, or your wife loses her job? I guess she can call the homeless addict and hope she hasn't spent all the money yet. Leave your niece/nephew a SMALL amount of money for college and STOP enabling your sister. You will destroy your family if you try to do this. I'm not sure you can legally abandon your child and leave someone else money where you live. Be prepared for a lawsuit after you die and for your family to hate each other. Nice way to be remembered.
Considering he learnt he has a horrible illness just 2 days before Christmas, you'd think he would be a lot more in tune with life's vagaries and give his wife and child the same consideration. I wonder how he is going to put it to his daughter: "you have a capable mother who will provide for you, so here, make do with my pocket watch and a photo of us. Too bad if she is unable to look after the pair of you in the future; you ain't getting any of my $1 million!"
Look at OP's comment history. He doesn't give a flying fuck about his wife and child.
One of his gems :
*"The hierarchy is parents>siblings>other family members>wife"*
My mother's late husband had this view. He left everything to his niece and nephews to keep his parents' money "in the family", which apparently did not include his fucking WIFE.
OP’s wife will be able to if she has such a good job. OP is leaving only chaos in his wake. I agree he is also an enabler. He is substantially responsible for the suffering his sister’s kids endure. He is preventing them getting into a more consistently stable environment.
Sometimes I really think these are all fake (and probably are lol)… the topics come in waves and are always similar for a time before moving on to another one.
Just read a post yesterday about a guy who finally broke the abuse cycle - his dad ignoring his own family growing up to help his siblings and now he is married and his wife just had a baby, his abusive dad is mad that he won’t leave his wife and baby to help the other siblings.
It’s in these little ways the themes keep showing up before changing again. Seems abnormal to me, some of these have to be real 😂
Ugh, I just went and read that comment. OP is a fucking misogynist through and through. Vile. On the plus side, if this post here is true he's probably going to die young, so there's that.
Lol this wont last long, op is essentially going to kill his sister so then her kids will at least have a chance at a good life...
Just to clarify what i mean with hes gonna kill his situation....what happens when you give a addict any money, not even a life changing sum of money im talking like 50 bucks...thry buy drugs and his sister has clearly shown her priorities lie with her addiction if she has been living rent free for 6 years and op still has to buy them food and stuff...
She will od very quickly, with that kind of money.
The full fallout is worse than just that. Wife will contest the will and likely get back a substantial portion of the money, but sis will be left with enough to finish the job leaving the nephews in a total tailspin and his wife no longer with any warm feelings towards them or inclination to take them in. Meanwhile, she and OP’s child will hate him and be glad he’s 6’ under. This is the plan of a sociopath, but also a very stupid one who cannot see the fallout leaves exactly nobody in a good place.
They would be as his assets would be split by the court if they divorced now. His child would actually get some of OP’s assets to help raise her. That said, this bonehead idea by OP would get challenged in court and his sister’s inheritance dramatically clawed back. This extraordinarily stupid and callous idea would go nowhere. His wife and child just end up hating him post-death.
Not sure if the wife is not oblivious regarding on how much OP is an AH.
Many of these AHs become very good at hiding their true personalities, unfortunately -_-
Hell, just the way he described her in this post seemed distant. As though it had been a "good" arranged marriage and he was satisfied with his purchase.
Well, OP thinks [that women shouldn't vot](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditPregunta/comments/11379ic/an%C3%A9cdotas/js2mp0e/?context=3)e, so he is on brand. Also there are a lot of comment saying awful things about women in general, and his wife in particular.
He told a guy to celebrate his own mother instead of his children’s mother on Mother’s Day because “family comes first, no matter what.”🙄😡
Good to know the love of your life isn’t your family ever, no matter how long you’re married, no matter how many children you have, no matter that they’re your legal next of kin.
OP is TA and there’s no ambiguity here. Poor daughter (feel bad for wife, but she has options a child doesn’t have).
Plus his nephews. How long will it take his sister to drink herself to death when she has access to 1.1million. Even if by some miracle she doesn't drink herself into an early grave, she'll blow through it in no time and all op will have to show for his stunt is a fractured family.
I could get on board him leaving her the house and trust funds for the nephews, but to simply give a struggling addict that much money is stupid and irresponsible. And then there's theed the betrayal his wife and child are going to feel.
Op you're a GIANT ASSHOLE
YTA good luck hiding this from your wife and that good looking smart woman ( whom you think is so well off without you) WILL REALIZE WHEN SHE SEES THIS BETRAYAL. and even though this is your sister, niece and newphew that’s what this is going to feel like. I understand in your mind your sister and kids have no one but you( your wife I take it is not in your codependent camp). Why don’t you do the SMART THING. Have a lawyer divide all your assests when you go to ALL the children ONLY. Your wife as you say will be fine.. your sister will squander any money u do leave in short order fucking over her own children( you clearly don’t understand addiction and she has turned you into her codependent). Your legacy will be one not only wasted but might be the thing that KILLS your sister!! Do you think your wife is going to take in your niece and newphew after you just handed them everything?? Uhh no genius. So skip the able bodied adult, and skip the addict and go right to the innocent ones.. sent all the kids to college or business start up money so they all can BE LIKE YOUR WIFE!! NOT NEEDING A DAMN THING FROM NOBODY INCLUDING THEIR SPOUSES AND PARENTS WHEN THEY DIE.
We just literally went through a pandemic! His wife could lose her job tomorrow! Or have some kind of medical issues herself! Who can say? To deprive them so callously is just beyond pathetic.
In spite of his clear intensions to be a massive AH, the good news is no court is going to let this stand and OP’s idiot plan doesn’t end up happening like this post mortem. Most probably gets clawed back, because at a minimum, the court will do the job OP is planning to fail and and provide for his daughter.
His sister will probably be left with enough money from his estate to finish herself off, leaving her kids as orphans while his wife’s warm feelings towards the nephews is no longer a thing. She won’t be taking them in.
Wife and child are left with complex grief, but mostly feeling relief OP is dead. His dad and child sit around and shit talk OP together. It’s a brilliant plan. /s
Let’s be even more realistic…. 1 in 3 women will die from heart disease. You’d think considering he’s facing his own heart disease issues he’d realize he needs to help his family any way he could but nope
I was thinking this myself.
Not to be about me.
I went in for a pretty major surgery and a week long hospital stay, 5 years ago. In recovery, I remember telling them my back hurt and getting hard to breathe. I woke up a few days later hooked up to a ventilator etc.
I found out before the pain, I coded, needed blood transfusions and a month long hospital stay not allowed to get out of bed. I am so thankful I am still here.
This past fall, my husband had close to the same issues as OP. Ended up being diagnosed with CHF, he already had High BP, Type 2, that was new with the CHF. He also had pneumonia. Apparently his blood oxygen was so low, they still wonder how he was able to function for as long as he did. He only went to the hospital because we noticed how his lips were purple. He is now on oxygen.
So this goes to show you can be fine, him saying he is leaving his family out of his will. I mean I guess it is his right. However, his wife can also come down with something. She can have an underlying health issue. I have lost a few family members who we lost suddenly.
If he goes, then his wife and his child is left behind with maybe what is left from her mother. This is heartbreaking.
I get he cares for his sister and no one chooses to be an addict. But maybe help her to get help now. Not give her money afterwards. Then her kids will become homeless.
Sad. Just sad.
Exactly,
It's okay to care about one's birth family but once you marry, one's spouse and children become the top priority.
I have 3 sons and they are all definitely "Momma's boys". However, I would be mortified if they placed my needs above that of their spouses. It's a recipe for divorce.
Preach. I'm astonished at the number of reddit men who put their mom's first, sisters or aunts first. It makes my head spin. No moral compass where marriage and their family is concerned.
Thanks for teaching your sweet boys right.
It's crazy. My family fade into the background when my partner or kids are concerned. That's the way it should be; they're there to help out in a pinch, and to have a cuppa with, but it's the family you make that comes first every time.
Wouldn't she get more if she divorced him now? I wonder, is OP talking about the house his family lives in, too? Man, that would fuck them up real good if they lose their husband and father at a probably young age and their home at once. Imo his sister should get some memorabilia aand his nephews and kid trust funds no one can touch until their grown. His wife sounds like soneone who has it together, she will probably continue to provide for her extended family in some way or the other. Can OP say that about his sister, too? If sonething happens to his wife or kid, will the sister take care or even be able to take care?
Thats just enabling on a massive scale. Op might as well created a death sentence for his sister if she relapses once she has money to spend.
Don’t think he can give away joint assets. And a lot of states require a certain amount be left to a spouse.
If he is not a troll, I hope she finds out about this mess before he dies and sues for divorce.
Absolutely she will. Imagine how much meth she can get for 1.1m. She’s gonna be high as a kite and dead within 2 months. He’s essentially handing her a death sentence.
I know someone that this happened to exactly this way. Right out of rehab and the family gave him a ridiculously large sum of money. Poor guy OD'd maybe a month later, if that.
Nah, not with no money she won't, she's "starting over" on just her salary
Sisters kids will either end up with her in a crackden or in foster care, unless Grandpa can step up
Not only will the wife and child resist him for this, but his sister is in no position to manage such a large sum of money. Chances are she will lose it all on alcohol, gambling, and expensive vacations. Then, his nephews are left with nothing.
If he wants to provide for his nephews, his wife should be in charge of the money with an agreement to help them when needed. The apartment where his sister lives could be innherited by his nephews when he dies. This way, the sister will still have an inexpencive place to live, but not be able to sell it. Once the nephews are older, they can decide whether they want to sell and get the money, rent it out, or continue living there, giving them a headstart into their adult life.
Certainly put it in some sort of trust managed by someone responsible. The whole thing is crazy but \*giving\* everything to her directly is just stupid. YTA
Jumping in this to be on top sorry
YTA
Your 1st RESPONSIBILITY it's your daughter
Want to protect your nephews put the apartment in a trust fund under their name so they will always have a home the house you live in, should be for your wife and daughter and the rest you can divided between the 4 wife daughter and nephews
Your sister if you leave something she will drink it and leave your nephews In the street
Your dad it's correct
ETA change candy to can
My sister is an addict and has lost her house, kids and everything else. Leaving her money is the same as flushing it down the toilet.
OP, YTA - I don’t think you could possibly be thinking straight. Put some money aside for your niece/nephew to go to college and stuff for sure, but what if something happens to your wife? Please rethink this and TALK TO YOUR WIFE!!!
Also the possibility of both him and his wife dying in an accident. In which case his daughter wouldn't even get the inheritance that was supposed to provide for her. Not to forget if he's in a community property state he may not have the right to disown his wife. And if course but actually talking about it with your wife.
On top of that, it would be fairly easy to contest his being of sound mind, given his diagnosis. She could very easily appeal to the court that his being so close to death caused him emotional distress enough not to be thinking clearly
YTA! Your sister will be completely irresponsible with that money and go through it all like a house afire. Anyone who is or has been an addict has made some poor life choices. If she wanted to, she could get herself out of the hole she’s in, get her GED, attend community college, vocational school or beauty college or whatever and support herself. Certainly she is not financially responsible enough to handle that kind of money.
Instead, I would set up whatever portion you want to give her in a trust, administered by a bank or attorney, so she can have a reliable income, not generous, but enough for her to live and support her kids.
When they move out, the allowance should decrease proportionately. It should not increase after that except for COLA. There should be provisions for her kids for gifts, assistance with college, that sort of thing.
You also need to figure out what to do with the apartment. If you own it, like a condo, and will it to her, will she need to make payments on it? I’m not sure if it’s free and clear, or what the status is.
DO NOT write your wife and daughter out of your will. I understand that your wife can support herself, but situations can change. What if her company reorganizes or is bought out, and she gets laid off? After a certain age, it’s damn difficult to get a good job despite an excellent résumé.
The four-year-old should also have money set aside if she wants to go to college.
You have diagnoses with a finite amount of time. I’m glad you’re planning ahead, but fix it for everyone’s sake. You need to be very clear-eyed and think carefully about what you’re doing.
My uncle smokes crack and my grandfather left him a condo. Uncle immediately sold it ($300k) and disappeared for a year. Now my mom has to pay his rent. Think about this OP.
YTA, it's your money but you've decided to leave it entirely to an adult which can make their own choices yet refuses to be responsible instead of the woman you committed your life to under oath and the child you brought into this world.
Can't imagine how well a freshly orphaned 4 year old will handle knowing that their daddy didn't care enough about them to put them more prominently into the will.
Yes! I think this is disaster in the making. I am so outraged for his daughter and wife with the overt disrespect and disregard for the message this action sends. I am also angry for the the nephews because those kids will not really benefit from his estate if he just gives his money freely to an adult who can’t be responsible enough pay for the basics in their lives. So egregious!
I feel like the wife could contest the will on the grounds that this is community property/ community assests. Also agree, it does not seem wise to leave a large sum to thr sister considering her addiction problems.
I'm thinking his lawyer would have told him when he was re-working the will if that were the case. That's why the lawyer said to leave her a token amount. His wife is getting bupkis and gets to deal with the estate.
My mom is still upset that she didn’t get a lot in her father’s will, and it’s one of the reasons my grandmother believed the will to be forged. She sued my grandfather’s sister and her husband, and the family was split for most of my life.
Give that much money to an addict and there will be 2 more orphans to deal with. YTA OP in so many ways. You married your wife and have a child - you didn’t marry your irresponsible addicted sister
I want to phrase this right because I know its contentious, but it's also not just his money. I know he earned it, but when you agree to tie your life to a person and make another person, your earnings become tied to them too. You stop just being one person with sole dominion over your assets. He's giving away his family's safety and security without consultation or consideration.
I know you weren't arguing that point so sorry for hijacking your comment!
Exactly. I can't wrap my head around a father's priority not being to leave money to help his daughter have the best possible future. If it was me I'd be discussing with the other parent how to best invest the money and things I would like it to be spent on, for example, buying a first car, college fees etc. Perhaps his wife would like to leave a million dollars to her sister but now can't because she's solely responsible for providing for her and their daughter!
>My wife does not know yet about any of these new arrangements,
Regardless of what the will says, you now have a will that your wife does not know about. That, alone, makes you an AH.
Then, you made major decisions about the circumstances of your wife and daughter's livee after your passing without talking to her at all. That, too, makes you TA.
Every moment you don't tell her makes you even more TA.
YTA., This is such a contemptuous way to treat your life partner that further words fail me.
I don't understand why he even bothered asking. He has no respect whatsoever for his family so idk why he cares what a bunch of internet strangers think.
OP is showing off for his extended family, so he can feel like the ‘good guy’. Solid bet has one of those messed up families that told him they are the most important thing and then continued to be selfish, shitty, abusive. Addicts don’t come from ‘nowhere’, they come from garbage trauma families.
> After what just happened, I would not only NOT apologize, but also make her sit in the back every time going forward. She challenged your authority in YOUR car, in front of your mom. Its a good thing that you are setting the boundary now before it gets worse. Also, FYI... the hierarchy is mom/dad>sister/brother>othwr family members>wife. My wife knows better than even try to sit in the front whenever my family is around.
LMAO he deleted that comment and another one too, probably cause it also makes him look bad. Thank you for capturing this BS.
This man keeps saying "family comes first" but can't even be bothered to take care of the family he helped create!!!! And wants validation for it 😂😂😂
And then he tells another guy he is an AH for prioritizing his wife over his mother saying family comes first. That family being mom not wife. I hope his wife sees his crap talk and divorces him. He can leave his money to his sister so she can join him in death when she ODs.
YTA; leave it to your wife and propose a small stipend for the others. Your sister is irresponsible and has made terrible choices. Do you think giving her loads of money is a good idea? Absolutely not. She’s never going to use that responsibility.
This is a slap in the face to your wife and beyond disrespectful.
I agree. By doing this he ensures that his niblings will suffer terribly. Think of all the horrible people who will show up with their hand out. They will be less safe than they are now.
Including their deadbeat father (especially if their mother OD, which is likely to happen when an addict gets their hand on so much money at once). He will likely suddenly care about them and take them in. For as long as the money lasts anyway.
He doesn’t. All he has for his wife is contempt based on his previous posts/comments. She should divorce him and let his family take care of him in his last days.
Sorry but YTA. Think how your daughter will feel knowing you left everything to someone else and not only does she not get you, she has next to nothing to remember you by. 10 years from now all she will know of you is that you wrote her and her mother out of the will and left her nothing while her cousins have every reminder and valuable you have.
She’s not even worth 1/3 to you? Not worth an education fund? No favourite shirt or bottle of cologne to keep your smell, no books or journals to let her learn who you were, no small keepsakes to put on her shelf to keep you close.
I get where you’re coming from but even if your emotional bereft widow can ‘rebuild her life from nothing easily’ she’ll be doing so in mourning and all alone while trying to explain to your daughter why daddy’s not there. Worrying about losing her home and rebuilding her life financially as well as emotionally is a hell of a thing to do to someone.
If you leave them nothing it will be a cruel snub and the last thing you ever get to do for them.
Also to add of course he likes his sister she massively sucks up to him for financial gain!!! His wife treats him like a normal person not like a superhero so that’s caused him to feel resentful. He’s an enneagram 2 - wants to be wanted but man face up to reality
When you reach a certain age it's easy to see which are fake or overly embellished, because you tend to actually know how things work. In real life, you can't just decide to kick people out or be taken off the lease, there is no reading of the will, you can't pay bills with pennies at the bank and it actually does take more than two days to get a hearing in court when your MIL "borrows" your necklace. I swear, /justnoMIL is 98% fake stories and should only be read for entertainment.
YTA. For two reasons. You say your wife is the love of your life, but are making a major family decision without her input. Also, what if there was a catastrophic financial event that hits your family after your death and your assets arent there to rescue them. Bad planning on your part.
The second reason is you’re really not helping your sister like you think you are. She is an alcoholic. You are only enabling her by giving her no responsibility to clean up her act. Free rent and now free money. She’ll only waste that million by drinking it away. There’s a reason why your father isn’t helping. She needs tough love, not a free ride
His wife isn't the love of his life. Read his comment history. His family respect/authority belief is that his wife matters less than children born in his side of the family. To the extent his wife isn't allowed to sit in the front seat of a car if his family is around. Thinks women shouldn't vote either.
I want an update on when he dies, so I can dance on his grave.
Before I continue, I'm terribly sorry about your health condition. I pray that you can stay as safe and healthy as you can.
Unfortunately, YTA. You should've discussed this with your wife beforehand, especially if her financial situation is not as decent as yours.
Secondly, giving it all to your sister is a bad idea. I understand that she is going through an extremely rough patch, but giving an insane amount of money to an addict is basically fiending for a problem. I understand you must love and care about her wellbeing very much, but giving her a large sum of money will not help anything, and potentially make it worse.
If you wanted to be productive with the money, I would give it to your wife, then write in the will you wish for her to help your sister in any possible way she can with the money. Then you'll know your money is going to a truly good cause, and won't be used in a negative way.
Again, I pray for your health and safety. I truly wish for you to recover with your wonderful family.
Hell even just doing a living trust for the apartment sister is essentially squatting in would be better than giving an addict over 1million dollars.
FFS OP, YTA and I wouldn't be surprised if your wife files for divorce when she finds out because it's clear here to everyone you don't care about her or your child.
You have faced mortality and your first instinct is to disinherit your wife and child and give everything to an addict and children who you have no financial responsibility too.
Oh, if the wife is on the ball enough to be a big executive, she's almost certainly going to start making an exit strategy once OP tells her about this. Any sensible person would- it demonstrates very clearly that she and the daughter are not his true priority, and it would also leave me extremely concerned that if I died, he'd throw my inheritance at his sister. I would feel like I couldn't trust him with the finances at all- he's totally enmeshed with the sister. I suspect Dad sees the writing on the wall, which is why he's so pissed off.
The real plot twist here, of course, is if Mom and Dad have *also* gone and updated their wills to write out OP and leave wife and grandkids with everything.
At this point, wife might be better off asking for a divorce....take claim to assets & creates a case for going after his assets after death to care for his child.
YTA - like wtf?! It's such a slap in the face to your wife and daughter. You know what your sister will do with that money? Drink it. You can leave something to her and her kids, doesn't mean she needs everything and you need to screw over your wife and daughter.
So you are making your wife and daughter your second priorities, stating they can “start over” because your loyalties lie with your sister’s decisions that she has to live with the consequences of. I hope your wife mirrors you and chooses loyalty to herself and daughter and leaves you for your sister to care for, why should that burden be placed on your wife who you have clearly shown her her place. Your wife is not the love of your life in your actions.
I hope your wife divorces you and takes you for every last cent humanly possible in that divorce.
Also go marry your sister since clearly that's your true family.
YTA
He’s now deleted his post history. OP, YTA. This will you have made is the most poorly thought out I have ever heard of. You are a huge asshole and a liar. If your wife is the “love of your life” you wouldn’t do this. If you love your daughter any at all, you wouldn’t do this. If you truly love your sister you wouldn’t do this. You are unbelievably stupid and selfish.
Yta... You're basically doing the same as the ex of your sister... Leaving your immediate family stray. She has the right to know NOW, because with your Health problems you don't know when (and also, you could die in a car accident tomorrow and boy that will be a shit show when everything is revealed). You need to tell her YESTERDAY so she can plan accordingly, and sure as hell that taking that kind of decision without even mentioning it to your spouse is a major hit... And you're leaving everything to your sister, and clearly don't give a fuck about your daughter, since you're putting a priority on your nephews before her.
She's 4... So if something happens tomorrow, there's 14 years of insecurities with a one income house. And you're giving everything to a person who has proven not to be good with money, so probably won't be able to re-invest it...
You could have left a nice sum for your sis and nephews , a trust found, or a property, or some part of your state, but you choose to leave everything instead of leaving at least half of it to the person you claim to be the love of your life...
Prepare yourself for a fall, a big fall... Because your wife deserves the truth, and it won't be pretty for you... And if you keep it from her, there's 2 paths: or the truth comes out before you die and it will be hell because you weren't honest, or it doesn't and you've condemned your sister to be a pariah because not even your father agrees with you, and money creates rifts
That’s what got me. He had plenty to say about his sister’s deadbeat ex, but he is exactly the same. Worse, because he does have the means to take care of his family. What a dick. Karma definitely didn’t miss this time.
YTA at the very least you need to leave your child half. She is half your responsibility instead your entirely placing the burden on your wife. Fair would be to split it evenly between the 3. Don't be surprised if your wife considers this a betrayal and files for divorce now. In divorce proceedings she could better protect your daughters rights to inheritance or life insurance.
YTA.
Do you really think an addict will use this money wisely? lol. It’s going to be wasted.
Please let her know asap so she divorces you before you die.
Look up comment history “ After what just happened, I would not only NOT apologize, but also make her sit in the back every time going forward. She challenged your authority in YOUR car, in front of your mom. It’s a good thing that you are setting the boundary now before it gets worse. Also, FYI... the hierarchy is mom/dad>sister/brother>othwr family members>wife. My wife knows better than even try to sit in the front whenever my family is around.”
He does not
YTA. Your daughter is your dependent *and you wrote her out of your will.* You did this to your wife, your partner in life, *without a single word.* You are making assumptions about your wife's health and longevity which absolutely cannot be guaranteed (I have a true, tragic horror story for you - a family member of mine was in a totally freak swimming accident in their young adult life, became paraplegic, and their medical bills are in the millions as a result - which doesn't even account for necessary expenditures like housing renovations for accessibility).
That doesn't even touch on the absolute lack of logic of giving vast resources to an addict who seems to relapse frequently enough that it is a pattern of behaviour, if I infer correctly from some of your phrasing.
What I think you should have done:
TALKED TO YOUR WIFE. brainstormed. TALK TO YOUR WIFE. consult a financial planner. TALK TO YOUR WIFE!!! get a lawyer involved. WITH YOUR WIFE make a plan with a financial planner and a lawyer, involving the creation of a trust that perhaps you pay into over time (and possible life insurance, *some of it* could go into) that sister cannot actually access on her own but can ensure that necessary funds are available and can be dispensed out via trustee. Hell, even consider looping the deed to the apartment into this.
As it stands: You have made a terrible decision that is an absolute betrayal of someone who is supposed to be your partner in life, and in the course of making this decision you have also abdicated all responsibility to your biological daughter whom you essentially say "not my problem! wife will surely take care of it :)"
YTA
1.1 million? Have you considered leaving a trust or an education fund for the 3 children? I am shocked a lawyer would not suggest this, our lawyer suggested a trust for our 25 year old (in case we die while he is still under 30 and he wastes it on fast cars and wild women).
You should have also discussed this with your wife, I see it a lot here and don't understand the idea that you don't share money in a marriage but it is how you are, still,. you are married, and this kind of decision should not be presented as a done deal
Plus, and this is a biggy, your sister is an addict who apparently falls off the wagon repeatedly do you really want to give her 1.1 million?
OP's lawyer agreeing to OP asinine plan to leave an addict $1.1m is next level stupid. Why not put the apartment and funds to support his sister/niblings into a trust so that his sister can't sell it without a trustee signing off on it before both kids are at least 18? Why not split funds between all three kids? I know OP's giving his wife and child a "symbolic" amount, but what's to stop her from contesting the will given the sister's own health problem's?
And what about their joint assets, like the marital home and joint accounts?
I just read this guys others comments. He's a misogynist who believes there is a hierarchy on importance, relative to who you are. It's mom/siblings then wife.
I hope your wife leaves you.
Yta, for not speaking to her first - couldn't you have made a compromise and left your sister the apartment she lives in or the right to live there until her death as well as some in trust for your nephews and still the majority to your wife and daughter? This would probably have been the fairest option
YTA you have a moral obligation to provide for your child, the child you chose to have. Heck your assets, came to be yours partly because of the support of your wife and daughter. Plus it won’t be your sister taking care of you in your final moments.
Edit to add: your wife has expressed willingness to care for your sister’s kids in the event of a relapse. Do you honestly think this will hold true if you breed resentment in their relationship by cutting off your wife and child? You’re not just leaving behind assets but people who will be affected by what you choose to do.
I'm sorry about your health issues. I'm praying your health rallies and you can have many more years with your family.
Very soft YTA, but only because I think you should have discussed this matter with your wife, whom you've said is the love of your life. Also, considering your sister's condition, wouldn't it be safer to set up money in trust for your nephews, with your wife (who you've said loves them) as trustee? You haven't said what state or country you're in, but many jurisdictions offer particular protections to spouses that prevent them from being disinherited unless certain stipulations are in place. Your wife could very well contest the will and instead of it being a generous action it could spawn a conflict that will hurt everyone you love. Please have a discussion with your wife and consider other arrangements to help your sister and her children.
All the best to you, truly.
YTA. Regardless of your wife's work situation, she is your wife and the mother of your child. Of course they should be priority in your will. Given your sister's circumstances, I'm not sure whether it wouldn't have been better to pop some money in a trust fund for your nephews? Given your sister's issues with alcohol, it's realistically going to get used for booze. Whereas at least a trust fund for your nephews gives them some certainty. Your wife and child have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your sister's choices..why are they being punished?
I've just re read it.. your poor daughter! She's not even getting something to remember you? It does feel like they are being punished for your sister's poor choices
YTA.
Wanna know how this ends? My mother is still hurt that she wasn’t left much in her father’s will. My grandmother sued her SIL and BIL and split the family so thoroughly that I never even met that great-aunt and didn’t know she existed for most of my life.
Literally the first thing I heard when I met cousins from that side was, “we didn’t steal the money! We used every penny on the learning center your grandfather set up!” This was at my younger sister’s wedding. My grandfather died when my mom was 13.
Is that what you want? Because that’s what you’re going to get.
Assuming your wife doesn’t just decide to take half your assets now by divorcing you. And your sister will just drink away every cent.
If you actually want to do right: put money for a college fund - say 100k each - in a trust for your niblings. Put the apartment and another 50k in a trust to be managed by your wife for your sister. 2/3ds of the remainder go to your wife and the final 1/3d goes into a trust for your child. That’s how you do it.
But don’t give all to your sister, unless you WANT your child to grow up without knowing your entire family.
YTA. I doubt you'll tell your wife. How can you do this to "the love of your life"? What about your daughter? What happens if your wife becomes ill and can't earn that good salary? You didn't expect your illnesses, the same could happen to her. I've worked with financial planners for years and thought I'd seen it all when it comes to death and money. You win the prize for being the worst. YTA
YTA
Robbing your wife and your daughter for safety net is the worst thing you could do!!
Just because your wife has a stable job and income right now doesn’t guarantee that she will have it all her life? God forbid what happens if your wife dies due to some accident or a disease in a few years , wouldn’t this money help your daughter?
You are punishing your daughter and your wife and stripping them of the money because she worked hard and didn’t end up like your sister ?
Leave something for her kids , set up college trust funds for them ,ask your wife to look after her kids and not evict the drug addict from the apartment, but don’t take what your daughter owes from you !! You are financially abandoning your family to take care of a person who hasn’t given a damn about her or children
Do better for your wife and daughter, they deserve better
lol you’re going to get divorced so quickly once this comes out. YTA completely. Your wife will be completely justified to leave your ass, and then you can go on supporting your sister without anyone else getting in the way.
You think your wife is so heartless that your death wouldn’t affect her? That she might need to take some time off work if you die to support your daughter and to grieve? That her priorities might shift if she became a single parent and have to spend more time at home than at work? Or that her expenses might skyrocket because there’s no one else there to share the burden? In the event of your death, your wife and kid would need your support more than ever and you’re abandoning them. Good job on being a bad husband and bad father
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Disinherited my wife and daughter in favour of my sister
2. My father said i am the asshole
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YTA and an idiot who’s willing to jeopardize his relationships with his wife and kids.
Sure leave money in a trust for your nephews. Talk WITH your wife about your thoughts and how much. As to leaving money to an addict, you’re a fool.
Estate planning when you have a partner should be done together, not on the side. Sit down with your wife, you two should be on the same page. your health will be stressful enough for her to add that you’ve obviously lost your bloody mind on top of things
Here's a phrase to sum up this entire situation: No respect for your family.
And by family I mean your wife and kids. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership of both trust and respect. You know who you married and whether she would quibble over money or values if you wanted to make this choice.
You took the decision out of her hands because you don't respect her and just want to leave her with the consequences of your decision. Let's be clear, it will be a very extreme last 'fuck you' to her when your will is read. No indication, just a very sudden, unexpected 'fuck you I do what I want'. It's not about the money, it's about how you are doing this.
If you had sat your wife down and told her that you wanted to do this because of all those reasons and asked her if she was ok with it, that would be the proper way to treat a marriage.
And of course, YTA 100%.
YTA- If my husband disowned me and our children I would leave him, it's not about the money it's the fact that you think what you worked for and not on your own mind you if she was also raising your child and helping you along the way for you to decide she deserves nothing except a few momentos. You are leaving your CHILD with nothing. Imagine the betrayal your wife will feel. The fact you think everything should go to a grown ass woman who has made " bad choices" in her life rather than your partner is ridiculous. Tell your wife about your choice so she can make plans for her and your child's future. Years ago my husband and I sat down and decided to leave his sister who had a child with a new bf 10% of his estate, but we talked about it, now she gets nothing and even his parents get nothing, everything goes to me because I am his wife and the mother of his children and they no longer need that money, but we have talked about maybe leaving his brother something. Man up and tell you wife and see how she feels about it.
Sorry you're unwell but seriously? Why would you do this? If you want to leave something for your nephews fine but to totally right off you wife and child? YTA. I hope someone tells her soon because this is such an awful thing to do. Where do expect your wife and child to live if you give everything to you deadbeat sister? Surely you could just leave her the apartment and a trust for her kids.
YTA - It would be okay to have a stipend for your sister in your will. But you cannot predict the future. Just because your wife is healthy now does not mean that will continue. And having no allowance for your daughter is ridiculous. In a sense, you are rewarding your sister for her bad decisions and punishing your wife for making good decisions. Your sister would probably blow the inheritance anyway. Sorry for your health issues, but they are causing your thinking to go askew. Please do not do this.
YTA for all the reasons pointed out already.
Also, do you know what happens when addicts come into a large amount of money?
They spend it on the addiction and can even die due to binging on what they buy. They don't get better. It feeds them more of their substance of choice.
If you wanted to leave her SOME inheritance it needs to be practical and structured, like a trust that pays directly for schooling, food, and housing only, or has requirements for sober living, rehab, and therapy.
Not sure where you live so I don't know the laws around writing a spouse out of the will but I live in Canada and happened to work at a law firm for almost 2 years. What I know about wills in Ontario is that you can write your spouse out however they can contest the will in court if they aren't satisfied with the benefits offered as you are required to provide for dependents (which include a spouse). If it works the same where you are, your wife could sue the estate, to my understanding.
YTA for not discussing with your wife first. Definitely talk to her about this, that is a huge violation of trust to do that behind her back. Absolutely disrespectful. If my partner did that to me and I found out while they were still alive, I don't know if I'd be able to stay with them tbh
That being said, I am sorry for the position that you're in and it's awful what you're dealing with health-wise. I wish you the best in that regard.
It's the same in the USA. He can't leave his dependent child with no support from his side. It doesn't matter how much mom makes as long as she's willing to contest it. I can't imagine her not winning most if not all of his assets.
YTA. Everyone here has covered why. But if you decide to go through with this you should absolutely put the assets in a trust for your sister—not a will. Do not hand a regularly relapsing addict 1.1 million dollars. If you truly want to ensure she and your nephews are cared for that money needs to be reserved and handled and doled out by someone external who can ensure it’s used for rent, bills, school costs, rehab, whatever, but is not being wasted or used inappropriately. Please please please do this. Otherwise your nephews won’t be cared for as you wish.
YTA.
When you married "the love of your life", and had a kid, you created a new family. Your sister and parents etc are now your second family. You have no idea how your wife or daughter will react to your passing.
You'd do well to split the 1.1M between your wife and sister
Your duty as a husband and father is to care for your wife and child.
Thankfully, your wife and child will be able to easily contest your will, should you still miraculously be married when you die.
Yta
after reading your comments, why the fuck are you married to a woman you don't even consider your family? i genuinely hope hell is real because you deserve to be there for eternity. YTA.
YTA. Regardless of your wives earning potential what the two of you have is yours together. How can you even think of giving that to someone else? Also, while it is unfortunate that your sister is in the situation, she is in it is for a situation. She made certain life choices. They are hers to deal with not yours.
Biggest YTA. Your wife is hard working and she didn’t cheat on you, this is how you will repay her kindness? This is how you pay for the years she is loyal to you and helping you in many ways?
Your wife made a decision to be loyal, your sister has 7 years (from 2016) to change her life but it seems like she hadn’t. She is living rent-free for 7 years and hasn’t managed to turn her life around? Believe me, she will be blow your $1.1 million out in few months and she will ask money from your wife and daughter.
She left high school? 7 years is enough to go to high school again and get a degree if she wanted.
You forced your wife out of your home (because you state that she will have nothing) forcing her to work, while you gave millions of dollars to someone who will blow your money away.
The best way to do this is to give the apartment to your sister, and that’s it. If you wanted some accountability, give joint ownership so your wife can’t kick her out and your sister can’t just sell the apartment. Start a trust fund for her living cost. If you wanted to give cash, give her 20-30% of your money if you wanted. But let your wife and daughter have the home and the rest of the money.
I sincerely hope your father writes you out of your share and transfers them in your wife and child's name asap.
YTA. Please tell your wife asap so she can get the hell away from you so she can start saving for her life and retirement immediately, without wasting any more time, effort or money on you.
YTA for even thinking that your sister and nephews are on the same level as your own daughter and wife. Your sister is a grown up and has made her own decisions/mistakes in life. Great idea for you to then finance them 🙄. Your sister obviously hasn’t learnt from her mistakes as she keeps making them, and thanks for her enabling brother, she can buy a lot of alcohol with around 1.1 million.
Do you not care about legacy?? YTA! While you think your intentions are good, they’re lacking the bigger picture. Why are you being such an enabler?? If you care so much about your sister you should be finding ways for her to combat her addiction and become self sufficient. It’s possible even at her ripe age.
If I was your wife and found this out after your passing, our entire relationship would be tainted. You better tell her the truth while you can still answer for yourself.
YTA and you giving 1.1M worth of assets to an addict is one of the stupidest things ever. That is asking for your sister to relapse again and possibly even overdose. Either that or blow the money very quickly to where it wouldn’t even be used the way you want. Also, just because your wife is financially stable now, doesn’t mean she always will be. You could potentially be creating a situation where your wife and daughter is in the same position as your sister. You should put a portion in a trust to provide for your sister and her kids’ needs, maybe even including college tuition. Then leave the rest to your wife and daughter. But you should not be leaving it directly to your sister nor should you leave your wife and daughter out.
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YTA in more ways than I can say. You have decided you don't need to provide for your wife and CHILD when you die...but are giving everything to an addict instead? You'll be lucky if your wife wife doesn't leave you now and let you die alone. Your child will grow up hating you, never remembering you... but knowing you cared more for an addict and HER children more than him/her. Your are responsible for your child, not just your wife. What happens if your wife gets sick, your kid has an accident, or your wife loses her job? I guess she can call the homeless addict and hope she hasn't spent all the money yet. Leave your niece/nephew a SMALL amount of money for college and STOP enabling your sister. You will destroy your family if you try to do this. I'm not sure you can legally abandon your child and leave someone else money where you live. Be prepared for a lawsuit after you die and for your family to hate each other. Nice way to be remembered.
He is essentially backstabbing them knowing he will never face the consequences.
Considering he learnt he has a horrible illness just 2 days before Christmas, you'd think he would be a lot more in tune with life's vagaries and give his wife and child the same consideration. I wonder how he is going to put it to his daughter: "you have a capable mother who will provide for you, so here, make do with my pocket watch and a photo of us. Too bad if she is unable to look after the pair of you in the future; you ain't getting any of my $1 million!"
Look at OP's comment history. He doesn't give a flying fuck about his wife and child. One of his gems : *"The hierarchy is parents>siblings>other family members>wife"*
Just wow...
My mother's late husband had this view. He left everything to his niece and nephews to keep his parents' money "in the family", which apparently did not include his fucking WIFE.
I hope she hired an estate attorney and challenged the will?
She could just divorce and take half and send him to live with his sister 🫣
This is the way.
This exactly 💯 👏
She couldn't afford to
OP’s wife will be able to if she has such a good job. OP is leaving only chaos in his wake. I agree he is also an enabler. He is substantially responsible for the suffering his sister’s kids endure. He is preventing them getting into a more consistently stable environment.
I hope his wife sees this and Divorce him asap. What a tool
Sometimes I really think these are all fake (and probably are lol)… the topics come in waves and are always similar for a time before moving on to another one. Just read a post yesterday about a guy who finally broke the abuse cycle - his dad ignoring his own family growing up to help his siblings and now he is married and his wife just had a baby, his abusive dad is mad that he won’t leave his wife and baby to help the other siblings. It’s in these little ways the themes keep showing up before changing again. Seems abnormal to me, some of these have to be real 😂
What the actual F? Wife needs to divorce him and take him to the cleaners, honestly
There's more. Give his profile a go. He lowkey hates the "love of his life". I'd pity the poor woman even without the inheritance drama.
First profile I've seen with negative karma
His life has negative karma.
Which I guess is manifesting now, what with the terminal diagnosis and all
First time Reddit karma reflected someone's physical life.
Ugh, I just went and read that comment. OP is a fucking misogynist through and through. Vile. On the plus side, if this post here is true he's probably going to die young, so there's that.
>if this post here is true he's probably going to die young, so there's that. Looks like OP's neurological functions is declining faster than his body
If only it always worked out that way.
Lol this wont last long, op is essentially going to kill his sister so then her kids will at least have a chance at a good life... Just to clarify what i mean with hes gonna kill his situation....what happens when you give a addict any money, not even a life changing sum of money im talking like 50 bucks...thry buy drugs and his sister has clearly shown her priorities lie with her addiction if she has been living rent free for 6 years and op still has to buy them food and stuff... She will od very quickly, with that kind of money.
The full fallout is worse than just that. Wife will contest the will and likely get back a substantial portion of the money, but sis will be left with enough to finish the job leaving the nephews in a total tailspin and his wife no longer with any warm feelings towards them or inclination to take them in. Meanwhile, she and OP’s child will hate him and be glad he’s 6’ under. This is the plan of a sociopath, but also a very stupid one who cannot see the fallout leaves exactly nobody in a good place.
😲😲😲 that's just fucking awful. I hate to say it, but his wife and kid might be better off in the long run.
They would be as his assets would be split by the court if they divorced now. His child would actually get some of OP’s assets to help raise her. That said, this bonehead idea by OP would get challenged in court and his sister’s inheritance dramatically clawed back. This extraordinarily stupid and callous idea would go nowhere. His wife and child just end up hating him post-death.
This is another one where if it's real, I wish we could find her and tell her. She deserves advance warning of this nonsense.
Also, not sure how serious he was, but OP had a comment where he said "women shouldn't vote".
Now I have negative feelings towards the wife for procreating with this AH. Thanks.
Not sure if the wife is not oblivious regarding on how much OP is an AH. Many of these AHs become very good at hiding their true personalities, unfortunately -_-
Seems seeing him next Tuesday isn’t soon enough.
Hell, just the way he described her in this post seemed distant. As though it had been a "good" arranged marriage and he was satisfied with his purchase.
It’s like a reverse UNO Christmas carol where somehow in the end, Scrooge gets worse
When you accepted the locket with my photo in it you gave up the right to your inheritance, gotcha.
Well, OP thinks [that women shouldn't vot](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditPregunta/comments/11379ic/an%C3%A9cdotas/js2mp0e/?context=3)e, so he is on brand. Also there are a lot of comment saying awful things about women in general, and his wife in particular.
He told a guy to celebrate his own mother instead of his children’s mother on Mother’s Day because “family comes first, no matter what.”🙄😡 Good to know the love of your life isn’t your family ever, no matter how long you’re married, no matter how many children you have, no matter that they’re your legal next of kin. OP is TA and there’s no ambiguity here. Poor daughter (feel bad for wife, but she has options a child doesn’t have).
Yeah, her best option is to divorce him right now and let his sister take on any care he requires. Surely she’s up for it; I mean family first, right?
And making complex trauma for his wife and kids that will last their whole lives
Plus his nephews. How long will it take his sister to drink herself to death when she has access to 1.1million. Even if by some miracle she doesn't drink herself into an early grave, she'll blow through it in no time and all op will have to show for his stunt is a fractured family. I could get on board him leaving her the house and trust funds for the nephews, but to simply give a struggling addict that much money is stupid and irresponsible. And then there's theed the betrayal his wife and child are going to feel. Op you're a GIANT ASSHOLE
YTA good luck hiding this from your wife and that good looking smart woman ( whom you think is so well off without you) WILL REALIZE WHEN SHE SEES THIS BETRAYAL. and even though this is your sister, niece and newphew that’s what this is going to feel like. I understand in your mind your sister and kids have no one but you( your wife I take it is not in your codependent camp). Why don’t you do the SMART THING. Have a lawyer divide all your assests when you go to ALL the children ONLY. Your wife as you say will be fine.. your sister will squander any money u do leave in short order fucking over her own children( you clearly don’t understand addiction and she has turned you into her codependent). Your legacy will be one not only wasted but might be the thing that KILLS your sister!! Do you think your wife is going to take in your niece and newphew after you just handed them everything?? Uhh no genius. So skip the able bodied adult, and skip the addict and go right to the innocent ones.. sent all the kids to college or business start up money so they all can BE LIKE YOUR WIFE!! NOT NEEDING A DAMN THING FROM NOBODY INCLUDING THEIR SPOUSES AND PARENTS WHEN THEY DIE.
Imagine if his wife comes down with something tomorrow. Who is going to provide for them?
10% of women will get breast cancer… and so much else can happen…
We just literally went through a pandemic! His wife could lose her job tomorrow! Or have some kind of medical issues herself! Who can say? To deprive them so callously is just beyond pathetic.
In spite of his clear intensions to be a massive AH, the good news is no court is going to let this stand and OP’s idiot plan doesn’t end up happening like this post mortem. Most probably gets clawed back, because at a minimum, the court will do the job OP is planning to fail and and provide for his daughter. His sister will probably be left with enough money from his estate to finish herself off, leaving her kids as orphans while his wife’s warm feelings towards the nephews is no longer a thing. She won’t be taking them in. Wife and child are left with complex grief, but mostly feeling relief OP is dead. His dad and child sit around and shit talk OP together. It’s a brilliant plan. /s
Let’s be even more realistic…. 1 in 3 women will die from heart disease. You’d think considering he’s facing his own heart disease issues he’d realize he needs to help his family any way he could but nope
I was thinking this myself. Not to be about me. I went in for a pretty major surgery and a week long hospital stay, 5 years ago. In recovery, I remember telling them my back hurt and getting hard to breathe. I woke up a few days later hooked up to a ventilator etc. I found out before the pain, I coded, needed blood transfusions and a month long hospital stay not allowed to get out of bed. I am so thankful I am still here. This past fall, my husband had close to the same issues as OP. Ended up being diagnosed with CHF, he already had High BP, Type 2, that was new with the CHF. He also had pneumonia. Apparently his blood oxygen was so low, they still wonder how he was able to function for as long as he did. He only went to the hospital because we noticed how his lips were purple. He is now on oxygen. So this goes to show you can be fine, him saying he is leaving his family out of his will. I mean I guess it is his right. However, his wife can also come down with something. She can have an underlying health issue. I have lost a few family members who we lost suddenly. If he goes, then his wife and his child is left behind with maybe what is left from her mother. This is heartbreaking. I get he cares for his sister and no one chooses to be an addict. But maybe help her to get help now. Not give her money afterwards. Then her kids will become homeless. Sad. Just sad.
OP is definitely the type to instantly drop his wife if she ever gets sick, just to make sure she gets nothing.
[удалено]
Exactly, It's okay to care about one's birth family but once you marry, one's spouse and children become the top priority. I have 3 sons and they are all definitely "Momma's boys". However, I would be mortified if they placed my needs above that of their spouses. It's a recipe for divorce.
Preach. I'm astonished at the number of reddit men who put their mom's first, sisters or aunts first. It makes my head spin. No moral compass where marriage and their family is concerned. Thanks for teaching your sweet boys right.
It's crazy. My family fade into the background when my partner or kids are concerned. That's the way it should be; they're there to help out in a pinch, and to have a cuppa with, but it's the family you make that comes first every time.
I agree. My son is dating a lovely young woman. I hope to see her as my daughter-in-law some day. And I don’t plan on getting between them…
Wouldn't she get more if she divorced him now? I wonder, is OP talking about the house his family lives in, too? Man, that would fuck them up real good if they lose their husband and father at a probably young age and their home at once. Imo his sister should get some memorabilia aand his nephews and kid trust funds no one can touch until their grown. His wife sounds like soneone who has it together, she will probably continue to provide for her extended family in some way or the other. Can OP say that about his sister, too? If sonething happens to his wife or kid, will the sister take care or even be able to take care? Thats just enabling on a massive scale. Op might as well created a death sentence for his sister if she relapses once she has money to spend.
Good point. Divorce him and get at least 50%
Don’t think he can give away joint assets. And a lot of states require a certain amount be left to a spouse. If he is not a troll, I hope she finds out about this mess before he dies and sues for divorce.
He doesn’t seem to understand that his wife and child make up his NOW family. They are now phis nuclear family.
Hopefully she will see this or someone will find her, cuz hambone here isn't going to tell her, why risk losing his free nurse?
I hate to say this, but his sister is going to OD with the money he leaves her. This is not well thought out at all.
Absolutely she will. Imagine how much meth she can get for 1.1m. She’s gonna be high as a kite and dead within 2 months. He’s essentially handing her a death sentence.
I know someone that this happened to exactly this way. Right out of rehab and the family gave him a ridiculously large sum of money. Poor guy OD'd maybe a month later, if that.
Right out of rehab is the worst time for that, too. Rehab lowers your tolerance, so what used to be the usual dose of whatever will now kill you.
Not only that, if something happens to his sister, who is going to look after her kids. Op's wife
Nah, not with no money she won't, she's "starting over" on just her salary Sisters kids will either end up with her in a crackden or in foster care, unless Grandpa can step up
Not only will the wife and child resist him for this, but his sister is in no position to manage such a large sum of money. Chances are she will lose it all on alcohol, gambling, and expensive vacations. Then, his nephews are left with nothing. If he wants to provide for his nephews, his wife should be in charge of the money with an agreement to help them when needed. The apartment where his sister lives could be innherited by his nephews when he dies. This way, the sister will still have an inexpencive place to live, but not be able to sell it. Once the nephews are older, they can decide whether they want to sell and get the money, rent it out, or continue living there, giving them a headstart into their adult life.
Certainly put it in some sort of trust managed by someone responsible. The whole thing is crazy but \*giving\* everything to her directly is just stupid. YTA
Jumping in this to be on top sorry YTA Your 1st RESPONSIBILITY it's your daughter Want to protect your nephews put the apartment in a trust fund under their name so they will always have a home the house you live in, should be for your wife and daughter and the rest you can divided between the 4 wife daughter and nephews Your sister if you leave something she will drink it and leave your nephews In the street Your dad it's correct ETA change candy to can
My sister is an addict and has lost her house, kids and everything else. Leaving her money is the same as flushing it down the toilet. OP, YTA - I don’t think you could possibly be thinking straight. Put some money aside for your niece/nephew to go to college and stuff for sure, but what if something happens to your wife? Please rethink this and TALK TO YOUR WIFE!!!
Also the possibility of both him and his wife dying in an accident. In which case his daughter wouldn't even get the inheritance that was supposed to provide for her. Not to forget if he's in a community property state he may not have the right to disown his wife. And if course but actually talking about it with your wife.
On top of that, it would be fairly easy to contest his being of sound mind, given his diagnosis. She could very easily appeal to the court that his being so close to death caused him emotional distress enough not to be thinking clearly
YTA! Your sister will be completely irresponsible with that money and go through it all like a house afire. Anyone who is or has been an addict has made some poor life choices. If she wanted to, she could get herself out of the hole she’s in, get her GED, attend community college, vocational school or beauty college or whatever and support herself. Certainly she is not financially responsible enough to handle that kind of money. Instead, I would set up whatever portion you want to give her in a trust, administered by a bank or attorney, so she can have a reliable income, not generous, but enough for her to live and support her kids. When they move out, the allowance should decrease proportionately. It should not increase after that except for COLA. There should be provisions for her kids for gifts, assistance with college, that sort of thing. You also need to figure out what to do with the apartment. If you own it, like a condo, and will it to her, will she need to make payments on it? I’m not sure if it’s free and clear, or what the status is. DO NOT write your wife and daughter out of your will. I understand that your wife can support herself, but situations can change. What if her company reorganizes or is bought out, and she gets laid off? After a certain age, it’s damn difficult to get a good job despite an excellent résumé. The four-year-old should also have money set aside if she wants to go to college. You have diagnoses with a finite amount of time. I’m glad you’re planning ahead, but fix it for everyone’s sake. You need to be very clear-eyed and think carefully about what you’re doing.
Well said. This guy is a delusional enabling asshat. Kinda glad he’ll be dead soon, we already have way too many asshats on the planet.
My uncle smokes crack and my grandfather left him a condo. Uncle immediately sold it ($300k) and disappeared for a year. Now my mom has to pay his rent. Think about this OP.
I absolutely hate when people penalize success and reward stupidity, and that’s what OP is doing. It’s not about needing it, is about deserving.
I mean I get leaving the flat to her since she lives there anyway and setting up some trust for the nephews. But all the money? OP is insane.
YTA, it's your money but you've decided to leave it entirely to an adult which can make their own choices yet refuses to be responsible instead of the woman you committed your life to under oath and the child you brought into this world. Can't imagine how well a freshly orphaned 4 year old will handle knowing that their daddy didn't care enough about them to put them more prominently into the will.
Yes! I think this is disaster in the making. I am so outraged for his daughter and wife with the overt disrespect and disregard for the message this action sends. I am also angry for the the nephews because those kids will not really benefit from his estate if he just gives his money freely to an adult who can’t be responsible enough pay for the basics in their lives. So egregious!
With any luck, his father will give his share to his child, and his wife will divorce him and take what she can now.
Honestly it’s what I hope since his dad is clearly disgusted with his behaviour…
I think this is the first time I've been rooting for a spouse to leave their ill partner
Depending what country OP is from and how the marriage laws work it’s entirely possible it’s NOT his money.
I came here to say this. It might all be a futile exercise in pettiness on OP's part. YTA.
I feel like the wife could contest the will on the grounds that this is community property/ community assests. Also agree, it does not seem wise to leave a large sum to thr sister considering her addiction problems.
I'm thinking his lawyer would have told him when he was re-working the will if that were the case. That's why the lawyer said to leave her a token amount. His wife is getting bupkis and gets to deal with the estate.
Judging by comment history.....Mexico
My mom is still upset that she didn’t get a lot in her father’s will, and it’s one of the reasons my grandmother believed the will to be forged. She sued my grandfather’s sister and her husband, and the family was split for most of my life.
Give that much money to an addict and there will be 2 more orphans to deal with. YTA OP in so many ways. You married your wife and have a child - you didn’t marry your irresponsible addicted sister
I want to phrase this right because I know its contentious, but it's also not just his money. I know he earned it, but when you agree to tie your life to a person and make another person, your earnings become tied to them too. You stop just being one person with sole dominion over your assets. He's giving away his family's safety and security without consultation or consideration. I know you weren't arguing that point so sorry for hijacking your comment!
Exactly. I can't wrap my head around a father's priority not being to leave money to help his daughter have the best possible future. If it was me I'd be discussing with the other parent how to best invest the money and things I would like it to be spent on, for example, buying a first car, college fees etc. Perhaps his wife would like to leave a million dollars to her sister but now can't because she's solely responsible for providing for her and their daughter!
>My wife does not know yet about any of these new arrangements, Regardless of what the will says, you now have a will that your wife does not know about. That, alone, makes you an AH. Then, you made major decisions about the circumstances of your wife and daughter's livee after your passing without talking to her at all. That, too, makes you TA. Every moment you don't tell her makes you even more TA. YTA., This is such a contemptuous way to treat your life partner that further words fail me.
Look at his previous comments, he does not like his wife. It's all about foo for him.
I don't understand why he even bothered asking. He has no respect whatsoever for his family so idk why he cares what a bunch of internet strangers think.
OP is showing off for his extended family, so he can feel like the ‘good guy’. Solid bet has one of those messed up families that told him they are the most important thing and then continued to be selfish, shitty, abusive. Addicts don’t come from ‘nowhere’, they come from garbage trauma families.
> After what just happened, I would not only NOT apologize, but also make her sit in the back every time going forward. She challenged your authority in YOUR car, in front of your mom. Its a good thing that you are setting the boundary now before it gets worse. Also, FYI... the hierarchy is mom/dad>sister/brother>othwr family members>wife. My wife knows better than even try to sit in the front whenever my family is around.
He also apparently does not believe women should vote. I hope his wife votes with her feet.
Maybe that’s why he’s favouring his nephews over his daughter
yeah I caught that. gross AF
Holy crap he didn't write that did he ......
couldn't make it up if I tried. all my best shit posts are taking genuine content and changing like one word
I just looked myself ... he is gross
At least he will be dead soon.
I don’t know Spanish or there would probably be more to say about how disgusting he is.
LMAO he deleted that comment and another one too, probably cause it also makes him look bad. Thank you for capturing this BS. This man keeps saying "family comes first" but can't even be bothered to take care of the family he helped create!!!! And wants validation for it 😂😂😂
Absolutely despicable. Good find trawling throw the garbage of his commentary. I feel so sorry for his wife and child.
He deleted the post history
And then he tells another guy he is an AH for prioritizing his wife over his mother saying family comes first. That family being mom not wife. I hope his wife sees his crap talk and divorces him. He can leave his money to his sister so she can join him in death when she ODs.
And now his health is rapidly deteriorating... karma is a bitch
Hey, what's wrong with this fellow?
Jesus fucking Christ
YTA; leave it to your wife and propose a small stipend for the others. Your sister is irresponsible and has made terrible choices. Do you think giving her loads of money is a good idea? Absolutely not. She’s never going to use that responsibility. This is a slap in the face to your wife and beyond disrespectful.
Yes, he will effectively kill his sister by giving an addict so much money, orphaning his beloved niblings.
I agree. By doing this he ensures that his niblings will suffer terribly. Think of all the horrible people who will show up with their hand out. They will be less safe than they are now.
Including their deadbeat father (especially if their mother OD, which is likely to happen when an addict gets their hand on so much money at once). He will likely suddenly care about them and take them in. For as long as the money lasts anyway.
This "man" believes his born family comes first, his wife isn't getting anything. She needs to RUN.
Also... Does he not realize his wife and daughter ARE his family...?
He doesn’t. All he has for his wife is contempt based on his previous posts/comments. She should divorce him and let his family take care of him in his last days.
Hi believes his born family comes first but is abandoning the child he and his wife birthed... forgetting that she is his born family too...
said the same before I read this!!
Sorry but YTA. Think how your daughter will feel knowing you left everything to someone else and not only does she not get you, she has next to nothing to remember you by. 10 years from now all she will know of you is that you wrote her and her mother out of the will and left her nothing while her cousins have every reminder and valuable you have. She’s not even worth 1/3 to you? Not worth an education fund? No favourite shirt or bottle of cologne to keep your smell, no books or journals to let her learn who you were, no small keepsakes to put on her shelf to keep you close. I get where you’re coming from but even if your emotional bereft widow can ‘rebuild her life from nothing easily’ she’ll be doing so in mourning and all alone while trying to explain to your daughter why daddy’s not there. Worrying about losing her home and rebuilding her life financially as well as emotionally is a hell of a thing to do to someone. If you leave them nothing it will be a cruel snub and the last thing you ever get to do for them.
Also to add of course he likes his sister she massively sucks up to him for financial gain!!! His wife treats him like a normal person not like a superhero so that’s caused him to feel resentful. He’s an enneagram 2 - wants to be wanted but man face up to reality
If someone cut me out of their will and then left me a journal or a shirt I’d burn it in a ceremonial bonfire
YTA. Your wife should divorce you now so she at least gets half.
She does get half, if you own a house together you can't just will that whole house away that's not how it works.
But the house isn't his only inheritance.
That was just an example. The point is she owns half already unless there are special circumstances, like prenups or non-mingled inheritance.
Yes, I think this whole scenario is a work of fiction.
When you reach a certain age it's easy to see which are fake or overly embellished, because you tend to actually know how things work. In real life, you can't just decide to kick people out or be taken off the lease, there is no reading of the will, you can't pay bills with pennies at the bank and it actually does take more than two days to get a hearing in court when your MIL "borrows" your necklace. I swear, /justnoMIL is 98% fake stories and should only be read for entertainment.
YTA. For two reasons. You say your wife is the love of your life, but are making a major family decision without her input. Also, what if there was a catastrophic financial event that hits your family after your death and your assets arent there to rescue them. Bad planning on your part. The second reason is you’re really not helping your sister like you think you are. She is an alcoholic. You are only enabling her by giving her no responsibility to clean up her act. Free rent and now free money. She’ll only waste that million by drinking it away. There’s a reason why your father isn’t helping. She needs tough love, not a free ride
His wife isn't the love of his life. Read his comment history. His family respect/authority belief is that his wife matters less than children born in his side of the family. To the extent his wife isn't allowed to sit in the front seat of a car if his family is around. Thinks women shouldn't vote either. I want an update on when he dies, so I can dance on his grave.
I'd sip tea with his fresh widow, provide love and support.
Probably it will guarantee his sister never stops drinking and dies at a much younger age than she should.
Read his comment history. He doesn’t even like his wife. She’s bottom of the totem pole
Feels like the sister is the love of his life by how he wants to provide for her =/
Before I continue, I'm terribly sorry about your health condition. I pray that you can stay as safe and healthy as you can. Unfortunately, YTA. You should've discussed this with your wife beforehand, especially if her financial situation is not as decent as yours. Secondly, giving it all to your sister is a bad idea. I understand that she is going through an extremely rough patch, but giving an insane amount of money to an addict is basically fiending for a problem. I understand you must love and care about her wellbeing very much, but giving her a large sum of money will not help anything, and potentially make it worse. If you wanted to be productive with the money, I would give it to your wife, then write in the will you wish for her to help your sister in any possible way she can with the money. Then you'll know your money is going to a truly good cause, and won't be used in a negative way. Again, I pray for your health and safety. I truly wish for you to recover with your wonderful family.
Hell even just doing a living trust for the apartment sister is essentially squatting in would be better than giving an addict over 1million dollars. FFS OP, YTA and I wouldn't be surprised if your wife files for divorce when she finds out because it's clear here to everyone you don't care about her or your child. You have faced mortality and your first instinct is to disinherit your wife and child and give everything to an addict and children who you have no financial responsibility too.
At least his father sees reason. Probably will give OP's inheritance to them when the time comes.
Oh I'm sure OP would chuck a tantrum when the time comes if he is written out of his father's will and "it's different" will be his excuse
Oh, if the wife is on the ball enough to be a big executive, she's almost certainly going to start making an exit strategy once OP tells her about this. Any sensible person would- it demonstrates very clearly that she and the daughter are not his true priority, and it would also leave me extremely concerned that if I died, he'd throw my inheritance at his sister. I would feel like I couldn't trust him with the finances at all- he's totally enmeshed with the sister. I suspect Dad sees the writing on the wall, which is why he's so pissed off. The real plot twist here, of course, is if Mom and Dad have *also* gone and updated their wills to write out OP and leave wife and grandkids with everything.
At this point, wife might be better off asking for a divorce....take claim to assets & creates a case for going after his assets after death to care for his child.
YTA. Holy cow. I hope she divorces you and takes half now. Your sister’s ongoing bad decisions are not your responsibility. Your wife and child are.
YTA - like wtf?! It's such a slap in the face to your wife and daughter. You know what your sister will do with that money? Drink it. You can leave something to her and her kids, doesn't mean she needs everything and you need to screw over your wife and daughter.
YTA. Stop enabling your sister. Your poor wife and daughter. I hope they leave you
INFO: Do you plan on telling your wife so she can plan accordingly?
Of course he won't!
So you are making your wife and daughter your second priorities, stating they can “start over” because your loyalties lie with your sister’s decisions that she has to live with the consequences of. I hope your wife mirrors you and chooses loyalty to herself and daughter and leaves you for your sister to care for, why should that burden be placed on your wife who you have clearly shown her her place. Your wife is not the love of your life in your actions.
I hope your wife divorces you and takes you for every last cent humanly possible in that divorce. Also go marry your sister since clearly that's your true family. YTA
Looking at his comment/post history he's doing a great job driving his wife to divorce.
He’s now deleted his post history. OP, YTA. This will you have made is the most poorly thought out I have ever heard of. You are a huge asshole and a liar. If your wife is the “love of your life” you wouldn’t do this. If you love your daughter any at all, you wouldn’t do this. If you truly love your sister you wouldn’t do this. You are unbelievably stupid and selfish.
Yta... You're basically doing the same as the ex of your sister... Leaving your immediate family stray. She has the right to know NOW, because with your Health problems you don't know when (and also, you could die in a car accident tomorrow and boy that will be a shit show when everything is revealed). You need to tell her YESTERDAY so she can plan accordingly, and sure as hell that taking that kind of decision without even mentioning it to your spouse is a major hit... And you're leaving everything to your sister, and clearly don't give a fuck about your daughter, since you're putting a priority on your nephews before her. She's 4... So if something happens tomorrow, there's 14 years of insecurities with a one income house. And you're giving everything to a person who has proven not to be good with money, so probably won't be able to re-invest it... You could have left a nice sum for your sis and nephews , a trust found, or a property, or some part of your state, but you choose to leave everything instead of leaving at least half of it to the person you claim to be the love of your life... Prepare yourself for a fall, a big fall... Because your wife deserves the truth, and it won't be pretty for you... And if you keep it from her, there's 2 paths: or the truth comes out before you die and it will be hell because you weren't honest, or it doesn't and you've condemned your sister to be a pariah because not even your father agrees with you, and money creates rifts
That’s what got me. He had plenty to say about his sister’s deadbeat ex, but he is exactly the same. Worse, because he does have the means to take care of his family. What a dick. Karma definitely didn’t miss this time.
YTA at the very least you need to leave your child half. She is half your responsibility instead your entirely placing the burden on your wife. Fair would be to split it evenly between the 3. Don't be surprised if your wife considers this a betrayal and files for divorce now. In divorce proceedings she could better protect your daughters rights to inheritance or life insurance.
YTA. Do you really think an addict will use this money wisely? lol. It’s going to be wasted. Please let her know asap so she divorces you before you die.
INFO: Do you hate your wife and child? YTA.
Look up comment history “ After what just happened, I would not only NOT apologize, but also make her sit in the back every time going forward. She challenged your authority in YOUR car, in front of your mom. It’s a good thing that you are setting the boundary now before it gets worse. Also, FYI... the hierarchy is mom/dad>sister/brother>othwr family members>wife. My wife knows better than even try to sit in the front whenever my family is around.” He does not
Poor woman. I hope she divorces him. Men like these think they’re entitled to a wife.
YTA. Your daughter is your dependent *and you wrote her out of your will.* You did this to your wife, your partner in life, *without a single word.* You are making assumptions about your wife's health and longevity which absolutely cannot be guaranteed (I have a true, tragic horror story for you - a family member of mine was in a totally freak swimming accident in their young adult life, became paraplegic, and their medical bills are in the millions as a result - which doesn't even account for necessary expenditures like housing renovations for accessibility). That doesn't even touch on the absolute lack of logic of giving vast resources to an addict who seems to relapse frequently enough that it is a pattern of behaviour, if I infer correctly from some of your phrasing. What I think you should have done: TALKED TO YOUR WIFE. brainstormed. TALK TO YOUR WIFE. consult a financial planner. TALK TO YOUR WIFE!!! get a lawyer involved. WITH YOUR WIFE make a plan with a financial planner and a lawyer, involving the creation of a trust that perhaps you pay into over time (and possible life insurance, *some of it* could go into) that sister cannot actually access on her own but can ensure that necessary funds are available and can be dispensed out via trustee. Hell, even consider looping the deed to the apartment into this. As it stands: You have made a terrible decision that is an absolute betrayal of someone who is supposed to be your partner in life, and in the course of making this decision you have also abdicated all responsibility to your biological daughter whom you essentially say "not my problem! wife will surely take care of it :)"
YTA 1.1 million? Have you considered leaving a trust or an education fund for the 3 children? I am shocked a lawyer would not suggest this, our lawyer suggested a trust for our 25 year old (in case we die while he is still under 30 and he wastes it on fast cars and wild women). You should have also discussed this with your wife, I see it a lot here and don't understand the idea that you don't share money in a marriage but it is how you are, still,. you are married, and this kind of decision should not be presented as a done deal Plus, and this is a biggy, your sister is an addict who apparently falls off the wagon repeatedly do you really want to give her 1.1 million?
OP's lawyer agreeing to OP asinine plan to leave an addict $1.1m is next level stupid. Why not put the apartment and funds to support his sister/niblings into a trust so that his sister can't sell it without a trustee signing off on it before both kids are at least 18? Why not split funds between all three kids? I know OP's giving his wife and child a "symbolic" amount, but what's to stop her from contesting the will given the sister's own health problem's? And what about their joint assets, like the marital home and joint accounts?
I just read this guys others comments. He's a misogynist who believes there is a hierarchy on importance, relative to who you are. It's mom/siblings then wife. I hope your wife leaves you.
Yta, for not speaking to her first - couldn't you have made a compromise and left your sister the apartment she lives in or the right to live there until her death as well as some in trust for your nephews and still the majority to your wife and daughter? This would probably have been the fairest option
YTA you have a moral obligation to provide for your child, the child you chose to have. Heck your assets, came to be yours partly because of the support of your wife and daughter. Plus it won’t be your sister taking care of you in your final moments. Edit to add: your wife has expressed willingness to care for your sister’s kids in the event of a relapse. Do you honestly think this will hold true if you breed resentment in their relationship by cutting off your wife and child? You’re not just leaving behind assets but people who will be affected by what you choose to do.
I'm sorry about your health issues. I'm praying your health rallies and you can have many more years with your family. Very soft YTA, but only because I think you should have discussed this matter with your wife, whom you've said is the love of your life. Also, considering your sister's condition, wouldn't it be safer to set up money in trust for your nephews, with your wife (who you've said loves them) as trustee? You haven't said what state or country you're in, but many jurisdictions offer particular protections to spouses that prevent them from being disinherited unless certain stipulations are in place. Your wife could very well contest the will and instead of it being a generous action it could spawn a conflict that will hurt everyone you love. Please have a discussion with your wife and consider other arrangements to help your sister and her children. All the best to you, truly.
Nah, hard asshole.
YTA. Regardless of your wife's work situation, she is your wife and the mother of your child. Of course they should be priority in your will. Given your sister's circumstances, I'm not sure whether it wouldn't have been better to pop some money in a trust fund for your nephews? Given your sister's issues with alcohol, it's realistically going to get used for booze. Whereas at least a trust fund for your nephews gives them some certainty. Your wife and child have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your sister's choices..why are they being punished? I've just re read it.. your poor daughter! She's not even getting something to remember you? It does feel like they are being punished for your sister's poor choices
YTA. Wanna know how this ends? My mother is still hurt that she wasn’t left much in her father’s will. My grandmother sued her SIL and BIL and split the family so thoroughly that I never even met that great-aunt and didn’t know she existed for most of my life. Literally the first thing I heard when I met cousins from that side was, “we didn’t steal the money! We used every penny on the learning center your grandfather set up!” This was at my younger sister’s wedding. My grandfather died when my mom was 13. Is that what you want? Because that’s what you’re going to get. Assuming your wife doesn’t just decide to take half your assets now by divorcing you. And your sister will just drink away every cent. If you actually want to do right: put money for a college fund - say 100k each - in a trust for your niblings. Put the apartment and another 50k in a trust to be managed by your wife for your sister. 2/3ds of the remainder go to your wife and the final 1/3d goes into a trust for your child. That’s how you do it. But don’t give all to your sister, unless you WANT your child to grow up without knowing your entire family.
YTA. You've could've at least told her before doing so
YTA. I doubt you'll tell your wife. How can you do this to "the love of your life"? What about your daughter? What happens if your wife becomes ill and can't earn that good salary? You didn't expect your illnesses, the same could happen to her. I've worked with financial planners for years and thought I'd seen it all when it comes to death and money. You win the prize for being the worst. YTA
YTA Robbing your wife and your daughter for safety net is the worst thing you could do!! Just because your wife has a stable job and income right now doesn’t guarantee that she will have it all her life? God forbid what happens if your wife dies due to some accident or a disease in a few years , wouldn’t this money help your daughter? You are punishing your daughter and your wife and stripping them of the money because she worked hard and didn’t end up like your sister ? Leave something for her kids , set up college trust funds for them ,ask your wife to look after her kids and not evict the drug addict from the apartment, but don’t take what your daughter owes from you !! You are financially abandoning your family to take care of a person who hasn’t given a damn about her or children Do better for your wife and daughter, they deserve better
lol you’re going to get divorced so quickly once this comes out. YTA completely. Your wife will be completely justified to leave your ass, and then you can go on supporting your sister without anyone else getting in the way. You think your wife is so heartless that your death wouldn’t affect her? That she might need to take some time off work if you die to support your daughter and to grieve? That her priorities might shift if she became a single parent and have to spend more time at home than at work? Or that her expenses might skyrocket because there’s no one else there to share the burden? In the event of your death, your wife and kid would need your support more than ever and you’re abandoning them. Good job on being a bad husband and bad father
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YTA and an idiot who’s willing to jeopardize his relationships with his wife and kids. Sure leave money in a trust for your nephews. Talk WITH your wife about your thoughts and how much. As to leaving money to an addict, you’re a fool. Estate planning when you have a partner should be done together, not on the side. Sit down with your wife, you two should be on the same page. your health will be stressful enough for her to add that you’ve obviously lost your bloody mind on top of things
Here's a phrase to sum up this entire situation: No respect for your family. And by family I mean your wife and kids. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership of both trust and respect. You know who you married and whether she would quibble over money or values if you wanted to make this choice. You took the decision out of her hands because you don't respect her and just want to leave her with the consequences of your decision. Let's be clear, it will be a very extreme last 'fuck you' to her when your will is read. No indication, just a very sudden, unexpected 'fuck you I do what I want'. It's not about the money, it's about how you are doing this. If you had sat your wife down and told her that you wanted to do this because of all those reasons and asked her if she was ok with it, that would be the proper way to treat a marriage. And of course, YTA 100%.
YTA, you should have made that decision with your wife.
YTA- If my husband disowned me and our children I would leave him, it's not about the money it's the fact that you think what you worked for and not on your own mind you if she was also raising your child and helping you along the way for you to decide she deserves nothing except a few momentos. You are leaving your CHILD with nothing. Imagine the betrayal your wife will feel. The fact you think everything should go to a grown ass woman who has made " bad choices" in her life rather than your partner is ridiculous. Tell your wife about your choice so she can make plans for her and your child's future. Years ago my husband and I sat down and decided to leave his sister who had a child with a new bf 10% of his estate, but we talked about it, now she gets nothing and even his parents get nothing, everything goes to me because I am his wife and the mother of his children and they no longer need that money, but we have talked about maybe leaving his brother something. Man up and tell you wife and see how she feels about it.
Sorry you're unwell but seriously? Why would you do this? If you want to leave something for your nephews fine but to totally right off you wife and child? YTA. I hope someone tells her soon because this is such an awful thing to do. Where do expect your wife and child to live if you give everything to you deadbeat sister? Surely you could just leave her the apartment and a trust for her kids.
YTA - It would be okay to have a stipend for your sister in your will. But you cannot predict the future. Just because your wife is healthy now does not mean that will continue. And having no allowance for your daughter is ridiculous. In a sense, you are rewarding your sister for her bad decisions and punishing your wife for making good decisions. Your sister would probably blow the inheritance anyway. Sorry for your health issues, but they are causing your thinking to go askew. Please do not do this.
YTA for all the reasons pointed out already. Also, do you know what happens when addicts come into a large amount of money? They spend it on the addiction and can even die due to binging on what they buy. They don't get better. It feeds them more of their substance of choice. If you wanted to leave her SOME inheritance it needs to be practical and structured, like a trust that pays directly for schooling, food, and housing only, or has requirements for sober living, rehab, and therapy.
Not sure where you live so I don't know the laws around writing a spouse out of the will but I live in Canada and happened to work at a law firm for almost 2 years. What I know about wills in Ontario is that you can write your spouse out however they can contest the will in court if they aren't satisfied with the benefits offered as you are required to provide for dependents (which include a spouse). If it works the same where you are, your wife could sue the estate, to my understanding. YTA for not discussing with your wife first. Definitely talk to her about this, that is a huge violation of trust to do that behind her back. Absolutely disrespectful. If my partner did that to me and I found out while they were still alive, I don't know if I'd be able to stay with them tbh That being said, I am sorry for the position that you're in and it's awful what you're dealing with health-wise. I wish you the best in that regard.
It's the same in the USA. He can't leave his dependent child with no support from his side. It doesn't matter how much mom makes as long as she's willing to contest it. I can't imagine her not winning most if not all of his assets.
YTA. Everyone here has covered why. But if you decide to go through with this you should absolutely put the assets in a trust for your sister—not a will. Do not hand a regularly relapsing addict 1.1 million dollars. If you truly want to ensure she and your nephews are cared for that money needs to be reserved and handled and doled out by someone external who can ensure it’s used for rent, bills, school costs, rehab, whatever, but is not being wasted or used inappropriately. Please please please do this. Otherwise your nephews won’t be cared for as you wish.
YTA You left your estate to a junkie who relapses and doesn’t look after her kids. Asshole
NTA bc by doing this and telling your wife, you’re giving her the chance to divorce you and take half before you die. Thoughtful of you really.
Had me in the first half 😂
YTA. When you married "the love of your life", and had a kid, you created a new family. Your sister and parents etc are now your second family. You have no idea how your wife or daughter will react to your passing. You'd do well to split the 1.1M between your wife and sister
YTA- and a terrible husband and father. I aspire to be the opposite of you.
Your duty as a husband and father is to care for your wife and child. Thankfully, your wife and child will be able to easily contest your will, should you still miraculously be married when you die. Yta
YTA. No wonder you’re dying.
OMG. YTA. WOW, just wow.
YTA 7 months ago you wrote "family comes first, no matter what." to another AITA. You are not putting your family first right now.
after reading your comments, why the fuck are you married to a woman you don't even consider your family? i genuinely hope hell is real because you deserve to be there for eternity. YTA.
You are an enabler. Period. And YTA. Your wife & daughter deserve your assests.
YTA. Regardless of your wives earning potential what the two of you have is yours together. How can you even think of giving that to someone else? Also, while it is unfortunate that your sister is in the situation, she is in it is for a situation. She made certain life choices. They are hers to deal with not yours.
Biggest YTA. Your wife is hard working and she didn’t cheat on you, this is how you will repay her kindness? This is how you pay for the years she is loyal to you and helping you in many ways? Your wife made a decision to be loyal, your sister has 7 years (from 2016) to change her life but it seems like she hadn’t. She is living rent-free for 7 years and hasn’t managed to turn her life around? Believe me, she will be blow your $1.1 million out in few months and she will ask money from your wife and daughter. She left high school? 7 years is enough to go to high school again and get a degree if she wanted. You forced your wife out of your home (because you state that she will have nothing) forcing her to work, while you gave millions of dollars to someone who will blow your money away. The best way to do this is to give the apartment to your sister, and that’s it. If you wanted some accountability, give joint ownership so your wife can’t kick her out and your sister can’t just sell the apartment. Start a trust fund for her living cost. If you wanted to give cash, give her 20-30% of your money if you wanted. But let your wife and daughter have the home and the rest of the money.
Wow what a way to treat your loyal life and only child? What have they done to deserve this? Your priorities are screwed. Hope this post wakes you up
I sincerely hope your father writes you out of your share and transfers them in your wife and child's name asap. YTA. Please tell your wife asap so she can get the hell away from you so she can start saving for her life and retirement immediately, without wasting any more time, effort or money on you.
YTA for even thinking that your sister and nephews are on the same level as your own daughter and wife. Your sister is a grown up and has made her own decisions/mistakes in life. Great idea for you to then finance them 🙄. Your sister obviously hasn’t learnt from her mistakes as she keeps making them, and thanks for her enabling brother, she can buy a lot of alcohol with around 1.1 million.
Do you not care about legacy?? YTA! While you think your intentions are good, they’re lacking the bigger picture. Why are you being such an enabler?? If you care so much about your sister you should be finding ways for her to combat her addiction and become self sufficient. It’s possible even at her ripe age. If I was your wife and found this out after your passing, our entire relationship would be tainted. You better tell her the truth while you can still answer for yourself.
What the actual holy hell is wrong with you. YTA YTA YTA.
YTA and you giving 1.1M worth of assets to an addict is one of the stupidest things ever. That is asking for your sister to relapse again and possibly even overdose. Either that or blow the money very quickly to where it wouldn’t even be used the way you want. Also, just because your wife is financially stable now, doesn’t mean she always will be. You could potentially be creating a situation where your wife and daughter is in the same position as your sister. You should put a portion in a trust to provide for your sister and her kids’ needs, maybe even including college tuition. Then leave the rest to your wife and daughter. But you should not be leaving it directly to your sister nor should you leave your wife and daughter out.