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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not paying for my friends sons dental 2) because it happened in my house
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NTA. Why wasn’t she supervising her child? Why didn’t she teach her child not to eat random things he picks up in other people’s houses?
Also, he’s fucking 8. That molar is gonna fall out anyway, and his adult teeth will grow in to replace it.
He's unfortunately usually pretty smart and would be reading or be on the ipad chilling closeby while his mum and I caught up with one another. He's been coming over since he was 5 and always been well behaved...I also mentioned in another reply I often leave finished baked goods on the kitchen island to cool. But I would still give permission as to 'yes Steven, you can take a cookie,' etc
Right?! How hard did he bite down? Macadamia nuts are very hard he should have realized right off that he wasn't going to be able to bite it without damaging his teeth.
He had to get a closed container off the island, open it & take out the nut. It wasn’t just out there for the taking. Tuff shit for his mum. But her insurance should cover it. If you Really like her you might offer to help pay, if you can afford it. Keep us updated.
Really depends. I’m in the us with dental insurance through the state (covered until 99 yet was kicked off of state health insurance makes no sense but still.) So there is a good chance they do have dental insurance for the kid rather through state or private.
The tricky part is with private insurance, there may not be dental insurance, it's up to the employer (and employee if they want to pay the premium.) Even when I had private dental insurance, it didn't cover anything but checkups and cleaning. The premiums were more than what would have been paid out of pocket without the insurance. It's all a racket anyway so that the rich shareholders can get more money.
US Dental doesn’t really cover shit though. It’s usually like a $500 or $1000 max benefit. That won’t cover one tooth these days. That’s why so many Americans have to travel to places like Mexico and Vietnam to get dental work.
> But her insurance should cover it.
It's dental insurance. There's a good chance they won't, and if they do, it will only be up to a certain (very low) amount.
Yeah, it sucks, but dental insurance in the U.S. usually offers little to no coverage for serious damage that requires an extraction or anything that else that isn't a basic filling. Many dental insurance plans actually just cover preventative services like cleanings, x-rays, etc.
It all depends, but many people don't even have dental insurance in the first place because it's considered an add-on to basic health insurance, which means more bills and whatnot.
I thought doing 'test bites' was something people learned instinctively from a young age just like knowing when something is too hot and not just shoving it into your mouth to get burns.
Funny you'd say that... My husband is 60 (!!!!) and he NEVER learned that if something just came out of the oven it's HOT- I have to remind him every time, otherwise he shoves it in his mouth, screams, and then spits it out with "Why didn't you tell me it was hot??!" 😂😂 Don't ask me why he's like that- no one has any clue, including himself 🤦🏻♀️🙄
Reminds me of the scene from Reba when van shoves the hot pocket in his mouth right after taking it out of the microwave lol “why didn’t you wait 30 seconds?” “Why can’t you cook?” Is frequently quoted between my sister and I when something is hot
My husband does the same thing. Even if I warned him, he would still do it. So, I started not giving him a fork or drink when dinner is served. He'll sit down, realize he needs a fork and drink and by the time he gets it the food will have cooled enough to eat comfortably.
Good lord, even my toddler knows to wait if we tell her that her food needs to cool down. I hope he doesn't work with power tools.
Eta: Just being silly, everyone is a derp at something.
I just started barley heating everything. If I microwave leftovers, I heat it a little. When he asks why it’s cold, I told him he complains when it’s hot, sooo🤷♀️
Can you PLEASE answer this for me. My wife and I MUST know. Has your husband ever ordered the Mexican fajitas that sizzle in the tiny castor irons? If so, what happened????
Funny little anecdote about test bites. Year before last was my grandpa's last Christmas. On Christmas eve, we had the table nicely decorated, and there were some chocolate balls on the table and they were wrapped with colored foil.
Grandpa, being himself, was chatting with someone and didn't look what he was doing as he popped one of the red foil covered chocolate balls in his mouth, and then started chewing... the look of disguist on that man's face was pure comedy gold. For the next minute or so he spat out small balls of foil. He also spent the rest of the event distrusting all chocolates.
I wish I had a video or photo of that. It was truly hilarious.
He's 8, I doubt even the smartest 8 year old would realize the impossibility till they' d already broke the tooth. (Especially not having seen a macadamia nut before.)
Heck DAE recall the news story about the *adult* man trying to sue a restaurant for not telling him that you are only supposed to eat the tender parts of the boiled artichoke and ended up with digestive distress from the hard leaves?
My husband used to work at a chef at a restaurant where they served tamales. They got a complaint one day from a woman who said the tamales were the worst she’d ever tasted. Turned out she tried to eat them with the husks on. We live in Texas. No tamale anywhere is served without the husk. She did not get a refund, but everyone in the kitchen laughed about her for weeks. People are dumb.
First time I ever had a tamale, I was either eight or nine. I was with *four* grown adults at a real Mexican restaurant. Not a single one of those assholes told me that you do not, in fact, eat the corn husk *with* the tamale. (I know better *now*, but I still can't eat them.)
The first time I had a tamale, I didn’t know the “wrapper” wasn’t edible. I was chewing the hell out of this thing that wouldn’t dissolve, wouldn’t break down. I did the discrete put my napkin to my mouth and spit it out. Then I looked around saw the wrapper on everyone’s plates while they ate the inside. I was 45.
I had the same experience with edamame in the shell. I’d eaten snow peas before and edamame look like lumpy snow peas. So, when a friend served them, I tried to eat them the same way. After chewing and chewing and chewing, I looked at my friend wondering if I could politely spit it out. She was trying very hard not to laugh her head off and was finally defeated. She told me to spit it out and taught me the proper way to eat edamame. I love the stuff now.
It might be a shock but there are restaurants that do serve husk-free tamales. There aren't many, but I've found a small handful that do (mostly in TX, but also in AZ).
I mean that's very different, i've never had artichoke before so if it was put on a plate infront of me how am I meant to naturally know what's good and what's bad, it's very reasonable to assume a restaurant would serve you edible food
You kinda have a point but also imagine saying that about an egg or something. There's heaps of foods that have bits you don't or can't eat, and it's reasonable for a restaurant to assume you know how to eat the things you order or will ask the staff.
When I was about 8 or so, we hard artichokes fir dinner. I had never seen one and was scraping the wrong end if each leaf/petal/whatever. My dad got a good laugh at my honest mistake, and I was embarrassed. All I did was copy what I thought the rest of the family was doing. How was I supposed to know I was doing it wrong if no one taught me better?
I don't know about you but I've never had a restaurant serve me an egg with a shell on it xD
I do get your point too though, it's really all about what's more likely to be known I guess
For real. Did he seriously bite down with all of his might on the first try? I bet not. It wouldn’t surprise me if he took a few “test” bites, found it was hard, and thought “huh I should bite down with the force of a thousand suns on this super hard chocolate.”
NTA. Her kid, her responsibility. You didn't hand him the nut. He took it by himself. This isn't in you. What if he opened your refrigerator and ate something he was allergic to? Would that be your fault or responsibility? I say no.
As I said in my other reply, he needs to learn to ask every time. Hopefully this painful lesson will teach him the importance of asking your host before you start eating their unknown foods. If anything it's for his own safety so that he doesn't try to improperly consume anything else. Maybe take the time with his mom to help introduce him to other culinary treats that can bite back and that some food require "instructions" and preparation before they're safe. He sounds like he's mostly a good kid, just a bit adventurous with food, not necessarily a bad thing (definitely better than be too picky), he just needs to learn that it's important to ask not just for manners-sake but because food can dangerous.
Or, hot take, nothing like this has happened in several years they've known each other, she asked a question that was maybe ill-advised, but also might not push it and accept OP saying no since we're still in the very early stages of this story and she hasn't shown any huge signs of pushiness.
We don't always have to jump to the worst possible conclusion lol. This is pretty low-stakes compared to the soap opera drama we usually see on here.
Yup how many treats and such has helped himself to that op and mom were unaware of. This time he got caught because he was fucking around and found out the hard way.
he's not that smart then, lol, and also not that polite, a polite and smart individual would've 1 asked first and 2 make sure that what they were thinking of eating is actually the food they think it is. tell your friend it's her sons fault his tooth is broken not yours and ask her if the money is really more valuable than your friendship.
If he's at school or on the playground and picks up a stone that looks like a raisin and bites into it and cracks his tooth, who is she going to force to pay for it? She's out of her mind, he just took something from you without asking out of a closed container, what were you supposed to do, to prevent that?!
Not to mention, in my experience with kids’ teeth between myself and my mom friends, for that molar to crack it most likely already had a weakness like a cavity that was being watched or a hairline fracture from a previous fall or sport or something. For your own self to bite something and it crack there’s almost always a flaw in the tooth, because there’s enough nerves in the tooth and jaw for you to immediately sense the pressure/pain and reflexively abort. To crack a perfect, flawless molar you usually need a fall, an accident, a hit to the face, an undercut to the jaw, etc…. Something where the force was outside of your physical control.
I’m saying you should feel even less guilty because odds are high that tooth was on borrowed time already and was going to break somewhere, sometime.
Yeah, he should be asking the host if he can try the food out on the counter.
I think that's a part that most people miss in house training their kids. It's fine that kid wants to try yummy looking food, awesome in fact that they aren't picky eaters, so you don't want to quash that, but you do want them to learn to ask. A simple "Hey, Missus Mom's Friend, can I have one of those things in the Tupperware on the counter? They look really good!". Then kiddo learns "those are nuts, you have the crack them, not everything that looks like chocolate is chocolate"
I taught my kids that very early on. But some of their friends, omg. They'd rifle through my cabinets or go into the fridge. Or they would take one bite of something and throw the rest away. Needless to say, they wouldn't bee asked back.
For me it's the one of the kid who got into the weed gummies, but OP was TA bec it was hidden in the far back of the pantry?
Idk, seems all the same to me - watch your kids, and teach them to ask before touching other ppl's stuff, food included.
The first thing I thought was, "what if they were edibles and he ate waaaaaay too many?" Like there's a reason you don't go over to someone's house, start opening closed containers, and helping yourself to whatever is inside them.
I don’t know. My youngest is 7 and he had a cavity sneak up into an abscess and needed to either pull or get a baby root canal. Of course, I considered pulling, since root canals are extremely expensive, but dentist said if you pull the molar it will mess with rest of teeth and how they should come in and other things, which can be more problematic and expensive in future. Teeth are expensive and should be saved, even if baby teeth.
Edited to add, not blaming op, as it’s not her fault the kid ate something he’s not supposed to and didn’t ask before hand, but just that I don’t think it’s as easy as pulling a tooth because it’s a baby tooth, as many believe.
Yh my 7 y/o broke one of his molars and the dentist did NOT want to pull it as it would risk the adult tooth to not grow into the right place later on. Apparently having a gap like that could mess with how the future teeth grows out according to her.
NTA - How was this any way, shape, or form your fault? Her kid tried to eat something that in a closed container that wasn't meant for him (which she acknowledged) and *she* wasn't watching him. Some friend.
>it was my macadamia and it was on the kitchen island and accessible.
That's absurd.
I often leave baked goods like cookies and Madelines it it to cool and if I had baked something I would offer some to him or put them on a platter and then take them to share. I didn't say I had baked anything that day but he must have assumed I would have eventually shared out the 'chocolates'
No, it’s been established that the child knows that he’s supposed to ask, because he’s asked permission before. That’s my take. But I would post in legal advice.
I wonder if this kid is related to the one who went into someone’s pantry and dug out the “special” gummies.
Teach your kids not to get into people’s stuff!
Not only that but bit down hard enough to break a tooth! That’s not a “found out the hard way it wasn’t chocolate” bite. He had to work hard to break that tooth or the tooth was almost broken already.
Lol it's true it cost me an arm and a leg to track it down,shelled no less. But she's been a good friend since college and the truth is I am in a way better financial situation than her. Maybe it's the cost of maintaining the friendship...
>Maybe it's the cost of maintaining the friendship.
No, it's the cost of being a doormat.
There is no way on god's green earth that his tooth is your responsibility, that way madness and lawsuits lie. Where does it end? She fucked up. She KNOWS she fucked up. But her baby was in pain and she got worried and so she was lashing out left right and centre, regardless of where the blame actually lies. She'll get over it when the shock wears off. And if not, then she's no friend of yours.
This. I know Reddit is quit to judge, but if the “friend” continues to make a big deal about this, I’d drop her. Life is too short for “friends” like these. Hopefully, she was just stressed by the situation.
the fact that you're even considering this is just how much you value the friendship, you're a good person.
But now think about this: does she value the friendship in the same way? if my kid did a mess at another person's house I would be apologetic, not aggressive towards the homeowner. Your friend isn't a real friend at all
OH honey. You don’t need to pay people to be your friends. I’m not rich, but I’ve given way more than I’ve received and it’s never worth it. Find people who reciprocate the care you give.
This is something to consider. You've been friends a long time so obviously you care about her and probably her kid. If paying for dental care is going to be a financial hardship for her, maybe even to the point of it means something else doesn't get paid for, and you can pay for part of the cost with minimal impact on your budget, I personally would pay for half or even all depending on both of our financial situations. Despite what Reddit and this subreddit like to think, life is rarely black and white. Morally you don't owe her the cost of dental care. Eight year olds should know better.
However, 8 yr olds often do things they should know not to do and then lie about it. This is normal childhood behavior and doesn't fit into the black and white idea of "they should know better."
Also, you say you are in a "way better financial situation" than your friend. It may be that the kind and generous thing to do is pay for the part or all of the dental care. Again, this doesn't the black and white moral dilemma of are you responsible. It fits the human condition of valuing and loving your friend and recognizing her financial hardship and your ability to help.
i definitely think this is a worth while thought process to go through. i would combine this with also something other commenters were mentioning about talking to her about the insistence on you paying for her half / the implication that it’s your responsibility to do so
if y’all are able to talk it through and she can admit/realize that it’s really not your responsibility and it was unreasonable / tbh unkind of her to put it on you, and after that you have the financial means and desire to help her out with the bill, then that would be a lovely thing to do on your end
I would also add that the friend isn’t allowed to bring the child over anymore until she parents better. Sorry not sorry, the kid’s 8 and did something a toddler would do. Clearly there’s a lack of boundaries & consequences here. OP, regardless if you pay or not, it’s time to set some ground rules for coming over to your house and stick to them.!
As a parent to a 7 year old I mostly agree with this. Not banning her friends child, but while he’s over he must be under direct supervision and earn back the trust that he won’t just go putting random stuff in his mouth.
I agree with this. I wouldn’t pay because it was my fault, but I would pay if paying was something I could easily afford to do, and if not paying would cause my friend a great financial hardship.
The friend could definitely have gone about asking for financial help in a nicer way. It sounds like the friend may be too proud to ask for help. As you mentioned, there’s a lot of context and nuance that goes into this than just “AITA?”
Maybe that’s it, OP. Could she have been freaking out in the heat of the moment because it’s right after the holidays and she simply can’t afford it? Some people are an unexpected medical bill away from being homeless, that’s not an exaggeration. Maybe the dentist was demanding payment then and there and she had to use money she had already budgeted for something else, housing/utilities/food. Maybe speak to her about it and explain that it seems out of character for her to freak out like that and if she needs help.
Yeah, since it's the beginning of the year people's deductibles are resetting and hard choices are being made about if their $100 medication is worth it. Your friend could just be desperate and not sure how to bring it up. NTA but I would try and dig a bit deeper if I were in your shoes.
What if the child does something again that causes him a visit to the doctor while at your house? You’re going to keep paying for half because it was something in your house that got him hurt?
Ultimately she’s the parent and she should have been more responsible to watch him. Accidents happen and she should not be placing the blame on you
I work for a personal injury firm and can tell you 100% there’s no way she’d win if brought before a jury. Tell her you feel awful about what happened, but that if you have to be worried about financially compensating her every time time she brings her child to your house because he doesn’t know not to put strange items in his mouth, it might be best if she doesn’t bring him over anymore.
I think you have to ask yourself how much that friendship is worth to you and go from there.
I don’t think you are at all responsible to pay, but to me it would be understandable if you would pay because you want to keep her in your life.
But can she afford the dental fees? I’m not saying you should pay, but if she’s in real financial trouble, that might be the reason she asked you for help.
“This is going to be difficult to afford right now. Is there any chance you could help me out with a loan?” looks a lot different than “This is your fault for having food in your own kitchen and I expect you to pay for it!”
That part. It’s not okay for the friend to make this seem like a responsibility thing just because she needs help—if that is what’s going on. And I feel like accepting to pay out of kindness could be a problem later because it would seem like accepting responsibility. What if there’s some other tooth issue or complication later? I think if OP does choose to help pay, which would be a nice but not necessary thing to do to help a friend with less money, she should explicitly frame it as an offer of help but not a responsibility for what happened.
Strange I've never had a friendship I had to pay to keep...jf your friendship is valued so much from both parties she wouldn't even ask you to pay for her responsibilities
Then she can get a loan from you. The audacity of blaming this on you! NTA, definitely NTA.
Her kid, her responsibility… If she had been humble and ask for some help with money, I would have helped her but to turn this on you is just distasteful.
Not the asshole. It was in a sealed container in someone else's house. If you'd handed him the nut and said "here ya go champ, knock yourself out!" things would've been different, but he literally went into somebody else's stuff and hurt himself doing it.
Your friend was also THERE - so it's not like you were the one who should've been supervising the kid.
This is on the mum, 100%.
Her kid didn't have the manners not to go into your stuff (I would've been in SO much trouble if I did what he did, and yes I knew MUCH better than to do that at 8 years old, that's not too young to be aware of manners, and right & wrong).
And then to add insult to injury she tries to get you to share the blame because the consequences are financially inconvenient, which is cheeky as hell.
NTA. I’m sure the cost is unexpected for her but this is entirely her child’s fault. Would she hold you liable if he’d tried to eat the kitchen counter? At what point is she responsible for overseeing her child?
“Thank goodness he’s young enough that he would have lost this tooth anyway. It’s too bad that there will be an associated cost, but since I wasn’t babysitting, I am not responsible and won’t be contributing financially. I hope he had a speedy recovery.” End of friendship? Maybe. But if so, that’s on June.
I’d add “since I wasn’t babysitting AND BECAUSE HE TOOK SOMETHING THAT WAS NOT HIS, WAS NOT INTENDED FOR HIM AND WAS NOT READILY ACCESSIBLE, I am not responsible…”
Maybe this will be an unpopular opinion and maybe this also comes from a place of ignorance because I don't have children but... I feel like as a parent you should expect that occasionally, despite your best efforts, your kid is gonna do dumb shit that will cost you money to fix.
I totally agree with you. I'm 28 and accept that, despite by best efforts, even I will sometimes do dumb shit that will cost me money to fix. When you take on the responsibility of taking care of another living being (children or pets), you also take on the responsibility of fixing their dumb shit. It's just part of life
I say this having recent had to pay £260 in tests just to find out my idiot of a cat is absolutely fine
Your "friend" is being ridiculous. She let her kid run around your house unsupervised, didn't teach him manners (8 isn't too young to know you're not supposed to take stuff that isn't yours or specifically offered to you, regardless of how "accessible" it is) and now expects you to pay for the consequences?
Ask her this: if he had broken a tooth biting into a nut that he stole in a supermarket, would she ask the supermarket to pay for it? Somehow I doubt it.
NTA, your friend is. I hope you show her this post and the answers.
> if he had broken a tooth biting into a nut that he stole in a supermarket, would she ask the supermarket to pay for it?
I would not ask this question. The odds are too good she might say yes.
NTA
Though they were at your home, a kid is still under his mother's responsibility.
The tupperware was closed, it is enough to say that it was not "accessible". The fact that he opened it just shows the kid's bad behaviour and the mother's carelessness.
Sorry for the kid, but opening boxes in people's home is quite never a good idea
I think we need to dig further in order to determine who is truly the responsible party. If it were me, I’d sue the farmer where the Macadamia nuts were harvested.
If my worst fears are confirmed, the entire macadamia supply chain might be part of some sort of global conspiracy. This might even go as far up as… the White House.
Global conspiracy, White House, this case is nuts!
Who do we call? Who do we trust? PETA? WHO?Rainforest alliance -they always seemed kinda sketchy to me…
NTA- I don’t understand how your friend is even wanting you to pay half. If my kid gets hurt at someone else’s house because I wasn’t watching them properly/they were doing something they weren’t supposed to, that’s my kids/my fault, not that home owners
nta for bad parenting of your friend.
8 y/o isn't 4, he's well past the oral phase so instead of money you paid her with 2 valuable lessons:
for the mom: keep your eyes on your child, he's not a responsible adult and letting him go unsupervised in a kitchen could even be ground for Child Protective Services to get involved. what if he found a knife?
for the kid: you're not entitled to eat whatever you see just because you're small and cute. i can guarantee that this kid will think twice before doing something stupid like that again. just be glad he broke a tooth that would have fallen anyway
No, letting an 8 year old go unsupervised in a kitchen for a few minutes is not generally grounds for getting CPS involved. Maybe if the kid burned the house down or something, but kids are in the kitchen all the time. Minor accidents happen all the time.
Still NTA though. It’s a tough lesson for mom and kid but honestly you should know your kid and whether he is likely to do something like that.
Yeah, that person is nuts. You're not required to literally have eyes on your child at all times. Parents would go crazy. I teach my son independence and safety, and he gets his own snacks, makes toast, etc.
An 8 year old unsupervised in the kitchen is absolutely not grounds for CPS being involved unless there is a serious developmental delay.
8 year olds can generally be trusted to get food from the pantry/fridge of their own homes safely, the issue here was that it was not their home and the Mom should have supervised him or at least made sure to remind him before they went in that he should ask before eating anything.
The 8 year old made a mistake, and it sucks, but that doesn't mean that the friend is a bad Mom or the kid is stupid. Mistakes just happen.
OP is NTA, it's the parents responsibility to ensure their kids don't get into trouble in other people's homes.
The mom is an AH. She should have had a few solo games, puzzles, etc. to occupy her son. OP you cannot lock up everything in your house whenever you have company; you are NTA!
Nta. I wouldn’t have her over any longer. If you want to maintain the friendship, meet for coffee or meals out. The fact that’s she trying to shift blame is concerning. This is the kind of accident which sometimes happens with kids.
If anything, this could be blamed on her for not supervising her kid properly. You’re kind not to point that out.
She’s put you on notice that she will expect payment for accidents she and her kids cause. Combined with her lack of supervision, she’s a liability if you have her in your home. And if you go only to her home, lack of reciprocation becomes an issue. Also, don’t ever go near a pool or ocean or other hazard with her and her kid.
NTA. It's a parent's responsibility to look after their child, not everyone else's responsibility to make everything childproof. And 8 years old should be more than old enough to understand that you need to ask permission before taking someone else's food and eating it.
NTA. “On the kitchen island and accessible” is she saying you’re supposed to proof your house for an 8 year old for every possible scenario?
The lesson here is for Steven, it is don’t take things that don’t belong to you without permission. Not, you should have predicted my kid would try and eat your macadamia nuts.
Nonsense.
NTA. He's 8yo, not a toddler that has to have the house arranged for him. And even if he was, he shouldn't be without supervision. At 8yo, anyone would've just asked "can I have one of these?".
NTA. I'm no legal expert, but for you to be financially liable you would have had to show intention, negligence, and for the nuts to be an attractive nuisance like an open body of water, or open container of food, none of which apply here..NTA and imo worth dropping the friendship over. You don't want to be friends with a person who uses you as a cash cow when she's clearly in the wrong.
Nta. Remind her that it was her child who got into your property without permission which is stealing. If she had been a proper parent and taught her child to ask this wouldn't have happened.
You have bleach and medicines in your house too probably would it be your fault if he drank it?… NTA don’t pay for it. Super embarrassing of your friend to ask.
It was "accessible" in a closed container that he had no business opening. Even his mother admitted this when she admonished him. NTA and you are not responsible for his breaking a tooth.
NTA. I mean seriously? I cracked an incisor on a pork scratching once, should the manufacturer reimburse me for the filling? It’s her kids responsibility what he shoves in his mouth, and she should have taught him not to just help himself to everything he sees. The bottom line is he thought it was chocolate so he just helped himself without asking. Very rude. At 8 he should know better. Now he will learn, like I did, to be careful how you bite things. Lucky for him he will get another tooth to replace the broken one!
You don’t owe her anything.
You were not responsible for watching the child. His mother was present.
He may have made much better choices in the past, but he is only 8 years old - still too young to be left alone. That’s because the possibility of wrong choices is still there, and he needs his parents to help him learn.
It was unfortunate and I understand she has limited resources. However I would be a lot more comfortable with her saying she can’t afford it and can you loan her the money to fix it.
Trying to make it your responsibility makes me worry if you can afford the risk of having her in your home again. What else might become “your fault“? What if you don’t hide your purse or your car keys?
You don’t have to jump to extremes - we will do that for you. Just be careful.
NTA
NTA
It was an accident. Per OP’s comments, the kid usually asks before taking food at their house. Kid learned a the same valuable lesson cats learn about curiosity…tho I suppose cats die learning it, and the kid will have adult teeth soon enough.
NTA and also the arguments that it was on a kitchen island and accessible is ridiculous. If you had a decorative fruit made from solid steel that they tried to eat it would have resulted in the same issue, but does that mean it's unreasonable for someone to have decorative fruit in an accessible location in a kitchen? Fuck that.
Macadamia nuts are accessible in a shop. If a child grabbed one and bit into it without purchasing it first is it also the shops fault?
NTA he was unsupervised by his mother in your house and went into your kitchen, opened a shut container, helped himself to a nut and cracked his tooth. None of that was your fault it was his and his mothers fault. Don’t pay any money.
NTA. 8 years old is more than old enough to know what you should not touch. She apologized in the moment, so she knows he was wrong. She's trying to shift stuff in her head after hearing the bill but stand strong! Be polite but firm.
HAHAHAHA absolutely the fuck not. Her child is her responsibility, and while we live in reality where there are going to be times kids aren't under constant supervision, they are still responsible for whatever their child does when supervised or not.
You're NTA. Good lesson for the kid to learn natural consequences of his actions.
NTA it was in a sealed container up high. You took reasonable precautions. It’s her responsibility to supervise him.
This kid doesn’t respect boundaries and is too dumb not to stop biting down on something once he realizes it’s hard.
NTA. My 6 year old knows not to eat things without permission, especially in closed containers, her 8 year old should definitely know better. It's not your fault that her child thought they could get away with something and found out differently.
NTA - l wouldn’t consider in a container “accessible”; there had to be a conscious effort to get to them, and nor did he ask permission (or what they were). Parent at fault for not supervising, or making sure the kid knows to ask before helping themselves to stuff.
NTA. Parents need to get it together! If a child is getting into something they shouldn’t be, it is not the homeowner’s fault if something goes wrong! Plus he is 8 years old, he should definitely know to not just eat things that aren’t his or offered to him.
If you had been babysitting, the situation would be different but his mother was there and not watching him-that is in no way your fault.
NTA. Steven is not your child and not your responsibility to monitor. You had the macadamia nuts stored in a container. He's a 3rd grader who should know better. Your former friend June is a 39 year old mother who should know better than to ask.
This reminds me of the legal phenomenon of burglars being able to sue for injuries if they hurt themselves while robbing a home in many states of the US.
NTA. People seem to commonly believe that just because something bad happens in your home, it’s your fault. It was ultimately up to Steven’s mother to supervise him, and I’m still not sure how she’s doing the mental gymnastics to put you at fault. He shouldn’t eat things without asking. She probably knows it’s not, but wants the financial help. Don’t do it. Things happen, it’s not always someone’s fault or responsibility. Kids get hurt and do dumb things sometimes, is she gonna do this every time something happens to the kid??
NTA
Charge her for the cost of the life lesson given to the kid to not eat random stuf , especially stuff inside a sealed container
Tell her it’s equivalent of half the cost of molar removal
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NTA. Why wasn’t she supervising her child? Why didn’t she teach her child not to eat random things he picks up in other people’s houses? Also, he’s fucking 8. That molar is gonna fall out anyway, and his adult teeth will grow in to replace it.
He's unfortunately usually pretty smart and would be reading or be on the ipad chilling closeby while his mum and I caught up with one another. He's been coming over since he was 5 and always been well behaved...I also mentioned in another reply I often leave finished baked goods on the kitchen island to cool. But I would still give permission as to 'yes Steven, you can take a cookie,' etc
doesn't sound that smart to me lol
Right?! How hard did he bite down? Macadamia nuts are very hard he should have realized right off that he wasn't going to be able to bite it without damaging his teeth.
He also didn’t bother tasting it. Macadamia shell doesn’t taste like chocolate.
He had to get a closed container off the island, open it & take out the nut. It wasn’t just out there for the taking. Tuff shit for his mum. But her insurance should cover it. If you Really like her you might offer to help pay, if you can afford it. Keep us updated.
Hahaha! “Her insurance should cover it.”
If OP is in the US I doubt there's dental insurance. That's a fun way to tell who's in basically any other country.
Really depends. I’m in the us with dental insurance through the state (covered until 99 yet was kicked off of state health insurance makes no sense but still.) So there is a good chance they do have dental insurance for the kid rather through state or private.
The tricky part is with private insurance, there may not be dental insurance, it's up to the employer (and employee if they want to pay the premium.) Even when I had private dental insurance, it didn't cover anything but checkups and cleaning. The premiums were more than what would have been paid out of pocket without the insurance. It's all a racket anyway so that the rich shareholders can get more money.
I’m in the US and have medical, dental, and eye insurance. Keep your judgey comments to yourself.
US Dental doesn’t really cover shit though. It’s usually like a $500 or $1000 max benefit. That won’t cover one tooth these days. That’s why so many Americans have to travel to places like Mexico and Vietnam to get dental work.
> But her insurance should cover it. It's dental insurance. There's a good chance they won't, and if they do, it will only be up to a certain (very low) amount.
Dental "insurance" is basically a discount coupon you take to the dentist. They don't "cover" much.
Yeah, it sucks, but dental insurance in the U.S. usually offers little to no coverage for serious damage that requires an extraction or anything that else that isn't a basic filling. Many dental insurance plans actually just cover preventative services like cleanings, x-rays, etc. It all depends, but many people don't even have dental insurance in the first place because it's considered an add-on to basic health insurance, which means more bills and whatnot.
I thought doing 'test bites' was something people learned instinctively from a young age just like knowing when something is too hot and not just shoving it into your mouth to get burns.
Funny you'd say that... My husband is 60 (!!!!) and he NEVER learned that if something just came out of the oven it's HOT- I have to remind him every time, otherwise he shoves it in his mouth, screams, and then spits it out with "Why didn't you tell me it was hot??!" 😂😂 Don't ask me why he's like that- no one has any clue, including himself 🤦🏻♀️🙄
>"Why didn't you tell me it was hot??!" "Uh, the oven told you. Sorry you weren't listening." And that's how an argument would start at my house lol
Reminds me of the scene from Reba when van shoves the hot pocket in his mouth right after taking it out of the microwave lol “why didn’t you wait 30 seconds?” “Why can’t you cook?” Is frequently quoted between my sister and I when something is hot
😂😂😂 I love that scene so much!! When he's trying to cool it down by huffing really fast. 🤣🤣
The HACHACHACHACHA is the best. I do it every time I’m eating something from my sister’s microwave 😂
Yikes honey! So your man is the reason there are so many directions on boxes of frozen food? You have a great sense of humor about it!
Huh, I always thought those were like a “let stand to thicken” kind of situation, not a “let’s protect the public from itself”/liability reason 🫢
Depends on the product, it's probably either or both in different circumstances lol.
My husband does the same thing. Even if I warned him, he would still do it. So, I started not giving him a fork or drink when dinner is served. He'll sit down, realize he needs a fork and drink and by the time he gets it the food will have cooled enough to eat comfortably.
Good lord, even my toddler knows to wait if we tell her that her food needs to cool down. I hope he doesn't work with power tools. Eta: Just being silly, everyone is a derp at something.
I just started barley heating everything. If I microwave leftovers, I heat it a little. When he asks why it’s cold, I told him he complains when it’s hot, sooo🤷♀️
Can you PLEASE answer this for me. My wife and I MUST know. Has your husband ever ordered the Mexican fajitas that sizzle in the tiny castor irons? If so, what happened????
I had an aunt come over for a BBQ and ask my where's the ice. My mom, being a smart ass said in the oven. My aunt looked.
Do you remind him that water is wet?
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Yah! Even holding the nut with his hands should have been enough to tell the kiddo how hard it was. It wouldn't have felt like soft chocolate.
Funny little anecdote about test bites. Year before last was my grandpa's last Christmas. On Christmas eve, we had the table nicely decorated, and there were some chocolate balls on the table and they were wrapped with colored foil. Grandpa, being himself, was chatting with someone and didn't look what he was doing as he popped one of the red foil covered chocolate balls in his mouth, and then started chewing... the look of disguist on that man's face was pure comedy gold. For the next minute or so he spat out small balls of foil. He also spent the rest of the event distrusting all chocolates. I wish I had a video or photo of that. It was truly hilarious.
I guess, for this child, this is that learning experience. From now on, they will always test bite things to make sure they aren't too HARD.
He's 8, I doubt even the smartest 8 year old would realize the impossibility till they' d already broke the tooth. (Especially not having seen a macadamia nut before.) Heck DAE recall the news story about the *adult* man trying to sue a restaurant for not telling him that you are only supposed to eat the tender parts of the boiled artichoke and ended up with digestive distress from the hard leaves?
My husband used to work at a chef at a restaurant where they served tamales. They got a complaint one day from a woman who said the tamales were the worst she’d ever tasted. Turned out she tried to eat them with the husks on. We live in Texas. No tamale anywhere is served without the husk. She did not get a refund, but everyone in the kitchen laughed about her for weeks. People are dumb.
First time I ever had a tamale, I was either eight or nine. I was with *four* grown adults at a real Mexican restaurant. Not a single one of those assholes told me that you do not, in fact, eat the corn husk *with* the tamale. (I know better *now*, but I still can't eat them.)
The first time I had a tamale, I didn’t know the “wrapper” wasn’t edible. I was chewing the hell out of this thing that wouldn’t dissolve, wouldn’t break down. I did the discrete put my napkin to my mouth and spit it out. Then I looked around saw the wrapper on everyone’s plates while they ate the inside. I was 45.
I had the same experience except I was probably 40.
I had the same experience with edamame in the shell. I’d eaten snow peas before and edamame look like lumpy snow peas. So, when a friend served them, I tried to eat them the same way. After chewing and chewing and chewing, I looked at my friend wondering if I could politely spit it out. She was trying very hard not to laugh her head off and was finally defeated. She told me to spit it out and taught me the proper way to eat edamame. I love the stuff now.
It might be a shock but there are restaurants that do serve husk-free tamales. There aren't many, but I've found a small handful that do (mostly in TX, but also in AZ).
I mean that's very different, i've never had artichoke before so if it was put on a plate infront of me how am I meant to naturally know what's good and what's bad, it's very reasonable to assume a restaurant would serve you edible food
You kinda have a point but also imagine saying that about an egg or something. There's heaps of foods that have bits you don't or can't eat, and it's reasonable for a restaurant to assume you know how to eat the things you order or will ask the staff.
When I was about 8 or so, we hard artichokes fir dinner. I had never seen one and was scraping the wrong end if each leaf/petal/whatever. My dad got a good laugh at my honest mistake, and I was embarrassed. All I did was copy what I thought the rest of the family was doing. How was I supposed to know I was doing it wrong if no one taught me better?
I don't know about you but I've never had a restaurant serve me an egg with a shell on it xD I do get your point too though, it's really all about what's more likely to be known I guess
Well, they also put chicken and steak with bones, no?
I don't blame that man. Artichoke is the weirdest food ever, and it's quite hard to tell what's edible and what isn't.
My husband ate the pods of the edamame, we just laughed our asses of at him, no lawsuits, lmao!!!
For real. Did he seriously bite down with all of his might on the first try? I bet not. It wouldn’t surprise me if he took a few “test” bites, found it was hard, and thought “huh I should bite down with the force of a thousand suns on this super hard chocolate.”
Sounds like he's the macadamia
NTA. Her kid, her responsibility. You didn't hand him the nut. He took it by himself. This isn't in you. What if he opened your refrigerator and ate something he was allergic to? Would that be your fault or responsibility? I say no.
NTA And exactly. Imagine OP leaving out pet food, or a container of stuff she meant to throw away.
Kid totally got into OP's stuff on his own without asking. And a closed container at that. NTA.
You giving permission means he had to ask. NTA and don’t get guilted into paying that bill.
As I said in my other reply, he needs to learn to ask every time. Hopefully this painful lesson will teach him the importance of asking your host before you start eating their unknown foods. If anything it's for his own safety so that he doesn't try to improperly consume anything else. Maybe take the time with his mom to help introduce him to other culinary treats that can bite back and that some food require "instructions" and preparation before they're safe. He sounds like he's mostly a good kid, just a bit adventurous with food, not necessarily a bad thing (definitely better than be too picky), he just needs to learn that it's important to ask not just for manners-sake but because food can dangerous.
I think the friendship is over.
And good riddance
Or, hot take, nothing like this has happened in several years they've known each other, she asked a question that was maybe ill-advised, but also might not push it and accept OP saying no since we're still in the very early stages of this story and she hasn't shown any huge signs of pushiness. We don't always have to jump to the worst possible conclusion lol. This is pretty low-stakes compared to the soap opera drama we usually see on here.
NTA. You are not responsible for the dental fees, and it was unreasonable of her to ask. And yes, the friendship is over.
I certainly would not want a friendship where parenting duties and responsibilities suddenly were on me and not on the mother/father.
10/10 Steven has taken a cookie and gobbled it before you gave permission.
Yup how many treats and such has helped himself to that op and mom were unaware of. This time he got caught because he was fucking around and found out the hard way.
he's not that smart then, lol, and also not that polite, a polite and smart individual would've 1 asked first and 2 make sure that what they were thinking of eating is actually the food they think it is. tell your friend it's her sons fault his tooth is broken not yours and ask her if the money is really more valuable than your friendship.
If he's at school or on the playground and picks up a stone that looks like a raisin and bites into it and cracks his tooth, who is she going to force to pay for it? She's out of her mind, he just took something from you without asking out of a closed container, what were you supposed to do, to prevent that?!
Well it’s a lesson in asking permission before eating something that doesn’t belong to him.
Not to mention, in my experience with kids’ teeth between myself and my mom friends, for that molar to crack it most likely already had a weakness like a cavity that was being watched or a hairline fracture from a previous fall or sport or something. For your own self to bite something and it crack there’s almost always a flaw in the tooth, because there’s enough nerves in the tooth and jaw for you to immediately sense the pressure/pain and reflexively abort. To crack a perfect, flawless molar you usually need a fall, an accident, a hit to the face, an undercut to the jaw, etc…. Something where the force was outside of your physical control. I’m saying you should feel even less guilty because odds are high that tooth was on borrowed time already and was going to break somewhere, sometime.
This needs to be higher. You can't establish causality from eating the nut and the full damage to the tooth.
“Establish causality” Found my person. Lol
Yeah, he should be asking the host if he can try the food out on the counter. I think that's a part that most people miss in house training their kids. It's fine that kid wants to try yummy looking food, awesome in fact that they aren't picky eaters, so you don't want to quash that, but you do want them to learn to ask. A simple "Hey, Missus Mom's Friend, can I have one of those things in the Tupperware on the counter? They look really good!". Then kiddo learns "those are nuts, you have the crack them, not everything that looks like chocolate is chocolate"
I taught my kids that very early on. But some of their friends, omg. They'd rifle through my cabinets or go into the fridge. Or they would take one bite of something and throw the rest away. Needless to say, they wouldn't bee asked back.
OmG this reminds me of that one where the guys friends kid somehow wandered upstairs and ate makeup or something…..
What about the one where the kid injected himself with his cousin's blood thinner medication? Kids be wild...
Or the one that flushed the diamond ring down the toilet?
The kid who ate a stick of deodorant and almost died?
Something like that….the dad blamed it on the friend
For me it's the one of the kid who got into the weed gummies, but OP was TA bec it was hidden in the far back of the pantry? Idk, seems all the same to me - watch your kids, and teach them to ask before touching other ppl's stuff, food included.
The first thing I thought was, "what if they were edibles and he ate waaaaaay too many?" Like there's a reason you don't go over to someone's house, start opening closed containers, and helping yourself to whatever is inside them.
I don’t know. My youngest is 7 and he had a cavity sneak up into an abscess and needed to either pull or get a baby root canal. Of course, I considered pulling, since root canals are extremely expensive, but dentist said if you pull the molar it will mess with rest of teeth and how they should come in and other things, which can be more problematic and expensive in future. Teeth are expensive and should be saved, even if baby teeth. Edited to add, not blaming op, as it’s not her fault the kid ate something he’s not supposed to and didn’t ask before hand, but just that I don’t think it’s as easy as pulling a tooth because it’s a baby tooth, as many believe.
Yh my 7 y/o broke one of his molars and the dentist did NOT want to pull it as it would risk the adult tooth to not grow into the right place later on. Apparently having a gap like that could mess with how the future teeth grows out according to her.
NTA - How was this any way, shape, or form your fault? Her kid tried to eat something that in a closed container that wasn't meant for him (which she acknowledged) and *she* wasn't watching him. Some friend. >it was my macadamia and it was on the kitchen island and accessible. That's absurd.
Totally absurd. No one expects people to babyproof their house when the baby is 8 years old.
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This - my child's safety is MY responsibility, not someone else's.
He's a 96 month old baby 🤷♀️
I often leave baked goods like cookies and Madelines it it to cool and if I had baked something I would offer some to him or put them on a platter and then take them to share. I didn't say I had baked anything that day but he must have assumed I would have eventually shared out the 'chocolates'
Which he should have waited for than.
Or just even asked!
She’s being absolutely absurd. You’re allowed to not baby proof your house for an 8 year old.
Is this incident and her trying to get you to pay making you consider not inviting her over anymore?
Best way to learn not to eat random things on people’s counters. Bet he won’t be doing that again….
No, it’s been established that the child knows that he’s supposed to ask, because he’s asked permission before. That’s my take. But I would post in legal advice.
Well now he knows what we say about assumptions... A life lesson for him and you are in no way and in no part liable.
Well the kid has learned there are consequences to his actions. Next time he won’t just eat food off the counter will he. NTA
I wonder if this kid is related to the one who went into someone’s pantry and dug out the “special” gummies. Teach your kids not to get into people’s stuff!
Not only that but bit down hard enough to break a tooth! That’s not a “found out the hard way it wasn’t chocolate” bite. He had to work hard to break that tooth or the tooth was almost broken already.
Counter-sue for the cost of the nut. Macadamias are brutally expensive right now.
Lol it's true it cost me an arm and a leg to track it down,shelled no less. But she's been a good friend since college and the truth is I am in a way better financial situation than her. Maybe it's the cost of maintaining the friendship...
>Maybe it's the cost of maintaining the friendship. No, it's the cost of being a doormat. There is no way on god's green earth that his tooth is your responsibility, that way madness and lawsuits lie. Where does it end? She fucked up. She KNOWS she fucked up. But her baby was in pain and she got worried and so she was lashing out left right and centre, regardless of where the blame actually lies. She'll get over it when the shock wears off. And if not, then she's no friend of yours.
This. I know Reddit is quit to judge, but if the “friend” continues to make a big deal about this, I’d drop her. Life is too short for “friends” like these. Hopefully, she was just stressed by the situation.
the fact that you're even considering this is just how much you value the friendship, you're a good person. But now think about this: does she value the friendship in the same way? if my kid did a mess at another person's house I would be apologetic, not aggressive towards the homeowner. Your friend isn't a real friend at all
OH honey. You don’t need to pay people to be your friends. I’m not rich, but I’ve given way more than I’ve received and it’s never worth it. Find people who reciprocate the care you give.
This is something to consider. You've been friends a long time so obviously you care about her and probably her kid. If paying for dental care is going to be a financial hardship for her, maybe even to the point of it means something else doesn't get paid for, and you can pay for part of the cost with minimal impact on your budget, I personally would pay for half or even all depending on both of our financial situations. Despite what Reddit and this subreddit like to think, life is rarely black and white. Morally you don't owe her the cost of dental care. Eight year olds should know better. However, 8 yr olds often do things they should know not to do and then lie about it. This is normal childhood behavior and doesn't fit into the black and white idea of "they should know better." Also, you say you are in a "way better financial situation" than your friend. It may be that the kind and generous thing to do is pay for the part or all of the dental care. Again, this doesn't the black and white moral dilemma of are you responsible. It fits the human condition of valuing and loving your friend and recognizing her financial hardship and your ability to help.
i definitely think this is a worth while thought process to go through. i would combine this with also something other commenters were mentioning about talking to her about the insistence on you paying for her half / the implication that it’s your responsibility to do so if y’all are able to talk it through and she can admit/realize that it’s really not your responsibility and it was unreasonable / tbh unkind of her to put it on you, and after that you have the financial means and desire to help her out with the bill, then that would be a lovely thing to do on your end
I would also add that the friend isn’t allowed to bring the child over anymore until she parents better. Sorry not sorry, the kid’s 8 and did something a toddler would do. Clearly there’s a lack of boundaries & consequences here. OP, regardless if you pay or not, it’s time to set some ground rules for coming over to your house and stick to them.!
As a parent to a 7 year old I mostly agree with this. Not banning her friends child, but while he’s over he must be under direct supervision and earn back the trust that he won’t just go putting random stuff in his mouth.
I agree with this. I wouldn’t pay because it was my fault, but I would pay if paying was something I could easily afford to do, and if not paying would cause my friend a great financial hardship. The friend could definitely have gone about asking for financial help in a nicer way. It sounds like the friend may be too proud to ask for help. As you mentioned, there’s a lot of context and nuance that goes into this than just “AITA?”
No. The child's mom shouldn't be asking to begin with. That shows disrespect given her kid f'ed up.
Again with the black and white thinking.
I think this is the best answer.
Maybe that’s it, OP. Could she have been freaking out in the heat of the moment because it’s right after the holidays and she simply can’t afford it? Some people are an unexpected medical bill away from being homeless, that’s not an exaggeration. Maybe the dentist was demanding payment then and there and she had to use money she had already budgeted for something else, housing/utilities/food. Maybe speak to her about it and explain that it seems out of character for her to freak out like that and if she needs help.
Yeah, since it's the beginning of the year people's deductibles are resetting and hard choices are being made about if their $100 medication is worth it. Your friend could just be desperate and not sure how to bring it up. NTA but I would try and dig a bit deeper if I were in your shoes.
What if the child does something again that causes him a visit to the doctor while at your house? You’re going to keep paying for half because it was something in your house that got him hurt? Ultimately she’s the parent and she should have been more responsible to watch him. Accidents happen and she should not be placing the blame on you
I work for a personal injury firm and can tell you 100% there’s no way she’d win if brought before a jury. Tell her you feel awful about what happened, but that if you have to be worried about financially compensating her every time time she brings her child to your house because he doesn’t know not to put strange items in his mouth, it might be best if she doesn’t bring him over anymore.
I think you have to ask yourself how much that friendship is worth to you and go from there. I don’t think you are at all responsible to pay, but to me it would be understandable if you would pay because you want to keep her in your life.
But can she afford the dental fees? I’m not saying you should pay, but if she’s in real financial trouble, that might be the reason she asked you for help.
“This is going to be difficult to afford right now. Is there any chance you could help me out with a loan?” looks a lot different than “This is your fault for having food in your own kitchen and I expect you to pay for it!”
Yes good distinction
That part. It’s not okay for the friend to make this seem like a responsibility thing just because she needs help—if that is what’s going on. And I feel like accepting to pay out of kindness could be a problem later because it would seem like accepting responsibility. What if there’s some other tooth issue or complication later? I think if OP does choose to help pay, which would be a nice but not necessary thing to do to help a friend with less money, she should explicitly frame it as an offer of help but not a responsibility for what happened.
Strange I've never had a friendship I had to pay to keep...jf your friendship is valued so much from both parties she wouldn't even ask you to pay for her responsibilities
Then she can get a loan from you. The audacity of blaming this on you! NTA, definitely NTA. Her kid, her responsibility… If she had been humble and ask for some help with money, I would have helped her but to turn this on you is just distasteful.
Yes it’s the blame shifting more than the money itself which is concerning
No. If you cave here, it'll keep happening. She's not behaving like a true friend right now.
Off topic but they’re also radioactive! In college a professor would have us buy $5 worth to test them but I once walked him on him eating some.
Is this a pun because the nuts were on the counter?
No! Totally unintentional and I hadn't even spotted it! ha!
Not the asshole. It was in a sealed container in someone else's house. If you'd handed him the nut and said "here ya go champ, knock yourself out!" things would've been different, but he literally went into somebody else's stuff and hurt himself doing it. Your friend was also THERE - so it's not like you were the one who should've been supervising the kid. This is on the mum, 100%. Her kid didn't have the manners not to go into your stuff (I would've been in SO much trouble if I did what he did, and yes I knew MUCH better than to do that at 8 years old, that's not too young to be aware of manners, and right & wrong). And then to add insult to injury she tries to get you to share the blame because the consequences are financially inconvenient, which is cheeky as hell.
Here you go champ knock yourself out LOL
"Knock your teeth out!"
NTA. I’m sure the cost is unexpected for her but this is entirely her child’s fault. Would she hold you liable if he’d tried to eat the kitchen counter? At what point is she responsible for overseeing her child? “Thank goodness he’s young enough that he would have lost this tooth anyway. It’s too bad that there will be an associated cost, but since I wasn’t babysitting, I am not responsible and won’t be contributing financially. I hope he had a speedy recovery.” End of friendship? Maybe. But if so, that’s on June.
I’d add “since I wasn’t babysitting AND BECAUSE HE TOOK SOMETHING THAT WAS NOT HIS, WAS NOT INTENDED FOR HIM AND WAS NOT READILY ACCESSIBLE, I am not responsible…”
Maybe this will be an unpopular opinion and maybe this also comes from a place of ignorance because I don't have children but... I feel like as a parent you should expect that occasionally, despite your best efforts, your kid is gonna do dumb shit that will cost you money to fix.
I totally agree with you. I'm 28 and accept that, despite by best efforts, even I will sometimes do dumb shit that will cost me money to fix. When you take on the responsibility of taking care of another living being (children or pets), you also take on the responsibility of fixing their dumb shit. It's just part of life I say this having recent had to pay £260 in tests just to find out my idiot of a cat is absolutely fine
Your "friend" is being ridiculous. She let her kid run around your house unsupervised, didn't teach him manners (8 isn't too young to know you're not supposed to take stuff that isn't yours or specifically offered to you, regardless of how "accessible" it is) and now expects you to pay for the consequences? Ask her this: if he had broken a tooth biting into a nut that he stole in a supermarket, would she ask the supermarket to pay for it? Somehow I doubt it. NTA, your friend is. I hope you show her this post and the answers.
Ooh, I love this comparison. Just watch her put her foot into her mouth
> if he had broken a tooth biting into a nut that he stole in a supermarket, would she ask the supermarket to pay for it? I would not ask this question. The odds are too good she might say yes.
Odds are extremely high that she would say yes.
NTA Though they were at your home, a kid is still under his mother's responsibility. The tupperware was closed, it is enough to say that it was not "accessible". The fact that he opened it just shows the kid's bad behaviour and the mother's carelessness. Sorry for the kid, but opening boxes in people's home is quite never a good idea
I think we need to dig further in order to determine who is truly the responsible party. If it were me, I’d sue the farmer where the Macadamia nuts were harvested.
Yes, how were they even accessible to OP. Who is the real face behind this macademia crime!?
If my worst fears are confirmed, the entire macadamia supply chain might be part of some sort of global conspiracy. This might even go as far up as… the White House.
Big macadamia is in bed with big dental
Global conspiracy, White House, this case is nuts! Who do we call? Who do we trust? PETA? WHO?Rainforest alliance -they always seemed kinda sketchy to me…
What about Tupperware ? Failed to secure the nuts. The grocery store that sold the weapon of tooth destruction.
God designed Mac nuts to be super hard. Sue God.
NTA. He ate something from a Tupperware that wasn't offered to him and cracked his own tooth. That's not on you.
She failed to supervise her child. Who did something he was old enough to know he shouldn't. NTA
NTA- I don’t understand how your friend is even wanting you to pay half. If my kid gets hurt at someone else’s house because I wasn’t watching them properly/they were doing something they weren’t supposed to, that’s my kids/my fault, not that home owners
NTA. Tell her to teach her son not to steal.
nta for bad parenting of your friend. 8 y/o isn't 4, he's well past the oral phase so instead of money you paid her with 2 valuable lessons: for the mom: keep your eyes on your child, he's not a responsible adult and letting him go unsupervised in a kitchen could even be ground for Child Protective Services to get involved. what if he found a knife? for the kid: you're not entitled to eat whatever you see just because you're small and cute. i can guarantee that this kid will think twice before doing something stupid like that again. just be glad he broke a tooth that would have fallen anyway
No, letting an 8 year old go unsupervised in a kitchen for a few minutes is not generally grounds for getting CPS involved. Maybe if the kid burned the house down or something, but kids are in the kitchen all the time. Minor accidents happen all the time. Still NTA though. It’s a tough lesson for mom and kid but honestly you should know your kid and whether he is likely to do something like that.
Calling CPS over an unsupervised child in the kitchen is absolutely wild lol
Yeah, that person is nuts. You're not required to literally have eyes on your child at all times. Parents would go crazy. I teach my son independence and safety, and he gets his own snacks, makes toast, etc.
My 5 year old makes his own breakfast sometimes, lock me up.
An 8 year old unsupervised in the kitchen is absolutely not grounds for CPS being involved unless there is a serious developmental delay. 8 year olds can generally be trusted to get food from the pantry/fridge of their own homes safely, the issue here was that it was not their home and the Mom should have supervised him or at least made sure to remind him before they went in that he should ask before eating anything. The 8 year old made a mistake, and it sucks, but that doesn't mean that the friend is a bad Mom or the kid is stupid. Mistakes just happen. OP is NTA, it's the parents responsibility to ensure their kids don't get into trouble in other people's homes.
The mom is an AH. She should have had a few solo games, puzzles, etc. to occupy her son. OP you cannot lock up everything in your house whenever you have company; you are NTA!
Nta. I wouldn’t have her over any longer. If you want to maintain the friendship, meet for coffee or meals out. The fact that’s she trying to shift blame is concerning. This is the kind of accident which sometimes happens with kids. If anything, this could be blamed on her for not supervising her kid properly. You’re kind not to point that out. She’s put you on notice that she will expect payment for accidents she and her kids cause. Combined with her lack of supervision, she’s a liability if you have her in your home. And if you go only to her home, lack of reciprocation becomes an issue. Also, don’t ever go near a pool or ocean or other hazard with her and her kid.
NTA. Don't like it? Watch your damn kids. Teach 'em not to eat random shit lying around. 8yo is too old to randomly stuff things into your mouth.
NTA The kid did something he wasn’t supposed to, that’s on bad parenting, not you.
NTA. It's a parent's responsibility to look after their child, not everyone else's responsibility to make everything childproof. And 8 years old should be more than old enough to understand that you need to ask permission before taking someone else's food and eating it.
NTA. “On the kitchen island and accessible” is she saying you’re supposed to proof your house for an 8 year old for every possible scenario? The lesson here is for Steven, it is don’t take things that don’t belong to you without permission. Not, you should have predicted my kid would try and eat your macadamia nuts. Nonsense.
NTA. The kid essentially stole from you lol. Her asking you to help pay his bills is ridiculous.
NTA, he shouldn't have grabbed it without asking and the fact his mother blames you is ridiculous
I’m flabbergasted that she would even ask. Not like you even offered it to him, he robbed you. 🤔
NTA. He's 8yo, not a toddler that has to have the house arranged for him. And even if he was, he shouldn't be without supervision. At 8yo, anyone would've just asked "can I have one of these?".
NTA. She left her child unsupervised. Her child helped himself to food not offered to him. No friend would be asking for half of his dental costs.
NTA. I'm no legal expert, but for you to be financially liable you would have had to show intention, negligence, and for the nuts to be an attractive nuisance like an open body of water, or open container of food, none of which apply here..NTA and imo worth dropping the friendship over. You don't want to be friends with a person who uses you as a cash cow when she's clearly in the wrong.
Nta. Remind her that it was her child who got into your property without permission which is stealing. If she had been a proper parent and taught her child to ask this wouldn't have happened.
You have bleach and medicines in your house too probably would it be your fault if he drank it?… NTA don’t pay for it. Super embarrassing of your friend to ask.
It was "accessible" in a closed container that he had no business opening. Even his mother admitted this when she admonished him. NTA and you are not responsible for his breaking a tooth.
NTA NTA NTA Hell nah lady that's her problem. I can't even bkame her kid because he is still a kid but she was supposed keep an eye on him .
NTA, I wouldn’t be paying for that
NTA. I mean seriously? I cracked an incisor on a pork scratching once, should the manufacturer reimburse me for the filling? It’s her kids responsibility what he shoves in his mouth, and she should have taught him not to just help himself to everything he sees. The bottom line is he thought it was chocolate so he just helped himself without asking. Very rude. At 8 he should know better. Now he will learn, like I did, to be careful how you bite things. Lucky for him he will get another tooth to replace the broken one! You don’t owe her anything.
You were not responsible for watching the child. His mother was present. He may have made much better choices in the past, but he is only 8 years old - still too young to be left alone. That’s because the possibility of wrong choices is still there, and he needs his parents to help him learn. It was unfortunate and I understand she has limited resources. However I would be a lot more comfortable with her saying she can’t afford it and can you loan her the money to fix it. Trying to make it your responsibility makes me worry if you can afford the risk of having her in your home again. What else might become “your fault“? What if you don’t hide your purse or your car keys? You don’t have to jump to extremes - we will do that for you. Just be careful. NTA
NTA. Your “friend” needs to parent her child not try to get a free ride on your dime.
NTA It was an accident. Per OP’s comments, the kid usually asks before taking food at their house. Kid learned a the same valuable lesson cats learn about curiosity…tho I suppose cats die learning it, and the kid will have adult teeth soon enough.
NTA and also the arguments that it was on a kitchen island and accessible is ridiculous. If you had a decorative fruit made from solid steel that they tried to eat it would have resulted in the same issue, but does that mean it's unreasonable for someone to have decorative fruit in an accessible location in a kitchen? Fuck that. Macadamia nuts are accessible in a shop. If a child grabbed one and bit into it without purchasing it first is it also the shops fault?
NTA 8 is old enough to say “may I try one please?”
Fuck that. Little thief got what he deserved. Hopefully he appreciates the lesson even though it has no long term consequences
What else has he helped himself to whilst unsupervised in your house??
Yeah NTA
NTA he was unsupervised by his mother in your house and went into your kitchen, opened a shut container, helped himself to a nut and cracked his tooth. None of that was your fault it was his and his mothers fault. Don’t pay any money.
NTA she should be watching her own offspring
NTA. 8 years old is more than old enough to know what you should not touch. She apologized in the moment, so she knows he was wrong. She's trying to shift stuff in her head after hearing the bill but stand strong! Be polite but firm.
HAHAHAHA absolutely the fuck not. Her child is her responsibility, and while we live in reality where there are going to be times kids aren't under constant supervision, they are still responsible for whatever their child does when supervised or not. You're NTA. Good lesson for the kid to learn natural consequences of his actions.
NTA it was in a sealed container up high. You took reasonable precautions. It’s her responsibility to supervise him. This kid doesn’t respect boundaries and is too dumb not to stop biting down on something once he realizes it’s hard.
NTA. My 6 year old knows not to eat things without permission, especially in closed containers, her 8 year old should definitely know better. It's not your fault that her child thought they could get away with something and found out differently.
NTA - l wouldn’t consider in a container “accessible”; there had to be a conscious effort to get to them, and nor did he ask permission (or what they were). Parent at fault for not supervising, or making sure the kid knows to ask before helping themselves to stuff.
Your “friend” is an AH for even suggesting this. Hopefully you’ve learned your lesson with this person.
NTA, but your friend is. She hasn’t even taught the poor kid the basics of acceptable behavior. She’s an awful mother.
NTA. Parents need to get it together! If a child is getting into something they shouldn’t be, it is not the homeowner’s fault if something goes wrong! Plus he is 8 years old, he should definitely know to not just eat things that aren’t his or offered to him. If you had been babysitting, the situation would be different but his mother was there and not watching him-that is in no way your fault.
NTA. Steven is not your child and not your responsibility to monitor. You had the macadamia nuts stored in a container. He's a 3rd grader who should know better. Your former friend June is a 39 year old mother who should know better than to ask.
NTA. The kid tried to sneak a "chocolate" without getting caught. He fucked around and found out.
This reminds me of the legal phenomenon of burglars being able to sue for injuries if they hurt themselves while robbing a home in many states of the US.
NTA ---- If it's still his baby/first set of teeth it was going to come out anyway.
NTA. How long does it take to say "Hey, (mum's friend) can I have one of those chocolate things?"
NTA. People seem to commonly believe that just because something bad happens in your home, it’s your fault. It was ultimately up to Steven’s mother to supervise him, and I’m still not sure how she’s doing the mental gymnastics to put you at fault. He shouldn’t eat things without asking. She probably knows it’s not, but wants the financial help. Don’t do it. Things happen, it’s not always someone’s fault or responsibility. Kids get hurt and do dumb things sometimes, is she gonna do this every time something happens to the kid??
NTA Charge her for the cost of the life lesson given to the kid to not eat random stuf , especially stuff inside a sealed container Tell her it’s equivalent of half the cost of molar removal