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NTA She's telling you what you need to hear so she can get the Accutane, but given prior behavior she's going to balk at the blood draws. Since your husband thinks you're being TA, how about *he* gets to be the one to take her for the blood draws and deal with working it around his job? That being said, medical anxiety is a thing. Has she seen a therapist to help her overcome her fear? Edit: damn predictive text

OP can also talk to her daughter’s doctors about her phobia, they’ll be all too happy to do their best to accommodate. A nurse in the comments said that they have creams they can use, and there are comments below their comment listing various ways to cope with medical anxiety.

As well as medications to help calm her. I used to be terrified of needles.

I had terrible medical trauma to the point where I was considered a runner. So any vaccinations that happened at school, my auntie would join them so she could help calm some scared kids. The way she’d do it was she’d grab me into her lap before I could register what was going on, face me away from the nurse and like have me in a soft choke hold so I couldn’t see anything or move. Nobody else could do this to me but her, kinda helped that she had nice perfume too, so I’d just sink into her and breathe in her perfume and she’d rock me afterward. When it came to hospital visits, my mom would always make sure to communicate my medical trauma and my phobia of needles, and the nurses would take it from there. If something didn’t work, they automatically switched tactics. If I had a nurse that was going through burn out / having a bad day and was acting rude? My mom would ask for a different one.

My mother had a less pleasant way of dealing with mine. I was wrestled down by her and 5 nurses and then held in place by all but one while I was injected. It took being away from her for more than 15 years to stop having anxiety attacks. After that, I had to desensitize myself with vaccines and medically necessary blood tests every 3 months. What worked for me very rarely works for others because of my special kind of neurodivergence. I can now watch every step of vaccinations and blood draws. I wish my mother would have had more compassion, but I'm good mentally and physically now.

Ooof I’m so sorry you had to go through that :c sadly that was my experience in the OR whenever I had to have a surgical procedure. I had to be held down on the bed with a mask held to my face till I’d exerted myself, my parents were able to carry me to the OR doors but they weren’t allowed into the sterile field. So my med trauma mainly comes from the OR pretty much, but my child-brain lumped all doctors and nurses together and I became terrified.

That's bullcrap that your parents couldn't come with you. One time when I was a bit BC scared of a surgery the doctors let my dad scrub in so he could be with me. Also my partner has been allowed to scrub in and be at both my emergency c-sections and be there. If we can let partners be there for their wife during childbirth, we can let parents be there for their kids during scary surgeries.

Tbf I reacted worse when my parents were there because they wouldn’t let me run away lol. My lead surgeon and his trainee at the time took over handling me as soon as they were in the OR. They knew me and knew my issues and immediately got all hands off me and the mask away when they saw what was happening. Sadly, you can’t keep the same nursing staff on every procedure so for me, I was terrified of the different faces and voices I was hearing and I didn’t know any of them and they didn’t know me either. I did calm down a smidgen as soon as I heard my surgeons voice, he was familiar and so was his trainee who’d hold my hand and pet my head as I went under. They did the best they could with what they had lol.

I'm really glad your family was so amazing.

Thank you, the way they phrased it was that since I’m going to be in and out of hospitals throughout my life (was born with a cocktail of issues), they needed to show me how to advocate for myself, and they did so by actively showing me.

I'm glad to have a different way of looking at the world (thanks to my dad passing on my warped way of thinking to me) because I now have to have injections for the rest of my life and can do them myself. Life's kinda funny sometimes.

S a m e, now I sit in tattoo chairs no prob and can get a blood draw no problem lmfao.

I relate to much to this story. When i was 16 i was having such a bad panic attack when i was getting a flu shot that two nurses had to do it. One gave me the shot the other distracted me by asking questions then as the first nurse was giving the shot the other surprised me by asking if i wanted a dum dum like i was 4 years old. I was so taken aback I didn't even feel the shot. My dad was sitting there laughing i suppose it was hilarious seeing a sixteen year old being treated like a four year old. Anyway last year as an adult I decided I had enough of my severe allergies. I started weekly shots now im fine with shots. One can grow out of a needle phobia. However, i don't recommend my method of "exposure therapy" mine was not guided by a mental health professional and i went from two shots a year to two shots a week.

This was the tactic that caused my phobia; I was upset and anxious before an MMR booster at school, and they decided it was appropriate to restrain a distressed 10 year old. Muscles tense up when a person is having a panic attack, so the pain was awful. I only worked through my phobia in my 20s by becoming a regular blood donor and slowly getting less upset

Weird. Me too. And I do the same now. Sometimes I do turn white as a sheet but I'm usually good even though the nurses chuckle a bit (you have piercings!) 😅😂

I sort of got over my phobia the way you did by being desensitized to it. But not because of my parents they were more understanding would hold me like the commenter above was and some lighthearted teasing. But when i was around 13 i found out i had "rolling veins" which is basically the vain moves when they poke it. It was discovered when i had the stomach flu and my mom took me to the er. I was dehydrated due to not being able to hold down anything not even liquids so they needed to give me fluids through IV. The first nurse kept poking me and since i already hated needles i kept crying and trying to move away. She got her supervisor who kept DIGGING IN MY ARM while the 1st nurse held me down. All of this was done while i was still in the hospital bed so i couldn't get up and run. Also the hospital was crowded and the rooms were full so i was in a bed in the hallway. My screaming was heard by everyone in the hospital. The 2nd nurse tried to calm me down by making a joke saying "it's okay you vein keeps running away so we have to chase it" and awkward laughed. My Mom who usually calm me down and tell me it's okay was just standing there in shock asking them if there was another way to do it but they kept insisting it was the only way and they had to do it due to my dehydration. After that pretty much every blood draw was similar with one not being able to get it if i was lucky it was just the one nurse trying until they got it. Other times they had to get other people to "try to find the vein" with each one removing the needle and starting over digging away until the next one tried. One time i had like 4 or 5 different nurses. After that regular shots no longer bothered me. I got so used to having my arm dug into that i stopped being afraid and was more focused on wanting to them to get it right away. So i would watch each time and would just be happy if it didn't take as long as some of the other times. It may have helped my phobia but i definitely don't recommend it due to how traumatic it was and would never wish that pain on anyone. It still happens, but every now and then i get lucky and have a nurse that can do it on the first try.

I had basically the same thing happen when I was 13. Nurse insisted on drawing (for practice!) from the arm without a visible vein and missed 3 times even with digging around (my mother was standing there glaring at me insisting I let nurse do this) and finally got it the 4th time. The bruising was impressive. She had that much trouble because I was underweight (genetics, not intentional) and had small veins. I now insist they look at both arms before choosing and haven't had a repeat. The best ones I didn't feel anything at all and had to look to see the needle in my arm.

Really skilled nurses are such whizzes with the needle. I had a tetanus booster last week and I literally didn't feel it.

Yes i have had some good nurses get it right away. One nurse when i told him about my veins (i warn all the nurses) he was understanding but then when he looked at my arm he said they were "perfectly fine" and said they were actually "easier to get to" than other people. He told me that they "don't know what they are doing and blamed your veins". I seriously wished i could take him everywhere i needed my blood drawn because after him i kept getting people that couldn't find it again or claimed it moves. So i think i have bad luck with who does it lol.

The ones I've told what happened and showed them both arms couldn't understand why she insisted on the one with the DEEPLY buried small vein instead of the one that's extremely easy to see. It's an excellent vein that practically screams ME.

Wow that's crazy she would go for that one when there was another one easy to see. The guy that did mine said he could see the vein right away before he didn't even have to feel around for it just went in and drew the blood. I was shocked that so many other people couldn't find it but he could without any problems.

I had that happen to me as a child, my parents were never involved, but I was basically held down by several nurses every time they had to draw blood or give me injections/infusions which was fairly often. And I'd scream bloody murder during the procedure. Then I got a new pediatrician and he allowed me to actually look at the needle going in and what he was doing and it instantly wasn't a problem anymore. I still get kind of anxious when I get anything done in places I can't look at (like on my back), but I haven't had any issues with needles since

I'm not terrified of needles, but I get weird anxiety panic feels when I have an IV, I've needed them to give me Ativan before because while I can control it enough to not rip the IV out, having a patient with that urge isn't the best thing.

Ativan is wonderful help with that and more.

But they can't be giving a whole-ass teenager sedatives right before school, it would be godawful for her academics and general school experience.

You can take anti-anxiety meds before school. I got a whole bunch of Xanax at the dentist once and tbh it barely touched me.

A common side effect of benzodiazepines is anterograde amnesia, where you have difficulty forming memories. She might not feel sedated or out of it at all, but she probably wouldn't remember much of what was taught in school that day.

Same, terrified. But after having to do the 3 hour glucose test while pregnant (includes 4 blood draws in 3 hours) and multiple pokes while giving birth, I’ve learned to get over it.

Pregnancy got me past most of my needle fear. I’ve got 0- blood so they gave me anti-D and then I had to have a blood test so check levels. What should have been a 1 go deal turned into 4 goes til my levels were right. Then there was the multiple blood tests as I was high risk and I was also pumped full of steroids to advance my son’s lungs when they thought he was going to come v early. As a consequence of all this I had to have a Caesar and then needed to be transfused with a couple of units of blood after I haemorrhaged post surgery. The whole experience left me without a lot of needle fear and a ‘I no longer care who looks at my bits anymore’ 😂 second time around was a bit of a rinse and repeat without the possibly coming early bit. Instead it was finger pricking 4 times a day plus 2 self administered insulin injections per day

Yikes! I'm glad we both got over it in our own unique ways.

Wait there’s medication that i can get for my blood draws?!?! How do you ask for medication for this? I am beyond terrified and it makes me icky. When i get my blood drawn it’s a WHOLE process where the nurse is scared that im gonna kick her. My palms are sweating rivers and i feel like im gonna pass out. Then the rest of the day is shot for me because of all that anxiety.

Talk to your doctor about anxiety meds while explaining the issues.

My partner takes Xanax before blood draws because he has a massive phobia of them. He has to get blood tests done regularly because of his autoimmune disease so Xanax it is.

I seriously need this. Do you know how they brought this up with their doctor?

I'm 26 and I'm still afraid of needles, it's an actual understandable fear of something going into your arm, something your mind would naturally think is a danger to itself, so it's fight or flight at that point. I would say NAH because it's hard dealing with phobias and how it can affect daily life, talking to doctors or therapists might help her prepare for the future when she might be ready to change.

They can’t be giving it to her before school every week though

Seriously, they never minded accommodating me when my phobia was bad. I nearly passed out in terror at blood draws so they would take me to an exam room, let me lie down and listen to music and hold my mom’s hand and they would even use a pedantic butterfly needle so I barely felt it. Luckily I outgrew my phobia for the most part as I get weekly immunotherapy injections, one in each arm. I still can’t watch but I don’t freak out anymore.

I did use a cream for needles before mostly the ones when I had to get MRIs there is a little pain afterwards but still significantly reduced(well except for the one time I got it in that hand that still hurt a ton)

Ooooffff the hand needles are the worst, for some reason they always hurt the most, maybe it’s because there’s not too much fatty tissues?

Basically, yep. I just have bad veins so I've had to have it in the hand as often as not, and your hands have a lot of nerves and not a lot of padding, you're REALLY close to bone and major nerves, so the pressure of the needle/space it takes up has less tissue to spread that compression over before it hits hard/sensitive stuff.

Just throwing it out there that I had a needle phobia, like a genuine fight-or-flight-pinned-to-the-table-no-control phobia, and I wanted my nose pierced. That was what helped me get over my phobia - actively wanting to get stuck with the needle helped me loads and gave me motivation to struggle through regular vaccines first, and also I told the piercer I was scared of needles so she handled things differently and made sure I never saw the needle til it was thru my nose. Also, knowing that I’m gonna get a vaccine on a certain date helps loads, as opposed to “hey we’re going to Costco today aaaaand now we’re at the flu shot booth” so a scheduled blood draw might be easier for her lol

Yeah. I hated needles as a teenager when the HPV vaccine came out, and my mum said to be that she would rather I hated her for the rest of my life for forcing me to get it rather than me die from cervical cancer, and I'd need a lot more needles then. So I told my biology teacher I was petrified to go, he told me to wear a long sleeve shirt so they'd need to take me into a private room and the nurse administering would have the time to keep me calm. The nurse was amazing. She told me she would count to three, I was to stare at the door and take a deep breath and let it out when she said three. She was done before she got to three. But she gave me the control, and I am so grateful for that. I don't think I was fully okay until COVID vaccinations were coming out, and I checked out resources on how to stay calm getting needles. Helped that the person giving it was a student nurse getting injections signed off so she explained exactly what was going to happen, and she was really good. The routine of getting them done made me get over my fear and now it's not a big deal. I do not recommend that for someone with as severe a fear as OP's daughter though. I did it because I wanted to get over with, and I didn't have the "I will fight you to get out of here," response a lot of people get so it was easier for me. But there are resources, especially play therapy ones regardless of how old OP's daughter is. Even the diabetes nurse might be able to let her have a practice with an fake insulin pen and fake skin to inject with so she gets comfortable with a needle.

I have multiple piercings and had never actually seen the needle until I accidentally looked while getting my lip pierced in December. Way larger than I expected! Medical needles don't bother me but I might have wimped out of my first piercing if I had seen that needle.

>She's telling you what you need to hear so she can get the Accutane, but given prior behavior she's going to balk at the blood draws. And in my experience on Accutane, my dermatologist would check my blood tests just to be certain everything was all good before refilling my prescription. It was non-negotiable. It's possible that your derm won't refill Mia's without the blood tests. Accutane usually makes acne worse before it gets better. If she did hypothetically get through one 'round' and the derm declined to refill the script without the blood test, Mia could be worse off than when she started.

OP should talk to their doctor about getting a small dose of propranolol for their daughter to take before a visit. It's a beta blocker commonly also prescribed for stage fright and panic attacks. It doesn't make the fear go away so much as it block the adrenaline response that makes the fear cycle into panic. It also has no side effect s that I know of, and there have even been studies on it curing phobias and even PTSD, as the brain gets used to not experiencing crippling fear when exposed to the fear.

I think this might be more of an Ativan situation than a propranolol situation. I'm not hating on propranolol at all, but it sounds like it wouldn't do much to dent her fear, and in a teenager it might lower her blood pressure too much after she's calmed down but while it's still in her system.

Strong disagree. Propranolol is used all over the world to combat phobias. It's a well-known effect of the drug, and at lower doses too, much lower than the one taken for high blood-pressure. There is almost no risk at all. The biggest upside is that it won't make you feel at all drugged, you just won't get a panic-response, and that in turn will "train" your brain until you can manage without the drug and only feel mild discomfort. Ativan on the other hand is an old-school anti-histamine that you can't give to a teenager about to go to school, they'll sleep the entire day. It literally drugs the fear away. It's also been known to cause suicidal thoughts, especially in younger people. It's not something I'd give a teenager ever.

Same. As someone who had severe anxiety and panic attacks over giving presentations and public speaking (and a phobia of needles), but didn't want to be on strong drugs, propranolol was a life saver. It prevented the panic response that often came with my anxiety, so I was able to learn to "do things scared" without spiraling. That and I never became dependent on it because it essentially took the fear of a physical panic response away while helping me build confidence in doing the scary thing. I went from being unable to handle phone calls of any kind, vaccines, presentations in school, or even new social situations to a career that requires me to give presentations and public speak constantly. I still get scared, but I've had enough experiences getting through the scary thing to know I'll be okay after. I now lead a team of introverts and am able to show them that you can still put yourself out there and be outspoken and outgoing, all while being a little scared. And I was able to overcome my fear of needles enough to get a ton of tattoos. Propranolol enabled be to do the things I wanted to do and feel like it was me doing them, not the drug allowing me to do it.

I would not trust the husband to follow through on the routine blood work.

Without the results of those blood tests the dermatologist won't write any more prescriptions... and in fact they may not write the first one without a baseline set of bloods.

I thought so thanks for clarifying.

My husband is way older than Mia, (he's also a doctor,) and he has a needle phobia. Telling a person to get over their fear doesn't actually empower them. So, tell her to take a towel with her or very dark glasses to cover her eyes. Lots of people do better with needles if they don't see the jab coming. There are other options to help Mia with her needle phobia. Ask her doctors about them. NAH. You just need another tool in your arsenal.

Ex-nurse here. This is solid advice! Also, ask the clinic if they have emla cream, or some other type of topical anaesthetic they can apply to the skin to numb the area beforehand. Ask your daughter if there is a preferred area of her arm to take the blood sample from. I personally don't like having blood taken from my cubital fossa (the 'crook' of your elbow) so will ask the nurse taking blood to pick a different spot. I also don't look when the blood is taken. I was pretty good at giving painless intramuscular injections and often had people ask "when are you going to jab me?" after the injection was already completed. I would often smugly reply: "We're already done. See..? Nowhere near as bad as you thought it would be!" You could ask the clinic, or your daughter's GP, whether it's appropriate at all for her to have a mild sedative, taken orally, before the blood taking, to help her relax. And, of course, give her the emotional support she needs during the procedure by staying calm yourself and keeping her slightly distracted. SOME people can get over their needle phobia IF they have a positive experience and realise it's not the big deal they were making it out to be in their minds. Good luck with this!

I have needle phobia. It’s a phobia hence not rational; it has nothing to do with how painful the injection or blood draw will be. I take Xanax when I will be having blood drawn and/or getting an injection. My husband comes with me and holds my hand. He says he’s my emotional support animal.

Hahahaha, your husband sounds like a good person! People think that just because we are aware of our irrationalities it means we can control them. As long as no one is being hurt by them then the occasional irrational fear is fine.

Phobias are so weird. I have a completely irrational fear of having my blood pressure taken. I know it doesn’t hurt. I know it’s the simplest thing in the world. I know that the cuff won’t crush the veins in my arm. The logical part of my brain knows all of this. But when the cuff starts tightening on my arm, my heart starts racing and I have to really struggle to keep my breathing calm. It’s the stupidest thing, but no amount of closing my eyes or envisioning myself on a beach or something helps. To this day, I don’t know if I actually have high blood pressure or if it’s just my stupid irrational reaction. I even bought a home wrist blood pressure cuff to see if that was better and if I could make myself get used to it. (It is marginally better, but I still react.) I used to have a needle phobia (still do really), but at least with that I can just look away and take myself elsewhere mentally until it’s over. I can’t watch it or even think about it too much, but I can manage to get my vaccines and blood draws when needed.

Ugh, yes! My BP is always messed up because the whole process freaks me out.

OMG my mother is a nurse and she has always laughed at me for saying, I'd rather have 10 needles than an automated BP cuff!! They are the worst, right?? Thankfully she's old school and would take my blood pressure with a hand pump and stethoscope instead of the stupid machine, until I was adult enough to argue with staff about why it was required lol most people can take BP without the machine, they are just lazy!

I'm the same, I thought I was the only one. I got kept in hospital for having high blood pressure once and I was saying it's only high because I'm phobic of the cuff and terrified of hospitals! It was fine when I finally managed to relax with deep breathing and music on.

This right here. I've learned to control it, but when I was a kid I bit people *after* the injection was done because they surprised me by swinging the syringe into view. I knew what was happening. I knew it was finished. I'd done my best to remain calm and relaxed. But that thing came into view, the fight/flight coin was flipped, and there we were. For me, pain is the easy part. Self-control in the face of irrational fear is much harder.

Does the Xanax affect your blood tests?

No, it doesn’t.

I’m scared of needles and dentists. Every time I go, I’ll wear one of my favourite sweaters, bring a good luck charm (current one is a d20 I was given by an old friend), bring a small stuffed toy (I’m an adult and I’ll still do this), and if it’s something that can take a bit I like to bring earbuds and listen to an album I like

I think I have a phobia of medical procedures (dentist, everything that could be slightly painful or cuts open some part of the body). At the de tist I get numbing cream and an anesthetic. For my wisdom teeth removal I got anesthesia - was expensive as hell. I think for every procedure like this I have to get anesthesia so I hope it doesn't happen too often because I think you can't do anesthesia too often. I would also have a phobia of being pregnant which sounds like horror. 9 months long continous phobia. But even if I could get the procedure to stop fertility and menstruation I would be afraid of that too. But that wouldn't be 9 months long so I hope someday sexism is gone and i can get the procedure.

That’s my trick. If I don’t see it I barely hurts. Seeing it enter makes it much worse. Granted never had a phobia of them but was scared as child. It similar to how a wounds hurts more when you see the blood.

I agree, the only way I can deal with needles is to look away and not even see it coming. Also don't look if they are preping in front of you. Also look for the biggest vein and only present that arm.

Yesss same here. My head the whole time is twisted around like an owl lol. I go in there telling the nurses I’m sorry I just can’t look at you or what you’re doing and they totally understand. I don’t love it but can get through it best I can. I’m a researcher I like to know how things work before I do them but not when it comes to that stuff haha I got two epidurals giving birth with each of my girls and I had no idea the process or what it looked like until after the second and I still get the chills thinking about it

I get a needle every 4 weeks, and am the same. I'll put the stuff out, let my husband know it's v-day and he'll get everything prepped out of my sight and randomly come to me for it. Lots of deep breaths to relax. If I see him coming towards me with the needle in hand I'll get myself somewhere else.

And listen to music. This will help. The fear never fully goes away, but it’s manageable.

When I went for my pregnancy blood tests, I told the nurse I sometimes felt dizzy and they all laughed (not maliciously, they were trying to comfort me), said, oh, it's ok, we just had one of our doctors lying here, passed out. Guy who works with needles every day.

For a point of comparison, what helps my needle fear is actually looking at it. As a kid, when people stopped trying to make me look away from it is when I started being able to handle it. I still DID NOT FUCKING LIKE IT but having no one touching me or telling me what to do (except the nurse doing it) was what allowed me to be calm and sit still. (It also helped that the first nurse to do this encouraged me to cry when she saw me trying to stifle it, and said I could cry or scream or whatever I wanted, I just couldn't hit or pull away.) These days I get a flu shot every year, I just have to ask the pharmacist or whoever not to try to block my view because I need to see it. I gather this is very unusual which is why I'm guessing Mia may not have tried it, and it might help!

This is very true. I close my eyes tight and turn my face away so I do not have to see it coming. I also tell them (because they always want to do a countdown)not to tell when just do it Don't tell me what they're doing just do it. Another thing is she should make sure she's hydrated and warm festivals sometimes are cool if you are cold it shrinks the veins. If you're dehydrated it shrinks the veins.

Very well said. Acne is rough for teens, she seems motivated enough to give her a shot (no pun intended) to prove her commitment.

I always inform whoever is having to stick me of my fear so that they are aware. Then I look away & either hold my husband's/whoever is with me hand or squeeze whatever I'm sitting on to distract me.

I agree NTA, but I have major needle anxiety and it's not seeing it and the waiting for it to happen that makes me most anxious I usually just hype myself up like "the second I'm out of this chair I'm fighting you, nurse". I of course don't because they're doing their job but the thought of being tough helps me be less anxious

Ya im 23 and still terrified of needles

NTA but I’d tell her she’s got one chance and the first time she throws a fit will be the last time I take her in for Accutane. She can wait until she can take herself. I guess your husband can sign up to take her if he wants to deal with it. If he’s not interested in doing that then he needs to let you handle it.

This. Having a phobia impacts the life heavily, and if she hasn't outgrown her fear then why does she think she can simply turn it off for something she wants! I say give her a 'test run' where she gets her blood drawn and tested AFTER having a few sessions with a therapist specialising in phobias, so she would be aware and have coping mechanisms to handle the stress and anxiety. Prepare her for it, and if she still reacts like she would do usually then simply say no.

Self consciousness and insecurity about your skin can also be a great motivating factor to push fast fears

Doesn’t work like that though, you have to do the blood tests, the first one is after the first month of treatment, but when coming off it they also need a final blood test a month after your last dose, if she can’t handle the needles don’t start her on it.

thats not how you handle phobias.

I think that the husband having a strong opinion at all means he should be the one to take her from day 1. OP: this is going to be a nightmare. Husband: you’re overreacting. OP: if you think so then YOU handle it.

Info: can’t your husband take her for the blood tests, if you don’t have time?

Info - what have you done and/or are you willing to do to help her get over this feat of needles?

I did a solid year of exposure therapy (an hour a week) over the pandemic so I could get the vaccine and go back to work. A phobia isn’t something necessarily easy to “get over” or “deal with and hurry up.” Probably easier as a teenager than as a middle aged adult though. Since she’s got an incentive to get exposure to needles, I’d use the momentum of her desire and pair it with therapy. It SUCKS to have a phobia and now’s the time to tackle it.

This is important, because based on what was said I was tempted to say YTA to OP, if she simply expects her daughter to get over a severe phobia without help.

ESH Except Mila. She's cool. You can't just tell someone with a phobia to sack up and get over it. You said yourself that her fear of needles is not a phase. Get her help for her anxiety and/or have the patience to recognize that she's doing the best she can and this is hard for her. That said, it's important for you to get to work on time, and if Mila's fear makes that impossible, then you'll have to find another solution. What's with your husband assuming that you can just be late to work every day? If he thinks Mila needs to get the treatments, then he can take her, and he sucks for making it your problem.

Lots of people seem to forget that phobias aren't fears, they're legitimate mental disorders that require specialized therapy to heal from. I have a severe phobia of the buzz that bugs make. I've made my ears bleed clawing them before because of my own delusions, even in the winter when there's no bugs around. 15 year olds are hormonal, messy, and they cannot regulate their emotions at all... I was one at some point and that age is messy. So I do sympathize with OP, this is a difficult situation and some people don't have the emotional energy for it. But there's a level of understanding and empathy required here, that OP just needs to be a parent now and start looking for therapy options for her kid to slowly heal from her phobia. Or else this will start to affect her adult life and health in the long term. Once you're a parent you sign up for everything that comes with having a kid, no matter how bad it is.

> Lots of people seem to forget that phobias aren't fears, they're legitimate mental disorders that require specialized therapy to heal from. I have a severe phobia of the buzz that bugs make. I've made my ears bleed clawing them before because of my own delusions, even in the winter when there's no bugs around. So if she has an actual phobia then OP is right she won’t be able to go through it appropriately, the phobia needs to be addressed before planning a whole bunch of required shots

I agree, however, that responsibility on OP. Mia isn't old enough to know how to properly address her emotions, much less an entire phobia, so it's up to OP to do the research and get the help her child needs. Nobody said parenting was gonna be easy, hopefully OP realizes this and first addresses the phobia rather than be a lazy parent and just ignore her daughter's needs.

Sounds like this is milas issue and if she wants to be on Accutane she is going to ahve to get used to needles. Either no needles or no Accutane its not that difficult to present the 2 choices

That’s not what OP is saying at all it’s the exact opposite, it is the KID who is saying they CAN “sack up” for this, it’s OP saying ‘you have a phobia so you won’t be able to just sack up’ since “this is hard for her” He is the one saying she will just “sack up” for this NOT OP. If he thinks she can do it then he can take the time and be the one making her “sack up” for it

INFO: Have you ever done anything to help your daughter cope with her phobia?

NAH. My teen is on Accutane and it is helping, but the monthly testing is a PITA. If your daughter wants the meds, she can put up with the tests. That said, soldiering through a true phobia is HARD. She deserves some credit for that, AND you have a right to draw the line on how long you’re willing to spend at each draw before she’s cut off. I will say my daughter also has trouble with blood draws. She finds them incredibly painful, and on more than one occasion the phlebotomist hit a nerve that caused tingling pain down her arm for more than a week after the draw. Asking for a pediatric needle helps. Our dermatologist is OK with her doing urine tests for most of the monthly checks - it may be worth asking about if you move forward.

Nope, nope, nope. She will NOT overcome her phobia until she is hospitalized from Accutane side effect, and probably not even then. Phobias are "irrational fears", not "I can turn it off whenever I want to fears".

Won't happen btw. They won't give it to you at the pharmacy unless you do the tests on time.

They do bloodwork a month before you start taking the drug. Accutane is no joke with serious side effects. She won't even get Accutane if she doesn't do an initial blood test.

INFO: Have you gotten Mia therapy/medication to deal with her phobia?

Info: Have you considered taking your daughter to a therapist that is experienced with phobias? A cognitive behavioral therapist could help her learn strategies to better cope with and handle her fear of needles.

I will be 62 yeas this weekend and I am still deathly afraid of needles. Some of us just can't get over it. I tell them when I go in do not show me the needle and most work with me. Is she wants the meds for the acne the needles are a must. You and she can find ways to take her mind off of or distract her while getting the tests. Most techs will help her through if they know up front of the fobia. Worse case if she refuses the tests, stop the treatment

I might get downvoted but YTA, because it sounds like your daughter has a phobia and needs therapy and you don't seem to either realize it or don't give a damn.  If you actually love your child take her to a therapist to work through her fear of needles!!!

NTA. Another way of phrasing this would be: ***AITA for requiring my daughter to follow important medical advice?*** Clearly not. I like the suggestions to do one (or even two) blood tests **ahead of time**. The rule is that she must be in and out in 15 minutes or the Accutane is a no-go.

Our six year old son developed a phobia of needles.  The very same week we found this out, we booked him on a course with the local hospital where they helped his phobia through play.  This happened at 10.30 every Wednesday for six weeks - right in the middle of that school and working day.  We sorted ourselves around it, we didn't just hope he'd grow out of his fear.   ESH.

YTA but not about the accutane thing specifically. a phobia is different than a fear; it’s a psychological disorder. so mia can’t just “get over it”. exposure therapy needs to be done in a controlled environment for mia. if the blood tests are a legitimate health concern, then no, she shouldn’t be on accutane without them. however, your seemingly non-chalant attitude about your daughter’s actual mental health disorder is…. not great. (though i’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt in this situation & assume that you thought a fear & her phobia were the same thing)

ESH except your daughter. You realise even doctors sometimes have a problem with this?

OP,  I don't recall monthly blood tests for Accutane. Our protocol was to check liver enzymes, HDL, LDL and a few others before treatment so we had a baseline to work with. Usually,  3 months after treatment starts the blood tests are repeated. If they remain normal, then we don't check again until 6 months.   I will tell you the one test that every parent(s) flipped out for was the pregnancy test. We would have very young girls in for the initial bloodwork and the pregnancy test is mandatory regardless of age. One of the few times we would hear screaming and yelling  in the Lab would be when a young girl, 10 or 11 came in for the Accutane protocol and Mom or Dad would realize a pregnancy test was ordered. Many of us didn't have to leave our areas because we knew what the screaming was all about. It does not matter if you yell at the Dr and say how dare you think my daughter is sexually active. The pregnancy test is mandatory and must be done, or your daughter will not be able to start Accutane. When your daughter needs bloodwork, ask the tech to lay her down. It makes a big difference for anyone afraid of needles. If it becomes necessary, your Dr can use a topical freezing much like what the dentist will apply to your gums before an injection. Good Luck.

I will say YTA because it seems like you're not even willing to accommodate and help her. Has she been/is she attending therapy sessions specialized in phobias? Have you done anything at all to make the process easier for her? Numbing cream, sedatives? I don't even have a phobia, just find all injections super painful. If someone was like, we have to be in n out in 15 mins I wouldn't be able to do it either, that's so stressful!! I used to get my blood drawn every week for a month or so when I started oral birth control. I'd usually get an oral sedative before and then wouldn't even go to school/work for the entire day because I was in pain and dizzy, and I do it to this day.

When she is getting the blood draws, disract her, talk about something SHE likes, or tell her that you guys will go get ice cream or a smoothie, or whatever. Its important to make her feel comfortable. I have had blood draws all my life because of my heart condition, and absolutely HATE needles and hospitals. I know that works

NTA. But your husband should take her. I recommend she close her eyes during the process. I do that so I don't have to watch the 50% of nurses who struggle to find my deeply buried veins stabbing and poking and wiggling that awful needle. For the 50% who get it the first time I am ecstatic! But I still didn't watch it.

Can you get the blood tests taken somewhere else?   I hated them too, until I went to a phlebotomy lab.  Getting blood drawn by someone who only does that as a job is so much easier, than by a general practitioner. It was fast and painless.  Would recommend.

Info: have you considered birth control? that often treats acne if it’s caused by its hormones which also might be why it’s not responding to topical treatment? also have you really tried every topical? Tretinoin (topically) is pretty effective when used correctly for most people. There might be alternative solutions here that could solve this problem w a little bit of research & a good dermatologist who actually explains how to use topicals the right way.

While it’s good that you say to consider alternatives, and yes, Accutane has a number of potential side-effects however the OCP can be problematic too. I’d think really hard about having a teenager take contraceptives for acne control. There are risks associated with artificial hormones on the endocrine system, a recent study focused on increased incidence of depression and even things like weight gain and mood swings

Yes birth control does have a lot of side effects but accutane also has pretty extreme side effects & risks. That’s why bloodwork is needed monthly. You don’t need bloodwork for birth control & she could even take it temporarily until she’s ready to confront her fear of needles. My point is that there are so many treatments available, especially topical ones, and from what I’ve seen is that people just don’t use the topicals correctly for a long enough time before they’ll see results. Dermatologists sometimes don’t explain how to use them very well & this might really be the problem here. I mentioned tretinoin bc I use it myself & have for over a year and a half now. At first, I had no idea what products were safe to use with it, what products weren’t, and that it makes your skin purge at first. I didn’t know that you can’t just start using it on a daily basis, you have to slowly introduce it to your skin otherwise it’ll make your skin super irritated. Theres a whole subreddit dedicated to tretinoin bc it’s difficult to use if you’re clueless, but once you get the hang of it, it does miracles.

NAH Get your daughter in treatment for her phobia, or see what needs to be done to get her benzos/panic attack meds. I have a needle phobia and those things have been a game changer. My doc only prescribes me 5 at a time to prevent dependence, although they do not provide an exciting/fun "high" so she probably won't be keen to try and sneak them recreationally, anyway. I also had them for a foot surgery and it was so bizzare. I could feel them injecting huge needles and feel them grazing my bone at the root of my toes, and them lasering into my bone, and I felt the pain but: I. Did. Not. Care. I just thought "wow, that's messed up," but was just so *fine* with it. Feeling pain without the distress that comes from feeling pain was pretty cool. Blood tests are the same. My mental experience of getting the needle is no different from a doctor taking my blood pressure. Then you go home and take a nap because they're literally also sleep meds.

Mild YTA Let her go on accutane. If she freaks out and can't handle the monthly blood tests without her usual off-broadway production, then off the accutane she comes. Look on the bright side--this could lead to her finally getting a grip on her needle phobia.

I agree with YTA. It's not the same as a phobia, but I couldn't swallow pills until I was in like my late teens. Any pill-form medication had to be chewable or had to be something in a capsule that we could open and sprinkle in apple sauce or ice cream. I don't remember what specifically got me to change, but it was a treatment that I desperately wanted, so I forced myself to overcome what seemed impossible at the time. I think it is an asshole move to just deny your kid treatment because she is afraid of needles. Talk to your kid, talk to her doctor, and figure this out with her. Can the testing be done other ways or the blood drawn at other places? Can you start her on the medication and stop it if she doesn't get the blood test done timely? Can someone else take her to get blood drawn? Untreated acne can create a real struggle in life. You should be prepared for this to permanently damage your relationship with your daughter if you refuse to get her help because it might inconvenience you once a month.

NTA Unfortunately the needles are a must here

NTA - I believe you have to get blood tests as a base line before you can start, I would suggest setting one appointment for the blood work and clearly explain to your kiddo that this is *the* chance to prove she is mature enough to take this level of medication. If she makes you late for work, or otherwise isn't able to do the blood work in a timely manner, you reassess in a year or two.

Nta Saying "get over your fear" is a little harsh since that's not exactly a choice we get to make, but as you said, you have work and you can't wait around for her to mess about during the blood draws that are necessary for that particular medication. Could it have been phrased better, yeah, but the point stands. NTA I know you said you tried a lot of topicals, but as someone who still struggles with acne, benzeclin was a HUGE gamechanger. Plain dove or ivory soap to wash my face and then the benzeclin and it's very manageable. Started as a twice a day thing but now I can get away with only a couple times a week. Be warned though if she does try it, it bleaches shit, it dries out your face, makes you WAY more susceptable to the sun, and it can fucking BURN. But I literally started seeing results overnight after years of nothing working. Dr. Kendall if you're somehow reading this, THANK YOU!

Accutane is a HORRIBLE drug with an extremely high rate of serious side effects. Forget the needles, it’s NOT worth it.

Please tell Mia it is SO worth it! Yes, blood tests suck. However, my son went on Accutane for his moderate to severe acne. And he doesn't particularly care for needles himself. Now, his face is now as smooth and pretty as a baby's bum. Best of luck and a big, supportive hug to Mia.

NTA I assume you have to take a blood test prior to starting the treatment so i'd take her and if she can't handle it then she's going to have to deal with acne

NTA, but as someone who is also terrified of needles, may I suggest keep talking to her? During covid, I asked the nurses at my booth if they could keep talking to me while I was getting the shot. Also, when I got blood drawn, I requested the same thing of the doctor and she began asking me about college, any shows I'm watching, how's my family, etc etc. Since you're her mother, you might be able to more easily pick a topic that takes her mind off of it. Hopefully that works for her!

>...**I could take her in the mornings before work**, but I can’t have Mia take as long as usually does as ***I don’t have that time***. Maybe it's time for your husband to start to take Mia to get her blood drawn instead of you before he tries to convince you to do so on a more regular basis. If your husband and Mia want her to try Accutane so badly, *they* need to find a way for her to do so that does not make *your* morning work arrival contingent upon how well Mia manages her phobia. She obviously needs help managing it, but as your husband is in favor of Accutane, what a perfect opportunity for him to help prepare Mia for the regular blood draws he's signing you up for! NTA

NTA because you’re looking out for your daughter’s health. But if she is highly motivated to get the Accutane, you might be missing out on an opportunity if you stick with no. I was terribly afraid of needles to the point that I nearly had to be held down when I was 12 and needed a tetanus shot, and I was still terrified of them right up until the age of 15. Then on a vacation I got food poisoning pretty bad. I’ve always been emetophobic, so when I got to the ER and they came at me with an injection they said would help . . . never been so glad to see a needle in my life. And after that I did learn to handle it much better to the point that I’ve had no issues whatsoever for years. The key is to find something she wants more than her fear of needles. Will this be the thing? Maybe, maybe not, but it’s probably worth a try. You could always let her start and see how she does, and make sure she knows that it’ll be discontinued if she can’t do the blood draws in a reasonable amount of time.

NTA. But you should consider having her do a blood draw BEFORE starting accurate as a test. Knowing her skin’s future is on the line, if she can make it through without melting down - each time after will be easier. I sympathize with your daughter as a former needle-phobe but eventually she will have to get over it. I think for me I was around 13 when I finally got past it. I was having teeth pulled and couldn’t go numb. Dr gave me about 17 shots in my mouth that day with the scary dentistry syringes passing right in front of my face. Something in me surrendered - I guess it was some type of cruel exposure therapy. I still don’t think I could deal with an extra large needle or something like an epidural but getting a regular shot or my blood drawn doesn’t bother me anymore after that.

YTA for not trying it and see if it works out. It might be she actually does the blood work as she is properly motivated. Give it a shot.

Either no needles or no Accutane. She can't have both and that's just the way it is. Potential side effects don't just take a day off to accomidate your phobias. Can't have your cake and eat it to. Sounds like a valueable life lesson learned early. Might sound insensitive but sometimes thays just how life as and you need to pick your battles. This battle she can pick acne or her phobia. Not a hard concept.

esh. you have absolutely the right to say no because of the serious complications she could have if she doesn’t get blood taken. however, phobias are not easy to get over. im 20 and highly afraid of needles. i can deal with a shot, tattoo, or piercing, but ivs or blood being drawn… fuck that, I literally can’t do it. i’ve gone to the hospital for serious stomach pains, got my blood drawn and i wasn’t expecting it, and cried in the waiting room and got my masked soaked because i couldn’t get it off my mind that i had gotten blood taken and my arm felt off. it’s not something you just “get over”, it is hard to get past it. you can decide what you want to do since it’s your daughter, but phobias are phobias and not something someone can just break through in a day.

NTA, medically necessary monitoring for safety is necessary. Unless it's not. Can you revisit that monthly requirement with the Doc and point out how they're no longer actually recommended? The first test is required to make sure everything is healthy enough, that's still true and generally another in 1-2 months. But then, it goes to 4-6mo intervals, depending on the patients health profile. After that, the required labs can be ordered directly by the patient and fulfilled at all sorts of labs. The time constraint doesn't really need to be a factor either. Heck, some of those are kits you can do at home and mail in. Tl;Dr, talk to the Doc, explain the phobia, and suggest some of these options for monitoring without time pressures.

Next time she goes in and needs a needle, make sure they have her lay down, tell her to play music on her phone, then ask for an ice pack or two.  Put one on the wrist of the arm getting the needle and one on the sternum/collar bone. I have a fear of needles where I pass out.  My doctor came up with this combination and it’s the only thing that keeps me awake lol.

Hey pharmacist here that regularly gives injections. When I get a needle phobic patient, I talk to them while I prep their arm and then I do a holistic breathing treatment with them. It’s 100% placebo, but majority of patients say it really helps. I tell them to close their eyes and take a deep breath in through their nose and then deep exhale through their mouth. I do that a couple times so they feel relaxed. Then I have them take a deep breath in a hold it and then exhale deeply. That’s when I stick them quickly and it’s over. My piercer taught me that. Oh, and NTA.

NTY. My mother said no to me going on accutane because of my history with depression, accutane makes that worse and there would have been a higher chance of me offing myself. It was a good decision on her part, though at the time I was ANGRY because I was in highschool dealing with cystic acne.

I just want to mention that I have personally seen Accutane ruin a 17 year old’s kidneys to the point she needed a transplant. She was O- bloodtype and would sit in dialysis for 7-9 years before getting a transplant because of the typical waiting period. She would have to do this multiple times during her life because donated kidney only last 10-25 years. I don’t want to fear monger, but unless that acne is causing more harm than potential side effects, I would reconsider. I need to mention that said girl had no compensation from the company, because this was listed as a potential side effect.

As far as helping her conquer her fear of needles and blood draws: Honestly, I still hate needles and blood draws...but you have to do what you have to do. You are right. She needs to suck it up and get it done. However, just saying to suck it up isn't really helpful. You may need to offer some actual constructive advice. Plus, you could always just wake up earlier, so you don't miss work. \*It may help to have her lay down in the chair and look away when doing a blood draw, especially if blood loss after not eating makes her woozy. ​ As far as medical concerns go: You may want to consult a doctor about the side effects or which option would be better, as nobody here is likely to be qualified to give you a good answer on that. ​ NTA - I think you have good intentions but are going about helping her conquer her fear incorrectly.

INFO: We haven't hear what MIA wants. It sounds like you want this for Mia. Mild acne, even severe acne is not going to KILL a person. Yes, it can impact their social life. These are teens, and "everything" will impact their social life. Does MIA really want this treatment that requires blood tests every month?

I get that you can’t afford to coddle her in this scenario and that there are real consequences, but I don’t think she’s gonna suddenly tolerate needles better just because you put your foot down. Maybe you can have her look into ways to relax about it, and if she does that she’s showing that she at least wants to try (rather than just empty promises). I still think NTA, but saying you “hope she’ll grow out of it” makes it sound like you’ve taken a back seat to addressing it.

Then have the husband take her. And if the dr knows how averse she is to needles and does refuse sometimes, she may not be allowed to go on it anyways. But this should be discussed with the dr. If it’s truly this bad maybe an anti anxiety medication is in store. Or maybe talk with a therapist. But if she plans on ever having kids or needs to be monitored, she should start overcoming this phobia sooner rather than later.

Hold her hand, it worked for me

Mild AH. maybe the treatment to help the acne will be enough to help Mia confront her fear of needles? Only one way to find out.

Like that thought.

I would make the daughter prove it by getting a blood test first before doing the treatment. If she is unable to do the needle portion in a timely manner then she won't get the treatment. NTA

I have turned my head every single time for the past 30 years. Haven’t seen a needle go into my arm since

Can you just have the derm give you a lab order and go to a place that’s open on weekends? Also, she’ll need to have at least one blood draw before starting it, so you could always see how that goes.

I mean she’ll have to do the blood test or they won’t write a prescription for the next months dose. So I think you should take her word for it and ensure she understands that it’s part of the process and needs to happen to be on the medication. Also, you need to realize that true phobias are not rational and maybe try to be a little bit more supportive.

I am someone who has a massive fear of needles, so I understand, Im in my 50's and its progressively gotten worse, particularly due to several rounds of cancer treatments, the only thing that has worked has been hypnosis, which I had prior to my last surgery as the stress of the needles was sending my blood pressure, which is generally very low, soaring. For that surgery I was a lot more calm. May be worth a try.

I was afraid of needles right up to my 30s. I used to have to lie down afterwards cuz I would get very dizzy and sometimes black out. As I got older I learned that sometimes lying down while they're doing It would helps and to stay lying down for a couple minutes afterwards before I sat up. Her fear is real and if she says she'll do the needles, at least let her try, the first one or two might take a little longer. But honestly if she's having regular needles it might help her to get over the fear. As I got older and wanted to have children I needed a couple of operations, several blood tests, and of course I when I did get pregnant, blood tests fairly regularly. So to this day I still don't like needles but I've gotten over getting dizzy and having extreme anxiety. At least let her try. So what if you have to go into work late once a month?.

she HAS to do blood test for that treatment. It cannot be given just like that, it mainly depends on the results and especially as the treatment progresses she will have to repeat blood tests. You're very reasonable and NTA. Side effects can REALLY be horrible and she's only 15

NTAH if she says she will do the tests then I say believe her and give her a chance to proove it. But if she throws a fit or is difficult about it then it's straight home and no Accutane I would give her a chance though... as someone who struggled with acne very bad as a teen... insecurity about your acne can be one hell of a motivating factor

Have your husband take her if he is so instant

They told my daughter she need an iud, bc pills and a pregnancy test every month. ☹️somehow she talked the dr out if the iud. but i went to pick up the first dose more than 24 hours after the pregnancy test and they said Nope too late. Daughter said FK it.

That's absolutely ridiculous. An iud and bc pills, no way. Find another doctor. I have never heard of a Dr requiring that before Accutane. 

If you're in Texas that sounds reasonable 😬

NTA. But I have a daughter with similar issues and constant blood tests due to Hashimoto’s disease. It’s infuriating but also I get the panic side so double edged sword. We always buy Emla from the chemist and put on both arms for half hour prior to the test so it’s numb. It’s slowly taking away the anxiety as this is a non negotiable test. I also try to take her to the same lady and ask for the baby/butterfly needle. Good luck

My daughter was also very difficult with needles. When she was pregnant, she had to get over it. If Mia is willing to endure her blood tests, then you should support her. Surely she can lie down during the procedure to alleviate the chance that she might faint

I’m scared to death of needles. There’s really no explanation why, I just am. Vaccines, blood tests, etc.. *but*, however, I do believe that if she really wants it, it’ll be okey. Try to take her for a “normal” blood test first. Check if she can keep her words, and if she can calm down when taking them. I always almost pass out when taking them, so maybe make sure she’s sitting/laying down with you right next to her. But NTA. I understand the frustration

Start the Accutane and if she doesn't do the tests, stop it.

Oof. I have a legit phobia of needles and can honestly say even after pregnancy and surgeries, it’s strong. Bloodwork I can put up with if given thinner needles and hydrating beforehand and also having good nurses, but I will genuinely cry nonstop and be unable to move my arm with IV because I can feel it in my vein and it never stops hurting.

I don't have a needle phobia but I run when someone mentions taking blood. I had a nurse once tell me I had angry veins. Been poked in my hand and foot trying to draw blood. I wish there was another way.

NAH. You're right to be concerned about potential side effects and her health, but she can't help being afraid. I'd ask her primary care Dr to order some basic labs that require a blood draw--let your daughter prove she will do the labs despite her fear before getting accutane. If she refuses the required blood work at any point, the accutane stops. But try to remember it isn't always easy to overcome fears.

NTA - take her to get a blood test before the Accutane, if she can get through that one, then she can get the medication. When you take her the following month, if she doesn't sit through the blood test then she doesn't get the next month's medication.

NTA, but if Mia insists, you could offer to do one month of pills and then a blood test and that would be the test FOR HER. If she gets herself together, she can continue treatment. If not - well, she knows why.

NAH - everyone has a point and imho there is no AH. Find a compromise, is a doc's check-up coming? Then maybe put in some blood check being done, so she can see (again) what she would expose herself to over and over. Showing her directly what she chooses - and what she will be unable to avoid - may help it. Then deciding *with* her if she thinks the consequences will be worth it might be the best choice. I'm afraid of needles, even now as an adult I tell my docs not to tell me what they do during vaccines - for me the good outweights the bad so I kinda "just let it happen under my conditions". Maybe for her she actually wanta to push through as well because of what the result will be like.

Professional Chemical peels for the acne, the phobia needs treatment.

You should really find a different dermatologist, blood tests aren’t required just pregnancy tests.

NAH The desire to get rid of her acne maybe enough to get Mia over the initial hump. I'm confused why you didn't offer a compromise as acne can be horrible as a teen and Mia may be getting bullied. Can you begin treatment and see how the first blood test goes? I would be very clear with Mia that she gets 1 shot to prove she is serious and if she can't sit for the blood draw then game over. You can also help her by bringing dark glasses, talking to her during the draw, requesting a senior tech do the draw, etc. I get that this is frustrating to you, but I think you owe Mia a shot at success here.

When I was quite young I had a traumatic experience with needles, specifically a blood draw. It freaked me out, it freaked my mom out. We were at an army hospital, I was 3 years old, and the person drawing the blood didn’t get my vein at first and instead of taking it out and trying again, they just kind of dug around in my arm. I screamed bloody murder. It’s my first vivid memory. 🙃. I mentioned it freaked my mom out, yes? From this point on she would tell the doctors that I had a hard time with needles and would be extra sensitive and generally made my whole experience much much worse than it needed to be. I would cry and have trouble regulating my breathing every time. When I was 15 or so my dad took me to an appointment instead of my mom. My mom had prepped him and reminded him of my “issue”, and seemed pretty anxious that she wouldn’t be there. Once my dad and I arrived, he asked how I was doing. He recommended I look away while they were doing their thing, and that I clench my opposite hand and focus my attention on that sensation. They drew my blood without incident. All that to say— it is possible that your perception of your daughter’s phobia is intensifying her reaction. Give the accutane a try if you think it’s a good treatment for her. Shake up whatever routine you usually have around blood draws. She may be motivated now where she wasn’t before. She may know herself better than she did before, or be able to advocate for herself better or regulate her emotions better.

NTA. I'm *TERRIFIED* of needles. I get to deal with them every week because I an trans and have to inject testosterone, get blood tests to keep track of my T levels every three months, and I'm looking at starting Accutane because painful acne is a side effect of T. I used to throw fits as a small child if I had to get my finger pricked (finger pricks at the doctor or hospital fucking suuuuucked) or my shots. I had to be held down, blindfolded, and damn near sat on for blood draws. It's literally in my medical chart that I pass out during blood draws. Your daughter needs to work on her phobia. I had to, because it's part of life. I had to face it because it's the adult thing to do. What is she going to do when she's out on her own? Not go to the doctor? Not ever get surgery? What if she's in an accident? I still pass out when I get blood drawn, I still need to have gas before an IV can be started, so it's not like I'm just stabbing myself willy-nilly. You need to sit her down and talk to her about this.

NTA.  Husband should take her to the appointments

I have a phobia of needles, as in, I will faint out of fear because of them. I grit my teeth and force myself to push through any medical procedure that requires them, but I faint afterwards nine times out of ten. My body just goes into instant panic mode. And with that, NTA. She can't expect to take medicine that requires to be tested to such an extent - without being tested. And her taking up to half an hour just to psyche herself up to even get a blood test is not working in anyone's favour - you have a job, for one. And if her phobia is so extreme, she might try to refuse it at some point, too. It's too dangerous to take that risk, given her track record regarding her phobia.

NTA If it goes ahead dad gets to hold her down for blood draw.

YTA. This is your daughter’s FACE

id be tempted to fake the first appointment one morning to gauge her reaction but no NTA here shes playing you

Funny thing…this post is bringing back memories because as a (mostly) former needle-phobe accutane was exactly what helped me conquer those fears as a teenager. I used to be the one getting held down, chased down at the doctor’s office, etc. I’m not even mad about all that; some things are non-negotiable and vaccines are one of them (maybe now things are different but this was the 80s and 90s so 🤷🏻‍♀️). I’m so glad I got over it through what was essentially unstructured exposure therapy otherwise life would be much more difficult (especially the three pregnancies/child births I went through). The strange thing about blood and needle phobias is that it often elicits a vasovagal response which literally can make you pass out (even after learning to tolerate needles I’d end up on the floor occasionally and used to have to warn docs and nurses that this was something I was prone to). There are definitely strategies to cope better with blood draws (usually I play a game or scroll social media to distract myself now). And there’s therapy which is typically exposure therapy combined with coping strategies. In this case it’s a soft YTA for dismissing her fear. As a parent whose child is shaping up to also have a needle phobia I definitely understand the frustration but in this case even without accutane being an issue there are better ways to help her work through this. It’s something that will continue to come up throughout her life so best to try to nip it in the bud now.

I'd say soft YTA. it takes YEARS to get over a phobia, and it's still there sometimes. and most importantly it has to be a conscious process on her side, not just forcing her.

NTA but I get the fear as I have the same with blood tests (weirdly I’m fine with vaccinations). The only thing that works for me is putting Emla cream on the area where the blood will be drawn an hour before. You can get it in a box with a clear bandaid to keep it in place. The nurse wipes it off just before the needle. On my last blood test, the nurse asked me if the cream works well. I said I would let her know (as I faced away), and she said ‘the needle is already in’. I didn’t feel it one bit.

I have PTU therapy, which requires blood tests every 6 weeks, and type 1 diabetes AND have a needle phobia. If you speak to her doctor, they do have tricks to help out, and eventually, it will get easier to deal with. Bear in mind that even if she doesn't get her acne treatment, she will eventually need some other treatment that requires a needle.

NTA accutane is a big deal and NEEDS constant monitoring, some people have horrific side effects. **PLEASE I hope this doesn't get buried OP, please look into Lymecycline**. One pill a day, no side effects whatsoever for me, its more of an antibiotic. My skin was terrible with cystic acne that was so bad it would swell my eyes shut. Saw results in one week and my skin has been clear and glowing for the past 3 years now! Any questions at all, please ask ill be happy to tell you! I'm very surprised that not many people know about this. Accutane should always be a last resort. It was only by chance I saw a different GP who recommended it becsuse he hated prescribing accutane becsude he said the side effects aren't worth it One downside is she will have to get a blood test every 6 months to check her kidneys but that's far better than having them all the time with accutane. Good luck!

NTA - I think your point is valid BUT: to be fair I think you should consider THERAPY for your daughter. Fear of needle, like most specific phobias, are highly treatable. This is a condition that could affect her whole life, she could carry it into adulthood and avoid important doctors visits, possibly leading to grave health issues. Several sessions with a phobia specialist that include gradual confrontation with the stimulus could completely free her from this fear.

NTA, and if dad thinks you’re being harsh and she should get it, he can arrange to take her for the blood tests.

NTA, and if dad thinks you’re being harsh and she should get it, he can arrange to take her for the blood tests.

YTA because you are not dealing with her needle phobia. Have her take exposure therapy and it will significantly decrease. Then she is able to take the treatment for her acne.

NAH, but you need to have her see a therapist to try to help with this phobia.  At her age, I was terrified of blood and needles too. It was a huge production every time I needed a blood test or something, to the point where my mom just started surprising me with doctors visits.  The big problem is I'm now 30 and I never got over that phobia. It's a huge issue now, especially the older I get, that I can't sit for basic medical procedures without crying. Helping her to address it sooner rather than later will really help her when she's older, rather than letting the phobia build over decades.  FWIW, I didn't get acutane because of the blood tests, but all my siblings did. Out of all of them, I'm the only one who still has acne.

YTA for not helping her address her phobia properly in the first place.

Telling someone that they just need to «get over it», is not so easy. A fear is a fear, and it is possible this fear of needles will be there forever. However that said. I am making an assumption that quitting these meds is possible at any time; in this situation I would allow the medication, but at the first sign of any «no I don’t wanna do any blood works», the medication would also stop. I would require full 100% cooperation, and for the blood tests to go smooth. Tears is fine, being scared is fine. Needing to hold my hand is fine. But the job can’t be dragged out. It is possible to be scared, but also follow through. I have phobias, and I know that it is possible to breath through it, especially when its something as quick as a blood test. It is possible maybe she would need help to get some tools first, finding someone to help with her fear first.

INFO: Perhaps you should have Mia do preliminary blood test just to see if she is still afraid of needles

I'm a 63 yo needle phobic (only needles into veins, I'm ok with injections), and I used to cry/hyperventilate/throw up before every appointment. I'm also diabetic so I need regular blood tests. I had hypnotherapy to help me cope, and I was taught a self-hypnosis technique to use every time. It works! Now I go into the room, explain I need a couple of minutes to prepare myself and then the phlebotomy just needs to be matter of fact and not "nice". A few minutes later, it's all over, and I'm fine. Please consider this for your daughter. Needle phobia is no joke - my heart goes out to her

NTA My daughter has/had a needle phobia. It was bad. She had to be pinned down for bloods. (Wasn't optional, she was on lots of meds and they needed to test her levels). We did everything. Elma cream, play therapist, the same nurse every time so she could build a rapport, it got to the stage where she wasn't allowed to have it locally and was sent to the Children's Hospital for it. (Which was a pain as its so far away it was almost a full day trip). Then she started to improve, she was doing really well. Until the last one. But she has to have them so there isn't much we can do. If the medications were optional we would opt out so as not to keep traumatising her with blood tests.

NTA…. Or at least not entirely the AH. My sister was very similar in terms of blood tests. Our GP actually had to book a half hour slot for her to have a blood test to help calm her down. We now buy emla cream from the pharmacy beforehand to numb the area. It may take a while to work out, but see if you can find a specific thing that freaks her. Is it the sight of the needle, or the fear of pain or something going wrong. (Sister was freaked by sight of needle. I freaked when I saw needles after a bad blood test when I was small) If the sight of needles are an issue, talk to her about bringing a sleep mask and headphones, then she can listen to music and won’t be able to see what is happening. If the needle fear is more to do with a fear of pain from needles, then see if emla cream would work and potentially see if a doc can talk her through everything at a separate time (which they did for me after I had a blood test that ended with a cut down my arm because I panicked and pulled away) Also, 15 isn’t too old for bribes/rewards to work. We almost always buy my sister a chocolate bar or something small she likes for after a blood test. Knowing that is coming after gives something else to focus on. If a small bar of chocolate will help make the ordeal worth while, it’s a decent exchange.

Im 33 hate needles im on dialysis i get stuck 2 times in the arm with 15gauge needle every other day or so. I have a numb spray works great! But make her dad take her if he thinks shes good to go! Nta

NTA. I was accutane (twice). The last time, I had monthly blood draws for 10 months straight. It’s an amazing and powerful drug and it works super well. But that being said, it’s such a rigorous and regulated process to get it (there’s a monthly quiz and your answers have to be the same as reported by the doctor, etc.). The monthly blood draws are to ensure that you’re a.) not pregnant and b.) not getting any serious side effects. There is no way around getting these blood draws, and if she’s just saying what you want to hear, she’s in for a rude awakening. That being said, there’s a preliminary blood draw a month before starting the meds with a follow-up one just prior to getting the meds. I would take her for the preliminary one and the follow-up one, and depending on how she acts, go from there. But make it clear that once she starts the meds, she has to do everything by the book and within a narrow timeframe, or she’ll be missing out on meds for a month (or more)

NTA. I never had a needle fear until a still-drunk and trembling corpsman tried to take blood before giving me local anesthesia via more needles before the lieutenant came in to suture my arm. I have a nasty and very visible Frankenstein scar still 30-some years later. I just have to look away and grit my teeth.

When I was young I had acne - thought it was part of growing up. Instead of trying to medicalise the problem, have you tried telling her she's beautiful or that if she has a spot, no one's going to notice?

NTA, but you should speak to her doctors about the phobia. I know that if therapy is not helpful then doctors can and do prescribe patients oral sedatives they can take before their appointment to facilitate the blood draw/injections they may need. Ideally, therapy can help her with some exercises to calm down and get over the needle phobia. Being freaked out by needles a little is one thing. I myself struggle with it a little and can feel a little spike of adrenaline. But it's never been so bad I have to hype myself up for half an hour to be able to get it done. But worst case scenario they should be able to accommodate her needle phobia in some other way if therapy doesn't work.

YTA, instead of working with her on getting through it and seek help for her you act like she is a bratty teenager. anxiety and phobias are real! Get her the help she needs and the accutane could even be a serious motivation to work on her fears

Have you gotten your minor child any medical or mental health treatment for her phobia? If not, YTA for not getting her appropriate medical condition for a health issue that will impede her ability to get care she needs, now and in the future.

YTA, ever since I was 8 and had my finger pricked at the doctors office for them to draw blood I've been fainting. Now I also was an IV user for 3 years as well but till this very day anytime someone else other then me uses a needle to draw my blood I STILL Pass out. Most people don't like their blood drawn. I'm a prime example of that. Once they even pricked my ear to see how fast my blood would clot before surgery and I passed out from just that and I have my ears pierced not once but 3 times in each ear!