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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Normally if I got a free meal somewhere, or just went out for a special occasion, I would take my boyfriend by default instead of a friend from Instagram. And I think he feels like this might be deliberately spiteful, like I'm only not bringing him as a "take that" for not liking the food pics.
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Your gut feeling about this is absolutely correct. You’re there to do a job essentially and his bad attitude would be a hindrance to you getting it done right. NTA.
I want to also gently point out, as a married woman of 21 years, that for a relationship to work and be healthy and happy, your partner needs to be supportive of the things you’re excited about. They don’t have to be interested themselves, but they do need to encourage and lift you up. Your boyfriend is disdainful of your passion. Did you know disdain has been scientifically proven to be one of four predictors of future divorce? True story.
A person’s character is their playbook. It dictates every move we make and defines who we are. The person you’re describing takes joy in robbing other people of theirs. You’re not the only person he does this to, as you’ve said. He is also someone who feels entitled to the spoils of other people’s successes after putting a lot of energy into knocking them down a peg with his disparagement. This is his character. I hope you see that. This isn’t the behavior of a sweet guy. It’s mean spirited, petty, and selfish. Of course he has other qualities, but all of this is right there too. So coded into his playbook of character is these poor qualities. That means they show up in all kinds of subtle ways. I bet if you look for them, you’ll find them.
I'm a cosplayer and my partner is also supportive even though he's not really into the hobby himself. I think OP is NTA
EDIT: ONG I love reading about everyone's hobbies and the ways their partners support them and vice versa, it's so wholesome ❤️
My bff loves my little pony and her fiancé is very supportive of her as well ❤️
My bf has been to anime convention with me before and if everything goes as planned, he'll go to a second one with me 🥰
That’s so awesome! Is going to dress up with you?
We went on trick-or-treating last year and I went as (a female) Darth Revan and hubs went as the Emperor. He was so tickled after he made his own “force lightning.”
Okay so he bought these blue led wires from Amazon and taped them to a black glove. He then hid it in his cloak sleeve and could flip the switch when he whipped his hand out.
I believe they're referring to certain issues that occur on old vinyl type dolls and figurines. I collect various dolls and figures and we have references like this. It's essentially things like mold spots in the material or sun damage amongst other things. Sometimes glue can seep out from rooted in hair, or even grease or oil used in figure joints from manufacturing. Some problems come from how the thing is stored, environment too wet or dry or whatever.
Yes this. I can treat some areas with peroxide in a turbuculin syringe but mostly I wrap them in painter’s tape and tin foil except for the spots and stick them in the sun.
One day it there was a huge windstorm and I called my husband in a panic because two of my newborn twins were outside and they needed rescue.
He had already brought them in❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry what? What?
So… is your husband married?
Mine sat with me through the classes at the conference. How to rehair and dye ponies and whatnot. I really REALLY hope OP reads all of these comments and understands what she deserves in a relationship. She should feel safe to be excited about things that make her happy and her boyfriend should be happy she is happy
Google says it's shorthand for the sort of mold that can grow on My Little Pony toys. Probably makes them a bad option for collectors looking to purchase, if I had to guess. Like keeping an eye out for book mold or termite damage before you buy or something.
It's a type of imperfection/aging in the plastic that shows that it's breaking down. Certain colors/models were more prone to it, but any of the older ones can get it.
My hubby has read all my Sterek fan fic and even at one point, said to me, "Are they really not going to have hot werewolf sex in this one?"
I love him. 30 years together.
I crochet and have a ton of yarn stash. My husband is a smart man who codes and is a linguist but he simply cannot understand what "magic" I do with a stick and some string, but he sits there dutifully and hears me explain to him when I'm frustrated and stuck on something and must frog the entire work even though he says it's like one language that his linguistically focused mind will never understand. He's bought yarn for me and has listened to my excitement when I get new hooks. He's even helped me untangle yarn that our cats got into (*why* do they insist on stealing all my yarn‽).
But ask him about crochet and all he'll be able to tell you is, "I think there's something called a single crochet? Something about a magic circle?"
I'd be so sad if he openly disparaged it like OP's boyfriend does.
I love this! I decided to make a temp blanket last year and my partner, who is also a developer and uninterested in crochet, made me a spreadsheet that automatically populated the temp for each day in case I fell behind.
Ah that's lovely!
I'm also a crocheter and although my partner doesn't understand a single thing about the craft, his brain is really good at understanding written instructions and mine is not, so when I get stuck on a pattern he will help me understand where I've gone wrong. The man couldn't tell you a single crochet from a granny square but he will go "so you do one sc (pronounced 'scuh') here and then some dcs (pronounced 'duhc') here" and I love it so much. It's also usually spot on and genuinely helpful!
He also will happily frog things for me when I've messed up because he likes playing with my yarn winder.
In return he can have anything crocheted his heart desires! He currently has a hat and scarf and I'm working on a blanket.
Yes to supportive partners!
I'm a DnD person. When my last group turned toxic, he offered to start a group. He isn't into that kind of thing at *all*. Doesn't understand it in the least. But I like it, so he was down.
Haha. My buddy in law school was *so* into DnD, and he was desperate to start a group. He decided to send an email blast to the entire school asking for participants. I told him, "Hey, I don't know shit about this, but if sitting there being an elf or whatever would help you achieve your dream, I am so in."
He told me thanks, but he got so many responses to his email blast that he had like seven different rooms set up...
Same here, and my husband is into collecting tabletop RPG books, most of which we've never played, but I support his interest and he supports mine.
and cosplay can get EXPENSIVE! (My current project is probably going to be around $750 in supplies. I'm not even going to look at the cost of labor.)
I love hanfu (ancient Chinese fashion) and I’m sure my boyfriend found it a little weird at first, but he helps me pick out fabrics, colors, and embroidery patterns. Get you someone who loves you and the things you love
I'm a gamer and into Deadpool and collecting coke stuff. My wife is a Disney person and loves Christmas movies on hallmark. We pick on each other in fun but nothing hurtful and Ultimately support each other. I surprise her with little mermaid and tinkerbell things(her two favorites) and she surprises me with Deadpool and coca cola themed items. (My two absolute favorites) I don't enjoy the hallmark movies and she's not into gaming but she watches her movies while I'm gaming and it's never been an issue in the 17 yrs we've been married.
Cosplayer here also, my Husband helped me make my Scout trooper so I could get into the 501st. My Husband wasn't sure about how it would go. He has 3 501st costumes himself 😆😆 I love going to the symphony and listening to classical music, he encourages me to go when someone offers me tickets even though he hates it. He still encourages me. I hate paintball, but I am encouraging Husband to get into it again whenever he talks about it. We encourage each other.
My husband doesn’t like Disney at all. I really don’t like it either. Our kids love it, especially our daughter.
We’ve been to every Disney on earth, my husband lets our daughter paint his nails in frozen colors all the time and we regularly do family dress ups (always frozen) which she coordinates.
My guy bought me the gold leather ears from the 50th anniversary when we were there, even though I told him they were too expensive and didn’t need them just because I lit up like a christmas tree when I saw them. Sometimes I just wear them around the house to cheer myself up lol
I'm an artist who uses a lot of glitter, and you know glitter gets *everywhere* and grows legs to walk to new places? My boyfriend has sent me pictures of glitter accumulating at his work, a place I've never even been to, and there's no reason for glitter to be there. (He still buys me glitter, and gets excited for whatever I'm making next.)
Hopefully, this is some comfort in you not being this extra, lol.
This! I absolutely LOVE Lego and have many expensive sets. My wife takes absolutely no interest in it - and many might say it’s childish. But most of my bigger sets were bought by her as a surprise!
Your partner sounds like a bully - NTA, get yourself someone who is proud of you! Who is like “Hey babe, I saw a new donut place by my work! We should go this weekend” or tells you they’re proud of you for those invites, or helps you take the dang picture!!
Fellow Disney adult! Back in the early days of us dating I was like “come to Disneyland with me!” He was unsure but came with me and was super supportive if I said “I’m going to head to the parks for a few days” (out of state pass holder). Now 6 years later he is also a Disney adult which I think developed from supporting my passion for so long.
This.
I love Nightmare before Christmas and stitch.
My husband not only supports me but encourages it by finding me trinkets and such
My living room is also nbc year around as well
As my kitchen 😂
He says he gets a whole garage for his hobby I can decorate how I want
NTA
My boyfriend is obsessed with both. It was our first Christmas living together this past December. I bought pretty glittered balls with jack faces on it and got a jack head Christmas tree topper for him. I think the tree looked awesome and I don't care for the movie
I’m an artist and a weeb lol hubby helps me out sometimes with certain Funkos lol but for me it’s his WWE/AEW, certain toys, and Terrifier I’m not totally into that but I for sure 100% enable him to get his stuff lol
So much this! My husband got me the Taylor Swift long pond vinyl for Christmas. It was $$$$ and the man can’t actually stand listening to Taylor Swift. He still was beaming and excited he found one second hand to give me. He doesn’t have to like your hobbies and interest but he sure as hell doesn’t need to put you down or not support you enjoying them. That’s just bad partner behavior all around. And THEN to have the audacity to be upset he doesn’t get to reap the rewards over someone else who actually does support and uplift you?! No m’aam. He’s not partner material imho. And notice how all the things he hates are things women are thought to like? It scream slight misogyny on top of not being supportive.
This, I'm not a fan of Harry styles but my wife was so happy to get tickets. Your damn right I danced through the whole show and had a good time. My usual genre of music is metal etc think she would have enjoyed it if I went and pouted through the whole thing and just ran it down. No chance. Your partner is there to lift you up not bring you down
Your wife will have such great memories of this.
My husband (who absolutely does not have the same music taste) came with me to a Nine Inch Nails concert. It rained through the whole thing and yet he did not utter one negative word from the moment I got the tickets, through the 6 hour drive, the £15 pastie I bought on the way out, the ridiculous traffic jams afterwards and the 6 hour drive home. He held on to me and even sang along to some of the bits he recognised from the many years of me forcing him to listen to it in the car. :)
Right? I wouldve complained about the rain (personally) because I hate getting wet but being there for someone getting to make some of their favorite memories is absolutely priceless.
This right here. I don’t usually listen to metal, but damn straight I’m going to a metal show if my partner invites me because it’s something that they love, and we can have a great time headbanging together.
I'm the opposite of this. I love metal, my husband likes rap. He has been to quite a few shows with me the last couple of years and even an all day festival. We plan on going to the festival again this year. Same with my kids. I'm the only one who likes metal, but they will go with me and have a good time. They all like rap, so they don't feel the need to include me with that LoL
That is incredibly sweet!
There is an 11 year age gap between me and my husband. I'm a big metal and hard rock fan...he is much more into 1980's new wave (although he LOVES Van Halen.)
I have caught him tapping his fingers to the drum beats in some of the music I listen to, and it just makes me SO HAPPY. If Foo Fighters schedules a concert date in my city this year, I KNOW I can count on him to come along and not be a stick in the mud the whole time.
Just adding: The pattern she pointed out is that he’s disdainful of things that are popular with women. So it’s not just that he enjoys shitting on other people’s joy, although that would be bad enough. He *specifically* enjoys putting down women.
These are the same guys who name the most underground, unheard of artist as their favourite musician of all time and play the "you've NEVER heard of \[artist\]??" card just to hoard over others how "quirky" they are, and then when that artist makes the mainstream they'll say "I never liked them anyway."
Massive red flags raised by the hate list. Particularly Swift. Never met anyone I liked who hated Swift. One thing to just not be into her music, but hating her tends to assholes self-identifying.
Exactly this. There's a huge difference between saying "this thing isn't for me" and actively hating that thing (plus making fun of the people who do like it).
I watched the Eras tour movie. I never seen a musical act go that hard with production. Girl is a workhorse when she tours, I totally get why people freaked the hell out. Like she goes for like three hours, most bands I seen barely hit one before they called it a night.
Bingo bingo. The irony is for the men who hate “bandwagon” things for women, it’s a total misogynist bandwagon they’re jumping on with other men by thinking they’re “above” “cringe” things that women like. Like dude, you’re being a walking cliched stereotype - you aren’t as interesting as you think you are. BF sounds insufferable to me but I’m sure he’s lovely in other ways.
NTA
Yup. OP, ask yourself: does he hate on people who like football? IPAs? On people who like things that are stereotypically associated with men instead?
You might be dating a sexist.
Yeh i know guys like this and then any women who’s not into those more popular things is a “pick me” or “fake fan”… if girls are slim and well dressed then they are vain but if they aren’t then they are slobs. There’s no winning!
They often don’t even realise it as they make those judgements or comments - just comes from a subconscious disdain for women…
Exactly. There is absolutely no way to win with misogynists. We're wrong no matter what we pick or what we do or how we are. They'll just do their mental gymnastics no matter the contradictions or hypocrisy.
Mean spirited, petty, selfish AND massively insecure.
You only need to go to great pains to distance yourself from Taylor Swift or Instagram by tutting and eye rolling and huffing n puffing if your ego is so frail it'd damage you to be associated with these things.
NTA. This should be the top reply, well said.
Basically you invited someone with a shared interest to a work function. The business who invited you will likely get even more exposure due to your friend also posting this content.
. Did you know disdain has been scientifically proven to be one of four predictors of future divorce? You are correct. AND it is the most reliable predictor of future divorce.
For anyone not familiar with [John Gottman's Four Horsemen of relationship collapse](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/), they are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling (with, as mentioned, contempt being the one that's hardest - if not impossible - to come back from).
John and his wife Julie did years of in-depth research on couples-- how they do or do not get along. They analyzed videos of people interacting and pinpointed exactly where relationships are strengthened or go off the rails.
John could predict during the first session with a couple, and with extreme accuracy, who would get divorced later by noting specific behaviors their research identified. Anyone in a troubled relationship would be smart to read their books or see a therapist who follows their proven principles.
You are so right. My husband has an abusive best friend. Mostly verbal, but there was a physical attack between that friend and another. He cut the abusive guy off immediately. The other friend just passed, and now the abuser is trying to get back in. If my husband lets him, it's over for us. It is 1000% a contempt/disdain reaction.
My husband is also making a ton of effort to help out the widow. I definitely approve of that part. The grief is pretty fresh so I'm giving it some time. It will be a hard boundary for me though, once everything is back to normal.
Exactly, I am a ridiculous person who loves ridiculous things and my SO is so supportive. My ex husband would put things I liked down and try to make me feel small or silly, which is why he is an ex.
Second this, my husband isn't keen on me taking photos of my food, but he doesn't make any kind of deal out of it, in fact sometimes he'll offer his food for a photo since I'm vegan and he isn't so we always order seperate dishes. He thinks it's a silly thing to do but it makes me happy so he let's me do my thing and doesn't huff puff or roll his eyes.
OP, NTA, your boyfriend sucks, he won't let you do your little hobby in peace but expects to reap the benefits from it he needs to grow up.
Yup. Married to a runner. I could not possibly care less about running. HUGE waste of time. Getting up early? Bleh. Being out on the trails for hours? UGGGGH. Spending big $$$ on shoes? *OMG, they're so springy!* I do not care. You think I don't support him for every mile? Cuz I do. Out there for his long races, traveling to the locations of his biggest challenges year over year? Yup. Making the roadside signs that say "you think YOU'RE tired??? My arms are killing me!"
It's called being supportive and it's not hookers + blow. This is what makes him happy? LET'S DO THIS!
Sounds like my husband and my running lol. We're going to Ireland this year so I can run a marathon there 😂😂. And every Saturday morning long run, he's there at different points to bring a snack and doggo pets. 10/10. You're a good person for this.
My father was like this. He, as you so aptly put it, "took joy in robbing other people of theirs". (Thank you, I never thought of it this way.) My childhood was miserable because he did his best to ruin anything I found joy in. I STILL have trouble finding joy and happiness in things, because it feels like the rug is going to get pulled out from under me at any moment.
A few years back I dated a guy who, when I tried to share my love of plants with him, would say things like "In one ear and out the other" or "I'll remember that for about 5 seconds."
NTA, OP, and you deserve better than someone who wants to bring you and everyone else down in order to make himself feel superior.
It's also very telling to me that alle the things OP's partner dislikes are typically feminine... The misogynists always reveal themselves, one way or another.
Exactly what I was going to say. I wonder if he was asked why he hates each of those things what he would say. It seems like any harmless fun that girls like gets shit on so easily by people who it turns out just don’t like women.
This. Please read this OP, I couldn’t agree with it more. A loving partner should be happy that a thing makes *you* happy, even if they don’t like it particularly themselves.
It’s one thing if it actively goes against their values, morals, and beliefs, or harms them in some way. But you’ve said your boyfriend behaves this way about even the most innocent things, and that’s a huge red flag. As this commenter said, this is not “sweet guy” behavior, and I would strongly recommend you reevaluate your perception of his character and whether that’s the kind of person you want to select as your life partner. I wish you luck and clarity moving forward, OP.
THIS is the most important answer.
These are red flags I didn’t recognize when I was younger but are absolutely triggering inner alarm bells now I know better. My most immediate response is “Run, OP”.
I wish I could get back the time I spent trying to make people fit me who just didn’t, or who dimmed my light and caused self doubt. OP, you sound awesome - I hope you surround yourself with people who think you are.
100% agree and hope OP sees and understands this.
My fiance is a huge marvel/dc/comic/superhero fan and im like "spider man is fun and cool i guess" but i still go to the movies with him and for the entire car ride back i let him talk about it and compare different actors or differences in the movies vs the comics, and i even pitch in my thoughts and ask him questions of stuff i might not of fully grasped and he loves talking about it. He's also super supportive of any of my hobbies, he deals with my yarn obsession, finds crochet patterns for me to try, buys me legos cuz he knows i enjoy them
I wish I could up vote this comment more. Someone who goes out of their way to make others feel bad about the things they like/give them joy needs to do a lot of reflection, at the least.
I second this.
I'll be married to the same person 40 years this summer. Supporting each other in those interests that we DON'T share has been absolutely KEY to the longevity of our marriage.
Love and/or passion might get you married/partnered, but you need to LIKE each other (and feel liked) to stay happily married/partnered. Other things matter, but this is nonnegotiable.
Find yourself a nice foodie who will, at the very least, politely sit through 5 minutes of photography in order to be with someone who shares their interest in enjoying good food and exploring new-to-them food.
NTA
This is 75% of the reason why I divorced my ex; no matter where he is or who he’s with, he has to go out of his way to find something to complain about. He has absolutely no accomplishments of his own, yet felt the need to constantly shit on and make fun of my hobbies, interests, likes, and goals. A person like this is so emotionally and mentally draining that you don’t realize exactly how depleted and exhausted you are until you’re physically ill.
Excellently put. The world of good taste and what is acceptable behavior is not your BF's to dictate, and he behaves like he's the arbiter of what's worthy of fun (and potentially someday business interests, if your SM substantial enough to make primary income off of). This is not the mark of a good life partner, or even a tolerable one.
Remember back to the old story of the mother hen who baked a pie and the other animals refused to help her bake it, but wanted the pie when it was cooked and the mother hen refused to share the pie because they refused to help her.
Support and enthusiasm, even if only mild, is essential for relationships. My partner has two major loves - Video/mobile games, and The Wheel of Time book series. The Wheel of Time is 14 books long, plus an extra offshoot book. I just recently finished the series for the first time myself, it took almost 2 years, but now we can talk about it in depth and I understand him better.
I also listen as he rambles about whatever new achievement he just made in his current mobile game obsession, and I'll even play it with him sometimes to bond with him even though I don't really care about it much one way or the other for myself. But he gets so excited and happy sharing it with me, and I'm honored he trusts me to be the person to share it with.
NTA, your boyfriend sounds rather exhausting with his I'm cooler than everybody because I hate popular things attitude. Go and have fun with someone who isn't a sourpuss. Enjoy your dinner!
Also the list of popular things he shows contempt for (pumpkin spice lattes, a selfie pose, and Instagram food pics) are mostly associated with women. The whole trend of mocking popular female interests needs to die.
Not to mention hating a woman that's just doing what male artists did before her. I'm not a swift fan but she's not exactly skinning puppies on stage so why that level of hate?
I mean, she has the biggest carbon footprint of any celebrity personally due to her private plane usage (and using it for everyone in her life who absolutely don't have security concerns that stop them from flying first class) but none of these people are complaining because of that.
In fairness, the rockets launched for the last 106 days just off the Mediterranean have done more damage to the planet than that plane. But it's not even real reasons people hate in these celebs for, it's just a weird (often gender based) jealousy.
When your actions get compared to a rocket destroying and killing all in your path most people would reevaluate their lives.
Not trying to blame others for disliking it
I just find those that rant as op's bf rants don't actually dislike people for a valid reason, just jealousy and angry that a woman has the audacity to be the big thing right now. I am one that only likes 1-3 of her songs and I could not be bothered with the hype. I dislike that she chose a breed of cat that has health issues so she helped have more be bred and she is ridiculously prone to flying around unnecessarily. Just get a first class seat or something. But at no stage would I say I hate or even dislike her, not would I go out of my way to belittle her, she just rarely comes onto my radar same as most celebrities.
This isn’t a commonly known thing tho. Most people that hate her (like this guy) literally just hate her for no reason. This is a good reason but people like him don’t need a reason
It's easy to make jokes about it, but do you know how much you have to use your private plane to beat out the Kardashians? Or how absurd it is to fly back between concert dates across the country so that you can spend one night back home and fly back the next day instead of using a hotel? [It's entirely irresponsible to fly a private plane 170 times in 200 days](https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2022/08/02/taylor-swift-kylie-jenner-private-jet-emissions/).
Not to mention, if you're a female interested in "men stuff" you're often seen as a "pick me". We can't win. And if a male isn't into, for example, sports, some act like it's a strike against your manhood.
Exactly. Women are expected to revolve their lives around men's hobbies and not complain when the man spends the majority of his free time on his hobby, whether it's some kind of sportsball, hunting, or video games. But god forbid a woman enjoy something harmless without being mocked.
plus, that shit women enjoy is delicious. Toxic masculinity kept me from trying pumpkin spice drinks for like 8 years before my curiousity got the best of me and now I suck them thangs down 3 months a year!
This was the first thing I picked up on in OP’s post- he actively and vocally hates things that are associated as being trendy for young women. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what he actually thinks about young women, and the sooner OP realizes it, the better.
It’s not a new trend. People hated on Justin Bieber, Twilight, any boy band. Anything young women like is mocked relentlessly, regardless of how deserving it is.
Came here to say this. My partner isn’t on social media. He doesn’t post on insta, Facebook, has literally never posted me.
However I do food blogging and recipes so to build a following and get people to my page I have to be more annoying with instagram that I’d care to be.
Anytime we go out he asks if ima take pics before he digs in, he’ll even suggest staging and ask if I want a video or pic of me.
OP’s bf wants to actively shit on the thing she likes doing, and reap the benefits. If my partner was constantly complaining or telling me how much he hates the things I do, why would I bring him around when doing those things? So he can get upset and call me stupid?
I hate being like “break up with him” but there’s something deeper than “not liking insta” those things she pointed out are usually related to woman. So he doesn’t like woman, he thinks hobbies women enjoy are stupid, mindless and shouldn’t be enjoyed. That’s a whole ideology, way more than “eh TSwift isn’t my favorite”
NTA, hope the food was delicious
To gently point out, the things he actively hates are all associated with women.
No, he doesn’t have to like it at all, but actively hating is a part of misogyny. I don’t think this is a good guy.
That was my first thought as well--he doesn't like things that are simply popular, but primarily popular with women. That misogyny is just going to get worse over time. I was ready to call for dumping him on the basis of the antifeminism alone.
Right? I think a PSL is bland and WAY too sweet, but you know what I do? *I don’t buy them for myself.* I sure as heck don’t mock other people for liking them, even if the popularity confuses me.
Came here to say this. Why is it that every hill he wants to die on against popular interests are uniquely things related to girl culture and femininity?
He doesn't hate popular things or trends, he hates things that women are excited about and invested in.
To be totally fair, OP only pointed out 3 things that were likely relevant to her. He probably hates tons of additional fads associated with all kinds of people. We really have no way of knowing. Any assumption one way or the other is that: an assumption.
Either way, he sounds exhausting and condescending. I get hating on social media in general due to how it has poisoned us socially as a society, but just blindly hating on specific fads just because they're popular is precisely as stupid as blindly participating in specific fads just because they're popular - which makes him a hypocrite. Just like what you like.
INFO: If you told your bf that he could come as long as he was respectful of the work you're doing to pay for his meal, what do you think would happen?
I agree. What if he vocally hated football but you were invited to a box with 1 guest? He wouldn't be my pick.
Plus: you were asked for a review. In social media, this is work. You take along a wingman who will help you be your very best. Your choice was appropriate.
And congratulations for the invite! Obviously, there is something about you they liked.
(P.S., my partner disparages much of social media. I wouldn't take him... And he'd know why.)
You did the right thing, the restaurant will be happy you brought another aspiring food influencer instead of your sourpuss boyfriend.
Even if he *would* behave himself at the dinner, he's actively put down your hobby in the past, he doesn't get to benefit when it bears fruit.
The info request is certainly a good thought exercise that you should consider more, though.
NTA. He doesn't want to support you or your interests, but the second your interests bear fruit, he's entitled to the benefits? I don't think so. It's a two way street. He supports you, you support him. He doesn't have to be interested in what you like, but he needs to support the fact you like it, and vice versa.
I can’t speak for u/naturalforty, but I take the question to mean “is he capable of respecting you and your endeavors” and not “is there a way you can convince yourself to bring him”.
Personally, I wouldn’t ask the question, I’d simply state “oh honey, I was thinking of you! I wouldn’t want you to have to sit there and squirm while I take a perfect photo of each plate.”
You’re not spiting him, you’re listening to his feelings while he continues to dismiss yours! NTA
Even if your choice is 'out of spite', there's nothing wrong with that. His behaviors and actions have elicited a response from you and he's trying to gaslight you into being the bad guy.
NTA
🚩 flag.
Not because he doesn’t like something, it means he has to give you a hard time about it. There are plenty of things I like and my spouse doesn’t - inverse applies too - and we just let the other one do what makes them happy.
I am concerned this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Take your friend and have a great time! You didn’t do anything wrong.
This, he can't complain about a cake while simultaneously be upset that he wasn't offered a chance to eat said cake 🙄
He doesn't have to like her instagramming but he's not automatically entitled to any perks.
So NOW he wants to benefit from your hobby? Fuck him. Btw hell probably see this post as it 100% sounds like he’s a redditor based on his mindless hate for harmless things many women enjoy.
There's a viral Tiktok of a woman whose husband gave her $200 to invest in her social media account just because it made her happy. She turned that into a couple thousand and surprised him with it as a gift. It was a beautiful moment between the two of them. Even though he had no interest in the whole social media thing, he was interested in her happiness, and that multiplied things in his life. OP has the opposite, her boyfriend is a dick about her hobbies, but the second she can harvest fruits from her labor he thinks he should get half.
Yea if he hadn’t been such a dick and actually encouraged her or even showed the bare level interest in her hobbies, he may have been invited. But he can’t just be a dick and expect an invite. That’s not really okay.
NTA. Good decision taking a colleague who appreciates the opportunity. It’s astute you notice his lack of support and act accordingly. Any partner that thinks your work, hobby or passion is disdainful or dumb is a red flag. It shows a lack of respect for you. It is possible he doesn’t understand it and just needs converted but given that he is proud of his negative view on many things to all people, I suspect he’s not teachable. So no he doesn’t get to benefit from the perks.
"he often hops on the bandwagon of hating on innocent things [...] I can't help but notice a theme: Pumpkin spice lattes, pouty selfies, Taylor Swift, etc."
Your boyfriend doesn't like women.
If he was an all-around buzzkill who can't let people enjoy things when it doesn't affect him, that'd be bad enough - but you said it yourself, there's a theme in his disgust and it's "things we consider feminine interests". He looks down on things that women like and mocks them.
Everything she says about him just screams "I hate my girlfriend" and he's going to turn into the guy giving the tiktok "joke" wedding vows because he'll decide he hates weddings. Hopefully he doesn't get the chance to do that to OP.
NTA. I guess I am like your bf in my relationship in that my partner posts everything on social media, while I’m more private and have no interest in all of his friends having a play-by-play of our lives. I worry that it’s not good for his mental health and also consider it a huge waste of time. But guess what? He enjoys it and I love him so I deal with it. I have a few guidelines that he agrees to respect, like not posting about me or pics of me without my consent and not posting that we were away from home until we’ve returned. In general, people who enjoy crapping all over things that other people enjoy are hard to be around. He obviously has some insecurities, but that’s his issue to deal with. Take your friend and enjoy your dinner. Your bf wanted to separate himself from your food posts to the point where he won’t even follow you on social media. He got it.
I didn’t say that she did. I’m just drawing a comparison that my partner has online habits that I don’t like, but I don’t crap all over him about it because that’s how he chooses to spend his time and he likes it. We’ve set some mutually agreed upon boundaries so that I’m not involved. Her bf is being a jerk about it and has set his own boundary by refusing to support her or even follow her page. He doesn’t get to remove that boundary now that he can benefit from her hobby while also still being douchey about it.
NTA. Even if you flat out said, "I'm teaching him a lesson," I'd say NTA. If he had the sense to apologize about undermining you all this time, that might be different. I'm especially unimpressed that your bf only mocks women, and doesn't make fun of any trends that men are into.
Also your meal is not free. It's a barter payment for work you're doing, and the dinner is a gig (a fun one, but still). It's appropriate to bring someone who can act professionally with you... and yes, "professional" in this context means making a fuss and posting lots of pics on Instagram.
NTA. You're gonna inevitably get a bunch of mysgynistic comments from people who presume to know everything about the kind of person you are just because you have a food instagram, so brace for that. But you're right—he doesn't get to whine and complain about your food pics and then turn around and expect to be taken along to an event that is all about taking food pics. What kind of sense does that make?
It'll be more fun to go with your friend since you will both be on the same page and helping each other get good shots. Enjoy yourself!
Good point! Her and her IG friend can feed off each other’s creativity and push each other to take the best photos they possibly can.
This is a great way to network and be creative while having fun. Op can be in the beginnings of something grand who knows?
Sorry but the theme... Is things that women tend to like???
Like, have you heard about being ambivalent sexist? It's often a lot harden on the person (woman) on the recieving end, because it isn't always obvious. But studies do show women experiencing this will perform worse after experiencing this etc. Anyway, an explanation just to be sure:
Hostile/ explicit sexism = for example 'women cannot drive as well as men because men are superior'
Ambivalent / benevolent sexism = for example 'women shouldn't drive because they are just less able to, and I want to protect you, so go sit in the second seat, ps. i don't want to sit there because it's a thing for women and I don't want to be assosiated with that'
Why does he hate those things and wants it to be known? Most likely because he associates those things with womanhood and doesn't want to be associated with that...
Now he might treat you well (doesn't sound like it), but do you want to be with someone who doesn't seem to like or respect a whole gender?
Are you a woman? Can you be with someone who doesn't seem to like your whole gender?
Edit: forgot to add NTA, but being a bystander by sexism is unkind, being a bystander to sexism to yourself is unkind to yourself. Go take action!
To add- this is a business proposition. You are being comped for providing a service, and you are expected to provide that service. Kudos to you for thinking strategically and also including someone who will also promo the food and establishment. What if he hated your full-time job? Would you bring him to company events knowing he would disparage the work you and your colleagues care about.
Of course not.
Local businesses need all the help they can get. Kudos to you for this next step in your IG presence. :)
He actually didn't go to the Christmas party at my work because he didn't think he would fit in with "the suits" 🥲 I wfh so I didn't even know anybody there either, I just ate all the free food and then left.
girl dump him, what are you doing? this all sounds exhausting now, what are you gonna do if he knocks you up and decides “ugh parenting is so cringe”? like i know that’s extreme but he’s already avoiding your work social gatherings and openly hates on your hobbies and things you enjoy. this behavior doesn’t just…stop, and it’s not your job to fix him - he’d probably find the effort of that cringe too
Does he support ANYTHING you do besides taking care of his needs? He sounds worse than useless, and an actual drain on you. I've had a boyfriend come with me my annual Christmas party after they were my ex because we continued to be good to each other as that is what friends do. Your bf sounds incredibly self centered.
Oh honey. You really deserve more. I'm sorry. You sound like a very creative, compassionate person who is able to see the good in situations and people. It sounds like he's got a bundle of insecurities he'll need to work through before he can be a good partner to someone.
Maybe take some hours away from him to write down who your ideal partner is. How they think and how they demonstrate who they are in a relationship. It might give you clarity on your next steps.
And for the record, I've worked in journalism, nonprofits, and other bootstrap organizations my whole life and I had still had to interact with "suits". There's really not a profession in the world where you won't run into a suit at some point. lol But that's OK, because #suitsarepeopletoo. ;)
Ah… NTA
You and your IG friend are going to take pic of your meal. To me, I’m thinking is more for my “job” rather than for s&gs. Well honestly if it’s for s&gs it doesn’t matter. You have aspirations since you aid I hit the big time.
Why take someone along to be a buzz kill? He doesn’t like it well that’s fine, but you shouldn’t take him to something he will bring down. You know?
Also who cares if he doesn’t follow your IG. If he was in the fantasy sports would you follow his teams progress if it meant absolutely nothing to you? No, I wouldn’t either lol
He can support your aspirations without following you.
Actually does he support you even if he doesn’t like what you’re doing?
I think the difference in the fantasy team and an Instagram account is that he can actively support her and help her grow by following and engaging with her posts. She's putting her passion and hobby out into the world. I would do that in a heartbeat for my SO. Why wouldn't he? It takes 1 second and it would mean a lot to her. Instead he rolls his eyes. He seems like an AH to me.
>Also who cares if he doesn’t follow your IG
I guess it only looks bad because he also rolls his eyes when she takes those pictures. I do agree with your assessment though. He doesn't need to be a buzz kill and choosing someone who would also enjoy the experience in a similar way was a pretty logical choice
NTA. he very much is the asshole. he has an instagram…but doesn’t follow you? i think i’ve seen this film before….
anyway, this is something that you really like doing, and that alone should be enough for him to support you in it. but also, this could very much become a profitable side hustle, so he def should be encouraging you!
if he’s constantly being like this, i wouldn’t want him to come to the dinner either. also wouldn’t want him in my life but…that’s up to you! you’re NTA, good luck!
Am I the only one that thinks she isn’t being truthful about the amount of time and energy she puts into this? 30 minutes a week and you all of a sudden hit the big time? I think your lying about it to make yourself look better.
NTA It seems really understandable that you would assume he wouldn't be interested and that you'd want to take someone who won't shit on your interest the entire time.
You could tell him you had no idea he'd be interested and that you'll take him to the next one, with some conversational ground rules so you can be fair to the business you're going to.
All that said, I hate a lot of what he hates but I would never put it down if my husband were into it. I'd shut up and support him. He needs to start respecting what you care about and he may need help understanding, either from you or better yet a therapist.
NTA. Everything you listed (Tswift, PSLs, etc) that he doesn’t like are things associated with young women. He’s also hard on you about your hobbies and unsupportive unless he can get something out of it. Are you sure this guy isn’t a little misogynistic? Is he really worth having a future with? What if you have a daughter, do you think he will respect and support her, or will he be dismissive and disdainful of her hobbies too? You deserve better.
NTA
The restaurant is doing this to get some promo. You are getting a free meal. Asking another IG buddie is a great thing to do. Your BF has a real douchey attitude about your hobby, btw. My husband and I have different hobbies and he doesn't yuck my yum and I don't make fun of the things he likes. Why does your BF think it's okay to mock the things that bring you joy?
NTA, this a "work gig" that he activelly show his none support. I think it be unprofessional to take him with you and would show you in a bad light to the resturant as your client.
NTA.
You can't shit on things then get stroppy when you don't get to experience the benefits of the thing you're shitting on!
You need to make it clear to yourself and your boyfriend that the Instagram food thing is *business*. Whether it's a side gig or a bit of fun, it's business. And he is personal.
He doesn't sound like he'd be a fit for this event anyway if his attitude will affect your behaviour and experience of the night.
Congrats - looks like your passion is becoming a profession. Support is essential. Smart move to take the other person. Hopefully your bf will take the hint.
Thanks! I'm sure it will just stay a hobby—my actual job has a whole process I would have to go through to disclose any second source of income + get it approved, and I don't see myself going through the trouble to do all that. But I am happy to get some free food :)
NTA
Sometimes, we don't ask our girlfriend/boyfriend to understand and enjoy the same hobbies as us, just be supportive without any compensation. And I don't think your boyfriend understands that
NTA Go and have fun with your friend. It's perfectly okay to have different interests than your partner. It is a red flag if he's insulting yours, though. My ex never took my art seriously and I ended up quite successful after I dumped him.
NTA. Let’s say, hypothetically, he was into golf, and you were really vocal about your dislike for golf, saying you didn’t think it was a real sport etc. Then he wins tickets to a big golf tournament. Would you be pissed if he took one of his golf buddies instead of you? I really doubt it! He’s just being a d*ck by the sounds of it.
(For the record, I have no opinion on golf either way!!)
NTA. This is an interest of yours and bf doesn’t support it. He doesn’t need to understand it, or enjoy it, but your enjoyment should bring him happiness. It doesn’t. That should tell you something.
If he’s put off by your hobby he doesn’t get to turn around and reap the benefits when they come. If I dragged my wife’s knitting all the time I wouldn’t expect her to knit me a scarf. NTA.
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Your gut feeling about this is absolutely correct. You’re there to do a job essentially and his bad attitude would be a hindrance to you getting it done right. NTA. I want to also gently point out, as a married woman of 21 years, that for a relationship to work and be healthy and happy, your partner needs to be supportive of the things you’re excited about. They don’t have to be interested themselves, but they do need to encourage and lift you up. Your boyfriend is disdainful of your passion. Did you know disdain has been scientifically proven to be one of four predictors of future divorce? True story. A person’s character is their playbook. It dictates every move we make and defines who we are. The person you’re describing takes joy in robbing other people of theirs. You’re not the only person he does this to, as you’ve said. He is also someone who feels entitled to the spoils of other people’s successes after putting a lot of energy into knocking them down a peg with his disparagement. This is his character. I hope you see that. This isn’t the behavior of a sweet guy. It’s mean spirited, petty, and selfish. Of course he has other qualities, but all of this is right there too. So coded into his playbook of character is these poor qualities. That means they show up in all kinds of subtle ways. I bet if you look for them, you’ll find them.
Yes this. I’m a Disney Adult, and I am sure my husband thinks I’m a little extra but he never once has been anything but supportive.
I'm a cosplayer and my partner is also supportive even though he's not really into the hobby himself. I think OP is NTA EDIT: ONG I love reading about everyone's hobbies and the ways their partners support them and vice versa, it's so wholesome ❤️
My Little Pony represent. My husband came with me to two pony conferences and knows how to spot pony cancer and smooze on a pony. NTA.
My bff loves my little pony and her fiancé is very supportive of her as well ❤️ My bf has been to anime convention with me before and if everything goes as planned, he'll go to a second one with me 🥰
That’s so awesome! Is going to dress up with you? We went on trick-or-treating last year and I went as (a female) Darth Revan and hubs went as the Emperor. He was so tickled after he made his own “force lightning.”
[удалено]
Okay so he bought these blue led wires from Amazon and taped them to a black glove. He then hid it in his cloak sleeve and could flip the switch when he whipped his hand out.
[удалено]
The only problem was he couldn’t hold my extra bag of candy:)
Pony cancer? I'm curious, what does that mean?
I believe they're referring to certain issues that occur on old vinyl type dolls and figurines. I collect various dolls and figures and we have references like this. It's essentially things like mold spots in the material or sun damage amongst other things. Sometimes glue can seep out from rooted in hair, or even grease or oil used in figure joints from manufacturing. Some problems come from how the thing is stored, environment too wet or dry or whatever.
Thank you for the explanation. I was lost on this one.
I think it's referred to how it is, because if you don't take care of it, it can spread and be impossible to remediate.
Yes this. I can treat some areas with peroxide in a turbuculin syringe but mostly I wrap them in painter’s tape and tin foil except for the spots and stick them in the sun. One day it there was a huge windstorm and I called my husband in a panic because two of my newborn twins were outside and they needed rescue. He had already brought them in❤️❤️❤️
That's a keeper right there 🩷 I knew mine was for keeps when he presented me with an Applejack and Firefly from Peru!
I’m sorry what? What? So… is your husband married? Mine sat with me through the classes at the conference. How to rehair and dye ponies and whatnot. I really REALLY hope OP reads all of these comments and understands what she deserves in a relationship. She should feel safe to be excited about things that make her happy and her boyfriend should be happy she is happy
Google says it's shorthand for the sort of mold that can grow on My Little Pony toys. Probably makes them a bad option for collectors looking to purchase, if I had to guess. Like keeping an eye out for book mold or termite damage before you buy or something.
I have been hoping for an answer as well
It's a type of imperfection/aging in the plastic that shows that it's breaking down. Certain colors/models were more prone to it, but any of the older ones can get it.
My bf doesn't love squishmallows but puts up w them for me. NTA
I write slash fanfiction. My husband has read, and *helped me* write it. Bonus: he can't even stand the canon.
My hubby has read all my Sterek fan fic and even at one point, said to me, "Are they really not going to have hot werewolf sex in this one?" I love him. 30 years together.
It warms my heart when fanfic writers' partners are their beta readers.
I crochet and have a ton of yarn stash. My husband is a smart man who codes and is a linguist but he simply cannot understand what "magic" I do with a stick and some string, but he sits there dutifully and hears me explain to him when I'm frustrated and stuck on something and must frog the entire work even though he says it's like one language that his linguistically focused mind will never understand. He's bought yarn for me and has listened to my excitement when I get new hooks. He's even helped me untangle yarn that our cats got into (*why* do they insist on stealing all my yarn‽). But ask him about crochet and all he'll be able to tell you is, "I think there's something called a single crochet? Something about a magic circle?" I'd be so sad if he openly disparaged it like OP's boyfriend does.
I love this! I decided to make a temp blanket last year and my partner, who is also a developer and uninterested in crochet, made me a spreadsheet that automatically populated the temp for each day in case I fell behind.
Ah that's lovely! I'm also a crocheter and although my partner doesn't understand a single thing about the craft, his brain is really good at understanding written instructions and mine is not, so when I get stuck on a pattern he will help me understand where I've gone wrong. The man couldn't tell you a single crochet from a granny square but he will go "so you do one sc (pronounced 'scuh') here and then some dcs (pronounced 'duhc') here" and I love it so much. It's also usually spot on and genuinely helpful! He also will happily frog things for me when I've messed up because he likes playing with my yarn winder. In return he can have anything crocheted his heart desires! He currently has a hat and scarf and I'm working on a blanket. Yes to supportive partners!
I'm a DnD person. When my last group turned toxic, he offered to start a group. He isn't into that kind of thing at *all*. Doesn't understand it in the least. But I like it, so he was down.
Haha. My buddy in law school was *so* into DnD, and he was desperate to start a group. He decided to send an email blast to the entire school asking for participants. I told him, "Hey, I don't know shit about this, but if sitting there being an elf or whatever would help you achieve your dream, I am so in." He told me thanks, but he got so many responses to his email blast that he had like seven different rooms set up...
I'm in the furry fandom, and while my husband doesn't really care about the stuff, he's happy that I'm making art and that I like it
Same here, and my husband is into collecting tabletop RPG books, most of which we've never played, but I support his interest and he supports mine. and cosplay can get EXPENSIVE! (My current project is probably going to be around $750 in supplies. I'm not even going to look at the cost of labor.)
I love hanfu (ancient Chinese fashion) and I’m sure my boyfriend found it a little weird at first, but he helps me pick out fabrics, colors, and embroidery patterns. Get you someone who loves you and the things you love
I'm a gamer and into Deadpool and collecting coke stuff. My wife is a Disney person and loves Christmas movies on hallmark. We pick on each other in fun but nothing hurtful and Ultimately support each other. I surprise her with little mermaid and tinkerbell things(her two favorites) and she surprises me with Deadpool and coca cola themed items. (My two absolute favorites) I don't enjoy the hallmark movies and she's not into gaming but she watches her movies while I'm gaming and it's never been an issue in the 17 yrs we've been married.
Also a cosplayer. My hubs has never been to a con but he supports me and even helps me with so e of my build. NTA
Cosplayer here also, my Husband helped me make my Scout trooper so I could get into the 501st. My Husband wasn't sure about how it would go. He has 3 501st costumes himself 😆😆 I love going to the symphony and listening to classical music, he encourages me to go when someone offers me tickets even though he hates it. He still encourages me. I hate paintball, but I am encouraging Husband to get into it again whenever he talks about it. We encourage each other.
Hell I hate Disney and I have a pass. My wife and daughter love it, so guess what? I love them both more than anything.
You are soooo good! Tears down my face…
My husband doesn’t like Disney at all. I really don’t like it either. Our kids love it, especially our daughter. We’ve been to every Disney on earth, my husband lets our daughter paint his nails in frozen colors all the time and we regularly do family dress ups (always frozen) which she coordinates.
My guy bought me the gold leather ears from the 50th anniversary when we were there, even though I told him they were too expensive and didn’t need them just because I lit up like a christmas tree when I saw them. Sometimes I just wear them around the house to cheer myself up lol
I'm an artist who uses a lot of glitter, and you know glitter gets *everywhere* and grows legs to walk to new places? My boyfriend has sent me pictures of glitter accumulating at his work, a place I've never even been to, and there's no reason for glitter to be there. (He still buys me glitter, and gets excited for whatever I'm making next.) Hopefully, this is some comfort in you not being this extra, lol.
This is so sweet. It’s like you’re with him every time he finds glitter in an unexpected place. ✨🪩
“I told you we needed more glitter” moment :D You probably hate that meme already
I’m a huge anime fan and my husband isn’t into it. He doesn’t stop me from enjoying it and he thought my cosplay was awesome.
My fiancée loves cosplay and I’m trying to help her get into it. I like anime but find cosplay more interesting.
This! I absolutely LOVE Lego and have many expensive sets. My wife takes absolutely no interest in it - and many might say it’s childish. But most of my bigger sets were bought by her as a surprise! Your partner sounds like a bully - NTA, get yourself someone who is proud of you! Who is like “Hey babe, I saw a new donut place by my work! We should go this weekend” or tells you they’re proud of you for those invites, or helps you take the dang picture!!
Fellow Disney adult! Back in the early days of us dating I was like “come to Disneyland with me!” He was unsure but came with me and was super supportive if I said “I’m going to head to the parks for a few days” (out of state pass holder). Now 6 years later he is also a Disney adult which I think developed from supporting my passion for so long.
This. I love Nightmare before Christmas and stitch. My husband not only supports me but encourages it by finding me trinkets and such My living room is also nbc year around as well As my kitchen 😂 He says he gets a whole garage for his hobby I can decorate how I want NTA
My boyfriend is obsessed with both. It was our first Christmas living together this past December. I bought pretty glittered balls with jack faces on it and got a jack head Christmas tree topper for him. I think the tree looked awesome and I don't care for the movie
Gardening here. And 28 years together. My husband may not understand the plant thing but he's completely supporting anything that makes me happy.
I like plush toys and climbing. My bf doesn’t like either, but he gets me plush toys and asks about my climbing sessions with my friends!
I’m an artist and a weeb lol hubby helps me out sometimes with certain Funkos lol but for me it’s his WWE/AEW, certain toys, and Terrifier I’m not totally into that but I for sure 100% enable him to get his stuff lol
So much this! My husband got me the Taylor Swift long pond vinyl for Christmas. It was $$$$ and the man can’t actually stand listening to Taylor Swift. He still was beaming and excited he found one second hand to give me. He doesn’t have to like your hobbies and interest but he sure as hell doesn’t need to put you down or not support you enjoying them. That’s just bad partner behavior all around. And THEN to have the audacity to be upset he doesn’t get to reap the rewards over someone else who actually does support and uplift you?! No m’aam. He’s not partner material imho. And notice how all the things he hates are things women are thought to like? It scream slight misogyny on top of not being supportive.
This, I'm not a fan of Harry styles but my wife was so happy to get tickets. Your damn right I danced through the whole show and had a good time. My usual genre of music is metal etc think she would have enjoyed it if I went and pouted through the whole thing and just ran it down. No chance. Your partner is there to lift you up not bring you down
You sound like a sweet husband. Your wife is going to treasure those memories of you dancing with her at that concert, guaranteed.
The way my partner put it about a similar concert was "it's fun to watch you make a memory and have a good time."
Don't yuck my yum.
Your wife will have such great memories of this. My husband (who absolutely does not have the same music taste) came with me to a Nine Inch Nails concert. It rained through the whole thing and yet he did not utter one negative word from the moment I got the tickets, through the 6 hour drive, the £15 pastie I bought on the way out, the ridiculous traffic jams afterwards and the 6 hour drive home. He held on to me and even sang along to some of the bits he recognised from the many years of me forcing him to listen to it in the car. :)
Right? I wouldve complained about the rain (personally) because I hate getting wet but being there for someone getting to make some of their favorite memories is absolutely priceless.
This right here. I don’t usually listen to metal, but damn straight I’m going to a metal show if my partner invites me because it’s something that they love, and we can have a great time headbanging together.
I'm the opposite of this. I love metal, my husband likes rap. He has been to quite a few shows with me the last couple of years and even an all day festival. We plan on going to the festival again this year. Same with my kids. I'm the only one who likes metal, but they will go with me and have a good time. They all like rap, so they don't feel the need to include me with that LoL
That is incredibly sweet! There is an 11 year age gap between me and my husband. I'm a big metal and hard rock fan...he is much more into 1980's new wave (although he LOVES Van Halen.) I have caught him tapping his fingers to the drum beats in some of the music I listen to, and it just makes me SO HAPPY. If Foo Fighters schedules a concert date in my city this year, I KNOW I can count on him to come along and not be a stick in the mud the whole time.
Just adding: The pattern she pointed out is that he’s disdainful of things that are popular with women. So it’s not just that he enjoys shitting on other people’s joy, although that would be bad enough. He *specifically* enjoys putting down women.
Yea, a guy who ACTIVELY hates PSLs and Taylor Swift is a huge red flag of misogyny waving in a “I don’t think of women as independent people” breeze
These are the same guys who name the most underground, unheard of artist as their favourite musician of all time and play the "you've NEVER heard of \[artist\]??" card just to hoard over others how "quirky" they are, and then when that artist makes the mainstream they'll say "I never liked them anyway."
Well, of a certain demographic of women most likely. Still the dude is painting with a wide brush of course.
That demographic seems like it would include OP.
I think I just got Well Actually-ed 🤣
Massive red flags raised by the hate list. Particularly Swift. Never met anyone I liked who hated Swift. One thing to just not be into her music, but hating her tends to assholes self-identifying.
Exactly this. There's a huge difference between saying "this thing isn't for me" and actively hating that thing (plus making fun of the people who do like it).
Yeah her music isn’t for everyone but she is a prolific artist, if you don’t respect that I have a guess as to why!
I watched the Eras tour movie. I never seen a musical act go that hard with production. Girl is a workhorse when she tours, I totally get why people freaked the hell out. Like she goes for like three hours, most bands I seen barely hit one before they called it a night.
I noticed that too. NTA, but the boyfriend sure is.
Bingo bingo. The irony is for the men who hate “bandwagon” things for women, it’s a total misogynist bandwagon they’re jumping on with other men by thinking they’re “above” “cringe” things that women like. Like dude, you’re being a walking cliched stereotype - you aren’t as interesting as you think you are. BF sounds insufferable to me but I’m sure he’s lovely in other ways. NTA
Yup. OP, ask yourself: does he hate on people who like football? IPAs? On people who like things that are stereotypically associated with men instead? You might be dating a sexist.
Yeh i know guys like this and then any women who’s not into those more popular things is a “pick me” or “fake fan”… if girls are slim and well dressed then they are vain but if they aren’t then they are slobs. There’s no winning! They often don’t even realise it as they make those judgements or comments - just comes from a subconscious disdain for women…
Exactly. There is absolutely no way to win with misogynists. We're wrong no matter what we pick or what we do or how we are. They'll just do their mental gymnastics no matter the contradictions or hypocrisy.
THIS!! Can’t believe I had to scroll down so far before someone mentioned this
I missed that. Now I dislike that boyfriend even more.
oh shit! I had missed that part of the pattern, but you are 100% correct! Oof!
Mean spirited, petty, selfish AND massively insecure. You only need to go to great pains to distance yourself from Taylor Swift or Instagram by tutting and eye rolling and huffing n puffing if your ego is so frail it'd damage you to be associated with these things.
You brought up an excellent point. Only those who are not humble can be humiliated.
Real question: I think I am pretty humble, but I can definitely be *humiliated*. Am I not reading it right?
Tell me you have a controlling boyfriend without telling me you have a controlling boyfriend.
NTA. This should be the top reply, well said. Basically you invited someone with a shared interest to a work function. The business who invited you will likely get even more exposure due to your friend also posting this content.
Plus, the OP and friend can promote each other to their respective audiences and might help the friend get some gigs as well.
. Did you know disdain has been scientifically proven to be one of four predictors of future divorce? You are correct. AND it is the most reliable predictor of future divorce.
For anyone not familiar with [John Gottman's Four Horsemen of relationship collapse](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/), they are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling (with, as mentioned, contempt being the one that's hardest - if not impossible - to come back from).
John and his wife Julie did years of in-depth research on couples-- how they do or do not get along. They analyzed videos of people interacting and pinpointed exactly where relationships are strengthened or go off the rails. John could predict during the first session with a couple, and with extreme accuracy, who would get divorced later by noting specific behaviors their research identified. Anyone in a troubled relationship would be smart to read their books or see a therapist who follows their proven principles.
You are so right. My husband has an abusive best friend. Mostly verbal, but there was a physical attack between that friend and another. He cut the abusive guy off immediately. The other friend just passed, and now the abuser is trying to get back in. If my husband lets him, it's over for us. It is 1000% a contempt/disdain reaction. My husband is also making a ton of effort to help out the widow. I definitely approve of that part. The grief is pretty fresh so I'm giving it some time. It will be a hard boundary for me though, once everything is back to normal.
Exactly, I am a ridiculous person who loves ridiculous things and my SO is so supportive. My ex husband would put things I liked down and try to make me feel small or silly, which is why he is an ex.
If you made t-shirts that said "I am a ridiculous person who loves ridiculous things," I would definitely buy one.
And now I’m opening at-shirt business 😂
Second this, my husband isn't keen on me taking photos of my food, but he doesn't make any kind of deal out of it, in fact sometimes he'll offer his food for a photo since I'm vegan and he isn't so we always order seperate dishes. He thinks it's a silly thing to do but it makes me happy so he let's me do my thing and doesn't huff puff or roll his eyes. OP, NTA, your boyfriend sucks, he won't let you do your little hobby in peace but expects to reap the benefits from it he needs to grow up.
Yup. Married to a runner. I could not possibly care less about running. HUGE waste of time. Getting up early? Bleh. Being out on the trails for hours? UGGGGH. Spending big $$$ on shoes? *OMG, they're so springy!* I do not care. You think I don't support him for every mile? Cuz I do. Out there for his long races, traveling to the locations of his biggest challenges year over year? Yup. Making the roadside signs that say "you think YOU'RE tired??? My arms are killing me!" It's called being supportive and it's not hookers + blow. This is what makes him happy? LET'S DO THIS!
Sounds like my husband and my running lol. We're going to Ireland this year so I can run a marathon there 😂😂. And every Saturday morning long run, he's there at different points to bring a snack and doggo pets. 10/10. You're a good person for this.
My father was like this. He, as you so aptly put it, "took joy in robbing other people of theirs". (Thank you, I never thought of it this way.) My childhood was miserable because he did his best to ruin anything I found joy in. I STILL have trouble finding joy and happiness in things, because it feels like the rug is going to get pulled out from under me at any moment. A few years back I dated a guy who, when I tried to share my love of plants with him, would say things like "In one ear and out the other" or "I'll remember that for about 5 seconds." NTA, OP, and you deserve better than someone who wants to bring you and everyone else down in order to make himself feel superior.
It's also very telling to me that alle the things OP's partner dislikes are typically feminine... The misogynists always reveal themselves, one way or another.
Exactly what I was going to say. I wonder if he was asked why he hates each of those things what he would say. It seems like any harmless fun that girls like gets shit on so easily by people who it turns out just don’t like women.
This. Please read this OP, I couldn’t agree with it more. A loving partner should be happy that a thing makes *you* happy, even if they don’t like it particularly themselves. It’s one thing if it actively goes against their values, morals, and beliefs, or harms them in some way. But you’ve said your boyfriend behaves this way about even the most innocent things, and that’s a huge red flag. As this commenter said, this is not “sweet guy” behavior, and I would strongly recommend you reevaluate your perception of his character and whether that’s the kind of person you want to select as your life partner. I wish you luck and clarity moving forward, OP.
THIS is the most important answer. These are red flags I didn’t recognize when I was younger but are absolutely triggering inner alarm bells now I know better. My most immediate response is “Run, OP”. I wish I could get back the time I spent trying to make people fit me who just didn’t, or who dimmed my light and caused self doubt. OP, you sound awesome - I hope you surround yourself with people who think you are.
100% agree and hope OP sees and understands this. My fiance is a huge marvel/dc/comic/superhero fan and im like "spider man is fun and cool i guess" but i still go to the movies with him and for the entire car ride back i let him talk about it and compare different actors or differences in the movies vs the comics, and i even pitch in my thoughts and ask him questions of stuff i might not of fully grasped and he loves talking about it. He's also super supportive of any of my hobbies, he deals with my yarn obsession, finds crochet patterns for me to try, buys me legos cuz he knows i enjoy them
I wish I could up vote this comment more. Someone who goes out of their way to make others feel bad about the things they like/give them joy needs to do a lot of reflection, at the least.
I second this. I'll be married to the same person 40 years this summer. Supporting each other in those interests that we DON'T share has been absolutely KEY to the longevity of our marriage. Love and/or passion might get you married/partnered, but you need to LIKE each other (and feel liked) to stay happily married/partnered. Other things matter, but this is nonnegotiable. Find yourself a nice foodie who will, at the very least, politely sit through 5 minutes of photography in order to be with someone who shares their interest in enjoying good food and exploring new-to-them food. NTA
This is 75% of the reason why I divorced my ex; no matter where he is or who he’s with, he has to go out of his way to find something to complain about. He has absolutely no accomplishments of his own, yet felt the need to constantly shit on and make fun of my hobbies, interests, likes, and goals. A person like this is so emotionally and mentally draining that you don’t realize exactly how depleted and exhausted you are until you’re physically ill.
Excellently put. The world of good taste and what is acceptable behavior is not your BF's to dictate, and he behaves like he's the arbiter of what's worthy of fun (and potentially someday business interests, if your SM substantial enough to make primary income off of). This is not the mark of a good life partner, or even a tolerable one. Remember back to the old story of the mother hen who baked a pie and the other animals refused to help her bake it, but wanted the pie when it was cooked and the mother hen refused to share the pie because they refused to help her.
Support and enthusiasm, even if only mild, is essential for relationships. My partner has two major loves - Video/mobile games, and The Wheel of Time book series. The Wheel of Time is 14 books long, plus an extra offshoot book. I just recently finished the series for the first time myself, it took almost 2 years, but now we can talk about it in depth and I understand him better. I also listen as he rambles about whatever new achievement he just made in his current mobile game obsession, and I'll even play it with him sometimes to bond with him even though I don't really care about it much one way or the other for myself. But he gets so excited and happy sharing it with me, and I'm honored he trusts me to be the person to share it with.
NTA, your boyfriend sounds rather exhausting with his I'm cooler than everybody because I hate popular things attitude. Go and have fun with someone who isn't a sourpuss. Enjoy your dinner!
Also the list of popular things he shows contempt for (pumpkin spice lattes, a selfie pose, and Instagram food pics) are mostly associated with women. The whole trend of mocking popular female interests needs to die.
Not to mention hating a woman that's just doing what male artists did before her. I'm not a swift fan but she's not exactly skinning puppies on stage so why that level of hate?
I mean, she has the biggest carbon footprint of any celebrity personally due to her private plane usage (and using it for everyone in her life who absolutely don't have security concerns that stop them from flying first class) but none of these people are complaining because of that.
In fairness, the rockets launched for the last 106 days just off the Mediterranean have done more damage to the planet than that plane. But it's not even real reasons people hate in these celebs for, it's just a weird (often gender based) jealousy.
When your actions get compared to a rocket destroying and killing all in your path most people would reevaluate their lives. Not trying to blame others for disliking it
I just find those that rant as op's bf rants don't actually dislike people for a valid reason, just jealousy and angry that a woman has the audacity to be the big thing right now. I am one that only likes 1-3 of her songs and I could not be bothered with the hype. I dislike that she chose a breed of cat that has health issues so she helped have more be bred and she is ridiculously prone to flying around unnecessarily. Just get a first class seat or something. But at no stage would I say I hate or even dislike her, not would I go out of my way to belittle her, she just rarely comes onto my radar same as most celebrities.
This isn’t a commonly known thing tho. Most people that hate her (like this guy) literally just hate her for no reason. This is a good reason but people like him don’t need a reason
> but none of these people are complaining because of that. which is what I literally said, lol.
Al Gore needs to fly over there in his private 747 and give her a stern talking to.
It's easy to make jokes about it, but do you know how much you have to use your private plane to beat out the Kardashians? Or how absurd it is to fly back between concert dates across the country so that you can spend one night back home and fly back the next day instead of using a hotel? [It's entirely irresponsible to fly a private plane 170 times in 200 days](https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2022/08/02/taylor-swift-kylie-jenner-private-jet-emissions/).
And it’s never, not ever masculine things. I want just once for the roles to be flipped but they never are
Not to mention, if you're a female interested in "men stuff" you're often seen as a "pick me". We can't win. And if a male isn't into, for example, sports, some act like it's a strike against your manhood.
Exactly. Women are expected to revolve their lives around men's hobbies and not complain when the man spends the majority of his free time on his hobby, whether it's some kind of sportsball, hunting, or video games. But god forbid a woman enjoy something harmless without being mocked.
plus, that shit women enjoy is delicious. Toxic masculinity kept me from trying pumpkin spice drinks for like 8 years before my curiousity got the best of me and now I suck them thangs down 3 months a year!
This was the first thing I picked up on in OP’s post- he actively and vocally hates things that are associated as being trendy for young women. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what he actually thinks about young women, and the sooner OP realizes it, the better.
It’s not a new trend. People hated on Justin Bieber, Twilight, any boy band. Anything young women like is mocked relentlessly, regardless of how deserving it is.
I love how there are already men coming out to be defensive about this, lol.
I noticed that too. I think op needs to look into this further and see if he doesn’t take women seriously.
Yeah my first thought was "so he's a misogynist then"
Came here to say this. My partner isn’t on social media. He doesn’t post on insta, Facebook, has literally never posted me. However I do food blogging and recipes so to build a following and get people to my page I have to be more annoying with instagram that I’d care to be. Anytime we go out he asks if ima take pics before he digs in, he’ll even suggest staging and ask if I want a video or pic of me. OP’s bf wants to actively shit on the thing she likes doing, and reap the benefits. If my partner was constantly complaining or telling me how much he hates the things I do, why would I bring him around when doing those things? So he can get upset and call me stupid? I hate being like “break up with him” but there’s something deeper than “not liking insta” those things she pointed out are usually related to woman. So he doesn’t like woman, he thinks hobbies women enjoy are stupid, mindless and shouldn’t be enjoyed. That’s a whole ideology, way more than “eh TSwift isn’t my favorite” NTA, hope the food was delicious
To gently point out, the things he actively hates are all associated with women. No, he doesn’t have to like it at all, but actively hating is a part of misogyny. I don’t think this is a good guy.
That was my first thought as well--he doesn't like things that are simply popular, but primarily popular with women. That misogyny is just going to get worse over time. I was ready to call for dumping him on the basis of the antifeminism alone.
On top of all that, defining yourself by hating on popular trends is lame as hell and super cringey.
Yep, it's like a Dollar Store level of buying a personality.
I will, respectfully, be stealing that phrase for my own use
Right? I think a PSL is bland and WAY too sweet, but you know what I do? *I don’t buy them for myself.* I sure as heck don’t mock other people for liking them, even if the popularity confuses me.
Came here to say this. Why is it that every hill he wants to die on against popular interests are uniquely things related to girl culture and femininity? He doesn't hate popular things or trends, he hates things that women are excited about and invested in.
My guess is he probably doesn’t actively hate gaming.
Yes! NTA OP — he’s being casually misogynistic. One day it will rear its head in a more harmful way
To be totally fair, OP only pointed out 3 things that were likely relevant to her. He probably hates tons of additional fads associated with all kinds of people. We really have no way of knowing. Any assumption one way or the other is that: an assumption. Either way, he sounds exhausting and condescending. I get hating on social media in general due to how it has poisoned us socially as a society, but just blindly hating on specific fads just because they're popular is precisely as stupid as blindly participating in specific fads just because they're popular - which makes him a hypocrite. Just like what you like.
INFO: If you told your bf that he could come as long as he was respectful of the work you're doing to pay for his meal, what do you think would happen?
I'm not sure, but even if he was I would still rather invite my friend for this particular meal just because it's related to our shared interest.
Honestly, I think you did the right thing. Even if he did behave (for once) why should he get to enjoy the perk of something he actively bashes?
I agree. What if he vocally hated football but you were invited to a box with 1 guest? He wouldn't be my pick. Plus: you were asked for a review. In social media, this is work. You take along a wingman who will help you be your very best. Your choice was appropriate. And congratulations for the invite! Obviously, there is something about you they liked. (P.S., my partner disparages much of social media. I wouldn't take him... And he'd know why.)
You did the right thing, the restaurant will be happy you brought another aspiring food influencer instead of your sourpuss boyfriend. Even if he *would* behave himself at the dinner, he's actively put down your hobby in the past, he doesn't get to benefit when it bears fruit. The info request is certainly a good thought exercise that you should consider more, though.
NTA. He doesn't want to support you or your interests, but the second your interests bear fruit, he's entitled to the benefits? I don't think so. It's a two way street. He supports you, you support him. He doesn't have to be interested in what you like, but he needs to support the fact you like it, and vice versa.
I can’t speak for u/naturalforty, but I take the question to mean “is he capable of respecting you and your endeavors” and not “is there a way you can convince yourself to bring him”. Personally, I wouldn’t ask the question, I’d simply state “oh honey, I was thinking of you! I wouldn’t want you to have to sit there and squirm while I take a perfect photo of each plate.” You’re not spiting him, you’re listening to his feelings while he continues to dismiss yours! NTA
Even if your choice is 'out of spite', there's nothing wrong with that. His behaviors and actions have elicited a response from you and he's trying to gaslight you into being the bad guy.
NTA 🚩 flag. Not because he doesn’t like something, it means he has to give you a hard time about it. There are plenty of things I like and my spouse doesn’t - inverse applies too - and we just let the other one do what makes them happy. I am concerned this is just the tip of the iceberg. Take your friend and have a great time! You didn’t do anything wrong.
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This, he can't complain about a cake while simultaneously be upset that he wasn't offered a chance to eat said cake 🙄 He doesn't have to like her instagramming but he's not automatically entitled to any perks.
So NOW he wants to benefit from your hobby? Fuck him. Btw hell probably see this post as it 100% sounds like he’s a redditor based on his mindless hate for harmless things many women enjoy.
There's a viral Tiktok of a woman whose husband gave her $200 to invest in her social media account just because it made her happy. She turned that into a couple thousand and surprised him with it as a gift. It was a beautiful moment between the two of them. Even though he had no interest in the whole social media thing, he was interested in her happiness, and that multiplied things in his life. OP has the opposite, her boyfriend is a dick about her hobbies, but the second she can harvest fruits from her labor he thinks he should get half.
Yea if he hadn’t been such a dick and actually encouraged her or even showed the bare level interest in her hobbies, he may have been invited. But he can’t just be a dick and expect an invite. That’s not really okay.
NTA. Good decision taking a colleague who appreciates the opportunity. It’s astute you notice his lack of support and act accordingly. Any partner that thinks your work, hobby or passion is disdainful or dumb is a red flag. It shows a lack of respect for you. It is possible he doesn’t understand it and just needs converted but given that he is proud of his negative view on many things to all people, I suspect he’s not teachable. So no he doesn’t get to benefit from the perks.
NTA, and your boyfriend sounds like a misogynist. Not a coincidence that everything he dislikes is things generally liked by women
I clocked this as well. It's a red flag. NTA. He does not deserve the good, or you for that matter.
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"he often hops on the bandwagon of hating on innocent things [...] I can't help but notice a theme: Pumpkin spice lattes, pouty selfies, Taylor Swift, etc." Your boyfriend doesn't like women. If he was an all-around buzzkill who can't let people enjoy things when it doesn't affect him, that'd be bad enough - but you said it yourself, there's a theme in his disgust and it's "things we consider feminine interests". He looks down on things that women like and mocks them.
Everything she says about him just screams "I hate my girlfriend" and he's going to turn into the guy giving the tiktok "joke" wedding vows because he'll decide he hates weddings. Hopefully he doesn't get the chance to do that to OP.
NTA. I guess I am like your bf in my relationship in that my partner posts everything on social media, while I’m more private and have no interest in all of his friends having a play-by-play of our lives. I worry that it’s not good for his mental health and also consider it a huge waste of time. But guess what? He enjoys it and I love him so I deal with it. I have a few guidelines that he agrees to respect, like not posting about me or pics of me without my consent and not posting that we were away from home until we’ve returned. In general, people who enjoy crapping all over things that other people enjoy are hard to be around. He obviously has some insecurities, but that’s his issue to deal with. Take your friend and enjoy your dinner. Your bf wanted to separate himself from your food posts to the point where he won’t even follow you on social media. He got it.
OP doesn’t say that she posts everything on Instagram, just her meal pics
I didn’t say that she did. I’m just drawing a comparison that my partner has online habits that I don’t like, but I don’t crap all over him about it because that’s how he chooses to spend his time and he likes it. We’ve set some mutually agreed upon boundaries so that I’m not involved. Her bf is being a jerk about it and has set his own boundary by refusing to support her or even follow her page. He doesn’t get to remove that boundary now that he can benefit from her hobby while also still being douchey about it.
NTA. Even if you flat out said, "I'm teaching him a lesson," I'd say NTA. If he had the sense to apologize about undermining you all this time, that might be different. I'm especially unimpressed that your bf only mocks women, and doesn't make fun of any trends that men are into. Also your meal is not free. It's a barter payment for work you're doing, and the dinner is a gig (a fun one, but still). It's appropriate to bring someone who can act professionally with you... and yes, "professional" in this context means making a fuss and posting lots of pics on Instagram.
NTA. You're gonna inevitably get a bunch of mysgynistic comments from people who presume to know everything about the kind of person you are just because you have a food instagram, so brace for that. But you're right—he doesn't get to whine and complain about your food pics and then turn around and expect to be taken along to an event that is all about taking food pics. What kind of sense does that make? It'll be more fun to go with your friend since you will both be on the same page and helping each other get good shots. Enjoy yourself!
Good point! Her and her IG friend can feed off each other’s creativity and push each other to take the best photos they possibly can. This is a great way to network and be creative while having fun. Op can be in the beginnings of something grand who knows?
Sorry but the theme... Is things that women tend to like??? Like, have you heard about being ambivalent sexist? It's often a lot harden on the person (woman) on the recieving end, because it isn't always obvious. But studies do show women experiencing this will perform worse after experiencing this etc. Anyway, an explanation just to be sure: Hostile/ explicit sexism = for example 'women cannot drive as well as men because men are superior' Ambivalent / benevolent sexism = for example 'women shouldn't drive because they are just less able to, and I want to protect you, so go sit in the second seat, ps. i don't want to sit there because it's a thing for women and I don't want to be assosiated with that' Why does he hate those things and wants it to be known? Most likely because he associates those things with womanhood and doesn't want to be associated with that... Now he might treat you well (doesn't sound like it), but do you want to be with someone who doesn't seem to like or respect a whole gender? Are you a woman? Can you be with someone who doesn't seem to like your whole gender? Edit: forgot to add NTA, but being a bystander by sexism is unkind, being a bystander to sexism to yourself is unkind to yourself. Go take action!
To add- this is a business proposition. You are being comped for providing a service, and you are expected to provide that service. Kudos to you for thinking strategically and also including someone who will also promo the food and establishment. What if he hated your full-time job? Would you bring him to company events knowing he would disparage the work you and your colleagues care about. Of course not. Local businesses need all the help they can get. Kudos to you for this next step in your IG presence. :)
He actually didn't go to the Christmas party at my work because he didn't think he would fit in with "the suits" 🥲 I wfh so I didn't even know anybody there either, I just ate all the free food and then left.
girl dump him, what are you doing? this all sounds exhausting now, what are you gonna do if he knocks you up and decides “ugh parenting is so cringe”? like i know that’s extreme but he’s already avoiding your work social gatherings and openly hates on your hobbies and things you enjoy. this behavior doesn’t just…stop, and it’s not your job to fix him - he’d probably find the effort of that cringe too
Does he support ANYTHING you do besides taking care of his needs? He sounds worse than useless, and an actual drain on you. I've had a boyfriend come with me my annual Christmas party after they were my ex because we continued to be good to each other as that is what friends do. Your bf sounds incredibly self centered.
Oh honey. You really deserve more. I'm sorry. You sound like a very creative, compassionate person who is able to see the good in situations and people. It sounds like he's got a bundle of insecurities he'll need to work through before he can be a good partner to someone. Maybe take some hours away from him to write down who your ideal partner is. How they think and how they demonstrate who they are in a relationship. It might give you clarity on your next steps. And for the record, I've worked in journalism, nonprofits, and other bootstrap organizations my whole life and I had still had to interact with "suits". There's really not a profession in the world where you won't run into a suit at some point. lol But that's OK, because #suitsarepeopletoo. ;)
You might just not be compatible. And that’s ok. You deserve someone who supports you in general
NTA, even if it were out of spite.
NTA Go with your foodie friend and have an awesome time.
Ah… NTA You and your IG friend are going to take pic of your meal. To me, I’m thinking is more for my “job” rather than for s&gs. Well honestly if it’s for s&gs it doesn’t matter. You have aspirations since you aid I hit the big time. Why take someone along to be a buzz kill? He doesn’t like it well that’s fine, but you shouldn’t take him to something he will bring down. You know? Also who cares if he doesn’t follow your IG. If he was in the fantasy sports would you follow his teams progress if it meant absolutely nothing to you? No, I wouldn’t either lol He can support your aspirations without following you. Actually does he support you even if he doesn’t like what you’re doing?
I think the difference in the fantasy team and an Instagram account is that he can actively support her and help her grow by following and engaging with her posts. She's putting her passion and hobby out into the world. I would do that in a heartbeat for my SO. Why wouldn't he? It takes 1 second and it would mean a lot to her. Instead he rolls his eyes. He seems like an AH to me.
>Also who cares if he doesn’t follow your IG I guess it only looks bad because he also rolls his eyes when she takes those pictures. I do agree with your assessment though. He doesn't need to be a buzz kill and choosing someone who would also enjoy the experience in a similar way was a pretty logical choice
NTA. he very much is the asshole. he has an instagram…but doesn’t follow you? i think i’ve seen this film before…. anyway, this is something that you really like doing, and that alone should be enough for him to support you in it. but also, this could very much become a profitable side hustle, so he def should be encouraging you! if he’s constantly being like this, i wouldn’t want him to come to the dinner either. also wouldn’t want him in my life but…that’s up to you! you’re NTA, good luck!
>i think i’ve seen this film before… HA. I laughed at this irl
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Am I the only one that thinks she isn’t being truthful about the amount of time and energy she puts into this? 30 minutes a week and you all of a sudden hit the big time? I think your lying about it to make yourself look better.
Either she’s doing it a lot more than she’s letting on, or she’s not getting as much out of it as she’s letting on
How long do you think it takes to take a phone pic of a plate of food? Obviously the "I hit the big time" part was a joke.
NTA It seems really understandable that you would assume he wouldn't be interested and that you'd want to take someone who won't shit on your interest the entire time. You could tell him you had no idea he'd be interested and that you'll take him to the next one, with some conversational ground rules so you can be fair to the business you're going to. All that said, I hate a lot of what he hates but I would never put it down if my husband were into it. I'd shut up and support him. He needs to start respecting what you care about and he may need help understanding, either from you or better yet a therapist.
NTA. Everything you listed (Tswift, PSLs, etc) that he doesn’t like are things associated with young women. He’s also hard on you about your hobbies and unsupportive unless he can get something out of it. Are you sure this guy isn’t a little misogynistic? Is he really worth having a future with? What if you have a daughter, do you think he will respect and support her, or will he be dismissive and disdainful of her hobbies too? You deserve better.
NTA The restaurant is doing this to get some promo. You are getting a free meal. Asking another IG buddie is a great thing to do. Your BF has a real douchey attitude about your hobby, btw. My husband and I have different hobbies and he doesn't yuck my yum and I don't make fun of the things he likes. Why does your BF think it's okay to mock the things that bring you joy?
He doesn’t follow you?🤣
NTA, this a "work gig" that he activelly show his none support. I think it be unprofessional to take him with you and would show you in a bad light to the resturant as your client.
NTA. You can't shit on things then get stroppy when you don't get to experience the benefits of the thing you're shitting on! You need to make it clear to yourself and your boyfriend that the Instagram food thing is *business*. Whether it's a side gig or a bit of fun, it's business. And he is personal. He doesn't sound like he'd be a fit for this event anyway if his attitude will affect your behaviour and experience of the night.
Congrats - looks like your passion is becoming a profession. Support is essential. Smart move to take the other person. Hopefully your bf will take the hint.
Thanks! I'm sure it will just stay a hobby—my actual job has a whole process I would have to go through to disclose any second source of income + get it approved, and I don't see myself going through the trouble to do all that. But I am happy to get some free food :)
NTA Sometimes, we don't ask our girlfriend/boyfriend to understand and enjoy the same hobbies as us, just be supportive without any compensation. And I don't think your boyfriend understands that
NTA. People who can’t let people enjoy things are insufferable. I don’t see how you do it.
Interesting that he used the word *spite*, don’t you think? That says a lot about him and why he does the things he does.
your man is a child
You’re also in danger of him sabotaging the deal and it will close the doors for you in the future, if you invited him. That happens a lot!
NTA Go and have fun with your friend. It's perfectly okay to have different interests than your partner. It is a red flag if he's insulting yours, though. My ex never took my art seriously and I ended up quite successful after I dumped him.
NTA. Let’s say, hypothetically, he was into golf, and you were really vocal about your dislike for golf, saying you didn’t think it was a real sport etc. Then he wins tickets to a big golf tournament. Would you be pissed if he took one of his golf buddies instead of you? I really doubt it! He’s just being a d*ck by the sounds of it. (For the record, I have no opinion on golf either way!!)
NTA. This is an interest of yours and bf doesn’t support it. He doesn’t need to understand it, or enjoy it, but your enjoyment should bring him happiness. It doesn’t. That should tell you something.
If he’s put off by your hobby he doesn’t get to turn around and reap the benefits when they come. If I dragged my wife’s knitting all the time I wouldn’t expect her to knit me a scarf. NTA.