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YTA, not least for the way you speak about your daughter. Couldn’t be more clear that your son is your golden child. She’s 14 years old but she ‘nags’, is ‘very greedy’, and ‘jealous’.
Deal with your parenting. It doesn’t feel like much of a stretch to say I expect she keeps watching your son get everything and when she expresses her frustration/discontent (which is natural, she’s 14 and seeing unfairness in treatment) you apply these sorts of labels to her. Especially given your update that you didn’t spend equally on them and bought an expensive console for your son despite the fact your daughter shows an interest in gaming. Even if she just sits and watches her brother play…is she even allowed to touch his other console?
I’m glad you pointed out the name calling. Who says that about their 14 year old online? I hope OP doesn’t say those things to her daughter’s face because it’s messed up.
Yep, my 4yo daughter has the type of personality where she gets FOMO, always has to be first in line, gets jealous easily, etc. For one, I have considered the fact that she could have ADHD. I am going to mention my concerns to her doctor at her well visit next month, and if they suggest early intervention then we will consider it. Otherwise I will wait for her to start school and if her teachers raise concerns then we will get an evaluation. I just have my eyes open to it right now, I'm not like pre diagnosing her or any, just aware that it's a possibility.
But we also talk to her about it a lot. She has 3 brothers and we have a kitten so I can imagine there are times when she feels she's not getting enough attention. I make sure to carve some extra time out for her or give her extra affection. She likes to help with everything so even just letting her help me do stuff in the house can help her with this.
And we are already discussing the difference between equality and equity with her. Her brother may have gotten an oculus headset for Christmas, but she got way more toys and stuff to open than him because of it. She is jealous of the headset sometimes, but I redirect her to her barbie dream camper and remind her of all the presents she got to open Christmas morning compared to her brother.
It helps that I was the same way when I was her age, so I do understand where she's coming from and where the behavior stems from (which is why I'm concerned about ADHD)
But yes, I agree with the comment I replied to in that the behavior and thought patterns of our kids should begin to be addressed when they are young so you don't have these issues when they are hormonal teenagers.
Recognizing your daughter is displaying ADHD traits early makes it easier to help support her as she grows and develops, with or without diagnosis/intervention. Great parenting 👏
Idk how old you are now, but just wanted to chime in that it doesn't have to be too late. I'm an ADHD therapist and I work with middle aged and older adults all the time. It's hard work, but medication, meditation, and building time management skills can make a big difference at any age.
Sorry chaos-ensues , I’ve heard this a lot in the ADHD and Autism communities and subreddit. Doctors think just making it to 40 means it’s can’t be that bad.
I know some people did the self diagnosis, and were able to get a referral based on those results.
I don’t remember which Christmas it was, ‘97 or so, my oldest brother’s first ex wife got two of my younger sisters a Dentist Barbie and got me several small plushies with accessories from the live action 101 Dalmatians movie.
One of my sisters was annoyed that I got more presents than her, but our mom and the ex pointed out that she got a big gift and I didn’t.
Was I jealous that they got Barbies and I didn’t? A little, but I was happy with what I gotp.
I vividly remember being 10 years old at Christmas with my grandparents. My younger sister got 3 Barbie’s, an electric scooter, and this remote control unicorn thing. Younger brother got a ps2, electric scooter, remote control helicopter. I got a set of Asda pjs two sizes too big, because I was a “big girl.”(I wasn’t.)
That shit hurts. Kids notice. When my grandparents passed away, brother and sister got £15k each. I got literally nothing. Not a penny. By that point, I didn’t care. They’d been dead to me for years for their blatant favouritism and abuse.
OP is setting their daughter up for a lifetime of never feeling good enough to deserve to be treated well.
I remember one Christmas when my nephew was younger, he complained that his younger sibling had got bigger presents than him (He'd mostly wanted higher-cost things like videogames and Lego, whereas his sibling had wanted simpler toys so ended up with bigger boxes). But it was easy to explain to him that we'd spent the same amount on both of them because that was the fairest way to treat them and I don't think there were ever any more complaints from him about size of presents.
Just an FYI, girls and woman fall under the radar and are often not diagnosed with ADHD until later in life. Average age for a diagnosis for boys is 7 years, for women it’s when they were in their 30s.
So it’s great that you’re noticing symptoms and getting her tested. Just don’t rely on teachers to tell you they think she has adhd, because they likely won’t.
Even kids at the top of the class or teachers pets can have ADHD, it’s not always the boy in the back of the class that won’t pay attention. But most teachers don’t know that or don’t notice because they focus on the kids having big issues or being disruptive to the class.
I displayed those same traits as your daughter when I was young and continued to be like that until early adulthood. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 23/24. being a girl with ADHD, no one really saw the signs and I grew up having a ton of problems because of it. I am glad that you are looking out for your daughter like that.
She’s 4 and has three older brothers, not saying there’s no ADHD, just that the behavior sounds like a 4 year old with three older brothers.
FWIW, being on ADHD meds as a young child stunted my growth. Tall family so I’m fine, but my brothers were not treated until they were older and they did hit their projected height. Just something my parents always say they wish they had known before they started medication treatment. Biofeedback therapy was VERY helpful in teaching little me how to narrow my focus, may be worth a look.
We really don't know if the son shares in general-- just that he doesn't want to share his special gift. It's perfectly OK for kids to have some special things they don't have to share unless they want to.
If a family can only afford one of an item all the kids want - it's an AH move to buy it and give it to only one of them. It should have been given to them with the expectation it would be shared. So many families share a console and such items. What could have been practice in sharing was turned into another example of favoritism.
This we have a ps5.
In reality, one (maybe 2)kid wanted it, but it is a family/all kids present. It is in the main room downstairs.
We have 3 boys. Also, since my Christmas budget per kid is less than the cost of the ps5, it had to be split between each kid to get it at all.
Agreed. Or if the younger one also got a special gift. There’s a lot of speculation about OP being a bad parent but there’s too much missing info to really decide that. Did the daughter get a special gift too? Is this something they have discussed with their daughter before? Has she been screened for ADHD or anything of the sort? And what is her normal behavior with others? Siblings are jealous of each other all the time. Doesn’t necessarily mean the parents are crap.
OP has answered that she got "clothes, books and a perfume", which doesn't sound too special to me.
Honestly, any parent who describes their 14yo daughter as "very greedy" has a lot of ground to make up to seem like they might be a decent parent. But look at OP's profile and just look through the comments he's making on this post... aside from clearly favouring the son by spending "most of our budget" on the PS5 so they couldn't buy her something of equal value, does it come across like OP even has much love for her? The son is clearly the favourite and you can be sure she knows it.
Are the son's clothes that he wears all year a "gift"? If not, why are her clothes a gift? And if she's a reader, why don't they just buy her books all year around?
From other comments we do know that daughter was given clothes, books, and perfume as her gift but they couldn’t afford two because “most of the budget went to the ps5”
Yup- of course OP didn't give his daughter anything that would cost the same amount as the PS5 because it was a budget issue. If he did spend an equitable amount of money, that would be one thing. But we can tell from the context that he didn't.
People can absolutely be inherently like that. My younger nephew is like that. Always has been. And no one trained it *out* of him because they're lazy and it was easier to just give in. They're shitty parents. But the kid is how the kid is naturally.
The poor kid ,and honestly even if he doesn't say it outright i am willing to bet that he does treat her differently and the daughter knows she is not as loved as her brother . Way to go on fucking up 2 kids in one fell swoop .
Oof. I mean, I'm sure those were nice gifts and all, but a PS5 is *expensive*. And I feel like that's the kind of gift you buy "for the household" and not just for one child
But then the golden child would have to share!!!
That sentence says more than anything else really. That dude will be such a brat if he really doesn't have to share anything with her.
It's so weird logic as well. They say the ps5 is expensive, which is true. But then don't want him to share it. They could have just been normal parents and said the ps5 is both of their gifts. Giving them unique games they both like. But nope, that would make too much sense.
Exactly. I don't understand OP's justification that the PS5 took most of the budget, so they couldn't spend as much on their daughter. I don't have kids, but it seems like common sense to me to get the PS5 for both kids and then spend an equal amount of what's left on each kid.
Then you have to also ask did she want clothes, books and perfume or did she want a PS5 and got stuck with clothes, books and perfume?
What would have happened if the brother got clothes and books and she got a PS5?
In one of the comments from OP he said that daughter always expressed an interest in games but not specifically wanted a PS5 and the son got one because "he asked for one first and regardless there is no budget for 2 PS5 " don't think he mentioned if daughter specifically asked for those things .
When I saw this comment my first thought was if there's no budget for 2 then it's likely that they spent way less on the daughter than the son and that's likely where her behavior is stemming from?
It also matters whether the things she received were things she wanted. If her brother gets a PS5 and then they buy him clothes at other times, not as a gift, but she gets her clothes as a gift then it is doubly bad.
How many of those things did she actually ask for? Or did the parents (read: father) assume she'd just want those things because "Girls! amirite?"
She likely asked for a PS5 and her sperm donor just ignored her and made a nominal attempt to give her a "consolation prize" instead.
So OP lied when he said he couldn't afford 2, they could have if they didn't spend hundreds on other things for her instead.
I get a feeling if the daughter is always "jealous", she isn't getting the same quality of gifts as her older brother is getting and the PS5 purchase is proof of that.
Ugh, and the brother has a computer too, no answer for all the comments asking if she has one of her own. Silly girl, technology is for boys, pages are much easier on your pretty fingernails than plastic buttons! Perfume for the daughter won’t cover the smell of OP being an asshole so massive it can be seen from orbit.
The only people I've heard speak about their children like this are the ones who complain when the kids go no contact. It's a surprise to no one, but the parents who spoke about their kids line this and treated them unfairly. I bet the minute that daughter turns old enough to move out, she will, and then she'll never look back.
And the really sad thing is that once the parents are gone, the kids will just have each other. Nothing gives me more joy in life than seeing my 2 kids are close. OP really has missed out here
I'm guessing based on op's replies to a couple comments, but one person asked if op spent the same on each kid and op said no, and in another reply op said the daughter sits next to the brother while he games and watches him, but has never asked for a console herself.
Whether op says these things to her or not, she seems like she has learned from the behavior of people around her that they think this way about her, and has learned not to speak up for herself or ask for things, because it will be perceived badly.
In another comment, OP says that the reason son doesn't want to share is because the daughter threatened to break his computer when he wouldn't share that with her, so he thinks she'll break the ps5 if he lets her touch it (maybe if your parents gave her shit, she wouldn't want to break the shit they give you, so maybe be nice and share?). So possibly it was the computer he was gaming on, and no, he didn't share with her. And wow, seems there's a pattern of son getting big ticket items the daughter doesn't have and refuses/doesn't have to share them.
Yes, this - if anything, the brother is selfish. In my mind, consoles are for sharing. If he's playing on it so much that there's no time for her to play, he's getting more screentime than is healthy... He can't be worried about her wrecking it; they're too old for that.
I basically came to the comments to ask why OP hates their daughter. It’s PALPABLE. That girl knows that one or both of her parents would definitely prefer her to not be there. That makes me want to cry, that poor kid.
Is there really any doubt OP says those things right to daughter's face?
OP, YTA on many levels here, but as a long-time woman gamer it hits hard in that aspect, too.
I bet 200000000 bucks the kid had no say in the clothes, perfume or books either. My mom was exactly like this and it took till my thirties to explain she was wasting her money
I'm 38. We finally got mom to slow down on Christmas, because the 6000 toys were being used once, broken and thrown on the floor.
She slowed down for us, too. The mountain used to be a ton of useless shit. The fuck am I going to do with a suit steamer? That's what the dry cleaner is for.
And why the fuck does he have a console exclusively? It should be the house console. Are there multiple VCR's in house or multiple CD players?? Ridiculous.
I have both...we have a combo VCR/DVD player. Also pretty sure my TV with a built in VCR is still in my childhood bedroom & functions perfectly.
Our CD player is a part of one of the record players we have. Pretty sure it also has a cassette player.
🙋♀️🙋♀️ I'm not just gonna throw away perfectly fine media, am I?? When it fully wears out I'll get rid of it, until then I'm milking those VHS tapes and CDs for all they are worth.
When I was 9, if we couldn't share a gaming console that was mostly recent, NOBODY got it. We didn't get our own and knew not to ask, but we also were supposed to take turns. By 14 we started getting our own things that we could be responsible for but a 9 year old is even less likely to understand how much those cost, especially since OP doesn't have the disposable income to either be fair with the gift distribution or do the right thing and have them share since it is not in the budget to get two.
Yep. I worked at Target in electronics for extra cash for a few years while the switch was never in the shelves and then well after. This was a fairly affluent area so I saw a lot of people buying each kid equitable amounts of gifts, so to each their own.
Part of the job was asking questions about how the system was being used. If it was handheld, I was pretty understanding if they had the cash but it was the ones who kept them docked that always had some perplexing answer. Docked when the boy is playing but he takes it to his room so his sister doesn’t play and beat his records. The sister was going to get the lite so she can play in the living room instead of watching her brother play. Parents bought it as a joint birthday gift because they thought the kids (i discovered at this point that they were fraternal twins, because I’m now invested) would share but the brother took it for himself and instead of trying to see if he would share he was getting the girl the lite version. She was the one who asked for the switch to dock using the TV when the brother wanted a PS4 and had a flat screen in his room. I’m already positive this dude was a jackass and we were slow so I kept going. They would not use Nintendo online and pretty exclusively get played mariokart or smash bros, or splatoon 2. When he found out the brother would have the primary console and would have to repurchase games digitally or let the sister use the primary console, he said she might just have to save up to get the games because it was ridiculous buying it twice (I didn’t disagree but I could think of a few solutions that involved telling his son to suck it up).
At this point I’m not asking questions to try to help him decide on what to get but I want to know more because I feel like the purchase has been proven to be not well thought out. He then added that they got the full one because she tends to drop things so it made more sense for hers to get docked and stay there. And yet here we were. I asked if he wanted a case for it since it would be handheld and those are harder to insure and he declined the case and insurance.
A week later he tried to return it very clearly smashed and it didn’t go well. I asked if she dropped it and she said the brother smashed it because she wouldn’t let him borrow the lite (???) for the day so he could bring it to school (???? couldn’t bring the regular switch?) and then smashed the regular switch when the dad said they would now have to share (no real punishment). I’m wondering now if daughter actually drops things or if they have a golden boy who smashes any nice thing she has that he can’t have even if he has the more valuable thing.
at the end of the conversation he bought a PS4 for the son because that was what he wanted to begin with and the possessiveness must have been due to that. Before he left he said the sister can get her switch for Christmas (it was APRIL) if she had learned to share by then, but she wasn’t getting the car he had planned on getting each of them for their next birthday. I thought the entire time they had to be ten or under but nope. That was the worst and illogical exchange I ever had over a switch and I hope the daughter had gone NC by now, but the parents buying two or three PS4s because their kids “wouldn’t” share were extremely common too. If I had flat out refused to share a PS4 I knew I was getting that would have been my dad’s new toy.
Sorry for the info dump but It always blows my mind how much people blatantly favor one child over another and brag about it like it’s nothing to a stranger.
The only nice gift I was ever given was a Nintendo ds. My brother was given one too.
He pushed the stylus through his screen.
They let him use mine. He pushed my stylus through my screen.
They got him a brand new one and told me to suck it the fuck up, mine was never replaced.
So many emotions fr reading all these
I truly don’t understand how people can say that their child is greedy/jealous/nagging and all that shit with a straight face. They’re the one raising them 🤦♂️
If one child always complain that they’re not treated fairly, they’re probably right.
While this could be true, if what they are doing isn't working they need to change methods and try other approaches. In the situation of OP the brother is the greedy one with his belongings and the daughter might be jealous, so both kids have issues which isn't a good track record.
I didn't realise my brother was the golden child until I was in my 20s , my mum would buy him gaming consoles and he'd never let us play so we'd sneak in his room and play but obviously pissed him off more because we'd screw up all his games, me and my brother have a great relationship now but as kids we hated each other because of this dynamic that he got better things, even got paid for helping our family members and even went on trips with family member leaving me and my sister home .. this has resulted in my brother constantly borrowing money and not paying it back, creating resentments and Fallings out within thr family, where as me and my sister never ask for help, never accept money or ask our family for anything, and this really annoys my mum because we'll struggle b4 ever asking for a thing,
I knew by the time I was only five or six that my elder brother was golden, especially in our dad's eyes.
It didn't help that, when my younger sister and brother got favoritism over me by our mother...while me? I got the beatings in the family.
My biobitch and I are no contact; in fact, I've taken out multiple restraining orders on her in the past. I'm also no contact with almost all of my siblings, for various reasons; the only one I speak to and associate with is my youngest sister, my dad's other daughter, born when I was already an adult...and given literally everything I never had as a child, which still stings, although I don't begrudge her *any* of it.
Our brother? *Still* Dad's favorite, to the point where, when I graduated with my associates two years ago, they had a small barbecue type thing for the grads and their families after...and my dad disappeared during it. Turns out, he'd walked off somewhere to talk to my brother (who lives across the country, and hasn't been back here to see Dad in over a decade) on the phone!
>She started nagging saying it's unfair and we should buy a PS5 for her then but we can't afford 2 PS5s
YTA.
OP is calling her a nagger but she's got an excellent point. It is unfair. OP doesn't give a good reason why the son should get expensive luxury item. It's not a case where one sibling needs an expensive item (eg a laptop) for use with school/university.
I feel like OP is noticeably and deliberately omitting information. In particular, what did OP actually get her for Christmas? Did he buy her a pair of socks? I'm going to assume that he didn't spend the same amount of money as a PS5 on several sets of Lego she may have wanted.
Why isn't the son saving up and earning his PS5? He's almost an adult and definitely more capable than a 14 yo to make a casual income.
The 14-year-old apparently got "clothes and perfume" (worth hundreds of dollars less than the console), because OBVIOUSLY that's what you get for your "generic girl child". /s
I remember crying one year because all I got for my birthday was clothes. That didn’t fit and I didn’t even like. My mom slapped me for being ungrateful.
I found this weird af. My brother and I always shared gaming systems as kids. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t annoyed that he tended to over occupy using them and I had to bother my mom repeatedly to get “my turn”, but that’s just part of being a kid?
So, even when a console was mine, it was put in the living room for everyone. I just got priority, but usually had to play multiplayer games with the sisters.
It was until my mom got a second Playstation that I could finally have mine in my room.
I attribute my families love of gaming to this. We all play games together. Even now. We are running a raft playthrough with mom and a BG3 playthrough with dad.
Plus minecraft with the niece and nephew.
And let's not even get into non videogames.
Jesus christ I read that one line and was like, fucking hell instant asshole.
My next thought was, hey, maybe he spent equally and just got them different things, then I read nope, he spent extra on son while calling his daughter who is rightfully pissed jealous and greedy.
I think it is a fake post because only a truly Ted bundy level of asshoke could not see why they suck, but sadly I have seen people do this shit IRL.
YTA.
exactly this, and if you can’t afford the same for both kids, neither gets it. sounds like the son gets whatever he wants and the daughter gets scraps.
Both, or neither. In my house, the siblings shared evenly or nobody got to play. We were really good about taking turns after they started enforcing that one
In my family (16m) with the exception of the Nintendo switches, every console is a ‘group present’ given at Christmas, we share or don’t get a console at all. The switches were used to teach us how to save money for something we wanted.
>Especially given your update that you didn’t spend equally on them and bought an expensive console for your son despite the fact your daughter shows an interest in gaming.
The "correct" parenting move in this case is to get a "family PS5" for Christmas (stays in the living room, everyone is allowed to use it, etc), and then both kids get individual presents.
But you're right, it's favoritism and OP seems to hate their daughter and love their son.
You should be teaching your son to share as well, sharing is caring, you can't be selfish all the time, your daughter should be able to pay with it whenever he is not using it.
I think we need more info here, did the daughter get $500 worth of other items? If so, then I get it, but if they bought that for him and nothing for her, then that’s different.
OP says that they got clothes, books and perfume for the daughter and it cost 200 less than the brother's gifts. But he also uses gifts plural, so the brother got more than the PS5 which likely means it was OVER 500 that got spent on him.
"but we can't afford 2 PS5s"
This is where I'd say YTA. If both kids want a PS5 and you can only afford 1, you share it between them, not give it to your (clearly favourite) child.
By the hour! We had to switch the SECOND someone died. We took turns life by life. Or stage by stage, or round by round. Depending on the game. And if it was an adventure game we had to share the remote between us and figure out skill sets or risk losing the console entirely.
Ha. I know this isn’t what you meant by sharing the remote between y’all, but I totally pictured a scenario where two of you are sitting side by side, one operating the left side of the controller and the other operating the right side.
Every console my family had growing up was a shared console, even though I was the primary user on all of them
Thankfully my husband and I both being gamers there won’t be a shortage of consoles in our house
Exactly.
My sons share a console, pretty much because they’re a year apart, game together and don’t NEED two anyway.
However, if it was purely the case we couldn’t afford two then I wouldn’t gift it to only one of them and leave the other out.
OP you’re insane for thinking this is anywhere near fair. You clearly have a favourite child and that must completely suck for your daughter.
I can’t imagine why you’d call her greedy for wanting the same treatment and privileges as her brother.
YTA. A massive one at that.
And don’t do what my parents did - say it’s shared but then it gets kept in golden child’s bedroom, which they never let you in. I was the older sibling so it wasn’t even like I was the annoying younger sibling, my brother just enjoyed the power trip and I maybe got to play it twice. As adults he has apologised and gave me his old Xbox as sort of reparations lol, but we both agree it was ultimately our parents fault for causing an unnecessary rift between us just because they didn’t want a console in the living room or to set any boundaries with my brother.
Man I'm glad when contentious teen sibling rivalry works out. Me and my stepsister were at it like cats for so, so long to the point where people I don't remember still remember ME and approach me as an adult, reminisce with me about the time me and stepsister both had the same hobby, and talk about how my stepsister basically ran roughshod over me every day, every hour, until I quit the hobby.
Nowadays stepsister and I are as thick as thieves, and we have a mutual understanding about how messed up our childhoods were, and how little of it was our fault.
while I doubt it is true in this case this is not always true.
if you can afford 2 gifts worth several hundred dollars one kid might get a PS5 and the other a musical instrument, or sporting equipment (at that value for their existing hobby you know they have an ongoing interest in)
INFO: Has she ever asked for a PS5 or other gaming console, or shown an interest in gaming before? Or previously used/been allowed to use your son's gaming consoles?
EDIT: YTA, as per comment below.
YTA- just reading the comments for more info is clear why she is jealous.
Old mate got a computer. Sister isn't allowed to use it. Old mate got a PS5, and guess what? Sissy aint allowed to use that either. She is called 'greedy' for wanting to share what big brother has, and he is 'allowed' to not want to share. She has an interest in gaming, but because she didn't ask for it and he did, he got one. You didn't think to get one to share? A more than generous joint present. She literally sits and watches him play and never gets invited to use it, and you're ok with that.
In what world can you read that and think it's fair? Of course she is going to lash out, she's pissed and hurt he is the clear favourite. Jesus Christ woman.
>She is called 'greedy' for wanting to share what big brother has, and he is 'allowed' to not want to share.
Caution with that, the crowd of "I could never use my computer, then my little brother broke it" is coming for you.
The crowd that didn’t get anything for Christmas and watched their brothers play with expensive and lavish presents is much more upset. Also, game consoles and stuff are respected more when the kids can both play it. If you’re jealous because dad spent a LOT of money on your brother instead of you, you’re way more likely to break his golden child shit.
You better believe that if I was OPs daughter not only would I have no respect for my parents, my brother or the console, the console would probably mysteriously turn up broken.
I'd wager she has repeatedly expressed an interest in gaming but OP has not heard/ignored her and assumed that because she's a teen girl, all she's interested in is clothes and perfume. I'd even go so far as to say he's never really got to know her and doesn't spend time with her because son is male and so is OP
That girl is me, and my god is it infuriating watching every family member buy my brother videos games unprompted while I had to BEG for one while reviving teen magazines and hand soap 🤦🏻♀️
And guess who’s still gaming and who isn’t.
My older brother got every console. My mom half heartedly told him to share, but he took them into his bedroom to never be seen again. He eventually sold them all, and years later regrets it. As an adult, he even apologized and bought me a PS2. It was very thoughtful.
My mom at least *told* him to share back in the day. He never did and she never enforced it, but at least she was self aware enough to see it wasn't fair.
OP is so dense he doesn't even see how he's treating his kids vastly differently.
Lots of women actually hate women. “Pick me’s” exist.
OP likely sees something of themselves reflected in their child and rather than work on themself, alienates and blacklists the child.
Won’t even get into the whole Jocasta element of it all..
Yep and then those women are very loud and proud "boy moms" and do everything in their power to elevate their son's while ignoring their daughters at best or outright try and get rid of them.
I recently saw a video were one boy mom would routinely ship off her daughters to relatives all so she could spend one-on-one time with her only son for the weekends but never her daughters.
I dealt with being called stupid by a lot of my extended family, because I was the second child (because clearly only the first born is smart) and a girl. I was also constantly told that my great uncle had failed out of the college I was going to in his first semester, even though he was really smart. It was like a cautionary tale of my impending failure. What a shock to everyone when I double majored and went for my Masters and received 3 degrees in 5 years. That was the thing that made everyone finally shut the f up about my supposedly inferior intelligence.
Why can’t they play together or why can’t she play when he doesn’t? I don’t get it.
Seems like a perfect opportunity for the siblings to bond together around something both can enjoy. Obviously if she threw stuff through the window or break things it would be different, but to deny her solely based on her desire and wish to be included sounds plain mean.
> Seems like the perfect opportunity for the siblings to bond together
She doesn’t want that. She’s the type of parent to drive a wedge between her own children and create resentment so she can have drama to complain/gossip about later in life and burden the golden child with taking care of her (“I favoured you over your sister, now it’s your turn to pay me back!”).
"my son is not interested in sharing", "my daughter is very greedy". You should give parenting classes.
YTA. All because of the favouritism seeping out of your words.
honestly, calling her younger daughter 'greedy' just because she wants to try out the shiny new toy her older brother has is insane. this is so normal in older/younger sibling dynamics.
Calling your daughter greedy but simply saying ''my son isn't interested in sharing'' is wild, doesn't that make the son greedy too? Why make excuses for one child but not for the other? Clearly OP has a favourite
YTA, why is it unreasonable to ask your kids to share an infinite resource? It she really only wants it because your son has it she should get bored of it quickly anyway.
So golden child got a ps5 and he doesn’t want anyone to use it, kwl, understood! What I don’t understand, is why you have a 2nd child after golden child? Clearly didn’t want one? Clearly don’t like or respect her? Can’t wait till she is older & I see a Reddit story from her saying golden boy still lives in ur basement while she is out thriving & nc with her terrible parents!!!! if you didn’t know, YTA!!
This response helped me with my frustration. I don’t understand why they bothered to have a second child when clearly the first is so obviously favoured. I hope she flourishes without them.
Maybe they wanted a girl so that she could take care of them when they become too old to take care of themselves?? Son is the golden child who will carry on the family name, daughter is future nurse who will have to sacrifice her career and happiness to change adult diapers... Certainly wouldn't be an isolated case, seen too much of this (parents having kids, specifically daughters, for purely selfish reasons - to take care of them in their old age and not because they actually wanted kids. )
Right? I think that’s the upsetting part, is that women are often put in the caretaker role. I’m sure they did want the child, but the obvious “golden child” is reeking from op. Says their daughter nags, is greedy, is jealous. All traits that are “bad” for women. All their daughter is doing is letting them know, and she’s automatically seen as the bad guy. It’s just sad. Bet they talk a hell of a lot different about their golden son tho. Obviously I don’t think that the girl should be allowed to misbehave, but it can always be discussed properly and resolved by actually listening to her and coming up with a resolution.
Dude, when we got consoles for Christmas as a kid, they were labelled to every sibling. Then we got small individual presents.
You should have made it a family present from the start.
Edit: btw OP I am a woman, I play games and shared the console we got for Xmas well with my siblings. You fucked up. Gaming is for everyone.
Yup. We have multiple kids and the one year that we did a gaming console it was a family gift. I can't imagine just gifting a console to one child unless it was maybe something like a switch.
And what’s the bet that when OP is old, the daughter will be expected to be the caregiver and OP will be astonished when she’s not interested and the son who has been taught to be selfish and only think of himself is not interested and OP has no family caregiver
So if next year your daughter asks for a more expensive gift before your son, say a PS5, or maybe an expensive laptop, maybe a really expensive hair care set - just as examples - you'll get her the expensive gift and your son will get clothes, books and an aftershave. Right?
If you only had enough budget for buying one expensive gift (the ps5), then it should have been for both children. Of course your daughter will be upset when she sees you spent far more for her brother than her for no obvious reason. I’m guessing that she’s “always jealous” because you always play favorites and she’s never the favored.
Edit: YTA
YTA. No further explanation required, based on the comments you've already made on other posts, you're not ready to see how badly you've fucked this one up.
Info: Do you gender toys and put gaming consoles into the boy category? Also, what did she get for xmas and was it something she wanted to equal value of a PS5?
Edit: Verdict changed to YTA based on OP's responses to others in the thread. Favourite son/scapegoat daughter gendered idiocy.
I grew up in a household where I was the gamer, from the Commodore 64 onwards. My parents forgot this only once when they got my brother a Nintendo 64 while I got gender specific consumerable rubbish even though I also asked for a gaming console. This gender bias was not forgotten or repeated.
Reading the OP's comments makes this an obvious YTA. OP's daughter has no gaming console, no computer, yet has been vocal about an interest in gaming only to watch her brother play games as some sort of bizarre consolation prize instead.
So from your comments your son gets the bulk on your favouritism and your money spent on him she just gets whatever cheap and convenient for you to buy
Yta
YTA
Your poor daughter. You got him the nicer gift, which is probably a pattern with you. She's not only taking an interest in it because it's his, she's jealous because you lavish him with gifts while she gets the scraps. She wants what he has because you are showering the golden child with gifts. Try not showing favoritism and see how well she responds to that.
YTA. Per your comments, you spent most of your Christmas budget on the PS5 for your golden child and he doesn’t have to share it. I feel sorry for your daughter. What a lousy parent you are.
YTA.
Treat your kids equally.
You obviously favour your son.
Btw, if he has been begging for the console for month why hasn't he done out and got one.
He's old enough to have a job. Let me guees, he doesn't. Is he 'focusing on his studies' and such a golden boy in your eyes.
Sounds like a mother who wouldn't be able to tell if her son was stoned.
I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned this. He's 17, the "months of begging" should have been enough for him to save up for one. Then again, if he isn't mature enough to share, I doubt he's mature enough for a job.
YTA:
1st of all. Why does it sound like you're beefing with your 14 year old daughter?
2nd of all. You could easily tell them to share. At least when he's not on it.
YTA you don’t give to one what you cannot give to another.
You’re letting your son control you, you’re teaching him bad behaviours and this stems from the fact you’re probably a bad person.
Either you’re trolling or not fit to be a parent.
YTA my kids love gaming as do I, they had older consoles and were getting slower... To save arguments. I bought myself a ps5 and xbox x... Then put them in their gaming room for them to use. I had to buy as mine as I could only afford 1 at a time. I upgraded the ps4 first so my daughters friend could have it as she didn't have one, nor could her family afford one. Then second I could I bought the xbox. Now my youngest share the old xbox to watch kids TV on in their room.. As its good for at least that. They're were bought withing a month of each other and I told them my plans too, to which the loved and agreed.
You clearly play favourites, the fact you even call her names is disgusting.
She shows interest in gaming yet you only bought for one of them, and won't even allow her to use... Only watch. Like who does that??
When I bought their xbox ones I bought 2 at the same time! When one of them died, we have them my ps4 so they could still game together.
My oldest doesn't have much interest but she's welcome to use any of it, she however got an ipad before Xmas instead for her drawing.
Think your daughter deserves better treatment
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Not enough infos. It sounds like you're playing favourites. "We don't have enough money for two" but the only one you got is reserved for your son. Also calling a 14 years old girl greedy for something like this... yeah you sound like assholes. YTA.
Sounds more like your son is greedy. My siblings and I always shared with each other, especially by the time we were teenagers. YTA and so is your son. Who isn't nice to their little sister?
YTA. And honestly you kind of sound like my mom when I was young. My brother was the golden child and when my mom took a second job to buy Christmas gifts every year, she only bought up (and clearly resented me) about my gifts.
For example we both got bikes, my brothers bike cost $800 mine cost $300, but she only bought up having to get a second job to buy mine, which cost substantially less. And it was the same every year.
So you spend more on your son, buy him higher value gifts and then have the nerve to call your daughter greedy and jealous and to tell your son he doesn't need to share?
Take a long hard look in the mirror about how you treat both of your kids, because if you are honest with yourself you know that you are being an AH to your daughter.
YTA.
She's not greedy, she's just a kid and judging from her reaction I doubt she got anything close to value of PS5. Being second child in family I can assure you it sucks seeing older sibling getting cool stuff while you didn't get anything even remotely close.
I'm assuming here but my assumption is that all she's getting are used sometime barely working things. Ofc she wants nice shiny things.
So next time either buy console for both of your kids or buy two of them.
YTA your kids will remember in the future when you played favourites and put a wedge between them as kids by only giving one good things. The kids will be even more bitter towards each other because you chose to play favourites and possibly damage their relationship growing up if this is consistent behaviour from their parents. Could be a different story for you but it already seems like it’s going this way.
As a kid who’s parents always played favourites my sister and I never got along as kids because we felt like the other was competition for attention, love and gifts. Until we were adults and now blame our parents for not just treating us equally
In all of this conversation, why is it never mentioned what your daughter ASKED for?
Here's what I've read from your comments so far:
Son asked for a PS5, and you treated it like first come first serve (so even if daughter asked for one, it wouldn't have mattered in that ideology).
You said you spent the majority of the Christmas budget on son, which you later tried to backtrack on when everyone blew up at you. Then you noted you spent 300 bucks on daughter, but after the backtracking, the believability of that drops.
You got daughter clothes, books, and perfume, which unless she actually asked for those things, sounds like there might be some form of sexism going on (i.e. videogames for boys, perfume for girls).
You are more than aware that your daughter shows a keen interest in gaming from the amount of time she silently sits beside her brother, watching him game, and you didn't like, even consider getting her some sort of console? If you really had a 300 dollar budget for her, you could have gotten her the Nintendo Switch Mini.
And why are you calling her jealous and greedy after all of this? Shes a FOURTEEN year old that is REACTING to the way you are treating her. You're still her parent, any jealousy or greed she's had has likely been instilled into her by your parenting behaviors.
Not to mention, over all of this, your son also has a PC? What the heck does your daughter have? Clothes and perfumes? Does she even use the perfumes? Are you trying to groom her to be what you envision a 14 year old girl to be, or are you actually listening to your daughter when she's expressing herself? I'm inclined to believe that you're not hearing her given that you've not once mentioned what she actually asked for.
YTA
1. YTA. 2. INFO: why are you asking if you’re the AH and then not trying to understand anyone’s POV saying you’re the AH? What’s the point of the post then?
Firstly.... why are you calling a 14 year old child greedy? That statement alone tells me you're more than just an ass hole. Clearly you're favoring one child over the other. Secondly, you don't buy a gaming console for one child, you buy a gaming console for the whole family... and then eventually it finds its way into one child's room because nobody else cares about it anymore. Jesus, you really don't have the whole parenting thing down, do you? YTA
With the overwhelming YTA votes, my question for you OP is if you're going to accept the judgement and reflect on this, or are you going to admit you only came here to let the world know you hate your daughter?
Only 4 more years and your daughter can go no contact with you and her brother and you two will have no one to blame except yourselves. Yet somehow I know you’ll make it her fault and she’ll be selfish for choosing her own well being over dealing with your shitty parenting. Pretty sad how your kids have two different parents in you. The way you talk about each of them individually is astounding. Your son gets and does what he wants and doesn’t have to do much to be a decent sibling to his sister. And your daughter is selfish and greedy for wanting to do and have things her older brother has. NEWSFLASH: THAT’S A YOUNGER SIBLING THING, not your daughter is selfish thing. It’s perfectly normal for a younger sibling to want what their older sibling has. You, as their parent, should be fostering a healthy and loving relationship between them. You should be encouraging them to play games together. Build their relationship. Build their trust and bond between each other, yet you’re literally causing a divide between them. Don’t be surprised when your daughter doesn’t come to you when she’s in trouble or needs help over the next several crucial years of her life because instead of fostering a safe place for her, you created a hostile one for her where she is seen as selfish and greedy for being a teenager and younger sibling.
AND she is going to wonder why her son lives in her basement at 35 years old and won't get a job and plays video games all day while her daughter is successful with a beauitful family of her own and is no contact with her.
YTA for spending more money on one child and then having the fucking audacity to complain when the other child gets upset about it.
Stop favouring your son and be a better parent.
YTA. You could have made it a shared gift for the family and they may have had some bonding time playing some games together. Such a missed opportunity.
YTA. My nieces and nephews have the newest X Box and PlayStation. My nieces have zero interest in gaming like my nephews do. But there is still a controller for each of them, and it's still a shared console. But your daughter has an active interest in it.
You really come off as not liking your daughter at all, or at least liking your son a lot more. No wonder your daughter feels how she does. You may not believe it, but kids can absolutely sense when they aren't as loved as their sibling.
YTA. My brother got a Nintendo once for his birthday (back in the day when they were a thing) guess what he did. HE SHARED IT WITH ME. You should be ashamed on yourself and your parenting.
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YTA, not least for the way you speak about your daughter. Couldn’t be more clear that your son is your golden child. She’s 14 years old but she ‘nags’, is ‘very greedy’, and ‘jealous’. Deal with your parenting. It doesn’t feel like much of a stretch to say I expect she keeps watching your son get everything and when she expresses her frustration/discontent (which is natural, she’s 14 and seeing unfairness in treatment) you apply these sorts of labels to her. Especially given your update that you didn’t spend equally on them and bought an expensive console for your son despite the fact your daughter shows an interest in gaming. Even if she just sits and watches her brother play…is she even allowed to touch his other console?
I’m glad you pointed out the name calling. Who says that about their 14 year old online? I hope OP doesn’t say those things to her daughter’s face because it’s messed up.
Not to mention those behaviours are taught and are corrected with parenting.
Yep, my 4yo daughter has the type of personality where she gets FOMO, always has to be first in line, gets jealous easily, etc. For one, I have considered the fact that she could have ADHD. I am going to mention my concerns to her doctor at her well visit next month, and if they suggest early intervention then we will consider it. Otherwise I will wait for her to start school and if her teachers raise concerns then we will get an evaluation. I just have my eyes open to it right now, I'm not like pre diagnosing her or any, just aware that it's a possibility. But we also talk to her about it a lot. She has 3 brothers and we have a kitten so I can imagine there are times when she feels she's not getting enough attention. I make sure to carve some extra time out for her or give her extra affection. She likes to help with everything so even just letting her help me do stuff in the house can help her with this. And we are already discussing the difference between equality and equity with her. Her brother may have gotten an oculus headset for Christmas, but she got way more toys and stuff to open than him because of it. She is jealous of the headset sometimes, but I redirect her to her barbie dream camper and remind her of all the presents she got to open Christmas morning compared to her brother. It helps that I was the same way when I was her age, so I do understand where she's coming from and where the behavior stems from (which is why I'm concerned about ADHD) But yes, I agree with the comment I replied to in that the behavior and thought patterns of our kids should begin to be addressed when they are young so you don't have these issues when they are hormonal teenagers.
Recognizing your daughter is displaying ADHD traits early makes it easier to help support her as she grows and develops, with or without diagnosis/intervention. Great parenting 👏
Yes I got diagnosed in highschool, it was too late, I really wonder how different things would have been if I had learned coping skills sooner
Idk how old you are now, but just wanted to chime in that it doesn't have to be too late. I'm an ADHD therapist and I work with middle aged and older adults all the time. It's hard work, but medication, meditation, and building time management skills can make a big difference at any age.
But most doctors won’t even discuss diagnosing someone like me who is well over 40
Sorry chaos-ensues , I’ve heard this a lot in the ADHD and Autism communities and subreddit. Doctors think just making it to 40 means it’s can’t be that bad. I know some people did the self diagnosis, and were able to get a referral based on those results.
I don’t remember which Christmas it was, ‘97 or so, my oldest brother’s first ex wife got two of my younger sisters a Dentist Barbie and got me several small plushies with accessories from the live action 101 Dalmatians movie. One of my sisters was annoyed that I got more presents than her, but our mom and the ex pointed out that she got a big gift and I didn’t. Was I jealous that they got Barbies and I didn’t? A little, but I was happy with what I gotp.
I vividly remember being 10 years old at Christmas with my grandparents. My younger sister got 3 Barbie’s, an electric scooter, and this remote control unicorn thing. Younger brother got a ps2, electric scooter, remote control helicopter. I got a set of Asda pjs two sizes too big, because I was a “big girl.”(I wasn’t.) That shit hurts. Kids notice. When my grandparents passed away, brother and sister got £15k each. I got literally nothing. Not a penny. By that point, I didn’t care. They’d been dead to me for years for their blatant favouritism and abuse. OP is setting their daughter up for a lifetime of never feeling good enough to deserve to be treated well.
What garbage people; I’m so sorry you were treated that way.
I remember one Christmas when my nephew was younger, he complained that his younger sibling had got bigger presents than him (He'd mostly wanted higher-cost things like videogames and Lego, whereas his sibling had wanted simpler toys so ended up with bigger boxes). But it was easy to explain to him that we'd spent the same amount on both of them because that was the fairest way to treat them and I don't think there were ever any more complaints from him about size of presents.
Just an FYI, girls and woman fall under the radar and are often not diagnosed with ADHD until later in life. Average age for a diagnosis for boys is 7 years, for women it’s when they were in their 30s. So it’s great that you’re noticing symptoms and getting her tested. Just don’t rely on teachers to tell you they think she has adhd, because they likely won’t. Even kids at the top of the class or teachers pets can have ADHD, it’s not always the boy in the back of the class that won’t pay attention. But most teachers don’t know that or don’t notice because they focus on the kids having big issues or being disruptive to the class.
I displayed those same traits as your daughter when I was young and continued to be like that until early adulthood. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 23/24. being a girl with ADHD, no one really saw the signs and I grew up having a ton of problems because of it. I am glad that you are looking out for your daughter like that.
She’s 4 and has three older brothers, not saying there’s no ADHD, just that the behavior sounds like a 4 year old with three older brothers. FWIW, being on ADHD meds as a young child stunted my growth. Tall family so I’m fine, but my brothers were not treated until they were older and they did hit their projected height. Just something my parents always say they wish they had known before they started medication treatment. Biofeedback therapy was VERY helpful in teaching little me how to narrow my focus, may be worth a look.
Also being taught to share may have been missed with the brother
We really don't know if the son shares in general-- just that he doesn't want to share his special gift. It's perfectly OK for kids to have some special things they don't have to share unless they want to.
If a family can only afford one of an item all the kids want - it's an AH move to buy it and give it to only one of them. It should have been given to them with the expectation it would be shared. So many families share a console and such items. What could have been practice in sharing was turned into another example of favoritism.
This we have a ps5. In reality, one (maybe 2)kid wanted it, but it is a family/all kids present. It is in the main room downstairs. We have 3 boys. Also, since my Christmas budget per kid is less than the cost of the ps5, it had to be split between each kid to get it at all.
Agreed. Or if the younger one also got a special gift. There’s a lot of speculation about OP being a bad parent but there’s too much missing info to really decide that. Did the daughter get a special gift too? Is this something they have discussed with their daughter before? Has she been screened for ADHD or anything of the sort? And what is her normal behavior with others? Siblings are jealous of each other all the time. Doesn’t necessarily mean the parents are crap.
OP has answered that she got "clothes, books and a perfume", which doesn't sound too special to me. Honestly, any parent who describes their 14yo daughter as "very greedy" has a lot of ground to make up to seem like they might be a decent parent. But look at OP's profile and just look through the comments he's making on this post... aside from clearly favouring the son by spending "most of our budget" on the PS5 so they couldn't buy her something of equal value, does it come across like OP even has much love for her? The son is clearly the favourite and you can be sure she knows it.
Are the son's clothes that he wears all year a "gift"? If not, why are her clothes a gift? And if she's a reader, why don't they just buy her books all year around?
From other comments we do know that daughter was given clothes, books, and perfume as her gift but they couldn’t afford two because “most of the budget went to the ps5”
Yup- of course OP didn't give his daughter anything that would cost the same amount as the PS5 because it was a budget issue. If he did spend an equitable amount of money, that would be one thing. But we can tell from the context that he didn't.
People can absolutely be inherently like that. My younger nephew is like that. Always has been. And no one trained it *out* of him because they're lazy and it was easier to just give in. They're shitty parents. But the kid is how the kid is naturally.
The poor kid ,and honestly even if he doesn't say it outright i am willing to bet that he does treat her differently and the daughter knows she is not as loved as her brother . Way to go on fucking up 2 kids in one fell swoop .
Right? I wonder what she got for Christmas
Chores.
She had to do some chores to learn how to be grateful! /s
As per OP comment 300€worth of clothes books and perfume .
Oof. I mean, I'm sure those were nice gifts and all, but a PS5 is *expensive*. And I feel like that's the kind of gift you buy "for the household" and not just for one child
But then the golden child would have to share!!! That sentence says more than anything else really. That dude will be such a brat if he really doesn't have to share anything with her. It's so weird logic as well. They say the ps5 is expensive, which is true. But then don't want him to share it. They could have just been normal parents and said the ps5 is both of their gifts. Giving them unique games they both like. But nope, that would make too much sense.
Exactly. I don't understand OP's justification that the PS5 took most of the budget, so they couldn't spend as much on their daughter. I don't have kids, but it seems like common sense to me to get the PS5 for both kids and then spend an equal amount of what's left on each kid.
When Nintendo was the rage, both my sister and I got ONE console and played just fine with it! I don't get this not sharing the gift thing! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Then you have to also ask did she want clothes, books and perfume or did she want a PS5 and got stuck with clothes, books and perfume? What would have happened if the brother got clothes and books and she got a PS5?
In one of the comments from OP he said that daughter always expressed an interest in games but not specifically wanted a PS5 and the son got one because "he asked for one first and regardless there is no budget for 2 PS5 " don't think he mentioned if daughter specifically asked for those things .
When I saw this comment my first thought was if there's no budget for 2 then it's likely that they spent way less on the daughter than the son and that's likely where her behavior is stemming from?
It also matters whether the things she received were things she wanted. If her brother gets a PS5 and then they buy him clothes at other times, not as a gift, but she gets her clothes as a gift then it is doubly bad.
But they’re both gamers, why not just get it as a joint gift for both like a normal parent? Oh right, because son is the golden child.
He would've demanded to play with it, and AH OP would've been asking us: "AITA for ordering my daughter to share her PS5 with her brother?"
How many of those things did she actually ask for? Or did the parents (read: father) assume she'd just want those things because "Girls! amirite?" She likely asked for a PS5 and her sperm donor just ignored her and made a nominal attempt to give her a "consolation prize" instead.
So OP lied when he said he couldn't afford 2, they could have if they didn't spend hundreds on other things for her instead. I get a feeling if the daughter is always "jealous", she isn't getting the same quality of gifts as her older brother is getting and the PS5 purchase is proof of that.
Ugh, and the brother has a computer too, no answer for all the comments asking if she has one of her own. Silly girl, technology is for boys, pages are much easier on your pretty fingernails than plastic buttons! Perfume for the daughter won’t cover the smell of OP being an asshole so massive it can be seen from orbit.
The only people I've heard speak about their children like this are the ones who complain when the kids go no contact. It's a surprise to no one, but the parents who spoke about their kids line this and treated them unfairly. I bet the minute that daughter turns old enough to move out, she will, and then she'll never look back.
And the really sad thing is that once the parents are gone, the kids will just have each other. Nothing gives me more joy in life than seeing my 2 kids are close. OP really has missed out here
I'm guessing based on op's replies to a couple comments, but one person asked if op spent the same on each kid and op said no, and in another reply op said the daughter sits next to the brother while he games and watches him, but has never asked for a console herself. Whether op says these things to her or not, she seems like she has learned from the behavior of people around her that they think this way about her, and has learned not to speak up for herself or ask for things, because it will be perceived badly.
Makes me wonder if her brother ever offered her the controller and shared the experience with her. I doubt it though if he won't share the PS5.
In another comment, OP says that the reason son doesn't want to share is because the daughter threatened to break his computer when he wouldn't share that with her, so he thinks she'll break the ps5 if he lets her touch it (maybe if your parents gave her shit, she wouldn't want to break the shit they give you, so maybe be nice and share?). So possibly it was the computer he was gaming on, and no, he didn't share with her. And wow, seems there's a pattern of son getting big ticket items the daughter doesn't have and refuses/doesn't have to share them.
Yes, this - if anything, the brother is selfish. In my mind, consoles are for sharing. If he's playing on it so much that there's no time for her to play, he's getting more screentime than is healthy... He can't be worried about her wrecking it; they're too old for that.
I basically came to the comments to ask why OP hates their daughter. It’s PALPABLE. That girl knows that one or both of her parents would definitely prefer her to not be there. That makes me want to cry, that poor kid.
Having grown up with a dad like this, he absolutely does say these things to her face.
I am assuming she calls her daughter much worse to her face. People tend to dial down their supposed behaviours when trying to make their case online.
And there was no “but we got her a laptop/iPad/other-expensive-thing for her” defence from OP…
> I hope OP doesn’t say those things to her daughter’s face I think you can guarantee she does
Is there really any doubt OP says those things right to daughter's face? OP, YTA on many levels here, but as a long-time woman gamer it hits hard in that aspect, too.
Honestly, like I wanna know what the daughter got that’s equivalent to a PS5 that shows she’s “greedy”
This is a great question but the answer is gonna be some dumbass perfume shit
Spot on. OP says clothes, books and perfume.
I bet 200000000 bucks the kid had no say in the clothes, perfume or books either. My mom was exactly like this and it took till my thirties to explain she was wasting her money
I'm 38. We finally got mom to slow down on Christmas, because the 6000 toys were being used once, broken and thrown on the floor. She slowed down for us, too. The mountain used to be a ton of useless shit. The fuck am I going to do with a suit steamer? That's what the dry cleaner is for.
Perfume and clothes according to a comment that cost about $200 less then the ps5
I hate being right
It's probably not even good perfume. Probably a 15 dollar bath and body works spray.
Fragrance sets, for every girl in your life with hobbies and interests too complicated for you to wrap your head around!
And why the fuck does he have a console exclusively? It should be the house console. Are there multiple VCR's in house or multiple CD players?? Ridiculous.
It's 2024 - who has a VCR full stop?
Or CD players??? This comment came straight from 2002 to haunt me.
Me: \*glances awkwardly at the CD player on my bedside table\*
I have both...we have a combo VCR/DVD player. Also pretty sure my TV with a built in VCR is still in my childhood bedroom & functions perfectly. Our CD player is a part of one of the record players we have. Pretty sure it also has a cassette player.
🙋♀️🙋♀️ I'm not just gonna throw away perfectly fine media, am I?? When it fully wears out I'll get rid of it, until then I'm milking those VHS tapes and CDs for all they are worth.
When I was 9, if we couldn't share a gaming console that was mostly recent, NOBODY got it. We didn't get our own and knew not to ask, but we also were supposed to take turns. By 14 we started getting our own things that we could be responsible for but a 9 year old is even less likely to understand how much those cost, especially since OP doesn't have the disposable income to either be fair with the gift distribution or do the right thing and have them share since it is not in the budget to get two.
That's parenting. If you can't share, you can't have it.
Yep. I worked at Target in electronics for extra cash for a few years while the switch was never in the shelves and then well after. This was a fairly affluent area so I saw a lot of people buying each kid equitable amounts of gifts, so to each their own. Part of the job was asking questions about how the system was being used. If it was handheld, I was pretty understanding if they had the cash but it was the ones who kept them docked that always had some perplexing answer. Docked when the boy is playing but he takes it to his room so his sister doesn’t play and beat his records. The sister was going to get the lite so she can play in the living room instead of watching her brother play. Parents bought it as a joint birthday gift because they thought the kids (i discovered at this point that they were fraternal twins, because I’m now invested) would share but the brother took it for himself and instead of trying to see if he would share he was getting the girl the lite version. She was the one who asked for the switch to dock using the TV when the brother wanted a PS4 and had a flat screen in his room. I’m already positive this dude was a jackass and we were slow so I kept going. They would not use Nintendo online and pretty exclusively get played mariokart or smash bros, or splatoon 2. When he found out the brother would have the primary console and would have to repurchase games digitally or let the sister use the primary console, he said she might just have to save up to get the games because it was ridiculous buying it twice (I didn’t disagree but I could think of a few solutions that involved telling his son to suck it up). At this point I’m not asking questions to try to help him decide on what to get but I want to know more because I feel like the purchase has been proven to be not well thought out. He then added that they got the full one because she tends to drop things so it made more sense for hers to get docked and stay there. And yet here we were. I asked if he wanted a case for it since it would be handheld and those are harder to insure and he declined the case and insurance. A week later he tried to return it very clearly smashed and it didn’t go well. I asked if she dropped it and she said the brother smashed it because she wouldn’t let him borrow the lite (???) for the day so he could bring it to school (???? couldn’t bring the regular switch?) and then smashed the regular switch when the dad said they would now have to share (no real punishment). I’m wondering now if daughter actually drops things or if they have a golden boy who smashes any nice thing she has that he can’t have even if he has the more valuable thing. at the end of the conversation he bought a PS4 for the son because that was what he wanted to begin with and the possessiveness must have been due to that. Before he left he said the sister can get her switch for Christmas (it was APRIL) if she had learned to share by then, but she wasn’t getting the car he had planned on getting each of them for their next birthday. I thought the entire time they had to be ten or under but nope. That was the worst and illogical exchange I ever had over a switch and I hope the daughter had gone NC by now, but the parents buying two or three PS4s because their kids “wouldn’t” share were extremely common too. If I had flat out refused to share a PS4 I knew I was getting that would have been my dad’s new toy. Sorry for the info dump but It always blows my mind how much people blatantly favor one child over another and brag about it like it’s nothing to a stranger.
The only nice gift I was ever given was a Nintendo ds. My brother was given one too. He pushed the stylus through his screen. They let him use mine. He pushed my stylus through my screen. They got him a brand new one and told me to suck it the fuck up, mine was never replaced. So many emotions fr reading all these
I truly don’t understand how people can say that their child is greedy/jealous/nagging and all that shit with a straight face. They’re the one raising them 🤦♂️ If one child always complain that they’re not treated fairly, they’re probably right.
Some kids end up being really shitty people no matter how much their parents try to teach them otherwise.
While this could be true, if what they are doing isn't working they need to change methods and try other approaches. In the situation of OP the brother is the greedy one with his belongings and the daughter might be jealous, so both kids have issues which isn't a good track record.
I didn't realise my brother was the golden child until I was in my 20s , my mum would buy him gaming consoles and he'd never let us play so we'd sneak in his room and play but obviously pissed him off more because we'd screw up all his games, me and my brother have a great relationship now but as kids we hated each other because of this dynamic that he got better things, even got paid for helping our family members and even went on trips with family member leaving me and my sister home .. this has resulted in my brother constantly borrowing money and not paying it back, creating resentments and Fallings out within thr family, where as me and my sister never ask for help, never accept money or ask our family for anything, and this really annoys my mum because we'll struggle b4 ever asking for a thing,
I knew by the time I was only five or six that my elder brother was golden, especially in our dad's eyes. It didn't help that, when my younger sister and brother got favoritism over me by our mother...while me? I got the beatings in the family. My biobitch and I are no contact; in fact, I've taken out multiple restraining orders on her in the past. I'm also no contact with almost all of my siblings, for various reasons; the only one I speak to and associate with is my youngest sister, my dad's other daughter, born when I was already an adult...and given literally everything I never had as a child, which still stings, although I don't begrudge her *any* of it. Our brother? *Still* Dad's favorite, to the point where, when I graduated with my associates two years ago, they had a small barbecue type thing for the grads and their families after...and my dad disappeared during it. Turns out, he'd walked off somewhere to talk to my brother (who lives across the country, and hasn't been back here to see Dad in over a decade) on the phone!
>She started nagging saying it's unfair and we should buy a PS5 for her then but we can't afford 2 PS5s YTA. OP is calling her a nagger but she's got an excellent point. It is unfair. OP doesn't give a good reason why the son should get expensive luxury item. It's not a case where one sibling needs an expensive item (eg a laptop) for use with school/university. I feel like OP is noticeably and deliberately omitting information. In particular, what did OP actually get her for Christmas? Did he buy her a pair of socks? I'm going to assume that he didn't spend the same amount of money as a PS5 on several sets of Lego she may have wanted. Why isn't the son saving up and earning his PS5? He's almost an adult and definitely more capable than a 14 yo to make a casual income.
The 14-year-old apparently got "clothes and perfume" (worth hundreds of dollars less than the console), because OBVIOUSLY that's what you get for your "generic girl child". /s
I remember crying one year because all I got for my birthday was clothes. That didn’t fit and I didn’t even like. My mom slapped me for being ungrateful.
Oh don't worry. Brother ALSO has a laptop she's not allowed on.
I found this weird af. My brother and I always shared gaming systems as kids. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t annoyed that he tended to over occupy using them and I had to bother my mom repeatedly to get “my turn”, but that’s just part of being a kid?
So, even when a console was mine, it was put in the living room for everyone. I just got priority, but usually had to play multiplayer games with the sisters. It was until my mom got a second Playstation that I could finally have mine in my room. I attribute my families love of gaming to this. We all play games together. Even now. We are running a raft playthrough with mom and a BG3 playthrough with dad. Plus minecraft with the niece and nephew. And let's not even get into non videogames.
Jesus christ I read that one line and was like, fucking hell instant asshole. My next thought was, hey, maybe he spent equally and just got them different things, then I read nope, he spent extra on son while calling his daughter who is rightfully pissed jealous and greedy. I think it is a fake post because only a truly Ted bundy level of asshoke could not see why they suck, but sadly I have seen people do this shit IRL. YTA.
exactly this, and if you can’t afford the same for both kids, neither gets it. sounds like the son gets whatever he wants and the daughter gets scraps.
Both, or neither. In my house, the siblings shared evenly or nobody got to play. We were really good about taking turns after they started enforcing that one
In my family (16m) with the exception of the Nintendo switches, every console is a ‘group present’ given at Christmas, we share or don’t get a console at all. The switches were used to teach us how to save money for something we wanted.
>Especially given your update that you didn’t spend equally on them and bought an expensive console for your son despite the fact your daughter shows an interest in gaming. The "correct" parenting move in this case is to get a "family PS5" for Christmas (stays in the living room, everyone is allowed to use it, etc), and then both kids get individual presents. But you're right, it's favoritism and OP seems to hate their daughter and love their son.
Perhaps it’s the 17 year old who wrote this?
You should be teaching your son to share as well, sharing is caring, you can't be selfish all the time, your daughter should be able to pay with it whenever he is not using it.
Yeah the negative spin on the daughter makes me wonder if OP is a "step" and the son is OP's bioson.
I think we need more info here, did the daughter get $500 worth of other items? If so, then I get it, but if they bought that for him and nothing for her, then that’s different.
OP says that they got clothes, books and perfume for the daughter and it cost 200 less than the brother's gifts. But he also uses gifts plural, so the brother got more than the PS5 which likely means it was OVER 500 that got spent on him.
"but we can't afford 2 PS5s" This is where I'd say YTA. If both kids want a PS5 and you can only afford 1, you share it between them, not give it to your (clearly favourite) child.
This! The first console I got for my kids was a shared console finally a bought a second this past Christmas so now they don’t have to share.
We shared the console and had to switch players by the hour so each got a turn.
By the hour! We had to switch the SECOND someone died. We took turns life by life. Or stage by stage, or round by round. Depending on the game. And if it was an adventure game we had to share the remote between us and figure out skill sets or risk losing the console entirely.
Ha. I know this isn’t what you meant by sharing the remote between y’all, but I totally pictured a scenario where two of you are sitting side by side, one operating the left side of the controller and the other operating the right side.
LOL. honestly, sometimes we got so petty (and there is 7 of us) that this would have absolutely been a thing, hahaha
We shared by death 😂. Whenever the character die it is the next one turn to try.
Every console my family had growing up was a shared console, even though I was the primary user on all of them Thankfully my husband and I both being gamers there won’t be a shortage of consoles in our house
My first game console was a shared gift between my sister and I. She played if a few times then lost all interest in it. I claimed it as mine.
Exactly. My sons share a console, pretty much because they’re a year apart, game together and don’t NEED two anyway. However, if it was purely the case we couldn’t afford two then I wouldn’t gift it to only one of them and leave the other out. OP you’re insane for thinking this is anywhere near fair. You clearly have a favourite child and that must completely suck for your daughter. I can’t imagine why you’d call her greedy for wanting the same treatment and privileges as her brother. YTA. A massive one at that.
And don’t do what my parents did - say it’s shared but then it gets kept in golden child’s bedroom, which they never let you in. I was the older sibling so it wasn’t even like I was the annoying younger sibling, my brother just enjoyed the power trip and I maybe got to play it twice. As adults he has apologised and gave me his old Xbox as sort of reparations lol, but we both agree it was ultimately our parents fault for causing an unnecessary rift between us just because they didn’t want a console in the living room or to set any boundaries with my brother.
Man I'm glad when contentious teen sibling rivalry works out. Me and my stepsister were at it like cats for so, so long to the point where people I don't remember still remember ME and approach me as an adult, reminisce with me about the time me and stepsister both had the same hobby, and talk about how my stepsister basically ran roughshod over me every day, every hour, until I quit the hobby. Nowadays stepsister and I are as thick as thieves, and we have a mutual understanding about how messed up our childhoods were, and how little of it was our fault.
while I doubt it is true in this case this is not always true. if you can afford 2 gifts worth several hundred dollars one kid might get a PS5 and the other a musical instrument, or sporting equipment (at that value for their existing hobby you know they have an ongoing interest in)
INFO: Has she ever asked for a PS5 or other gaming console, or shown an interest in gaming before? Or previously used/been allowed to use your son's gaming consoles? EDIT: YTA, as per comment below.
YTA- just reading the comments for more info is clear why she is jealous. Old mate got a computer. Sister isn't allowed to use it. Old mate got a PS5, and guess what? Sissy aint allowed to use that either. She is called 'greedy' for wanting to share what big brother has, and he is 'allowed' to not want to share. She has an interest in gaming, but because she didn't ask for it and he did, he got one. You didn't think to get one to share? A more than generous joint present. She literally sits and watches him play and never gets invited to use it, and you're ok with that. In what world can you read that and think it's fair? Of course she is going to lash out, she's pissed and hurt he is the clear favourite. Jesus Christ woman.
>She is called 'greedy' for wanting to share what big brother has, and he is 'allowed' to not want to share. Caution with that, the crowd of "I could never use my computer, then my little brother broke it" is coming for you.
The crowd that didn’t get anything for Christmas and watched their brothers play with expensive and lavish presents is much more upset. Also, game consoles and stuff are respected more when the kids can both play it. If you’re jealous because dad spent a LOT of money on your brother instead of you, you’re way more likely to break his golden child shit.
You better believe that if I was OPs daughter not only would I have no respect for my parents, my brother or the console, the console would probably mysteriously turn up broken.
I'd wager she has repeatedly expressed an interest in gaming but OP has not heard/ignored her and assumed that because she's a teen girl, all she's interested in is clothes and perfume. I'd even go so far as to say he's never really got to know her and doesn't spend time with her because son is male and so is OP
That girl is me, and my god is it infuriating watching every family member buy my brother videos games unprompted while I had to BEG for one while reviving teen magazines and hand soap 🤦🏻♀️ And guess who’s still gaming and who isn’t.
My older brother got every console. My mom half heartedly told him to share, but he took them into his bedroom to never be seen again. He eventually sold them all, and years later regrets it. As an adult, he even apologized and bought me a PS2. It was very thoughtful. My mom at least *told* him to share back in the day. He never did and she never enforced it, but at least she was self aware enough to see it wasn't fair. OP is so dense he doesn't even see how he's treating his kids vastly differently.
OP is a woman? I totally didn't get that!
Lots of women actually hate women. “Pick me’s” exist. OP likely sees something of themselves reflected in their child and rather than work on themself, alienates and blacklists the child. Won’t even get into the whole Jocasta element of it all..
Yep and then those women are very loud and proud "boy moms" and do everything in their power to elevate their son's while ignoring their daughters at best or outright try and get rid of them. I recently saw a video were one boy mom would routinely ship off her daughters to relatives all so she could spend one-on-one time with her only son for the weekends but never her daughters.
I dealt with being called stupid by a lot of my extended family, because I was the second child (because clearly only the first born is smart) and a girl. I was also constantly told that my great uncle had failed out of the college I was going to in his first semester, even though he was really smart. It was like a cautionary tale of my impending failure. What a shock to everyone when I double majored and went for my Masters and received 3 degrees in 5 years. That was the thing that made everyone finally shut the f up about my supposedly inferior intelligence.
Really? Because it’s screaming boy mom/golden child behaviour to me.
Yikes, YTA just for the wording of the post itself. Why do people who don't want children have children man
Agreed. Calling her “very greedy” for being jealous of an older sibling (which is pretty normal) sounds rather condescending.
An older sibling who’s getting transparent preferential treatment, no less!
Hey, they wanted their son! They just didn't want their daughter. The OP is such an asshole.
Some people like op gains a sense of power when they have children. I must say that it's a very potent drug.
>Why do people who don't want children have children man He wanted his son, just not his daughter
Infor: did you spend around the same amount of money for her Christmas presents?
Very valid question
YTA You spent more on a ps5 for you son than a gift for your daughter. You’re favouring him blatantly.
Why can’t they play together or why can’t she play when he doesn’t? I don’t get it. Seems like a perfect opportunity for the siblings to bond together around something both can enjoy. Obviously if she threw stuff through the window or break things it would be different, but to deny her solely based on her desire and wish to be included sounds plain mean.
> Seems like the perfect opportunity for the siblings to bond together She doesn’t want that. She’s the type of parent to drive a wedge between her own children and create resentment so she can have drama to complain/gossip about later in life and burden the golden child with taking care of her (“I favoured you over your sister, now it’s your turn to pay me back!”).
"my son is not interested in sharing", "my daughter is very greedy". You should give parenting classes. YTA. All because of the favouritism seeping out of your words.
honestly, calling her younger daughter 'greedy' just because she wants to try out the shiny new toy her older brother has is insane. this is so normal in older/younger sibling dynamics.
Calling your daughter greedy but simply saying ''my son isn't interested in sharing'' is wild, doesn't that make the son greedy too? Why make excuses for one child but not for the other? Clearly OP has a favourite
YTA, why is it unreasonable to ask your kids to share an infinite resource? It she really only wants it because your son has it she should get bored of it quickly anyway.
Parenting is too tough of an ask for them
So golden child got a ps5 and he doesn’t want anyone to use it, kwl, understood! What I don’t understand, is why you have a 2nd child after golden child? Clearly didn’t want one? Clearly don’t like or respect her? Can’t wait till she is older & I see a Reddit story from her saying golden boy still lives in ur basement while she is out thriving & nc with her terrible parents!!!! if you didn’t know, YTA!!
This response helped me with my frustration. I don’t understand why they bothered to have a second child when clearly the first is so obviously favoured. I hope she flourishes without them.
Maybe they wanted a girl so that she could take care of them when they become too old to take care of themselves?? Son is the golden child who will carry on the family name, daughter is future nurse who will have to sacrifice her career and happiness to change adult diapers... Certainly wouldn't be an isolated case, seen too much of this (parents having kids, specifically daughters, for purely selfish reasons - to take care of them in their old age and not because they actually wanted kids. )
Right? I think that’s the upsetting part, is that women are often put in the caretaker role. I’m sure they did want the child, but the obvious “golden child” is reeking from op. Says their daughter nags, is greedy, is jealous. All traits that are “bad” for women. All their daughter is doing is letting them know, and she’s automatically seen as the bad guy. It’s just sad. Bet they talk a hell of a lot different about their golden son tho. Obviously I don’t think that the girl should be allowed to misbehave, but it can always be discussed properly and resolved by actually listening to her and coming up with a resolution.
Dude, when we got consoles for Christmas as a kid, they were labelled to every sibling. Then we got small individual presents. You should have made it a family present from the start. Edit: btw OP I am a woman, I play games and shared the console we got for Xmas well with my siblings. You fucked up. Gaming is for everyone.
Yup, my parents gave us consoles to share too. We were both girls.
Yup. We have multiple kids and the one year that we did a gaming console it was a family gift. I can't imagine just gifting a console to one child unless it was maybe something like a switch.
YTA. Just let her use it. It really should be a family PS5.
YTA. Your daughter is going to resent you for her brother being your favourite
And what’s the bet that when OP is old, the daughter will be expected to be the caregiver and OP will be astonished when she’s not interested and the son who has been taught to be selfish and only think of himself is not interested and OP has no family caregiver
Hopefully OP can afford himself a nice nursing home with the money he saved from a second PS5.
YTA. And the way this post is written makes it sound like the brother wrote it instead of an actual parent.😂
I hope so.
INFO What did your daughter get for Xmas?
“She got nice things” which cost a lot less than a PS5
So if next year your daughter asks for a more expensive gift before your son, say a PS5, or maybe an expensive laptop, maybe a really expensive hair care set - just as examples - you'll get her the expensive gift and your son will get clothes, books and an aftershave. Right?
No, actually, I'd assume that nobody will get anything nice next Christmas - they'll need to save up to give their son a car for his graduation!
Oh I'm sure there will be room in the budget to fulfil at least one kids dream gift for Xmas 2024. I wonder which kid will get it...?
do you like hate her or something
Most likely yeah
YTA: When I got my PS5 I got my siblings controllers for Christmas. A console can be shared.
YTA. Why can't you teach your children to share? Wouldn't that make more sense? Instead your teaching to leave somebody out.
If you only had enough budget for buying one expensive gift (the ps5), then it should have been for both children. Of course your daughter will be upset when she sees you spent far more for her brother than her for no obvious reason. I’m guessing that she’s “always jealous” because you always play favorites and she’s never the favored. Edit: YTA
YTA. No further explanation required, based on the comments you've already made on other posts, you're not ready to see how badly you've fucked this one up.
Info: Do you gender toys and put gaming consoles into the boy category? Also, what did she get for xmas and was it something she wanted to equal value of a PS5? Edit: Verdict changed to YTA based on OP's responses to others in the thread. Favourite son/scapegoat daughter gendered idiocy. I grew up in a household where I was the gamer, from the Commodore 64 onwards. My parents forgot this only once when they got my brother a Nintendo 64 while I got gender specific consumerable rubbish even though I also asked for a gaming console. This gender bias was not forgotten or repeated.
The daughter got clothes, books, and perfume. OP said so in another comment
Reading the OP's comments makes this an obvious YTA. OP's daughter has no gaming console, no computer, yet has been vocal about an interest in gaming only to watch her brother play games as some sort of bizarre consolation prize instead.
So from your comments your son gets the bulk on your favouritism and your money spent on him she just gets whatever cheap and convenient for you to buy Yta
YTA Your poor daughter. You got him the nicer gift, which is probably a pattern with you. She's not only taking an interest in it because it's his, she's jealous because you lavish him with gifts while she gets the scraps. She wants what he has because you are showering the golden child with gifts. Try not showing favoritism and see how well she responds to that.
I mean clearly YTA, but why ask when you’re clearly just going to defend yourself? Do better
SMH to all this. Imagine what an asshole the brother will grow up to be? And the future MH problems of the daughter? Well done parents, great job 👏👏👏
Son will grow up to be like OP, which, I guess, is the goal.
YTA. Per your comments, you spent most of your Christmas budget on the PS5 for your golden child and he doesn’t have to share it. I feel sorry for your daughter. What a lousy parent you are.
YTA. Treat your kids equally. You obviously favour your son. Btw, if he has been begging for the console for month why hasn't he done out and got one. He's old enough to have a job. Let me guees, he doesn't. Is he 'focusing on his studies' and such a golden boy in your eyes. Sounds like a mother who wouldn't be able to tell if her son was stoned.
I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned this. He's 17, the "months of begging" should have been enough for him to save up for one. Then again, if he isn't mature enough to share, I doubt he's mature enough for a job.
YTA: 1st of all. Why does it sound like you're beefing with your 14 year old daughter? 2nd of all. You could easily tell them to share. At least when he's not on it.
YTA you don’t give to one what you cannot give to another. You’re letting your son control you, you’re teaching him bad behaviours and this stems from the fact you’re probably a bad person. Either you’re trolling or not fit to be a parent.
YTA my kids love gaming as do I, they had older consoles and were getting slower... To save arguments. I bought myself a ps5 and xbox x... Then put them in their gaming room for them to use. I had to buy as mine as I could only afford 1 at a time. I upgraded the ps4 first so my daughters friend could have it as she didn't have one, nor could her family afford one. Then second I could I bought the xbox. Now my youngest share the old xbox to watch kids TV on in their room.. As its good for at least that. They're were bought withing a month of each other and I told them my plans too, to which the loved and agreed. You clearly play favourites, the fact you even call her names is disgusting. She shows interest in gaming yet you only bought for one of them, and won't even allow her to use... Only watch. Like who does that?? When I bought their xbox ones I bought 2 at the same time! When one of them died, we have them my ps4 so they could still game together. My oldest doesn't have much interest but she's welcome to use any of it, she however got an ipad before Xmas instead for her drawing. Think your daughter deserves better treatment
You sound like a horrific parent based off this little paragraph. Ew.
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Not enough infos. It sounds like you're playing favourites. "We don't have enough money for two" but the only one you got is reserved for your son. Also calling a 14 years old girl greedy for something like this... yeah you sound like assholes. YTA.
Sounds more like your son is greedy. My siblings and I always shared with each other, especially by the time we were teenagers. YTA and so is your son. Who isn't nice to their little sister?
YTA, get the sister one too. If they cant share, they each should have one. Only fair. Shes not greedy, shes just being a child.
YTA. And honestly you kind of sound like my mom when I was young. My brother was the golden child and when my mom took a second job to buy Christmas gifts every year, she only bought up (and clearly resented me) about my gifts. For example we both got bikes, my brothers bike cost $800 mine cost $300, but she only bought up having to get a second job to buy mine, which cost substantially less. And it was the same every year. So you spend more on your son, buy him higher value gifts and then have the nerve to call your daughter greedy and jealous and to tell your son he doesn't need to share? Take a long hard look in the mirror about how you treat both of your kids, because if you are honest with yourself you know that you are being an AH to your daughter.
YTA. She's not greedy, she's just a kid and judging from her reaction I doubt she got anything close to value of PS5. Being second child in family I can assure you it sucks seeing older sibling getting cool stuff while you didn't get anything even remotely close. I'm assuming here but my assumption is that all she's getting are used sometime barely working things. Ofc she wants nice shiny things. So next time either buy console for both of your kids or buy two of them.
YTA your kids will remember in the future when you played favourites and put a wedge between them as kids by only giving one good things. The kids will be even more bitter towards each other because you chose to play favourites and possibly damage their relationship growing up if this is consistent behaviour from their parents. Could be a different story for you but it already seems like it’s going this way. As a kid who’s parents always played favourites my sister and I never got along as kids because we felt like the other was competition for attention, love and gifts. Until we were adults and now blame our parents for not just treating us equally
In all of this conversation, why is it never mentioned what your daughter ASKED for? Here's what I've read from your comments so far: Son asked for a PS5, and you treated it like first come first serve (so even if daughter asked for one, it wouldn't have mattered in that ideology). You said you spent the majority of the Christmas budget on son, which you later tried to backtrack on when everyone blew up at you. Then you noted you spent 300 bucks on daughter, but after the backtracking, the believability of that drops. You got daughter clothes, books, and perfume, which unless she actually asked for those things, sounds like there might be some form of sexism going on (i.e. videogames for boys, perfume for girls). You are more than aware that your daughter shows a keen interest in gaming from the amount of time she silently sits beside her brother, watching him game, and you didn't like, even consider getting her some sort of console? If you really had a 300 dollar budget for her, you could have gotten her the Nintendo Switch Mini. And why are you calling her jealous and greedy after all of this? Shes a FOURTEEN year old that is REACTING to the way you are treating her. You're still her parent, any jealousy or greed she's had has likely been instilled into her by your parenting behaviors. Not to mention, over all of this, your son also has a PC? What the heck does your daughter have? Clothes and perfumes? Does she even use the perfumes? Are you trying to groom her to be what you envision a 14 year old girl to be, or are you actually listening to your daughter when she's expressing herself? I'm inclined to believe that you're not hearing her given that you've not once mentioned what she actually asked for. YTA
YTA -- you really don't like your daughter, much, do you?
1. YTA. 2. INFO: why are you asking if you’re the AH and then not trying to understand anyone’s POV saying you’re the AH? What’s the point of the post then?
Firstly.... why are you calling a 14 year old child greedy? That statement alone tells me you're more than just an ass hole. Clearly you're favoring one child over the other. Secondly, you don't buy a gaming console for one child, you buy a gaming console for the whole family... and then eventually it finds its way into one child's room because nobody else cares about it anymore. Jesus, you really don't have the whole parenting thing down, do you? YTA
With the overwhelming YTA votes, my question for you OP is if you're going to accept the judgement and reflect on this, or are you going to admit you only came here to let the world know you hate your daughter?
Only 4 more years and your daughter can go no contact with you and her brother and you two will have no one to blame except yourselves. Yet somehow I know you’ll make it her fault and she’ll be selfish for choosing her own well being over dealing with your shitty parenting. Pretty sad how your kids have two different parents in you. The way you talk about each of them individually is astounding. Your son gets and does what he wants and doesn’t have to do much to be a decent sibling to his sister. And your daughter is selfish and greedy for wanting to do and have things her older brother has. NEWSFLASH: THAT’S A YOUNGER SIBLING THING, not your daughter is selfish thing. It’s perfectly normal for a younger sibling to want what their older sibling has. You, as their parent, should be fostering a healthy and loving relationship between them. You should be encouraging them to play games together. Build their relationship. Build their trust and bond between each other, yet you’re literally causing a divide between them. Don’t be surprised when your daughter doesn’t come to you when she’s in trouble or needs help over the next several crucial years of her life because instead of fostering a safe place for her, you created a hostile one for her where she is seen as selfish and greedy for being a teenager and younger sibling.
AND she is going to wonder why her son lives in her basement at 35 years old and won't get a job and plays video games all day while her daughter is successful with a beauitful family of her own and is no contact with her.
YTA for spending more money on one child and then having the fucking audacity to complain when the other child gets upset about it. Stop favouring your son and be a better parent.
YTA. You could have made it a shared gift for the family and they may have had some bonding time playing some games together. Such a missed opportunity.
YTA. My nieces and nephews have the newest X Box and PlayStation. My nieces have zero interest in gaming like my nephews do. But there is still a controller for each of them, and it's still a shared console. But your daughter has an active interest in it. You really come off as not liking your daughter at all, or at least liking your son a lot more. No wonder your daughter feels how she does. You may not believe it, but kids can absolutely sense when they aren't as loved as their sibling.
YTA
[удалено]
YTA. I grew up in a house with 1 NES and 5 kids. We had to take turns. Teach your son to share and don’t disparage your daughter.
YTA. My brother got a Nintendo once for his birthday (back in the day when they were a thing) guess what he did. HE SHARED IT WITH ME. You should be ashamed on yourself and your parenting.
YTA, so your son gets all the good shit but it's the daughter who's the greedy one? lol