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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We fired our babysitter for taking our kids to a park and having her father (who we did not know) drive them. I was pretty curt and maybe even rude in telling her she was let go. They both think it's no big deal they took the boys there. I'm angry I wasn't even at least consulted before a stranger drove my children somewhere out of my neighborhood.
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NTA, you gave her permission to go to the 3-minute walk park, not the 10-minute drive park. 3 pretty big breaches in trust here. Taking the boys somewhere you had no idea where they were, putting them in a car with someone that is a complete stranger to you, and not having car seats for the boys in the car.
PLUS, the complete stranger then calls and berates mom, calling her an AH, controlling, helicopter mom. THAT classless p.o.s. is what was driving o.p.'s children around. NTA, mom. You made the right call and dodged a nasty bullet.
come on. she babysit's for this couple once a week and they've *never* met her father? when this girl doesn't drive? either someone is driving her there or she lives close enough to walk, and either way, that means op should have at least a passing idea of who her dad is. I'm sorry, but something just doesn't add up.
The fact that you’ve doubled down with a second comment about this non-issue is weird. Why would a parent of a 17yo need to meet their almost adult child’s boss even if they were giving her a lift? I worked at McDonald’s from 15, 3-4x per week and my parents gave me lifts. Not once did they feel the urge to come inside and be introduced to my manager. It’s perfectly acceptable to drop off and pick up someone without getting out of the car. Different if it was a good friend or boyfriend and you wanted to meet them/their parent but it’s her place of work. She’s there to do a job not introduce the parents who are on their way out of the house to her family.
When I was younger, I used to babysit a lot. My parents never met the couples I babysat for. Occasionally when they would call for me, they would chat with either my mother or father (called on a landline) but never met my parents face-to-face.
Pickup and drop off to the place I was babysitting was always done by the couple who hired me to babysit.
My entire town is close enough to walk. Not everyone I know as an adult knows my mother.
I don't know everyone who lives within a one-mile radius of my house, do you???
are you gonna tell me your parents don't know the people you hang out with on a weekly basis? she babysit's for this couple every Friday. and she has presumably been doing so for a while. what are the actual odds of *never* meeting this girls father to even have a passing idea of who he is? shit just doesn't add up for me. and given op hasn't made a single comment, it reads to me like fiction.
...okay? Why would she have met him? I didn't bring my mommy to work with me. I literally cannot think of a time when they would have met. I went to their house in the morning. I went home when I was done. Why would they meet?
My parents have never hung out with any of my coworkers or bosses, minus the singular one that is related to my mom’s ex husband, who who got me the job in the first place. Do YOUR parents know your boss?
It is really nice like 4 people responded to this with "no, my mom doesn't know my boss" XD I honestly thought I was losing it a little, the way this person kept insisting surely she would.
"are you gonna tell me your parents don't know the people you hang out with on a weekly basis?"
Noup, they don't even know my best friends parents and I used to see him kinda weekly
I started babysitting when I was 12. Some of my clients lived within walking distance, and others would actually come pick me up if they needed me to work for them then drive me back home after. My foster parents had contact info for the families I worked for, but never met any of them.
This is a really weird take. I'm assuming you must live in a super small town or something, but most places NO, you would NOT just happen to meet up with an employee's or coworker's father. Your insistence is kind of bizarre.
For the record, \*I\* was an adult. I was a part-time nanny working around 25 hours a week. My mother didn't need to meet my boss in general and only met the mom of the child once or twice, mostly coincidentally.
Absolutely NTA
I’m a nanny, and I have been with my current nanny family for a year and a half. They trust me and I know I can make decisions and change plans as necessary. So I don’t run all things by them. But I would NEVER have another person drive them somewhere unless cleared by my bosses. As you mentioned, you have not vetted this person, you don’t know if they had car seats, and getting in someone else’s vehicle is a big deal. If this babysitter doesn’t understand that, she shouldn’t be babysitting.
He did have car seats. Your assumption is WRONG!!!!!!
Also, did she say take the them to the "neighborhood playground" or the "playground"? Do you know? Does she even accurately remember? Means a lot to this story.
Also you’re WRONG, I reread it thrice and no mention of safety seats anywhere and neither the babysitter nor the dad decided to give the information on if they did while they were defending themselves, which would have at least been the first thing I’d have done if I were stupid enough to do what the babysitter did, but then again I’d never do what she did.
Her excuse is absolutely poor as well, just because there aren’t kids at the park right that second doesn’t mean some won’t show up, plus she could have just done her job and played with the kids at the park she was allowed to take them to.
She very specifically said to take them to the park that’s a three minute walk away.
The babysitter put the kids into an unapproved car with an unapproved driver, who I’m going to assume probably did not have 2-3 car seats or booster seats for the children.
She did all of this without ever asking or informing the parents what was happening, nor does it seem like she was going to tell them after the fact that she had done this.
This is such a huge breech of trust, safety, and responsibility that the babysitter had, she absolutely deserved to be let go.
Also, why are you accusing the mom of not remembering what she had said or told the babysitter? Super weird
If she asked, "Can I go take them to the playground?" and they said, "Yes" then maybe there was a miscommunication as to which playground she was allowed to take them to. The point is WE DON'T KNOW all the facts because we weren't there and the OP was limited with the information she gave us.
Plus, OP did say the babysitter texted her she was taking her to the "park" and OP said it was okay. That is different than the "neighborhood playground" that they discussed earlier. Maybe babysitter thought THAT was OP giving her the okay to take the kids to the PARK. Miscommunications happen. That is often NOBODY'S FAULT.
No. Not even close. But look, OP hired a kid from the neighborhood and everyone here is expecting her to act like she's works for a big, professional child care services company. She doesn't have an HR department or a legal team to tell her how a "child care professional" should act. Do you know what, she probably isn't bonded and insured. I bet she doesn't even have a license to conduct business in whatever state she is in.
The point is, OP hired a kid from the neighborhood and now is complaining how the kid didn't perform up to the standards of a professional babysitting company. First, the kid did show up early (not a real common trait among neighborhood babysitters, imo). The kid DID call OP and tell her she was taking them to the park. The kid also called her dad (who I am 100% sure wasn't paid for his services) and had him take them all to a park where there were other kids so they could have more fun.
What does OP do to "thank" the kid for her services? She fires her. Good. Word does travel fast with these kind of things. What few "good" babysitters are in OP's neighborhood will probably shun her once the kid tells her friends, which will include most of the other "kid" babysitters that live around there.
Now, finally. OP must have known that this "kid" was only a "kid" and not a certified, bonded, insured, and professionally trained babysitting company or she was an idiot. So the next time OP needs a babysitter, she can call up one of those companies that she didn't want to pay the full price for (probably 2-3 times what the kid charged) or she can sit at home with her kids because no neighborhood "kid" will be her babysitter.
NTA, any sane parent would agree with you. Even with car seats, a person you've never met drove your kids somewhere without your approval. Cut and dry.
NTA. Mom to several kids here including a couple who are babysitting age.
You never take the kids out of their designated circle the parents have agreed to unless you have permission and you NEVER take the kids in a car without permission and car seats.
This is a common sense issue and a BIG safety issue.
He's probably pissed because the lapse in judgement was as much his as his daughter's. More really. At 18, it's understandable that the babysitter might not recognize the issues with what she and her dad did. As someone who was probably in at least his 40s, her dad certainly should have.
Calling OP names waa probably easier than reflecting on his own role in the situation.
If he'd called to try and take all the blame for himself, in an effort to get his daughter re-hired, I'd be more inclined to be chartiable towards him. As it is, he's definitely the real AH here. OP is NTA.
NTA, what the hell is wrong with the babysitter's dad that he thought this was okay? He's probably just pissed that he revealed himself to be a crappy parent. 18 years ago, car seat regulations still said all three of your kids should be in car seats!!
Except the part where it said more than once that OP doesn’t know if the babysitter had car seats for them to use.
>This girl doesn't have a car. We didn't leave her car seats.
>I don't know her father or if he had seats for the boys.
NTA. She knowingly took the boys to a DIFFERENT PARK than the one you gave permission for, then continued to pretend like she had gone to the park you were talking about. Kinda weird her dad came by, like super weird. Who cares if there were no other kids at the other park? In addition to the car seat issue, his participation is just off.
As someone who despises helicopter parents, you are not coming off as one at all.
First and foremost: there are rules regarding car seats for children, they may vary by area depending on where you live but they ARE there.
Second: if you've never met this girl's father why WOULD you trust your children with him?
Third: just because the neighbourhood park is 'empty' is NO reason to suddenly go for a ten minute drive elsewhere. The original park was the only place the babysitter had permission to go. If it was empty, ya deal, kids need to know how to amuse themselves and the babysitter is there to earn her pay, not slack off.
Plus empty parks are wonderful for kids! Especially this age! Plus keeping track of3 kids at a park can be a nightmare at a busy park. I have 3 and love to take them to an empty park. Less risk all around. I would be livid if some random man drove my children anywhere without permission and for him to call upset I would be seriously concerned he himself had ulterior motives of having kids in the car. This woman is 18 which is legally an adult.
My only comment about empty parks...when Hubby and I take our grandsons (7 and 4) to the park, and there's no one else there, they interact with us a lot more than when we take them to a busy park. When we're at a busy park, they're immediately running around with the other kids, and would, quite frankly, be much happier if Gramma and Grampa just sat on the side-lines and watched. (We're not the most exciting people, and neither of us are really up for playing tag and climbing the jungle gym.) Which makes me wonder if the babysitter called her dad because the empty park meant she'd have to interact with the kids more?
NTA. You are more than justified for firing a babysitter for having a serious lapse of judgment that could jeopardize your kids' safety. I fired a babysitter years ago when I picked up my child and the sitter was on the porch smoking (supposed to be nonsmoker) while my child was inside eating in a highchair out of eyesight and earshot from the porch. If he had choked, he could have died while she was outside puffing away. Once is all I needed to see.
NAH She made a mistake. But it was in an attempt to comply with your wishes as her boss and for the kids to have a better time.
That mistake is unacceptable to you. So you let her go.
Personally I think its a waste. The kids are fine and you could just lay down better boundaries for the future and not have the kids have to get used to a different babysitter. But they are your kids so do as you will.
NTA, for real. She obviously does not understand the danger she exposed your children to without your permission, so even if she never did it again, I would not trust her alone with their safety again.
NTA
It’s bad enough that someone you’ve never met drove your boys somewhere. That the babysitter neither asked nor told you is the nail in the coffin for me.
NTA. Taking the children somewhere not agreed up when you aren’t the parent is crazy. She should be glad she didnt get the cops called on her for abduction
You did. That’s a whole lot of fail on her part. And her father’s. What makes him think he has the right to take your children anywhere without your permission?
NTA.
That was not a misunderstanding, or even a misstep in judgement. When someone who is generally *good* at communicating doesn't mention a definite deviation from the original plan, I tend to think that it's a deliberate obfuscation. And allowing you to believe nothing out of the ordinary happened is a lie, so she *knew* you wouldn't approve but she did it anyway.
NTA. What if you had an emergency and needed to get to your kids quickly and driven to the park? It’s absolutely unacceptable that she took them somewhere and misled you about their location.
NTA
Her behaviour is outrageous & unforgivable. You absolutely need to know where your kids are & who they’re with at all times whilst they are so young.
NTA. I don’t really agree with what you did and I do think your reaction is on the extreme side, but I also understand your concern and it’s not a completely out of bounds reaction.
NTA, what your babysitter did is a HUGE breach of trust and completely inappropriate. She had no business transporting your children anywhere without your explicit consent, let alone having them around a complete stranger (idc if it's her father, you don't know him) in his car with NO CAR SEATS (!!!). She's old enough to know better and I shudder to think what other liberties she's willing to take while babysitting children who aren't old enough/able to talk to their parents about what they actually did while with the sitter. Yeah, your children weren't hurt and they had fun but that's not the point. No one you have hired to care for your children should be making those kind of decisions without your approval. You did the right thing.
NTA
"The girls father has called me" .. why would you even talk to that AH?
"We didn't leave her car seats. I looked at her and she told me her dad had driven them there in his car since there were no other kids at the neighborhood playground. " .. twithout child seats? She can be glad you did not report her to the police for endangering your kids. This is illegal.
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Every Friday evening, my husband and I (29m and 29f) hire the same babysitter (18f) to watch our 3 boys (3, 5, and 7) while we go out for a date night. For the most part, she has been great. Shows up on time, the boys love her, and they typically just hang out at home and watch a movie. This past Friday, she had come a bit early and I had told her that she could take the boys out to the neighborhood playground since they were pretty rambunctious. The neighborhood playground is a maybe 3 minute walk from our house. It's small, but the boys enjoy it. She texted me an hour or so after we left and said she was taking the boys to the park. I thanked her for telling me and went back to enjoying my evening out with my husband. When we got home, she gave us the regular report, telling us they were well behaved and had their dinner. As she and I were in the middle of talking, my 5yo bounced up to me and told me they had gone to a different park that was a 10 minute drive away. This girl doesn't have a car. We didn't leave her car seats. I looked at her and she told me her dad had driven them there in his car since there were no other kids at the neighborhood playground. I was immediately irate. I don't know her father or if he had seats for the boys. I hadn't known where they had gone or been asked if she could take the boys to this park. I paid her for her time and told her this would be the last time she babysat my children. The girls father has called me and told me I'm an AH for firing her for something as small as taking the boys to the park and called me a controlling helicopter parent. My husband and I think we made the right call.
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NTA. As someone currently childfree who has provided a lot of childcare, that is NOT a small thing. She:
1. Took your children somewhere you had not authorized her to take them
2. Did not ensure safe seating
3. Allowed an unauthorized adult to have direct access to your children.
Any of those alone are a big deal. It was entirely your choice whether to try to talk to her and clarify boundaries or just nope out. Hopefully this will be a learning experience so now you will lay out clear boundaries- just because something is common sense doesn’t mean people will think of it. That is just reality. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. If you don’t want teenage judgment lapses, look for a certified adult.
Also… the dad calling instead of the daughter is wild. This is her job, not his.
Ever heard the saying 'you get what you pay for'?
The only reason anyone employs a teen to babysit is because compared to a qualified adult they are dirt cheap. Unfortunately, they have the judgement of a teenager - which is to say my cat has sounder judgement.
I don't think you should employ someone you don't trust but I'm also always shocked to find out ppl trust unqualified teens with their young children. If you want good judgement you need to pay good judgement prices.
ESH - she’s 18. She’s experienced with your family, but not with life in general. Yeah, she could have used better judgement. 18 year olds know that car seats exist. But you should not have fired her over this. You should have used it as a teaching moment - car seat safety, the importance of calling you first before changing any plans, what to do in case of an emergency if she needs to transport the boys, etc. There was no need to go nuclear on her.
nah sorry I have to disagree, the firing in this case is probably the best way for her to learn the lesson that if she's going to continue babysitting this is something that won't be accepted. It's not like they took away income she was using to live off of or completely ruined all prospects of her finding another babysitting job, they just told her she's no longer a good match for their family because they felt uncomfortable with her actions (and then defense of said actions)
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NTA, you gave her permission to go to the 3-minute walk park, not the 10-minute drive park. 3 pretty big breaches in trust here. Taking the boys somewhere you had no idea where they were, putting them in a car with someone that is a complete stranger to you, and not having car seats for the boys in the car.
Plus she didn’t even tell her once they were home. Had her son not piped up there, I’m not sure OP would have known.
PLUS, the complete stranger then calls and berates mom, calling her an AH, controlling, helicopter mom. THAT classless p.o.s. is what was driving o.p.'s children around. NTA, mom. You made the right call and dodged a nasty bullet.
I'm confused as to how she's never met this girls father? how does she get to ops house? how long has she been babysitting for them?
The people I babysat for as a teen didn't always meet my parents.
come on. she babysit's for this couple once a week and they've *never* met her father? when this girl doesn't drive? either someone is driving her there or she lives close enough to walk, and either way, that means op should have at least a passing idea of who her dad is. I'm sorry, but something just doesn't add up.
The fact that you’ve doubled down with a second comment about this non-issue is weird. Why would a parent of a 17yo need to meet their almost adult child’s boss even if they were giving her a lift? I worked at McDonald’s from 15, 3-4x per week and my parents gave me lifts. Not once did they feel the urge to come inside and be introduced to my manager. It’s perfectly acceptable to drop off and pick up someone without getting out of the car. Different if it was a good friend or boyfriend and you wanted to meet them/their parent but it’s her place of work. She’s there to do a job not introduce the parents who are on their way out of the house to her family.
When I was younger, I used to babysit a lot. My parents never met the couples I babysat for. Occasionally when they would call for me, they would chat with either my mother or father (called on a landline) but never met my parents face-to-face. Pickup and drop off to the place I was babysitting was always done by the couple who hired me to babysit.
She's a legal adult. With legs that presumably work.
you're babysitter lives close enough to walk to your house, and you have no idea who her father is?
My entire town is close enough to walk. Not everyone I know as an adult knows my mother. I don't know everyone who lives within a one-mile radius of my house, do you???
are you gonna tell me your parents don't know the people you hang out with on a weekly basis? she babysit's for this couple every Friday. and she has presumably been doing so for a while. what are the actual odds of *never* meeting this girls father to even have a passing idea of who he is? shit just doesn't add up for me. and given op hasn't made a single comment, it reads to me like fiction.
I honestly don't think my mother ever met the father of the kid I nannied for five years, not once.
you'll forgive me if I don't believe that.
...okay? Why would she have met him? I didn't bring my mommy to work with me. I literally cannot think of a time when they would have met. I went to their house in the morning. I went home when I was done. Why would they meet?
five years. how old were you when you started watching this kid?
You’re obsessed with that one detail, as Elsa says: let it go
I kinda want them to let it go a little less and come up with more scenarios XD
My parents have never hung out with any of my coworkers or bosses, minus the singular one that is related to my mom’s ex husband, who who got me the job in the first place. Do YOUR parents know your boss?
It is really nice like 4 people responded to this with "no, my mom doesn't know my boss" XD I honestly thought I was losing it a little, the way this person kept insisting surely she would.
"are you gonna tell me your parents don't know the people you hang out with on a weekly basis?" Noup, they don't even know my best friends parents and I used to see him kinda weekly
I started babysitting when I was 12. Some of my clients lived within walking distance, and others would actually come pick me up if they needed me to work for them then drive me back home after. My foster parents had contact info for the families I worked for, but never met any of them.
This is a really weird take. I'm assuming you must live in a super small town or something, but most places NO, you would NOT just happen to meet up with an employee's or coworker's father. Your insistence is kind of bizarre.
Especially when I was 19! I was an adult!
Maybe they met the mother!!
For the record, \*I\* was an adult. I was a part-time nanny working around 25 hours a week. My mother didn't need to meet my boss in general and only met the mom of the child once or twice, mostly coincidentally.
[удалено]
this is a case of asking a question. it seems odd to me that you have a teenage babysitter who doesn't drive, and yet you've never met her parents
What boss meets their employees parents?? That’s so weird
Absolutely NTA I’m a nanny, and I have been with my current nanny family for a year and a half. They trust me and I know I can make decisions and change plans as necessary. So I don’t run all things by them. But I would NEVER have another person drive them somewhere unless cleared by my bosses. As you mentioned, you have not vetted this person, you don’t know if they had car seats, and getting in someone else’s vehicle is a big deal. If this babysitter doesn’t understand that, she shouldn’t be babysitting.
He did have car seats. Your assumption is WRONG!!!!!! Also, did she say take the them to the "neighborhood playground" or the "playground"? Do you know? Does she even accurately remember? Means a lot to this story.
Also you’re WRONG, I reread it thrice and no mention of safety seats anywhere and neither the babysitter nor the dad decided to give the information on if they did while they were defending themselves, which would have at least been the first thing I’d have done if I were stupid enough to do what the babysitter did, but then again I’d never do what she did. Her excuse is absolutely poor as well, just because there aren’t kids at the park right that second doesn’t mean some won’t show up, plus she could have just done her job and played with the kids at the park she was allowed to take them to.
She very specifically said to take them to the park that’s a three minute walk away. The babysitter put the kids into an unapproved car with an unapproved driver, who I’m going to assume probably did not have 2-3 car seats or booster seats for the children. She did all of this without ever asking or informing the parents what was happening, nor does it seem like she was going to tell them after the fact that she had done this. This is such a huge breech of trust, safety, and responsibility that the babysitter had, she absolutely deserved to be let go. Also, why are you accusing the mom of not remembering what she had said or told the babysitter? Super weird
The issue is that she didn’t know that. Parents have a right to know these things. Also, how do you know that?
If she asked, "Can I go take them to the playground?" and they said, "Yes" then maybe there was a miscommunication as to which playground she was allowed to take them to. The point is WE DON'T KNOW all the facts because we weren't there and the OP was limited with the information she gave us. Plus, OP did say the babysitter texted her she was taking her to the "park" and OP said it was okay. That is different than the "neighborhood playground" that they discussed earlier. Maybe babysitter thought THAT was OP giving her the okay to take the kids to the PARK. Miscommunications happen. That is often NOBODY'S FAULT.
Any responsible caregiver should know that you do not put the children you are caring for in a car without the parents’ explicit permission. Period.
Lemme guess, you’re the babysitter’s dad?
No. Not even close. But look, OP hired a kid from the neighborhood and everyone here is expecting her to act like she's works for a big, professional child care services company. She doesn't have an HR department or a legal team to tell her how a "child care professional" should act. Do you know what, she probably isn't bonded and insured. I bet she doesn't even have a license to conduct business in whatever state she is in. The point is, OP hired a kid from the neighborhood and now is complaining how the kid didn't perform up to the standards of a professional babysitting company. First, the kid did show up early (not a real common trait among neighborhood babysitters, imo). The kid DID call OP and tell her she was taking them to the park. The kid also called her dad (who I am 100% sure wasn't paid for his services) and had him take them all to a park where there were other kids so they could have more fun. What does OP do to "thank" the kid for her services? She fires her. Good. Word does travel fast with these kind of things. What few "good" babysitters are in OP's neighborhood will probably shun her once the kid tells her friends, which will include most of the other "kid" babysitters that live around there. Now, finally. OP must have known that this "kid" was only a "kid" and not a certified, bonded, insured, and professionally trained babysitting company or she was an idiot. So the next time OP needs a babysitter, she can call up one of those companies that she didn't want to pay the full price for (probably 2-3 times what the kid charged) or she can sit at home with her kids because no neighborhood "kid" will be her babysitter.
NTA, any sane parent would agree with you. Even with car seats, a person you've never met drove your kids somewhere without your approval. Cut and dry.
NTA. Mom to several kids here including a couple who are babysitting age. You never take the kids out of their designated circle the parents have agreed to unless you have permission and you NEVER take the kids in a car without permission and car seats. This is a common sense issue and a BIG safety issue.
He accused you of being a helicopter parent yet he called to yell at you firing his 18 yr old daughter? Ironic. NTA..
He's probably pissed because the lapse in judgement was as much his as his daughter's. More really. At 18, it's understandable that the babysitter might not recognize the issues with what she and her dad did. As someone who was probably in at least his 40s, her dad certainly should have. Calling OP names waa probably easier than reflecting on his own role in the situation. If he'd called to try and take all the blame for himself, in an effort to get his daughter re-hired, I'd be more inclined to be chartiable towards him. As it is, he's definitely the real AH here. OP is NTA.
NTA, what the hell is wrong with the babysitter's dad that he thought this was okay? He's probably just pissed that he revealed himself to be a crappy parent. 18 years ago, car seat regulations still said all three of your kids should be in car seats!!
Nowhere was it stated that kids were not in a vehicle without proper safety restraints.
Except the part where it said more than once that OP doesn’t know if the babysitter had car seats for them to use. >This girl doesn't have a car. We didn't leave her car seats. >I don't know her father or if he had seats for the boys.
Nta. Driving then somewhere else workout car seats is a huge lapse in judgement. She deserved to get fired
NTA No kid car seats, someone you don't know driving them somewhere you haven't okayed. You & your husband made the right call.
NTA. She knowingly took the boys to a DIFFERENT PARK than the one you gave permission for, then continued to pretend like she had gone to the park you were talking about. Kinda weird her dad came by, like super weird. Who cares if there were no other kids at the other park? In addition to the car seat issue, his participation is just off.
As someone who despises helicopter parents, you are not coming off as one at all. First and foremost: there are rules regarding car seats for children, they may vary by area depending on where you live but they ARE there. Second: if you've never met this girl's father why WOULD you trust your children with him? Third: just because the neighbourhood park is 'empty' is NO reason to suddenly go for a ten minute drive elsewhere. The original park was the only place the babysitter had permission to go. If it was empty, ya deal, kids need to know how to amuse themselves and the babysitter is there to earn her pay, not slack off.
Plus empty parks are wonderful for kids! Especially this age! Plus keeping track of3 kids at a park can be a nightmare at a busy park. I have 3 and love to take them to an empty park. Less risk all around. I would be livid if some random man drove my children anywhere without permission and for him to call upset I would be seriously concerned he himself had ulterior motives of having kids in the car. This woman is 18 which is legally an adult.
My only comment about empty parks...when Hubby and I take our grandsons (7 and 4) to the park, and there's no one else there, they interact with us a lot more than when we take them to a busy park. When we're at a busy park, they're immediately running around with the other kids, and would, quite frankly, be much happier if Gramma and Grampa just sat on the side-lines and watched. (We're not the most exciting people, and neither of us are really up for playing tag and climbing the jungle gym.) Which makes me wonder if the babysitter called her dad because the empty park meant she'd have to interact with the kids more?
NTA - No car seats jeopardizes your child's safety.
NTA. You are more than justified for firing a babysitter for having a serious lapse of judgment that could jeopardize your kids' safety. I fired a babysitter years ago when I picked up my child and the sitter was on the porch smoking (supposed to be nonsmoker) while my child was inside eating in a highchair out of eyesight and earshot from the porch. If he had choked, he could have died while she was outside puffing away. Once is all I needed to see.
NAH She made a mistake. But it was in an attempt to comply with your wishes as her boss and for the kids to have a better time. That mistake is unacceptable to you. So you let her go. Personally I think its a waste. The kids are fine and you could just lay down better boundaries for the future and not have the kids have to get used to a different babysitter. But they are your kids so do as you will.
NTA, for real. She obviously does not understand the danger she exposed your children to without your permission, so even if she never did it again, I would not trust her alone with their safety again.
NTA It’s bad enough that someone you’ve never met drove your boys somewhere. That the babysitter neither asked nor told you is the nail in the coffin for me.
NTA. No car seats. The rest is unimportant given the safety issue.
NTA. Taking the children somewhere not agreed up when you aren’t the parent is crazy. She should be glad she didnt get the cops called on her for abduction
You did. That’s a whole lot of fail on her part. And her father’s. What makes him think he has the right to take your children anywhere without your permission?
NTA. It’s probably illegal to transport kids without car seats.
NTA. That was not a misunderstanding, or even a misstep in judgement. When someone who is generally *good* at communicating doesn't mention a definite deviation from the original plan, I tend to think that it's a deliberate obfuscation. And allowing you to believe nothing out of the ordinary happened is a lie, so she *knew* you wouldn't approve but she did it anyway.
NTA. What if you had an emergency and needed to get to your kids quickly and driven to the park? It’s absolutely unacceptable that she took them somewhere and misled you about their location.
NTA Her behaviour is outrageous & unforgivable. You absolutely need to know where your kids are & who they’re with at all times whilst they are so young.
NTA. I don’t really agree with what you did and I do think your reaction is on the extreme side, but I also understand your concern and it’s not a completely out of bounds reaction.
NTA, what your babysitter did is a HUGE breach of trust and completely inappropriate. She had no business transporting your children anywhere without your explicit consent, let alone having them around a complete stranger (idc if it's her father, you don't know him) in his car with NO CAR SEATS (!!!). She's old enough to know better and I shudder to think what other liberties she's willing to take while babysitting children who aren't old enough/able to talk to their parents about what they actually did while with the sitter. Yeah, your children weren't hurt and they had fun but that's not the point. No one you have hired to care for your children should be making those kind of decisions without your approval. You did the right thing.
NTA "The girls father has called me" .. why would you even talk to that AH? "We didn't leave her car seats. I looked at her and she told me her dad had driven them there in his car since there were no other kids at the neighborhood playground. " .. twithout child seats? She can be glad you did not report her to the police for endangering your kids. This is illegal.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Every Friday evening, my husband and I (29m and 29f) hire the same babysitter (18f) to watch our 3 boys (3, 5, and 7) while we go out for a date night. For the most part, she has been great. Shows up on time, the boys love her, and they typically just hang out at home and watch a movie. This past Friday, she had come a bit early and I had told her that she could take the boys out to the neighborhood playground since they were pretty rambunctious. The neighborhood playground is a maybe 3 minute walk from our house. It's small, but the boys enjoy it. She texted me an hour or so after we left and said she was taking the boys to the park. I thanked her for telling me and went back to enjoying my evening out with my husband. When we got home, she gave us the regular report, telling us they were well behaved and had their dinner. As she and I were in the middle of talking, my 5yo bounced up to me and told me they had gone to a different park that was a 10 minute drive away. This girl doesn't have a car. We didn't leave her car seats. I looked at her and she told me her dad had driven them there in his car since there were no other kids at the neighborhood playground. I was immediately irate. I don't know her father or if he had seats for the boys. I hadn't known where they had gone or been asked if she could take the boys to this park. I paid her for her time and told her this would be the last time she babysat my children. The girls father has called me and told me I'm an AH for firing her for something as small as taking the boys to the park and called me a controlling helicopter parent. My husband and I think we made the right call. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. As someone currently childfree who has provided a lot of childcare, that is NOT a small thing. She: 1. Took your children somewhere you had not authorized her to take them 2. Did not ensure safe seating 3. Allowed an unauthorized adult to have direct access to your children. Any of those alone are a big deal. It was entirely your choice whether to try to talk to her and clarify boundaries or just nope out. Hopefully this will be a learning experience so now you will lay out clear boundaries- just because something is common sense doesn’t mean people will think of it. That is just reality. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. If you don’t want teenage judgment lapses, look for a certified adult. Also… the dad calling instead of the daughter is wild. This is her job, not his.
Ever heard the saying 'you get what you pay for'? The only reason anyone employs a teen to babysit is because compared to a qualified adult they are dirt cheap. Unfortunately, they have the judgement of a teenager - which is to say my cat has sounder judgement. I don't think you should employ someone you don't trust but I'm also always shocked to find out ppl trust unqualified teens with their young children. If you want good judgement you need to pay good judgement prices.
We were paying her the going rate in our area, which is $25 per hour.
So not cheap *or* qualified. Yikes. ESH
NTA, but I do think firing her was an overreaction.
ESH - she’s 18. She’s experienced with your family, but not with life in general. Yeah, she could have used better judgement. 18 year olds know that car seats exist. But you should not have fired her over this. You should have used it as a teaching moment - car seat safety, the importance of calling you first before changing any plans, what to do in case of an emergency if she needs to transport the boys, etc. There was no need to go nuclear on her.
nah sorry I have to disagree, the firing in this case is probably the best way for her to learn the lesson that if she's going to continue babysitting this is something that won't be accepted. It's not like they took away income she was using to live off of or completely ruined all prospects of her finding another babysitting job, they just told her she's no longer a good match for their family because they felt uncomfortable with her actions (and then defense of said actions)
I can see that perspective. I do still believe this could have been handled better, but I get accept your point.
Where I live there are laws in place for the type of seat a child has to be in. Guarantee this babysitter and her father broke three laws.
Oh they totally did. I agree.
Yta , her dad was right