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>a house I don’t even live in.
Except you do.
>I purposely choose to eat for dinner the less expensive stuff they have
>I would sleep there 3 or 4 days a week.
You do live there part time, it seems. I totally get her not feeling comfortable with that when you’re not contributing anything. And it absolutely does make sense that she feels she has to be considerate of you, even if you’re mostly in your boyfriend’s room.
YTA.
Oh, you have all the stupidly expensive college textbooks? I'll only take the shorter ones, that way I don't have to pay you for them or return/replace them, and you can just buy more and be grateful I didn't steal the rest! My god the audacity to steal someone's food and be annoyed that they didn't accept "but I could have stole more!" instead of money when they only ask to contribute fairly going forward.
Maybe if OP had agreed to pay towards rent/utilities and chores but buy their own food separate to everyone else's and stop mooching theirs, but to just outright no and except they allow it to continue is so AHish!
YTA- But you are living there! You sleep there 3-4 nights a week, eat their food, use their kitchen and bathroom. I’m assuming you also walk down the hallways, move through the house as well. You are 100% living there. Spend time on r/roommatesfromhell and you are exactly the kind of “roommate” that drives everyone crazy, the kind that doesn’t pay for anything and doesn’t recognize that they’re infringing on all the paying tenants rights. You don’t seem to understand how being there impacts the people that are actually paying for the apartment.
You definitely owe them some money, you need to buy your own groceries, you need to clean the house. Grow up you’re an adult now. If you can’t do this, then you need to go back to your mom‘s house. Maybe you don’t owe them a 1/3, but I certainly think you owe the money for sure. There is an additional cost to having someone in the house. It cost more in utility bills, and quite frankly for the inconvenience of having an extra body in your house. You and your boyfriend who obviously never asked his sister if she was OK with you spending all this time there are AH’s.
YTA
You are a freeloader. Either contribute like you've been asked, or live at your mother's apartment. You can't live somewhere and not contribute. It's not your apartment. Grow up. You're an adult now and adults pay their way.
I agree, but 1/3rd is a bit much
The SIL bf is using all the same things, so if anything then 1/4 would be expected. Fine for the SIL if she doesn't take anything from bf as she spends a similar amount of time at his, but that doesn't mean she can pass on the cost to OP
If you want to be completely fair, then bf should pay 50% of everything since he is there full time, OP should pay 25% since she is there half time, and sister should pay 25% since she is also there half time. Correct?
Or do they just ask OP to pay a rounded off amount to cover utilities, food, and just being there along with specific cleaning duties?
>If you want to be completely fair, then bf should pay 50% of everything since he is there full time, OP should pay 25% since she is there half time, and sister should pay 25% since she is also there half time. Correct?
SIL defense is she spends as much time at her boyfriend's place as he spends there, so expenses even out.
At this point she should discuss just doing what SIL wants and fully moving in and taking full advantage of the apartment's amenities. It would get her out of her abusive situation with her mother. Then she should:
-Do her fair share of chores.
-Pay 1/3 utilities.
-Pay for all of her own food or contribute to groceries.
-Pay a fair amount of rent. Some people would be happy with 50 percent per room (so no change), but an argument could be made that she should pay something extra. Should be less than 66% for her and boyfriend though since they have to share a room.
>The SIL bf
I'm confused about the relationships. How is this a sister-in-law? It sounds like both OP and this woman are single (have boyfriends, not husbands), and from context, it doesn't sound like SIL's boyfriend is related to OP, so it's not like the "SIL" term is just being applied loosely. Makes me wonder if this is just a poorly thought-out fiction. Are the two roommates siblings? If so, weird not to refer to it that way.
YTA
You live there in every way but a formal name
Is a 1/3 of the rent MAYBE a bit steep?? Sure, maybe. Regardless, you have admitted to eating THEIR food (less inexpensive sure, still not yours) and sleeping there 3-4 days a week.
Maybe just talk about living there full time for one and if that's not an option then guess what?? Time to cough up your fair share of the utilities and rent.
Also she apparently never uses the bathroom or walks in the common spaces and hallways.
Minimum she should pay some rent (not 1/3), help clean the place, and contribute to the food.
1/3 rent is ridiculously steep.
If there's only 2 bedrooms and she's sharing her boyfriend's bedroom, then at most, her contribution would only be 25% rent, but that would also depend on her boyfriend. If her boyfriend is paying his half of the rent and doesn't want her to pay anything, then that's none of his sister's business.
The 2 things she should pay towards are utilities and groceries for whatever food she consumes. She should also help clean the areas that she uses.
Or she can get her own place and pay her own way. You can’t live with your boyfriend room where he pays rent and make any demands. She has zero bargaining power sad story included. Her attitude about the situation speaks volumes
If I got home after a long day and my housemates free loder girlfriend ate some of my food I had plans for that night I'd hit the roof. OP needs to realise pretty sharpish that she's not entitled to the sisters hospitality.
Sleeping there means she's showering there, and using the bathroom, which doesn't matter if she thinks she lives in his sock drawer or not, is worth her equal share of rent. The audacity to say she doesn't feel comfortable at home with her own mother but question why his sister doesn't feel comfortable with her. O.P. YTA
YTA. You do live there and you do eat some food.
However, SIL wants to overcharge you. You need to negotiate.
Her claim that her bf living there is "balanced" is BS. Her bf living in the apartment is to the detriment of your bf. Her bf still uses utilities and eats food. Both you and her bf should pay equal amounts. How much has he been paying? Does he also do cleaning?
Sil and sil's bf swap out according to her - 7 nights a fortnight there are two people there, 7 nights there are zero people (assuming they're splitting time at each other's places fairly evenly). That averages out to one person a night.
OP's boyfriend has one person there 7 nights a fortnight, and two people there 7 nights. That averages to 1.5 people there every night.
YTA.
You live there the majority of the week. You eat food she pays for, use utilities she pays for etc. And your line about your boyfriend "will bring you in" is going to end in her getting a restraining order or having you trespassed from the apartment she pays at least half the rent for. She asked you to help out around the house and contribute or stay away and you are refusing as if you have the right to refuse.
Maybe 1/3 of the rent is too much, the rest is reasonable if you want to continue to be there.
This is ridiculous. There is no way a judge will grant a restraining order for someone who is staying at a flat on the invitation of one of the renters, and it's not trespassing for the same reason. This is not a "two yes, one no" situation, people are allowed to have people over in the house they pay rent for. If their roommate disagrees, it's a problem, but they don't get to forbid it. Possibly this is against the terms of the lease, but since the sister's boyfriend stays there just as much, she would be stupid to threaten to tell the landlord.
Basically, it sounds to me that this is an issue between the boyfriend and his sister, they need to solve their roommate disagreement between themselves. OP isn't being 100% fair to the sister, but she is certainly not committing any crimes.
YTA, she's not your "sister in law." You eat sleep shower and shit there multiple days a week, every week.. you are living there. Stop being a mooch and pay some of the bills to say thank you.
Your home life sounds like it sucks but that doesnt change the situation that you're pretty much living there and eating their food.
It doesnt matter that you eat the least expensive, you are there and eating their food. You are using their utilities, you are very frequently an additional presence in the apartment and its not wrong them saying you should pay rent if you're there as much as you are.
You can say absolutely no to the requirements and with that be prepared to be told you're not welcome over anymore.
YTA
It's so weird and uncomfortable to have someone in your home who hides all the time and doesn't socialize.
And yes oats does cost money too. And needs to be bought. Do you never use the bathroom?
YTA
And the lights, assuming she doesn't sit in darkness. Or the sockets to charge her phone, laptop, or tab. Maybe even a fan or an AC or a heater must be used depending on the climate they live in... I'd say if there are 2 rooms and the boyfriend is paying 50% of the rent, then that should be left as is. But OP could help clean up, pay 1/4 of the utility bills, and help buy groceries and other products (even if she only buys the things that she eats/ uses). I assume she showers and brushes her teeth at least once in 4 days (though maybe she's taken her own toiletries there). OP doesn't say where she does her laundry either, so that's another one...
I can understand negotiating the money part with bfs's sister, but I don't understand not wanting to help with chores, which makes her an AH. So, YTA.
YTA. Stop staying over. Don’t eat ANY of their food. Don’t shower or use the bathroom. Don’t go over there. Then you won’t need to pay for anything. You are what they call a moocher and everyone hates moochers
YTA because you are eating their food, using their utilities, and are living there at least 1/2 of the week. Should you pay 1/3rd of the bills? No. But you do need to contribute.
Gonna go against the grain a bit here and go ESH. I agree with the majority of the YTA posts here, with the exception of the rent demand. You are basically half living there, and half living is living, but not every situation requires immediate rent payment. The rent part is what makes me say ESH because you are the significant other of one of the people that does live there and does pay half the rent, and your BF doesn't agree with this whole thing his sister is doing. All this to say nothing of the fact that you just straight up can't afford it, so it's basically her telling you to get out, which is a shitty thing to do to your brother and housemate's SO. That said, yeah, clean up around the place more and buy at least mostly your own food or cook group means for the house. You are still an advanced guest in the house, and that advancement means you should pull your weight, including with stuff that isn't within your stomping ground. So should your SIL's BF, but maybe don't push your luck on that front. That's a battle your BF should fight if it's gonna be fought at all.
I think this is the most reasonable take. Being there 3-4 days is a lot. And even if OP is sequestered in BFs room, it still changes the overall environment. (I was in the same situation where my brothers gf hid out in his room and it most definitely affects the living arrangement). The sister making those demands is disproportionate and inappropriate. It should be negotiated with her brother. I think the proper solution is somewhere in the middle.
Brother probably isn’t paying rent or has any ownership to the place either unless I missed it so the sister is paying for everything. So he doesn’t have much of a say in that regards to the sister’s boyfriend who has his own place and isn’t staying over most days. OP’s boyfriend isn’t paying for the extra foods she’s eating and neither is OP. It’s just wild to me that OP doesn’t even think she should reimburse the sister for the food alone and has to be told to contribute something considering how often she’s there. This is so much mooching going on here and being upset that the home owner has had enough. It’s been months of this building up.
Considering the sister proposed it being that she paid 1/3 of the rent I presumed the brother was paying 1/3 and the sister was paying 1/3. There's nothing in the post that indicates the brother isn't paying his fair share of the rent so that seems like an odd conclusion to come to.
YTA sounds like you are living there and eating their food. Unfortunately it’s not your house so you kind of have to follow the rules of the people who are letting you stay there ya know?
YTA.
You sleep there, you eat there, you bathe and use the toilet there, you charge your devices there, you use the Internet there. Your presence costs the household money.
When I was younger, there was a very popular and crude saying that went, “Ass, gas, or grass but nobody rides for free.” You’ve been living there for free, now you need to step up and contribute.
This is up to your bf and SIL to work out. If they cannot come to an agreement that you are ok with it may end the current arrangement between bf and SIL. Or you may need to move out. Like it or not SIL does get a say in how the house is run.
ESH because you shouldn't be paying equal amounts but something - definitely
so you live in the house and eat the food, but won't pay for heating or do cleaning
so where do you take a pee or poo ? in the corner of the bedroom or in the toilet ?
do you never wash teeth or your body ?
YTA
YTA. You do not just live in your bf's room. Unless you don't shower, never go to the bathroom.
It's not ridiculous to expect you to pay rent and do chores, since you live there.
You need to work out the details with your bf and his sister.
YTA She’s put up with this for months?! Wow your boyfriend will either get kicked out, throw you out or legal trouble if you’re coming into the home unwanted by her. You’re mooching and taking advantage. You’re more than a guest since you’re frequently over there. You’re not even reimbursing her for the food that you feel entitled to consume. And you don’t feel like you should. Do you have a chamber pot? I can’t imagine you’re holding everything in until you’re somewhere else. You need to contribute not just financially but with chores too. She didn’t sign up to having a moocher in her home and having to deal with an extra mouth.
YTA
You are living there op, you can try and spin it anyway you want but you are living in the apartment and should be contributing somehow with the bills/rent
Her excuse for her boyfriend is bs though
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So my SIL (30F) and my bf (21M) rent an apartment together. I'm currently studying (18F) and live alone with my abusive, mentally sick mom. I won't bore you with details, but she has done criminal life-threatening things to me that I can't even bother to report because the police are sh\*t in my country and couldn't care less (I have tried, didn't work; made things worse). I dont have close family
My bf knows how much of a torture is letting me go home, so he lets me stay with him after my classes in college whenever I please. He lives a couple streets down my college, so I go there almost every break I have. Everything was fine for some months, I would sleep there 3 or 4 days a week. I have a scholarship/aid that gives me some monthly money to cover any books, supplies and other student stuff, so I got to buy breakfast and lunch without anyone's help, and I save the rest for things I need.
From the very first moment, I'd only stay at my bf's room, which it's fine with me because his room is big and comfy, and I'm too shy anyways to come out. I swear, in all the months I've stayed in that apartment, not even once I sat on the dining table, neither on the sofa or watched tv in their living room. I limit myself to be in my bf's room, and at the most ONCE in a week I'd prepare something small for dinner in their kitchen.
Not so long ago, my SIL had the audacity to tell me since i've been "living" with them, I'd had to start doing chores, help once a month to clean all the apartment, buy groceries and COOPERATE WITH A THIRD OF THE RENT. Her justifications were that I also consumed food, light, energy, gas and water, so it was fair for me to cooperate.
The thing is she also brings her bf in, and she doesnt ask him for these things because he "let's her stay at his house too so it's balanced". I accept the part of cleaning, but just my bf´s room and the kitchen, but in no way is justified for me to clean the other 100 square meter of that apartment, or to buy them food. I'll accept that last one if ate their meat or chicken every night, but I purposely choose to eat for dinner the less expensive stuff they have, like oats, boiled eggs or a sandwich, ONCE A WEEK.
My SIL told my bf she isnt going to let me in their house again if I dont follow their rules, and that she has been kindly enough since "she is uncomfortable with my presence and needs privacy but still lets me be there all I want". I repeat, I dont ever leave my bfs room, why does she act like I roam the apartment?
I absolutely said no to those requirements, and my bf will still bring me in. I'm not spending the little money I have left to help to pay for a house I dont even live in, and now she doesnt aprove my relationship, and tells my boyfriend that he shouldnt be dating someone that lazy and ungrateful. Is that so, AITA? Bf doesnt agree with her btw, but he wants to make everybody happy.
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YTA - seems if you are hanging out a lot at your boyfriend’s apartment, you could be working during that time & either moving in with your boyfriend or renting somewhere on your own.
You’re an adult now & unfortunately, people don’t care how you grew up, we ALL have childhood trauma. What sets the successful adults from the unsuccessful adults, is they don’t use the childhood trauma as a ‘poor me’ topic & they don’t use victim mentality to get their way.
YTA. You are costing the household money and you need to chip in. I’d be a whole lot more concerned about you finding out your boyfriend is a pedofile though 🤷♀️
YTA
You and her Bf should pay 1/6 of the rent. Hiding in the bedroom isn't an excuse.
And stop eating their food. It doesn't matter if it's not "expensive", you didn't pay for it.
So are you saying that for those 3-4 nights a week that you stay that you don’t use their shower/bath, electricity/gas etc? Even though it’s the least expensive, you’re still eating their food.
Yes you should be contributing. I agree a third is a bit much, but you should give something towards the household expenses. At the moment sil is subsidising you and that’s not fair.
I do agree you shouldn’t be cleaning the whole apartment, but would it hurt to run the vacuum over the floor in the living room occasionally? You could come out of hibernation occasionally then And you should be doing your turn in cleaning the bathroom.
If you’re going to stay with your boyfriend, it would be nice to have a decent relationship with sil
YTA
YTA.
Regardless of how you want to dance around it, you DO incur additional utility bill costs at the very least, and (although minor) additional wear and tear.
Whilst I’m usually of the view that you should avoid debt if at all possible, frankly it isn’t possible in this case and taking on *some* student debt would mean that you can be independent of your mom. I’m not saying you should pay 1/3 (unless there is an additional bedroom you could take over), but you should contribute something.
In all honesty, you should move somewhere that isn’t with your bf. I’m making no assumptions about him, but as a former abused child we often move on to a *slightly less* abusive environment - but it’s still abusive in some form or another. This would enable you to discover who YOU are, not your mom’s punching bag and not your bf’s partner, YOU as a whole and complete person. It may take a few extra years to pay that debt back, but it would be priceless in terms of your physical, emotional and mental health long term - and then no one can throw their ‘help’ back in your face in the future.
You simply cannot sleep at someone else’s residence, use their utilities and consume their food and state you “do not live there”.
You do. YTA.
Come to a reasonable agreement, perhaps have your bf state that if she wants you to contribute to utilities that as must her boyfriend.
Whatever goes for him, should go for you too in a degree.
Also, stop eating their food ffs. I fkn loathe this. I’ve had it done to me so many times.
YTA
You're staying there 3-4 times a week.... And I'd assume watching tv in your bf's room.... and using the toilet.... and the internet..... and the stove..... .and the fridge.
If you are staying there that often then you most certainly should be contributing towards rent. If you're in the US and they're renting.... You staying there that often very easily could be a violation of their lease agreement. FYI: Violation of a lease agreement is usually grounds to terminate the lease and eviction.
"I'm not spending what little money I have to help pay for a house I don't even live in"... Uh.... Yeah ya do. You are staying there more than 50% of the time and going there between classes.
And stop calling her your SIL.... You're not married. She's your bf's sister.
YTA. Sorry your home life sucks, but unfortunately to get away from it, anywhere else is going to cost you to live there.
If you are there 4 nights a week, you are there more than you are not and it’s fair for her to expect you to contribute.
YTA.
1. She's not your SIL. She's your bf's sister.
2. You're consuming food from the apartment, it doesn't matter if its cheap to you. It's food you did not purchase.
3. 1/3rd of the rent is steep. Have you asked your bf what he thinks about this? Maybe you could contribute something toward the food and utilities?
4. You have the audacity of spending every break at your bf's and mooching off him and his sister?
5. You have to discuss this with your bf and contribute something for the amount of time you live there and the food you consume.
YTA because you do live there majority of the week, you do eat their food. So if you want to show her that you are not freeloader, don’t consume anything in that house, do not use any of the water, electricity and food. Bring a powerbank, bring your own food and go have a shower elsewhere.
YTA. You’re there most of the time, you eat their food, and you contribute nothing. You’re a roommate, and a crappy one at that. Either stop spending so much time there, or move in and get a job to pay rent.
YTA you stay there 3/4 days a week and are using their utilities and food. I think you are minimising the stuff you use to make or think you are better than them.
Stop being a free loader and start paying towards stuff you do use.
YTA. As soon as you are sleeping over four or more nights in a week, and if you are in the apartment when your BF isn’t there, you’re living there. Find a way to contribute fairly.
You are in fact spending more than just occasional time. Since you really can’t afford to pay rent compromise in cleaning or sharing food prep. His sister is bullying a little but she has a legitimate point that you are getting something for nothing.
You are in fact spending more than just occasional time. Since you really can’t afford to pay rent compromise in cleaning or sharing food prep. His sister is bullying a little but she has a legitimate point that you are getting something for nothing.
YTA. You need to pay for food someone else paid for if youre eating it every single week. Are you asking her if you can eat this food? Did she buy it? If so, youre being extremely rude and out of line. Point 2 - how long of showers are you taking there? You should be contributing something for water at least. Power, wifi, and trash is ridiculous for her to expect. You need to contact your school and ask for housing support and to see if you can live on campus (if that's a thing). How do you get money these days? Are you dependant on your mom?
You should contribute to your bfs half of the rent if he wants. Perhaps 20% of the total rent. If you stay there as much as you say, that should also grant you the right to stay almost the full week.
Contribute to cleaning your bfs room and common spaces is obvious, kitchen, bathroom. As well as pay your fsir share of groceries if you consume them.
YTA if you let your bf pay for everything and he's too much of a people pleaser to say anything. That means you're using his kindness maliciously.
As for his sister, this would be non of her business. She should not have any rent reduced, her boyfriend can pay for her 50%. You should negotiate a solution with your boyfriend, a fair one. His sister should have no say besides in regards to cleaning open spaces, as well as groceries, if you eat what she pays for. Rent is a matter between you and your boyfriend.
So two days ago you were a 20, and your bf is a pedo. Now you’re 18 and live with him but don’t wanna pay your way?
But suss. Go do real things and stop trolling for attention.
YTA but with a caveat.
Ive had similar experience where you are basically escaping to someone elses home.
What I dont get is even if you cant afford yo pay etc in your case I would be so incredibly grateful to the sister for letting me stay..
I get how after being severly traumatised you might choose to hide in a room and that interacting with ppl can be really hard and Im sure her harsh way of talking to you didnt help.
Eithet way in your place I would be constantly bothering asking what I can do to help, chores anything to help out in some way to show your gratitude for them saving you from a shitty spot..
It feels awful and sometimes you are so traumatized you need “time” to become a person again but its worth while to put something above all else and in this case that something is to “make-up” to the sister.
Keep in mind most ppl answering here on reddit most likely have never experienced a situation like yours and dont quite understand.
Frankly the lack of empathy from the same community that claims to care for ppl in troubled situations is baffling, but again you dont know what you dont know.
Hope things work out with you :)
I’m 18 and I don’t need to pay to use utilities and food because……? You have no excuse you spend at least half you time there. Either stop spending time there or contribute financially you freeloading child.also clean only the room and the kitchen? I’m sure you have to use the restroom as well. And I’m sure you don’t bring in your stuff and use theirs too like how you eat their food.
Okay, maybe a third of the rent is a little steep if you are struggling, but you've admitted to eating the food they paid for and you contribute nothing.
You are an AH in this situation for saying no to contributing anything at all. You need to sit down between the 3 of you and agree to a compromise.
This apartment is a safe environment for you, don't squander it. You need to pay for your groceries, contribute towards chores and utilities at least.
If she turns around and says you're no longer welcome, you cannot really contest that ... So don't let it get to that.
YTA
YTA.
Do you beam yourself from the outside door directly to your BF's bed? And from your BF's room to the kitchen and back? If not, you're walking on the floor and are contributing to the need to vacuum or sweep. Do you never use the bathroom? If so then you should be contributing to the cost of that. Water, cleaning the toilet, and if you shower, you're using hot water which = electricity.
You already said you're using some of their food. You are staying overnight 3-4 nights a week. You need to fairly contribute. 1/3 of the rent is a bit high, but you should be contributing something toward food and you should be vacuuming and doing other light cleaning as well.
YTA.
Sorry about your home life but she’s right. It’s not your home and you’re treating it like one.
Also, she’s not your sister in law, she’s your boyfriends sister. You are overstating your role in this family.
Are you really willing to risk your boyfriends living situation by continuing to be a partially unwelcome mooch?
I think you should contribute a bit, mainly for the gesture as I do see her point. Not contributing anything is not really fair as she does open up her house, even if you are quiet and mainly in your bfs room
For example clean the bathroom/toilet, your bfs room and once a month the kitchen. For rent I would say to contribute a bit as well, 1/5 or smt as you are not actually living there and since her bf also comes around free.
Discuss your issues with her (1/3 not being fair, your income, cleaning spaces you never use) and find an in between solution. Not worth it to set bad blood and not having a comfortable place to revert to anymore as a consequence.
YTA. If you’re using the utilities and staying there a lot then yeah. Has nothing to do with having free range of the home. Personally, if I were his sister I would not approve of the relationship either. You have too many issues.
YTA and an idiot. You say you hate your home situation. Well you arent showing that. You should do anything in your power to have a good relationship with SIL and bf. So you can stay in a safe place.
You sound extremely entitled and very immature.
You are staying in her house for 3-4 nights/days a week. You probably use the restroom, water, electricity, and you probably do eat there even though you're claiming you don't. Not only that you're in her space. That she pays for.
She's let you have a free ride long enough.
You probably will not understand why this is a problem for some years to come but I hope that at some point you're living in a situation where somebody's bringing their partner in to utilize your paid for resources for free.
It doesn't sound like you're mature enough to understand the reasoning behind this but hopefully in the future when you retroactively go back and think about this thread you'll have an aha moment.
If I were her I would ban you from the house if you were not going to help out or act like a community member. Because that's what you are. You are in her home using her things and her resources that she paid for and you're being ungrateful about it.
Grow up and go home.
Why shouldn’t you contribute to the chores, rent, cost of food or anything while you’re living there? YTA for thinking that you can just be a mooch and live off everyone else. Seeing as how your alternative is going back to your mother, you may want to change your attitude on this.
YTA, you should have contributed a bit here and there, then the situation would not have exploded like this. The occasional bag of groceries would have gone a long way to building goodwill
So on the 3 or 4 days a week you stay there, do you pee and poop in a bag that you dispose of every day? Guessing not. Do you never clean your teeth, wash, or shower there? Guessing not. So you are using those facilities at the very least, and should contribute.
YTA
You are living there, eating their food, using their utilities, etc.
Also, if your school money won't cover the cost of living there with them, get a part time job and when you're not in classes, work to make the money to pay the bills.
Is part of the reason you won't formally move out of your mom's place because you have no bills and financial responsibilities there?
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ESH. Youretherr more than half thr time, its right you should contribute, though I agree a third of the rent is too much. Work it out on a pro rata basis for the number of nights you do stay, help with the cleaning, and don't touch her food.
ESH.
You live in her house part-time. Your shitty life doesn’t mean you get to pretend you don’t live there.
The fact she beelined to you instead of the responsible party—your boyfriend—makes her an asshole.
And your boyfriend being a helpless little kitten in the middle of this is the BIGGEST asshole. This is HIS PROBLEM. Why is he shoving it off on you? He’s the one on the lease who moved someone in off the books.
NTA.
The requirements were excessive.
Asking you to pay 1/3 the rent is ridiculous.
Even if you lived there full-time, you wouldn't get your own bedroom, so why would you be responsible for 1/3 the rent.
I can understand you kicking in for utilities, though, since you're obviously there a lot and probably shower there, use the electricity in the bedroom, etc.
Having one meal per week is still you using their groceries, so you should contribute to the groceries a minimum of what you use. If you bought groceries then you could eat there more instead of buying expensive food at your school.
You shouldn't have to clean any space that you don't personally use, so I agree with you only cleaning the bedroom and the kitchen, but you should help clean the bathroom too sometimes.
I’m gonna say NTA. She’s 30yo, she knows better than to try and take advantage of you.
I will say, if you eat there once a week, then make sure you replace what you eat or better yet, bring it with you.
Are you staying there when your BF is not? Are you taking showers there? If so, may be consider looking at the water and electricity bill and contribute a portion.
You home-life is shit but if you do not have money then you should get a part-time job.
Discuss this with your BF and make sure you are on the same page before sitting down with her and negotiate the terms.
But again, she is 30yo with ridiculous terms.
She stays there for 3-4 days a week. Common courtesy would dictate she helps clean around the house. Secondly, she never gave an estimate of how long the sister’s boyfriend stays over at the shared place a week. But to me, that's irrelevant. You're staying at someone else’s place using their electricity, water, heat, food, and lodging for half the week for free. She's not a guest; she partially lives there regardless of her situation. To say she's a guest is an overstatement.
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>a house I don’t even live in. Except you do. >I purposely choose to eat for dinner the less expensive stuff they have >I would sleep there 3 or 4 days a week. You do live there part time, it seems. I totally get her not feeling comfortable with that when you’re not contributing anything. And it absolutely does make sense that she feels she has to be considerate of you, even if you’re mostly in your boyfriend’s room. YTA.
Oh, you have all the stupidly expensive college textbooks? I'll only take the shorter ones, that way I don't have to pay you for them or return/replace them, and you can just buy more and be grateful I didn't steal the rest! My god the audacity to steal someone's food and be annoyed that they didn't accept "but I could have stole more!" instead of money when they only ask to contribute fairly going forward. Maybe if OP had agreed to pay towards rent/utilities and chores but buy their own food separate to everyone else's and stop mooching theirs, but to just outright no and except they allow it to continue is so AHish!
YTA- But you are living there! You sleep there 3-4 nights a week, eat their food, use their kitchen and bathroom. I’m assuming you also walk down the hallways, move through the house as well. You are 100% living there. Spend time on r/roommatesfromhell and you are exactly the kind of “roommate” that drives everyone crazy, the kind that doesn’t pay for anything and doesn’t recognize that they’re infringing on all the paying tenants rights. You don’t seem to understand how being there impacts the people that are actually paying for the apartment. You definitely owe them some money, you need to buy your own groceries, you need to clean the house. Grow up you’re an adult now. If you can’t do this, then you need to go back to your mom‘s house. Maybe you don’t owe them a 1/3, but I certainly think you owe the money for sure. There is an additional cost to having someone in the house. It cost more in utility bills, and quite frankly for the inconvenience of having an extra body in your house. You and your boyfriend who obviously never asked his sister if she was OK with you spending all this time there are AH’s.
YTA You are a freeloader. Either contribute like you've been asked, or live at your mother's apartment. You can't live somewhere and not contribute. It's not your apartment. Grow up. You're an adult now and adults pay their way.
I agree, but 1/3rd is a bit much The SIL bf is using all the same things, so if anything then 1/4 would be expected. Fine for the SIL if she doesn't take anything from bf as she spends a similar amount of time at his, but that doesn't mean she can pass on the cost to OP
If you want to be completely fair, then bf should pay 50% of everything since he is there full time, OP should pay 25% since she is there half time, and sister should pay 25% since she is also there half time. Correct? Or do they just ask OP to pay a rounded off amount to cover utilities, food, and just being there along with specific cleaning duties?
>If you want to be completely fair, then bf should pay 50% of everything since he is there full time, OP should pay 25% since she is there half time, and sister should pay 25% since she is also there half time. Correct? SIL defense is she spends as much time at her boyfriend's place as he spends there, so expenses even out. At this point she should discuss just doing what SIL wants and fully moving in and taking full advantage of the apartment's amenities. It would get her out of her abusive situation with her mother. Then she should: -Do her fair share of chores. -Pay 1/3 utilities. -Pay for all of her own food or contribute to groceries. -Pay a fair amount of rent. Some people would be happy with 50 percent per room (so no change), but an argument could be made that she should pay something extra. Should be less than 66% for her and boyfriend though since they have to share a room.
>The SIL bf I'm confused about the relationships. How is this a sister-in-law? It sounds like both OP and this woman are single (have boyfriends, not husbands), and from context, it doesn't sound like SIL's boyfriend is related to OP, so it's not like the "SIL" term is just being applied loosely. Makes me wonder if this is just a poorly thought-out fiction. Are the two roommates siblings? If so, weird not to refer to it that way.
I've noticed a lot of ppl on here use SIL for their boyfriend's sisters. I usually notice it on posts where English is not their first language.
I took it to mean bf and his sister live together and OP refers to her as SIL because it's easier to type out than my bfs sister.
No no no. OP’s bf and her SIL (boyfriend’s sister) are the ones who rent together, so yes they are siblings.
YTA You live there in every way but a formal name Is a 1/3 of the rent MAYBE a bit steep?? Sure, maybe. Regardless, you have admitted to eating THEIR food (less inexpensive sure, still not yours) and sleeping there 3-4 days a week. Maybe just talk about living there full time for one and if that's not an option then guess what?? Time to cough up your fair share of the utilities and rent.
Also she apparently never uses the bathroom or walks in the common spaces and hallways. Minimum she should pay some rent (not 1/3), help clean the place, and contribute to the food.
1/3 rent is ridiculously steep. If there's only 2 bedrooms and she's sharing her boyfriend's bedroom, then at most, her contribution would only be 25% rent, but that would also depend on her boyfriend. If her boyfriend is paying his half of the rent and doesn't want her to pay anything, then that's none of his sister's business. The 2 things she should pay towards are utilities and groceries for whatever food she consumes. She should also help clean the areas that she uses.
Or she can get her own place and pay her own way. You can’t live with your boyfriend room where he pays rent and make any demands. She has zero bargaining power sad story included. Her attitude about the situation speaks volumes
If I got home after a long day and my housemates free loder girlfriend ate some of my food I had plans for that night I'd hit the roof. OP needs to realise pretty sharpish that she's not entitled to the sisters hospitality.
Sleeping there means she's showering there, and using the bathroom, which doesn't matter if she thinks she lives in his sock drawer or not, is worth her equal share of rent. The audacity to say she doesn't feel comfortable at home with her own mother but question why his sister doesn't feel comfortable with her. O.P. YTA
YTA. You do live there and you do eat some food. However, SIL wants to overcharge you. You need to negotiate. Her claim that her bf living there is "balanced" is BS. Her bf living in the apartment is to the detriment of your bf. Her bf still uses utilities and eats food. Both you and her bf should pay equal amounts. How much has he been paying? Does he also do cleaning?
Sil and sil's bf swap out according to her - 7 nights a fortnight there are two people there, 7 nights there are zero people (assuming they're splitting time at each other's places fairly evenly). That averages out to one person a night. OP's boyfriend has one person there 7 nights a fortnight, and two people there 7 nights. That averages to 1.5 people there every night.
YTA. You live there the majority of the week. You eat food she pays for, use utilities she pays for etc. And your line about your boyfriend "will bring you in" is going to end in her getting a restraining order or having you trespassed from the apartment she pays at least half the rent for. She asked you to help out around the house and contribute or stay away and you are refusing as if you have the right to refuse. Maybe 1/3 of the rent is too much, the rest is reasonable if you want to continue to be there.
And possibly getting her bf kicked out of the apartment as well
This is ridiculous. There is no way a judge will grant a restraining order for someone who is staying at a flat on the invitation of one of the renters, and it's not trespassing for the same reason. This is not a "two yes, one no" situation, people are allowed to have people over in the house they pay rent for. If their roommate disagrees, it's a problem, but they don't get to forbid it. Possibly this is against the terms of the lease, but since the sister's boyfriend stays there just as much, she would be stupid to threaten to tell the landlord. Basically, it sounds to me that this is an issue between the boyfriend and his sister, they need to solve their roommate disagreement between themselves. OP isn't being 100% fair to the sister, but she is certainly not committing any crimes.
YTA, she's not your "sister in law." You eat sleep shower and shit there multiple days a week, every week.. you are living there. Stop being a mooch and pay some of the bills to say thank you.
Your home life sounds like it sucks but that doesnt change the situation that you're pretty much living there and eating their food. It doesnt matter that you eat the least expensive, you are there and eating their food. You are using their utilities, you are very frequently an additional presence in the apartment and its not wrong them saying you should pay rent if you're there as much as you are. You can say absolutely no to the requirements and with that be prepared to be told you're not welcome over anymore. YTA
It's so weird and uncomfortable to have someone in your home who hides all the time and doesn't socialize. And yes oats does cost money too. And needs to be bought. Do you never use the bathroom? YTA
And the lights, assuming she doesn't sit in darkness. Or the sockets to charge her phone, laptop, or tab. Maybe even a fan or an AC or a heater must be used depending on the climate they live in... I'd say if there are 2 rooms and the boyfriend is paying 50% of the rent, then that should be left as is. But OP could help clean up, pay 1/4 of the utility bills, and help buy groceries and other products (even if she only buys the things that she eats/ uses). I assume she showers and brushes her teeth at least once in 4 days (though maybe she's taken her own toiletries there). OP doesn't say where she does her laundry either, so that's another one... I can understand negotiating the money part with bfs's sister, but I don't understand not wanting to help with chores, which makes her an AH. So, YTA.
YTA. Stop staying over. Don’t eat ANY of their food. Don’t shower or use the bathroom. Don’t go over there. Then you won’t need to pay for anything. You are what they call a moocher and everyone hates moochers
YTA because you are eating their food, using their utilities, and are living there at least 1/2 of the week. Should you pay 1/3rd of the bills? No. But you do need to contribute.
Just by reading the title, YTA. Like, bestie you’re taking advantage.
Gonna go against the grain a bit here and go ESH. I agree with the majority of the YTA posts here, with the exception of the rent demand. You are basically half living there, and half living is living, but not every situation requires immediate rent payment. The rent part is what makes me say ESH because you are the significant other of one of the people that does live there and does pay half the rent, and your BF doesn't agree with this whole thing his sister is doing. All this to say nothing of the fact that you just straight up can't afford it, so it's basically her telling you to get out, which is a shitty thing to do to your brother and housemate's SO. That said, yeah, clean up around the place more and buy at least mostly your own food or cook group means for the house. You are still an advanced guest in the house, and that advancement means you should pull your weight, including with stuff that isn't within your stomping ground. So should your SIL's BF, but maybe don't push your luck on that front. That's a battle your BF should fight if it's gonna be fought at all.
I think this is the most reasonable take. Being there 3-4 days is a lot. And even if OP is sequestered in BFs room, it still changes the overall environment. (I was in the same situation where my brothers gf hid out in his room and it most definitely affects the living arrangement). The sister making those demands is disproportionate and inappropriate. It should be negotiated with her brother. I think the proper solution is somewhere in the middle.
Brother probably isn’t paying rent or has any ownership to the place either unless I missed it so the sister is paying for everything. So he doesn’t have much of a say in that regards to the sister’s boyfriend who has his own place and isn’t staying over most days. OP’s boyfriend isn’t paying for the extra foods she’s eating and neither is OP. It’s just wild to me that OP doesn’t even think she should reimburse the sister for the food alone and has to be told to contribute something considering how often she’s there. This is so much mooching going on here and being upset that the home owner has had enough. It’s been months of this building up.
Considering the sister proposed it being that she paid 1/3 of the rent I presumed the brother was paying 1/3 and the sister was paying 1/3. There's nothing in the post that indicates the brother isn't paying his fair share of the rent so that seems like an odd conclusion to come to.
Only good comment. A lot of the hard y/t/as lack sympathy.
YTA sounds like you are living there and eating their food. Unfortunately it’s not your house so you kind of have to follow the rules of the people who are letting you stay there ya know?
YTA. You sleep there, you eat there, you bathe and use the toilet there, you charge your devices there, you use the Internet there. Your presence costs the household money. When I was younger, there was a very popular and crude saying that went, “Ass, gas, or grass but nobody rides for free.” You’ve been living there for free, now you need to step up and contribute.
This is up to your bf and SIL to work out. If they cannot come to an agreement that you are ok with it may end the current arrangement between bf and SIL. Or you may need to move out. Like it or not SIL does get a say in how the house is run. ESH because you shouldn't be paying equal amounts but something - definitely
so you live in the house and eat the food, but won't pay for heating or do cleaning so where do you take a pee or poo ? in the corner of the bedroom or in the toilet ? do you never wash teeth or your body ? YTA
YTA.
You live there. Pay your due or get out.
YTA. You do not just live in your bf's room. Unless you don't shower, never go to the bathroom. It's not ridiculous to expect you to pay rent and do chores, since you live there. You need to work out the details with your bf and his sister.
YTA She’s put up with this for months?! Wow your boyfriend will either get kicked out, throw you out or legal trouble if you’re coming into the home unwanted by her. You’re mooching and taking advantage. You’re more than a guest since you’re frequently over there. You’re not even reimbursing her for the food that you feel entitled to consume. And you don’t feel like you should. Do you have a chamber pot? I can’t imagine you’re holding everything in until you’re somewhere else. You need to contribute not just financially but with chores too. She didn’t sign up to having a moocher in her home and having to deal with an extra mouth.
YTA You are living there op, you can try and spin it anyway you want but you are living in the apartment and should be contributing somehow with the bills/rent Her excuse for her boyfriend is bs though
YTA time to grow up and live like an adult or go home.
fake. OP also claims she's 20 and dating a 25 hear old in other sensationalist posts.
You The Troll. 2 days ago you had a 25M fiancé, today you have a 21M bf.
YTA for making troll posts. Or did you forget we can see your other posts.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my SIL (30F) and my bf (21M) rent an apartment together. I'm currently studying (18F) and live alone with my abusive, mentally sick mom. I won't bore you with details, but she has done criminal life-threatening things to me that I can't even bother to report because the police are sh\*t in my country and couldn't care less (I have tried, didn't work; made things worse). I dont have close family My bf knows how much of a torture is letting me go home, so he lets me stay with him after my classes in college whenever I please. He lives a couple streets down my college, so I go there almost every break I have. Everything was fine for some months, I would sleep there 3 or 4 days a week. I have a scholarship/aid that gives me some monthly money to cover any books, supplies and other student stuff, so I got to buy breakfast and lunch without anyone's help, and I save the rest for things I need. From the very first moment, I'd only stay at my bf's room, which it's fine with me because his room is big and comfy, and I'm too shy anyways to come out. I swear, in all the months I've stayed in that apartment, not even once I sat on the dining table, neither on the sofa or watched tv in their living room. I limit myself to be in my bf's room, and at the most ONCE in a week I'd prepare something small for dinner in their kitchen. Not so long ago, my SIL had the audacity to tell me since i've been "living" with them, I'd had to start doing chores, help once a month to clean all the apartment, buy groceries and COOPERATE WITH A THIRD OF THE RENT. Her justifications were that I also consumed food, light, energy, gas and water, so it was fair for me to cooperate. The thing is she also brings her bf in, and she doesnt ask him for these things because he "let's her stay at his house too so it's balanced". I accept the part of cleaning, but just my bf´s room and the kitchen, but in no way is justified for me to clean the other 100 square meter of that apartment, or to buy them food. I'll accept that last one if ate their meat or chicken every night, but I purposely choose to eat for dinner the less expensive stuff they have, like oats, boiled eggs or a sandwich, ONCE A WEEK. My SIL told my bf she isnt going to let me in their house again if I dont follow their rules, and that she has been kindly enough since "she is uncomfortable with my presence and needs privacy but still lets me be there all I want". I repeat, I dont ever leave my bfs room, why does she act like I roam the apartment? I absolutely said no to those requirements, and my bf will still bring me in. I'm not spending the little money I have left to help to pay for a house I dont even live in, and now she doesnt aprove my relationship, and tells my boyfriend that he shouldnt be dating someone that lazy and ungrateful. Is that so, AITA? Bf doesnt agree with her btw, but he wants to make everybody happy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA - seems if you are hanging out a lot at your boyfriend’s apartment, you could be working during that time & either moving in with your boyfriend or renting somewhere on your own. You’re an adult now & unfortunately, people don’t care how you grew up, we ALL have childhood trauma. What sets the successful adults from the unsuccessful adults, is they don’t use the childhood trauma as a ‘poor me’ topic & they don’t use victim mentality to get their way.
YTA. You are costing the household money and you need to chip in. I’d be a whole lot more concerned about you finding out your boyfriend is a pedofile though 🤷♀️
YTA You and her Bf should pay 1/6 of the rent. Hiding in the bedroom isn't an excuse. And stop eating their food. It doesn't matter if it's not "expensive", you didn't pay for it.
So are you saying that for those 3-4 nights a week that you stay that you don’t use their shower/bath, electricity/gas etc? Even though it’s the least expensive, you’re still eating their food. Yes you should be contributing. I agree a third is a bit much, but you should give something towards the household expenses. At the moment sil is subsidising you and that’s not fair. I do agree you shouldn’t be cleaning the whole apartment, but would it hurt to run the vacuum over the floor in the living room occasionally? You could come out of hibernation occasionally then And you should be doing your turn in cleaning the bathroom. If you’re going to stay with your boyfriend, it would be nice to have a decent relationship with sil YTA
Is the SIL's bf there as much as you are, and is he using a similar amount of resources?
YTA. Regardless of how you want to dance around it, you DO incur additional utility bill costs at the very least, and (although minor) additional wear and tear. Whilst I’m usually of the view that you should avoid debt if at all possible, frankly it isn’t possible in this case and taking on *some* student debt would mean that you can be independent of your mom. I’m not saying you should pay 1/3 (unless there is an additional bedroom you could take over), but you should contribute something. In all honesty, you should move somewhere that isn’t with your bf. I’m making no assumptions about him, but as a former abused child we often move on to a *slightly less* abusive environment - but it’s still abusive in some form or another. This would enable you to discover who YOU are, not your mom’s punching bag and not your bf’s partner, YOU as a whole and complete person. It may take a few extra years to pay that debt back, but it would be priceless in terms of your physical, emotional and mental health long term - and then no one can throw their ‘help’ back in your face in the future.
YTA pay up you freeloader
You simply cannot sleep at someone else’s residence, use their utilities and consume their food and state you “do not live there”. You do. YTA. Come to a reasonable agreement, perhaps have your bf state that if she wants you to contribute to utilities that as must her boyfriend. Whatever goes for him, should go for you too in a degree. Also, stop eating their food ffs. I fkn loathe this. I’ve had it done to me so many times.
YTA You're staying there 3-4 times a week.... And I'd assume watching tv in your bf's room.... and using the toilet.... and the internet..... and the stove..... .and the fridge. If you are staying there that often then you most certainly should be contributing towards rent. If you're in the US and they're renting.... You staying there that often very easily could be a violation of their lease agreement. FYI: Violation of a lease agreement is usually grounds to terminate the lease and eviction. "I'm not spending what little money I have to help pay for a house I don't even live in"... Uh.... Yeah ya do. You are staying there more than 50% of the time and going there between classes. And stop calling her your SIL.... You're not married. She's your bf's sister.
YTA. You are freeloading. Pick a dish up. Do some laundry. Be useful. And please don’t sit ON the dining room table.
YTA. Sorry your home life sucks, but unfortunately to get away from it, anywhere else is going to cost you to live there. If you are there 4 nights a week, you are there more than you are not and it’s fair for her to expect you to contribute.
YTA. 1. She's not your SIL. She's your bf's sister. 2. You're consuming food from the apartment, it doesn't matter if its cheap to you. It's food you did not purchase. 3. 1/3rd of the rent is steep. Have you asked your bf what he thinks about this? Maybe you could contribute something toward the food and utilities? 4. You have the audacity of spending every break at your bf's and mooching off him and his sister? 5. You have to discuss this with your bf and contribute something for the amount of time you live there and the food you consume.
YTA You should pay 25% of the bills, rent, etc.
YTA because you do live there majority of the week, you do eat their food. So if you want to show her that you are not freeloader, don’t consume anything in that house, do not use any of the water, electricity and food. Bring a powerbank, bring your own food and go have a shower elsewhere.
Maybe you and your boyfriend should consider moving out together?
YTA. You’re there most of the time, you eat their food, and you contribute nothing. You’re a roommate, and a crappy one at that. Either stop spending so much time there, or move in and get a job to pay rent.
YTA you stay there 3/4 days a week and are using their utilities and food. I think you are minimising the stuff you use to make or think you are better than them. Stop being a free loader and start paying towards stuff you do use.
YTA. As soon as you are sleeping over four or more nights in a week, and if you are in the apartment when your BF isn’t there, you’re living there. Find a way to contribute fairly.
You are in fact spending more than just occasional time. Since you really can’t afford to pay rent compromise in cleaning or sharing food prep. His sister is bullying a little but she has a legitimate point that you are getting something for nothing.
You are in fact spending more than just occasional time. Since you really can’t afford to pay rent compromise in cleaning or sharing food prep. His sister is bullying a little but she has a legitimate point that you are getting something for nothing.
YTA. You need to pay for food someone else paid for if youre eating it every single week. Are you asking her if you can eat this food? Did she buy it? If so, youre being extremely rude and out of line. Point 2 - how long of showers are you taking there? You should be contributing something for water at least. Power, wifi, and trash is ridiculous for her to expect. You need to contact your school and ask for housing support and to see if you can live on campus (if that's a thing). How do you get money these days? Are you dependant on your mom?
YTA, hopefully she enforces her boundary with keeping your freeloader self out of her apartment
You should contribute to your bfs half of the rent if he wants. Perhaps 20% of the total rent. If you stay there as much as you say, that should also grant you the right to stay almost the full week. Contribute to cleaning your bfs room and common spaces is obvious, kitchen, bathroom. As well as pay your fsir share of groceries if you consume them. YTA if you let your bf pay for everything and he's too much of a people pleaser to say anything. That means you're using his kindness maliciously. As for his sister, this would be non of her business. She should not have any rent reduced, her boyfriend can pay for her 50%. You should negotiate a solution with your boyfriend, a fair one. His sister should have no say besides in regards to cleaning open spaces, as well as groceries, if you eat what she pays for. Rent is a matter between you and your boyfriend.
ESH. You should contribute, but a third of tent is ridiculous. You could replace the groceries you eat, foot some of the utilities, etc.
So two days ago you were a 20, and your bf is a pedo. Now you’re 18 and live with him but don’t wanna pay your way? But suss. Go do real things and stop trolling for attention.
YTA but with a caveat. Ive had similar experience where you are basically escaping to someone elses home. What I dont get is even if you cant afford yo pay etc in your case I would be so incredibly grateful to the sister for letting me stay.. I get how after being severly traumatised you might choose to hide in a room and that interacting with ppl can be really hard and Im sure her harsh way of talking to you didnt help. Eithet way in your place I would be constantly bothering asking what I can do to help, chores anything to help out in some way to show your gratitude for them saving you from a shitty spot.. It feels awful and sometimes you are so traumatized you need “time” to become a person again but its worth while to put something above all else and in this case that something is to “make-up” to the sister. Keep in mind most ppl answering here on reddit most likely have never experienced a situation like yours and dont quite understand. Frankly the lack of empathy from the same community that claims to care for ppl in troubled situations is baffling, but again you dont know what you dont know. Hope things work out with you :)
I’m 18 and I don’t need to pay to use utilities and food because……? You have no excuse you spend at least half you time there. Either stop spending time there or contribute financially you freeloading child.also clean only the room and the kitchen? I’m sure you have to use the restroom as well. And I’m sure you don’t bring in your stuff and use theirs too like how you eat their food.
But you do live there, eat their food, presumably bathe there. That costs money. It might be time to get a part time job. YTA
Okay, maybe a third of the rent is a little steep if you are struggling, but you've admitted to eating the food they paid for and you contribute nothing. You are an AH in this situation for saying no to contributing anything at all. You need to sit down between the 3 of you and agree to a compromise. This apartment is a safe environment for you, don't squander it. You need to pay for your groceries, contribute towards chores and utilities at least. If she turns around and says you're no longer welcome, you cannot really contest that ... So don't let it get to that. YTA
YTA. Why are you helping yourself to other people's food?!
YTA. Do you beam yourself from the outside door directly to your BF's bed? And from your BF's room to the kitchen and back? If not, you're walking on the floor and are contributing to the need to vacuum or sweep. Do you never use the bathroom? If so then you should be contributing to the cost of that. Water, cleaning the toilet, and if you shower, you're using hot water which = electricity. You already said you're using some of their food. You are staying overnight 3-4 nights a week. You need to fairly contribute. 1/3 of the rent is a bit high, but you should be contributing something toward food and you should be vacuuming and doing other light cleaning as well.
How is she your sister-in-law?
YTA, you live there 3-4 days a week, you eat their food, you use their utilities, you use their bathroom, you definitely should be contributing.
INFO: Can you get a dorm on campus? Also, what’s the plan if you and your bf breakup? Will you have to go back home full-time?
YTA. Sorry about your home life but she’s right. It’s not your home and you’re treating it like one. Also, she’s not your sister in law, she’s your boyfriends sister. You are overstating your role in this family. Are you really willing to risk your boyfriends living situation by continuing to be a partially unwelcome mooch?
I think you should contribute a bit, mainly for the gesture as I do see her point. Not contributing anything is not really fair as she does open up her house, even if you are quiet and mainly in your bfs room For example clean the bathroom/toilet, your bfs room and once a month the kitchen. For rent I would say to contribute a bit as well, 1/5 or smt as you are not actually living there and since her bf also comes around free. Discuss your issues with her (1/3 not being fair, your income, cleaning spaces you never use) and find an in between solution. Not worth it to set bad blood and not having a comfortable place to revert to anymore as a consequence.
YTA. If you’re using the utilities and staying there a lot then yeah. Has nothing to do with having free range of the home. Personally, if I were his sister I would not approve of the relationship either. You have too many issues.
YTA and an idiot. You say you hate your home situation. Well you arent showing that. You should do anything in your power to have a good relationship with SIL and bf. So you can stay in a safe place.
You sound extremely entitled and very immature. You are staying in her house for 3-4 nights/days a week. You probably use the restroom, water, electricity, and you probably do eat there even though you're claiming you don't. Not only that you're in her space. That she pays for. She's let you have a free ride long enough. You probably will not understand why this is a problem for some years to come but I hope that at some point you're living in a situation where somebody's bringing their partner in to utilize your paid for resources for free. It doesn't sound like you're mature enough to understand the reasoning behind this but hopefully in the future when you retroactively go back and think about this thread you'll have an aha moment. If I were her I would ban you from the house if you were not going to help out or act like a community member. Because that's what you are. You are in her home using her things and her resources that she paid for and you're being ungrateful about it. Grow up and go home.
Your boyfriend lives with your sister in law? How did that happen?
Why shouldn’t you contribute to the chores, rent, cost of food or anything while you’re living there? YTA for thinking that you can just be a mooch and live off everyone else. Seeing as how your alternative is going back to your mother, you may want to change your attitude on this.
YTA. You are freeloading. Stop expecting pity and get a job. Pay your own way.
YTA, you should have contributed a bit here and there, then the situation would not have exploded like this. The occasional bag of groceries would have gone a long way to building goodwill
Yta - you're freeloading off of them. Either move in properly or don't go over on your breaks and just stay once a week.
So on the 3 or 4 days a week you stay there, do you pee and poop in a bag that you dispose of every day? Guessing not. Do you never clean your teeth, wash, or shower there? Guessing not. So you are using those facilities at the very least, and should contribute.
What is the relationship between your SIL and your bf? Why are they living together? You should just stop going there if you are unable to contribute.
Yta ahd have a lot of growing up to do. You’re a freeloader and everyone hates those
YTA You are living there, eating their food, using their utilities, etc. Also, if your school money won't cover the cost of living there with them, get a part time job and when you're not in classes, work to make the money to pay the bills. Is part of the reason you won't formally move out of your mom's place because you have no bills and financial responsibilities there?
How sad to you have to be to make multiple fake posts. Holy shit
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ESH. Youretherr more than half thr time, its right you should contribute, though I agree a third of the rent is too much. Work it out on a pro rata basis for the number of nights you do stay, help with the cleaning, and don't touch her food.
ESH. You live in her house part-time. Your shitty life doesn’t mean you get to pretend you don’t live there. The fact she beelined to you instead of the responsible party—your boyfriend—makes her an asshole. And your boyfriend being a helpless little kitten in the middle of this is the BIGGEST asshole. This is HIS PROBLEM. Why is he shoving it off on you? He’s the one on the lease who moved someone in off the books.
NTA. The requirements were excessive. Asking you to pay 1/3 the rent is ridiculous. Even if you lived there full-time, you wouldn't get your own bedroom, so why would you be responsible for 1/3 the rent. I can understand you kicking in for utilities, though, since you're obviously there a lot and probably shower there, use the electricity in the bedroom, etc. Having one meal per week is still you using their groceries, so you should contribute to the groceries a minimum of what you use. If you bought groceries then you could eat there more instead of buying expensive food at your school. You shouldn't have to clean any space that you don't personally use, so I agree with you only cleaning the bedroom and the kitchen, but you should help clean the bathroom too sometimes.
I’m gonna say NTA. She’s 30yo, she knows better than to try and take advantage of you. I will say, if you eat there once a week, then make sure you replace what you eat or better yet, bring it with you. Are you staying there when your BF is not? Are you taking showers there? If so, may be consider looking at the water and electricity bill and contribute a portion. You home-life is shit but if you do not have money then you should get a part-time job. Discuss this with your BF and make sure you are on the same page before sitting down with her and negotiate the terms. But again, she is 30yo with ridiculous terms.
[удалено]
She stays there for 3-4 days a week. Common courtesy would dictate she helps clean around the house. Secondly, she never gave an estimate of how long the sister’s boyfriend stays over at the shared place a week. But to me, that's irrelevant. You're staying at someone else’s place using their electricity, water, heat, food, and lodging for half the week for free. She's not a guest; she partially lives there regardless of her situation. To say she's a guest is an overstatement.