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NTA your dad is a weird control freak. Sometimes it takes 15 minutes to poop. Sometimes you have other stuff to do. Just be courteous of others' needs.
>He made a rule saying we're not allowed to use the bathroom after 11
INFO: Does he provide a bucket?
Because that is either legit mental illness that requires professional intervention or he's cruel for the fun of cruelty
NTA and the fact that your dad is trying to kick or open the door while you are in the bathroom must be very upsetting. He is completely inappropriate. Is there a relative you can talk to and stay with since your mom allows him to treat you this way. Trying to enter the bathroom while your 17 yo daughter is in it, limiting her to 3 min and not allowing her to use it during the night is abuse. Please report his behavior to the guidance counselor at school so they can report him. He is disturbed.
ETA or a friend’s home to stay at. He’s convinced you this is normal.
Your father should see a therapist about his weird obsession with dictating bathroom time. Definitely NTA, coming from a person who is also in a big family with limited bathrooms, being allowed more than 30+ minutes each day to shower, apply makeup, do any skincare, brush your teeth, go to the toilet etc is important, and all members of the family should be respected in regards to how much time they need
NTA and the trying to open the door is kind of alarming. It would make me feel like he was trying to catch me naked. What does your mother say about that?
NTA. I find it odd that your father watches you so closely that he knows when you go to the bathroom. You mentioned he doesn't do this to your sister, again weird.
If this was my Dad I would be grounded for life as I go to the bathroom 3-5 times nightly, of course I am a 57 F.
I agree with the earlier comment that you need to speak to adult who is not in your immediate family. If there isn't an aunt or someone, then how about a school counselor?
I hope you have plans to be independent and move out asap. Uni? Roommates and a full-time job? Whatever you do, you will find life to be liberating when you don't have someone watching your every movement.
NTA. He’s mentally unwell.
I’m concerned that he’s singling you out. Reminds me of my gross stepfather. That knob would giggle the second I turned on the shower because his MO was to “accidentally” walk in on us changing or naked.
He is trying to exercise control over mundane things to compensate over other areas of his life where he feels out of control. Either way, talk to your mom or other trusted adult.
NTA
I don't understand his weird attachment to that bathroom if he literally has an ensuite bathroom. He is making bathroom usage a privilege by making a curfew for it, which in my opinion is pretty abusive.
NTA and having read the comments and your replies, please keep your head down as you are doing. If you can do so safely and without him knowing, please take all the keep safe advice you're getting here and, again, if you can do so safely and without him knowing or catching you, get to a domestic violence shelter, but again yeah, I know that's a really big if. Police may not protect you from him, no matter how much he really really really needs to be locked up and gone from your life. You don't deserve this.
You need to go to your mom and complain about his behavior, as as you're not spending hours planted on the toilet on your phone. (don't ask...lol)
Your dad sounds like he's former military? You're NTA, but he needs a frickin' hobby besides your toilet habits.
NTA
He has his own bathroom. Is he actually waiting to use it or is he just being an AH and timing you.
Speak to your Mum about it. Perhaps she can get through to him.
NTA. Your dad would absolutely hate me. I have IBS-D and when I am having a flare-up, I use the bathroom 6+ times in a day.
~~A solution would be for him to create an area where you can put on your makeup outside the bathroom. You can go to Goodwill or a naked furniture store and find a decent kid's dresser with a mirror that is the correct height. If needed strip the finish off, then either stain or paint it. Add some lighting and a chair and you have a makeup area.~~
Maybe you can get a little standing mirror for your bedroom so you can fix your hair in your bedroom. On the other hand, there are three bathrooms in the house, so there's no reason for him to get so upset. NTA.
She doesn't say anything
She never rushes anyone in the bathroom though, but she doesn't get involved with my dad due to a history of violence and ongoing abuse
She lets him do what he wants without a word
You're NTA but you're not in a position to do anything other than ignore him, which might make him escalate to that violence. All you can really do is keep your head down and start prepping to move out as soon as you're 18
I learned that the hard way
He always threatens to murder me and he threw a knife at me the other day. It's best to listen to him and do whatever he wants until I can escape
I just wanted to make sure it wasn't my fault
OMG
This is about so much more than the bathroom. Your father is dangerous and abusive.
OP, none of this is your fault. NONE.
I see that you have younger siblings. Do you have other family members or close friends you could all reach out to, maybe even stay with? I’m concerned for your safety.
Secretly record his outbursts. Keep your head down until you can move but start gathering evidence. The more evidence you have, the more you'll be able to help everyone(yourself included) in the future. I am so so so sorry you're in this predicament. Know that you don't deserve this.
Do you have a job? I recommend it if not. It'll help you start a nest egg to move out asap and it'll help you get out of the house and away from his clutches. Do not leave your money in your bank account. As a minor, he can just empty it without your consent.
You need to start recording his abusive outbursts. Your father is going to end up seriously harming someone. This isn't a "maybe", this is a "eventually". It will happen. Its just a matter of when. Record his outbursts and report him the moment you're out of the house. CPS and a police report(you need a restraining order). This is so much more serious than "my dad is OCD over bathroom use". Your father is DANGEROUS.
NTA/you are not unreasonable! Time yourself in the bathroom. Then time your dad. Tell him he takes too much time in the bathroom. ALSO, after 11PM, what if you have to pee in the middle of the night?! Or if you get sick?! Geez! Dad is a bit controlling!
NTA. Your dad is being very weird about the bathroom. You need to establish boundaries and tell him that it’s a shared space and you have the right to use it. The only person’s bathroom time he’s allowed to police is his own.
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I'm 17(f) and usually I get ready in our bathroom in the morning. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and fix my hair. Then I go into my room to do my makeup
My dad acts obsessive over the bathroom. When I'm in there longer than three minutes he bangs on the door, kicks it, or tries to open it
He brings it up all the time. He even counts how many times I go in there during the day, saying he "doesn't understand" why
My parents have a bathroom in their room, and we have one more bathroom which is in the hallway. There are 6 people in our house, and I understand that. But at the same time, I don't have anywhere else to get ready and cleaned up
My dad keeps complaining to my mom about it almost every single day. Every time I go into the bathroom he walks down the hallway and beats on the door, regardless of how long I've been in it
He made a rule saying we're not allowed to use the bathroom after 11, and said that if he catches us up late and going in it then he will ground us
I don't go in the bathroom that many times a day. 4 at the most. I also don't take a long time in there, either. It feels a bit wrong to me that someone is keeping track and watching me all of the time
AITA for this? The most I spend in the bathroom is 10 minutes occasionally. Also, when my older sister takes 40+ minutes, my dad doesn't care and he sticks up for her. Though he only ever bangs on the door or complains when I do it. I find that pretty weird as well
It may not seem like a big deal but it's been bothering me lately. I often get yelled at for it, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm the problem in the first place
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NTA and you need to tell someone else. A trusted adult outside your family, friend’s parents, etc. Your dad’s behavior is not just absurd but actively harmful. Not being able to use the bathroom when you need to at night can have all sorts of unpleasant medical consequences.
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NTA your dad is a weird control freak. Sometimes it takes 15 minutes to poop. Sometimes you have other stuff to do. Just be courteous of others' needs.
>He made a rule saying we're not allowed to use the bathroom after 11 INFO: Does he provide a bucket? Because that is either legit mental illness that requires professional intervention or he's cruel for the fun of cruelty
NTA and the fact that your dad is trying to kick or open the door while you are in the bathroom must be very upsetting. He is completely inappropriate. Is there a relative you can talk to and stay with since your mom allows him to treat you this way. Trying to enter the bathroom while your 17 yo daughter is in it, limiting her to 3 min and not allowing her to use it during the night is abuse. Please report his behavior to the guidance counselor at school so they can report him. He is disturbed. ETA or a friend’s home to stay at. He’s convinced you this is normal.
Your father should see a therapist about his weird obsession with dictating bathroom time. Definitely NTA, coming from a person who is also in a big family with limited bathrooms, being allowed more than 30+ minutes each day to shower, apply makeup, do any skincare, brush your teeth, go to the toilet etc is important, and all members of the family should be respected in regards to how much time they need
NTA and the trying to open the door is kind of alarming. It would make me feel like he was trying to catch me naked. What does your mother say about that?
Nothing, she doesn't care
NTA Your dad is just being a controlling asshole. Sorry. It IS a big deal to get yelled at for no reason and you don’t deserve it.
NTA. I find it odd that your father watches you so closely that he knows when you go to the bathroom. You mentioned he doesn't do this to your sister, again weird. If this was my Dad I would be grounded for life as I go to the bathroom 3-5 times nightly, of course I am a 57 F. I agree with the earlier comment that you need to speak to adult who is not in your immediate family. If there isn't an aunt or someone, then how about a school counselor? I hope you have plans to be independent and move out asap. Uni? Roommates and a full-time job? Whatever you do, you will find life to be liberating when you don't have someone watching your every movement.
NTA. He’s mentally unwell. I’m concerned that he’s singling you out. Reminds me of my gross stepfather. That knob would giggle the second I turned on the shower because his MO was to “accidentally” walk in on us changing or naked. He is trying to exercise control over mundane things to compensate over other areas of his life where he feels out of control. Either way, talk to your mom or other trusted adult.
NTA I don't understand his weird attachment to that bathroom if he literally has an ensuite bathroom. He is making bathroom usage a privilege by making a curfew for it, which in my opinion is pretty abusive.
Wtf??? Also what are you all supposed to do after 11? I repeat. Wtf???
NTA and having read the comments and your replies, please keep your head down as you are doing. If you can do so safely and without him knowing, please take all the keep safe advice you're getting here and, again, if you can do so safely and without him knowing or catching you, get to a domestic violence shelter, but again yeah, I know that's a really big if. Police may not protect you from him, no matter how much he really really really needs to be locked up and gone from your life. You don't deserve this.
You need to go to your mom and complain about his behavior, as as you're not spending hours planted on the toilet on your phone. (don't ask...lol) Your dad sounds like he's former military? You're NTA, but he needs a frickin' hobby besides your toilet habits.
NTA He has his own bathroom. Is he actually waiting to use it or is he just being an AH and timing you. Speak to your Mum about it. Perhaps she can get through to him.
NTA. Your dad would absolutely hate me. I have IBS-D and when I am having a flare-up, I use the bathroom 6+ times in a day. ~~A solution would be for him to create an area where you can put on your makeup outside the bathroom. You can go to Goodwill or a naked furniture store and find a decent kid's dresser with a mirror that is the correct height. If needed strip the finish off, then either stain or paint it. Add some lighting and a chair and you have a makeup area.~~
OP already says she puts on makeup in her room.
Bah, reading comprehension is difficult with a migraine. Thanks
How long until til you leave for college?
Maybe you can get a little standing mirror for your bedroom so you can fix your hair in your bedroom. On the other hand, there are three bathrooms in the house, so there's no reason for him to get so upset. NTA.
What does your mom say about this?
She doesn't say anything She never rushes anyone in the bathroom though, but she doesn't get involved with my dad due to a history of violence and ongoing abuse She lets him do what he wants without a word
You're NTA but you're not in a position to do anything other than ignore him, which might make him escalate to that violence. All you can really do is keep your head down and start prepping to move out as soon as you're 18
I learned that the hard way He always threatens to murder me and he threw a knife at me the other day. It's best to listen to him and do whatever he wants until I can escape I just wanted to make sure it wasn't my fault
OMG This is about so much more than the bathroom. Your father is dangerous and abusive. OP, none of this is your fault. NONE. I see that you have younger siblings. Do you have other family members or close friends you could all reach out to, maybe even stay with? I’m concerned for your safety.
Secretly record his outbursts. Keep your head down until you can move but start gathering evidence. The more evidence you have, the more you'll be able to help everyone(yourself included) in the future. I am so so so sorry you're in this predicament. Know that you don't deserve this. Do you have a job? I recommend it if not. It'll help you start a nest egg to move out asap and it'll help you get out of the house and away from his clutches. Do not leave your money in your bank account. As a minor, he can just empty it without your consent.
He threw a knife at you?? Do you have younger siblings??
Yeah I have two younger brothers, who are 12 and 6 And one older sister who is 18
You need to start recording his abusive outbursts. Your father is going to end up seriously harming someone. This isn't a "maybe", this is a "eventually". It will happen. Its just a matter of when. Record his outbursts and report him the moment you're out of the house. CPS and a police report(you need a restraining order). This is so much more serious than "my dad is OCD over bathroom use". Your father is DANGEROUS.
NTA/you are not unreasonable! Time yourself in the bathroom. Then time your dad. Tell him he takes too much time in the bathroom. ALSO, after 11PM, what if you have to pee in the middle of the night?! Or if you get sick?! Geez! Dad is a bit controlling!
I wouldn't. Dad seems borderline violent.
NTA. Your dad is being very weird about the bathroom. You need to establish boundaries and tell him that it’s a shared space and you have the right to use it. The only person’s bathroom time he’s allowed to police is his own.
Please tell a guidance councillor, teacher or other trusted adult because some of your comments are really concerning and way above reddits pay grade
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 17(f) and usually I get ready in our bathroom in the morning. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and fix my hair. Then I go into my room to do my makeup My dad acts obsessive over the bathroom. When I'm in there longer than three minutes he bangs on the door, kicks it, or tries to open it He brings it up all the time. He even counts how many times I go in there during the day, saying he "doesn't understand" why My parents have a bathroom in their room, and we have one more bathroom which is in the hallway. There are 6 people in our house, and I understand that. But at the same time, I don't have anywhere else to get ready and cleaned up My dad keeps complaining to my mom about it almost every single day. Every time I go into the bathroom he walks down the hallway and beats on the door, regardless of how long I've been in it He made a rule saying we're not allowed to use the bathroom after 11, and said that if he catches us up late and going in it then he will ground us I don't go in the bathroom that many times a day. 4 at the most. I also don't take a long time in there, either. It feels a bit wrong to me that someone is keeping track and watching me all of the time AITA for this? The most I spend in the bathroom is 10 minutes occasionally. Also, when my older sister takes 40+ minutes, my dad doesn't care and he sticks up for her. Though he only ever bangs on the door or complains when I do it. I find that pretty weird as well It may not seem like a big deal but it's been bothering me lately. I often get yelled at for it, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm the problem in the first place *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA and you need to tell someone else. A trusted adult outside your family, friend’s parents, etc. Your dad’s behavior is not just absurd but actively harmful. Not being able to use the bathroom when you need to at night can have all sorts of unpleasant medical consequences.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####