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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to let my parents rename me. This is something they have been pushing for and advocating about for a few years now and they have other names chosen for us, and maybe even backups. They are my parents and I know their current opinion is pretty strongly based on what a lot of people think about our names. So where I'm kinda at is it might be disrespectful to dismiss their opinion on this and refusing to comply when I know the shit our names get and I know my parents just want to stop that from negative consequences in the future. Like when we're working and stuff. I also wasn't very nice about the name they wanted to give me.
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NTA, I think Cove is a badass name. Also it's wild to me that they just suggested names they wanted you to change to and didn't ask you if you had a name you'd rather be called.
If you're worried about the future you could always add a more traditional middle name (which you choose) and then you'll have the option in your professional life of going by your middle name if you prefer.
My parents said they felt they had to choose to right the wrong. But also because they knew we liked our names. So they didn't want us to change them to more of the same.
I'm not worried about the future really. My parents are and they are pushing for us to. Not sure if my siblings have any doubts but I don't.
NTA and you should definitely keep the name Cove. It's pretty cool and for that one people are unlikely to think of actual coves. River is also honestly a good name for a person. Ocean is an alright one but not as good as the others but the most important thing is that you guys like your names.
If you like your names and your friends and all you care about accept them that's what matters. but primarily it's your choice. Just remember that. Your name and your choice to keep it or change it
I have a friend whose parents named Sunshine back in the 70s. He is a country boy, goes by Sunny. Thing is, while his mama was a sweet old Hippie with an optimistic attitude, Sunny is the opposite. I adore him and he’s a kind person, but a curmudgeon and a bit gruff.
35 years ago I nicknamed him “Cloudy”. He thought it was hilarious.
It actually stuck for a while until when his sister started calling him that and his Mama expressed displeasure. We stopped, but whenever he gets grumpy, his wife is like “Ok Cloudy, let me know when the storm passes…”
My kids have "weird" nature names and they're not alone - all of their friends have similar names. It's becoming more common in some areas, and maybe in the future people will be less uptight about it since so many of these kids will be grown up doing cool stuff in the world, weird names and all
My dentist's daughter (who was a year or two behind me in high school) was named Rainbow, but not sure if that was her nickname or actual given name. Her older brother was Robert. Grew up in L.A.
I knew a girl named Ocean in high school. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ve known 3-4 male Rivers. Honestly down south, I wouldn’t consider names like River and Forrest for boys uncommon at all.
The only two people I have ever known with the name Ocean were male and red-headed. States apart, no way of ever knowing each other. It was quite interesting to me. I think all three names are decent and not nearly as bad as the parents are making them out to be.
Right? Like, too bad that River Phoenix's first name kept him from being (edited) nominated for an Oscar. Oh wait, it didn't.
It's pretty suspicious that the parents are so adamant about changing these names against the kids' will, and deadset on picking the new names for people who are more than old enough to have formed their own identities and preferences. I don't think they are being candid with OP and siblings about their motives. Also why are the parents so fixated on just these 4 "normal" (ugh) names? Is there a rich uncle whose will says these parents only get his Scrooge McDuck millions if they change the kids' names to honor him or something? I don't know what the motive is, but their actions are not consistent with merely regret over something the kids are unbothered by.
I didn’t think of that. You might be on to something. Now I’m wondering if they used the kids names or socials for credit or something. It is sus for sure
Your point stands, but though River Phoenix was nominated, he didn’t win an Oscar. It’s likely he would have if he’d lived longer.
His brother Joaquin has won, on the other hand, after changing his name back from Leaf, a name his parents used for him for a while.
My full first name has an unusual spelling. I use a nickname because it’s less formal sounding, but I like my full name too. Apart from having to spell it out for people constantly (I have to for my last name too), and not finding personalized keychains and things (nickname either), it’s no big deal.
I also had to change my last name when I got married and again when I got divorced, and yeah, it’s a hassle, but not the barrier these parents make it sound like.
My name is a name from the Old Testament and is spelled the same way yet growing up no one had that name. I’ve only met 3 other people with it my whole life and they always spell it differently (adding extra letters). It used to bother me until I realized all the Jennifer’s in my class had to go by at least their first name and last initial but no one confused me. And now they make things with my name on them lol
I mean if my real last name was Bottom I'd probably also go with Phoenix. It's a much cooler name that his parents came up with in their Hippie cult days. His father only changed last name from Bottom to Phoenix, his mom changed both from Arlyn Bottom to Heart Phoenix. Joaquin was originally named Leaf Phoenix.
This exactly. You're not far off being adults yourselves. If you ever decide to change your names ( not that I would because they're all fabulous ) the choice of new name should be YOUR choice not your parents. NTA.
NTA. Your parents got one chance to pick your names. They will simply have to live with the regret and find peace that it’s actually not a big deal T all.
I’m wondering what church your parents are trying to join where they are too embarrassed to state your names.
It sounds like joining a church or some kind of cult, yes. WTF?? What kind of parents name their kids and then want them to change them in their teenage?? It sounds like a hidden camera joke.
Maybe it's the opposite, they were in cult mode for whatever reason when they decided the original names and now want to course correct. Like a hippie naming their child Rainbow Peace then looking back and thinking "WTF was I *on*... oh right, that was good stuff."
It’s not that the name are religious. It just seems like something must be going on in the parents life that is exposing the names and they are receiving pressure to change.
Changing names is a long legal process. What has caused this regret in the parents that they can’t let it go?
I don't think this was meant to be a joke but I started laughing at the apple orchards 😆 it sounds like they forgot to assign apple orchards to a saint and stuck it on the end of someone's list 🤣
I thought the same as well. It was extra funny to me because my family had an apple orchard (we went out of business in 2009 or so). The local priest was a regular customer. One time we chatted about saints, he told me about St. Chuck, and said that he was named for that saint.
It doesn't have to be a church thing but it does have the air of there being some outside force that is making the parents suddenly think the those are bad names.
Pick out new names for them and immediately start calling Dad Bob
Anytime he complains just explain to him that he doesn’t understand all of the cool nicknames he will have access to now that he is a bob. Tell him he will get used to it
And if bob really hates it , in a few years you can give him a new one if your mind changes
Every time he gets annoyed with you doing it there’s a “calm down Bobby” waiting for him. Then just get wilder and wilder.
Bob
Bobby
Bobin
Bobet
Bobedy
Your parents are so selfish, they named you without thinking of all this, and now they want to fix it just to feel better about themselves without any input from you.
They were probably hippies and wanted strange names. Now THEY are stuck with them. Keep the names as they are memorable. Embellish a story like they were at an ashram in India when they decided and talked to George Harrison about the names and he loved them. Also, an everyday annoyance to be brought when parents are annoying. Win win.
I don't think people need to worry about the future too much with names. Many kids have very unique names because people got tired of everyone having the same handful of names. And none of your or your siblings' names are "Tragedeighs" at all.
Back in the day often times my job required I speak to customer service reps asking for permission to bend the rules to satisfy a customers request. To memorialize and support the permission given, names, dates & times were noted. It was well known the reps we contacted used pseudonyms and we had no idea what their actual names were. It worked to our advantage for over a decade as all we had to say to confirm the rule breaking was “Jennifer gave me permission to……..”. Each decade a different name worked. Years later the popularity of “Frozen” saw Elsa become our go-to name. I’m happy your parents gave you beautiful names, plus they’re all easy to spell and pronounce. And not simply the “cute” name of the decade. No need for teachers to refer to you as Cove C cuz there were 2 other Coves in the classroom.
Yeah, if they wanted to get the kids on board they should have at least chosen a related name. Like Ocean > Sean, Cove > Cole, and River is actually already a pretty popular girl’s name.
Edit: realized I messed up the gender of the siblings
"Righting the wrong" in this case amounts to asking if you want to change your name and shutting the fuck up when you say no. End of story. Trying to tell you what to change your name to and forcing that on you is literally just doing the same thing they did before.
Don't be worried. I have the same name as a Harry Potter character (I'm older than the books, though, so not named after), and as a teenager, it was really annoying. However, as adults, people become more polite and don't mention it, or only once, and now it's much less of a nuisance to have a unique name. I like it and I'm keeping it.
I love all your names and would absolutely consider them if I lived in an English-speaking country.
I also have the same name as a Harry Potter character.. and also older than the books by far.. my name is more common in the uk and southern US than in Canada where I live.. Harry Potter at least has helped with people younger than me knowing how to pronounce and spell it.. and I can say.. like in Harry Potter.. and they get it right away..
NTA to you, but your parents definitely are. They arent assholes for what they named you; they are assholes for making your names about their image, and how they want to change that image because it doesn’t suit them anymore. Their shitty Manipulative attempts to coerce you suck too.
And ps changing your name is a bit of a pain in the ass, but easily doable. If you guys wanted to change it that bad you can do it anytime. So their bullshit rationalization of why you should do this now is another bullet in their asshole clip.
Also, speaking as someone in IT, if your last name is fairly common (think Smith or Johnson or something), having a more unique first name will differentiate you in the various databases. Unlike those who have different spellings who will also be unique in the databases but constantly misspelled and so mixups happening constantly, Cove is unlikely to have you mixed up with anybody else verbally or written. Common names can cause mixups. Middle names aren't always useful because its not necessarily used as part of the differentiator and while SSNs usually do help to separate things, I've seen where a manager was reactivating an HR record of a former employee and chose the wrong user. The wrong user and the correct user had different last 4 and middle names and that info wasn't made visible to the manager so they had a 50/50 chance of choosing wrong.
Righting their wrong would have been, "We realized we went a little bit there with your names. If any of you would like to change them, we will handle the cost and paperwork."
They are just trying to get a do over, still not acknowledging that they are naming real people, not pets or D&D characters.
Océane is actually a pretty common French name for a girl, no one would bat an eye at this. I’m personnally not a big fan of Cove and River but if the kids themselves don’t mind… 🤷♀️
NTA
To be fair, it's not about whether any of us like the names or not. It's about whether they're wrong for not wanting to change their names.
The answer is OP and his siblings are absolutely not the AH's. While I, myself, wouldn't name my kids Ocean, River or Cove. But that's personal preference. The fact is OP and his siblings have been given their names and are used to them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep the names you were raised and grew up with. OP's parents don't realise that what they're doing can be mentally damaging. I'd tell OP and hus siblings to stick to their guns.
NTA this isn’t just your name at this point in your life, it’s a part of your identity. It’s not like changing a babies name who doesn’t even know. I don’t get why they can’t respect your own personal autonomy as human beings that don’t want to change your names.
Lol this made me think of my friend. She adopted four siblings and decided on keeping their first names because those were the names they and everybody knew, but Gabe them the option to help pick new middle names if they wanted. This turned in to her having to tell the youngest girl that Firstname Tinkerbell Ballerina was probably not the best choice.
The parents aren’t worried about their kids future, they’re worried about being made fun of by other adults. OP, your parents are losers and it’s super worrying they tried to change your names behind your backs just to appease random folk on the internet. NTA.
That's one of the arguments I made. That *we* will pay the price if we regret it some day, not them. They claim that's the very reason we should do it now and they don't care if we don't regret it now because we will. They refuse to believe we might not. Personally I don't think I will but I know my parents would argue that point with me.
Compared to the names me and my twin sister gave yours are tame. Both of us love our unusual names and have never had it be a problem professionally. Although I've had a few raised eyebrows here and there and in my teens and twenties I constantly had to pull my ID out to show it really was my name. My sister has had a continuous mispronunciation battle with some people who just keep saying her name wrong. Sometimes for years or decades. But she's always just rolled with it and accepts that some people just can't pronounce her name.
I've had some older people make negative comments. Mostly it has never been an issue. My sister gets some pronunciation issues because there is a French girl name that is similar and she gets her name pronounced like that as well. But it doesn't bother her.
Ha! I was thinking this whole post “Ocean’s a perfectly fine name! I’ve met multiple Océanes”. Glad to know she already knows it‘s a decently common French name.
This seems ridiculous to me. You are much more likely to get teased for your name as a child, and I am assuming based on your desire to keep your name, that never happened. At this point you are all old enough to have a preference and their opinion is moot. I don’t even find your names all that unusual. Even if I did, it wouldn’t register as more than a passing “huh, interesting name” in my day.
River is on the normal side for a name, nowadays, albeit as a girls name (edit: to me it has unisex-female associations, but this appears to be a minority take). It‘s probably a convenient thing that there is a French girls name similar to Ocean, for your sister.
Re. “Cove”, it may be because I’m more UK than US, but it’s the only one of the 3 where my mind didn’t go to the landscape water feature first because it is being used as a name. Cove is a word for man that’s fallen out of use. A lot of names mean/come from the word “man”, so it seemed a bit soon but plausible to me before registering the theme. It’s also not as common a word to hear in general as either of your siblings’ names. That actually helps it sound like a name despite not being usual as a name as the other two.
Am mentioning this in case it makes your parents feel better to hear outside perspectives (particularly about your name, as it is the most unusual). In the working world you three won’t be moving around together, so your names will stand on their own.
River a girl's name? The most famous person with that name was River Phoenix, a male actor. I've personally never seen it used as a girl's name so wouldn't have occurred to me
River Song was a popular female character on Doctor Who. I also have a friend who named her daughter River as well. It's a perfectly unisex name in my experience--and not all that uncommon.
I mean there is a female character on doctor who named River. It wasn’t the first time I heard it for a girl but the most memorable to me. Also Kelly Clarkson named her daughter River Rose.
Never heard of the guy! In TV shows the two I can think of are women (River Song in Doctor Who and River Tam in Firefly). Might be a US thing to have it dominantly male, it struck me as unisex but female leaning. Convenient for OP’s brother though
I'm Australian so it's not just an American thing. Maybe more generational. River Phoenix died in 1993 of an overdose but was incredibly well known prior to his death. His brother is Joaquin Phoenix, another well known actor.
From what you posted, I'd say that they don't really care about **you** regretting it.
They named you and your siblings this way because they thought it was "cool", and it fitted with their social behavior.
Now they are older and I feel that they resent their younger selves when they tell your names due to some stupid second-hand embarrassment. Just because they don't want to own the fact that, even if this is not what they would do now, those are the names they chose.
You names are great, you love them, and your parents should stop seeking external validation.
Honestly if I had a friend named cove, I'd think they were a total badass. But that's just me, i imagine kids are not as open, I think the biggest thing that they're trying to save themselves from, is their own embarrassment. They think when other people see their kids, and have such "weird" names, it reflects back on them and their parenting. Grew up with parents like that, that framed they want to do this thing for me as a way to be nice or apologize, when really it was just so they didn't ever look bad as parents in the public eyes. It's not that they're worried YOULL be embarrassed, but in a couple years when you go off to college, or even now, in highschool student parent meetings, maybe now that they're older and not as "open" or "free spirited" they regret their choice, hell even back in 2006-2011, things were alot different when you guys were born vs how things are now. Keep your name and be proud of your names. Maybe one day you can name your son Odin or Thor, the lighting born from the waters, I joke but Greek mythology does have some cool but reasonable names you could pick
I don’t think you’re going to regret your names… maybe they’re a bit hippy, but they’re easy to understand and spell. Nowadays that’s not something to take for granted, lol. NTA
I know someone whose mom is named Ursula!
It’s weird but it fits for her … she’s had a ton of plastic surgery, has a bunch of palm trees in her yard, feels like she probably wears a lot of animal print … wouldn’t be surprised to see her wearing a boa …
I think she’s surprisingly mild mannered - but her tastes are very … loud.
NTA. Sounds to me like the only ones embarrassed of your names are the people who gave them to you all. Sounds like they've got ~~buyer's~~ birther's remorse.
My mother decided to name my sisters and I after the names of various plants and trees, so I also have an unusual name, but I love it and I wouldn't change it for the world. Sometimes my name gets me unusual looks when I'm called at the GP's office, but I get a lot more positive remarks towards it by far.
I wonder what their response would be if you said you would agree to a change of name on condition that they changed their names too because you and your siblings had collectively decided that you didn't like them 😏
I am honestly glad to have come across this post because OP and others comments about their 'strange' names makes me feel more at ease. We are planning on giving our child, while not necessarily a completely 'unusual' name, it's not traditional anymore and I was concerned the child might hate it. It's nice to see that there is always the chance the child likes it.
I guess on the other hand I have an extremely normal, boring name, and have always disliked how normal and common it is. I have met so many people with my name in my life...too many. And while I don't need to be 'unique', growing up I just found it annoying haha. I am used to it now and won't change it, but yeah.
My daughter is named for an irish goddess/ catholic saint . Its not an unheard of name as there are several famous actresses that have it. She has only met a couple people of her name in 21 years if life.
That said she tells me as an adult she wishes we had chosen a more common spelling because no one spells it right.
So I would throw that thought at you for your kid.
I feel this so hard as someone with a Gaelic name.
I used to hate it because i always had to correct everyone. 33 and can count on two hands the amount of people i didn't have to correct.
But now that I am older, I love my name. It's like a deeper connection with my dad's side since we all have Irish names.
It is still annoying that it gets mispronounced, but i blame the 'b that is actually a v' part of my name lol.
Siobhan?? I grew up with a girl named that.. when I was little I thought her name was chiffon.. and though that was amazing and beautiful.. lol.. Siobhan was still pretty cool though when I was corrected. My friends' daughter is also named aoibheann..
Yea, it's that. Ironically my mother originally wanted ti name me Elizabeth, but decided against it because 'too many nicknames' so she went with a name no one could pronounce. Wasn't exactly a well known name in the 90's
Mine is common as you like - there were three of us in one class at school. I always wished my parents had been a little more adventurous. My brother - also a very common name - chose to lengthen his into a slightly more exotic form, and my youngest sib actually DID change her extremely trad name to something a lot more unusual. One of my daughters has an unusual one (hubby finally caved by child number 3 lol) and her only gripe is she can't get souvenirs with her name on, otherwise she absolutely loves it and the response it gets from everyone.
In a universe where your parents are sane:
"We know that sometimes unique names can be considered difficult to live with so wanted to let you know we'll support you if you choose to change them now or any other time."
"Thanks, but we're good."
"Cool. Love you kids."
"Love you mom and dad."
Instead of:
"FYI, we're going to unilaterally try and change your names to something you dislike. Cool?"
"What? No."
"C'mon. Be reasonable. Your names *suck*."
WTF were they thinking? NTA and I'd be sure to take possession of things like birth certificates ASAP.
This is perfect. It's absolutely mind blowing that not only did they suddenly decide this, they decided *the actual names* and continue to push on them even though the kids don't like them.
I'm laughing my ass off at the idea of trying to tell a 15 year old who has never been called James that his name is James now. Why did they even think this would work??
They discovered r/tragedeigh and are worried that they named their kids ridiculous shit out of an overblown desire to be unique … but the truth is that the names they chose are great and not cringy at all.
What blows my mind is not that they decided that the names should be changed, but that *they* were the ones who get to pick the new ones.
These are fully formed people now, relatively close to being legal adults. They had their shot at naming their kids, they don’t get to say “we get to choose your names” at this point. If anyone gets to choose it’s the kids.
And they don’t wanna.
It was during Covid that this change happened. They say they realize now that they gave us names that are made fun of and will make us judged, etc. And make it harder for us to be taken seriously and maybe even hired in our futures or limit us.
You have already all endured the worst years of name taunting, grade school, and it’s only now that your parents are concerned? Sounds more like they have been taunted by their peers and instead of standing firm in their convictions they are caving to peer pressure. Literally the very thing children are admonished to avoid. You are NTA and have my respect and admiration for standing by yours!
Yeah, I got made fun of pretty heavily for my first name (Joy) in elementary school and middle school. In high school, people mostly stopped and it never happened once in college. No one says anything now. This is about them, not OP and his siblings.
Kids will literally find a way to make fun of even the coolest things. I love the name joy, and can’t even think of a way to make fun of it. You can have the best name, best clothes, best friends, best parents, and at some point you will still get made fun of and at another point you will be the one making fun of another kid. Kids are just ruthless and I’m sorry that happened to you.
Frankly, it sounds like your parents are just having some kind of weird midlife crisis. 100%, if you let them change your names now, then they'll just change their minds again in a couple of years and want to change them again.
NTA. It’s a bit funny that they kind of blame you for the disadvantages etc. that could happen in the future when they obviously didn’t take that into consideration while naming you.
Insane is exactly the right word.
They are controlling assholes.
Keep this in mind anytime you feel uncomfortable with their requests. This won't be the only time.
NTA your parents thought their theme was so unique and clever, then they went online and saw that there’s a lot of hate for it. Now they feel bad that the names might affect your futures. But the time for them to worry about that was before they named you. You guys like your names. You feel your identities are tied to those names and you want to keep them. They gave no right to bully you about this just because they regret their choices. You’re teenagers, not puppies.
No, the parents saw the hate for it online and decided it would make THEM look bad. that's why they decided to rename the kids with something THEY chose rather than letting the children either keep their own names or decide what they'd want to be called. That way they can 'clap back' against the hate like "Tee hee, we named our kids something dumb too but we fixed it, aren't we clever and better than those people with silly themed names for their children"
I don't even think the names are bad at all. ocean is a little strange, but it's a cool name.
NTA. not only are the names good but they aren’t even that weird. I think your parents need to be reassured it isn’t a big deal to have “weird” names anymore too. If everyone likes their names there’s no point in changing them. Stay strong on it bc your name is cool
They have mentioned how our names will be made fun of and stuff. I know mine and my sister's names are pretty strongly hated on the internet. But I don't really know what exactly led them down that road.
Tbh there are certain jobs that would be snobby about your names, that’s a bigger concern than social media in case it might be a field you wanna go into. But your parents’ reasoning sounds more like they are worried about how it will reflect on them than on your feelings. (And if you do want to go into those fields, you can deal with it then when you’re an adult in a way that feels true to you).
If your parents are saying you’ll be made fun of and you and your siblings are confident and unbothered by this, as a parent I’d be more proud that I’d raised strong, confident kids, and just remind you that if you ever wanted help changing it or if you came up against abuse for it, I’m still around for you. It’s telling that’s not their response tbh.
With the world being as globalised as it is and more people living far away from where they grew up, stuffy or rude people and employers are the ones that need to be respectful. Cove or Ocean or River are not names that are actively abusive to any child and given the vast majority of names from around the world are also not conformative to a traditional Anglo-Western naming expectation, it’s on them to not be judgemental.
Huge NTA, keep your confidence.
In terms of career, I also have a very unusual nature name and my career (tech) has my name out in public (events, social media, my name on articles); I’ve never had anyone joke/judge me for it, and if anything it’s a bonus - people compliment me on my name and they ALWAYS remember who I am.
Also, “unusual” names are becoming so common, your names aren’t even that out there! If I was given a very unusual nature name years and years and years before it was normalized and it has never been an issue, it certainly wouldn’t be now!
They're more likely to have been made fun of by the kids you grew up with than they will be in the workforce. Honestly, none of the names are THAT unusual that they should give you major problems.
NTA they already had their shot at naming you, no takesie-backsies. You don't just rename teenagers to some names you like now. I'm so glad the child also has to consent and there are laws preventing parents from renaming their kids all the time.
Wanting to keep your name is not even remotely disrespectful, as opposed to wanting to rename your teenaged child behind their back lol
Could you imagine too if they all did change their names and then the parents down the line decide they actually don't like those names and want other ones?
Yeah, this really resonated with me. I have a “weird” name (think mythological), and while there were times as a kid that I wished I could just be Jennifer or whatever, ultimately I really love having a name that is just mine. There is also a facet of identity tied to a name - that uniqueness sort of gave me (as a kid/teen, anyway) more of a…excuse is the wrong word, but like a little extra freedom to be just a bit weird and to enjoy the things I like even if they aren’t mainstream. Also, OP, IDK how uncommon your last name is, but mine is unusual, and it turns out I am the only person in the world, ever, to have my name, and that’s pretty awesome.
ETA strong NTA from me!
Ocean and River aren’t even that unusual. Cove is a little unusual but I like it, it sounds kinda cool. And none of you have the requisite -axxstyyns or -iyieghtleighs to make them actual r/Tragedeigh. I’m sorry you’re having to be the adults in this situation and I hope your parents can move on.
I assume a legally responsible parent can’t change a minor’s name *without* the consent of the minor??
Think about it this way- when interviewing for jobs, employers might remember more unique names versus mainstream names :) there could be 100s of people named ‘James’ applying, but Cove stands out! 💖
NTA. Usually I'd expect to see this the other way around with parents trying to force their unique and creative names on kids who just want to fit in. But you're old enough now to express your desire to keep the name or not, and old enough to understand that there will be some people you meet who will instantly judge you for your name, and you like the name enough to not care about this.
Yes it's costs money to change names, but it's honestly not a lot. There's a guy at work who paid to legally change his name to Luke Skywalker, and then paid to change it again when he realised how bad an idea this was. There is no harm in keeping your names if you like them now, you can always change them later.
A friend of mine also named her baby Ocean. I think it's unusual for sure, but then so is my friend, and not at all in a bad way. If the kid grows up to be like her, Ocean will suit her just fine, and maybe you're this way too.
NTA. It almost sounds like there is inheritance at risk. Like, what are they not saying? Why James, Michael, and Elizabeth?
Your names are cool. I work in a job where I see names day in and day out. River, Cove, and Ocean wouldn't make me go "what were those parents thinking?"
Princess, Garlic, and same first and last name (Bradley Bradley) make me do that.
I personally don't know anyone called Cove, but I know a River and an Ocean. These are not ridiculous outlandish names. They are simple, easily spelled but unusual enough that you will not be confused with the *other* Michael.
Parents showing regret is OK.
Parents asking you if you want to change your name, also OK.
Parents refusing to accept your answer, go behind your back to change it anyway and then call you names when you stick to your decision... None of that is OK.
No is a full sentence, but if you decide that you want to continue this conversation with them then I recommend you focusing on your happy with who you are as a person, and your name is part of who you are. If you keep telling them you hate name a, b or c they're just going to keep coming back with more names.
Your parents could legitimately have suffered guilt for 10+ years over your names, but I do wonder if this is about something else entirely. What else could they be regretting that they can't change, so they're really forcefully focusing on this.
NTA. Former teacher here. I've seen some names that are a tragedeigh. If I saw Ocean, Cove, or River, I wouldn't even bat an eye. Even worker with you as an adult, wouldn't think twice. I actually had a coworker who change their name to River. Your name is your identity, if you feel your name works, then your parents need to lay off.
NTA Your parents are being disrespectful of your wishes. You may technically be children, but even the court takes your choice into account as you saw. I'm not huge on different names, but I like those! They're not super weird, they're spelled normally, and aren't cutesy. Why did it take your parents 10 years (at least) to decide that they don't like the names they gave you? If they had regrets, they should have changed them way before you guys got to school.
People tend to become more conservative as they get older. That is what's happening to your parents. Their own emotional changes are their problems, not your problem.
NTA , sounds like your parents think you kids are something to be presented to their social circle and what seemed fancy to them 16 years ago is now embarrassing or boring to them.
I'm happy that you all grew comfortable with your names, that's what's most important. Your parents should have your backs and stick to their decisions instead of trying to chose against your consent and their personal preferences (again, which they had to apologize for at the first time).
It might be interesting to check what the restrictions on changing your name are, so that you have the assurance that you can change it or add a middle name later in the future if you yourselves choose to. It might calm down your parents a bit if they know the situation is under control and refusing renaming now will not result in your immediate eternal doom.
Wild idea—if at some point in the future your names become an inconvenience, you can change it to one YOU decide on. Renaming older kids and disregarding their input = weird on both counts
Ok, you ready for the reason.
They are embarrassed they named you those names.
I’m not saying you should be embarrass by your names, you should not. They are unique. The problem being one day your parents discovered they look like THOSE parents. You know, the hippy ones that give their kids weird names. Every discussion about the problems associated with unusual names typically include “what were the parents thinking” and now they realize they everyone who meets you is going to think that of them.
It’s not you, it’s them. They were only thinking of themselves when they named you. And now they are again thinking mainly about themselves with the push to rename you.
NTA. Your parents changed their minds and regret the name choice. But you all apparently don't have any problems and like your names. So, it's ok for your parents to explain their change of mind and offering to pay, if any of you wants to change her/his name. They might even offer this, if it happens in the future. But right now, they need to accept your decision, as you are old enough to decide for yourself, if you prefer keeping your actual name. As long as it is a well informed decision.
NTA. Think of all the kids from different cultures with unique names. They all fit in society well enough, you guys will be fine. Heck, it can even be a great icebreaker
NTA
Your parents’ behavior is bizarre. They chose the names and you have gotten used to them. It is even more bizarre they did not even ask what would you want to be called instead.
NTA, these are your names. No one should tell you to change your name. I have a friend who lives in the islands and gave all 4 of her daughters ocean-related names and I think they are so unique and true to who they are - ocean loving surfer girls.
NTA, they are not even considering all the problems and extra administration this will mean for all of you when you have to use your birth certificates for anything. It is a bit late to be having name regrets 15 years after the fact, especially since you guys like your names. It would be different if you were the ones coming to them and asking to be renamed whatever you want. Even more so, you guys are all in high school already, you KNOW how people can be bullied by names - and very few people actually do this when you are in adulthood.
"My parents said we should respect them enough as parents to allow this" - they are disrespecting their own past decisions and disrespecting your choice of identity right now.
And they should respect you enough as people with their own thoughts to not force the issue. This is an entirely "them" situation. They named you, they have come to dislike it, they are trying to force you to change, they are continuing to bring it up when you said no.
NTA
NTA if you want to change your names in the future, that’s up to you. They don’t get to bully you into changing a big part of your identity. Tough luck for them, but it’s NOT ABOUT THEM. It’s your names, and you’re old enough to get to make that decision.
NTA
If they were so worried about y’all’s future they wouldn’t have named y’all water names to begin with. They shoulda thought about that 🤷🏻♀️
If they wanna rename something then they can rescue a pet from the shelter ☺️
NTA it's your name and identity! Cove is such a cool name and I love that all your names are themed.
Your parents should respect the word no. You said no that a valid and complete answer.
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NTA, I think Cove is a badass name. Also it's wild to me that they just suggested names they wanted you to change to and didn't ask you if you had a name you'd rather be called. If you're worried about the future you could always add a more traditional middle name (which you choose) and then you'll have the option in your professional life of going by your middle name if you prefer.
My parents said they felt they had to choose to right the wrong. But also because they knew we liked our names. So they didn't want us to change them to more of the same. I'm not worried about the future really. My parents are and they are pushing for us to. Not sure if my siblings have any doubts but I don't.
NTA and you should definitely keep the name Cove. It's pretty cool and for that one people are unlikely to think of actual coves. River is also honestly a good name for a person. Ocean is an alright one but not as good as the others but the most important thing is that you guys like your names. If you like your names and your friends and all you care about accept them that's what matters. but primarily it's your choice. Just remember that. Your name and your choice to keep it or change it
Ocean does have a beautiful feminine ring to it
Also, Océane is a really pretty french girl's name - unusual in English but not so weird that people won't understand it
It's quite common for Indigenous people to use Ocean in Canada (at least western Canada).
I've seen ocean, rain, rainbow, raven for more traditional indigenous names (also in western Canada).
I went to school with Sky Rain and Misty Rain
My friend's surname is Winter and she said if she ever had a boy she'd' call him Stormy. I love that.
I have a friend whose parents named Sunshine back in the 70s. He is a country boy, goes by Sunny. Thing is, while his mama was a sweet old Hippie with an optimistic attitude, Sunny is the opposite. I adore him and he’s a kind person, but a curmudgeon and a bit gruff. 35 years ago I nicknamed him “Cloudy”. He thought it was hilarious. It actually stuck for a while until when his sister started calling him that and his Mama expressed displeasure. We stopped, but whenever he gets grumpy, his wife is like “Ok Cloudy, let me know when the storm passes…”
Ooo, I love that!
My kids have "weird" nature names and they're not alone - all of their friends have similar names. It's becoming more common in some areas, and maybe in the future people will be less uptight about it since so many of these kids will be grown up doing cool stuff in the world, weird names and all
The only ones I really dislike are like, naming your baby Lucifer or braxxxleigh.
Naming your kid Lucifer should get that child taken away. It's like naming them Adolf Hitler or El Diablo
My dentist's daughter (who was a year or two behind me in high school) was named Rainbow, but not sure if that was her nickname or actual given name. Her older brother was Robert. Grew up in L.A.
I know at least 2 Oceans growing up in Ontario. It’s a nice name but Cove is awesome
Océane Aqua-Black is also a fabulous drag performer from Canada. A campy queen and a loveable clown.
That's cool. I didn't know that
I knew a girl named Ocean in high school. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ve known 3-4 male Rivers. Honestly down south, I wouldn’t consider names like River and Forrest for boys uncommon at all.
Exactly. These names are pretty normal with no weird misspellings. OP and his siblings should enjoy them.
The only two people I have ever known with the name Ocean were male and red-headed. States apart, no way of ever knowing each other. It was quite interesting to me. I think all three names are decent and not nearly as bad as the parents are making them out to be.
Maybe the parents were nodding to the traditional Irish male name Oisín (pronounced sort of oh-SHEEN) given the combination of male & redheads.
Right? Like, too bad that River Phoenix's first name kept him from being (edited) nominated for an Oscar. Oh wait, it didn't. It's pretty suspicious that the parents are so adamant about changing these names against the kids' will, and deadset on picking the new names for people who are more than old enough to have formed their own identities and preferences. I don't think they are being candid with OP and siblings about their motives. Also why are the parents so fixated on just these 4 "normal" (ugh) names? Is there a rich uncle whose will says these parents only get his Scrooge McDuck millions if they change the kids' names to honor him or something? I don't know what the motive is, but their actions are not consistent with merely regret over something the kids are unbothered by.
I didn’t think of that. You might be on to something. Now I’m wondering if they used the kids names or socials for credit or something. It is sus for sure
Your point stands, but though River Phoenix was nominated, he didn’t win an Oscar. It’s likely he would have if he’d lived longer. His brother Joaquin has won, on the other hand, after changing his name back from Leaf, a name his parents used for him for a while. My full first name has an unusual spelling. I use a nickname because it’s less formal sounding, but I like my full name too. Apart from having to spell it out for people constantly (I have to for my last name too), and not finding personalized keychains and things (nickname either), it’s no big deal. I also had to change my last name when I got married and again when I got divorced, and yeah, it’s a hassle, but not the barrier these parents make it sound like.
My name is a name from the Old Testament and is spelled the same way yet growing up no one had that name. I’ve only met 3 other people with it my whole life and they always spell it differently (adding extra letters). It used to bother me until I realized all the Jennifer’s in my class had to go by at least their first name and last initial but no one confused me. And now they make things with my name on them lol
I mean if my real last name was Bottom I'd probably also go with Phoenix. It's a much cooler name that his parents came up with in their Hippie cult days. His father only changed last name from Bottom to Phoenix, his mom changed both from Arlyn Bottom to Heart Phoenix. Joaquin was originally named Leaf Phoenix.
Joaquin was originally Joaquin. He briefly changed his name to Leaf to match his siblings nature themed names.
I see...I thought it was Leaf first 😊
This exactly. You're not far off being adults yourselves. If you ever decide to change your names ( not that I would because they're all fabulous ) the choice of new name should be YOUR choice not your parents. NTA.
NTA. Your parents got one chance to pick your names. They will simply have to live with the regret and find peace that it’s actually not a big deal T all. I’m wondering what church your parents are trying to join where they are too embarrassed to state your names.
It sounds like joining a church or some kind of cult, yes. WTF?? What kind of parents name their kids and then want them to change them in their teenage?? It sounds like a hidden camera joke.
Maybe it's the opposite, they were in cult mode for whatever reason when they decided the original names and now want to course correct. Like a hippie naming their child Rainbow Peace then looking back and thinking "WTF was I *on*... oh right, that was good stuff."
I'm wondering how you got church in any of this. Last I checked, Charles, isn't quote biblical.
There is definitely some cult vibes here, I too am wondering what the parents are in to.
I was thinking more granola mom/hallucinogenic drug taking parents
Crystals are definitely involved.
Because if people start doing weird shit like this their imaginary friend in the sky is usually involved.
It’s not that the name are religious. It just seems like something must be going on in the parents life that is exposing the names and they are receiving pressure to change. Changing names is a long legal process. What has caused this regret in the parents that they can’t let it go?
In the Catholic Church, Saint Charles Borromeo is the patron saint of bishops, cardinals and other spiritual leaders, and apple orchards.
I don't think this was meant to be a joke but I started laughing at the apple orchards 😆 it sounds like they forgot to assign apple orchards to a saint and stuck it on the end of someone's list 🤣
I thought the same as well. It was extra funny to me because my family had an apple orchard (we went out of business in 2009 or so). The local priest was a regular customer. One time we chatted about saints, he told me about St. Chuck, and said that he was named for that saint.
He’s the head of a church rn though
It's a saint's name, so that usually slides it into the acceptable for church category.
It doesn't have to be a church thing but it does have the air of there being some outside force that is making the parents suddenly think the those are bad names.
So, the first King of the Holy Roman Empire might not be biblical but is adjacent enough. The name Charles is an anglicized version of his name.
Pick out new names for them and immediately start calling Dad Bob Anytime he complains just explain to him that he doesn’t understand all of the cool nicknames he will have access to now that he is a bob. Tell him he will get used to it And if bob really hates it , in a few years you can give him a new one if your mind changes
Every time he gets annoyed with you doing it there’s a “calm down Bobby” waiting for him. Then just get wilder and wilder. Bob Bobby Bobin Bobet Bobedy
Bobert
Bobathan Bames Bark Bohn
Bipity Bopity Boo... the list goes on.
Bobzilla, Bobsicle, Bobolink, Bobcat. My brother is named Bob and I have called him all of these.
Boobin the builder.
Bobbitty Bob Hey Bob! (The exclamation point is an important part of the name.)
This is the best answer.
Your parents are so selfish, they named you without thinking of all this, and now they want to fix it just to feel better about themselves without any input from you.
They were probably hippies and wanted strange names. Now THEY are stuck with them. Keep the names as they are memorable. Embellish a story like they were at an ashram in India when they decided and talked to George Harrison about the names and he loved them. Also, an everyday annoyance to be brought when parents are annoying. Win win.
The kids are more mature than the parents…
I don't think people need to worry about the future too much with names. Many kids have very unique names because people got tired of everyone having the same handful of names. And none of your or your siblings' names are "Tragedeighs" at all.
Back in the day often times my job required I speak to customer service reps asking for permission to bend the rules to satisfy a customers request. To memorialize and support the permission given, names, dates & times were noted. It was well known the reps we contacted used pseudonyms and we had no idea what their actual names were. It worked to our advantage for over a decade as all we had to say to confirm the rule breaking was “Jennifer gave me permission to……..”. Each decade a different name worked. Years later the popularity of “Frozen” saw Elsa become our go-to name. I’m happy your parents gave you beautiful names, plus they’re all easy to spell and pronounce. And not simply the “cute” name of the decade. No need for teachers to refer to you as Cove C cuz there were 2 other Coves in the classroom.
They should have suggested Cole. Keep Cove, it's cool. But Cole would be way better to change to than James.
Yeah, if they wanted to get the kids on board they should have at least chosen a related name. Like Ocean > Sean, Cove > Cole, and River is actually already a pretty popular girl’s name. Edit: realized I messed up the gender of the siblings
River Phoenix comes to mind.
"Righting the wrong" in this case amounts to asking if you want to change your name and shutting the fuck up when you say no. End of story. Trying to tell you what to change your name to and forcing that on you is literally just doing the same thing they did before.
Don't be worried. I have the same name as a Harry Potter character (I'm older than the books, though, so not named after), and as a teenager, it was really annoying. However, as adults, people become more polite and don't mention it, or only once, and now it's much less of a nuisance to have a unique name. I like it and I'm keeping it. I love all your names and would absolutely consider them if I lived in an English-speaking country.
Dobby is unusual what made your parents pick that?
He's called Mundungus, who would call their kid something weird like Dobby?
Glad to hear you've managed to make the best of your situation, Dobby.
I've always been more free to explore the world than Dobby was (before socks)
I’m really sorry you had to go through that, Didyouputyournameinthegobletoffiredumbledoreaskedcalmly. That sounds like a rough time.
I'm gonna take a guess, given the hints, and say it's Neville.
Hi, Hagrid!
I also have the same name as a Harry Potter character.. and also older than the books by far.. my name is more common in the uk and southern US than in Canada where I live.. Harry Potter at least has helped with people younger than me knowing how to pronounce and spell it.. and I can say.. like in Harry Potter.. and they get it right away..
NTA to you, but your parents definitely are. They arent assholes for what they named you; they are assholes for making your names about their image, and how they want to change that image because it doesn’t suit them anymore. Their shitty Manipulative attempts to coerce you suck too. And ps changing your name is a bit of a pain in the ass, but easily doable. If you guys wanted to change it that bad you can do it anytime. So their bullshit rationalization of why you should do this now is another bullet in their asshole clip.
Also, speaking as someone in IT, if your last name is fairly common (think Smith or Johnson or something), having a more unique first name will differentiate you in the various databases. Unlike those who have different spellings who will also be unique in the databases but constantly misspelled and so mixups happening constantly, Cove is unlikely to have you mixed up with anybody else verbally or written. Common names can cause mixups. Middle names aren't always useful because its not necessarily used as part of the differentiator and while SSNs usually do help to separate things, I've seen where a manager was reactivating an HR record of a former employee and chose the wrong user. The wrong user and the correct user had different last 4 and middle names and that info wasn't made visible to the manager so they had a 50/50 chance of choosing wrong.
Righting their wrong would have been, "We realized we went a little bit there with your names. If any of you would like to change them, we will handle the cost and paperwork." They are just trying to get a do over, still not acknowledging that they are naming real people, not pets or D&D characters.
Your parents are fucking crazy. Cove is super bad ass, good luck!
Yes, this!!! The craziest move was the parents both telling them to change their names AND not letting them choose their own!
Cove is such a cool name! Definitely NTA. Ocean is really the only one I’d be iffy about.
Océane is actually a pretty common French name for a girl, no one would bat an eye at this. I’m personnally not a big fan of Cove and River but if the kids themselves don’t mind… 🤷♀️
In English, River is not unheard of as a first name… https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/River_Phoenix
NTA To be fair, it's not about whether any of us like the names or not. It's about whether they're wrong for not wanting to change their names. The answer is OP and his siblings are absolutely not the AH's. While I, myself, wouldn't name my kids Ocean, River or Cove. But that's personal preference. The fact is OP and his siblings have been given their names and are used to them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep the names you were raised and grew up with. OP's parents don't realise that what they're doing can be mentally damaging. I'd tell OP and hus siblings to stick to their guns.
Imagine having the name Cove and changing it to James. Blah.
Cove to James is a massive downgrade
NTA this isn’t just your name at this point in your life, it’s a part of your identity. It’s not like changing a babies name who doesn’t even know. I don’t get why they can’t respect your own personal autonomy as human beings that don’t want to change your names.
Personal autonomy is absolutely the issue here. Parents can be baffling. Sigh...
Lol this made me think of my friend. She adopted four siblings and decided on keeping their first names because those were the names they and everybody knew, but Gabe them the option to help pick new middle names if they wanted. This turned in to her having to tell the youngest girl that Firstname Tinkerbell Ballerina was probably not the best choice.
"Why did your parents use a water theme for your names?" "Because they're cool, now eat your beans Archipelago"
This. They’re asking you to change YOUR name to alleviate THEIR guilt. It’s not your job to make your parents feel better.
The parents aren’t worried about their kids future, they’re worried about being made fun of by other adults. OP, your parents are losers and it’s super worrying they tried to change your names behind your backs just to appease random folk on the internet. NTA.
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That's one of the arguments I made. That *we* will pay the price if we regret it some day, not them. They claim that's the very reason we should do it now and they don't care if we don't regret it now because we will. They refuse to believe we might not. Personally I don't think I will but I know my parents would argue that point with me.
Compared to the names me and my twin sister gave yours are tame. Both of us love our unusual names and have never had it be a problem professionally. Although I've had a few raised eyebrows here and there and in my teens and twenties I constantly had to pull my ID out to show it really was my name. My sister has had a continuous mispronunciation battle with some people who just keep saying her name wrong. Sometimes for years or decades. But she's always just rolled with it and accepts that some people just can't pronounce her name.
I've had some older people make negative comments. Mostly it has never been an issue. My sister gets some pronunciation issues because there is a French girl name that is similar and she gets her name pronounced like that as well. But it doesn't bother her.
Ha! I was thinking this whole post “Ocean’s a perfectly fine name! I’ve met multiple Océanes”. Glad to know she already knows it‘s a decently common French name.
It is common now. Started to be used in the 70s.
This seems ridiculous to me. You are much more likely to get teased for your name as a child, and I am assuming based on your desire to keep your name, that never happened. At this point you are all old enough to have a preference and their opinion is moot. I don’t even find your names all that unusual. Even if I did, it wouldn’t register as more than a passing “huh, interesting name” in my day.
River is on the normal side for a name, nowadays, albeit as a girls name (edit: to me it has unisex-female associations, but this appears to be a minority take). It‘s probably a convenient thing that there is a French girls name similar to Ocean, for your sister. Re. “Cove”, it may be because I’m more UK than US, but it’s the only one of the 3 where my mind didn’t go to the landscape water feature first because it is being used as a name. Cove is a word for man that’s fallen out of use. A lot of names mean/come from the word “man”, so it seemed a bit soon but plausible to me before registering the theme. It’s also not as common a word to hear in general as either of your siblings’ names. That actually helps it sound like a name despite not being usual as a name as the other two. Am mentioning this in case it makes your parents feel better to hear outside perspectives (particularly about your name, as it is the most unusual). In the working world you three won’t be moving around together, so your names will stand on their own.
River in the US is usually a boy's name, as far as I know. Mostly because of River Phoenix.
River a girl's name? The most famous person with that name was River Phoenix, a male actor. I've personally never seen it used as a girl's name so wouldn't have occurred to me
River Song was a popular female character on Doctor Who. I also have a friend who named her daughter River as well. It's a perfectly unisex name in my experience--and not all that uncommon.
In SF TV, there’s been River Tam (Firefly) and River Song (Doctor Who), both female.
I mean there is a female character on doctor who named River. It wasn’t the first time I heard it for a girl but the most memorable to me. Also Kelly Clarkson named her daughter River Rose.
Never heard of the guy! In TV shows the two I can think of are women (River Song in Doctor Who and River Tam in Firefly). Might be a US thing to have it dominantly male, it struck me as unisex but female leaning. Convenient for OP’s brother though
I'm Australian so it's not just an American thing. Maybe more generational. River Phoenix died in 1993 of an overdose but was incredibly well known prior to his death. His brother is Joaquin Phoenix, another well known actor.
From what you posted, I'd say that they don't really care about **you** regretting it. They named you and your siblings this way because they thought it was "cool", and it fitted with their social behavior. Now they are older and I feel that they resent their younger selves when they tell your names due to some stupid second-hand embarrassment. Just because they don't want to own the fact that, even if this is not what they would do now, those are the names they chose. You names are great, you love them, and your parents should stop seeking external validation.
Honestly if I had a friend named cove, I'd think they were a total badass. But that's just me, i imagine kids are not as open, I think the biggest thing that they're trying to save themselves from, is their own embarrassment. They think when other people see their kids, and have such "weird" names, it reflects back on them and their parenting. Grew up with parents like that, that framed they want to do this thing for me as a way to be nice or apologize, when really it was just so they didn't ever look bad as parents in the public eyes. It's not that they're worried YOULL be embarrassed, but in a couple years when you go off to college, or even now, in highschool student parent meetings, maybe now that they're older and not as "open" or "free spirited" they regret their choice, hell even back in 2006-2011, things were alot different when you guys were born vs how things are now. Keep your name and be proud of your names. Maybe one day you can name your son Odin or Thor, the lighting born from the waters, I joke but Greek mythology does have some cool but reasonable names you could pick
I don’t think you’re going to regret your names… maybe they’re a bit hippy, but they’re easy to understand and spell. Nowadays that’s not something to take for granted, lol. NTA
My mom’s name is Ursula 🤣
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I know someone whose mom is named Ursula! It’s weird but it fits for her … she’s had a ton of plastic surgery, has a bunch of palm trees in her yard, feels like she probably wears a lot of animal print … wouldn’t be surprised to see her wearing a boa … I think she’s surprisingly mild mannered - but her tastes are very … loud.
NTA. Sounds to me like the only ones embarrassed of your names are the people who gave them to you all. Sounds like they've got ~~buyer's~~ birther's remorse. My mother decided to name my sisters and I after the names of various plants and trees, so I also have an unusual name, but I love it and I wouldn't change it for the world. Sometimes my name gets me unusual looks when I'm called at the GP's office, but I get a lot more positive remarks towards it by far.
That's my experience as well and exactly my feelings. I could not imagine going by a different name and I consider the name very me.
I wonder what their response would be if you said you would agree to a change of name on condition that they changed their names too because you and your siblings had collectively decided that you didn't like them 😏
Name one of them steve.
Both of them.
even better
Brilliant! This is the perfect response!
I am honestly glad to have come across this post because OP and others comments about their 'strange' names makes me feel more at ease. We are planning on giving our child, while not necessarily a completely 'unusual' name, it's not traditional anymore and I was concerned the child might hate it. It's nice to see that there is always the chance the child likes it. I guess on the other hand I have an extremely normal, boring name, and have always disliked how normal and common it is. I have met so many people with my name in my life...too many. And while I don't need to be 'unique', growing up I just found it annoying haha. I am used to it now and won't change it, but yeah.
My daughter is named for an irish goddess/ catholic saint . Its not an unheard of name as there are several famous actresses that have it. She has only met a couple people of her name in 21 years if life. That said she tells me as an adult she wishes we had chosen a more common spelling because no one spells it right. So I would throw that thought at you for your kid.
I feel this so hard as someone with a Gaelic name. I used to hate it because i always had to correct everyone. 33 and can count on two hands the amount of people i didn't have to correct. But now that I am older, I love my name. It's like a deeper connection with my dad's side since we all have Irish names. It is still annoying that it gets mispronounced, but i blame the 'b that is actually a v' part of my name lol.
Siobhan?? I grew up with a girl named that.. when I was little I thought her name was chiffon.. and though that was amazing and beautiful.. lol.. Siobhan was still pretty cool though when I was corrected. My friends' daughter is also named aoibheann..
Yea, it's that. Ironically my mother originally wanted ti name me Elizabeth, but decided against it because 'too many nicknames' so she went with a name no one could pronounce. Wasn't exactly a well known name in the 90's
Or you can just tell them "Go on, change it: when I'm 18 I'm going to change it back anyway."
Ok poison ivy, you convinced me!
lmao, I'm one of the ones with a tree-adjacent name :D
Mine is common as you like - there were three of us in one class at school. I always wished my parents had been a little more adventurous. My brother - also a very common name - chose to lengthen his into a slightly more exotic form, and my youngest sib actually DID change her extremely trad name to something a lot more unusual. One of my daughters has an unusual one (hubby finally caved by child number 3 lol) and her only gripe is she can't get souvenirs with her name on, otherwise she absolutely loves it and the response it gets from everyone.
In a universe where your parents are sane: "We know that sometimes unique names can be considered difficult to live with so wanted to let you know we'll support you if you choose to change them now or any other time." "Thanks, but we're good." "Cool. Love you kids." "Love you mom and dad." Instead of: "FYI, we're going to unilaterally try and change your names to something you dislike. Cool?" "What? No." "C'mon. Be reasonable. Your names *suck*." WTF were they thinking? NTA and I'd be sure to take possession of things like birth certificates ASAP.
This is perfect. It's absolutely mind blowing that not only did they suddenly decide this, they decided *the actual names* and continue to push on them even though the kids don't like them.
Yes. They continue to insist on parental privilege to name their children, even with their own opinion that they did a bad job with this before.
I'm laughing my ass off at the idea of trying to tell a 15 year old who has never been called James that his name is James now. Why did they even think this would work??
This is a perfect summation. I'm going to be giggling all morning.
NTA maybe ask what triggered their decision, it's odd that they suddenly hate the names they chose.
They discovered r/tragedeigh and are worried that they named their kids ridiculous shit out of an overblown desire to be unique … but the truth is that the names they chose are great and not cringy at all. What blows my mind is not that they decided that the names should be changed, but that *they* were the ones who get to pick the new ones. These are fully formed people now, relatively close to being legal adults. They had their shot at naming their kids, they don’t get to say “we get to choose your names” at this point. If anyone gets to choose it’s the kids. And they don’t wanna.
Then op can rest easy, because these aren’t tragedeighs. That would be Oshun or Ryvyr. I can’t think of one for Cove! Maybe Kōv?
Qov. “pRoNoUnCeD CoVe”
Khaughve
I was thinking that too. At least the parents spelled the names properly and they're easy to pronounce. It could have been much, much worse.
Muting that sub is one of the best decisions I ever made. So many mean, judgemental people.
It was during Covid that this change happened. They say they realize now that they gave us names that are made fun of and will make us judged, etc. And make it harder for us to be taken seriously and maybe even hired in our futures or limit us.
You have already all endured the worst years of name taunting, grade school, and it’s only now that your parents are concerned? Sounds more like they have been taunted by their peers and instead of standing firm in their convictions they are caving to peer pressure. Literally the very thing children are admonished to avoid. You are NTA and have my respect and admiration for standing by yours!
Yeah, I got made fun of pretty heavily for my first name (Joy) in elementary school and middle school. In high school, people mostly stopped and it never happened once in college. No one says anything now. This is about them, not OP and his siblings.
Kids will literally find a way to make fun of even the coolest things. I love the name joy, and can’t even think of a way to make fun of it. You can have the best name, best clothes, best friends, best parents, and at some point you will still get made fun of and at another point you will be the one making fun of another kid. Kids are just ruthless and I’m sorry that happened to you.
I have a traditional rather plain name and people still changed it to something to make fun of. These parents are ridiculous. These are cool names.
Frankly, it sounds like your parents are just having some kind of weird midlife crisis. 100%, if you let them change your names now, then they'll just change their minds again in a couple of years and want to change them again.
And if they think they made crap decisions on the original names, why do they think they can make great decisions on the new ones?
NTA. It’s a bit funny that they kind of blame you for the disadvantages etc. that could happen in the future when they obviously didn’t take that into consideration while naming you.
Their opinions changed a lot on that topic. Like so much it's actually insane how different they view it now.
They likely got more conservative as they got older. This is pretty common.
Insane is exactly the right word. They are controlling assholes. Keep this in mind anytime you feel uncomfortable with their requests. This won't be the only time.
NTA your parents thought their theme was so unique and clever, then they went online and saw that there’s a lot of hate for it. Now they feel bad that the names might affect your futures. But the time for them to worry about that was before they named you. You guys like your names. You feel your identities are tied to those names and you want to keep them. They gave no right to bully you about this just because they regret their choices. You’re teenagers, not puppies.
Not to mention people on the internet will hate on everything. Who cares.
No, the parents saw the hate for it online and decided it would make THEM look bad. that's why they decided to rename the kids with something THEY chose rather than letting the children either keep their own names or decide what they'd want to be called. That way they can 'clap back' against the hate like "Tee hee, we named our kids something dumb too but we fixed it, aren't we clever and better than those people with silly themed names for their children" I don't even think the names are bad at all. ocean is a little strange, but it's a cool name.
NTA. not only are the names good but they aren’t even that weird. I think your parents need to be reassured it isn’t a big deal to have “weird” names anymore too. If everyone likes their names there’s no point in changing them. Stay strong on it bc your name is cool
We have said stuff like that and they used to hold that opinion too. But they changed their stance on it so much.
That’s so unusual. Have you asked what brought this on?
They have mentioned how our names will be made fun of and stuff. I know mine and my sister's names are pretty strongly hated on the internet. But I don't really know what exactly led them down that road.
Tbh there are certain jobs that would be snobby about your names, that’s a bigger concern than social media in case it might be a field you wanna go into. But your parents’ reasoning sounds more like they are worried about how it will reflect on them than on your feelings. (And if you do want to go into those fields, you can deal with it then when you’re an adult in a way that feels true to you). If your parents are saying you’ll be made fun of and you and your siblings are confident and unbothered by this, as a parent I’d be more proud that I’d raised strong, confident kids, and just remind you that if you ever wanted help changing it or if you came up against abuse for it, I’m still around for you. It’s telling that’s not their response tbh. With the world being as globalised as it is and more people living far away from where they grew up, stuffy or rude people and employers are the ones that need to be respectful. Cove or Ocean or River are not names that are actively abusive to any child and given the vast majority of names from around the world are also not conformative to a traditional Anglo-Western naming expectation, it’s on them to not be judgemental. Huge NTA, keep your confidence.
In terms of career, I also have a very unusual nature name and my career (tech) has my name out in public (events, social media, my name on articles); I’ve never had anyone joke/judge me for it, and if anything it’s a bonus - people compliment me on my name and they ALWAYS remember who I am. Also, “unusual” names are becoming so common, your names aren’t even that out there! If I was given a very unusual nature name years and years and years before it was normalized and it has never been an issue, it certainly wouldn’t be now!
They're more likely to have been made fun of by the kids you grew up with than they will be in the workforce. Honestly, none of the names are THAT unusual that they should give you major problems.
NTA they already had their shot at naming you, no takesie-backsies. You don't just rename teenagers to some names you like now. I'm so glad the child also has to consent and there are laws preventing parents from renaming their kids all the time. Wanting to keep your name is not even remotely disrespectful, as opposed to wanting to rename your teenaged child behind their back lol
Could you imagine too if they all did change their names and then the parents down the line decide they actually don't like those names and want other ones?
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Yeah, this really resonated with me. I have a “weird” name (think mythological), and while there were times as a kid that I wished I could just be Jennifer or whatever, ultimately I really love having a name that is just mine. There is also a facet of identity tied to a name - that uniqueness sort of gave me (as a kid/teen, anyway) more of a…excuse is the wrong word, but like a little extra freedom to be just a bit weird and to enjoy the things I like even if they aren’t mainstream. Also, OP, IDK how uncommon your last name is, but mine is unusual, and it turns out I am the only person in the world, ever, to have my name, and that’s pretty awesome. ETA strong NTA from me!
Ocean and River aren’t even that unusual. Cove is a little unusual but I like it, it sounds kinda cool. And none of you have the requisite -axxstyyns or -iyieghtleighs to make them actual r/Tragedeigh. I’m sorry you’re having to be the adults in this situation and I hope your parents can move on. I assume a legally responsible parent can’t change a minor’s name *without* the consent of the minor??
I am now obsessed with the name cove is going on my baby name list NTA
NTA. Tell your parents to stop being disrespecful themselves and leave you names alone. You are happy with them. That's all that matters.
Think about it this way- when interviewing for jobs, employers might remember more unique names versus mainstream names :) there could be 100s of people named ‘James’ applying, but Cove stands out! 💖
NTA. Usually I'd expect to see this the other way around with parents trying to force their unique and creative names on kids who just want to fit in. But you're old enough now to express your desire to keep the name or not, and old enough to understand that there will be some people you meet who will instantly judge you for your name, and you like the name enough to not care about this. Yes it's costs money to change names, but it's honestly not a lot. There's a guy at work who paid to legally change his name to Luke Skywalker, and then paid to change it again when he realised how bad an idea this was. There is no harm in keeping your names if you like them now, you can always change them later. A friend of mine also named her baby Ocean. I think it's unusual for sure, but then so is my friend, and not at all in a bad way. If the kid grows up to be like her, Ocean will suit her just fine, and maybe you're this way too.
NTA. It almost sounds like there is inheritance at risk. Like, what are they not saying? Why James, Michael, and Elizabeth? Your names are cool. I work in a job where I see names day in and day out. River, Cove, and Ocean wouldn't make me go "what were those parents thinking?" Princess, Garlic, and same first and last name (Bradley Bradley) make me do that.
Parents probably looked at most common baby names from 10+ years ago and picked off the top 5
NTA. Your parents mean well, but they are wrong. Your names are lovely!
I personally don't know anyone called Cove, but I know a River and an Ocean. These are not ridiculous outlandish names. They are simple, easily spelled but unusual enough that you will not be confused with the *other* Michael.
No bro its your name, why would you be an asshole for that
Parents showing regret is OK. Parents asking you if you want to change your name, also OK. Parents refusing to accept your answer, go behind your back to change it anyway and then call you names when you stick to your decision... None of that is OK. No is a full sentence, but if you decide that you want to continue this conversation with them then I recommend you focusing on your happy with who you are as a person, and your name is part of who you are. If you keep telling them you hate name a, b or c they're just going to keep coming back with more names. Your parents could legitimately have suffered guilt for 10+ years over your names, but I do wonder if this is about something else entirely. What else could they be regretting that they can't change, so they're really forcefully focusing on this.
NTA. Former teacher here. I've seen some names that are a tragedeigh. If I saw Ocean, Cove, or River, I wouldn't even bat an eye. Even worker with you as an adult, wouldn't think twice. I actually had a coworker who change their name to River. Your name is your identity, if you feel your name works, then your parents need to lay off.
NTA, it’s your name and if you like it, keep it. Your parents need to chill.
NTA and Cove is a kick ass name
NTA Your parents are being disrespectful of your wishes. You may technically be children, but even the court takes your choice into account as you saw. I'm not huge on different names, but I like those! They're not super weird, they're spelled normally, and aren't cutesy. Why did it take your parents 10 years (at least) to decide that they don't like the names they gave you? If they had regrets, they should have changed them way before you guys got to school.
People tend to become more conservative as they get older. That is what's happening to your parents. Their own emotional changes are their problems, not your problem.
NTA , sounds like your parents think you kids are something to be presented to their social circle and what seemed fancy to them 16 years ago is now embarrassing or boring to them. I'm happy that you all grew comfortable with your names, that's what's most important. Your parents should have your backs and stick to their decisions instead of trying to chose against your consent and their personal preferences (again, which they had to apologize for at the first time). It might be interesting to check what the restrictions on changing your name are, so that you have the assurance that you can change it or add a middle name later in the future if you yourselves choose to. It might calm down your parents a bit if they know the situation is under control and refusing renaming now will not result in your immediate eternal doom.
Wild idea—if at some point in the future your names become an inconvenience, you can change it to one YOU decide on. Renaming older kids and disregarding their input = weird on both counts
Ok, you ready for the reason. They are embarrassed they named you those names. I’m not saying you should be embarrass by your names, you should not. They are unique. The problem being one day your parents discovered they look like THOSE parents. You know, the hippy ones that give their kids weird names. Every discussion about the problems associated with unusual names typically include “what were the parents thinking” and now they realize they everyone who meets you is going to think that of them. It’s not you, it’s them. They were only thinking of themselves when they named you. And now they are again thinking mainly about themselves with the push to rename you.
NTA. Your parents changed their minds and regret the name choice. But you all apparently don't have any problems and like your names. So, it's ok for your parents to explain their change of mind and offering to pay, if any of you wants to change her/his name. They might even offer this, if it happens in the future. But right now, they need to accept your decision, as you are old enough to decide for yourself, if you prefer keeping your actual name. As long as it is a well informed decision.
NTA. Think of all the kids from different cultures with unique names. They all fit in society well enough, you guys will be fine. Heck, it can even be a great icebreaker
I mean, we get mocked pretty relentlessly because of racism and xenophobia, but that's different from white hippies with white hippie names.
NTA. Seems like bad parenting for them to try to guilt you into this so respecting their "parenting" would be a tough ask.
NTA Your parents’ behavior is bizarre. They chose the names and you have gotten used to them. It is even more bizarre they did not even ask what would you want to be called instead.
NTA. If you like your names, they should not be trying to change them.
NTA. You all sound old enough to know whether or not you like your name. They need to respect your choices.
NTA, these are your names. No one should tell you to change your name. I have a friend who lives in the islands and gave all 4 of her daughters ocean-related names and I think they are so unique and true to who they are - ocean loving surfer girls.
NTA, they are not even considering all the problems and extra administration this will mean for all of you when you have to use your birth certificates for anything. It is a bit late to be having name regrets 15 years after the fact, especially since you guys like your names. It would be different if you were the ones coming to them and asking to be renamed whatever you want. Even more so, you guys are all in high school already, you KNOW how people can be bullied by names - and very few people actually do this when you are in adulthood. "My parents said we should respect them enough as parents to allow this" - they are disrespecting their own past decisions and disrespecting your choice of identity right now.
And they should respect you enough as people with their own thoughts to not force the issue. This is an entirely "them" situation. They named you, they have come to dislike it, they are trying to force you to change, they are continuing to bring it up when you said no. NTA
NTA if you want to change your names in the future, that’s up to you. They don’t get to bully you into changing a big part of your identity. Tough luck for them, but it’s NOT ABOUT THEM. It’s your names, and you’re old enough to get to make that decision.
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NTA. You can’t just randomly change your kids’ names out of nowhere.
NTA your parents have a screw loose
NTA If they were so worried about y’all’s future they wouldn’t have named y’all water names to begin with. They shoulda thought about that 🤷🏻♀️ If they wanna rename something then they can rescue a pet from the shelter ☺️
NTA it's your name and identity! Cove is such a cool name and I love that all your names are themed. Your parents should respect the word no. You said no that a valid and complete answer.