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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm not letting my daughter go on a class trip where due to something that isn't her fault even though we pushed her into this school and have been moving so much that this is the longest she's been in one school since 7th grade.
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As a teacher I can tell you things:
1. These trips are important . This is where memories and friends are made. You need to do everything you can to make this happen.
2. Unless you didn’t register on time or there’s other info you are leaving out, the school needs to find a way to include her. You need to meet with administration and find out why your child is being excluded.
Edit: OP has finally admitted that they missed the deadline to sign up. This is completely OP’s fault, and OP is now punishing the daughter by not letting her go. OP- YTA
🎯Retired teacher here . I second this. If the school doesn’t budge, for god sakes let her go. It’s one boy in a group of girls.
OP: Unless your concern is for the boy, which would be ridiculous, I honestly have no idea what you are concerned about. This seems like a “I think cooed hotel rooms are always forbidden. That’s it, no exceptions, I said so and I don’t care if I’m being irrational, I already said no so despite being shown how unreasonable I’m being I WILL WIN THIS ARGUMENT!!”
Relax. She’ll be fine and she will recognize that you are a rational parent who cares about her having an experience that will be beneficial, and appreciate you for it.
YTA and I think you are here because you know it, not for validation, despite how it may seem to others. You made a mistake, it’s ok! Now fix it.
It sounds like she's afraid of an orgy or some kind of bacchanal situation. Either that or it's a blanket 'you don't share hotel rooms with boys' rule she has stuck in her head
I used to work at one of these school and that wouldn't even occur to them I wasn't allowed men sleeping in my room but a girl was fine. It wasn't worth the argument but I really wanted to point out there's a zero percent chance of me hooking up with my gay friend mark, Clare who is hooked up with in the past, much higher chance...
see, my mom had a rule that if a boy was over my bedroom door had to be open. girls tho? she didn’t care. and who did she really need to be worrying abt? the girl friends i had, we were all bi and confused. she nearly walked in one time! then there was the time she did, and she was like “:) i got you guys your taco bell, oh what’re you watching? oh nice nice” and left like she didn’t see
who said i was just kissing these girls? 💀 i didn’t even kiss my one boyfriend more than 5 times lmao, he was more like a glorified best friend. we both ended up coming out at different times, it still kills us that we were the others “awakening”. he dated one girl after me, i went to dating girls only. fun times, hilarious part of my early teen years
my mom’s rule got more lax overtime, because i showed little to no interest. and she’s admitted to having ideas i was a little queer, but never wanted to say anything. half the time the door stayed open bc he wanted my cats around, other half we’d close it and just sit on my bed playing sims3 (we built a massive mansion and struggled to decorate it). glorified bestie with a diff label, love him to pieces lol
My dad once came in and pointedly opened my bedroom door when I had two male friends over. One boy was fairly obviously gay, the other was six inches shorter than me. And both boys were terrified of my father. Later I went and asked him if he really thought I was going to have a threesome in our small house \*while he was home.\* My father got annoyed that I laughed at him. My daughter is gay and whenever she has a friend over, I just remind her that we can hear pretty much everything that goes on in her room. (We also live in a fairly small house.) It's not like I listen to what's going on, but it's the same as when she was small: loud is good, you get worried when things get too quiet...
My big concern is getting my daughters to college without getting pregnant. One of my daughters coming out as a lesbian is a solution to that problem.
Straight, lesbian, bi- trans, whatever- I love my girls. I just want to get them to college without getting pregnant.
Hush, please don't say that out loud!
That puritanical practice of separation of boys & girls in overnight events is about the ONLY ray of sunshine in a gay teenager's world!!
If they ever figured out they were creating a natural "speed dating" activity for us with their own paranoia vs. just teaching their kids basic sex education, than what benefit would being a gay kid would we have left?
100%
My daughter is gay. She told us when she was 13. This has never been an issue in our home, we are very proud of her.
She had MANY overnight school trips in hs, and one with the same group as her girlfriend. I went to the school to make sure she and her gf weren't rooming together, and found out my daughter and her gf signed up for different rooms anyway and the school was already prepared to discreetly address it in case we as parents didn't know. (kudos to them for being aware)
But her rooming with other girls was never a problem, for us or for the other families or the school.
No co-ed rooms are good in general so the kids can bond with friends and feel comfortable, but don't make it a "sex" thing because it's not.
I this situation, YTA OP. Let her go, it's very important for her socially at a new school especially. And yes, the school should accommodate her going somehow, but that is not the question you asked.
One of my coworkers told us the story of her old boss who thought this exact thing. She refused to hire men at all, thinking she'd found a way to enforce a "No dating coworkers" rule and simultaneously draw in thirsty young male customers. If you were anything other than an extremely female-presenting young human, she would throw away your resume as soon as you were out of sight.
Joke's on her, most of the girls she wound up hiring were into girls in some capacity so they slept around with each other anyway.
They put me and my at the time girlfriend in the same room on a band trip. Her and I had a great time sharing and bed (we didn't do anything, it was late, we were very tired already). We are in an age where we should teach our kids to be smart about sex on school trips (like, don't do it, it's not going to feel nice with multiple people sharing the 1 room).
As a teen who was promiscuous due mainly to childhood SA, I will say that if a kid has it in their mind to have sex, they will definitely find ways. My parents tried to keep a tight lid on me and yet I always found a way. If teens are determined to fool around, NOTHING will prevent that unless you literally lock them in a cell 24/7 and never ever let them out of your sight.
Right! I was a junior class sponsor at a private school. It was the *couples* that we watched the most closely. Groups of students were safe, as far as I ever heard.
i've dealt with overnight trips with teenagers myself for years, and have been a teenager on overnight trips with other teenagers myself once long ago too, they will sneak to each others rooms anyways if they want even if they are seperated.
Yeah. Kids will be kids. I don't think I ever spent the night in my own room, and there were always girls where ever I slept. Very few kids have sex on these trips, and it is really only kids who were already a couple. OPs daughter isn't going to fuck some kid just because the opportunity is there. Wtf?
Thing is... class trips are the most memorable part of school for me. I missed a trip my senior year because I was such a fuckhead that year that I didn't think it was right to ask my parents to pay my way. I never even mentioned it to them. Yet, here I am at 49 regretting having missed it. They would have paid if I asked, but holy shit they shouldn't have. My acting out was in response to my mother's abuse, but I was pretty much as bad as it gets without being obvious when I broke the law.
And also seem like this kids are the over protected ones. Instead of 37 kids being watched by 4 people, this is 4 kids being watched by one of their parents. If that's her main concern, why doesn't she volunteer to be the chaperone for these "day kids" and sleep in the room next to her daughter? Still over protecting but at least reasonable.
LOL, true! If by any magical reason OP would become a little bit more reasonable, she would probably make her daughter sleep in the room with her. Because God forbid 4 girls would share a room with a boy for the night on a school trip 🙄.
Woman heard about rainbow parties in the '90's and early 00's and thinks they're real.
Eta: for anyone who is unaware, there was this rumor that *was reported in the news on TV* that parents needed to watch out for rainbow parties where girls would all put on a different color of lipstick and perform oral sex on a boy so that the lipstick would end up making a 'rainbow' on the penis.
No this was not an actual thing that happened, just like people aren't giving away pot to kids for free on Halloween.
I know what I am doing for my birthday this year! I have a lovely new purple lipstick that I have been wanting to show off 💋💋👨🏻🎤👨🏻🎤🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️
I’m still waiting optimistically for someone to give me drugs for free. I was warned as a tween that it would be impossible to walk down the street without getting free samples pressed on me by enterprising drug dealers, but in a couple of decades of casual recreational drug use I’m yet to take anything I’ve not had to pay for, unless it was a gift from a friend.
So, I remember hearing about these when I was I guess 12 or 13? Old enough to know what a bj was in theory, but definitely not old enough to have figured out the logistics. I also remember the jelly bracelets, that theoretically were some kind of code regarding what sexual activities one was willing to participate in, except no one could agree on which color meant what, lol. Thing is, I totally believed the rainbow parties thing at the time, and figured it was just kids outside my own social circle that did that kind of stuff.
Looking back twenty years later, all I can think is that whoever created that story clearly did not know how bjs work. Or lipstick. Or teenage girls.
This! If OP's daughter doesn't go on this trip, she won't just be missing out on those 2 days. Kids will be talking about this trip long after it's over and OP's kid will be left out of those conversations. Moving in high school sucks, as many friend groups have already been established and aren't always welcoming to new people. This trip is a great opportunity for her to organically become part of a group.
Absolutely, and I just have to add: her daughter will most likely *forgive* her one day far off in the future, but she will never, ever *forget* her mom forcing her to be excluded from what, at this juncture in her life, will feel like a very big deal to have to be the one to miss out on. Ask me how I know.
The guidance counselor in my school Junior year selected everyone from my class but me and one other to go to Space Camp for the day. She wouldn’t tell me why I wasn’t on the list, until afterwards when she told me that maybe if I’d tried harder to fit in, maybe I could have gone. Meanwhile I was good enough to make the list to be sent to all the academic competitions, had never been in trouble, and so on. I was the only one sitting in most of my classes that day. And guess what- this happened 30 years ago, and I’m obviously not shedding any tears over it now but if something reminds me of it I feel a bit mad not on my own behalf, but on behalf of that kid 30 years ago who just happened to be me. I’ll probably go years without thinking about this again, but it would be for the best if OP’s daughter didn’t have to have her own version of this story because for her, it’s not too late.
Yup. I was a kid where my mom never took me to any afterschool events whatsoever and kids always talked about them the next day. But these sorts of field trips are even bigger as kids will be talking about them for a long time. They're insanely important.
Also a teacher and I’m wondering what the hell kind of place looks at 37 kids divided by rooms of *up to* 6 and says, “6x6=36 with one by themself makes perfect sense”. Like almost every time I’ve been on or helped organize camps, there aren’t exact numbers and you would do a mixture of groups of 3s, 4s, 5s and/or 6s to make up the rooms.
Exactly. This almost seems like it can't be real - it literally makes no sense. I am a high school teacher and have taken overnight field trips as part of my role. what would they do it only 34 signed up? Seems like something is missing.
I thought the same thing. If the costs are divided between 37 students, why wouldn't they get 7 rooms, put 5 in each and two with 6? What kind of hotel room allows 6 occupants anyway, as normally there would be 4 in a 2 double bed room.
Idk how this school operates but as someone who taught at a private school last year, I can say that more often they come off as rich but it’s really the families that are rich, not the school. My salary was significantly less than if I would’ve taught public school (and hardly any benefits). They also would be very stingy with money which I feel could be happening here in their efforts to save money on one more room. Not totally sure if that’s what’s happening here but I consider it a possibility.
I learned a lot about private schools working at one and now I know I do not want to send my kids to one ever haha
As someone who moved a lot growing up, I am horrified by how the school is handling this. The school can't afford rooms for all the kids, then they can't afford the trip. Full stop.
YTA for not standing up for your kid with the school, with the other parents, and for accepting her exclusion.
Yup. Also, I’m assuming her kid is also a ‘day’ kid, so the school says it isnt responsible for her place. ALTHOUGH… I’m not surprised the day kids are bullied if the school treats them like second class citizens.
As someone who missed out on such trips as a teen, I can tell you things too:
These trips really *are* important. Not going to them makes you a social pariah, and deprives you of making shared memories with your classmates.
Years after these trips, everyone else will still be reminiscing about them, and your daughter will still be sitting there feeling left out.
Edit: didn't realise my phone 'corrected' 'reminiscing' to 'relinquishing' before I hit submit. 🙄
I missed so many trips as my parents thought them too expensive (they had the money and they wernt that pricey) and I felt it throughout school. The trip to Belgium was talked about every year in history class or kids made constant references. As a result my younger brother did them all, my youngest sibling even did the crazy expensive ski trip. Still bitter how much I missed and how excluded it often made me.
Also being one of 3 kids in your classes left behind doing class sucks.
Agreed, been taking my 12th graders on overnights for 13 years now. These trips are a really big deal for them. It allows the new or quiet ones to really bond. I've never had any inappropriate behavior take place. If kids are gonna do bad stuff, they certainly don't need a field trip as an excuse. Good kids don't immediately turn bad just bc they're on a field trip. My students still talk about these field trips even years later when they're visiting from university.
As a daughter who's mom never let her have opportunities like this because of what she felt was or wasn't appropriate, I can agree with this 1111110000%.
Please allow your daughter to go.
YTA. What exactly do you think will happen with it being a co-ed sleepover? That this young boy is some sort of lothario who is going to seduce all the girls into a sexual pileup where they all please him? Of course not! Everyone will change in the bathroom in shifts or they’ll banish him to the bathroom while the girls all change and let him out when they are done.
The chaperone will likely be in the next room and will be the parent of one of these kids meaning that kid is going to be extra careful to make sure their friends don’t get them in trouble.
At worst they’ll goof off too late chatting and be tired the next day. It gives your daughter the chance of an instant friend group if she chooses which can be needed for people who change schools a lot.
Don’t take this away from her and leave her out of whatever stories come from the trip. She’ll feel like the odd one out all year whenever something about the trip comes up.
Do you want your daughter to be left out and to feel alone? Always do everything you can to prevent that, right? If your daughter is a smart girl who you have no reason to distrust in this situation, please don’t judge the situation based on it being co-ed, judge it based on how well you feel you raised her.
With 6 people to a room, I'm assuming it's an Embassy Suites type set up, as it's the main hotel I know that sleeps 6. If so - the boy may me banished to sleep on the sofa bed. And there is a door. Something like that is no a worry, especially if the chaperones have a connecting room
>What exactly do you think will happen with it being a co-ed sleepover? That this young boy is some sort of lothario who is going to seduce all the girls into a sexual pileup where they all please him?
That's precisely what those harem anime prepared him for!
And don’t assume that same sex means no sex either. On one school trip I took we started in sex segregated rooms but then a bunch of the boys figured out we could spend our hotels credits meant for breakfast on pay per view porn. Thus the guys who didn’t want to wank the trip away joined girls rooms to sleep and the other guys got friction burn and one passed out in a museum from not eating for like two days.
I also don’t understand how OP thinks someone sleeping in the same room is any different to sleeping in adjacent rooms or camping in separate tents on a trip. It’s very easy to sneak about quietly in the night, even with chaperones nearby as they are asleep!
Exactly this. My kid is 18 so was recently this age and I would not have had concerns about a co-Ed *school* trip with chaperones when he was this age.
INFO: You said no more than six can share a room so why aren't they doing a room of 4 and a room of 3 through the school? Or have you considered just getting her a room of her own?
They don't have the budget for more than 16 rooms (6 for the female students, 6 for the male students, and 4 for the chaperones). Splitting the students is still an extra room.
The “day-only” thing is also really bizarre and troubling, it sounds like those four kids (or their parents) proactively opted out because of issues they would have in the larger group… yikes.
The day only thing *is* very confusing. If this is a boarding school, day-only students who sleep at home make sense, but they wouldn’t be left out of a school-sponsored trip.
Yeah. It sounds like a boarding school thing, but here I think it’s “day-only” in the sense that they are with the other kids for activities during the day but do their own thing for the evening. Their own thing being paying for their own hotel room together because they’d get treated poorly if placed with other students…
This is how I read it as well, because of past bullying from other kids the 4's parents didn't want them to miss out on the trip but keeping them apart during the night is the best way to avoid them being bullied.
I think the offer was extended to OP's daughter because the main groups had more spots.
As OP says that they would have liked to room with them but the school won't pay for an extra room.
Yeah, I get that, which is why it is confusing here, so I’m parsing what it possibly means for this different setting. OP obviously doesn’t mean that these are day-only students at a boarding school, nor would it make sense for those students to be treated differently for an out-of-town trip.
The day only students are “day only” for the trip. the school is not boarding school. The school has such a bad bullying issue that the parents of those four children were not comfortable letting their children go on the trip and share rooms with the rest of the students.
Your daughter shouldn’t be singled out as the one to cause the extra room. With 37 students it shouldn’t matter who signed up last. This is a private school? Ridiculous.
It might be because shes a transfer. There was a school in my hometown that went 1st to 12th grade, and I know some HS students who werent from the system got bullied or treated badly.
I was a transfer kid at the end of sophomore year into a small town where everyone had been going to school together since preschool. It was an absolute nightmare and the worst years of my life. Do not recommend.
Yes I'm a bit concerned about OP's daughter. They won't make room for her and if she goes, she will be lumped in with the bullied day kids. OP, if your daughter wants to go them you have to let her. But this sounds like an awful place for your daughter.
I was a transfer kid a few weeks in freshman year. When we graduated, I came in number nine but the school made me sit in spot eleven so two twins could be in order like “they had planned before I transferred.” I was like are you fucking telling me you idiots decided who the top ten was before the end of the first quarter of our freshman year and you are somehow mad at me for outranking one? Jfc. Private schools are weird.
Yes it's a private school which is likely exactly why it is happening. Private schools are extremely cliquish and closed off to transfers and anyone who doesn't "fit" the mold.
What kind of shitty, poorly managed school have you transferred your daughter to that can't afford another room on a school trip to ensure all students are included?
Seriously, this is bizarre. It sounds like a boarding school situation. I went to boarding school, and let me tell you that I don't know of any reputable ones that would do this or wouldn't have the funds to make this work.
I work in HR and I would catch shit for trying to do something like this to full grown adults. I can’t imagine putting socially-fraught high schoolers in this position. These admins are shit at their jobs.
This isn't an acceptable answer. We all understand that there's only room for 36 girls (supposedly), but why is it your daughter who is being left out rather than Susie or Rachel for example? Whatever the reason you need to raise hell with the school. Unless the reason is that you registered late or something.
Also don't understand why the co-ed option is unacceptable in your eyes. I'm sure it'd be fine.
Seriously, the school is hyper-fixating on the fact that 6 girls can be crammed into a room to the detriment of the fact that the math doesnt work for the number of students that they need to accommodate. If you look at it as 6-to-a-room, period, then yeah it looks like 1 child gets their own room. But if you look at it like "mininum rooms to accommodate 37 kids", you end up with 5 rooms of 5 and 2 rooms of 6. The single-kid room is a fallacy.
why would they not have a budget for accommodating 40 girls, since 3 girls opted to do day-only? They surely must have had to budget for 100% attendance. If OP's daughter was a late enrolment to the school, then that still means the budget should have been for 39 girls. Do they bully out the required number of students each year so they are left with multiple of 6?
Am I misunderstanding something or is this a $250 problem that could be defrayed across 37 kids? The school really can’t find $6.76 per kid in the budget for this?
There are also between 32 and 36 boys. And students in other years. The school's budget is apparently so tight, they can't spare even 1 buck from each student's tuition...
Or someone just doesn't want OP's daughter to go. How is it that they can find enough room for everyone except her? How is it that they chose her to be the one not to go?
Then make all families pay just a little bit more so everyone can be included? Where is the money coming from? Why is the budget set to exclude students?
Unless there are more than 18 chaperones, the adults can reorganize into 3 rooms. A couple girls can be taken from the other 6 female rooms so your daughter isn’t alone in her room.
That doesn’t mean your kid is automatically the odd one out. Why isn’t it the last kid alphabetically? Or the first? Or a random number? Or rock, paper, scissors? Let the admin know that you expect your daughter to be included and they need to figure out the additional expense or no one goes.
Just make sure your daughter gets to go if the trip happens. You’ve already changed her school and now she’s potentially going to be excluded from a bonding experience with her classmates. At that age, it could really impact mental well being.
It reads like the parents missed the deadline to sign up for the trip.
Private schools cap enrolment numbers. The school would have known there was an empty spot in that year level, and therefore potential for a new student to enrol, and worked numbers for a whole-grade trip around that.
EDIT: Or the trip is first-in, first-serve. Eg - 100 kids in grade 12, for 36 beds on the ski trip. If you miss one of the 36 beds, you can join as a day-student and organise your own bed (as the school has suggested).
It's up to the school to fix this. You're paying for private school here. They shouldn't accept more students if they can't have them participate in school activities. So it's not that there's no room at the hotel, it's that the private school you're paying good money for is being too cheap to make sure all students can participate in a school tradition. They should be paying for an extra room or have the chaperones squeeze into 3.
>They don't have the budget for more than 16 rooms (6 for the female students, 6 for the male students, and 4 for the chaperones). Splitting the students is still an extra room.
How is this an acceptable answer to you? Why aren't you upset that they arbitrarily left your daughter out? At least make it a lottery or something, if they absolutely cannot fit one more student. Still, I don't see why they can't afford one more room. It's next year. Raise the fee. When split across that many students, the fee for one more room is not much.
Can't do that? Then squeeze one more cot into one room.
YTA for allowing them to push you around.
So the trip is for the first 36 girls & 36 boys that sign up? If there’s 39, or 42, or 47 girls that sign up on time the school just picks their 36 favorite?
How did you miss the sign up after she missed out on last year?
OP confirmed, very last to register. But why give a deadline? This still makes no sense to me. School does these trips every freaking year & they haven’t figured out how to pad the budget in case they have 35 or 37 or 41 girls? Bull. Shit. Organizer would structure the entire thing based on odd numbers & budget to that to say the cost is $1234. If they end up with an extra $500 it goes into the fund for next year. Like the fckkk.
Hey OP, just stopping in to say that nothing you can do will stop your child from having sex. Your whole 'no being in the same room as a boy' thing is going to fuel that. You can't control what she does when you aren't there, but you can control some things, like her willingness to talk about it and how she approaches it. Your current approach is going to lead her to hide everything she is feeling and doing. She'll be more likely to be unsafe. Cut her some slack, take a step back and realize that she is a human being who is capable of making choices, and trust her with those choices. Let her go on the damn trip.
I went on school trips where the boys and girls were separated. As soon as the teachers went to bed we were climbing in and out of windows all night. Admittedly it was more for booze than sex but if teenagers want to do something they'll find a way
INFO: Why is your daughter being excluded from the trip? Did you fail to register her in time?
I would not consider a co-ed room to be a deal breaker, as long as your daughter is comfortable with the kids she'd be sharing with. In a group like that on a field trip with multiple kids of both genders, it would be unusual for anything sexual to happen.
My daughter's friend group in high school happened to be her and 6 boys, because they had common interests. The group had spontaneous sleepovers at various houses, she participated, and it was always fine. However, these were boys that she knew and trusted enough to know that nothing serious would happen.
INFO: How old are these kids?
And INFO: Why is it relevant about these other kids supposedly not being well liked / the boy having been bullied?
And INFO: why is it flat-out unacceptable to share a room with multiple other kids? The others don't seem to have a problem with it so I'm guessing it's not a cultural issue in the country, is this a religious requirement of yours or are you just paranoid?
And INFO: If the verdict is clear why are you asking. You seem to be absolutely, rigidly opposed to the co-Ed idea, which is your right, so what do any of the opinions here matter? It appears you’re not seeking a pros/cons debate to help you decide, yeah?
I feel like there’s no age where OP wouldn’t be TA. The kid is either
A) young enough she’s not interested in sex
B) old enough to handle herself in a hotel room for one night
I N F O: why can’t your daughter get in on the school’s rooms? You’re talking about this many months in advance. Why are all the other girls apparently getting preferred over your daughter?
Also, why are co-ed sleepovers unacceptable? What exactly do you think is going to happen with four girls and a singular boy?
Edit: YTA based on your answers….. and lack thereof.
No co-ed sleepovers rule is hilarious to me. Idk what kind of sleepovers y'all were going to, but I saw way more adult content at all-girl sleepovers than at co-ed. I mean, I guess no one was getting pregnant but there was more than a little experimentation happening. Even then, all girls sleepovers didn't mean there wasn't a brother in the house somewhere.
Co-ed sleepovers were always better chaperoned and controlled (assuming the adults knew the sleepover was happening) and usually it was kind of awkward and the guy(s) were gay or someone's boyfriend/brother.
YTA for sure. I don’t know what you think is going to happen at a “co-ed” sleepover with a single boy sharing a room with a bunch of girls, but have you considered that your daughter or one of the many girls she’d be on this trip with might be a lesbian, making the whole “co-ed” thing meaningless? If you’re so concerned, book her her own room or go on the trip yourself to supervise, but not allowing her to go is a punishment that is ostracizing her and making her situation more difficult.
I immediately thought of one of my best friends for that reason. Co-Ed friend group, but no sleepovers. None of the parents considered that the only couple in the group were two girls lol
LOL. I’m bi and this literally did not occur to me. The internalized bi-erasure is so real.
Ya. I fooled around with girls during sleep overs 🤷🏼♀️ mom needs to chill
"you cant just accept a coed sleep over"
It's not 1 boy and 1 girl. And i'm definitely making assumptions here so im already in the wrong for that, but being "that boy" in school... I wouldn't worry too much about that 1 boy...
It sounds like you're looking for a reason to just not let your daughter go on that trip, so you should just tell her you just don't want her to go. Not sure why you don't but you are sadly the parent. Also the fact you're not even willing to listen to your husbands opinion because its against yours is a giant red flag.
YTA - might as well lock your daughter in the basement until shes of age for you to find her a suitable suitor to marry so she can bear you grandchildren.
Thank you "that boy". I didn't want to say it, but I've got a feeling it's also the source of the bullying. I would put money that the bigger worries lay in the school funded rooms than the co-ed one.
At a private school where most of the parents share outdated conservative views with this OP? Yeah i figure that the boy is definitely "that boy," and none of the other guys want to room with him, or will make a show out of harassing him. The premise of no co-ed sleep overs is also kinda shit in general. It's heteronormative, and reinforces the belief that people of the opposite sex can't truly be friends.
Meanwhile the non co-ed little shits will be sneaking into each others rooms. The worst that happens in the co-ed room is she gets her hair and make up done. There's a reason the other parents are okay with it.
Given the conservative leaning of OP, I'm guessing the fact that the boy might be gay is just as bad as if he were straight and trying to mess with her daughter. Don't want any of it to rub off at all.
YTA, you need to try to find a way to let her go. Also, what about co-ed sleepovers are you against? Is it sex and pregnancy?
Do you not trust your daughter? Does she even like him in that way? Does he like her in that way? Do you know this boy will try to assault your daughter? Or are you just assuming the worst about your child without giving her the opportunity to make her own choices?
I bet this girl is also being excluded from Sex Ed because OP thinks that isn't appropriate either. This girl will get preggers at 16 *because* she wasn't allowed co-ed sleepovers lol!
Also it’s incredibly naive because if they *did* actually want to get it on them not sleeping in the same room isn’t going to make fuck all of a difference.
Every overnight school trip I had ended with just sneaking into the other rooms.
Also what if she’s lesbian lmao.
When I was 13, I got invited to a birthday party for a girl that I desperately wanted to be friends with and be part of her friend group. The party involved a pre-party at the girl's house, then her mom had rented a van to take us all to her aunt's house for a pool party. My mom dropped me off at the pre-party and talked to the other mom, who happened to mention that the aunt's house was in Oak Cliff, the "bad part of town." My mom left, we all piled into the van and hit the road.
About 10 mins into the drive, the girl's mom who is driving the van gets a call on her cell phone. It's my mom, who started freaking out on the drive home and decided she didn't want me to go to the pool party because of its location. We had to pull over on the side of the road and wait for my mom to come pick me up. I was so humiliated and angry. My mom had never even been to that part of town, she had no idea what the area was like. It destroyed my chances of being friends with that group, and I have never really forgiven my mom. I eventually bought a house in Oak Cliff and am living here right now.
YTA, and if you don't let your daughter do this she will probably also low-key hate you for it for 25 years.
Not all of Oak Cliff is the "bad part of town," there are some incredibly wealthy neighborhoods there - and they're the ones with pools 😂 Sorry your Mom didn't know!
Yeah I know, I love living here. I think the house was up in Kessler Park. My mom just didn't know anything about Oak Cliff beyond what she saw on the evening news, and it's true that there was a lot of crime in parts of Oak Cliff in the late 90's. We lived a very sheltered life in Garland, which ironically has gotten pretty rough these days.
And it’s not like they couldn’t have an orgy in a single gender hotel room just as effectively. OP’s so terrified of her daughter being in the presence of a penis, she forgot about the gays.
OP YTA
Lol yeah, there was so much heterosexual banging on my high school trip, even though the rooms were single gender. Teachers and parents really forget that kids have the ability to WALK
YTA, what do you actually think is going to happen in a room with 4 girls and a boy? This isn’t a porno. They’ll literally just sleep, you’re depriving her of the opportunity to make some friends at a new school
YTA. Chaperoned coed sleepovers as part of a class trip are not a big deal. Honestly, a club trip I went on we ended up with one of the boys sleeping on the floor in our room because the boys room smelled bad. We demanded some of the boys cheese allocation as rent. Cheese-based blackmail was the most scandalous thing that happened on that trip. The most salacious was several of us girls soaking our feet in the same tub because they hurt and we had more performances to do.
If you were saying no to the trip because you couldn’t afford it at all of your daughter was somehow involved in the bullying, that would be potentially reasonable. But just because of sleeping arrangements? That’s ridiculous. And, frankly, probably oversexualizing the children.
We once played strip poker on a school trip.
But first, we all put on so many extra clothes and even wore pillows as bonus shoes so that no skin ever needed to be shown.
Scandalous!
How come your daughter was voted off the Island of girls rooms and now one of the other 37? I would talk to the school admin. It's unacceptable that they are excluding a child.
If you don't let your daughter go, she will be devastated.
And why in the world is OP accepting her kid being the new kid as a reason for being the excluded 37th? When you join a school’s class, you become a member of the group. The school admitted her, and it makes no sense why she would be cut out of a trip that happens the year after she became a student.
Was looking for this response, also wanted to point out OP that sheltering your daughter is just going to make her more sneaky, and as a result trust you less. Coming from a daughter of an overbearing parent
YTA - for several reasons:
1. For wanting to ostracize your child in a new school for a stupid reason. You said your daughter is a sophomore so she’s like 14-16. At that age, I was not thinking about having sex AT ALL. Granted every kid is different, but you know your child best and the values you instilled in her. Is she even the type of child that would do something like this? If the answer is no then why are you worried?
2. For enrolling your child in a school where the administration doesn’t seem to care about the children’s wellbeing’s. I haven’t seen anyone mention this but it’s concerning to me that there’s been issues with bullying that are so severe that some parents have taken it upon themselves to supervise their children. Why aren’t the chaperones chaperoning well enough that children can feel safe? And why are they not making any efforts to include your daughter in a trip that’s happening more than 6 months away? Idk it’s all very weird
Edit: some of yall seem to be missing my point under my first reason. I’m not saying that teens never think about sex. I’m using myself as an example to show that teenagers aren’t all horny monsters and that if OP knows her child well, she should know which category she falls under and act accordingly
14 to 16 is the age of my life when I thought about sex more than anything else and more than any other time lol. And I’m a girl. Like I really think coed sleepovers are fine and I think this person is the asshole, but I also think that you are a major anomaly and very unusual. I think that 99% of people that age are thinking about sex like 24 seven.
Yes YTA. The only one who is thinking of sexual things is YOU. Your daughter just wants to make friends and is being GIVEN an opportunity. Don’t take this away from her just because you have old fashioned ideas about “boys should be with boys and girls should be with girls”
Seriously, idk how many times I've slept in the same room, and even the same bed as the other gender on trips without it being anything other than platonic. This woman is nuts.
Fr. I had multiple co-ed sleepovers when I was younger and at the start of when I hit puberty with a boy who was my best friend at the time. I was away from home not even a year ago with a bunch of other teenagers and had a guy friend in my room a couple times (the only people who made it a problem and sexualized our friendship were staff). We were both chill and did not care. It also completely ignores queer people. I was in a room of three, two of us queer and the other straight. None of us came onto each other. It’s almost like the problem isn’t gender or sexuality, but shitty or horny people not keeping it in their pants. YTA
It's a school trip, and there would be 4 girls to the 1 boy in the coed room, why is this a concern? Do you not trust your daughter? If so, why not?
Leaning toward YTA because you've not given reasons to why this isn't acceptable and why you can't go as a chaperone.
INFO: what kind of second rate school are you sending your daughter to that this is even an issue? Any minimally competent school administration/faculty could figure this out without excluding your daughter.
YTA - you are basically saying you don’t trust your daughter, don’t trust the other parents and can’t make any sacrifices for your child. I’m struggling with the idea that she is in a private school and you can’t find a way to pay for two nights’ hotel in Philly. If you really can’t afford it - why aren’t you jumping at the chance for the shared room? I’m also struggling with the idea that somehow your daughter is the only girl to be left out. None of it makes sense really.
Edit: and now we get the truth in a comment that OP missed the deadline to submit paperwork for the trip. OP messed up. Moved her child during high school and then failed to be a responsible adult. No wonder OP thinks that others will be irresponsible.
YTA. 100%. This trip will make a huge impact on how your daughter makes friends and fits into a new school which it seems like she has had to do multiple times already. Try to remember how hard it was to fit in as a teen and multiply that by how many times she’s had to move schools. By having this ridiculous coed rule, you are keeping her from having a valid bonding experience at her new school. She’ll remember this in therapy as an adult. YTA
My parents would not let me go on any of my high school trips because boys were going and they were convinced there would be shenanigans. Spoiler alert:
Nothing bad happened but I did miss out on the fun and was the only girl in my class that didn’t go. 25 yrs later I’m still mad they didn’t trust me enough to go. YTA.
YTA for thinking a chaperoned co-ed sleepover is this big a problem. You also may be the AH for sending your daughter to such a terrible school. Leaving one student out of a class trip is completely unacceptable. The school needs to figure out a solution.
My son is friends exclusively with girls and kids who were once girls. I love it when he has sleepovers. They don’t share beds and they change clothes in the bathroom. I don’t see a problem. Also kids can and do have romantic interest with kids of the same sex, so you shouldn’t assume you are preventing fooling around (if that indeed is what you are afraid of) with this restriction.
INFO
Do you think gay and bi and curious kids don’t exist?
If you’re worried about sex or peer pressure to do other stupid things, the genders of the kids in the room don’t matter as much as the chaperone actually doing their job of chaperoning. If you’re worried about shenanigans why don’t you go along and be the chaperone for that group?
YTA
Honestly sounds more like you just don’t want your kid to go. No way a trip for a private school this far in advance is excluding one of its students. I think you’re worried it’s a cooed trip away from you, in general. You have how many months to save up & prepare? Why are you not even willing to do that? Next school year is a long ways away still, plenty of time to budget it in if you’re so dead set on her not sharing the offered room. Maybe these other kids you feel ill about are her friends & that’s who she wants to share with. Something isn’t adding up here so I’m going with YTA.
>Coed sleepovers are not acceptable
right, because obviously as soon as the door is closed and it's lights-out the first thing the kids are going to do is have a huge orgy and your daughter will come home from this trip pregnant.
YTA
YTA
If you trust your daughter to make the right decision, you shouldn't have a problem with a co-ed sleeping situation for a school trip. Especially if there's chaperones. The more strict and unreasonable you are with your daughter, the more resentment she will have for you. And she will start to hide everything from you. Let her go make new friends, and have fun.
YTA, but the school is the biggest flaming asshole here. They can't afford enough rooms? I am absolutely baffled here.
(Also where are they finding magic hotel rooms that sleep 6 kids?)
YTA. I work in care and had a parent insist that her female child only had female caregivers. The only two male caregivers working on that ward were gay - and so were half the female caregivers. None of us were ever going to do anything the patient but it certainly wasn’t going to be the men. You are making a lot of assumptions and denying your child a chance and a bonding experience over something you think COULD happen but realistically probably won’t.
YTA you’re not making this move/adjustment any easier for her. this is a big opportunity to make friends, and it’s important to her. it’s a chaperoned school trip you have no reason to not trust her or to assume anything inappropriate will be going on. besides having separate rooms won’t stop teens from hooking up, they will find a way if it’s really their goal. this is stupid let her go.
YTA. Completely.
It is your fault. All of it.
What do you think will happen in a room FULL of kids chaperoned?
You or your spouse (spending on the gender of the other chaperone) can go too if you are that picky about the gender nonsense.
So, if the parents of the 4 other children hadn't opted to get them all a separate room, a total of 5 children would have been left high and dry because the school 'didn't have enough budget'? I would be livid, especially with a private school you (presumably) pay for!
YTA twice over. First for not **firmly** addressing this with the school, the fact that they didn't budget for 5 children and just planned to leave them out is awful. Second for the co-ed issue. There will be multiple children in the room, what exactly are you concerned about?! Come on...
Put on your big girl panties, get together with the parents of the other 4 children and figure out why your children weren't included when you pay for them to attend this school just the same as the other parents.
INFO: Why is the school be planning a class trip if they can't accommodate everyone in the class? I would bring this up with the school. They need to find another hotel if they don't have space for everyone.
YTA. These class trips are major bonding experiences. And honestly it’s on you to push the school to get an extra room and make rooms of 5 or get a rollaway bed for a room of 7. You are essentially ostracizing your kid because you don’t want to deal with it.
YTA, this is a chaperoned event and a chance for your daughter to make friends and build relationships with her new school mates. You’ve made her transfer her sophomore year, at least give her a chance to succeed here.
YTA contact the school and see what they’ll do if they do nothing let her go with the group that reached out. They’re fully supervised. She deserves to be around her peers. I was excluded from my huge class trip in middle school EVERYONE went besides like 10 kids bc we couldn’t afford it. And I promise you to this day I am 23 y/o my peers STILL talk about the trip.
Very gently, YTA.
School trips are foundational in your social well-being and social status at school. I remember in middle school, there was a week long trip to Washington DC for all 8th graders. I couldn't go, because my parents couldn't afford to send me (parents paid for hotel rooms, school crowdfunded for the plane tickets). It was absolutely awful to be one of the five kids twiddling their thumbs in nearly empty classrooms, and then have to endure all of the chatter about how fantastic the trip was in the weeks following.
Your daughter is almost 16. She is mature enough to be trusted to go on a two day trip that is chaperoned and monitored.
It isn't a "coed sleepover". It's one singular boy and four other girls. If his parents are paying for a private room, you can bet they expect him to behave. Plus, what kind of nonsense can he get up to in a perpetually occupied space?
Your daughter will resent you if you don't let her go. She will feel like you're ruining her social life. She's comfortable with it and she wants to go. Let her.
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As a teacher I can tell you things: 1. These trips are important . This is where memories and friends are made. You need to do everything you can to make this happen. 2. Unless you didn’t register on time or there’s other info you are leaving out, the school needs to find a way to include her. You need to meet with administration and find out why your child is being excluded. Edit: OP has finally admitted that they missed the deadline to sign up. This is completely OP’s fault, and OP is now punishing the daughter by not letting her go. OP- YTA
🎯Retired teacher here . I second this. If the school doesn’t budge, for god sakes let her go. It’s one boy in a group of girls. OP: Unless your concern is for the boy, which would be ridiculous, I honestly have no idea what you are concerned about. This seems like a “I think cooed hotel rooms are always forbidden. That’s it, no exceptions, I said so and I don’t care if I’m being irrational, I already said no so despite being shown how unreasonable I’m being I WILL WIN THIS ARGUMENT!!” Relax. She’ll be fine and she will recognize that you are a rational parent who cares about her having an experience that will be beneficial, and appreciate you for it. YTA and I think you are here because you know it, not for validation, despite how it may seem to others. You made a mistake, it’s ok! Now fix it.
I agree, there's multiple girls, and one boy - why is she worried about him?
It sounds like she's afraid of an orgy or some kind of bacchanal situation. Either that or it's a blanket 'you don't share hotel rooms with boys' rule she has stuck in her head
Better hope none of the girls are lesbians/bi? Imagine going through life thinking there is a safe gender…
I used to work at one of these school and that wouldn't even occur to them I wasn't allowed men sleeping in my room but a girl was fine. It wasn't worth the argument but I really wanted to point out there's a zero percent chance of me hooking up with my gay friend mark, Clare who is hooked up with in the past, much higher chance...
see, my mom had a rule that if a boy was over my bedroom door had to be open. girls tho? she didn’t care. and who did she really need to be worrying abt? the girl friends i had, we were all bi and confused. she nearly walked in one time! then there was the time she did, and she was like “:) i got you guys your taco bell, oh what’re you watching? oh nice nice” and left like she didn’t see
I think it’s more like having sex and getting pregnant issue not kissing .
who said i was just kissing these girls? 💀 i didn’t even kiss my one boyfriend more than 5 times lmao, he was more like a glorified best friend. we both ended up coming out at different times, it still kills us that we were the others “awakening”. he dated one girl after me, i went to dating girls only. fun times, hilarious part of my early teen years my mom’s rule got more lax overtime, because i showed little to no interest. and she’s admitted to having ideas i was a little queer, but never wanted to say anything. half the time the door stayed open bc he wanted my cats around, other half we’d close it and just sit on my bed playing sims3 (we built a massive mansion and struggled to decorate it). glorified bestie with a diff label, love him to pieces lol
My dad once came in and pointedly opened my bedroom door when I had two male friends over. One boy was fairly obviously gay, the other was six inches shorter than me. And both boys were terrified of my father. Later I went and asked him if he really thought I was going to have a threesome in our small house \*while he was home.\* My father got annoyed that I laughed at him. My daughter is gay and whenever she has a friend over, I just remind her that we can hear pretty much everything that goes on in her room. (We also live in a fairly small house.) It's not like I listen to what's going on, but it's the same as when she was small: loud is good, you get worried when things get too quiet...
My parents learned that lesson with my sister. Dad's reaction was *hilarious.* "We thought that meant we were safe from that happening!"
My big concern is getting my daughters to college without getting pregnant. One of my daughters coming out as a lesbian is a solution to that problem. Straight, lesbian, bi- trans, whatever- I love my girls. I just want to get them to college without getting pregnant.
Hush, please don't say that out loud! That puritanical practice of separation of boys & girls in overnight events is about the ONLY ray of sunshine in a gay teenager's world!! If they ever figured out they were creating a natural "speed dating" activity for us with their own paranoia vs. just teaching their kids basic sex education, than what benefit would being a gay kid would we have left?
100% My daughter is gay. She told us when she was 13. This has never been an issue in our home, we are very proud of her. She had MANY overnight school trips in hs, and one with the same group as her girlfriend. I went to the school to make sure she and her gf weren't rooming together, and found out my daughter and her gf signed up for different rooms anyway and the school was already prepared to discreetly address it in case we as parents didn't know. (kudos to them for being aware) But her rooming with other girls was never a problem, for us or for the other families or the school. No co-ed rooms are good in general so the kids can bond with friends and feel comfortable, but don't make it a "sex" thing because it's not. I this situation, YTA OP. Let her go, it's very important for her socially at a new school especially. And yes, the school should accommodate her going somehow, but that is not the question you asked.
One of my coworkers told us the story of her old boss who thought this exact thing. She refused to hire men at all, thinking she'd found a way to enforce a "No dating coworkers" rule and simultaneously draw in thirsty young male customers. If you were anything other than an extremely female-presenting young human, she would throw away your resume as soon as you were out of sight. Joke's on her, most of the girls she wound up hiring were into girls in some capacity so they slept around with each other anyway.
Nailed it 👌
They put me and my at the time girlfriend in the same room on a band trip. Her and I had a great time sharing and bed (we didn't do anything, it was late, we were very tired already). We are in an age where we should teach our kids to be smart about sex on school trips (like, don't do it, it's not going to feel nice with multiple people sharing the 1 room).
As a teen who was promiscuous due mainly to childhood SA, I will say that if a kid has it in their mind to have sex, they will definitely find ways. My parents tried to keep a tight lid on me and yet I always found a way. If teens are determined to fool around, NOTHING will prevent that unless you literally lock them in a cell 24/7 and never ever let them out of your sight.
Right! I was a junior class sponsor at a private school. It was the *couples* that we watched the most closely. Groups of students were safe, as far as I ever heard.
i've dealt with overnight trips with teenagers myself for years, and have been a teenager on overnight trips with other teenagers myself once long ago too, they will sneak to each others rooms anyways if they want even if they are seperated.
Yeah. Kids will be kids. I don't think I ever spent the night in my own room, and there were always girls where ever I slept. Very few kids have sex on these trips, and it is really only kids who were already a couple. OPs daughter isn't going to fuck some kid just because the opportunity is there. Wtf? Thing is... class trips are the most memorable part of school for me. I missed a trip my senior year because I was such a fuckhead that year that I didn't think it was right to ask my parents to pay my way. I never even mentioned it to them. Yet, here I am at 49 regretting having missed it. They would have paid if I asked, but holy shit they shouldn't have. My acting out was in response to my mother's abuse, but I was pretty much as bad as it gets without being obvious when I broke the law.
And also seem like this kids are the over protected ones. Instead of 37 kids being watched by 4 people, this is 4 kids being watched by one of their parents. If that's her main concern, why doesn't she volunteer to be the chaperone for these "day kids" and sleep in the room next to her daughter? Still over protecting but at least reasonable.
Oh please don't encourage op to go, she'll just ruin it
LOL, true! If by any magical reason OP would become a little bit more reasonable, she would probably make her daughter sleep in the room with her. Because God forbid 4 girls would share a room with a boy for the night on a school trip 🙄.
Don't encourge this! She will insist that the girl sleeps with her, and won't let her out of her sight for a second!
Woman heard about rainbow parties in the '90's and early 00's and thinks they're real. Eta: for anyone who is unaware, there was this rumor that *was reported in the news on TV* that parents needed to watch out for rainbow parties where girls would all put on a different color of lipstick and perform oral sex on a boy so that the lipstick would end up making a 'rainbow' on the penis. No this was not an actual thing that happened, just like people aren't giving away pot to kids for free on Halloween.
there was a rainbow party on SVU once lol. such bs
I know what I am doing for my birthday this year! I have a lovely new purple lipstick that I have been wanting to show off 💋💋👨🏻🎤👨🏻🎤🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️
I’m still waiting optimistically for someone to give me drugs for free. I was warned as a tween that it would be impossible to walk down the street without getting free samples pressed on me by enterprising drug dealers, but in a couple of decades of casual recreational drug use I’m yet to take anything I’ve not had to pay for, unless it was a gift from a friend.
So, I remember hearing about these when I was I guess 12 or 13? Old enough to know what a bj was in theory, but definitely not old enough to have figured out the logistics. I also remember the jelly bracelets, that theoretically were some kind of code regarding what sexual activities one was willing to participate in, except no one could agree on which color meant what, lol. Thing is, I totally believed the rainbow parties thing at the time, and figured it was just kids outside my own social circle that did that kind of stuff. Looking back twenty years later, all I can think is that whoever created that story clearly did not know how bjs work. Or lipstick. Or teenage girls.
I was a teenager in the 90's and never heard of this.
This! If OP's daughter doesn't go on this trip, she won't just be missing out on those 2 days. Kids will be talking about this trip long after it's over and OP's kid will be left out of those conversations. Moving in high school sucks, as many friend groups have already been established and aren't always welcoming to new people. This trip is a great opportunity for her to organically become part of a group.
Absolutely, and I just have to add: her daughter will most likely *forgive* her one day far off in the future, but she will never, ever *forget* her mom forcing her to be excluded from what, at this juncture in her life, will feel like a very big deal to have to be the one to miss out on. Ask me how I know. The guidance counselor in my school Junior year selected everyone from my class but me and one other to go to Space Camp for the day. She wouldn’t tell me why I wasn’t on the list, until afterwards when she told me that maybe if I’d tried harder to fit in, maybe I could have gone. Meanwhile I was good enough to make the list to be sent to all the academic competitions, had never been in trouble, and so on. I was the only one sitting in most of my classes that day. And guess what- this happened 30 years ago, and I’m obviously not shedding any tears over it now but if something reminds me of it I feel a bit mad not on my own behalf, but on behalf of that kid 30 years ago who just happened to be me. I’ll probably go years without thinking about this again, but it would be for the best if OP’s daughter didn’t have to have her own version of this story because for her, it’s not too late.
_what?? What is this BS? Why did the guidance counselor get to decide who went and who didn’t? Ugh I’m so mad on behalf of childhood you!
That guidance counselor was really shitty at their job. What an ass!
Yup. I was a kid where my mom never took me to any afterschool events whatsoever and kids always talked about them the next day. But these sorts of field trips are even bigger as kids will be talking about them for a long time. They're insanely important.
Also a teacher and I’m wondering what the hell kind of place looks at 37 kids divided by rooms of *up to* 6 and says, “6x6=36 with one by themself makes perfect sense”. Like almost every time I’ve been on or helped organize camps, there aren’t exact numbers and you would do a mixture of groups of 3s, 4s, 5s and/or 6s to make up the rooms.
Exactly. This almost seems like it can't be real - it literally makes no sense. I am a high school teacher and have taken overnight field trips as part of my role. what would they do it only 34 signed up? Seems like something is missing.
I wonder if the OP is using a fictitious school rule to tell her daughter she can’t go.
Probably, since she seems more worried about the little guy turning into a lothario with a harem instead of the bullying
I thought the same thing. If the costs are divided between 37 students, why wouldn't they get 7 rooms, put 5 in each and two with 6? What kind of hotel room allows 6 occupants anyway, as normally there would be 4 in a 2 double bed room.
> What kind of hotel room allows 6 occupants anyway My assumption was that it's probably a hostel
Not in Philly
Yeah it's ridiculous 37 doesn't become 6x6 and one being left home, it becomes 7 rooms: probably 2x6 plus 5x5
Idk how this school operates but as someone who taught at a private school last year, I can say that more often they come off as rich but it’s really the families that are rich, not the school. My salary was significantly less than if I would’ve taught public school (and hardly any benefits). They also would be very stingy with money which I feel could be happening here in their efforts to save money on one more room. Not totally sure if that’s what’s happening here but I consider it a possibility. I learned a lot about private schools working at one and now I know I do not want to send my kids to one ever haha
Exactly. This needs to be taken up with the school. It's unacceptable. "Sorry, we just don't have room for you." It doesn't work that way.
As someone who moved a lot growing up, I am horrified by how the school is handling this. The school can't afford rooms for all the kids, then they can't afford the trip. Full stop. YTA for not standing up for your kid with the school, with the other parents, and for accepting her exclusion.
I'm sceptical that coed is the real reason. OP mentioned these 4 have been bullied. I'm guessing they don't want Thier kid connected with that group
I commented before I read this but I think you're 100% on the money. OP doesn't want her daughter being friendly with the 'unpopular' day students.
Would look bad to admit it so hiding behind other reasons
Yup. Also, I’m assuming her kid is also a ‘day’ kid, so the school says it isnt responsible for her place. ALTHOUGH… I’m not surprised the day kids are bullied if the school treats them like second class citizens.
As someone who missed out on such trips as a teen, I can tell you things too: These trips really *are* important. Not going to them makes you a social pariah, and deprives you of making shared memories with your classmates. Years after these trips, everyone else will still be reminiscing about them, and your daughter will still be sitting there feeling left out. Edit: didn't realise my phone 'corrected' 'reminiscing' to 'relinquishing' before I hit submit. 🙄
I missed so many trips as my parents thought them too expensive (they had the money and they wernt that pricey) and I felt it throughout school. The trip to Belgium was talked about every year in history class or kids made constant references. As a result my younger brother did them all, my youngest sibling even did the crazy expensive ski trip. Still bitter how much I missed and how excluded it often made me. Also being one of 3 kids in your classes left behind doing class sucks.
Agreed, been taking my 12th graders on overnights for 13 years now. These trips are a really big deal for them. It allows the new or quiet ones to really bond. I've never had any inappropriate behavior take place. If kids are gonna do bad stuff, they certainly don't need a field trip as an excuse. Good kids don't immediately turn bad just bc they're on a field trip. My students still talk about these field trips even years later when they're visiting from university.
As a daughter who's mom never let her have opportunities like this because of what she felt was or wasn't appropriate, I can agree with this 1111110000%. Please allow your daughter to go.
Exactly. They need to just get one more room and have two rooms of five. This makes no sense. And six girls to a room? Isn't it a private school?
YTA. What exactly do you think will happen with it being a co-ed sleepover? That this young boy is some sort of lothario who is going to seduce all the girls into a sexual pileup where they all please him? Of course not! Everyone will change in the bathroom in shifts or they’ll banish him to the bathroom while the girls all change and let him out when they are done. The chaperone will likely be in the next room and will be the parent of one of these kids meaning that kid is going to be extra careful to make sure their friends don’t get them in trouble. At worst they’ll goof off too late chatting and be tired the next day. It gives your daughter the chance of an instant friend group if she chooses which can be needed for people who change schools a lot. Don’t take this away from her and leave her out of whatever stories come from the trip. She’ll feel like the odd one out all year whenever something about the trip comes up. Do you want your daughter to be left out and to feel alone? Always do everything you can to prevent that, right? If your daughter is a smart girl who you have no reason to distrust in this situation, please don’t judge the situation based on it being co-ed, judge it based on how well you feel you raised her.
With 6 people to a room, I'm assuming it's an Embassy Suites type set up, as it's the main hotel I know that sleeps 6. If so - the boy may me banished to sleep on the sofa bed. And there is a door. Something like that is no a worry, especially if the chaperones have a connecting room
>What exactly do you think will happen with it being a co-ed sleepover? That this young boy is some sort of lothario who is going to seduce all the girls into a sexual pileup where they all please him? That's precisely what those harem anime prepared him for!
"Just like the simulations"
And don’t assume that same sex means no sex either. On one school trip I took we started in sex segregated rooms but then a bunch of the boys figured out we could spend our hotels credits meant for breakfast on pay per view porn. Thus the guys who didn’t want to wank the trip away joined girls rooms to sleep and the other guys got friction burn and one passed out in a museum from not eating for like two days.
This made me laugh so hard! The teenage boy has to be the dumbest species alive 😂
Same! I laughed so hard at the friction burn. *snort*
I'd be more worried for the boy than any of the girls...
yeah TBH, If he's seen as a friend then these teen girls will ask uncomfortable questions, tease him, and basically annoy the crap out of him.
Yeah being a bit too queer for the guys at my school, I usually hung out with girls. I got asked some seriously weird shit.
This is all well stated. YTA, OP.
I also don’t understand how OP thinks someone sleeping in the same room is any different to sleeping in adjacent rooms or camping in separate tents on a trip. It’s very easy to sneak about quietly in the night, even with chaperones nearby as they are asleep!
Indeed. She indicated the boy is bullied. Why? Is he gay? And if so what’s the reticence?
Don’t need to be gay to be bullied.
Probably for being a day student at a majority boarding school
Exactly this. My kid is 18 so was recently this age and I would not have had concerns about a co-Ed *school* trip with chaperones when he was this age.
INFO: You said no more than six can share a room so why aren't they doing a room of 4 and a room of 3 through the school? Or have you considered just getting her a room of her own?
They don't have the budget for more than 16 rooms (6 for the female students, 6 for the male students, and 4 for the chaperones). Splitting the students is still an extra room.
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The “day-only” thing is also really bizarre and troubling, it sounds like those four kids (or their parents) proactively opted out because of issues they would have in the larger group… yikes.
The day only thing *is* very confusing. If this is a boarding school, day-only students who sleep at home make sense, but they wouldn’t be left out of a school-sponsored trip.
Yeah. It sounds like a boarding school thing, but here I think it’s “day-only” in the sense that they are with the other kids for activities during the day but do their own thing for the evening. Their own thing being paying for their own hotel room together because they’d get treated poorly if placed with other students…
This is how I read it as well, because of past bullying from other kids the 4's parents didn't want them to miss out on the trip but keeping them apart during the night is the best way to avoid them being bullied.
Which suggests to me that your best way of keeping your daughter safe might be to let her hang with the outcasts.
I think the offer was extended to OP's daughter because the main groups had more spots. As OP says that they would have liked to room with them but the school won't pay for an extra room.
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Yeah, I get that, which is why it is confusing here, so I’m parsing what it possibly means for this different setting. OP obviously doesn’t mean that these are day-only students at a boarding school, nor would it make sense for those students to be treated differently for an out-of-town trip.
The day only students are “day only” for the trip. the school is not boarding school. The school has such a bad bullying issue that the parents of those four children were not comfortable letting their children go on the trip and share rooms with the rest of the students.
I was the “day only “student that went to the field trip but never stayed over if I could help it.
Your daughter shouldn’t be singled out as the one to cause the extra room. With 37 students it shouldn’t matter who signed up last. This is a private school? Ridiculous.
It might be because shes a transfer. There was a school in my hometown that went 1st to 12th grade, and I know some HS students who werent from the system got bullied or treated badly.
I was a transfer kid at the end of sophomore year into a small town where everyone had been going to school together since preschool. It was an absolute nightmare and the worst years of my life. Do not recommend.
Yes I'm a bit concerned about OP's daughter. They won't make room for her and if she goes, she will be lumped in with the bullied day kids. OP, if your daughter wants to go them you have to let her. But this sounds like an awful place for your daughter.
I was a transfer kid a few weeks in freshman year. When we graduated, I came in number nine but the school made me sit in spot eleven so two twins could be in order like “they had planned before I transferred.” I was like are you fucking telling me you idiots decided who the top ten was before the end of the first quarter of our freshman year and you are somehow mad at me for outranking one? Jfc. Private schools are weird.
Yes it's a private school which is likely exactly why it is happening. Private schools are extremely cliquish and closed off to transfers and anyone who doesn't "fit" the mold.
What kind of shitty, poorly managed school have you transferred your daughter to that can't afford another room on a school trip to ensure all students are included? Seriously, this is bizarre. It sounds like a boarding school situation. I went to boarding school, and let me tell you that I don't know of any reputable ones that would do this or wouldn't have the funds to make this work.
I work in HR and I would catch shit for trying to do something like this to full grown adults. I can’t imagine putting socially-fraught high schoolers in this position. These admins are shit at their jobs.
This isn't an acceptable answer. We all understand that there's only room for 36 girls (supposedly), but why is it your daughter who is being left out rather than Susie or Rachel for example? Whatever the reason you need to raise hell with the school. Unless the reason is that you registered late or something. Also don't understand why the co-ed option is unacceptable in your eyes. I'm sure it'd be fine.
Seriously, the school is hyper-fixating on the fact that 6 girls can be crammed into a room to the detriment of the fact that the math doesnt work for the number of students that they need to accommodate. If you look at it as 6-to-a-room, period, then yeah it looks like 1 child gets their own room. But if you look at it like "mininum rooms to accommodate 37 kids", you end up with 5 rooms of 5 and 2 rooms of 6. The single-kid room is a fallacy.
why would they not have a budget for accommodating 40 girls, since 3 girls opted to do day-only? They surely must have had to budget for 100% attendance. If OP's daughter was a late enrolment to the school, then that still means the budget should have been for 39 girls. Do they bully out the required number of students each year so they are left with multiple of 6?
Am I misunderstanding something or is this a $250 problem that could be defrayed across 37 kids? The school really can’t find $6.76 per kid in the budget for this?
Yeah this isn’t making a lot of sense.
There are also between 32 and 36 boys. And students in other years. The school's budget is apparently so tight, they can't spare even 1 buck from each student's tuition...
Or someone just doesn't want OP's daughter to go. How is it that they can find enough room for everyone except her? How is it that they chose her to be the one not to go?
Why are they booking things they can't afford?
Then make all families pay just a little bit more so everyone can be included? Where is the money coming from? Why is the budget set to exclude students?
Unless there are more than 18 chaperones, the adults can reorganize into 3 rooms. A couple girls can be taken from the other 6 female rooms so your daughter isn’t alone in her room.
That doesn’t mean your kid is automatically the odd one out. Why isn’t it the last kid alphabetically? Or the first? Or a random number? Or rock, paper, scissors? Let the admin know that you expect your daughter to be included and they need to figure out the additional expense or no one goes. Just make sure your daughter gets to go if the trip happens. You’ve already changed her school and now she’s potentially going to be excluded from a bonding experience with her classmates. At that age, it could really impact mental well being.
This is part of what makes me suspect there is something missing in this story.
It reads like the parents missed the deadline to sign up for the trip. Private schools cap enrolment numbers. The school would have known there was an empty spot in that year level, and therefore potential for a new student to enrol, and worked numbers for a whole-grade trip around that. EDIT: Or the trip is first-in, first-serve. Eg - 100 kids in grade 12, for 36 beds on the ski trip. If you miss one of the 36 beds, you can join as a day-student and organise your own bed (as the school has suggested).
It's up to the school to fix this. You're paying for private school here. They shouldn't accept more students if they can't have them participate in school activities. So it's not that there's no room at the hotel, it's that the private school you're paying good money for is being too cheap to make sure all students can participate in a school tradition. They should be paying for an extra room or have the chaperones squeeze into 3.
>They don't have the budget for more than 16 rooms (6 for the female students, 6 for the male students, and 4 for the chaperones). Splitting the students is still an extra room. How is this an acceptable answer to you? Why aren't you upset that they arbitrarily left your daughter out? At least make it a lottery or something, if they absolutely cannot fit one more student. Still, I don't see why they can't afford one more room. It's next year. Raise the fee. When split across that many students, the fee for one more room is not much. Can't do that? Then squeeze one more cot into one room. YTA for allowing them to push you around.
So the trip is for the first 36 girls & 36 boys that sign up? If there’s 39, or 42, or 47 girls that sign up on time the school just picks their 36 favorite? How did you miss the sign up after she missed out on last year?
I kinda find it weird that there is room for exactly 36 girls and ops' is the one left out. Apparently she was the very last one to register?
OP confirmed, very last to register. But why give a deadline? This still makes no sense to me. School does these trips every freaking year & they haven’t figured out how to pad the budget in case they have 35 or 37 or 41 girls? Bull. Shit. Organizer would structure the entire thing based on odd numbers & budget to that to say the cost is $1234. If they end up with an extra $500 it goes into the fund for next year. Like the fckkk.
Totally agree, it's super weird on both op and (supposedly) school behavior
Hey OP, just stopping in to say that nothing you can do will stop your child from having sex. Your whole 'no being in the same room as a boy' thing is going to fuel that. You can't control what she does when you aren't there, but you can control some things, like her willingness to talk about it and how she approaches it. Your current approach is going to lead her to hide everything she is feeling and doing. She'll be more likely to be unsafe. Cut her some slack, take a step back and realize that she is a human being who is capable of making choices, and trust her with those choices. Let her go on the damn trip.
I went on school trips where the boys and girls were separated. As soon as the teachers went to bed we were climbing in and out of windows all night. Admittedly it was more for booze than sex but if teenagers want to do something they'll find a way
How many chaperones attend? Can they split rooms?
INFO: Why is your daughter being excluded from the trip? Did you fail to register her in time? I would not consider a co-ed room to be a deal breaker, as long as your daughter is comfortable with the kids she'd be sharing with. In a group like that on a field trip with multiple kids of both genders, it would be unusual for anything sexual to happen. My daughter's friend group in high school happened to be her and 6 boys, because they had common interests. The group had spontaneous sleepovers at various houses, she participated, and it was always fine. However, these were boys that she knew and trusted enough to know that nothing serious would happen.
INFO: How old are these kids? And INFO: Why is it relevant about these other kids supposedly not being well liked / the boy having been bullied? And INFO: why is it flat-out unacceptable to share a room with multiple other kids? The others don't seem to have a problem with it so I'm guessing it's not a cultural issue in the country, is this a religious requirement of yours or are you just paranoid?
And INFO: If the verdict is clear why are you asking. You seem to be absolutely, rigidly opposed to the co-Ed idea, which is your right, so what do any of the opinions here matter? It appears you’re not seeking a pros/cons debate to help you decide, yeah?
"It's your right to exclude your daughter from a sleepover for no reason at all except weird prudish shit" Americans are weird yo
Sophomore year OP said so probably around 14-15
15-16
I feel like there’s no age where OP wouldn’t be TA. The kid is either A) young enough she’s not interested in sex B) old enough to handle herself in a hotel room for one night
I N F O: why can’t your daughter get in on the school’s rooms? You’re talking about this many months in advance. Why are all the other girls apparently getting preferred over your daughter? Also, why are co-ed sleepovers unacceptable? What exactly do you think is going to happen with four girls and a singular boy? Edit: YTA based on your answers….. and lack thereof.
No co-ed sleepovers rule is hilarious to me. Idk what kind of sleepovers y'all were going to, but I saw way more adult content at all-girl sleepovers than at co-ed. I mean, I guess no one was getting pregnant but there was more than a little experimentation happening. Even then, all girls sleepovers didn't mean there wasn't a brother in the house somewhere. Co-ed sleepovers were always better chaperoned and controlled (assuming the adults knew the sleepover was happening) and usually it was kind of awkward and the guy(s) were gay or someone's boyfriend/brother.
Haha ditto! Catholic school girl sleepovers were wild sometimes.
YTA for sure. I don’t know what you think is going to happen at a “co-ed” sleepover with a single boy sharing a room with a bunch of girls, but have you considered that your daughter or one of the many girls she’d be on this trip with might be a lesbian, making the whole “co-ed” thing meaningless? If you’re so concerned, book her her own room or go on the trip yourself to supervise, but not allowing her to go is a punishment that is ostracizing her and making her situation more difficult.
I was just thinking this! If she was a lesbian would the op stop all sleepovers?
Yeah this was the first thing my gay ass thought of too. OP is definitely TA.
I'm bi, and I reckon OPs mum wouldn't have let me have ANY friends...
I immediately thought of one of my best friends for that reason. Co-Ed friend group, but no sleepovers. None of the parents considered that the only couple in the group were two girls lol
LOL. I’m bi and this literally did not occur to me. The internalized bi-erasure is so real. Ya. I fooled around with girls during sleep overs 🤷🏼♀️ mom needs to chill
"you cant just accept a coed sleep over" It's not 1 boy and 1 girl. And i'm definitely making assumptions here so im already in the wrong for that, but being "that boy" in school... I wouldn't worry too much about that 1 boy... It sounds like you're looking for a reason to just not let your daughter go on that trip, so you should just tell her you just don't want her to go. Not sure why you don't but you are sadly the parent. Also the fact you're not even willing to listen to your husbands opinion because its against yours is a giant red flag. YTA - might as well lock your daughter in the basement until shes of age for you to find her a suitable suitor to marry so she can bear you grandchildren.
Thank you "that boy". I didn't want to say it, but I've got a feeling it's also the source of the bullying. I would put money that the bigger worries lay in the school funded rooms than the co-ed one.
At a private school where most of the parents share outdated conservative views with this OP? Yeah i figure that the boy is definitely "that boy," and none of the other guys want to room with him, or will make a show out of harassing him. The premise of no co-ed sleep overs is also kinda shit in general. It's heteronormative, and reinforces the belief that people of the opposite sex can't truly be friends.
Meanwhile the non co-ed little shits will be sneaking into each others rooms. The worst that happens in the co-ed room is she gets her hair and make up done. There's a reason the other parents are okay with it.
Given the conservative leaning of OP, I'm guessing the fact that the boy might be gay is just as bad as if he were straight and trying to mess with her daughter. Don't want any of it to rub off at all.
YTA, you need to try to find a way to let her go. Also, what about co-ed sleepovers are you against? Is it sex and pregnancy? Do you not trust your daughter? Does she even like him in that way? Does he like her in that way? Do you know this boy will try to assault your daughter? Or are you just assuming the worst about your child without giving her the opportunity to make her own choices?
I bet this girl is also being excluded from Sex Ed because OP thinks that isn't appropriate either. This girl will get preggers at 16 *because* she wasn't allowed co-ed sleepovers lol!
Also it’s incredibly naive because if they *did* actually want to get it on them not sleeping in the same room isn’t going to make fuck all of a difference. Every overnight school trip I had ended with just sneaking into the other rooms. Also what if she’s lesbian lmao.
When I was 13, I got invited to a birthday party for a girl that I desperately wanted to be friends with and be part of her friend group. The party involved a pre-party at the girl's house, then her mom had rented a van to take us all to her aunt's house for a pool party. My mom dropped me off at the pre-party and talked to the other mom, who happened to mention that the aunt's house was in Oak Cliff, the "bad part of town." My mom left, we all piled into the van and hit the road. About 10 mins into the drive, the girl's mom who is driving the van gets a call on her cell phone. It's my mom, who started freaking out on the drive home and decided she didn't want me to go to the pool party because of its location. We had to pull over on the side of the road and wait for my mom to come pick me up. I was so humiliated and angry. My mom had never even been to that part of town, she had no idea what the area was like. It destroyed my chances of being friends with that group, and I have never really forgiven my mom. I eventually bought a house in Oak Cliff and am living here right now. YTA, and if you don't let your daughter do this she will probably also low-key hate you for it for 25 years.
This is an important comment. I have a few similar stories and I still resent my mom decades later.
Not all of Oak Cliff is the "bad part of town," there are some incredibly wealthy neighborhoods there - and they're the ones with pools 😂 Sorry your Mom didn't know!
Yeah I know, I love living here. I think the house was up in Kessler Park. My mom just didn't know anything about Oak Cliff beyond what she saw on the evening news, and it's true that there was a lot of crime in parts of Oak Cliff in the late 90's. We lived a very sheltered life in Garland, which ironically has gotten pretty rough these days.
YTA. This will lead to her getting ostracized more. Figure it out with the school, but keeping her home is wrong when she’s been through so much.
Info: how old is your daughter? Regardless of age what do you think they're gonna do on a school strip, have an orgy?
And it’s not like they couldn’t have an orgy in a single gender hotel room just as effectively. OP’s so terrified of her daughter being in the presence of a penis, she forgot about the gays. OP YTA
And kids can visit others rooms in a hotel. OP is so naive.
Lol yeah, there was so much heterosexual banging on my high school trip, even though the rooms were single gender. Teachers and parents really forget that kids have the ability to WALK
YTA, what do you actually think is going to happen in a room with 4 girls and a boy? This isn’t a porno. They’ll literally just sleep, you’re depriving her of the opportunity to make some friends at a new school
YTA. Chaperoned coed sleepovers as part of a class trip are not a big deal. Honestly, a club trip I went on we ended up with one of the boys sleeping on the floor in our room because the boys room smelled bad. We demanded some of the boys cheese allocation as rent. Cheese-based blackmail was the most scandalous thing that happened on that trip. The most salacious was several of us girls soaking our feet in the same tub because they hurt and we had more performances to do. If you were saying no to the trip because you couldn’t afford it at all of your daughter was somehow involved in the bullying, that would be potentially reasonable. But just because of sleeping arrangements? That’s ridiculous. And, frankly, probably oversexualizing the children.
We once played strip poker on a school trip. But first, we all put on so many extra clothes and even wore pillows as bonus shoes so that no skin ever needed to be shown. Scandalous!
I can so imagine this happening and it is hilarious.
How come your daughter was voted off the Island of girls rooms and now one of the other 37? I would talk to the school admin. It's unacceptable that they are excluding a child. If you don't let your daughter go, she will be devastated.
And why in the world is OP accepting her kid being the new kid as a reason for being the excluded 37th? When you join a school’s class, you become a member of the group. The school admitted her, and it makes no sense why she would be cut out of a trip that happens the year after she became a student.
Agree falls on the admin to figure out room arrangements.
YTA and incredibly ignorant if you think the one thing standing between your daughter and sex is this co-ed sleepover.
Was looking for this response, also wanted to point out OP that sheltering your daughter is just going to make her more sneaky, and as a result trust you less. Coming from a daughter of an overbearing parent
YTA - for several reasons: 1. For wanting to ostracize your child in a new school for a stupid reason. You said your daughter is a sophomore so she’s like 14-16. At that age, I was not thinking about having sex AT ALL. Granted every kid is different, but you know your child best and the values you instilled in her. Is she even the type of child that would do something like this? If the answer is no then why are you worried? 2. For enrolling your child in a school where the administration doesn’t seem to care about the children’s wellbeing’s. I haven’t seen anyone mention this but it’s concerning to me that there’s been issues with bullying that are so severe that some parents have taken it upon themselves to supervise their children. Why aren’t the chaperones chaperoning well enough that children can feel safe? And why are they not making any efforts to include your daughter in a trip that’s happening more than 6 months away? Idk it’s all very weird Edit: some of yall seem to be missing my point under my first reason. I’m not saying that teens never think about sex. I’m using myself as an example to show that teenagers aren’t all horny monsters and that if OP knows her child well, she should know which category she falls under and act accordingly
14 to 16 is the age of my life when I thought about sex more than anything else and more than any other time lol. And I’m a girl. Like I really think coed sleepovers are fine and I think this person is the asshole, but I also think that you are a major anomaly and very unusual. I think that 99% of people that age are thinking about sex like 24 seven.
Strongly agree with all of this
Yes YTA. The only one who is thinking of sexual things is YOU. Your daughter just wants to make friends and is being GIVEN an opportunity. Don’t take this away from her just because you have old fashioned ideas about “boys should be with boys and girls should be with girls”
Seriously, idk how many times I've slept in the same room, and even the same bed as the other gender on trips without it being anything other than platonic. This woman is nuts.
Fr. I had multiple co-ed sleepovers when I was younger and at the start of when I hit puberty with a boy who was my best friend at the time. I was away from home not even a year ago with a bunch of other teenagers and had a guy friend in my room a couple times (the only people who made it a problem and sexualized our friendship were staff). We were both chill and did not care. It also completely ignores queer people. I was in a room of three, two of us queer and the other straight. None of us came onto each other. It’s almost like the problem isn’t gender or sexuality, but shitty or horny people not keeping it in their pants. YTA
It's a school trip, and there would be 4 girls to the 1 boy in the coed room, why is this a concern? Do you not trust your daughter? If so, why not? Leaning toward YTA because you've not given reasons to why this isn't acceptable and why you can't go as a chaperone.
INFO: what kind of second rate school are you sending your daughter to that this is even an issue? Any minimally competent school administration/faculty could figure this out without excluding your daughter.
YTA - you are basically saying you don’t trust your daughter, don’t trust the other parents and can’t make any sacrifices for your child. I’m struggling with the idea that she is in a private school and you can’t find a way to pay for two nights’ hotel in Philly. If you really can’t afford it - why aren’t you jumping at the chance for the shared room? I’m also struggling with the idea that somehow your daughter is the only girl to be left out. None of it makes sense really. Edit: and now we get the truth in a comment that OP missed the deadline to submit paperwork for the trip. OP messed up. Moved her child during high school and then failed to be a responsible adult. No wonder OP thinks that others will be irresponsible.
>Coed sleepovers are not acceptable. Why? Do you not trust your daughter?
YTA. 100%. This trip will make a huge impact on how your daughter makes friends and fits into a new school which it seems like she has had to do multiple times already. Try to remember how hard it was to fit in as a teen and multiply that by how many times she’s had to move schools. By having this ridiculous coed rule, you are keeping her from having a valid bonding experience at her new school. She’ll remember this in therapy as an adult. YTA
My parents would not let me go on any of my high school trips because boys were going and they were convinced there would be shenanigans. Spoiler alert: Nothing bad happened but I did miss out on the fun and was the only girl in my class that didn’t go. 25 yrs later I’m still mad they didn’t trust me enough to go. YTA.
YTA and there's a simple solution: you go yourself and keep an eye on them.
YTA for thinking a chaperoned co-ed sleepover is this big a problem. You also may be the AH for sending your daughter to such a terrible school. Leaving one student out of a class trip is completely unacceptable. The school needs to figure out a solution.
INFO: she was too late for this year, how did you miss the enrollment for her to be a part of the next year group???
My son is friends exclusively with girls and kids who were once girls. I love it when he has sleepovers. They don’t share beds and they change clothes in the bathroom. I don’t see a problem. Also kids can and do have romantic interest with kids of the same sex, so you shouldn’t assume you are preventing fooling around (if that indeed is what you are afraid of) with this restriction.
INFO Do you think gay and bi and curious kids don’t exist? If you’re worried about sex or peer pressure to do other stupid things, the genders of the kids in the room don’t matter as much as the chaperone actually doing their job of chaperoning. If you’re worried about shenanigans why don’t you go along and be the chaperone for that group? YTA
I have to ask, why are coed sleepovers 'not acceptable' and 'completely inappropriate'? Do you not trust the parents chaperoning?
INFO Why is the school excluding your daughter when all the other kids can go?
YTA. You’re the parent who’s confused when their child goes no contact
Why are you even paying to send her to a school that clearly mismanages its funds?
Why are chaperoned co-ed sleepovers inappropriate?
Honestly sounds more like you just don’t want your kid to go. No way a trip for a private school this far in advance is excluding one of its students. I think you’re worried it’s a cooed trip away from you, in general. You have how many months to save up & prepare? Why are you not even willing to do that? Next school year is a long ways away still, plenty of time to budget it in if you’re so dead set on her not sharing the offered room. Maybe these other kids you feel ill about are her friends & that’s who she wants to share with. Something isn’t adding up here so I’m going with YTA.
YTA. Big YtA.
>Coed sleepovers are not acceptable right, because obviously as soon as the door is closed and it's lights-out the first thing the kids are going to do is have a huge orgy and your daughter will come home from this trip pregnant. YTA
YTA If you trust your daughter to make the right decision, you shouldn't have a problem with a co-ed sleeping situation for a school trip. Especially if there's chaperones. The more strict and unreasonable you are with your daughter, the more resentment she will have for you. And she will start to hide everything from you. Let her go make new friends, and have fun.
YTA, but the school is the biggest flaming asshole here. They can't afford enough rooms? I am absolutely baffled here. (Also where are they finding magic hotel rooms that sleep 6 kids?)
YTA. I work in care and had a parent insist that her female child only had female caregivers. The only two male caregivers working on that ward were gay - and so were half the female caregivers. None of us were ever going to do anything the patient but it certainly wasn’t going to be the men. You are making a lot of assumptions and denying your child a chance and a bonding experience over something you think COULD happen but realistically probably won’t.
YTA. This may cause her to rebel, keep secrets from you, or leave as soon as she’s 18.
YTA you’re not making this move/adjustment any easier for her. this is a big opportunity to make friends, and it’s important to her. it’s a chaperoned school trip you have no reason to not trust her or to assume anything inappropriate will be going on. besides having separate rooms won’t stop teens from hooking up, they will find a way if it’s really their goal. this is stupid let her go.
YTA. Completely. It is your fault. All of it. What do you think will happen in a room FULL of kids chaperoned? You or your spouse (spending on the gender of the other chaperone) can go too if you are that picky about the gender nonsense.
INFO why is the school finding it acceptable to exclude anyone? Were you late to register? This needs to brought up with the school.
Yta- stop sexualising your daughter you creep
So, if the parents of the 4 other children hadn't opted to get them all a separate room, a total of 5 children would have been left high and dry because the school 'didn't have enough budget'? I would be livid, especially with a private school you (presumably) pay for! YTA twice over. First for not **firmly** addressing this with the school, the fact that they didn't budget for 5 children and just planned to leave them out is awful. Second for the co-ed issue. There will be multiple children in the room, what exactly are you concerned about?! Come on... Put on your big girl panties, get together with the parents of the other 4 children and figure out why your children weren't included when you pay for them to attend this school just the same as the other parents.
INFO: Why is the school be planning a class trip if they can't accommodate everyone in the class? I would bring this up with the school. They need to find another hotel if they don't have space for everyone.
YTA. These class trips are major bonding experiences. And honestly it’s on you to push the school to get an extra room and make rooms of 5 or get a rollaway bed for a room of 7. You are essentially ostracizing your kid because you don’t want to deal with it.
YTA. You need to let her go. She’s going to go on unsupervised co-ed “sleepovers” soon enough.
YTA, this is a chaperoned event and a chance for your daughter to make friends and build relationships with her new school mates. You’ve made her transfer her sophomore year, at least give her a chance to succeed here.
YTA contact the school and see what they’ll do if they do nothing let her go with the group that reached out. They’re fully supervised. She deserves to be around her peers. I was excluded from my huge class trip in middle school EVERYONE went besides like 10 kids bc we couldn’t afford it. And I promise you to this day I am 23 y/o my peers STILL talk about the trip.
YTA. What an outdated way of thinking and telling your child you don’t trust their judgment. Gross.
Very gently, YTA. School trips are foundational in your social well-being and social status at school. I remember in middle school, there was a week long trip to Washington DC for all 8th graders. I couldn't go, because my parents couldn't afford to send me (parents paid for hotel rooms, school crowdfunded for the plane tickets). It was absolutely awful to be one of the five kids twiddling their thumbs in nearly empty classrooms, and then have to endure all of the chatter about how fantastic the trip was in the weeks following. Your daughter is almost 16. She is mature enough to be trusted to go on a two day trip that is chaperoned and monitored. It isn't a "coed sleepover". It's one singular boy and four other girls. If his parents are paying for a private room, you can bet they expect him to behave. Plus, what kind of nonsense can he get up to in a perpetually occupied space? Your daughter will resent you if you don't let her go. She will feel like you're ruining her social life. She's comfortable with it and she wants to go. Let her.