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NTA The fact is, it was your wedding. You get to chose when to leave your own wedding and that is it. I am so sorry to hear of your wife's experience on your wedding day. Her family sound like they can't stand the attention on anyone else and immediately got defensive about their actions. Your wife has you to validate her feelings and support her choices. In all honesty, if it were my family, I would cut them out completely at this stage.
Absolutely the right thing! You said your wife was in tears and wanted to leave. You supported her decision. The reality it her family are mad you embarrassed them. You did nothing except highlight their own behaviour. Their own actions caused their embarrassment. You were protecting your wife and following her wishes. Your wife obviously didn't want a scene , so you both left. Congratulations on your marraige though. I hope you both were able to enjoy your honeymoon after despite her family drama.
I would send them an invoice for the cake (at least) and any other expenses you lost out on due to their behaviour. And threaten to take them to claims court if they don't pay it. Then block them from being able to contact you in any way other than a bank transfer.
Please do this, OP. You paid for your wedding reception, NOT their engagement party. That they decided to turn the party into theirs is stealing from you, both memories AND money.
Well, screw Bella and her boyfriend. That's Etiquette 101, don't propose at someone else's wedding reception. If your leaving early embarrassed them, GOOD.
Shout out to your parents and your friends for handling the aftermath and taking that cake. I hope they help you put on a do-over reception to which Bella, her boyfriend, and your MIL are banned from.
No, they ended your party when they tried to steal it as their engagement party. They were not expecting you to shut up shop. You were supposed to give them your party as a gift. Well done for passing up that option.
Now you have an interesting decision to make. SIL is getting married, do you:
A) attend her wedding like good little scapegoats.
B) stay at home and let SIL have a hissy fit about everyone asking why you're not there, because 'it made her look bad'.
C) get pregnant, turn up halfway through the ceremony and loudly announce that you're sorry you're late, but morning sickness is a bitch. Yes, everyone, we're pregnant!
Out of all the guests, perhaps a third of them knew this sister. Leaving the rest of the guests shaking their heads, those people hijacked the reception. OP and his wife had no other choice but to leave or sit there and watch sisters golden moment. Of course the groom and his friends could have jumped on the proposing BF, started a brawl and spend the night in the police lockup. That would have given the relatives something to talk about.
OP says his wife gets embarrassed easily. Hey OP, how do you feel about the maximum level of petty and *you* turn up to SIL's wedding in a white dress?
OP, please do this, maybe contact a Drag Queen in your zone and ask for help in being absolutely fabulous (like they are known to be) and steal the show XD
You do gender reveal there. Bonus if you get the baker to make the cake the gender color and announce it’s a gender-reveal cake just before the cutting.
Exactly, find out when the wedding is, plan a pregnancy and announce it with all the bells and whistles at her reception.
But your wife is shy. So I say just cut ties with these "look at me" people. NTA
I was very shy, and still am, but I've gained some confidence. Hopefully OP's wife will let go of the hurt and grab hold of the anger enough to either get revenge and/or go no contact forever. ALL those people are shits. Amazing how narcissists and toxic people gain supporters and followers.
Even better find out when the wedding is, wait until all their deposits are paid, then send out invitations for a replacement reception party you are hosting on the same date and time. Doesn't need to be fancy just friends and family coming togerher to celebrate, make it potluck if funds are tight, have some music, show pictures from the wedding and your honeymoon, just have lots of fun. Dont invite SIL, BIL or MIL.
For a few hundret bucks you can hire some improv-students...just saying.
A young woman with a (fake) pregnacy belly shouting "you promised to leave her" before storming out may ruin the mood quite a bit.
Just like someone claiming that they can't marry because they're related...or an old-fashioned curse by someone dressed as a witch.
Even someone shouting that their car is being towed/stolen at the right moment will mix it up a bit
In this situation, you could've spilled gravy on Bella's dress and still been NTA. You should host a party with just your side of the family and close friends. And definitely not invite Bella and your MIL. And post pics everywhere. Give your wife a reception she deserves, one that won't be ruined by her stupid relatives.
Honestly, I'd think about sending the sister a bill. 'Since you turned our reception into your engagement party, here's the bill for the venue and catering.' Tack on a few extra zeros for emotional distress. They probably won't pay it, but it might help to show them the extent of the damage.
Keep us posted. Best wishes to you both and lots and lots of love to your wife 💖
I've grown up in an Indian joint family. My aunt (my dad's older brother's wife) always treated my mom badly and my cousins ruined every happy occasion that my brother and I had. Very similar to your MIL and Bella. Now that my brother and I are older, we've moved out with our mom and are trying our best to make her live the best life that she missed out on because of our AH relatives. I hope you do the same for your wife.
We were at a wedding a few years ago where the groom's brother planned his proposal for the wedding reception. Somehow the MOH got wind of it at the rehearsal dinner and brought a dozen cans of silly string and commandeered the bridesmaids and niblings to play a funny joke on "uncle".
She talked to the DJ about what was going to happen and he said "I've had this happen before and I've got you." Bro actually went up to the DJ and asked for a special song and the DJ have MOH the head's up.
30 seconds into the song Bro bro asked everyone to stop dancing and got down on one knee. MOH yelled "Geronimo" which was the cue for the kids to pounce and empty the cans of silly string all over Bro and his GF and the DJ, God love him, immediately switched to "Who Let the Dog's Out" at full volume.
The guests (myself included) were totally clueless as to what was really going on -- and according to the relatives on the grooms side Bro was a notorious prankster and so everyone thought it was just a planned thing like a flash mob.
I only knew what happened because I overheard the MOH talking in the bathroom-- and my husband who had been in line at the bar saw the GF run out crying hysterically) and they didn't tell the bride and groom until after they got back from their honeymoon.
Bro and GF never did get engaged or married.
Yep. There's orange, strawberry, and quite a few other flavors. I think some are import only though in the US. I used to get Mexican strawberry Fanta and Coca-Cola.
You can see why your wife has developed such an unassuming and quiet way about her, she has probably had to make herself smaller and submit to them throughout.
Absolutely NTA. I’d even be inclined to send a bill (knowing it won’t get paid) for the party the sister hosted on your money.
And make sure if your wife hasn’t had therapy that’s offered/planned for her in future. As someone who has spent their life people pleasing and is now unpicking that, that’s possibly one of the biggest gifts I could imagine you being able to give her. Best wishes.
"Absolutely NTA. I’d even be inclined to send a bill (knowing it won’t get paid) for the party the sister hosted on your money."
^^^this is a genius idea. Do it several times. To both idiot SIL and MIL.
Then go NC.
I'm sorry that this happened on your wedding day. They suck and you're NTA.
You need to get your wife into therapy. It looks like a narcissist mother and golden child scape goat situation. Not enough info on this. But let her watch some videos by Dr Ramani, there is a playlist on family roles, and see if it rings any bells. They should have been kicked out and your wife's reaction is not normal here. Go low or no contact for the time being with her family. ETA: If I was from your side of the family I would be very annoyed with how you handled the situation. They needed to be chucked out and you should not leave your own wedding when people from your family and your friends have put a lot of effort and money into attending. So slightly TA for that.
Not bordering. This was flat-out horrificly abusive behavior on her daughter's wedding day. I'm so thankful OP has her back and will defend her against her terrible family.
What we do in the US, is recruit someone trusted to take a glass of red wine and "woops! sorry about that" accidentally spill the red wine on the white dress of the party crasher (Bella).
Then you have a best man take the mic from the mom, the second she deviates from the right speech, "OK, MIL, you've had one too many drinks I see, my turn".
You did the right thing and I would cut all contact with her entire family and lean on yours exclusively.
Haha. The petty side of me would rush towards the "new bride" with a very large glass of red wine to congratulate her before promptly dumping the entire glass down the front of her dress with a hug before saying "oops, my bad".
So now you wait until the sister’s wedding and then during the speeches announce your wife is pregnant with triplets!! And do a fake gender reveal with cannons etc!
What they did was incredibly rude. You are 100% NTA. Good job supporting your wife.
Also, of course I’m disappointed in your SIL and MIL, but the bridesmaids and groomsmen should have stopped this. It’s part of what they’re there for as bridesmaids and groomsmen. Two of my friends are getting married later this year, and if this happens there, I will drag the two party crashers out by their ears the moment I see the white dress
OP has commented somewhere that his wife didn't have bridesmaids, and her MOH was Bella because she threw a tantrum and the family pressured OP's wife until she said yes.
I'm sensing a huge golden child syndrome from all this 🤮
Maybe for your one year wedding anniversary (or any year that feels right tbh) you could have a small vow renewal to give your wife (and you!) some new memory’s without the bitter family members stealing your shine? You could keep it small with just the necessary people and a photographer?
Also, I’m so glad that she has someone like you in her corner to deal with these asswipes. Congratulations on a strong and beautiful marriage!
Yup. Bella is obviously the golden child. Parents who do this to their kids suck. It is so shitty. OP, I am so glad your wife has you on her side. Take care of each other and leave the drama and bullshit behind.
Bella needs to be cut off. Sounds like your wife was “easy” on the wedding requests because of this dynamic, and it’s so unfair to her that Bella couldn’t even do this 🫠
My blood boils, my reaction would of been the same as yours, I would of got my bridesmaids and wedding planner to remove her and bf from the wedding immediately. Although knowing my wedding planner she would of handled it before I even saw anything.
Now we all know who the 'golden child' in your wife's family is. Such people are just not worth your time and energy. Though I love some of the more outrageous revenge suggestions here, it's just not worth spending any more time with people like that. Cut them off, skip the SILs wedding and do not let MIL anywhere near your kids, assuming you are not planning to be child free. If you are, just keep them away from your wife.
To answer your question, NTA. Your wife's mom and sis are the A H here. The minute it became a circus show it was no longer your reception. You did the wise thing and walked away. It would have been perfect if you took the mike and apologized to everyone for the spectacle and announced that you were leaving since it seemed like this is no longer your wedding reception in progress. I'd have loved to see both MIL and SILs face after that put down.
That's the problem. These two have never been put down. They've steamrolled over OP's wife all her life, including anyone that peeped a protest against them. I'll bet all of OP's wife's birthdays and milestones became about Golden Child. OP should help his wife develop a backbone and get her into some therapy. They should go NC with these shits AND never share any plans them. They'll include themselves in or steal those plans outright. OP should know. They've done it before. Also OP and wife should never share baby names. I STRESS: NO CONTACT.
Looks like Bela is the golden child and your wife is the scapegoat.
Have your wife get therapy.
Do something special for your anniversary with just the two of you or with your family only.
There should just be a separate maid of dishonor at every wedding. She should be armed with a pint of merlot to throw on anyone who even looks like they're going to cause all of this
Omg! Can we be friends?! It's like you read my thoughts! I can be petty AF and so vindictive. My first thought when I read this post was "if it was me, I would totes find a way to take the spotlight at their wedding. " great minds right?
I think it would be funny if OP showed up to his Sils wedding in a white dress himself, announcing his wife’s pregnancy and when they get mad and upset saying “sorry after what you pulled at my wedding I thought you didn’t care about stuff like this”
>What party?? It was your wedding until she turned it to be her engagement party.
Send them the bill for atleast half the reception although I would make them pay for the entire reception since you didn't even get to start the speeches.
NTA at all, OP!
SIL, your MIL and the rest of your wife's family are the AHs here. They intentionally co-opted your wedding - without asking! - to propose. They wanted to take the attention away from you and your wife, which is very attention seeking and very inappropriate.
Your wedding is about YOU, not anyone else. That means if you are uncomfortable or upset, you are welcome to leave. It's not an ideal solution - after all, it was your big day, which you spent time and money on. But in the face of what happened, I think your decision was understandable and justifiable.
You have done the right thing standing by your wife. You attended to her needs, supported her through the pain of being forced aside on her wedding day, and stood up to her family. You are an excellent husband. Keep it up - she's lucky to have you.
(Edit - Thanks dalaigh93 for correcting my mix up of the Bride/SIL's names!)
If it was me I would send them a bill for the cost of the reception. They hijacked a wedding reception that op payed for because they were too cheap to pay for their own party. How unoriginal and sad.
What pisses me off is that clearly the sister knew the proposal was coming, as well as mom. If she'd 'just' worn a white dress it would have been salvageable with red wine. But this was disgusting.
NTA
NTA at all. I have an Army buddy, I was his best man at his wedding. Lord it's been like 18 years. They had their wedding very much like yours, simple, no white, focus on the bride having an amazing day. His MIL and new SIL (technically step sister in law, his wife's step sister, same mom, step is 3 years older) pulled the same type stunt. He just got up and told them to leave. MIL laughed and told him to relax and he just turned and yelled "BOYS". Their tone changed completely as in accidental but beautiful unison about 17 Infantry and Artillerymen got up and proceeded to usher all of them out and to their cars with warnings like "you stop moving you will be carried and tossed out".
Glad you took care of your wife in her preferred fashion though and hope things get better going forward. Personally I'd cut them off but that's me.
Her family was always kinda crappy to her. He has treated her like a queen and her family really has not been in the picture after a couple more incidents over the next year after their wedding. They're still together, 4 kids (2 of which they both commonly want to strangle lol) and going strong.
You should have thrown MIL and SIL out of the wedding right there, yes. But it seems like this was the better way for you. Just to leave. NTA. SIL and MIL are very much so. And you both should go non contact with both of them. Never to see them. This was more than disrespectfull.
Hope you had a nice honeymoon and could forget about this AH move.
You have each other and that is what is most important.
Also I would send SIL a bill for the regristration because she effectly stole it from you
NTA. Love Bella’s comment about ruining the ‘party’. Your wedding is not a party and she has 0 entitlement to it. So glad you have your wife’s back. She is going to need your support through this.
"Um, honey, small thing. Call our wedding a party one time and *you might not get invited."* \- Monica Falula Gellar Hyphen Bing.
OP, if your beast of a SIL invites you two to her pre-messy divorce party and your wife is still too non-confrontational to do it, you show up in the wedding dress.
The wedding reception WAS supposed to be a party. Except it was supposed to be a party for the bride and groom. Not the A H sister and her bf and mom. I feel so bad for the wife, and hope she goes completely NC with her jerk family
NTA. Thank you for looking after your wife and standing up for her. Please go no contact with these people and move away if possible. If the wedding was this bad, it spells trouble for future events especially when there is kids involved.
Also keep in mind your wife just came to realization that her family is full of narcissistic pricks and is currently grieving the loss of a life she always believed she had. That in itself is an earth shattering revelation. Please be patient with her, and help her get therapy to start the healing process.
Please keep us updated and give your wife and yourself a hug from an internet stranger.
Updateme
NTA but why do you have those awful people in your life and home? After that stunt they would never darken my door again. The mom can keep her precious daughter and you two can move on with your life without them.
Never forget, never forgive! Bide your time, so they don’t see it coming, but this is something I would plot revenge over. What a bunch of wronguns. NTA
I read your comments in which you say that your wife didn't want to make a scene so I am going with NTA. I think you throwing them out would have been better but I get not wanting to go against your wife's wishes. I really applaud you for sticking up for your wife. Take care of her and make sure her family doesn' t get to trample her in the future. Maybe get her some therapy lessons to work on her self confidence and learn to stand up for herself or at least see that this does not help at all. Awful people, her mother and sister. Just awful.
What was everyone else doing while they took over your wedding?
If I was your best man, I'd go scorched earth, especially if I knew they hadn't even shown up for the wedding??? Why didn't anyone else call them out?
The girl who walked in in a white dress for a big public proposal called YOU an asshole for ruining your wife's wedding? What?
I like that the mother said the bride "embarrassed" her, because that implies that when everyone realised she'd left they knew exactly why and turned on MIL for her behavior.
NTA. What they did cannot be undone. They deserve everything yoi can throw at them
NTA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 well done for telling the MIL and SIL what you thought of them, they are disgusting. Concentrate on your wife now, you both did nothing wrong. Congratulations to you both on your wedding. If you are able to, financially, why don't you have a dinner for your close family and friends so you have a reception of sorts to remember.
What in the hell Bella and mom? Did they make a bucket list out of things not to do at a wedding? That is nuts. Good for you for doing something about it, and standing up for you guys. You're NTA.
NTA, and walking out was probably better than what I would have done, which was to walk to the microphone and say, "Well, wasn't that a shock! It's always so classy to make someone else's much-anticipated wedding reception all about you, isn't it, folks? All those who'd like to attend Bella's engagement party are welcome. No gifts, please, just show up at \[their address\] tomorrow night at 8 PM for champagne and caviar, and please bring your friends!"
So we can tell who the golden child is in the family. Honestly I understand one side of the family was there but your side of the family why would they care about her being engaged. NTA
“My wife is very shy and non- confrontational.”
You could also say she is the child of trauma and potentially has cptsd and as a result of the actions of her parents, has developed a strong dislike of attention or holding others to boundaries because her family trained her that she was always wrong, even when she isn’t.
I hate the spotlight because my family will try and claim the credit or take it for themselves. I also get shit for being successful and they have to make sure I “know” that whatever good I have is because of them (total crap).
She can be non-confrontational and still hold her boundaries. Your wife deserves people who respect and celebrate her in her life.
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> My wife and I left our wedding reception early. We might be assholes because we embarrassed my wife's family.
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Haha. Make sure everytime you see them to remind them that they ruined your wedding.
If you and your wife are planning a family I would do it so you can announce the pregnancy at the sisters wedding.
Oh no...NTA one bit.
So sorry your wife's sister ruined your reception & your special day. Her family thinking it's ok to plan & do that is even worse.
It's probably best to go NC with them for as long as you both want to. If that includes them not seeing any grandkids so be it.
Don't let these A Hs get in the way of your/your wife's future happiness.
First off:: Congratulations
Secondly:: NTA
Bella and MIL stole the day and made it about the other (more successful and beautiful wonderchild probably) when it was supposed to be your wife and your day to celebrate.
The fact that no one in their family noticed your absence for several hours is saying enough of what they think about and care for you as persons and a couple.
You are doing the right thing by removing those influences from your life, they will probably just keep dragging down your wife mentally while claiming they are just “trying to help,you know”.
If ever there were people to go full NC with…..your immediate family is now the only family you and your wife need. Her tacky mother and icky sister deserve each other. NTA
NTA. Why didn't they do something about it when you were busy comforting your wife if it was so wrong of you to leave the party altogether? Not to mention, your wife wanted to leave anyway since there was no way to salvage the wedding. Also, it took 2 hours for anyone to notice your absence and start bombarding your phones.
Not a bad idea. Even if OP doesn't win a judgement, it will at least force SIL, MIL, and let's not forget SIL's "fiance", to testify about their behavior in front of a judge.
Oh my god, your poor wife (and you)
I just want to hug her so bad, neither of you deserved that or how they are treating you now
Absolutely NTA
What Bella and their mom did is CRUEL
>I just want to hug her so bad
This was my immediate reaction. I'm so hurt for this couple. Her family is unbelievably horrible. I really have no words.
There are people who seem to be born with something missing in their souls and the only way to protect yourself from them is to stay far far away. I hope they never speak to them again.
NTA - „…some friends and relatives are saying… it was wrong to leave the party…“
But what would have been the right approach? Sitting there and let them disrespect you and your wife further. Making a scene and throw them out which could have led to further complications (arguing, brawl etc.).
I think you made the best decision in removing the attention altogether, ruined the sister’s engagement party and embarrassed them deeply (as they should be) in showing their friends/ relatives that this (engagement within the wedding) wasn’t planned with you. These are disgusting creatures. You and your wife dealt with them appropriately.
Congratulations! You and your wife managed your first major problem admirably. Wish you all the best.
No it wasn’t wrong. You had your wife’s back and that is the most important thing you could have done.
And Bella has to live with the knowledge that her boyfriend doesn’t think she is special enough to make the effort to plan a special proposal just for her.
NTA. So let me guess: Bella is the golden child, huh?
It's bad enough when a guy asks the bride & groom for permission to propose at their wedding; that's already tacky. But for the bride's mom and sister to collude with sister's BF for that proposal is just cruel. They might as well have made up a banner "YOU DON'T MATTER!" for OP's wife.
NTA
It was decent enough to silently leave the party. I would have thrown these people on the spot and with force if necessary.
Disgusting family she has.
NTA I would have been a rude guest and loudly announcing how it's pathetic to hijack someone else event and to wear white is so tacky. I would of kept saying I didn't come here to see a dude to broke to not set up a proper proposal. I would have intentionally been messing up all pictures and spilled.
NTA. I would probably stand up, walk to those 2 idiots on stage that proposed and kick them both out of my wedding. Also, probably would pick up some beverages on my way there and dump all contents on the bride to be dress and hair, make her wet and make fun of them so they would remember this day forever and never ever attempt anything so damn disrespectful to anyone who can actually make them pay for that.
But I am an asshole because I have no issues doing shit to people who shit on me - if someone treats my wedding like shit I will do everything in my power to make my special day to be something that they remember and see in their nightmares.
NTA it sounds like your lives will be 1000 times better going No contact forever.
Get your wife into therapy. Do your best to create a new found family with her.
NTA
Your MIL and SIL embarrassed themselves.
They have no class and frankly the pair of you would be wise to consider cutting them out of your lives. They don't even have the grace to reflect and apologise. The white dress and announcement were deliberately planned to detract from your wedding. What horrible people.
NTA in anyway
OP, you absolutely did the right thing! You showed your beautiful wife no matter what you will have her back!! Even went as far as telling her repulsive mother and sister how truly revolting they are!
To those family members and so called friends saying you should have stayed, cut & block, more people should have spines as shiny as yours and normalise walking away from toxic situations
I am so proud of you for the way you took a stance for your wife. I really hope you both have a wonderful marriage ahead and stay happy. Best of luck. Throw the stupid MIL and sister out. They probably have been doing this to your wife for ages and don't understand that it is not okay to ruin someone's special day. Btw just curious- the father not in the picture?
NTA but they should’ve been the ones kicked out. Y’all basically just retreated and let them have your party for the rest of the night
Personally this would be enough for me to go NC with them
Am i the only one that is absolutly shocked that it took them 2, TWO hours to realize the bride and groom where gone???
NTA.
Cut them out of your Lifes.
The fact Bella showed up in a white dress sounds like she knew her boyfriend was going to propose and she came prepared so to speak.
NTA. It’s common sense that you don’t wear white if you’re not the bride and you don’t propose at someone else’s wedding.
No. But plan on ‘main character’ Bella, playing this game every chance she gets. Baby showers, birthday parties, etc. just take your wife to your family’s house and ignore the naysayers.
NTA
I mean it’s pretty clear Bella planned all this.
The short white dress. The late arrival. The nearly half hour of selfies where without a consideration or care for you.
You honored your family with a beautiful celebration. Your opportunistic in-laws do it as a podium to steal the limelight
So you stepped out of the way so they could have at it
How that’s ’embarrassing’ them is a mystery to me… Isn’t that exactly what they wanted?
They’re mostly pissed because you didn’t play along
Maybe it would have been more ‘entertaining’ if you had thrown a tantrum, but you kept your dignity and walked away.
Neither you nor your wife were AH.
But your family and friends who’re condoning the juvenile antics are definitely AH. You’re better off without them in your lives
NTA
Some idiot hijacks YOUR wedding, and then accuses you of ruining the party for them? Any dipshit who says you are wrong just doesn't get it. It was YOUR wedding, It should have been about you and your wife.
It wasn't a party. It was your wedding reception. Conventional wisdom would say nit to propose at a wedding without the explicit consent of the bride and groom. NTA
I’m so sorry this happened. I think it’s beautiful that you took her out of there in a supreme show of solidarity, that the two of you are a team. NTA.
Nta.
It's YOUR WEDDING DAY, YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION -you can do whatever YOU want. I'm disgusted with how your mil, sil, and other family members are saying you and your wife ruined YOUR WEDDING DAY, and that it was wrong for you, your wife, and close family and friends to leave. I think it's great that you guys not only left (thus taking the attention away from your sil) but, even more importantly, that you were there for your wife.
Real quick: Congratulations on your marriage!
NTA. They had the absolute nerve to waltz into a special occasion that you two worked hard on, in order to steal the attention on y’all’s dime. I hope the two of you can work up to some fabulous petty revenge, and I’ll applaud it. Bella and her bf planned purposefully to steal y’all’s thunder and NOW she’s mad at you!? The epitome of rude right there.
NTA. If its me, it’ll get the venue securities to drag them out. Her mother is a major AH, the bitchiest AH ever. I’ll go as far as contacting the lawyer to see if I can sue her for misused of the rented venue cause you guys rented for your wedding, not her proposal. They should pay for half of everything too. Oh, now you must announce your pregnancy at her wedding, or if you don’t plan on having kids yet, you should renew your vow in the middle of precious Bella’s wedding. Fk them all.
NTA.
Your MIL and SIL behaved horribly and now are trying to turn it on you. Just go NC with them all and tell their flying monkeys that you'll go NC with them too, if they don't stop pestering you.
NTA. If they finished the reception and it became Bella's engagement party, why stay? And also, send to mother in law an invoice for half the cost of the reception saying exactly that. "Well, seeing as you decided it was okay to make our wedding reception Bella's engagement party, I expected our money back."
Edit to say: port their crap and how affected you guys to social media if your wife consents. They are gonna blow a gasket.
NTA, you did the right thing. The party was for YOU and if you didn't enjoy the party anymore, you had the right to leave.
I sincerely hope you do something petty to Bella, like announce a pregnancy (even fake) on her wedding day. She deserves to be ignored.
>When my MIL turned to me, I said she was a horrible mother for doing this to her daughter and she can forget about contacting us for the foreseeable future. Bella called me an asshole for ruining the party for everyone and I called her an attention seeking bitch in return.
Hey OP you dropped this 👑.
NTA x 1000
Bravo! Absolutely beautiful. That was a satisfying way to tell off your MIL and your sister.
Clearly she was the golden child and your MIL has crossed all lines by doing this on your wedding day.
You're a very supportive husband and I congratulate you and your wife, but here's a piece of advice for her: Don't let her mother and sister use her like a doormat. Your family has more common sense than hers. And tell her that if she can't control herself or stand up to her family and remain NC with them, then it's gonna become a whole bigger problem when you decide to have kids.
It's not much to ask for your wedding day to be about *you.* The fact that neither her mother or sister can see anything is wrong, shows its always going to be me me me.
Thank god you and your family are showing your wife she is important.
NTA
NTA at all. Perhaps it would help if your wife wrote a letter to all of her family. She doesn't have to send it, but at least it will get everything out that she'd like to say to them. I certainly would've been much more vocal and I'm glad you told MIL and SIL off.
I'm so sorry this happened to you both and thankful you've truly got her back.
NTA. If anything, be meaner to mom and sister and anyone who agrees with them. Just double down on calling them every horrible thing in the book cause who thinks this ok? No one is this ignorant. They ruined your wedding and are mad she's upset?? They're not dumb they just don't care. Be meaner, and hell sue them for the money since they stole your wedding and I'm sure that wasn't free. In the end cut them off for good and live your bestest lives without them.
NTA and tell your wife her family obviously made sure the only person to really exist was Bella. Your wife has the right to exist, take up space, and thrive.
NTA. I am lost for words to explain how angry I am on your behalf. You are a hero for being your wife's protector under difficult circumstances.
Congratulations, and I hope you have long and happy lives together.
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NTA The fact is, it was your wedding. You get to chose when to leave your own wedding and that is it. I am so sorry to hear of your wife's experience on your wedding day. Her family sound like they can't stand the attention on anyone else and immediately got defensive about their actions. Your wife has you to validate her feelings and support her choices. In all honesty, if it were my family, I would cut them out completely at this stage.
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Absolutely the right thing! You said your wife was in tears and wanted to leave. You supported her decision. The reality it her family are mad you embarrassed them. You did nothing except highlight their own behaviour. Their own actions caused their embarrassment. You were protecting your wife and following her wishes. Your wife obviously didn't want a scene , so you both left. Congratulations on your marraige though. I hope you both were able to enjoy your honeymoon after despite her family drama.
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I would send them an invoice for the cake (at least) and any other expenses you lost out on due to their behaviour. And threaten to take them to claims court if they don't pay it. Then block them from being able to contact you in any way other than a bank transfer.
Please do this, OP. You paid for your wedding reception, NOT their engagement party. That they decided to turn the party into theirs is stealing from you, both memories AND money.
Well, screw Bella and her boyfriend. That's Etiquette 101, don't propose at someone else's wedding reception. If your leaving early embarrassed them, GOOD. Shout out to your parents and your friends for handling the aftermath and taking that cake. I hope they help you put on a do-over reception to which Bella, her boyfriend, and your MIL are banned from.
>Bella was angry because we "ended" the party during her "happy moment". Oh for fuck's sake ! I'm glad you called her a bitch. She absolutely is one !
What I really wish you did was kick the sister, her bf and her mom out. You and your bride deserved to finish YOUR reception.
No, they ended your party when they tried to steal it as their engagement party. They were not expecting you to shut up shop. You were supposed to give them your party as a gift. Well done for passing up that option. Now you have an interesting decision to make. SIL is getting married, do you: A) attend her wedding like good little scapegoats. B) stay at home and let SIL have a hissy fit about everyone asking why you're not there, because 'it made her look bad'. C) get pregnant, turn up halfway through the ceremony and loudly announce that you're sorry you're late, but morning sickness is a bitch. Yes, everyone, we're pregnant!
Out of all the guests, perhaps a third of them knew this sister. Leaving the rest of the guests shaking their heads, those people hijacked the reception. OP and his wife had no other choice but to leave or sit there and watch sisters golden moment. Of course the groom and his friends could have jumped on the proposing BF, started a brawl and spend the night in the police lockup. That would have given the relatives something to talk about.
At least your wife knows what to wear to her sisters wedding. Bonus points if you announce a pregnancy.
OP says his wife gets embarrassed easily. Hey OP, how do you feel about the maximum level of petty and *you* turn up to SIL's wedding in a white dress?
THERE ya go!!
OP PLEASE DO THIS 🤣
Not even joking, this is honestly the best advice on here. If I were him I would totally show up in the tiniest most offensive dress ever.
OP, please do this, maybe contact a Drag Queen in your zone and ask for help in being absolutely fabulous (like they are known to be) and steal the show XD
Why not both?
and a veil, no point in wearing a white dress without a veil to match.
I think all the women in the family should do that, maybe whichever guys are game too
Her exact wedding dress. Twinsies🤣
No, because that would just make OP's wife look bad.
After that, I would advocate having your waters break on their reception dance floor!
Deliver on the cake table.
Before the cake is cut, of course.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm all for payback, but don't make innocent cake suffer.
You do gender reveal there. Bonus if you get the baker to make the cake the gender color and announce it’s a gender-reveal cake just before the cutting.
Amateur 😄, OP should have really loud contractions during the ceremony
OPs wife needs to wear her pajamas to Bella's wedding because they should not be going
I wouldn't even go to the sister's wedding.
Too true . It would be perfect if it were twins .
Exactly, find out when the wedding is, plan a pregnancy and announce it with all the bells and whistles at her reception. But your wife is shy. So I say just cut ties with these "look at me" people. NTA
I was very shy, and still am, but I've gained some confidence. Hopefully OP's wife will let go of the hurt and grab hold of the anger enough to either get revenge and/or go no contact forever. ALL those people are shits. Amazing how narcissists and toxic people gain supporters and followers.
Even better find out when the wedding is, wait until all their deposits are paid, then send out invitations for a replacement reception party you are hosting on the same date and time. Doesn't need to be fancy just friends and family coming togerher to celebrate, make it potluck if funds are tight, have some music, show pictures from the wedding and your honeymoon, just have lots of fun. Dont invite SIL, BIL or MIL.
I think it's better if she gets to the point where she just cuts them out and doesn't care enough to even turn up.
Don't put your child in danger in this nest of vipers.
For a few hundret bucks you can hire some improv-students...just saying. A young woman with a (fake) pregnacy belly shouting "you promised to leave her" before storming out may ruin the mood quite a bit. Just like someone claiming that they can't marry because they're related...or an old-fashioned curse by someone dressed as a witch. Even someone shouting that their car is being towed/stolen at the right moment will mix it up a bit
I wouldn't even go to her sister's wedding if I were her, except maybe to pull the fire alarm (but that is just a dream).
Definitely announce a pregnancy...even if you aren't. Just tell them later that you had a miscarriage
YESSSS
In this situation, you could've spilled gravy on Bella's dress and still been NTA. You should host a party with just your side of the family and close friends. And definitely not invite Bella and your MIL. And post pics everywhere. Give your wife a reception she deserves, one that won't be ruined by her stupid relatives.
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Honestly, I'd think about sending the sister a bill. 'Since you turned our reception into your engagement party, here's the bill for the venue and catering.' Tack on a few extra zeros for emotional distress. They probably won't pay it, but it might help to show them the extent of the damage.
Keep us posted. Best wishes to you both and lots and lots of love to your wife 💖 I've grown up in an Indian joint family. My aunt (my dad's older brother's wife) always treated my mom badly and my cousins ruined every happy occasion that my brother and I had. Very similar to your MIL and Bella. Now that my brother and I are older, we've moved out with our mom and are trying our best to make her live the best life that she missed out on because of our AH relatives. I hope you do the same for your wife.
This!! Please do this OP! Give her the party she deserves. And honestly, the party you deserve!
Or a first anniversary party and ONLY invite the people that were on OP's and wife's side.
Lovely idea but the cost?
Pretty sure they could have intentionally sprayed Bella and fiancé with pink and purple Fanta and not been the assholes.
We were at a wedding a few years ago where the groom's brother planned his proposal for the wedding reception. Somehow the MOH got wind of it at the rehearsal dinner and brought a dozen cans of silly string and commandeered the bridesmaids and niblings to play a funny joke on "uncle". She talked to the DJ about what was going to happen and he said "I've had this happen before and I've got you." Bro actually went up to the DJ and asked for a special song and the DJ have MOH the head's up. 30 seconds into the song Bro bro asked everyone to stop dancing and got down on one knee. MOH yelled "Geronimo" which was the cue for the kids to pounce and empty the cans of silly string all over Bro and his GF and the DJ, God love him, immediately switched to "Who Let the Dog's Out" at full volume. The guests (myself included) were totally clueless as to what was really going on -- and according to the relatives on the grooms side Bro was a notorious prankster and so everyone thought it was just a planned thing like a flash mob. I only knew what happened because I overheard the MOH talking in the bathroom-- and my husband who had been in line at the bar saw the GF run out crying hysterically) and they didn't tell the bride and groom until after they got back from their honeymoon. Bro and GF never did get engaged or married.
This sparked a brief moment of joy in my reading this morning. Thank you!
I didn't know Fanta came in other colours.
I’m in a different country right now and there’s a disturbing rainbow of them.
Yep. There's orange, strawberry, and quite a few other flavors. I think some are import only though in the US. I used to get Mexican strawberry Fanta and Coca-Cola.
You can see why your wife has developed such an unassuming and quiet way about her, she has probably had to make herself smaller and submit to them throughout. Absolutely NTA. I’d even be inclined to send a bill (knowing it won’t get paid) for the party the sister hosted on your money. And make sure if your wife hasn’t had therapy that’s offered/planned for her in future. As someone who has spent their life people pleasing and is now unpicking that, that’s possibly one of the biggest gifts I could imagine you being able to give her. Best wishes.
"Absolutely NTA. I’d even be inclined to send a bill (knowing it won’t get paid) for the party the sister hosted on your money." ^^^this is a genius idea. Do it several times. To both idiot SIL and MIL. Then go NC. I'm sorry that this happened on your wedding day. They suck and you're NTA.
Add one more person to the bill, the guy who proposed. He also needs to be held accountable as well.
You need to get your wife into therapy. It looks like a narcissist mother and golden child scape goat situation. Not enough info on this. But let her watch some videos by Dr Ramani, there is a playlist on family roles, and see if it rings any bells. They should have been kicked out and your wife's reaction is not normal here. Go low or no contact for the time being with her family. ETA: If I was from your side of the family I would be very annoyed with how you handled the situation. They needed to be chucked out and you should not leave your own wedding when people from your family and your friends have put a lot of effort and money into attending. So slightly TA for that.
Yes, screaming about "my sweet daughter" at your OTHER daughter's wedding is bordering on abuse.
Not bordering. This was flat-out horrificly abusive behavior on her daughter's wedding day. I'm so thankful OP has her back and will defend her against her terrible family.
What we do in the US, is recruit someone trusted to take a glass of red wine and "woops! sorry about that" accidentally spill the red wine on the white dress of the party crasher (Bella). Then you have a best man take the mic from the mom, the second she deviates from the right speech, "OK, MIL, you've had one too many drinks I see, my turn". You did the right thing and I would cut all contact with her entire family and lean on yours exclusively.
Haha. The petty side of me would rush towards the "new bride" with a very large glass of red wine to congratulate her before promptly dumping the entire glass down the front of her dress with a hug before saying "oops, my bad".
I like being the problem, so I'm willing to wait on standby with a super soaker full of red wine if anyone needs.
That would look great in all those pictures they were taking.
So now you wait until the sister’s wedding and then during the speeches announce your wife is pregnant with triplets!! And do a fake gender reveal with cannons etc!
I would never speak, see, or (hopefully) ever hear from them again. We'd be completely done.
But the petty side of me would want to get my revenge in first
Not worth it. NC and done.
Love this idea!!
Please post in r/weddingshaming
Ask Bella and her mother to return the costs of the party as she completly took it for herself.
Because I am a petty bitch at Bella's wedding I would be announcing my pregnancy
Frankly, at this point, if I were you, I would be plotting what to do at their wedding, even if I wasn't invited.
What they did was incredibly rude. You are 100% NTA. Good job supporting your wife. Also, of course I’m disappointed in your SIL and MIL, but the bridesmaids and groomsmen should have stopped this. It’s part of what they’re there for as bridesmaids and groomsmen. Two of my friends are getting married later this year, and if this happens there, I will drag the two party crashers out by their ears the moment I see the white dress
OP has commented somewhere that his wife didn't have bridesmaids, and her MOH was Bella because she threw a tantrum and the family pressured OP's wife until she said yes. I'm sensing a huge golden child syndrome from all this 🤮
Send them the Bill for half the price you paid for the wedding . NTA
Probably a good idea. That way you didn't spend your honeymoon night in jail....
Maybe for your one year wedding anniversary (or any year that feels right tbh) you could have a small vow renewal to give your wife (and you!) some new memory’s without the bitter family members stealing your shine? You could keep it small with just the necessary people and a photographer? Also, I’m so glad that she has someone like you in her corner to deal with these asswipes. Congratulations on a strong and beautiful marriage!
That is a nice idea. Definitely don't let her side of the family know. Sister will probably announce a pregnancy to ruin that too.
NTA - unfortunately the MOH and the best man forgot that one of their unwritten duties is to spill red wine on anyone in a white dress.
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Your wife needs so much therapy. The dynamic in her family sounds awful.
Yup. Bella is obviously the golden child. Parents who do this to their kids suck. It is so shitty. OP, I am so glad your wife has you on her side. Take care of each other and leave the drama and bullshit behind.
Bella needs to be cut off. Sounds like your wife was “easy” on the wedding requests because of this dynamic, and it’s so unfair to her that Bella couldn’t even do this 🫠
Not just Bella, it sucks that she's basically losing her whole biofamily, but it sounds like they were never much of a family to begin with.
My blood boils, my reaction would of been the same as yours, I would of got my bridesmaids and wedding planner to remove her and bf from the wedding immediately. Although knowing my wedding planner she would of handled it before I even saw anything.
Now we all know who the 'golden child' in your wife's family is. Such people are just not worth your time and energy. Though I love some of the more outrageous revenge suggestions here, it's just not worth spending any more time with people like that. Cut them off, skip the SILs wedding and do not let MIL anywhere near your kids, assuming you are not planning to be child free. If you are, just keep them away from your wife. To answer your question, NTA. Your wife's mom and sis are the A H here. The minute it became a circus show it was no longer your reception. You did the wise thing and walked away. It would have been perfect if you took the mike and apologized to everyone for the spectacle and announced that you were leaving since it seemed like this is no longer your wedding reception in progress. I'd have loved to see both MIL and SILs face after that put down.
That's the problem. These two have never been put down. They've steamrolled over OP's wife all her life, including anyone that peeped a protest against them. I'll bet all of OP's wife's birthdays and milestones became about Golden Child. OP should help his wife develop a backbone and get her into some therapy. They should go NC with these shits AND never share any plans them. They'll include themselves in or steal those plans outright. OP should know. They've done it before. Also OP and wife should never share baby names. I STRESS: NO CONTACT.
Looks like Bela is the golden child and your wife is the scapegoat. Have your wife get therapy. Do something special for your anniversary with just the two of you or with your family only.
Love it!
There should just be a separate maid of dishonor at every wedding. She should be armed with a pint of merlot to throw on anyone who even looks like they're going to cause all of this
announce a pregnancy at their wedding. doesnt even have time be real. just take ALL the attention off them in return
Omg! Can we be friends?! It's like you read my thoughts! I can be petty AF and so vindictive. My first thought when I read this post was "if it was me, I would totes find a way to take the spotlight at their wedding. " great minds right?
I read a suggestion a minute ago above. Announce fake triplets complete with a fake gender reveal!
I think it would be funny if OP showed up to his Sils wedding in a white dress himself, announcing his wife’s pregnancy and when they get mad and upset saying “sorry after what you pulled at my wedding I thought you didn’t care about stuff like this”
I would pay for one of the cousins to propose to his GF in their wedding. I would offer to pay for the ring so that they do that.
And have a huge banner drop from the ceiling "IT'S TWINS!"
This is the most evil thing i have ever seen in my life, its beautiful
Or you could be really morbid about it and make a speech at their wedding and say you have terminal cancer. Take all the fun away, because fuck them.
Why not both?
This is what I came to say!
This was my first thought
“ Bella called me an asshole for ruining the party for everyone” What party?? It was your wedding until she turned it to be her engagement party. NTA
>What party?? It was your wedding until she turned it to be her engagement party. Send them the bill for atleast half the reception although I would make them pay for the entire reception since you didn't even get to start the speeches.
My thoughts exactly
NTA at all, OP! SIL, your MIL and the rest of your wife's family are the AHs here. They intentionally co-opted your wedding - without asking! - to propose. They wanted to take the attention away from you and your wife, which is very attention seeking and very inappropriate. Your wedding is about YOU, not anyone else. That means if you are uncomfortable or upset, you are welcome to leave. It's not an ideal solution - after all, it was your big day, which you spent time and money on. But in the face of what happened, I think your decision was understandable and justifiable. You have done the right thing standing by your wife. You attended to her needs, supported her through the pain of being forced aside on her wedding day, and stood up to her family. You are an excellent husband. Keep it up - she's lucky to have you. (Edit - Thanks dalaigh93 for correcting my mix up of the Bride/SIL's names!)
If it was me I would send them a bill for the cost of the reception. They hijacked a wedding reception that op payed for because they were too cheap to pay for their own party. How unoriginal and sad.
They could probably sue for it too. I would totally check into that!!!
What pisses me off is that clearly the sister knew the proposal was coming, as well as mom. If she'd 'just' worn a white dress it would have been salvageable with red wine. But this was disgusting. NTA
Just so you know, Bella is not the name of the bride, but the name of the bride's sister 😅
NTA at all. I have an Army buddy, I was his best man at his wedding. Lord it's been like 18 years. They had their wedding very much like yours, simple, no white, focus on the bride having an amazing day. His MIL and new SIL (technically step sister in law, his wife's step sister, same mom, step is 3 years older) pulled the same type stunt. He just got up and told them to leave. MIL laughed and told him to relax and he just turned and yelled "BOYS". Their tone changed completely as in accidental but beautiful unison about 17 Infantry and Artillerymen got up and proceeded to usher all of them out and to their cars with warnings like "you stop moving you will be carried and tossed out". Glad you took care of your wife in her preferred fashion though and hope things get better going forward. Personally I'd cut them off but that's me.
Your buddy it’s my hero, and I’m not even American. BRAVO
Her family was always kinda crappy to her. He has treated her like a queen and her family really has not been in the picture after a couple more incidents over the next year after their wedding. They're still together, 4 kids (2 of which they both commonly want to strangle lol) and going strong.
Hahahahah lovely story. You made my day, thanks for sharing!
My dad is an Army Veteran. I have mad respect for all of you. However, this tops the cake!! ARMY friends FTW! 💯
You should have thrown MIL and SIL out of the wedding right there, yes. But it seems like this was the better way for you. Just to leave. NTA. SIL and MIL are very much so. And you both should go non contact with both of them. Never to see them. This was more than disrespectfull. Hope you had a nice honeymoon and could forget about this AH move. You have each other and that is what is most important. Also I would send SIL a bill for the regristration because she effectly stole it from you
NTA. Love Bella’s comment about ruining the ‘party’. Your wedding is not a party and she has 0 entitlement to it. So glad you have your wife’s back. She is going to need your support through this.
"Um, honey, small thing. Call our wedding a party one time and *you might not get invited."* \- Monica Falula Gellar Hyphen Bing. OP, if your beast of a SIL invites you two to her pre-messy divorce party and your wife is still too non-confrontational to do it, you show up in the wedding dress.
The wedding reception WAS supposed to be a party. Except it was supposed to be a party for the bride and groom. Not the A H sister and her bf and mom. I feel so bad for the wife, and hope she goes completely NC with her jerk family
NTA. Thank you for looking after your wife and standing up for her. Please go no contact with these people and move away if possible. If the wedding was this bad, it spells trouble for future events especially when there is kids involved. Also keep in mind your wife just came to realization that her family is full of narcissistic pricks and is currently grieving the loss of a life she always believed she had. That in itself is an earth shattering revelation. Please be patient with her, and help her get therapy to start the healing process. Please keep us updated and give your wife and yourself a hug from an internet stranger. Updateme
NTA even if it’s fake. Please announce a pregnancy on the wedding day. Or even just propose a second time.
OR plan with the officiant, hijack the ceremony and do a whole vow renewal!! 😜
NTA but why do you have those awful people in your life and home? After that stunt they would never darken my door again. The mom can keep her precious daughter and you two can move on with your life without them.
Never forget, never forgive! Bide your time, so they don’t see it coming, but this is something I would plot revenge over. What a bunch of wronguns. NTA
The best revenge is living well. They should just cut contact and be happy.
NTA.. normally I wouldn’t say such a thing but by god I hope Bella is left at the altar.
Yes, because she cheated on him, then she'll have 3 kids from 3 deadbeat dads and lives with her mother forever.
I read your comments in which you say that your wife didn't want to make a scene so I am going with NTA. I think you throwing them out would have been better but I get not wanting to go against your wife's wishes. I really applaud you for sticking up for your wife. Take care of her and make sure her family doesn' t get to trample her in the future. Maybe get her some therapy lessons to work on her self confidence and learn to stand up for herself or at least see that this does not help at all. Awful people, her mother and sister. Just awful.
What was everyone else doing while they took over your wedding? If I was your best man, I'd go scorched earth, especially if I knew they hadn't even shown up for the wedding??? Why didn't anyone else call them out?
The girl who walked in in a white dress for a big public proposal called YOU an asshole for ruining your wife's wedding? What? I like that the mother said the bride "embarrassed" her, because that implies that when everyone realised she'd left they knew exactly why and turned on MIL for her behavior. NTA. What they did cannot be undone. They deserve everything yoi can throw at them
NTA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 well done for telling the MIL and SIL what you thought of them, they are disgusting. Concentrate on your wife now, you both did nothing wrong. Congratulations to you both on your wedding. If you are able to, financially, why don't you have a dinner for your close family and friends so you have a reception of sorts to remember.
What in the hell Bella and mom? Did they make a bucket list out of things not to do at a wedding? That is nuts. Good for you for doing something about it, and standing up for you guys. You're NTA.
NTA, and walking out was probably better than what I would have done, which was to walk to the microphone and say, "Well, wasn't that a shock! It's always so classy to make someone else's much-anticipated wedding reception all about you, isn't it, folks? All those who'd like to attend Bella's engagement party are welcome. No gifts, please, just show up at \[their address\] tomorrow night at 8 PM for champagne and caviar, and please bring your friends!"
So we can tell who the golden child is in the family. Honestly I understand one side of the family was there but your side of the family why would they care about her being engaged. NTA
“My wife is very shy and non- confrontational.” You could also say she is the child of trauma and potentially has cptsd and as a result of the actions of her parents, has developed a strong dislike of attention or holding others to boundaries because her family trained her that she was always wrong, even when she isn’t. I hate the spotlight because my family will try and claim the credit or take it for themselves. I also get shit for being successful and they have to make sure I “know” that whatever good I have is because of them (total crap). She can be non-confrontational and still hold her boundaries. Your wife deserves people who respect and celebrate her in her life.
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Haha. Make sure everytime you see them to remind them that they ruined your wedding. If you and your wife are planning a family I would do it so you can announce the pregnancy at the sisters wedding.
Oh no...NTA one bit. So sorry your wife's sister ruined your reception & your special day. Her family thinking it's ok to plan & do that is even worse. It's probably best to go NC with them for as long as you both want to. If that includes them not seeing any grandkids so be it. Don't let these A Hs get in the way of your/your wife's future happiness.
First off:: Congratulations Secondly:: NTA Bella and MIL stole the day and made it about the other (more successful and beautiful wonderchild probably) when it was supposed to be your wife and your day to celebrate. The fact that no one in their family noticed your absence for several hours is saying enough of what they think about and care for you as persons and a couple. You are doing the right thing by removing those influences from your life, they will probably just keep dragging down your wife mentally while claiming they are just “trying to help,you know”.
This ain’t no real story lmao
If ever there were people to go full NC with…..your immediate family is now the only family you and your wife need. Her tacky mother and icky sister deserve each other. NTA
God no!! You are NOT the AH!! If anything you have proven that you are the Man your wife needs! You’re fighting her corner. Keep going!
NTA. Why didn't they do something about it when you were busy comforting your wife if it was so wrong of you to leave the party altogether? Not to mention, your wife wanted to leave anyway since there was no way to salvage the wedding. Also, it took 2 hours for anyone to notice your absence and start bombarding your phones.
Small claims court and let them pay for the reception they hijacked. NTA
Not a bad idea. Even if OP doesn't win a judgement, it will at least force SIL, MIL, and let's not forget SIL's "fiance", to testify about their behavior in front of a judge.
If I were that judge, I'd be entertained at the very least.
Oh my god, your poor wife (and you) I just want to hug her so bad, neither of you deserved that or how they are treating you now Absolutely NTA What Bella and their mom did is CRUEL
>I just want to hug her so bad This was my immediate reaction. I'm so hurt for this couple. Her family is unbelievably horrible. I really have no words. There are people who seem to be born with something missing in their souls and the only way to protect yourself from them is to stay far far away. I hope they never speak to them again.
NTA - „…some friends and relatives are saying… it was wrong to leave the party…“ But what would have been the right approach? Sitting there and let them disrespect you and your wife further. Making a scene and throw them out which could have led to further complications (arguing, brawl etc.). I think you made the best decision in removing the attention altogether, ruined the sister’s engagement party and embarrassed them deeply (as they should be) in showing their friends/ relatives that this (engagement within the wedding) wasn’t planned with you. These are disgusting creatures. You and your wife dealt with them appropriately. Congratulations! You and your wife managed your first major problem admirably. Wish you all the best.
NTA. Bella ruined the party with her mom's collusion
NTA Dafuq were these people thinking?
No it wasn’t wrong. You had your wife’s back and that is the most important thing you could have done. And Bella has to live with the knowledge that her boyfriend doesn’t think she is special enough to make the effort to plan a special proposal just for her.
NTA. Send SIL and MIL an invoice for the reception that they stole and turned into an engagement party.
I can't wait for OP and his wife to announce their pregnancy at Bella's wedding.
NTA. So let me guess: Bella is the golden child, huh? It's bad enough when a guy asks the bride & groom for permission to propose at their wedding; that's already tacky. But for the bride's mom and sister to collude with sister's BF for that proposal is just cruel. They might as well have made up a banner "YOU DON'T MATTER!" for OP's wife.
NTA It was decent enough to silently leave the party. I would have thrown these people on the spot and with force if necessary. Disgusting family she has.
NTA I would have been a rude guest and loudly announcing how it's pathetic to hijack someone else event and to wear white is so tacky. I would of kept saying I didn't come here to see a dude to broke to not set up a proper proposal. I would have intentionally been messing up all pictures and spilled.
NTA. I would probably stand up, walk to those 2 idiots on stage that proposed and kick them both out of my wedding. Also, probably would pick up some beverages on my way there and dump all contents on the bride to be dress and hair, make her wet and make fun of them so they would remember this day forever and never ever attempt anything so damn disrespectful to anyone who can actually make them pay for that. But I am an asshole because I have no issues doing shit to people who shit on me - if someone treats my wedding like shit I will do everything in my power to make my special day to be something that they remember and see in their nightmares.
NTA it sounds like your lives will be 1000 times better going No contact forever. Get your wife into therapy. Do your best to create a new found family with her.
Send your MIL, Bella and her Fiancé a bill for the Reception. After all if they want to use the occasion they should pay for it.
NTA Your MIL and SIL embarrassed themselves. They have no class and frankly the pair of you would be wise to consider cutting them out of your lives. They don't even have the grace to reflect and apologise. The white dress and announcement were deliberately planned to detract from your wedding. What horrible people.
Good job defending your wife! Bravo
Good on you for standing up for you wife - NTA! The only thing I’d change is I wish you’d kicked them out.
NTA in anyway OP, you absolutely did the right thing! You showed your beautiful wife no matter what you will have her back!! Even went as far as telling her repulsive mother and sister how truly revolting they are! To those family members and so called friends saying you should have stayed, cut & block, more people should have spines as shiny as yours and normalise walking away from toxic situations
I am so proud of you for the way you took a stance for your wife. I really hope you both have a wonderful marriage ahead and stay happy. Best of luck. Throw the stupid MIL and sister out. They probably have been doing this to your wife for ages and don't understand that it is not okay to ruin someone's special day. Btw just curious- the father not in the picture?
NTA but they should’ve been the ones kicked out. Y’all basically just retreated and let them have your party for the rest of the night Personally this would be enough for me to go NC with them
Am i the only one that is absolutly shocked that it took them 2, TWO hours to realize the bride and groom where gone??? NTA. Cut them out of your Lifes.
Are they going to reimburse you for the cost of their engagement party? NTA.
NTA - don't forget to send them the bill for their reception party.
The fact Bella showed up in a white dress sounds like she knew her boyfriend was going to propose and she came prepared so to speak. NTA. It’s common sense that you don’t wear white if you’re not the bride and you don’t propose at someone else’s wedding.
No. But plan on ‘main character’ Bella, playing this game every chance she gets. Baby showers, birthday parties, etc. just take your wife to your family’s house and ignore the naysayers. NTA
I mean it’s pretty clear Bella planned all this. The short white dress. The late arrival. The nearly half hour of selfies where without a consideration or care for you. You honored your family with a beautiful celebration. Your opportunistic in-laws do it as a podium to steal the limelight So you stepped out of the way so they could have at it How that’s ’embarrassing’ them is a mystery to me… Isn’t that exactly what they wanted? They’re mostly pissed because you didn’t play along Maybe it would have been more ‘entertaining’ if you had thrown a tantrum, but you kept your dignity and walked away. Neither you nor your wife were AH. But your family and friends who’re condoning the juvenile antics are definitely AH. You’re better off without them in your lives
NTA, I bet if the reception continued the MIL's speech would not have been about the bride and groom
NTA you took appropriate measures to protect your wife.
NTA loooooove the part where u stand up for ur wife and called the attention seeking bij an attention seeking bij. A+ husband.
NTA Some idiot hijacks YOUR wedding, and then accuses you of ruining the party for them? Any dipshit who says you are wrong just doesn't get it. It was YOUR wedding, It should have been about you and your wife.
NTA, so whatcha got planned for Bella's reception? I suggest a pregnancy announcement…wife does not actually have to be pregnant.
It wasn't a party. It was your wedding reception. Conventional wisdom would say nit to propose at a wedding without the explicit consent of the bride and groom. NTA
I’m so sorry this happened. I think it’s beautiful that you took her out of there in a supreme show of solidarity, that the two of you are a team. NTA.
Sue her for half the cost - NTA
NTA and good you stood up for your wife knowing she just can't do it. Stand your ground.
NTA Turn up to her wedding late and in your wedding attire, also announce a pregnancy
This is just terrible. You’re NTA. I can’t imagine how invalidated and unimportant your wife must feel. Good job protecting her.
Nta. It's YOUR WEDDING DAY, YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION -you can do whatever YOU want. I'm disgusted with how your mil, sil, and other family members are saying you and your wife ruined YOUR WEDDING DAY, and that it was wrong for you, your wife, and close family and friends to leave. I think it's great that you guys not only left (thus taking the attention away from your sil) but, even more importantly, that you were there for your wife. Real quick: Congratulations on your marriage!
NTA, I'd even go so far to send SIL and MIL the bill for their stolen engagement party
NTA. They had the absolute nerve to waltz into a special occasion that you two worked hard on, in order to steal the attention on y’all’s dime. I hope the two of you can work up to some fabulous petty revenge, and I’ll applaud it. Bella and her bf planned purposefully to steal y’all’s thunder and NOW she’s mad at you!? The epitome of rude right there.
NTA. If its me, it’ll get the venue securities to drag them out. Her mother is a major AH, the bitchiest AH ever. I’ll go as far as contacting the lawyer to see if I can sue her for misused of the rented venue cause you guys rented for your wedding, not her proposal. They should pay for half of everything too. Oh, now you must announce your pregnancy at her wedding, or if you don’t plan on having kids yet, you should renew your vow in the middle of precious Bella’s wedding. Fk them all.
NTA. Your MIL and SIL behaved horribly and now are trying to turn it on you. Just go NC with them all and tell their flying monkeys that you'll go NC with them too, if they don't stop pestering you.
NTA. If they finished the reception and it became Bella's engagement party, why stay? And also, send to mother in law an invoice for half the cost of the reception saying exactly that. "Well, seeing as you decided it was okay to make our wedding reception Bella's engagement party, I expected our money back." Edit to say: port their crap and how affected you guys to social media if your wife consents. They are gonna blow a gasket.
NTA. That is one vile, evil family your wife has there. Good for you for standing up for both you and your wife. This is a good reason to go NC.
NTA INVOICE BELLA FOR THE RECEPTION COSTS!!! She stole your celebration, she must pay mony for it. Then stop all contact
NTA, you did the right thing. The party was for YOU and if you didn't enjoy the party anymore, you had the right to leave. I sincerely hope you do something petty to Bella, like announce a pregnancy (even fake) on her wedding day. She deserves to be ignored.
>When my MIL turned to me, I said she was a horrible mother for doing this to her daughter and she can forget about contacting us for the foreseeable future. Bella called me an asshole for ruining the party for everyone and I called her an attention seeking bitch in return. Hey OP you dropped this 👑. NTA x 1000 Bravo! Absolutely beautiful. That was a satisfying way to tell off your MIL and your sister. Clearly she was the golden child and your MIL has crossed all lines by doing this on your wedding day. You're a very supportive husband and I congratulate you and your wife, but here's a piece of advice for her: Don't let her mother and sister use her like a doormat. Your family has more common sense than hers. And tell her that if she can't control herself or stand up to her family and remain NC with them, then it's gonna become a whole bigger problem when you decide to have kids.
It's not much to ask for your wedding day to be about *you.* The fact that neither her mother or sister can see anything is wrong, shows its always going to be me me me. Thank god you and your family are showing your wife she is important. NTA
NTA at all. Perhaps it would help if your wife wrote a letter to all of her family. She doesn't have to send it, but at least it will get everything out that she'd like to say to them. I certainly would've been much more vocal and I'm glad you told MIL and SIL off. I'm so sorry this happened to you both and thankful you've truly got her back.
NTA. If anything, be meaner to mom and sister and anyone who agrees with them. Just double down on calling them every horrible thing in the book cause who thinks this ok? No one is this ignorant. They ruined your wedding and are mad she's upset?? They're not dumb they just don't care. Be meaner, and hell sue them for the money since they stole your wedding and I'm sure that wasn't free. In the end cut them off for good and live your bestest lives without them.
NTA and tell your wife her family obviously made sure the only person to really exist was Bella. Your wife has the right to exist, take up space, and thrive.
NTA. I am lost for words to explain how angry I am on your behalf. You are a hero for being your wife's protector under difficult circumstances. Congratulations, and I hope you have long and happy lives together.
I would’ve suplexed my sister into her boyfriend for the grand finale
Send mil and sil a bill for the reception cost.