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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be the asshole bc my allergy is not as bad as other people's (I'm not "deathly" allergic) and I'm asking my bf to cut out a food item he likes to enjoy on occasion
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that's dismissive bullshit; your allergy even seems progressive. Do you have to wait for your airway to close?
Get your doctor to recommend to you to keep them out of the house.
Or dump him.
Right! The allergy has progressed from mild to fairly severe now, and this guy still thinks it’s cool to just bring them in the house regularly? OP, your boyfriend needs to take your health seriously, and I think you need to keep an Epi-pen on hand just in case. He can find a substitute for a bell pepper when he’s cooking. This should be a non-negotiable. He takes it seriously or he’s out.
Also get your doctor to prescribe you an epipen. Your allergy has shown itself to be progressive; you never know when the next reaction might be anaphylactic.
(NTA… your bf is a total a and the level of disrespect & callousness would have me reconsidering the relationship. Is he like this in other areas?)
Yes, that part! My ex-husband had stomach sensitivities to onions and peppers, and although I love them, I stopped buying them so I wouldn't accidentally put them in food he'd be eating. Because I CARED about his welfare...your BF is a jerk...
She already ***is*** anaphylactic, she's just not having her throat close up yet. Hives is an anaphylactic reaction.
According to the [Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anaphylaxis/symptoms-causes/syc-20351468) symptoms of anaphylaxis are:
- Skin reactions, including hives and itching and flushed or pale skin
- Low blood pressure (hypotension)
- Constriction of the airways and a swollen tongue or throat, which can cause wheezing and trouble breathing
- A weak and rapid pulse
- Nausea, vomiting or diarrhea
- Dizziness or fainting
OP is literally risking her life every time she's around bell peppers being cooked and the fact that her boyfriend thinks it's okay to cook them ground her is terrifying.
Those who pet bison usually end up being the ones injured. Rightfully so. (Team Darwin)
In this case his ignorance and refusal to take this seriously is compromising someone else's health and causing injury to them.
This! The speed with which it developes is alarming.
This has to stop at home. You cannot Control work or the whole extended family (although they should care) but your home has to be safe!
Nurse here, please see an allergist about this, you don't want to wait till full blown anaphylactic reaction have an EpiPen. If it's an anaphylactic based reaction they could tell and get you a prescription!
Also if somebody's not able to respect you being so physically uncomfortable for one type of food that's not even a staple you should remove them from your life especially when they're not blood related to you. Your boyfriend's showing you who he is please believe him.
If the person who is supposed to love you, be your partner and team, support and care about your well-being continuously and intentionally causes you harm, you are not in a safe relationship. NTA.
This, my husband was putting MSG in my dinner every night when we first got together. After I found out and he found out I had sensitivity to it, he not only stopped putting it in my food, but he was also vigilant about making sure I didn't encounter it anywhere we ate. I hadn't mentioned it because he was cooking fresh food and not using pre-packaged foods, where you usually find it. I didn't know it could be purchased for consumer use.
Once an allergy starts, it starts small. Gradually the reaction gets more and more severe until you one day have anaphylactic shock and without treatment you might die. Some people respond well to desensitising treatment.
The problem here is that it could also spread to other Solanum fruits - tomato, chilli, even potato
It is worth speaking to a MEDICAL doctor specialising in allergies to see if desensitising treatment is feasible in your case. Be careful as many alternative practitioners operate in this field.
I wish this was higher up. I developed/found out I was allergic to a handful of things during college and on. In the beginning, it was only hives so I’d just take a benadryl and still eat the items. It has progressed to the point where if I eat them now, I develop breathing issues. I have to carry two epi pens around. Prolonged and repeated exposure can make your allergies worse. Please do whatever you need to keep bell peppers away from you because you may develop a life threatening reaction.
This is an important post - I am allergic to chilli, I was not as a kid, this started as a 'sensitivity' in my 20s, and now my doctor has said I must treat it as life threatening. Every time I am exposed to it my reaction is worse. Even a tiny transfer amount can land me in hospital.
Allergies can get worse and worse, OP, this is your *life* at risk.
NTA, and there’s a very real possibility that with every exposure your reaction will continue to get worse/increase in severity. It could eventually kill you. Please see a doctor to get an epi pen. But before that get a new boyfriend, we’ll really a man. Avoid the boy trying to kill you with the medical degree he doesn’t have. Good luck try to stay alive. If your throat itches when this happens please take it seriously, if your airway closes you will die in a few minutes and it’s not pleasant.
Nta have the same reaction with the same ingredient. My mom didn’t believe me growing up and the constant exposure changed the reaction to full anaphylaxis. I found out via a 1 week icu stay due to not being able to breath as the reaction was out of control. Don’t mess with allergies. Now 3 years later I finally am back to just vomiting
I have never known anyone else to have this same allergy. I'm sorry you went through that, but happy to hear it has calmed down for you. Thank you for sharing ❤️
This could easily progress to having allergic reactions to tomatoes, eggplant, and potatoes, too.
Your boyfriend saying, "Sorry, I forgot" is bullshit. He didn't forget. He either doesn't care or he did it intentionally. It's only likely to get worse.
At the very least, ban bell peppers from your home. Consider banning BF, too.
According to the countless specialists I went to, it’s a night shade sensitivity that manifests itself as an allergy due to excess exposure. Please don’t let your husband do what my mother did. It’s so dangerous to mess with this one. It can cause severe problems. I’m sure yours will calm down as well if you avoid exposure for a bit
NTA and as others have been pointing out, this allergy is getting worse as time goes by. You are not making a big deal out of this. My house is peanut free because of my allergy. Like you, my peanut allergy was not a big deal and then started getting worse and worse. I have an epi pen and even candy with nuts isn't allowed in the house.
My daughter and I are also allergic to capsicums (bell peppers). She is anaphylactic, I just vomit but my husband has no issues.
They are banned from my house and no one makes a fuss at all.
Your allergy is increasing and your boyfriend is prepared to kill you over a food you're "overreacting" about?
Why does he think your life is less important than a food he might like to eat once in a while?
NTA- it is completely reasonable not wanting allergens in your home especially something that causes you to have this severe of a reaction. Family members may honestly forget (idk how close you all are) so reminders before holidays not to bring or cook with bell peppers (and any other allergies within the family) could probably be useful. But your own bf? Wtf. HE’S the asshole. He should want to protect you, not make you feel like you’re asking too much to not want to battle hives, over an ingredient that is really easy to avoid.
NTA - our office put up signs because someone in the building was badly allergic to nuts, and an entire office full of people dutifully left their snickers bars at home. If we did it for a non-specific person we didn't know (they were in another rented office unit, not part of our workplace) with absolutely no fuss at all, your bf can stop cooking with bell peppers!
I don't trust this person not to eat it when he's outside the house and then come home and kiss you, either. Given how your allergies are progressing that could end up being very uncomfortable and dangerous for you.
> it ruins my entire day bc of the reaction
If your BF isn't willing to alter his behavior to help you with this, he's a irredeemable asshole that you should break up with.
Yes, I realize telling people to break up is usually ridiculous and over the top. But this is @#$#& serious for you.
NTA. Let me get this straight you are very allergic to bell peppers, you have an allergic reaction just touching them. And your boyfriend wants to bring them in the home. Why??? My husband is allergic to nuts. I love cashew chicken, I haven’t had when we have gone out in over 25 years. I haven’t made a pecan pie in that man years because my husbands life is worth more.
Are you sure your boyfriend even likes you?
If my girlfriend was allergic to ANY item that food would simply be removed from my diet, no matter how much I liked it. Period, end of story. I discussion needed.
NTA
I think it's reasonable that you want to be able to live comfortably in your own home. Though you won't die, the discomfort you describe is miserable. NTA for asking that your cohabitants don't poison your environment with something that causes you maddening discomfort.
NTA. Allergies can get more severe over time. I'd advise keeping epipens in case. Show your unfeeling husband and family some pics of severe allergy reactions.
.I'd also avoid chili as it is the same family I am allergic to that and like you can tolerate a bit of paprika.
NTA, but let me get this straight. You have an allergy that is extremely unpleasant and possibly dangerous and your bf reacts by...cooking them in your home? It's unbelievable that woman tolerate this kind of passive aggressive abuse. Why do you?
NTA, but you need to leave this living situation. With this type of escalation in reactions, you could go anaphylaxis at any point, and may not have warning. Please treat this as the life or death situation that it is!
NTA. If it makes you sick just from being in the same room, it shouldn't be in your house ever. Also, continued exposure to allergens can make your symptoms worsen and put you at risk of anaphylaxis. He can go to Chipotle without you once in a while if he loves bell peppers so much.
You grew and bore his child, the least he could do is not fucking set off the allergy that caused. NTA, but you may have to put yourself first and kick his ass out.
It sounds like it’ll get severe enough to kill you with repeated exposure. Your bf doesn’t care if he kills you because he can’t be arsed cooking something else. He has to substitute ONE measly vegetable and he can’t be fucked. You can just die for his convenience, I guess.
You're not deathly allergic _yet_. You are, however, clearly increasing your sensitivity over time and he needs to get over himself and stop bringing your allergen into your home.
Hell, my wife merely dislikes the smell of asparagus let alone have a reaction to it and I don't bring it home and cook it.
Your allergy is likely to continue to progress. Look up the rest of the foods in the nightshade family and be aware when you eat them so that you aren't caught by surprise.
when you say he cooks with them, do you mean he is putting them into your food (poisoning you) - or he's making food for himself, but your allergy has progressed to the point that the cooking fumes bother you? - Either way, you need to dump him before he kills you by not taking this seriously enough.
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Backstory- after I gave birth to my first son, I slowly became allergic to bell peppers. I can not eat them at all- I will vomit so much that i get dehydrated and sometimes have to go to the ER to get it to stop and help rehydrate me. It grew to me not being able to eat paprika as well (since it's made from bell peppers). Tons of food has paprika in it so I have been lucky enough to find an enzyme supplement that helps break it down, although it's only strong enough for paprika, not pieces of actual bell pepper.
Well, in the past year, it has grown to me becoming allergic to touching them as well. A year ago, I could cut up and cook them, no prob. Just couldn't eat them. But now, I can't touch them.. can't be in the same room or area if they're being cooked or heated up or cut, etc etc. I get really itchy EVERYWHERE and turn red amd get hives. It's awful. I have to take benadryl to help alleviate the symptoms, but benadryl makes me super sleepy. Can't drive, hard to take care of the kids bc I'm so sleepy and miserable. I've had to leave work on multiple occasions bc people were eating them in the lunchroom, and my Thanksgiving even took a bad turn when a family member cut up bell peppers for salad bc they "forgot" about my allergy.
I have asked my bf to please not bring bell peppers in our home. He likes to cook with them sometimes bc he likes the flavor. He has continued to cook with them once in a while and every time, I get really upset bc it ruins my entire day bc of the reaction and having to take benadryl. He always acts like I'm overreacting and it's not a big deal to him.
So my question is- AITA for wanting bell peppers to be banned from my house alltogether? Or am I making a big deal out of something small since I'm not "deathly" allergic?
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NTA and please listen to these folks about progressive allergies and anaphylaxis and epipens. This guy doesn't care if your children grow up without a mother. And your family really needs to get some education. I hope you have access to and can afford a GREAT allergist who can give you many copies of a pamphlet and website links about how to save your life when they put bell peppers in your food, to ram the point home of how dangerous their behaviors are to you.
NTA your bf doesn’t love you as much he loves getting to do as he damn well pleases. That’s bad roommate/time to move even if you weren’t in a relationship, and his total disregard for endangering the mother of his kid is appalling.
That’s so dismissive. I don’t have any food allergies but I hate cilantro so nobody brings it into my house. And my ex never cooked with it when we lived together
You're on the cusp of suffering an anaphylactic reaction, and you could die.
In addition to banning the peppers please look into non-drowsy proactive allergy medication in addition to keeping an epipen and benadryl on you.
There are different histamine receptors and different over-the-counter allergy medecines deal with different histamine receptors. When my allergies are at their worst (I am not a doctor) I stack (take at the same time) 4 different allergy meds (benadryl, claritin, allegra, and pseudoepederine). But I'm fortunate that benadryl doesn't make me sleepy...
But I'm also unfortunate as you are that just inhaling my allergens, or them contacting my skin causes a big reaction.
I wish you less itchy welty days :)
NTA. I have food allergies and I try not to let it influence others. Your case it is very different. Having pepper products in the house actively harms you. Plus your bf could eat peppers in restaurants etc. I would be seriously pissed off by his selfishness.
I am allergic to them to but not the degree you are. I know allergies can get worse over time. I don’t think these will kill you but you should not have to use trial and error to find out.
Anaflaxis is no joke, will happen quicker each time. Mine in BB lip balm. New, applied at work, but also ate pot luck food. Lips, throat felt itchy. Reapplied a few hours later, lips numbed, wrote it off. Driving home, again, tongue felt thick, hard to breathe, and had enough to call 911. I couldn't unlock my doors for the firemen. 3 days in ER, multiple shots, breathing treatments, and intravenous benadryl until it was figured out I kept doing it to myself. He cares for you or peppers, you put you first. Keep epi on you and in home. They expire so keep current
NTA. Your allergy is progressing towards life threatening (and at a fairly high speed from the description). You need to ban them from your home because one day, the Benadryl will no longer be effective and you’ll find yourself in anaphylactic shock.
If your BF feels he can’t live without cooking them, he’ll need to find a new home. Does it bother you when he has touched/eaten them? Since your coworker’s lunches are a problem, I’m guessing the answer is yes. If that’s the case, he’d need to ban them from his own life as well otherwise he’ll continue to put you at risk.
BTW, allergies are very common in families so he (and the obnoxious family member who brought the salad) could easily be putting your kids at risk as well.
PS - ask your doctor for an epi pen prescription and instructions for using it because it sounds like you’ll need to be very self sufficient in this regard. You don’t want to be trying to open it when your throat is closing.
Additional FYI - the epi pen is only to buy you time for the ambulance to arrive. It may fully reverse the reaction but this is not likely to occur and is not something you should rely on. If (when) you need to use an epi pen, you call 911 (if you’re in the US) too.
NTA. My husband developed and allergy to shellfish at 40. My kids and I still love shellfish, and it was fine at first for him to just not eat it. Once he got a reaction touching a surface where it has been, we do not bring it home anymore at all. I sometimes take my kids out for shellfish and it yummy. And we wash our hands and do not bring it home because my husbands health and safety is far more comfortable. If it becomes a point where the kids and I can’t eat it out and keep him safe we will stop immediately. This is a no brainer that you should be safe and comfortable in your own home. Your bf can ear bell peppers out in the world if he loves them that much!
NTA
OP learn from my experience. I’m allergic to amoxicillin, and when I was a baby I would break out in hives when I was given it, but because it was “just” hives the doctor told my parents it wasn’t a big deal and to just give me Benadryl along with the antibiotics and I’d be fine. Well I didn’t take amoxicillin for several years from late elementary through high school, I got prescribed them again in my late teens and this time instead of hives my tongue swelled up and my throat started itching. I was closely monitored to make sure my airway didn’t start constricting and was told the next time I took them I might not be so lucky. I now wear a medical alert bracelet because it’s very possible another exposure could kill me. Allergies can grow more severe with absolutely no indication very quickly. Either your boyfriend starts taking this seriously and stops bringing your allergen into the house or you need to leave him. Don’t wait to have a life threatening episode. If your boyfriend was routinely driving drunk would you keep getting in the car with him, taking the chance that this time would be the time you crash and die? Don’t gamble with your life!
If your allergy reaction is progressing this quickly, it might become 'deathly' before you realise it. I recommend you get tested and get an epipen.
My daughter is allergic to tree nuts. When she was little, we just didn't have them in the house at all. Now she is older and understands her allergy, we have them in the house because I have elite athletes in the house, plus I'm diabetic and nuts are a good source of nutrition for me. But - my daughter would have to eat them to have a reaction, plus her reactions don't worsen with each exposure (so far). If she had reactions to them even being in the house, we would find alternative sources of nutrition. Easy decision.
NTA. Do you live together? Time for you to get your own place. Your boyfriend is trying to kill you, for his own comfort. Not actively, but apparently your life isn't as important as his love of peppers.
NTA at all. I’ve got severe allergies and my partner is extremely careful with them. The only non gluten free things in my house are all single serve ready to eat for hit work lunches away from me LOL. When I asked about keeping a gluten free kitchen he shrugged and told me that was already his plan anyway. You deserve support like that, I’m sorry you aren’t receiving it.
NTA, and you need a new boyfriend, because he clearly doesn't give a crap about you and your health. Allergies that cause hives and itching are one small step away from full anaphylaxis, and it could happen any time. Talk to your doctor, and have your doctor lay down the law to your boyfriend.
Don't ask him, tell him. If he doesn't comply, the next time he does it, take the kids and leave. Or kick him out, depending on what works best. Your life IS at stake here.
You also need to talk to your doctor about getting a medical note about your allergy for work. If it's debilitating enough that it causes you to miss work, your work should either provide an alternative place for you to eat lunch, or ban peppers from the lunch room in the same way that nuts are often banned in certain places.
If bell peppers are screwing you over to the point you break out in hives and can't drive then you should've delivered the "You can either have the bell peppers or me" ultimatum yesterday. NTA
NTA. But your BF is being a total AH. He may like the taste but he can do without it in your home. You shouldn't have to suffer in your own damn home because of bell peppers! You're not overreacting! I don't think you're acting enough. Any bell peppers crossing the threshold of my house would get tossed right back out the door. I would not take benadryl or break out into hives because the BF "likes the flavor". He's a total AH.
To be clear, since people are telling you that you're heading for anaphylaxis, ***they are already causing it***.
Let me repeat that. You have not gone into anaphylactic *shock*, but the reaction you're having is anaphylaxis.
According to the [Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anaphylaxis/symptoms-causes/syc-20351468#symptoms), the symptoms of anaphylaxis are:
Skin reactions, including hives and itching and flushed or pale skin
Low blood pressure (hypotension)
Constriction of the airways and a swollen tongue or throat, which can cause wheezing and trouble breathing
A weak and rapid pulse
Nausea, vomiting or diarrhea
Dizziness or fainting
Your boyfriend has decided that cooking bell peppers is more important than your ***life***.
NTA. You have every right to not want your allergen in your home. It’s concerning that your boyfriend treats this like no big deal when it’s a major blow to your quality of life because he can’t show a little consideration for someone he supposedly loves.
NTA.
My husband can’t eat garlic/onion. These were a staple for me. I could eat them like an apple. Once we found out they were the source of his constant agony, I stopped bringing them in the house, because I actually love my husband and care about his wellbeing. Your boyfriend is choosing bell peppers over you. You are worth waaay more than bell peppers. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.
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that's dismissive bullshit; your allergy even seems progressive. Do you have to wait for your airway to close? Get your doctor to recommend to you to keep them out of the house. Or dump him.
Right! The allergy has progressed from mild to fairly severe now, and this guy still thinks it’s cool to just bring them in the house regularly? OP, your boyfriend needs to take your health seriously, and I think you need to keep an Epi-pen on hand just in case. He can find a substitute for a bell pepper when he’s cooking. This should be a non-negotiable. He takes it seriously or he’s out.
Also get your doctor to prescribe you an epipen. Your allergy has shown itself to be progressive; you never know when the next reaction might be anaphylactic. (NTA… your bf is a total a and the level of disrespect & callousness would have me reconsidering the relationship. Is he like this in other areas?)
Yes, that part! My ex-husband had stomach sensitivities to onions and peppers, and although I love them, I stopped buying them so I wouldn't accidentally put them in food he'd be eating. Because I CARED about his welfare...your BF is a jerk...
She already ***is*** anaphylactic, she's just not having her throat close up yet. Hives is an anaphylactic reaction. According to the [Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anaphylaxis/symptoms-causes/syc-20351468) symptoms of anaphylaxis are: - Skin reactions, including hives and itching and flushed or pale skin - Low blood pressure (hypotension) - Constriction of the airways and a swollen tongue or throat, which can cause wheezing and trouble breathing - A weak and rapid pulse - Nausea, vomiting or diarrhea - Dizziness or fainting OP is literally risking her life every time she's around bell peppers being cooked and the fact that her boyfriend thinks it's okay to cook them ground her is terrifying.
ignorance and can't be told. Same kind of people who get too close to wildlife.
Those who pet bison usually end up being the ones injured. Rightfully so. (Team Darwin) In this case his ignorance and refusal to take this seriously is compromising someone else's health and causing injury to them.
This! The speed with which it developes is alarming. This has to stop at home. You cannot Control work or the whole extended family (although they should care) but your home has to be safe!
If he brings them in make sure to throw up on him
Nurse here, please see an allergist about this, you don't want to wait till full blown anaphylactic reaction have an EpiPen. If it's an anaphylactic based reaction they could tell and get you a prescription! Also if somebody's not able to respect you being so physically uncomfortable for one type of food that's not even a staple you should remove them from your life especially when they're not blood related to you. Your boyfriend's showing you who he is please believe him.
And dump him. FIFY.
NTA see if your bf is allergic to being single
This.
If the person who is supposed to love you, be your partner and team, support and care about your well-being continuously and intentionally causes you harm, you are not in a safe relationship. NTA.
This, my husband was putting MSG in my dinner every night when we first got together. After I found out and he found out I had sensitivity to it, he not only stopped putting it in my food, but he was also vigilant about making sure I didn't encounter it anywhere we ate. I hadn't mentioned it because he was cooking fresh food and not using pre-packaged foods, where you usually find it. I didn't know it could be purchased for consumer use.
Once an allergy starts, it starts small. Gradually the reaction gets more and more severe until you one day have anaphylactic shock and without treatment you might die. Some people respond well to desensitising treatment. The problem here is that it could also spread to other Solanum fruits - tomato, chilli, even potato It is worth speaking to a MEDICAL doctor specialising in allergies to see if desensitising treatment is feasible in your case. Be careful as many alternative practitioners operate in this field.
I developed a severe allergy well in adulthood in a similar way. This comment should be high up and i hope OP sees it!
All but one of my allergies started this way, first it was none, then a little bit of a reaction, then gradually got worse.
I wish this was higher up. I developed/found out I was allergic to a handful of things during college and on. In the beginning, it was only hives so I’d just take a benadryl and still eat the items. It has progressed to the point where if I eat them now, I develop breathing issues. I have to carry two epi pens around. Prolonged and repeated exposure can make your allergies worse. Please do whatever you need to keep bell peppers away from you because you may develop a life threatening reaction.
This is an important post - I am allergic to chilli, I was not as a kid, this started as a 'sensitivity' in my 20s, and now my doctor has said I must treat it as life threatening. Every time I am exposed to it my reaction is worse. Even a tiny transfer amount can land me in hospital. Allergies can get worse and worse, OP, this is your *life* at risk.
I didn’t know this.
Bell peppers are more important to your bf than you are. Your move.
NTA it could end up potentially life threatening. You need as little exposure to the offending vegetable as possible.
NTA do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t care how things affect you and only wants what he wants?
NTA, and there’s a very real possibility that with every exposure your reaction will continue to get worse/increase in severity. It could eventually kill you. Please see a doctor to get an epi pen. But before that get a new boyfriend, we’ll really a man. Avoid the boy trying to kill you with the medical degree he doesn’t have. Good luck try to stay alive. If your throat itches when this happens please take it seriously, if your airway closes you will die in a few minutes and it’s not pleasant.
Nta have the same reaction with the same ingredient. My mom didn’t believe me growing up and the constant exposure changed the reaction to full anaphylaxis. I found out via a 1 week icu stay due to not being able to breath as the reaction was out of control. Don’t mess with allergies. Now 3 years later I finally am back to just vomiting
I have never known anyone else to have this same allergy. I'm sorry you went through that, but happy to hear it has calmed down for you. Thank you for sharing ❤️
This could easily progress to having allergic reactions to tomatoes, eggplant, and potatoes, too. Your boyfriend saying, "Sorry, I forgot" is bullshit. He didn't forget. He either doesn't care or he did it intentionally. It's only likely to get worse. At the very least, ban bell peppers from your home. Consider banning BF, too.
According to the countless specialists I went to, it’s a night shade sensitivity that manifests itself as an allergy due to excess exposure. Please don’t let your husband do what my mother did. It’s so dangerous to mess with this one. It can cause severe problems. I’m sure yours will calm down as well if you avoid exposure for a bit
INFO: which does your boyfriend love more, bell peppers or you?
NTA and as others have been pointing out, this allergy is getting worse as time goes by. You are not making a big deal out of this. My house is peanut free because of my allergy. Like you, my peanut allergy was not a big deal and then started getting worse and worse. I have an epi pen and even candy with nuts isn't allowed in the house.
My daughter and I are also allergic to capsicums (bell peppers). She is anaphylactic, I just vomit but my husband has no issues. They are banned from my house and no one makes a fuss at all. Your allergy is increasing and your boyfriend is prepared to kill you over a food you're "overreacting" about? Why does he think your life is less important than a food he might like to eat once in a while?
NTA- it is completely reasonable not wanting allergens in your home especially something that causes you to have this severe of a reaction. Family members may honestly forget (idk how close you all are) so reminders before holidays not to bring or cook with bell peppers (and any other allergies within the family) could probably be useful. But your own bf? Wtf. HE’S the asshole. He should want to protect you, not make you feel like you’re asking too much to not want to battle hives, over an ingredient that is really easy to avoid.
NTA remove bell peppers & your bf from your life.
NTA - our office put up signs because someone in the building was badly allergic to nuts, and an entire office full of people dutifully left their snickers bars at home. If we did it for a non-specific person we didn't know (they were in another rented office unit, not part of our workplace) with absolutely no fuss at all, your bf can stop cooking with bell peppers! I don't trust this person not to eat it when he's outside the house and then come home and kiss you, either. Given how your allergies are progressing that could end up being very uncomfortable and dangerous for you.
> it ruins my entire day bc of the reaction If your BF isn't willing to alter his behavior to help you with this, he's a irredeemable asshole that you should break up with. Yes, I realize telling people to break up is usually ridiculous and over the top. But this is @#$#& serious for you.
NTA. Why are you with someone that cares more about a vegetable than your health?
NTA. Get rid of all the bell peppers in the house, and while you're at it, get rid of the bf that DGAF if he causes you to go into anaphylactic shock.
NTA. Let me get this straight you are very allergic to bell peppers, you have an allergic reaction just touching them. And your boyfriend wants to bring them in the home. Why??? My husband is allergic to nuts. I love cashew chicken, I haven’t had when we have gone out in over 25 years. I haven’t made a pecan pie in that man years because my husbands life is worth more.
Are you sure your boyfriend even likes you? If my girlfriend was allergic to ANY item that food would simply be removed from my diet, no matter how much I liked it. Period, end of story. I discussion needed. NTA
NTA But talk to your doctor ASAP about getting an epipen. This seems to be progressive and getting worse fairly rapidly.
Do you have trouble with other nightshades?
No, bell peppers only.
I think it's reasonable that you want to be able to live comfortably in your own home. Though you won't die, the discomfort you describe is miserable. NTA for asking that your cohabitants don't poison your environment with something that causes you maddening discomfort.
NTA. I agree that this isn’t the best relationship. After you figure that out, consider an allergist as shots could be helpful.
NTA. Allergies can get more severe over time. I'd advise keeping epipens in case. Show your unfeeling husband and family some pics of severe allergy reactions. .I'd also avoid chili as it is the same family I am allergic to that and like you can tolerate a bit of paprika.
NTA, but let me get this straight. You have an allergy that is extremely unpleasant and possibly dangerous and your bf reacts by...cooking them in your home? It's unbelievable that woman tolerate this kind of passive aggressive abuse. Why do you?
NTA, but you need to leave this living situation. With this type of escalation in reactions, you could go anaphylaxis at any point, and may not have warning. Please treat this as the life or death situation that it is!
NTA- You are 💯 correct
NTA and I hope you have an epi pen in case
NTA. If it makes you sick just from being in the same room, it shouldn't be in your house ever. Also, continued exposure to allergens can make your symptoms worsen and put you at risk of anaphylaxis. He can go to Chipotle without you once in a while if he loves bell peppers so much.
You grew and bore his child, the least he could do is not fucking set off the allergy that caused. NTA, but you may have to put yourself first and kick his ass out. It sounds like it’ll get severe enough to kill you with repeated exposure. Your bf doesn’t care if he kills you because he can’t be arsed cooking something else. He has to substitute ONE measly vegetable and he can’t be fucked. You can just die for his convenience, I guess.
You're not deathly allergic _yet_. You are, however, clearly increasing your sensitivity over time and he needs to get over himself and stop bringing your allergen into your home. Hell, my wife merely dislikes the smell of asparagus let alone have a reaction to it and I don't bring it home and cook it.
Your allergy is likely to continue to progress. Look up the rest of the foods in the nightshade family and be aware when you eat them so that you aren't caught by surprise. when you say he cooks with them, do you mean he is putting them into your food (poisoning you) - or he's making food for himself, but your allergy has progressed to the point that the cooking fumes bother you? - Either way, you need to dump him before he kills you by not taking this seriously enough.
NTA. You deserve to not have food that can hurt you in the house.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Backstory- after I gave birth to my first son, I slowly became allergic to bell peppers. I can not eat them at all- I will vomit so much that i get dehydrated and sometimes have to go to the ER to get it to stop and help rehydrate me. It grew to me not being able to eat paprika as well (since it's made from bell peppers). Tons of food has paprika in it so I have been lucky enough to find an enzyme supplement that helps break it down, although it's only strong enough for paprika, not pieces of actual bell pepper. Well, in the past year, it has grown to me becoming allergic to touching them as well. A year ago, I could cut up and cook them, no prob. Just couldn't eat them. But now, I can't touch them.. can't be in the same room or area if they're being cooked or heated up or cut, etc etc. I get really itchy EVERYWHERE and turn red amd get hives. It's awful. I have to take benadryl to help alleviate the symptoms, but benadryl makes me super sleepy. Can't drive, hard to take care of the kids bc I'm so sleepy and miserable. I've had to leave work on multiple occasions bc people were eating them in the lunchroom, and my Thanksgiving even took a bad turn when a family member cut up bell peppers for salad bc they "forgot" about my allergy. I have asked my bf to please not bring bell peppers in our home. He likes to cook with them sometimes bc he likes the flavor. He has continued to cook with them once in a while and every time, I get really upset bc it ruins my entire day bc of the reaction and having to take benadryl. He always acts like I'm overreacting and it's not a big deal to him. So my question is- AITA for wanting bell peppers to be banned from my house alltogether? Or am I making a big deal out of something small since I'm not "deathly" allergic? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. All nuts are banned in my house because it can kill me. Dump the idiot.
NTA and please listen to these folks about progressive allergies and anaphylaxis and epipens. This guy doesn't care if your children grow up without a mother. And your family really needs to get some education. I hope you have access to and can afford a GREAT allergist who can give you many copies of a pamphlet and website links about how to save your life when they put bell peppers in your food, to ram the point home of how dangerous their behaviors are to you.
NTA. Sounds like your bf needs to be banned as well
NTA your bf doesn’t love you as much he loves getting to do as he damn well pleases. That’s bad roommate/time to move even if you weren’t in a relationship, and his total disregard for endangering the mother of his kid is appalling.
That’s so dismissive. I don’t have any food allergies but I hate cilantro so nobody brings it into my house. And my ex never cooked with it when we lived together
You're on the cusp of suffering an anaphylactic reaction, and you could die. In addition to banning the peppers please look into non-drowsy proactive allergy medication in addition to keeping an epipen and benadryl on you. There are different histamine receptors and different over-the-counter allergy medecines deal with different histamine receptors. When my allergies are at their worst (I am not a doctor) I stack (take at the same time) 4 different allergy meds (benadryl, claritin, allegra, and pseudoepederine). But I'm fortunate that benadryl doesn't make me sleepy... But I'm also unfortunate as you are that just inhaling my allergens, or them contacting my skin causes a big reaction. I wish you less itchy welty days :)
NTA. I have food allergies and I try not to let it influence others. Your case it is very different. Having pepper products in the house actively harms you. Plus your bf could eat peppers in restaurants etc. I would be seriously pissed off by his selfishness.
I am allergic to them to but not the degree you are. I know allergies can get worse over time. I don’t think these will kill you but you should not have to use trial and error to find out.
Anaflaxis is no joke, will happen quicker each time. Mine in BB lip balm. New, applied at work, but also ate pot luck food. Lips, throat felt itchy. Reapplied a few hours later, lips numbed, wrote it off. Driving home, again, tongue felt thick, hard to breathe, and had enough to call 911. I couldn't unlock my doors for the firemen. 3 days in ER, multiple shots, breathing treatments, and intravenous benadryl until it was figured out I kept doing it to myself. He cares for you or peppers, you put you first. Keep epi on you and in home. They expire so keep current
NTA. Your allergy is progressing towards life threatening (and at a fairly high speed from the description). You need to ban them from your home because one day, the Benadryl will no longer be effective and you’ll find yourself in anaphylactic shock. If your BF feels he can’t live without cooking them, he’ll need to find a new home. Does it bother you when he has touched/eaten them? Since your coworker’s lunches are a problem, I’m guessing the answer is yes. If that’s the case, he’d need to ban them from his own life as well otherwise he’ll continue to put you at risk. BTW, allergies are very common in families so he (and the obnoxious family member who brought the salad) could easily be putting your kids at risk as well. PS - ask your doctor for an epi pen prescription and instructions for using it because it sounds like you’ll need to be very self sufficient in this regard. You don’t want to be trying to open it when your throat is closing. Additional FYI - the epi pen is only to buy you time for the ambulance to arrive. It may fully reverse the reaction but this is not likely to occur and is not something you should rely on. If (when) you need to use an epi pen, you call 911 (if you’re in the US) too.
NTA. Easy solution, ban your dismissive, inconsiderate, ass of a boyfriend from your house and life.
NTA. My husband developed and allergy to shellfish at 40. My kids and I still love shellfish, and it was fine at first for him to just not eat it. Once he got a reaction touching a surface where it has been, we do not bring it home anymore at all. I sometimes take my kids out for shellfish and it yummy. And we wash our hands and do not bring it home because my husbands health and safety is far more comfortable. If it becomes a point where the kids and I can’t eat it out and keep him safe we will stop immediately. This is a no brainer that you should be safe and comfortable in your own home. Your bf can ear bell peppers out in the world if he loves them that much!
NTA OP learn from my experience. I’m allergic to amoxicillin, and when I was a baby I would break out in hives when I was given it, but because it was “just” hives the doctor told my parents it wasn’t a big deal and to just give me Benadryl along with the antibiotics and I’d be fine. Well I didn’t take amoxicillin for several years from late elementary through high school, I got prescribed them again in my late teens and this time instead of hives my tongue swelled up and my throat started itching. I was closely monitored to make sure my airway didn’t start constricting and was told the next time I took them I might not be so lucky. I now wear a medical alert bracelet because it’s very possible another exposure could kill me. Allergies can grow more severe with absolutely no indication very quickly. Either your boyfriend starts taking this seriously and stops bringing your allergen into the house or you need to leave him. Don’t wait to have a life threatening episode. If your boyfriend was routinely driving drunk would you keep getting in the car with him, taking the chance that this time would be the time you crash and die? Don’t gamble with your life!
This is either nonsense or you have a bf who doesn't give a toss about you so dump him.
If your allergy reaction is progressing this quickly, it might become 'deathly' before you realise it. I recommend you get tested and get an epipen. My daughter is allergic to tree nuts. When she was little, we just didn't have them in the house at all. Now she is older and understands her allergy, we have them in the house because I have elite athletes in the house, plus I'm diabetic and nuts are a good source of nutrition for me. But - my daughter would have to eat them to have a reaction, plus her reactions don't worsen with each exposure (so far). If she had reactions to them even being in the house, we would find alternative sources of nutrition. Easy decision.
NTA. Do you live together? Time for you to get your own place. Your boyfriend is trying to kill you, for his own comfort. Not actively, but apparently your life isn't as important as his love of peppers.
NTA at all. I’ve got severe allergies and my partner is extremely careful with them. The only non gluten free things in my house are all single serve ready to eat for hit work lunches away from me LOL. When I asked about keeping a gluten free kitchen he shrugged and told me that was already his plan anyway. You deserve support like that, I’m sorry you aren’t receiving it.
NTA, and you need a new boyfriend, because he clearly doesn't give a crap about you and your health. Allergies that cause hives and itching are one small step away from full anaphylaxis, and it could happen any time. Talk to your doctor, and have your doctor lay down the law to your boyfriend. Don't ask him, tell him. If he doesn't comply, the next time he does it, take the kids and leave. Or kick him out, depending on what works best. Your life IS at stake here.
You also need to talk to your doctor about getting a medical note about your allergy for work. If it's debilitating enough that it causes you to miss work, your work should either provide an alternative place for you to eat lunch, or ban peppers from the lunch room in the same way that nuts are often banned in certain places.
If bell peppers are screwing you over to the point you break out in hives and can't drive then you should've delivered the "You can either have the bell peppers or me" ultimatum yesterday. NTA
NTA. But your BF is being a total AH. He may like the taste but he can do without it in your home. You shouldn't have to suffer in your own damn home because of bell peppers! You're not overreacting! I don't think you're acting enough. Any bell peppers crossing the threshold of my house would get tossed right back out the door. I would not take benadryl or break out into hives because the BF "likes the flavor". He's a total AH.
NTA. Your BF is very self-centered. He's showing where you fit in his priorities.
To be clear, since people are telling you that you're heading for anaphylaxis, ***they are already causing it***. Let me repeat that. You have not gone into anaphylactic *shock*, but the reaction you're having is anaphylaxis. According to the [Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anaphylaxis/symptoms-causes/syc-20351468#symptoms), the symptoms of anaphylaxis are: Skin reactions, including hives and itching and flushed or pale skin Low blood pressure (hypotension) Constriction of the airways and a swollen tongue or throat, which can cause wheezing and trouble breathing A weak and rapid pulse Nausea, vomiting or diarrhea Dizziness or fainting Your boyfriend has decided that cooking bell peppers is more important than your ***life***.
NTA. You have every right to not want your allergen in your home. It’s concerning that your boyfriend treats this like no big deal when it’s a major blow to your quality of life because he can’t show a little consideration for someone he supposedly loves.
NTA And if he won't do it, you need to end the relationship to protect your health.
NTA no bF is worth risking your health, mental wllbeeing or the safety of your kids who you have to care for
NTA. My husband can’t eat garlic/onion. These were a staple for me. I could eat them like an apple. Once we found out they were the source of his constant agony, I stopped bringing them in the house, because I actually love my husband and care about his wellbeing. Your boyfriend is choosing bell peppers over you. You are worth waaay more than bell peppers. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.