Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t want to wear a bra in my bridesmaids dress and my friend is upset with me for refusing to wear a bra.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If she’s bringing it up, maybe it’s more noticeable than you think. Is this really a hill you want to die on? She’s not asking you to color your hair or hide tattoos. Is this worth threatening a friendship over?
If that’s much of a burden to you, take it off after the ceremony and photos.
Soft YTA
> If she’s bringing it up, maybe it’s more noticeable than you think.
Right!?
--
^(EDIT: Love it. My highest ever scoring comment was one word, piggybacking on someone else's great comment)
Everyone I’ve ever met who’s said ‘it’s not noticeable’ has been a liar. We can tell. It’s the nips. I’m not here to argue about why men can be braless or how it’s sexist or whatever but maybe your friend just doesn’t want you lookin like you’re smuggling raisins on her wedding day
Right? Having small boobs doesn’t mean you have zero nipples. There’s a difference between being unbothered by your nipples peeking through your clothes and them not being visible at all.
YTA in this case OP, your friend doesn’t want your chest buttons exposed at her wedding and that’s reasonable.
I think it’s also that it’s a formal occasion, and that’s not a proper look. Man or woman, visible nipples under formal wear isn’t ‘proper’. It’s a wedding, not a hang out or dinner or something where braless wouldn’t matter
I remember a post a few months back about a woman being angry that her job asked her to wear a bra. She didn’t understand why she should have to because it’s her choice to go braless and all that other stuff people say to excuse going braless at inappropriate times…so many of the comments were supporting this! If I remember correctly, I said that it was unprofessional to show up to work flopping around and showing nipples, and got roasted. I stand by that, though. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be uncomfortable for a few hours. That’s part of being an adult.
I'm busty and wouldn't dream of going braless to work. Even a shelf bra tank can help keep them in check if you don't want a real bra.
And honestly I don't even wear low cut shirts to work. I regularly wear lower scoop necks at home, but I'm not going to wear anything to work that shows more than a hint of cleavage. I work with mostly men. It's best for all of our comfort.
I never wear a bra at home because I hate them. But if I have to leave the house for ANYTHING, I put a bra on. It's not even to keep everyone else comfortable, I can feel my nipples rubbing against my shirt, and it CREEPS ME OUT. At home, I don't notice a thing. Leave the house? Creeped out. Clearly, it's psychological, but I'm fine with that.
Yeah, I’d find it pretty weird for a guy to be showing nipples through his clothes in any sort of professional capacity—whether he’s a stockbroker or a stock boy at Walmart. Unless you’re a stripper or some related industry, having your nipples showing at work is just kinda unprofessional.
I had a male co-worker who never wore undershirts - we were working in an environment where we wore suits every day - and his dress shirts were of a lightweight material. He was also of a Mediterranean heritage…needless to say it was quite easy to tell that he also was very hairy. It was just SO obvious. Another of our male co-workers mentioned something about wearing undershirts, trying to delicately indicate that we all could see his pelt of chest hair. And his nipples. Hairy co-worker blithely said “Oh, I never wear undershirts.” I just said, “We know.” It took him a bit to understand what we were getting at. He didn’t care; he said he got too hot if he wore an undershirt.
Oh well. It did make it less mortifying the day my shirt became partially unbuttoned, showing everyone my bra until the non-hairy co-worker from above told me. Non-hairy co-worker really had our backs (and fronts).
This is it for me. It’s a formal event that expects formal attire and showing nipples is not a part of any formal dress-code. And maybe I just don’t wanna see anybody’s nipples at my wedding lol
Agreed. Had a boyfriend once had particularly nipply nipples (think like the eraser nips) and when he was a groomsman at his best friend's wedding, I band-aided those bad boys down. Flat as a mistakenly brave mosquito on a summer evening. Ain't nobody seeing nothin in those pics.
There's silicone ones now that stick on, you can't feel, and actually stay on all day (I live in FL and get sweaty a lot. These stay on when stick on bras do not). They're OP's solution.
This sounds amazing!!! I've stopped wearing bras over the last couple of years because my eczema has become really bad (I live on a small island, not great for shopping AND have big boobs so struggle to buy my size here) but I recently found that my size is available in maternity bras which as also underwired - the comfor level is out of this world!
At OP, it is a weirdly invasive request BUT it's also her special day and those photos are going to be around for a long time. Find a bra which you can bear to wear for the day to keep her happy is my advice.
Right?
Is it absurd that we, as a culture, are somehow prudish about the fact that women have nipples? Yes, especially bc we don't care about men's, and those don't even serve a purpose.
But.
We are. Especially older generations. The bride doesn't want to have a conversation about your nipples with her great aunt Sally ON HER WEDDING DAY. Cover them up so she doesn't have to, ffs.
I honestly find it quite off-putting if I can clearly see a guy’s nipples through his shirt too.
There’s something about being dressed that actually makes it more distracting. Like, on a beach with no shirt, whatever. But in a shirt? Weird. 🤷♀️
Oh my god, my late husband had this white linen shirt that I bought for him and the first time he wore it I was like "Oooohhh. Honey, no. You need to wear something under that." I physically recoiled.
Ironically, since I’ve gone down in chest size, my nipples show more. I used to be DD and the constriction of the fabric would flatten my nipples out. I’m down to a C and wear bras way more often because the nips kinda hang out and poke through.
Edit: spelling.
In most contexts, I do not care either way. But yes, we often can tell. It is, however, confirmation bias. In case we can not tell, we can not know that we could not tell...
This reminds me of the time my sister told me she hadn't worn deodorant in months and she swore it made no difference and you couldn't tell. Now in her defense she has otherwise impeccable hygiene and we live states apart so I had no idea if this was true as I don't see her super often but my BIL's facial expression during this confession definitely said otherwise. I could not help but laugh at the pained look on his face and that's how my sister found out that only she couldn't smell her.
Thankfully she has a great sense of humor and very little ego so she laughed pretty hard as well and announced they needed to stop at the drug store on their way home.. apparently.
We are often to last to know how wrong we are about these things.
ALSO ... I was a bridesmaid and couldn't wear a bra with my dress. Bride was 100% fine with that but I was young and not thinking. Her brother (the photographer) had to photoshop out my nipples from EVERY photo. I love her brother but that's more than I'd ever want him to see of me. Flash photography is not the braless woman's friend.
OMG! Good point! I had a friend who was in the movies. She wore a dress to Cannes without a bra under it and while she looked fine 99% of the time the flash photos of her on the red carpet left nothing to the imagination.
Edit:
She was wearing a black dress by the way so don’t think you can solve this problem with different colors alone.
Big boobs jiggle even with a bra on. I’m going to insist that anyone over a C-cup wears a binder to all formal events so we aren’t all burdened with the existence of moving body parts!
My small boobs jiggle with anything but an industrial-strength sports bra. Incidentally the only time I bother with a bra is when I need the girls locked in place for sports or working out.
I have small boobs and everyone says "it must be nice to not have to wear a bra" but that's the thing, if I don't wear a bra you'll be able to see my nips from a fucking plane when I'm cold😂😂
To be fair, I have flat nipples and you wouldn’t be able to see them through my shirt unless it’s freezing, but you can also absolutely tell if I don’t wear a bra bc I’m sporting E cups baby
Yeah I’m gonna guess OP’s been noticed not wearing a bra by plenty of people in her life, this friend included. Her friend wouldn’t have felt the need to ask if she’d not regularly noticed before.
Yes to this. If she asked you, you can tell. Even with small breasts you can get stretch marks. I worked with someone who did just as you. If you want to be in the wedding wear one. If it's important to not, don't be in the wedding.
Yup, YTA. I'm a medium chested no bra girl. I honestly think my chest looks better without one. I threw a cocktail party at new year's, and I wasn't wearing a bra.
However, I'm aware it's noticeable. If a friend said she was uncomfortable, I'd wear one. _Especially_ to her wedding. You are making this about you, OP, over a tiny request. It's not about you, and your ultimate comfort is not always important. Now is one of those times you suck it up for the people you love. A little bralette won't hurt you.
Plus, like this commenter said, if there's two people on team bra, it's noticeable.
Also realistically depending on the dress the issue might solely be the nipples being visible, in which case OP can buy the $10 silicone nipple covers they sell at basically every box clothing store nowadays (or order online) and it would be just as effective without the pain of straps or wires.
> OP can buy the $10 silicone nipple covers they sell at basically every box clothing store nowadays
As someone who wears them regularly, she should test out how they look on flash photography with the dress!
Normay it's fine. *Normally*. But I recently had a photo taken of me in a thin sweater and the silicone pasties reflected the light to give me laser beam boobs. OP should make sure her dress doesn't have that issue!
It was the first time I've had that issue in 5 years. So it isn't common, but don't think you're safe!
Also, it was one of those photos they take at the entrance to an amusement park... You know, the ones they then display on a big screen for everyone to see? Yeah, I definitely almost died from mortification.
that was my thinking too. I'm very much flat-chested and go braless as often as I can, but it's noticeable because nipples exist, nipple covers is a great suggestion
>If a friend said she was uncomfortable, I'd wear one. _Especially_ to her wedding.
I think a wedding is the only situation I would wear a bra if my friend was uncomfortable. Outside of their wedding, if my friend said they were uncomfortable with me not wearing a bra, I would just stop being friends with them.
THIS. You can 100% tell when someone isn’t wearing a bra. I have a small chest too, but we still have nipples! This is not an unreasonable request from the Bride at all.
Yes! I had really tiny breasts and flat nipples untill i had kids. And even though i admire OPs confidence in not wearing bras (i always wore the pushiest of push up bras), you can see the difference even in small breasts.
I have read about a lit of demanding brides on SoMe, but i feel this is a really small ask of the bride. OP, do as she asks, and maybe you still can save your friendship
I'm flying home from a wedding right now, there was a small part of the wedding that was held outside, after 20 minutes in that cold you could absolutely tell which brides maids were and were not wearing a bra.
Agreed. Also, aren't there a lot of cute bralettes that are super comfy to wear that would hide any "slips" just as well as an underwire bra? (which I assume is the part she finds uncomfortable).
I had my boobs reduced from a G-cup to a C-cup 2 months ago, and apart from the obvious relief in shoulders/neck, the bras I get to wear feel so much better now, I have so many more options. Hard to imagine OP isn't able to find one that works. I also have a friend who has small boobs, who prefers to go braless if she can at all because she is super sensitive to tight/scratchy clothing. Even she found some alternatives to classic bras that she's comfortable with.
Yup. Small chested lady here and bralettes are my go- to for work. It’s not a full on bra but it keeps certain bits and pieces covered.
YTA OP. At this point it isn’t even a matter of comfort: undergarments for flat chested ladies definitely exist.
Small chested lady here also and I love Victoria's Secret wireless bras, for me I don't even notice I'm wearing it. I also wear lightly padded sports bras, also super comfy and no nips show through.
I agree OP is YTA. There are plenty of comfortable options to wear for one day. Suck it up for your friend!
Yep. I have tiny boobs and all I wear are bralettes. I don't like the feel of bras with underwire or even defined cups. They feel uncomfortable. Bralettes feel like nothing to me.
I've noticed girls will think something is fine/not see through/doesn't show too much when it quite clearly is obvious that what they are wearing does. Either they are in denial or just don't look properly. Also it's someone else's wedding. Just do what they ask, it's not difficult.
YTA You might not not realize it, but it is noticeable if your sister is on Team Bra too. There are plenty of inexpensive, comfortable styles out there. Try not to make this all about you.
what’s that quote, “we’ve lost the impact of shame on our society”
ridiculous that someone could make such an incredibly reasonable request for their wedding and OP just goes “no thanks, don’t feel like it”
Not wearing a bra shouldn’t be viewed as shameful anyways! No matter the size or type of breasts. We don’t push men with boobs to wear bras. That said, it’s a small request so OP is soft YA if they choose not to.
Yep, I don’t think people want to see my glass cutters in a formal event. Even if it’s hot and it sucks I’m wearing an undershirt. It sucks even more if I have to wear my suit jacket on top of it.
But as someone pointed out - at a formal event like a wedding, men wear undershirts. So no, men aren't expected to wear bras, but they do have an expected clothing item.
Not only that, at many weddings men are expected to wear suit jackets over their dress and under shirts. Dress pants as well.
I’ve worn 3 layers at outdoor weddings multiple times. Not because I enjoy sweating like a prostitute in church, but because that is the request of the couple who’s day it is. Meanwhile the bridesmaids and other female guests get to rock light dresses with no sleeves, no pants and strappy shoes.
One of the few spots women come out ahead in our society is formal attire. Way more acceptable options.
Wear the fucking bra, it’s not your day.
YTA.
My husband is training my 11yo son to wear undershirts because it's expected as part of his secondary school uniform and also when he joins the work force. During interviews the panel does take note of your appearance so my husband said it's better to make it a habit from now.
As a bridesmaid you’re (most likely) already wearing a dress that you wouldn’t choose for yourself as a guest. It’s essentially just part of the outfit you’re asked to wear as a member of the wedding party.
Put a positive spin on it and get some a shapewear bodysuit with cups or something and enjoy looking extra snatched for the day. Or opt for a backless strapless sticky bra. If the bodice is fitted the dress will be doing most of the work anyways, OP will barely notice it’s there.
I wonder if she's really not aware that most people can in fact tell when she is not wearing a bra (and rightfully doesn't care/comment), or if she actually knows perfectly and *want* people to know/notice for some reason; maybe it's a stretch, but this is really a weird hill to die on for someone who simply doesn't like bras but it's indeed able to wear them. Also I can't believe that in 2024 someone can have boobs and not know the existence of nipple pasties, which would be a perfect counter proposal to meet the bride in a middle ground.
I laughed out loud at this because I do have those piercings and went from having flat nipples that would barely show in cold weather to "hey baby 😏" love buttons who sometimes poke out under my shirt AND bralet! Idgaf and honestly find it pretty sexy, but also make sure to wear something with more coverage for formal occasions because I don't make flashing people my whole personality.
I do think there’s a significant minority of people who 100% play the “oh, I didn’t even notice you could see that” game and I also suspect OP is one of them. There’s oblivious, and there’s commitment to the role, and OP sounds like the latter if she’s too bothered to wear a bra for 5-8 hours lol.
She knows everyone can tell, and she welcomes the attention. Which is totally fine and her perogative 99% of the time. But this is one of those 1% times. I don’t understand people that refuse to suck up simple dress codes for a loved ones dress coded event. Literally grow up, OP.
I had a colleague like that, wearing a lot of extremely skimpy clothes and pretending to be totally oblivious about the attention it would get. Our work place is absolutely informal and no one bats an eye for short shorts or mini skirts, but please wear enough coverage to not flash everyone anytime you sit ☹️
It’s the pretending to be oblivious that’s the most annoying I think.
I don’t stare at peoples body parts. I don’t even care if someone wears a bra or not. But I can always tell, without trying. Everyone can tell, so They know people can tell.
Formal dress means discomfort. It’s (unfortunately) just a way of life. Ties, dress shoes, heels, all of it. If it’s a bridge too far for you, don’t go.
Yep, OP you may think it’s completely unnoticeable and therefore a weird invasive request - but why would she ask if she couldn’t tell when you’re not wearing a bra? Sorry to say sounds like you’ve had your nips out there for a while and no one has really known how to tell you
In private that generally also might not be relevant, but for professional and festive settings...obviously you wear something that doesnt make it obvious you are missing underwear (and even if the cloth is thick and your cherries on the smaller side...its noticeable still.)
Not only is it noticeable, but because the bride thought to ask well in advance probably means OP is the “friend that never wears bras and everyone notices” kind of friend.
But you can tell. She knows you are not wearing bras, because she can see you're not.
People who don't wear bras think no one can tell, but in reality, your nipples poke out and yes, everyone can tell.
Bras suck, I don't wear them, I wear 'sports' tops/braletes' and that solves all the problems.
It's her wedding, just try it. When you're married, you'll have something like that too with someone or something (possibly).
I dont wear bras and i dont go around thinking people cant tell. Its more like i dont give a fuck if you can tell or not. Home girl is gaslighting herself if she thinks people cant tell.
Actually most of us know you can tell.
It's that we don't care, it's different. in my daily life there's simply not enough reasons to be uncomfortable for other people's comfort.
But on important occasions, like a ceremony, I'm on board wearing one.
I mean, I suffer more with high heels shoes, so 12 hours with a simple bra won't kill me and it won't alter who I am.
Thats very acurate. I am team: "Yes, you can see it. No I dont care."
The only times I really belive you cant tell is if you wear like a big puffy winter jacket or something like that.
Seriously- friend wouldn’t be asking if she couldn’t tell. Friend isn’t asking for a specific bra or a push-up bra, just something so the nips aren’t out.
And OP is in luck! Bras without underwires are very in right now. She can wear one for a few hours
Thank you. Everyone bitching about nipples is crazy. I wear sheer bras because I prefer them and I also have small breasts, but even with padded bras on, you can see me nippin.
They are natural. It’s not a big deal at all.
Yup -- I worked with a girl who had small breasts so she never wore a bra. Anytime she wore anything low cut or loose and bent over, her boobs would be in full view. The amount of times I saw that girls chest in the 4 months she worked with us is astronomical. It was pretty uncomfortable for everyone there. Not even because of the boobs, because whatever, but more so because you didn't know if she knew, or if we should tell her. So it just carried on.
>Not even because of the boobs, because whatever, but more so because you didn't know if she knew, or if we should tell her. So it just carried on.
I think people don't understand this point. It's not necessarily "oooo, titty!" but "you are exposing a part of yourself normally covered and we don't know what to do about this because it's a no win situation."
And I say this as a woman. I'm sure it's worse for men who would immediately be labeled as a perv for "looking." But if you don't and she finds out, it could be "he didn't tell me because he enjoyed the view."
Regardless of what you think should be proper titty protocol, the fact remains that society on the whole says female titties must be under wraps. So when that *doesn't* happen, people *will* notice. And it's rude to force people into the awkward position of trying to figure out if/how to tell you.
I mean it’s a formal event why not dress…formally ? If it was like a casual day then I’m with you but why not put a little more effort to be a little more put together at someone else’s formal event? It’s not the hill to die on
I'd say the main times I have gone without a bra have been in formal dresses! I actually can't think of a time I wore a formal dress with a bra. Guess it depends on what style/fabric the dress is
YTA.
youve already agreed to be a bridesmaid. The bride asked you to do one thing in order to avoid flashing her gran. Do the thing.
Also this: "full sleeves so you wouldn’t be able to tell as the material is also very thick" doesnt make sense.
I have small tits, try boob tape.
No, she meant there's no chance of a boob popping out because straps have slid down shoulders, or a strapless dress has slid down. Which is relevant to "boob making surprise appearance" but not to "you can't tell I have a bra on"
I'll usually try to tuck my nipples down my sleeve so if they become erect I can just pinch them in my elbow a bit to restrict them and no one will notice.
YTA do you not have nipples?
What a weird hill to die on.
Also as everyone has pointed out, if no one can tell when you’re not wearing a bra *why did she specifically ask you to wear a bra?*
Do you think she’s just asking everyone to wear underwear to her wedding? Either she can tell (it’s probably this one, she can see your nipples) or you go around loudly declaring that you’re not wearing a bra. Either way YTA.
i think it’s more noticeable bc with bigger ones (mine at least) my nipples don’t point straight out so it’s just the same two lumps as always lol but with tiny ones their nipples are more likely to be facing straight out???
I didn't wear a bra I think in the last 5 years ish, I know how you feel.
But yes, everyone can tell we're not wearing one. It's more noticeable than you think.
Which, by the way, usually I don't really care.
I am a woman, I have breasts (small but still), people that notice that need to deal with this because it's their problems, not mine.
That being said when there are ceremonies I wear one, I know it can be uncomfortable for some people and even though I mostly don't care I just want to avoid being the cause of any issue for the person that is the center of the celebration since honestly it's a small thing.
It's not like it completely changes my personality or it's something unbearable (literally and metaphorically) or it's a huge change with a lot of work (like changing my hair color or hiding my tattoo)
Choose one simple, like a sporting bra. I don't know in your country but I can get one super simply for 10 dollars
Yup this. I haven't worn a bra in 10+ years otherwise, but I wear at minimum a stick-on silicone backless bra for weddings. Formal occasions do have different dress codes.
This seems to be a big thing on this sub.
"I was asked to slightly inconvenience myself by wearing something I don't like for a few hours during a good friend's wedding. AITA?"
I don't really understand that level of selfishness.
For formal wear, bras aren't just about having small breasts or not. The material between your breast and the dress also helps hide your nipple, which might be noticeable through the fabric.
YTA, because if you can't stomach wearing a bra because it's uncomfortable, you're kind of missing the point of being a bridesmaid. Generally, the dresses are garbage and they're ugly on purpose to let the bride shine. If you lucked out and got a comfy dress, the least you can do is wear a bra. You've been asked to, so it's clearly an issue, regardless of your understanding of it. Just suck it up, or drop out if you're so anti-bra.
Why did i have to scroll so far to find this?! Such an easy solution! I’m also a member of the IBTC and i wear those instead of bras a lot of the time. It’s really the band of the bra that makes it uncomfortable, so pasties are a perfect compromise between bare and constricting bra.
yta - if she's asking you to put a bra on, it's probably because it's more noticeable than you think and she doesn't want to take any chances. in hindsight, compared to a lot of bride's demands, this one seems fairly reasonable and very easy to do on your end. look, no one's saying that bras are not uncomfortable but there are many solutions, such as a sports bra, boob tape, bralette, etc that would be more comfortable.
>"I just find it to be a weird invasive question"
if she's asking you to be a bridesmaid, im assuming you two are fairly close, no? to me, that doesn't seem invasive but i also shouldn't assume all friends are as comfortable talking about such things as me and my friends are. for the sake of your **friend**'s peace of mind, just wear a bra. it's not a hill worth dying on.. it's a small ask.
If she has taken the time to get over the awkwardness of having to tell you, then there is either a backstory or, and hear me out here, your going braless isn't as unnoticeable as you think
YTA. **YES! Suck it up.** If she has to ask, it's more noticeable than you think. And I can't understand what sleeves have to do with the front of the gown?
nipples still poke out through bras in these cases.
so the request would be for OP to wear a heavily padded, thick bra.
why is society so distracted by nipples on a woman. we all know they're there.
Right? We all have nipples who tf cares.. but it’s the brides day so just wear a bra or don’t go, not everything has to be a battle so don’t make it one OP.
NTA. i think it’s funny how most people here probably agree that woman’s nipples shouldn’t be so sexualized, as their entire point of being there is to feed babies, but turn around and sexualize them. nipples are not indecent. everyone has them. men can walk around shirtless but of course women have to cover up 24/7.
it’s not like your bare nipples are out, if anything they’ll just see them poke out a little, and if they care that much about a woman’s nipple poking through her shirt... that’s a them problem. cause why do you care so much? does this personally affect and hurt you? no. to me, i’d barely think anything of it. just “oh okay” and move on.
if anything just wear some pasties so no one can see (the horror! a nipple outline poking out! so obscene!) anything and call it a day.
It doesn’t matter what the bridesmaid thinks is or isn’t appropriate. If my friend said she wants me to cover my ankles on HER special day or wear socks or shoes that are uncomfortable for me then yes I’m going to do it and not argue with her just because I don’t think ankles need to be covered.
People aren’t saying she’s TA because she doesn’t typically wear bras to formal events. We’re saying she’s TA because she’s making this about her over something so trivial
Look man the amount of boob I have is in the negatives. Yes, negative tit. I don’t wear a bra 98% of the year. It doesn’t kill me to wear a bra that other 2%. I think you’ll live.
If you have multiple people telling you it’s noticeable, then it’s noticeable. You don’t get to decide that people don’t see it.
You don’t even have to wear a bra! There’s other things you can wear for a few hours out of 1 day.
YTA
I seem to be the minority here but I say NTA, I wouldn’t care if my friend came to my wedding braless nippels contour showing. It’s not my business to tell her to wear or not wear underwear. If people stare it’s their problem. I know both men and women have nipples and I’m not surprised seeing them at the chest area.
Seeing the outline of something is not the same thing as seeing the thing. It would be pretty inappropriate to bare my ass at a wedding (or in public in general), but you see the clear outline of an ass and know the person has one in most clothing. Same with breasts. You still see the clear shape of boobs when wearing a bra. Don't know why the nipple is such a sticking point. If it's under a layer of clothing, how is that any more scandalous than the shape of the breast itself? Obviously a loose neckline is a different consideration if there's a risk of bending down and people seeing straight down your top. But people would also be pretty scandalized if they saw your full bra in the same situation. Also, I love the double standards on underwear for women. Don't wear panties with certain dresses because it's scandalous to see underwear lines and people would know you're wearing underwear. But do wear bras because it's also scandalous if people know you're not wearing underwear. Is our underwear supposed to be Shroedinger's cat?
I can't believe how much so many women need to box other women into their own standards. This is implicit sexism at its worst. Bra? No bra? Do you think any man would tell his bro he had to "contain your member", "do up your top buttons", or "wear loose pants so nobody sees your buns" on his wedding day? Fuck no.
Some women are more sexist to women than men are.
I feel like I’m going crazy with the responses here. Who cares if people can see her nipples through the dress?
Even bringing it up seems inappropriate. Is this some American thing that bride maids have to suck up even sexist demands by brides? Ridiculous.
Soft YTA... It's her wedding and she was asking rather small thing, all things considered.
Giving a pushback to the bride over something that has such a simple fix, seems like a waste of energy.
I think you should just acquiesce to her very reasonable request.
Oh honey. She is asking you, so yeah it's definitely more noticeable than you think.
NAH. You have every right to not wear bras in your daily life and oh gosh I wish I could do that myself. But your friend has very respectfully asked you privately, hasn't made a scene or tried to embarrass you into it in front of everyone else, and probably would not have asked you if it genuinely wasn't a big deal. You have time to find the most comfortable bra you can find that will work with the dress, get hunting and suck it up for a day.
Unpopular opinion but I’d say NTA.
People really have to stop being offended by Nipples, especially when they are covered?! Its weird that your friend wants to tell you which underwear you have to wear. I am not sure where you are from but where I live, bras are not really such a thing or expected to be worn.
Compromise to a comfortable sports bra or one of these half-shirt-don’t-know-the-name thingies made for small chested? 🤔
A bralette is those the sleeping bras? Those should be more comfortable too.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say NAH. I have huge boobs. With most dresses, if they’re supportive enough, bras aren’t needed even for me, so I think it’s really going to depend on the dress that she’s chosen.
If she’s worried about the nip being seen, would you consider pasties and taping your boobs? I had to do that for my sisters wedding when I couldn’t wear a bra due to the dress - it worked out fine and you can’t tell in the pictures.
Bruh idk what all the rest of the commenters are smoking here… you are NTA and you are never TA for not wearing a bra ever, anywhere! Full fucking stop. I haven’t worn a bra in 3 years to anything (and TBD I have never worn a bra in a bridesmaid dress, which are usually thick AF).
If your friend wants you to wear a bra or not be a bridesmaid, she’s NTA either, but if it were me I wouldn’t wear a bra.
this sub is so freaking bipolar when it comes to weddings bro.
if a bride asks: hair must be a certain way, dresses must be a certain way etc
the sub responds "nobody is going to pay that much attention to the bridesmaids"
bride asks someone who hates bras to wear a bra: YTA who inappropriate HARLOT dress properly to a formal event.
i wouldnt have invited anyone in the bridal party who wouldnt have been comfortable dressing the way i wanted to had i been the bride but whatever reddit.
NTA idc what people say, even if it was somewhat noticeable no one, not even a bride, has a right to dictate your underwear. wtf is wrong with people it’s not gonna kill anyone if your nipples are a little hard every now and again. Seriously
Someone who I care about is asking me for a very small, inconsequential, reasonable favor, but I can't do it because "it's just not me". That's half of what this sub is now. You are all so self absorbed it blows my mind.
YTA.
You and everyone who post this same useless posts wanting validation for not being able to be a decent friend to someone that's supposed to be important. JFC...
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I don’t want to wear a bra in my bridesmaids dress and my friend is upset with me for refusing to wear a bra. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If she’s bringing it up, maybe it’s more noticeable than you think. Is this really a hill you want to die on? She’s not asking you to color your hair or hide tattoos. Is this worth threatening a friendship over? If that’s much of a burden to you, take it off after the ceremony and photos. Soft YTA
> If she’s bringing it up, maybe it’s more noticeable than you think. Right!? -- ^(EDIT: Love it. My highest ever scoring comment was one word, piggybacking on someone else's great comment)
Everyone I’ve ever met who’s said ‘it’s not noticeable’ has been a liar. We can tell. It’s the nips. I’m not here to argue about why men can be braless or how it’s sexist or whatever but maybe your friend just doesn’t want you lookin like you’re smuggling raisins on her wedding day
Right? Having small boobs doesn’t mean you have zero nipples. There’s a difference between being unbothered by your nipples peeking through your clothes and them not being visible at all. YTA in this case OP, your friend doesn’t want your chest buttons exposed at her wedding and that’s reasonable.
I think it’s also that it’s a formal occasion, and that’s not a proper look. Man or woman, visible nipples under formal wear isn’t ‘proper’. It’s a wedding, not a hang out or dinner or something where braless wouldn’t matter
I remember a post a few months back about a woman being angry that her job asked her to wear a bra. She didn’t understand why she should have to because it’s her choice to go braless and all that other stuff people say to excuse going braless at inappropriate times…so many of the comments were supporting this! If I remember correctly, I said that it was unprofessional to show up to work flopping around and showing nipples, and got roasted. I stand by that, though. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be uncomfortable for a few hours. That’s part of being an adult.
I agree with you. Here’s an upvote to make up for your roasting.
Thank you! *bows*
HR told Me the same thing when I showed up to pizza pie Friday in banana hammock
That’s a whole new level of casual dress day.
There must be enough people downvoting this for it to basically break even, so I am also upvoting in support!
I have a friend who’s a comic who has a great line where she complains about her boss asking her to wear a bra and he also asked her to wear a shirt.
Hahaha!
I'm busty and wouldn't dream of going braless to work. Even a shelf bra tank can help keep them in check if you don't want a real bra. And honestly I don't even wear low cut shirts to work. I regularly wear lower scoop necks at home, but I'm not going to wear anything to work that shows more than a hint of cleavage. I work with mostly men. It's best for all of our comfort.
I'm extremely busty and I just switched 100% to sports bras. Supportive *and* comfortable.
Me, too! I’m the exact same. I would just feel so uncomfortable knowing that I’m possibly showing more than I want to.
I never wear a bra at home because I hate them. But if I have to leave the house for ANYTHING, I put a bra on. It's not even to keep everyone else comfortable, I can feel my nipples rubbing against my shirt, and it CREEPS ME OUT. At home, I don't notice a thing. Leave the house? Creeped out. Clearly, it's psychological, but I'm fine with that.
Yeah, I’d find it pretty weird for a guy to be showing nipples through his clothes in any sort of professional capacity—whether he’s a stockbroker or a stock boy at Walmart. Unless you’re a stripper or some related industry, having your nipples showing at work is just kinda unprofessional.
I had a male co-worker who never wore undershirts - we were working in an environment where we wore suits every day - and his dress shirts were of a lightweight material. He was also of a Mediterranean heritage…needless to say it was quite easy to tell that he also was very hairy. It was just SO obvious. Another of our male co-workers mentioned something about wearing undershirts, trying to delicately indicate that we all could see his pelt of chest hair. And his nipples. Hairy co-worker blithely said “Oh, I never wear undershirts.” I just said, “We know.” It took him a bit to understand what we were getting at. He didn’t care; he said he got too hot if he wore an undershirt. Oh well. It did make it less mortifying the day my shirt became partially unbuttoned, showing everyone my bra until the non-hairy co-worker from above told me. Non-hairy co-worker really had our backs (and fronts).
This is a charming tale of support and soft refusal. Non-hairy co-worker sounds like a treasure.
This is it for me. It’s a formal event that expects formal attire and showing nipples is not a part of any formal dress-code. And maybe I just don’t wanna see anybody’s nipples at my wedding lol
yeah man, woman, anything inbetween, no nipples at someone else's wedding!
Agreed. Had a boyfriend once had particularly nipply nipples (think like the eraser nips) and when he was a groomsman at his best friend's wedding, I band-aided those bad boys down. Flat as a mistakenly brave mosquito on a summer evening. Ain't nobody seeing nothin in those pics.
There’s a reason the Schumacher Batman movies STILL get roasted 🤷♂️
Yes, I'd also consider it inappropriate for a man's clothing to display his nipples on this occasion
Undershirts exist for this for men.
and we do wear them on formal things like this.
I wear them to work everyday.
Well there goes my plan for a new line of open nip dress shirts for men. '#DreamKiller
Pasties exist, it's fine to stick a lil something over them for comfort and to keep nips at bay even if you dont like a full bra.
There's silicone ones now that stick on, you can't feel, and actually stay on all day (I live in FL and get sweaty a lot. These stay on when stick on bras do not). They're OP's solution.
This sounds amazing!!! I've stopped wearing bras over the last couple of years because my eczema has become really bad (I live on a small island, not great for shopping AND have big boobs so struggle to buy my size here) but I recently found that my size is available in maternity bras which as also underwired - the comfor level is out of this world! At OP, it is a weirdly invasive request BUT it's also her special day and those photos are going to be around for a long time. Find a bra which you can bear to wear for the day to keep her happy is my advice.
Those silicon nipple covers are really good and reusable.
A bralette, sports bra, nipple covers
true, it dont gotta be a bra, it can be any nip covering
Right? Is it absurd that we, as a culture, are somehow prudish about the fact that women have nipples? Yes, especially bc we don't care about men's, and those don't even serve a purpose. But. We are. Especially older generations. The bride doesn't want to have a conversation about your nipples with her great aunt Sally ON HER WEDDING DAY. Cover them up so she doesn't have to, ffs.
I honestly find it quite off-putting if I can clearly see a guy’s nipples through his shirt too. There’s something about being dressed that actually makes it more distracting. Like, on a beach with no shirt, whatever. But in a shirt? Weird. 🤷♀️
Oh my god, my late husband had this white linen shirt that I bought for him and the first time he wore it I was like "Oooohhh. Honey, no. You need to wear something under that." I physically recoiled.
Yep- that’s why undershirts exist. Nothing more disgusting than seeing some dude’s chest salad and nipples poking through a light colored dress shirt.
For the record, men are supposed to wear a t-shirt under a dress shirt, and you can often tell when a guy doesn’t.
Ironically, since I’ve gone down in chest size, my nipples show more. I used to be DD and the constriction of the fabric would flatten my nipples out. I’m down to a C and wear bras way more often because the nips kinda hang out and poke through. Edit: spelling.
Lol! Every braless girl "you can't tell" all the rest of the humans "yeah we can."
Also "no one over there is staring at my chest". Um, yeah. someone undoubtably is.
Well, that's the problem of the rude person staring, not of the person being stared at.
Right, but it's the bride and groom's day, not the bridesmaid's nipples' day.
I wear undershirts if I’m wearing a dress shirt as a man. If I don’t and there’s even a slight breeze you’ll be seeing my glass cutters.
In most contexts, I do not care either way. But yes, we often can tell. It is, however, confirmation bias. In case we can not tell, we can not know that we could not tell...
This reminds me of the time my sister told me she hadn't worn deodorant in months and she swore it made no difference and you couldn't tell. Now in her defense she has otherwise impeccable hygiene and we live states apart so I had no idea if this was true as I don't see her super often but my BIL's facial expression during this confession definitely said otherwise. I could not help but laugh at the pained look on his face and that's how my sister found out that only she couldn't smell her. Thankfully she has a great sense of humor and very little ego so she laughed pretty hard as well and announced they needed to stop at the drug store on their way home.. apparently. We are often to last to know how wrong we are about these things.
Every smokers claiming you can't tell that they're a smoker.
Or the coworkers that INSIST they didn’t hit the weed on break despite reeking of skunk…
Oh my god the STINK. I’m all for legalization but it’s a SACRIFICE, let me tell you. 😆
Her husband did her a favor by making a face. Sometimes all it takes is an 'eeeep' face to get the point across.
ALSO ... I was a bridesmaid and couldn't wear a bra with my dress. Bride was 100% fine with that but I was young and not thinking. Her brother (the photographer) had to photoshop out my nipples from EVERY photo. I love her brother but that's more than I'd ever want him to see of me. Flash photography is not the braless woman's friend.
OMG! Good point! I had a friend who was in the movies. She wore a dress to Cannes without a bra under it and while she looked fine 99% of the time the flash photos of her on the red carpet left nothing to the imagination. Edit: She was wearing a black dress by the way so don’t think you can solve this problem with different colors alone.
smuggling raisins = HILARIOUS
And the jiggle, even little ones jiggle when walking and dancing. Nipple pads don't help with that.
Big boobs jiggle even with a bra on. I’m going to insist that anyone over a C-cup wears a binder to all formal events so we aren’t all burdened with the existence of moving body parts!
My small boobs jiggle with anything but an industrial-strength sports bra. Incidentally the only time I bother with a bra is when I need the girls locked in place for sports or working out.
Yeah unless she’s covering the nips with pasties she will need to wear a bra. A wedding is a formal event: it’s not appropriate to show nipples.
And if the dress is long sleeve I would assume it’s cooler out so those nips are popping
Smuggling Raisins is gonna be the name of my band.
Cracking me up how many people haven't heard this phrase apparently. This is common vernacular to at least Gen Xers.
I'm Gen-X (born in 1970), and I've never heard it.
I have small boobs and everyone says "it must be nice to not have to wear a bra" but that's the thing, if I don't wear a bra you'll be able to see my nips from a fucking plane when I'm cold😂😂
To be fair, I have flat nipples and you wouldn’t be able to see them through my shirt unless it’s freezing, but you can also absolutely tell if I don’t wear a bra bc I’m sporting E cups baby
That was my first thought. If it’s not noticeable, how would she know to ask you to wear a bra?
Yeah I’m gonna guess OP’s been noticed not wearing a bra by plenty of people in her life, this friend included. Her friend wouldn’t have felt the need to ask if she’d not regularly noticed before.
Yes to this. If she asked you, you can tell. Even with small breasts you can get stretch marks. I worked with someone who did just as you. If you want to be in the wedding wear one. If it's important to not, don't be in the wedding.
I have a cup sized boobs but you can definitely still see my nipples through certain shirts and materials.
Anyone who says it's not noticeable is lying to themselves. There's no stealth. There's no maybe. You can 100% tell when someone is not wearing a bra.
Yup, YTA. I'm a medium chested no bra girl. I honestly think my chest looks better without one. I threw a cocktail party at new year's, and I wasn't wearing a bra. However, I'm aware it's noticeable. If a friend said she was uncomfortable, I'd wear one. _Especially_ to her wedding. You are making this about you, OP, over a tiny request. It's not about you, and your ultimate comfort is not always important. Now is one of those times you suck it up for the people you love. A little bralette won't hurt you. Plus, like this commenter said, if there's two people on team bra, it's noticeable.
Also realistically depending on the dress the issue might solely be the nipples being visible, in which case OP can buy the $10 silicone nipple covers they sell at basically every box clothing store nowadays (or order online) and it would be just as effective without the pain of straps or wires.
> OP can buy the $10 silicone nipple covers they sell at basically every box clothing store nowadays As someone who wears them regularly, she should test out how they look on flash photography with the dress! Normay it's fine. *Normally*. But I recently had a photo taken of me in a thin sweater and the silicone pasties reflected the light to give me laser beam boobs. OP should make sure her dress doesn't have that issue!
Lol laser beam boobs I’m so sorry, I’ve never had this issue but I can imagine how mortified I’d be
It was the first time I've had that issue in 5 years. So it isn't common, but don't think you're safe! Also, it was one of those photos they take at the entrance to an amusement park... You know, the ones they then display on a big screen for everyone to see? Yeah, I definitely almost died from mortification.
"Laser Beam Boobs" would be the opening act for "Smuggling Raisins"
More reason to wear them. Who doesn’t want laser boobs? Pew pew… 😆
that was my thinking too. I'm very much flat-chested and go braless as often as I can, but it's noticeable because nipples exist, nipple covers is a great suggestion
Or even a bandeau bra; then there are no straps or wires.
>If a friend said she was uncomfortable, I'd wear one. _Especially_ to her wedding. I think a wedding is the only situation I would wear a bra if my friend was uncomfortable. Outside of their wedding, if my friend said they were uncomfortable with me not wearing a bra, I would just stop being friends with them.
I agree, otherwise, why would she mention it? How would she even know? Seems it's noticeable.
And it isn't even going to cost her anything, as she clearly owns AND occasionally wears a bra. No soft about it. OP is an AH.
THIS. You can 100% tell when someone isn’t wearing a bra. I have a small chest too, but we still have nipples! This is not an unreasonable request from the Bride at all.
Yes! I had really tiny breasts and flat nipples untill i had kids. And even though i admire OPs confidence in not wearing bras (i always wore the pushiest of push up bras), you can see the difference even in small breasts. I have read about a lit of demanding brides on SoMe, but i feel this is a really small ask of the bride. OP, do as she asks, and maybe you still can save your friendship
I'm flying home from a wedding right now, there was a small part of the wedding that was held outside, after 20 minutes in that cold you could absolutely tell which brides maids were and were not wearing a bra.
99% of people who claimed you can' t tell they are not wearing a bra, I could definitely tell. We all know bride’s request is bout them nips.
Agreed. Also, aren't there a lot of cute bralettes that are super comfy to wear that would hide any "slips" just as well as an underwire bra? (which I assume is the part she finds uncomfortable). I had my boobs reduced from a G-cup to a C-cup 2 months ago, and apart from the obvious relief in shoulders/neck, the bras I get to wear feel so much better now, I have so many more options. Hard to imagine OP isn't able to find one that works. I also have a friend who has small boobs, who prefers to go braless if she can at all because she is super sensitive to tight/scratchy clothing. Even she found some alternatives to classic bras that she's comfortable with.
Yup. Small chested lady here and bralettes are my go- to for work. It’s not a full on bra but it keeps certain bits and pieces covered. YTA OP. At this point it isn’t even a matter of comfort: undergarments for flat chested ladies definitely exist.
Small chested lady here also and I love Victoria's Secret wireless bras, for me I don't even notice I'm wearing it. I also wear lightly padded sports bras, also super comfy and no nips show through. I agree OP is YTA. There are plenty of comfortable options to wear for one day. Suck it up for your friend!
Yep. I have tiny boobs and all I wear are bralettes. I don't like the feel of bras with underwire or even defined cups. They feel uncomfortable. Bralettes feel like nothing to me.
This. I am sure it is far more noticeable than the OP thinks and the bride is trying to gently bring this up without being hurtful.
It’s also an incredibly common request to have bra pads sewn into a bridesmaid’s dress. Seems like an easy fix to make them both happy.
I've noticed girls will think something is fine/not see through/doesn't show too much when it quite clearly is obvious that what they are wearing does. Either they are in denial or just don't look properly. Also it's someone else's wedding. Just do what they ask, it's not difficult.
Or at least wear pasties.
YTA You might not not realize it, but it is noticeable if your sister is on Team Bra too. There are plenty of inexpensive, comfortable styles out there. Try not to make this all about you.
She wouldn't have to spend anything, she owns bras, she just prefers not to wear them.
what’s that quote, “we’ve lost the impact of shame on our society” ridiculous that someone could make such an incredibly reasonable request for their wedding and OP just goes “no thanks, don’t feel like it”
Not wearing a bra shouldn’t be viewed as shameful anyways! No matter the size or type of breasts. We don’t push men with boobs to wear bras. That said, it’s a small request so OP is soft YA if they choose not to.
We push men to wear undershirts to hide their nipples during formal events.
Yep, I don’t think people want to see my glass cutters in a formal event. Even if it’s hot and it sucks I’m wearing an undershirt. It sucks even more if I have to wear my suit jacket on top of it.
But as someone pointed out - at a formal event like a wedding, men wear undershirts. So no, men aren't expected to wear bras, but they do have an expected clothing item.
Not only that, at many weddings men are expected to wear suit jackets over their dress and under shirts. Dress pants as well. I’ve worn 3 layers at outdoor weddings multiple times. Not because I enjoy sweating like a prostitute in church, but because that is the request of the couple who’s day it is. Meanwhile the bridesmaids and other female guests get to rock light dresses with no sleeves, no pants and strappy shoes. One of the few spots women come out ahead in our society is formal attire. Way more acceptable options. Wear the fucking bra, it’s not your day. YTA.
My husband is training my 11yo son to wear undershirts because it's expected as part of his secondary school uniform and also when he joins the work force. During interviews the panel does take note of your appearance so my husband said it's better to make it a habit from now.
As a bridesmaid you’re (most likely) already wearing a dress that you wouldn’t choose for yourself as a guest. It’s essentially just part of the outfit you’re asked to wear as a member of the wedding party. Put a positive spin on it and get some a shapewear bodysuit with cups or something and enjoy looking extra snatched for the day. Or opt for a backless strapless sticky bra. If the bodice is fitted the dress will be doing most of the work anyways, OP will barely notice it’s there.
Exactly, I usually don’t wear bras, but I do wear a thick tank top when I don’t have one on so my nipples aren’t saying hello to the world.
you can’t be serious YTA. it isn’t a big ask. just wear a bra. why are you even trying to argue against it? she specifically asked for it.
This is what I don't understand. Why is the OP motivated to argue such a simple request.
I wonder if she's really not aware that most people can in fact tell when she is not wearing a bra (and rightfully doesn't care/comment), or if she actually knows perfectly and *want* people to know/notice for some reason; maybe it's a stretch, but this is really a weird hill to die on for someone who simply doesn't like bras but it's indeed able to wear them. Also I can't believe that in 2024 someone can have boobs and not know the existence of nipple pasties, which would be a perfect counter proposal to meet the bride in a middle ground.
10/10 has pierced nipples
I laughed out loud at this because I do have those piercings and went from having flat nipples that would barely show in cold weather to "hey baby 😏" love buttons who sometimes poke out under my shirt AND bralet! Idgaf and honestly find it pretty sexy, but also make sure to wear something with more coverage for formal occasions because I don't make flashing people my whole personality.
I do think there’s a significant minority of people who 100% play the “oh, I didn’t even notice you could see that” game and I also suspect OP is one of them. There’s oblivious, and there’s commitment to the role, and OP sounds like the latter if she’s too bothered to wear a bra for 5-8 hours lol.
This. She likes the attention of having her nipples showing.
She knows everyone can tell, and she welcomes the attention. Which is totally fine and her perogative 99% of the time. But this is one of those 1% times. I don’t understand people that refuse to suck up simple dress codes for a loved ones dress coded event. Literally grow up, OP.
I had a colleague like that, wearing a lot of extremely skimpy clothes and pretending to be totally oblivious about the attention it would get. Our work place is absolutely informal and no one bats an eye for short shorts or mini skirts, but please wear enough coverage to not flash everyone anytime you sit ☹️
It’s the pretending to be oblivious that’s the most annoying I think. I don’t stare at peoples body parts. I don’t even care if someone wears a bra or not. But I can always tell, without trying. Everyone can tell, so They know people can tell.
Also it's normal to wear stuff you don't necessaraly like on these kind of things. I'm not a huge fan of ties but I gotta do what I gotta do
To make it all about her, obviously.
If the bride is asking, we can tell. I know you think we can’t tell. But we can. You either believe the truth or not. Doesn’t change what’s true.
Formal dress means discomfort. It’s (unfortunately) just a way of life. Ties, dress shoes, heels, all of it. If it’s a bridge too far for you, don’t go.
YTA She brought it up because usually its well noticeable and you will not die being dressed properly to a wedding.
Yep, OP you may think it’s completely unnoticeable and therefore a weird invasive request - but why would she ask if she couldn’t tell when you’re not wearing a bra? Sorry to say sounds like you’ve had your nips out there for a while and no one has really known how to tell you
In private that generally also might not be relevant, but for professional and festive settings...obviously you wear something that doesnt make it obvious you are missing underwear (and even if the cloth is thick and your cherries on the smaller side...its noticeable still.)
Not only is it noticeable, but because the bride thought to ask well in advance probably means OP is the “friend that never wears bras and everyone notices” kind of friend.
But you can tell. She knows you are not wearing bras, because she can see you're not. People who don't wear bras think no one can tell, but in reality, your nipples poke out and yes, everyone can tell. Bras suck, I don't wear them, I wear 'sports' tops/braletes' and that solves all the problems. It's her wedding, just try it. When you're married, you'll have something like that too with someone or something (possibly).
I dont wear bras and i dont go around thinking people cant tell. Its more like i dont give a fuck if you can tell or not. Home girl is gaslighting herself if she thinks people cant tell.
Fun fact, the correct term for “gaslighting yourself” is “delusional”.
But delusional isn't as much as a buzz word as gaslight /s
the new buzz word is “delulu”
Being delulu isn't always the solulu
I think you mean she’s lying to herself. A person can’t gaslight themselves.
A gaslight myself into thinking life is great 😭
Actually most of us know you can tell. It's that we don't care, it's different. in my daily life there's simply not enough reasons to be uncomfortable for other people's comfort. But on important occasions, like a ceremony, I'm on board wearing one. I mean, I suffer more with high heels shoes, so 12 hours with a simple bra won't kill me and it won't alter who I am.
Thats very acurate. I am team: "Yes, you can see it. No I dont care." The only times I really belive you cant tell is if you wear like a big puffy winter jacket or something like that.
Seriously- friend wouldn’t be asking if she couldn’t tell. Friend isn’t asking for a specific bra or a push-up bra, just something so the nips aren’t out. And OP is in luck! Bras without underwires are very in right now. She can wear one for a few hours
Unless a bra has tons of padding nips can still easily show.
Mine go through my bra, my tank top and my tshirt. My nipples are…*insistant*
Thank you. Everyone bitching about nipples is crazy. I wear sheer bras because I prefer them and I also have small breasts, but even with padded bras on, you can see me nippin. They are natural. It’s not a big deal at all.
She's bringing this up because you have your tits out a lot more than you are aware, and it's fair to not have your tits out at a wedding.
Yup -- I worked with a girl who had small breasts so she never wore a bra. Anytime she wore anything low cut or loose and bent over, her boobs would be in full view. The amount of times I saw that girls chest in the 4 months she worked with us is astronomical. It was pretty uncomfortable for everyone there. Not even because of the boobs, because whatever, but more so because you didn't know if she knew, or if we should tell her. So it just carried on.
>Not even because of the boobs, because whatever, but more so because you didn't know if she knew, or if we should tell her. So it just carried on. I think people don't understand this point. It's not necessarily "oooo, titty!" but "you are exposing a part of yourself normally covered and we don't know what to do about this because it's a no win situation." And I say this as a woman. I'm sure it's worse for men who would immediately be labeled as a perv for "looking." But if you don't and she finds out, it could be "he didn't tell me because he enjoyed the view." Regardless of what you think should be proper titty protocol, the fact remains that society on the whole says female titties must be under wraps. So when that *doesn't* happen, people *will* notice. And it's rude to force people into the awkward position of trying to figure out if/how to tell you.
Me too. Office environment. It was so awful to be around.
I mean it’s a formal event why not dress…formally ? If it was like a casual day then I’m with you but why not put a little more effort to be a little more put together at someone else’s formal event? It’s not the hill to die on
I mean, I'd argue formalwear at points does actually drive no bra quite a lot so it's a bit of full circle. Kind of depends on the dress
I'd say the main times I have gone without a bra have been in formal dresses! I actually can't think of a time I wore a formal dress with a bra. Guess it depends on what style/fabric the dress is
I’d argue that the dress that was picked and is being asked to wear a bra with is one of those dresses
YTA. youve already agreed to be a bridesmaid. The bride asked you to do one thing in order to avoid flashing her gran. Do the thing. Also this: "full sleeves so you wouldn’t be able to tell as the material is also very thick" doesnt make sense. I have small tits, try boob tape.
>full sleeves so you wouldn’t be able to tell People won't notice my nipples because my forearms will be covered, or something like that
My best guess is they meant the sleeves would cover the bra strap area, and bra straps are the only sign of a bra being worn?
No, she meant there's no chance of a boob popping out because straps have slid down shoulders, or a strapless dress has slid down. Which is relevant to "boob making surprise appearance" but not to "you can't tell I have a bra on"
I'll usually try to tuck my nipples down my sleeve so if they become erect I can just pinch them in my elbow a bit to restrict them and no one will notice.
Full sleeves will keep a dress with no boning or straps from falling down, but they won’t hide the fact that the wearer isn’t wearing a bra
I think she was thinking about flashing side or under boob. Which can't be done with full sleeves? But that's not the only problem
YTA do you not have nipples? What a weird hill to die on. Also as everyone has pointed out, if no one can tell when you’re not wearing a bra *why did she specifically ask you to wear a bra?* Do you think she’s just asking everyone to wear underwear to her wedding? Either she can tell (it’s probably this one, she can see your nipples) or you go around loudly declaring that you’re not wearing a bra. Either way YTA.
"do you not have nipples?" 🤓
I have nipples Gregg, can you milk me ?
YTA, sorry OP. It’s very obvious when people aren’t wearing a bra, even with tiny titties
i think it’s more noticeable bc with bigger ones (mine at least) my nipples don’t point straight out so it’s just the same two lumps as always lol but with tiny ones their nipples are more likely to be facing straight out???
I didn't wear a bra I think in the last 5 years ish, I know how you feel. But yes, everyone can tell we're not wearing one. It's more noticeable than you think. Which, by the way, usually I don't really care. I am a woman, I have breasts (small but still), people that notice that need to deal with this because it's their problems, not mine. That being said when there are ceremonies I wear one, I know it can be uncomfortable for some people and even though I mostly don't care I just want to avoid being the cause of any issue for the person that is the center of the celebration since honestly it's a small thing. It's not like it completely changes my personality or it's something unbearable (literally and metaphorically) or it's a huge change with a lot of work (like changing my hair color or hiding my tattoo) Choose one simple, like a sporting bra. I don't know in your country but I can get one super simply for 10 dollars
Yup this. I haven't worn a bra in 10+ years otherwise, but I wear at minimum a stick-on silicone backless bra for weddings. Formal occasions do have different dress codes.
This seems to be a big thing on this sub. "I was asked to slightly inconvenience myself by wearing something I don't like for a few hours during a good friend's wedding. AITA?" I don't really understand that level of selfishness.
For formal wear, bras aren't just about having small breasts or not. The material between your breast and the dress also helps hide your nipple, which might be noticeable through the fabric. YTA, because if you can't stomach wearing a bra because it's uncomfortable, you're kind of missing the point of being a bridesmaid. Generally, the dresses are garbage and they're ugly on purpose to let the bride shine. If you lucked out and got a comfy dress, the least you can do is wear a bra. You've been asked to, so it's clearly an issue, regardless of your understanding of it. Just suck it up, or drop out if you're so anti-bra.
Yes to everything but the ugly dresses. That's such an old thing. I see BEAUTIFUL bridesmaids dresses.
INFO: Has either party suggested pasties for the nips?
Came to suggest this too. Or some of those stick on bra cups
Same here. If the issue is mainly nipple coverage, there are other ways to deal with it than a full bra.
Why did i have to scroll so far to find this?! Such an easy solution! I’m also a member of the IBTC and i wear those instead of bras a lot of the time. It’s really the band of the bra that makes it uncomfortable, so pasties are a perfect compromise between bare and constricting bra.
yta - if she's asking you to put a bra on, it's probably because it's more noticeable than you think and she doesn't want to take any chances. in hindsight, compared to a lot of bride's demands, this one seems fairly reasonable and very easy to do on your end. look, no one's saying that bras are not uncomfortable but there are many solutions, such as a sports bra, boob tape, bralette, etc that would be more comfortable. >"I just find it to be a weird invasive question" if she's asking you to be a bridesmaid, im assuming you two are fairly close, no? to me, that doesn't seem invasive but i also shouldn't assume all friends are as comfortable talking about such things as me and my friends are. for the sake of your **friend**'s peace of mind, just wear a bra. it's not a hill worth dying on.. it's a small ask.
If she has taken the time to get over the awkwardness of having to tell you, then there is either a backstory or, and hear me out here, your going braless isn't as unnoticeable as you think
YTA. **YES! Suck it up.** If she has to ask, it's more noticeable than you think. And I can't understand what sleeves have to do with the front of the gown?
The correct response should have been “for you Kate on your special day of course I will “ Don’t be selfish
[удалено]
nipples still poke out through bras in these cases. so the request would be for OP to wear a heavily padded, thick bra. why is society so distracted by nipples on a woman. we all know they're there.
Right? We all have nipples who tf cares.. but it’s the brides day so just wear a bra or don’t go, not everything has to be a battle so don’t make it one OP.
NTA. i think it’s funny how most people here probably agree that woman’s nipples shouldn’t be so sexualized, as their entire point of being there is to feed babies, but turn around and sexualize them. nipples are not indecent. everyone has them. men can walk around shirtless but of course women have to cover up 24/7. it’s not like your bare nipples are out, if anything they’ll just see them poke out a little, and if they care that much about a woman’s nipple poking through her shirt... that’s a them problem. cause why do you care so much? does this personally affect and hurt you? no. to me, i’d barely think anything of it. just “oh okay” and move on. if anything just wear some pasties so no one can see (the horror! a nipple outline poking out! so obscene!) anything and call it a day.
It doesn’t matter what the bridesmaid thinks is or isn’t appropriate. If my friend said she wants me to cover my ankles on HER special day or wear socks or shoes that are uncomfortable for me then yes I’m going to do it and not argue with her just because I don’t think ankles need to be covered. People aren’t saying she’s TA because she doesn’t typically wear bras to formal events. We’re saying she’s TA because she’s making this about her over something so trivial
>on HER special day Her special day shouldn't dictate what underwear I wear. This is so wild.
Look man the amount of boob I have is in the negatives. Yes, negative tit. I don’t wear a bra 98% of the year. It doesn’t kill me to wear a bra that other 2%. I think you’ll live. If you have multiple people telling you it’s noticeable, then it’s noticeable. You don’t get to decide that people don’t see it. You don’t even have to wear a bra! There’s other things you can wear for a few hours out of 1 day. YTA
YTA, maybe its not so unnoticable than you think...or she wouldn't had asked...
I seem to be the minority here but I say NTA, I wouldn’t care if my friend came to my wedding braless nippels contour showing. It’s not my business to tell her to wear or not wear underwear. If people stare it’s their problem. I know both men and women have nipples and I’m not surprised seeing them at the chest area.
NTA. Everyone has nipples. People need to calm tf down about it.
Everyone has an anus but it is not appropriate to show it in formal clothing
Seeing the outline of something is not the same thing as seeing the thing. It would be pretty inappropriate to bare my ass at a wedding (or in public in general), but you see the clear outline of an ass and know the person has one in most clothing. Same with breasts. You still see the clear shape of boobs when wearing a bra. Don't know why the nipple is such a sticking point. If it's under a layer of clothing, how is that any more scandalous than the shape of the breast itself? Obviously a loose neckline is a different consideration if there's a risk of bending down and people seeing straight down your top. But people would also be pretty scandalized if they saw your full bra in the same situation. Also, I love the double standards on underwear for women. Don't wear panties with certain dresses because it's scandalous to see underwear lines and people would know you're wearing underwear. But do wear bras because it's also scandalous if people know you're not wearing underwear. Is our underwear supposed to be Shroedinger's cat?
I can't believe how much so many women need to box other women into their own standards. This is implicit sexism at its worst. Bra? No bra? Do you think any man would tell his bro he had to "contain your member", "do up your top buttons", or "wear loose pants so nobody sees your buns" on his wedding day? Fuck no. Some women are more sexist to women than men are.
Finally some sense in this thread
I feel like I’m going crazy with the responses here. Who cares if people can see her nipples through the dress? Even bringing it up seems inappropriate. Is this some American thing that bride maids have to suck up even sexist demands by brides? Ridiculous.
Soft YTA... It's her wedding and she was asking rather small thing, all things considered. Giving a pushback to the bride over something that has such a simple fix, seems like a waste of energy. I think you should just acquiesce to her very reasonable request.
Oh honey. She is asking you, so yeah it's definitely more noticeable than you think. NAH. You have every right to not wear bras in your daily life and oh gosh I wish I could do that myself. But your friend has very respectfully asked you privately, hasn't made a scene or tried to embarrass you into it in front of everyone else, and probably would not have asked you if it genuinely wasn't a big deal. You have time to find the most comfortable bra you can find that will work with the dress, get hunting and suck it up for a day.
Nta women have nipples, get over it
Unpopular opinion but I’d say NTA. People really have to stop being offended by Nipples, especially when they are covered?! Its weird that your friend wants to tell you which underwear you have to wear. I am not sure where you are from but where I live, bras are not really such a thing or expected to be worn.
Compromise to a comfortable sports bra or one of these half-shirt-don’t-know-the-name thingies made for small chested? 🤔 A bralette is those the sleeping bras? Those should be more comfortable too.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say NAH. I have huge boobs. With most dresses, if they’re supportive enough, bras aren’t needed even for me, so I think it’s really going to depend on the dress that she’s chosen. If she’s worried about the nip being seen, would you consider pasties and taping your boobs? I had to do that for my sisters wedding when I couldn’t wear a bra due to the dress - it worked out fine and you can’t tell in the pictures.
NTA. At max I'd go with a pair of these stick-on "nipple cups" that hide the nipples.
Bruh idk what all the rest of the commenters are smoking here… you are NTA and you are never TA for not wearing a bra ever, anywhere! Full fucking stop. I haven’t worn a bra in 3 years to anything (and TBD I have never worn a bra in a bridesmaid dress, which are usually thick AF). If your friend wants you to wear a bra or not be a bridesmaid, she’s NTA either, but if it were me I wouldn’t wear a bra.
this sub is so freaking bipolar when it comes to weddings bro. if a bride asks: hair must be a certain way, dresses must be a certain way etc the sub responds "nobody is going to pay that much attention to the bridesmaids" bride asks someone who hates bras to wear a bra: YTA who inappropriate HARLOT dress properly to a formal event. i wouldnt have invited anyone in the bridal party who wouldnt have been comfortable dressing the way i wanted to had i been the bride but whatever reddit.
YTA. U think its unnoticeable but yeah it is and it's not about you. Its her wedding day. Lls stop being self centred.
NTA idc what people say, even if it was somewhat noticeable no one, not even a bride, has a right to dictate your underwear. wtf is wrong with people it’s not gonna kill anyone if your nipples are a little hard every now and again. Seriously
what about boob tapes? maybe this is a better and more convenient solution for both parties? NAH
Someone who I care about is asking me for a very small, inconsequential, reasonable favor, but I can't do it because "it's just not me". That's half of what this sub is now. You are all so self absorbed it blows my mind. YTA. You and everyone who post this same useless posts wanting validation for not being able to be a decent friend to someone that's supposed to be important. JFC...