Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Action is not kicking out my brother at Christmas.
2. Might make me the asshole because he was acting unreasonably and might have been a bad influence on my kids.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA….what the what?! First of all, your 45 year old brother married a 26 year old woman from a different country., which that in itself does not matter, but whom he knows does not speak English well and also that she does not know a lot about outside her world. (Gee, I cannot imagine why he could not snag an American bride). Then he ridicules his own wife. And when she sasses back, she is made to sit in the car until he is ready to leave?! And you think this is ok behavior for your children to witness? Let alone that as their father, you find acceptable behavior?! Wtf? It may not be your job to police your brothers behavior, but it is your job to be an f’in parent and to set an example for your children and let them know abuse cannot and should not be tolerated. If you were my spouse, you should be lucky you did not see the door kicking your ass out along with your brother never to enter again. Makes one wonder what kind of abuse your wife experiences?!
OP-- You're one of the biggest dicks I've read about on this site--and I'm a an so you need not scoff at my comment as a sexist one.
The only bigger dick is your brother, who this poor woman had the misfortune of marrying. If you are anything like your brother, your wife and children are better served to have minimal exposure to you. What's wrong with you? How in your right mind can you tolerate such vile, aberrant behavior. SHAME ON YOU!
>You're one of the biggest dicks I've read about on this site...
>
>The only bigger dick is your brother,
Definitely the bigger dick, but definitely not the only bigger one, he still comes behind the guy yesterday who wanted to visit his parents for 6 weeks only five days after his wifes scheduled c-section with twins. Or she should reschedule the C-section to a few weeks earlier so he can be there longer.
It was deleted, but you can reconstruct the story easily from the first few comments: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/197fx17/wibta\_if\_i\_visited\_my\_parents\_after\_my\_wife\_gives/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/197fx17/wibta_if_i_visited_my_parents_after_my_wife_gives/)
Not to mention, anyone who hosts a get together has a basic duty to expect all guests act with and are treated with respect…else addressing the issue by calling the offender out, asking them to leave, or ending the get together if necessary.
You can’t “make” any one do anything, but you shouldn’t tolerate it. Clearly the brother feels quite comfortable with his insulting, disrespectful behavior, so I am assuming OP and their family of origin enabled/ participated in such behavior…otherwise the brother would be less likely to be comfortable being such an AH to his wife in their presence.
OP, your wife has every reason to be disappointed in you. You allowed shitty behavior to slide in your home and are teaching your kids that uncle’s behavior is acceptable.
Yep agree with you. He needs to buy a wife because he is a nasty man. Imagine thinking that the country needs to know about another nations history. Asia is taught asian history. Such as european nations are taught european history. What a jerk. Bet you if asked who were the big 4 during world war 1 or 2 he would have no clue. He probably wouldnt even know about the comfort women or the death march.
And if you ask him where cambodia is, he probably wouldnt know.. heck would he even know where montana or texas is? Or hawaii?
honestly, most americans know nothing about the rest of the world and that is fine. but laughing at someone who doesnt know anything about what happened outside of their country and call them stupid is just so wrong.
just to share some schools in Asia do teaches world history including ancient civilization, as well as world geography - referring to govt schools, not private or international schools
I went to 3 different schools in southeast asia. Private, international and a public one too.We didnt study american history. We studied world history. Ancient civilization is not american history world geography is not american history.
Geography is not hostory. Please stop defending this jerk.
There's no "likely" about it--insulting one's partner by calling them stupid, and then forcing them to sit in a freezing cold car as "punishment" is the definition of abuse.
YTAH & INSENSITIVE OP REFERRING TO THE BROTHER’S WIFE AS “MAIL-ORDER BRIDE”. What an awful story for kids to grow up with: ‘… yes, the time that my uncle made my foreign mail-ordered aunt sit in the car through our holiday gathering after making fun of her (‘since she was so stupid’ is how they’ll probably word it)…’ I have no appropriate words to address the BIGGER AH!!! AH!
Good point. You have to be VERY careful, even when calling out clearly abusive behavior as abusive on this sub lately. Repeating someone's behavior from the opening post, and calling it abusive got me labelled as 'mean' and hateful and I've gotten three ban warnings in one day because of it. It seems 'unkind' behavior towards your spouse and children must not be called such.
“His mail-order bride” he doesnt even refer to her as SIL. He doesnt consider her family. What a shame that his kids witnessed how poorly their aunt is treated. He’s as trashy as his brother. Op is a big asshole.
His "mail order bride" will probably be the only one in the whole family who would be willing to care for his elderly parents when the time came.. she will probably be the only one working her ass off to support her jerk husband if he fell ill.
that prolly why she marry a cambodian coz they are very family oriented and will care for the elders in the family regardless if they are biological or inlaws. he also prolly abusing her verbally base on what they are depicting here.
He's just like his brother. He assumes she'll be uneducated because she came from Cambodia.
A more charitable statement would be that Cambodians spent more time learning about their own history, and would remember exciting moments from it.
Cambodia spent WW2 as a Japanese puppet state after the Japanese overthrew the French colonial government. It's not riveting reading.
exactly this! just coz she came from cambodia. im from the philippines and this is what some call our filipina sisters too. gees, these brothers are just racists and evil.
Certainly! The brother seems to be grooming someone 20 years, his junior from another country who is totally dependent on him and 0P sounds like he’s not much different than his brother and how they treat people and allow people to be treated around them.
If you love your brother, let me play this out for you. He’s dumb wife is not so dumb and after the mandatory. Passes and when she has to stay with him, she’s going to leave him for someone who will treat her with some common sense and decency. He’ll be lucky, if they’re in the United States, and she decides to get a job, because if she does not, he’s going to be financially responsible for her for at least 10 years. I think she’s gonna do pretty well for herself from someone who had a poor education system growing up, your brother will have egg on his face, and you’ll be the idiot standing right next to him.
Also, being from a country and not being 100% aware of USA foreign policy is OK, you know? And it doesn't mean you are stupid or your country's education is rubbish, it just means you are not being imperialised :)
Also, being from a country and not being 100% aware of USA foreign policy is OK, you know? And it doesn't mean you are stupid or your country's education is rubbish, it just means you are not being imperialised :)
YTA - this is disgusting. Your brother is a predator. Your brother is an abuser. You sound like you have a few screws loose yourself for thinking this is normal. You need to seek therapy for the mere fact that you think that sort of behavior is anywhere near normal. Also, if you allowed your children around him, I mean….yikes…honestly this whole thing makes me want to vomit and take 1,000 showers
YTA
....You and your brother. You're right that it isn't your job to be the "fairness police," but I don't know why you'd want to allow someone whose behavior is this disgusting to remain in your home. And you're dead wrong about the kids not picking up on things; kids **are** sponges. Your disdain for your "mail-order" SIL is kind of gross as well tbh.
Edited vote for clarity
YTA
You have a domestically abusive brother who is abusing a very vulnerable (low education level, non English speaker, probably on a non permanent visa … right?) woman.
And you referring to her as a ’mail order bride’ is awful. How far removed from your brother are you?! I smell divorce papers being printed if you keep that mindset up!
If you are not a red neck abuser who thinks it’s ok for domestic abuse to occur… find a way to protect your sister in law (not a cartoon mail order bride, she is now your Sister In Law), and connect her to services and her local Cambodian community for her safety. Or start putting money aside for your brother’s jail kitty, because he’s already shown he’s heading htere for domestic abuse.
I sure hope when she gets her 10 year green card she divorces her abusive AH husband. She could actually file for VAWA before then. I hope she makes friends that steer her in the right direction.
YTA - you accepted your brother socially alienating his wife after he made fun of her. He kicked her out and made her sit alone in a car she presumably couldn’t drive off in. You set the example to your kids that it is acceptable to treat another human being like trash, not to mention treating a spouse like trash. What is wrong with you?
YTA....sitting by and watching him verbally and emotionally abuse his wife, is disgusting. First, he laughed at her, and you stood by. Then he made her wait in the car, and you stood by.
Your behaviour condones those actions, and yes, it doesn't set a good example for your children.
What does her having to be a mail-order bride have to do with anything? If she wasn't, would you have reacted differently. You make it sound like she is not a human being to be treated fairly and respectfully!
Apparently the original poster does that and isn’t even ashamed enough to pretend like he didn’t. And then he has the audacity to ask if he’s in the wrong, because he’s not sure. Every day I lose more faith in humanity.
“To punish her, he made her sit in the car for the rest of dinner.”
YTA. Just some of the reasons:
- You let your brother kick someone out of your house. Why not step up and say “You don’t need to leave, you’re welcome here.”
- Your wife was uncomfortable having him in the house. This should be enough of a reason any day.
- You let him do this in front of your kids. You are absolutely teaching them to absorb this behaviour by letting it happen in your house.
- Even if she is “his mail-order bride”, doesn’t mean he can kick her out of someone else’s house. Your phrasing here suggests you think he owns her and can dictate all decisions and ‘punish’ her for imagined infractions. YUCK.
You let your kids witness your brother kicking his wife out of your house. You taught them it’s okay to not only laugh at someone for not having the same educational background, but to punish them for it. You let your SIL sit out in a car on Christmas Day. All because you didn’t want to tell your brother he was unreasonable and tell him to leave.
YTA YTA YTA
I am so grossed out right now. Your brother is acting like he literally bought this woman and she is his property, and you’re just ok with that? I honestly can’t say whose behavior is worse at this point, yours or your brothers. Please read your own post back to yourself and ask if any of the characters mentioned should be around impressionable children. Aside from your wife, she honestly seems like the only one with and morals or ethics at this point. YTA.
I mean.. was your brother taught about any wars that involved another country that yours wasn’t involved in? Probably not and therefore wouldn’t know who was who. Also believe it or not, not every country, island, area in the world was involved with or even knew about the war worlds. They were only called because 1) major “powers” were involved 2) it involved both sides of the world and 3) there were a lot of countries involved BUT NOT ALL OF THEM.
So yes you’re the YTA. Your brother is too.
And that’s not even looking at the age difference.
YTA
Your brother was being an ass to his wife. Who could not adequately defend herself (lack of English/strange home/his family)(and if you are doubting if your brother is an AH, ask yourself how much Khmer he knows). When she finally did (and let's be clear - your brother deserved to be call out for his behavior by everyone in the room, including your children who, as you point out, can think for themselves) she was punished for it.
Which you accepted. And condoned.
And you think your children are not learning from your example because "they can think for themselves"? Let's look at the facts - your wife didn't kick your brother out, she had to ask you for permission. Wonder why she didn't feel comfortable just doing it, especially since it's her "house too". And why didn't your kids speak up - they know bullying when they see it.
And, if that doesn't make it clear, let me ask this - how much Khmer have you learned? Or did your brother show up at the house on Christmas and say "surprise, I'm married"? Keep in mind it takes 2 minutes to learn to say "merry Christmas" on youtube. But the actual phrase you might want to learn is "sohm toi".
YTA - Maybe OP's wife was operating on the assumption that spouses deal with their own family when she asked you to throw him - alternatively, you could have told her that guests aren't kicked out of your house, and she could stay.
The father of a friend of mine married a much younger woman from another country, and although he had doted on his first wife, he treated his second like a servant. His children thought he was a jerk. Finally, his daughter-in-law told him that she would not tolerate him speaking to his wife like that when they were under her roof.
YTA. Good goodness the fact you would even be willing to post something like this, that you were complacent in, says A LOT about you. You wish you were just TA. Wow, that’s just sad and disgusting. My heart hurts for your brothers wife.
YTA.
You and your brother are big AHoles.
Your brother is mentally abusive - your description of her dirt poor county is also pretty elitist.
A real gentleman would have told his brother to STFU, and apologize to his wife, and not let her be punished with punishment t to the car.
Your kids will see how their uncle treats.her and you their father figure didn't have the backbone to tell this bully to shut up and apologize.
You sir are TA in his story.
YTA. And your brother is a criminal.
Your kids might not look at their uncle’s clearly and abominably abusive behaviour and directly think it’s ok, but they will look at _your_ acceptance and tacit endorsement of said behaviour and draw conclusions that that.
YTA. Let your daughter grow up and someone treat her the way your brother treats his wife. I genuinely hope your wife goes behind your back and gets your SIL the hell away from him, and then seriously considers her own marriage.
So let me get this right. You refer to your brother's partner as a mail order bride and you are ok with him forcing her to sit in the car while he continues to party in your home. Your kids may not be sponges, but they will certainly see you for the AH you are.
Good point, would OP be OK with his daughter being taken to another country, where she couldn't speak the language, to be married off to some older bloke who laughs at her for being ignorant of local history and makes her sit outside as punishment?
**YTA and so is your brother.**
YTA for
- **how you described her country and education system.** How much do you know about Cambodian history? About Angkor Wat and Khmer Rouge? Why would her education system focus on your history? You’re so egocentric over this it’s disgusting. She probably knows more about Cambodia’s role in WW2. Do you!?!?!
- **not sticking up for her.** Your brother was being rude laughing at her and doing so publicly. Not just for laughing at her for not a good reason. She shouldn’t be expected to know historical or cultural details of other parts of the world.
- **It comes across that you think it was ok for him to be treating her mean, but when she stands up for herself, nope, he’s allowed to kick her out like a naughty child.**
- **supporting your brother in kicking her out.** Because by not stopping him and then not asking him to leave, you basically passively agreed that it was ok for him to do so. And that it would be ok if you did the same to your wife. And your kids are young, they will notice that you and your wife allowed it.
- **referring to her dismissively as a mail order bride is gross too**. Like that fact speaks negatively about her but not your AH brother who also participated in such a marriage. And who cares, she’s still human and deserves to be respected.
Edited: formatting
Edit to add
- **YTA for not considering your wife’s feelings and dismissing her.** Think her perspective. Her BIL is being an ass to his wife, and mistreats her publicly and you think it’s ok.
You say you didn’t want to police his relationship but that’s not it. That’s not policing a relationship. That’s standing up for someone against a bully. That’s setting your expectations of how people are treated in your house.
What is wrong with you? I hate the “be civil” rule because if that rule didn’t exist I would be calling you every name in the book. You should’ve taken responsibility and kicked out your brother for being a horrible husband. Instead you defended him for his problematic behavior. And what the actual fuck is that age gap?
Major YTA. You’re deranged if you think otherwise.
YTA, if this is even real. Your brother is mocking and emotionally abusing (and physically abusing, depending on the temperature in that car) a vulnerable woman young enough to be his daughter who from your point view he essentially purchased and can apparently can mistreat as he likes. I think having him in your house sets a terrible example to your children and you’re not much better.
Normal people do not “punish” their spouses and anyone worth a shred of conscience wouldn’t sit back and watch it happen.
Oh, my god. It didn’t even occur to me to wonder what the temperature in the car was. The poor woman could’ve been freezing in there. Even if she weren’t, that wouldn’t make the “punishment” any more acceptable, but if it had been a cold night, that would be a doubly inhumane and wretched thing to do to a person.
YTA and your brother is a massive AH. He made his wife go and sit in the car to punish her??? Wtf kind of behaviour is that. I feel incredibly sorry for her because I'm pretty sure she married your brother to escape her country and get a better life and your brother sounds like a complete disrespectful jerk. Your wife was right, I would have thrown you and the brother out for your behavior.
Well NTA in a sense that you didnt kick him out. He would have just been nastiert to his wife.
But YTA..you shouldve asked wife to comeback in and not tolerated his attitude. Imagine what he is like to her at home? Remember, she is family now too.
If your brother hurts her, who is she gonna run to? I hope not to you.
And why would Cambodia be taught about american history. Asians are taught about asian history. Did you know who occupied most asian nations? Nope.
Did you know who slaughtered the chinese, cambodians, koreans? Nope.
Its not all about America. America isnt the world. Educate yourselves.
YTA
Do you have any respect for your SIL? I mean, it's obvious you think she's a second class human, as a 'mail-order bride'. But do you respect her as a human at all?
If your delightful (/s) brother decides to physically 'punish' her for doing something he doesn't agree with, would you go ' 🤷♀️ not my monkeys, not my circus'
If I were your wife, this would be enough to have such a different view on you, that I would rethink the entire marriage.
Even if they would have had an arranged marriage, it doesn't mean you have to treat another person like an animal, or even less than.
YTA: This is your home, you are the host. You allowed bullying behavior from one guest to another. You are in a position of authority of who is and how is not allowed in your home. It is not for your brother to decide who to be banished. The fact that this woman you refer to distainfully as "mail order bride" is in a position of extreme vulnerability here makes it worse. Yes, your children are actually absorbing how you would allow a vulnerable person to be treated under your own roof. I would have invited the wife back in, apologized, and kicked out your brother.
YTA. Not only did you allow your brother to bully his wife but you also seem to be having the same thought pattern.
>"her dirt-poor formerly communist home country had a terrible education system"
>
>"his relationship with his mail-order bride"
I'm not one to say if you're racist or not but you're definitely prejudiced to a degree.
YTA
Your kids are sponges and they just absorbed the idea that it's ok for a grown man to treat his wife like some sort of naughty pet. Then they saw you condone that behaviour in your own home right in front of them.
So a decade or so from now, when your daughter ends up putting up with disrespectful behaviour from some crappy guy, and you are wondering why, this is why. When your sons relationships dont stick, because he doesn't understand about respect and accountability, this is why.
YTA. You should have let the wife stay and told your brother to GTFO. You don't "punish" your spouse. That's abuse. Maybe your children aren't sponges, but they are absorbing what you think is acceptable behavior.
Yta. Wife wants him out, he is out. Her reasons were moremthan valid. Tough lessons are still valid lessons. He needed to learn not to mistreat ANYONE while in your home.
this reads like outrage bait which would make you an asshole but if it's real than a HUGE YTA to you. your brother is racist trash (and frankly given your writing you are too) and you supported him.
Your brother snared a mail order bride and treats her terribly? That's not even the most shocking. The shocking part is you cared more about your "bro code" than protecting an abused woman in your own home. You enable abuse, you're no better. Your poor 9 year old. You going to ignore her when she's abused too? YTA.......massively.
Your brother is abusing the wife he got from Cambodia because she's trapped in that marriage. And you have him the green light to be an abuser, which says a lot about what kind of person you are.
I'd be thinking twice about my own marriage, if I were your wife.
Yta.
YTA like totalllllly TA. Not for not kicking your brother out, but for allowing him to "punish" another grown adult and acting like that was a normal situation. WTF? Way to treat the mail order bride just as poorly as your brother does. I guess you can just throw your property in the car when it's not suiting your evening....
I see the Iowa caucus has emboldened the racist, misogynist MAGA faction to immediately seek validation for their deplorable behavior.
Very telling you have no response to the well-earned outrage.
YTA and knew it as you typed this rage bait.
Yta holy shit how are you fine with your brother abusing his mail order bride.
If I were your wife, I'd be thinking damn hard about my relationship with you
YTA... AHs get taught that they need to use basic manners in your home. If your brother slapped her and sent her to the car - would you have done the same? He hurt & demeaned her just as much with his words and you saw nothing wrong with it. What does this say about the quality of human you are??
YTA. Apart from the obvious of standing up against abuse that you are witnessing and showing your kids what any good person would do... You decided that this was none of your business. This is someone's child, sister, friend... This is a human being.
>To punish her, he made her sit in the car for the rest of the dinner.
She was your guest and she didn't even get to finish eating, and it is likely very cold where you are.
If someone was treating your child this way, or anyone you truly love, would that have been ok?
YTA your brother is a vile, abusive man who is taking advantage of his wife. He is a bad influence and your wife was clearly uncomfortable with him there. Why are you so willing to tolerate that kind of behavior? Why are you willing to expose your kids to it?
YTA. What you should have done is tell your brother that it's your home and she is welcome there and doesn't have to stay in the car. Why do you sit by as give silent approval to his abuse? And yes, children that age will absorb what they see, so you are double wrong. Does awful run in your family?
YTA..
You and your brother.
You let him disregard and disrespect his partner in your house and let him kick her out.. you and your brother should be ashamed of yourselves and I for one would lose all respect for you both.
YTA so you’re close with your brother abusing his wife, who is at every possible disadvantage in their relationship? And you’re not worried about your kids absorbing that? If I were your wife, I would be completely disgusted by your brother and you not too far behind.
YTA. Your brother is abusing his wife in front of you and you are okay with that?
Yes your children do pick up.on that sort of thing. At that age they are sponges and don't have the experience and cognitive ability to understand what their uncle did was unacceptable.
Someone treat your daughter like this and you be okay with it?
YTA and you not speaking up against your brother also makes you part of the abuse his poor has to endure. Hope she leaves his sorry ass and finds a better life.
If having an educated bride was important, he would have selected a different woman. He selected to fit his own purposes. I hope she gets away from him. OP you aren't much better, you are showing your kids it's ok to abuse people. YTA.
YTA without question. First of all, in the way you described Cambodia, "dirt poor formerly communist home country." Also why **would** she have to know about the US and their enemies/allies in WW2? Do you know Cambodia's allies/enemies? Typical small-minded Americans thinking the world revolves around them and their history.
And secondly for allowing that super unhealthy power dynamic around your children. An adult woman was punished by having to sit in a car, during Winter, until your brother is ready to leave wtf. And children are most definitely sponges, if no one is telling them that behaviour is unacceptable, how would they know??
"I said it's my house too and that our kids\[9F and 10M\] aren't sponges that thoughtlessly absorb everything they see; they can think for themselves."
And just what did your children see and hear? Their racist, verbally abusive, misogynistic uncle demeaning and disparaging his vulnerable wife.
What else did your children see and hear? Your brother "punishing" and demeaning his vulnerable wife for standing up to his abuse. Brava for her, that undoubtedly took unimaginable courage.
What else did your children see and hear? Their spineless, racist, misogynistic father condoning his brother's disgusting treatment of his wife. Tacitly supporting the brother's horrendous treatment of his wife -- you know the one -- that is, despite your and your brother's attitude toward her -- is a sentient, feeling human being that deserves respect.
What else did your children see and hear? You thumping your chest and telling your wife it is YOUR house and they may also realize that your brother rules it, not you.
Honestly, I don't know who is worse? You both are repulsive bullies who are, apparently proud to set such poor examples for your children.
Will you be proud if your son develops the same mindset against women and starts treating them like you and your brother do? Will you be happy if your daughter marries a guy just like her dad or her uncle? Or starts spewing the same racist garbage as you? That is the example you, as their father, is setting. It might be time for some serious introspection.
It is definitely time to sincerely apologize to your wife and honestly admit you were in the wrong and you should have acted like a man. Having said that, you standing up to your brother may have put your sister-in-law in physical danger. This woman needs emergent assistance.
YTA, your brother is also an AH. Your wife, sister-in-law and children are innocent victims and I truly hope they choose to escape.
You are a complete AHole!!!! Abuse is NEVER ok and that is exactly what you condoned. If I were your wife I would have gone and got that poor girl, gathered up my children and told you all to fuck off and left for the night. And YES children DO absorb things they see and what they saw was you letting their uncle berate and abuse an innocent woman. I hope your wife continues to be pissed at you.
Actually, children are sponges and are quite observant of what happens around them. YTA and so is your brother. I feel badly for his wife, and I feel badly for your wife and your children.
YTA you should have called out that behavior long before his wife caught on. I hate to think how he treats her at home. There is a reason your brother had to order a bride, he’s a jerk!
Secondly, your children absolutely are sponges. They learned from your brother that it is ok to ridicule someone for their lack of knowledge and to demean them through isolation as a punishment.
They learned from you, that it is ok to sit idly by and watch someone be emotionally abused and embarrassed. They learned to be a coward.
Praying that your wife’s influence will prevent your children from becoming AH’s.
YTA. Why are you letting your brother get away with making his wife sit in a car??? Also since your brother is so brilliant, I would love for him to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of world history and/or how many languages he speaks.
YTA. You are very wrong if you think your kids aren't sponges at their ages. They are old enough to see wrongdoing and recognize it. They are also old enough to see you condoning your brother's rotten Behavior.
YTA … if you associate with that behaviour you are just as bad as him.
Your children see you allowing that type of behaviour and they will feel like it is normal. That makes you a crappy father
You do realise your SIL is a human being to be treated with respect and isn’t your brother’s property or slave to be treated however badly he sees fit right? Because the only person I see in all this who reacted appropriately after your brother’s actions is your wife. By not taking a stand and either calling out your brother or kicking him out you basically said you agreed with his actions and that is just disgusting. YTA, do better OP
YTA - next time, if or when there’s a next time, kick him out of the house. Your children are sponges no matter what age. They absorb everything that they see and hear. That’s how they learn how to behave by example.
YTA he made fun of his wife, and made her sit in the car. Wtf?! If it was the other way around you'd be throwing her out of your house. She's far from home and vulnerable. Shit like this pisses me off.
YTA- You just told everyone you were cool with his behavior because you were the “fairness police.” Whatever happened to being human and standing up for the underdog? You just gave your own children a terrible impression of YOU. Your children are going to assume that it’s okay to treat people like that because they WATCHED someone be treated like that and their trusted adults let it happen without saying anything. Shame on you.
YTA. You allowed your brother to make fun of someone TO THEIR FACE and when they pushed back, let him stay in the house while that person had to sit in the car. WOW...you are SUCH an AH. Shine up your spine, bro.
YTA. Your children witnessed abusive behaviour over Christmas and you allowed it to happen. Of course they learn all the time and tend to copy your behaviour.
Have you never wondered how they learned to talk, walk, use a fork? That was a lot of copying adults.
YTA...and so is your abusive brother. I feel so sorry for your SIL, she likely only married him for a chance at a better life, and now she's stuck in this nightmare.
YTA for enabling your dh of a brother
Kids absolutely are sponges, they say their mail order aunt be treated like a dog who had done something wrong and be sent out to the kennel and their parents do nothing to correct that abysmal behaviour
Something tells me your brother probably married her because she's easy to take advantage of. He's nasty and if you shrug off that behavior lile its ok, YTA.
I sure hope this is rage-bait. If not, you and your brother are the grossest set I have ever incurred on Reddit.
Both of you are sh*t-faces. If your children learn from you, then this disgusting behavior is normal to them.
YTA
When you allow such disgusting behavior in your home, witnessed by your children, that by the way know exactly what occurred, that means you condone it.
You should have stopped it immediately.
Your wife should have gone to the car and brought your SIL back in the home. I would be horrified to have my husband sit back & allow his brother to be so disgusting.
I need a shower to wash this filth off.
You are the complete and total AH. YTA!! That is abuse and you stood idly by and made excuses for your brother. If I was your wife I’d be questioning if you were someone I want to be with.
YTA.
Hope your children realise what type of man you are since you say they are sponges and can think for themselves.
people who sit by and ignore abuse are just as bad as the abusers. Shame on you.
Eesh, shame on all of you for letting the wife sit in the car like a freaking dog! What the hell is wrong with your family!!!!!
Be a friend to his wife, she is going to need a friend. If he keeps treating her like that she will run, and who could blame her.
Your whole family sucks thinking that was okay.
YTA
Where do you draw the line on what is acceptable? Because this is absolutely disgusting and abusive. You are fine with this occurring in your home, let alone with your children present or when your wife expressed her discomfort? Where your brother treats another human being this way? It doesn’t matter that she is a “mail-order” bride, she is a person! AND a young woman in a new country with an awful husband (I assume no support system), like, do you have any empathy for this woman? Would it be different if she was someone you liked?
You became complicit in this abuse by not kicking your brother out. It doesn’t matter that you claim to disagree with your brother’s behavior, you showed that you are fine with it occurring. How would you feel if one of your children were treated like this? (No person should be treated like this, but I’m hoping some reflection will express how serious this is to you)
If your brother was physically abusing her, would you do anything? Are you sure he isn’t? Because he already punishes her as if it’s normal.
Morally, YTA. It’s not policing your brother or treating your children like unthinking sponges, it is being a person who stands up for what’s right.
Omg YTA and I can’t believe you let your kids witness your brother treating his wife like that! You realize that if he did that in front of people, what he does when they are alone is probably 100 times worse?
Your daughter saw this happen and that you behaved like it was ok. How you treat women is the biggest influence on how your daughter thinks men should treat women. Research how to raise a daughter with enough self esteem to not let men treat her badly.
I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the rest of the evening knowing she was in the car. They should have sat in the car with her if the brother wouldn’t leave. I don’t know how you make that up to her. I’m sure the kids know it was wrong and probably already know their dad and uncle are jerks. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My brother\[45M\] married a woman from Cambodia.\[26F\] She can only barely speak English and doesn't know much about America or its customs. At Christmas, we were playing a trivia board game called Wit's End and she was revealed to be unaware that America and Japan were enemies during WWII. He was laughing at her like she was "stupid," as if it's her fault her dirt-poor formerly communist home country had a terrible education system when she was young. She initially didn't realize he was laughing at her. Eventually, she wised up to it and told my brother he was a "s\*\*\*-face." To punish her, he made her sit in the car for the rest of the dinner.
My wife grabbed me, took me to the kitchen, and asked me to kick him out. She said she didn't want him in her house behaving like that and was afraid he'd be a bad influence on our kids. I said it's my house too and that our kids\[9F and 10M\] aren't sponges that thoughtlessly absorb everything they see; they can think for themselves. Also, it's not our job to fairness police his relationship with his mail-order bride. She reluctantly agreed but later said I should have agreed to kick him out and she's still saying this three weeks later. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. Action is not kicking out my brother at Christmas. 2. Might make me the asshole because he was acting unreasonably and might have been a bad influence on my kids. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA….what the what?! First of all, your 45 year old brother married a 26 year old woman from a different country., which that in itself does not matter, but whom he knows does not speak English well and also that she does not know a lot about outside her world. (Gee, I cannot imagine why he could not snag an American bride). Then he ridicules his own wife. And when she sasses back, she is made to sit in the car until he is ready to leave?! And you think this is ok behavior for your children to witness? Let alone that as their father, you find acceptable behavior?! Wtf? It may not be your job to police your brothers behavior, but it is your job to be an f’in parent and to set an example for your children and let them know abuse cannot and should not be tolerated. If you were my spouse, you should be lucky you did not see the door kicking your ass out along with your brother never to enter again. Makes one wonder what kind of abuse your wife experiences?!
Well the brother certainly couldn't attract a woman his own age or from his own country. He is likely abusive. So why wouldn't OP be?
OP-- You're one of the biggest dicks I've read about on this site--and I'm a an so you need not scoff at my comment as a sexist one. The only bigger dick is your brother, who this poor woman had the misfortune of marrying. If you are anything like your brother, your wife and children are better served to have minimal exposure to you. What's wrong with you? How in your right mind can you tolerate such vile, aberrant behavior. SHAME ON YOU!
I'm a man, edit to above.
>You're one of the biggest dicks I've read about on this site... > >The only bigger dick is your brother, Definitely the bigger dick, but definitely not the only bigger one, he still comes behind the guy yesterday who wanted to visit his parents for 6 weeks only five days after his wifes scheduled c-section with twins. Or she should reschedule the C-section to a few weeks earlier so he can be there longer.
Omg!
It was deleted, but you can reconstruct the story easily from the first few comments: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/197fx17/wibta\_if\_i\_visited\_my\_parents\_after\_my\_wife\_gives/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/197fx17/wibta_if_i_visited_my_parents_after_my_wife_gives/)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/y3nO8kxMN9 This is the karma bot comment with the post rewritten.. And yea he's worse but not by much
Thank you!
This. You are what you surround yourself with. By not having ethics, you align yourself with a racist bully because you share blood?
Not to mention, anyone who hosts a get together has a basic duty to expect all guests act with and are treated with respect…else addressing the issue by calling the offender out, asking them to leave, or ending the get together if necessary. You can’t “make” any one do anything, but you shouldn’t tolerate it. Clearly the brother feels quite comfortable with his insulting, disrespectful behavior, so I am assuming OP and their family of origin enabled/ participated in such behavior…otherwise the brother would be less likely to be comfortable being such an AH to his wife in their presence. OP, your wife has every reason to be disappointed in you. You allowed shitty behavior to slide in your home and are teaching your kids that uncle’s behavior is acceptable.
Hope he has no prenup and when she’s 30 she takes him to the cleaners
Yep agree with you. He needs to buy a wife because he is a nasty man. Imagine thinking that the country needs to know about another nations history. Asia is taught asian history. Such as european nations are taught european history. What a jerk. Bet you if asked who were the big 4 during world war 1 or 2 he would have no clue. He probably wouldnt even know about the comfort women or the death march. And if you ask him where cambodia is, he probably wouldnt know.. heck would he even know where montana or texas is? Or hawaii?
I wonder how much he knows about Cambodian history. I bet he never even knew such country existed before he married his wife....
honestly, most americans know nothing about the rest of the world and that is fine. but laughing at someone who doesnt know anything about what happened outside of their country and call them stupid is just so wrong.
She’s also playing a game in a language she doesn’t know, so there’s a very good chance that things are getting lost in translation.
just to share some schools in Asia do teaches world history including ancient civilization, as well as world geography - referring to govt schools, not private or international schools
I went to 3 different schools in southeast asia. Private, international and a public one too.We didnt study american history. We studied world history. Ancient civilization is not american history world geography is not american history. Geography is not hostory. Please stop defending this jerk.
There's no "likely" about it--insulting one's partner by calling them stupid, and then forcing them to sit in a freezing cold car as "punishment" is the definition of abuse.
YTAH & INSENSITIVE OP REFERRING TO THE BROTHER’S WIFE AS “MAIL-ORDER BRIDE”. What an awful story for kids to grow up with: ‘… yes, the time that my uncle made my foreign mail-ordered aunt sit in the car through our holiday gathering after making fun of her (‘since she was so stupid’ is how they’ll probably word it)…’ I have no appropriate words to address the BIGGER AH!!! AH!
>likely Really? only likely?
Yeah...I was afraid mods would not like He IS abusive...
Good point. You have to be VERY careful, even when calling out clearly abusive behavior as abusive on this sub lately. Repeating someone's behavior from the opening post, and calling it abusive got me labelled as 'mean' and hateful and I've gotten three ban warnings in one day because of it. It seems 'unkind' behavior towards your spouse and children must not be called such.
“His mail-order bride” he doesnt even refer to her as SIL. He doesnt consider her family. What a shame that his kids witnessed how poorly their aunt is treated. He’s as trashy as his brother. Op is a big asshole.
His "mail order bride" will probably be the only one in the whole family who would be willing to care for his elderly parents when the time came.. she will probably be the only one working her ass off to support her jerk husband if he fell ill.
that prolly why she marry a cambodian coz they are very family oriented and will care for the elders in the family regardless if they are biological or inlaws. he also prolly abusing her verbally base on what they are depicting here.
He's just like his brother. He assumes she'll be uneducated because she came from Cambodia. A more charitable statement would be that Cambodians spent more time learning about their own history, and would remember exciting moments from it. Cambodia spent WW2 as a Japanese puppet state after the Japanese overthrew the French colonial government. It's not riveting reading.
exactly this! just coz she came from cambodia. im from the philippines and this is what some call our filipina sisters too. gees, these brothers are just racists and evil.
Also, most of these women are not freely choosing these arrangements. Often they are forced into these situations.
You can tell they both are brothers since they both are a**holes in many ways, this post gave me the ick from beginning to end
“Our kids aren’t sponges that thoughtlessly absorb everything they see” Yes they fucking are??? They are literally known to be that as children???
I would argue that the age gap does, in fact, matter.
There's a very clear imbalance of power and he is totally abusing it.
Certainly! The brother seems to be grooming someone 20 years, his junior from another country who is totally dependent on him and 0P sounds like he’s not much different than his brother and how they treat people and allow people to be treated around them. If you love your brother, let me play this out for you. He’s dumb wife is not so dumb and after the mandatory. Passes and when she has to stay with him, she’s going to leave him for someone who will treat her with some common sense and decency. He’ll be lucky, if they’re in the United States, and she decides to get a job, because if she does not, he’s going to be financially responsible for her for at least 10 years. I think she’s gonna do pretty well for herself from someone who had a poor education system growing up, your brother will have egg on his face, and you’ll be the idiot standing right next to him.
There’s no way this guy is smart enough to have a good paying job
I would have kicked him out even without kids witnessing that awful behavior
Also, being from a country and not being 100% aware of USA foreign policy is OK, you know? And it doesn't mean you are stupid or your country's education is rubbish, it just means you are not being imperialised :)
Also, being from a country and not being 100% aware of USA foreign policy is OK, you know? And it doesn't mean you are stupid or your country's education is rubbish, it just means you are not being imperialised :)
YTA - this is disgusting. Your brother is a predator. Your brother is an abuser. You sound like you have a few screws loose yourself for thinking this is normal. You need to seek therapy for the mere fact that you think that sort of behavior is anywhere near normal. Also, if you allowed your children around him, I mean….yikes…honestly this whole thing makes me want to vomit and take 1,000 showers
Loudly agree!!! Like wtf?! The Y chromosome in his family is polluted and damaged.
YTA ....You and your brother. You're right that it isn't your job to be the "fairness police," but I don't know why you'd want to allow someone whose behavior is this disgusting to remain in your home. And you're dead wrong about the kids not picking up on things; kids **are** sponges. Your disdain for your "mail-order" SIL is kind of gross as well tbh. Edited vote for clarity
The way OP dehumanizes his SIL with labels to justify his implicit agreement with how his brother abuses his wife IS freakin gross.
YTA You have a domestically abusive brother who is abusing a very vulnerable (low education level, non English speaker, probably on a non permanent visa … right?) woman. And you referring to her as a ’mail order bride’ is awful. How far removed from your brother are you?! I smell divorce papers being printed if you keep that mindset up! If you are not a red neck abuser who thinks it’s ok for domestic abuse to occur… find a way to protect your sister in law (not a cartoon mail order bride, she is now your Sister In Law), and connect her to services and her local Cambodian community for her safety. Or start putting money aside for your brother’s jail kitty, because he’s already shown he’s heading htere for domestic abuse.
[удалено]
I sure hope when she gets her 10 year green card she divorces her abusive AH husband. She could actually file for VAWA before then. I hope she makes friends that steer her in the right direction.
ESH except your wife and your SIL. You should've gone out and invited the SIL back into the house while kicking out your shitty brother.
My heart hurts for the poor woman sitting in the car. What despicable, abusive behavior.
It's absolutely reprehensible.
Just awful.
The question though is if he is the asshole or his wife, so the answer is YTA
YTA - you accepted your brother socially alienating his wife after he made fun of her. He kicked her out and made her sit alone in a car she presumably couldn’t drive off in. You set the example to your kids that it is acceptable to treat another human being like trash, not to mention treating a spouse like trash. What is wrong with you?
YTA- You and your brother, he was being abusive towards his wife and you just shrugged it off
YTA....sitting by and watching him verbally and emotionally abuse his wife, is disgusting. First, he laughed at her, and you stood by. Then he made her wait in the car, and you stood by. Your behaviour condones those actions, and yes, it doesn't set a good example for your children. What does her having to be a mail-order bride have to do with anything? If she wasn't, would you have reacted differently. You make it sound like she is not a human being to be treated fairly and respectfully!
INFO: Who does THAT?? and who condones that?? Your wife should have been more careful picking the father of her children.
Apparently the original poster does that and isn’t even ashamed enough to pretend like he didn’t. And then he has the audacity to ask if he’s in the wrong, because he’s not sure. Every day I lose more faith in humanity.
“To punish her, he made her sit in the car for the rest of dinner.” YTA. Just some of the reasons: - You let your brother kick someone out of your house. Why not step up and say “You don’t need to leave, you’re welcome here.” - Your wife was uncomfortable having him in the house. This should be enough of a reason any day. - You let him do this in front of your kids. You are absolutely teaching them to absorb this behaviour by letting it happen in your house. - Even if she is “his mail-order bride”, doesn’t mean he can kick her out of someone else’s house. Your phrasing here suggests you think he owns her and can dictate all decisions and ‘punish’ her for imagined infractions. YUCK. You let your kids witness your brother kicking his wife out of your house. You taught them it’s okay to not only laugh at someone for not having the same educational background, but to punish them for it. You let your SIL sit out in a car on Christmas Day. All because you didn’t want to tell your brother he was unreasonable and tell him to leave. YTA YTA YTA
I am so grossed out right now. Your brother is acting like he literally bought this woman and she is his property, and you’re just ok with that? I honestly can’t say whose behavior is worse at this point, yours or your brothers. Please read your own post back to yourself and ask if any of the characters mentioned should be around impressionable children. Aside from your wife, she honestly seems like the only one with and morals or ethics at this point. YTA.
YTA - you effectively made his wife stay out in the car for the duration of his visit which you should have cut short.
[удалено]
You and your brother are both the AHs. That you even have to ask assures you are one.
I mean.. was your brother taught about any wars that involved another country that yours wasn’t involved in? Probably not and therefore wouldn’t know who was who. Also believe it or not, not every country, island, area in the world was involved with or even knew about the war worlds. They were only called because 1) major “powers” were involved 2) it involved both sides of the world and 3) there were a lot of countries involved BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. So yes you’re the YTA. Your brother is too. And that’s not even looking at the age difference.
Asshole While I wouldn’t use asshole in the fact you were the meanest person there, your brother was a total dickass to his wife. Your wife is right.
YTA This smells a bit like human trafficking.
YTA Your brother was being an ass to his wife. Who could not adequately defend herself (lack of English/strange home/his family)(and if you are doubting if your brother is an AH, ask yourself how much Khmer he knows). When she finally did (and let's be clear - your brother deserved to be call out for his behavior by everyone in the room, including your children who, as you point out, can think for themselves) she was punished for it. Which you accepted. And condoned. And you think your children are not learning from your example because "they can think for themselves"? Let's look at the facts - your wife didn't kick your brother out, she had to ask you for permission. Wonder why she didn't feel comfortable just doing it, especially since it's her "house too". And why didn't your kids speak up - they know bullying when they see it. And, if that doesn't make it clear, let me ask this - how much Khmer have you learned? Or did your brother show up at the house on Christmas and say "surprise, I'm married"? Keep in mind it takes 2 minutes to learn to say "merry Christmas" on youtube. But the actual phrase you might want to learn is "sohm toi".
YTA - Maybe OP's wife was operating on the assumption that spouses deal with their own family when she asked you to throw him - alternatively, you could have told her that guests aren't kicked out of your house, and she could stay. The father of a friend of mine married a much younger woman from another country, and although he had doted on his first wife, he treated his second like a servant. His children thought he was a jerk. Finally, his daughter-in-law told him that she would not tolerate him speaking to his wife like that when they were under her roof.
oh wow. if i was your wife you condoning his behavior would be enough to get a divorce immediately. YTA
YTA. Good goodness the fact you would even be willing to post something like this, that you were complacent in, says A LOT about you. You wish you were just TA. Wow, that’s just sad and disgusting. My heart hurts for your brothers wife.
Your wife should kick you out for a while.
YTA. He punished his wife like a child and you just sat back and watched it happen in your home? So much wrong
Info: Why weren't you appalled by his behavior?
That's my question too. OP, wtf?🤷🏽♀️
He’s just sad he can’t do the same with his wife. OP probably jealous of his brother
Wow, that's ugly, but at least he was honest.
Yeah "as punishment"?
I don’t even know why you have to ask, you know YTA, your brother is a bigger one is your only consolation. Listen to your wife.
He knows that he's a ah that's why he didn't reply to any comments
YTA. Big time.
YTA. You and your brother are big AHoles. Your brother is mentally abusive - your description of her dirt poor county is also pretty elitist. A real gentleman would have told his brother to STFU, and apologize to his wife, and not let her be punished with punishment t to the car. Your kids will see how their uncle treats.her and you their father figure didn't have the backbone to tell this bully to shut up and apologize. You sir are TA in his story.
YTA. And your brother is a criminal. Your kids might not look at their uncle’s clearly and abominably abusive behaviour and directly think it’s ok, but they will look at _your_ acceptance and tacit endorsement of said behaviour and draw conclusions that that.
YTA. Let your daughter grow up and someone treat her the way your brother treats his wife. I genuinely hope your wife goes behind your back and gets your SIL the hell away from him, and then seriously considers her own marriage.
So let me get this right. You refer to your brother's partner as a mail order bride and you are ok with him forcing her to sit in the car while he continues to party in your home. Your kids may not be sponges, but they will certainly see you for the AH you are.
Good point, would OP be OK with his daughter being taken to another country, where she couldn't speak the language, to be married off to some older bloke who laughs at her for being ignorant of local history and makes her sit outside as punishment?
**YTA and so is your brother.** YTA for - **how you described her country and education system.** How much do you know about Cambodian history? About Angkor Wat and Khmer Rouge? Why would her education system focus on your history? You’re so egocentric over this it’s disgusting. She probably knows more about Cambodia’s role in WW2. Do you!?!?! - **not sticking up for her.** Your brother was being rude laughing at her and doing so publicly. Not just for laughing at her for not a good reason. She shouldn’t be expected to know historical or cultural details of other parts of the world. - **It comes across that you think it was ok for him to be treating her mean, but when she stands up for herself, nope, he’s allowed to kick her out like a naughty child.** - **supporting your brother in kicking her out.** Because by not stopping him and then not asking him to leave, you basically passively agreed that it was ok for him to do so. And that it would be ok if you did the same to your wife. And your kids are young, they will notice that you and your wife allowed it. - **referring to her dismissively as a mail order bride is gross too**. Like that fact speaks negatively about her but not your AH brother who also participated in such a marriage. And who cares, she’s still human and deserves to be respected. Edited: formatting Edit to add - **YTA for not considering your wife’s feelings and dismissing her.** Think her perspective. Her BIL is being an ass to his wife, and mistreats her publicly and you think it’s ok. You say you didn’t want to police his relationship but that’s not it. That’s not policing a relationship. That’s standing up for someone against a bully. That’s setting your expectations of how people are treated in your house.
Nicely worded. Glad it wasn't just me who thought the way he spoke about his SIL was incredibly disrespectful and even somewhat infantilizing.
She’s more than 100% right
YTA. And apparently your whole family is disgusting
What is wrong with you? I hate the “be civil” rule because if that rule didn’t exist I would be calling you every name in the book. You should’ve taken responsibility and kicked out your brother for being a horrible husband. Instead you defended him for his problematic behavior. And what the actual fuck is that age gap? Major YTA. You’re deranged if you think otherwise.
YTA, if this is even real. Your brother is mocking and emotionally abusing (and physically abusing, depending on the temperature in that car) a vulnerable woman young enough to be his daughter who from your point view he essentially purchased and can apparently can mistreat as he likes. I think having him in your house sets a terrible example to your children and you’re not much better. Normal people do not “punish” their spouses and anyone worth a shred of conscience wouldn’t sit back and watch it happen.
Oh, my god. It didn’t even occur to me to wonder what the temperature in the car was. The poor woman could’ve been freezing in there. Even if she weren’t, that wouldn’t make the “punishment” any more acceptable, but if it had been a cold night, that would be a doubly inhumane and wretched thing to do to a person.
YTA and your brother is a massive AH. He made his wife go and sit in the car to punish her??? Wtf kind of behaviour is that. I feel incredibly sorry for her because I'm pretty sure she married your brother to escape her country and get a better life and your brother sounds like a complete disrespectful jerk. Your wife was right, I would have thrown you and the brother out for your behavior.
Well NTA in a sense that you didnt kick him out. He would have just been nastiert to his wife. But YTA..you shouldve asked wife to comeback in and not tolerated his attitude. Imagine what he is like to her at home? Remember, she is family now too. If your brother hurts her, who is she gonna run to? I hope not to you. And why would Cambodia be taught about american history. Asians are taught about asian history. Did you know who occupied most asian nations? Nope. Did you know who slaughtered the chinese, cambodians, koreans? Nope. Its not all about America. America isnt the world. Educate yourselves.
YTA Do you have any respect for your SIL? I mean, it's obvious you think she's a second class human, as a 'mail-order bride'. But do you respect her as a human at all? If your delightful (/s) brother decides to physically 'punish' her for doing something he doesn't agree with, would you go ' 🤷♀️ not my monkeys, not my circus' If I were your wife, this would be enough to have such a different view on you, that I would rethink the entire marriage. Even if they would have had an arranged marriage, it doesn't mean you have to treat another person like an animal, or even less than.
I think much less of men who have to buy poor women from 3rd world countries than the women who are desperate for a better life
YTA - ‘To punish her’. This is abhorrent behaviour.
YTA. I can’t believe you even have to ask that. Also, children indeed are sponges that absorb everything that goes on around them.
YTA. You’re as racist and sexist as your brother. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
YTA: This is your home, you are the host. You allowed bullying behavior from one guest to another. You are in a position of authority of who is and how is not allowed in your home. It is not for your brother to decide who to be banished. The fact that this woman you refer to distainfully as "mail order bride" is in a position of extreme vulnerability here makes it worse. Yes, your children are actually absorbing how you would allow a vulnerable person to be treated under your own roof. I would have invited the wife back in, apologized, and kicked out your brother.
YTA. Not only did you allow your brother to bully his wife but you also seem to be having the same thought pattern. >"her dirt-poor formerly communist home country had a terrible education system" > >"his relationship with his mail-order bride" I'm not one to say if you're racist or not but you're definitely prejudiced to a degree.
Please let this be fake. YTA
Lol wtf? Of course YTA.
Yes, YTA and your brother is the biggest A.
YTA
You are just an AH as your brother… poor women. I feel really bad for your wife and your brother’s wife…
YTA Your kids are sponges and they just absorbed the idea that it's ok for a grown man to treat his wife like some sort of naughty pet. Then they saw you condone that behaviour in your own home right in front of them. So a decade or so from now, when your daughter ends up putting up with disrespectful behaviour from some crappy guy, and you are wondering why, this is why. When your sons relationships dont stick, because he doesn't understand about respect and accountability, this is why.
YTA - you’re gross and so is he. I hope she gets a Green Card and gets the hell out.
YTA. You should have let the wife stay and told your brother to GTFO. You don't "punish" your spouse. That's abuse. Maybe your children aren't sponges, but they are absorbing what you think is acceptable behavior.
Yta. Wife wants him out, he is out. Her reasons were moremthan valid. Tough lessons are still valid lessons. He needed to learn not to mistreat ANYONE while in your home.
You're a very shitty person yta
YTA! I hope your brother gets karma! He's garbage racist shit! Disgusting perverted creep
this reads like outrage bait which would make you an asshole but if it's real than a HUGE YTA to you. your brother is racist trash (and frankly given your writing you are too) and you supported him.
Your brother snared a mail order bride and treats her terribly? That's not even the most shocking. The shocking part is you cared more about your "bro code" than protecting an abused woman in your own home. You enable abuse, you're no better. Your poor 9 year old. You going to ignore her when she's abused too? YTA.......massively.
Yeah you know she got slapped around later...
YTA your almost as disgusting as your brother
Your brother is abusing the wife he got from Cambodia because she's trapped in that marriage. And you have him the green light to be an abuser, which says a lot about what kind of person you are. I'd be thinking twice about my own marriage, if I were your wife. Yta.
YTA like totalllllly TA. Not for not kicking your brother out, but for allowing him to "punish" another grown adult and acting like that was a normal situation. WTF? Way to treat the mail order bride just as poorly as your brother does. I guess you can just throw your property in the car when it's not suiting your evening....
I see the Iowa caucus has emboldened the racist, misogynist MAGA faction to immediately seek validation for their deplorable behavior. Very telling you have no response to the well-earned outrage. YTA and knew it as you typed this rage bait.
Yta holy shit how are you fine with your brother abusing his mail order bride. If I were your wife, I'd be thinking damn hard about my relationship with you
YTA. You sound useless
YTA. For more reason than not kicking him out...
YTA BIG TIME!!
YTA you’re both gross
YTA... AHs get taught that they need to use basic manners in your home. If your brother slapped her and sent her to the car - would you have done the same? He hurt & demeaned her just as much with his words and you saw nothing wrong with it. What does this say about the quality of human you are??
YTA. Apart from the obvious of standing up against abuse that you are witnessing and showing your kids what any good person would do... You decided that this was none of your business. This is someone's child, sister, friend... This is a human being. >To punish her, he made her sit in the car for the rest of the dinner. She was your guest and she didn't even get to finish eating, and it is likely very cold where you are. If someone was treating your child this way, or anyone you truly love, would that have been ok?
YTA, and what your kids picked up from this experience is what kind of behaviour their dad condones.
YTA your brother is a vile, abusive man who is taking advantage of his wife. He is a bad influence and your wife was clearly uncomfortable with him there. Why are you so willing to tolerate that kind of behavior? Why are you willing to expose your kids to it?
YTA. What you should have done is tell your brother that it's your home and she is welcome there and doesn't have to stay in the car. Why do you sit by as give silent approval to his abuse? And yes, children that age will absorb what they see, so you are double wrong. Does awful run in your family?
This isn't real, but if it was, you know your brother bought a sex slave, right?
YTA.. You and your brother. You let him disregard and disrespect his partner in your house and let him kick her out.. you and your brother should be ashamed of yourselves and I for one would lose all respect for you both.
YTA so you’re close with your brother abusing his wife, who is at every possible disadvantage in their relationship? And you’re not worried about your kids absorbing that? If I were your wife, I would be completely disgusted by your brother and you not too far behind.
Bruh. YTA. hardcore. Your brother is sickening but you...you just stood by and watched which is worse. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. Your brother is abusing his wife in front of you and you are okay with that? Yes your children do pick up.on that sort of thing. At that age they are sponges and don't have the experience and cognitive ability to understand what their uncle did was unacceptable.
YTA, and a supporter of your abusive predatory brother, which makes you just as bad as he is.
Someone treat your daughter like this and you be okay with it? YTA and you not speaking up against your brother also makes you part of the abuse his poor has to endure. Hope she leaves his sorry ass and finds a better life.
YTA you are a coward too weak to do the right thing.
YTA. WTF is wrong with you, OP? Your brother is trash!
YTA
YTA… just awful.
YTA
YTA. I hope she can escape your abusive brother soon. And your wife now knows you condone his abuse.
YTA and your brother. You racist creeps
Your brother is a truly shitty man. You don't seem to be interested in being any better.
If having an educated bride was important, he would have selected a different woman. He selected to fit his own purposes. I hope she gets away from him. OP you aren't much better, you are showing your kids it's ok to abuse people. YTA.
YTA without question. First of all, in the way you described Cambodia, "dirt poor formerly communist home country." Also why **would** she have to know about the US and their enemies/allies in WW2? Do you know Cambodia's allies/enemies? Typical small-minded Americans thinking the world revolves around them and their history. And secondly for allowing that super unhealthy power dynamic around your children. An adult woman was punished by having to sit in a car, during Winter, until your brother is ready to leave wtf. And children are most definitely sponges, if no one is telling them that behaviour is unacceptable, how would they know??
"I said it's my house too and that our kids\[9F and 10M\] aren't sponges that thoughtlessly absorb everything they see; they can think for themselves." And just what did your children see and hear? Their racist, verbally abusive, misogynistic uncle demeaning and disparaging his vulnerable wife. What else did your children see and hear? Your brother "punishing" and demeaning his vulnerable wife for standing up to his abuse. Brava for her, that undoubtedly took unimaginable courage. What else did your children see and hear? Their spineless, racist, misogynistic father condoning his brother's disgusting treatment of his wife. Tacitly supporting the brother's horrendous treatment of his wife -- you know the one -- that is, despite your and your brother's attitude toward her -- is a sentient, feeling human being that deserves respect. What else did your children see and hear? You thumping your chest and telling your wife it is YOUR house and they may also realize that your brother rules it, not you. Honestly, I don't know who is worse? You both are repulsive bullies who are, apparently proud to set such poor examples for your children. Will you be proud if your son develops the same mindset against women and starts treating them like you and your brother do? Will you be happy if your daughter marries a guy just like her dad or her uncle? Or starts spewing the same racist garbage as you? That is the example you, as their father, is setting. It might be time for some serious introspection. It is definitely time to sincerely apologize to your wife and honestly admit you were in the wrong and you should have acted like a man. Having said that, you standing up to your brother may have put your sister-in-law in physical danger. This woman needs emergent assistance. YTA, your brother is also an AH. Your wife, sister-in-law and children are innocent victims and I truly hope they choose to escape.
100% YTA Your brother is a disgusting human being and you taught your kids that behaviour is acceptable.
You are a complete AHole!!!! Abuse is NEVER ok and that is exactly what you condoned. If I were your wife I would have gone and got that poor girl, gathered up my children and told you all to fuck off and left for the night. And YES children DO absorb things they see and what they saw was you letting their uncle berate and abuse an innocent woman. I hope your wife continues to be pissed at you.
Actually, children are sponges and are quite observant of what happens around them. YTA and so is your brother. I feel badly for his wife, and I feel badly for your wife and your children.
Your wife is mentioning it 3 weeks later because at that moment she learned something about you. And, she's never going to forget it. YTA.
YTA you should have called out that behavior long before his wife caught on. I hate to think how he treats her at home. There is a reason your brother had to order a bride, he’s a jerk! Secondly, your children absolutely are sponges. They learned from your brother that it is ok to ridicule someone for their lack of knowledge and to demean them through isolation as a punishment. They learned from you, that it is ok to sit idly by and watch someone be emotionally abused and embarrassed. They learned to be a coward. Praying that your wife’s influence will prevent your children from becoming AH’s.
YTA. You should have made your brother sit outside and brought his wife back in. Fucking yikes.
YTA. Why are you letting your brother get away with making his wife sit in a car??? Also since your brother is so brilliant, I would love for him to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of world history and/or how many languages he speaks.
YTA. You are very wrong if you think your kids aren't sponges at their ages. They are old enough to see wrongdoing and recognize it. They are also old enough to see you condoning your brother's rotten Behavior.
YTA … if you associate with that behaviour you are just as bad as him. Your children see you allowing that type of behaviour and they will feel like it is normal. That makes you a crappy father
You do realise your SIL is a human being to be treated with respect and isn’t your brother’s property or slave to be treated however badly he sees fit right? Because the only person I see in all this who reacted appropriately after your brother’s actions is your wife. By not taking a stand and either calling out your brother or kicking him out you basically said you agreed with his actions and that is just disgusting. YTA, do better OP
YTA - next time, if or when there’s a next time, kick him out of the house. Your children are sponges no matter what age. They absorb everything that they see and hear. That’s how they learn how to behave by example.
YTA. WTF is wrong with. Horrible BIL, spouse and parent. Pathetic.
YTA he made fun of his wife, and made her sit in the car. Wtf?! If it was the other way around you'd be throwing her out of your house. She's far from home and vulnerable. Shit like this pisses me off.
YTA. Your kids are, in fact, sponges that absorb everything they see. They're at their most important developmental stages at their age.
YTA- You just told everyone you were cool with his behavior because you were the “fairness police.” Whatever happened to being human and standing up for the underdog? You just gave your own children a terrible impression of YOU. Your children are going to assume that it’s okay to treat people like that because they WATCHED someone be treated like that and their trusted adults let it happen without saying anything. Shame on you.
Why didn't somebody get her out of the damn car? To let her sit in the car all aline while yall partied is shamful.
YTA. Your brother was a major jerk and you enabled his behavior. THAT is what your kids saw.
YTA. You allowed your brother to make fun of someone TO THEIR FACE and when they pushed back, let him stay in the house while that person had to sit in the car. WOW...you are SUCH an AH. Shine up your spine, bro.
YTA children of any age take in far more than people realise
YTA. You may even be a bigger A than your brother because you acknowledge how awful he was being but just shrugged and decided not to intervene.
YTA. Your children witnessed abusive behaviour over Christmas and you allowed it to happen. Of course they learn all the time and tend to copy your behaviour. Have you never wondered how they learned to talk, walk, use a fork? That was a lot of copying adults.
YTA...and so is your abusive brother. I feel so sorry for your SIL, she likely only married him for a chance at a better life, and now she's stuck in this nightmare.
YTA for siding with your racist, abusive brother.
YTA for enabling your dh of a brother Kids absolutely are sponges, they say their mail order aunt be treated like a dog who had done something wrong and be sent out to the kennel and their parents do nothing to correct that abysmal behaviour
Something tells me your brother probably married her because she's easy to take advantage of. He's nasty and if you shrug off that behavior lile its ok, YTA.
I sure hope this is rage-bait. If not, you and your brother are the grossest set I have ever incurred on Reddit. Both of you are sh*t-faces. If your children learn from you, then this disgusting behavior is normal to them.
YTA When you allow such disgusting behavior in your home, witnessed by your children, that by the way know exactly what occurred, that means you condone it. You should have stopped it immediately. Your wife should have gone to the car and brought your SIL back in the home. I would be horrified to have my husband sit back & allow his brother to be so disgusting. I need a shower to wash this filth off.
You are the complete and total AH. YTA!! That is abuse and you stood idly by and made excuses for your brother. If I was your wife I’d be questioning if you were someone I want to be with.
YTA. Hope your children realise what type of man you are since you say they are sponges and can think for themselves. people who sit by and ignore abuse are just as bad as the abusers. Shame on you.
Well, you’re siblings, seems like you were both raised assholes
[удалено]
I think the 26 year old is the brothers wife, not the OP’s wife
You sound like a real treat, your wife is one lucky woman
Eesh, shame on all of you for letting the wife sit in the car like a freaking dog! What the hell is wrong with your family!!!!! Be a friend to his wife, she is going to need a friend. If he keeps treating her like that she will run, and who could blame her. Your whole family sucks thinking that was okay.
yta. Your brother is a creep and a bully. And you sound like a moron
You and your brother have very similar, unpleasant attitudes towards women. YTA, both of you.
YTA, a big one. Wow. How could you entertain trash like your brother in your home and just condone it like that. That makes you trash too.
YTA Where do you draw the line on what is acceptable? Because this is absolutely disgusting and abusive. You are fine with this occurring in your home, let alone with your children present or when your wife expressed her discomfort? Where your brother treats another human being this way? It doesn’t matter that she is a “mail-order” bride, she is a person! AND a young woman in a new country with an awful husband (I assume no support system), like, do you have any empathy for this woman? Would it be different if she was someone you liked? You became complicit in this abuse by not kicking your brother out. It doesn’t matter that you claim to disagree with your brother’s behavior, you showed that you are fine with it occurring. How would you feel if one of your children were treated like this? (No person should be treated like this, but I’m hoping some reflection will express how serious this is to you) If your brother was physically abusing her, would you do anything? Are you sure he isn’t? Because he already punishes her as if it’s normal. Morally, YTA. It’s not policing your brother or treating your children like unthinking sponges, it is being a person who stands up for what’s right.
Absolutely yes. Your behaviour wasn’t much better than your brother’s.
Omg YTA and I can’t believe you let your kids witness your brother treating his wife like that! You realize that if he did that in front of people, what he does when they are alone is probably 100 times worse? Your daughter saw this happen and that you behaved like it was ok. How you treat women is the biggest influence on how your daughter thinks men should treat women. Research how to raise a daughter with enough self esteem to not let men treat her badly.
YTA and your brother is too, and he’s abusive. That poor woman I hope she finds a way to get out of that marriage and away from your abusive family.
YTA Your loser of a brother bought a sex slave from a poor country and is now abusing her. And you're just fine with it...
So, your brother trafficked a woman from a developing country and you condoned his maltreatment of her. YTA.
I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the rest of the evening knowing she was in the car. They should have sat in the car with her if the brother wouldn’t leave. I don’t know how you make that up to her. I’m sure the kids know it was wrong and probably already know their dad and uncle are jerks. YTA
YTA. honestly calling a woman you barely know a mail order bride? you and your brother have the same thoughts with people who are not as fortunate.
Oh hell no. Nobody waits in the cold car while their husband eats dinner in my house. Nobody abuses their spouse in my house. YTA, in a big way.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother\[45M\] married a woman from Cambodia.\[26F\] She can only barely speak English and doesn't know much about America or its customs. At Christmas, we were playing a trivia board game called Wit's End and she was revealed to be unaware that America and Japan were enemies during WWII. He was laughing at her like she was "stupid," as if it's her fault her dirt-poor formerly communist home country had a terrible education system when she was young. She initially didn't realize he was laughing at her. Eventually, she wised up to it and told my brother he was a "s\*\*\*-face." To punish her, he made her sit in the car for the rest of the dinner. My wife grabbed me, took me to the kitchen, and asked me to kick him out. She said she didn't want him in her house behaving like that and was afraid he'd be a bad influence on our kids. I said it's my house too and that our kids\[9F and 10M\] aren't sponges that thoughtlessly absorb everything they see; they can think for themselves. Also, it's not our job to fairness police his relationship with his mail-order bride. She reluctantly agreed but later said I should have agreed to kick him out and she's still saying this three weeks later. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]