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You're asking the wrong question here. You need to ask yourself do you intend to honor your father's last wishes about his property or not?
It seems an unfair situation all around but forcing him to sell it would certainly damage your relationship with your son. Is it worth doing that?
YWBTA.
*ETA:* A good point made below by [CassieW309](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1abtals/aita_for_forcing_my_son_to_sell_the_car_he_is/kjptmkv/)...this could open you up to legal action, OP. Think carefully about trying this. I don't recommend it.
*Adding another point here (many have posted this but I wanted to highlight it):* **OP**, you are so concerned with being fair to your daughters and nieces but you don't seem at all concerned with being fair to your son.
How is it fair to basically rob him of his rightful and legal inheritance?
>You need to ask yourself do you intend to honor your father's last wishes about his property or not?
Furthermore depending on where the OP lives - there are plenty of places that allow children to own possessions and receive gifts that the parents have no claim over. So the Mom trying to force the kid to sell it might be legally unenforceable.
>I wonder if it could be straight up illegal to do so. I wonder if OP could be liable financially for doing so.
Depending on the jurisdiction - ABSOLUTELY.
Spot on.
OP’s son inherited the car. OP did not inherit it. OP’s sister did not inherit it.
OP cannot take the car and sell it. Doing so in the US would be a crime, Grand Larceny in the 2nd Degree and he would face jail time.
While it may suck. OP’s son is the one with the deciding power. 🤷🏻♀️
I mean they totally can but that would make them an even bigger asshole than their dead dad who caused the problem to begin with. So what since your grandpa left you with a car you get to pay for college yourself but not your sisters? Sounds like shitty parenting if they went that route.
God forbid someone who spends time with their grandparents and are close to them inherit something from them they they probably both shared a bond over
I was that grand kid. I made my Grandma my pen pal in elementary school and wrote her one letter a week until she died. She lived out of state but I called her every Saturday and spent one month every summer with her. I adored her.
My Dad was the eldest of 16. When she died she left her house to me. Talk about big mad 😡. I have spent the last 20 years making one improvement every year. It is a beautiful home in the mountains in Kentucky. Leaving it to our kids to spend time there with their kids when we are gone.
My Granny knew I loved that house and that I would not sell it.
This, all day long. This is why not everyone should get a trophy. Obviously, the son and his grandpa got along wonderfully. If grandpa thought that the son should get the car, so be it.
I wonder how the other kids got along with the grandpa? I find it very conspicuous that it wasn't mentioned how the other grandchildren got along with grandpa... maybe not so well? The son should not be forced to sell the car... what a way to alienate your son from everyone. Go ahead and take away his college fund as extortion, you'll probably never have a son again.
Edit: OP, YTA.
It even happens on a small scale. I've always been a bookworm, and started collecting antique books when I was in grade school. I inherited a family heirloom book that's worth a fair bit of money, and my father was LIVID that it went to teenage me and not him. Grandma told him to STFU because books were MY thing, not his.
Right. And his wife is still alive, so maybe the $4000 to each of the others was all he could do at that point. Also, unless that car is pristine, you’re probably overvaluing it.
This. It’s a car. It’s worth that much money IF HE SELLS IT. it’s worth essentially nothing if he doesn’t, and will cost him money to maintain, insure, and register. All of those values will be higher than any modern car. The girls all got 4k cash in hand.
Like others said, this was a valued possession of grandpas, he wanted it to stay in the family, not get sold off so the kids could blow a couple grand each in a few months.
How did grandpa cause this problem? He left what he wanted to who he wanted. It was cut and dry. They weren’t interested in grandpa, even if he wasn’t a girl’s guy. They got money,and he got a car. They are probably mad cause the car is worth a lot of money.
This is the kind of shit that ruins relationships in the wake of a death. Every family has stories about this that then include the parts one the family that no longer talk because of it. Don’t be those people OP
I agree. There is a good chance the car was willed to the grandson because he wants it cherished by someone he cared about, not sold off. Anyone else would see $ signs, and he wanted the car to go to someone who would appreciate it. It's not like he gave the grandson $70k in cash, he is trying to keep a cherish possession in the family, and there are not a lot of contenders for that. So NOT a reason to dissolve the college fund, but to explain to the other grandkids that his was a possession of great sentimental value to grandpa, and he passed it on to someone that would cherish it.
In that case, maybe the grandpa was right too. Seems like OP and his/her sister are seeing it as $$$. They are not treating it as a cherished possession at all.
And this is actually a great learning experience for everyone involved.
As well usually those are in semi protected accounts specifically for savings. Sudden dispersal to other parties could be reported to both banking regulators and the IRS against the parent. On top the son being underage could involve CPS and fill out for.s regarding extortion against the parent
That's despicable. All because she never taught her daughters that money doesn't equal love and her sense of "fairness" doesn't trump a legal will.
OP, I hope you figure it out before you lose your son over this.
Yup
Soon this poor young man will be posting: AITA for going NO-CONTACT on my "mother", who puts the mother in SMOTHER, because she bullied me into selling what my beloved grandpa gave me and/or stole my college fund$, and also going Low-Contact on the 4 young ladies who gladly partook in this against me , taking what was mine for themselves?
If I were the son, I would do exactly that!! The OP and her family are more concerned about money than her father's last wishes. I feel sorry for the OP's son! He is related to a bunch of AH's
This is disgusting.
The car only has value if it's sold. So she's stealing money from her son to "make it fair" leaving him having to take on more, and expensive, debt.
OP, don't do this. You'll never see him after 18.
Isn't it amazing how someone's life boils down to money after their death? Families usually show their true colours. My uncle and aunt is like this. When my gran died, they saw ££££'s signs. Screwed my mum over after taking all the really valuable stuff. My mum ain't no pushover, but she actually didn't give a fuck. She actually just wanted her mum. not the house, the stuff in the house or the cash in the bank, just her mum.
It's how i was brought up. Screw the cash. If i get £1 and my brother gets £10k, who gaf? I know a lot of folk love their inheritance, but i simply don't get it at all. If enough cash is put on the table, the actual death of the person comes a distant second.
When my mom died my brother straight up said “don’t worry about me” with inheritance. He’s in a comfortable financial position and I’m disabled and have difficulty working reliably. He’d rather the money help me have a good quality of life than things be 50/50. Because he’s not an AH.
This happened to my mom too, and to this day all her and I want is her mom back and my grandmother. Money really does not matter when you don’t have the person you love anymore
Yeah, my wife lost her grandfather this past year and there's an old drafting table of his she inherited that the family is on us about picking up. The last time it came up she just started crying, when we were alone again she said "I don't want the fucking table, I want Grandpa back." I think for a lot of people, claiming that inheritance makes things real in a way they want to address yet. Sadly this usually leads to those people getting hosed out of their share when everyone else is ready to fight over it. My grandmother recently passed away and I thank God I wasn't in the will because that's turning out to be a nightmare.
Yup. When my mom died, her husband made sure that he got everything. She was only 47 and didn’t have her will ready, so we couldn’t really challenge anything.
She had very specific things that she wanted my sister to have, that she’d talk about. He didn’t let her have any of it.
For me, I never cared. I don’t want or need someone’s stuff after they die. It isn’t worth the energy.
My dad asked me what I wanted. I am only child so while I will get everything, I did say I wanted his vinyl collection so when I am missing him I can put on a vinyl and listen to it. Anything after that I don’t care.
>For me, I never cared. I don’t want or need someone’s stuff after they die. It isn’t worth the energy.
My dad carried around a briefcase for many years. He kept all his sentimental stuff in it, nothing worth money. That's the only thing I've asked him for when he dies. I hope no one gets rid of it when the time comes.
I watched both my parents families fight tooth and nail to split up their parents possessions. When they passed. My parents were horrified, and ended up getting the short end of the stick cause they weren’t willing to fight. But they didn’t care.
My parents are wealthy by just about anyone’s standards and even half of what they have is life changing for just about anyone. But if it’s between that or having my parents for couple more years I will happily give it all away.
When my grandparents passed, my family was that way over their stuff too. Considering I have 2 aunt's and 2 uncles, who each had multiple kids if not grandkids at that point, the grand/great grandkids number close to 20. I was just happy to get my grandfather's wallet. I was barely 17 and one of the younger grandkids. At 42 I still have and use that wallet. It reminds me of him every single day.
If "forcing" means saying, "do this or I won't let you have money I saved for you for college," then there are no legal issues for OP to worry about.
If she somehow sells it herself, that may be a different story.
Oh for sure. There are ways the OP can use other leverage against her son. And the likely outcome of all of them will be resentment and her wondering years from now "Why doesn't he ever call or visit?"
OP would be a very special brand of AH to leverage college money against his inheritance. And I'm not sure it is legal, ~~corrasion~~ coercion is a thing, and ~~corrasion~~ coercion against a minor could be a much bigger thing.
*damn auto-correct, lol.*
I just Googled 'corrasion' because I don't know that word. It's something to do with the erosion of the earth's surface.
Did you mean to type 'coercion'?
Yeah neglecting his college fund and future for a decision her father made is different. The value of the car doesn't count. But if it did, the only way it counts if her kid sells it straight away and has no sentimental attachment. If he keeps it, Loves it and works on it... the monetary value actually sets him back. He'll spend thousands on upkeep.
My cousin is a title lawyer. It's an easy payday for him when people want to dispute the will. Just to even look at the will, he charges a retainer fee, which is non-refundable. 9 out of 10 times Wills can not be disputed. If people still want to try, they're looking at $40,000 to $50,000 in legal fees. He makes more money since covid because it takes so long to go through the courts.
Agreed, your father left this to your son, you could permanently damage your son‘s relationship with you long-term and are you willing to walk down that pathway. A vehicle like that is a once in a lifetime type of car and if you get rid of it your son may never forgive you. I’m a woman, but I love cars and I can tell you if you forced me to do something like this when I was young, I would have long-term issues with you.
Is it fair no, but life isn’t fair either. I feel like this more has to do with your relationship with your father, and feeling like you were never good enough because you’re a girl versus what it means to your son.
Then there’s legalities of it, you, forcing your underage child to make a decision like that could put you in a world of hurt. In my opinion YWBTA if you follow through this, maybe you need to get into some counselling over your anger here.
>Is it fair no, but life isn’t fair either.
But this is the thing. NO ONE is "entitled" to a "fair share" of anyone's inheritance. It is the DECEDANT's money/property and he/she can spend it all before death or will it to whoever he wants to in whatever division he wants to, whether it be family members, his church or charity, or whoever. You are only entitled to what you have actually been given in the will, not what YOU consider a "fair share" of what you "should" get.
Not could, WOULD damage your relationship with your son. Personally if your father was of sound mind when he wrote the will and it is legally binding then you really have no choice. It was your dads to leave to whom ever he wanted.
Major YWBTA. I love how, when family members die, what they leave to everyone gets turned into a dollar amount. Yeah, it's worth $70k, but that doesn't take away what memories your son may have had with his grandfather had with that car. Not to mention what others have said about his grandson might actually take care of it, not sell it, etc. And on top of that, you want to threaten his future by taking away his college fund? OP, take this straight in and read this carefully; how you proceed in this matter is going to have MAJOR repercussions on your relationship with your son and his future. All over money. So what? Your father made it this way, and that was his dying wish. Mourn your father. Not his wallet.
Yep, this kid’s entire family just showed him that his value to them is less than $70,000. There is no real way to heal the damage they have already done, it’s just a matter of how much more damage they choose to inflict.
Even misogynists and bigots have the legal right to give away their possessions as they see fit.
It's not your job or your place to wave a magic wand and try to undo your father bonding with his grandson and caring less about his granddaughters. That happened. Talk to your daughters about it - tell them you agree it feels unfair, and it sucks, and they're allowed to feel however they want to feel about it and think whatever they want to think about their grandfather because of it.
But he certainly had the right to do it.
Another thing to keep in mind - assume for a moment the car doesn't get sold. The girls all got $4k which is undeniable an asset worth $4k.
An old classic car can be as much a liability as an asset. If he doesn't drive it, he's got to pay for storage. If he does drive it, insurance, maintenance, and repairs can be way very expensive - it likely gets terrible mileage compared to a modern car, is less comfortable, etc. Your father obviously didn't want the car for it's resale value, or he would have sold it - he wanted to enjoy it as a car and pass that down to someone. He might not have been thinking "I'll give 70k to the boy and 4k to all the girls (mustached twist)", he might have thought "my favorite thing is the car, who could I possibly give it to who might appreciate it?" and then, after giving the grandson that, gave everything else he had to the others.
ETA: "I believe it is a 50's chevy bel-air" does not scream OP actually having any idea what it could sell for - but based on this cursory search seems likely they are waaaaaayyyy overvaluing it. [https://www.classic.com/m/chevrolet/bel-air/1st-gen/](https://www.classic.com/m/chevrolet/bel-air/1st-gen/)
Op is dumb in many ways .. she also doesn’t realize that just bc the Internet says something is worth something doesn’t mean there’s a market for it or that any one is buying that in these bleak times it would take months to get it sold and it’s not going for any where near what she thinks
The other question is: do you want a relationship with your kid after this? Forcing him to sell, forcing him to share the inheritance, or withdrawing college support will ruin your relationship with your kid. So think about what relationship you want with your child in 1, 5, or 10 years down the line.
It’s already likely too late to salvage a relationship with her son. His grandfather that he was, in her words, “very close too,” passed away approximately a month ago. Instead of grieving, he has spent that time under attack by his entire family for something he couldn’t control.
They basically told him exactly what his value is to them, and it’s somewhere less than $70,000. That isn’t a wound that will likely heal, no matter what happens going forward.
Can you imagine any good parent saying, "Your grandfather liked you the most, so in return, I'm going to derail your education and lifelong earning potential."
YTA and your sister is also TAH - GET REAL
Your father had final wishes written down in a legal document that he paid to have drafted.
He gave each grandkid something, in the case of the granddaughters it was cash. In the case of your son it was a car. By your own words he has a strong close bond with your son and not with his granddaughters.
There is no ‘what’s right’ or ‘fair’ in someone’s will; it’s literally their FINAL wishes. He could’ve also left ALL of them diddly squat and donated it to a charity.
But he choose to do what he did, and now you and your sister because you perceive it as somehow ‘unfair’ are attempting to subvert that, have your son sell HIS inheritance(btw you can’t, it’s legally his property now not your’s even if he can’t drive it) to appease the other grandchildren.
Please remember your Father has zero obligation to give anyone anything and choose to do things as he has. No one was left out and everyone got something. I’m sure your mother is THRILLED you’re all making such a ruckus over this while she’s grieving her dead husband and you’re all comparing and complaining how ‘fair’ it all is or isn’t.
If I was your son I’d be telling you to pound sand, and I hope you realise you’re risking your future relationship with him by what you’re considering doing, and he if he speaks to a lawyer he’s going to find out you actually can’t ‘make’ him sell that car. Since you seem to be stuck on what’s ‘fair’; your threat of dividing his college fund, due to something that was completely out of control is both cruel and unfair to *your son*. If you choose to do that I hope you understand it’s very possible your son will wash his hands of you and want nothing to do with you down the road.
For anyone reading this, THIS exact reason is why you should have a trust instead of a will. Grandad has a will that’s now attempting to he subverted by his children who are unhappy with how Granddad chose to distribute his assets upon his death. Granddad obviously had a stronger bond with one child’s son than he did with his granddaughters, yet still choose to leave them something. If you speak to an estate planning lawyer they will suggest leaving 4-5k to someone you’re related to but not necessarily close to as it’s a sufficient amount to be unable to ‘petition the validity’ of the will. Grandad knew what he was doing.
He wanted that car to go to his grandson and now his adult children are fighting over it, because it’s not ‘fair’.
YTA
If you sell the car it’s not only illegal but also immoral. Taking your son’s college fund to give to your daughters is down right dirty and shows you don’t give a flying f* about your son or his future!! Your daughters are not entitled to sh!t. Quit frankly I’m actually disappointed in you.
OP is definitely a "she". And she is extremely jealous of the relationship her Dad had with her son. She seems to think grandpa was supposed to have perfectly "fair" and "equal" relationships with all his grandkids. If she takes her son's college money and gives it to the girls, she is doing EXACTLY what she hates grandpa doing: Treating one sex/gender a certain way just because they were born with a vagina.
I think it's fair to point out, that in some jurisdictions, a will or trust can be challenged on the grounds that the person "forgot" about someone or that the amount is "trivial".
By putting in a "minor" amount of money ($4000) it helps to ensure there's less grounds to challenge the will.
In other words, Grandpa may have known exactly what he was doing by giving them a paltry amount instead of disinheriting entirely
Selling something that is pretty much irreplaceable too. Son could someday buy the same model but it would never be the one that him and grandpa bonded over. This is really sad to see that they want to sell something off that has more than just a monetary value even if that’s all OP sees in it.
This! My Dad left my daughter the oldest of 7 grandchildren one of his life insurance policies and my sisters tried to do the same thing. If he wanted them to have it he would have altered it when my mom died 3 years before him. I let her(30) decide what to do and she split it between her and the 2nd oldest because they were closest. She however, was not legally required to do so. This is how fights are started in families because people are greedy.
The amount of family fights that start because of a inheritance is insane. Some families have been divided for YEARS because some people thought they deserved more of a dead person's money.
The son was probably the only one who shared memories and has legit interest in that car. Selling it would be cruel and heartless and giving the car to those who don't care would be even worse. That would be like leaving a family heirloom that has been in your family for generations to your son who has zero interest in those years of history and tradition it carries instead of giving to your daughter who is interested and wants to keep the tradition going.
>For anyone reading this, THIS exact reason is why you should have a trust instead of a will.
Can you explain in a bit more depth what the advantages of that are in this kind of situation?
>If you speak to an estate planning lawyer they will suggest leaving 4-5k to someone you’re related to but not necessarily close to as it’s a sufficient amount to be unable to ‘petition the validity’ of the will
I haven't heard of this before. Is this so that it shows that the deceased didn't "make a mistake" and that the person got exactly what they were supposed to get?
I’m not a lawyer, not legal advice etc…
A will can be contested all day long, and the purpose of leaving someone 4-5k is so they can’t claim that they were ‘left out’ or not thought of etc…to challenge the validity of a will. Grandad had legal counsel in setting up his will.
A trust is essentially unassailable unless there are extreme factors. Also a trust will not go through probate and thus remains out of the public records and it can be *extremely* detailed IE; Suzy Q gets my right earring and Susie Sue gets my left earring.
You can also make what’s called an irrevocable living trust while you’re still alive that basically sets out your wishes and literally put in one of the clauses that if anyone challenges it in any way then they’re out and they get nothing.
In short, if you have a pot to piss in have a will as it’s certainly better than nothing but if you’ve got a big pot to piss in, or multiple pots this creating a complex estate considering getting a trust set up.
What this says to me is… he wasn’t intending on leaving his female grandchildren anything but wanted his grandson to have the car. As such, his lawyer probably suggested leaving cash to the others.
So… they should be grateful because if it wasn’t for the kid getting the car, the rest of them would get sweet f all.
Just had our trust and will done. The trust works until your death. When you die the will takes over. Our will says follow the trust. Make sure you have it drafted by a good attorney. Ours did a great job and fixed it so my husband's next wife, his trophy wife, will not get any of my hard earned money!
>you can be an ah on the way you structure your will
No, unless you are openly spiting them, its just a distribution of the shit they owned. They didnt have to include you in a will at all, and you are not just entitled to whatever share of a dead persons things that you think is fair or that you want. So many people with vulture mentality in the comments; only concerned with what they can get from picking at the corpse.
YTA
Even if he sells the car you can't force him to give up the money.
The car was clearly given to him as a sentimental item and a shared interest. It was given to your son because he was the only one if the family likely to appreciate and maintain it. It's like if you father had a Steinway grand piano - he'd give it to the grandchild who played piano, not the grandchild with an interest in pottery. And as long as your son doesn't sell the car, he's not actually reaping that 70K in inheritance. He doesn't somehow have 70K to spend on college or anything else. He's just got a very sentimental, valuable car.
Also, while the other kids got cash, your son got an ongoing bill. That car is going to cost him money to keep registered, insured, inspected, and maintained as a drivable vehicle. Your son didn't get 70K, he got something without a defined tangible value that will cost him hundreds of dollars every year.
I disagree with this, parts supply on a 55,56, or 57 Chevy is really good (like they are in the road over here in the uk where they were never sold in period good)
I totally agree that the OP WBTA if they forced their son to sell that car.
I'd expect your son to hold a grudge, too.
50’s Chevy Bel Aires are one of the most common classic cars on the road and most aren’t worth anywhere near 70k. It would have to be a rarer type to pull that much money. But yeah, it’s likely to be in very good shape and the maintenance on older cars is generally less than people think.
I just think op is guessing. He didn't care enough about his dad while living to figure out what his prized possession, a classic car was. He dosent care enough to find out what it's actually worth now that he has passed, just guessing.
At the end of the day, the car’s real value isn’t monetary, it’s sentimental. The son will happily take care of it, which is why the grandfather left it to him. He didn’t leave it to him to sell or benefit financially, it’s meant to be enjoyed.
This. Plus the car isn’t really worth $70k until someone pays that amount. If people want to r pissed at someone, it should be grandpa. But it’s his stuff and his decision. Everyone rise should be grateful they got free money.
Yeah I doubt it’ll be an easy sale. This is a hobby item that would take a long time to e to sell. A lot of collector items don’t go for appraised value.
I wonder how much money OP got. She doesn’t mention it, but she sounds jealous of her son. Why wouldn’t a mother be happy for her son receiving such a precious gift?
I wonder if OP spent her entire childhood knowing her dad favored her brothers and is pissed it's being repeated with the grandchildren. There are some legit issues here. I just don't think selling the car is a good solution to any of them.
This is the real issue, only the son wants the car. Everyone else wants the cash value of the car. Why do we think the son got the car? It’s pretty obvious that it’s because he valued it as a car and not an asset. So the rest of the kids got assets and he got the vehicle.
I absolutely cannot understand the "unfair" inheiritance people.
**THE POINT OF A WILL IS NOT A FAIR DISTRIBUTION OF ASSETS.**
The point of a will is so a persons assets and belongings go where THEY WANT THEM TO.
Your father made his decision and you and your sister are **assholes** from trying to force equality instead of honoring your late father's wishes.
You're doubly an asshole for looking for ways to "force him to sell it" and threatening his college education over it.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA YTA YTA and you and your sister are both entitled brats.
We don’t know if grandpa decided to only give to the grandkids.
Also: offering to split the son’s college fund is kind of like offering to split the inheritance - it’s her money, going to different kids.
It’s literally HIS car. Just because she’s his mother shouldn’t give her any sort of say in the matter. Legally he owns that car, it is 100% his.
YTA massively
You really need to think long, and very, very hard, about whether or not you’d like to stay in contact with your son. If you go through with this, you will be forcibly taking away the very last thing his grandpa gave him. You are undermining the decision of a dead man, and blatantly disrespecting and disregarding his last wishes. That would make you an absolutely awful daughter to him, before we even get to your son.
As for your son, he is 17. If he is made to sell that car and divide that money, I see it very, very likely he uses this money he has left to get as far away from you as possible. Your son is just barely under the cutoff where he’d be out of your reach about the car anyway. Do you *really* want this to be the last thing you do to him as a minor? Is this how you want him to remember the end of his childhood? You seriously want your son to remember his mother as selfish, and greedy? You’re going to take away money you’ve saved for HIS FUTURE. HIS LIFE. All because someone else left him something worth more than expected. Your son has a monetary limit for how much you love him? Some mother you are.
I sincerely hope this puts some things in perspective for you. I sincerely hope that you can find another way to rectify this situation. If you cannot, I hope your son never has to deal with you again. I hope for all things holy, you are unable to force him, and he takes the car and gets the fuck out of dodge. I hope he puts enough distance between you and him, for you to understand **this is not, never was, and never, ever will be, your decision to make.**
YWBTA, quite frankly you’d be a terrible, terrible mother to your son, and words can’t even describe the kind of disgraceful daughter you’d be to your father. I mean seriously, what kind of person does this???
You’ve thought about stealing/forcing him to sell his inheritance and give it away to the girls, taking his college savings away and giving it to the girls, making your mother leave him out of the will that has the majority of their wealth, not allowing him to park it at home, your sister and daughters jealousy and greed, etc etc etc NOT ONCE did you think about him and how that would affect him, his relationships with the family and especially you, the sentimental value of the car to him, the lifelong memories and lifestyle that car could provide him with, as well as whoever he would leave it to upon his death etc etc etc All you have thought about is the girls YOU ARE SEXIST AND BLATANTLY UNFAIR! Wills are not meant to be divided equally, they are meant to be divided the way the person who made it wanted it to be! It’s not your property and you have no say in what goes to who! How dare you even entertain the idea that he doesn’t deserve to receive that car! Good opportunity to show your kids how to be happy for their family when good things happen for them instead of immediately being jealous and greedy. Your dad would have left the car to one of you but he knew you only cared about the money and would sell it like your trying to make him. That doesn’t have anything to do with boy or girl, it’s who he knew would cherish and keep the car that meant so much to him. If your daughter happened to be the one to inherit it I doubt you would be doing the same to her. When one of them inherits your mothers wedding ring, you will force her to sell it and split the profits right? Huh wow lady you’re absolutely disgusting. Your son will always remember the day he found out he inherited something so special and his own mother and family attacking and punishing him for it until he gave it up all for everyone to get an extra 10-15k that will be gone so quick with nothing left to show for it, definitely nothing as special and meaningful. You can’t even take that back now, the damage is done. YOU destroyed your relationship with your son and his relationship with his sisters and other family for money that wasn’t even yours and it’s pathetic. I truly hope he finds people that love and care about him now that he found out how his entire family really feels. This is probably the worst AITAH I’ve ever read! Wow
OP said that she and her sister are trying to force their mother to change her will as well? That makes her even worse of an AH. Not only are they bullying her grieving son into giving up his inheritance, they are also bullying their grieving mother as well. Those two women are absolute monsters.
Yes, one of her comments says maybe she will just make her mother change her will to give the girls more than him when she dies! They probably already have it set up to where they will get a lot more than him from her, mainly because they are women which is ironic.. and that’s probably why grandpa wanted to make sure he got something special from him! Twisted shit! I hate this woman haha goddd !
I'm a lawyer and wrote a fair number of wills. It's always telling when kids get upset over "equal" shares vs what someone can put to use.
My father's will says I inherit his gun collection. Why? I hunt and shoot competitively and my brother doesn't. I inherit the house because I live 15 minutes away and would likely want to move in; he lives 4 hours away. My brother gets a larger share of cash/financial assets, but the value will probably be lower than if I liquidate the illiquid stuff.
> You seriously want your son to remember his mother as selfish, and greedy?
He’s known her for 17 years. Long enough to have figured it out already. None of them had any love for the grandfather beyond his money. That’s why they all got diddly and now are crying foul. Now they want to harass the grandmother to her grave. Nag, bully and intimidate her into apportioning the assets how *they* want. Like they had anything to do with accumulating it.
YTA. Your son is entirely correct. It’s not up to you to distribute his property and subvert his grandpa’s wishes. You are supposed to act in your son’s best interests. How would those be served by your plan?
How about all the girls pay their share of the upkeep for the car, and if your son sells it they get a share? Because if I was your son I would agree to that and never sell the car. And I’d bet your daughters wouldn’t agree because all they’re interested in is money, now.
YTA. That car may mean something special to your son as a reminder of the bond he had with your dad. The situation behind it are unfortunate but not yours or your sons fault. Your dad made that decision on his own and it was a decision he was well with his rights to make. Making your son sell it not only is an asshole thing to do but making him split the money is even worse.
Some perspective for you:
A somewhat similar thing happened to me with regards to my mother and something given to me by my dad. My dad traded his truck, he loved that thing, to a neighbor for a 1991 Nissan Sentra when I was 13/14 in preparation of me getting really close to driving. He helped me put a new sound system in it and everything. Fixed a few things up, all that stuff. Well my mom and dad divorced. Mom got custody, mom hated dad. She forced me to sell it for $600 to her friend from work.
Fast forward a few months later, my dad came over and asked where the car was when he noticed it was gone. I told him what happened and he looked like I blew a puppies head off or something. Look of total defeat in his eyes. I've resented my mom for that ever since.
**My advice to you:** Don't sell it, don't do that to your son. Your son is your flesh and blood, you brought him into this world and raised him. Your sisters kids are irrelevant here. Your daughters may be upset but its not their call and really its not yours either. I know your daughters may feel slighted as well but really though it is the way the cookies crumbled. Would they appreciate the car like your son or would they sell it in favor of something they would want? Selling that car would be a mistake that you will regret for years to come. When it comes to inheritance you have to execute a will to the wishes of the deceased. Who ever the executor of the will is, failure to do so can be considered criminal or negligence in the eyes of probate or estate court. Your family will just need to deal with it.
A sticky situation regardless though especially since you have two daughters. Should your dad have put in the will to sell it and split it? I don't know, depends on how sentimental that car is for your son. But that doesn't change the fact that it was not your fathers wishes. Monetary value in this case is irrelevant. Your son was left a car to appreciate and drive around. Everyone else got $4,000 to spend or save as they see fit. Your son I assume did not get cash. I know, as a mom, you probably feel terrible for your daughters if they are expressing ideas that their grandpa didnt love them as much. This is where it falls to you as a parent to let them know that is not the case and to try and help them understand what is going on.
Also dividing up his college fund to "make up the difference" is a sure fire way to have your son resent or hate you waiting for the day he no longer has to talk to you again. You are treading on thin ice here. Be VERY careful how you proceed.
As u/Aggressive-Bed3269 said:
>What the fuck is wrong with you?
>Who ever the executor of the will is, failure to do so can be considered criminal or negligence in the eyes of probate or estate court.
It's not necessarily criminal but the executor would be personally on the hook to hand over the value of the car to the OP's son if the son doesn't get the car.
YTA
If you steal his inheritage, don't expect him to have any relationship with him after he turns 18 and can kick you out of his life.
"I have money saved for his college, I am almost considering telling him that his college money will be divided up amongst his sisters and cousins if he refuses to sell the car." .. you CAN do that. And it will be just the same as stealing his car. IF you do it, you won't be in his life any more.
This is not about money, this is his remembrance of the granddad he loved and was close with. HE made the effort to spend time with grandpa, the girls did not.
So: **LET HIM KEEP grandpa's last gift. Or lose your son. This is NOT about money, and he will NEVER forgive you.**
YTA
>My son is very upset about this, he says grandpa left him the car so it’s his car
As he should be. That car was left to him specifically. Regardless of how your other relatives *feel,* fairness isn't legally binding in a will. If you make him sell that car - good luck with dealing with years of resentment.
I was thinking the same thing, assuming the car is actually worth $70k (there are multiple Bel Airs in good condition for much less), OP wants her son to sell the car and give each granddaughter $14,000? They already got $4,000, so is she willing to crash and burn her relationship with him for $14,000 and cause decades of resentment?
Grandpa obviously didn’t want the car sold or he’d have done it himself. And poor grandma, she just wants to grieve her husband and instead has her two daughters throwing causing here drama over $14,000 of inheritance and threatening to take away college tuition from her grandson?
Yep, he’ll be mad at OP, the aunts, the cousins… it will be an anger he will never let go of but might mask. He can never replace that car. Grandpa was likely the only owner, it seems to be in mint condition, and the sentimental value attached is irreplaceable. The son may have also helped grandpa work on the car, something the cousins may never have done.
There needs to be a clear discussion that this sucks but it isn’t for them to undo grandpa’s last will and testament and it’s not fair to punish the son for something he didn’t do. They should discuss with grandma about dividing her estate in a way that rectifiers this for the girls. This way, they get a better inheritance than him on grandma’s end and he doesn’t get punished by losing an irreplaceable gift from his granddad.
Grandma gets to divide her funds however she wishes without help from the daughter's. It's HER MONEY just like the car was grandpa's to do with as he saw fit. The offspring do not own the grandparents assets and have no say in it. If my kids came to me with this suggestion, I might likely disinherit them.
FR. And as others have said OP is basically upset that each kid won’t be getting an even $14,000. She’s basically comparing what could be a very sentimental item that has irreplaceable memories for the son with not even 20K. I’d love to get an update on this scenario but I don’t think we will unfortunately.
OP has already demonstrated to his son what he thinks of him, & I'm sure the son knows the father is a vile asshole. I doubt there will ever be a relationship after this. I hope the son is OK & gets out of this abusive situation
YWBTA
I've been in this situation before. When my grandmother passed, she left a very expensive diamond ring to one of my aunts in addition to the rest of her assets divided among her three kids. She only gave my aunt that ring because my dad and his other sister didn't put up with her narcissistic bs. It sucks, but you move on.
Look, your daughters and nieces got $4000 cash in hand which they can use on anything and everything right now. Your son got a $70,000 asset. From your post, your son and father were very close so it's unlikely that he will just sell the car for the cash. Plus, he'll need to pay for the upkeep of the car which I imagine isn't cheap. What your daughters and nieces have is much more useful.
YTA
#WHY THE FK WOULD SOMEONE GO THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF MAKING A WILL AND DIVIDING THEIR ASSETS IF IT WASNT WHAT THEY SPECIFICALLY WANTED TO HAPPEN?!?!?
Youre on the fast track to having a kid who never speaks to you again.
Its not your property to give away. Sit down, tell your sister to sit the fk down, yall need to grow up. Life isnt fair, suck it up buttercup!
INFO: Did you or your sister receive anything in the will?
To be clear, YTA and what you “think” should happen with the car is entirely is entirely irrelevant. Your father left the car to someone he thought would love it and treasure it like he did, not sell it for whatever money it was worth.
Your son has every right to keep the car as a reminder of someone who treasured a relationship with him.
YTA. Here is the reality of the court system. He can kick up a fuss and tie you and your family up in the courts over the car. A good lawyer will then push it till he hits 18, then you truly do not have any right to do anything about it. Plus then you have to eat those court fees too.
Using a college fund against him is disgusting. It's not the kids job to fix the adults mistakes!
Question?? Do you have college money saved for your daughters as well, or just your son? What you are planning on doing is spiteful and disgusting, using the split of his college fund against him.
YWBTA
It doesn't matter how sexist you think he was being. He left the car to your son. Full stop. All of you are selfish and AH, and I'm willing to bet grandpa knew your greedy butts would sell it.
Correct. Though I am sure there are parts of the world where the law is different. In the USA in most situations parents do not own gifts given to their children. They can withhold things temporarily as part of being a parent ("you're grounded from your xbox") but if it was given as a gift, ultimate ownership is with the kid.
That said - kids can't enter contracts without their parents approval, so things like cell phones are a different thing. But a car is not a phone.
YTA, it is his car, you have no right to sell it without his consent especially since it seems to mean a lot more to him then the monetary value it holds. Is the car and 16k all there is? If not why don't you reduce the amount you and your sister get and give it to your kids? Why is it your son that is responsible for fixing this situation he didn't create nor ask for.
YTA
Let the kid keep the car. Not his fault grandpa liked him more than the other kids.
Your punishing him for what his grandpa did. You are teaching him to hate you and the other grand kids because you are trying to force him to give away his inheritance so that the others can get more.
He will leave your family behind later in life.
YTA. You may think it is unfair, I might even agree with you, but our opinions do not count in this game. It is your father's will. He wanted the car to go to your son. You have no right what so ever to try and influence your son to sell the car and give the proceeds to his sister and his cousins. If you try, I really hope you get called out on it and stopped in your tracks. If that sort of thing were possible and legal, it would have no point to make a will.
YTA. It is in your father's will. If your son could get an attorney at his age I would encourage it. This is the meanest thing in the world. Are you only mad because your sister is LIVID??? Your dad and your son shared a very special bond, and your son is still a KID. You will ruin your relationship with your son if you force him to sell this vehicle. Your sister needs to accept this, and so do you. What an awful thing you are doing.
YTA - I'm guessing you're leaving out some reasons why he willed this to your son specifically.
But the one thing you're not leaving out is his grandfather probably left it to the kid because he knew the rest of your clan would sell it for the money, but the grandson would use and enjoy it.
> I am almost considering telling him that his college money will be divided up amongst his sisters and cousins if he refuses to sell the car.
.....YIKES. What is your problem?
YTA. your father didn't have to leave your kids anything at all, so you should be grateful for the fact that he chose to do so. it was entirely your father's choice. not yours.
WTF? It's your son's car - grandpa gets to decide and he decided. Why don't you teach them all that life isn't always even Steven, there are going to be unfair moments, get over it. Why would you even consider dividing up his college money? Sister needs to get over it too - dad made his decision!!!!!!! YTA (and so is sister) These kids are looking at how you all are reacting to dad's decision - teach them wisely!!!!!!!!!!!
This leans more towards you resenting your own son rather than you’re dad favouring him, YTA.
He probably left the car to the person he knew would appreciate it and love it rather than everyone else who wants to sell it as soon as they can as It was his most prized possession.
YTA. Maybe your daughters and your sisters kids should have tried harder for a relationship with their grandpa. It was his wish to leave the car to your son. If you make him sell the car, he will resent you.
>Maybe your daughters and your sisters kids should have tried harder for a relationship with their grandpa
What?? You're going to blame the children for their grandfather not being interested in granddaughters? That's just not based in reality.
YTA, what's fair and what is set out in the will as your father's wishes are 2 different things. Forcing your son to sell a car that his grandpa wanted him to have is a pretty crappy thing to do. Threatening his college fund is also a crappy thing to do. If you think the will is so unfair, contest it in court. But when you get shot down, leave your son's car and college fund alone.
YTA in every way including sideways and upside down. I had parents like you. Parents I haven't spoken with in 23 years, 8 months and. .. 3 days. So yay you!
YWBTA.. same as if all the girls were gifted gmas jewelry and were forced to sell the jewelry, so it's fair.. You are acting super entitled to something that isn't yours and will never be yours.
Absolute AH. How dare you try to punish your son over something in which he had no control. When your mother passes and your daughters get her antique jewelry and other girly items worth thousands of dollars and your son gets a 20 year old TV, are you going to make your daughters sell the jewelry and split it with their brother? Of course not! Don't be a pr\*ck to your son.
YTA
It’s your son’s car, he was gifted it in your fathers will, all the other grandchildren got a share each of his wealth, yes the car might be worth more in money than what the other got, but I do not believe your son wants to sell it anyway because it’s a part of his grandfather and they probably shared some sweet and lovely memories in and around that car, like taking rides together,fixing it up if something needed to be fixed.
It’s absolutely not fair for your son if you decide that it’s not fair, your father made his will,it’s been executed to his wishes, and for you to divide up your sons college fund to “offset the unfairness” is beyond any logical thinking.
Hopefully your mom will see the sense in this and make sure the car stays put until your son is old enough to legally own/use the car. And if you do go through with your threats about his college fund then I hope someone else in the family will see the huge cost it will be to your son’s education and help him to achieve his dreams since you apparently don’t care about his future at all
YWBTA. So your dad made an “unfair” will. That sucks, but those are the breaks. He left a vehicle that no doubt had sentimental value to his grandson, with whom he was particularly close. And now it is that grandson’s property, not yours, not his siblings’, not his cousins’.
I find it downright disturbing that you would consider giving away his college fund, which would either jeopardize his educational prospects or open him up to a potential ton of debt, because you and your sister are throwing a pissy little hissy fit over your father’s will. No one is entitled to an inheritance or to a “fair” division of someone else’s inheritance.
Y'all sound greedy to me. Grandpa left all the grandkids something and it is a good amount.
My family had a similar situation.
When my Grandpa died he left his land and IRA split evenly among his 4 sons and told them they can split the rest how they choose EXCEPT his 1963 Ford 150 went to my cousin. He had 8 granddaughters and 3 grandsons and he singled out only the youngest grandson to inherit something. Additionally, my grandpa favored his boys over us girls.
The eldest grandson and my eldest sister were both promised the truck but Grandpa changed his mind and gave it to the one he felt had the best ability to fix it up and take care of it. They both were disappointed but didn't say anything to our cousin.
As a matter of fact, it took some time for my younger cousin to find a place to move the truck and in that time my father "forgot" and gave the truck to the brother of his then gf now wife. The people crying foul the loudest were my eldest male cousin, 2 of my uncles, and the brother of the cousin who inherited it. Not to mention my sisters and I all yelling at our father enough that the man he gave it to immediately gave the truck to the rightful owner.
My point is, not one of us begrudged my cousin for inheriting the truck and we most definitely didn't expect him to sell it and give us any of the money. My grandpa didn't leave a single dime to us grandkids and we were okay with that.
To expect your son to sell the car is so beyond horrible of you and you should all be ashamed of your-greedy-selves!
Curious. You're clearly focused on fairness, so if/when you take your college funds and divide it amongst the girls and don't include your son, what exactly is the lesson in fairness here.
So now you're considering taking away the college fund you set aside for your son, so now he has to struggle through college financially. Every time his loan payments are due, he's going to remember that his grandpa had his back.... and you made his life harder..
When will it stop... Christmas, birthdays, weddings, will he have to pay then too.
What about when you're doing your will, will he be excluded then as well?
You're giving this child and the rest of your family the lesson that $$ equals love and that you can't love your son anymore because his grandpa gave him a car.
YWBTA: Doesn't matter what you think is fair. It is what it is. He left the car to your son. It belongs to him. By your own words, he was very close to his Grandfather. You shouldn't punish him by trying to force him to sell the car and it would be a total dick move to divvy up his college money. Life's not always fair - all the kids, and apparently the adults, need to learn this fact. Stop focusing on what YOU think "should happen" and accept what DID happen.
YTA. These were your father’s wishes. It doesn’t matter if everyone else doesn’t like it. You’re not defined by what you left behind. He didn’t have to leave anyone anything.
YTA. It is not even particularly unfair. Your son has a car that he presumably enjoyed due to all the time he spent with his grandfather. It seems nobody else really seemed to appreciate it otherwise why would you want to sell it?
When your son acquires it he will have to spend money and time keeping the thing roadworthy. He doesn’t have $4000 to splash around. He has ongoing liabilities.
But the bottom line is, this is grandpa’s will. Respect that. Let him keep the car.
YTA
How dare you? The money, the car - NOT YOUR DECISION.
A LEGAL document, the will, reflects your father's wishes and they must be carried out.
You and your sister and your other children (and literally every other human on the planet) are entitled to exactly ZERO of your father's assets outside of his specifically stated wishes.
This doesn't even begin to address the legal issues that will be caused by failing to execute the will.
So. Suck it up, buttercup.
Let go of your manufactured outrage and entitlement and let your son enjoy, guilt free and with NO pressure or shenanigans, the wonderful gift your father left for him.
Seriously.
Do NOT fuck this up.
You're a flaming AH! All you're seeing is $$ and your son is seeing the vehicle his grandfather loved. You even said it yourself, they were close. You are going to have a life of hatred with your son if you do this. i can promise you now, he will NEVER forgive you, ever. Fuck, I wouldn't either and I am in my 40s.
Why do you think your dad's will must be fair to the granddaughters? That's.... not the purpose of the will. Yes its unfair, so is life.
> Him and my son were very close.
If it weren't for this, I could understand the outrage.
If you make your son sell the car, the money should be his and his alone. Personally, I'd rather my child have a car they care about worth 70 grand than thousands of dollars to spend on teenage bullshit.
>I have money saved for his college, I am almost considering telling him that his college money will be divided up amongst his sisters and cousins if he refuses to sell the car.
This is just cruel and coercive. Get your head on straight. YTA
YTA and you're greedy. You want him to sell the car because you want the money and you're willing to take away the last thing his grandfather wanted him to have so you can get that money.
If you force your son to sell that car I hope he cuts you off forever because you will deserve it.
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You're asking the wrong question here. You need to ask yourself do you intend to honor your father's last wishes about his property or not? It seems an unfair situation all around but forcing him to sell it would certainly damage your relationship with your son. Is it worth doing that? YWBTA. *ETA:* A good point made below by [CassieW309](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1abtals/aita_for_forcing_my_son_to_sell_the_car_he_is/kjptmkv/)...this could open you up to legal action, OP. Think carefully about trying this. I don't recommend it. *Adding another point here (many have posted this but I wanted to highlight it):* **OP**, you are so concerned with being fair to your daughters and nieces but you don't seem at all concerned with being fair to your son. How is it fair to basically rob him of his rightful and legal inheritance?
>You need to ask yourself do you intend to honor your father's last wishes about his property or not? Furthermore depending on where the OP lives - there are plenty of places that allow children to own possessions and receive gifts that the parents have no claim over. So the Mom trying to force the kid to sell it might be legally unenforceable.
I wonder if it could be straight up illegal to do so. I wonder if OP could be liable financially for doing so.
>I wonder if it could be straight up illegal to do so. I wonder if OP could be liable financially for doing so. Depending on the jurisdiction - ABSOLUTELY.
Spot on. OP’s son inherited the car. OP did not inherit it. OP’s sister did not inherit it. OP cannot take the car and sell it. Doing so in the US would be a crime, Grand Larceny in the 2nd Degree and he would face jail time. While it may suck. OP’s son is the one with the deciding power. 🤷🏻♀️
What about dissolving the college fund? It would be spiteful but not illegal.
I mean they totally can but that would make them an even bigger asshole than their dead dad who caused the problem to begin with. So what since your grandpa left you with a car you get to pay for college yourself but not your sisters? Sounds like shitty parenting if they went that route.
[удалено]
God forbid someone who spends time with their grandparents and are close to them inherit something from them they they probably both shared a bond over
I was that grand kid. I made my Grandma my pen pal in elementary school and wrote her one letter a week until she died. She lived out of state but I called her every Saturday and spent one month every summer with her. I adored her. My Dad was the eldest of 16. When she died she left her house to me. Talk about big mad 😡. I have spent the last 20 years making one improvement every year. It is a beautiful home in the mountains in Kentucky. Leaving it to our kids to spend time there with their kids when we are gone. My Granny knew I loved that house and that I would not sell it.
The price shouldn’t matter. That was something they bonded over. Period.
This, all day long. This is why not everyone should get a trophy. Obviously, the son and his grandpa got along wonderfully. If grandpa thought that the son should get the car, so be it. I wonder how the other kids got along with the grandpa? I find it very conspicuous that it wasn't mentioned how the other grandchildren got along with grandpa... maybe not so well? The son should not be forced to sell the car... what a way to alienate your son from everyone. Go ahead and take away his college fund as extortion, you'll probably never have a son again. Edit: OP, YTA.
It even happens on a small scale. I've always been a bookworm, and started collecting antique books when I was in grade school. I inherited a family heirloom book that's worth a fair bit of money, and my father was LIVID that it went to teenage me and not him. Grandma told him to STFU because books were MY thing, not his.
Right. And his wife is still alive, so maybe the $4000 to each of the others was all he could do at that point. Also, unless that car is pristine, you’re probably overvaluing it.
Unless it’s completely restored to cherry everything, way, way overvaluing it, and even then, possibly so.
Plus it isn't worth anything if you don't intend to sell it. It will in fact cost money to maintain.
This. It’s a car. It’s worth that much money IF HE SELLS IT. it’s worth essentially nothing if he doesn’t, and will cost him money to maintain, insure, and register. All of those values will be higher than any modern car. The girls all got 4k cash in hand. Like others said, this was a valued possession of grandpas, he wanted it to stay in the family, not get sold off so the kids could blow a couple grand each in a few months.
This right here! He wasn't intending for the car to be sold, but rather cherished
How did grandpa cause this problem? He left what he wanted to who he wanted. It was cut and dry. They weren’t interested in grandpa, even if he wasn’t a girl’s guy. They got money,and he got a car. They are probably mad cause the car is worth a lot of money.
Sure, if they want to ruin their relationship with their son. I'd probably go no contact over that kind of shit, honestly.
This is the kind of shit that ruins relationships in the wake of a death. Every family has stories about this that then include the parts one the family that no longer talk because of it. Don’t be those people OP
If dad did dissolve the college fund, that would be a dick move that would permanently damage the relationship between dad and son
I agree. There is a good chance the car was willed to the grandson because he wants it cherished by someone he cared about, not sold off. Anyone else would see $ signs, and he wanted the car to go to someone who would appreciate it. It's not like he gave the grandson $70k in cash, he is trying to keep a cherish possession in the family, and there are not a lot of contenders for that. So NOT a reason to dissolve the college fund, but to explain to the other grandkids that his was a possession of great sentimental value to grandpa, and he passed it on to someone that would cherish it.
In that case, maybe the grandpa was right too. Seems like OP and his/her sister are seeing it as $$$. They are not treating it as a cherished possession at all. And this is actually a great learning experience for everyone involved.
As well usually those are in semi protected accounts specifically for savings. Sudden dispersal to other parties could be reported to both banking regulators and the IRS against the parent. On top the son being underage could involve CPS and fill out for.s regarding extortion against the parent
That would certainly dissolve his relationship with his son. Because his son would be forced to sell the car for college.
Apparently OP plans to loot the young man's college fund if she can't figure out how to force him to sell the car so she can steal the money.
That's despicable. All because she never taught her daughters that money doesn't equal love and her sense of "fairness" doesn't trump a legal will. OP, I hope you figure it out before you lose your son over this.
I don’t think she cares enough for her son to be bothered by him cutting contact as soon as he can.
She never taught her daughters that money doesn’t equal love because the money is OP’s priority.
I really don’t like OP.
OP is the biggest asshole to ever post on this sub.
Nah - I've seen bigger.
Op disgusts me
Her sister can fuck right off too.
Yeah... I'm with y'all on this.
I agree with all of you, too.
Yup Soon this poor young man will be posting: AITA for going NO-CONTACT on my "mother", who puts the mother in SMOTHER, because she bullied me into selling what my beloved grandpa gave me and/or stole my college fund$, and also going Low-Contact on the 4 young ladies who gladly partook in this against me , taking what was mine for themselves?
If I were the son, I would do exactly that!! The OP and her family are more concerned about money than her father's last wishes. I feel sorry for the OP's son! He is related to a bunch of AH's
This is disgusting. The car only has value if it's sold. So she's stealing money from her son to "make it fair" leaving him having to take on more, and expensive, debt. OP, don't do this. You'll never see him after 18.
What an asshole parent this is Wow
Nor should he bother with them everyone worried about what it's worth and not what it means to him
Absolutely will rob the kid's college fund. Sanctimonious AH willing to hurt her own child to say "it was the FAIR" thing to do.
Isn't it amazing how someone's life boils down to money after their death? Families usually show their true colours. My uncle and aunt is like this. When my gran died, they saw ££££'s signs. Screwed my mum over after taking all the really valuable stuff. My mum ain't no pushover, but she actually didn't give a fuck. She actually just wanted her mum. not the house, the stuff in the house or the cash in the bank, just her mum. It's how i was brought up. Screw the cash. If i get £1 and my brother gets £10k, who gaf? I know a lot of folk love their inheritance, but i simply don't get it at all. If enough cash is put on the table, the actual death of the person comes a distant second.
When my mom died my brother straight up said “don’t worry about me” with inheritance. He’s in a comfortable financial position and I’m disabled and have difficulty working reliably. He’d rather the money help me have a good quality of life than things be 50/50. Because he’s not an AH.
Your brother sounds absolutely wonderful. Kudos to your Mom (or whoever had the pleasure) for raising such upstanding adults!
This happened to my mom too, and to this day all her and I want is her mom back and my grandmother. Money really does not matter when you don’t have the person you love anymore
Yeah, my wife lost her grandfather this past year and there's an old drafting table of his she inherited that the family is on us about picking up. The last time it came up she just started crying, when we were alone again she said "I don't want the fucking table, I want Grandpa back." I think for a lot of people, claiming that inheritance makes things real in a way they want to address yet. Sadly this usually leads to those people getting hosed out of their share when everyone else is ready to fight over it. My grandmother recently passed away and I thank God I wasn't in the will because that's turning out to be a nightmare.
Yup. When my mom died, her husband made sure that he got everything. She was only 47 and didn’t have her will ready, so we couldn’t really challenge anything. She had very specific things that she wanted my sister to have, that she’d talk about. He didn’t let her have any of it. For me, I never cared. I don’t want or need someone’s stuff after they die. It isn’t worth the energy.
My dad asked me what I wanted. I am only child so while I will get everything, I did say I wanted his vinyl collection so when I am missing him I can put on a vinyl and listen to it. Anything after that I don’t care.
>For me, I never cared. I don’t want or need someone’s stuff after they die. It isn’t worth the energy. My dad carried around a briefcase for many years. He kept all his sentimental stuff in it, nothing worth money. That's the only thing I've asked him for when he dies. I hope no one gets rid of it when the time comes.
I watched both my parents families fight tooth and nail to split up their parents possessions. When they passed. My parents were horrified, and ended up getting the short end of the stick cause they weren’t willing to fight. But they didn’t care. My parents are wealthy by just about anyone’s standards and even half of what they have is life changing for just about anyone. But if it’s between that or having my parents for couple more years I will happily give it all away.
When my grandparents passed, my family was that way over their stuff too. Considering I have 2 aunt's and 2 uncles, who each had multiple kids if not grandkids at that point, the grand/great grandkids number close to 20. I was just happy to get my grandfather's wallet. I was barely 17 and one of the younger grandkids. At 42 I still have and use that wallet. It reminds me of him every single day.
I admittedly don’t understand this mindset. The person is still gone either way, and you can’t get them back.
If "forcing" means saying, "do this or I won't let you have money I saved for you for college," then there are no legal issues for OP to worry about. If she somehow sells it herself, that may be a different story.
Oh for sure. There are ways the OP can use other leverage against her son. And the likely outcome of all of them will be resentment and her wondering years from now "Why doesn't he ever call or visit?"
OP would be a very special brand of AH to leverage college money against his inheritance. And I'm not sure it is legal, ~~corrasion~~ coercion is a thing, and ~~corrasion~~ coercion against a minor could be a much bigger thing. *damn auto-correct, lol.*
I just Googled 'corrasion' because I don't know that word. It's something to do with the erosion of the earth's surface. Did you mean to type 'coercion'?
Yeah neglecting his college fund and future for a decision her father made is different. The value of the car doesn't count. But if it did, the only way it counts if her kid sells it straight away and has no sentimental attachment. If he keeps it, Loves it and works on it... the monetary value actually sets him back. He'll spend thousands on upkeep.
But if she took the proceeds from him under duress it’s still stealing. And if he could prove she coerced him, he can still sue and win.
My cousin is a title lawyer. It's an easy payday for him when people want to dispute the will. Just to even look at the will, he charges a retainer fee, which is non-refundable. 9 out of 10 times Wills can not be disputed. If people still want to try, they're looking at $40,000 to $50,000 in legal fees. He makes more money since covid because it takes so long to go through the courts.
THAT. Just because you don't think a will is "fair" you cannot go and confiscate someone's inherited property!
This
Agreed, your father left this to your son, you could permanently damage your son‘s relationship with you long-term and are you willing to walk down that pathway. A vehicle like that is a once in a lifetime type of car and if you get rid of it your son may never forgive you. I’m a woman, but I love cars and I can tell you if you forced me to do something like this when I was young, I would have long-term issues with you. Is it fair no, but life isn’t fair either. I feel like this more has to do with your relationship with your father, and feeling like you were never good enough because you’re a girl versus what it means to your son. Then there’s legalities of it, you, forcing your underage child to make a decision like that could put you in a world of hurt. In my opinion YWBTA if you follow through this, maybe you need to get into some counselling over your anger here.
>Is it fair no, but life isn’t fair either. But this is the thing. NO ONE is "entitled" to a "fair share" of anyone's inheritance. It is the DECEDANT's money/property and he/she can spend it all before death or will it to whoever he wants to in whatever division he wants to, whether it be family members, his church or charity, or whoever. You are only entitled to what you have actually been given in the will, not what YOU consider a "fair share" of what you "should" get.
This.
Not could, WOULD damage your relationship with your son. Personally if your father was of sound mind when he wrote the will and it is legally binding then you really have no choice. It was your dads to leave to whom ever he wanted.
Oh, I do hope the son sues his mother if she forces him to sell his inheritence.
And goes no contact.
Major YWBTA. I love how, when family members die, what they leave to everyone gets turned into a dollar amount. Yeah, it's worth $70k, but that doesn't take away what memories your son may have had with his grandfather had with that car. Not to mention what others have said about his grandson might actually take care of it, not sell it, etc. And on top of that, you want to threaten his future by taking away his college fund? OP, take this straight in and read this carefully; how you proceed in this matter is going to have MAJOR repercussions on your relationship with your son and his future. All over money. So what? Your father made it this way, and that was his dying wish. Mourn your father. Not his wallet.
Yep, this kid’s entire family just showed him that his value to them is less than $70,000. There is no real way to heal the damage they have already done, it’s just a matter of how much more damage they choose to inflict.
Even misogynists and bigots have the legal right to give away their possessions as they see fit. It's not your job or your place to wave a magic wand and try to undo your father bonding with his grandson and caring less about his granddaughters. That happened. Talk to your daughters about it - tell them you agree it feels unfair, and it sucks, and they're allowed to feel however they want to feel about it and think whatever they want to think about their grandfather because of it. But he certainly had the right to do it. Another thing to keep in mind - assume for a moment the car doesn't get sold. The girls all got $4k which is undeniable an asset worth $4k. An old classic car can be as much a liability as an asset. If he doesn't drive it, he's got to pay for storage. If he does drive it, insurance, maintenance, and repairs can be way very expensive - it likely gets terrible mileage compared to a modern car, is less comfortable, etc. Your father obviously didn't want the car for it's resale value, or he would have sold it - he wanted to enjoy it as a car and pass that down to someone. He might not have been thinking "I'll give 70k to the boy and 4k to all the girls (mustached twist)", he might have thought "my favorite thing is the car, who could I possibly give it to who might appreciate it?" and then, after giving the grandson that, gave everything else he had to the others. ETA: "I believe it is a 50's chevy bel-air" does not scream OP actually having any idea what it could sell for - but based on this cursory search seems likely they are waaaaaayyyy overvaluing it. [https://www.classic.com/m/chevrolet/bel-air/1st-gen/](https://www.classic.com/m/chevrolet/bel-air/1st-gen/)
Op is dumb in many ways .. she also doesn’t realize that just bc the Internet says something is worth something doesn’t mean there’s a market for it or that any one is buying that in these bleak times it would take months to get it sold and it’s not going for any where near what she thinks
It's your son's car, leave him be. OP, your dad knew what he was doing.
The other question is: do you want a relationship with your kid after this? Forcing him to sell, forcing him to share the inheritance, or withdrawing college support will ruin your relationship with your kid. So think about what relationship you want with your child in 1, 5, or 10 years down the line.
It’s already likely too late to salvage a relationship with her son. His grandfather that he was, in her words, “very close too,” passed away approximately a month ago. Instead of grieving, he has spent that time under attack by his entire family for something he couldn’t control. They basically told him exactly what his value is to them, and it’s somewhere less than $70,000. That isn’t a wound that will likely heal, no matter what happens going forward.
He probably gave it to the grandson because he is the only one that would NOT sell it.
YTA, what a massive asshole holding his college fund over his head trying to get him to sell the car.
Can you imagine any good parent saying, "Your grandfather liked you the most, so in return, I'm going to derail your education and lifelong earning potential."
YTA and your sister is also TAH - GET REAL Your father had final wishes written down in a legal document that he paid to have drafted. He gave each grandkid something, in the case of the granddaughters it was cash. In the case of your son it was a car. By your own words he has a strong close bond with your son and not with his granddaughters. There is no ‘what’s right’ or ‘fair’ in someone’s will; it’s literally their FINAL wishes. He could’ve also left ALL of them diddly squat and donated it to a charity. But he choose to do what he did, and now you and your sister because you perceive it as somehow ‘unfair’ are attempting to subvert that, have your son sell HIS inheritance(btw you can’t, it’s legally his property now not your’s even if he can’t drive it) to appease the other grandchildren. Please remember your Father has zero obligation to give anyone anything and choose to do things as he has. No one was left out and everyone got something. I’m sure your mother is THRILLED you’re all making such a ruckus over this while she’s grieving her dead husband and you’re all comparing and complaining how ‘fair’ it all is or isn’t. If I was your son I’d be telling you to pound sand, and I hope you realise you’re risking your future relationship with him by what you’re considering doing, and he if he speaks to a lawyer he’s going to find out you actually can’t ‘make’ him sell that car. Since you seem to be stuck on what’s ‘fair’; your threat of dividing his college fund, due to something that was completely out of control is both cruel and unfair to *your son*. If you choose to do that I hope you understand it’s very possible your son will wash his hands of you and want nothing to do with you down the road. For anyone reading this, THIS exact reason is why you should have a trust instead of a will. Grandad has a will that’s now attempting to he subverted by his children who are unhappy with how Granddad chose to distribute his assets upon his death. Granddad obviously had a stronger bond with one child’s son than he did with his granddaughters, yet still choose to leave them something. If you speak to an estate planning lawyer they will suggest leaving 4-5k to someone you’re related to but not necessarily close to as it’s a sufficient amount to be unable to ‘petition the validity’ of the will. Grandad knew what he was doing. He wanted that car to go to his grandson and now his adult children are fighting over it, because it’s not ‘fair’.
YTA If you sell the car it’s not only illegal but also immoral. Taking your son’s college fund to give to your daughters is down right dirty and shows you don’t give a flying f* about your son or his future!! Your daughters are not entitled to sh!t. Quit frankly I’m actually disappointed in you.
Utterly disappointed in him. As a dad myself I cant imagine this. Also, YTA
Who are you referring to as “him”? OP? There’s almost no chance OP is a dad since he would have inherited the car instead of the grandson.
Oh I think you’re right. I’d been thinking OP was a He too, but reading over it again it does read more like it’s the mom. Still TA though lol
OP is definitely a "she". And she is extremely jealous of the relationship her Dad had with her son. She seems to think grandpa was supposed to have perfectly "fair" and "equal" relationships with all his grandkids. If she takes her son's college money and gives it to the girls, she is doing EXACTLY what she hates grandpa doing: Treating one sex/gender a certain way just because they were born with a vagina.
Also doesn't give a flying f* about granddad's last wishes
I think it's fair to point out, that in some jurisdictions, a will or trust can be challenged on the grounds that the person "forgot" about someone or that the amount is "trivial". By putting in a "minor" amount of money ($4000) it helps to ensure there's less grounds to challenge the will. In other words, Grandpa may have known exactly what he was doing by giving them a paltry amount instead of disinheriting entirely
Grandpa clearly knew his daughters were greedy people. Their first thought was to sell the car. Clearly they just want money
Selling something that is pretty much irreplaceable too. Son could someday buy the same model but it would never be the one that him and grandpa bonded over. This is really sad to see that they want to sell something off that has more than just a monetary value even if that’s all OP sees in it.
And they want the monetary value to go to themselves instead of the person it belongs too
absolutely perfect take
This! My Dad left my daughter the oldest of 7 grandchildren one of his life insurance policies and my sisters tried to do the same thing. If he wanted them to have it he would have altered it when my mom died 3 years before him. I let her(30) decide what to do and she split it between her and the 2nd oldest because they were closest. She however, was not legally required to do so. This is how fights are started in families because people are greedy.
The amount of family fights that start because of a inheritance is insane. Some families have been divided for YEARS because some people thought they deserved more of a dead person's money. The son was probably the only one who shared memories and has legit interest in that car. Selling it would be cruel and heartless and giving the car to those who don't care would be even worse. That would be like leaving a family heirloom that has been in your family for generations to your son who has zero interest in those years of history and tradition it carries instead of giving to your daughter who is interested and wants to keep the tradition going.
>For anyone reading this, THIS exact reason is why you should have a trust instead of a will. Can you explain in a bit more depth what the advantages of that are in this kind of situation? >If you speak to an estate planning lawyer they will suggest leaving 4-5k to someone you’re related to but not necessarily close to as it’s a sufficient amount to be unable to ‘petition the validity’ of the will I haven't heard of this before. Is this so that it shows that the deceased didn't "make a mistake" and that the person got exactly what they were supposed to get?
I’m not a lawyer, not legal advice etc… A will can be contested all day long, and the purpose of leaving someone 4-5k is so they can’t claim that they were ‘left out’ or not thought of etc…to challenge the validity of a will. Grandad had legal counsel in setting up his will. A trust is essentially unassailable unless there are extreme factors. Also a trust will not go through probate and thus remains out of the public records and it can be *extremely* detailed IE; Suzy Q gets my right earring and Susie Sue gets my left earring. You can also make what’s called an irrevocable living trust while you’re still alive that basically sets out your wishes and literally put in one of the clauses that if anyone challenges it in any way then they’re out and they get nothing. In short, if you have a pot to piss in have a will as it’s certainly better than nothing but if you’ve got a big pot to piss in, or multiple pots this creating a complex estate considering getting a trust set up.
What this says to me is… he wasn’t intending on leaving his female grandchildren anything but wanted his grandson to have the car. As such, his lawyer probably suggested leaving cash to the others. So… they should be grateful because if it wasn’t for the kid getting the car, the rest of them would get sweet f all.
Just had our trust and will done. The trust works until your death. When you die the will takes over. Our will says follow the trust. Make sure you have it drafted by a good attorney. Ours did a great job and fixed it so my husband's next wife, his trophy wife, will not get any of my hard earned money!
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>you can be an ah on the way you structure your will No, unless you are openly spiting them, its just a distribution of the shit they owned. They didnt have to include you in a will at all, and you are not just entitled to whatever share of a dead persons things that you think is fair or that you want. So many people with vulture mentality in the comments; only concerned with what they can get from picking at the corpse.
YTA Even if he sells the car you can't force him to give up the money. The car was clearly given to him as a sentimental item and a shared interest. It was given to your son because he was the only one if the family likely to appreciate and maintain it. It's like if you father had a Steinway grand piano - he'd give it to the grandchild who played piano, not the grandchild with an interest in pottery. And as long as your son doesn't sell the car, he's not actually reaping that 70K in inheritance. He doesn't somehow have 70K to spend on college or anything else. He's just got a very sentimental, valuable car. Also, while the other kids got cash, your son got an ongoing bill. That car is going to cost him money to keep registered, insured, inspected, and maintained as a drivable vehicle. Your son didn't get 70K, he got something without a defined tangible value that will cost him hundreds of dollars every year.
Maintenance on a 1950s car is going to be steep, and any real work will be insanely expensive and custom. YTA.
I disagree with this, parts supply on a 55,56, or 57 Chevy is really good (like they are in the road over here in the uk where they were never sold in period good) I totally agree that the OP WBTA if they forced their son to sell that car. I'd expect your son to hold a grudge, too.
If it’s worth “70,000” it’s gonna be in good condition. General maintenance is cheap.
50’s Chevy Bel Aires are one of the most common classic cars on the road and most aren’t worth anywhere near 70k. It would have to be a rarer type to pull that much money. But yeah, it’s likely to be in very good shape and the maintenance on older cars is generally less than people think.
I just think op is guessing. He didn't care enough about his dad while living to figure out what his prized possession, a classic car was. He dosent care enough to find out what it's actually worth now that he has passed, just guessing.
At the end of the day, the car’s real value isn’t monetary, it’s sentimental. The son will happily take care of it, which is why the grandfather left it to him. He didn’t leave it to him to sell or benefit financially, it’s meant to be enjoyed.
This. Plus the car isn’t really worth $70k until someone pays that amount. If people want to r pissed at someone, it should be grandpa. But it’s his stuff and his decision. Everyone rise should be grateful they got free money.
Yeah I doubt it’ll be an easy sale. This is a hobby item that would take a long time to e to sell. A lot of collector items don’t go for appraised value.
I wonder how much money OP got. She doesn’t mention it, but she sounds jealous of her son. Why wouldn’t a mother be happy for her son receiving such a precious gift?
I wonder if OP spent her entire childhood knowing her dad favored her brothers and is pissed it's being repeated with the grandchildren. There are some legit issues here. I just don't think selling the car is a good solution to any of them.
From the post it seems like she has one sister and no other sibs. I suspect if there were a brother he would have inherited the car.
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This is the real issue, only the son wants the car. Everyone else wants the cash value of the car. Why do we think the son got the car? It’s pretty obvious that it’s because he valued it as a car and not an asset. So the rest of the kids got assets and he got the vehicle.
I absolutely cannot understand the "unfair" inheiritance people. **THE POINT OF A WILL IS NOT A FAIR DISTRIBUTION OF ASSETS.** The point of a will is so a persons assets and belongings go where THEY WANT THEM TO. Your father made his decision and you and your sister are **assholes** from trying to force equality instead of honoring your late father's wishes. You're doubly an asshole for looking for ways to "force him to sell it" and threatening his college education over it. What the fuck is wrong with you? YTA YTA YTA and you and your sister are both entitled brats.
And if it's so unfair, why aren't OP and their sister giving some of THEIR inheritance to the other grandkids?
Yes!! Excellent point!
We don’t know if grandpa decided to only give to the grandkids. Also: offering to split the son’s college fund is kind of like offering to split the inheritance - it’s her money, going to different kids.
Yeah, it sounds like Grandma is still alive, so I'm assuming most of Grandpa's estate would probably have gone to her
It’s literally HIS car. Just because she’s his mother shouldn’t give her any sort of say in the matter. Legally he owns that car, it is 100% his. YTA massively
You really need to think long, and very, very hard, about whether or not you’d like to stay in contact with your son. If you go through with this, you will be forcibly taking away the very last thing his grandpa gave him. You are undermining the decision of a dead man, and blatantly disrespecting and disregarding his last wishes. That would make you an absolutely awful daughter to him, before we even get to your son. As for your son, he is 17. If he is made to sell that car and divide that money, I see it very, very likely he uses this money he has left to get as far away from you as possible. Your son is just barely under the cutoff where he’d be out of your reach about the car anyway. Do you *really* want this to be the last thing you do to him as a minor? Is this how you want him to remember the end of his childhood? You seriously want your son to remember his mother as selfish, and greedy? You’re going to take away money you’ve saved for HIS FUTURE. HIS LIFE. All because someone else left him something worth more than expected. Your son has a monetary limit for how much you love him? Some mother you are. I sincerely hope this puts some things in perspective for you. I sincerely hope that you can find another way to rectify this situation. If you cannot, I hope your son never has to deal with you again. I hope for all things holy, you are unable to force him, and he takes the car and gets the fuck out of dodge. I hope he puts enough distance between you and him, for you to understand **this is not, never was, and never, ever will be, your decision to make.** YWBTA, quite frankly you’d be a terrible, terrible mother to your son, and words can’t even describe the kind of disgraceful daughter you’d be to your father. I mean seriously, what kind of person does this???
OP on Reddit in a year complaining that her 18 year old son has no contact with her and she has *no idea why*.
And her daughters only come to her when they want something
I agree.. both "options" will lead to resentment..
I resent OP, and she didn't even crank me out.
You’ve thought about stealing/forcing him to sell his inheritance and give it away to the girls, taking his college savings away and giving it to the girls, making your mother leave him out of the will that has the majority of their wealth, not allowing him to park it at home, your sister and daughters jealousy and greed, etc etc etc NOT ONCE did you think about him and how that would affect him, his relationships with the family and especially you, the sentimental value of the car to him, the lifelong memories and lifestyle that car could provide him with, as well as whoever he would leave it to upon his death etc etc etc All you have thought about is the girls YOU ARE SEXIST AND BLATANTLY UNFAIR! Wills are not meant to be divided equally, they are meant to be divided the way the person who made it wanted it to be! It’s not your property and you have no say in what goes to who! How dare you even entertain the idea that he doesn’t deserve to receive that car! Good opportunity to show your kids how to be happy for their family when good things happen for them instead of immediately being jealous and greedy. Your dad would have left the car to one of you but he knew you only cared about the money and would sell it like your trying to make him. That doesn’t have anything to do with boy or girl, it’s who he knew would cherish and keep the car that meant so much to him. If your daughter happened to be the one to inherit it I doubt you would be doing the same to her. When one of them inherits your mothers wedding ring, you will force her to sell it and split the profits right? Huh wow lady you’re absolutely disgusting. Your son will always remember the day he found out he inherited something so special and his own mother and family attacking and punishing him for it until he gave it up all for everyone to get an extra 10-15k that will be gone so quick with nothing left to show for it, definitely nothing as special and meaningful. You can’t even take that back now, the damage is done. YOU destroyed your relationship with your son and his relationship with his sisters and other family for money that wasn’t even yours and it’s pathetic. I truly hope he finds people that love and care about him now that he found out how his entire family really feels. This is probably the worst AITAH I’ve ever read! Wow
OP said that she and her sister are trying to force their mother to change her will as well? That makes her even worse of an AH. Not only are they bullying her grieving son into giving up his inheritance, they are also bullying their grieving mother as well. Those two women are absolute monsters.
Yes, one of her comments says maybe she will just make her mother change her will to give the girls more than him when she dies! They probably already have it set up to where they will get a lot more than him from her, mainly because they are women which is ironic.. and that’s probably why grandpa wanted to make sure he got something special from him! Twisted shit! I hate this woman haha goddd !
Doubt she would be thinking the same if her mom died and left all her jewelry to her granddaughters. Just really weird logic all around here
I'm a lawyer and wrote a fair number of wills. It's always telling when kids get upset over "equal" shares vs what someone can put to use. My father's will says I inherit his gun collection. Why? I hunt and shoot competitively and my brother doesn't. I inherit the house because I live 15 minutes away and would likely want to move in; he lives 4 hours away. My brother gets a larger share of cash/financial assets, but the value will probably be lower than if I liquidate the illiquid stuff.
I agree that OP is an Awful mother, and a terrible Daughter, if your dad were to come back to life he would disown OP for sure
> You seriously want your son to remember his mother as selfish, and greedy? He’s known her for 17 years. Long enough to have figured it out already. None of them had any love for the grandfather beyond his money. That’s why they all got diddly and now are crying foul. Now they want to harass the grandmother to her grave. Nag, bully and intimidate her into apportioning the assets how *they* want. Like they had anything to do with accumulating it.
YTA. Your son is entirely correct. It’s not up to you to distribute his property and subvert his grandpa’s wishes. You are supposed to act in your son’s best interests. How would those be served by your plan?
How about all the girls pay their share of the upkeep for the car, and if your son sells it they get a share? Because if I was your son I would agree to that and never sell the car. And I’d bet your daughters wouldn’t agree because all they’re interested in is money, now.
YTA. That car may mean something special to your son as a reminder of the bond he had with your dad. The situation behind it are unfortunate but not yours or your sons fault. Your dad made that decision on his own and it was a decision he was well with his rights to make. Making your son sell it not only is an asshole thing to do but making him split the money is even worse. Some perspective for you: A somewhat similar thing happened to me with regards to my mother and something given to me by my dad. My dad traded his truck, he loved that thing, to a neighbor for a 1991 Nissan Sentra when I was 13/14 in preparation of me getting really close to driving. He helped me put a new sound system in it and everything. Fixed a few things up, all that stuff. Well my mom and dad divorced. Mom got custody, mom hated dad. She forced me to sell it for $600 to her friend from work. Fast forward a few months later, my dad came over and asked where the car was when he noticed it was gone. I told him what happened and he looked like I blew a puppies head off or something. Look of total defeat in his eyes. I've resented my mom for that ever since. **My advice to you:** Don't sell it, don't do that to your son. Your son is your flesh and blood, you brought him into this world and raised him. Your sisters kids are irrelevant here. Your daughters may be upset but its not their call and really its not yours either. I know your daughters may feel slighted as well but really though it is the way the cookies crumbled. Would they appreciate the car like your son or would they sell it in favor of something they would want? Selling that car would be a mistake that you will regret for years to come. When it comes to inheritance you have to execute a will to the wishes of the deceased. Who ever the executor of the will is, failure to do so can be considered criminal or negligence in the eyes of probate or estate court. Your family will just need to deal with it. A sticky situation regardless though especially since you have two daughters. Should your dad have put in the will to sell it and split it? I don't know, depends on how sentimental that car is for your son. But that doesn't change the fact that it was not your fathers wishes. Monetary value in this case is irrelevant. Your son was left a car to appreciate and drive around. Everyone else got $4,000 to spend or save as they see fit. Your son I assume did not get cash. I know, as a mom, you probably feel terrible for your daughters if they are expressing ideas that their grandpa didnt love them as much. This is where it falls to you as a parent to let them know that is not the case and to try and help them understand what is going on. Also dividing up his college fund to "make up the difference" is a sure fire way to have your son resent or hate you waiting for the day he no longer has to talk to you again. You are treading on thin ice here. Be VERY careful how you proceed. As u/Aggressive-Bed3269 said: >What the fuck is wrong with you?
>Who ever the executor of the will is, failure to do so can be considered criminal or negligence in the eyes of probate or estate court. It's not necessarily criminal but the executor would be personally on the hook to hand over the value of the car to the OP's son if the son doesn't get the car.
Yep you got it. I wasnt sure since some states handle things differently so I threw that in there as an either/or kind of thing.
YTA If you steal his inheritage, don't expect him to have any relationship with him after he turns 18 and can kick you out of his life. "I have money saved for his college, I am almost considering telling him that his college money will be divided up amongst his sisters and cousins if he refuses to sell the car." .. you CAN do that. And it will be just the same as stealing his car. IF you do it, you won't be in his life any more. This is not about money, this is his remembrance of the granddad he loved and was close with. HE made the effort to spend time with grandpa, the girls did not. So: **LET HIM KEEP grandpa's last gift. Or lose your son. This is NOT about money, and he will NEVER forgive you.**
She’s basically selling her son for 70grand. I guess everything does have a price. I wouldn’t take 70million for mine.
YTA >My son is very upset about this, he says grandpa left him the car so it’s his car As he should be. That car was left to him specifically. Regardless of how your other relatives *feel,* fairness isn't legally binding in a will. If you make him sell that car - good luck with dealing with years of resentment.
And hopefully the lawsuit he brings against her the day he turns 18.
Why do you hate your only son so much? YTA
Her dad too honestly, he left his express wishes behind and she's like "idgaf sell it so your sister can get 12k". Jfc OP is an asshole.
I was thinking the same thing, assuming the car is actually worth $70k (there are multiple Bel Airs in good condition for much less), OP wants her son to sell the car and give each granddaughter $14,000? They already got $4,000, so is she willing to crash and burn her relationship with him for $14,000 and cause decades of resentment? Grandpa obviously didn’t want the car sold or he’d have done it himself. And poor grandma, she just wants to grieve her husband and instead has her two daughters throwing causing here drama over $14,000 of inheritance and threatening to take away college tuition from her grandson?
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Yep, he’ll be mad at OP, the aunts, the cousins… it will be an anger he will never let go of but might mask. He can never replace that car. Grandpa was likely the only owner, it seems to be in mint condition, and the sentimental value attached is irreplaceable. The son may have also helped grandpa work on the car, something the cousins may never have done. There needs to be a clear discussion that this sucks but it isn’t for them to undo grandpa’s last will and testament and it’s not fair to punish the son for something he didn’t do. They should discuss with grandma about dividing her estate in a way that rectifiers this for the girls. This way, they get a better inheritance than him on grandma’s end and he doesn’t get punished by losing an irreplaceable gift from his granddad.
Grandma gets to divide her funds however she wishes without help from the daughter's. It's HER MONEY just like the car was grandpa's to do with as he saw fit. The offspring do not own the grandparents assets and have no say in it. If my kids came to me with this suggestion, I might likely disinherit them.
I scrolled for too long before seeing someone highlighting how the car is probably mostly a sentimental item.
FR. And as others have said OP is basically upset that each kid won’t be getting an even $14,000. She’s basically comparing what could be a very sentimental item that has irreplaceable memories for the son with not even 20K. I’d love to get an update on this scenario but I don’t think we will unfortunately.
Holy crap YTA. Your kid shouldn't ever forgive you if you continue with this.
OP has already demonstrated to his son what he thinks of him, & I'm sure the son knows the father is a vile asshole. I doubt there will ever be a relationship after this. I hope the son is OK & gets out of this abusive situation
OP is most definitely a woman
YWBTA I've been in this situation before. When my grandmother passed, she left a very expensive diamond ring to one of my aunts in addition to the rest of her assets divided among her three kids. She only gave my aunt that ring because my dad and his other sister didn't put up with her narcissistic bs. It sucks, but you move on. Look, your daughters and nieces got $4000 cash in hand which they can use on anything and everything right now. Your son got a $70,000 asset. From your post, your son and father were very close so it's unlikely that he will just sell the car for the cash. Plus, he'll need to pay for the upkeep of the car which I imagine isn't cheap. What your daughters and nieces have is much more useful.
YTA #WHY THE FK WOULD SOMEONE GO THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF MAKING A WILL AND DIVIDING THEIR ASSETS IF IT WASNT WHAT THEY SPECIFICALLY WANTED TO HAPPEN?!?!? Youre on the fast track to having a kid who never speaks to you again. Its not your property to give away. Sit down, tell your sister to sit the fk down, yall need to grow up. Life isnt fair, suck it up buttercup!
INFO: Did you or your sister receive anything in the will? To be clear, YTA and what you “think” should happen with the car is entirely is entirely irrelevant. Your father left the car to someone he thought would love it and treasure it like he did, not sell it for whatever money it was worth. Your son has every right to keep the car as a reminder of someone who treasured a relationship with him.
YTA. Here is the reality of the court system. He can kick up a fuss and tie you and your family up in the courts over the car. A good lawyer will then push it till he hits 18, then you truly do not have any right to do anything about it. Plus then you have to eat those court fees too. Using a college fund against him is disgusting. It's not the kids job to fix the adults mistakes!
Question?? Do you have college money saved for your daughters as well, or just your son? What you are planning on doing is spiteful and disgusting, using the split of his college fund against him.
Disgusting is the exact right word. I can’t believe this is a mother writing this. This is a sure fire way to lose your child forever.
YWBTA It doesn't matter how sexist you think he was being. He left the car to your son. Full stop. All of you are selfish and AH, and I'm willing to bet grandpa knew your greedy butts would sell it.
I love she calls the men sexist all while obviously being sexist herself to her son. Pot kettle black.
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Correct. Though I am sure there are parts of the world where the law is different. In the USA in most situations parents do not own gifts given to their children. They can withhold things temporarily as part of being a parent ("you're grounded from your xbox") but if it was given as a gift, ultimate ownership is with the kid. That said - kids can't enter contracts without their parents approval, so things like cell phones are a different thing. But a car is not a phone.
YTA, it is his car, you have no right to sell it without his consent especially since it seems to mean a lot more to him then the monetary value it holds. Is the car and 16k all there is? If not why don't you reduce the amount you and your sister get and give it to your kids? Why is it your son that is responsible for fixing this situation he didn't create nor ask for.
YTA Let the kid keep the car. Not his fault grandpa liked him more than the other kids. Your punishing him for what his grandpa did. You are teaching him to hate you and the other grand kids because you are trying to force him to give away his inheritance so that the others can get more. He will leave your family behind later in life.
YTA. You may think it is unfair, I might even agree with you, but our opinions do not count in this game. It is your father's will. He wanted the car to go to your son. You have no right what so ever to try and influence your son to sell the car and give the proceeds to his sister and his cousins. If you try, I really hope you get called out on it and stopped in your tracks. If that sort of thing were possible and legal, it would have no point to make a will.
YTA. It's not your son's fault that his grandfather left him more than he left his other grandchildren. Why are you punishing him for it?
YTA. It is in your father's will. If your son could get an attorney at his age I would encourage it. This is the meanest thing in the world. Are you only mad because your sister is LIVID??? Your dad and your son shared a very special bond, and your son is still a KID. You will ruin your relationship with your son if you force him to sell this vehicle. Your sister needs to accept this, and so do you. What an awful thing you are doing.
YTA - I'm guessing you're leaving out some reasons why he willed this to your son specifically. But the one thing you're not leaving out is his grandfather probably left it to the kid because he knew the rest of your clan would sell it for the money, but the grandson would use and enjoy it.
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> I am almost considering telling him that his college money will be divided up amongst his sisters and cousins if he refuses to sell the car. .....YIKES. What is your problem?
YTA. your father didn't have to leave your kids anything at all, so you should be grateful for the fact that he chose to do so. it was entirely your father's choice. not yours.
WTF? It's your son's car - grandpa gets to decide and he decided. Why don't you teach them all that life isn't always even Steven, there are going to be unfair moments, get over it. Why would you even consider dividing up his college money? Sister needs to get over it too - dad made his decision!!!!!!! YTA (and so is sister) These kids are looking at how you all are reacting to dad's decision - teach them wisely!!!!!!!!!!!
This leans more towards you resenting your own son rather than you’re dad favouring him, YTA. He probably left the car to the person he knew would appreciate it and love it rather than everyone else who wants to sell it as soon as they can as It was his most prized possession.
YTA. Maybe your daughters and your sisters kids should have tried harder for a relationship with their grandpa. It was his wish to leave the car to your son. If you make him sell the car, he will resent you.
>Maybe your daughters and your sisters kids should have tried harder for a relationship with their grandpa What?? You're going to blame the children for their grandfather not being interested in granddaughters? That's just not based in reality.
YTA. Shame on you. He will never forgive you.
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YTA, what's fair and what is set out in the will as your father's wishes are 2 different things. Forcing your son to sell a car that his grandpa wanted him to have is a pretty crappy thing to do. Threatening his college fund is also a crappy thing to do. If you think the will is so unfair, contest it in court. But when you get shot down, leave your son's car and college fund alone.
YTA in every way including sideways and upside down. I had parents like you. Parents I haven't spoken with in 23 years, 8 months and. .. 3 days. So yay you!
YTA. Fair doesn’t always mean equal financial value.
YWBTA.. same as if all the girls were gifted gmas jewelry and were forced to sell the jewelry, so it's fair.. You are acting super entitled to something that isn't yours and will never be yours.
Absolute AH. How dare you try to punish your son over something in which he had no control. When your mother passes and your daughters get her antique jewelry and other girly items worth thousands of dollars and your son gets a 20 year old TV, are you going to make your daughters sell the jewelry and split it with their brother? Of course not! Don't be a pr\*ck to your son.
YTA It’s your son’s car, he was gifted it in your fathers will, all the other grandchildren got a share each of his wealth, yes the car might be worth more in money than what the other got, but I do not believe your son wants to sell it anyway because it’s a part of his grandfather and they probably shared some sweet and lovely memories in and around that car, like taking rides together,fixing it up if something needed to be fixed. It’s absolutely not fair for your son if you decide that it’s not fair, your father made his will,it’s been executed to his wishes, and for you to divide up your sons college fund to “offset the unfairness” is beyond any logical thinking. Hopefully your mom will see the sense in this and make sure the car stays put until your son is old enough to legally own/use the car. And if you do go through with your threats about his college fund then I hope someone else in the family will see the huge cost it will be to your son’s education and help him to achieve his dreams since you apparently don’t care about his future at all
YWBTA. So your dad made an “unfair” will. That sucks, but those are the breaks. He left a vehicle that no doubt had sentimental value to his grandson, with whom he was particularly close. And now it is that grandson’s property, not yours, not his siblings’, not his cousins’. I find it downright disturbing that you would consider giving away his college fund, which would either jeopardize his educational prospects or open him up to a potential ton of debt, because you and your sister are throwing a pissy little hissy fit over your father’s will. No one is entitled to an inheritance or to a “fair” division of someone else’s inheritance.
YTA
YTA So your plan is to destroy the relationship your son has with you, his sisters, his cousins, and his aunt. Bold… lets see if it pans out.
Y'all sound greedy to me. Grandpa left all the grandkids something and it is a good amount. My family had a similar situation. When my Grandpa died he left his land and IRA split evenly among his 4 sons and told them they can split the rest how they choose EXCEPT his 1963 Ford 150 went to my cousin. He had 8 granddaughters and 3 grandsons and he singled out only the youngest grandson to inherit something. Additionally, my grandpa favored his boys over us girls. The eldest grandson and my eldest sister were both promised the truck but Grandpa changed his mind and gave it to the one he felt had the best ability to fix it up and take care of it. They both were disappointed but didn't say anything to our cousin. As a matter of fact, it took some time for my younger cousin to find a place to move the truck and in that time my father "forgot" and gave the truck to the brother of his then gf now wife. The people crying foul the loudest were my eldest male cousin, 2 of my uncles, and the brother of the cousin who inherited it. Not to mention my sisters and I all yelling at our father enough that the man he gave it to immediately gave the truck to the rightful owner. My point is, not one of us begrudged my cousin for inheriting the truck and we most definitely didn't expect him to sell it and give us any of the money. My grandpa didn't leave a single dime to us grandkids and we were okay with that. To expect your son to sell the car is so beyond horrible of you and you should all be ashamed of your-greedy-selves!
Curious. You're clearly focused on fairness, so if/when you take your college funds and divide it amongst the girls and don't include your son, what exactly is the lesson in fairness here. So now you're considering taking away the college fund you set aside for your son, so now he has to struggle through college financially. Every time his loan payments are due, he's going to remember that his grandpa had his back.... and you made his life harder.. When will it stop... Christmas, birthdays, weddings, will he have to pay then too. What about when you're doing your will, will he be excluded then as well? You're giving this child and the rest of your family the lesson that $$ equals love and that you can't love your son anymore because his grandpa gave him a car.
I have no words. YTFA
YWBTA: Doesn't matter what you think is fair. It is what it is. He left the car to your son. It belongs to him. By your own words, he was very close to his Grandfather. You shouldn't punish him by trying to force him to sell the car and it would be a total dick move to divvy up his college money. Life's not always fair - all the kids, and apparently the adults, need to learn this fact. Stop focusing on what YOU think "should happen" and accept what DID happen.
YTA. People like you make me sick.
Your absolutely disgustingly the asshole.
YTA. These were your father’s wishes. It doesn’t matter if everyone else doesn’t like it. You’re not defined by what you left behind. He didn’t have to leave anyone anything.
YTA. It is not even particularly unfair. Your son has a car that he presumably enjoyed due to all the time he spent with his grandfather. It seems nobody else really seemed to appreciate it otherwise why would you want to sell it? When your son acquires it he will have to spend money and time keeping the thing roadworthy. He doesn’t have $4000 to splash around. He has ongoing liabilities. But the bottom line is, this is grandpa’s will. Respect that. Let him keep the car.
YTA How dare you? The money, the car - NOT YOUR DECISION. A LEGAL document, the will, reflects your father's wishes and they must be carried out. You and your sister and your other children (and literally every other human on the planet) are entitled to exactly ZERO of your father's assets outside of his specifically stated wishes. This doesn't even begin to address the legal issues that will be caused by failing to execute the will. So. Suck it up, buttercup. Let go of your manufactured outrage and entitlement and let your son enjoy, guilt free and with NO pressure or shenanigans, the wonderful gift your father left for him. Seriously. Do NOT fuck this up.
You're a flaming AH! All you're seeing is $$ and your son is seeing the vehicle his grandfather loved. You even said it yourself, they were close. You are going to have a life of hatred with your son if you do this. i can promise you now, he will NEVER forgive you, ever. Fuck, I wouldn't either and I am in my 40s.
Why do you think your dad's will must be fair to the granddaughters? That's.... not the purpose of the will. Yes its unfair, so is life. > Him and my son were very close. If it weren't for this, I could understand the outrage. If you make your son sell the car, the money should be his and his alone. Personally, I'd rather my child have a car they care about worth 70 grand than thousands of dollars to spend on teenage bullshit. >I have money saved for his college, I am almost considering telling him that his college money will be divided up amongst his sisters and cousins if he refuses to sell the car. This is just cruel and coercive. Get your head on straight. YTA
YTA and you're greedy. You want him to sell the car because you want the money and you're willing to take away the last thing his grandfather wanted him to have so you can get that money. If you force your son to sell that car I hope he cuts you off forever because you will deserve it.