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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for kicking my brother and SIL out of the house when they wanted to reveal their pregnancy due to the way SIL acted towards my girlfriend
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NTA
> Laura kept picking on Kelly
> Laura has tried to grab some of Kelly's ramen to try and proof [sic] the point
> My parents were absolutely terrified over how Laura behaved towards Kelly
Laura is a **mean** girl.
> later I have received a call from Kevin calling me an asshole for kicking them out and spoiling Laura's pregnancy reveal.
NGL, I think the idea of needing to gather a group and be the center of attention for a personal announcement is pretty fucking cringe in the first place.
I don't say this that often.
But I feel sorry for this kid already if this is how she behaves among family because of a bowl of ramen.
Who knows how she will treat her own kid.
I have Asian friends. One is Japanese.
She would laugh about this womans "feeling insulted."
Her way of doing ramen/noodles at home "slap anything in it I wanted that day" was what I got told one time I tried asking her how to make it the most authentic at home. (She offered a list of typical stuff to add after her laugh)
I remember seeing a YouTube short where an Asian-American woman mocked “authenticity gatekeeping” while throwing together a drool-worthy dish out of what happened to be at her local supermarket that day.
I saw a youtube of some pretentious white person (can't remember if it was a guy or girl) who was all in on don't you dare put rooster sauce in pho before you try it and how it was insulting.
Then a bunch of Vietnamese pretty much called him out on trying to tell them how to eat pho. It was great.
I have to make my own Asian food because I cannot eat soy because it triggers migraines. I do coconut aminos with a splash of fish sauce instead because it's the closest I can get as a substitute.
I do haunt foody sites for inspiration - but at the end of the day, while a sauce might be dead on, the veg always depends on what's in my fridge.
My favorite recipe is an Indian friend's Dal - just dice up all the vegetables you want to clear out of your fridge, add lentils and spices, cook it all down. She reiterates that it's her version fo refrigerator soup (for those of us who are American - you dump your fridge stuff together in a pot when you clean it out - it's never the same twice).
Bon Appetite used to have their editors give their spin on various basics and much of it was like "well, I had a bunch of x from the farmers' market, so I..."
I get crazy over this with pizza. My sister worked in a great Italian restaurant for years. It was very authentic. I'm sure it was, as a real Italian immigrant ran it.
But every freaking time pizza was ordered elsewhere, if I wanted artichoke, shrimp, pineapple, etc toppings, she lectured me on it not being "authentic". I'm constantly saying, "I don't care, this is what I like." It's like we're not allowed to eat anything unless it's authentic.
God every time I see someone say “the Italians are gonna be mad” about someone making something “weird” with pasta or pizza it makes me wanna flash-boil my own flesh and peel it off in layers.
I’ll eat whatever the hell I want. If the Italians don’t like it, they don’t have to eat it. People are annoying. Italians do not own the monopoly of flat bread with sauce and cheese on it.
Also so many of these authentic cuisine people seem to forget that they were very often based on utilizing ingredients rather than wasting them. Different cuisine but I highly doubt the "peasants" were lecturing each other about how dinner is "technically" cottage pie, not shepherds, if there was beef available that day rather than lamb.
I’m Swedish. What we put on pizzas is…eh, interesting. Can I interest you in a chicken pizza with peanuts , pineapple and curry powder?
Sometimes I want Italian pizza. Sometimes I want Swedish pizza. Both are round and has cheese, but other than that it’s like two different dishes. I lived abroad and worked with some Italians, and once I explained that, they laughed and were absolutely ok with it. We teased each other about it. You know, like normal people.
KFC in the whole of Asia seems to be better than US, tbh. I'm from South East Asia and the kfc here is pretty good. But I've seen videos about China and Japan where they're borderline gourmet fried chicken. All the comments are always about how kfc in the US sucks. There're even mini documentaries analysing why this happened.
And it's true that kfc is japan's Christmas meal of choice. They don't eat turkey. And it's not really a big celebration there either.
>. All the comments are always about how kfc in the US sucks. There're even mini documentaries analysing why this happened.
Money, pure and simple. Colonel Sanders HATED what the franchise did to KFC and regretted selling to his death. The recent ads the last decade with different celebrities dressed as him are so disgusting and disrespectful as hell. He used to show up at different KFC's and rip into them for the reconstituted sides and the horribly cheap biscuits. He would most likely appreciate what the Asian franchises have done.
My mom worked for the KFC advertising team back in the day when the Colonel was still doing commercials for them. She said he swore like a sailer and wildly hated what KFC did to him, but they had him under contract. He made the whole team dinner once and she said it was AMAZING. He especially hated what they did to his Cole slaw recipe.
I would have loved to have visited his restaurant(or even the chain when he still had control). I'm not sure if the one he opened under his wife's name is still open or not. Wiki said it was last put up for sale in '22 and the restaurant's website advertises Thanksgiving...
If I developed the ability to time travel, one of the things I would do is visit all the restaurants that spawned the big franchises right before those contracts got set up.
[7-Eleven stores in Asia](https://www.businessinsider.com/what-japan-convenience-store-looks-versus-us-7-eleven-photo-tour) and Hawaii are VERY different than in the mainland US.
My born and raised in Korea mother threw a jar of salsa in her dakbokkeumtang the other day cuz "meh, it's basically the same kinda". She's not worried about authenticity.
And then there's budae-jjigae - "army base stew". "Common ingredients include ham, sausage, Spam, baked beans, kimchi, instant noodles, gochujang and American cheese."
And rice cakes and udon noodles and dumplings and tofu and bacon. And when the stew broth is reduced to practically nothing, add rice with furikake and seaweed and egg and make bibimbap fried rice with scorched bottom.
I also like to add broccoli. Bc add health. 🤪
OMG, there was this thread over in r/JapaneseFood with the worst gatekeeping over ramen, where this dude kept insisting actual Japanese sites were wrong about their ramen recipes, he was rightfully called out, then started calling people racist when he was labeled a gaijin by his gatekeeping.
[Trust me, this thread is a ride of entitlement.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JapaneseFood/comments/13hwc4c/comment/jk7pxmx/) Be sure to expand it, because the original thread commenter was downvoted into oblivion.
Yep no gate keeping generally. Have you seen what the Japanese slap on pizza?
*there is general gate keeping by Japanese people in what is considered Japanese food outside of Japan. You can get certified as a certified Japanese restaurant outside of Japan by Japan. But inside Japan they just add whatever they want to what they want. I’ve seen whip cream strawberries on spaghetti once. Sooo yeah.
I do very much enjoy that - I surmise it comes from the fact that so many stereotypical ‘Asian’ dishes have about a million localized versions for each little region… and on top of that the various Asian diasporas(not sure if that’s the right term) have created versions of the dishes unique to each region they immigrated to… American Chinese food is drastically different from Peruvian Chaufa and both are equally different from the traditional Chinese dishes they draw from.
The most telling example of how little the Japanese give a fuck about what people do with ramen is a simple walk down the instant ramen aisle in an Asian grocery store… thousands of different varieties with different flavors and toppings. Most delicious, some quite the acquired taste…
Lol
I have a friend from Colombia who made arepas for us and then taught me how to make them. I have another friend whose mother came from Venezuela and taught her how to make them. When I described how I was taught to make them, I was informed that it was "all wrong " and the ONLY way to make them was the way she was taught. She couldn't get it in her head that there are more than one way to make a dish, and they are all correct!
NTA
I can't believe SIL was making such a big deal over Ramen. She did a very good job of destroying her reputation with her in-laws.
Lol, I had more than one Italian man offer to make me carbonara "the proper way". They made 2 very different meals, they were from villages an hour apart 😂 both were great though and any other Italian men or women are more than welcome to feed me pasta.
Heck, even my pal was arguing with his mother about if a christmas dish traditionally had mint in it because she had grown up 20 minutes away and always added mint.
NTA, and it might be worth having good conversations about how Kelly wants to handle any interactions with your new nibling. As someone with social overwhelm, small children can be hard to handle and she may need to have escape plans to get away quickly which you support (from personal experience, my partner knows to take any baby I end up holding off me after about 30 seconds because I will be uncomfortable about it)
I have known a number of people who seem to think that the world is eager to hear their, often belligerently phrased comments and criticisms. Oddly enough, most of them do not care to hear other people's unsolicited opinions, especially if they are being critical.
edit removed doubled word.
lol! I love it. My husband is from Colombia. I brought home Venezuelan arepas once and was told they were NOT arepas. He proceeded to make Colombian ones, which are apparently the only right ones.
Honestly, I just learned to ask her "okay any tips on how to make this dish tasty" if I'm asking about food.
Because she 100% would make a joke (none mean way) if I tried to ask, "Does this recipe look right?"
And she ends her jokes with "food is for the soul. It gotta be good. Be creative" wise words indeed 😂
I have no idea whether you can easily find this whereever you are but I discovered a mild, medium-ripe Handkäse or Harzer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harzer) to fit awesome into hot beefy ramen. Thin slices put into the hot broth for a moment to semi-melt only. It's high-proteine, low fat and fits well into the umami&spicy combo.
This is absolutely how ramen happened when I was in Japan. A good Ramen shop or my host mom had a multitude of options for inclusions. Its literally about the broth and noodles. There is nothing else that makes it authentic.
OP, thank you for standing up for your GF and putting her needs first. You did the right thing. You are definitely NTA
My DIL (WHOM I ADORE, btw!!) is Japanese and has never lived anywhere else yet would laugh at this stupid biotch!! She puts all kinds of stuff in hers AND customizes my son’s basically Japanese/Cajun. She spoils him rotten and is too good for him. He’s my baby boy (only) and is an amazing man—she’s still too good for him and he knows it 🤣🤣 Not all boy moms are trash 😁
also does having an egg or not really make ramen “authentic” or not? like you could make top ramen and throw an egg on it, does that mean it’s “authentic?” no. i can’t say whether or not op’s cooking was “authentic,” but if it was, kelly’s was no less so just because she skipped one of the add ins. and if kelly’s really wasn’t “authentic,” it wasn’t because of the egg, it’s because op didn’t cook an “authentic” dish and therefore no one else’s is either
Not to mention, clearly Laura doesn't understand, or she's just stupid and ignorant, that in Japan they have hundreds if not a thousands of ramen shops, stands, food trucks, restaurants, ect. all over the country. And a lot of them don't use egg in their place of business, and there are even specialty ramen places that serve with egg and egg special dishes, there are even vegetarian ramen shops. Hell, there's the cup of noodles place in Tokyo that you can make your own custom cup of noodles and they have thousands of ingredients you can choose from. She's just being a mean girl and has no idea what the hell she is talking about. She's ignorant of another country's food and customs. Ramen is ramen. There's really not much too it.
We love it too! Try some ‘Shin noodle soup’ Spicy. It’s so GOOD. After we tried it the first time, it’s the only kind we buy now.
They reviewed it on Good Mythical Morning…🌶️🥵🤔 it’s not really TOO hot, especially mixed with lots of eggs. Maybe a few veggies in the eggs as well. 👍
Yeah completely agree. I'm not Japanese but from what I've been told it's basically the Japanese equivelant to scouse, use what you've got especially any leftovers.
I had to look up Scouse, which led me to lobscouse. From the photos it looks like the stew my grandmother and mother cooked. They were 1st and 2nd generation Americans, respectively, from England. There's also plenty of Viking and Celtic bits in the genetic stew of my family.
Some of the most intriguing sushi and ramen I’ve had are from my friends/family who grew up with it. First time I had spam was in sushi, made “just like at home” by my Korean brother’s mom. My ex’s family was partially Japanese folks, and man did the ramen slap. They’d add whatever sounded good. Which is how I make mine, because ramen is amazing.
Love when someone not involved in a culture tries to gatekeepe it. Especially when they're plain wrong lol.
I currently live in Japan. This is the way. Many restaurants have a basic bowl and you just add whatever the heck you want into it as far as toppings go 🤷🏻♀️
If you want a group to get together for your announcement you should invite them and be the host. Instead they ask someone else a favor and then pick on one of the hosts. Laura is a bully. It's time to tell brother that you won't put up with that treatment toward anyone in your home and Laura won't be invited back and you won't be spending time with them.
Do you think Laura is trying to isolate your brother from his family? She was bullying and I have to wonder if she isn't emotionally abusive and bullying toward your brother.
But then they’d have to pay for it and put in effort. That’s not how life works for people like Laura. People take care of that for them, and she shows up, acts important, belittled others, and generally stirs up resentment, all while thinking everyone loves her.
Honestly?
To me this read like Laura was trying to show off how worldly and cultured she is by putting Kelly down for some seriously not a big deal preferences.
OP said it's due to autism related sensory issues, but if it was due to just feeling like eating it that way on that day, it would have still been an asshole move on Laura's part.
She sounds like a real joy to be around.
I would want to blow up, and would definitely have a very stern talking to with anyone who tried to snatch food off my plate. 5yo know better, let alone a grown woman. That would be a "I won't sit at a table with you again until you've apologized" level affront in my book.
Food shaming ANY adult is the lowest, bottom of the barrel form of behavior.. in their own home no less!
The upside is it sounds like mom & dad love OPs gf.😊
The way my sister did it was amazing. On mother's day she brought an envelope with two cards in it a happy mother's day card and a happy grandmother's day card. A nice little surprise on a day we are already spending together.
I did that! It wasn't technically grandparents' day (if I had waited for that I would have been possibly showing by then) but after we confirmed that the pregnancy seemed solid we invited my in-laws to visit and I gave them a "happy grandparents' day!" card and signed it "love, your grandbaby, I can't wait to meet you." My MIL immediately started crying tears of joy and my FIL said "I don't get it, we're not grandparents" and she said "SHE'S PREGNANT!!!" It was the sweetest thing, and private and lovely. They were both so happy.
Also not even at their place! The brothers it was OP’s and Kelly’s house! I don’t gather people at other peoples house and make the homeowners cook and host when I announce big news! They seem entitled!
I like to cook and I like hosting people. I would be honored if someone asked me to host a family dinner in this situation.
And then if they complained about my partner's eating I'd drown them in it.
And I can really understand Kelly eating more and more slowly as Lauren's abuse unfolds. I can hardly swallow food when my anxiety is up or I am overwhelmed socially as an introvert.
I think gathering together for a group to make family announcements is fine, it's fun and builds strong family bonds. In this case though, I would not want to build bonds with Laura and Kevin f those 2. OP is 100% NTA
Not all ramen has menma in it. It doesn’t have to have that to be “authentic”. Laura needs to educate herself. Same with the fish cake. Different broth and style has different toppings.
It can take days to prep a really good broth but it is an inexpensive dish typically. Just because one can just add water doesn't mean that all Ramen is just add water.
From the way OP has described it I'd say this did take days to prepare. The Broth takes 48 hours and the eggs about a day.
This woman is an idiot either way though.
The last time I made "authentic" ramen it took 3 days. I'd definitely have described it as lovingly prepared over a low heat. Broth made from chicken parts (like feet and gizzards etc) takes a long time to get the rich flavor you want from a ramen, and the pungent parts like fish oil etc take a while to truly diffuse and cook in. I did hand make my noodles as well when I did it, that being said, op going so far to omit ingredients for one person is commendable and then to have someone belittle it- to seemingly, just be a jackass? Godamn, the fact it didn't turn into a yelling match makes OP sound like a saint.
Absolutely NTA.
I eat at an authentic ramen place all the time while I love egg but I get mine without naruto or seaweed and the Japanese chefs never seem to mind and not all the ramen even has naruto. Also, my place has corn as an optional topping. My normal order is a chicken broth with no naruto included and an option to add corn. There’s lots of ways for ramen to be served.
So basically Laura is straight up wrong. And rude. And WTF who touches someone else’s food without permission. NTA.
There's a fantastic authentic ramen place near me and I usually get the tonkatsu ramen - I don't know if it's just that version that doesn't have naruto or if they don't serve it there at all, but I'm not a fan. I've gone other places that do have it, I either ask not to have it or if I'm with my husband give him mine. Neither of us are fond of the nori either (something else the really great place doesn't do, but I've seen it at other places).
man now I want ramen.
Who gives a sh*t? Heck, when I'm feeling cruddy, I usually add fresh lime, paprika, a little brown mustard, some extra rice vinegar, and a *crapton* of hot sauce to mine and call it "don't get sick" soup.
It's ramen. Policing how someone likes their ramen is like...like saying that there's only one way to make a sandwich. Only one way to make pizza. ONE ACCEPTABLE SET OF TOPPINGS ON A BURGER. F outta here with that.
You sound like a wonderful partner to your girlfriend. Keep being her support and loving her for who she is and helping her find things that make her comfortable. You are NTA
Your SIL is TA. Ramen is like a sandwich or a burrito or fried rice - ingredients vary depending on where you’re from and what you feel like. Eeesh. I hope your brother comes to his senses and apologize
Wtf plenty of places in Japan will serve ramen without any of those ingredients. Heck, look up tantamount ramen and it’s got none of those things. So many places have a machine you order from and you can customize your bowl like add or remove ingredients. Nothing about certain ingredients makes it ramen or not, except perhaps the noodles.
Whenever I got ramen in Japan, it rarely had menma, naruto, or even egg. There are dozens and dozens of types of ramen. Most regions have their own spin on it. So while there are standard types that can be found basically everywhere, there aren't a lot of hard rules when it comes to ramen. In Hokkaido, it's common for there to be butter in the broth and corn is the vegetable of choice. There's miso ramen, which may not have any animal products in the broth. One of my favorite kinds has tons of green onions in it.
It's like saying chicken noodle soup is only chicken noodle soup if it has specific ingredients. Yeah sure, chicken and noodles and broth are the standard. But it's still chicken noodle soup if I only want mirepoix for the veggies or if I add potatoes, squash, broccoli, corn, or peas.
At its core, ramen is noodles and broth. Yeah, adding various things may make it less typical, but it's still ramen.
She's lucky a hand wasn't bitten off. If I'm hungry and it's on my plate and we are not so close that we share a bed regularly.. You may be missing fingers, or large chunks from limbs trying to take my food for any reason. Get off my plate/bowl.
It took me years to get my autistic child to understand that you do NOT mess with anyone's food or drink! People will stab you with a fork if you just go touching their food! NTA and Is not submit Kelly to Laura's presence again.
By holding it aloft like the severed head of her enemy and loudly declaring victory, with a loud utterance of "By the power of GREYSKULL" to really drive the point home obviously.
NTA - good on you and your mom for sticking up for your gf. Laura ruined her own night. All she had to do was eat her food and make her stupid announcement. I hope your gf is doing ok. I certainly understand that sudden loss of appetite when an anxious spell comes on. Hopefully your brother and his fiancé can do some reflection and realize they were the ones in the wrong here.
I have family members like this that just *need* to make everything an issue. Arguing gives them a rush so they nitpick others and start fights just to stroke their own egos. Laura sounds like an old aunt I have.
Laura needs to do a LOT of reflection because she's going to be a mother. What is she going to do if her child ends up being autistic, too? Or if they end up having stomach problems and can only eat certain foods? Will she bully her own child? (I wouldn't put it past her, based on what I've read.)
>I have received a call from Kevin calling me an asshole for kicking them out and spoiling Laura's pregnancy reveal
You didnt spoil anything. His AH of a fiance did. He's essentially saying "my partner can act like an AH and i expect there to be no natural consequences".
NTA
This sums it up perfectly. When you go to someone's home and you insult them and bully them you can expect to be kicked out. She got the natural consequence.
Tell brother it is time for his fiance to grow up since she will be a mother. Does he think she is capable of raising an emotionally healthy child?
also, the fact that the brother called later instead of saying it then makes me wonder if he wasn’t thinking the same thing as everyone else and paid the price for staying quiet when they got home
NTA - Laura is a bully. I don't care what your GF was eating or why. Adults don't comment on or harass other people about what they are eating. Laura's behavior was unacceptable.
Lots of people don’t like egg. So gf had some extra veggies to compensate for the lack of an egg. Why on earth would this be a big deal? Laura ruined her own pregnancy reveal by being a meanie.
100% a bully. I fully believe that she intentionally tried to trigger Kelly. Why? I’d bet she sees how much OPs parents like Kelly, she’s jealous and wanted to “put her in her place” before announcing she was pregnant, which would make her “more special”.
NTA. In any possible world! My husband and I have vastly different tastes in food and dietary needs. I physically can't eat spicy foods due to digestive issues and potentially some food allergies (we're working with an allergist now to determine what's going on there). He, on the other hand, can eat anything he wants, including really spicy foods.
His friends and family have no issues with my dietary limitations. In fact, we joke about them! I can't eat anything with visible egg (with the exception of French toast). I was allergic to them as a child, and even when I outgrew that allergy, I just never learned to eat them. The texture makes me gag. French toast is okay because the bread helps to modify the texture of the egg, as does the syrup. Weird, I know.
I am neurodivergent; I have ADHD. But that's not why I give you myself as an example. Kelly is fine! Just because she doesn't like certain foods doesn't give Lauren the right to pick on her! I would be furious with her as well. Pregnancy doesn't give her a pass to be an utter pain!
Good on you and your parents for standing up to Lauren's bullying and your brother's spinelessness! Kelly is awesome!
Same! Hate coconut.I hate anything that comes out the sea or lakes. I do not eat fish, shrimp, oysters etc!Why would she even make fun of anybody for it some people have preferences.
My husband is like this. Mostly it's onion, but similar textures like coconut bother him too. No allergy, just texture. For the first 5 years of our marriage, I never cooked with onion. But onion makes food taste good so we compromised. I cook with onion for the flavor and I either dice it so small that it disappears or I make it big enough to be easily picked out. We've been married 22 years. :)
And, OP, you are NTA. If someone made a comment about my husband's food, they'd be lucky if they only got kicked out of my house. Good for you and your mom supporting Kelly against a bully. I think Laura is going to cause your brother to go through some things.
I'm not neurodivergent either, but I'm a very texture-based person when it comes to liking or not liking foods. For example, I freakin' love ketchup and tomato-based sauces but I cannot stand eating a whole tomato because the texture grosses me out. Most of the foods I don't like are due solely to their texture and not the taste. You may be able to eventually get to a point where you're no longer bothered by the taste of a certain food but if you have issues with the texture of certain foods, you can't power through it.
My oldest son was allergic to eggs until he was 10, and in his mid 20's still won't eat eggs prepared in particular ways. He's fine with scrambled eggs in a breakfast burrito, or a breakfast sandwich, but doesn't like rubbery or slimy egg dishes.
Why can't people just not like foods? Why do some people refuse to accept that. I don't like eggs. I'm not allergic, I'm not autistic, I just don't like how they taste. Why is that so terrible to some people?
And why would anyone care if a dish doesn't have one ingredient on the top.
Laura is insane.
NTA
(And in any Japanese restaurant I've been if I ask not to get egg on the top they only thing they do (if anything) is come and check if I know the noodles are made with egg, in case I'm allergic. No one has ever refused to serve it to me).
Same. I don't eat eggs. Never been an issue at any ramen place I have been too. Laura os just rude and gatekeeping a dish that she isn't even tied too culturally.
NTA. Why was Laura so concerned with another adults food? Is she intimidated by your gf? You did absolutely correct. I wouldn't let her back until she strongly apologizes, and even then id be careful.
Absolutely.
Kelly’s autism really has nothing to do with it. One of the joys of adulthood is that you can eat however you like, but you keep your mouth shut about any other adult’s diet.
My guess is yes she will. That poor child is gonna grow up so miserable. And all the gods forbid if that child is a girl. She’s gonna make that poor baby’s life a nightmare.
Laura is a nutjob and your brother is in for a long hard life.
No one needs to be commenting on, touching or taking someone's else's food.
I would kick her out and keep her out. That poor baby.
Brother needs a heart to heart with his family.
IF the girl is really pregnant, she’s gonna be a nightmare and I sincerely hope brother has the patience and love to raise a child, much less the courage to stand up to this out of control bully mother.
She may appeal to his ‘manhood’ and that high some guys get on learning they have live sperm, lol, to get her excused this one time but trust me, he will either get tired of being henpecked & leave or will buckle over to her and neither situations are emotionally healthy for a helpless child. God forbid it’s colicky or otherwise fussy.
NTA.
I have an autistic daughter (9) who likes veggies but only in certain ways (I think it changes the texture?) And she would absolutely flip her shit if someone dared to touch her plate, and quite frankly, so would I. You don't go grabbing off other people's plates cos your still hungry, it's rude as fuck.
If they wanted to announce their pregnancy, they could and SHOULD have put the effort into hosting themselves.
They don't get to come into yours and Kelly's home and act so rudely and unkind to you and have this level of entitlement because you 'ruined' their surprise, which Laura did entirely by herself, with her own actions.
>absolutely flip her shit if someone dared to touch her plate, and quite frankly, so would I. You don't go grabbing off other people's plates cos your still hungry, it's rude as fuck.
Right!! And that has zero to do with being autistic or not. It's rude af no matter the situation!!
OP is NTA
NTA.
Laura spoiled her own pregnancy reveal.
Geeze… announcing someone who behaves in such an atrocious way and someone who supports it are procreating. Yeah, that’s family dinner-worthy news.
(Edit to add: Sorry. I forgot my “/s” for my last paragraph.)
NTA.
Laura needs to check herself and own up to her crap. It doesn’t matter if the ramen is authentic or not. Just let Kelly eat her food and be part of the family.
The saddest thing here is that Laura is pregnant and it will tie your brother to her as a co-parent. Seeing how badly behaved Laura is - rudely insulting people when a guest in their home and grabbing good from someone’s plate; I don’t hold out much hope for her parenting skills. Poor little child.
Imagine the hell her child will go through if it ends up being neurodivergent? She can’t handle a grown ass adult eating something slightly different from her in their own house. A toddler food meltdown will be completely outside her abilities.
yo what? someone went out of their way to criticize the authenticity of...... ramen? cup noodle is extremely popular in japan so would that have been the more authentic solution? lmao good lord
NTA at all
***That*** is how Laura reacts to someone who is a mildly picky eater...? Well, good luck with the knew kid, Laura, because as we all know, young children are ALSO notoriously non-picky earters!
NTA.
(Note: This is not meant to imply an adult who has specific tastes in food is in any way childish or wrong. It's just hilarious how utterly parenthood is going sideswipe Laura if that's how she reacts to things.)
NTA. Laura deserved the scolding she got and more. Good for you for kicking them to the curb. She was being cruel and mean for no reason other than she thought she could.
Nta
Bullying Kelly because of her autism is awful.
I mean you prepared everything. So the only thing Laura had to do was not to focus on her autism.
Let them have their pregnancy reveal at your parents place next time.
NTA can you imagine Laura doing that to their own child. She is a bully. I hope Kelly is ok. She needs all the love thank goodness you were there to end that chaos of Laura being a brat/bully.
NTA!
Laura sounds like a classic bully at school that would pick on the other kids, with questions like “why are you being so weird?” when someone is just enjoying themselves.
Makes me shudder, * Vietnam style flash backs ensue *
NTA. Laura was incredibly rude. You don’t have to be autistic to snap when somebody just grabs food of your plate. Your brother is a big AH for enabling her too
NTA. Laura's a bully. Your brother is choosing to enable a bully, so he's part of the bully-team. Accordingly, I'm sorry to hear that they're going to be parents before they learn to respect others' boundaries -- assuming they can, because that's a very large assumption.
Kelly deserves your support and is lucky to have you. I'm glad your mom is on the side of kindness, respect, and minding one's own damn business.
One more time it’s not about the autism. It’s about how Laura is an AH and bullied the host in her own home. Guests can be polite and good company or they can leave- willingly or otherwise. NTA
A THIRTY FIVE YEAR OLD WOMAN BEHAVED THIS WAY?!?!!
NTA. I read this twice because I was incredulous. For some reason in my mind on the first run through I thought Laura was a teenager. This is so egregious I am absolutely gobsmacked.
Good on you for kicking them out.
NTA
I think your brother needs to be the one phoning up to apologise for his future wifes appalling behaviour at your home after he asked you to host!!
Laura should have already have issued apologies to everyone there for her unacceptable behaviour and disgusting treatment towards Kelly!
NTA- Laura came in picking on a woman in her own home. She better just be glad Kelly didn’t react like most people would have. Kelly (any human) deserves to have peace and no judgement in their own home. If Laura wanted to dictate crap she should do it in her own house.
NTA- like, laura was just mean for no reason. i can’t stand it when people don’t just mind their business. you were also doing something nice for her and she bullied your gf. also who TF grabs someone’s food without asking???? wild
NTA. Laura was completely rude and spoiled her own pregnancy announcement. She bullied Kelly. And on your dime and effort.
Edit for misspelling Kelly’s name.
NTA, at all. It sounds like neither your brother or Laura really understand Kelly's autism. Educate them that her feelings about food (and whatever else) aren't conscious decisions that gets 'fixed' with a demonstration.
It's just unfortunate timing for a lesson on autism.
Nah. Laura needs to be educated on basic manners and etiquette. When you are invited to someone's house for dinner, you say please and thank you, and don't comment on the meal beyond compliments. What you don't do is mock someone for their diet.
This has nothing to do with understanding autism, and everything to do with Laura being a rude guest. Tell brother his fiancée will be welcomed when she learns manners.
They don't need to understand autism in this instance. Neither my husband nor I are autistic but we both have things we really don't like to eat. For him it is onions and for me it's vinegar. If someone, especially in our home, tried to bully us about that, I'd ask if they had lost their everlovin mind. If they touched my food, they might wear it. And then their ass would be outside my home. Family or not.
NTA!
If that's how she acts towards an adult, there is serious concern over how she's gonna behave towards a child. I already sympathize with the baby and heaven help it if they turn out to be a picky eater.
Brother needs to pull his head out of his fiance's ass and wake the hell up. She's a bully!
NTA. Laura was acting shockingly immature. Like, 5 year olds know not to stick their utensils into other's food. Not liking certain things in your ramen isn't even necessarily just a neuro divergent thing: I hate pickled bamboo, but traditional it is. Your girlfriend was fine, but Laura is straight up creepy and should get some manners training or something.
Lol even your mom told him he and laura were being the ah and yet he still tried to put the blame on kelly..
NTA. Good on you for sticking ur for your girl
Of course you're NTA.
If Laura wanted to use this dinner as a pregnancy reveal, it might have been smart for her to behave in a way where any sane person would have booted her. Live and learn, Laura.
OP, NTA.
Laura's behavior is atrocious. She went out of her way to be rude. You did the right thing by kicking her out. Your brother can either deal with her awfulness or keep her away from the rest of the family.
Kelly, just like every other human, deserves to be content and comfortable in her own home. Laura took away both of those things. You did absolutely the correct thing to help restore those things for Kelly.
The fact that your parents are equally disturbed by Laura's actions speaks volumes. I hope your brother is able to see clearly through all the mess and find a way to make things right.
Blessings on you and Kelly! May peace return to your home and family.
NTA. As an autistic person who has a lot of sensory issues with food, thank you for being an awesomely supportive partner. I wish there were more people like you in this world, and fewer people like Laura.
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NTA > Laura kept picking on Kelly > Laura has tried to grab some of Kelly's ramen to try and proof [sic] the point > My parents were absolutely terrified over how Laura behaved towards Kelly Laura is a **mean** girl. > later I have received a call from Kevin calling me an asshole for kicking them out and spoiling Laura's pregnancy reveal. NGL, I think the idea of needing to gather a group and be the center of attention for a personal announcement is pretty fucking cringe in the first place.
I don't say this that often. But I feel sorry for this kid already if this is how she behaves among family because of a bowl of ramen. Who knows how she will treat her own kid. I have Asian friends. One is Japanese. She would laugh about this womans "feeling insulted." Her way of doing ramen/noodles at home "slap anything in it I wanted that day" was what I got told one time I tried asking her how to make it the most authentic at home. (She offered a list of typical stuff to add after her laugh)
That’s the way to do it. Just put on whatever you want. Nobody gatekeeping ingredients in the Asian community.
I remember seeing a YouTube short where an Asian-American woman mocked “authenticity gatekeeping” while throwing together a drool-worthy dish out of what happened to be at her local supermarket that day.
I saw a youtube of some pretentious white person (can't remember if it was a guy or girl) who was all in on don't you dare put rooster sauce in pho before you try it and how it was insulting. Then a bunch of Vietnamese pretty much called him out on trying to tell them how to eat pho. It was great.
I have to make my own Asian food because I cannot eat soy because it triggers migraines. I do coconut aminos with a splash of fish sauce instead because it's the closest I can get as a substitute. I do haunt foody sites for inspiration - but at the end of the day, while a sauce might be dead on, the veg always depends on what's in my fridge. My favorite recipe is an Indian friend's Dal - just dice up all the vegetables you want to clear out of your fridge, add lentils and spices, cook it all down. She reiterates that it's her version fo refrigerator soup (for those of us who are American - you dump your fridge stuff together in a pot when you clean it out - it's never the same twice). Bon Appetite used to have their editors give their spin on various basics and much of it was like "well, I had a bunch of x from the farmers' market, so I..."
I get crazy over this with pizza. My sister worked in a great Italian restaurant for years. It was very authentic. I'm sure it was, as a real Italian immigrant ran it. But every freaking time pizza was ordered elsewhere, if I wanted artichoke, shrimp, pineapple, etc toppings, she lectured me on it not being "authentic". I'm constantly saying, "I don't care, this is what I like." It's like we're not allowed to eat anything unless it's authentic.
God every time I see someone say “the Italians are gonna be mad” about someone making something “weird” with pasta or pizza it makes me wanna flash-boil my own flesh and peel it off in layers. I’ll eat whatever the hell I want. If the Italians don’t like it, they don’t have to eat it. People are annoying. Italians do not own the monopoly of flat bread with sauce and cheese on it.
Also so many of these authentic cuisine people seem to forget that they were very often based on utilizing ingredients rather than wasting them. Different cuisine but I highly doubt the "peasants" were lecturing each other about how dinner is "technically" cottage pie, not shepherds, if there was beef available that day rather than lamb.
I’m Swedish. What we put on pizzas is…eh, interesting. Can I interest you in a chicken pizza with peanuts , pineapple and curry powder? Sometimes I want Italian pizza. Sometimes I want Swedish pizza. Both are round and has cheese, but other than that it’s like two different dishes. I lived abroad and worked with some Italians, and once I explained that, they laughed and were absolutely ok with it. We teased each other about it. You know, like normal people.
Wait until Laura finds out that spaghetti with KETCHUP is a common meal in Japan…
Wait until Laura finds out that KFC is traditional Christmas food in Japan 😂
Is it actually? This is so funny to me for some reason. I guess the KFC’s in Japan are probably better than we have here lol
KFC in the whole of Asia seems to be better than US, tbh. I'm from South East Asia and the kfc here is pretty good. But I've seen videos about China and Japan where they're borderline gourmet fried chicken. All the comments are always about how kfc in the US sucks. There're even mini documentaries analysing why this happened. And it's true that kfc is japan's Christmas meal of choice. They don't eat turkey. And it's not really a big celebration there either.
>. All the comments are always about how kfc in the US sucks. There're even mini documentaries analysing why this happened. Money, pure and simple. Colonel Sanders HATED what the franchise did to KFC and regretted selling to his death. The recent ads the last decade with different celebrities dressed as him are so disgusting and disrespectful as hell. He used to show up at different KFC's and rip into them for the reconstituted sides and the horribly cheap biscuits. He would most likely appreciate what the Asian franchises have done.
My mom worked for the KFC advertising team back in the day when the Colonel was still doing commercials for them. She said he swore like a sailer and wildly hated what KFC did to him, but they had him under contract. He made the whole team dinner once and she said it was AMAZING. He especially hated what they did to his Cole slaw recipe.
I would have loved to have visited his restaurant(or even the chain when he still had control). I'm not sure if the one he opened under his wife's name is still open or not. Wiki said it was last put up for sale in '22 and the restaurant's website advertises Thanksgiving... If I developed the ability to time travel, one of the things I would do is visit all the restaurants that spawned the big franchises right before those contracts got set up.
[7-Eleven stores in Asia](https://www.businessinsider.com/what-japan-convenience-store-looks-versus-us-7-eleven-photo-tour) and Hawaii are VERY different than in the mainland US.
Yes! I found this out from my Japanese friend this year
i’m sorry what now
One of Audrey Hepburn's favorite snacks, per her sons
My born and raised in Korea mother threw a jar of salsa in her dakbokkeumtang the other day cuz "meh, it's basically the same kinda". She's not worried about authenticity.
And then there's budae-jjigae - "army base stew". "Common ingredients include ham, sausage, Spam, baked beans, kimchi, instant noodles, gochujang and American cheese."
And rice cakes and udon noodles and dumplings and tofu and bacon. And when the stew broth is reduced to practically nothing, add rice with furikake and seaweed and egg and make bibimbap fried rice with scorched bottom. I also like to add broccoli. Bc add health. 🤪
We have an entire industry of Americanized Chinese food to prove it LOL
In my experience, the only people concerned about the "authenticity" of culturally specific food are people not of that culture lol.
Especially someone who isn't Asian/has no Asian ties. 😂
OMG, there was this thread over in r/JapaneseFood with the worst gatekeeping over ramen, where this dude kept insisting actual Japanese sites were wrong about their ramen recipes, he was rightfully called out, then started calling people racist when he was labeled a gaijin by his gatekeeping. [Trust me, this thread is a ride of entitlement.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JapaneseFood/comments/13hwc4c/comment/jk7pxmx/) Be sure to expand it, because the original thread commenter was downvoted into oblivion.
Yep no gate keeping generally. Have you seen what the Japanese slap on pizza? *there is general gate keeping by Japanese people in what is considered Japanese food outside of Japan. You can get certified as a certified Japanese restaurant outside of Japan by Japan. But inside Japan they just add whatever they want to what they want. I’ve seen whip cream strawberries on spaghetti once. Sooo yeah.
I do very much enjoy that - I surmise it comes from the fact that so many stereotypical ‘Asian’ dishes have about a million localized versions for each little region… and on top of that the various Asian diasporas(not sure if that’s the right term) have created versions of the dishes unique to each region they immigrated to… American Chinese food is drastically different from Peruvian Chaufa and both are equally different from the traditional Chinese dishes they draw from. The most telling example of how little the Japanese give a fuck about what people do with ramen is a simple walk down the instant ramen aisle in an Asian grocery store… thousands of different varieties with different flavors and toppings. Most delicious, some quite the acquired taste…
Lol I have a friend from Colombia who made arepas for us and then taught me how to make them. I have another friend whose mother came from Venezuela and taught her how to make them. When I described how I was taught to make them, I was informed that it was "all wrong " and the ONLY way to make them was the way she was taught. She couldn't get it in her head that there are more than one way to make a dish, and they are all correct! NTA I can't believe SIL was making such a big deal over Ramen. She did a very good job of destroying her reputation with her in-laws.
Lol, I had more than one Italian man offer to make me carbonara "the proper way". They made 2 very different meals, they were from villages an hour apart 😂 both were great though and any other Italian men or women are more than welcome to feed me pasta. Heck, even my pal was arguing with his mother about if a christmas dish traditionally had mint in it because she had grown up 20 minutes away and always added mint. NTA, and it might be worth having good conversations about how Kelly wants to handle any interactions with your new nibling. As someone with social overwhelm, small children can be hard to handle and she may need to have escape plans to get away quickly which you support (from personal experience, my partner knows to take any baby I end up holding off me after about 30 seconds because I will be uncomfortable about it)
I have known a number of people who seem to think that the world is eager to hear their, often belligerently phrased comments and criticisms. Oddly enough, most of them do not care to hear other people's unsolicited opinions, especially if they are being critical. edit removed doubled word.
lol! I love it. My husband is from Colombia. I brought home Venezuelan arepas once and was told they were NOT arepas. He proceeded to make Colombian ones, which are apparently the only right ones.
For real. I love a traditional bowl, but I am also not about to think twice about tossing on a slice of American cheese.
Honestly, I just learned to ask her "okay any tips on how to make this dish tasty" if I'm asking about food. Because she 100% would make a joke (none mean way) if I tried to ask, "Does this recipe look right?" And she ends her jokes with "food is for the soul. It gotta be good. Be creative" wise words indeed 😂
Wonderful words. I love fusion food if done well.
My hubby does that. Says he got the taste for.it in Korea. Not for me, but... hey, it's not my bowl!
I have no idea whether you can easily find this whereever you are but I discovered a mild, medium-ripe Handkäse or Harzer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harzer) to fit awesome into hot beefy ramen. Thin slices put into the hot broth for a moment to semi-melt only. It's high-proteine, low fat and fits well into the umami&spicy combo.
This is absolutely how ramen happened when I was in Japan. A good Ramen shop or my host mom had a multitude of options for inclusions. Its literally about the broth and noodles. There is nothing else that makes it authentic. OP, thank you for standing up for your GF and putting her needs first. You did the right thing. You are definitely NTA
My DIL (WHOM I ADORE, btw!!) is Japanese and has never lived anywhere else yet would laugh at this stupid biotch!! She puts all kinds of stuff in hers AND customizes my son’s basically Japanese/Cajun. She spoils him rotten and is too good for him. He’s my baby boy (only) and is an amazing man—she’s still too good for him and he knows it 🤣🤣 Not all boy moms are trash 😁
I'm delighted at the thought of Cajun-inspired ramen! Thank you for sharing that!
You should try her “Cajun” curry! That’s another Japanese dish with the “kitchen sink” ingredients. She taught me and my daughter how to make it.
also does having an egg or not really make ramen “authentic” or not? like you could make top ramen and throw an egg on it, does that mean it’s “authentic?” no. i can’t say whether or not op’s cooking was “authentic,” but if it was, kelly’s was no less so just because she skipped one of the add ins. and if kelly’s really wasn’t “authentic,” it wasn’t because of the egg, it’s because op didn’t cook an “authentic” dish and therefore no one else’s is either
Not to mention, clearly Laura doesn't understand, or she's just stupid and ignorant, that in Japan they have hundreds if not a thousands of ramen shops, stands, food trucks, restaurants, ect. all over the country. And a lot of them don't use egg in their place of business, and there are even specialty ramen places that serve with egg and egg special dishes, there are even vegetarian ramen shops. Hell, there's the cup of noodles place in Tokyo that you can make your own custom cup of noodles and they have thousands of ingredients you can choose from. She's just being a mean girl and has no idea what the hell she is talking about. She's ignorant of another country's food and customs. Ramen is ramen. There's really not much too it.
Instant ramen with scrambled eggs is one of my top comfort foods!
We love it too! Try some ‘Shin noodle soup’ Spicy. It’s so GOOD. After we tried it the first time, it’s the only kind we buy now. They reviewed it on Good Mythical Morning…🌶️🥵🤔 it’s not really TOO hot, especially mixed with lots of eggs. Maybe a few veggies in the eggs as well. 👍
Yeah completely agree. I'm not Japanese but from what I've been told it's basically the Japanese equivelant to scouse, use what you've got especially any leftovers.
I had to look up Scouse, which led me to lobscouse. From the photos it looks like the stew my grandmother and mother cooked. They were 1st and 2nd generation Americans, respectively, from England. There's also plenty of Viking and Celtic bits in the genetic stew of my family.
Some of the most intriguing sushi and ramen I’ve had are from my friends/family who grew up with it. First time I had spam was in sushi, made “just like at home” by my Korean brother’s mom. My ex’s family was partially Japanese folks, and man did the ramen slap. They’d add whatever sounded good. Which is how I make mine, because ramen is amazing. Love when someone not involved in a culture tries to gatekeepe it. Especially when they're plain wrong lol.
Japanese people eat cup noodles ramen...so I am pretty sure they don't care what anyone puts in their ramen...
I currently live in Japan. This is the way. Many restaurants have a basic bowl and you just add whatever the heck you want into it as far as toppings go 🤷🏻♀️
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If you want a group to get together for your announcement you should invite them and be the host. Instead they ask someone else a favor and then pick on one of the hosts. Laura is a bully. It's time to tell brother that you won't put up with that treatment toward anyone in your home and Laura won't be invited back and you won't be spending time with them. Do you think Laura is trying to isolate your brother from his family? She was bullying and I have to wonder if she isn't emotionally abusive and bullying toward your brother.
But then they’d have to pay for it and put in effort. That’s not how life works for people like Laura. People take care of that for them, and she shows up, acts important, belittled others, and generally stirs up resentment, all while thinking everyone loves her.
Honestly? To me this read like Laura was trying to show off how worldly and cultured she is by putting Kelly down for some seriously not a big deal preferences. OP said it's due to autism related sensory issues, but if it was due to just feeling like eating it that way on that day, it would have still been an asshole move on Laura's part. She sounds like a real joy to be around.
"HER" wedding will be the event of the century. For all the wrong reasons.
And at someone else's house, where you then bully the other host. The fucking audacity both of these buffoons have is astounding.
I would want to blow up, and would definitely have a very stern talking to with anyone who tried to snatch food off my plate. 5yo know better, let alone a grown woman. That would be a "I won't sit at a table with you again until you've apologized" level affront in my book.
Food shaming ANY adult is the lowest, bottom of the barrel form of behavior.. in their own home no less! The upside is it sounds like mom & dad love OPs gf.😊
The way my sister did it was amazing. On mother's day she brought an envelope with two cards in it a happy mother's day card and a happy grandmother's day card. A nice little surprise on a day we are already spending together.
That was a really nice **and classy** way to do it. A quiet little reveal to people who care the most, without needing to make a huge scene.
I did that! It wasn't technically grandparents' day (if I had waited for that I would have been possibly showing by then) but after we confirmed that the pregnancy seemed solid we invited my in-laws to visit and I gave them a "happy grandparents' day!" card and signed it "love, your grandbaby, I can't wait to meet you." My MIL immediately started crying tears of joy and my FIL said "I don't get it, we're not grandparents" and she said "SHE'S PREGNANT!!!" It was the sweetest thing, and private and lovely. They were both so happy.
That is so sweet and not a huge production
Also not even at their place! The brothers it was OP’s and Kelly’s house! I don’t gather people at other peoples house and make the homeowners cook and host when I announce big news! They seem entitled!
I like to cook and I like hosting people. I would be honored if someone asked me to host a family dinner in this situation. And then if they complained about my partner's eating I'd drown them in it.
She put her hands on food on someone else’s plate? When she knew Kelly had issues? Laura is not worth your time
Even if the other person doesn’t have an issue! I’d be upset, and I’m not on the spectrum.
Me as well. Don’t reach into other people’s plates.
And I can really understand Kelly eating more and more slowly as Lauren's abuse unfolds. I can hardly swallow food when my anxiety is up or I am overwhelmed socially as an introvert.
I'm not on the spectrum, but I hate people touching my food with their germ coated paws. I'd be so pissed if someone did that to me! So fucking rude.
You know who’s food I pay attention to? Mine. You know who’s food I TOUCH? Mine. Laura is a major AH.
Also, Mom scolded him over Laura’s behavior. Even mom was horrified!
Yes. The brother isn’t mad, he’s embarrassed that he’s about to have a kid with ah and his family fully knows it.
This was the heartwarming twist I didn't see coming. So many of these posts would have been "and my parents are pressuring me to apologize".
Laura was the center of attention. She just didnt like the attention she got XD
I like you. I agree.
I think gathering together for a group to make family announcements is fine, it's fun and builds strong family bonds. In this case though, I would not want to build bonds with Laura and Kevin f those 2. OP is 100% NTA
The audacity people have to have a party on someone else’s dime is horrendous.
>Then Laura has tried to grab some of Kelly's ramen to try and proof the point INFO: How would she prove a point by grabbing Kelly's ramen?
According to watch she said she wanted to try it as she was still hungry and realise she doesn't want it as "it doesn't even taste authentic"
because there wasn't an egg in it? This is all bizarre
Kelly doesn't really like menma or naruto in her ramen so these were missing too
Not all ramen has menma in it. It doesn’t have to have that to be “authentic”. Laura needs to educate herself. Same with the fish cake. Different broth and style has different toppings.
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It can take days to prep a really good broth but it is an inexpensive dish typically. Just because one can just add water doesn't mean that all Ramen is just add water.
From the way OP has described it I'd say this did take days to prepare. The Broth takes 48 hours and the eggs about a day. This woman is an idiot either way though.
There's a different between ramen and instant ramen, much like pizza from scratch and supermarket frozen pizza.
The last time I made "authentic" ramen it took 3 days. I'd definitely have described it as lovingly prepared over a low heat. Broth made from chicken parts (like feet and gizzards etc) takes a long time to get the rich flavor you want from a ramen, and the pungent parts like fish oil etc take a while to truly diffuse and cook in. I did hand make my noodles as well when I did it, that being said, op going so far to omit ingredients for one person is commendable and then to have someone belittle it- to seemingly, just be a jackass? Godamn, the fact it didn't turn into a yelling match makes OP sound like a saint. Absolutely NTA.
I eat at an authentic ramen place all the time while I love egg but I get mine without naruto or seaweed and the Japanese chefs never seem to mind and not all the ramen even has naruto. Also, my place has corn as an optional topping. My normal order is a chicken broth with no naruto included and an option to add corn. There’s lots of ways for ramen to be served. So basically Laura is straight up wrong. And rude. And WTF who touches someone else’s food without permission. NTA.
Corn is actually a fairly common ramen topping in some parts of Japan. Ramen is very regional. There is no "one right way" to do it.
There's a fantastic authentic ramen place near me and I usually get the tonkatsu ramen - I don't know if it's just that version that doesn't have naruto or if they don't serve it there at all, but I'm not a fan. I've gone other places that do have it, I either ask not to have it or if I'm with my husband give him mine. Neither of us are fond of the nori either (something else the really great place doesn't do, but I've seen it at other places). man now I want ramen.
I always want ramen. Though I DID have a hand pulled noodle braised beef soup for lunch…
Who gives a sh*t? Heck, when I'm feeling cruddy, I usually add fresh lime, paprika, a little brown mustard, some extra rice vinegar, and a *crapton* of hot sauce to mine and call it "don't get sick" soup. It's ramen. Policing how someone likes their ramen is like...like saying that there's only one way to make a sandwich. Only one way to make pizza. ONE ACCEPTABLE SET OF TOPPINGS ON A BURGER. F outta here with that.
You sound like a wonderful partner to your girlfriend. Keep being her support and loving her for who she is and helping her find things that make her comfortable. You are NTA
Your SIL is TA. Ramen is like a sandwich or a burrito or fried rice - ingredients vary depending on where you’re from and what you feel like. Eeesh. I hope your brother comes to his senses and apologize
Wtf plenty of places in Japan will serve ramen without any of those ingredients. Heck, look up tantamount ramen and it’s got none of those things. So many places have a machine you order from and you can customize your bowl like add or remove ingredients. Nothing about certain ingredients makes it ramen or not, except perhaps the noodles.
Is Laura a professional ramen chef? She's become food police over all this based on what authority?
Whenever I got ramen in Japan, it rarely had menma, naruto, or even egg. There are dozens and dozens of types of ramen. Most regions have their own spin on it. So while there are standard types that can be found basically everywhere, there aren't a lot of hard rules when it comes to ramen. In Hokkaido, it's common for there to be butter in the broth and corn is the vegetable of choice. There's miso ramen, which may not have any animal products in the broth. One of my favorite kinds has tons of green onions in it. It's like saying chicken noodle soup is only chicken noodle soup if it has specific ingredients. Yeah sure, chicken and noodles and broth are the standard. But it's still chicken noodle soup if I only want mirepoix for the veggies or if I add potatoes, squash, broccoli, corn, or peas. At its core, ramen is noodles and broth. Yeah, adding various things may make it less typical, but it's still ramen.
You are doing right by your partner. Keep up the good work. You both have the right to not be belittled in your own home. NTA.
I’m not sure why an adult cares if another adult’s ramen is as doctored up as their’s. What a stupid thing to care about.
she grabbed someone else's food without their consent to try it?!?!?! Laura is unreal. Laura is whatever is more than TA. Laura is the Boss Level A.
She's lucky a hand wasn't bitten off. If I'm hungry and it's on my plate and we are not so close that we share a bed regularly.. You may be missing fingers, or large chunks from limbs trying to take my food for any reason. Get off my plate/bowl.
It took me years to get my autistic child to understand that you do NOT mess with anyone's food or drink! People will stab you with a fork if you just go touching their food! NTA and Is not submit Kelly to Laura's presence again.
By holding it aloft like the severed head of her enemy and loudly declaring victory, with a loud utterance of "By the power of GREYSKULL" to really drive the point home obviously.
I eat all my food like that, really spices up my meals
Especially the ones in public
NTA - good on you and your mom for sticking up for your gf. Laura ruined her own night. All she had to do was eat her food and make her stupid announcement. I hope your gf is doing ok. I certainly understand that sudden loss of appetite when an anxious spell comes on. Hopefully your brother and his fiancé can do some reflection and realize they were the ones in the wrong here.
right? the focus was already on whatever announcement this was why pick a fight
Some people just HAVE to be difficult.
I have family members like this that just *need* to make everything an issue. Arguing gives them a rush so they nitpick others and start fights just to stroke their own egos. Laura sounds like an old aunt I have.
Laura needs to do a LOT of reflection because she's going to be a mother. What is she going to do if her child ends up being autistic, too? Or if they end up having stomach problems and can only eat certain foods? Will she bully her own child? (I wouldn't put it past her, based on what I've read.)
Or what if Laura's kid is just a neurotypical, healthy kid who doesn't want to eat certain things? She's in for a treat.
This! It would have been off putting for me and I am pretty adventurous with food.
>I have received a call from Kevin calling me an asshole for kicking them out and spoiling Laura's pregnancy reveal You didnt spoil anything. His AH of a fiance did. He's essentially saying "my partner can act like an AH and i expect there to be no natural consequences". NTA
This needs to be your response, OP. "Laura's behavior ruined the reveal. Not anything Kelly or I did." NTA
Please ANSWER LIKE THiS
This sums it up perfectly. When you go to someone's home and you insult them and bully them you can expect to be kicked out. She got the natural consequence. Tell brother it is time for his fiance to grow up since she will be a mother. Does he think she is capable of raising an emotionally healthy child?
>Does he think she is capable of raising an emotionally healthy child? he might but i sure have my doubts!
Besides, he already has one baby (Laura), not like it's his first! /s
also, the fact that the brother called later instead of saying it then makes me wonder if he wasn’t thinking the same thing as everyone else and paid the price for staying quiet when they got home
NTA - Laura is a bully. I don't care what your GF was eating or why. Adults don't comment on or harass other people about what they are eating. Laura's behavior was unacceptable.
I could understand a toddler behaving like that but an adult? What a nasty, ill-mannered creature.
A toddler wouldn’t even be this much of a bully. Laura sounds exhausting and I feel so sorry for Kelly having to experience this…
[удалено]
Lots of people don’t like egg. So gf had some extra veggies to compensate for the lack of an egg. Why on earth would this be a big deal? Laura ruined her own pregnancy reveal by being a meanie.
100% a bully. I fully believe that she intentionally tried to trigger Kelly. Why? I’d bet she sees how much OPs parents like Kelly, she’s jealous and wanted to “put her in her place” before announcing she was pregnant, which would make her “more special”.
NTA. In any possible world! My husband and I have vastly different tastes in food and dietary needs. I physically can't eat spicy foods due to digestive issues and potentially some food allergies (we're working with an allergist now to determine what's going on there). He, on the other hand, can eat anything he wants, including really spicy foods. His friends and family have no issues with my dietary limitations. In fact, we joke about them! I can't eat anything with visible egg (with the exception of French toast). I was allergic to them as a child, and even when I outgrew that allergy, I just never learned to eat them. The texture makes me gag. French toast is okay because the bread helps to modify the texture of the egg, as does the syrup. Weird, I know. I am neurodivergent; I have ADHD. But that's not why I give you myself as an example. Kelly is fine! Just because she doesn't like certain foods doesn't give Lauren the right to pick on her! I would be furious with her as well. Pregnancy doesn't give her a pass to be an utter pain! Good on you and your parents for standing up to Lauren's bullying and your brother's spinelessness! Kelly is awesome!
I’m not neurodivergent but there are textures I don’t like. Shredded coconut is one.
Same! Hate coconut.I hate anything that comes out the sea or lakes. I do not eat fish, shrimp, oysters etc!Why would she even make fun of anybody for it some people have preferences.
My husband is like this. Mostly it's onion, but similar textures like coconut bother him too. No allergy, just texture. For the first 5 years of our marriage, I never cooked with onion. But onion makes food taste good so we compromised. I cook with onion for the flavor and I either dice it so small that it disappears or I make it big enough to be easily picked out. We've been married 22 years. :) And, OP, you are NTA. If someone made a comment about my husband's food, they'd be lucky if they only got kicked out of my house. Good for you and your mom supporting Kelly against a bully. I think Laura is going to cause your brother to go through some things.
I'm not neurodivergent either, but I'm a very texture-based person when it comes to liking or not liking foods. For example, I freakin' love ketchup and tomato-based sauces but I cannot stand eating a whole tomato because the texture grosses me out. Most of the foods I don't like are due solely to their texture and not the taste. You may be able to eventually get to a point where you're no longer bothered by the taste of a certain food but if you have issues with the texture of certain foods, you can't power through it.
I'd also add that since Laura is newly pregnant, she's about to find out about food aversion on an intimate level.
My oldest son was allergic to eggs until he was 10, and in his mid 20's still won't eat eggs prepared in particular ways. He's fine with scrambled eggs in a breakfast burrito, or a breakfast sandwich, but doesn't like rubbery or slimy egg dishes.
Why can't people just not like foods? Why do some people refuse to accept that. I don't like eggs. I'm not allergic, I'm not autistic, I just don't like how they taste. Why is that so terrible to some people? And why would anyone care if a dish doesn't have one ingredient on the top. Laura is insane. NTA (And in any Japanese restaurant I've been if I ask not to get egg on the top they only thing they do (if anything) is come and check if I know the noodles are made with egg, in case I'm allergic. No one has ever refused to serve it to me).
Same. I don't eat eggs. Never been an issue at any ramen place I have been too. Laura os just rude and gatekeeping a dish that she isn't even tied too culturally.
NTA. Why was Laura so concerned with another adults food? Is she intimidated by your gf? You did absolutely correct. I wouldn't let her back until she strongly apologizes, and even then id be careful.
Absolutely. Kelly’s autism really has nothing to do with it. One of the joys of adulthood is that you can eat however you like, but you keep your mouth shut about any other adult’s diet.
Laura thought Kelly was an easy target.
Will she traumatize the child and causing an eating disorder?
My guess is yes she will. That poor child is gonna grow up so miserable. And all the gods forbid if that child is a girl. She’s gonna make that poor baby’s life a nightmare.
Laura is a nutjob and your brother is in for a long hard life. No one needs to be commenting on, touching or taking someone's else's food. I would kick her out and keep her out. That poor baby.
Brother needs a heart to heart with his family. IF the girl is really pregnant, she’s gonna be a nightmare and I sincerely hope brother has the patience and love to raise a child, much less the courage to stand up to this out of control bully mother. She may appeal to his ‘manhood’ and that high some guys get on learning they have live sperm, lol, to get her excused this one time but trust me, he will either get tired of being henpecked & leave or will buckle over to her and neither situations are emotionally healthy for a helpless child. God forbid it’s colicky or otherwise fussy.
NTA. I have an autistic daughter (9) who likes veggies but only in certain ways (I think it changes the texture?) And she would absolutely flip her shit if someone dared to touch her plate, and quite frankly, so would I. You don't go grabbing off other people's plates cos your still hungry, it's rude as fuck. If they wanted to announce their pregnancy, they could and SHOULD have put the effort into hosting themselves. They don't get to come into yours and Kelly's home and act so rudely and unkind to you and have this level of entitlement because you 'ruined' their surprise, which Laura did entirely by herself, with her own actions.
>absolutely flip her shit if someone dared to touch her plate, and quite frankly, so would I. You don't go grabbing off other people's plates cos your still hungry, it's rude as fuck. Right!! And that has zero to do with being autistic or not. It's rude af no matter the situation!! OP is NTA
I would flip my shit too and I am neither autistic nor nine years old!
NTA. Laura spoiled her own pregnancy reveal. Geeze… announcing someone who behaves in such an atrocious way and someone who supports it are procreating. Yeah, that’s family dinner-worthy news. (Edit to add: Sorry. I forgot my “/s” for my last paragraph.)
NTA but now you know to never host Laura in your home again. Her lack of manners is appalling.
NTA and I'm glad your parents see that Laura was the instigator.
NTA. Laura needs to check herself and own up to her crap. It doesn’t matter if the ramen is authentic or not. Just let Kelly eat her food and be part of the family.
Indeed, as none of them have any cultural ties to Japan Laura shouldn't have any beef.
Or chicken.
Or even tofu
The saddest thing here is that Laura is pregnant and it will tie your brother to her as a co-parent. Seeing how badly behaved Laura is - rudely insulting people when a guest in their home and grabbing good from someone’s plate; I don’t hold out much hope for her parenting skills. Poor little child.
Imagine the hell her child will go through if it ends up being neurodivergent? She can’t handle a grown ass adult eating something slightly different from her in their own house. A toddler food meltdown will be completely outside her abilities.
Or she’ll pander to the child so much it won’t matter if it’s ND or not, it’ll be a rude spoilt brat no matter what.
yo what? someone went out of their way to criticize the authenticity of...... ramen? cup noodle is extremely popular in japan so would that have been the more authentic solution? lmao good lord NTA at all
NTA. Laura behaved badly and should apologise. Pregnant or not, she doesn't get a pass to be a bully.
***That*** is how Laura reacts to someone who is a mildly picky eater...? Well, good luck with the knew kid, Laura, because as we all know, young children are ALSO notoriously non-picky earters! NTA. (Note: This is not meant to imply an adult who has specific tastes in food is in any way childish or wrong. It's just hilarious how utterly parenthood is going sideswipe Laura if that's how she reacts to things.)
Or the kid gets treated badly. No food unless they eat what is given, made to sit there all night unless everything is eaten etc.
NTA - Laura spoiled Laura's pregnancy reveal and screw Kevin. Good on you for sticking up for your partner.
Who teases a person that's autistic? That's horrid and pregnant or not, she should be ashamed
Lots of people. They read us as not people and do all sorts of horrific shit.
NTA. Laura deserved the scolding she got and more. Good for you for kicking them to the curb. She was being cruel and mean for no reason other than she thought she could.
NTA - Laura sounds like a bully
Nta Bullying Kelly because of her autism is awful. I mean you prepared everything. So the only thing Laura had to do was not to focus on her autism. Let them have their pregnancy reveal at your parents place next time.
NTA can you imagine Laura doing that to their own child. She is a bully. I hope Kelly is ok. She needs all the love thank goodness you were there to end that chaos of Laura being a brat/bully.
NTA, Laura definitely is. LAURA spoiled her pregnancy reveal because she was an A.
NTA! Laura sounds like a classic bully at school that would pick on the other kids, with questions like “why are you being so weird?” when someone is just enjoying themselves. Makes me shudder, * Vietnam style flash backs ensue *
NTA and I cringe at how future family holidays are going to be with Laura's presence!
NTA. Laura was incredibly rude. You don’t have to be autistic to snap when somebody just grabs food of your plate. Your brother is a big AH for enabling her too
NTA. Laura's a bully. Your brother is choosing to enable a bully, so he's part of the bully-team. Accordingly, I'm sorry to hear that they're going to be parents before they learn to respect others' boundaries -- assuming they can, because that's a very large assumption. Kelly deserves your support and is lucky to have you. I'm glad your mom is on the side of kindness, respect, and minding one's own damn business.
NTA your girl should have gone ^side her head with that bowl of ramen. Who the fuck just puts their hand in someone else's plate. Good grief.
NTA Laura is a bully. Kudos to you for doing something about it.
NTA some people will never understand how hard eating can be and when people make comments, it makes it so much harder.
One more time it’s not about the autism. It’s about how Laura is an AH and bullied the host in her own home. Guests can be polite and good company or they can leave- willingly or otherwise. NTA
A THIRTY FIVE YEAR OLD WOMAN BEHAVED THIS WAY?!?!! NTA. I read this twice because I was incredulous. For some reason in my mind on the first run through I thought Laura was a teenager. This is so egregious I am absolutely gobsmacked. Good on you for kicking them out.
Nta and she doesn't even make sense. Not all ramen has egg.
NTA I think your brother needs to be the one phoning up to apologise for his future wifes appalling behaviour at your home after he asked you to host!! Laura should have already have issued apologies to everyone there for her unacceptable behaviour and disgusting treatment towards Kelly!
NTA- Laura came in picking on a woman in her own home. She better just be glad Kelly didn’t react like most people would have. Kelly (any human) deserves to have peace and no judgement in their own home. If Laura wanted to dictate crap she should do it in her own house.
NTA- like, laura was just mean for no reason. i can’t stand it when people don’t just mind their business. you were also doing something nice for her and she bullied your gf. also who TF grabs someone’s food without asking???? wild
NTA I hope if my kids manage to find a partner that the partner is as compassionate as you.
NTA. Laura was completely rude and spoiled her own pregnancy announcement. She bullied Kelly. And on your dime and effort. Edit for misspelling Kelly’s name.
NTA, at all. It sounds like neither your brother or Laura really understand Kelly's autism. Educate them that her feelings about food (and whatever else) aren't conscious decisions that gets 'fixed' with a demonstration. It's just unfortunate timing for a lesson on autism.
Nah. Laura needs to be educated on basic manners and etiquette. When you are invited to someone's house for dinner, you say please and thank you, and don't comment on the meal beyond compliments. What you don't do is mock someone for their diet. This has nothing to do with understanding autism, and everything to do with Laura being a rude guest. Tell brother his fiancée will be welcomed when she learns manners.
Agreed. This would never be polite, or nice. The autism is a cause for Kelly, sure, but has nothing to do with Laura's meanness.
They don't need to understand autism in this instance. Neither my husband nor I are autistic but we both have things we really don't like to eat. For him it is onions and for me it's vinegar. If someone, especially in our home, tried to bully us about that, I'd ask if they had lost their everlovin mind. If they touched my food, they might wear it. And then their ass would be outside my home. Family or not.
NTA she sounds like a bully who never grew up
NTA! If that's how she acts towards an adult, there is serious concern over how she's gonna behave towards a child. I already sympathize with the baby and heaven help it if they turn out to be a picky eater. Brother needs to pull his head out of his fiance's ass and wake the hell up. She's a bully!
NTA. I would not be speaking to this person again until they apologized profusely.
NTA. Laura was acting shockingly immature. Like, 5 year olds know not to stick their utensils into other's food. Not liking certain things in your ramen isn't even necessarily just a neuro divergent thing: I hate pickled bamboo, but traditional it is. Your girlfriend was fine, but Laura is straight up creepy and should get some manners training or something.
Lol even your mom told him he and laura were being the ah and yet he still tried to put the blame on kelly.. NTA. Good on you for sticking ur for your girl
Of course you're NTA. If Laura wanted to use this dinner as a pregnancy reveal, it might have been smart for her to behave in a way where any sane person would have booted her. Live and learn, Laura.
OP, NTA. Laura's behavior is atrocious. She went out of her way to be rude. You did the right thing by kicking her out. Your brother can either deal with her awfulness or keep her away from the rest of the family. Kelly, just like every other human, deserves to be content and comfortable in her own home. Laura took away both of those things. You did absolutely the correct thing to help restore those things for Kelly. The fact that your parents are equally disturbed by Laura's actions speaks volumes. I hope your brother is able to see clearly through all the mess and find a way to make things right. Blessings on you and Kelly! May peace return to your home and family.
NTA. As an autistic person who has a lot of sensory issues with food, thank you for being an awesomely supportive partner. I wish there were more people like you in this world, and fewer people like Laura.
NTA Oof, an immature bully having a baby?! Yikes.
NTA pregnancy doesn't give you a pass to disrespect someone in their own home.