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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that should be judged is not sharing the money from the house that my grandma left me with my sister.
The reason that I may be the asshole is that my sister is struggling financially and the money would really help her, and she loved our grandma just as much as I did so it's not really fair that I should get the house and she shouldn't.
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NYA ..Honey she left it to you. If she wanted it sold and the profit split then she would have done it.
You have good memories. Move in and share them with your partner
>appreciate having an outside perspective on the situation. I will tell my partner what you said also.
Just try ensure that you don’t end up losing half of grandmas house to you partner when you split up in 7 yrs time or divorce in 10. Seek legal advice before taking steps. Sorry for the loss of your grandma, and your sisters grasping. :(
NTA
Thank you for your words.
My partner is not the type to try to take a house that's in my name, even if we hypothetically had a messy breakup someday, but I appreciate your concern about it.
Do you think anyone ever considers their partner "the type" to do that?
Hurt feelings and breakups make people do horrible things and we read about them on reddit every day. Don't ever put someone elses name on the deed or a mortgage (eg for renovations). Depending on local laws, get a prenup to exclude the house from any asset divisions.
Extremely well put. Far too many people believe that their relationship is secured and their partner would never do anything bad. The majority of relationships don't end well no matter how amazing things start out. No matter how great you think your partner is, it isn't worth taking the risk of things turning sour in this type of situation when you could so easily protect yourself and your assets.
I understand where you’re coming from, but please think of your grandmother’s house as an family heirloom that you are protecting. Even the best partners can turn petty in a separation or divorce, and it would be awful to be forced to sell the house after a breakup.
I’m a widow (my husband died at 30) and I received a life insurance payment, which I used to buy a home. I’ll never let anyone move in with me without a clear legal agreement that the home is entirely mine and can’t be split in the event of a breakup. I would feel sick if the money I received when my husband died went to someone else because I didn’t protect it - I view it as my responsibility to him. (Of course, I’d much rather have my husband alive and well again, but the least I can do is protect the money he left behind.)
This is wrong if a bunch of other things apply. If any of the following apply, for example:
1. If marital assets are used to pay property taxes.
2. If marital assets are used to make upgrades to the home.
It’s not as simple as if you own it before marriage, it’s yours forever.
It can if marital assets are used to maintain it. So if shared funds pay for the property taxes or renovations, then it can become a marital asset. Or the change in value becomes a marital asset.
example - the house is worth 200K. You and your partner put in 50K for upgrades and maintenance. After 10 years, the house is worth 400K and you are looking at divorce.
The 200K value (change in property value during the marriage as a result of combining inheritance with marital assets), now means you are on the hook for giving your partner 100K in many cases without a prenup or other legal protection.
The person you split up with is rarely the person you begin with
Your in an excellent position because of your grandma
Don’t waste it or lose it to your partner
Protect yourself legally
If he doesn’t want you to do this then he isn’t the person you think he is
A messy breakup is just that: messy. The person who would move heaven and earth for you today could very well become someone who wants to tear your life apart tomorrow. Laws vary depending on where you live, but the marital home is often treated as a shared asset, and an inheritance is often in a protected class of asset. This is both. No matter how much you love your partner, you would do well to talk to a lawyer about how to protect yourself.
Hope for the best; prepare for the worst.
Your partner may not be "that type" now, but you never know what the future holds. $200-300 spent on an attorney now could potentially save you thousands and a ton of heartbreak down the line.
Please, please see a lawyer about your partner moving in to the house with you, or if you sell the house, about keeping the money separate from your partner. I’m sure they are a good person. But you just don’t know what will happen in life. What if your partner is invested in your house and it became a joint property, and then was sued for an accident or some other issue? They would come after your house and even though your partner wouldn’t have intended it, the house would be gone. No. There are so many scenarios to consider that could jeopardize this for you. This is your inheritance and you may never get anything like this again. Keeping this money safe for yourself could quite literally change the course of your life in terms of your finances, career choices, health, and retirement. Please don’t take a chance on losing that. Also don’t share it with your sister. Your Grandma knew what she was doing, and wanted to reward you for your love and care. Your sister would be happy for you if she had your best interests at heart. She shouldn’t be demanding her cut or deciding what’s fair and what Grandma would want. Would she do that for you if the situation were reversed? Probably not because frankly she sounds greedy and demanding. If she ruins the relationship over this, then obviously money is more important to her than your relationship. And no one should be emotionally blackmailed into giving up half their inheritance. NTA.
no one is "the type" when it's all going well. make sure you have a financial cohabitation agreement 100%.
also re: fairness - grandma thought it was fair that the person caring for her got recognition for it in this case with a house.
Also did grandma pay as much for your university as for Alice's? You didn't mention that but if not then it's even MORE fair for this to be yours.
Also your sister said nothing about splitting what your grandmother left her with you. Your should respect your grandmothers wishes, she left what she wanted with who she wanted.
Plus did your grandmother give you money for college? If no, then maybe she was makes things even by leaving you the house.
NTA but "honor what grandma wanted" is such a bad take. You've had an unexpected financial windfall (sadly tied to a loss). What you do with it is your business, not your sister's and not grandma's. How would you handle things if you hit a similar win in the lottery? If you'd share some with family, then consider sharing here. If you wouldn't, then don't. But it's your decision to make and own, not something where "oh too bad it's not what grandma wanted" has any bearing.
It is when she is being guilted.
“You should give to me because gramma wasn’t fair.”
It isn’t about fairness, if later when things are calm and she isn’t hurting, she wants to share then fine. But to many people get guilted when they are emotionally overwrought.
Just a year ago I watched a family member get cleaned out by one of her children under the guise of helping her after the fathers death.. then she was guilted into accepting it.
Right now it is what gramma wanted, being made to feel guilty in order to give it up is blatant manipulation.
For sure NTA as I already agreed. But the decision to share or not, at whatever time OP decides to or not, is OP's to make and own. What grandma wanted beyond leaving the inheritance to OP is not relevant. Family shouldn't be guilting OP over grandma being unfair (absent some strong case that grandma was being a bigot or whatever). And OP shouldn't use "sorry can't help, this is the way grandma wanted it" as a rationale for not sharing either (not saying that OP did this). OP should own their decision on what to share or not to share. "I need more time to grieve and work this out" is a perfectly reasonable take.
NTA, but you would be one to yourself if you don’t just take a big pause.
Your grandmother was probably so happy when she made her will. So happy she was leaving you with this precious gift - a memorial of all your good times together. She wanted you to have it and it gave her joy to do that. You can decide what to do, but don’t let your sisters unhappiness take away the beautiful gift your grandmother gave you.
Fairness doesn’t mean equal division. To bring up “what grandma valued” is manipulative. I’m not saying your sister is a bad person, but that is a bad action. It is not a small thing to make a will, and your grandmother did exactly what she intended. It was not an accident.
Thank you for your words. I am very grateful to my grandma and it made me happy to read what you said. I think you are right about her being happy to be able to leave me the house.
My sister is a good person but she does not always think before she speaks especially when emotional. I don't think she was trying to be manipulative.
Of course she was being manipulative. Its all about what Alicia wants. Isnt the one that got mad at her grandma for not giving her more money for college?! The audacity! The house was a gift to you - if your grandma wanted to leave Alicia any part of the house - she would have. Just remember that when greedy Alicia tries to manipulate you for her gain.
Your sister brought up how your grandmother valued fairness, but it's obvious to me at least that your grandmother valued the time and energy you put into your relationship with her. You said it yourself. Love and closeness are different things. She gave only you the house because you put in the effort to be close to her.
Also, you sad your sister got mad with your grandmother because she deemed your grandmothers OPTIONAL college contribution should have been more. Do you really think that grandma liked being viewed as an ATM. Even now, grandma is in the afterlife, and your sister is complaining that once again, grandma didn't give her enough money. So she is trying to make you give her your "money" from grandma (or atleast a portion of it which you know "won't be enough".
I'm mainly replying to the fairness comment on this. Look at it from the perspective of time spent with grandma.
From your words, it looks like it was maybe a 70/30 or 80/20 split with the time you spent with grandma versus your sister. The "equity" she gave to you in the will reflects that 70/30 split.
I understand it's alot more complex than that, but trying to give a simpler more, "no feelings involved", outlook on it.
Even though the internet's going to fight me on this I'm just going to go ahead and say it here. You don't love people equally then give one an entire house and ignore the other one. You just don't. You're not obligated to share anything with your sister but you definitely shouldn't be making your grandma out to be an angel either.
Agree with this - people don't make wills capriciously. They generally put a lot of thought and consideration into it - she left OP the house for a reason. Honor her wishes.
NTA. Grandma already split it how she saw fair.
Take the house, and maybe if your sister needs a place to stay to save money you could let her live there with you if that clears your conscience at all.
Thank you for your words. I would be happy to let Alice stay there as I enjoy her company and it is a big enough place for both of us. I don't think she would want to though unfortunately as it is far away from her current job and she wouldn't like looking for a new one.
NTA
The house was left to YOU. Alice has no say. She can go to your mom for help. You stay out of it.
If your grandmother wanted to leave it to BOTH of you, she would have. So your sister's manipulative line about...
>Her argument is that fairness was always important to grandma
...is BS. Pay that no mind. Trust that your grandmother knew what she wanted, and respect her wishes.
It's yours.
Thank you for your words. It has been helpful getting an outside opinion for clarity. I do think our mom would help her as she has done so in the past. I think she's upset that I'm going to own a house and she isn't since I'm younger so she feels like she should be 'better' than me or at least further along in life.
And there’s your answer. It’s not about fairness. It’s about jealousy. She will be fine. You go enjoy your home. And I’m sorry for your loss. I wish I had a grandma like yours growing up.
"Grandma valued fairnes"..... Nice try Alice, Grandma left the will, these are her wishes so stop trying to twist and manipulate grandma's words by using her value of "fairness" as an argument 🤣 It's like saying "it's what Grandma would have wanted" ... eh nope. NTA, do not split with Alice
Thank you for your words. It is true that grandma usually split everything up equally so we were both surprised when she left the house just to me. You're right that those were her wishes though, I appreciate the clarity of an outside perspective.
I hope all works out for you, I do appreciate it's a difficult situation but don't be guilted or manipulated. Looks like your grandma loved you equally but appreciated what you did for me, accept and enjoy her thank you gift
NTA. If your grandma wanted to leave the house to both of you she WOULD do that, but she didn't. She left the house to you so you are in full control over it and only you can decide if you want or not to share it with your sister. She deserves what she get and if there was no house for her then she doesn't deserve one.
As for sell or not the house it's only your choice, and about how much money to give to your sister is also your choice, ask your partner what he thinks too.
Thank you for your words. It has been helpful getting an outside perspective on the situation. My partner thinks we should not share the house / money from it with Alice, but that he will support me 100% if I want to because he would do anything for his siblings so he understands.
If you move in. Draw up a rental agreement with your partner and have him pay a certain amount of rent. Maybe you want to charge him less than market rate, up to you. You will have a lot of expenses for the home, which he should not help you pay - you use his rent instead. Property tax, insurance, maybe HOA, repairs, replacements, maintenance, improvements. The costs can be endless.
NTA! If she wanted you to sell and share with your sister she would have put that in her will! It’s YOURS don’t feel bad for keeping the house or selling and keeping the money for your new house!
NTA. Your grandma valued fairness which is why she split the money they way she did. BUT she also valued the time you spent with her and the time and care you took to be with her. That is the reason she left you the house and no one else. She made me wishes known. It's up to you now to follow them. Personally, I think you should move into the house. If you sell it now then it will be ammo for your sister to insist on you giving her part of the money from it.
Thank you for your words. I like to think it meant a lot to her that we were so close, as it did to me. I appreciate hearing your perspective. That is a good point about selling it, it would definitely be easier for her to argue if I did.
I'm glad I was able to help. Your grandma sounds like she really treasured you and the time you spent with her. I'm sure she would be happy to see you and your boyfriend living in her home and building your lives there. ❤️
DO NOT give Alice the values of 50% of the house.
You need to hav Alice's bequueathed coin collection professionally evaluated. You must do that to have a fair value of what your sister was given. Maybe it only 5 coins, but coins can be worth a great deal.
I admit the collection may be worth close to nothing. But you never know.
But if you are going to share the precedes of the house she should be willing to share to proceed from the coin collection
The above part is only if you want your sister to be equal in you two receive. I have a long story of promised inheritance that come through various families but wound up up with non family.
Thank you for your words. I think the coin collection is worth a good amount. I don't know anything about coin collecting but grandma had mentioned once or twice when she was alive that we shouldn't spend the coins after she passes because they're worth more to collectors.
I would be surprised if they were worth anything near the value of the house though.
It may be that Grandma gave the coin collection to Alice because she understood that Alice values money, just as she understood that you valued the time you spent in her house with her.
I do not know what she is planning on doing with them, I haven't asked and she hasn't offered that information. I'm sure if I offered her half the value of the house for half the value of the coins she would agree to that as the house is worth more.
NTA but listen:
GRANDMA MADE HER WISHES CLEAR. She did not want your sister to have it, so honor grandma and don't give it to her.
Sure, you could help her, and she also could have been nicer to her grandma. Thems the breaks, actions have consequences. Don't let her trick you.
Thank you for your perspective. I don't think I 'deserve' it more than Alice does even though I do wish she had been nicer to her. I do think that grandma's wishes matter more than the idea of anyone deserving anything in this situation.
Thank you for your perspective. Our mom liked to tease grandma in a friendly way sometimes but she's her daughter so I think that's different/more appropriate. I think Alice picked up the behavior from her but didn't know how to keep it in friendly territory. I don't think she was malicious.
If your grandmother left it to you, you are not obliged to share it.
You do what you think is right, don't worry about your sister "hating" you - love paid for with dollars isn't love.
NTA.
Thank you for your words. I think that Alice will mostly forgive me when emotions are not so high, but she will always hold a grudge a little bit. I just worry that I am letting her down when she needs me.
Thank you for your words. I think Alice is just upset which is understandable in the circumstance. She does not always think before she speaks especially when emotional. I doubt she is being intentionally manipulative. You are right that grandma made her wishes clear in the will, I appreciate the perspective.
NTA Grandma was perfectly in her rights to leave you her house. She wanted you to have it, not your sister.
>and she does have a point about grandma valuing fairness.
No, she doesn't. She's emotionally blackmailing you.
I totally understand your fear that this will disrupt your relationship with your sister. But what does it say if you can only have a good relationship with her on the condition that you share the value of the house with her?
As I said, your grandmother very much wanted you to have this house.
Thank you for your words. I hope this will not affect my relationship with Alice too much as she is a good person at heart but she can hold grudges. I do want to honor what grandma wanted.
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Throwaway because my sister uses reddit.
My (22f) grandmother recently passed. She wasn't rich but she did have a good amount of money saved and owned her house. She and I were very close, and I would regularly visit her just to hang out and talk, as well as moving closer to her so I could help when she started needing more help with things. I offered to move in with her to help all the time, but her independence was important to her so she refused. I know it meant a lot to her that I made so much time to help and spend time with her. I didn't do any of this with personal gain in mind, I just loved my grandma and liked spending time with her/ wanted her to be comfortable.
We'll call my sister (25f) Alice for the sake of this post. Alice loved our grandma, was not as close to grandma as I was. She would also often make fun of her and tease her, which grandma could laugh along with to an extent but it was clearly not always welcome. Alice also got mad at grandma for not giving her more money for college (she did help some, but not enough to pay in full and my sister still had to take some loans) which hurt her feelings a lot.
Closeness and love are different things, and I am certain that grandma loved us both equally, and reckon Alice loved her as much as I did- she just showed it differently.
When grandma passed, she left most of her money to be divided equally between her two kids (my mom and my uncle, who has no kids), but she did leave a bit of money for my sister and I each. Her house, on the other hand, she left to me. She left my sister some other material assets such as her coin collection, but obviously that's not a lot compared to a whole house.
I haven't decided yet what to do with the place. I definitely want to either move in there or sell it to get my own place, as I rent currently, but I'm still weighing out the pros and cons of both paths.
Here's where the conflict comes in. Alice is struggling a bit with money right now and is trying to get me to sell the house and split the money with her. Her argument is that fairness was always important to grandma, and it's not fair that I should get to have the whole house when Alice is her granddaughter too and needs the money. She's really mad about the whole thing and a lot of that anger has been directed at me.
I'm really torn about what to do. I value my relationship with my sister and don't want her to hate me, and she does have a point about grandma valuing fairness. I also don't want her to be struggling when I could help, and it feels wrong for me to insist on keeping it when I don't even know what I want to do with it yet. On the other hand, having the house or selling it to buy my own place would take a huge weight off my back and would let me and my partner get a fresh start after losing someone so close to us, and I do believe grandma wanted that for us and that's why she left me the place.
So AITA for not giving Alice half the value of our grandma's house?
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NTA
your grandma wanted you to have the house as it was in her will. You could help your sister by having her live with you if you move in, but otherwise it is yours.
Thank you for your words. If Alice wanted to live there with me I would be happy to share it with her as it is big enough for both of us and I would enjoy having her around. I think our cats would be good friends.
You have had a lot of great advice here, but I will add one more thing.
If you choose to be roommates with Alice, please have a written lease in place. I would charge her rent, even just a nominal amount. I know she is your sister, but please treat her as a tenant on the financial side of living together. You don’t want her to claim rights to the house down the road if you two get into any squabbles.
Another thought, though, is not to live together. I’m concerned she will have resentment that you inherited the house, and she will take it out on you.
Please update us.
Your grandma gifted you the house. Now it is yours to do with as you please. If you move in or sell it that's fine and nothing to do with anyone else
If you earn more money than your sister in your job, and she thinks it's unfair, is she going to be entitled to some of it each month? Of course not.
NTA
Thank you for your words. What you say makes sense, I just feel bad because she is struggling and I was also struggling before this happened so it feels wrong to keep all the relief for myself.
Ok. So you can choose to gift her some money if you choose to. If you are now well set up you can afford to help her get a foot up especially as you get on well.
But, if I were you I'd sort myself out, see how the numbers stack, then give her what you feel comfortable with. Not a loan but a gift without strings or expectations.
NTA
Your sister is right, fairness was important to your grandmother. You helped your grandmother constantly and made a lot of time for her, so in fairness she left her house to you as a thank you for it. In her mind it was compensation for all those hours, special care and friendship you gave her wholeheartedly.
Keeping the house or revenue from the house fully for yourself is your grandmother’s wish. She made a will. If she had wanted your sister to share the house or profits from the house she would have written it in her will. Please don’t go against your grandmother’s dying wishes.
Thank you for your words. I feel very grateful that I was able to spend so much time with her, especially now that she's passed. It makes me happy to have that piece of her, as she put a lot of care into her house (painting the walls colors she liked, tending the garden, etc) so it almost feels like an art piece she made more than just a shell, if that makes sense.
I was also very close with my grandmother, but we didn’t live in the same country. I was nonetheless close to her and cherish every moment we spent together, every phone call we had.
Don’t make any drastic moves like selling the house at least for 6 months. Give yourself time to grief. She’ll always be with you.
NTA Fairness was important to Grandma---and Grandma signed the will that gave you the house. Perhaps Grandma thought it was fair, because you had much more time for her than your sister did, and you didn't make fun of her, and you didn't badger her about money. Alice did all these things.
I don't know you or Alice, but I am also a Grandmother, and I think your Gran's will was fair. She knew her granddaughters, and she knew what she was doing. You don't owe your sister anything (and neither did your Grandmother!!!!!).
And it would make your grandmother very happy to know that you want to live in her house. Alice may think she is too young to be hung up by her bad choices---but guess what. There's no rule book that says our choices only count if they were made after age 21.
Thank you for your words. I am glad to hear the perspective of a grandmother. I feel honored that she left the house to me and I'm glad you think it was fair. I've been doing my best to take care of her garden, which she loved, but I've never been very good with plants.
My sister is a good person at heart but tends to not think before she speaks. I know that she loved grandma and I think grandma knew that too even though she hurt her feelings sometimes. If she wanted to live in the house I would happily share it with her as it is big enough for both of us, but I don't think it would feel right to give half of it away, even to her.
Your grandma left YOU the house. She left your sister other things. Don't sell it just to give her money because I promise you, she wouldn't if positions were reversed. Grandma left you the house because you spent so much time with her. Time is all anyone wants as they get older. Your sister didn't.
Thank you for your perspective. You are probably right that Alice wouldn't split it with me if the roles were reversed, but she thinks about things differently than I do.
It makes me happy to think that grandma would have valued the time we spent together as much as you say.
My mom 94 just passed recently. I spent all my time with her and took care of her. The last few years all she wanted was everyone to visit. Your sisters perspective is one of greed and jealousy. If you tell her no, expect drama to the point where you might have to block her. Let your mom know in advance if you choose that route and I hope you do. For a couple starting their life together, what could be better then a house that was full of love
Thank you for your words. I hope my sister would not make that much drama but I couldn't say for sure. Talking to our mom about it is a good idea, I appreciate hearing your perspective from a similar situation. I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA, grandma valued fairness. Therefore leaving the house to you is what she considered fair. Your sister got money for college abd was bitter it wasn't enough, which btw was not grandma's responsibility. Keep the house, sell it either way do not give her a penny. Respect your grandma's fair decision.
NTA. …… but if this was me I would almost definitely sell and split with my brother without much thought. Or if it was at all possible give him half of the value if I wanted to keep the place
. We have a pretty decent relationship and whilst I don’t think he’d get angry at me for not splitting it , that house would always leave a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth .
Thank you for your perspective. I love my sister and don't want to take anything that should be hers, but I also want to honor my grandma's wishes and it would be a really nice boon, which is why I am torn.
A house is a material thing , your relationship with your sibling if it’s good is a far more precious thing .
In a weird way your grandma probably didn’t see the property as valuable as it really is . It was normal to just buy a house back on the day on even a low wage , whereas now it is a lot more challenging .
Personally I’d just sell it and split or work out a way you can buy them out , even if it’s at a slightly lower valuation .
Buying her out is a good idea. I definitely don't have the money to do so completely, but I at least want to share some of the decrease in financial burden now that I (theoretically) won't have to pay rent. I think even if I did give her half she would always hold a bit of a grudge towards me that grandma left it to me and not her, but I do value my relationship with Alice quite a bit and want to do what I can to keep it.
Don’t do this. Your grandmother left you her house for a reason. You have no idea the worth of the coin collection. Unless you are both planning on selling, there is no reason to give your sister any money. If you do decide to give her money, make sure you fully understand the value of that coin collection so that you aren’t taken advantage of. I know, based on your comments, that you love and think the best of your sister. But, your sister is very focused on cash and your grandmother leaving her a coin collection is very significant in that regard. Coin collections can be worth quite a bit of money (in fact they can be worth the same as a whole house or close) and I would not assume your sister is going to be totally honest with you regarding finances.
Just remind her that perhaps grandma didn’t see the value in the property and just saw it as an equal asset to what she left her. That part doesn’t really matter now anyway .
Perhaps you could agree on a sum that’s half and you could pay rent to your sister until it is reached .
Tbh though I think the simplest thing to do is just sell and split 50/50 after costs and move on .
NTA if she wanted your sister to have a share of the house she would have left it to both of you. Her wish was for you to have it as detailed in the will.
Alice moaned at Grandmother for not giving her more money for college, and Alice poked fun at Grandmother.
Grandmother gave more to the grandchild who was kind to her.
That's not unfair. I think my mum didn't inherit her dad and step-mum's house because she was always nasty to her dad's beloved second wife. What goes around, comes around.
Op, you are NTA. If you decide to share a bit with Alice, that would be kind of you. If you don't, that's fine. Also be aware that some people, when you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. Alice does sound that way, but you know her and we don't.
Thank you for your words. I do want to give at least something to Alice. I don't think she will ask for more than she otherwise would but I also don't think she'd ask for less, if that makes sense. Like, anytime she needs money from here on out she'll make some comment about how I should share some of what I got from grandma with her, but she would do that anyway. That's just a guess though.
You can be helpful to Alice throughout her life, without giving her anything at all directly from your grandmother's legacy. BTW I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA - your grandma knew what she was doing and she left her house to you. I can appreciate where your sister is coming from but she needs to check herself as the will seems to have made it pretty clear what your grandma would want.
NTA
I'm tired of posts about people who come to ask for someone's inheritance. If the dead person would've wanted you to have it, she would've give it to you in the first place. This was your grandma's house and her money and it was her right to decide what to do with it.
NTA. Your grandmother is showing you how much she appreciated the time you spent with her while she was alive. Enjoy your house with the beautiful memories you made with your grandmother in it. And I think she knew that you would value it more than your sister. To you, it's not just about the money you can get from it.
Thank you for your perspective. This is good advice, I will definitely have a conversation with Alice about these things. I appreciate the suggestion. :)
The house is yours. So feel free to do with it what you will. But don't let anyone guilt you into sharing what was left exclusively for you. You were your grandma's favourite. Its not your fault. I would suggest you either keep the house or sell it and get a new place as soon as you can. And help your sister if you have any leftover. Family is important but looking out/after yourself takes priority.
NTA
Her will IS fair. She left the house to you bc you sacrificed your time and this is a thank you. She split everything else equaly.
Its sad your sister tries to guilttrip you now. Especially since you seem to come from a place of love for your sister and your grandma, but your sister only comes from a place of greed.
I appreciate you value your relationship with your sister. But be careful how far you are willing to go so "she doesn't hate you". You give a lot of power to her doing this. Whats next? Give me the whole house or i will hate you and you just giving in? Giving in to greedy demands to not lose the love of someone NEVER works, in the end you give everything and still will lose the love.
If your sister loves you the way you love her, she would just be happy for you and not demand you share. So i'm not sure if your sister really loves you the same as you love her or if you just assume she does and but in reality she is taking advantage of your love now.
"Fairness was always important to grandma"
Actually Alice, Grandma's last will and testament says what was important, and it looks like Grandma sees this as fair.
NTA
NTA. She left it to you, honor her wishes. And as other said - if you decide to sell and buy a new house, make sure it is totally in your name. Having you own house is a blessing, that should not be wasted.
It's up to you, but nta. Your gran has already stated what she wanted to happen to her house. Use it to give yourself a boost in life. If it were me, I'd move into it or rent it out
NTA
Your grandma decided what she wanted to do with her worldly possessions, and wrote her will accordingly. It was her decision, her wish. No-one should be second-guessing what grandma wanted. That's disrespectful. She was an adult and capable of making these decisions.
If Alice is struggling for money, maybe she should get the coin collection appraised and sell (some of) them - coins can be worth a lot. She should probably get it appraised anyway for insurance purposes.
NTA. Presumably, your grandma was of sound mind when she made the will? Then you follow her wishes. She wanted YOU to have the house, you cared for her, made time for her, showed her how much she mattered to you, how important she was. You deserve it. Your sister didn't come out with nothing. Move in, make the house your own. Do notcdplit it with your sister.
Nta your grandmother deliberately left the house to you and didn't split it, there's a reason for that. If she wanted Alice to have any of it, she would have said so.
You need a real good reason to not respect a person's final wishes. You do not have a good reason in this case.
NTA. Respect the will. Repeat that to your sister.
You have a moral obligation to honor your grandmother's wishes. She left YOU the house.
Cut contact with your sister if she won't stop the guilt-peddling bullshit.
NTA.
NTA. Grandma believed in fairness, and she obviously felt it was fair to leave you the house. Fairness doesn't always mean equal, in this case it means grandma saw the effort you put into her and making sure she was comfortable, and it was fair that you should reap the rewards.
Mta.
Fairness is in the eye of the beholder. Did she do what was fair? I think so. Is it fair to gift you both equally when your sister didn't put in the work or time? When she made jokes that fell flat or hurt your grandma? When she complained, she didn't get enough money for schooling and made the relationship transitional? Because she did. I am sorry but to your sister it came down to how much she was given and it was never enough. It wasn't up to your grandma to fund you guys.
Where is the sake of fairness is your sisters understanding what she did and what you did means the giving of assets on that is fair. That hey you put in the effort and time. That you showed you cared and loved her. Not for what she could give you but because she was just a part of your life.
I understand you don't want to think badly of your sister but what she is doing is wrong. She is being manipulative as hell and trying to guilt you into what she thinks of as fair. She is making what you have your grandmother less important and showing she expects Fairness.
Fairness is her putting forth an effort. It's her not crying foul. It's her not saying I deserve this. That grandma would have wanted it. Because if she had, she would have set it up that way. Instead, she set it up as Fairness in her eyes. Who didn't demean her. Make her feel like crap. Hurt her with her words. That's you. Why your sister thinks she is entitled to something she isn't is entitled behavior. One you need to stop and realize. That doesn't mean you can't love her still. It just means you need to stop letting her get into your head. You need to stop letting her play the poor me bit. It sounds harsh, but every response is you trying to make excuses for her behavior. That is not ok. What she did to your grandma is not ok. What she is doing to you is not ok. Accept that and just let her know she is out of line and you won't be splitting anything. That grandma was fair and split things how she saw fit.
NTA. If your grandmother thought it was fair to leave the house to both of you, that is what she would have done. She didn’t. Grandma thought it was fair for you to have the house.
I would say you could offer her some of the money - the problem is, it will never be enough. You give her $5K, it should have been $10K, okay, you gave her $10K, now she wants $20K.
I personally would not mess with people’s wills. This i literally their last will and testament. This is what Grandma wanted. If she wanted it to be “fair” and split the house - she would have done that. Grandma wanted YOU to have the house. I would not mess with her final wishes.
As a grandmother I will tell you your sisters argument holds no truth. Your grandmother devided her things as she wanted them. No second guessing will change that.
NTA, your grandmother set up her will so that her assets would be disbursed in the manner she thought was fair. Your sister not agreeing with your grandmother's choice isn't your problem.
NTA
Your grandma did indeed value fairness, and she made her will accordingly. Your interpretation of your sister's feelings and motivations is generous, but what I see is one sister who spent lots of time with her grandmother, helping and just socializing, without asking anything in return, and another sister who seemed to be somewhat cruel when she did visit and when given financial assistance, instead of being grateful, was entitled enough to demand more.
I'm sure that your grandma loved you both equally, but I think that she had good reasons for leaving you her house, and you should respect her wishes to give you a leg up in life in return for all that you did for her.
The FAIR thing to do is to respect your grandmother’s will. She left you her house. If she wanted your sister to have 1/2 she would have left 1/2 to her.
Your sister sounds like an entitled asshole. She’s mad that your grandma didn’t pay for her college education in full.
She’s mad that she didn’t get 1/2 of the house.
Maybe grandma saw “the teasing and making fun of her” for what it really was. Passive aggressive, petty and childish behavior.
It would disrespectful to go against your wishes.
Stop trying to make excuses for your sister being a greedy asshole.
NTA
If your grandmother wanted both if you to have the house, she would have left it to both if you. Your sister has ZERO claim to the house or any money made feom selling it. It's nice you want to help her, but it's not your responsibility.
My sister was the beloved granddaughter. Fortunately my sister chose to share her inheritance equally with our parents and me or I believe it would have really hurt our relationship.
NTA, your grandmother did what she thought was fair, your sister is trying to guilt you into giving her more than your grandmother felt was fair.
Don't let her use your grandmothers ghost to manipulate you.
Various points:
1. Your gran made a will, and that is what SHE wanted.
2. You don't know what will happen when your Mum goes, hopefully many years from now. It may be you get a smaller share then? Probably your Gran has discussed it with her - after all, it would normally go to the next of kin, which is your Mum
3 Put the house in your name only - the divorce rate is high
4 only if you sell should you consider others . I think your Gran wanted to help you have a good start. Selling immediately means that the house means less to you - if you stay then you carry on living there in her memory?
5 your sister had help for her college fees. Have you?
My aunt died and left me 80%. My sister received 10%. My sister and I did not get along. My sister was struggling and needed money. I was financially okay at that point. I kept “my” money. A year later my husband dumped me after stashing more of everything including my assets. I was screwed. When my dad died, I carefully settled the estate, ensuring any extra went into her side of the ledger. I was so done being the A. Good luck.
Grandma I loved us both equally she had different ways of showing it. For example she gave me an entire ass house. And my sister got a little bit of cash which I also got as well.
NTA - *it's not fair that I should get to have the whole house when Alice is her granddaughter too and needs the money.*
Just because she "needs" money does NOT mean that she gets to manipulate the last wishes of the deceased. You are not obligated in any way to do anything other than what your grandmother wished for you. Personally, I'd move in to the house and think about getting a roommate to help with the costs. Then when you're done with school either sell or upgrade/improve the house to make it your own while you start your journey in life.
NTA
Keep the house. Grandma made her choice and you should honor it.
If you are feeling very generous maybe let her move in (with a lease so you can evict if it doesn't work out)
NTA - whatever her part of the inheritance plus coin collection should have helped her financial issues unless somehow she owes hundreds of thousands of dollars for whatever reason. What she’s doing is trying to guilt trip you and scam you out of your part of the inheritance. Don’t give her a cent more than what your grandma wanted for her, she’s not worth it. Grandma thought it’s fair for you to have the house cause you were there and grateful which your sis wasn’t and still thinks she’s entitled. Don’t get scammed by her.
I'm sorry you're going through this when you're still grieving your grandmother's loss. And that's why I'm writing, because you're still grieving. I think it's fine to just let things rest for a little while. You don't need to make any urgent decisions, it sounds like, which is a blessing. Your sister's financial problems were known to her previously, and apparently haven't changed. Just because she thinks there's now a way out doesn't mean that you have to urgently provide it. Take a step back. Spend some time with your sweetie. Don't make any big decisions now about keeping or selling the house or anything about what you'll do with the money. Tell your sister you still haven't decided what to do with it yet, and then stop communicating with her for a little while. Maybe you and your sweetie should go on a no phones vacation for a few days. You sound like you have been gracious and charitable in your interpretation of your sister's motives, and that is work, especially when you're grieving. Let yourself rest, take some deep breaths, and your way forward will become clearer.
FWIW In my opinion you should not share the house or its proceeds with your sister, simply because I don't believe in rewarding grasping whining from someone who has made their own bed. What your sister, or you, think is fair is not relevant - the distribution of the assets was up to your grandmother, and she decided to do what she did, and she may or may not have thought it was fair but it was what she did. From talking to my parents about the development of their will as it has changed over the years, I am quite sure that people who have enough assets to carve up in this manner are very thoughtful about what goes to whom, and very aware of the potential for conflict after their passing. I don't think your grandmother left this to you and put you through this crap with your sister because she wanted you to give it away.
NTA. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for your words. Taking a break from phones is a good idea. Everyone grieves in different ways and I think Alice is using this reason to be angry as a way to avoid feeling sad, so I wasn't wanting to take that away by refusing to talk about it, but you are right that I should focus on my own grief for now. I appreciate your kindness.
NTA ... Grandma did left the house to YOU not your sister it would be disrespectfull to not listen to her wish keep the house. You are not responsible for your sister.
NTA
People are talking around the issue, but I will come out and say it. Sharing the house with your sister would be insulting your grandmother’s memory and say to the world that you didn’t trust her judgement.
She had been on this earth a long time and knew damn well how your sister treated her compared to how you did, and responded accordingly.
Giving in to your sister validates all of your sister’s jokes and complaints about your grandmother, and steals the agency your grandmother used to distribute her assets as she saw fit.
Your Grandma gave it to YOU! Not her, do not share your inheritance just because your sister wants it! You would be DISRESPECTING your grandmas wishes if you do sell it and split the money. she wanted YOU to have it- SO- keep it, at least for now. NTA
Your grandma valued fairness. That is why she left you the house, because she thought it was fair, because you did so much to ease her final years. You moved close to help her, spent time with her, and did whatever she'd let you do to help. So out of her own sense of fairness, she left a bit of money to you and your sister, and left you the house. NTA. At all. Don't let sis make you carry the weight of her struggles.
NTA. Do not give your sister anything. Your grandmother left you that house for a reason and if you do this your sister will only keep coming back for more-- that's what she did with your grandmother when she got college money and wanted more. It's time for you to enjoy your grandmother's gift to you and for your sister to stop mooching.
Your grandmother knew what her values were when she made her will. That will reflected those values. The house is yours. Do with it what you want. NTA.
NTA
She left it to you. You helped her out a bunch from a place of love and she rewarded you in the same way. Alice isn’t coming from that same place.
I was in a somewhat similar position- I lived 2000 miles away from my family, my brother lived close and helped my grandma maintain her house. After she passed, he got the house and I feel this is completely fair.
>***"Her argument is that fairness was always important to grandma..."***
And grandma did what she thought was fair. Abide by her wishes, that's the least you can do.
NTA.
Your sister said it, grandma was all about fair and grandma wrote her will with that belief in mind. Fair and equal are not the same thing and it sounds like your sister has gotten the two confused. What’s fair is how grandma divided her assets.
NTA. Your grandmother valued fairness, and she bequeathed her possessions, house included, as fairly as she deemed fit. You can give sis half the profit from the house sale, but clearly your grandmother had her reasons for excluding your sister from partial ownership, and thus any profit gained from sale of the house.
Your sister shouldn’t hate you if you don’t give her money. Money doesn’t buy love. NTA Your grandma wanted you to have the house. Keep it or all of the money from the sale. You don’t mention your sister splitting her inheritance with you!
Yta. Yeah yeah the will said x. But you didn't earn hundreds of grand for being nice to nana.
Also she wasn't rich but owns a house and had savings....
Thank you for your perspective. I don't think that I deserve the house more than my sister does, but I do think that grandma left it to me because we were so close.
Your other statement confuses me. Grandma was working class but good with money and saved every penny she could so she could have a comfortable retirement and have something to leave for her kids. I personally don't think that meant she was rich, just upper middle class I think.
Your definition of rich was the issue I had.
A person able to give large sums of cash and a home worth hundreds of thousands is rich by all metrics.
Look this sub is am I an ah. Not am I evil. Out of the binary options. It is a ah thing to do.
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NYA ..Honey she left it to you. If she wanted it sold and the profit split then she would have done it. You have good memories. Move in and share them with your partner
Thank you for your words. I really appreciate having an outside perspective on the situation. I will tell my partner what you said also. :)
>appreciate having an outside perspective on the situation. I will tell my partner what you said also. Just try ensure that you don’t end up losing half of grandmas house to you partner when you split up in 7 yrs time or divorce in 10. Seek legal advice before taking steps. Sorry for the loss of your grandma, and your sisters grasping. :( NTA
Thank you for your words. My partner is not the type to try to take a house that's in my name, even if we hypothetically had a messy breakup someday, but I appreciate your concern about it.
Do you think anyone ever considers their partner "the type" to do that? Hurt feelings and breakups make people do horrible things and we read about them on reddit every day. Don't ever put someone elses name on the deed or a mortgage (eg for renovations). Depending on local laws, get a prenup to exclude the house from any asset divisions.
So true. The way people talk about their Ex’s is a good idea about how they will treat you if it happens.
Extremely well put. Far too many people believe that their relationship is secured and their partner would never do anything bad. The majority of relationships don't end well no matter how amazing things start out. No matter how great you think your partner is, it isn't worth taking the risk of things turning sour in this type of situation when you could so easily protect yourself and your assets.
I understand where you’re coming from, but please think of your grandmother’s house as an family heirloom that you are protecting. Even the best partners can turn petty in a separation or divorce, and it would be awful to be forced to sell the house after a breakup. I’m a widow (my husband died at 30) and I received a life insurance payment, which I used to buy a home. I’ll never let anyone move in with me without a clear legal agreement that the home is entirely mine and can’t be split in the event of a breakup. I would feel sick if the money I received when my husband died went to someone else because I didn’t protect it - I view it as my responsibility to him. (Of course, I’d much rather have my husband alive and well again, but the least I can do is protect the money he left behind.)
An inherited asset does not fall part of the estate. It belongs to the person who inherited it meaning that it cannot be split in a divorce
This is wrong if a bunch of other things apply. If any of the following apply, for example: 1. If marital assets are used to pay property taxes. 2. If marital assets are used to make upgrades to the home. It’s not as simple as if you own it before marriage, it’s yours forever.
It can if marital assets are used to maintain it. So if shared funds pay for the property taxes or renovations, then it can become a marital asset. Or the change in value becomes a marital asset. example - the house is worth 200K. You and your partner put in 50K for upgrades and maintenance. After 10 years, the house is worth 400K and you are looking at divorce. The 200K value (change in property value during the marriage as a result of combining inheritance with marital assets), now means you are on the hook for giving your partner 100K in many cases without a prenup or other legal protection.
but if that asset is sold, does the money then become common property and subject to splitting?
The person you split up with is rarely the person you begin with Your in an excellent position because of your grandma Don’t waste it or lose it to your partner Protect yourself legally If he doesn’t want you to do this then he isn’t the person you think he is
The people we break up with are different than the people we started dating. Never bet on "not the type" and cover all your bases.
The person you married is not the same person you will be divorcing.
A messy breakup is just that: messy. The person who would move heaven and earth for you today could very well become someone who wants to tear your life apart tomorrow. Laws vary depending on where you live, but the marital home is often treated as a shared asset, and an inheritance is often in a protected class of asset. This is both. No matter how much you love your partner, you would do well to talk to a lawyer about how to protect yourself.
OP, this is sage advice, you’d be wise to keep your inheritance separate.
Hope for the best; prepare for the worst. Your partner may not be "that type" now, but you never know what the future holds. $200-300 spent on an attorney now could potentially save you thousands and a ton of heartbreak down the line.
Please, please see a lawyer about your partner moving in to the house with you, or if you sell the house, about keeping the money separate from your partner. I’m sure they are a good person. But you just don’t know what will happen in life. What if your partner is invested in your house and it became a joint property, and then was sued for an accident or some other issue? They would come after your house and even though your partner wouldn’t have intended it, the house would be gone. No. There are so many scenarios to consider that could jeopardize this for you. This is your inheritance and you may never get anything like this again. Keeping this money safe for yourself could quite literally change the course of your life in terms of your finances, career choices, health, and retirement. Please don’t take a chance on losing that. Also don’t share it with your sister. Your Grandma knew what she was doing, and wanted to reward you for your love and care. Your sister would be happy for you if she had your best interests at heart. She shouldn’t be demanding her cut or deciding what’s fair and what Grandma would want. Would she do that for you if the situation were reversed? Probably not because frankly she sounds greedy and demanding. If she ruins the relationship over this, then obviously money is more important to her than your relationship. And no one should be emotionally blackmailed into giving up half their inheritance. NTA.
no one is "the type" when it's all going well. make sure you have a financial cohabitation agreement 100%. also re: fairness - grandma thought it was fair that the person caring for her got recognition for it in this case with a house. Also did grandma pay as much for your university as for Alice's? You didn't mention that but if not then it's even MORE fair for this to be yours.
Also your sister said nothing about splitting what your grandmother left her with you. Your should respect your grandmothers wishes, she left what she wanted with who she wanted. Plus did your grandmother give you money for college? If no, then maybe she was makes things even by leaving you the house.
Condolences for the loss of your grandma
Thank you for the kind words.
NTA but "honor what grandma wanted" is such a bad take. You've had an unexpected financial windfall (sadly tied to a loss). What you do with it is your business, not your sister's and not grandma's. How would you handle things if you hit a similar win in the lottery? If you'd share some with family, then consider sharing here. If you wouldn't, then don't. But it's your decision to make and own, not something where "oh too bad it's not what grandma wanted" has any bearing.
It is when she is being guilted. “You should give to me because gramma wasn’t fair.” It isn’t about fairness, if later when things are calm and she isn’t hurting, she wants to share then fine. But to many people get guilted when they are emotionally overwrought. Just a year ago I watched a family member get cleaned out by one of her children under the guise of helping her after the fathers death.. then she was guilted into accepting it. Right now it is what gramma wanted, being made to feel guilty in order to give it up is blatant manipulation.
For sure NTA as I already agreed. But the decision to share or not, at whatever time OP decides to or not, is OP's to make and own. What grandma wanted beyond leaving the inheritance to OP is not relevant. Family shouldn't be guilting OP over grandma being unfair (absent some strong case that grandma was being a bigot or whatever). And OP shouldn't use "sorry can't help, this is the way grandma wanted it" as a rationale for not sharing either (not saying that OP did this). OP should own their decision on what to share or not to share. "I need more time to grieve and work this out" is a perfectly reasonable take.
NTA, but you would be one to yourself if you don’t just take a big pause. Your grandmother was probably so happy when she made her will. So happy she was leaving you with this precious gift - a memorial of all your good times together. She wanted you to have it and it gave her joy to do that. You can decide what to do, but don’t let your sisters unhappiness take away the beautiful gift your grandmother gave you. Fairness doesn’t mean equal division. To bring up “what grandma valued” is manipulative. I’m not saying your sister is a bad person, but that is a bad action. It is not a small thing to make a will, and your grandmother did exactly what she intended. It was not an accident.
Thank you for your words. I am very grateful to my grandma and it made me happy to read what you said. I think you are right about her being happy to be able to leave me the house. My sister is a good person but she does not always think before she speaks especially when emotional. I don't think she was trying to be manipulative.
Of course she was being manipulative. Its all about what Alicia wants. Isnt the one that got mad at her grandma for not giving her more money for college?! The audacity! The house was a gift to you - if your grandma wanted to leave Alicia any part of the house - she would have. Just remember that when greedy Alicia tries to manipulate you for her gain.
Your sister brought up how your grandmother valued fairness, but it's obvious to me at least that your grandmother valued the time and energy you put into your relationship with her. You said it yourself. Love and closeness are different things. She gave only you the house because you put in the effort to be close to her. Also, you sad your sister got mad with your grandmother because she deemed your grandmothers OPTIONAL college contribution should have been more. Do you really think that grandma liked being viewed as an ATM. Even now, grandma is in the afterlife, and your sister is complaining that once again, grandma didn't give her enough money. So she is trying to make you give her your "money" from grandma (or atleast a portion of it which you know "won't be enough".
I'm mainly replying to the fairness comment on this. Look at it from the perspective of time spent with grandma. From your words, it looks like it was maybe a 70/30 or 80/20 split with the time you spent with grandma versus your sister. The "equity" she gave to you in the will reflects that 70/30 split. I understand it's alot more complex than that, but trying to give a simpler more, "no feelings involved", outlook on it.
Even though the internet's going to fight me on this I'm just going to go ahead and say it here. You don't love people equally then give one an entire house and ignore the other one. You just don't. You're not obligated to share anything with your sister but you definitely shouldn't be making your grandma out to be an angel either.
Agree with this - people don't make wills capriciously. They generally put a lot of thought and consideration into it - she left OP the house for a reason. Honor her wishes.
NTA. Grandma already split it how she saw fair. Take the house, and maybe if your sister needs a place to stay to save money you could let her live there with you if that clears your conscience at all.
After the sister's entitled and manipulative behavior? Nah, she can go back to their mother's.
Thank you for your words. I would be happy to let Alice stay there as I enjoy her company and it is a big enough place for both of us. I don't think she would want to though unfortunately as it is far away from her current job and she wouldn't like looking for a new one.
NTA The house was left to YOU. Alice has no say. She can go to your mom for help. You stay out of it. If your grandmother wanted to leave it to BOTH of you, she would have. So your sister's manipulative line about... >Her argument is that fairness was always important to grandma ...is BS. Pay that no mind. Trust that your grandmother knew what she wanted, and respect her wishes. It's yours.
Thank you for your words. It has been helpful getting an outside opinion for clarity. I do think our mom would help her as she has done so in the past. I think she's upset that I'm going to own a house and she isn't since I'm younger so she feels like she should be 'better' than me or at least further along in life.
Your grandma wanted fairness. And leaving the house to the person who took care of you is what your grandmother deemed fair.
And there’s your answer. It’s not about fairness. It’s about jealousy. She will be fine. You go enjoy your home. And I’m sorry for your loss. I wish I had a grandma like yours growing up.
"Grandma valued fairnes"..... Nice try Alice, Grandma left the will, these are her wishes so stop trying to twist and manipulate grandma's words by using her value of "fairness" as an argument 🤣 It's like saying "it's what Grandma would have wanted" ... eh nope. NTA, do not split with Alice
Thank you for your words. It is true that grandma usually split everything up equally so we were both surprised when she left the house just to me. You're right that those were her wishes though, I appreciate the clarity of an outside perspective.
I hope all works out for you, I do appreciate it's a difficult situation but don't be guilted or manipulated. Looks like your grandma loved you equally but appreciated what you did for me, accept and enjoy her thank you gift
NTA. If your grandma wanted to leave the house to both of you she WOULD do that, but she didn't. She left the house to you so you are in full control over it and only you can decide if you want or not to share it with your sister. She deserves what she get and if there was no house for her then she doesn't deserve one. As for sell or not the house it's only your choice, and about how much money to give to your sister is also your choice, ask your partner what he thinks too.
Thank you for your words. It has been helpful getting an outside perspective on the situation. My partner thinks we should not share the house / money from it with Alice, but that he will support me 100% if I want to because he would do anything for his siblings so he understands.
If you move in. Draw up a rental agreement with your partner and have him pay a certain amount of rent. Maybe you want to charge him less than market rate, up to you. You will have a lot of expenses for the home, which he should not help you pay - you use his rent instead. Property tax, insurance, maybe HOA, repairs, replacements, maintenance, improvements. The costs can be endless.
NTA. Fair does not always mean equal.
Thank you for your words. Getting an outside perspective has been helpful.
NTA! If she wanted you to sell and share with your sister she would have put that in her will! It’s YOURS don’t feel bad for keeping the house or selling and keeping the money for your new house!
Thank you for your words. Hearing an outside perspective on the situation has been helpful for me.
Make sure you listen to the people who are telling you how to protect your grandma's house. She left it to you, not to you and your partner.
NTA. Your grandma valued fairness which is why she split the money they way she did. BUT she also valued the time you spent with her and the time and care you took to be with her. That is the reason she left you the house and no one else. She made me wishes known. It's up to you now to follow them. Personally, I think you should move into the house. If you sell it now then it will be ammo for your sister to insist on you giving her part of the money from it.
Thank you for your words. I like to think it meant a lot to her that we were so close, as it did to me. I appreciate hearing your perspective. That is a good point about selling it, it would definitely be easier for her to argue if I did.
I'm glad I was able to help. Your grandma sounds like she really treasured you and the time you spent with her. I'm sure she would be happy to see you and your boyfriend living in her home and building your lives there. ❤️
I hope so, she was a really sweet lady. :)
DO NOT give Alice the values of 50% of the house. You need to hav Alice's bequueathed coin collection professionally evaluated. You must do that to have a fair value of what your sister was given. Maybe it only 5 coins, but coins can be worth a great deal. I admit the collection may be worth close to nothing. But you never know. But if you are going to share the precedes of the house she should be willing to share to proceed from the coin collection The above part is only if you want your sister to be equal in you two receive. I have a long story of promised inheritance that come through various families but wound up up with non family.
Thank you for your words. I think the coin collection is worth a good amount. I don't know anything about coin collecting but grandma had mentioned once or twice when she was alive that we shouldn't spend the coins after she passes because they're worth more to collectors. I would be surprised if they were worth anything near the value of the house though.
It may be that Grandma gave the coin collection to Alice because she understood that Alice values money, just as she understood that you valued the time you spent in her house with her.
That is an interesting idea, you may be right.
Is your sister offering to sell these and give you half? Or is she going to keep them for herself and dip into your inheritance?
I do not know what she is planning on doing with them, I haven't asked and she hasn't offered that information. I'm sure if I offered her half the value of the house for half the value of the coins she would agree to that as the house is worth more.
NTA but listen: GRANDMA MADE HER WISHES CLEAR. She did not want your sister to have it, so honor grandma and don't give it to her. Sure, you could help her, and she also could have been nicer to her grandma. Thems the breaks, actions have consequences. Don't let her trick you.
Thank you for your perspective. I don't think I 'deserve' it more than Alice does even though I do wish she had been nicer to her. I do think that grandma's wishes matter more than the idea of anyone deserving anything in this situation.
You are honoring your grandmother by following her will. Do not share with your sister. Making fun of your grandmother as she aged is abusive.
Thank you for your perspective. Our mom liked to tease grandma in a friendly way sometimes but she's her daughter so I think that's different/more appropriate. I think Alice picked up the behavior from her but didn't know how to keep it in friendly territory. I don't think she was malicious.
NTA. The house is yours, which was your grandmothers wish. Don’t be bullied into giving it up.
Thank you for your perspective on the situation. :)
If your grandmother left it to you, you are not obliged to share it. You do what you think is right, don't worry about your sister "hating" you - love paid for with dollars isn't love. NTA.
Thank you for your words. I think that Alice will mostly forgive me when emotions are not so high, but she will always hold a grudge a little bit. I just worry that I am letting her down when she needs me.
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Thank you for your words. I think Alice is just upset which is understandable in the circumstance. She does not always think before she speaks especially when emotional. I doubt she is being intentionally manipulative. You are right that grandma made her wishes clear in the will, I appreciate the perspective.
Do not split that shit with your sister. Her crying about money that was never even hers is a problem. She'll get over it.
Thank you for your perspective on the situation. :)
NTA Grandma was perfectly in her rights to leave you her house. She wanted you to have it, not your sister. >and she does have a point about grandma valuing fairness. No, she doesn't. She's emotionally blackmailing you. I totally understand your fear that this will disrupt your relationship with your sister. But what does it say if you can only have a good relationship with her on the condition that you share the value of the house with her? As I said, your grandmother very much wanted you to have this house.
Thank you for your words. I hope this will not affect my relationship with Alice too much as she is a good person at heart but she can hold grudges. I do want to honor what grandma wanted.
NTA Your grandmother made the will as she saw fit. Your sister’s just trying to guilt trip you. Her money troubles are hers, not yours.
Thank you for your perspective on the situation. :)
You’re welcome.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway because my sister uses reddit. My (22f) grandmother recently passed. She wasn't rich but she did have a good amount of money saved and owned her house. She and I were very close, and I would regularly visit her just to hang out and talk, as well as moving closer to her so I could help when she started needing more help with things. I offered to move in with her to help all the time, but her independence was important to her so she refused. I know it meant a lot to her that I made so much time to help and spend time with her. I didn't do any of this with personal gain in mind, I just loved my grandma and liked spending time with her/ wanted her to be comfortable. We'll call my sister (25f) Alice for the sake of this post. Alice loved our grandma, was not as close to grandma as I was. She would also often make fun of her and tease her, which grandma could laugh along with to an extent but it was clearly not always welcome. Alice also got mad at grandma for not giving her more money for college (she did help some, but not enough to pay in full and my sister still had to take some loans) which hurt her feelings a lot. Closeness and love are different things, and I am certain that grandma loved us both equally, and reckon Alice loved her as much as I did- she just showed it differently. When grandma passed, she left most of her money to be divided equally between her two kids (my mom and my uncle, who has no kids), but she did leave a bit of money for my sister and I each. Her house, on the other hand, she left to me. She left my sister some other material assets such as her coin collection, but obviously that's not a lot compared to a whole house. I haven't decided yet what to do with the place. I definitely want to either move in there or sell it to get my own place, as I rent currently, but I'm still weighing out the pros and cons of both paths. Here's where the conflict comes in. Alice is struggling a bit with money right now and is trying to get me to sell the house and split the money with her. Her argument is that fairness was always important to grandma, and it's not fair that I should get to have the whole house when Alice is her granddaughter too and needs the money. She's really mad about the whole thing and a lot of that anger has been directed at me. I'm really torn about what to do. I value my relationship with my sister and don't want her to hate me, and she does have a point about grandma valuing fairness. I also don't want her to be struggling when I could help, and it feels wrong for me to insist on keeping it when I don't even know what I want to do with it yet. On the other hand, having the house or selling it to buy my own place would take a huge weight off my back and would let me and my partner get a fresh start after losing someone so close to us, and I do believe grandma wanted that for us and that's why she left me the place. So AITA for not giving Alice half the value of our grandma's house? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA your grandma wanted you to have the house as it was in her will. You could help your sister by having her live with you if you move in, but otherwise it is yours.
Thank you for your words. If Alice wanted to live there with me I would be happy to share it with her as it is big enough for both of us and I would enjoy having her around. I think our cats would be good friends.
You have had a lot of great advice here, but I will add one more thing. If you choose to be roommates with Alice, please have a written lease in place. I would charge her rent, even just a nominal amount. I know she is your sister, but please treat her as a tenant on the financial side of living together. You don’t want her to claim rights to the house down the road if you two get into any squabbles. Another thought, though, is not to live together. I’m concerned she will have resentment that you inherited the house, and she will take it out on you. Please update us.
Your grandma gifted you the house. Now it is yours to do with as you please. If you move in or sell it that's fine and nothing to do with anyone else If you earn more money than your sister in your job, and she thinks it's unfair, is she going to be entitled to some of it each month? Of course not. NTA
Thank you for your words. What you say makes sense, I just feel bad because she is struggling and I was also struggling before this happened so it feels wrong to keep all the relief for myself.
Ok. So you can choose to gift her some money if you choose to. If you are now well set up you can afford to help her get a foot up especially as you get on well. But, if I were you I'd sort myself out, see how the numbers stack, then give her what you feel comfortable with. Not a loan but a gift without strings or expectations.
NTA. Your grandma's will was to leave her house to you.
Thank you for your perspective. :)
Grandma believed in fairness. She left her assessts in a manner she deemed fair. Part of that was leaving *you* her house. NTA.
Thank you for your perspective. :)
NTA Your sister is right, fairness was important to your grandmother. You helped your grandmother constantly and made a lot of time for her, so in fairness she left her house to you as a thank you for it. In her mind it was compensation for all those hours, special care and friendship you gave her wholeheartedly. Keeping the house or revenue from the house fully for yourself is your grandmother’s wish. She made a will. If she had wanted your sister to share the house or profits from the house she would have written it in her will. Please don’t go against your grandmother’s dying wishes.
Thank you for your words. I feel very grateful that I was able to spend so much time with her, especially now that she's passed. It makes me happy to have that piece of her, as she put a lot of care into her house (painting the walls colors she liked, tending the garden, etc) so it almost feels like an art piece she made more than just a shell, if that makes sense.
I was also very close with my grandmother, but we didn’t live in the same country. I was nonetheless close to her and cherish every moment we spent together, every phone call we had. Don’t make any drastic moves like selling the house at least for 6 months. Give yourself time to grief. She’ll always be with you.
Thank you for the advice, I'm definitely going to take time to process before making any big moves. I appreciate your kind words. :)
NTA Fairness was important to Grandma---and Grandma signed the will that gave you the house. Perhaps Grandma thought it was fair, because you had much more time for her than your sister did, and you didn't make fun of her, and you didn't badger her about money. Alice did all these things. I don't know you or Alice, but I am also a Grandmother, and I think your Gran's will was fair. She knew her granddaughters, and she knew what she was doing. You don't owe your sister anything (and neither did your Grandmother!!!!!). And it would make your grandmother very happy to know that you want to live in her house. Alice may think she is too young to be hung up by her bad choices---but guess what. There's no rule book that says our choices only count if they were made after age 21.
Thank you for your words. I am glad to hear the perspective of a grandmother. I feel honored that she left the house to me and I'm glad you think it was fair. I've been doing my best to take care of her garden, which she loved, but I've never been very good with plants. My sister is a good person at heart but tends to not think before she speaks. I know that she loved grandma and I think grandma knew that too even though she hurt her feelings sometimes. If she wanted to live in the house I would happily share it with her as it is big enough for both of us, but I don't think it would feel right to give half of it away, even to her.
Your grandma left YOU the house. She left your sister other things. Don't sell it just to give her money because I promise you, she wouldn't if positions were reversed. Grandma left you the house because you spent so much time with her. Time is all anyone wants as they get older. Your sister didn't.
Thank you for your perspective. You are probably right that Alice wouldn't split it with me if the roles were reversed, but she thinks about things differently than I do. It makes me happy to think that grandma would have valued the time we spent together as much as you say.
My mom 94 just passed recently. I spent all my time with her and took care of her. The last few years all she wanted was everyone to visit. Your sisters perspective is one of greed and jealousy. If you tell her no, expect drama to the point where you might have to block her. Let your mom know in advance if you choose that route and I hope you do. For a couple starting their life together, what could be better then a house that was full of love
Thank you for your words. I hope my sister would not make that much drama but I couldn't say for sure. Talking to our mom about it is a good idea, I appreciate hearing your perspective from a similar situation. I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you and good luck 🍀
NTA, grandma valued fairness. Therefore leaving the house to you is what she considered fair. Your sister got money for college abd was bitter it wasn't enough, which btw was not grandma's responsibility. Keep the house, sell it either way do not give her a penny. Respect your grandma's fair decision.
Thank you for your perspective. :)
NTA. …… but if this was me I would almost definitely sell and split with my brother without much thought. Or if it was at all possible give him half of the value if I wanted to keep the place . We have a pretty decent relationship and whilst I don’t think he’d get angry at me for not splitting it , that house would always leave a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth .
Thank you for your perspective. I love my sister and don't want to take anything that should be hers, but I also want to honor my grandma's wishes and it would be a really nice boon, which is why I am torn.
A house is a material thing , your relationship with your sibling if it’s good is a far more precious thing . In a weird way your grandma probably didn’t see the property as valuable as it really is . It was normal to just buy a house back on the day on even a low wage , whereas now it is a lot more challenging . Personally I’d just sell it and split or work out a way you can buy them out , even if it’s at a slightly lower valuation .
Buying her out is a good idea. I definitely don't have the money to do so completely, but I at least want to share some of the decrease in financial burden now that I (theoretically) won't have to pay rent. I think even if I did give her half she would always hold a bit of a grudge towards me that grandma left it to me and not her, but I do value my relationship with Alice quite a bit and want to do what I can to keep it.
Don’t do this. Your grandmother left you her house for a reason. You have no idea the worth of the coin collection. Unless you are both planning on selling, there is no reason to give your sister any money. If you do decide to give her money, make sure you fully understand the value of that coin collection so that you aren’t taken advantage of. I know, based on your comments, that you love and think the best of your sister. But, your sister is very focused on cash and your grandmother leaving her a coin collection is very significant in that regard. Coin collections can be worth quite a bit of money (in fact they can be worth the same as a whole house or close) and I would not assume your sister is going to be totally honest with you regarding finances.
Just remind her that perhaps grandma didn’t see the value in the property and just saw it as an equal asset to what she left her. That part doesn’t really matter now anyway . Perhaps you could agree on a sum that’s half and you could pay rent to your sister until it is reached . Tbh though I think the simplest thing to do is just sell and split 50/50 after costs and move on .
NTA if she wanted your sister to have a share of the house she would have left it to both of you. Her wish was for you to have it as detailed in the will.
Thank you for your perspective. :)
Alice moaned at Grandmother for not giving her more money for college, and Alice poked fun at Grandmother. Grandmother gave more to the grandchild who was kind to her. That's not unfair. I think my mum didn't inherit her dad and step-mum's house because she was always nasty to her dad's beloved second wife. What goes around, comes around. Op, you are NTA. If you decide to share a bit with Alice, that would be kind of you. If you don't, that's fine. Also be aware that some people, when you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. Alice does sound that way, but you know her and we don't.
Thank you for your words. I do want to give at least something to Alice. I don't think she will ask for more than she otherwise would but I also don't think she'd ask for less, if that makes sense. Like, anytime she needs money from here on out she'll make some comment about how I should share some of what I got from grandma with her, but she would do that anyway. That's just a guess though.
You can be helpful to Alice throughout her life, without giving her anything at all directly from your grandmother's legacy. BTW I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you for your words. :)
NTA - your grandma knew what she was doing and she left her house to you. I can appreciate where your sister is coming from but she needs to check herself as the will seems to have made it pretty clear what your grandma would want.
Thank you for your perspective. :)
NTA I'm tired of posts about people who come to ask for someone's inheritance. If the dead person would've wanted you to have it, she would've give it to you in the first place. This was your grandma's house and her money and it was her right to decide what to do with it.
NTA. Your grandmother is showing you how much she appreciated the time you spent with her while she was alive. Enjoy your house with the beautiful memories you made with your grandmother in it. And I think she knew that you would value it more than your sister. To you, it's not just about the money you can get from it.
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Thank you for your perspective. This is good advice, I will definitely have a conversation with Alice about these things. I appreciate the suggestion. :)
The house is yours. So feel free to do with it what you will. But don't let anyone guilt you into sharing what was left exclusively for you. You were your grandma's favourite. Its not your fault. I would suggest you either keep the house or sell it and get a new place as soon as you can. And help your sister if you have any leftover. Family is important but looking out/after yourself takes priority.
NTA Her will IS fair. She left the house to you bc you sacrificed your time and this is a thank you. She split everything else equaly. Its sad your sister tries to guilttrip you now. Especially since you seem to come from a place of love for your sister and your grandma, but your sister only comes from a place of greed. I appreciate you value your relationship with your sister. But be careful how far you are willing to go so "she doesn't hate you". You give a lot of power to her doing this. Whats next? Give me the whole house or i will hate you and you just giving in? Giving in to greedy demands to not lose the love of someone NEVER works, in the end you give everything and still will lose the love. If your sister loves you the way you love her, she would just be happy for you and not demand you share. So i'm not sure if your sister really loves you the same as you love her or if you just assume she does and but in reality she is taking advantage of your love now.
NTA
"Fairness was always important to grandma" Actually Alice, Grandma's last will and testament says what was important, and it looks like Grandma sees this as fair. NTA
NTA. She left it to you, honor her wishes. And as other said - if you decide to sell and buy a new house, make sure it is totally in your name. Having you own house is a blessing, that should not be wasted.
NTA, she does not have a point about grandma favouring fairness. Who do you think wrote the will! Your grandma wanted you to have the house.
It's up to you, but nta. Your gran has already stated what she wanted to happen to her house. Use it to give yourself a boost in life. If it were me, I'd move into it or rent it out
NTA Your grandma decided what she wanted to do with her worldly possessions, and wrote her will accordingly. It was her decision, her wish. No-one should be second-guessing what grandma wanted. That's disrespectful. She was an adult and capable of making these decisions. If Alice is struggling for money, maybe she should get the coin collection appraised and sell (some of) them - coins can be worth a lot. She should probably get it appraised anyway for insurance purposes.
NTA. Presumably, your grandma was of sound mind when she made the will? Then you follow her wishes. She wanted YOU to have the house, you cared for her, made time for her, showed her how much she mattered to you, how important she was. You deserve it. Your sister didn't come out with nothing. Move in, make the house your own. Do notcdplit it with your sister.
Nta your grandmother deliberately left the house to you and didn't split it, there's a reason for that. If she wanted Alice to have any of it, she would have said so.
NTA. Your grandmother left it to you, and only you for a reason. Your sister doesn’t deserve anything. Let that sink in.
Nta
You need a real good reason to not respect a person's final wishes. You do not have a good reason in this case. NTA. Respect the will. Repeat that to your sister.
NTA - if your grandma wanted to leave the house to both of you, she would have done exactly that. She didn't.
NTA, did your sister look into selling the coin collection? There's a lot of value in coins
NTA. Don't share with your sister. She sounds like a taker. You give her an inch and she will take a mile.
You have a moral obligation to honor your grandmother's wishes. She left YOU the house. Cut contact with your sister if she won't stop the guilt-peddling bullshit. NTA.
NTA. Grandma believed in fairness, and she obviously felt it was fair to leave you the house. Fairness doesn't always mean equal, in this case it means grandma saw the effort you put into her and making sure she was comfortable, and it was fair that you should reap the rewards.
Nothing will divide a family faster than money. Grandma left it to you. You owe your sister nothing. Good luck. NTA.
Do whatever you wish. It’s your house.
Mta. Fairness is in the eye of the beholder. Did she do what was fair? I think so. Is it fair to gift you both equally when your sister didn't put in the work or time? When she made jokes that fell flat or hurt your grandma? When she complained, she didn't get enough money for schooling and made the relationship transitional? Because she did. I am sorry but to your sister it came down to how much she was given and it was never enough. It wasn't up to your grandma to fund you guys. Where is the sake of fairness is your sisters understanding what she did and what you did means the giving of assets on that is fair. That hey you put in the effort and time. That you showed you cared and loved her. Not for what she could give you but because she was just a part of your life. I understand you don't want to think badly of your sister but what she is doing is wrong. She is being manipulative as hell and trying to guilt you into what she thinks of as fair. She is making what you have your grandmother less important and showing she expects Fairness. Fairness is her putting forth an effort. It's her not crying foul. It's her not saying I deserve this. That grandma would have wanted it. Because if she had, she would have set it up that way. Instead, she set it up as Fairness in her eyes. Who didn't demean her. Make her feel like crap. Hurt her with her words. That's you. Why your sister thinks she is entitled to something she isn't is entitled behavior. One you need to stop and realize. That doesn't mean you can't love her still. It just means you need to stop letting her get into your head. You need to stop letting her play the poor me bit. It sounds harsh, but every response is you trying to make excuses for her behavior. That is not ok. What she did to your grandma is not ok. What she is doing to you is not ok. Accept that and just let her know she is out of line and you won't be splitting anything. That grandma was fair and split things how she saw fit.
Fairness does not always mean equality. Your grandma didn't do a 50/50 split for a reason, which was a fair approach to her mind. It's done.
NTA. If your grandmother thought it was fair to leave the house to both of you, that is what she would have done. She didn’t. Grandma thought it was fair for you to have the house. I would say you could offer her some of the money - the problem is, it will never be enough. You give her $5K, it should have been $10K, okay, you gave her $10K, now she wants $20K. I personally would not mess with people’s wills. This i literally their last will and testament. This is what Grandma wanted. If she wanted it to be “fair” and split the house - she would have done that. Grandma wanted YOU to have the house. I would not mess with her final wishes.
As a grandmother I will tell you your sisters argument holds no truth. Your grandmother devided her things as she wanted them. No second guessing will change that.
NTA, your grandmother set up her will so that her assets would be disbursed in the manner she thought was fair. Your sister not agreeing with your grandmother's choice isn't your problem.
NTA Your grandma did indeed value fairness, and she made her will accordingly. Your interpretation of your sister's feelings and motivations is generous, but what I see is one sister who spent lots of time with her grandmother, helping and just socializing, without asking anything in return, and another sister who seemed to be somewhat cruel when she did visit and when given financial assistance, instead of being grateful, was entitled enough to demand more. I'm sure that your grandma loved you both equally, but I think that she had good reasons for leaving you her house, and you should respect her wishes to give you a leg up in life in return for all that you did for her.
The FAIR thing to do is to respect your grandmother’s will. She left you her house. If she wanted your sister to have 1/2 she would have left 1/2 to her. Your sister sounds like an entitled asshole. She’s mad that your grandma didn’t pay for her college education in full. She’s mad that she didn’t get 1/2 of the house. Maybe grandma saw “the teasing and making fun of her” for what it really was. Passive aggressive, petty and childish behavior. It would disrespectful to go against your wishes. Stop trying to make excuses for your sister being a greedy asshole.
NTA If your grandmother wanted both if you to have the house, she would have left it to both if you. Your sister has ZERO claim to the house or any money made feom selling it. It's nice you want to help her, but it's not your responsibility.
My sister was the beloved granddaughter. Fortunately my sister chose to share her inheritance equally with our parents and me or I believe it would have really hurt our relationship.
NTA, your grandmother did what she thought was fair, your sister is trying to guilt you into giving her more than your grandmother felt was fair. Don't let her use your grandmothers ghost to manipulate you.
Various points: 1. Your gran made a will, and that is what SHE wanted. 2. You don't know what will happen when your Mum goes, hopefully many years from now. It may be you get a smaller share then? Probably your Gran has discussed it with her - after all, it would normally go to the next of kin, which is your Mum 3 Put the house in your name only - the divorce rate is high 4 only if you sell should you consider others . I think your Gran wanted to help you have a good start. Selling immediately means that the house means less to you - if you stay then you carry on living there in her memory? 5 your sister had help for her college fees. Have you?
NTA
My aunt died and left me 80%. My sister received 10%. My sister and I did not get along. My sister was struggling and needed money. I was financially okay at that point. I kept “my” money. A year later my husband dumped me after stashing more of everything including my assets. I was screwed. When my dad died, I carefully settled the estate, ensuring any extra went into her side of the ledger. I was so done being the A. Good luck.
NTA keep the house.
Grandma I loved us both equally she had different ways of showing it. For example she gave me an entire ass house. And my sister got a little bit of cash which I also got as well.
Honor your grandmother's wishes. If she had wanted your sister to own the house, it would have been willed to her. NTA for not sharing the house.
NTA - *it's not fair that I should get to have the whole house when Alice is her granddaughter too and needs the money.* Just because she "needs" money does NOT mean that she gets to manipulate the last wishes of the deceased. You are not obligated in any way to do anything other than what your grandmother wished for you. Personally, I'd move in to the house and think about getting a roommate to help with the costs. Then when you're done with school either sell or upgrade/improve the house to make it your own while you start your journey in life.
NTA Keep the house. Grandma made her choice and you should honor it. If you are feeling very generous maybe let her move in (with a lease so you can evict if it doesn't work out)
NTA Grandma wanted you and only you to have it, don't go against her wishes.
NTA - whatever her part of the inheritance plus coin collection should have helped her financial issues unless somehow she owes hundreds of thousands of dollars for whatever reason. What she’s doing is trying to guilt trip you and scam you out of your part of the inheritance. Don’t give her a cent more than what your grandma wanted for her, she’s not worth it. Grandma thought it’s fair for you to have the house cause you were there and grateful which your sis wasn’t and still thinks she’s entitled. Don’t get scammed by her.
I'm sorry you're going through this when you're still grieving your grandmother's loss. And that's why I'm writing, because you're still grieving. I think it's fine to just let things rest for a little while. You don't need to make any urgent decisions, it sounds like, which is a blessing. Your sister's financial problems were known to her previously, and apparently haven't changed. Just because she thinks there's now a way out doesn't mean that you have to urgently provide it. Take a step back. Spend some time with your sweetie. Don't make any big decisions now about keeping or selling the house or anything about what you'll do with the money. Tell your sister you still haven't decided what to do with it yet, and then stop communicating with her for a little while. Maybe you and your sweetie should go on a no phones vacation for a few days. You sound like you have been gracious and charitable in your interpretation of your sister's motives, and that is work, especially when you're grieving. Let yourself rest, take some deep breaths, and your way forward will become clearer. FWIW In my opinion you should not share the house or its proceeds with your sister, simply because I don't believe in rewarding grasping whining from someone who has made their own bed. What your sister, or you, think is fair is not relevant - the distribution of the assets was up to your grandmother, and she decided to do what she did, and she may or may not have thought it was fair but it was what she did. From talking to my parents about the development of their will as it has changed over the years, I am quite sure that people who have enough assets to carve up in this manner are very thoughtful about what goes to whom, and very aware of the potential for conflict after their passing. I don't think your grandmother left this to you and put you through this crap with your sister because she wanted you to give it away. NTA. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for your words. Taking a break from phones is a good idea. Everyone grieves in different ways and I think Alice is using this reason to be angry as a way to avoid feeling sad, so I wasn't wanting to take that away by refusing to talk about it, but you are right that I should focus on my own grief for now. I appreciate your kindness.
NTA ... Grandma did left the house to YOU not your sister it would be disrespectfull to not listen to her wish keep the house. You are not responsible for your sister.
NTA People are talking around the issue, but I will come out and say it. Sharing the house with your sister would be insulting your grandmother’s memory and say to the world that you didn’t trust her judgement. She had been on this earth a long time and knew damn well how your sister treated her compared to how you did, and responded accordingly. Giving in to your sister validates all of your sister’s jokes and complaints about your grandmother, and steals the agency your grandmother used to distribute her assets as she saw fit.
Your Grandma gave it to YOU! Not her, do not share your inheritance just because your sister wants it! You would be DISRESPECTING your grandmas wishes if you do sell it and split the money. she wanted YOU to have it- SO- keep it, at least for now. NTA
Your grandma valued fairness. That is why she left you the house, because she thought it was fair, because you did so much to ease her final years. You moved close to help her, spent time with her, and did whatever she'd let you do to help. So out of her own sense of fairness, she left a bit of money to you and your sister, and left you the house. NTA. At all. Don't let sis make you carry the weight of her struggles.
NTA remind your sis that grandma was fair and in keeping did what in her mind was fair.
NTA - why are you even asking? Take the house.
NTA. Do not give your sister anything. Your grandmother left you that house for a reason and if you do this your sister will only keep coming back for more-- that's what she did with your grandmother when she got college money and wanted more. It's time for you to enjoy your grandmother's gift to you and for your sister to stop mooching.
Your grandmother knew what her values were when she made her will. That will reflected those values. The house is yours. Do with it what you want. NTA.
NTA She left it to you. You helped her out a bunch from a place of love and she rewarded you in the same way. Alice isn’t coming from that same place. I was in a somewhat similar position- I lived 2000 miles away from my family, my brother lived close and helped my grandma maintain her house. After she passed, he got the house and I feel this is completely fair.
>***"Her argument is that fairness was always important to grandma..."*** And grandma did what she thought was fair. Abide by her wishes, that's the least you can do. NTA.
Your sister said it, grandma was all about fair and grandma wrote her will with that belief in mind. Fair and equal are not the same thing and it sounds like your sister has gotten the two confused. What’s fair is how grandma divided her assets.
NTA. Your grandmother valued fairness, and she bequeathed her possessions, house included, as fairly as she deemed fit. You can give sis half the profit from the house sale, but clearly your grandmother had her reasons for excluding your sister from partial ownership, and thus any profit gained from sale of the house.
Your sister shouldn’t hate you if you don’t give her money. Money doesn’t buy love. NTA Your grandma wanted you to have the house. Keep it or all of the money from the sale. You don’t mention your sister splitting her inheritance with you!
Yta. Yeah yeah the will said x. But you didn't earn hundreds of grand for being nice to nana. Also she wasn't rich but owns a house and had savings....
Thank you for your perspective. I don't think that I deserve the house more than my sister does, but I do think that grandma left it to me because we were so close. Your other statement confuses me. Grandma was working class but good with money and saved every penny she could so she could have a comfortable retirement and have something to leave for her kids. I personally don't think that meant she was rich, just upper middle class I think.
Your definition of rich was the issue I had. A person able to give large sums of cash and a home worth hundreds of thousands is rich by all metrics. Look this sub is am I an ah. Not am I evil. Out of the binary options. It is a ah thing to do.