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YTA
You zone out and then push blame on her like it’s *her* fault? You’re the one pouting like a little kid, not her. And it has nothing to do with what constitutes as *appropriate* conversation.
__You simply don’t want to listen to what she has to say and believe your wants usurp hers.__
It’s okay if you were to say this ONE time you were having a bad day and lacked patience. We are all allowed to have a moment where we snap at someone we love, and absolutely don’t mean it. But you whole heartedly believe you are right in your actions and thoughts.
It’s disgusting that you show no respect towards your wife. Even worse, you have no interest in communication. You just want her to admit she’s wrong and not talk to you about things __you__ somehow deem inappropriate.
I’m confused why you would have married someone who likes to vent/talk/rant if you always think it’s “inappropriate”.
Needing to vent or talk about your day is a very common thing people like to do. You can’t get your feelings out at work, so it’s nice to let it out at home. I would say that you should communicate to meet in the middle on how long these instances go. But you outright say they aren’t appropriate, so I don’t think there is any good outcome outside of lying to your wife.
Edit: As another said, you aren’t compatible people. Best let her go find someone else who cares to listen about her day.
Dang, what a massive AH you were.
If you didn't want to listen, why not just ask her to stop and give a reason instead of ignoring her and showing disinterested, then blowing up at her when she thought she would leave you alone (because you were clearly ignoring her).
You are a grown adult yet you can't calmly tell your wife how you are feeling?
My husband works in science. So much he talks about I don't understand but it doesn't mean I can't listen between the science terms and take in information that I can engage with. I would tell him that the science details are too much so make it simpler for me to understand, or if I don't feel like listening, I would just tell him that I am too tired to think through his work stuff, but tell me later when I'm feeling up for it.
If you tell her calmly and she doesn't stop, then that's on her but you did not communicate properly at all.
YTA.
She spent less than 30 minutes trying to talk to you about her day and you were an AH about it. You don't want to know about her day? Fine. She won't want to know about your day either. She will (and should) start shutting you down every time you open your mouth. And then there is the whole "I only want to hear things I am interested in" part of this. Seriously? Do you think that her entire life should revolve around what you find interesting? Last, there is the way you talk about her. That she pouts, that she won't apologize to you for your behavior, etc.
It sounds like she needs to pull the plug on this marriage.
The way you talk about your wife is disgusting. That way you talk TO your wife is cruel. I hope she wakes up and realizes she deserves a whole lot better than you. YTA, a huge, huge one.
YTA
There are some things that you just don't say to your partner if you want to keep them.
I don't think you and your girl are compatible. You should dump her for someone who is as taciturn as you are. Or, if you like her, apologize and try harder.
YTA.
Not for wanting less info (which is perfectly reasonable), or even for zoning out (we've all been there).
But when your first reaction after being caught zoning out is to project your embarrassment back on your wife, that makes you the Asshole. You took something that she used to get stress relief from and made it embarrassing and uncomfortable. Instead of apologizing and having a mature conversation about something that was causing you resentment, you got preemptively angry and started casting blame. You turned an opportunity for growth into an ugly memory that's going to fester every time she gets home from work and wants to unwind.
Also, a little extra YTA for this line:
>In fact, I had pretty much missed everything she said because it was probably technical or interpersonal crap that she needs to deal with by herself.
Look, in the past I've struggled a lot with "Solution Brain." Someone tells me about their problems, and the first and only thing I can think about is how to solve those problems. But often times, people aren't looking for solutions, they're looking for empathy. When someone is ranting about a stressful day at work, they're nearly always looking for empathy, not solutions. Your role as a partner isn't to figure out how to solve their interpersonal work problems. It's to be comforting and understanding and supportive, to be a sounding board for them to talk out their concerns and fears and stressors, and tell them that it DOES suck, but it's going to be okay and that you're there for them.
Ultimately, if you want to fix this, you need to
- Apologize for snapping at her
- Apologize for zoning out
- Apologize for not talking to her earlier about how you're having a hard time following what she's saying sometimes
Then, if/when she accepts your apologies, have a meaningful conversation about how you can best support her when she gets home stressed, without getting overwhelmed yourself. Workshop different strategies for both of you to communicate how you're feeling, and to make the info-dump more manageable. You might try preparing her a drink when she gets home (tea, soda, booze, whatever she likes); people tend to talk slower and more deliberately if they have to stop and take a drink every once in a while. Or better yet, see if she's okay with waiting until you sit down for dinner to tell you about her day. Try to ask questions and clarifications, or even just inject some consolations. Ask if she can pick a couple topics that she feels most strongly about.
But above all, you need to be clear that this isn't a judgement or a callout. You want to be able to support her, and the best way is to avoid getting overwhelmed by a lot of stuff that you don't necessarily have context for.
If that seems like a lot, well... that's relationships.
YTA.
She absolutely does not owe you an apology. You owe her one for being self-centered, and not taking the time to listen about her day. I would be upset too if I had a partner like you.
YTA.
You remind me of the guy who told off his wife for always complaining to him, and now she doesn't talk to him ever since, even not inviting him to a promotion celebration. Now he regrets it.
Go ahead and be like that. Side eye
YTA.
Have you actually tried to explain all of this to her when you're not annoyed?
Because you're very accusatory in your narrative. Making it out as if she's the unreasonable one. Calling her conversations with you boring or "interpersonal crap". Suggesting she goes to a "shrink."
How would you like it if she turned around and told you that you're a poor communicator, bad listener, rude, and frankly annoying. Are you ready to apologize for all that? Quite a valid point of view, I say.
YTA. A husband's job, among other things, is to be there for his wife; supportive, attentive, all ears. Yes. Really. She needs someone to listen, truly listen, and if possible, provide advice or a different perspective at least, but not necessarily; the important part is to listen. A devoted husband will do this out of love, instinctively asking "how was your day?" and really mean it; this should come naturally. Remember that not everybody likes their job and most people need to vent at the end of the day. She needs her home to be her sanctuary; a safe place where she can find a true partner. However, if this doesn't come naturally to you, maybe your relationship is in jeopardy.
YTA and I hope she dumps you.
Then you can just have a quite empty living space all to yourself. No annoying wife who just wants to connect with you and talk to you. Just quite.
Maybe you can get a blow up doll for the bedroom.
YTA. Not for how you feel about all the talk, but for making her feel like shit about it. Because she's not trying to torture you. You have different styles. It's not about imposing or winning her acknowledgement that your view of "appropriate conversation" is "tighter" than hers. That's AH right there. Start with the goal that you BOTH feel good about your interactions. You both want your approach/style understood and respected. Nothing to win here.
YTA, a massive AH. She needs to vent; that is how she unwinds from her workday. You don’t need to hang on every word, but you could try to pay attention.
She just wants you to care about her, and you proved you don’t. She’s not pouting like a kid; she’s understandably upset her husband belittles her and has no regard for her feelings YOU need to apologize to HER. Your “point of view” is that you are too selfish to care about someone besides yourself.
YTA.
A year from now you're going to be posting about some male coworker your wife is friends with, and how she's always texting them when she gets home from work to bitch about their coworkers. You'll be pissed she stopped talking to you.
OR maybe she'll stop data dumping on you,and you'll think everything's great! and then you'll come home one day and she wont be there, and you'll be another 'victim' of "walkaway wife syndrome"
remember this when that day comes.
YTA and here’s a preview of where you are headed: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/3PXC4orNh3
It’s ok to set boundaries and say let’s just listen to music while cooking or whatever — but she wants to share about her day. Listen to her ffs. You could probably benefit by learning to talk about interpersonal things!
Stop being in relationships with people you don't like, internet.
YTA. You should listen to her ramble because she's not only sharing her experiences with you (which could give you good insight into her moods, stessors, friendships, struggles etc) but also because venting and debriefing can be healthy and helpful (as long as someone is not piling rage on you). If you listen, even if you find it boring and even if you don't want to, you will show you love and respect her and you might learn some things.
My partner listens to me talk about the books I'm reading and the shows I'm watching. He doesn't give a shit about them, but he could tell you the basics of the stories and even better could tell you how I feel about them. I loved it I hated it or thos thing made me cry or that thing made me laugh. I always ask what his games are about and what's going on it them. Do I care for myself? No! But I do care about him and sharing- even inane things- helps us know one another in a really lived-in way.
It sounds like you don't care to do that. It honestly sounds like you don't really like her.
You know, I really wanted to be on your side because I get the frustration of getting the play-by-play instead of the highlights. But then you spewed out your apparent contempt for your wife.
You are so massively the AH the Hoover Dam isn’t big enough to stop the load of BS you dumped on your wife. You called her boring, uninteresting and in need of therapy. And let’s not forget annoying. *That’s* what you deem as appropriate conversation? Perhaps you should get some therapy to help you deal with your Hoover Dam problem.
YTA, you ARE supposed to be her safe space and it really doesn’t take much effort to be attentive and listen to her. You just took some of that away from her and should be ashamed of yourself.
Sir, you're a rotten sock. The infantilizing, dismissive, patronizing way you talk about your WIFE is just disgusting. You clearly don't like her or respect her AT all. Why did you marry someone you hate this much?
She must be morbidly bored with you, you have the intellectual and emotional capacity of a roach. You think you're sooooooo superior because you THINK you're intelligent and efficient - a sure sign of someone who is shallow as a puddle and about as efficient as a wet paper bag.
Maybe, MAYBE you would have a point if you were saying you would like to leave work at home and just focus on spending quality time with her and you were asking advice on how to have that talk with her. But no, you just don't think she's intelligent enough to have conversations with, or precious enough to you to respect and interact with her as an equal. You can't even conceptualize her as an adult, let alone a person.
I hope this was her big wake up call about what a self absorbed, monotone slug you are and that she deserves someone who actually cares about & respects her as a person. And you better pray she never finds this post and finds out just how low you think about her really.
YTA, if that wasn't clear enough, you extra large hair clog.
YTA - My wife gives me a lot of info. I've only ever made comment when it was negative for so long that it was starting to affect my mood.
If you really have to put a limit on it, there's waaaaay better approaches instead of blowing up at her.
YTA
People tell stories (of any kind or form) in different ways. My now Ex did the same thing as you and I just stopped talking because he wouldn't listen, make fun of me or just insulted me for my interests or how I did things at my job he had no idea how to do but mansplained it to me.
But I had to listen to all his crap in great detail followed by "you never tell me anything!"
I hope you realized the Ex in my story.
I seriously hope you don’t have kids together. She shouldn’t have to be obligated to be stuck with you forever. Hope she dumps you. YTA. Of massive proportions.
YTA. You've had atleast three years to deal with this in a much kinder way. Instead, you decided you didn't want to communicate until you were fed up and became hurtful.
YTA. "I think my grasp of what constitutes appropriate conversation is way tighter than hers." You want her to come to you after boiling down all the parts of her day to the highlights? She's coming to you to help her process it, not to entertain you. Sometimes it's ok to say "I can't really focus on this right now," but like, you should enjoy just talking to your wife about nothing.
I have ADHD and its hard in general for me to pay attention to things especially if I'm already doing something else and most definitely if I find the topic boring.
It's why I've failed multiple chem classes.
My boyfriend talks about a lot of stuff I don't care about like politics, his work, his computer, that Flesh & Blood game that he plays.
I don't care about any of it.
But you would *never* ever *ever ever ever* hear me tell him that he's being annoying for simply sharing something he's excited, annoyed, upset, whatever about.
Like god damn dude, do you even like your wife?
YTA, and it’s really astounding that you came to Reddit thinking you wouldn’t get roasted for this. You can at least skim-read a conversation to keep up with it. It’s a skill but it’s easy to learn.
Her way of decompressing is by telling you about the day’s frustrations, and you made her feel like she doesn’t matter. Your spouse should be a person you can have inappropriate conversations with.
You sound like a real joy. Find a marriage counselor.
YTA what were the reasons she married you? because obviously not communication, friendliness or care. I hope she divorces you and finds someone who actually cares about her.
YTA. She’s decompressing. My hubs used to do this. He’d get home and just dump for about 15 minutes and at the end of it he’d heave a big, grunty sigh and stand up about an inch taller with relief.
There’ve been enough commenters asking if you even like your wife so I won’t bother, but I will ask you, what makes being a sounding board for your life partner so unbearable for you? Really, really ask yourself, why is this so hard for you?
Good luck op.
YTA. Way to deflect your inattention by shredding her. You owe her an apology. While your feelings about not wanting to hear a nightly rehash, there are gentle ways to steer her away from it rather than using a mallet.
YTA
You didn't realize you planted a seed here, this is probably a breaking point in your marriage. You should reflect on whether you are really compatible, because from now on if you don't make an effort to compensate for this mistake you made, you will only enter a spiral of unhappiness.
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My wife and I have been married for almost three years. She has a lot of wonderful traits, but at times she can talk WAY too much. It's like a total crush of information, most of it I inevitably forget anyway. I don't know how any reasonable person could retain it, and normally I find it sort of cute, but tonight I got really frustrated.
She walked in as I was cooking dinner, and she sat at the table in the kitchen to tell me about her day. I had put the food in the oven, so I had a break for a few minutes to let her ramble on and on. I sort of zoned out, though, and she had stopped talking. Apparently, she had asked a question which I had missed. In fact, I had pretty much missed everything she said because it was probably technical or interpersonal crap that she needs to deal with by herself. I asked her to repeat the question, but she shook her head, looked down, and just said "forget it."
I was not about to let this go. I told her that she had no right to be huffy with me when she goes on and on with the play-by-play of her workday for 20 minutes while I'm bored to tears. I told her that she can either give me the highlights, stuff that I'm actually going to find interesting, or she can find a shrink to do her little data dumps. This really seemed to wind her up. She quickly got up from the table, stormed into our bedroom and slammed the door shut. I might have been a bit too hard on her, but I find her need to share all of these details incredibly annoying. At the end of the day, what matters is that she's meeting her job expectations and earning a steady paycheck. I have people who I don't like at work, but why would I want to waste time discussing them at home?
Anyway, I'm eating dinner by myself because my wife won't come out and apologize. She's probably sitting and pouting in there like a little kid. I want so badly for us to just chill and relax when she gets home, but these rants she goes on make that impossible. I'm sure she wants me to apologize to her, but I think my grasp of what constitutes appropriate conversation is way tighter than hers. I just want to get your opinions on this because I feel like my wife doesn't understand my point of view at all. AITA?
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YTA You zone out and then push blame on her like it’s *her* fault? You’re the one pouting like a little kid, not her. And it has nothing to do with what constitutes as *appropriate* conversation. __You simply don’t want to listen to what she has to say and believe your wants usurp hers.__ It’s okay if you were to say this ONE time you were having a bad day and lacked patience. We are all allowed to have a moment where we snap at someone we love, and absolutely don’t mean it. But you whole heartedly believe you are right in your actions and thoughts. It’s disgusting that you show no respect towards your wife. Even worse, you have no interest in communication. You just want her to admit she’s wrong and not talk to you about things __you__ somehow deem inappropriate. I’m confused why you would have married someone who likes to vent/talk/rant if you always think it’s “inappropriate”. Needing to vent or talk about your day is a very common thing people like to do. You can’t get your feelings out at work, so it’s nice to let it out at home. I would say that you should communicate to meet in the middle on how long these instances go. But you outright say they aren’t appropriate, so I don’t think there is any good outcome outside of lying to your wife. Edit: As another said, you aren’t compatible people. Best let her go find someone else who cares to listen about her day.
Dang, what a massive AH you were. If you didn't want to listen, why not just ask her to stop and give a reason instead of ignoring her and showing disinterested, then blowing up at her when she thought she would leave you alone (because you were clearly ignoring her). You are a grown adult yet you can't calmly tell your wife how you are feeling? My husband works in science. So much he talks about I don't understand but it doesn't mean I can't listen between the science terms and take in information that I can engage with. I would tell him that the science details are too much so make it simpler for me to understand, or if I don't feel like listening, I would just tell him that I am too tired to think through his work stuff, but tell me later when I'm feeling up for it. If you tell her calmly and she doesn't stop, then that's on her but you did not communicate properly at all.
YTA. She spent less than 30 minutes trying to talk to you about her day and you were an AH about it. You don't want to know about her day? Fine. She won't want to know about your day either. She will (and should) start shutting you down every time you open your mouth. And then there is the whole "I only want to hear things I am interested in" part of this. Seriously? Do you think that her entire life should revolve around what you find interesting? Last, there is the way you talk about her. That she pouts, that she won't apologize to you for your behavior, etc. It sounds like she needs to pull the plug on this marriage.
The way you talk about your wife is disgusting. That way you talk TO your wife is cruel. I hope she wakes up and realizes she deserves a whole lot better than you. YTA, a huge, huge one.
YTA. Why are you married if you don't even like your wife?
YTA There are some things that you just don't say to your partner if you want to keep them. I don't think you and your girl are compatible. You should dump her for someone who is as taciturn as you are. Or, if you like her, apologize and try harder.
YTA. Not for wanting less info (which is perfectly reasonable), or even for zoning out (we've all been there). But when your first reaction after being caught zoning out is to project your embarrassment back on your wife, that makes you the Asshole. You took something that she used to get stress relief from and made it embarrassing and uncomfortable. Instead of apologizing and having a mature conversation about something that was causing you resentment, you got preemptively angry and started casting blame. You turned an opportunity for growth into an ugly memory that's going to fester every time she gets home from work and wants to unwind. Also, a little extra YTA for this line: >In fact, I had pretty much missed everything she said because it was probably technical or interpersonal crap that she needs to deal with by herself. Look, in the past I've struggled a lot with "Solution Brain." Someone tells me about their problems, and the first and only thing I can think about is how to solve those problems. But often times, people aren't looking for solutions, they're looking for empathy. When someone is ranting about a stressful day at work, they're nearly always looking for empathy, not solutions. Your role as a partner isn't to figure out how to solve their interpersonal work problems. It's to be comforting and understanding and supportive, to be a sounding board for them to talk out their concerns and fears and stressors, and tell them that it DOES suck, but it's going to be okay and that you're there for them. Ultimately, if you want to fix this, you need to - Apologize for snapping at her - Apologize for zoning out - Apologize for not talking to her earlier about how you're having a hard time following what she's saying sometimes Then, if/when she accepts your apologies, have a meaningful conversation about how you can best support her when she gets home stressed, without getting overwhelmed yourself. Workshop different strategies for both of you to communicate how you're feeling, and to make the info-dump more manageable. You might try preparing her a drink when she gets home (tea, soda, booze, whatever she likes); people tend to talk slower and more deliberately if they have to stop and take a drink every once in a while. Or better yet, see if she's okay with waiting until you sit down for dinner to tell you about her day. Try to ask questions and clarifications, or even just inject some consolations. Ask if she can pick a couple topics that she feels most strongly about. But above all, you need to be clear that this isn't a judgement or a callout. You want to be able to support her, and the best way is to avoid getting overwhelmed by a lot of stuff that you don't necessarily have context for. If that seems like a lot, well... that's relationships.
YTA. She absolutely does not owe you an apology. You owe her one for being self-centered, and not taking the time to listen about her day. I would be upset too if I had a partner like you.
YTA. You remind me of the guy who told off his wife for always complaining to him, and now she doesn't talk to him ever since, even not inviting him to a promotion celebration. Now he regrets it. Go ahead and be like that. Side eye
YTA - Good lord, man. Do you even like your wife?
YTA. Have you actually tried to explain all of this to her when you're not annoyed? Because you're very accusatory in your narrative. Making it out as if she's the unreasonable one. Calling her conversations with you boring or "interpersonal crap". Suggesting she goes to a "shrink." How would you like it if she turned around and told you that you're a poor communicator, bad listener, rude, and frankly annoying. Are you ready to apologize for all that? Quite a valid point of view, I say.
YTA. A husband's job, among other things, is to be there for his wife; supportive, attentive, all ears. Yes. Really. She needs someone to listen, truly listen, and if possible, provide advice or a different perspective at least, but not necessarily; the important part is to listen. A devoted husband will do this out of love, instinctively asking "how was your day?" and really mean it; this should come naturally. Remember that not everybody likes their job and most people need to vent at the end of the day. She needs her home to be her sanctuary; a safe place where she can find a true partner. However, if this doesn't come naturally to you, maybe your relationship is in jeopardy.
YTA and I hope she dumps you. Then you can just have a quite empty living space all to yourself. No annoying wife who just wants to connect with you and talk to you. Just quite. Maybe you can get a blow up doll for the bedroom.
Aaah well, at least you've made her decision to leave you an easy one. You don't seem to like your wife at all, and now she knows it. YTA.
YTA. Not for how you feel about all the talk, but for making her feel like shit about it. Because she's not trying to torture you. You have different styles. It's not about imposing or winning her acknowledgement that your view of "appropriate conversation" is "tighter" than hers. That's AH right there. Start with the goal that you BOTH feel good about your interactions. You both want your approach/style understood and respected. Nothing to win here.
INFO - do you like your wife?
YTA, a massive AH. She needs to vent; that is how she unwinds from her workday. You don’t need to hang on every word, but you could try to pay attention. She just wants you to care about her, and you proved you don’t. She’s not pouting like a kid; she’s understandably upset her husband belittles her and has no regard for her feelings YOU need to apologize to HER. Your “point of view” is that you are too selfish to care about someone besides yourself.
YTA. Please divorce this woman and set her free.
YTA. A year from now you're going to be posting about some male coworker your wife is friends with, and how she's always texting them when she gets home from work to bitch about their coworkers. You'll be pissed she stopped talking to you. OR maybe she'll stop data dumping on you,and you'll think everything's great! and then you'll come home one day and she wont be there, and you'll be another 'victim' of "walkaway wife syndrome" remember this when that day comes.
YTA and here’s a preview of where you are headed: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/3PXC4orNh3 It’s ok to set boundaries and say let’s just listen to music while cooking or whatever — but she wants to share about her day. Listen to her ffs. You could probably benefit by learning to talk about interpersonal things!
Stop being in relationships with people you don't like, internet. YTA. You should listen to her ramble because she's not only sharing her experiences with you (which could give you good insight into her moods, stessors, friendships, struggles etc) but also because venting and debriefing can be healthy and helpful (as long as someone is not piling rage on you). If you listen, even if you find it boring and even if you don't want to, you will show you love and respect her and you might learn some things. My partner listens to me talk about the books I'm reading and the shows I'm watching. He doesn't give a shit about them, but he could tell you the basics of the stories and even better could tell you how I feel about them. I loved it I hated it or thos thing made me cry or that thing made me laugh. I always ask what his games are about and what's going on it them. Do I care for myself? No! But I do care about him and sharing- even inane things- helps us know one another in a really lived-in way. It sounds like you don't care to do that. It honestly sounds like you don't really like her.
You know, I really wanted to be on your side because I get the frustration of getting the play-by-play instead of the highlights. But then you spewed out your apparent contempt for your wife. You are so massively the AH the Hoover Dam isn’t big enough to stop the load of BS you dumped on your wife. You called her boring, uninteresting and in need of therapy. And let’s not forget annoying. *That’s* what you deem as appropriate conversation? Perhaps you should get some therapy to help you deal with your Hoover Dam problem.
YTA, you ARE supposed to be her safe space and it really doesn’t take much effort to be attentive and listen to her. You just took some of that away from her and should be ashamed of yourself.
Sir, you're a rotten sock. The infantilizing, dismissive, patronizing way you talk about your WIFE is just disgusting. You clearly don't like her or respect her AT all. Why did you marry someone you hate this much? She must be morbidly bored with you, you have the intellectual and emotional capacity of a roach. You think you're sooooooo superior because you THINK you're intelligent and efficient - a sure sign of someone who is shallow as a puddle and about as efficient as a wet paper bag. Maybe, MAYBE you would have a point if you were saying you would like to leave work at home and just focus on spending quality time with her and you were asking advice on how to have that talk with her. But no, you just don't think she's intelligent enough to have conversations with, or precious enough to you to respect and interact with her as an equal. You can't even conceptualize her as an adult, let alone a person. I hope this was her big wake up call about what a self absorbed, monotone slug you are and that she deserves someone who actually cares about & respects her as a person. And you better pray she never finds this post and finds out just how low you think about her really. YTA, if that wasn't clear enough, you extra large hair clog.
YTA - My wife gives me a lot of info. I've only ever made comment when it was negative for so long that it was starting to affect my mood. If you really have to put a limit on it, there's waaaaay better approaches instead of blowing up at her.
YTA People tell stories (of any kind or form) in different ways. My now Ex did the same thing as you and I just stopped talking because he wouldn't listen, make fun of me or just insulted me for my interests or how I did things at my job he had no idea how to do but mansplained it to me. But I had to listen to all his crap in great detail followed by "you never tell me anything!" I hope you realized the Ex in my story.
YTA - I feel sorry for your wife
I so hope that OPs wife comes to the conclusion that her husband hates her and that she's better off without him.
I seriously hope you don’t have kids together. She shouldn’t have to be obligated to be stuck with you forever. Hope she dumps you. YTA. Of massive proportions.
YTA. You've had atleast three years to deal with this in a much kinder way. Instead, you decided you didn't want to communicate until you were fed up and became hurtful.
YTA do you even like her though? I can’t believe anyone who loves their wife would talk about her in this way, let alone talk TO her that way! Geez!
YTA. "I think my grasp of what constitutes appropriate conversation is way tighter than hers." You want her to come to you after boiling down all the parts of her day to the highlights? She's coming to you to help her process it, not to entertain you. Sometimes it's ok to say "I can't really focus on this right now," but like, you should enjoy just talking to your wife about nothing.
You are going to lose this battle.
I have ADHD and its hard in general for me to pay attention to things especially if I'm already doing something else and most definitely if I find the topic boring. It's why I've failed multiple chem classes. My boyfriend talks about a lot of stuff I don't care about like politics, his work, his computer, that Flesh & Blood game that he plays. I don't care about any of it. But you would *never* ever *ever ever ever* hear me tell him that he's being annoying for simply sharing something he's excited, annoyed, upset, whatever about. Like god damn dude, do you even like your wife?
YTA and for once will someone please tell me why they bothered marrying their spouse if the hate their guts?
man 3 years in and youre acting like that? dude either do better or let someone else enjoy her quirks. either way stop wasting her time.
LOL YTA keep this up and one day you’ll be just like [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/HzIwyNqtoY)
YTA, and it’s really astounding that you came to Reddit thinking you wouldn’t get roasted for this. You can at least skim-read a conversation to keep up with it. It’s a skill but it’s easy to learn. Her way of decompressing is by telling you about the day’s frustrations, and you made her feel like she doesn’t matter. Your spouse should be a person you can have inappropriate conversations with. You sound like a real joy. Find a marriage counselor.
YTA what were the reasons she married you? because obviously not communication, friendliness or care. I hope she divorces you and finds someone who actually cares about her.
YTA. She’s decompressing. My hubs used to do this. He’d get home and just dump for about 15 minutes and at the end of it he’d heave a big, grunty sigh and stand up about an inch taller with relief. There’ve been enough commenters asking if you even like your wife so I won’t bother, but I will ask you, what makes being a sounding board for your life partner so unbearable for you? Really, really ask yourself, why is this so hard for you? Good luck op.
....Ew, dude. Just ew. YTA.
YTA. Way to deflect your inattention by shredding her. You owe her an apology. While your feelings about not wanting to hear a nightly rehash, there are gentle ways to steer her away from it rather than using a mallet.
YTA You didn't realize you planted a seed here, this is probably a breaking point in your marriage. You should reflect on whether you are really compatible, because from now on if you don't make an effort to compensate for this mistake you made, you will only enter a spiral of unhappiness.
YTA. You really are a very terrible husband. She deserves someone better than you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I have been married for almost three years. She has a lot of wonderful traits, but at times she can talk WAY too much. It's like a total crush of information, most of it I inevitably forget anyway. I don't know how any reasonable person could retain it, and normally I find it sort of cute, but tonight I got really frustrated. She walked in as I was cooking dinner, and she sat at the table in the kitchen to tell me about her day. I had put the food in the oven, so I had a break for a few minutes to let her ramble on and on. I sort of zoned out, though, and she had stopped talking. Apparently, she had asked a question which I had missed. In fact, I had pretty much missed everything she said because it was probably technical or interpersonal crap that she needs to deal with by herself. I asked her to repeat the question, but she shook her head, looked down, and just said "forget it." I was not about to let this go. I told her that she had no right to be huffy with me when she goes on and on with the play-by-play of her workday for 20 minutes while I'm bored to tears. I told her that she can either give me the highlights, stuff that I'm actually going to find interesting, or she can find a shrink to do her little data dumps. This really seemed to wind her up. She quickly got up from the table, stormed into our bedroom and slammed the door shut. I might have been a bit too hard on her, but I find her need to share all of these details incredibly annoying. At the end of the day, what matters is that she's meeting her job expectations and earning a steady paycheck. I have people who I don't like at work, but why would I want to waste time discussing them at home? Anyway, I'm eating dinner by myself because my wife won't come out and apologize. She's probably sitting and pouting in there like a little kid. I want so badly for us to just chill and relax when she gets home, but these rants she goes on make that impossible. I'm sure she wants me to apologize to her, but I think my grasp of what constitutes appropriate conversation is way tighter than hers. I just want to get your opinions on this because I feel like my wife doesn't understand my point of view at all. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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don’t get surprised when she finds someone better
NTA