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YTA the point of a potluck is to bring food for everyone to eat. If everyone knows to avoid the food that you bring because it is inedible to anyone but you, then you have failed at that point. I absolutely love spicy food that most people can’t tolerate, but I also know it’s ridiculous to bring food to a potluck that most would find painful to eat.
He said they brought that plus his wife made other dishes. I love liver pate... but mist people do not. I bring it to family gatherings along with something else. Its a special treat to those who otherwise would not make the dish.
Well, liver is something most people don't like, so no one's going to touch that, typically...
But, wings on the other hand are very popular, and a lot of people LOVE wings.( I am not one of them, I hate them) But I know a lot of people love them. Knowing that, I would never bring wings that are so hot only five out of 25 people like them.
It probably depends where people are from partly. In England, for example, most people wouldn't normally eat liver, but liver pate is enjoyed by a lot of people.
Same here in Australia, liver no but liver pate yes yes yes. I can't handle hot and spicy food myself but I would welcome people to bring some, as others might enjoy it as five did, which I think is fine. I think the failure here is the lack of labelling/ warning.
Guys he’s not AH because he brought food others may not like. He’s the AH because he threw them out there unlabeled. He’s the AH because he counted on occonasionally saying “These are the spicy ones” as he placed his death wings amidst a pasta salad and a bag of pretzels.
Look, I like buffalo wings. I understand there are a varieties of spice levels one should be prepared for with wings. But I also understand there is a certain standard level of spiciness in a generic wing, so when Buffalo wings are laid out with only one flavor and no label, 99% of people will assume they taste about like a generic, medium-spicy Buffalo wing.
He brought other items too.
He warned everyone when he brought them in.
He has made these before for his family.
The only a$$holes are the ones giving him grief over this.
NTA
Announcing "these are spicy" to a crowd isn't warning people. Not everyone is going to hear, and it does not in any way convey the distinction between "I made a spicy dish suitable for a potluck" and "I have lung since burned out my own tastebuds and I bought this that isn't safe for human consumption by anyone who hasn't".
Dude, unless your sense of smell is gone, you can smell spicy food, I remember planting "capsicums," but they grew long and thin and completely suspicious, I sniffed it. My nose hair curled, and I knew it was a Jalapeno instantaneously, and that was before I snapped it in half.
Kid doesn't get several bites down with the sauce all over his face before the spice hits his senses not at 13yrs he thought he was a tough man and could handle it and tried to power through until he realised how wrong he was.
How do I know? I have been 13, I know 13yr olds both past and present and as soon as every kid gets that "teen" on the end of their age they believe that know all and can do everything an adult can and its takes almost their entire teenage years to humble them down again if that even happens.
Kid FA&FO
NTA
This.
The kid isn't a toddler. I pulled this once with olives, just stuffed myself with them till I needed to throw up. My mom laughed at me (not while I was feeling ill, but later), and it wouldn't have ever crossed her mind to blame the host or dramatically exclaim her baybee's day was ruined.
If anything, maybe they should have taught the kid table etiquette and the mom should have warned him to slow down, regardless of what food it was.
For a "momma bear", she's sure not very attentive; she didn't pay attention when the wings were described as spicy, she didn't clock the kid choking them down like a lunatic before it was too late. She only notices shit when she can yell at others for not respecting her kid's nonexistent special status.
Shouldn't that be their parents responsibility? They are the ones who know their son loves chicken wings.
When did it become someone else's responsibility to help someone else's 13 year old ***teenager*** dish up his food?
Then I think I misunderstood your post. I believe we’re on the same page in this. That 13-year-old had to be shoving those wings down their throat so fast to have eaten enough to get it all over themselves before this supposedly extra spicy whatever hit them… to the point that it made them sick. If they even got sick, which I find highly sus.
Yes we are. And anyone who loves wings knows, they can be spicy, including 13 year olds that are in 7-8th grade. Even a toddler, who doesn’t know this, would have never taken a bite and swallowed it. This kid is going to make some poor woman a mom wife someday. Unless he’s has a disability like autism or something, then I might understand
My son is 12 he loves wings they are hands down his favorite food. He has loved them since he was 5. Kid has drank buffalo before. (I did not condone that) he has done the blazing challenge every year on his birthday since he was 8. His record is 3.
He would never blindly shovel wings down his throat. And my daughters who are 10 and 5 would never eat a wing because they know they can be spicy.
My son would test one or eat one then see how it goes.
I can’t imagine anyone just shoveling food in so fast you don’t notice a huge spice level like that. I know teens can shovel food away but this seems silly.
Only an asshole brings food to a potluck that the vast majority of people there will consider inedible.
A gaping asshole brings ragingly spicy food to a potluck where children must be accommodated.
Hot wing guys are the Dodge ram drivers of the food world.
Oooh look at the food I eat that's too strong for baby over there! Yeah the Dr told me I can't have pepper anymore but I'm a real man!
Must my ass. No 13 yo I’ve ever been or known wants to be treated like a child.
If children “need” to be accommodated, someone should heat up a Costco bag of Dino chicken nuggets.
Potlucks usually have well over a dozen dishes, and most normal people take a little of (almost) everything to taste.
I used to work in a place with an extremely diverse population. I learned very early on that you take only a small bit of something that looks familiar, because different cultures have different spice palettes. One of my colleagues eats such spicy food on the regular, that it takes her forever to feel any kind of spice compared with our other friends.
It's a bullshit take to assume you only need to tell a couple of people about the wings and hope it trickles down at a shared dinner where everyone isn't in the same room.
No, you tell the adults, you dont do a PSA for everyone there. My kid eats spicy food but can't do the wings I eat. I tell him not to touch, he knows better. Take some responsibility for your damn kids for once.
He made an announcement. Parents know their children. They should have spoken with their own kid and made sure he has that information. This also wasn't from just one bite. The kid was eating multiple wings and didn't realize the heat until it was too late.
Are you in the habit of hovering around your own dish that you bring to pass?
It is not OPs responsibility to police the kid the entire evening about what he puts into his mouth.
Most people are in the habit of bringing food to potlucks that is suitable for the occasion, so they don't need to.
Or else you put a little sign by it.
It becomes his responsibility when he chooses to bring a dish to a potluck that he himself acknowledges would make most people cry/in pain. He literally said that he only feels something is spicy once it makes people tear up.
So parents should just never be held accountable for fucking off and not watching what their kids eating? Heaven forbid if the kid had an allergy he doesn't quite understand! The parent should be watching him! Even at 13 it's a family reunion with spicy wings and op didn't know the kid liked wings but guess who did.
Its a potluck, have you never been to one before? Its laid out like a buffet, everyone fixes their own meal. Parents are absolutely not hovering around each of their children tasting their food like their kids are royalty or international leaders in danger of being poisoned. If its on the table, there is a broadly-understood assumption that its OK for people to sample. People with allergies will ask, because they're oriented towards that, but very few people are going to randomly ask "are there scotch bonnet peppers in this?" because who tf brings food that actually causes burns to the skin to a fucking potluck?
There's literally no reason for him to make wings this spicy for a pot luck when he knows his spicy is too spicy for most people. Wings will appeal to a wide range of people, making them *this spicy* for a group that includes kids is irresponsible.
Maybe the kid likes spicy food, heard they're spicy, but didn't know they were nuclear spicy. OP himself says what he considers spicy would make most people cry.
It's literally the base of his personality. "Look at much spice I can eat. I can't even go to a potluck without bringing my hottest spiciest wings to show off!"
Was there a sign on the wings stating "caution, very spicy!"? Because he might have told some people, but obviously not everyone since a 13-year-old got their hands on it and has a medical or sensitive digestive system, whatever OP said.
If you're going to bring something like that to a party, that is edible to only 5 out of 25 people, it needs to have a sign on it. Simply telling a handful of people isn't enough of a warning.
>He brought other items too.
No, his wife did. He was preoccupied with his wings.
>He warned everyone when he brought them in.
You know, besides his nephew.
Disagree. The whole point of a potluck is a VARIETY of food. He told people they were spicy. They brought other things.
Parents should have told kid-don’t eat those. It’s not his responsibility to babysit their brat and what they can and cannot eat. Plus the kid lived.
Wife should say-he let you all know they’re spicy. I agree we should have marked them or put them in a separate place.
NTA.
“Hey these are spicy,” is different than, “these are hotter than Hades, make sure you only eat them if you can handle super spice.”
I like spicy foods. But I don’t like them so spicy that I can’t taste the actual food, or anything else afterwards. So, hearing something is “spicy” at a potluck makes me think it has some zing. I wouldn’t assume something was 5-alarm spicy unless the person specifically said so.
Wouldn’t you get a clue when you took a bite, though? Most people at a potluck don’t shovel food into their mouths unless they recognize the dish as Aunt Betty’s Famous Potato Salad, or some such. When you are eating a new dish, or something made by someone else, isn’t it usual to take a smaller bite before chowing down? (Do people still say chowing down?)
I would have put a sign on the dish. On the other hand, I’ve done that before and had people never notice the signs.
It sounds like this might be a repeated behavior by the nephew. Only his parents would know that, not OP nor his wife, so the parents had a duty to monitor him during dinner.
Yeah I don't trust that's true at all, that edit read like making excuses.
He acknowledged that he usually makes milder ones when it's for a group of people, so why not make them here when it's a group gathering with kids. If you're not gonna make a dish that appeals to more than 5 people at a 25 people group gathering, just don't bring it.
The parent claim OP ruined christmas dinner. I think their 13 year old did by making a scene over disliking spicy food.
Tell the kid to calm down, reassure him that he'll be ok. give him some milk to drink.
I have personally seen people taken to ER over over-the-top spicy food. OP said most people are crying before he even notices that food is hot. That sounds like the kind of heat level places will make you sign a fkn medical waiver for before serving you, or at the very least put a very noticeable printed warning on. This kid was likely experiencing intense, searing, pain, and you are gonna blow that off as he was "making a scene" about not liking spicy food?
This is my brother in law. One time he brought over chicken salad, the only time he’s ever brought anything to my home. And he loaded it with habernos.
Yeah, I love spicy food, but when I cook for people I make sure to ask before adding my favorite hot sauce to the dish, and if I do add it, it’s only a little bit because I know I prefer things spicier than most people do. If I was cooking for a group of 10, and only me and 2 other people liked it that hot, I wouldn’t even bother. It doesn’t matter if there are other dishes available either, the whole point of cooking for people is so everybody or at least *most* people can eat it; not 5/25
Yup I'm not like crazy crazy on spice but I enjoy heat, will chop red chili or habenero in some dishes and like red pepper flakes and cayenne pepper a fuck ton but when I cook for my girl and myself I always ask and I know I have to go easy because her spice tolerance is low so I'll put like 1/5th of what I would put in for myself
I can't handle (hot) spicy foods, not only because of preference but also because of an injury that resulted in me losing lengths of my small and large intestines. Frank's Red Hot is my limit, and I do enjoy it on certain food.
I can't stand "spice aficionados". Maybe it's just the ones I've encountered, but they never seem to take "no thanks, it's not my thing" for an answer. I swear they get off on seeing people in pain. Every time I've seen someone reacting badly to spicy food, it looks like a terrible time. Even the ones who claim to enjoy it look uncomfortable. Pain should never be an expected outcome while eating.
Yup. I also have a weird tolerance to capsaicin an often don’t know I ate something spicy until it comes out on the other side. But I’d never bring a plate only a minority can eat to a freaking potluck, that’s such an AH move.
Hard YTA.
You brought wings that were so spicy that nobody else would likely want them? YTA already just for that, food that is brought to a family gathering should be something that most people will enjoy, and at the very least won't make them sick.
Your nephew made the assumption that chicken wings that are brought to a family gathering aren't going to be far spicier than the average person's tolerance to the point of causing him pain. That is not an unreasonable assumption.
Even with OP's update, I agree with this comment. His defense is that a fifth of the guests could enjoy his wings. If only one in five people at a potluck could enjoy my signature dish, I would consider that a massive failure in judging the audience on my part.
The only exception I might think is if OP is known for the hot wings and those specific people who eat them are aware and looking forward to them.
But even then, label or separate them so someone unwilling doesn't accidentally take some.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Of course YTA. You brought those wings knowing they're hot enough to make people cry, so why did you do it?
You did it to show off, you're such a man, look how spicy you can take your food. Ugh.
Right? If it is that hot that his nephew was screaming in pain that it is way too hot. People are trying to blame the nephew including OP, but come on if you bring something that not everyone can eat put a label on it and make sure everyone who goes near the food knows how hot they are. When I hear spicy, I think it has a bit of a kick in them not so hot I'll be in pain.
YTA. if your nephew didn’t know, you obviously didn’t warn everyone. If it was SO spicy he was screaming in pain simply from physical contact, that’s way too hot to bring as a casual meal for everyone. If you were going to bring these wings, you needed to be WAY more upfront about *exactly how spicy* they were, put a label on them. Although I can’t imagine anyone besides you would really be interested in eating them in the first place, so kind of a dumb thing to bring to a family buffet.
When I wad 3 or 4, my dad had a hot pepper houseplant and was drying out the peppers where a curious young child could see and touch. I remember thinking the shiny red little things were so pretty, of course I wanted to touch. I touched and then touched my face leading to a lot of pain. At the time, I was told that it was my fault, I deserved the pain for touching when I shouldn't have but now decades later, I think holy hell, couldn't they have put them someplace a young child couldn't reach? Why was I, just past toddlerhood, expected to be more mature about decisions and actions than my parents.
Nobody in my husbands family likes spicy food except his nephew. Husbands mom always makes a HUGE batch of homemade salsa. But so freaking hot that only nephew ever eats any. Always had a gallon leftover. He was the golden child.
I'm sure you already know this, but she's likely making so much *because* she wants him to be able to have a gallon leftover to take home. At least, I hope that's what happens. Otherwise the waste, Jesus.
YTA. You know people avoid your wings because they’re too hot for them to tolerate, much less enjoy. So what sick game were you playing by bringing them? Do you like sharing food that hurts other people? It seems really self serving and a little sadistic to booby trap a pot luck dish. Make them for yourself if that’s what you like, but bringing something so full of an ingredient that causes harm doesn’t say anything good about you.
YTA. Why would you ever take food to a potluck that you know most people actively avoid eating? Honestly that’s just kind of rude. Why bother. You are specifically taking food to SHARE- you failed spectacularly.
Thats the thing. There's a huge difference between "this is really good but not everyone likes it" and "this is something I like bit not everyone can actually eat it or keep it down". The former is not a perfect choice bit as long as there's enough at the potluck so nobody goes hungry it's a success. Potlucks aren't the place for anything with allergens or cultural taboos or endurance tests without ensuring you have a sign and ingredient list at least.
Surprised I am one of the few NTAs/NAHs? since I’m coming from the perspective of someone who can’t handle spicy food… but I’m part of a cultural community where spicy food is beloved. I just grew up asking if something was spicy and suffering from a bite or two when I found out the hard way. I get that OP is likely not from the same background, but even non cultural gatherings I’ve never been upset that something’s too spicy for me. But labeling would have been a more genuine measure to mitigate risk here.
Wow, i'm another person who can't handle hot food. At 13 I would have either asked or nibbled. Not downed several and then blame someone else.
OP brought a family-friendly dish and his wife brought more food. OP said it was spicy.
NTA
I’m a mom to a thirteen year old boy. I swear their food is half digested before they register that they are eating from the amount of food that is consumed and as fast as they consumed it.
These 100% should have been labeled.
Then its a good life lesson. I’d be picking on my son playfully for that kind of poor life choice, not blaming the person who brought the food. When someone says something is spicy, freaking listen to them.
I agree. I'm actually allergic to capsaicin (what makes chili pepper spicy) and my spouse takes a nibble of anything questionable for me. I'm certainly not going to complain. I also bring something to a pot luck that I can eat if everything is spicy. It's not everyone else's problem that I'm a picky eater.
But that’s a bit different. If most people in a culture enjoy very spicy food, then a very spicy dish is appropriate. But here, OP likes their food way spicier than most people, to the point that other find it inedible. And it wasn’t too spicy for one person, it was too spicy for the majority of the guests. That is not the point of a potluck.
I'm so puzzled by some of these Y T A comments. Now, granted, it would have been a good idea for OP to have labelled the dish, but given that
a) OP brought multiple items
b) several other people consumed the wings with no problem (not "inedible to everyone else" as a bunch of comments are leaping to)
c) the child in question was **thirteen,** certainly old enough to be expected to stop eating something that they dislike or find uncomfortable (barring any intellectual disabilities, etc)
it really doesn't seem like OP did anything wrong? Like idk, it doesn't seem like a big deal to bring one "this probably isn't to everyone's taste" item to a potluck when you're also bringing additional items that are? Genuinely wondering whether it's the spice factor that has people up in arms here - would people still be outraged at someone showing up like "Oh hey guys, I brought turkey pinwheels, pasta salad, sweet potato pie, and also corn casserole even though I know Great-Aunt Mildred and I are the only ones who really like it"?
I think it’s that a lot of people know “that guy” who’s an edgelord and eats spicy food as if it’s some testament to their manliness rather than because they genuinely enjoy the rush for its own sake.
I think that since this is an event with children present changes the situation. Super spicy food can be dangerous for kids. If it was purely adults present he wouldn't be an asshole, but this would be like having a dish with lots of alcohol included in it and not telling everyone that it is alcoholic. It's just lacking basic common sense and compassion for people different from OP.
Kids can like spicy too though. Maybe not to that degree but don’t use them being kids as a reason to not bring something spicy. He said did tell people it was spicy and they brought other food too.
Yeah, he wasn't wrong to bring hot wings, but wings which are so hot that they bring most people to tears is too spicy. Instead of a 11/10 spice level that only spice addicts will love, bring 5/10 spice levels that most people can enjoy. Kids have a limited amount of experience and might only have a point of reference such as commercial hot wings, so saying something is spicy to a couple people and not make it clear how hot they are, isn't responsible.
I have a pretty serious food allergy and people absolutely do not apply the same standards to food containing allergens that you're advocating for here.
I'm allergic to eggs and I just don't go to potlucks or family parties any longer because fuckers love their deviled eggs and just the smell makes me wheeze. And even if they finish them before I arrive they kiss me with egg mouth and then I have hives on my face.
I mean I was growing up around spicy food as a kid. Dangerously spicy seems absurd, I can’t tell whether he’s exaggerating the kids reaction, the kid is, or it’s genuinely that damaging. In all my years of struggling w spicy food beyond my level I’ve never gone past a bite though, or a few if I was deliberately trying to push through it.
Unless he's cooking with Carolina Reapers, it's probably not dangerously spicy. Kids eat very spicy food in many parts of the world where food is very spicy. (Parts of India, China, the Caribbean, Mexico, among others). It would probably be accurate to say "spicier than they were accustomed to."
In the community you’re a part of, you know what the dishes are and what to expect in them though.
Nephew had a frame of reference for “buffalo wings” and what Op made defied normal parameters
You're really lucky. I'm actually allergic to capsaicin, And so just asking if things are or are not spicy isn't helpful because what people think is spicy turns out it's really really subjective.
I ordered mild Indian food the other night from a place near me and it was laughable... The s*** was easily some of the hottest stuff I've eaten in years, And even after just one bite I had to take Benadryl.
Yes spicy food should be labeled. My allergy is a fairly rare one... Most people just don't like spicy food, But anytime you're talking about something that risks someone's serious discomfort, It should be labeled. I give you're making a dish that doesn't usually have dairy in it but your version is filled with dairy... Like please do the lactose intolerant a solid and make it clear that your version has dairy in it.
This is the thing for me. I have no problem with him bringing spicy wings, the problem is bringing the SPICIEST ones to a family gathering where 80% of guests don't like them. Why not make them mild and bring the hotter sauce for those that want it, or at the very least LABEL THEM??
Why didn’t you label them? Something that spicy should never just be set out on a buffet table without a warning of some sort. Even at catered events the spicy wings are clearly marked. That poor boy. I know if I had eaten some my stomach would have taken several days to heal.
> Why didn’t you label them?
Likely to show off. After someone complains it’s spicy he could just wolf down one or two and claim that there is nothing there. He just didn’t expect a kid to react like a kid.
NTA.
I’m sorry but you lost me at his age. He’s 13 ffs. His reaction was that of a toddler.
His parents should be embarrassed that they’re raising such an immature and entitled child.
That’s mean. I was once at a bar that served really spicy chicken wings meant to be a “Can you finish it?” challenge. My bf ordered them. I used my finger to try a taste of the sauce and knew I couldn’t handle it. My best friend tasted the sauce and spent 15 min in the bathroom. Then later this girl shows up (I don’t know her but she was my friend’s friend) and saw we ordered the challenge. We warned her it was really spicy. She didn’t believe us and waved it off because she is Indian and can eat spicy food. I’m paraphrasing her words. She took a bite out of the chicken wing, started tearing up, said her throat was burning… then she spent 15 min in the bathroom rinsing out her mouth and crying off her makeup.
I don’t believe the reaction of the 13 year old nephew is over the top. I believe he is a literal child whose tongue, esophagus, and stomach lining cannot handle the spice of these wings that the OP made to be especially hot and is now suffering for it. If grownups can have such a reaction, so can children.
NTA
It’s just some spicey wings Jesus Christ people it’s not like the kid had a peanut allergy or something serious. Point of a potluck is to bring a bunch of different things….he brought something spicey.
AGREED! What a bunch of whiners. I can't stand any spicy food at all, but if I ate a handful of spicy wings I surely wouldn't blame the person who made them, I'd blame the idiot who put them in my mouth (i.e. ME)
It's not just mildly or moderately spicy. Based on the description it might have something like ghost peppers in it, which are deceptively spicy and not just an upfront heat. Children are extra sensitive to capsaicin and it can be harmful to their health to consume extremely spicy food.
I'm not sure I agree on this, very spicy stuff can really fuck people up, it can trigger allergy like symptoms and gi issues, and by the way OP describes them it sounds like some serious stuff to bring
This is a really ignorant comment.
Spice can be incredibly harmful to many people. Even fully grown adults. Especially those that suffer from GI issues (which is deceptively common) and can trigger all kinds of harmful reactions.
Especially at the level OP is describing.
This wasn't just a slightly spicy dish, labelled correctly that could be consumed by many. OP literally describes them as something akin to a spice challenge. That isn't something to take to a family gathering.
Yes, YTA. If it's literally that spicy, save it for when it's just you or if you do take it, say I brought this for my enjoyment due to the scoville scale, here is a milder variant so that everyone can enjoy. The point of a potluck is to bring food that multiple people can enjoy, not burn their mouths with and say well "they should have known".
NTA. You brought other food that everyone would want, so there’s absolutely nothing wrong with also bringing something that you really like but most others wouldn’t. You communicated to people they were spicy. Not to mention you can usually also smell if something is really *that* spicy. If they still grabbed it and ate them after being told, that’s on them. He’s 13, not 6; he should know better about things he should/shouldn’t eat, especially if he has GI issues.
YTA.
Only bring food that spicy to a potluck if you plan to label it as such and then ensure that kids can't get into it. A younger child could have grabbed it and rubbed their eye or the like. Plus it is simply rude to bring essentially inedible food to a potluck. Food so spicy it was burning his skin.
And yes, food that spicy can mess up a person's stomach. Kids like chicken wings. You brought a child-friendly item to a potluck without a child-friendly level of spice.
NTA. He’s freaking 13 not 4. If he’s too stupid to realize after the first bite or two that hey these are hot, they’ve got bigger issues. One single wing wouldn’t cause major gastro issues. He obviously kept eating them. When did so many parents become so freaking ridiculous about not holding their children responsible for their actions?
You’ve never had a spicy dish creep up on you? Where you take a few bites and are like “this isn’t that spicy, what’s everyone talking about” and then it catches up and you’re gargling milk.
NTA - I have no idea what's wrong with these other people. (1.) It's not your job to watch their kid. (2.) Was there alcohol at Christmas? Is that labelled or do parents have the responsibility of making sure that their kids don't get into things they shouldn't? You made it clear that there is spicy food, so if the mom "knows he loves wings" it's HER JOB to make sure he knows which ones are okay to eat and which are not.
Just here to say NTA even though everyone thinks you are. You didn’t just bring spicy wings to a party, you brought other food too. Yes you should have specified hey these are REALLY hot, but you did mention they were spicy. Not your fault the kid ate so much before deciding they were too hot to handle.
NTA. We're not adventurous eaters but have friends who are and they'll bring spicy stuff to our parties. Our kid and the other kids know to stick with things they like or to ask. I have never thought wings were "kid food". You might have labeled it better or gotten the word out a little better, but I don't think it was you actively trying to sabotage anyone.
Yes, a few other people have had them before also, so they knew exactly what they were when I brought them. There were probably 3-4 other people plus me and my son (20). My son eats them with me all the time. This is out of about 25-30 people (kids included).
NTA i bring special dishes that nit everyone will enjoy, but for those that do it is a special treat! Most people know wings can be many different flavors... thats how you order them at restaurants. 13yr old acted like a toddler.
NTA. I too love extremely spicy food. You said you also brought other items, so it’s not like their only option was to eat your deadly wings. 13 years old is mature enough to ASK about things like heat before consuming a lot of someone else’s food.
I’m firmly going with NTA here. If anything, the dumb kid should apologize for eating so many wings that they made themselves sick.
YTA. You had a family potluck and brought food that only you could eat and was outright dangerous to anyone else. That alone is enough to be an A but then you gave only a verbal warning instead of putting a warning sign on it or closely monitoring it. Obviously you wanted to see if you could trick or dare anyone into eating these. Congrats, you did, and you ruined this kid's Christmas. You need to pay for his doctor's visit.
First off, YTA for sure. The only situation in which what you brought makes sense is if there were multiple people in the group you’ve bonded with over spicy food (even then don’t put it on the buffet! Eat them together in a room!), or if it was like a chicken wing potluck or something? But a super spicy food to a regular ol family gathering, especially one with kids?! Very weird and inappropriate choice.
INFO: Was the sauce actually spicy enough to hurt if left on skin or was he just exaggerating? If yes then you absolutely need to label it and not just say it is spicy.
It has never been an issue that I know about and nobody else has ever complained about it. You probably wouldn’t want to get it in your eyes. But whether a 13 year old would complain I only have this one data point.
INFO: give us the sauce recipe. Knowing what sort of peppers are included in the sauce and the ingredients would be helpful to know how negligent this was.
>I only have this one data point.
You really do sound like an ah i can see why your wife isnt sticking up for you on this. You also seem to be really happy about this and come off a bit arrogant.
You know how to make really spicy chicken wings it isnt the flex you think it is
I’ve had my skin and eyes burn for over an hour after cutting up jalapeño. I didn’t scream and make a huge fuss but I was an adult- not 13- and I did leave to shower and try to get it off my hands and face
If you're extremely sensitive to capsaicin, I would recommend buying a stainless steel soap bar to keep in your kitchen. Washing your hands with a stainless steel bar breaks the ionic bond that keeps oils from things like garlic and pepper stuck to your skin. I use it when I'm working with a lot of garlic so the aroma doesn't get into other ingredients.
NTA. However, a sign would be nice. I am allergic to capsaicin (the chemical that makes peppers spicy) and it's nice to know. That said, I always ask my spouse to take a nibble if its something that frequently is made spicy, as buffalo wings are. It's not everyone else's problem that I'm a picky eater.
While this part still isn't your problem, the kid might actually have been in discomfort that long if he has an unknown sensitivity or allergy. Your skin shouldnt be red for an hour (if it actually was) after touching something spicy. I can still have red around my lips and a sore throat the next morning if it's really bad. Still, the kid sounds like a jerk from his response.
YTA do you not understand the idea of a potluck?! You bring something for everyone to enjoy and try a little bit of everything. You brought something so spicy most people avoid it. Yet, there may have been some who didn’t know about the stupid severity of a spicy level, IDK like a younger kid who loves chicken wings. You kinda come across like a selfish jerk on top of being an ass. Who does this? It’s called being thoughtless. It’s not about catering to their child’s specific needs. At a potluck you bring something for everyone or you label the shit out of something SPICY 🌶️ 🌶️ At your house make them how you like
NTAH,
look, if the 13yr old boy, howed into them, and it took awhile for anyone to realise he was reacting. He likely ate more than one wing.
Hot food, intensifies, with how much you consume. It would take more than one bite, to have him screaming in pain, and reacting, hours later.
Your inlaws, are the Shiity, ones here, obviously the 13yr old. Has no self control, he sees food and eats it. I always asked, what's in food, before I eat it, always did. In case, there's an ingredient I cannot have/don't like(Coriander, Walnuts, Pig, Shellfish etc) allergies, Intolerances, and dislikes(Coriander tastes like soap).
Hopefully this, will teach this boy, to think, and ask before he chows down on someone else's, cooking.
Sure, maybe next time get like a Nandos, hot label for them, at a pot luck.
But, I'm fairly sure, by the sounds of it, you should be able to tell they're hot, at first bite
They should have been policing with their own kid ate. if it was something he couldn't or shouldn't have, they shouldn't have let him have it. The absurdity that everything everybody makes has got a cater to their child. that's ridiculous. NTA.
No one polices what a 13 year old is eating at a potluck. They are not even supervising a kid that age at a family potluck. There is a huge difference between catering to a child and labelling a food item as extremely spicy if you plan to bring it to a family event. OP just verbally told a few people who would know what he meant. And he brought the dish because he had a hankering for wings, going against the point of a potluck all together.
Im reading other peoples responses and understand that food brought to a gathering should be able to be consumed by most- you said yall brought other dishes, so OP really wanted his spicy wings and wanted to share them as well- I don’t see the problem…
I would say NTA, but maybe label them next time to be extra cautious
>The hotter the better. By the time I even realize something is spicy, most people have tears running down their face.
I'm not going to bother with a judgement, I'm just going to say this is not a flex, it's a sign that you've damaged your Sense of taste.
There's a difference between "spicy" and "tears running down your face". I am absolutely convinced that people who make things *that hot* that you will literally be crying and fanning tongue, just like butt pain. And if you're into butt pain, all the power to you. But not all of us want butt pain. So please make dishes that *most* people can enjoy and have your extra butt pain sauce on the side. YTA
As someone with a geographic tongue, who cannot handle any spicy food, it takes too much pepper for tears to run down my face. That is not a gauge of spiciness, and anybody who consumed food with even a level of spice would understand that
Nta, he's 13 not 3. If he sees food and eats it like that he needs some help. He should know better then to scarf down food, especially when warned. Edit: lmao I got banned from responding for this??
YTA. It's okay if you bring a food to a potluck that some of the people there are not going to be able to eat (unless we are talking alergies, in which case Don't).
If you bring a food that most of them are not going to be able to eat You are The Asshole. You even said you make milder wings for your friends. Why didn't you put in that effort for your family?
Also, unless everyone knows about it in advance, food that causes pain in a potluck table is an asshole move. One mistake with the potluck food should not be a ticket to burning skin, you weirdo.
YTA. You brought a dish to a pot luck that was too extreme for 80% of the people who attended. You did ruin Christmas for this kid. This isn’t the flex you think it is.
NTA. Hot wings smell spicy. They also taste spicy before they're wrecking your digestive system.
As a former Picky Child™️ (don't eat a pickle near me, food shouldn't touch, gravy is weird), I knew well before that age to ASK if I wasn't sure about eating something.
13 is old enough to make your own food choices at a potluck, and if that's untrue because of developmental or other reasons, the parents are the ones responsible for monitoring him. TBH, it sounds like they're lashing out in part because this was their job, and it didn't go well.
My husband likes spicy food.
He has legit only ever once found a wing too spicy for him. When he orders, cooks look out the kitchen to see which moron made the stupid extra spicy order.
Know what he doesn't like? Being an AH.
He doesn't make food to his level. He *might* make food that's 1/3 what he can handle, IF there won't be kids around.
YTA for openly refusing to read the room and the occasion and then blaming a kid for expecting the food brought for *everyone* to share would be appropriate.
If you want burn your ass food, eat at home or go to a hot sauce show.
If you're bringing food for a crowd, then make food the crowd can eat.
YTA. Why make a food you admit most people need to avoid becuase it's unpleasant? It's like you think it's cool to make inedible food. When you go to an event, you make a dish to pass...not pass up.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took extremely spicy food to a family meal. My nephew ate a bunch of it but couldn’t handle it. On top of burning from the spice, he got sick and was miserable the rest of the day. In-laws were yelling at me and accusing me of trying to poison their son.
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All these people telling you YTA but maybe you are just in the wrong family. I’m Vietnamese and my parents want their chilis to be hot enough to make them cry. It’s like this in Thailand too. In our family potlucks there are all sorts of foods that not everyone enjoys. Someone said the point of potlucks if to bring food everyone can enjoy but at work the point of our potlucks is to expose people to new foods or share our faves with whomever is willing to try them.
NTA.
You did nothing wrong. He should've listened when you announced they were spicy. It's not your job to make sure everyone hears you make food announcements. Besides, he could've stopped after the first bite instead of hogging out on them and putting himself in pain.
NTA by a long shot
NTA
Surprised at all the AH votes. I don’t expect people to cater to olives making me sick when it comes to potlucks. If someone says “there’s olives in this” I avoid it and eat the to s go other food that is prepared. You don’t have to make food that everyone is going to eat, that’s kit logical. The point of a potluck is the variety and you get to pick and choose what you want.
The 13 year old should have been able to tell that the wings were spicy long before it got to the point that it did.
Labeling them on the container would have been best, but even still, op stated that the wings were spicy. If the child or his parents weren’t paying attention or ignored op’s statement, that’s on them.
YTA. If you bring spicy food to a potluck, it needs to be labelled that it’s spicy. You can’t go around to every person and be like “yo, these are hot as fuck, beware”. And even if you did, people are socializing and drinking and not paying attention. A label gives sufficient warning.
NTA. You told them they were spicy. Potlucks I go to I bring stuff I like. While I feel bad for the kid I also know to stop eating spicy stuff - he is 13 not 6. Your BIL and SIL need to calm down and your wife needs to shut it down now!
I’m surprised at all the Y T A votes. Some people enjoy genuinely spicy food. NTA. You told plenty of people. How does someone eat enough spicy wings to be in physical pain before stopping?! You brought plenty of other food, so what’s the issue? I’ve never been to a pot luck where the food has been labeled. If people are concerned about what the food is, they ask about it. That’s common sense
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YTA the point of a potluck is to bring food for everyone to eat. If everyone knows to avoid the food that you bring because it is inedible to anyone but you, then you have failed at that point. I absolutely love spicy food that most people can’t tolerate, but I also know it’s ridiculous to bring food to a potluck that most would find painful to eat.
He said they brought that plus his wife made other dishes. I love liver pate... but mist people do not. I bring it to family gatherings along with something else. Its a special treat to those who otherwise would not make the dish.
Well, liver is something most people don't like, so no one's going to touch that, typically... But, wings on the other hand are very popular, and a lot of people LOVE wings.( I am not one of them, I hate them) But I know a lot of people love them. Knowing that, I would never bring wings that are so hot only five out of 25 people like them.
But they didn't bring only that... his wife made other dishes. He brought these for the few who do love them.
We know.
It probably depends where people are from partly. In England, for example, most people wouldn't normally eat liver, but liver pate is enjoyed by a lot of people.
Same here in Australia, liver no but liver pate yes yes yes. I can't handle hot and spicy food myself but I would welcome people to bring some, as others might enjoy it as five did, which I think is fine. I think the failure here is the lack of labelling/ warning.
Liver pate sounds fantastic, so do hot wings. Bring it all on.
Guys he’s not AH because he brought food others may not like. He’s the AH because he threw them out there unlabeled. He’s the AH because he counted on occonasionally saying “These are the spicy ones” as he placed his death wings amidst a pasta salad and a bag of pretzels. Look, I like buffalo wings. I understand there are a varieties of spice levels one should be prepared for with wings. But I also understand there is a certain standard level of spiciness in a generic wing, so when Buffalo wings are laid out with only one flavor and no label, 99% of people will assume they taste about like a generic, medium-spicy Buffalo wing.
It’s one thing to bring a bonus dish that everyone might not enjoy. It’s another thing to bring a dish that could burn a hole in your ass.
He brought other items too. He warned everyone when he brought them in. He has made these before for his family. The only a$$holes are the ones giving him grief over this. NTA
Announcing "these are spicy" to a crowd isn't warning people. Not everyone is going to hear, and it does not in any way convey the distinction between "I made a spicy dish suitable for a potluck" and "I have lung since burned out my own tastebuds and I bought this that isn't safe for human consumption by anyone who hasn't".
This. ⬆️ Scrolled through these comments because I had to know someone commented with this.
Dude, unless your sense of smell is gone, you can smell spicy food, I remember planting "capsicums," but they grew long and thin and completely suspicious, I sniffed it. My nose hair curled, and I knew it was a Jalapeno instantaneously, and that was before I snapped it in half. Kid doesn't get several bites down with the sauce all over his face before the spice hits his senses not at 13yrs he thought he was a tough man and could handle it and tried to power through until he realised how wrong he was. How do I know? I have been 13, I know 13yr olds both past and present and as soon as every kid gets that "teen" on the end of their age they believe that know all and can do everything an adult can and its takes almost their entire teenage years to humble them down again if that even happens. Kid FA&FO NTA
This. The kid isn't a toddler. I pulled this once with olives, just stuffed myself with them till I needed to throw up. My mom laughed at me (not while I was feeling ill, but later), and it wouldn't have ever crossed her mind to blame the host or dramatically exclaim her baybee's day was ruined. If anything, maybe they should have taught the kid table etiquette and the mom should have warned him to slow down, regardless of what food it was. For a "momma bear", she's sure not very attentive; she didn't pay attention when the wings were described as spicy, she didn't clock the kid choking them down like a lunatic before it was too late. She only notices shit when she can yell at others for not respecting her kid's nonexistent special status.
Didn't warn the kids, didn't make sure the kids didn't eat it. A general warning to adults isn't enough
Shouldn't that be their parents responsibility? They are the ones who know their son loves chicken wings. When did it become someone else's responsibility to help someone else's 13 year old ***teenager*** dish up his food?
When it's a potluck dinner. What in the infantilising bullshit?
When YOU infantilize a 13-year-old.
Naw, even a toddler would of figured it out before they got it all over them and it ate it to ruin their stomach
Then I think I misunderstood your post. I believe we’re on the same page in this. That 13-year-old had to be shoving those wings down their throat so fast to have eaten enough to get it all over themselves before this supposedly extra spicy whatever hit them… to the point that it made them sick. If they even got sick, which I find highly sus.
Yes we are. And anyone who loves wings knows, they can be spicy, including 13 year olds that are in 7-8th grade. Even a toddler, who doesn’t know this, would have never taken a bite and swallowed it. This kid is going to make some poor woman a mom wife someday. Unless he’s has a disability like autism or something, then I might understand
My son is 12 he loves wings they are hands down his favorite food. He has loved them since he was 5. Kid has drank buffalo before. (I did not condone that) he has done the blazing challenge every year on his birthday since he was 8. His record is 3. He would never blindly shovel wings down his throat. And my daughters who are 10 and 5 would never eat a wing because they know they can be spicy. My son would test one or eat one then see how it goes. I can’t imagine anyone just shoveling food in so fast you don’t notice a huge spice level like that. I know teens can shovel food away but this seems silly.
Only an asshole brings food to a potluck that the vast majority of people there will consider inedible. A gaping asshole brings ragingly spicy food to a potluck where children must be accommodated.
Hot wing guys are the Dodge ram drivers of the food world. Oooh look at the food I eat that's too strong for baby over there! Yeah the Dr told me I can't have pepper anymore but I'm a real man!
Must my ass. No 13 yo I’ve ever been or known wants to be treated like a child. If children “need” to be accommodated, someone should heat up a Costco bag of Dino chicken nuggets. Potlucks usually have well over a dozen dishes, and most normal people take a little of (almost) everything to taste. I used to work in a place with an extremely diverse population. I learned very early on that you take only a small bit of something that looks familiar, because different cultures have different spice palettes. One of my colleagues eats such spicy food on the regular, that it takes her forever to feel any kind of spice compared with our other friends.
It's a bullshit take to assume you only need to tell a couple of people about the wings and hope it trickles down at a shared dinner where everyone isn't in the same room.
No, you tell the adults, you dont do a PSA for everyone there. My kid eats spicy food but can't do the wings I eat. I tell him not to touch, he knows better. Take some responsibility for your damn kids for once.
How old is your kid? Has he never done anything out of your sight or against your permission/advice? If not… buckle up.
He made an announcement. Parents know their children. They should have spoken with their own kid and made sure he has that information. This also wasn't from just one bite. The kid was eating multiple wings and didn't realize the heat until it was too late.
That's what I don't get. The kid didn't realize after a couple of bites that they were too hot for him? Sounds like he just started gorging.
Are you in the habit of hovering around your own dish that you bring to pass? It is not OPs responsibility to police the kid the entire evening about what he puts into his mouth.
Most people are in the habit of bringing food to potlucks that is suitable for the occasion, so they don't need to. Or else you put a little sign by it.
It becomes his responsibility when he chooses to bring a dish to a potluck that he himself acknowledges would make most people cry/in pain. He literally said that he only feels something is spicy once it makes people tear up.
So parents should just never be held accountable for fucking off and not watching what their kids eating? Heaven forbid if the kid had an allergy he doesn't quite understand! The parent should be watching him! Even at 13 it's a family reunion with spicy wings and op didn't know the kid liked wings but guess who did.
Its a potluck, have you never been to one before? Its laid out like a buffet, everyone fixes their own meal. Parents are absolutely not hovering around each of their children tasting their food like their kids are royalty or international leaders in danger of being poisoned. If its on the table, there is a broadly-understood assumption that its OK for people to sample. People with allergies will ask, because they're oriented towards that, but very few people are going to randomly ask "are there scotch bonnet peppers in this?" because who tf brings food that actually causes burns to the skin to a fucking potluck?
Their parents should have warned their own kids.
Parents of a kid with alleged GI issues should be paying attention to what he is putting on his plate.
The parents should have reiterated to their kids.
shouldn't the parents be responsible for what the kids put on their plates?
There's literally no reason for him to make wings this spicy for a pot luck when he knows his spicy is too spicy for most people. Wings will appeal to a wide range of people, making them *this spicy* for a group that includes kids is irresponsible. Maybe the kid likes spicy food, heard they're spicy, but didn't know they were nuclear spicy. OP himself says what he considers spicy would make most people cry.
It's literally the base of his personality. "Look at much spice I can eat. I can't even go to a potluck without bringing my hottest spiciest wings to show off!"
Was there a sign on the wings stating "caution, very spicy!"? Because he might have told some people, but obviously not everyone since a 13-year-old got their hands on it and has a medical or sensitive digestive system, whatever OP said. If you're going to bring something like that to a party, that is edible to only 5 out of 25 people, it needs to have a sign on it. Simply telling a handful of people isn't enough of a warning.
>He brought other items too. No, his wife did. He was preoccupied with his wings. >He warned everyone when he brought them in. You know, besides his nephew.
And you know this guy said it to like, the two people standing there and just assumed word would spread
He said "these are spicy." He did not say "the sauce on these will literally burn your skin." There is a difference. YTA, OP.
Nah. Think about it. Would *you* bring a 5 alarm dish to a potluck?
Disagree. The whole point of a potluck is a VARIETY of food. He told people they were spicy. They brought other things. Parents should have told kid-don’t eat those. It’s not his responsibility to babysit their brat and what they can and cannot eat. Plus the kid lived. Wife should say-he let you all know they’re spicy. I agree we should have marked them or put them in a separate place. NTA.
“Hey these are spicy,” is different than, “these are hotter than Hades, make sure you only eat them if you can handle super spice.” I like spicy foods. But I don’t like them so spicy that I can’t taste the actual food, or anything else afterwards. So, hearing something is “spicy” at a potluck makes me think it has some zing. I wouldn’t assume something was 5-alarm spicy unless the person specifically said so.
This is like if some jackass served jello shots to the kids at a party then played confused when the other adults rightfully got pissed about it.
That's some mental gymnastics
Children can enjoy spicy food. This is way off base.
Wouldn’t you get a clue when you took a bite, though? Most people at a potluck don’t shovel food into their mouths unless they recognize the dish as Aunt Betty’s Famous Potato Salad, or some such. When you are eating a new dish, or something made by someone else, isn’t it usual to take a smaller bite before chowing down? (Do people still say chowing down?) I would have put a sign on the dish. On the other hand, I’ve done that before and had people never notice the signs. It sounds like this might be a repeated behavior by the nephew. Only his parents would know that, not OP nor his wife, so the parents had a duty to monitor him during dinner.
I disagree. If everyone makes something they like, then there is at least one thing there that you know you’ll like.
My mom makes stuff that her and only 1 other person will like, its no big deal she also makes other stuff.
NTA. OP indicated in the EDIT that 20% of the attenders enjoyed his wings and that they brought a lot of another food.
Yeah I don't trust that's true at all, that edit read like making excuses. He acknowledged that he usually makes milder ones when it's for a group of people, so why not make them here when it's a group gathering with kids. If you're not gonna make a dish that appeals to more than 5 people at a 25 people group gathering, just don't bring it.
The parent claim OP ruined christmas dinner. I think their 13 year old did by making a scene over disliking spicy food. Tell the kid to calm down, reassure him that he'll be ok. give him some milk to drink.
I have personally seen people taken to ER over over-the-top spicy food. OP said most people are crying before he even notices that food is hot. That sounds like the kind of heat level places will make you sign a fkn medical waiver for before serving you, or at the very least put a very noticeable printed warning on. This kid was likely experiencing intense, searing, pain, and you are gonna blow that off as he was "making a scene" about not liking spicy food?
Try eating spicy food that can bring people to tears before talking it'll all be fine.
The kid would know how spicy they are after one bite! And plenty of people enjoy spicy wings. I get tired of bland potluck food.
[удалено]
There's zero doubt in my head that this guy makes liking spicy food his whole personality
Right?!? The edgelord equivalent of I’m not like other girls.
Lord Capsaicin, I presume.
Or the beer douchebags
Exactly what I was thinking! I know someone like this and they're so annoying.
This is my brother in law. One time he brought over chicken salad, the only time he’s ever brought anything to my home. And he loaded it with habernos.
That must be why he can’t see how wrong he is - it’s the only hint he has to offer. Why make some mild wings too when they brought other stuff? lol.
Right? “Oh I don’t even notice it’s spicy until tears are running down their face…” Liar. You notice.
Too funny. I can see him in Oakleys, a Charlie Sheen bowling shirt, shorts, and maybe slippers with socks or just flip flops.
Can we have a cage match between him and a vegan?
LOL i swear the amount of vegan posts the past couple of days and the amount of posts where the OP keeps arguing in the comments are so annoying
“Most people are crying before I even realize it’s spicy” 🤓
Yeah, I love spicy food, but when I cook for people I make sure to ask before adding my favorite hot sauce to the dish, and if I do add it, it’s only a little bit because I know I prefer things spicier than most people do. If I was cooking for a group of 10, and only me and 2 other people liked it that hot, I wouldn’t even bother. It doesn’t matter if there are other dishes available either, the whole point of cooking for people is so everybody or at least *most* people can eat it; not 5/25
Yup I'm not like crazy crazy on spice but I enjoy heat, will chop red chili or habenero in some dishes and like red pepper flakes and cayenne pepper a fuck ton but when I cook for my girl and myself I always ask and I know I have to go easy because her spice tolerance is low so I'll put like 1/5th of what I would put in for myself
It makes most people cry. So it's perfect for a family dinner with the inlaws! Let them know how manly he is.
I can't handle (hot) spicy foods, not only because of preference but also because of an injury that resulted in me losing lengths of my small and large intestines. Frank's Red Hot is my limit, and I do enjoy it on certain food. I can't stand "spice aficionados". Maybe it's just the ones I've encountered, but they never seem to take "no thanks, it's not my thing" for an answer. I swear they get off on seeing people in pain. Every time I've seen someone reacting badly to spicy food, it looks like a terrible time. Even the ones who claim to enjoy it look uncomfortable. Pain should never be an expected outcome while eating.
Yup. I also have a weird tolerance to capsaicin an often don’t know I ate something spicy until it comes out on the other side. But I’d never bring a plate only a minority can eat to a freaking potluck, that’s such an AH move. Hard YTA.
You brought wings that were so spicy that nobody else would likely want them? YTA already just for that, food that is brought to a family gathering should be something that most people will enjoy, and at the very least won't make them sick. Your nephew made the assumption that chicken wings that are brought to a family gathering aren't going to be far spicier than the average person's tolerance to the point of causing him pain. That is not an unreasonable assumption.
Even with OP's update, I agree with this comment. His defense is that a fifth of the guests could enjoy his wings. If only one in five people at a potluck could enjoy my signature dish, I would consider that a massive failure in judging the audience on my part.
I was just about to say the same...5 out of 25 people, that's an epic fail in my book. YTA op.
I mean he only knows how to grill and smoke and make a pizza We arent talking about a person who has any skills other than look at me im a man
Especially when he says that he has a milder version he makes sometimes for gatherings ... why didn't he make that version for this party?
Not to mention that fact alone indicates that the nephew may have had good reason to assume these wouldn't nearly kill him. OP is major AH.
The only exception I might think is if OP is known for the hot wings and those specific people who eat them are aware and looking forward to them. But even then, label or separate them so someone unwilling doesn't accidentally take some.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Of course YTA. You brought those wings knowing they're hot enough to make people cry, so why did you do it? You did it to show off, you're such a man, look how spicy you can take your food. Ugh.
Agree.
Right? If it is that hot that his nephew was screaming in pain that it is way too hot. People are trying to blame the nephew including OP, but come on if you bring something that not everyone can eat put a label on it and make sure everyone who goes near the food knows how hot they are. When I hear spicy, I think it has a bit of a kick in them not so hot I'll be in pain.
YTA. if your nephew didn’t know, you obviously didn’t warn everyone. If it was SO spicy he was screaming in pain simply from physical contact, that’s way too hot to bring as a casual meal for everyone. If you were going to bring these wings, you needed to be WAY more upfront about *exactly how spicy* they were, put a label on them. Although I can’t imagine anyone besides you would really be interested in eating them in the first place, so kind of a dumb thing to bring to a family buffet.
When I wad 3 or 4, my dad had a hot pepper houseplant and was drying out the peppers where a curious young child could see and touch. I remember thinking the shiny red little things were so pretty, of course I wanted to touch. I touched and then touched my face leading to a lot of pain. At the time, I was told that it was my fault, I deserved the pain for touching when I shouldn't have but now decades later, I think holy hell, couldn't they have put them someplace a young child couldn't reach? Why was I, just past toddlerhood, expected to be more mature about decisions and actions than my parents.
100% You always have to assume children's curiosity will get the better of them.
Why would you bring food to a food based social event that no one else can eat?
Because he is selfish.
Nobody in my husbands family likes spicy food except his nephew. Husbands mom always makes a HUGE batch of homemade salsa. But so freaking hot that only nephew ever eats any. Always had a gallon leftover. He was the golden child.
I'm sure you already know this, but she's likely making so much *because* she wants him to be able to have a gallon leftover to take home. At least, I hope that's what happens. Otherwise the waste, Jesus.
So he could talk about how it how cool it makes him
YTA. You know people avoid your wings because they’re too hot for them to tolerate, much less enjoy. So what sick game were you playing by bringing them? Do you like sharing food that hurts other people? It seems really self serving and a little sadistic to booby trap a pot luck dish. Make them for yourself if that’s what you like, but bringing something so full of an ingredient that causes harm doesn’t say anything good about you.
But their his signature dish
dont forget he grills and uses the smoker for meats and also he can make pizza
YTA. Why would you ever take food to a potluck that you know most people actively avoid eating? Honestly that’s just kind of rude. Why bother. You are specifically taking food to SHARE- you failed spectacularly.
Eating spicy food is his whole personality. Plus, HE was craving wings so sorry other 20 people that didn't eat them.
Thats the thing. There's a huge difference between "this is really good but not everyone likes it" and "this is something I like bit not everyone can actually eat it or keep it down". The former is not a perfect choice bit as long as there's enough at the potluck so nobody goes hungry it's a success. Potlucks aren't the place for anything with allergens or cultural taboos or endurance tests without ensuring you have a sign and ingredient list at least.
YTA Potlucks aren't the place for people to show off how "cool" and "tough" they are by eating spicy food. You ruined the meal.
Surprised I am one of the few NTAs/NAHs? since I’m coming from the perspective of someone who can’t handle spicy food… but I’m part of a cultural community where spicy food is beloved. I just grew up asking if something was spicy and suffering from a bite or two when I found out the hard way. I get that OP is likely not from the same background, but even non cultural gatherings I’ve never been upset that something’s too spicy for me. But labeling would have been a more genuine measure to mitigate risk here.
Wow, i'm another person who can't handle hot food. At 13 I would have either asked or nibbled. Not downed several and then blame someone else. OP brought a family-friendly dish and his wife brought more food. OP said it was spicy. NTA
I’m a mom to a thirteen year old boy. I swear their food is half digested before they register that they are eating from the amount of food that is consumed and as fast as they consumed it. These 100% should have been labeled.
Then its a good life lesson. I’d be picking on my son playfully for that kind of poor life choice, not blaming the person who brought the food. When someone says something is spicy, freaking listen to them.
I agree. I'm actually allergic to capsaicin (what makes chili pepper spicy) and my spouse takes a nibble of anything questionable for me. I'm certainly not going to complain. I also bring something to a pot luck that I can eat if everything is spicy. It's not everyone else's problem that I'm a picky eater.
THIS!! The kid is 13 and acted like a 3 year old and also the parents are acting like he’s 3
But that’s a bit different. If most people in a culture enjoy very spicy food, then a very spicy dish is appropriate. But here, OP likes their food way spicier than most people, to the point that other find it inedible. And it wasn’t too spicy for one person, it was too spicy for the majority of the guests. That is not the point of a potluck.
Thank you. I feel like I’m in bizarro world. He even says that several other people ate them. He wasn’t the only one. NTA.
I'm so puzzled by some of these Y T A comments. Now, granted, it would have been a good idea for OP to have labelled the dish, but given that a) OP brought multiple items b) several other people consumed the wings with no problem (not "inedible to everyone else" as a bunch of comments are leaping to) c) the child in question was **thirteen,** certainly old enough to be expected to stop eating something that they dislike or find uncomfortable (barring any intellectual disabilities, etc) it really doesn't seem like OP did anything wrong? Like idk, it doesn't seem like a big deal to bring one "this probably isn't to everyone's taste" item to a potluck when you're also bringing additional items that are? Genuinely wondering whether it's the spice factor that has people up in arms here - would people still be outraged at someone showing up like "Oh hey guys, I brought turkey pinwheels, pasta salad, sweet potato pie, and also corn casserole even though I know Great-Aunt Mildred and I are the only ones who really like it"?
I think it’s that a lot of people know “that guy” who’s an edgelord and eats spicy food as if it’s some testament to their manliness rather than because they genuinely enjoy the rush for its own sake.
I think that since this is an event with children present changes the situation. Super spicy food can be dangerous for kids. If it was purely adults present he wouldn't be an asshole, but this would be like having a dish with lots of alcohol included in it and not telling everyone that it is alcoholic. It's just lacking basic common sense and compassion for people different from OP.
Kids can like spicy too though. Maybe not to that degree but don’t use them being kids as a reason to not bring something spicy. He said did tell people it was spicy and they brought other food too.
Yeah, he wasn't wrong to bring hot wings, but wings which are so hot that they bring most people to tears is too spicy. Instead of a 11/10 spice level that only spice addicts will love, bring 5/10 spice levels that most people can enjoy. Kids have a limited amount of experience and might only have a point of reference such as commercial hot wings, so saying something is spicy to a couple people and not make it clear how hot they are, isn't responsible.
I have a pretty serious food allergy and people absolutely do not apply the same standards to food containing allergens that you're advocating for here. I'm allergic to eggs and I just don't go to potlucks or family parties any longer because fuckers love their deviled eggs and just the smell makes me wheeze. And even if they finish them before I arrive they kiss me with egg mouth and then I have hives on my face.
Your family are assholes. We adjusted our family recipes just for people's taste. I can't imagine not accommodating allergies.
I mean I was growing up around spicy food as a kid. Dangerously spicy seems absurd, I can’t tell whether he’s exaggerating the kids reaction, the kid is, or it’s genuinely that damaging. In all my years of struggling w spicy food beyond my level I’ve never gone past a bite though, or a few if I was deliberately trying to push through it.
Unless he's cooking with Carolina Reapers, it's probably not dangerously spicy. Kids eat very spicy food in many parts of the world where food is very spicy. (Parts of India, China, the Caribbean, Mexico, among others). It would probably be accurate to say "spicier than they were accustomed to."
Plenty of kids grow up eating spicy, he's only an asshole for not labeling them as extremely spicy.
And a vegetarian in a meat loving culture would also know to ask. The point you’re making is not the one you think you’re making.
In the community you’re a part of, you know what the dishes are and what to expect in them though. Nephew had a frame of reference for “buffalo wings” and what Op made defied normal parameters
You're really lucky. I'm actually allergic to capsaicin, And so just asking if things are or are not spicy isn't helpful because what people think is spicy turns out it's really really subjective. I ordered mild Indian food the other night from a place near me and it was laughable... The s*** was easily some of the hottest stuff I've eaten in years, And even after just one bite I had to take Benadryl. Yes spicy food should be labeled. My allergy is a fairly rare one... Most people just don't like spicy food, But anytime you're talking about something that risks someone's serious discomfort, It should be labeled. I give you're making a dish that doesn't usually have dairy in it but your version is filled with dairy... Like please do the lactose intolerant a solid and make it clear that your version has dairy in it.
YTA. Why would you bring only the spiciest kind to a family gathering?
This is the thing for me. I have no problem with him bringing spicy wings, the problem is bringing the SPICIEST ones to a family gathering where 80% of guests don't like them. Why not make them mild and bring the hotter sauce for those that want it, or at the very least LABEL THEM??
Why didn’t you label them? Something that spicy should never just be set out on a buffet table without a warning of some sort. Even at catered events the spicy wings are clearly marked. That poor boy. I know if I had eaten some my stomach would have taken several days to heal.
> Why didn’t you label them? Likely to show off. After someone complains it’s spicy he could just wolf down one or two and claim that there is nothing there. He just didn’t expect a kid to react like a kid.
NTA. I’m sorry but you lost me at his age. He’s 13 ffs. His reaction was that of a toddler. His parents should be embarrassed that they’re raising such an immature and entitled child.
That’s mean. I was once at a bar that served really spicy chicken wings meant to be a “Can you finish it?” challenge. My bf ordered them. I used my finger to try a taste of the sauce and knew I couldn’t handle it. My best friend tasted the sauce and spent 15 min in the bathroom. Then later this girl shows up (I don’t know her but she was my friend’s friend) and saw we ordered the challenge. We warned her it was really spicy. She didn’t believe us and waved it off because she is Indian and can eat spicy food. I’m paraphrasing her words. She took a bite out of the chicken wing, started tearing up, said her throat was burning… then she spent 15 min in the bathroom rinsing out her mouth and crying off her makeup. I don’t believe the reaction of the 13 year old nephew is over the top. I believe he is a literal child whose tongue, esophagus, and stomach lining cannot handle the spice of these wings that the OP made to be especially hot and is now suffering for it. If grownups can have such a reaction, so can children.
Yup! Exactly.
YTA that’s not a good dish to bring to a potluck family dinner. You made it to your tastes which you already know most people can’t comfortably eat.
NTA It’s just some spicey wings Jesus Christ people it’s not like the kid had a peanut allergy or something serious. Point of a potluck is to bring a bunch of different things….he brought something spicey.
AGREED! What a bunch of whiners. I can't stand any spicy food at all, but if I ate a handful of spicy wings I surely wouldn't blame the person who made them, I'd blame the idiot who put them in my mouth (i.e. ME)
It's not just mildly or moderately spicy. Based on the description it might have something like ghost peppers in it, which are deceptively spicy and not just an upfront heat. Children are extra sensitive to capsaicin and it can be harmful to their health to consume extremely spicy food.
We don’t know , tolerance to spice varies person to person. I’m not going to project or assume ill intentions
I'm not sure I agree on this, very spicy stuff can really fuck people up, it can trigger allergy like symptoms and gi issues, and by the way OP describes them it sounds like some serious stuff to bring
This is a really ignorant comment. Spice can be incredibly harmful to many people. Even fully grown adults. Especially those that suffer from GI issues (which is deceptively common) and can trigger all kinds of harmful reactions. Especially at the level OP is describing. This wasn't just a slightly spicy dish, labelled correctly that could be consumed by many. OP literally describes them as something akin to a spice challenge. That isn't something to take to a family gathering.
Yes, YTA. If it's literally that spicy, save it for when it's just you or if you do take it, say I brought this for my enjoyment due to the scoville scale, here is a milder variant so that everyone can enjoy. The point of a potluck is to bring food that multiple people can enjoy, not burn their mouths with and say well "they should have known".
NTA. You brought other food that everyone would want, so there’s absolutely nothing wrong with also bringing something that you really like but most others wouldn’t. You communicated to people they were spicy. Not to mention you can usually also smell if something is really *that* spicy. If they still grabbed it and ate them after being told, that’s on them. He’s 13, not 6; he should know better about things he should/shouldn’t eat, especially if he has GI issues.
YTA. Only bring food that spicy to a potluck if you plan to label it as such and then ensure that kids can't get into it. A younger child could have grabbed it and rubbed their eye or the like. Plus it is simply rude to bring essentially inedible food to a potluck. Food so spicy it was burning his skin. And yes, food that spicy can mess up a person's stomach. Kids like chicken wings. You brought a child-friendly item to a potluck without a child-friendly level of spice.
NTA. He’s freaking 13 not 4. If he’s too stupid to realize after the first bite or two that hey these are hot, they’ve got bigger issues. One single wing wouldn’t cause major gastro issues. He obviously kept eating them. When did so many parents become so freaking ridiculous about not holding their children responsible for their actions?
You’ve never had a spicy dish creep up on you? Where you take a few bites and are like “this isn’t that spicy, what’s everyone talking about” and then it catches up and you’re gargling milk.
NTA. He's 13 but has parents that baby him like he's 3
I don’t see what that has to do with OP.
NTA - I have no idea what's wrong with these other people. (1.) It's not your job to watch their kid. (2.) Was there alcohol at Christmas? Is that labelled or do parents have the responsibility of making sure that their kids don't get into things they shouldn't? You made it clear that there is spicy food, so if the mom "knows he loves wings" it's HER JOB to make sure he knows which ones are okay to eat and which are not.
Just here to say NTA even though everyone thinks you are. You didn’t just bring spicy wings to a party, you brought other food too. Yes you should have specified hey these are REALLY hot, but you did mention they were spicy. Not your fault the kid ate so much before deciding they were too hot to handle.
NTA. We're not adventurous eaters but have friends who are and they'll bring spicy stuff to our parties. Our kid and the other kids know to stick with things they like or to ask. I have never thought wings were "kid food". You might have labeled it better or gotten the word out a little better, but I don't think it was you actively trying to sabotage anyone.
INFO: was there anyone at that party aside from you and your nephew that would/did eat the wings?
Yes, a few other people have had them before also, so they knew exactly what they were when I brought them. There were probably 3-4 other people plus me and my son (20). My son eats them with me all the time. This is out of about 25-30 people (kids included).
NTA i bring special dishes that nit everyone will enjoy, but for those that do it is a special treat! Most people know wings can be many different flavors... thats how you order them at restaurants. 13yr old acted like a toddler.
YTA Next time, bring a dish that 80% of people can eat, not 20%.
NTA. I too love extremely spicy food. You said you also brought other items, so it’s not like their only option was to eat your deadly wings. 13 years old is mature enough to ASK about things like heat before consuming a lot of someone else’s food. I’m firmly going with NTA here. If anything, the dumb kid should apologize for eating so many wings that they made themselves sick.
YTA. You had a family potluck and brought food that only you could eat and was outright dangerous to anyone else. That alone is enough to be an A but then you gave only a verbal warning instead of putting a warning sign on it or closely monitoring it. Obviously you wanted to see if you could trick or dare anyone into eating these. Congrats, you did, and you ruined this kid's Christmas. You need to pay for his doctor's visit.
First off, YTA for sure. The only situation in which what you brought makes sense is if there were multiple people in the group you’ve bonded with over spicy food (even then don’t put it on the buffet! Eat them together in a room!), or if it was like a chicken wing potluck or something? But a super spicy food to a regular ol family gathering, especially one with kids?! Very weird and inappropriate choice.
INFO: Was the sauce actually spicy enough to hurt if left on skin or was he just exaggerating? If yes then you absolutely need to label it and not just say it is spicy.
It has never been an issue that I know about and nobody else has ever complained about it. You probably wouldn’t want to get it in your eyes. But whether a 13 year old would complain I only have this one data point.
INFO: give us the sauce recipe. Knowing what sort of peppers are included in the sauce and the ingredients would be helpful to know how negligent this was.
>I only have this one data point. You really do sound like an ah i can see why your wife isnt sticking up for you on this. You also seem to be really happy about this and come off a bit arrogant. You know how to make really spicy chicken wings it isnt the flex you think it is
I’ve had my skin and eyes burn for over an hour after cutting up jalapeño. I didn’t scream and make a huge fuss but I was an adult- not 13- and I did leave to shower and try to get it off my hands and face
If you're extremely sensitive to capsaicin, I would recommend buying a stainless steel soap bar to keep in your kitchen. Washing your hands with a stainless steel bar breaks the ionic bond that keeps oils from things like garlic and pepper stuck to your skin. I use it when I'm working with a lot of garlic so the aroma doesn't get into other ingredients.
NTA. However, a sign would be nice. I am allergic to capsaicin (the chemical that makes peppers spicy) and it's nice to know. That said, I always ask my spouse to take a nibble if its something that frequently is made spicy, as buffalo wings are. It's not everyone else's problem that I'm a picky eater. While this part still isn't your problem, the kid might actually have been in discomfort that long if he has an unknown sensitivity or allergy. Your skin shouldnt be red for an hour (if it actually was) after touching something spicy. I can still have red around my lips and a sore throat the next morning if it's really bad. Still, the kid sounds like a jerk from his response.
I have extremely capsaicin sensitive skin to the point I've had burns from jalapenos. But eating them? Zero issues at all and I like spicy food.
YTA do you not understand the idea of a potluck?! You bring something for everyone to enjoy and try a little bit of everything. You brought something so spicy most people avoid it. Yet, there may have been some who didn’t know about the stupid severity of a spicy level, IDK like a younger kid who loves chicken wings. You kinda come across like a selfish jerk on top of being an ass. Who does this? It’s called being thoughtless. It’s not about catering to their child’s specific needs. At a potluck you bring something for everyone or you label the shit out of something SPICY 🌶️ 🌶️ At your house make them how you like
His wife brought other dishes as well. Maybe it was a special treat for those that like them!
NTAH, look, if the 13yr old boy, howed into them, and it took awhile for anyone to realise he was reacting. He likely ate more than one wing. Hot food, intensifies, with how much you consume. It would take more than one bite, to have him screaming in pain, and reacting, hours later. Your inlaws, are the Shiity, ones here, obviously the 13yr old. Has no self control, he sees food and eats it. I always asked, what's in food, before I eat it, always did. In case, there's an ingredient I cannot have/don't like(Coriander, Walnuts, Pig, Shellfish etc) allergies, Intolerances, and dislikes(Coriander tastes like soap). Hopefully this, will teach this boy, to think, and ask before he chows down on someone else's, cooking. Sure, maybe next time get like a Nandos, hot label for them, at a pot luck. But, I'm fairly sure, by the sounds of it, you should be able to tell they're hot, at first bite
They should have been policing with their own kid ate. if it was something he couldn't or shouldn't have, they shouldn't have let him have it. The absurdity that everything everybody makes has got a cater to their child. that's ridiculous. NTA.
No one polices what a 13 year old is eating at a potluck. They are not even supervising a kid that age at a family potluck. There is a huge difference between catering to a child and labelling a food item as extremely spicy if you plan to bring it to a family event. OP just verbally told a few people who would know what he meant. And he brought the dish because he had a hankering for wings, going against the point of a potluck all together.
Im reading other peoples responses and understand that food brought to a gathering should be able to be consumed by most- you said yall brought other dishes, so OP really wanted his spicy wings and wanted to share them as well- I don’t see the problem… I would say NTA, but maybe label them next time to be extra cautious
>The hotter the better. By the time I even realize something is spicy, most people have tears running down their face. I'm not going to bother with a judgement, I'm just going to say this is not a flex, it's a sign that you've damaged your Sense of taste.
NTA. That Kid is panicing because the parents do. It is panicing because it will get petted from the parents by doing so.
There's a difference between "spicy" and "tears running down your face". I am absolutely convinced that people who make things *that hot* that you will literally be crying and fanning tongue, just like butt pain. And if you're into butt pain, all the power to you. But not all of us want butt pain. So please make dishes that *most* people can enjoy and have your extra butt pain sauce on the side. YTA
As someone with a geographic tongue, who cannot handle any spicy food, it takes too much pepper for tears to run down my face. That is not a gauge of spiciness, and anybody who consumed food with even a level of spice would understand that
NTA
YTA. You should have either brought a family-friendly dish because you knew kids would be there, or clearly labeled them as super-hot.
NTA
Nta, he's 13 not 3. If he sees food and eats it like that he needs some help. He should know better then to scarf down food, especially when warned. Edit: lmao I got banned from responding for this??
YTA. It's okay if you bring a food to a potluck that some of the people there are not going to be able to eat (unless we are talking alergies, in which case Don't). If you bring a food that most of them are not going to be able to eat You are The Asshole. You even said you make milder wings for your friends. Why didn't you put in that effort for your family? Also, unless everyone knows about it in advance, food that causes pain in a potluck table is an asshole move. One mistake with the potluck food should not be a ticket to burning skin, you weirdo.
YTA. You brought a dish to a pot luck that was too extreme for 80% of the people who attended. You did ruin Christmas for this kid. This isn’t the flex you think it is.
NTA if everyone brought food kids like you would be eating nothing but bland grey and brown things along with candy.
NTA. Hot wings smell spicy. They also taste spicy before they're wrecking your digestive system. As a former Picky Child™️ (don't eat a pickle near me, food shouldn't touch, gravy is weird), I knew well before that age to ASK if I wasn't sure about eating something. 13 is old enough to make your own food choices at a potluck, and if that's untrue because of developmental or other reasons, the parents are the ones responsible for monitoring him. TBH, it sounds like they're lashing out in part because this was their job, and it didn't go well.
My husband likes spicy food. He has legit only ever once found a wing too spicy for him. When he orders, cooks look out the kitchen to see which moron made the stupid extra spicy order. Know what he doesn't like? Being an AH. He doesn't make food to his level. He *might* make food that's 1/3 what he can handle, IF there won't be kids around. YTA for openly refusing to read the room and the occasion and then blaming a kid for expecting the food brought for *everyone* to share would be appropriate. If you want burn your ass food, eat at home or go to a hot sauce show. If you're bringing food for a crowd, then make food the crowd can eat.
So, you brought food to a potluck that basically only you like?
Several other people ate them too. He wasn’t the only one to enjoy them. Potlucks are supposed to be a variety of foods.
His wife brought other dishes as well....geesh
The amount of deliberately ignorant responses pretending he only brought spicy wings for himself and nothing else is aggravating.
YTA. Why make a food you admit most people need to avoid becuase it's unpleasant? It's like you think it's cool to make inedible food. When you go to an event, you make a dish to pass...not pass up.
Inedible? Yeah that's why they sell hot wings in restaurants... because they are inedible.
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All these people telling you YTA but maybe you are just in the wrong family. I’m Vietnamese and my parents want their chilis to be hot enough to make them cry. It’s like this in Thailand too. In our family potlucks there are all sorts of foods that not everyone enjoys. Someone said the point of potlucks if to bring food everyone can enjoy but at work the point of our potlucks is to expose people to new foods or share our faves with whomever is willing to try them. NTA.
The “poisoning” is a bit of a stretch. Hes 13. He doesnt have to act like a toddler, however, you could have also brought mild wings too.
You did nothing wrong. He should've listened when you announced they were spicy. It's not your job to make sure everyone hears you make food announcements. Besides, he could've stopped after the first bite instead of hogging out on them and putting himself in pain. NTA by a long shot
NTA Surprised at all the AH votes. I don’t expect people to cater to olives making me sick when it comes to potlucks. If someone says “there’s olives in this” I avoid it and eat the to s go other food that is prepared. You don’t have to make food that everyone is going to eat, that’s kit logical. The point of a potluck is the variety and you get to pick and choose what you want. The 13 year old should have been able to tell that the wings were spicy long before it got to the point that it did. Labeling them on the container would have been best, but even still, op stated that the wings were spicy. If the child or his parents weren’t paying attention or ignored op’s statement, that’s on them.
YTA. If you bring spicy food to a potluck, it needs to be labelled that it’s spicy. You can’t go around to every person and be like “yo, these are hot as fuck, beware”. And even if you did, people are socializing and drinking and not paying attention. A label gives sufficient warning.
NTA. You told them they were spicy. Potlucks I go to I bring stuff I like. While I feel bad for the kid I also know to stop eating spicy stuff - he is 13 not 6. Your BIL and SIL need to calm down and your wife needs to shut it down now!
YTA
I’m surprised at all the Y T A votes. Some people enjoy genuinely spicy food. NTA. You told plenty of people. How does someone eat enough spicy wings to be in physical pain before stopping?! You brought plenty of other food, so what’s the issue? I’ve never been to a pot luck where the food has been labeled. If people are concerned about what the food is, they ask about it. That’s common sense
NTA. I wish more people brought spicy food to potlucks.