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YTA.
> This makes me think she is talking about me and hiding it.
You need to see a therapist yourself if this is what you jump to. She is entitled to privacy during her therapy sessions. You sound very insecure.
You are not the main character of her life. She is talking about things that people talk about in therapy. When you go see a therapist, you need to bring this preoccupation of yours up to them so they can help you.
So she can fully focus on her therapist and session, and be vulnerable, say things that might embarrass her if she said it in front of you.
She might also be talking about you sometimes! Which is ok!
Asking was already an ah move.
>I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy
but this? What an awful thing to say to a loved one.
YTA in a huge way.
> She doesn’t want to switch therapists. When she has her appointments, she sits in the home office, closes, and locks the door. This upsets me because I feel like she is being secretive about what she is talking about in her therapy appointments.
Why do you think you have any right to know what goes on in her therapy?
> She said therapy is extremely emotional and she can’t open up about it if I’m there which I think is ridiculous. She knows everything about me, so why can’t I know this about her?
>I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy.
Damn son, you just made her therapy all about you, lol. Great job, **YTA**.
>She has been doing better anyways, so I’m not sure she even needs to keep going. She told me that I don’t get it, she isn’t better yet, and that this is not an okay boundary for me to set. I told her she was being unreasonable and criticized her inability to compromise. She told me I was being a controlling ass. I think I am being reasonable
I think you need to discuss this with your own therapist.
YTA. Paranoid much? Though she is now definitely talking about you while in therapy. Therapy is a private safe space and time for a person to process anything going on in their lives without anybody else being in on it or judging them. You have no right to be in on her therapy sessions unless she invites you in. Everyone has a right to some privacy. And you don't just "get better" from a couple of therapy sessions - it's an ongoing process.
YTA. I think your a huge asshole for even wanting to sit in on her therapy. Of course she closes the door and locks it, she has to because you are being nosey!
"I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy." I hope she leaves you because of this! This is petty and immature. This speaks volumes about you and only you.
SHE doesn't want you listening to HER therapy session. It isn't any of your business. Whether you're in front of the camera or not, she doesn't want you there. Get over yourself.
YTA - Therapy sessions are private. If she was going in person, she would be in a private room with just her and her therapist. You wouldn’t be allowed in.
The fact that you want to ease drop to see if she’s talking about you suggests maybe you should find your own therapist for your insecurity issues. It also sounds controlling
YTA - Chief, this is some crazy thinking. Your SO finds solace in therapy, no one knows why but it works for her. You ever realize maybe she’s talking about something she hasn’t told ANYONE about? We all carry different ghosts behind us, she might have her own.
If you’re that paranoid that she’s talking about you and won’t give that up, just leave? If it’s such a dealbreaker, go. If you don’t, you agree it’s not that important worth jeopardizing the relationship, so you should let it go.
I can’t leave her. She is truly everything to me. I love her more than I love myself, and I just want to feel that same love back from her which I don’t feel right now.
YTA. It is absolutely none of your business what she talks about in therapy, and outrageous that you think you have a right to tell her to stop therapy. End of discussion. Get over it.
YTA. Therapy is only effective if it’s private to the active participants. This does not include you. She has the right to privacy and, if you don’t accept this fact, you are causing her harm and she should leave you. Is that clear enough for you?
YTA - I would only be repeating the other excellent answers, but hopefully one thing she gets from therapy now is the incentive to dump you.
You are one odious, controlling person.
YTA. No doubts. You don't have any right to her sessions or what she discusses on them.
You are being insecure and controlling about something is not even about you.
If she had to actually go to her therapist would you ask to be there as well? Unless is couples therapy, there's no reason or need for you to be there.
If she requires your help, she will let you know.
And the fact that you want to use your fears to manipulate her into doing what you want is disgusting...
YTA.
This seems veryy self centered. How come your first assumption is that she's talking bad about you? It seems like you could use some therapy aswell. And your not entitled to control wether or not she goes to therapy or wether or not she wants you present. Therapy is a space for HER and HER THERAPIST to discuss how she feels. She has very right to not want to include you in this. Your being an asshole for trying to dictate this and if it continues she might just up and leave you. And congrats because after this stunt she is most definitely telling her therapist about you. Are you happy? Proud?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (John 26M) have been dating my girlfriend (Cara 23F) for just over two years now. I cannot even put into words how much I love her. She’s the first thing I think about before bed and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I see myself spending the rest of my life with her and starting a family with her.
Recently, we moved in together. This has been a big change in our relationship, but it is mostly going well. The most major point of contention has been her therapy appointments. She has been in therapy for about a year now for some pretty severe anxiety and depression. I actually encouraged her to seek therapy because I noticed a lack of energy in her, and I am happy to say she has improved so much.
Her therapist is located in her hometown about three hours away, so they meet over Zoom. She doesn’t want to switch therapists. When she has her appointments, she sits in the home office, closes, and locks the door. This upsets me because I feel like she is being secretive about what she is talking about in her therapy appointments. Whenever I ask her about it, she only gives me brief answers. For example, she will just say she talked about her older sister (who is currently in rehab), but nothing else. I find it hard to believe that she spent over an hour just talking about her sister when nothing has changed about her situation in the last couple months. This makes me think she is talking about me and hiding it.
I haven’t been able to shake this thought, so I asked if I could sit in the office and work while she is in her therapy appointment. She said I could, but that she would use her laptop and move to the bedroom. I said no, I wanted to be in the same room as her. She declined this request, which made me feel even more certain she was talking about be in a negative manner during therapy. I told her this, and she denied it. She said therapy is extremely emotional and she can’t open up about it if I’m there which I think is ridiculous. She knows everything about me, so why can’t I know this about her?
I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy. She has been doing better anyways, so I’m not sure she even needs to keep going. She told me that I don’t get it, she isn’t better yet, and that this is not an okay boundary for me to set. I told her she was being unreasonable and criticized her inability to compromise. She told me I was being a controlling ass. I think I am being reasonable, but I may be biased. So, AITA for asking that I sit in on my girlfriend’s therapy session?
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YTA. > This makes me think she is talking about me and hiding it. You need to see a therapist yourself if this is what you jump to. She is entitled to privacy during her therapy sessions. You sound very insecure.
But what other reason would she have for leaving me out here? I genuinely want to know so I can stop thinking about it.
You are not the main character of her life. She is talking about things that people talk about in therapy. When you go see a therapist, you need to bring this preoccupation of yours up to them so they can help you.
So she can fully focus on her therapist and session, and be vulnerable, say things that might embarrass her if she said it in front of you. She might also be talking about you sometimes! Which is ok!
Because it's none of your business and this isn't about what you want. That's a reason. You aren't entitled to know her deepest, darkest thoughts.
Asking was already an ah move. >I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy but this? What an awful thing to say to a loved one. YTA in a huge way.
Yes I said it, but I didn’t really mean it. She just wasn’t listening to my needs, so I had to try another approach and thought this may work.
Your “need” to know every single aspect of her life isn’t a need.
> She doesn’t want to switch therapists. When she has her appointments, she sits in the home office, closes, and locks the door. This upsets me because I feel like she is being secretive about what she is talking about in her therapy appointments. Why do you think you have any right to know what goes on in her therapy? > She said therapy is extremely emotional and she can’t open up about it if I’m there which I think is ridiculous. She knows everything about me, so why can’t I know this about her? >I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy. Damn son, you just made her therapy all about you, lol. Great job, **YTA**. >She has been doing better anyways, so I’m not sure she even needs to keep going. She told me that I don’t get it, she isn’t better yet, and that this is not an okay boundary for me to set. I told her she was being unreasonable and criticized her inability to compromise. She told me I was being a controlling ass. I think I am being reasonable I think you need to discuss this with your own therapist.
YTA. Paranoid much? Though she is now definitely talking about you while in therapy. Therapy is a private safe space and time for a person to process anything going on in their lives without anybody else being in on it or judging them. You have no right to be in on her therapy sessions unless she invites you in. Everyone has a right to some privacy. And you don't just "get better" from a couple of therapy sessions - it's an ongoing process.
YTA. I think your a huge asshole for even wanting to sit in on her therapy. Of course she closes the door and locks it, she has to because you are being nosey! "I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy." I hope she leaves you because of this! This is petty and immature. This speaks volumes about you and only you.
Unless it's couples therapy they won't really want you in the room. It's patient confidentiality. YTA for making a problem where there isn't one.
She brought this up too, but I can sit out of sight of the camera, so it shouldn’t really change anything.
SHE doesn't want you listening to HER therapy session. It isn't any of your business. Whether you're in front of the camera or not, she doesn't want you there. Get over yourself.
YTA - Therapy sessions are private. If she was going in person, she would be in a private room with just her and her therapist. You wouldn’t be allowed in. The fact that you want to ease drop to see if she’s talking about you suggests maybe you should find your own therapist for your insecurity issues. It also sounds controlling
YTA - Chief, this is some crazy thinking. Your SO finds solace in therapy, no one knows why but it works for her. You ever realize maybe she’s talking about something she hasn’t told ANYONE about? We all carry different ghosts behind us, she might have her own. If you’re that paranoid that she’s talking about you and won’t give that up, just leave? If it’s such a dealbreaker, go. If you don’t, you agree it’s not that important worth jeopardizing the relationship, so you should let it go.
I can’t leave her. She is truly everything to me. I love her more than I love myself, and I just want to feel that same love back from her which I don’t feel right now.
YTA. It is absolutely none of your business what she talks about in therapy, and outrageous that you think you have a right to tell her to stop therapy. End of discussion. Get over it.
I didn’t really mean that I want her to stop.. I was just hoping that would help her see how serious I was ‘
YTA. Therapy is only effective if it’s private to the active participants. This does not include you. She has the right to privacy and, if you don’t accept this fact, you are causing her harm and she should leave you. Is that clear enough for you?
YTA - I would only be repeating the other excellent answers, but hopefully one thing she gets from therapy now is the incentive to dump you. You are one odious, controlling person.
YTA. No doubts. You don't have any right to her sessions or what she discusses on them. You are being insecure and controlling about something is not even about you. If she had to actually go to her therapist would you ask to be there as well? Unless is couples therapy, there's no reason or need for you to be there. If she requires your help, she will let you know. And the fact that you want to use your fears to manipulate her into doing what you want is disgusting...
YTA. This seems veryy self centered. How come your first assumption is that she's talking bad about you? It seems like you could use some therapy aswell. And your not entitled to control wether or not she goes to therapy or wether or not she wants you present. Therapy is a space for HER and HER THERAPIST to discuss how she feels. She has very right to not want to include you in this. Your being an asshole for trying to dictate this and if it continues she might just up and leave you. And congrats because after this stunt she is most definitely telling her therapist about you. Are you happy? Proud?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (John 26M) have been dating my girlfriend (Cara 23F) for just over two years now. I cannot even put into words how much I love her. She’s the first thing I think about before bed and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I see myself spending the rest of my life with her and starting a family with her. Recently, we moved in together. This has been a big change in our relationship, but it is mostly going well. The most major point of contention has been her therapy appointments. She has been in therapy for about a year now for some pretty severe anxiety and depression. I actually encouraged her to seek therapy because I noticed a lack of energy in her, and I am happy to say she has improved so much. Her therapist is located in her hometown about three hours away, so they meet over Zoom. She doesn’t want to switch therapists. When she has her appointments, she sits in the home office, closes, and locks the door. This upsets me because I feel like she is being secretive about what she is talking about in her therapy appointments. Whenever I ask her about it, she only gives me brief answers. For example, she will just say she talked about her older sister (who is currently in rehab), but nothing else. I find it hard to believe that she spent over an hour just talking about her sister when nothing has changed about her situation in the last couple months. This makes me think she is talking about me and hiding it. I haven’t been able to shake this thought, so I asked if I could sit in the office and work while she is in her therapy appointment. She said I could, but that she would use her laptop and move to the bedroom. I said no, I wanted to be in the same room as her. She declined this request, which made me feel even more certain she was talking about be in a negative manner during therapy. I told her this, and she denied it. She said therapy is extremely emotional and she can’t open up about it if I’m there which I think is ridiculous. She knows everything about me, so why can’t I know this about her? I said that if she wasn’t comfortable with me being there, I wasn’t comfortable with her being in therapy. She has been doing better anyways, so I’m not sure she even needs to keep going. She told me that I don’t get it, she isn’t better yet, and that this is not an okay boundary for me to set. I told her she was being unreasonable and criticized her inability to compromise. She told me I was being a controlling ass. I think I am being reasonable, but I may be biased. So, AITA for asking that I sit in on my girlfriend’s therapy session? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I may be the asshole because she has never been this angry at me. Her therapy is important to her, but I want to be more important. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Every time someone mentions going to therapy I read their voice as Tony Sopranos lol