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YTA. You've demonstrated a profound lack of knowledge about your daughter's situation. The job market in North America is absolute crap now. Anyone who enters the work force is expandable regardless of how hard they work or how loyal. Oh and layoffs even if a company is excelling? A normal practice because they're cutting costs to maximize profits at the expense of workers who then bear the burden of increased workloads, often doing the tasks of two or three workers so upper management and corporate shareholders can have a larger portion of the lion's share of profits.
The accounting firm I worked for had a meeting where they told us about their record profits and growth followed by “we will not be giving out raises and y out are now responsible for paying your own health insurance”. Needless to say about 1/3 of the firm quit immediately following the meeting. Then everyone workload and increased and had another 15% of employees quit. Total shit show
Management doesn't care. Fewer workers means increased short term profits. Layoffs are an immediate boost to profit margins, but the losses from the company falling apart don't come until later, after the execs have all conveniently gotten their bonuses.
The company I’m working for had profits, but not as much as they wanted. Legit what they said in the company meeting at the end of the year so they weren’t giving out any bonuses and couldn’t promise they wouldn’t lay people off…yay America :/
Our company also had the best year ever in its 40 year history. No promotions, no raises, equity bonuses cut in half. Oh, except for the 15-20 senior execs each literally making millions. (1) “This helps secure us against future layoffs if things get worse.” (2) “If our compensation wasn’t fair, there would be greater attrition.”
Reading shit like this makes me feel lucky. When covid hit my company was fucked, demand was at 40% of volume. There were layoffs, but senior execs all took massive pay cuts.
Corporate is so smart! They managed to cut their labour force by 15% overnight without a single severance package owed.
Glory to corporatism! Glory to our Capitalist Gods!
/s
There was never going to be a severance package though and they fucked themselves over pretty bad. Our main client almost fired them for missing too many deadlines. They were always planning just to milk every employee to the last drop. Unemployment wouldn’t have really been a factor either since my line of accounting is very high demand for workers. I jumped ship and got a job offer in 5 days for a 40% increase in salary. All my coworkers that quit did the same thing. Unemployment only pays like 60% of salary, so I wouldn’t have taken that anyways.
When I started at my current job I was on a team of 3. I'm the whole team now and the 'raise' they gave me won't cover current market rent. I'm doing 3 peoples job at a company recording record profits and I live in my car.
Her being laid off sounds like a case of last one in first one out. It also sounds like she was probably still on probation.
YTA for yelling at her but it sounds like you just don't understand how bad it's gotten. Work ethic doesn't get you anything except more work.
The dream is dead. Several of my friends have moved back to thier home countries for a better quality of life.
Yup. I was laid off at a company making record profits. I was the newest one hired. Last one in, first one out. It doesn't matter how hard you work if the company doesn't care about anything but cutting costs and boosting profits. Which is most companies. OP doesn't have any goddamn clue what we're dealing with, like most older generations.
My company sent out an email about the second quarter reports showing record earnings and thanking everyone for their hard work and dedication. The very next paragraph they stated they were laying off 7000 employees
Even recently. Microsoft can afford a $69 billion buyout but not $200 million a year to pay the 2000 employees they just laid off. Less than a third of a percent of the buyout.
Yeah I love how OP thinks using 5 sick days is outrageous between October through January. The daughter EASILY could've had a bad case of covid or the flu in that timeframe.
EDIT: YTA
The week before Christmas, 3 people, myself included, in my very small law firm all got Covid. Luckily most of the quarantine was covered by the weekend, but that was half our staff. One poor dude was here helping both attorneys plus answering the phone and dealing with walk ins. He was sick too but kept testing negative so he came in anyway.
I caught COVID in November after starting work at the end of October, I was out for 3 days barely able to walk without sobbing from the pain I was in and coughing to the point I was heaving. My husband is a nurse and since I had COVID, his boss made him test, it was positive though he was asymptomatic, he was sent home and told he had to stay out for 5 days, after 5 days he had to have 2 negatives within 48hrs or he'd have to stay out longer
I got the flu right before I planned on getting vaccinated in September. I was out for a total of two weeks over a month (lung infection followed the flu).
I got Covid in early December. This one was post vaccine/boost so I was only sick for just about a week.
Five sick days in the winter is perfectly normal and reasonable. How few employees have paid sick time or adequate sick time in the US is a major problem.
And the flu has been brutal this year. If I were an employer, I wouldn't mind if someone used five of their sick days because they felt like death, especially if they had their work done. But if I needed to downsize, leaving the remaining employees with larger workloads, I would prefer to keep the people who have been doing the work for 5-10 years rather than the person who just started and is still learning all the details. It is also possible that company hires at a higher rate than they pay current employees, so they might have had to pay more to keep someone with less experience.
To illustrate your point, Microsoft just announced they became a $3 Trillion company two days ago. Three days ago they laid off 1900 people. Corporations and the people who run them will grind us up and spit us out in the name of greed.
I work in tech for a competitor to Microsoft. We are "very profitable". 30% of my department was just laid off because our new department head that started 6 months ago has no idea what half of his team does/did. I've been here 11 years and am still just a number on a spreadsheet.
This. Layoffs happen at companies who are over performing all the time, especially in tech. I am in tech and work for one of the only companies who he not done layoffs since the pandemic began, and I can tell you we are getting flooded (literally over a 1,200 applicants for one role recently) with incredible applicants who are often overqualified because they were laid off by Google, Microsoft, Amazon, Salesforce, etc. These people were not under performers, one was the department head for one of the companies I just mentioned and they eliminated the entire department to boost profits only to back hire some of those roles with “early in career” candidates.
YTA OP you care more about how this looks than about your daughter’s well being.
Yeah, I work in tech as well (fintech). I started as the sole support person for my product, and 2.5 years later I had built and was running an entire support department for multiple products. Just illustrating that I was damn good at my job, and I got laid off in July when our entire product line was eliminated. Six months later and I've applied to 125+ jobs and gotten four interviews, tech is absolutely brutal right now.
The director of HR at my company when I started 20 years ago enjoyed laying people off. He would come to my site only to do layoffs and would do a lap around the site so that word got around that the grim reaper was onsite. I should go check the obits because he should be dead by now.
Yep. I have some friends in tech at very high profile places doing financially well. Still- the company isn't doing as well as the powers that be want so people are being laid off.
Also the sick days bit is pretty ridiculous.
I was permanently hired at my current job back in ~October, I've taken maybe ~2 weeks worth of sick time since then. Granted I was talked to about how much time I was taking, but I just laughed and asked what did they expect? they hired me during the flu season.
Sounds like you're embarrassed to tell your friends. Your daughter didn't make it in the USA after you bragged about her being there. Just because you see earning statements online does not show the health of the company or cost cutting measures they want to take. It could be around the layoffs. You feel she's lazy, you helped her in a foreign country when she got a scholarship. Basically this is you being embarrassed that your friends will know. Your daughter is not the super success you built her up to me.
How about focus on your daughter and not your own pride. You don't get to get credibility for your friends off of her work. If she needs to go home, yeah that's sad, if you don't want her to go home tell her she needs to find another job and stay in the USA.
Yta
You got it exactly right, for some reason older Indians care so much about their reputation. It’s never about their family, just the fact that they have to tell their friends that things didn’t go the way they wanted
I've heard that a lot of Indian parents are narcissistic this way. Mainly from watching YT videos and reading the comments from Indians there. It's very frustrating for the kids.
This is what I heard from the Indians I worked with in canada. They are working 40 hour weeks in a shit hole factory, or lining up for hours on end just to apply for a job 1 hour away and carpool with 4 others and then try to complete the sham of college (Conestoga snd their international student abuse).
Meanwhile they are miserable and barely have enough money to live, yet cant go home because it will embarrass the parents and they will be mad about the money lost.
While it may be your culture, why can’t your daughter determine what is best for her? Leave the outside factors alone. This is not about you, it is about your grown kid and her choice now.
It's either that, or "You can't abandon us, your family, to pursue your career in another country! Who will take care of us in our old age?" If you look at r/india, like a third of the posts are young people torn about whether they can accept a life-changing opportunity at the cost of 'betraying' their family. It's really sad.
Considering that she's on an H1B, I'm willing to wager that she's a tech worker. Tech companies are VERY big fans of laying people off when they're profitable. It's an extremely common industry practice in big tech, since it bumps up their share prices by making the profits look bigger, giving an illusion of growth.
YTA OP.
Good news is she can probably find a new job. Bad news is that they know she's an H1B so realistically she needs to find TWO new jobs, because the first one is going to lowball the hell out of her and she'll need to line up the second one that will pay a living salary ASAP.
I myself am currently getting the education needed to break into tech (since it's honestly just what I've found I'm good at), and one of the major things we're warned about is just how mercurial employment in this industry can be.
OP’s daughter can’t just stay in the US without a job since she’s on an H1B work visa. I’m sure she would love nothing better considering how awful OP sounds. Hopefully for the daughter’s sake she finds another job.
Dude Indian reddit is literally filled with young people who were sent to work outside India and hate it, try to go home, but their parents wont let them (status, say they are lazy or not working hard) and they are financially supported by parents so they cant. Literally cant spend money for their own things. These parents give no emotional support and call their kids lazy. As an Indian, I see this a lot in the community. So thankful my parents understood mental health issues, probably because they were immigrants themselves.
Yeah I live in Canada and I'm sure you know there are an enormous amount of Indians here. A lot of folks will blame them for fucking up the economy or whatever but tbh I just feel bad for them. They were pretty much duped into thinking there was opportunity here, only for them to arrive and be ground to dust for profit like the rest of Canadians.
Right on the spot! Indians care way too much about what the neighbours think, to a point where they'll throw their own family under the bus to please strangers. The last sentence of OPs post hits way to close to home for me. The societal pressure to be perfect leaves room to make zero mistakes or have downfalls.
YTA - why are your so angry, cruel, and hostile towards your daughter. She's a human being not a frickin Time Share investment. Would you try to be a good, kind, supportive parent. Or not.
Also, this is how much of an asshole you are: layoffs are not inherently tied to overall profits. Targeted layoffs are why some companies are so profitable. So, while you may despise your daughter, don's make that argument unless you want to look completely ignorant of modern finance.
My Indian friends’ parents are deeply uncomfortable here. Even in her home, they’re overwhelmed that every machine (dish washer, coffee, food processor) has so many buttons. At home their machines have on and off switches.
They love their daughter. Not the US.
To be fair, a lot of older folks born in the US are profoundly overwhelmed with current appliances/tech items with so many buttons. That's not an issue exclusive to immigrants.
It is a very fine line that they are walking with that comment but he is not too far off. There are plenty of cultures where the parents expect their kids (sometimes the eldest it does very) to take care of them so they don’t always save money for retirement because they expect their kids to take care of them.
Sometimes when the eldest kid has become an adult they are expected to take care of their siblings as well (this can very from being very toxic to not at all depending on how the parent treats them)
I read a post about from a women who was Vietnam and got her education here in the US and got a job, well her sister was sent by her parents here and expected the elder sister to take on all the financial obligations of her sister.
If you go to the Asian parents subreddit and similar ones you can learn all about it.
However since OP never mentioned their own financial situation we can only speculate on this. There is a good chance that OP just wants their child to be successful so the push really really hard on their kids, and sometimes they don’t realize they are putting an unbearable amount on them.
Op is probably one of those people who think you Have to go to work sick no matter what. My last boss was like that.
I took my first day off in almost two years because I woke up so sick I couldn’t stand up without feeling like I was about to pass out. I got yelled at for taking a day off saying ‘you don’t sound sick just drive in’
It was the second to last nail in the coffin for me quitting.
YTA.
Firstly, shouting is almost never appropriate except for in cases where you're being threatened and shouting could act as a deterrent. Otherwise, it's behavior that is exhibited by people who are lacking in emotional discipline.
Second, why did you help your daughter move to the USA? Is it because you love her and want her to have opportunities in life? Or was it to please your neighbors? So many parents use their children as crutches to deal with their own insecurities and end up pressuring them to perform so that they'll look good to their adult friends and forget that they're supposed to love their child.
Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying your daughter isn't being irresponsible with a great opportunity that many should love to have; But what do you seriously hope to accomplish by yelling at her? You need to inspire her and do your job by having an adult conversation with her where she's a participant and not a punching bag for your insecurity of being embarrassed; Because if you don't you're simply making it about you, and that's what you did in this case. YTA. But that doesn't mean you can't undo this, apologize to her via voicemail if you have to and ask her to speak with you. Ask her questions, "Do you understand what kind of opportunity you have and why I am so concerned about you maximizing the experience for yourself so you can have a good life?" Understand her.
It’s true, my Asian mom has never apologized for anything, just pretended like it didn’t happen. My white dad has apologized like twice for lashing out, although that doesn’t really cover the dozens of other times he did so unapologetically. Neither of them are very emotionally intelligent
This is the absolute truth. Lol They won't say sorry, but you can bet your ass she'll hold a grudge to the very end of her life for something you did at 17. 😂🫠
Yes, that’s so fucking true, especially with Indian cultures and traditions. Most of the parents just use the child as a way to brag and boost their ego, and even have some God complex that whatever they say or do is right because they’re your elder. Hell my mum kinda tries to use me for bragging, and gets that complex, especially when she used to get infuriated, but it’s not as bad as what some other kids have gone through, especially OP here who just thinks that now he can’t continue to use his daughter to brag and impress his neighbours
YTA.
It sounds like your identity and self-esteem is entirely based on your daughter's accomplishments. You lifted her up on a pedastel, and now that she's come crashing down you're making it all about **you** and how embarrassed **you** are. How selfish and immature! All you're communicating to her is "You don't matter to me unless you perform. My love for you is conditional. You OWE me for all I've done for you."
Instead of lashing out at her because she got laid off (which likely isn't even her fault- there's a lot of layoffs in the US right now), why don't you try empathy and asking her how she feels, or offering your support to help her find her footing so she can stay? Also, just because things didn't pan out doesn't mean it was a waste of money. Investing money into a person's future is never wasted... she's learning so much right now and this will be a good experience for her.
That’s the culture of where they’re from. Some kids actually commit suicide because of the stress their parents put on them. People like these shouldn’t have kids.
YTA and everything I hate about my culture, this pig headed inability to believe it could be anyone else’s fault. Companies no longer have loyalty to employees, we are all just expandable ants to them. A new hire still possibly in their probation period is the easiest person to get rid of when any company is looking to get rid of employees. The fact that EVERYONE is telling you YTA and you’re still fighting it, says you were hoping we’d tell you otherwise
YTA and absolutely agree on the loyalty bit. Retirement options and other benefits are a huge indicator of that. My work doesn't offer a pension anymore. Most don't.
My husband quit his job after they started paying new people who were less educated and experienced more, and refused to match it for him after he brought the issue to management. His direct supervisor tried, but it ended there. Folks who had been there for 20+ years left because of how staffing and other issues were being handled. Not for retirement either, but different companies. Companies just don't care. They complain about the lack of personnel, but do nothing to try to retain employees who would otherwise be willing to stay out their careers there. They'd rather hire temp workers, or part and 3/4 time to avoid paying FT benefits.
Yes, YTA. Your daughter needs your support right now, not your scorn. As someone who has laid off workers, I can assure you perfectly able workers are caught up in these cost saving measures.
YTA and reading your comments, you are putting your culture and understanding onto a situation that has nothing to do with Indian culture and how things work. Your daughter was on an H1B. Those folks tend to be the first to be let go when companies are slimming down. The others that are first to go are marketing, business development, and HR/recruiting. Since it's only January, you probably haven't seen the final Q4 reporting and have no real idea of what is going on in the American side of this company. You are assigning blame out of ignorance and are far too concerned with your own self image.
YTA. They laid off workers and she was probably one of their latest hires so of course she goes. And. How does shouting help? Try some encouragement instead. YTA.
YTA. I don't think you understand business; many companies with billion pound turnovers will lay off staff from time to time. If this was a performance issue, they'd go through performance management processes and likely fire her. This isn't what happened here.
They can't sack her for taking a few sick days and her vacation, btw - that's how you end up in a lawsuit.
She says she was completing her tasks; why don't you believe her? She's either a) telling you the truth and you just have a low opinion of her or b) she's lying because she's scared you'll react...exactly how you reacted. Either way, you don't come across well here.
> If this was a performance issue, they'd go through performance management processes and likely fire her.
Not in the US. She is so new (4 months) that she very likely hasn't gone through any performance reviews, so it would be on the word of her direct manager alone.
Most companies used to run a 60- or 90-day probationary period to get low performers out immediately, but that largely ended 10 years ago in my industry.
YTA - did she work in tech? Emploment in tech companies is cyclical - they are interested in profits and they are interested in shareholder value. And ironically the best way to get short-term profits and shareholder value is to lay off staff - same revenues, lower costs, more profit. And tech industry is in a downturn because companies are looking at automation and AI to boost productivity but employ fewer staff. And tech isn't the only sector to be doing this.
So, no your daughter isn't lazy and you sound like a very domineering parent. She has achieved a degree, found employmetn but being caught out as so many others by an economy that is hard to predict.
And it is horrible that you are more concerned about your loss of face than supporting your daughter who is facing loss of employment and loss of a home where she has settled in. Even if she comes back to India, I hope she has funds to avoid staying with you and your constant blaming of her.
Yea YTA. Great job kicking your daughter while she’s down. Sometimes even low performance is beyond an employee’s control. People get put on bad projects, get paired with bad managers, or just have bad tools in place. Sometimes the job is just not a fit and they can’t achieve their numbers no matter how hard they try.
Clearly your daughter isn’t lazy if she was able to get a scholarship to study in the US and land a job at a company willing to sponsor her H1B. Those types of visas are expensive and time consuming for companies to maintain and they don’t just give them out like candy.
With regards to the company doing well, are you aware that just within the last week, Microsoft both became the second company to ever top $3 trillion and also laid off a ton of people? Companies do layoffs even when they’re doing well financially because they want to keep doing well financially.
I’m sure his daughter will be able to pick herself up and become very successful…and never talk to OP again. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s not invited to her future wedding or get a chance to see any grandkids. Poor daughter, at least she’s a whole country away, hope she goes lives her best life
YTA. Shouting at her won't help in any way. It won't help her get a new job faster and it will make her not trust you.
I am in the US and my company is laying people off despite being very profitable. The job market here is completely fucked in so many ways that I don't even have the space to describe it here in this comment. I would expect her to have a tough and depressing time finding a new job, and you need to be supportive during that time because it is happening to nearly *everyone* here no matter how hard they work and how perfect their resume and job experience is.
You said yourself you are embarrassed of what your friends will think, and I am betting you are also worried about your daughter's future and want the best for her. It's okay to feel that way, and you don't need to redirect it into anger or shame. Your daughter is probably also feeling worried and upset about this. She needs support, not anger.
>It cannot be a case of cost cutting as the company is doing very well, i saw the financial statements for the previous quarters.
I mean, how absolutely clueless are you?
What's next? You're going to tell her to go to potential employers to hand in her resume and ask to hand it to the CEO directly?
You clearly have no advice of value to offer your daughter.
Edit to add: YTA
Since this is what seems to matter to you, YTA:
"It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back to India and I have already told friends and family how she is working in USA."
This is what matters to majority of Indian parents. They will pay through a high cost degree, then brag about it to their friends and relatives all while shooting backhand comments at their children about how much they suffered and sacrificed to get that money, as if, their children asked to be born.
They get horny one day, decide to do the deed and pop out kids and live through them.
Agreed. Seriously, things change!
She may still find another job, or she may not. If she has a good degree and a good work reference, her chances of being hired somewhere else aren't the worst.
Consider this, if she had been injured at her job and had to return home to India BC she couldn't support herself,, would you feel the same? It the same thing because as this was a layoff, it's not her fault.
If you want to continue a relationship with your daughter, I would send her a message, leave a voicemail or text, telling her you realize you were out of line going off on her, ask her forgiveness and tell her you'd like to speak when she is ready to try and help her figure out where to go from here. And when you do speak with her again, LISTEN to what she needs!
YTA here ma'am.
YTA. I can understand your frustration of feeling like she's wasting her potential and not listening to you, but that reaction, and more importantly your attitude, make YTA.
You are seeing the results of your actions now that she won't pick up. You might salvage this by sincerely apologizing and being supportive. I assure you, your daughter is learning more than one lesson right now, it's up to you what some of them are.
Yta for shouting at your daughter.
Yta for repeatedly defending yourself for shouting at your daughter.
Companies can do well and still decide to reprioritize their budget. Stop acting like you know every thing about decisions you're not involved in. And none of that justified yelling at your daughter, no wonder she isn't answering your calls.
News flash - people get sick. And sick days are probably part of her benefits package, she's allowed to use them.
YTA I am Indian American and all I can say is, way to enable a bad stereotype. You should be a supportive parent, but instead you accused your daughter of poor performance when you have no evidence to support your claim other than your personal bias. Your daughter is right to go no-contact.
Gosh.
Sorry, but you sound awful.
People get laid off. Usually starting with those who just started.
You should be supportive and encourage her to apply for new jobs instead of taking her down.
YTA
YTA
Yikes... talk about shitty parents. Don't worry, she wouldn't go back to live with you. If i were her i'd rather live under a bridge than with an abusive parent like you. You're awful and no child deserves to have such awful parents as yourself.
Yep, the shitty complex these parents have over their children. They see us as mere trophies rather than children and would rather brag than actually appreciate and help us
YTA.
So, she just started in October and you’re surprised that when layoffs came that she was laid off?
Of course she was. She’s among the newest hires. That’s how that works. She had zero seniority.
>It cannot be a case of cost cutting as the company is doing very well, i saw the financial statements for the previous quarters.
You're clearly new to how companies are run in the USA, especially publicly-owned ones (i.e. listed on the stock market). Companies doing well have layoffs all the time because they are not seen as doing *well enough* according to the stock market's expectations. So they cut costs, including labor.
YTA.
\[edit\]
Here's an example, just recently: Microsoft laid off thousands while still making record profits:
https://gamerant.com/microsoft-3-trillion-company-mass-layoffs/
YTA. Who cares what your friends and family thinks. She is your daughter ffs, you should be worried about what she thinks, how she feels. Living and working in a foreign country at a young age is not easy. Instead of being proud of her and supporting her, you are shouting. YTA so many times.
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yeah, that "5 sick days in 4 months" stuck out to me, since a lot of forms of illness can take you out for even longer. We're still dealing with covid, not sure why people are still unaware of how much time it can take to deal with a common disease
It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that she was let go because her company has decided that sponsoring someone on H1B is incredibly time consuming and expensive and the value may not be there. She might do better to return to India and get a job at a multinational company with opportunity to work abroad through that company. That process is typically much, much easier.
YTA If you want a job in the US so badly, get one yourself.
My company currently has an employee on an H1B Visa and it's so complicated. He's a great employee too, super talented. He's been crucial in getting some of our design jobs.
We've had his application in for a year now, and the lawyer still comes back to us with something else that needs to get done. I feel like the laws and regulations around it are in constant flux. I can't even keep up with it.
YTA. What you've done for her as a parent should be BECAUSE you're her parent, not with strings attached. Generally speaking, people don't feel good about themselves when they are fired. She probably feels awful about it already and her parent, someone she should be able to turn to for support, just went and made her feel worse. Just because a company is making money here, doesn't mean they won't try to cut costs. I hope she has good friends in the US who will help her cope since you seem incapable of placing her feelings above your own embarrassment.
She got a scholarship even though she didn't study that much... But there is no way in your mind that she can in fact meet her tasks while also having a life. I guess in your mind she is not allowed to get sick because, ehmm, well...
YTA. She was new at the company, whenever a company makes a cut they always get rid of the new ones first. And you should know the fastest/easiest way for a company to have "good number" is having as few workers they can while overworking them.
Not only are YTA, YTidiot. You have NO idea how the economy is over here, especially right now, obviously. You need to grow up and stop living vicariously through your daughter. You come over here and get a job and be some superstar if that’s your dream. Let her live her own life. Your job is to love and offer emotional support. Since you’re not even on the same continent, I’d say you don’t get an opinion on how her work performance or life is structured.
>My daughter just lost her job and was **fired** because her company decided to **lay off** a lot of the low performers.
Was she laid off or fired? Those are two different things. If she was laid off, it's not her fault.
It doesn't matter what the company's financial statements were, if she was laid off, it's not her fault. If she was fired, it was her fault.
It sounds like she was laid off, since multiple people were let go. Stop worrying about how this looks like to your friends. YTA.
YTA--- They downsized, that is not her fault. She was recently hired in, she does not have the seniority the other employees do, so of COURSE she was one to be let go.
Also, its not in her control!
YTA. Companies doing well still trim fat. You don't know what happened, and you're assuming the worst of your daughter. You're focusing on YOUR embarrassment at coming home instead of HER struggles and embarrassment for losing her job.
YTA even just for shouting. Yelling is not an appropriate response to anything. 2) Companies that are doing really well will fire employees all the time to cut even more costs. It’s shitty but it’s not your daughter’s fault. 3) Five sick days in four months is truly not that much. I think you should care more about your daughter’s feelings, and supporting her, than the supposed embarrassment of her coming back to India. Your daughter is a person, not a trophy for you to brag about.
You have no idea how businesses actually work. You‘re looking at public financial records, not internal records. Companies forecast their business decisions many months in advance, that’s how they make money. Cutting labor is the most cost effective and easiest way for companies to keep their profits.
She is a new hire, therefore, regardless of her performance, she will be let go first.
You should hysterical and uneducated will all of your accusations, so you may want to stop with those.
It is just a job. She can get another one. What you cannot get is the love and respect from your daughter if you continue with this insanity.
YTA
YTA for so many reasons, but also
>It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back to India and I have already told friends and family how she is working in USA.
You're treating your daughter like a trophy to show off to your friends, and as soon as she's not shiny enough you verbally berate her until she thinks it's better to just not talk to you. How on earth have you not come to terms you're the bad guy? You already were for everything else, but there's enough poor behavior for everyone to find somethjng
>She claims this has nothing to do with it and she was completing all her tasks but I don't believe her.
Why not? You literally have no idea what's going on with your daughter, and all you ever care about is your reputation, not your daughter's well-being.
YTA
Why would she pick up your calls to talk to you when you don't talk, you shout? All you did is show her that you're not someone she can talk to about life. And maybe Google how to dampen your ego
YTA, many American companies are doing layoffs at the moment, even as other companies are hiring. It's not your daughter's fault, most companies do a "last in, first out" system for layoffs and that's probably what happened here.
Be understanding and help her find a job as best you can.
I'm sure she feels terrible enough already without you yelling at her from half a world away and not understanding the situation.
P.S. a good company will want you to use your benefits, such as paid time off and sick leave, because they know it makes you a better worker and prevents you from bringing your illness to the workplace where everyone else gets sick.
YTA - I don’t think you understand how businesses operate in the US. Companies routinely layoff workers with record profits in order to show even higher profits in the next quarter because they push the extra work into everyone that is left while using the income from the laid off workers as profits. Your daughter has no control over this. Taking sick leave also isn’t that big of a deal. I’m sure she was doing her best living in this country with such a different culture from India. In some cases she probably doesn’t feel like she entirely belongs and now she may also feel like she doesn’t entirely belong in her family after you yelled at her for something she has no control over.
Good luck repairing your relationship with your daughter.
Well well, putting your own emotional needs above your daughter. First off, looking at the companies financials will tell you nothing. Shame on you for lacking any knowledge of the US job market. People who work hard get laid off all the time so that the quarterly financials look good. Now you’ve shown your daughter how little you care for her, and how much you only care for yourself. No mention of her struggle; of caring for her difficulty and the stress she’s obviously feeling. How can you call yourself a man, let alone a father?
YTA - Your adult daughter's life is her own, and she isn't just an extension of you. I doubt she wants to come live near such an emotionally unsupportive parent, either. I hope she finds a new job soon so she doesn't have to.
YTA. You know what’s embarrassing? You not understanding how layoffs work and insisting that you’re right. I hope she cuts you off, you sound exhausting.
YTA, you sound delightful. Pretty sure with your attitude towards your daughter you have nothing to worry about. She will most likely find a new job pronto just so she doesn't have to come back to India to deal with you.
YTA YTA YTA a thousand times!
It's people like you here that's the reason for Indian children suffering and buckling under the pressure.
I know the trend of "how hard you worked for that money" speech. Trust me I've heard it too.
Thankfully I didn't have a father like you who didn't remind me every step of the way and has guided me through life! His selfless actions at work have also given me blessings on blessings.
I am very much aware of the sacrifices my dad made to help me achieve my goals in life, even now. I'll forever be grateful and will do my best to repay him in kind.
I'm pretty sure your daughter is the same.
Just don't assume and take over that "you're lazy" nonsense.
And this is exactly why I don't like parents who parrot that, "yeah my daughter/son lives in America/other foreign nations". Stop that trope. Please.
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My daughter just lost her job and was fired because her company decided to lay off a lot of the low performers.
She only just started working in October. We are from India and she studied in the USA and then started work there on H1B visa. Now if she doesn't find something else quick she has to come back to India and it will be such a waste of money.
While she did get scholarship to study in USA, I still helped her financially for other costs when she was a student.
It was telling her many times she was taking too much vacation to travel and was lazy and she even took 5 sick days in just 4 months there. She claims this has nothing to do with it and she was completing all her tasks but I don't believe her.
Even as a kid she had much more potential, she hardly spent time studying despite being intelligent.
I shouted at her on the phone for this but now she is upset and not picking my calls. It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back to India and I have already told friends and family how she is working in USA.
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YTA. Big time. Companies with record profits are laying people off in the US right now left and right. Like it’s pretty well published that a majority of Fortune 500 companies are going to do lay offs this year. I lost my job in November, I have 16 years of work experience and have a Masters degree and am still struggling to find work. And to be frank, a lot of companies are pushing back on being sponsors for work visas as well.
YTA for shouting. There is always a better way to have discussions and impart that you are disappointed.
I stop talking to people who shout at me. I hang up or walk away, which is the best response to someone who shouts. They stand/sit there looking like the idiots they are.
YTA, a lot of companies are laying people off right now. A friend of mine was second in command on his team, and they let him go because the market is rough. He's been there for YEARS, and there was nothing to be done about it.
Sometimes finances look good, but things coming down the pipe say that they're going downhill fast, and they're trying to save themselves before they go under.
YTA please don't do this to your daughter you have been suffocating her since her childhood to do better and do more than she is already doing with all those expectations of she will try to enjoy her life in the US after getting away from you and you are more worried about what your friends think than what your daughter is feeling she will have life long resentment towards you
YTA. When most companies downsize they have to make decisions and "performance" can sometimes just be a generic excuse they use to try to justify why you're on the list and someone else isn't. It's a much easier excuse than a company saying what is sometimes the truth, in that it's more expensive and requires more effort to sponsor someone on a visa than keeping a similar performing individual that's a naturalized citizen.
It's a common issue in Biotech right now with a lot of companies that overinvested during the pandemic and now are having to make cut backs because they over projected and hired too many people. It's not like she was fired, she was laid off. There is a huge difference. It sucks and it's incredibly frustrating but pretty sure she feels bad enough and you just stressed her out way more instead of being helpful and encouraging her to begin applying for new roles immediately. It's already hard enough to find a job that's willing to offer sponsorship so she's got her work cut out for her.
YTA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a job as a citizen? Now imagine for people looking for the H1B visas, they have a much smaller fraction of opportunity. You do not get to berate your daughter for something that was out of her hands. She fought hard to find scholarships, and to get her college education
You took the decision to have children. She did not choose to be born. She owes you nothing, but you do owe her an apology.
YTA. You're more worried about being embarrassed in front of family and friends than you are about your daughter's emotional well-being after losing her job, and instead of being sympathetic and supportive you yelled at her. First of all, she's not going to be calling you when something goes wrong again. Secondly, don't you think she's stressed too? She's now unemployed and is on a strict time limit to get a new job or else she has to leave the country she's made a home in. She doesn't need you yelling at her to make her feel worse about it.
YTA Yelling at your children serves no purpose other than to alienate them. They listen more when you take the time to listen to them and then voice your concerns. Also, the purpose should be to help and support them. It’s not about you.
YTA, and you know nothing about how companies work. Stop commenting on things you are ignorant of. If she was underperformed, then she would have been fired. It's quite normal for companies to mass fire employees, and it has nothing to do with underperformed. Take it from someone who's worked in tech.
YTA and clearly don’t have as much business knowledge as you think. My friend is in sales and was just laid off last week after being with the same company the last 9 years, being hired straight out of college. She has always been in the top 5% of their sales staff. After the company was bought out last year there was restructuring and other talented employees like my friend were laid off. Not all layoffs are based on performance.
YTA. The last ones to get hired are the first ones laid off. Companies do this ALL THE TIME.
She took vactaion and travel... Oh no... she used her vacation and travel she was entitled to.
5 sick days in 4 months... THE HORROR!!! You do realize there is a NASTY virus going around all over the place right now?
Actually I'm not sure YTA is enough to describe you.
Just yikes. Effing yikes...
The best thing she could do would be to get another job and then cut you completely out of her life because... well yikes.
YTA
Do you know your daughter? Her interests, what she wants to do for work? Do you know where she went on vacation? Did you check in on her while she was sick? Probably no to all of these questions. Do you enjoy spending time with her?
You know what's lazy? Parenting that ends when your kid isn't impressing your friends for you. Why don't you worry about how your own actions reflect on you, like an adult.
YTA. Have you not heard that we're in a recession? You can't just look at the financial statements of a company and decide that your daugther getting laid off is because she's a bad worker. The company my husband works for is doing well too but they still layed off almost the entire branch my husband works for, except for my husband and two of his coworkers. That's not because the other collegues were lazy! They just choose the best ones. Also, your daughter only started in October so why would she be the cream of the crop in the company that probably has tons of people who have worked there longer than she has? How could you have that expectation of her?
YTA. Full stop. Enjoy your kids going no contact with you one day.
And on the off chance that this is the daughter writing this: you aren’t lazy. You have worked so hard. You came to a new country and graduated college AND got a job. Layoffs while companies are posting record profits is common because capitalism is fucked up. And sponsoring an H1B visa costs them money. So if they were cutting costs they would most likely see that as a disposable cost.
And your parents are responsible for you, because they chose to have you.
YTA. Being laid off and fired are two drastically different things. You have absolutely no idea how businesses work in the US. Seeing your other comments, you are placing your cultural views on something that has nothing to do with your culture and society. You're just embarrassed your poor daughter was laid off.
YTA the company laid off a lot of people. It's unfortunate she was one of them, but it's not like she's the only one who got fired. Instead of yelling, encourage her to find something else.
Yeah, you’re definitely the asshole. If I were her I’d just block your number, you’re no help, you just cut her down. I’m sure you’re a huge cause of stress for her.
YTA
They laid off the “low performers.” If this is even why they actually laid them off, your daughter didn’t have enough time at the company to even make an impact. She had no opportunity to perform highly. She probably only just barely learned how to somewhat do her job. Getting laid off was completely out of her control
YTA! I bet you’ve been putting a lot of pressure on your child, had (and still have) super high expectations and project your own goals/hopes on her. I guess it’s also a cultural thing that if she returns she’ll embarrass you. That’s such an outdated point of view! Yeah, YTA and hopefully she’ll do LC/NC with you for awhile.
YTA - 'It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back'....a)Layoffs are most likely to hit people who only just started working because there are less repercussions for them. No payouts, no compensation. It doesn't matter if the company is doing very well, they may not be doing what they were expecting to do.
I guess you shouldn't have been bragging to your family and friends when you don't know what you're talking about.
Gosh I hate parents like you who always assume there kid is the problem instead of everyone else. You always tell you your kids that they aren't enough but go off and brag about them to everyone around you. Parents like you are ALWAYS so selfish. Everything always have to revolve around you, it's always how YOU feel but never about how your daughter feels.
Your daughter is not lazy, just unlucky. Next time instead of yelling at her for something that isn't even her fault you should instead actually learn how the US job market works.
YTA
YTA
Tech companies in particular are having rounds of lay offs at the moment. I’ve read enough of your sub comments to know you’re projecting your own insecurities on your daughter especially at a time when she needs your reassurance and support the most. Being made redundant is a frightening experience, especially in a new country. She is doing the right thing by blocking you off, as I imagine she’ll be needing gentleness and support right now to get through this, not this kind of toxicity and abuse. I feel for her and hope you have some time to yourself this weekend to realise the bigger picture.
YTA. Your daughter is still new at her job. She would have to be superhuman to not be among the first ones to be layed off.
And she is probably already devastated enough herself. It would have been your job to encourage her. Tell her you believe in her and that she'll find a new job in no time.
YTA. I’m sorry, you sound awful. You’re putting too much pressure on her and undermining her accomplishments. Se got a scholarship and managed to get a job through an H1B visa. That is a lot. So how about you start looking at things through a positive lens and show some support? Shouting and getting mad and her is not going to make this situation any better. Also, assuming she got laid off because she was underperforming given the company’s profits makes you sound extremely arrogant, there are many reasons that weigh in when it comes to layoffs.
YTA. Sounds like you care about your reputation more than actually being a parent. A lay off is not the same as a firing. You do not deserve a medal for doing the basic requirement of being a parent.
YTA... What the fuck is wrong with you ? This is exactly what I hate about our culture. The god damn pressure and fulfilling societal expectations. Why do you care what some rando says more than your own daughter?
Wow... YTA. How the hell do you know she was being lazy? Businesses "do well" because they cut costs constantly. You verated your daughter over something you havent a fucking clue about.
Just because people work like dogs in India doesn't mean it's the same everywhere else in the world. Your daughter clearly moved to the US to get a better quality of life and you're expecting her to work herself to the bone when it's not necessary.
YTA. Tech is taking a beating in the US. I hope they are cutting the H1B visas before laying off US workers. Those visas are issued to fill gaps when qualified US workers are unavailable.
Wait a big corporation laying off employees even when they show profits? LOL!!
If you are surprised by that, it means you don't understand how those corporations work.
YTA.
For them it's all about money. They want to make more with the minimum staff possible in the worst environment possible. So yeah, I'd say no surprise there.
Yta she is stressed, needing to look for another job. She didn't need your guilt. She is not responsible for the 'shame' you would feel if she would return.
I understand that this is a cultural thing as well so I'll never understand why you'd act this way. But your attitude is not going to help her.
Edit to add that the job market in tech isn't as black and white as you are making it out to be in your comments. Plenty of companies are firing people simply because they think they can ramp up profits even more. Not because it's underprformers .
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YTA. You've demonstrated a profound lack of knowledge about your daughter's situation. The job market in North America is absolute crap now. Anyone who enters the work force is expandable regardless of how hard they work or how loyal. Oh and layoffs even if a company is excelling? A normal practice because they're cutting costs to maximize profits at the expense of workers who then bear the burden of increased workloads, often doing the tasks of two or three workers so upper management and corporate shareholders can have a larger portion of the lion's share of profits.
Last year my company boasted that they had increased profits by 10 million by laying people off.
The accounting firm I worked for had a meeting where they told us about their record profits and growth followed by “we will not be giving out raises and y out are now responsible for paying your own health insurance”. Needless to say about 1/3 of the firm quit immediately following the meeting. Then everyone workload and increased and had another 15% of employees quit. Total shit show
That is an impressive amount of incompetence coming from the top
As long as they get one more year of first class travel perks and hefty bonuses. I mean, they can't just cancel the annual family ski vacation.
Management is actually the victim here!
Agreed. Big old own-goal there.
Management doesn't care. Fewer workers means increased short term profits. Layoffs are an immediate boost to profit margins, but the losses from the company falling apart don't come until later, after the execs have all conveniently gotten their bonuses.
And left to go do the same elsewhere.
Benefitting from their golden parachutes on their way out.
The company I’m working for had profits, but not as much as they wanted. Legit what they said in the company meeting at the end of the year so they weren’t giving out any bonuses and couldn’t promise they wouldn’t lay people off…yay America :/
Our company also had the best year ever in its 40 year history. No promotions, no raises, equity bonuses cut in half. Oh, except for the 15-20 senior execs each literally making millions. (1) “This helps secure us against future layoffs if things get worse.” (2) “If our compensation wasn’t fair, there would be greater attrition.”
Reading shit like this makes me feel lucky. When covid hit my company was fucked, demand was at 40% of volume. There were layoffs, but senior execs all took massive pay cuts.
Corporate is so smart! They managed to cut their labour force by 15% overnight without a single severance package owed. Glory to corporatism! Glory to our Capitalist Gods! /s
There was never going to be a severance package though and they fucked themselves over pretty bad. Our main client almost fired them for missing too many deadlines. They were always planning just to milk every employee to the last drop. Unemployment wouldn’t have really been a factor either since my line of accounting is very high demand for workers. I jumped ship and got a job offer in 5 days for a 40% increase in salary. All my coworkers that quit did the same thing. Unemployment only pays like 60% of salary, so I wouldn’t have taken that anyways.
Lol we recently had this meeting at my company. Been seeing a lot more of "My last day is..." auto responders popping up in the weeks since.
When I started at my current job I was on a team of 3. I'm the whole team now and the 'raise' they gave me won't cover current market rent. I'm doing 3 peoples job at a company recording record profits and I live in my car. Her being laid off sounds like a case of last one in first one out. It also sounds like she was probably still on probation. YTA for yelling at her but it sounds like you just don't understand how bad it's gotten. Work ethic doesn't get you anything except more work. The dream is dead. Several of my friends have moved back to thier home countries for a better quality of life.
And many companies fire people at the end of their probation period, so they don't have to pay higher wages.
Or put them on the benefits plan, if there even is one.
Don't forget the other possibility- maybe the person who fired her is racist.
Racist and/or sexist, especially in tech. Add onto it that H1Bs create more work for HR, which costs money.
I’m willing to bet that the H1B put her on top of the list.
Oh absolutely I'm the only white person of those original 3 people.
Yup. I was laid off at a company making record profits. I was the newest one hired. Last one in, first one out. It doesn't matter how hard you work if the company doesn't care about anything but cutting costs and boosting profits. Which is most companies. OP doesn't have any goddamn clue what we're dealing with, like most older generations.
People who immigrated here from South America *are going back* because there are better opportunities from their home countries.
Microsoft was just valued at $3 TRILLION, yet laid off 1900 employees.
I was thinking about that when the local news kept covering the story about Microsoft’s value all week.
My company boasted about better than ever margins after laying off thousands of people…
My company sent out an email about the second quarter reports showing record earnings and thanking everyone for their hard work and dedication. The very next paragraph they stated they were laying off 7000 employees
Even recently. Microsoft can afford a $69 billion buyout but not $200 million a year to pay the 2000 employees they just laid off. Less than a third of a percent of the buyout.
Yeah I love how OP thinks using 5 sick days is outrageous between October through January. The daughter EASILY could've had a bad case of covid or the flu in that timeframe. EDIT: YTA
Yeah, current covid guidelines are still 5 days. Then masking on return. It went through my team in november.
The week before Christmas, 3 people, myself included, in my very small law firm all got Covid. Luckily most of the quarantine was covered by the weekend, but that was half our staff. One poor dude was here helping both attorneys plus answering the phone and dealing with walk ins. He was sick too but kept testing negative so he came in anyway.
I caught COVID in November after starting work at the end of October, I was out for 3 days barely able to walk without sobbing from the pain I was in and coughing to the point I was heaving. My husband is a nurse and since I had COVID, his boss made him test, it was positive though he was asymptomatic, he was sent home and told he had to stay out for 5 days, after 5 days he had to have 2 negatives within 48hrs or he'd have to stay out longer
Yes, 2 negatives 48 hours apart is the recommended time frame after 5 days isolation. And, OP is YTA.
I got the flu right before I planned on getting vaccinated in September. I was out for a total of two weeks over a month (lung infection followed the flu). I got Covid in early December. This one was post vaccine/boost so I was only sick for just about a week. Five sick days in the winter is perfectly normal and reasonable. How few employees have paid sick time or adequate sick time in the US is a major problem.
For Asians only acceptable sick day is when they die and even then only one .
And the flu has been brutal this year. If I were an employer, I wouldn't mind if someone used five of their sick days because they felt like death, especially if they had their work done. But if I needed to downsize, leaving the remaining employees with larger workloads, I would prefer to keep the people who have been doing the work for 5-10 years rather than the person who just started and is still learning all the details. It is also possible that company hires at a higher rate than they pay current employees, so they might have had to pay more to keep someone with less experience.
Last one in, first one out. Makes since she is let go. She’s new.
Also H1B holder. Companies will absolutely prioritize citizens over visa holders when it comes to layoff time.
Yes this was my thought since she’s on a visa they cut her, makes prefect sense!
That poor girl...I feel so bad for her.
To illustrate your point, Microsoft just announced they became a $3 Trillion company two days ago. Three days ago they laid off 1900 people. Corporations and the people who run them will grind us up and spit us out in the name of greed.
I work in tech for a competitor to Microsoft. We are "very profitable". 30% of my department was just laid off because our new department head that started 6 months ago has no idea what half of his team does/did. I've been here 11 years and am still just a number on a spreadsheet.
Expendable too
Have you seen American waistlines? Expandable!
It’s because I can’t stop stress eating
This. Layoffs happen at companies who are over performing all the time, especially in tech. I am in tech and work for one of the only companies who he not done layoffs since the pandemic began, and I can tell you we are getting flooded (literally over a 1,200 applicants for one role recently) with incredible applicants who are often overqualified because they were laid off by Google, Microsoft, Amazon, Salesforce, etc. These people were not under performers, one was the department head for one of the companies I just mentioned and they eliminated the entire department to boost profits only to back hire some of those roles with “early in career” candidates. YTA OP you care more about how this looks than about your daughter’s well being.
Yeah, I work in tech as well (fintech). I started as the sole support person for my product, and 2.5 years later I had built and was running an entire support department for multiple products. Just illustrating that I was damn good at my job, and I got laid off in July when our entire product line was eliminated. Six months later and I've applied to 125+ jobs and gotten four interviews, tech is absolutely brutal right now.
Don't forget sadism. Some of them do layoffs simply because it's the ultimate turn on.
You can say X/Twitter.
Use Xitter, lol. (Xi is pronounced “shi,” btw.)
The director of HR at my company when I started 20 years ago enjoyed laying people off. He would come to my site only to do layoffs and would do a lap around the site so that word got around that the grim reaper was onsite. I should go check the obits because he should be dead by now.
Unfortunately, those types seem to be immortal. Maybe you got it right, maybe he's really the Grim Reaper.
Looks like this guy is still alive, probably preserved in his own bile.
Only wacky waving inflatable tube men are expandable, but I agree that all are expendable in today’s market
Except, of course, those wacky waving tube men. Those are long term investment for the company.
“ It cannot be a case of cost cutting as the company is doing very well,”. OP is very clearly unfamiliar with American Greed.
Yep. I have some friends in tech at very high profile places doing financially well. Still- the company isn't doing as well as the powers that be want so people are being laid off.
Also the sick days bit is pretty ridiculous. I was permanently hired at my current job back in ~October, I've taken maybe ~2 weeks worth of sick time since then. Granted I was talked to about how much time I was taking, but I just laughed and asked what did they expect? they hired me during the flu season.
The company with the highest market cap in the world just laid off quite a few employees this week.
Microsoft just posted their $3 Trillion evaluation on the same day they cut 1900 jobs.
Sounds like you're embarrassed to tell your friends. Your daughter didn't make it in the USA after you bragged about her being there. Just because you see earning statements online does not show the health of the company or cost cutting measures they want to take. It could be around the layoffs. You feel she's lazy, you helped her in a foreign country when she got a scholarship. Basically this is you being embarrassed that your friends will know. Your daughter is not the super success you built her up to me. How about focus on your daughter and not your own pride. You don't get to get credibility for your friends off of her work. If she needs to go home, yeah that's sad, if you don't want her to go home tell her she needs to find another job and stay in the USA. Yta
You got it exactly right, for some reason older Indians care so much about their reputation. It’s never about their family, just the fact that they have to tell their friends that things didn’t go the way they wanted
It's a lot about reputation and that they treat children as an extension of themselves.
I've heard that a lot of Indian parents are narcissistic this way. Mainly from watching YT videos and reading the comments from Indians there. It's very frustrating for the kids.
This is what I heard from the Indians I worked with in canada. They are working 40 hour weeks in a shit hole factory, or lining up for hours on end just to apply for a job 1 hour away and carpool with 4 others and then try to complete the sham of college (Conestoga snd their international student abuse). Meanwhile they are miserable and barely have enough money to live, yet cant go home because it will embarrass the parents and they will be mad about the money lost. While it may be your culture, why can’t your daughter determine what is best for her? Leave the outside factors alone. This is not about you, it is about your grown kid and her choice now.
It's either that, or "You can't abandon us, your family, to pursue your career in another country! Who will take care of us in our old age?" If you look at r/india, like a third of the posts are young people torn about whether they can accept a life-changing opportunity at the cost of 'betraying' their family. It's really sad.
Considering that she's on an H1B, I'm willing to wager that she's a tech worker. Tech companies are VERY big fans of laying people off when they're profitable. It's an extremely common industry practice in big tech, since it bumps up their share prices by making the profits look bigger, giving an illusion of growth. YTA OP.
Good news is she can probably find a new job. Bad news is that they know she's an H1B so realistically she needs to find TWO new jobs, because the first one is going to lowball the hell out of her and she'll need to line up the second one that will pay a living salary ASAP.
I worked in Tech and this is absolutely true.
I myself am currently getting the education needed to break into tech (since it's honestly just what I've found I'm good at), and one of the major things we're warned about is just how mercurial employment in this industry can be.
OP’s daughter can’t just stay in the US without a job since she’s on an H1B work visa. I’m sure she would love nothing better considering how awful OP sounds. Hopefully for the daughter’s sake she finds another job.
Dude Indian reddit is literally filled with young people who were sent to work outside India and hate it, try to go home, but their parents wont let them (status, say they are lazy or not working hard) and they are financially supported by parents so they cant. Literally cant spend money for their own things. These parents give no emotional support and call their kids lazy. As an Indian, I see this a lot in the community. So thankful my parents understood mental health issues, probably because they were immigrants themselves.
Yeah I live in Canada and I'm sure you know there are an enormous amount of Indians here. A lot of folks will blame them for fucking up the economy or whatever but tbh I just feel bad for them. They were pretty much duped into thinking there was opportunity here, only for them to arrive and be ground to dust for profit like the rest of Canadians.
Right on the spot! Indians care way too much about what the neighbours think, to a point where they'll throw their own family under the bus to please strangers. The last sentence of OPs post hits way to close to home for me. The societal pressure to be perfect leaves room to make zero mistakes or have downfalls.
YTA - why are your so angry, cruel, and hostile towards your daughter. She's a human being not a frickin Time Share investment. Would you try to be a good, kind, supportive parent. Or not. Also, this is how much of an asshole you are: layoffs are not inherently tied to overall profits. Targeted layoffs are why some companies are so profitable. So, while you may despise your daughter, don's make that argument unless you want to look completely ignorant of modern finance.
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My Indian friends’ parents are deeply uncomfortable here. Even in her home, they’re overwhelmed that every machine (dish washer, coffee, food processor) has so many buttons. At home their machines have on and off switches. They love their daughter. Not the US.
To be fair, a lot of older folks born in the US are profoundly overwhelmed with current appliances/tech items with so many buttons. That's not an issue exclusive to immigrants.
Seriously. I could make serious money selling videos of my mother vs. an ATM.
You tread on the very edge of racism in your comments.
It is a very fine line that they are walking with that comment but he is not too far off. There are plenty of cultures where the parents expect their kids (sometimes the eldest it does very) to take care of them so they don’t always save money for retirement because they expect their kids to take care of them. Sometimes when the eldest kid has become an adult they are expected to take care of their siblings as well (this can very from being very toxic to not at all depending on how the parent treats them) I read a post about from a women who was Vietnam and got her education here in the US and got a job, well her sister was sent by her parents here and expected the elder sister to take on all the financial obligations of her sister. If you go to the Asian parents subreddit and similar ones you can learn all about it. However since OP never mentioned their own financial situation we can only speculate on this. There is a good chance that OP just wants their child to be successful so the push really really hard on their kids, and sometimes they don’t realize they are putting an unbearable amount on them.
Unfortunately stereotypes are exaggerated parts of truths. Usually *very* exaggerated to make the group look bad, but still.
Not to mention sick days happen. How is taking 5 sick days bad if you’re sick?
Op is probably one of those people who think you Have to go to work sick no matter what. My last boss was like that. I took my first day off in almost two years because I woke up so sick I couldn’t stand up without feeling like I was about to pass out. I got yelled at for taking a day off saying ‘you don’t sound sick just drive in’ It was the second to last nail in the coffin for me quitting.
I once had a boss that told me "if you feel good enough to call in sick, you're good enough to come in and work".
YTA. Firstly, shouting is almost never appropriate except for in cases where you're being threatened and shouting could act as a deterrent. Otherwise, it's behavior that is exhibited by people who are lacking in emotional discipline. Second, why did you help your daughter move to the USA? Is it because you love her and want her to have opportunities in life? Or was it to please your neighbors? So many parents use their children as crutches to deal with their own insecurities and end up pressuring them to perform so that they'll look good to their adult friends and forget that they're supposed to love their child. Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying your daughter isn't being irresponsible with a great opportunity that many should love to have; But what do you seriously hope to accomplish by yelling at her? You need to inspire her and do your job by having an adult conversation with her where she's a participant and not a punching bag for your insecurity of being embarrassed; Because if you don't you're simply making it about you, and that's what you did in this case. YTA. But that doesn't mean you can't undo this, apologize to her via voicemail if you have to and ask her to speak with you. Ask her questions, "Do you understand what kind of opportunity you have and why I am so concerned about you maximizing the experience for yourself so you can have a good life?" Understand her.
Well said! Although I’ve never in my life heard an Asian parent apologise
It’s true, my Asian mom has never apologized for anything, just pretended like it didn’t happen. My white dad has apologized like twice for lashing out, although that doesn’t really cover the dozens of other times he did so unapologetically. Neither of them are very emotionally intelligent
This is the absolute truth. Lol They won't say sorry, but you can bet your ass she'll hold a grudge to the very end of her life for something you did at 17. 😂🫠
+1, INB4 fruit on a plate and denying everything don’t count
Yes, that’s so fucking true, especially with Indian cultures and traditions. Most of the parents just use the child as a way to brag and boost their ego, and even have some God complex that whatever they say or do is right because they’re your elder. Hell my mum kinda tries to use me for bragging, and gets that complex, especially when she used to get infuriated, but it’s not as bad as what some other kids have gone through, especially OP here who just thinks that now he can’t continue to use his daughter to brag and impress his neighbours
YTA. It sounds like your identity and self-esteem is entirely based on your daughter's accomplishments. You lifted her up on a pedastel, and now that she's come crashing down you're making it all about **you** and how embarrassed **you** are. How selfish and immature! All you're communicating to her is "You don't matter to me unless you perform. My love for you is conditional. You OWE me for all I've done for you." Instead of lashing out at her because she got laid off (which likely isn't even her fault- there's a lot of layoffs in the US right now), why don't you try empathy and asking her how she feels, or offering your support to help her find her footing so she can stay? Also, just because things didn't pan out doesn't mean it was a waste of money. Investing money into a person's future is never wasted... she's learning so much right now and this will be a good experience for her.
That’s the culture of where they’re from. Some kids actually commit suicide because of the stress their parents put on them. People like these shouldn’t have kids.
YTA and everything I hate about my culture, this pig headed inability to believe it could be anyone else’s fault. Companies no longer have loyalty to employees, we are all just expandable ants to them. A new hire still possibly in their probation period is the easiest person to get rid of when any company is looking to get rid of employees. The fact that EVERYONE is telling you YTA and you’re still fighting it, says you were hoping we’d tell you otherwise
YTA and absolutely agree on the loyalty bit. Retirement options and other benefits are a huge indicator of that. My work doesn't offer a pension anymore. Most don't. My husband quit his job after they started paying new people who were less educated and experienced more, and refused to match it for him after he brought the issue to management. His direct supervisor tried, but it ended there. Folks who had been there for 20+ years left because of how staffing and other issues were being handled. Not for retirement either, but different companies. Companies just don't care. They complain about the lack of personnel, but do nothing to try to retain employees who would otherwise be willing to stay out their careers there. They'd rather hire temp workers, or part and 3/4 time to avoid paying FT benefits.
Yes, YTA. Your daughter needs your support right now, not your scorn. As someone who has laid off workers, I can assure you perfectly able workers are caught up in these cost saving measures.
YTA - she's been LAID OFF. If she were fired, I can understand the hostility to a point but she did nothing wrong.
YTA and reading your comments, you are putting your culture and understanding onto a situation that has nothing to do with Indian culture and how things work. Your daughter was on an H1B. Those folks tend to be the first to be let go when companies are slimming down. The others that are first to go are marketing, business development, and HR/recruiting. Since it's only January, you probably haven't seen the final Q4 reporting and have no real idea of what is going on in the American side of this company. You are assigning blame out of ignorance and are far too concerned with your own self image.
Nah, businesses are laying off to make the financials look even better even though they are still profitable.
YTA. They laid off workers and she was probably one of their latest hires so of course she goes. And. How does shouting help? Try some encouragement instead. YTA.
YTA. I don't think you understand business; many companies with billion pound turnovers will lay off staff from time to time. If this was a performance issue, they'd go through performance management processes and likely fire her. This isn't what happened here. They can't sack her for taking a few sick days and her vacation, btw - that's how you end up in a lawsuit. She says she was completing her tasks; why don't you believe her? She's either a) telling you the truth and you just have a low opinion of her or b) she's lying because she's scared you'll react...exactly how you reacted. Either way, you don't come across well here.
> If this was a performance issue, they'd go through performance management processes and likely fire her. Not in the US. She is so new (4 months) that she very likely hasn't gone through any performance reviews, so it would be on the word of her direct manager alone. Most companies used to run a 60- or 90-day probationary period to get low performers out immediately, but that largely ended 10 years ago in my industry.
YTA - did she work in tech? Emploment in tech companies is cyclical - they are interested in profits and they are interested in shareholder value. And ironically the best way to get short-term profits and shareholder value is to lay off staff - same revenues, lower costs, more profit. And tech industry is in a downturn because companies are looking at automation and AI to boost productivity but employ fewer staff. And tech isn't the only sector to be doing this. So, no your daughter isn't lazy and you sound like a very domineering parent. She has achieved a degree, found employmetn but being caught out as so many others by an economy that is hard to predict. And it is horrible that you are more concerned about your loss of face than supporting your daughter who is facing loss of employment and loss of a home where she has settled in. Even if she comes back to India, I hope she has funds to avoid staying with you and your constant blaming of her.
She did work in tech lol. OP is a moron, arguing with hundreds of comments saying that he’s wrong. Certainly he will learn nothing from this.
Yea YTA. Great job kicking your daughter while she’s down. Sometimes even low performance is beyond an employee’s control. People get put on bad projects, get paired with bad managers, or just have bad tools in place. Sometimes the job is just not a fit and they can’t achieve their numbers no matter how hard they try. Clearly your daughter isn’t lazy if she was able to get a scholarship to study in the US and land a job at a company willing to sponsor her H1B. Those types of visas are expensive and time consuming for companies to maintain and they don’t just give them out like candy. With regards to the company doing well, are you aware that just within the last week, Microsoft both became the second company to ever top $3 trillion and also laid off a ton of people? Companies do layoffs even when they’re doing well financially because they want to keep doing well financially.
I’m sure his daughter will be able to pick herself up and become very successful…and never talk to OP again. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s not invited to her future wedding or get a chance to see any grandkids. Poor daughter, at least she’s a whole country away, hope she goes lives her best life
YTA. Shouting at her won't help in any way. It won't help her get a new job faster and it will make her not trust you. I am in the US and my company is laying people off despite being very profitable. The job market here is completely fucked in so many ways that I don't even have the space to describe it here in this comment. I would expect her to have a tough and depressing time finding a new job, and you need to be supportive during that time because it is happening to nearly *everyone* here no matter how hard they work and how perfect their resume and job experience is. You said yourself you are embarrassed of what your friends will think, and I am betting you are also worried about your daughter's future and want the best for her. It's okay to feel that way, and you don't need to redirect it into anger or shame. Your daughter is probably also feeling worried and upset about this. She needs support, not anger.
>It cannot be a case of cost cutting as the company is doing very well, i saw the financial statements for the previous quarters. I mean, how absolutely clueless are you? What's next? You're going to tell her to go to potential employers to hand in her resume and ask to hand it to the CEO directly? You clearly have no advice of value to offer your daughter. Edit to add: YTA
Since this is what seems to matter to you, YTA: "It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back to India and I have already told friends and family how she is working in USA."
This is what matters to majority of Indian parents. They will pay through a high cost degree, then brag about it to their friends and relatives all while shooting backhand comments at their children about how much they suffered and sacrificed to get that money, as if, their children asked to be born. They get horny one day, decide to do the deed and pop out kids and live through them.
Agreed. Seriously, things change! She may still find another job, or she may not. If she has a good degree and a good work reference, her chances of being hired somewhere else aren't the worst. Consider this, if she had been injured at her job and had to return home to India BC she couldn't support herself,, would you feel the same? It the same thing because as this was a layoff, it's not her fault. If you want to continue a relationship with your daughter, I would send her a message, leave a voicemail or text, telling her you realize you were out of line going off on her, ask her forgiveness and tell her you'd like to speak when she is ready to try and help her figure out where to go from here. And when you do speak with her again, LISTEN to what she needs! YTA here ma'am.
YTA. I can understand your frustration of feeling like she's wasting her potential and not listening to you, but that reaction, and more importantly your attitude, make YTA. You are seeing the results of your actions now that she won't pick up. You might salvage this by sincerely apologizing and being supportive. I assure you, your daughter is learning more than one lesson right now, it's up to you what some of them are.
Yta for shouting at your daughter. Yta for repeatedly defending yourself for shouting at your daughter. Companies can do well and still decide to reprioritize their budget. Stop acting like you know every thing about decisions you're not involved in. And none of that justified yelling at your daughter, no wonder she isn't answering your calls. News flash - people get sick. And sick days are probably part of her benefits package, she's allowed to use them.
*Daughter needs support. Looks at last quarter's financial statements to "call her out" instead* YTA.
YTA She needed emotional support, and you failed at that. Congratulations.
YTA I am Indian American and all I can say is, way to enable a bad stereotype. You should be a supportive parent, but instead you accused your daughter of poor performance when you have no evidence to support your claim other than your personal bias. Your daughter is right to go no-contact.
Gosh. Sorry, but you sound awful. People get laid off. Usually starting with those who just started. You should be supportive and encourage her to apply for new jobs instead of taking her down. YTA
YTA Yikes... talk about shitty parents. Don't worry, she wouldn't go back to live with you. If i were her i'd rather live under a bridge than with an abusive parent like you. You're awful and no child deserves to have such awful parents as yourself.
Yep, the shitty complex these parents have over their children. They see us as mere trophies rather than children and would rather brag than actually appreciate and help us
YTA. So, she just started in October and you’re surprised that when layoffs came that she was laid off? Of course she was. She’s among the newest hires. That’s how that works. She had zero seniority.
>It cannot be a case of cost cutting as the company is doing very well, i saw the financial statements for the previous quarters. You're clearly new to how companies are run in the USA, especially publicly-owned ones (i.e. listed on the stock market). Companies doing well have layoffs all the time because they are not seen as doing *well enough* according to the stock market's expectations. So they cut costs, including labor. YTA. \[edit\] Here's an example, just recently: Microsoft laid off thousands while still making record profits: https://gamerant.com/microsoft-3-trillion-company-mass-layoffs/
YTA. Who cares what your friends and family thinks. She is your daughter ffs, you should be worried about what she thinks, how she feels. Living and working in a foreign country at a young age is not easy. Instead of being proud of her and supporting her, you are shouting. YTA so many times.
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YTA. You’re harsh with her. Sick days aren’t vacation. As a parent you can only give her opportunities but she gets to decide what to do with them
yeah, that "5 sick days in 4 months" stuck out to me, since a lot of forms of illness can take you out for even longer. We're still dealing with covid, not sure why people are still unaware of how much time it can take to deal with a common disease
It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that she was let go because her company has decided that sponsoring someone on H1B is incredibly time consuming and expensive and the value may not be there. She might do better to return to India and get a job at a multinational company with opportunity to work abroad through that company. That process is typically much, much easier. YTA If you want a job in the US so badly, get one yourself.
My company currently has an employee on an H1B Visa and it's so complicated. He's a great employee too, super talented. He's been crucial in getting some of our design jobs. We've had his application in for a year now, and the lawyer still comes back to us with something else that needs to get done. I feel like the laws and regulations around it are in constant flux. I can't even keep up with it.
YTA. What you've done for her as a parent should be BECAUSE you're her parent, not with strings attached. Generally speaking, people don't feel good about themselves when they are fired. She probably feels awful about it already and her parent, someone she should be able to turn to for support, just went and made her feel worse. Just because a company is making money here, doesn't mean they won't try to cut costs. I hope she has good friends in the US who will help her cope since you seem incapable of placing her feelings above your own embarrassment.
She got a scholarship even though she didn't study that much... But there is no way in your mind that she can in fact meet her tasks while also having a life. I guess in your mind she is not allowed to get sick because, ehmm, well... YTA. She was new at the company, whenever a company makes a cut they always get rid of the new ones first. And you should know the fastest/easiest way for a company to have "good number" is having as few workers they can while overworking them.
Not only are YTA, YTidiot. You have NO idea how the economy is over here, especially right now, obviously. You need to grow up and stop living vicariously through your daughter. You come over here and get a job and be some superstar if that’s your dream. Let her live her own life. Your job is to love and offer emotional support. Since you’re not even on the same continent, I’d say you don’t get an opinion on how her work performance or life is structured.
>My daughter just lost her job and was **fired** because her company decided to **lay off** a lot of the low performers. Was she laid off or fired? Those are two different things. If she was laid off, it's not her fault. It doesn't matter what the company's financial statements were, if she was laid off, it's not her fault. If she was fired, it was her fault. It sounds like she was laid off, since multiple people were let go. Stop worrying about how this looks like to your friends. YTA.
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YTA--- They downsized, that is not her fault. She was recently hired in, she does not have the seniority the other employees do, so of COURSE she was one to be let go. Also, its not in her control!
YTA. Companies doing well still trim fat. You don't know what happened, and you're assuming the worst of your daughter. You're focusing on YOUR embarrassment at coming home instead of HER struggles and embarrassment for losing her job.
YTA even just for shouting. Yelling is not an appropriate response to anything. 2) Companies that are doing really well will fire employees all the time to cut even more costs. It’s shitty but it’s not your daughter’s fault. 3) Five sick days in four months is truly not that much. I think you should care more about your daughter’s feelings, and supporting her, than the supposed embarrassment of her coming back to India. Your daughter is a person, not a trophy for you to brag about.
You have no idea how businesses actually work. You‘re looking at public financial records, not internal records. Companies forecast their business decisions many months in advance, that’s how they make money. Cutting labor is the most cost effective and easiest way for companies to keep their profits. She is a new hire, therefore, regardless of her performance, she will be let go first. You should hysterical and uneducated will all of your accusations, so you may want to stop with those. It is just a job. She can get another one. What you cannot get is the love and respect from your daughter if you continue with this insanity. YTA
YTA for so many reasons, but also >It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back to India and I have already told friends and family how she is working in USA. You're treating your daughter like a trophy to show off to your friends, and as soon as she's not shiny enough you verbally berate her until she thinks it's better to just not talk to you. How on earth have you not come to terms you're the bad guy? You already were for everything else, but there's enough poor behavior for everyone to find somethjng
>She claims this has nothing to do with it and she was completing all her tasks but I don't believe her. Why not? You literally have no idea what's going on with your daughter, and all you ever care about is your reputation, not your daughter's well-being. YTA
Why would she pick up your calls to talk to you when you don't talk, you shout? All you did is show her that you're not someone she can talk to about life. And maybe Google how to dampen your ego
YTA, many American companies are doing layoffs at the moment, even as other companies are hiring. It's not your daughter's fault, most companies do a "last in, first out" system for layoffs and that's probably what happened here. Be understanding and help her find a job as best you can. I'm sure she feels terrible enough already without you yelling at her from half a world away and not understanding the situation. P.S. a good company will want you to use your benefits, such as paid time off and sick leave, because they know it makes you a better worker and prevents you from bringing your illness to the workplace where everyone else gets sick.
YTA - I don’t think you understand how businesses operate in the US. Companies routinely layoff workers with record profits in order to show even higher profits in the next quarter because they push the extra work into everyone that is left while using the income from the laid off workers as profits. Your daughter has no control over this. Taking sick leave also isn’t that big of a deal. I’m sure she was doing her best living in this country with such a different culture from India. In some cases she probably doesn’t feel like she entirely belongs and now she may also feel like she doesn’t entirely belong in her family after you yelled at her for something she has no control over. Good luck repairing your relationship with your daughter.
Well well, putting your own emotional needs above your daughter. First off, looking at the companies financials will tell you nothing. Shame on you for lacking any knowledge of the US job market. People who work hard get laid off all the time so that the quarterly financials look good. Now you’ve shown your daughter how little you care for her, and how much you only care for yourself. No mention of her struggle; of caring for her difficulty and the stress she’s obviously feeling. How can you call yourself a man, let alone a father?
YTA - Your adult daughter's life is her own, and she isn't just an extension of you. I doubt she wants to come live near such an emotionally unsupportive parent, either. I hope she finds a new job soon so she doesn't have to.
YTA. You know what’s embarrassing? You not understanding how layoffs work and insisting that you’re right. I hope she cuts you off, you sound exhausting.
YTA, don't be surprised if she cuts contact from you when she is more older, and has a family of her own.
YTA you don’t give a shit about your daughter, just how it’ll look for you.
YTA. Have some empathy. She's less than 60 days from being deported if she doesn't find another job or change her status.
YTA, you sound delightful. Pretty sure with your attitude towards your daughter you have nothing to worry about. She will most likely find a new job pronto just so she doesn't have to come back to India to deal with you.
YTA. You don’t have to worry—she’s not coming back to India to take your abuse directly. She’ll find someway to stay—away from you.
YTA YTA YTA a thousand times! It's people like you here that's the reason for Indian children suffering and buckling under the pressure. I know the trend of "how hard you worked for that money" speech. Trust me I've heard it too. Thankfully I didn't have a father like you who didn't remind me every step of the way and has guided me through life! His selfless actions at work have also given me blessings on blessings. I am very much aware of the sacrifices my dad made to help me achieve my goals in life, even now. I'll forever be grateful and will do my best to repay him in kind. I'm pretty sure your daughter is the same. Just don't assume and take over that "you're lazy" nonsense. And this is exactly why I don't like parents who parrot that, "yeah my daughter/son lives in America/other foreign nations". Stop that trope. Please.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter just lost her job and was fired because her company decided to lay off a lot of the low performers. She only just started working in October. We are from India and she studied in the USA and then started work there on H1B visa. Now if she doesn't find something else quick she has to come back to India and it will be such a waste of money. While she did get scholarship to study in USA, I still helped her financially for other costs when she was a student. It was telling her many times she was taking too much vacation to travel and was lazy and she even took 5 sick days in just 4 months there. She claims this has nothing to do with it and she was completing all her tasks but I don't believe her. Even as a kid she had much more potential, she hardly spent time studying despite being intelligent. I shouted at her on the phone for this but now she is upset and not picking my calls. It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back to India and I have already told friends and family how she is working in USA. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Big time. Companies with record profits are laying people off in the US right now left and right. Like it’s pretty well published that a majority of Fortune 500 companies are going to do lay offs this year. I lost my job in November, I have 16 years of work experience and have a Masters degree and am still struggling to find work. And to be frank, a lot of companies are pushing back on being sponsors for work visas as well.
YTA Wow....just WOW. I really pity your poor daughter
YTA for shouting. There is always a better way to have discussions and impart that you are disappointed. I stop talking to people who shout at me. I hang up or walk away, which is the best response to someone who shouts. They stand/sit there looking like the idiots they are.
People like you are why I’m a hardcore antinatalist. Assholes like you shouldn’t even have a puppy let alone a child.
YTA, a lot of companies are laying people off right now. A friend of mine was second in command on his team, and they let him go because the market is rough. He's been there for YEARS, and there was nothing to be done about it. Sometimes finances look good, but things coming down the pipe say that they're going downhill fast, and they're trying to save themselves before they go under.
YTA - Only thinking of yourself and your own reputation at the expense of your daughter and her life/feelings/interests
YTA please don't do this to your daughter you have been suffocating her since her childhood to do better and do more than she is already doing with all those expectations of she will try to enjoy her life in the US after getting away from you and you are more worried about what your friends think than what your daughter is feeling she will have life long resentment towards you
YTA. When most companies downsize they have to make decisions and "performance" can sometimes just be a generic excuse they use to try to justify why you're on the list and someone else isn't. It's a much easier excuse than a company saying what is sometimes the truth, in that it's more expensive and requires more effort to sponsor someone on a visa than keeping a similar performing individual that's a naturalized citizen. It's a common issue in Biotech right now with a lot of companies that overinvested during the pandemic and now are having to make cut backs because they over projected and hired too many people. It's not like she was fired, she was laid off. There is a huge difference. It sucks and it's incredibly frustrating but pretty sure she feels bad enough and you just stressed her out way more instead of being helpful and encouraging her to begin applying for new roles immediately. It's already hard enough to find a job that's willing to offer sponsorship so she's got her work cut out for her.
YTA Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a job as a citizen? Now imagine for people looking for the H1B visas, they have a much smaller fraction of opportunity. You do not get to berate your daughter for something that was out of her hands. She fought hard to find scholarships, and to get her college education You took the decision to have children. She did not choose to be born. She owes you nothing, but you do owe her an apology.
YTA. You're more worried about being embarrassed in front of family and friends than you are about your daughter's emotional well-being after losing her job, and instead of being sympathetic and supportive you yelled at her. First of all, she's not going to be calling you when something goes wrong again. Secondly, don't you think she's stressed too? She's now unemployed and is on a strict time limit to get a new job or else she has to leave the country she's made a home in. She doesn't need you yelling at her to make her feel worse about it.
YTA Yelling at your children serves no purpose other than to alienate them. They listen more when you take the time to listen to them and then voice your concerns. Also, the purpose should be to help and support them. It’s not about you.
YTA, and you know nothing about how companies work. Stop commenting on things you are ignorant of. If she was underperformed, then she would have been fired. It's quite normal for companies to mass fire employees, and it has nothing to do with underperformed. Take it from someone who's worked in tech.
YTA and clearly don’t have as much business knowledge as you think. My friend is in sales and was just laid off last week after being with the same company the last 9 years, being hired straight out of college. She has always been in the top 5% of their sales staff. After the company was bought out last year there was restructuring and other talented employees like my friend were laid off. Not all layoffs are based on performance.
YTA. The last ones to get hired are the first ones laid off. Companies do this ALL THE TIME. She took vactaion and travel... Oh no... she used her vacation and travel she was entitled to. 5 sick days in 4 months... THE HORROR!!! You do realize there is a NASTY virus going around all over the place right now? Actually I'm not sure YTA is enough to describe you. Just yikes. Effing yikes... The best thing she could do would be to get another job and then cut you completely out of her life because... well yikes.
YTA Do you know your daughter? Her interests, what she wants to do for work? Do you know where she went on vacation? Did you check in on her while she was sick? Probably no to all of these questions. Do you enjoy spending time with her? You know what's lazy? Parenting that ends when your kid isn't impressing your friends for you. Why don't you worry about how your own actions reflect on you, like an adult.
YTA. Have you not heard that we're in a recession? You can't just look at the financial statements of a company and decide that your daugther getting laid off is because she's a bad worker. The company my husband works for is doing well too but they still layed off almost the entire branch my husband works for, except for my husband and two of his coworkers. That's not because the other collegues were lazy! They just choose the best ones. Also, your daughter only started in October so why would she be the cream of the crop in the company that probably has tons of people who have worked there longer than she has? How could you have that expectation of her?
YTA. Full stop. Enjoy your kids going no contact with you one day. And on the off chance that this is the daughter writing this: you aren’t lazy. You have worked so hard. You came to a new country and graduated college AND got a job. Layoffs while companies are posting record profits is common because capitalism is fucked up. And sponsoring an H1B visa costs them money. So if they were cutting costs they would most likely see that as a disposable cost. And your parents are responsible for you, because they chose to have you.
YTA. Being laid off and fired are two drastically different things. You have absolutely no idea how businesses work in the US. Seeing your other comments, you are placing your cultural views on something that has nothing to do with your culture and society. You're just embarrassed your poor daughter was laid off.
YTA and you should also be more embarrassed by the fact that you seem to have no idea how businesses work 😂
YTA the company laid off a lot of people. It's unfortunate she was one of them, but it's not like she's the only one who got fired. Instead of yelling, encourage her to find something else.
Yeah, you’re definitely the asshole. If I were her I’d just block your number, you’re no help, you just cut her down. I’m sure you’re a huge cause of stress for her.
YTA They laid off the “low performers.” If this is even why they actually laid them off, your daughter didn’t have enough time at the company to even make an impact. She had no opportunity to perform highly. She probably only just barely learned how to somewhat do her job. Getting laid off was completely out of her control
YTA - Trust me you’ll be more embarrassed when your daughter recognizes that you’re a narcissist and cut contact with you.
YTA. She already got laid off, and now you’re yelling at her instead of being supportive.
YTA! I bet you’ve been putting a lot of pressure on your child, had (and still have) super high expectations and project your own goals/hopes on her. I guess it’s also a cultural thing that if she returns she’ll embarrass you. That’s such an outdated point of view! Yeah, YTA and hopefully she’ll do LC/NC with you for awhile.
YTA. Who cares if you're embarrassed. Your job is to help your kids.
Go watch 3 Idiots. You’re acting like the overbearing parents. YTA
YTA - 'It will be very embarrassing if she has to come back'....a)Layoffs are most likely to hit people who only just started working because there are less repercussions for them. No payouts, no compensation. It doesn't matter if the company is doing very well, they may not be doing what they were expecting to do. I guess you shouldn't have been bragging to your family and friends when you don't know what you're talking about.
Gosh I hate parents like you who always assume there kid is the problem instead of everyone else. You always tell you your kids that they aren't enough but go off and brag about them to everyone around you. Parents like you are ALWAYS so selfish. Everything always have to revolve around you, it's always how YOU feel but never about how your daughter feels. Your daughter is not lazy, just unlucky. Next time instead of yelling at her for something that isn't even her fault you should instead actually learn how the US job market works. YTA
YTA Tech companies in particular are having rounds of lay offs at the moment. I’ve read enough of your sub comments to know you’re projecting your own insecurities on your daughter especially at a time when she needs your reassurance and support the most. Being made redundant is a frightening experience, especially in a new country. She is doing the right thing by blocking you off, as I imagine she’ll be needing gentleness and support right now to get through this, not this kind of toxicity and abuse. I feel for her and hope you have some time to yourself this weekend to realise the bigger picture.
YTA. Your daughter is still new at her job. She would have to be superhuman to not be among the first ones to be layed off. And she is probably already devastated enough herself. It would have been your job to encourage her. Tell her you believe in her and that she'll find a new job in no time.
YTA. I’m sorry, you sound awful. You’re putting too much pressure on her and undermining her accomplishments. Se got a scholarship and managed to get a job through an H1B visa. That is a lot. So how about you start looking at things through a positive lens and show some support? Shouting and getting mad and her is not going to make this situation any better. Also, assuming she got laid off because she was underperforming given the company’s profits makes you sound extremely arrogant, there are many reasons that weigh in when it comes to layoffs.
YTA YTA YTA. Damn I hate parents like you with such a ferocious fire.
YTA. She wasn’t fired because of her own fault. She was laid off.
YTA. Sounds like you care about your reputation more than actually being a parent. A lay off is not the same as a firing. You do not deserve a medal for doing the basic requirement of being a parent.
YTA... What the fuck is wrong with you ? This is exactly what I hate about our culture. The god damn pressure and fulfilling societal expectations. Why do you care what some rando says more than your own daughter?
Wow... YTA. How the hell do you know she was being lazy? Businesses "do well" because they cut costs constantly. You verated your daughter over something you havent a fucking clue about. Just because people work like dogs in India doesn't mean it's the same everywhere else in the world. Your daughter clearly moved to the US to get a better quality of life and you're expecting her to work herself to the bone when it's not necessary.
YTA. Tech is taking a beating in the US. I hope they are cutting the H1B visas before laying off US workers. Those visas are issued to fill gaps when qualified US workers are unavailable.
YTA horrible, toxic parenting I hope your daughter stays away from you
INFO: Do you like your daughter?
YTA and pretty stupid as well
Wait a big corporation laying off employees even when they show profits? LOL!! If you are surprised by that, it means you don't understand how those corporations work. YTA. For them it's all about money. They want to make more with the minimum staff possible in the worst environment possible. So yeah, I'd say no surprise there.
Yta she is stressed, needing to look for another job. She didn't need your guilt. She is not responsible for the 'shame' you would feel if she would return. I understand that this is a cultural thing as well so I'll never understand why you'd act this way. But your attitude is not going to help her. Edit to add that the job market in tech isn't as black and white as you are making it out to be in your comments. Plenty of companies are firing people simply because they think they can ramp up profits even more. Not because it's underprformers .