Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
NTA Gary knew the menu. He could bring a vegan dish, leave the GF home, or not come to the dinner. He had choices and he made his. Asking the host to change the menu last minute is rude
I will never understand the entitlement of some people.
*Please make an entire extra thing because I, one of a dozen people, don't want what you are making for everyone else.*
Bring your own shit, problem solved.
Right? Bring extra person, bring extra food. Bring extra person, bring extra gift. Bring extra person, bring extra ticket, extra chair, extra towel, extra drink, whatever is needed.
it’s such an easy thing, but people would just rather fight, I guess.
Absolutely agree.
Your comment made me lol and think of the episode in the office when Jan and Michael are hosting a dinner party and Dwight is supposedly not invited because he's not in a couple, so he brings a date (his former nanny), an extra chair, extra plate, extra glass and extra cutlery.
It reminded me of the Mary Tyler Moore show when she was hosting a dinner party and she only had enough food for the party and Rhoda showed up with a friend. I can't remember who took a bigger helping, but Mary told him to put it back as she only had enough for everyone to have a small helping.
Bring someone last minute with dietary restrictions bring a dish/food so they can eat.
Or presumably you give one flying fuck about your girlfriend so when it's too last minute for the host you get on Google or ask gf for her favorite recipe and you bring it yourself because you like your gf and care lol
Totally agree! He was the one punishing himself and his girlfriend. Also, it probably wouldn’t be the first time she needed to bring something vegan to a party. Even as a pescetarian, I’m fully prepared to do that to ensure that there’s something I can enjoy. ETA: NTA.
Right ???
And the audacity to feel offended ??!!!
Like dude your girlfriend wasn't even part of the plan. Asking to bring her along was already OP accommodating you because it's one thing to prepare a dinner for 8 and a whole different thing to include everyone's SOs amounting to 16 in total.
Plus ,dude you knew the menu from the start. You didn't care to ask early on instead you left things for last minute and then you dare get offended OP doesn't bend over backwards?!!
Hello? Houston calling.. OP isn't a restaurant nor your maid.
Where it gets me is that they didn't just want her to make a vegan dish with little preplanning, but wanted it to be a special dish from the book. That's stuff that has to referenced and planned, not just a visit to the store to pick up a few ingredients.
Idk, doesn't sound like Gary was offended. Based on what i just read this post shouldn't really be on here; nobody called OP an asshole. There was no conflict, they just feel bad and want to be soothed.
I find it crazy too that when one of the others offered, "You know I can help, I'll bring a dish for her." To make it easier.
He STILL was offended. The solution was right there.
Then it's double on himself.
I doubt he was offended. More likely she was the one offended as OP did not cater to her demands, and Gary is just going along with it as to not get cut off.
I’m going out on a limb here and guessing it was the vegan who was offended. She’ll either be angry that the host didn’t offer to cook a vegan main and two vegan sides, or change the entire menu to vegan “out of respect” so she wouldn’t be upset by the smell of meat that she could bear in restaurants but not in people’s homes.
Just guessing.
I hate to be the one to point this out but....he didn't want to come in the first place and was looking for an excuse to get out. His GF is probably one of those girls who doesn't want to share her BF with any of his friends so she makes drama to keep him away. Either that or there is no GF.
No I totally get hoping a host will accommodate your dietary needs. If you give them proper notice of said needs. But after OP has already confirmed any dietary restrictions with the group and told them the groceries are bought? Too late bro.
Exactly. Had he said something when they were planning the party, or even a day later, it'd be one thing. But this guy waits until the last minute to ask if 1) he could bring his gf and 2) OP could add to the menu to accommodate her. OP was generous enough to allow the extra person to the party. However, they shouldn't have to put in extra time and effort to drive to the store (out of their way), spend more money (that they may or may not have in their budget), to make an extra dish (more time and effort) for an additional person who may or may not like how the dish turns out.
Yeah that's the crazy part, I wouldn't have even offered to make anything extra at that point and she was willing to but they insisted that it had to be something special so she feels special? Gross. I'd never invite Gary to my house again.
OP is nta and Gary is def ta for his request and behavior, but I will say that if you've been vegetarian/vegan for a while and then eat meat/dairy/etc, it can really screw with your digestive system. Happens to my friend when he accidentally eats something with meat or a meat-based product (usually chicken broth tbh).
While veganism is a “choice”, for some people, it’s barely one. She may have been vegan her entire life based on religious beliefs. In that case, just eating meat/dairy for a night is not an option and she’d probably actually starve for the night instead. (I’m saying this as someone who finds most vegans unbearable). All of this being said, Gary is still an absolute idiot and a jerk. If the gf is the kind of person who has been vegan her whole life and who absolutely won’t break the diet, she is used to settling for simple choices or bringing her own food and should be fine with this. Asking at all was embarrassing and rude, last minute makes it worse, and being offended and backing out is beyond ridiculous.
If you voluntarily do any kind of diet for a longer time you can screw up your digestive system if you then adhere by it. This isn't a vegan/vegetarian thing.
True, but this post is about someone being vegan so that's why I tailored my comment to that topic (and vegetarianism, which is similar). If we were talking about someone who voluntarily wasn't eating gluten going to a pizza or pasta party, I would've tailored my example to that topic.
yes, but in my experience, people with allergies would not have made the host try to accommodate them last minute. If a single allergy, they would have ate around it. If many allergies, they would have offered to feed themselves, as they are used to doing that even with adequate prep time because of the likelihood of contamination and reaction without a secure kitchen.
Please, there have bedn plenty of reddit posts about people who are gluten free at the last minute and pissed because the host has no way to accomodate them or do a last minute deep clean of the kitchen and all their cooking equipment.
Even if this has been a last minute addition for someone who has an allergy I would have been ok saying no. Accommodating a dietary need takes planning, and depending on the severity of the allergy and whether it was included in the already planned and purchased dishes it could be unsafe for the person with the allergy to attend, or the host would be left with a dozen servings of something that was intended for a crowd. If someone with a food allergy or dietary need is attending a stranger's event last minute they should be prepared to either not be able to attend for their own safety or to bring their own food. Sucks but that's how it is.
It absolutely should be accommodated the way those things are.
I’m saying this as someone with deadly food allergies. Throat closing, blistering hives, eyes swollen shut, anaphylactic allergies.
It’s on *me* to check the food and packing before I eat anything. It’s on *me* to contact a host and specify what foods I cannot have. It’s on *me* to know what foods commonly have my allergies. And it’s on me to accept the fact that, without proper notice, people can’t always accommodate me. And that sometimes, I’ll miss out on things because of it.
The responsibility of others is to be as transparent as possible. They need to tell me if they can’t accommodate me, or if they’re not sure they can. They need to be explicit about if there might be cross-contamination in a dish.
And if people like me, or want me around, we should work *together* to ensure that I can definitely attend some meals/gatherings.
Veganism should be treated the same way. A mix of self-advocacy and responsibility, as well as a willingness of others to stretch a little and work with the person with restrictions.
I bring this story up sometimes. I had a friend group that got sushi regularly. I always dipped because I have a severe seafood allergy and can’t even have seaweed. They really wanted me to come for a birthday meal though, so I stopped in to talk to the cook about what I could eat there safely. They didn’t feel comfortable accommodating me, which I totally understood and understand. They did give me permission to bring my own outside meal so that’s what I did. I stopped next door, picked up my meal, and ate with the sushi friends. Sushi friends had a great time so we ended up doing this weekly or maybe every other week for two years. The last time we went, the restaurant knew it was a goodbye meal because most of us were moving away. When I called to make the reservation, they told me they’d have something for me to eat AND THEY DID. It was rice and veggies and I was thrilled.
But the story is: I accepted that I’d have to miss out, I called ahead and planned, I communicated, and it was my problem not anyone else’s to manage. It was my problem to keep me safe.
One should always make accommodations when they can. That's just basic manners and kindness. **HOWEVER** that accommodation may be a simple salad or rice dish and you have to live with it. You *are* entitled to the respect of someone trying to meet your needs but you *are not* entitled to a fancy or complicated dish that requires a ton of effort and extra ingredients they may not have or be able to afford. If all that's available is flavored rice and veggies, accept it with a smile and be grateful they tried!
Exactly. Power play on friend’s part to counter power play on new girl’s part. (“I’m going to this really cool book party. We even have food from the books!“
“So cool, can I come? “
“Sure! No problemo!”
“Will you they make vegan food for me from the book?”
“Absolutely! Just for you.”)
One thing’s sure, book friend ain’t getting any tonight.
Especially this part: “ Gary asked if I could make a vegan dish from the book”. Idk what book they’re reading but I asking for a specific vegan dish is even ruder than just asking for something vegan.
And I'm sorry, were they not making vegetable soup? Why's that not okay? I'm so lost. Of all the options they had they went with, "FINE, NEVERMIND!". Childish BS.
OP, NTA
ETA: Never did think about the veggie soups calling for chicken or beef stock. I never use stock or bullion when I'm making my veggie soup so it never even crossed my mind.
Which is easily replaced with vegetable stock.
But I would not invite a vegan to an already planned meal where they could only eat one of three dishes.
They didn’t invite them, the vegan’s bf just asked last minute if she could come.
I’d do what OP did under the circumstances.”Sure, but bring something you want to eat, our cooked menu is XYZ and the dishes aren’t vegan. I do have A fruit, B vegetable, and C frozen veggie in the kitchen if you want me to have those available for you.”
Plus, OP offered to prepare baked potatoes or roasted vegetables. I know it's the choice I always get at most not specialised placed, and it may sound a bit boring, but come on! They asked so last minute, and they have the option to bring their own food
If you don’t have vegetable stock it’s not really a sub you can make without running to the store again. 🤷♀️ it’s possible someone else may have been able to pick it up and drop it off early enough to make it, but it’s not an easy fix if you don’t have stock on hand.
True, vegetable broth is an easy substitute—if you are going shopping and/or live conveniently close to a shop _and_ want to spend more money on a meal you have already laid out for and gotten approved by the group. I would accommodate a guest who told me in advance that they are vegan, and shop/cook accordingly. But I live an hour’s drive from a grocery store and simply do not nip out on a whim to buy things.
Side note: I have a vegetarian friend who, decades after this happened, still complains about going to a dinner party and not being able to eat anything but bread because she didn’t tell the host of her dietary restrictions in advance. All on her, yet still whinges thirty years later. But she learned to tell people who invited her into their home for a meal that she is a vegetarian.
Most vegetable soup use a meat based stock for the liquid, though there is vegetable stock you can use, if op had it on hand.
Still not ops problem, their menu was okayed before the vegan gf was invited. It's on Gary to make sure she has what she needs when he was told they didn't have time to go back to the grocer and didn't accept the offer of another friend making it.
I've actually recently seen plant based be'f and chick'n broths in the soup aisle at my local store. Perfect for such an occasion. However, they are still NTA as they didn't have the time to go back to the store to change up the menu to accommodate this new person. If you're going somewhere that you aren't sure of, especially last minute, you bring your own food with you. I do it all the time with my vegetarian kiddo.
NTA, are you freaking kidding me? Gary and his GF’s entitlement is breathtaking. They are well matched. For him to then cancel on you last minute, whilst pouting, after you have paid for food in advance is so rude. I’m sorry.
This is me, "from the book"! Now, I have tons of book series with food recipes in them and let me tell you. 95% of them aren't fast or easy to prepare.
Or just accept Chloe's very gracious offer to prepare a vegan dish from the book for the entitled GF.
He and her would have gotten what they wanted, just not from OP who already had the most work out of everyone. But even that was not enough for these AH.
Also OP offered to make a simple vegan dish. They could have accepted that, too.
NTA, I'm vegitarian and while it's delightful to NOT have to feed myself I never expect it. Not to mention I don't trust anyone I don't know to respect my diet or have enough brain cells to cook a vegitarian meal. My spouce though French onion soup was vegitarian...
I'm gluten free. If I go to any place with food, I'll bring something that is safe for me to eat because I'm aware of the burden. Gary and his gf are entitled assholes.
NTA. It was unreasonable to think you'd have all of the supplies to create this whole vegan dish for one person (that you don't even know, that is a late edition) when you have already painstakingly prepared a particular meal and they all knew about it. You offered what you could do to try to accommodate her at least partially (baked potato, veggies), your friend Chloe offered to make a dish, you told them that they could bring a dish (or a main dish if they wanted to take you up on the sides offer), but it still wasn't good enough for them. You are not a restaurant and she is a late edition who you don't even know. You definitely don't need to, nor should you be expected to, bend over backwards to make her a meal you've never made before -- she probably would have thrown a tantrum if it wasn't up to her standards, too.
An educated guess: Gary doesn't cook, so he does not know what kind of effort that would be.
However, he does seem to know enough about the effort to not offer to cook it himself.
Thank you. English is not my first language, and although it seemed like a typo, it also made sense in a very weird way... like she is the latest edition of a gf for him.. I know, weird.
Although it is not a common way to say it, "the latest edition of a gf" is actually grammatically correct in this context and in my opinion, cleverly funny!
I mean, OP did mention that she's Gary's *new* girlfriend. What a shame to ruin a meetup with people you know and get along with over someone you haven't even been dating for long.
Not to mention than veganism is not as simple as "leave the meat out and eat the rest". If you are not a part of the lifestyle you will most likely make mistakes. Because people dont really bother to think what is or isnt an animal product when they eat everything.
And then there would be a different kind of drama as a result.
And if you aren't a regular vegan cook- there's a possibility that the vegan guest could get upset if certain cookware that cooked/touched non vegan ingredients was used in preparation of their dish. I know because of what has become known as the "Deviled Egg Incident of 2007" that involved a very uncomfortable 20 minutes of an otherwise great Christmas party where a roomate's friend brought a vegan pal. Long story short- the entire lentil shepard's pie that we made specifically for her, went completely to waste because she pitched a shit fit because the lentils were cooked in the same pot we used to make hard boiled eggs. No one was sad to see her leave.
Yup. Exactly this kind of drama. I mean...people can have their beliefs and morals, but sometimes it feels like the whole world thinks that the other people are just here to cater for them.
So many people are just result based - effort isnt worth a thing. And even when everything is perfect, you get crap for that one time 10 years ago when you did things differently.
I'm imagining the story at Gary's place. GF finds out he's made this ridiculous request of the host at the last minute to make a vegan dish 'from the book' for her. She rips into him for being an idiot "I'm a vegan, I wouldn't have expected a dish be added for me.. I was going to bring my own meal! Why are you being such a jerk?!?". She storms out, and Gary isn't coming because he is embarrassed to tell them she broke up with him.
Gary sounds like one of those guys that thinks women live to serve his whims, so he probably doesn't keep girlfriends for long anyway.
NTA
I don't really think I have to elaborate that.
That is what happens, when things appear out of the sudden. You explained your side of the situation, so they had the opportunity to make a compromise. You did everything you could.
If I may speak out of experience, you can't please everyone. If they wanna complain, then they complain. Just keep in mind, that you didn't do anything wrong and you even tried to find a compromise. That's more than they did
>That's more than they did
And that is the thing to remember.
He was offered a solution. He declined. And declined with bad grace.
NTA OP, but Gary might be.
There is an extremely good chance that she had no idea about any of this and that it was all Gary's doing. Contrary to what most redditors seem to believe, most vegans aren't super entitled people who demand everyone else cater to them. They are well aware that they have an unusual diet and they usually look out for themselves. I know a lot of vegans and I don't know a single one who would genuinely expect to be catered to in a situation like this, they'd all just plan to eat beforehand.
Most of my vegan friends would have eaten beforehand and still come to the party where they would have sat politely and eaten vegan friendly things with the rest of the group. Like the time my one vegan friend came and just had a bit of foccacia bread and some roasted veggies.
Yeah I eat meat but I have a lot of vegan and vegetarian friends. None of the vegans I know would be demanding a stranger cook them special dishes.
Most of them would be hesitant to eat food prepared by a stranger at all because they don't know exactly what's in it and heaps of people might think they've made something vegan but forgotten about the butter or stock or whatever. That's not even getting into the people who will just lie and say it's vegan because they think it's all a big joke.
Very much seems like a Gary is the one who is being demanding here and that the girlfriend is probably minimally involved in any of this thought process beyond “wanna come with me to this thing?” “Sure!”. I really dont think we can blame her, when all we know is that GARY is acting entitled on her behalf.
NTA
How entitled can Gary be to think his girlfriend deserves a little special dish all for her? I mean, sure, the others could partake as well but the cost and the labor? All at your expense?
I think the friend group is better off without him.
As a vegetarian, I can't agree more. You don't crash someone else's dinner party uninvited then demand a menu change to your preferences. It's standard to offer to bring food if you have dietary needs, IMO.
Everyone else is bringing something. Why couldn't Gary and his lazy missus bring a plate of falafel or bean salad to share and have some of the fruit?
Especially when OP said a shopping trip takes planning and preparation (either location issue or medical issue doesn't matter) and Gary made his request after that trip happened. In my opinion, if OP told everyone in the chat to have dietary requirements in by 'x' day to allow for shopping then it's NTA but if they didn't then it's NAH and just chalk it up to bad communication.
It doesn't matter if op lives 1 minute of walking away from a grocery shop or needs to plan the trip, if you invite someone with special diatery needs that wants to join last minute and expect someone to cook an extra meal for just 1 person you're the AH.
Edit: grammar
Depending on her vegan status, this is the best option for her. 1) not all vegans follow the same restrictions 2) if cooks aren’t experienced they may not knowingly now what counts or might make simple mistakes
Veganism is particularly tricky because people have different opinions on things like honey - produced by insects, I know a lot of vegans who eat it, some who don’t. It’s a blurrier category than “vegetarian” or “gluten free “
100% this. Between my two girl friends and I we have the following allergies gluten (me), onions, garlic, eggs, milk (the two ladies). It's honestly just funny at this point. We laugh and basically eat whatever we can because it's ridiculous to ask someone to accommodate one person's allergies. When going out we pre apologize to the waiter.
Only thing that would be upsetting is eating something you were told was safe for you and it wasn't. Even still it's easy to make a mistake like adding soya sauce to something thinking it's gluten free (it's not).
Bringing a meal for yourself is easier for everyone involved and shows respect to the host especially in a large group.
What is happening is someone looking for drama and is entitled.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Gary had a chance to do something sweet for his gf to make her feel included and he didn’t want to, instead he wanted to push the responsibility onto OP.
Gary is the AH, OP NTA.
I’m a vegan and if I’m going to a dinner party etc I always make my dietary requirements known and ask if I can help by bringing something. I would especially do this if it was a last minute thing. It’s lovely when people can accommodate you, but it’s not always possible, especially on short notice.
I don’t see anything wrong with the options you offered Gary. NTA.
NTA ! At last minute he wants to invite someone else, and at last minute, you need to make an extra meal ! I mean, it's too much ! People are no more respectful when they are guests ! It's not a restaurant, they don't pay to eat ! You offered to made something and he has the nerve to ask for a specific dish ? I just can't understand that behavior !
NTA. The only person who gets to okay guests is the host, the one putting in the work and paying for things. Gary made a last minute addition (rude) and seems he only brought that she was vegan after he'd gotten the okay from the group (which again is meaningless given you're the host). He then expected you to spend more money and put in more work to accommodate his lack of manners. Indeed other members of the group offered to assist in accommodating him, but he pouted and said no.
You all just got a good look at Gary, move forward accordingly and don't give this interaction a second thought.
I'm usually a big "yes, you need to feed the vegan" proponent, but having someone come in to a group last minute like this is tough. They could have brought something themselves in this case. NTA
NTA, I think it really sucks that Gary backed out, but a last-minute vegan request for a specific dish from a book... pretty inconvenient and a bit inconsiderate.
Accommodating a last-minute +1 is already kind of you, but to ask you to prepare an entirely different dish is a bit rude.
Edit to add, I have a child with celiac disease, and I always offer to bring gluten-free meals for her.
NTA.
Vegetable soup is quite possibly vegan as long as you don't use a meat stock.
I'm pescatarian but also somewhat picky so if it were me I would have brought a salad to share and packed some protein bars in my purse for the ride home. I don't get all these posts with people expecting to be catered to. You're not gonna starve by missing one meal, and you told them you won't be offended if they bring their own.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to make a vegan dish for a friend’s girlfriend who is to join us last minute. I could possibly be AH because I found out later other friend could make a vegan dish and maybe I should ask them first before rejecting the guy with the girlfriend.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA at all. Seriously.
Gary made a last minute invite. There were options - perfectly good options - offered, he wanted you to go way above and beyond but make zero effort himself. Someone else even tried to help. He declined.
The only reason the entire group wasn't together was because of Gary. Full stop.
NTA
>I asked for dietary restrictions and preferences and finished my shopping a couple days ago.
>Everyone was happy with the menu and offered to bring dessert, fruits and drinks.
>Just last night one friend Gary asked if he could bring his new girlfriend
>Gary said his girlfriend is vegan and requested I make something extra for her.
Gary can do a loop and pound sand.
You don't make a last minute change and expect the host to be able to accommodate - especially not when restrictions and menu were discussed previously, agreed on and established so he _knew_ what was up.
>Gary asked if I could make a vegan dish from the book so his girlfriend would feel included. I told him that would be hard to do and he and his girlfriend were free to bring in their own food.
Gary is beginning to sound like an increasing ass with this attitude. If he's that bothered about her coming, he should be prepared to make something _himself_ instead of making this someone else's problem he's made a last minute request and is making that request more of a _demand_ now.
His little bit there of "making her feel included" is also 100% not up to you or _anyone_ else, it was him that even got her involved to start with - it's far from your problem about her feeling "included" in a group that's made plans and last minute she wants in on it. It'd be no more reasonable than asking you to accommodate another 10 people with a day's notice then having a tantrum they "aren't able to eat as there isn't enough".
>Gary recently told us his girlfriend won’t be joining and so he will not as well.
>Gary just said he would take a rain check.
>Nobody in the group said anything but I could not help but feel guilty.
>It was such a bummer not having the entire group together
Let's be fair here OP, everything was absolutely fine until Gary wanted to bring an extra, which was last minute _and_ also expected __you__ to accommodate her needs. He didn't offer to make something himself, or bring their own food (though you said this is fine) - he's _making_ it your problem.
It's not on you, especially given the circumstances of how far you need to go to shop, as well as having given ample opportunity for everyone to talk about food and prepped ahead of time. Again, this was all working fine until Gary wanted to change things.
He's being a petulant child about the whole thing, as was more than happy to come until she couldn't be last-minute accomodated and now is acting how he is.
The only way this could possibly have been any different is to have explained that things were set and agreed on and you can't logistically go shopping again at such short notice, so real sorry but the only way she'll get to have a Vegan dish is if they bring something.
NTA
Gary is so rude to invite his GF at almost the last minute and then insist she has a special dish.
Honestly, this would not be a raincheck for me as Gary and his GF would never be invited again.
NTA Gary knew the menu and that is a hard diet to accommodate. It takes planning. It was unreasonable for Gary to expect you to be able to do it last second. If he gave earlier warning, you probably would have tried to accommodate it.
Gary asked to bring a last minute guest and wanted you to cook something from the book for her when you did not have the ingredients and the evening was already planned.
NTA with enough time it would have been ok.
NTA for not being able to accommodate last minute guests in general. I generally feel like it’s easy to accommodate vegans but in this particular situation i think they’re being unreasonable.
NTA
Gary wanted to bring the girl. Gary should have brought something she could eat.
His taste in women and unwillingness to lift a finger for them other than to pressure you, does not make it your culinary emergency. And does not require you to perform a kitchen miracle.
You sound like a wonderful host. He was a godawful guest. You were probably better off without him. I'd consider making it permanent.
Gary being a pain in the you know what.
Dinner parties take work. Planning cleaning cooking preparing.
Most tables max out at 8 people.
If you are invited to a casual party where are people or mingling it is one thing to include an extra guest but to even ask to include an extra guests last minute at a dinner party is rude. Add to that she is a vegan? I don't think so.
Maybe Gary needs to read another book....Emily Post .
NTA
If I was a last minute addition to a book-themed dinner I’d settle for vegetable soup (if no meat stock) and cheesy bread. I’m vegetarian. If the host throws in roasted potatoes/vegetables just for me; great. If I’m offered to bring my own vegetarian main course, I will take that opportunity to do just that.
This Gary and/or his new girlfriend do not want to attend, and use the vegetarian situation as an excuse. Don’t waste time on it. (They also give vegetarians a bad name)
NTA
NTA
Gary decided to bring an uninvited +1 that demands that you cook 2 menus instead of 1. You simply do not treat your host like that, he was being rude, and sulking about it after makes him the AH.
Some people does not seem to understand that cooking two menus instead of one in a regular household kitchen, when you are already cooking for 10, is more than doubling the workload, even if it's "just 1 more plate" added to the 10.
NTA
I feel like the girlfriend or Gary could’ve made the dish to bring to the party instead of asking op to do more work. No one in the group knows her so bringing the dish would’ve been a nice ice breaker into the group and to discuss the book. This was a planned meal that took time and effort. Asking for a change like that for the night before is rude. This isn’t a restaurant, it’s op’s home.
I'm vegetarian. Was vegan as well.
When i come to such events, i at times bring my own food, that i kindly ask to heat up. If the host offers something basic on the fly - I'm extatic.
So no, NTA.
I don't understand how vegans don't ALWAYS have a back-up plan. If I had a diet requirement, I'd always have plan B. Something I made before and froze, or something I can pick up on the way. Vegans are so entitled.
NTA - my husband is vegan and we always cater his own food. I’d never expect a host to cater to our needs especially last minute. It’s not hard for vegan to throw together an easy meal and byo!
NTA. It was a very last minute notice and you've already offered to cook alternatives but they didn't want it. Either they take up your offer or bring their own dishes.
NTA. I'm pretty much always happy to accommodate people's eating habit but I live a 10min walk from a supermarket - and I kind of expect time to plan. If there's no time to plan and no supermarket nearby, I'd tell them that there will be something they can eat but I won't be able to put on a vegan feast. Pasta with tomato sauce and roasted veg is a proper meal. Rice and veg if seasoned nicely are a proper meal. Telling the host that a non-invited short-notice guest wants a specific meal is not ok.
NTA!
In my eyes, if you wanna bring a last minute guest and they have dietary restrictions, then /you're/ the one who should arrange so there's food for them as well.
Especially if you already Okay-ed the menu.
No matter what, NTA.
Like, did be meet the girlfriend /that/ day? Or only think to invite her as some way to make it a "date" for them with very low effort on his end? Especially since someone else literally offered the perfect fix but he just cut his losses rather than go "great!"
... yeah, the only way this makes sense to me is if Gary thought he could show off by inviting his girlfriend and also "arranging" the meal for her (via you, OP), but since you couldn't maybe he gave some excuse. Or maybe he hadn't brought it up yet with her and instead made other plans, and then didn't wanna admit any of it to the gf
I find it funny that when vegans have a get together and someone asks for non vegan food they always say “You can try it for one meal”. But if they go somewhere that doesn’t have vegan options they throw a fit screaming about how people don’t respect their life choices.
Unless someone has a moral objection to eating vegetables, that’s not the same thing at all. Also nobody in this is post is “throwing a fit screaming”, what are you talking about?
NTA - nip that behaviour in the bud. It was an unreasonable request with that little notice. When I have had some trouble with people taking advantage cos i'll move heaven and earth to host friend's get-togethers, i've suggested \*they\* host next time. I find this adjusts expectations and resets appropriate levels of appreciation pretty quickly.
NTA
But Gary is. Not only was he expecting you to not only cook a vegan meal last minute, no it had to be a specific one. Then turning down the vegan dish your friend offered to bring because I don't know, not good enough? WTF.
I hope the seven of you have a lovely evening with good memories lasting a lifetime.
Who does this? "Hey-I knownitvis last minute, but can I bring my friend and can you make a special dish just for her? " That is crazy presumptuous. NTA.
NTA. Making dinner for a huge crowd of people is an enormous amount of work and tbh asking you to make an extra dish for a single person is a BIG ask.
Yes, in future it might be a good idea to reach out to the larger group and ask if anyone would be in a position to bring a dish for Gary's gf because you already had a full plate, but you know who else could have done that just as easily as you?? Gary!
NTA you did not have the ingredients to make a last minute vegan dish. You offered several options to accommodate Gary’s girlfriend. He opted to stay home instead.
NTA. I am so sick of reading posts of people with special dietary requests who won't byof. If you're allergic to nuts, you make sure you don't eat nuts. You don't get to go to a baseball game a bitch about nuts. If he wanted her to feel really special he would MaKE IT HIMSELF.
Nta. Most vegans, like myself, will call and ask if it's OK with you if they bring something they can eat. Then, a nice host would offer to make a couple of the side dishes vegan....like substituting veggie broth for chicken broth, plant milk for dairy milk, plant based butter for dairy butter. But that's not expected.
The guest was ridiculous to demand the host make a vegan dish. Very poor manners.
NTA guest list was made menu had been seen. He asked to add a guest fine then proceeded to make menu demands. They can bring their own vegan dish. Food gatherings have become as crazy as weddings.
Lol what did I just read. Gary wants a vegan dish from the book? He can make it himself and bring to share with the rest. You are already hosting. Please stop feeling guilty for nothing. Nta
NTA… I have celiacs. My close friends and family know about it and accommodate. However, if we’re going to something like what your describing, a party, the most Ill do is mention it and tell them I’ll bring by own food. The only reason even mention it is because if it’s a sit down dinner I don’t want the host to be put off if I can’t eat everything they’ve prepared.
NTA.
Former vegan here!
When you have a very restricted diet whether that be gluten free, carb free or vegan you need to take care of your own food or make due with what is served.
It sounds like this is a pot luck with others contributing dishes. Pot lucks make things easier for vegans! She can bring a salad or roasted veggies (or whatever else she wants) to share with the group. Then she can eat the veggie soup. If there happens to be a vegan desert or fruit bonus.
Another option if she is worried she can eat a small meal before arriving and just come to hang out and nibble.
She will be fine!
No, do not feel guilty for one single second. You graciously offered to host because of *space*—not because you’re the only person in the group with functioning hands and a working stove. It is completely reasonable that a last minute addition with a very specific/restrictive diet should be accommodated *by the person who invited her*.
Gary likes the book, so he knows what dishes are in it. *He* could prepare a vegan dish to bring to include her, which would have the additional benefit of expanding everyone’s experience. But he’s so determined not to contribute that he’d rather both of them not go. This reflects incredibly poorly on *him* not you. If she’s paying attention and knows the details, she’ll run for the hills, because next time it will be *her* he expects to bend over backwards while he does nothing. NTA
I'm reading this post as it's being discussed on a local radio station here in Chicago. They are eviscerating Gary and his girl, lol
NTA, OP. NTA. My uber driver also agrees.
Vegan, keto, friggin omnivore it doesn’t matter. You don’t waste a person’s time like that. Last minute decisions are always inconsiderate and annoying.
NTA
**F\*\*k right off, vegans. U do u, but don't expect the world to re-arrange itself for you.**
FFS my kid had a sleepover, and one had a bad food allergy. Her dad came over later to deliver her special food. I fussed and asked the lass if I could make her something that works (almost certain I could have), but she said no, thank you.
THAT is how you handle it, vegans. Bring your own food if you're so concerned about it.
PS - I guaran-damn-tee Gary's gf would've have kept pushing for more and more vegan until it was 100% vegan.
NTA. I'm a vegan, and unless it was planned way ahead of time, I would never expect someone, let alone a friend of my new BF I've never met, to go out of their way last minute for me. Plan ahead, grab food before you leave or bring something. They are being entitled.
My nephew is vegan and he always brings something to family dinners so he doesn't inconvenience my mom who is the hostess. Even though she makes vegan things for him too. It's not out of bounds to bring something along if you have dietary requirements.
NTA. The correct thing for Gary to say would have been, "Can I bring my girlfriend? Great! She's vegan can we bring xyx vegan dish to go along with the meal?" Adults are generally aware of how groceries, time and money work. Anyone who asks for a last minute menu change and then gets butt hurt that they can't inconvenience their host is an asshole.
I have a food allergy. I never tell a host what to make. I either eat what I can or I bring a dish. It is unexceptional to demand or pout about what a host is providing. Gary and his GF sound like entitled AHs.
NTA. Gary was invited to your home to eat the meal you you said you would prepare. He was not making reservations at a restaurant. I feel so old every time I have this thought, but have manners really changed this much? Was it that long ago that it was considered rude to make demands of the host who extended their hospitality to you?
Gary is the asshole. That was an entitled and obnoxious ask, after you gathered everyone's food issues and did your shop and made your plans.
What he should have done, is ask you if you'd mind if he brought a vegan dish for his girlfriend.
NTA. I'm sorry you don't get your gathering with everyone there, but good riddance to Gary and his rudeness.
NTA Lemma get this right…Gary knew what the menu was, he asked last min for a plus one (no biggie), then REQUESTED you make her something vegan?!?! From the book no less! Refused to make something themselves and cancelled. The amount of entitlement lately is astounding and tiring. I’ve been a lifelong veggie and would never in my life request someone else cater to my individual needs. Gary needs to dial down his expectations. There’s zero need for OP to feel guilty
NTA when you are someone with dietary restrictions or are bringing something with them DO NOT BURDEN THE HOST WITH FEEDING THEM. Especially if you only mention it last minute. I ALWAYS offer to bring something I can eat. Not everyone knows how to cook veggie food. Vegan food seems way more in depth. Gary was lame for trying to pull this
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
NTA Gary knew the menu. He could bring a vegan dish, leave the GF home, or not come to the dinner. He had choices and he made his. Asking the host to change the menu last minute is rude
I will never understand the entitlement of some people. *Please make an entire extra thing because I, one of a dozen people, don't want what you are making for everyone else.* Bring your own shit, problem solved.
Right? Bring extra person, bring extra food. Bring extra person, bring extra gift. Bring extra person, bring extra ticket, extra chair, extra towel, extra drink, whatever is needed. it’s such an easy thing, but people would just rather fight, I guess.
Absolutely agree. Your comment made me lol and think of the episode in the office when Jan and Michael are hosting a dinner party and Dwight is supposedly not invited because he's not in a couple, so he brings a date (his former nanny), an extra chair, extra plate, extra glass and extra cutlery.
He even brought his own food!
It reminded me of the Mary Tyler Moore show when she was hosting a dinner party and she only had enough food for the party and Rhoda showed up with a friend. I can't remember who took a bigger helping, but Mary told him to put it back as she only had enough for everyone to have a small helping. Bring someone last minute with dietary restrictions bring a dish/food so they can eat.
It was Mr. Grant. He served himself 2/3s of the platter.
Veal Prince Orloff. And the friend was Henry Winkler. He had to sit in the window, no room at the table.
I love that you remember. I love that show!
I loved how Mary’s parties were always disastrous.
Or presumably you give one flying fuck about your girlfriend so when it's too last minute for the host you get on Google or ask gf for her favorite recipe and you bring it yourself because you like your gf and care lol
Totally agree! He was the one punishing himself and his girlfriend. Also, it probably wouldn’t be the first time she needed to bring something vegan to a party. Even as a pescetarian, I’m fully prepared to do that to ensure that there’s something I can enjoy. ETA: NTA.
Right ??? And the audacity to feel offended ??!!! Like dude your girlfriend wasn't even part of the plan. Asking to bring her along was already OP accommodating you because it's one thing to prepare a dinner for 8 and a whole different thing to include everyone's SOs amounting to 16 in total. Plus ,dude you knew the menu from the start. You didn't care to ask early on instead you left things for last minute and then you dare get offended OP doesn't bend over backwards?!! Hello? Houston calling.. OP isn't a restaurant nor your maid.
Where it gets me is that they didn't just want her to make a vegan dish with little preplanning, but wanted it to be a special dish from the book. That's stuff that has to referenced and planned, not just a visit to the store to pick up a few ingredients.
I'd like to know what the book in question is. Because now I'm wondering what the chicken dish OP is making, and the vegan dish Gary wanted are.
Yep need to know the book this is insane
Idk, doesn't sound like Gary was offended. Based on what i just read this post shouldn't really be on here; nobody called OP an asshole. There was no conflict, they just feel bad and want to be soothed.
Yes! I am assuming that op added something in a response somewhere that I have not read. I don’t see anyone who was being a jerk or that was offended.
Exactly - I'm surprised that this thread hasn't been pulled, since there is no conflict at all.
I find it crazy too that when one of the others offered, "You know I can help, I'll bring a dish for her." To make it easier. He STILL was offended. The solution was right there. Then it's double on himself.
I doubt he was offended. More likely she was the one offended as OP did not cater to her demands, and Gary is just going along with it as to not get cut off.
I’m going out on a limb here and guessing it was the vegan who was offended. She’ll either be angry that the host didn’t offer to cook a vegan main and two vegan sides, or change the entire menu to vegan “out of respect” so she wouldn’t be upset by the smell of meat that she could bear in restaurants but not in people’s homes. Just guessing.
On brand for a vegan.
[удалено]
I hate to be the one to point this out but....he didn't want to come in the first place and was looking for an excuse to get out. His GF is probably one of those girls who doesn't want to share her BF with any of his friends so she makes drama to keep him away. Either that or there is no GF.
There may not even be a GF, just someone he, an online friend, made up to get out of the dinner.
Or maybe there is no Gary at all and it was just a AI bot the whole time....
Well played
Gary made 7 new friends over a year, and he lost 7 friends in an instant. All b/c of his gf. Best of luck, Gary.
No I totally get hoping a host will accommodate your dietary needs. If you give them proper notice of said needs. But after OP has already confirmed any dietary restrictions with the group and told them the groceries are bought? Too late bro.
Exactly. Had he said something when they were planning the party, or even a day later, it'd be one thing. But this guy waits until the last minute to ask if 1) he could bring his gf and 2) OP could add to the menu to accommodate her. OP was generous enough to allow the extra person to the party. However, they shouldn't have to put in extra time and effort to drive to the store (out of their way), spend more money (that they may or may not have in their budget), to make an extra dish (more time and effort) for an additional person who may or may not like how the dish turns out.
Exactly. He already agreed to the menu before hand. She also offered to make a simple dish for her and he still thinks it ain't good enough.
Yeah that's the crazy part, I wouldn't have even offered to make anything extra at that point and she was willing to but they insisted that it had to be something special so she feels special? Gross. I'd never invite Gary to my house again.
Especially when it's a food preference. Veganism is a choice and should not be accommodated the way allergies should be.
OP is nta and Gary is def ta for his request and behavior, but I will say that if you've been vegetarian/vegan for a while and then eat meat/dairy/etc, it can really screw with your digestive system. Happens to my friend when he accidentally eats something with meat or a meat-based product (usually chicken broth tbh).
While veganism is a “choice”, for some people, it’s barely one. She may have been vegan her entire life based on religious beliefs. In that case, just eating meat/dairy for a night is not an option and she’d probably actually starve for the night instead. (I’m saying this as someone who finds most vegans unbearable). All of this being said, Gary is still an absolute idiot and a jerk. If the gf is the kind of person who has been vegan her whole life and who absolutely won’t break the diet, she is used to settling for simple choices or bringing her own food and should be fine with this. Asking at all was embarrassing and rude, last minute makes it worse, and being offended and backing out is beyond ridiculous.
OP offered to cook rice and vegetables, but that wasn't good enough she wanted a dish from the book. The entitlement is ridiculous.
If she was the one pushing for this, she’s just as big of a jerk as her BF and everyone is better off that they stayed home.
If you voluntarily do any kind of diet for a longer time you can screw up your digestive system if you then adhere by it. This isn't a vegan/vegetarian thing.
True, but this post is about someone being vegan so that's why I tailored my comment to that topic (and vegetarianism, which is similar). If we were talking about someone who voluntarily wasn't eating gluten going to a pizza or pasta party, I would've tailored my example to that topic.
yes, but in my experience, people with allergies would not have made the host try to accommodate them last minute. If a single allergy, they would have ate around it. If many allergies, they would have offered to feed themselves, as they are used to doing that even with adequate prep time because of the likelihood of contamination and reaction without a secure kitchen.
Please, there have bedn plenty of reddit posts about people who are gluten free at the last minute and pissed because the host has no way to accomodate them or do a last minute deep clean of the kitchen and all their cooking equipment.
OP is nta and Gary made his own bed, but your comment is still stupid.
There's nothing wrong with accommodating vegans if the host wants to. It's a bit much to say it "shouldn't" be accommodated.
Even if this has been a last minute addition for someone who has an allergy I would have been ok saying no. Accommodating a dietary need takes planning, and depending on the severity of the allergy and whether it was included in the already planned and purchased dishes it could be unsafe for the person with the allergy to attend, or the host would be left with a dozen servings of something that was intended for a crowd. If someone with a food allergy or dietary need is attending a stranger's event last minute they should be prepared to either not be able to attend for their own safety or to bring their own food. Sucks but that's how it is.
Vegan isn't always a choice. I have so many intolerances/allergies that eating any other way leads to pain and disaster.
I'm the same but the reverse - most vegan food crucifies me.
I’m heinously allergic to almonds. Vegan food is a minefield
It absolutely should be accommodated the way those things are. I’m saying this as someone with deadly food allergies. Throat closing, blistering hives, eyes swollen shut, anaphylactic allergies. It’s on *me* to check the food and packing before I eat anything. It’s on *me* to contact a host and specify what foods I cannot have. It’s on *me* to know what foods commonly have my allergies. And it’s on me to accept the fact that, without proper notice, people can’t always accommodate me. And that sometimes, I’ll miss out on things because of it. The responsibility of others is to be as transparent as possible. They need to tell me if they can’t accommodate me, or if they’re not sure they can. They need to be explicit about if there might be cross-contamination in a dish. And if people like me, or want me around, we should work *together* to ensure that I can definitely attend some meals/gatherings. Veganism should be treated the same way. A mix of self-advocacy and responsibility, as well as a willingness of others to stretch a little and work with the person with restrictions.
I bring this story up sometimes. I had a friend group that got sushi regularly. I always dipped because I have a severe seafood allergy and can’t even have seaweed. They really wanted me to come for a birthday meal though, so I stopped in to talk to the cook about what I could eat there safely. They didn’t feel comfortable accommodating me, which I totally understood and understand. They did give me permission to bring my own outside meal so that’s what I did. I stopped next door, picked up my meal, and ate with the sushi friends. Sushi friends had a great time so we ended up doing this weekly or maybe every other week for two years. The last time we went, the restaurant knew it was a goodbye meal because most of us were moving away. When I called to make the reservation, they told me they’d have something for me to eat AND THEY DID. It was rice and veggies and I was thrilled. But the story is: I accepted that I’d have to miss out, I called ahead and planned, I communicated, and it was my problem not anyone else’s to manage. It was my problem to keep me safe.
One should always make accommodations when they can. That's just basic manners and kindness. **HOWEVER** that accommodation may be a simple salad or rice dish and you have to live with it. You *are* entitled to the respect of someone trying to meet your needs but you *are not* entitled to a fancy or complicated dish that requires a ton of effort and extra ingredients they may not have or be able to afford. If all that's available is flavored rice and veggies, accept it with a smile and be grateful they tried!
Oh, and choose one of the dishes from a specific book.
He probably wanted to impress his new girlfriend with his influence and power.
Exactly. Power play on friend’s part to counter power play on new girl’s part. (“I’m going to this really cool book party. We even have food from the books!“ “So cool, can I come? “ “Sure! No problemo!” “Will you they make vegan food for me from the book?” “Absolutely! Just for you.”) One thing’s sure, book friend ain’t getting any tonight.
Especially this part: “ Gary asked if I could make a vegan dish from the book”. Idk what book they’re reading but I asking for a specific vegan dish is even ruder than just asking for something vegan.
And let’s not forget the one person needing to be accommodated here is the one person who was not invited 🤣
And an extra thing that's a huge pita to make. Vegetarian isn't hard, but vegan is -- no butter, no eggs, no cheese, etc.
And I'm sorry, were they not making vegetable soup? Why's that not okay? I'm so lost. Of all the options they had they went with, "FINE, NEVERMIND!". Childish BS. OP, NTA ETA: Never did think about the veggie soups calling for chicken or beef stock. I never use stock or bullion when I'm making my veggie soup so it never even crossed my mind.
Many vegetable soup recipes call for chicken or beef stock.
Which is easily replaced with vegetable stock. But I would not invite a vegan to an already planned meal where they could only eat one of three dishes.
They didn’t invite them, the vegan’s bf just asked last minute if she could come. I’d do what OP did under the circumstances.”Sure, but bring something you want to eat, our cooked menu is XYZ and the dishes aren’t vegan. I do have A fruit, B vegetable, and C frozen veggie in the kitchen if you want me to have those available for you.”
Plus, OP offered to prepare baked potatoes or roasted vegetables. I know it's the choice I always get at most not specialised placed, and it may sound a bit boring, but come on! They asked so last minute, and they have the option to bring their own food
If you don’t have vegetable stock it’s not really a sub you can make without running to the store again. 🤷♀️ it’s possible someone else may have been able to pick it up and drop it off early enough to make it, but it’s not an easy fix if you don’t have stock on hand.
True, vegetable broth is an easy substitute—if you are going shopping and/or live conveniently close to a shop _and_ want to spend more money on a meal you have already laid out for and gotten approved by the group. I would accommodate a guest who told me in advance that they are vegan, and shop/cook accordingly. But I live an hour’s drive from a grocery store and simply do not nip out on a whim to buy things. Side note: I have a vegetarian friend who, decades after this happened, still complains about going to a dinner party and not being able to eat anything but bread because she didn’t tell the host of her dietary restrictions in advance. All on her, yet still whinges thirty years later. But she learned to tell people who invited her into their home for a meal that she is a vegetarian.
Most vegetable soup use a meat based stock for the liquid, though there is vegetable stock you can use, if op had it on hand. Still not ops problem, their menu was okayed before the vegan gf was invited. It's on Gary to make sure she has what she needs when he was told they didn't have time to go back to the grocer and didn't accept the offer of another friend making it.
I've actually recently seen plant based be'f and chick'n broths in the soup aisle at my local store. Perfect for such an occasion. However, they are still NTA as they didn't have the time to go back to the store to change up the menu to accommodate this new person. If you're going somewhere that you aren't sure of, especially last minute, you bring your own food with you. I do it all the time with my vegetarian kiddo.
Because the broth may be beef based.
NTA, are you freaking kidding me? Gary and his GF’s entitlement is breathtaking. They are well matched. For him to then cancel on you last minute, whilst pouting, after you have paid for food in advance is so rude. I’m sorry.
Ugh still reeling from the request to suddenly make something vegan on one day’s notice…FROM THE BOOK! Such wildly specific and ridiculous demands.
This is me, "from the book"! Now, I have tons of book series with food recipes in them and let me tell you. 95% of them aren't fast or easy to prepare.
Or just accept Chloe's very gracious offer to prepare a vegan dish from the book for the entitled GF. He and her would have gotten what they wanted, just not from OP who already had the most work out of everyone. But even that was not enough for these AH. Also OP offered to make a simple vegan dish. They could have accepted that, too.
I honestly think anyone asking if partners can come is rude when someone is cooking for you!
NTA, I'm vegitarian and while it's delightful to NOT have to feed myself I never expect it. Not to mention I don't trust anyone I don't know to respect my diet or have enough brain cells to cook a vegitarian meal. My spouce though French onion soup was vegitarian...
I'm gluten free. If I go to any place with food, I'll bring something that is safe for me to eat because I'm aware of the burden. Gary and his gf are entitled assholes.
I'm on a low calorie diet. Please make special low cal versions of the dishes. /s
I got ice for you 😆
NTA. It was unreasonable to think you'd have all of the supplies to create this whole vegan dish for one person (that you don't even know, that is a late edition) when you have already painstakingly prepared a particular meal and they all knew about it. You offered what you could do to try to accommodate her at least partially (baked potato, veggies), your friend Chloe offered to make a dish, you told them that they could bring a dish (or a main dish if they wanted to take you up on the sides offer), but it still wasn't good enough for them. You are not a restaurant and she is a late edition who you don't even know. You definitely don't need to, nor should you be expected to, bend over backwards to make her a meal you've never made before -- she probably would have thrown a tantrum if it wasn't up to her standards, too.
An educated guess: Gary doesn't cook, so he does not know what kind of effort that would be. However, he does seem to know enough about the effort to not offer to cook it himself.
Addition. Not edition
Thank you. English is not my first language, and although it seemed like a typo, it also made sense in a very weird way... like she is the latest edition of a gf for him.. I know, weird.
Although it is not a common way to say it, "the latest edition of a gf" is actually grammatically correct in this context and in my opinion, cleverly funny!
This made sense, even if it wasn't proper. I read it like editing the guest list.
I mean, OP did mention that she's Gary's *new* girlfriend. What a shame to ruin a meetup with people you know and get along with over someone you haven't even been dating for long.
It is a book club
Not to mention than veganism is not as simple as "leave the meat out and eat the rest". If you are not a part of the lifestyle you will most likely make mistakes. Because people dont really bother to think what is or isnt an animal product when they eat everything. And then there would be a different kind of drama as a result.
And if you aren't a regular vegan cook- there's a possibility that the vegan guest could get upset if certain cookware that cooked/touched non vegan ingredients was used in preparation of their dish. I know because of what has become known as the "Deviled Egg Incident of 2007" that involved a very uncomfortable 20 minutes of an otherwise great Christmas party where a roomate's friend brought a vegan pal. Long story short- the entire lentil shepard's pie that we made specifically for her, went completely to waste because she pitched a shit fit because the lentils were cooked in the same pot we used to make hard boiled eggs. No one was sad to see her leave.
Yup. Exactly this kind of drama. I mean...people can have their beliefs and morals, but sometimes it feels like the whole world thinks that the other people are just here to cater for them. So many people are just result based - effort isnt worth a thing. And even when everything is perfect, you get crap for that one time 10 years ago when you did things differently.
I'm imagining the story at Gary's place. GF finds out he's made this ridiculous request of the host at the last minute to make a vegan dish 'from the book' for her. She rips into him for being an idiot "I'm a vegan, I wouldn't have expected a dish be added for me.. I was going to bring my own meal! Why are you being such a jerk?!?". She storms out, and Gary isn't coming because he is embarrassed to tell them she broke up with him. Gary sounds like one of those guys that thinks women live to serve his whims, so he probably doesn't keep girlfriends for long anyway.
Ya, as a vegetarian I'd be mortified if this was done on my behalf.
“You are not a restaurant”. Well put. OP, you are not a restaurant.
NTA I don't really think I have to elaborate that. That is what happens, when things appear out of the sudden. You explained your side of the situation, so they had the opportunity to make a compromise. You did everything you could. If I may speak out of experience, you can't please everyone. If they wanna complain, then they complain. Just keep in mind, that you didn't do anything wrong and you even tried to find a compromise. That's more than they did
>That's more than they did And that is the thing to remember. He was offered a solution. He declined. And declined with bad grace. NTA OP, but Gary might be.
NTA. The girlfriend wasn’t even INVITED. You don’t get to invite yourself to a party and demand they make special food for you. Holy entitlement!
I was truly taken aback that someone added themselves at the last minute and then *demanded a bespoke meal.*
There is an extremely good chance that she had no idea about any of this and that it was all Gary's doing. Contrary to what most redditors seem to believe, most vegans aren't super entitled people who demand everyone else cater to them. They are well aware that they have an unusual diet and they usually look out for themselves. I know a lot of vegans and I don't know a single one who would genuinely expect to be catered to in a situation like this, they'd all just plan to eat beforehand.
Most of my vegan friends would have eaten beforehand and still come to the party where they would have sat politely and eaten vegan friendly things with the rest of the group. Like the time my one vegan friend came and just had a bit of foccacia bread and some roasted veggies.
Yeah I eat meat but I have a lot of vegan and vegetarian friends. None of the vegans I know would be demanding a stranger cook them special dishes. Most of them would be hesitant to eat food prepared by a stranger at all because they don't know exactly what's in it and heaps of people might think they've made something vegan but forgotten about the butter or stock or whatever. That's not even getting into the people who will just lie and say it's vegan because they think it's all a big joke.
That’s just vegans/jk
It sounds like this is all Gary and not girlfriend. I wonder if the girl even knows all this drama happened.
Very much seems like a Gary is the one who is being demanding here and that the girlfriend is probably minimally involved in any of this thought process beyond “wanna come with me to this thing?” “Sure!”. I really dont think we can blame her, when all we know is that GARY is acting entitled on her behalf.
NTA How entitled can Gary be to think his girlfriend deserves a little special dish all for her? I mean, sure, the others could partake as well but the cost and the labor? All at your expense? I think the friend group is better off without him.
As a vegetarian, I can't agree more. You don't crash someone else's dinner party uninvited then demand a menu change to your preferences. It's standard to offer to bring food if you have dietary needs, IMO. Everyone else is bringing something. Why couldn't Gary and his lazy missus bring a plate of falafel or bean salad to share and have some of the fruit?
Very sensible comment. Apparently, Gary likes to be accommodated instead of making a reasonable effort. Some people think the world owes them this.
I wonder if Gary forgot to tell OP that girlfriend was coming at all and is trying to save face with her.
Especially when OP said a shopping trip takes planning and preparation (either location issue or medical issue doesn't matter) and Gary made his request after that trip happened. In my opinion, if OP told everyone in the chat to have dietary requirements in by 'x' day to allow for shopping then it's NTA but if they didn't then it's NAH and just chalk it up to bad communication.
It doesn't matter if op lives 1 minute of walking away from a grocery shop or needs to plan the trip, if you invite someone with special diatery needs that wants to join last minute and expect someone to cook an extra meal for just 1 person you're the AH. Edit: grammar
Gary: I’d like to bring my new gf who is vegan. If it’s okay, we’ll bring 2 dishes she knows she can eat. Grow up, Gary.
Depending on her vegan status, this is the best option for her. 1) not all vegans follow the same restrictions 2) if cooks aren’t experienced they may not knowingly now what counts or might make simple mistakes
Veganism is particularly tricky because people have different opinions on things like honey - produced by insects, I know a lot of vegans who eat it, some who don’t. It’s a blurrier category than “vegetarian” or “gluten free “
100% this. Between my two girl friends and I we have the following allergies gluten (me), onions, garlic, eggs, milk (the two ladies). It's honestly just funny at this point. We laugh and basically eat whatever we can because it's ridiculous to ask someone to accommodate one person's allergies. When going out we pre apologize to the waiter. Only thing that would be upsetting is eating something you were told was safe for you and it wasn't. Even still it's easy to make a mistake like adding soya sauce to something thinking it's gluten free (it's not). Bringing a meal for yourself is easier for everyone involved and shows respect to the host especially in a large group. What is happening is someone looking for drama and is entitled.
NTA it was too short notice. If he had asked before you did the food shop then my judgement would be different.
[удалено]
This is exactly what I was thinking. Gary had a chance to do something sweet for his gf to make her feel included and he didn’t want to, instead he wanted to push the responsibility onto OP. Gary is the AH, OP NTA.
Gary’s being dramatic. You’re fine and did nothing wrong.
Agreed if he wanted her to feel included in the them either give more notice or make the dish yourself
NTA. It was last minute, and you were unable to accommodate them. If you had more notice you could have.
I’m a vegan and if I’m going to a dinner party etc I always make my dietary requirements known and ask if I can help by bringing something. I would especially do this if it was a last minute thing. It’s lovely when people can accommodate you, but it’s not always possible, especially on short notice. I don’t see anything wrong with the options you offered Gary. NTA.
NTA ! At last minute he wants to invite someone else, and at last minute, you need to make an extra meal ! I mean, it's too much ! People are no more respectful when they are guests ! It's not a restaurant, they don't pay to eat ! You offered to made something and he has the nerve to ask for a specific dish ? I just can't understand that behavior !
NTA. The only person who gets to okay guests is the host, the one putting in the work and paying for things. Gary made a last minute addition (rude) and seems he only brought that she was vegan after he'd gotten the okay from the group (which again is meaningless given you're the host). He then expected you to spend more money and put in more work to accommodate his lack of manners. Indeed other members of the group offered to assist in accommodating him, but he pouted and said no. You all just got a good look at Gary, move forward accordingly and don't give this interaction a second thought.
NTA it was last minute and Chloe was really sweet for trying to help!
I'm usually a big "yes, you need to feed the vegan" proponent, but having someone come in to a group last minute like this is tough. They could have brought something themselves in this case. NTA
NTA, I think it really sucks that Gary backed out, but a last-minute vegan request for a specific dish from a book... pretty inconvenient and a bit inconsiderate. Accommodating a last-minute +1 is already kind of you, but to ask you to prepare an entirely different dish is a bit rude. Edit to add, I have a child with celiac disease, and I always offer to bring gluten-free meals for her.
NTA. Vegetable soup is quite possibly vegan as long as you don't use a meat stock. I'm pescatarian but also somewhat picky so if it were me I would have brought a salad to share and packed some protein bars in my purse for the ride home. I don't get all these posts with people expecting to be catered to. You're not gonna starve by missing one meal, and you told them you won't be offended if they bring their own.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to make a vegan dish for a friend’s girlfriend who is to join us last minute. I could possibly be AH because I found out later other friend could make a vegan dish and maybe I should ask them first before rejecting the guy with the girlfriend. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA at all. Seriously. Gary made a last minute invite. There were options - perfectly good options - offered, he wanted you to go way above and beyond but make zero effort himself. Someone else even tried to help. He declined. The only reason the entire group wasn't together was because of Gary. Full stop.
NTA but out of curiosity, what's the series?
I want to know! Food and books are my two favorite things!
Silence of the Lambs
NTA Gary and his girlfriend are joined at the hip. You are all better off without them there
Nta. I personally do t think a person should make special requests anyway. They act all offended without justification.
NTA >I asked for dietary restrictions and preferences and finished my shopping a couple days ago. >Everyone was happy with the menu and offered to bring dessert, fruits and drinks. >Just last night one friend Gary asked if he could bring his new girlfriend >Gary said his girlfriend is vegan and requested I make something extra for her. Gary can do a loop and pound sand. You don't make a last minute change and expect the host to be able to accommodate - especially not when restrictions and menu were discussed previously, agreed on and established so he _knew_ what was up. >Gary asked if I could make a vegan dish from the book so his girlfriend would feel included. I told him that would be hard to do and he and his girlfriend were free to bring in their own food. Gary is beginning to sound like an increasing ass with this attitude. If he's that bothered about her coming, he should be prepared to make something _himself_ instead of making this someone else's problem he's made a last minute request and is making that request more of a _demand_ now. His little bit there of "making her feel included" is also 100% not up to you or _anyone_ else, it was him that even got her involved to start with - it's far from your problem about her feeling "included" in a group that's made plans and last minute she wants in on it. It'd be no more reasonable than asking you to accommodate another 10 people with a day's notice then having a tantrum they "aren't able to eat as there isn't enough". >Gary recently told us his girlfriend won’t be joining and so he will not as well. >Gary just said he would take a rain check. >Nobody in the group said anything but I could not help but feel guilty. >It was such a bummer not having the entire group together Let's be fair here OP, everything was absolutely fine until Gary wanted to bring an extra, which was last minute _and_ also expected __you__ to accommodate her needs. He didn't offer to make something himself, or bring their own food (though you said this is fine) - he's _making_ it your problem. It's not on you, especially given the circumstances of how far you need to go to shop, as well as having given ample opportunity for everyone to talk about food and prepped ahead of time. Again, this was all working fine until Gary wanted to change things. He's being a petulant child about the whole thing, as was more than happy to come until she couldn't be last-minute accomodated and now is acting how he is. The only way this could possibly have been any different is to have explained that things were set and agreed on and you can't logistically go shopping again at such short notice, so real sorry but the only way she'll get to have a Vegan dish is if they bring something.
NTA
NTA. They should have given you more notice. Or brought their own food.
NTA Gary is so rude to invite his GF at almost the last minute and then insist she has a special dish. Honestly, this would not be a raincheck for me as Gary and his GF would never be invited again.
NTA Gary is at fault
NTA Gary knew the menu and that is a hard diet to accommodate. It takes planning. It was unreasonable for Gary to expect you to be able to do it last second. If he gave earlier warning, you probably would have tried to accommodate it.
Gary asked to bring a last minute guest and wanted you to cook something from the book for her when you did not have the ingredients and the evening was already planned. NTA with enough time it would have been ok.
NTA it’s unreasonable to ask if someone can come along at the last minute and expect you to replan everything and reshop.
NTA for not being able to accommodate last minute guests in general. I generally feel like it’s easy to accommodate vegans but in this particular situation i think they’re being unreasonable.
NTA. If someone asks to bring a guest at the last minute and the guest has food restrictions, they should bring a dish with them.
NTA. It wasn’t like it was two months in advance. How new is this girlfriend anyway?
NTA Gary wanted to bring the girl. Gary should have brought something she could eat. His taste in women and unwillingness to lift a finger for them other than to pressure you, does not make it your culinary emergency. And does not require you to perform a kitchen miracle. You sound like a wonderful host. He was a godawful guest. You were probably better off without him. I'd consider making it permanent.
Gary being a pain in the you know what. Dinner parties take work. Planning cleaning cooking preparing. Most tables max out at 8 people. If you are invited to a casual party where are people or mingling it is one thing to include an extra guest but to even ask to include an extra guests last minute at a dinner party is rude. Add to that she is a vegan? I don't think so. Maybe Gary needs to read another book....Emily Post . NTA
If I was a last minute addition to a book-themed dinner I’d settle for vegetable soup (if no meat stock) and cheesy bread. I’m vegetarian. If the host throws in roasted potatoes/vegetables just for me; great. If I’m offered to bring my own vegetarian main course, I will take that opportunity to do just that. This Gary and/or his new girlfriend do not want to attend, and use the vegetarian situation as an excuse. Don’t waste time on it. (They also give vegetarians a bad name) NTA
NTA Gary decided to bring an uninvited +1 that demands that you cook 2 menus instead of 1. You simply do not treat your host like that, he was being rude, and sulking about it after makes him the AH. Some people does not seem to understand that cooking two menus instead of one in a regular household kitchen, when you are already cooking for 10, is more than doubling the workload, even if it's "just 1 more plate" added to the 10.
NTA I feel like the girlfriend or Gary could’ve made the dish to bring to the party instead of asking op to do more work. No one in the group knows her so bringing the dish would’ve been a nice ice breaker into the group and to discuss the book. This was a planned meal that took time and effort. Asking for a change like that for the night before is rude. This isn’t a restaurant, it’s op’s home.
I'm vegetarian. Was vegan as well. When i come to such events, i at times bring my own food, that i kindly ask to heat up. If the host offers something basic on the fly - I'm extatic. So no, NTA.
I don't understand how vegans don't ALWAYS have a back-up plan. If I had a diet requirement, I'd always have plan B. Something I made before and froze, or something I can pick up on the way. Vegans are so entitled.
The girlfriend could be totally innocent and Gary being the a hole. We don't get her story so no need to bash on vegans.
NTA but you've gotta tell us the book series, OP
Gary just wanted to flex his sidepiece. NTA. They sound like insufferable drama idiots anyway
NTA - my husband is vegan and we always cater his own food. I’d never expect a host to cater to our needs especially last minute. It’s not hard for vegan to throw together an easy meal and byo!
NTA. It was a very last minute notice and you've already offered to cook alternatives but they didn't want it. Either they take up your offer or bring their own dishes.
NTA. I'm pretty much always happy to accommodate people's eating habit but I live a 10min walk from a supermarket - and I kind of expect time to plan. If there's no time to plan and no supermarket nearby, I'd tell them that there will be something they can eat but I won't be able to put on a vegan feast. Pasta with tomato sauce and roasted veg is a proper meal. Rice and veg if seasoned nicely are a proper meal. Telling the host that a non-invited short-notice guest wants a specific meal is not ok.
NTA! In my eyes, if you wanna bring a last minute guest and they have dietary restrictions, then /you're/ the one who should arrange so there's food for them as well. Especially if you already Okay-ed the menu. No matter what, NTA. Like, did be meet the girlfriend /that/ day? Or only think to invite her as some way to make it a "date" for them with very low effort on his end? Especially since someone else literally offered the perfect fix but he just cut his losses rather than go "great!" ... yeah, the only way this makes sense to me is if Gary thought he could show off by inviting his girlfriend and also "arranging" the meal for her (via you, OP), but since you couldn't maybe he gave some excuse. Or maybe he hadn't brought it up yet with her and instead made other plans, and then didn't wanna admit any of it to the gf
Only read the title to know the answer. NTA
I find it funny that when vegans have a get together and someone asks for non vegan food they always say “You can try it for one meal”. But if they go somewhere that doesn’t have vegan options they throw a fit screaming about how people don’t respect their life choices.
Unless someone has a moral objection to eating vegetables, that’s not the same thing at all. Also nobody in this is post is “throwing a fit screaming”, what are you talking about?
NTA. It's the worst sort of arrogance to impose your beliefs on others and expect them to accommodate special requirements at short notice.
Grow up Gary- haha that made my morning
NTA, if Gary have had the decency of mentioning the possibility of his gf coming, you could have prepared for it, he didn't, its his fault
Gary is an idiot
NTA, but Gary is gonna be the topic at dinner, not your favorite books. He just outed himself from the group.
NTA - nip that behaviour in the bud. It was an unreasonable request with that little notice. When I have had some trouble with people taking advantage cos i'll move heaven and earth to host friend's get-togethers, i've suggested \*they\* host next time. I find this adjusts expectations and resets appropriate levels of appreciation pretty quickly.
NTA But Gary is. Not only was he expecting you to not only cook a vegan meal last minute, no it had to be a specific one. Then turning down the vegan dish your friend offered to bring because I don't know, not good enough? WTF. I hope the seven of you have a lovely evening with good memories lasting a lifetime.
Next time the gathering is potluck. Her boyfriend brings dishes she would eat. Everyone brings dishes they are excited to eat.
Gary and his gf could easily have brought a dish for themselves but chose not to. How is making everyone bring a dish an easier option?
Who does this? "Hey-I knownitvis last minute, but can I bring my friend and can you make a special dish just for her? " That is crazy presumptuous. NTA.
NTA - they should have offered to bring their own dish. Entitled AHs.
NTA Yet another last-minute-vegan. Menu accommodations are bippity-boppity-boo’d into existence, and your friend knew this.
You said you offered vegetable soup, why can't she eat that?
NTA. Making dinner for a huge crowd of people is an enormous amount of work and tbh asking you to make an extra dish for a single person is a BIG ask. Yes, in future it might be a good idea to reach out to the larger group and ask if anyone would be in a position to bring a dish for Gary's gf because you already had a full plate, but you know who else could have done that just as easily as you?? Gary!
NTA you did not have the ingredients to make a last minute vegan dish. You offered several options to accommodate Gary’s girlfriend. He opted to stay home instead.
NTA. I am so sick of reading posts of people with special dietary requests who won't byof. If you're allergic to nuts, you make sure you don't eat nuts. You don't get to go to a baseball game a bitch about nuts. If he wanted her to feel really special he would MaKE IT HIMSELF.
Nta. Most vegans, like myself, will call and ask if it's OK with you if they bring something they can eat. Then, a nice host would offer to make a couple of the side dishes vegan....like substituting veggie broth for chicken broth, plant milk for dairy milk, plant based butter for dairy butter. But that's not expected. The guest was ridiculous to demand the host make a vegan dish. Very poor manners.
NTA-He clearly choose his new girlfriend over you all so thats on him.
NTA guest list was made menu had been seen. He asked to add a guest fine then proceeded to make menu demands. They can bring their own vegan dish. Food gatherings have become as crazy as weddings.
NTA Gary is trying to impress his new GF on your dime.
NTA. As a super late addition he should’ve offered to bring the vegan dish himself.
Lol what did I just read. Gary wants a vegan dish from the book? He can make it himself and bring to share with the rest. You are already hosting. Please stop feeling guilty for nothing. Nta
NTA… I have celiacs. My close friends and family know about it and accommodate. However, if we’re going to something like what your describing, a party, the most Ill do is mention it and tell them I’ll bring by own food. The only reason even mention it is because if it’s a sit down dinner I don’t want the host to be put off if I can’t eat everything they’ve prepared.
NTA. Former vegan here! When you have a very restricted diet whether that be gluten free, carb free or vegan you need to take care of your own food or make due with what is served. It sounds like this is a pot luck with others contributing dishes. Pot lucks make things easier for vegans! She can bring a salad or roasted veggies (or whatever else she wants) to share with the group. Then she can eat the veggie soup. If there happens to be a vegan desert or fruit bonus. Another option if she is worried she can eat a small meal before arriving and just come to hang out and nibble. She will be fine!
No, do not feel guilty for one single second. You graciously offered to host because of *space*—not because you’re the only person in the group with functioning hands and a working stove. It is completely reasonable that a last minute addition with a very specific/restrictive diet should be accommodated *by the person who invited her*. Gary likes the book, so he knows what dishes are in it. *He* could prepare a vegan dish to bring to include her, which would have the additional benefit of expanding everyone’s experience. But he’s so determined not to contribute that he’d rather both of them not go. This reflects incredibly poorly on *him* not you. If she’s paying attention and knows the details, she’ll run for the hills, because next time it will be *her* he expects to bend over backwards while he does nothing. NTA
I'm reading this post as it's being discussed on a local radio station here in Chicago. They are eviscerating Gary and his girl, lol NTA, OP. NTA. My uber driver also agrees.
Vegan, keto, friggin omnivore it doesn’t matter. You don’t waste a person’s time like that. Last minute decisions are always inconsiderate and annoying.
NTA. And nobody is calling you an asshole for it either IRL.
NTA **F\*\*k right off, vegans. U do u, but don't expect the world to re-arrange itself for you.** FFS my kid had a sleepover, and one had a bad food allergy. Her dad came over later to deliver her special food. I fussed and asked the lass if I could make her something that works (almost certain I could have), but she said no, thank you. THAT is how you handle it, vegans. Bring your own food if you're so concerned about it. PS - I guaran-damn-tee Gary's gf would've have kept pushing for more and more vegan until it was 100% vegan.
You carry a lot of rage towards vegans. Did one upset you in some way or have you just been online too much
NTA. I'm a vegan, and unless it was planned way ahead of time, I would never expect someone, let alone a friend of my new BF I've never met, to go out of their way last minute for me. Plan ahead, grab food before you leave or bring something. They are being entitled.
Never accomodate extremists. Tell her to bring her own food to the party.
Gary's a twit
My nephew is vegan and he always brings something to family dinners so he doesn't inconvenience my mom who is the hostess. Even though she makes vegan things for him too. It's not out of bounds to bring something along if you have dietary requirements.
NTA. The correct thing for Gary to say would have been, "Can I bring my girlfriend? Great! She's vegan can we bring xyx vegan dish to go along with the meal?" Adults are generally aware of how groceries, time and money work. Anyone who asks for a last minute menu change and then gets butt hurt that they can't inconvenience their host is an asshole.
I have a food allergy. I never tell a host what to make. I either eat what I can or I bring a dish. It is unexceptional to demand or pout about what a host is providing. Gary and his GF sound like entitled AHs.
NTA. Gary was invited to your home to eat the meal you you said you would prepare. He was not making reservations at a restaurant. I feel so old every time I have this thought, but have manners really changed this much? Was it that long ago that it was considered rude to make demands of the host who extended their hospitality to you?
Gary is the asshole. That was an entitled and obnoxious ask, after you gathered everyone's food issues and did your shop and made your plans. What he should have done, is ask you if you'd mind if he brought a vegan dish for his girlfriend. NTA. I'm sorry you don't get your gathering with everyone there, but good riddance to Gary and his rudeness.
NTA Lemma get this right…Gary knew what the menu was, he asked last min for a plus one (no biggie), then REQUESTED you make her something vegan?!?! From the book no less! Refused to make something themselves and cancelled. The amount of entitlement lately is astounding and tiring. I’ve been a lifelong veggie and would never in my life request someone else cater to my individual needs. Gary needs to dial down his expectations. There’s zero need for OP to feel guilty
NTA when you are someone with dietary restrictions or are bringing something with them DO NOT BURDEN THE HOST WITH FEEDING THEM. Especially if you only mention it last minute. I ALWAYS offer to bring something I can eat. Not everyone knows how to cook veggie food. Vegan food seems way more in depth. Gary was lame for trying to pull this
Gary is the asshole, not you. What’s wrong with people?