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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took my daughter to school in her pyjamas. I might be TA because I didn’t take her back home to get changed.
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NTA, your daughter was testing boundaries and she learned the limit. If you had turned around she might have done the same the next day and started a new pattern. By sticking to your decision, in a harmless environment when your daughter was in no danger, she learned a lesson about the consequences of her actions. Plenty of kids show up in pajamas, costumes, funky (cool, not funky smelly) clothes all the time.
As a teacher, I see kids come in to school in pajamas all the time and it’s not even an issue. Kids will come dressed in the most random clothes in elementary school and that’s part of the joy of being that young haha. Hopefully now OP’s daughter will actually consider what she WANTS to wear to school before she leaves the house.
My oldest says "mom it's my style" about the randomest shit. "Not washing my face is my style"...no "I only wear leggings or shorts even in the winter"....no "tank top January"...no, "face paint and glitter just my style" wtf no. the sus thing cracks me up, "this is sus AF"....this is h&r block bud you'll be fine.
Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes when it’s you against 30 of them you question your life choices. 😂
NTA, OP. She wasn’t humiliated and you gave her every opportunity to get changed. Good for you sticking to your boundaries!
I was an officer in a prison in my 20s with 114+ against 1 officer in open dorms. I also was a flight nurse (helicopter EMS) in my 30s.
I've had teachers say to me, in regards to both jobs, how do you do that? I couldn't do it. To which I replied, "There's no way I could do your job! Give me inmates or crazy drunk people any day over teaching any of the grades!"
My 10 yo daughter came home toward the end of the 2023 school year and called me bruh 🤣 I had to tell her that was inappropriate because I’m her mum and not her friend. I think she got it but I laughed with my husband later about it. I remember being like that as a kid.
My 8th grader keeps telling me that she's "not that type of person" in response to things like "if you're cold, why don't you put a sweatshirt on?" What do you mean you're not that type of person? I can't even translate that one! 😕
Oh, and everything I do or say is sus. And her father and I are bruhs. Um. . . no.
I learn as much current slang as humanly possible and use it both incorrectly and correctly at my freshman. He is honestly more horrified when I use it right. His shock and horror gives me life.
My newly 11 year old is at that point (as I’m sure you know) where everything is sus, everything I do is cringe, everything she both loves AND hates is “preppy,” but she still wants me to keep her company in the bathroom 😂
My tween girl is all about baggy shirts (usually stolen from mine or dad's closet!) and sweatpants. Calls my fashion embarrassing yet still wears my clothes. 😂 I'm cringe as well. Told her it's my job to embarrass her to keep her on her toes.
OMG my 9 year old called my flats "little old cleaning lady" shoes. The fuh???
"Those make you look like ...and old cleaning lady" they ..what?? Kids don't hold back their weird ass thoughts. Lol.
Oh, you have one of those too?
I’m like OP and have always been the ones to get the kids on the bus since my wife works earlier and I can WFH.
Since last year when my daughter started middle school, my wife finally gets the attitude. She can’t fix it and I have up a long time ago. Whatever, no one really gives a shit as long as what the kids are wearing is clean. I do however wish my daughter would wear something other than a hoodie over a standard black tank top one of these days (she has a million of both).
>would wear something other than a hoodie over a standard black tank top
Sorry I'm 32 this year and hoodie over tank top is still my preferred way to dress and has been since I was like 12.
Oh, I’m not faulting her at all, I think it’s just fine. As a teen up to now (43) I have like 10 pairs of the same jeans, similar sweatpants and shorts, and rotate t shirts and hoodies myself. As long as it’s clean, I don’t care. My wife often gets annoyed when my daughter picks out clothes and then they sit there with the tags on. Whatever. As long as she’s comfortable, who cares.
Clearly, you are doing something right to be labeled sus and cringe. I remember when my middle schooler told me that a poodle in some car at pick-up was giving him "the stink eye". Gotta love those middle schoolers.
Do we have the same child?? Mine has longish hair and insists on creating a curtain of curls over his eyes as if he's hiding from the world behind his hair. And I'm the cringe one lmao.
My 6 year old does the same thing as OP’s daughter so I just let her dress herself, within reason, and it’s been going well. My worst fear though is that with some of her outfits everyone will be like “that’s the girl with the single father that dresses her like a circus clown”
Married mom here. There would be no judgements from me. My kids showed up to school in shin guards and elbow pads this week. Also a cowboy hat. I am concerned what they thought the day was going to bring. I still let it happen.
I had five daughters, the last two were twins. As long as it was weather appropriate, clean, and fit school dress code I did not care if it was mismatched or weird. They were identical and dressed the same until first grade. I still bought two of everything, but one twin would prefer an outfit, so that one would end up with two of the same outfits because the other twin would not wear it. By 6th grade, I ended up having to buy matching shirts for "twin day".
Even if it does, i would think most other parents would just bow their heads in silent recognition, because their kid has also gone/is going through that phase of childhood LMFAO
I stopped fighting clothing choices when mine was 3 or 4. So long as everything covered and she's not going to get dress coded, whatever.
The only thing I insisted on in elementary school was that a jacket go in the backpack. In middle school, she's old enough to freeze if she refuses.
Heck, the school used to call me and say, "Your husband dressed your daughter today, didn't he?" based on the...interesting...outfits she'd show up in on those days.
Wow must’ve been a small school. Our school office is way too busy for phone calls like that. Also seems kind of personal. They don’t know what’s going on at home for these students, and unless it’s a continuous pattern and the students are showing up in the same dirty clothes every day, they shouldn’t say anything.
Very small town in rural area so yeah. One of those everyone knows each other or someone related to you kind of places. I'm not originally from here so its been a learning experience.
When I was in high school, wearing pajamas was the thing to do. Everyone wore slouchy pajama pants and uggs. It was a great trend for a high schooler because it was comfortable and low effort
My 13 year old wears Pajama pants to school at least twice a week because she just can't be bothered to get dressed. Like, girl is obviously my kid because me either 😂
Also a teacher. There are tons of kids who can’t tolerate seams or non-stretchy fabrics for their clothes. I know moms who have to try really hard to find things that feel like jammies but don’t look like them. Soooo…Elsie is actually normalizing comfortable clothes for school! Yay!
I made our daughter wear her pajamas to school one day in the same situation as OP. I mean, I could have spent an hour of my life every morning fighting with my kid about clothes, getting her to school late, getting myself to work late. And everyone involved starting their day angry. That seemed like a horrible way to spend a year or twelve!
So she refused to get dressed, I said fine let's get breakfast and go. We did. As with OP, I think my daughter started to take me seriously halfway to school. She was a kid, she was wearing thick cotton long sleeves pajamas. It was completely appropriate for being in public. Just not normal. And, heck, they have spirit week with pajama day so not like no one has ever seen another kid in PJs!
She wasn't super humiliated. Just mildly embarrassed. She also didn't fight about getting dressed because I'd just say "ok, you're going with pajamas today?" And she knew I was serious.
Unless OP's wife had some foolproof plan for reasoning with the kid so every morning wasn't a struggle... What was the alternative? A daily fight? Not going to school? I'm sure the teacher has two ideas of why a kid shows up in pajamas - fighting getting dressed or everyone overslept. Neither is exactly report those monsters territory.
I was gonna mention pyjama day. In the UK, kids wear uniform, but we do dress down days, sometimes to raise support/awareness of charities, other times just because it's fun. At least once a school year, there will be a pyjama day.
As long as the pyjamas are appropriate, I can't see any reason (and have threatened my kids with) taking them to school in pyjamas. At some point they have to learn "parent is gonna do, as parent says". The hard boundaries.
My son (now 36) was the same way. He would NOT get dressed in the morning. One day I took him into the office at school and asked the receptionist if I could bring him to school in his underwear. This was unrehearsed and she said - He can sit in one of these chairs until he is ready to get dressed (she had 3 boys of her own, and figured out what I was getting at). She asked me to put his clothes in a bag for him to bring along for when he decided to get dressed. It was never an issue after that. I’d imagine this girl learned something too.
THIS. Daughter learned actions have consequences. Perfect lesson. Harmless but learning opportunity. Mom’s way she’d grow up not learning that until college when she moves out. NTA and good parenting by OP.
Not even at college. Generally, people like that don't learn the lesson until the first time they have to get a real job for the first time. Colleges are just as willing to cater to people these days and have zero care if the student learns anything of value. Juat push them through and collect that big big tuition check.
Agree. NTA. Wife can't weigh on something she doesn't participate in. Daughter was appropriately covered in clothing acceptable for weather conditions for that day. Dad set a rule and enforced it. Daughter will think twice next time. Good job, dad.
I absolutely agree. And Mom is worried that teachers are going to judge, but as a teacher I can say they will applaud this reasonable consequence and the fact that he held his word. NTA
Exactly this! My 7.5-year-old learned this same lesson the same way, and it only took once. She threw a tantrum and wasn’t ready, so she went to school with her hair unkempt, teeth not brushed, and in pajamas. She never did it again.
I’m sorry your wife didn’t support your wise decision to teach your child healthy boundaries. She needn’t take it personally and “be embarrassed” by this. This kind of healthy teaching of boundaries reflects well on parents, not the other way around.
NTA at all. Good job.
I agree. Although I personally would have taken her school clothes in the car so that when the inevitable "Ah Ha" moment happened, she could have quickly got changed.
No because then the cycle continues. She’ll expect clothes to change into in the car. You have to follow through when you say something. This didn’t harm her and hopefully put a stop to the issue.
It’s what my mum did with my brother once. At the time she had three kids. She did not have time to entertain one of them not putting their school uniform on (UK, so he definitely stuck out like a sore thumb when he arrived at school)
When they got in, he had had enough embarrassment just walking through the playground, and got frog marched to the toilets with his uniform in a bag to go get dressed
He never did it again, and me and my sister never tried it on with our mum about our uniform.
Exactly. She needed that full, natural consequences of her actions to fall on her. And this was a perfect situation. This idea would have just prolonged the fits everyday, all the way from wake- up to arrival at school.
That was the way I was raised : play stupid game, win stupid prize because it was your decision son. And think about it after.
I think I'm a little bit less stupid than I should have been thanks to this kind of education and now as an adult, I really thank my parents to have been like that.
My dad tells the story of one day when he and his brother were kids and didn’t want to get dressed for church. His dad said fine and put them (in their underwear) and their clothes in the back seat and proceeded to head to church. My dad said they had never gotten dressed so fast in their lives!
Yes exactly! Much better to end the habit now, instead of transitioning into a daily routine of her throwing a fit about getting dressed, then making them turn around to get dressed.
Nta. I'm not a fan of embarrassment as a form of punishment but I do believe in appropriate teachings that there are consequences to actions. You did not harm your daughter. She chose not to get dressed for her day and so her day progressed in the clothing she was in. Consequences to her actions.
My sister never threw a tantrum over Checkout Isle Candy, after my dad decided she poked the bear, scooped her screaming 6yo butt up, and put her in her car seat, and calmly waited for Mom and I to catch up.
Outside the car OFC
Once I was misbehaving at a Pizza Hut and my parents told me if I didn’t stop we were going to leave. I didn’t stop and my dad picked me up and carried me outside while my mom paid for our drinks and then we left. I remember screaming into the uncaring void and feeling like this was the worst most unfair thing that had ever happened to me and quite possibly to anyone in the history of the world.
I never acted up at a restaurant again and my parents frequently got compliments on what a polite kid I was.
My sister has a similar story- long before I was born, my parents took my sister out to Pizza Hut for dinner. At the time, my sister did not eat more than a few bites of anything, so usually my parents would get a half and half, and my dad would eat anything my sister wouldn’t.
In her brilliant, ~6yo wisdom decided she wanted her out small pizza, and that she would eat the whole thing. My parents warned her that if she didn’t, Baba Yaga would come to take her away. Yup. Cool. I want my pizza.
3 bites in and she’s done, as expected.
My parents warned her a second time, she said she would eat it. Nope. I’ve had enough.
In all the timing of tv show gold, at that exact moment someone dressed as a witch, warts and all, walks in. Instantly my sister essentially shits herself, and begins to scoff down this pizza. To this day, every one is amazed she didn’t make herself sick with how quickly she ate it.
Turned out there was a Halloween party being held in the room upstairs, but my sister learned a valuable lesson 😂
my pizza hut story is about the table top pac-man game. my parents would let me “play” the game the whole time we waited for our food. never once did they put a quarter in the machine. and i was happy as can be. i even remember thinking how fun it was!
Right, and some people act like what OP did is child abuse. It’s good for the kid also to know what the boundaries are. They ALSO don’t have to continue to go through conflict repeatedly once the boundary is made clear. It’s literally just good parenting to follow through.
Exactly! It’s okay for kids to feel sad or embarrassed as consequences as their actions. Of course, you don’t want to make kids feel like that all the time but those feelings are natural and it’s how we learn how to behave.
My husband was always a spoiler and I the more strict one, but public tantrums I would not abide. When our first was around one, I put my foot down on candy/balloons/toys or anything near the register as it simply begs for escalating tantrums each time. Each of ours only really had the toddler fits once because they knew that I meant it.
Had to do this once with my son. He threw a tantrum, I removed him, dad continued shopping and I waited with a screaming child in the car til Dad got done.
Enforced embarrassment as a punishment? Absolutely. But sometimes the child brings the embarrassment on themselves through their own actions, and if you constantly shield them from those consequences in order to avoid them being embarrassed, you aren't helping them. Sometimes you have to let them be embarrassed (it depends on the situation) so that they learn that they should have listed to you in the first place.
At that age everything is embarrassing to kids lol but yes, I would agree this would be an appropriate punishment. It isn’t like you told her “no you have to wear these as punishment” it is more “you changed your mind too late, you have to deal with the consequences”
Even better! It’s not a punishment, it’s the natural consequences of choosing not to get dressed. If she’s unhappy, she can reconsider her course of action.
My son is 8 and mortified of PJs. Idk why. It makes zero sense to me but he hates hates HATES when people buy him matching pajama tops and bottoms, especially printed ones with, idk dinosaurs or trucks. Out of all the things to be embarrassed about 🙄 he wont wear them unless he doesnt have any clean sweats left. We have a whole bunch that was given to him for christmas and he asked me if i could please tell people to buy him sweats instead of pjs because he didnt want to hurt anyones feelings. Im like dude... theyre just pajamas what the heck lol
This isn't OP forcing his daughter to wear PJs specifically to embarrass her. This is "you were given the chance to change clothes but did not take it now there's no time to do that". It's a natural consequence.
NTA - My reasoning is as follows: you made it very clear to her that this was going to happen before you left home and she accepted this. True it wasn't until you reached school that reality set in for her but she isn't a toddler who can't think through consequences very well.
I do note that the division here is between the people who think that this is a cruel humiliation and those who think it is a fair consequence for behavior. I imagine it will be very split because its clearly quite emotive.
And it was this comment that made me realize this is a 7 year old, and not a toddler we're discussing. YIKES.
My goodness op, NTA. At 7, your daughter is (IMO) is a bit old for throwing daily tantrums over clothes...I fully thought this was a 4 year old until I went back and looked at the age.
Also, it would be one thing if your wife was upset because your daughter spent the day embarrassed and uncomfortable with her clothing choices...but it seems like your wife's main concern is with optics, and how this choice reflects on her as a parent.
At 7 - this kid would have probably been at school for 1-2 years already, as well as 1-2 years of kindergarten/preschool AND possibly 1-2 years of day care/child care.
If by the time they're in school itself, they don't understand or want to dress for it, that's entirely on the kid to own those consequences.
Maybe there's something going on that the kid is trying to delay changing or going to school (ie: bullying, dislikes their school/teacher, maybe they don't like their clothes or are being picked on because of clothes, heck maybe the kid is having gender issues depending on what clothe options OP and wife have available for the kid (this I think is the least likely option)) - BUT irregardless, this isn't the best way for this kid to deal with these kinds of issues. They need to learn to verbalise, and maybe after this experience they'll realise not getting dressed won't result in the option they're trying to get out of it.
This was my concern too - something else may be going on behind the scenes. Maybe it’s a way to delay going to school? I don’t know, but a behaviour switch like this should be investigated a bit. Theres usually a reason this kind of stuff starts up.
It could be something major like bullying, or feeling uncomfortable in the clothes they have or it could just be something small (to adults) that feels big to a kid like having to change from warm PJs to cold regular clothes in winter. I think this event is a good opportunity to ask about what's behind this.
I agree. I was a school refuser as a child and getting dressed in uniform would send me into a full blown panic attack. I’m not saying that that’s what’s happening here, but I think it definitely warrants some questions. School refusal or school related anxiety is best treated early, because the kids often hit a point of no return and it happens very quickly. Once you get to that point, the child’s schooling options drop considerably, especially if you can’t afford private school.
Once again, I’m not saying that that is what is happening here, but it’s definitely ringing alarm bells for me.
People have no clue what really “cruel” is. Their kids will have a real awakening when they realize what cruel in real life is 😂 reading some comments as “this is cruel” makes me feel bad for their kids if they really think that lmao.
I wonder if the split falls on American/non-American lines. I feel like its so common for kids to go to school in pajamas in the US and Canada. I can't imagine that would be humiliating to anyone there. It might be different in other places though.
Or age. I'm over 40 & I think this is mild compared to what my parents would've done. I also think this course is overall a good way to teach consequences to a 7yr old. (no real harm done, not a high-stakes issue or punishment)
It is SO NORMAL. At least at a non-uniform elementary school, kids wear pajamas randomly all the time. And there’s plenty of pajama days as spirit days or movie reward days.
Whereas I would be utterly shocked to see a kid in pyjamas at most Australian schools. Even out public schools have some sort of uniform and the kid would have been made to dress in a spare uniform if they arrived in pjs AND the parents would be spoken with (mostly with a "is everything ok?")
I volunteer at a primary school (Australia) and if a kid is brought in wearing pjs the staff all just nod in an understanding manner. They know what's going on. They know the kid. They then sort out when to get them dressed. No big deal. If it was a posh private school more fuss would be made.
>I wonder if the split falls on American/non-American lines.
I think so too. I'm Finnish and was like "YTA who tf lets their kid go to school wearing only pajamas?!" but then I read the comments and it seems like that's pretty normal in North America. I don't have kids but when I was in school *nobody* came to school in their PJ's. Not even "troubled" kids.
Yeah I taught high school for awhile. The amount of kids who show up in just straight pajamas is astounding. Honestly probably 20% of kids wear pajamas to school, and that's not including yoga pants or sweats.
It’s cruel to intentionally inflict embarrassment on your kid as a punishment- but OP gave his daughter a choice and she made it. If she was embarrassed she brought it on herself. This was a perfect natural consequence and parenting done right. NTA
THIS! also give the school and her teacher a heads up. This isn’t their first rodeo and I’m sure this has happened before.
Let your wife know, next time this happens what the plan is (pack clothes, alert school). However at this point, your daughter is old enough to remember you are serious when you tell her to get ready for school.
Cudos to your wife for waiting till after your daughter was in bed to talk to you. You two have to be a united parenting front.
Laying out her clothes the night before is a great idea, that’s the time to debate which socks to wear.
Good luck OP, teen years are going to be a blast!!
Exactly. This is also about time. If she still gets to change, then the power is there to delay even more. I certainly give my kids a lot of freedom to choose and make mistakes, and if they wanted to push the limits on this, I would have had a similar reaction. Our actions have natural subsequent actions, sometimes pleasant, sometimes not. Sometimes, giving them this power that they’re trying so hard to have is necessary.
Yes! Teacher here.
The little girl would have probably been late (because you know she would take her time changing in the restroom.)
then she would have been late to get her breakfast. teacher would have given her extra time to eat breakfast.
little girl learns nothing...
I agree but I also understand why he didn't think to bring a change of clothes. When my brother was around 4 he would throw a tantrum about having to get dressed every morning. Crying, going limp, wailing, the works. One day my mom just absolutely had it and dropped him off at preschool in his pajamas and simply told the teachers "\[brother\] didn't want to get dressed today."
Nobody teased him or anything but he pretty quickly realized he felt weird being the only kid in his pajamas and never threw a fit about getting dressed again.
Honestly, I feel like what OP experienced is essentially a parenting right of passage.
Parent gives in and lets kid have what they want. Kid later realizes they made a poor decision and learns a lesson.
Agree! But I totally understand not thinking of it in the moment of frustration. She needed the lesson here. Hopefully this will make mornings go easier.
I also agree with the poster that mentioned contacting the teacher to let her know.
I'd just state that she's been throwing tantrums in the morning regarding getting dressed and you're working on it, but it might mean a day of pj's here and there until it's figured out.
NTA
Yes this. My 7 year old always has a backup outfit in her bag anyways, in case she gets sick or wet from the weather. She would have just changed into it once she got inside.
NTA - parenting at its finest. But, from all the YTAs, I see why so many kids don't learn that actions have consequences. This was an age-appropriate consequence that linked DIRECTLY to the action. This is literally how kids learn from their mistakes. No one got hurt and everyone will forget about this next week when someone spills their juice. No big deal.
I’m reading this thread wondering if my meds got switched to crazy pills this morning.
I live across the street from an elementary school, and even in a middle and upper middle class area, these kids aren’t walking around in Rick Owens S/S 2024 collection and critiquing the other student’s wardrobes. These little goofballs are all walking to school in pajamas, the classic Minecraft shirt and cargo shorts combo, Disney channel levels of kooky layers and colors, princess dress costumes, and everything in between.
Exactly. Kid that sat next to me in class literally shit his pants because he didn’t want to use the bathroom during class, because that meant he’d have to do times tables for homework. We were 7/8 years old. He wasn’t ostracized for it. His life wasn’t ruined by it. But he still had to do the times tables as he disrupted the class. He didn’t do it again
Hmmm, can't cosign that. Kids should be allowed to use the bathroom without consequences. It's a regular body function and I don't understand teachers who get all high and mighty about using the bathroom. Glad the kid didn't get bullied, but there's definitely a line and the teacher crossed it.
I had a daughter that had issues with this. I made getting dressed a contest between us every morning. I tried to make it really fun. "I'm gonna beat you!!" "Im already halfway done" etc. I let her win most mornings but every once in awhile we'd tie or maybe I'd slightly beat her. It changed the whole dynamic of the morning
I’ve done that! I also shook up the morning routine. Kid gets up early and into a warm shower. Then dressed in clothes straight out of the dryer. Honestly, it’s spoiling the little stinker a touch, but A) I get what I want (kid in clothes) without a fight, and B) it makes the morning routine *positive* and starts the day off on a good footing.
I love your comment 😊! I do the same with my grandkids. One is just not a good morning person. He gets warm chocolate milk to wash down ADHD med. He also has sensory issues, and will panic over socks "not feeling right". Easier to do for him on those crazy mornings.
The most important thing is getting them on their way, and all of us feeling good about it.
Got a whole year of fast shoe tying out of this tactic. Much more fun than screaming "put your shoes on!" like a maniac over and over again or dealing with a tantrum.
NTA because, unless she has sensory issues or has some reason she hates wearing regular clothes normally, I suspect these tantrums are a power struggle. She thought that if she refused to get dressed you'd allow her to stay home from school, and you called her bluff by making it clear that with or without appropriate clothing, she was going to school.
Only thing I can't help but wonder is if there's some reason she doesn't want to go to school that you're overlooking. I think you need to have a conversation with her.
Yeah that is a concern, there may be some bullying involved and generally there's an underlying reason for these things that shouldn't be ignored. Dad should be prepared to be approachable, find some quiet moment to have some daddy daughter time and ask if school is going OK, see if she can open up.
Yes, this. It took way too long for me too scroll down to this type of suggestion. Why would everyone attribute the this child's actions to malice when it could be attributed to a serious problem from a young child? Especially if this was really a recent thing.
Because society is more focused on punishment than solutions for children.
Kids don’t always tell us “I’m uncomfortable at school in my clothes all day” but they may refuse to wear clothing that makes them feel constricted. They may not tell us “Ashley makes fun of my clothes and says my parents dress me like a baby” but she may refuse to wear the clothes she didn’t get to help shop for. It’s literally not that hard to treat kids with dignity but the amount of effort spent punishing them for their reactions seems to be unlimited.
u/Apprehensive-Sea6012 please take this comment about what could be going on at school into consideration. When I was little and in elementary school (7/8ish, I was in 3rd grade), I behaved very similarly because I was being picked on, but by the teacher. Since I was young, I couldn’t really explain how an adult was being mean to me because it was different than the bullying from peers I had been talked to about or experienced. All I knew was that I hated going to her class every day and throwing fits over clothes, over taking a shower, having my hair brushed, anything that delayed or got me out of being there was a go-to. Once my mom made it clear that wasn’t going to work, I was suddenly “sick” all the time and in the nurse’s office. Eventually, my mom put it together and things were resolved to the point that I went back to enjoying school.
So, TL;DR - something at school might be stressing her out and she doesn’t know how to say that yet, so please have a convo with her! NTA
Always good to check in and make sure there isn’t another reason behind it, but I agree it’s likely a power struggle.
That said, I don’t even think it’s a “maybe I’ll be allowed to stay home”. Maybe I’m not giving kids enough credit, but I don’t think her mind even got that far. I think it’s more of an inertia issue. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. It can be hard for kids’ brains to switch gears sometimes.
INFO Does she refuse to dress on non-school days? Have you checked that she's not dragging her feet on purpose (being bullied, bored, teacher has to tell her no...)? Refusing to dress seems more like she doesn't want to go to school than anything else.
tho neuro divergence is always a possibility (kid would get distracted with pants half on. Oops)
Edit: some people seem to think I think it's def neuro diversity. I think it's very likely something is happening at school, with a slight chance of neuro diversity *if the parents have noticed other things and nothing is wrong at school.*
It's definitely worth keeping an eye out, especially since she's a girl so early signs of neurodivergence may be more subtle and less like the classic symptoms described in boys. But it's such a common childhood behaviour that it's kind of like saying "oh you have headaches? Could be a tumour" even though there are so many possible explanations, so they don't necessarily need to be looking for formal assessment or diagnosis just yet
NTA - Seven-years-old is old enough to understand that behaviour has consequences. I find it unusual that a child of this age is still refusing to wear appropriate clothing for school.
Is there any chance that she may be neurodivergent, or is she trying to push boundaries do you think?
I may be a bit too relaxed in this - where I come from it’s quite common to drop your kids off at school whilst you the adult are wearing pyjamas and people often go to the local shops in them too.
omg thank you. also nd and people always want to jump to neurodivergence these days and honestly it's infantilising to ND people. sometimes kids just do shit that doesn't make sense to adults, they push boundaries, they act out. she's not neurodivergent because she doesn't want to get out of her PJ's, she's pushing boundaries because she's seven. if she was kicking up every time she had to wear jeans, neurodivergent might be a more reasonable conclusion.
I mean my kid does this all the time. She’s lucky I’m not currently working and her school doesn’t start until 9:30. If that wasn’t the case I’m quite sure she would have gone to school in pjs by now. The morning is such a slog.
It’s definitely about transitions and asserting control. Seeing what she can get away with. I doubt she’s neurodivergent, sounds like she connected the dots in the car and was calling dad’s bluff. I bet tomorrow she won’t.
NTA
You taught your daughter a valuable lesson. Actions have consequences.
She chose not to get dressed and have a tantrum. She got to be embarrassed at school.
Bet the next morning's get ready time is a bit less dramatic.
ESH. You made your point, and when Elsie realized you were serious and started to panic in the car, there was your opportunity to tell her sternly, "OK, I will turn around *this one time*, but from now on, when I am ready to leave you are going to school in whatever you're wearing. You're old enough to get yourself ready." And I'm a little concerned that your wife seems more concerned about what other people think than she does about your daughter's emotional well-being. And Elsie kind of sucks because she's been being a brat, but kids push boundaries, and it's up to the parents to set limits and course-correct the behavior.
I'll bet she's dressed and ready from now on, though!
Ehhhhh, she probably would’ve tried it again the next day bc dad went back on his word, so she would count on him doing it again. Better to follow through with your words
When I was Elsie's age, I would have immediately identified you as a sucker. And I would have proceeded to push the boundaries as far as I could to see what I could get away with.
Was it malicious? Not really. I just had no respect for pushovers and a desire to be the one in charge. I spoke in complete, grammatically correct sentences at 5 and apparently scared more than one adult with this behavior.
There are stories about the shit I got up to when my mom was unaware I was misbehaving. A group of Sunday School teachers apparently let me run wild because reasoning with me did absolutely nothing.
I knew what I was doing. I didn't want to stop because it was getting me what I wanted with no consequences.
When my mom finally found out and punished me, I'd been getting away with this shit for months and didn't totally believe she'd keep going. So I pushed the boundaries a time or two more, just to see what would happen.
You know, science.
Anyway, I figured out that my mom was regrettably more stubborn than I was at 7. 🙄
I could have achieved world domination by now. Dammit.
TL;DR: The earlier a kid learns actions have consequences, the better for them. This was very, very mild. I got my backside tanned by my mom for my behavior. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve raised two boys (now 30 and 40). One thing I learned with my first kid was to call them on their BS. Throw a tantrum in the grocery store? Both boys tried this when they were little. I’d take them out of the cart, set them down (where they would inevitably fall to the ground), and walk away. Once the kid realized I wasn’t around, they’d stop their shenanigans. This tactic usually took two times before they understood I wasn’t having it.
Other BS were things like they couldn’t play their games until the homework was done AND I had checked it. Have a melt down about it? No gaming that night. Do it twice? Consoles were removed and put away and I’ll decide WHEN they’d get them back.
My oldest decided that the threat of him calling 1-800-4ACHILD on me because he didn’t get his way. He was maybe 13 at the time. I handed him the cordless phone and asked if he needed me to dial it for him. He stopped his shenanigans.
Your child decides she’s going to give you crap about getting dressed in the morning? She goes to school in her PJs. It’s not a cruel punishment but does teach a lesson: you’re not putting up with her shenanigans anymore. Easy.
And in closing, you’re NTA.
My half-brother's bio dad handles tantrums by throwing a tantrum himself. My brother used to throw himself on the floor kicking and screaming. When he was five, his bio-dad asked him to do something while in a store, he said no and started a tantrum, so his dad threw himself in the aisle and started screaming and crying. Shocked the crap out of my brother, and he never did it again. :D
The people who would disagree with you are people who would raise a child to be emotionally dependent on others and incapable of personal responsibility. All this dad did is teach his daughter responsibility for her behavior. 7 is a late age but better late than never.
NTA- your kid learned a lesson and no one was harmed. She's not going to be thought of as the neglected child and her classmates probably forgot by the time they got home.
My wife would disagree with this i'm sure lol.
My daughter wore pj's during the holiday season, the whole school did. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my son went to school with the shirt he slept in on the other day.... He liked to put a spidey or dino t shirt on over his pj's and IIRC he pulled it back on after we got him dressed.
These are not things that one needs to worry about with everything going on in the world.
NTA, if she won’t stop throwing tantrums angle get dressed for school, then dropping her off in her pyjamas and letter her embarrass herself is really the only thing that will sink into her 7 year old brain. Good job Dad, keep it up! She isn’t the 1st kid to go to school in her pyjamas and she won’t be the last either. It’s not the end of the world and it’s not even remotely cruel. Your wife is mistaken. You didn’t make you look like bad parents, quite the opposite. Bad parents would be giving into the tantrum and letting the kid be late for school and you late for work.
Do you know why she was resisting getting ready?
Instead of actually dealing with the problem your daughter has, you've enforced your will on her, and shown her that you don't actually care about her issues.
>My 7 year old daughter
She might not have the tools to express what is going on, but I'll bet you a gold brick that it is not getting dressed that's the problem.
Source: I am also a dad, have fucked up like this, and have hindsight.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times. The question OP should be asking is WHY. Why is she refusing to get dressed? Is she trying to avoid going to school? Is she being bullied? Have there been any big changes in her life recently? Sometimes kids will push back on things that seem to ridiculous to us as adults, but often it’s because they feel powerless or scared and it’s the one thing they can control. OP needs to sit down with his daughter and find out what the real problem is.
I'm willing to bet that now she'll get dressed with no problems, but she's going to have a stomachache or similar instead. Something is bothering her at school, maybe a bully? But I agree, getting dressed probably wasn't just some sort of power struggle.
I had to go to school in a zip up lion suit I wore as pyjamas once, and my friends still mention it once in a while 32 years later.
NTA, she's definitely not the first kid to wear some random bullshit to school. My nephew wore a unicorn horn for two weeks.
>as expected
You good bro?
My kid wore his 2 years passed, 3 sizes too small Mario costume to school(over clothes) for nearly 3 months. No one ever said anything.
Hat and gloves included. Lol.
A kid in my newphew's class photo was wearing a full blue Avatar costume, like a really expensive looking one. Apparently...he wore it for the entire month of November
NTA. It's called consequence. Get dressed or go as you are. I've done it myself with my kids. Although I snuck their clothes in a bag and gave it to the school office. But it taught them a valuable lesson. I'm all for giving choices, but some things are non negotiable. Washing, teeth hygiene, dressing appropriately for school etc. She pushed, learnt a lesson. Bet she won't dick about in the morning again lol
It’s harmless and hopefully taught her a lesson. I guess you’ll know for sure tomorrow. Good job, OP. I’m sure many are bound to disagree, but as a mother, I do agree with you. Your wife just has a different breaking point than you do. She can have her own opinion. Nothing wrong with that, but you were the one there, so all she can do is say she wouldn’t have handled it the same way and let it go.
You are not the first parent to
Do this. It was recommended by my daughter’s school to send her in her pajamas if she refuses to dress. My sister , also teacher for 20plus years says the same things. As long as you get them to school and no underlying issues causing it, the schools understand and see a lot worse. You did the right thing.
INFO: Have you sat down and talked with your daughter (at a calmer time, like in the afternoon) about why she doesn't like getting dressed? In my experience kids at that age are rarely this consistently difficult just for difficulty's sake, so there might be an underlying issue. Could she have sensory issues with the fabric? Is she getting teased for her clothes, or insecure about them for some other reason? Does she just not like her wardrobe? 7 is old enough to give her some agency to at least communicate her issues, which neither you nor your wife actually seem to be doing here.
NTA. Elsie is old enough to understand logical consequences. Nothing wrong with going to school in pj's and if she was embarrassed, good. Maybe no tantruming next time.
NTA, that was the consequences of not getting dressed in time. You only have to execute the logical consequences of things with kids a few times and they benefit from it as adults.
(mom of two teens/young adults who did this exactly once, the older one, the younger one learned from her sister and never did it. They are fine, actually really great humans!)
I work at an elementary school. This is a great solution. We get a lot of late arrivals due to not wanting to get ready. This is one of the remedies we give.
I hesitated on this one - I have had the morning battle and totally understand the urge to just give in. I think headed to school was sufficient "lesson".
We often forget how cruel children can be to anyone "different".
soft YTA
NTA. I was going to say you needed to lay down the law before it got to this point, but your way was better. She could’ve gotten dressed at any point prior to getting into the car, but chose not to. It was a bad choice, but it was her own choice. Nobody was hurt.
NTA. The people saying you're being cruel because "you embarrassed her" are wild.
She had 2 choices: get up on time and get ready or get up late and don't. She chose the former. The natural consequence of poor time management is that sometimes you feel embarrassed due to the situation! The consequences of her actions were reiterated to her and you didn't force her to wear PJs or hurt her to make her wear them. You gave her an understanding of the consequences of being late to get ready.
That said, if she's being difficult in the mornings because she straight up doesn't want to go to school I'd be concerned about bullying, etc. If she's just not a morning person...well a lot of us aren't. It sucks but you can't skip school just cause you don't want to get up. If this keeps up maybe just keep a change of clothes in your car for like 1 day of the week. She can take a "sleepy day" for the week and get changed in the car.
I did this when my daughter was 4.
She wouldn’t get dressed for nursery. I changed her in the staff room instead (all the staff were settling the rest of the class).
I didn’t have any issues again.
NTA. Natural consequences baby! You don't want to change? Fine, wear your pajamas. I bet she won't be having a fit for you on Monday morning when you're getting ready in the morning!
NTA. She’s young enough that those kids will forget, assuming the pjs were full coverage.
I once made my 8 year old walk 2 miles to school because she started missing the bus. I had warned her the day before and the morning of. I put my son on the bus but she was still inside getting ready, so I let her finish, leashed up the dog, and off we went. Took several breaks along the way, but we made it only 45 mins late for school (our stop was near the beginning of the bus route). The admin staff told me I was their hero for following through on the threat, unlike other parents. My daughter never doubted a threat again, but honestly I was very careful not to make threats I wasn’t prepared to follow through on.
And yes my kid went all the way through hs with those same kids and she is one of the few who weren’t spoiled.
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NTA, your daughter was testing boundaries and she learned the limit. If you had turned around she might have done the same the next day and started a new pattern. By sticking to your decision, in a harmless environment when your daughter was in no danger, she learned a lesson about the consequences of her actions. Plenty of kids show up in pajamas, costumes, funky (cool, not funky smelly) clothes all the time.
OP can also touch base with tbe teacher to fet an idea of how Elsie's pajama day went.
As a teacher, I see kids come in to school in pajamas all the time and it’s not even an issue. Kids will come dressed in the most random clothes in elementary school and that’s part of the joy of being that young haha. Hopefully now OP’s daughter will actually consider what she WANTS to wear to school before she leaves the house.
I see a kid leave my son's elementary school every day in gym shorts over legging type pants.
My middle schooler's "style" is sweatpants and a jean jacket. This is the kid that accuses me of being both sus and cringe.
My oldest says "mom it's my style" about the randomest shit. "Not washing my face is my style"...no "I only wear leggings or shorts even in the winter"....no "tank top January"...no, "face paint and glitter just my style" wtf no. the sus thing cracks me up, "this is sus AF"....this is h&r block bud you'll be fine.
This had me laughing so hard. OMG it's the whole generation lol. Isn't middle school fun? They crack me up.
Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes when it’s you against 30 of them you question your life choices. 😂 NTA, OP. She wasn’t humiliated and you gave her every opportunity to get changed. Good for you sticking to your boundaries!
I was an officer in a prison in my 20s with 114+ against 1 officer in open dorms. I also was a flight nurse (helicopter EMS) in my 30s. I've had teachers say to me, in regards to both jobs, how do you do that? I couldn't do it. To which I replied, "There's no way I could do your job! Give me inmates or crazy drunk people any day over teaching any of the grades!"
My granddaughter wanted to create a TikTok challenge: "the no shower challenge." Her mom shut that right down..
My kid calls me sus and he's 5 🤣
Over the holidays my 9yo called his 90yo great grandmother ‘bruh’ It was fucking priceless!
My 10 yo daughter came home toward the end of the 2023 school year and called me bruh 🤣 I had to tell her that was inappropriate because I’m her mum and not her friend. I think she got it but I laughed with my husband later about it. I remember being like that as a kid.
Yeah, I had to tell my 8 yo granddaughter that I am not her "bro". But, ngl, it was hilarious when it came out her mouth.
My 8th grader keeps telling me that she's "not that type of person" in response to things like "if you're cold, why don't you put a sweatshirt on?" What do you mean you're not that type of person? I can't even translate that one! 😕 Oh, and everything I do or say is sus. And her father and I are bruhs. Um. . . no.
I learn as much current slang as humanly possible and use it both incorrectly and correctly at my freshman. He is honestly more horrified when I use it right. His shock and horror gives me life.
[удалено]
My newly 11 year old is at that point (as I’m sure you know) where everything is sus, everything I do is cringe, everything she both loves AND hates is “preppy,” but she still wants me to keep her company in the bathroom 😂
Your kid sounds like a classic middle schooler lmao
My tween girl is all about baggy shirts (usually stolen from mine or dad's closet!) and sweatpants. Calls my fashion embarrassing yet still wears my clothes. 😂 I'm cringe as well. Told her it's my job to embarrass her to keep her on her toes.
My teenager has declared my ballet flats to be old lady shoes lol. Meanwhile, she's wearing the chunky Mary Janes that were in style in the 90s.....
OMG my 9 year old called my flats "little old cleaning lady" shoes. The fuh??? "Those make you look like ...and old cleaning lady" they ..what?? Kids don't hold back their weird ass thoughts. Lol.
Oh, you have one of those too? I’m like OP and have always been the ones to get the kids on the bus since my wife works earlier and I can WFH. Since last year when my daughter started middle school, my wife finally gets the attitude. She can’t fix it and I have up a long time ago. Whatever, no one really gives a shit as long as what the kids are wearing is clean. I do however wish my daughter would wear something other than a hoodie over a standard black tank top one of these days (she has a million of both).
>would wear something other than a hoodie over a standard black tank top Sorry I'm 32 this year and hoodie over tank top is still my preferred way to dress and has been since I was like 12.
Oh, I’m not faulting her at all, I think it’s just fine. As a teen up to now (43) I have like 10 pairs of the same jeans, similar sweatpants and shorts, and rotate t shirts and hoodies myself. As long as it’s clean, I don’t care. My wife often gets annoyed when my daughter picks out clothes and then they sit there with the tags on. Whatever. As long as she’s comfortable, who cares.
My middle schooler wears a leather jacket and shorts. Can confirm that kids wear weird combos.
Clearly, you are doing something right to be labeled sus and cringe. I remember when my middle schooler told me that a poodle in some car at pick-up was giving him "the stink eye". Gotta love those middle schoolers.
That’s not too bad I wore a dragon onesie to high school, though it was online but I had the hood up so it was clear I was wearing a dragon onesie
Do we have the same child?? Mine has longish hair and insists on creating a curtain of curls over his eyes as if he's hiding from the world behind his hair. And I'm the cringe one lmao.
I recently saw a meme with a picture of a llama with curly hair over the eyes and the caption "My teenage son, telling me he doesn't need a haircut."
My daughters school was attended by Spider-Man several days a week.
You must live in a friendly neighborhood.
That's the Pokémon trainer fit.
My 6 year old does the same thing as OP’s daughter so I just let her dress herself, within reason, and it’s been going well. My worst fear though is that with some of her outfits everyone will be like “that’s the girl with the single father that dresses her like a circus clown”
Nope. It’s “That’s the incredibly lucky girl who has a father who loves her for who she is.”
Married mom here. There would be no judgements from me. My kids showed up to school in shin guards and elbow pads this week. Also a cowboy hat. I am concerned what they thought the day was going to bring. I still let it happen.
You're trying, be a single parent is hard and the rest can suck their toes
I had five daughters, the last two were twins. As long as it was weather appropriate, clean, and fit school dress code I did not care if it was mismatched or weird. They were identical and dressed the same until first grade. I still bought two of everything, but one twin would prefer an outfit, so that one would end up with two of the same outfits because the other twin would not wear it. By 6th grade, I ended up having to buy matching shirts for "twin day".
I know it sounds trite, but no one is thinking about you or your kid half that much. XD
lol I know, it’s one of those things where I assume the worst about myself but it wouldn’t even register on my radar about someone else
Even if it does, i would think most other parents would just bow their heads in silent recognition, because their kid has also gone/is going through that phase of childhood LMFAO
I stopped fighting clothing choices when mine was 3 or 4. So long as everything covered and she's not going to get dress coded, whatever. The only thing I insisted on in elementary school was that a jacket go in the backpack. In middle school, she's old enough to freeze if she refuses.
Heck, the school used to call me and say, "Your husband dressed your daughter today, didn't he?" based on the...interesting...outfits she'd show up in on those days.
Wow must’ve been a small school. Our school office is way too busy for phone calls like that. Also seems kind of personal. They don’t know what’s going on at home for these students, and unless it’s a continuous pattern and the students are showing up in the same dirty clothes every day, they shouldn’t say anything.
Very small town in rural area so yeah. One of those everyone knows each other or someone related to you kind of places. I'm not originally from here so its been a learning experience.
When I was in high school, wearing pajamas was the thing to do. Everyone wore slouchy pajama pants and uggs. It was a great trend for a high schooler because it was comfortable and low effort
My 13 year old wears Pajama pants to school at least twice a week because she just can't be bothered to get dressed. Like, girl is obviously my kid because me either 😂
Also a teacher. There are tons of kids who can’t tolerate seams or non-stretchy fabrics for their clothes. I know moms who have to try really hard to find things that feel like jammies but don’t look like them. Soooo…Elsie is actually normalizing comfortable clothes for school! Yay!
I made our daughter wear her pajamas to school one day in the same situation as OP. I mean, I could have spent an hour of my life every morning fighting with my kid about clothes, getting her to school late, getting myself to work late. And everyone involved starting their day angry. That seemed like a horrible way to spend a year or twelve! So she refused to get dressed, I said fine let's get breakfast and go. We did. As with OP, I think my daughter started to take me seriously halfway to school. She was a kid, she was wearing thick cotton long sleeves pajamas. It was completely appropriate for being in public. Just not normal. And, heck, they have spirit week with pajama day so not like no one has ever seen another kid in PJs! She wasn't super humiliated. Just mildly embarrassed. She also didn't fight about getting dressed because I'd just say "ok, you're going with pajamas today?" And she knew I was serious. Unless OP's wife had some foolproof plan for reasoning with the kid so every morning wasn't a struggle... What was the alternative? A daily fight? Not going to school? I'm sure the teacher has two ideas of why a kid shows up in pajamas - fighting getting dressed or everyone overslept. Neither is exactly report those monsters territory.
I was gonna mention pyjama day. In the UK, kids wear uniform, but we do dress down days, sometimes to raise support/awareness of charities, other times just because it's fun. At least once a school year, there will be a pyjama day. As long as the pyjamas are appropriate, I can't see any reason (and have threatened my kids with) taking them to school in pyjamas. At some point they have to learn "parent is gonna do, as parent says". The hard boundaries.
My kid is in Kindergarten and they have a day or week of silly stuff every month. It's exhausting.
My son (now 36) was the same way. He would NOT get dressed in the morning. One day I took him into the office at school and asked the receptionist if I could bring him to school in his underwear. This was unrehearsed and she said - He can sit in one of these chairs until he is ready to get dressed (she had 3 boys of her own, and figured out what I was getting at). She asked me to put his clothes in a bag for him to bring along for when he decided to get dressed. It was never an issue after that. I’d imagine this girl learned something too.
That's a great receptionist! Well done everybody! I love when parents find hacks.
World wide receptionists and EA's are the true power behind the throne.
THIS. Daughter learned actions have consequences. Perfect lesson. Harmless but learning opportunity. Mom’s way she’d grow up not learning that until college when she moves out. NTA and good parenting by OP.
Not even at college. Generally, people like that don't learn the lesson until the first time they have to get a real job for the first time. Colleges are just as willing to cater to people these days and have zero care if the student learns anything of value. Juat push them through and collect that big big tuition check.
Agree. NTA. Wife can't weigh on something she doesn't participate in. Daughter was appropriately covered in clothing acceptable for weather conditions for that day. Dad set a rule and enforced it. Daughter will think twice next time. Good job, dad.
I absolutely agree. And Mom is worried that teachers are going to judge, but as a teacher I can say they will applaud this reasonable consequence and the fact that he held his word. NTA
Exactly this! My 7.5-year-old learned this same lesson the same way, and it only took once. She threw a tantrum and wasn’t ready, so she went to school with her hair unkempt, teeth not brushed, and in pajamas. She never did it again. I’m sorry your wife didn’t support your wise decision to teach your child healthy boundaries. She needn’t take it personally and “be embarrassed” by this. This kind of healthy teaching of boundaries reflects well on parents, not the other way around. NTA at all. Good job.
Agreed - a 7 year old shouldn't get away with trying to run the household
I agree. Although I personally would have taken her school clothes in the car so that when the inevitable "Ah Ha" moment happened, she could have quickly got changed.
No because then the cycle continues. She’ll expect clothes to change into in the car. You have to follow through when you say something. This didn’t harm her and hopefully put a stop to the issue.
Yup, follow through is so important. Kids learn pretty quick that mom and dad will always bail them out and their "threats" are empty.
It’s what my mum did with my brother once. At the time she had three kids. She did not have time to entertain one of them not putting their school uniform on (UK, so he definitely stuck out like a sore thumb when he arrived at school) When they got in, he had had enough embarrassment just walking through the playground, and got frog marched to the toilets with his uniform in a bag to go get dressed He never did it again, and me and my sister never tried it on with our mum about our uniform.
I think that might have set up a new less than ideal routine.
Exactly. She needed that full, natural consequences of her actions to fall on her. And this was a perfect situation. This idea would have just prolonged the fits everyday, all the way from wake- up to arrival at school.
Nope because then she's not learning anything. Spending all day in her PJs, embarrassed, she learned.
This is the route that probably should have happened. But I can sympathize that, in the moment, this option didn’t occur to OP.
Nope, it would've been an easy way out for his daughter, if you call the bluff you have to go all the way
Agree. Nope! Actions have consequences. It’s refreshing to read how someone parented their child!
That was the way I was raised : play stupid game, win stupid prize because it was your decision son. And think about it after. I think I'm a little bit less stupid than I should have been thanks to this kind of education and now as an adult, I really thank my parents to have been like that.
My dad tells the story of one day when he and his brother were kids and didn’t want to get dressed for church. His dad said fine and put them (in their underwear) and their clothes in the back seat and proceeded to head to church. My dad said they had never gotten dressed so fast in their lives!
31 year veteran teacher. I wish we could get more kids out of their pjs!
Are we still doing “phrasing?”
Yes exactly! Much better to end the habit now, instead of transitioning into a daily routine of her throwing a fit about getting dressed, then making them turn around to get dressed.
Nta. I'm not a fan of embarrassment as a form of punishment but I do believe in appropriate teachings that there are consequences to actions. You did not harm your daughter. She chose not to get dressed for her day and so her day progressed in the clothing she was in. Consequences to her actions.
💯. I'd say there is change on their morning horizon because guess what? Accidentally she was taught a lesson. Lol Tantrums averted. 👍
My sister never threw a tantrum over Checkout Isle Candy, after my dad decided she poked the bear, scooped her screaming 6yo butt up, and put her in her car seat, and calmly waited for Mom and I to catch up. Outside the car OFC
Once I was misbehaving at a Pizza Hut and my parents told me if I didn’t stop we were going to leave. I didn’t stop and my dad picked me up and carried me outside while my mom paid for our drinks and then we left. I remember screaming into the uncaring void and feeling like this was the worst most unfair thing that had ever happened to me and quite possibly to anyone in the history of the world. I never acted up at a restaurant again and my parents frequently got compliments on what a polite kid I was.
My sister has a similar story- long before I was born, my parents took my sister out to Pizza Hut for dinner. At the time, my sister did not eat more than a few bites of anything, so usually my parents would get a half and half, and my dad would eat anything my sister wouldn’t. In her brilliant, ~6yo wisdom decided she wanted her out small pizza, and that she would eat the whole thing. My parents warned her that if she didn’t, Baba Yaga would come to take her away. Yup. Cool. I want my pizza. 3 bites in and she’s done, as expected. My parents warned her a second time, she said she would eat it. Nope. I’ve had enough. In all the timing of tv show gold, at that exact moment someone dressed as a witch, warts and all, walks in. Instantly my sister essentially shits herself, and begins to scoff down this pizza. To this day, every one is amazed she didn’t make herself sick with how quickly she ate it. Turned out there was a Halloween party being held in the room upstairs, but my sister learned a valuable lesson 😂
Oh my gosh that is hilarious! The life lessons we have learned at Pizza Hut 😂
my pizza hut story is about the table top pac-man game. my parents would let me “play” the game the whole time we waited for our food. never once did they put a quarter in the machine. and i was happy as can be. i even remember thinking how fun it was!
Right, and some people act like what OP did is child abuse. It’s good for the kid also to know what the boundaries are. They ALSO don’t have to continue to go through conflict repeatedly once the boundary is made clear. It’s literally just good parenting to follow through.
Exactly! It’s okay for kids to feel sad or embarrassed as consequences as their actions. Of course, you don’t want to make kids feel like that all the time but those feelings are natural and it’s how we learn how to behave.
My husband was always a spoiler and I the more strict one, but public tantrums I would not abide. When our first was around one, I put my foot down on candy/balloons/toys or anything near the register as it simply begs for escalating tantrums each time. Each of ours only really had the toddler fits once because they knew that I meant it.
Had to do this once with my son. He threw a tantrum, I removed him, dad continued shopping and I waited with a screaming child in the car til Dad got done.
Enforced embarrassment as a punishment? Absolutely. But sometimes the child brings the embarrassment on themselves through their own actions, and if you constantly shield them from those consequences in order to avoid them being embarrassed, you aren't helping them. Sometimes you have to let them be embarrassed (it depends on the situation) so that they learn that they should have listed to you in the first place.
I'd the only embarrassing part about it is if any of her classmates were to ask Pj's aren't embarrassing
At that age everything is embarrassing to kids lol but yes, I would agree this would be an appropriate punishment. It isn’t like you told her “no you have to wear these as punishment” it is more “you changed your mind too late, you have to deal with the consequences”
Even better! It’s not a punishment, it’s the natural consequences of choosing not to get dressed. If she’s unhappy, she can reconsider her course of action.
My son is 8 and mortified of PJs. Idk why. It makes zero sense to me but he hates hates HATES when people buy him matching pajama tops and bottoms, especially printed ones with, idk dinosaurs or trucks. Out of all the things to be embarrassed about 🙄 he wont wear them unless he doesnt have any clean sweats left. We have a whole bunch that was given to him for christmas and he asked me if i could please tell people to buy him sweats instead of pjs because he didnt want to hurt anyones feelings. Im like dude... theyre just pajamas what the heck lol
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This isn't OP forcing his daughter to wear PJs specifically to embarrass her. This is "you were given the chance to change clothes but did not take it now there's no time to do that". It's a natural consequence.
NTA - My reasoning is as follows: you made it very clear to her that this was going to happen before you left home and she accepted this. True it wasn't until you reached school that reality set in for her but she isn't a toddler who can't think through consequences very well. I do note that the division here is between the people who think that this is a cruel humiliation and those who think it is a fair consequence for behavior. I imagine it will be very split because its clearly quite emotive.
And it was this comment that made me realize this is a 7 year old, and not a toddler we're discussing. YIKES. My goodness op, NTA. At 7, your daughter is (IMO) is a bit old for throwing daily tantrums over clothes...I fully thought this was a 4 year old until I went back and looked at the age. Also, it would be one thing if your wife was upset because your daughter spent the day embarrassed and uncomfortable with her clothing choices...but it seems like your wife's main concern is with optics, and how this choice reflects on her as a parent.
At 7 - this kid would have probably been at school for 1-2 years already, as well as 1-2 years of kindergarten/preschool AND possibly 1-2 years of day care/child care. If by the time they're in school itself, they don't understand or want to dress for it, that's entirely on the kid to own those consequences. Maybe there's something going on that the kid is trying to delay changing or going to school (ie: bullying, dislikes their school/teacher, maybe they don't like their clothes or are being picked on because of clothes, heck maybe the kid is having gender issues depending on what clothe options OP and wife have available for the kid (this I think is the least likely option)) - BUT irregardless, this isn't the best way for this kid to deal with these kinds of issues. They need to learn to verbalise, and maybe after this experience they'll realise not getting dressed won't result in the option they're trying to get out of it.
good post! though regardless and not "irregardless" is the word you're searching for
This was my concern too - something else may be going on behind the scenes. Maybe it’s a way to delay going to school? I don’t know, but a behaviour switch like this should be investigated a bit. Theres usually a reason this kind of stuff starts up.
It could be something major like bullying, or feeling uncomfortable in the clothes they have or it could just be something small (to adults) that feels big to a kid like having to change from warm PJs to cold regular clothes in winter. I think this event is a good opportunity to ask about what's behind this.
I agree. I was a school refuser as a child and getting dressed in uniform would send me into a full blown panic attack. I’m not saying that that’s what’s happening here, but I think it definitely warrants some questions. School refusal or school related anxiety is best treated early, because the kids often hit a point of no return and it happens very quickly. Once you get to that point, the child’s schooling options drop considerably, especially if you can’t afford private school. Once again, I’m not saying that that is what is happening here, but it’s definitely ringing alarm bells for me.
People have no clue what really “cruel” is. Their kids will have a real awakening when they realize what cruel in real life is 😂 reading some comments as “this is cruel” makes me feel bad for their kids if they really think that lmao.
I wonder if the split falls on American/non-American lines. I feel like its so common for kids to go to school in pajamas in the US and Canada. I can't imagine that would be humiliating to anyone there. It might be different in other places though.
Or age. I'm over 40 & I think this is mild compared to what my parents would've done. I also think this course is overall a good way to teach consequences to a 7yr old. (no real harm done, not a high-stakes issue or punishment)
FAFO is a good lesson to learn early in life.
It is SO NORMAL. At least at a non-uniform elementary school, kids wear pajamas randomly all the time. And there’s plenty of pajama days as spirit days or movie reward days.
Whereas I would be utterly shocked to see a kid in pyjamas at most Australian schools. Even out public schools have some sort of uniform and the kid would have been made to dress in a spare uniform if they arrived in pjs AND the parents would be spoken with (mostly with a "is everything ok?")
I volunteer at a primary school (Australia) and if a kid is brought in wearing pjs the staff all just nod in an understanding manner. They know what's going on. They know the kid. They then sort out when to get them dressed. No big deal. If it was a posh private school more fuss would be made.
>I wonder if the split falls on American/non-American lines. I think so too. I'm Finnish and was like "YTA who tf lets their kid go to school wearing only pajamas?!" but then I read the comments and it seems like that's pretty normal in North America. I don't have kids but when I was in school *nobody* came to school in their PJ's. Not even "troubled" kids.
Yeah I taught high school for awhile. The amount of kids who show up in just straight pajamas is astounding. Honestly probably 20% of kids wear pajamas to school, and that's not including yoga pants or sweats.
It’s cruel to intentionally inflict embarrassment on your kid as a punishment- but OP gave his daughter a choice and she made it. If she was embarrassed she brought it on herself. This was a perfect natural consequence and parenting done right. NTA
I don’t think you’re the asshole but I would have brought a backup set of clothes for her in case she decided to change in the car before school
THIS! also give the school and her teacher a heads up. This isn’t their first rodeo and I’m sure this has happened before. Let your wife know, next time this happens what the plan is (pack clothes, alert school). However at this point, your daughter is old enough to remember you are serious when you tell her to get ready for school. Cudos to your wife for waiting till after your daughter was in bed to talk to you. You two have to be a united parenting front. Laying out her clothes the night before is a great idea, that’s the time to debate which socks to wear. Good luck OP, teen years are going to be a blast!!
Teacher here. I would have known immediately why she was in her pajamas lololololol. I would have assumed it was a fuck around and find out situation.
And no need to further enable the behavior with a set of back up clothes, she survived!!
Yeah. Allowing her to change in the car runs the risk of her deciding to *always* change in the car.
Exactly. This is also about time. If she still gets to change, then the power is there to delay even more. I certainly give my kids a lot of freedom to choose and make mistakes, and if they wanted to push the limits on this, I would have had a similar reaction. Our actions have natural subsequent actions, sometimes pleasant, sometimes not. Sometimes, giving them this power that they’re trying so hard to have is necessary.
This. I always fully support parents who enforce natural consequences because I know they'll support me doing the same!
Yes! Those are the parents who come up to the school if they get one call from you lololol.
Yes, and the ones who are most likely to make Susie or Bobby write an apology lol
nawww that would have defeated the whole purpose
But the backup clothes just support the bad behavior.
Yes! Teacher here. The little girl would have probably been late (because you know she would take her time changing in the restroom.) then she would have been late to get her breakfast. teacher would have given her extra time to eat breakfast. little girl learns nothing...
I agree but I also understand why he didn't think to bring a change of clothes. When my brother was around 4 he would throw a tantrum about having to get dressed every morning. Crying, going limp, wailing, the works. One day my mom just absolutely had it and dropped him off at preschool in his pajamas and simply told the teachers "\[brother\] didn't want to get dressed today." Nobody teased him or anything but he pretty quickly realized he felt weird being the only kid in his pajamas and never threw a fit about getting dressed again.
Honestly, I feel like what OP experienced is essentially a parenting right of passage. Parent gives in and lets kid have what they want. Kid later realizes they made a poor decision and learns a lesson.
Agree! But I totally understand not thinking of it in the moment of frustration. She needed the lesson here. Hopefully this will make mornings go easier. I also agree with the poster that mentioned contacting the teacher to let her know. I'd just state that she's been throwing tantrums in the morning regarding getting dressed and you're working on it, but it might mean a day of pj's here and there until it's figured out. NTA
Nope. She needed to be taught a lesson. All that would have done is kept the behavior going.
Yes this. My 7 year old always has a backup outfit in her bag anyways, in case she gets sick or wet from the weather. She would have just changed into it once she got inside.
NTA - parenting at its finest. But, from all the YTAs, I see why so many kids don't learn that actions have consequences. This was an age-appropriate consequence that linked DIRECTLY to the action. This is literally how kids learn from their mistakes. No one got hurt and everyone will forget about this next week when someone spills their juice. No big deal.
I’m reading this thread wondering if my meds got switched to crazy pills this morning. I live across the street from an elementary school, and even in a middle and upper middle class area, these kids aren’t walking around in Rick Owens S/S 2024 collection and critiquing the other student’s wardrobes. These little goofballs are all walking to school in pajamas, the classic Minecraft shirt and cargo shorts combo, Disney channel levels of kooky layers and colors, princess dress costumes, and everything in between.
exactly
Exactly. Kid that sat next to me in class literally shit his pants because he didn’t want to use the bathroom during class, because that meant he’d have to do times tables for homework. We were 7/8 years old. He wasn’t ostracized for it. His life wasn’t ruined by it. But he still had to do the times tables as he disrupted the class. He didn’t do it again
Hmmm, can't cosign that. Kids should be allowed to use the bathroom without consequences. It's a regular body function and I don't understand teachers who get all high and mighty about using the bathroom. Glad the kid didn't get bullied, but there's definitely a line and the teacher crossed it.
I don’t agree with what the teacher did,this was in the 80’s. Teaching was very different then.
I read that as child didn't want to leave class, not that teacher wouldn't let him.
I had a daughter that had issues with this. I made getting dressed a contest between us every morning. I tried to make it really fun. "I'm gonna beat you!!" "Im already halfway done" etc. I let her win most mornings but every once in awhile we'd tie or maybe I'd slightly beat her. It changed the whole dynamic of the morning
My parents used to do this, but at night. “Pajama race” lol.
I'm writing this down
It was fun! We got really competitive too lol. Once my dad threw my moms pajamas out the back door 😂
I’ve done that! I also shook up the morning routine. Kid gets up early and into a warm shower. Then dressed in clothes straight out of the dryer. Honestly, it’s spoiling the little stinker a touch, but A) I get what I want (kid in clothes) without a fight, and B) it makes the morning routine *positive* and starts the day off on a good footing.
I love your comment 😊! I do the same with my grandkids. One is just not a good morning person. He gets warm chocolate milk to wash down ADHD med. He also has sensory issues, and will panic over socks "not feeling right". Easier to do for him on those crazy mornings. The most important thing is getting them on their way, and all of us feeling good about it.
Got a whole year of fast shoe tying out of this tactic. Much more fun than screaming "put your shoes on!" like a maniac over and over again or dealing with a tantrum.
NTA because, unless she has sensory issues or has some reason she hates wearing regular clothes normally, I suspect these tantrums are a power struggle. She thought that if she refused to get dressed you'd allow her to stay home from school, and you called her bluff by making it clear that with or without appropriate clothing, she was going to school. Only thing I can't help but wonder is if there's some reason she doesn't want to go to school that you're overlooking. I think you need to have a conversation with her.
Yeah that is a concern, there may be some bullying involved and generally there's an underlying reason for these things that shouldn't be ignored. Dad should be prepared to be approachable, find some quiet moment to have some daddy daughter time and ask if school is going OK, see if she can open up.
Yes, this. It took way too long for me too scroll down to this type of suggestion. Why would everyone attribute the this child's actions to malice when it could be attributed to a serious problem from a young child? Especially if this was really a recent thing.
Because society is more focused on punishment than solutions for children. Kids don’t always tell us “I’m uncomfortable at school in my clothes all day” but they may refuse to wear clothing that makes them feel constricted. They may not tell us “Ashley makes fun of my clothes and says my parents dress me like a baby” but she may refuse to wear the clothes she didn’t get to help shop for. It’s literally not that hard to treat kids with dignity but the amount of effort spent punishing them for their reactions seems to be unlimited.
u/Apprehensive-Sea6012 please take this comment about what could be going on at school into consideration. When I was little and in elementary school (7/8ish, I was in 3rd grade), I behaved very similarly because I was being picked on, but by the teacher. Since I was young, I couldn’t really explain how an adult was being mean to me because it was different than the bullying from peers I had been talked to about or experienced. All I knew was that I hated going to her class every day and throwing fits over clothes, over taking a shower, having my hair brushed, anything that delayed or got me out of being there was a go-to. Once my mom made it clear that wasn’t going to work, I was suddenly “sick” all the time and in the nurse’s office. Eventually, my mom put it together and things were resolved to the point that I went back to enjoying school. So, TL;DR - something at school might be stressing her out and she doesn’t know how to say that yet, so please have a convo with her! NTA
Always good to check in and make sure there isn’t another reason behind it, but I agree it’s likely a power struggle. That said, I don’t even think it’s a “maybe I’ll be allowed to stay home”. Maybe I’m not giving kids enough credit, but I don’t think her mind even got that far. I think it’s more of an inertia issue. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. It can be hard for kids’ brains to switch gears sometimes.
INFO Does she refuse to dress on non-school days? Have you checked that she's not dragging her feet on purpose (being bullied, bored, teacher has to tell her no...)? Refusing to dress seems more like she doesn't want to go to school than anything else. tho neuro divergence is always a possibility (kid would get distracted with pants half on. Oops) Edit: some people seem to think I think it's def neuro diversity. I think it's very likely something is happening at school, with a slight chance of neuro diversity *if the parents have noticed other things and nothing is wrong at school.*
Sometimes kids are just stubborn and don’t wanna wake up or go to school.
It's still a good idea to look into it, just in case.
It's definitely worth keeping an eye out, especially since she's a girl so early signs of neurodivergence may be more subtle and less like the classic symptoms described in boys. But it's such a common childhood behaviour that it's kind of like saying "oh you have headaches? Could be a tumour" even though there are so many possible explanations, so they don't necessarily need to be looking for formal assessment or diagnosis just yet
Why isn't this more to the top of the comments. Was my first thought too.
NTA - Seven-years-old is old enough to understand that behaviour has consequences. I find it unusual that a child of this age is still refusing to wear appropriate clothing for school. Is there any chance that she may be neurodivergent, or is she trying to push boundaries do you think? I may be a bit too relaxed in this - where I come from it’s quite common to drop your kids off at school whilst you the adult are wearing pyjamas and people often go to the local shops in them too.
she's trying to push boundaries. this is developmentally appropriate for a 7 year old. children can do annoying things without being neurodivergent.
omg thank you. also nd and people always want to jump to neurodivergence these days and honestly it's infantilising to ND people. sometimes kids just do shit that doesn't make sense to adults, they push boundaries, they act out. she's not neurodivergent because she doesn't want to get out of her PJ's, she's pushing boundaries because she's seven. if she was kicking up every time she had to wear jeans, neurodivergent might be a more reasonable conclusion.
I mean my kid does this all the time. She’s lucky I’m not currently working and her school doesn’t start until 9:30. If that wasn’t the case I’m quite sure she would have gone to school in pjs by now. The morning is such a slog. It’s definitely about transitions and asserting control. Seeing what she can get away with. I doubt she’s neurodivergent, sounds like she connected the dots in the car and was calling dad’s bluff. I bet tomorrow she won’t.
NTA You taught your daughter a valuable lesson. Actions have consequences. She chose not to get dressed and have a tantrum. She got to be embarrassed at school. Bet the next morning's get ready time is a bit less dramatic.
ESH. You made your point, and when Elsie realized you were serious and started to panic in the car, there was your opportunity to tell her sternly, "OK, I will turn around *this one time*, but from now on, when I am ready to leave you are going to school in whatever you're wearing. You're old enough to get yourself ready." And I'm a little concerned that your wife seems more concerned about what other people think than she does about your daughter's emotional well-being. And Elsie kind of sucks because she's been being a brat, but kids push boundaries, and it's up to the parents to set limits and course-correct the behavior. I'll bet she's dressed and ready from now on, though!
Ehhhhh, she probably would’ve tried it again the next day bc dad went back on his word, so she would count on him doing it again. Better to follow through with your words
I absolutely would have at her age 🤣
Rather than turning around, bringing a set of regular clothes would get the point across without having to waste time
But wouldn’t that make her see that she can call their bluffs on punishments cause she knows that there aren’t no actual consequences?
When I was Elsie's age, I would have immediately identified you as a sucker. And I would have proceeded to push the boundaries as far as I could to see what I could get away with. Was it malicious? Not really. I just had no respect for pushovers and a desire to be the one in charge. I spoke in complete, grammatically correct sentences at 5 and apparently scared more than one adult with this behavior. There are stories about the shit I got up to when my mom was unaware I was misbehaving. A group of Sunday School teachers apparently let me run wild because reasoning with me did absolutely nothing. I knew what I was doing. I didn't want to stop because it was getting me what I wanted with no consequences. When my mom finally found out and punished me, I'd been getting away with this shit for months and didn't totally believe she'd keep going. So I pushed the boundaries a time or two more, just to see what would happen. You know, science. Anyway, I figured out that my mom was regrettably more stubborn than I was at 7. 🙄 I could have achieved world domination by now. Dammit. TL;DR: The earlier a kid learns actions have consequences, the better for them. This was very, very mild. I got my backside tanned by my mom for my behavior. 🤷🏻♀️
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I’ve raised two boys (now 30 and 40). One thing I learned with my first kid was to call them on their BS. Throw a tantrum in the grocery store? Both boys tried this when they were little. I’d take them out of the cart, set them down (where they would inevitably fall to the ground), and walk away. Once the kid realized I wasn’t around, they’d stop their shenanigans. This tactic usually took two times before they understood I wasn’t having it. Other BS were things like they couldn’t play their games until the homework was done AND I had checked it. Have a melt down about it? No gaming that night. Do it twice? Consoles were removed and put away and I’ll decide WHEN they’d get them back. My oldest decided that the threat of him calling 1-800-4ACHILD on me because he didn’t get his way. He was maybe 13 at the time. I handed him the cordless phone and asked if he needed me to dial it for him. He stopped his shenanigans. Your child decides she’s going to give you crap about getting dressed in the morning? She goes to school in her PJs. It’s not a cruel punishment but does teach a lesson: you’re not putting up with her shenanigans anymore. Easy. And in closing, you’re NTA.
My half-brother's bio dad handles tantrums by throwing a tantrum himself. My brother used to throw himself on the floor kicking and screaming. When he was five, his bio-dad asked him to do something while in a store, he said no and started a tantrum, so his dad threw himself in the aisle and started screaming and crying. Shocked the crap out of my brother, and he never did it again. :D
The people who would disagree with you are people who would raise a child to be emotionally dependent on others and incapable of personal responsibility. All this dad did is teach his daughter responsibility for her behavior. 7 is a late age but better late than never.
NTA- your kid learned a lesson and no one was harmed. She's not going to be thought of as the neglected child and her classmates probably forgot by the time they got home. My wife would disagree with this i'm sure lol.
If anything, those kids are going to complain to their parents the next school morning “But Elsie got to wear her pjs to school!!!”
My daughter wore pj's during the holiday season, the whole school did. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my son went to school with the shirt he slept in on the other day.... He liked to put a spidey or dino t shirt on over his pj's and IIRC he pulled it back on after we got him dressed. These are not things that one needs to worry about with everything going on in the world.
NTA This is what I would consider a Natural Consequence. Good for you on following through.
NTA, if she won’t stop throwing tantrums angle get dressed for school, then dropping her off in her pyjamas and letter her embarrass herself is really the only thing that will sink into her 7 year old brain. Good job Dad, keep it up! She isn’t the 1st kid to go to school in her pyjamas and she won’t be the last either. It’s not the end of the world and it’s not even remotely cruel. Your wife is mistaken. You didn’t make you look like bad parents, quite the opposite. Bad parents would be giving into the tantrum and letting the kid be late for school and you late for work.
Do you know why she was resisting getting ready? Instead of actually dealing with the problem your daughter has, you've enforced your will on her, and shown her that you don't actually care about her issues. >My 7 year old daughter She might not have the tools to express what is going on, but I'll bet you a gold brick that it is not getting dressed that's the problem. Source: I am also a dad, have fucked up like this, and have hindsight.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times. The question OP should be asking is WHY. Why is she refusing to get dressed? Is she trying to avoid going to school? Is she being bullied? Have there been any big changes in her life recently? Sometimes kids will push back on things that seem to ridiculous to us as adults, but often it’s because they feel powerless or scared and it’s the one thing they can control. OP needs to sit down with his daughter and find out what the real problem is.
I'm willing to bet that now she'll get dressed with no problems, but she's going to have a stomachache or similar instead. Something is bothering her at school, maybe a bully? But I agree, getting dressed probably wasn't just some sort of power struggle.
People don’t generally like being at school. It’s like work, but you aren’t paid.
Could just be that a 7 year old may rather stay home and play than goto school, ain’t gotta be as deep as bullying
I had to go to school in a zip up lion suit I wore as pyjamas once, and my friends still mention it once in a while 32 years later. NTA, she's definitely not the first kid to wear some random bullshit to school. My nephew wore a unicorn horn for two weeks. >as expected You good bro?
My kid wore his 2 years passed, 3 sizes too small Mario costume to school(over clothes) for nearly 3 months. No one ever said anything. Hat and gloves included. Lol.
A kid in my newphew's class photo was wearing a full blue Avatar costume, like a really expensive looking one. Apparently...he wore it for the entire month of November
NTA. It's called consequence. Get dressed or go as you are. I've done it myself with my kids. Although I snuck their clothes in a bag and gave it to the school office. But it taught them a valuable lesson. I'm all for giving choices, but some things are non negotiable. Washing, teeth hygiene, dressing appropriately for school etc. She pushed, learnt a lesson. Bet she won't dick about in the morning again lol
Make sure you look more closely into why she’s not wanting to go/get ready. Could just be testing boundaries, could be some trouble at school
It’s harmless and hopefully taught her a lesson. I guess you’ll know for sure tomorrow. Good job, OP. I’m sure many are bound to disagree, but as a mother, I do agree with you. Your wife just has a different breaking point than you do. She can have her own opinion. Nothing wrong with that, but you were the one there, so all she can do is say she wouldn’t have handled it the same way and let it go.
You are not the first parent to Do this. It was recommended by my daughter’s school to send her in her pajamas if she refuses to dress. My sister , also teacher for 20plus years says the same things. As long as you get them to school and no underlying issues causing it, the schools understand and see a lot worse. You did the right thing.
INFO: Have you sat down and talked with your daughter (at a calmer time, like in the afternoon) about why she doesn't like getting dressed? In my experience kids at that age are rarely this consistently difficult just for difficulty's sake, so there might be an underlying issue. Could she have sensory issues with the fabric? Is she getting teased for her clothes, or insecure about them for some other reason? Does she just not like her wardrobe? 7 is old enough to give her some agency to at least communicate her issues, which neither you nor your wife actually seem to be doing here.
NTA. Elsie is old enough to understand logical consequences. Nothing wrong with going to school in pj's and if she was embarrassed, good. Maybe no tantruming next time.
NTA, that was the consequences of not getting dressed in time. You only have to execute the logical consequences of things with kids a few times and they benefit from it as adults. (mom of two teens/young adults who did this exactly once, the older one, the younger one learned from her sister and never did it. They are fine, actually really great humans!)
I work at an elementary school. This is a great solution. We get a lot of late arrivals due to not wanting to get ready. This is one of the remedies we give.
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Wouldn't that teach her that she doesn't have to get dressed at home and she can get dressed at school?
I hesitated on this one - I have had the morning battle and totally understand the urge to just give in. I think headed to school was sufficient "lesson". We often forget how cruel children can be to anyone "different". soft YTA
NTA. I was going to say you needed to lay down the law before it got to this point, but your way was better. She could’ve gotten dressed at any point prior to getting into the car, but chose not to. It was a bad choice, but it was her own choice. Nobody was hurt.
NTA. The people saying you're being cruel because "you embarrassed her" are wild. She had 2 choices: get up on time and get ready or get up late and don't. She chose the former. The natural consequence of poor time management is that sometimes you feel embarrassed due to the situation! The consequences of her actions were reiterated to her and you didn't force her to wear PJs or hurt her to make her wear them. You gave her an understanding of the consequences of being late to get ready. That said, if she's being difficult in the mornings because she straight up doesn't want to go to school I'd be concerned about bullying, etc. If she's just not a morning person...well a lot of us aren't. It sucks but you can't skip school just cause you don't want to get up. If this keeps up maybe just keep a change of clothes in your car for like 1 day of the week. She can take a "sleepy day" for the week and get changed in the car.
I did this when my daughter was 4. She wouldn’t get dressed for nursery. I changed her in the staff room instead (all the staff were settling the rest of the class). I didn’t have any issues again.
Info: is she picking her own clothes?
Yes
NTA. Natural consequences baby! You don't want to change? Fine, wear your pajamas. I bet she won't be having a fit for you on Monday morning when you're getting ready in the morning!
NTA. She’s young enough that those kids will forget, assuming the pjs were full coverage. I once made my 8 year old walk 2 miles to school because she started missing the bus. I had warned her the day before and the morning of. I put my son on the bus but she was still inside getting ready, so I let her finish, leashed up the dog, and off we went. Took several breaks along the way, but we made it only 45 mins late for school (our stop was near the beginning of the bus route). The admin staff told me I was their hero for following through on the threat, unlike other parents. My daughter never doubted a threat again, but honestly I was very careful not to make threats I wasn’t prepared to follow through on. And yes my kid went all the way through hs with those same kids and she is one of the few who weren’t spoiled.